May 16, 2019 • 31 mins
A favorite episode from Season 1, now with a translator track telling us what was actually being said in Spanish.
Credits:
Ron Burgundy: Host, Writer, Executive Producer
Carolina Barlow: Co-Host, Writer, and Producer.
Producers: Whitney Hodack, Jack O’Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick Stumpf
Executive Producer: Mike Farah
Consulting Producer: Andrew Steele
Associate Producer: Anna Hossnieh
Writer: Jake Fogelnest
Production Supervisor: Colin MacDougall
This episode was Engineered, Mixed and Edited by: Nick Stumpf
Music Clearance by Suzanne Coffman
Translator: Xiomara Antoine
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Chu chu chucker chucker chucker chucker choo choo choo chugger.
What time are they going to be here? Okay, because
we call them twenty minutes ago? Chucker chucker choo Joe.
All aboard the Drown Burgundy Podcast. I used train sounds,
(00:22):
That's what those were, because just like a bumpy, swerving
train ride, there is never a dull moment on this podcast.
Who are the local authorities? Because and do you even
have a number to call back on? As you can hear,
Carolina is currently using the elevator telephone to call some
local firefighters, police officers, maybe even a priest to read
(00:45):
us our last rites because you guessed it, folks, We
are currently stuck on an elevator. Uh. We are stuck
in between the eighty six and eighty seven floors of
the time X building. As you know, our podcast studio
is on the floor. Uh, and we are We are
(01:06):
currently stuck. And I'm thank god. We were just returning
from a field peace and so that's why I have
we have audio equipment with us. Caroline is handling the situation. Yes,
they said they'd call back in twenty with an update.
I don't know. I guess we should just sit tight
until then. So twenty minutes we're going to be in here. Yeah,
(01:28):
most likely, Yeah, most likely twenty minutes. All right, Well,
that's just too bad. That's really too bad because we had, folks,
we had President Jimmy Carter in the studio today and
we were going to interview him on what he thinks
on everything that's happened this year. Do we have word
to Jimmy Carter to please? That's that's a little misleading.
(01:50):
We have the president of the San Diego County Farm
Bureau up in the studio, and coincidentally, his name happens
to be Jimmy Carter, so it's not president, it's not
the President United States. And this year Jimmy Carter president.
It's been a crazy one for him. My god, he
had to rule on the San Diego Miniature Horse competition
and let me tell you, there might have been checkered
(02:13):
blankets and straw baskets, but that was no picnic. A
lot of tough decisions that day for Mr President Carter. Um.
Everyone thought that Pippy long Stalking, a beautiful mayor with
a chestnut Maine, was going to win, and it was
actually the black beauty Napoleon who took home the blue ribbon.
And it was a crazy night, crazy night, the anxiety,
(02:35):
the fervor and the crowd. It just was elector. I
broke up two fights and the headlines were crazy. Anyway.
I try to stay out of politics. But that contest
was stolen, no question about it. Don't you think so, Caroline?
I think it. That doesn't really matter. And so we are, Yes,
we're just giving me, giving me a little Absolutely, we're
(02:58):
going to move over a way. This man, we are
just so the listener though we are also in the
elevator stuck with us. Are are two other people, Uh, sir,
can I ask you your name? It's some one, thank you, Owen.
And then this, uh, this lovely young woman over here.
Ye Maria Ana, I did not get that. You're gonna
(03:21):
have to can you? Can you give that to me again? Look,
you can call me a littpe if it's easier, you
can just call me Loupe. But sometimes they call me Lola,
but really my name is Marilynn. Gave it in English.
Sometimes they call me Lola. Sometimes they call me Loupe,
but my name is actually Marilyn. I believe your name
(03:42):
is Maria obviously. Sometimes they call me Loupe maybe, but
they call me Lola also. But my actual name is
no marilynd Sonia Bettest, but they call me Loop and
they call me Lola. Oh when do you speak Spanish?
Because I don't. I don't. I think Carolina, I don't know.
But welcome anyway. And where if I if I could
(04:05):
just ask where where are you? Where are you headed today?
Headed to my therapist office. I have a therapy appointment.
Oh and now you're stuck in an elevator. I saw
her from claustrophobia. Oh, this is a nightmare. This is
a living nightmare. Yeah, it's It's just it's hard to
breathe and I'm just trying to not have a panic.
(04:30):
I start to panic, folks. Just to describe, this is
a very tight elevator. This elevator is four ft by
eight feet UM and uh, very low ceiling. It's a
very cheaply made elevator. It looks like it's about a
six ft ceiling. So we're it's a bit of a
hot box. Yeah. The more you talk about it, the
(04:50):
more I just sort of okay, we won't mention you
should not come down because this happens all the time,
all those Yeah if everyone, thank you, Matta, thank you
Loop Loop, thank you Lope. Well, so here we are,
we're just going to I guess we should keep going
(05:11):
with the show. We need to bank this episode the
best of it show. I didn't know I was on
the show. I didn't Heaven be thy name. Okay, that
was quite oh man ah all right, um everyone, all right, yeah,
(05:40):
I feel like we dropped fifteen floors at least. Um,
do we need to contact the authorities? Do you need
to get back on the phone or I mean, yeah,
I can. First let me let me get to my
restaurant review segment. Okay, let's just do that, all right,
get that out of the way, because if I forget
to do it, we'll never get to it. Um. I
(06:05):
am a man who likes a good, rare pile of
meat and a sip from a crystal goblet now and
then I'll even smoke one of those thin cigarettes worn
Buffett passes around and circles at his men's only club.
To put it simply, I like to indulge. So it's
no wonder I enjoyed my two days at the cheesecake factory.
(06:26):
You just keep leaning into me. Excuse me. A man
is talking here, A man is doing his restaurant report. Sorry,
there's so little room in here. I know I'm doing
my best drifting. Um. That was Owen for those of
you listening, uh, And to give you a visual of
(06:47):
what Owen looks like. He's about five ft tall with
one single strand of hair that has slipped down over
his bald head. I have a full head of hair
and two orange teeth, one on either side of his mouth.
Perhaps that's why his voice sounds so weird. This is
just because he interrupted your Cheesecake Factor. Yes, yes, I
stayed there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two days.
(07:11):
It's called investigative reporting, Carolina. Try it sometime in between
your episodes of Mrs Maizel. It wasn't okay, So your
cheesecake The Cheesecake Factor was an investigative piece. What did
you discover? Are their employees paid for their wages? Is
the food safety? I investigated a lot. They have a
cheesecake sandwich, so I investigated that I'd like to try
(07:32):
cheesecake subs wherever I can. I especially airports because of
all the different cultures that meet there. I investigated their
shrimp scampy twice in the same day. I actually couldn't
finish it, so I brought some with me. Oh my god,
that's why it smells like warm shrimping here. That's exactly
why I wear. Yeah, the cheese, the gumbo, I forget.
(07:53):
I wanted to eat it on the road, so I
just had them put it in a side room cup.
Gonna get Hey, everyone needs to rely acts all right,
especially you Owen Trinquilo trinkuil Relax all men around here.
(08:14):
You've said your piece. Okay, I've lost. Did I get
to my review of the cheesecake kit? Hold on, take
a wide stance. Everyone. You're on my foot, I'm on
(08:35):
your well. You're in between my legs pulling my hair
loopeg please, now is not the time for discouraging words.
Can you just can you just finish this recording or
whatever so we can just get out of your No,
(08:57):
because this bobcast this once told me when I attacked
his security guard, this show must go on. Did that
really happen? Bad things happen, Carolina. It's not all Sunshine
and fleet Fox's songs. Okay, somebody needs perfumed. I think
that we have President Jimmy Carter upstairs and I'm stuck
in an elevator with these bozos. No offense, sir, that
(09:20):
is offensive. No offense, sir. No, you don't just get
to say no offense when you're being offensive. Um, it's not.
Just doesn't just clear you of being offensive? Is if
the president were here? The president is upstairs, Jesus, So
are you getting fitted for a wig today? No, I'm
(09:41):
on my way to see my therapist. I already told you. Then,
what sort of therapy are you working? Is it Freudan?
I don't know if it's for it. I just have issues.
I have claustrophobic, I have anxiety. And are you going
to see a therapist as well? I here? Nobody knows,
(10:05):
but the therapist here is actually me. Nobody is focusing
on what they're supposed to focus on. Oh my god,
it's hot in here, isn't it. The more you talk
about it the more. If you didn't move around so much,
you're creating heat. Well, one thing we have to think
about in the event that the authorities don't get here
(10:28):
in time. I hate to jump to this. Authorities the
authorities are coming, but we will have to pick straws
at one point for what to see if we're gonna
have to kill one or the other to eat to survive.
I don't think here. You only fly off and I'll
(10:50):
be the first one out of the top. You have
shrimp in your pocket. You brought shrimp, I know. But
after I'm done with my shrimp and your gumbo and gambo.
I don't even know why. It's just something. It's a
long term thought down the road, if even for her
for two days. It shouldn't have to come to killing someone.
(11:11):
All right, we should think about it. I know we'll
draw straws. Well, I'm not going to do that. If
I had to pick someone at this point, I think
it'd be Owen. Have I know Judo? So good luck?
You look well, thank you? I sort of thank you.
(11:32):
But I know Judo, So you're not going to eat me?
The one with the wing. It sounds like that. Sounds
like a book your therapist would give you. I know Judo,
so you're not gonna eat me? Uh. Ways to Cope
through the Day by Dr Loewenstein. Have you ever seen
a therapist? Do you know what therapy? I've been to therapy? Yes,
(11:53):
How dare you. How dare you? Okay, it's very healthy thing.
I haven't done it. You should seeing a therapy. This
is very healthy. It's a good way to unbot My
therapist is a walk on the beach collecting driftwood. How
often do you do that? Not as much as I
would like to. I saw a therapist want and he
(12:15):
doesn't exercise either. You did, well, that's good. I saw
her in a supermarket. She was talking to her friend
and mentioned her therapy practice. But I don't know what
kind of show. Wow, I just saw a therapist. I
technically saw a therapist. No, No, that's not seeing a therapist. Yes,
you you saw a therapy. When I see my therapist,
(12:35):
I sit down with her for like an hour a
week and we just go how I'm feeling. So you
don't see a therapist. You stare at a therapist. Yeah,
that's what you do. It's not just staring. I think
what On is doing is a lot more emotional than that.
Sounds like he's really going through some stuff. Well, I
don't know if I needed. Sounds really depressed, and he
(12:58):
sounds like, I mean, we don't need to kill anything.
What if President Jimmy Carter ever saw a therapist right not.
I don't know. It's different for every bit, Bunny, I
don't know if I need his opinion on that. Yeah,
gonna help everyone here, but no one's asking for my
help real quick to break the tension. Uh, I think
(13:18):
we should do a lightning round real quick, just for
the show. So lightning round go? What are we talking?
I don't know how do you start a lightning round.
I've never done a light Oh my god, we've got
(13:42):
to get out of here. We either have to get
out of here or we have to eat someone. Did
you have to do? What? What did you say about
your I don't know. I just was emotional. I just
said I exclaimed things. I don't know what I said.
Does anyone recall what they actually said? And screamed? Said? Whoa, whoa?
I said, I was praying Ron, It's okay, But if
(14:08):
you needed to the bathroom, then we should figure something out.
Never say I would never mention Mike. I don't know
why they talk so much about their pop high stakes
moment like this. This is like we're in towering inferno
right now. As my therapist would say, sometimes, you know,
stressful situations reveal something about ourselves, like maybe when you
(14:29):
feared your life, you were really fearing your life of
your penis or your ability to procreate. Of course, nothing
else to talk about. Yes, we have a beautiful son, Walter,
and so maybe you think you of Wonter in a
way when you're thinking about your life bluepe Or do
(14:50):
you have children? I thought about you shouldn't be talking
about your pop because the people who talk about the
pop are the ones who have the smaller ones. Do
you have children? That's what I asked when DNA du four.
Well she didn't say yeah, but now it looks like
(15:14):
is everybody here is acting like a child? Baby like
a baby? No, of course baby, No, no, what about No?
I didn't say I have a baby. I said that
everybody here is acting like a baby. The only child
is you. And you understand it's all pig Latin to me.
(15:41):
My My Spanish basically breaks down to enjelata burrito, jimmy charga,
a little bit breed, still stuck in your teeth, but
it's this morning because it's tilling your teeth and insting
that it's all food based, that it's something about it
seems like you're it was talking about what would your
therotist this say about that? Well, that maybe you're trying
(16:01):
to fill something inside of you that you know, you're
always trying to put something in your body to fill
a hole. Maybe that's there or um, you know that
you always feel like you can never get enough? Is
that something that you can relate that I'm never associated right? Well,
I do. If I have a box of Oreo cookies
(16:26):
in front of me, I'll go through the whole thing. Yeah,
that sounds like, Yeah, that sounds exactly what I'm talking about.
And how do you feel when the box is empty
at the end of the box do you feel stated, Yeah,
that's actually a big problem in the office that you'll
go through a box of those marshmallow cookies, the with
(16:49):
the Graham cracker and the marshmallow Mala Mala mars. Do
do you have have you heard of malabar? Is that? Wait?
Did we just did we now go up ten floors?
They moved up? At what floor are we on? Now?
(17:10):
I can't say, I mean, I mean, I don't know.
I mean we're either on the if we went down,
we're probably like on the seventieth floor, sixty floor or
something like that. Do you think maybe we've passed away
and this is what heaven is like? Wow? Is this?
This is it? Wow? Now I think I don't think
(17:34):
this would be heaven. I don't for some reason. I
think it would be not heaven if we were all
stuck in an elevator together right now, and the way
I feel right now, I don't feel like I'm in Baronites.
Here's the question, if you were in heaven, who three
people in history you'd have dinner with? I'll go first
stand Musual, Bows of the Clown and Little Richard. Okay, Carolina, Um,
(18:01):
I guess my mom, um, my sister and my new
puppy Grandma. But they're still living. I nobody just couldn't
go to heaven without them. Loupe, I kissed and Imazin
in heaven. In reality, I don't know if you're talking
about London, but anna keep me so. I don't think
anybody here is dead. The reality is nobody's dead. No, no, no, no,
(18:28):
I don't think we're dead. That's not helpful, Owen, how
would guess Mahatma Gandhi Um Susan b Anthony. I really
would love to hear more about her, and I just
a little Richard. I know, um like if a musician,
(18:49):
maybe John Lennon, John Legend, John Legend, John Lennon, he
was a Beatle from the Beatles. Is he married Chrissy Tigan. Oh,
I loved Legend. I love John Legend too. Seems so
nice and his wife's so pretty, and their babies pretty too,
and they're outspoken, they're real advocates. Yeah. Do you like
(19:11):
Do you like John Legend? Lupe? I like Betty Boop,
like anybody like Mattie Poops. No, no, no, And I
don't know nobody can kind of like Beatty Boop? Why
the what the what's with the fascination with John Legend.
I don't have a fascination. I like John Legend, But
(19:33):
I was talking about John m Christmas Special. It was
so good. I'm so glad this is finally taking my
mind off the elevator. Do you like Christmas? Lupe? Marry Christmas.
There's going to be a delightful Christmas, especially if we
have to spend it all together here, guys. Once again,
I think we need to get back at the survival mode.
I think we need to discreetly turn from the other
(19:56):
three in a rotation and collect our urine in some
sort of receptacle and then we will drink it to survive.
I don't even think we're yet. We've been here for
like fifteen minutes, but it has not been fifteen minutes. Okay,
well it's been half an hour. Maybe that short. It's
like a been a day. No, no, not at all,
and we just had lunch. But just as a proactive measure,
(20:18):
we should store our urine. Is there something we can oh?
And can I use your baseball cap? No? No, you
can't use my baseball cap? And I use your purse
when you love a thing. Actually, in reality, what I
have is really just a very smart person you. I
appreciate that. So I'm gonna fill Loope's purse full of
my year in. I'll start first, Mason jar you brought
(20:41):
in with you, not my bug collection. Get rid of
the just shake out the bus. No, I was showing these.
These are my dragonflies. I'm gonna show to Jimmy Carter President.
Jimmy Carter. Al Right, well you can put those in
that towel right there and just have them there and
use the jar. I can't. As soon as I in
the jar, they will fly away. How are they're going
(21:03):
to rest on this towel. I thought they were dead.
They looked dead. Why is there a beach towel in
the bottom of this I don't know. Later, I just
thought you said this was going to be a regular
day at the beach. Oh, that's right, we brought beach towels.
I don't know if those dragonflies are alive. Did you
put air holes on the top of that jar? Oh,
(21:28):
Survey says zero, meaning no, yeah, I got that. You
can use the mason jar then too. Okay, I will
not urinate in your in your purse because you haven't
even drink water. You haven't drunk water. You can't do
anything of you drink water in this jar because I
(21:50):
kind of need the cock now everyone, could everyone please
turn away? My god, you have you need to cut parents.
Let's got two commercials. Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
It is our ten uh here in the elevator. Has
(22:11):
it been ten hours? It has been an hour, okay.
I've had to rip apart um my jacket to tie
over our faces run defecated. He tried to hit the
mason jar. It's about he missed. If I would say
half a foot, I got nervous because everyone was watching,
and we just threw a beach towel over it. Um. Yeah,
(22:36):
we're just trying to get through. I believe it's beyond
me that you would do this like it just you
couldn't hold it. You are you a child? Like you
can't This is child like I said, It is ninety
eight degrees in here. It smells of shrimp, gumbo and
human feces. It could be the worst day of my life.
(22:58):
And more you talk about it feels like doesn't it
feel like the walls are closing in. Stop saying stuff
like that. Please, it's just you're just it feels like
we're in Alice in the looking glass and going through
that little tiny doorway at the end, and it's getting
smaller and smaller and smaller and small bag Please, Well,
(23:19):
it's because you're not breathing deeply. Is your job being
a communicator and understanding what your audience can respond to that?
Right now, all the rules are throwing out the window. Okay,
we are in survival mode. We have we have all nominated.
Owen will be the first one that we eat if
that time comes. I really don't think it should. I
don't think it should come to that. I mean, I
(23:39):
didn't think that we should have to go the floor.
May I ask you this question? Can I just as
a sample, bite into the back of your calf, and
just to see if your calf meat is tender and delicious?
I'll just know the answers know it won't be tender
(24:01):
and delicious. So obviously missing his therapist, do you will
you be charged for your therapy session? Well, I hope not.
I mean, I hope she understands that I stuck in
an elevator. What is the meat? Carolina? Do you have
any read on the media? Must be going crazy, ron
Berger and he's stuck in an elevator. I don't think
(24:21):
the media is really paying attention to this issue. I mean,
I think probably going to get a medal get out
of this alive. Maybe it wasn't necessarily you might get
all for that. The carpet on the bottom of the elevator. Yeah,
that's it has soiled the carpet of the elevator because
(24:43):
in my effort to a little bit of on my
pant leg, in an effort to get it off, I
stepped in it and smushed it more into the carpet.
It just we all. I don't know why you're whatever
audience listens to you, I don't know why they would
want any of these specifics. Ron says he likes to
keep things one hundred with his audiences and wants everything
(25:04):
out on the open. LUPPI, what's your relationship with Jimmy Carter? President?
Jimmy Carter? Jo? Okay, look what he likes his drama
because in reality he didn't have to do that. I
think that you have a stomach bug because somebody here
is hungry. We would just eat you if we're hungry.
Despite his reputation, he really was a visionary if you
think about it. I mean, outside of the hostage situation,
(25:27):
which was just somewhat bad. Lucky you know, Middie's peace process,
his views on environmentalism, conservation, solar panels on the White
House pretty progressive, fellow, huh? And he was really handsome, yes,
and handsome unless what are you saying I'm handsome? No? No,
(25:49):
I would never say that because in reality, you haven't
looked in the mirror today. He used to have a
little bit of burrito in your hair. I'm used to
it now. Oh no, we're writing, Oh here we go
the elevator. Finally engaged, everyone can go. What a wonderful experience.
(26:14):
This was amazing. I learned so much about all of you.
Let's um, should we trade information? Well, no, I'm not
gonna do that. I'm just excited and go my therapist.
Whoa you have sex with your therapist? Yeah? Impaired to talk?
Then afterwards, well, well I'm not gonna say. Because I'm
a gentleman, I don't kusin town. But yeah, okay, wow,
(26:38):
that's the problem. There's a problem. Yeah, I'm going to
run and get some pine sil and you're gonna clean
this up yourself. Of course, that's nice. I always have
a motto, what is it When Ron Burgundy craps in public?
He cleans it up. He doesn't let someone else clean
it up. And that's not a metaphor that it's literal,
(27:00):
it's literally. How the fact that it's a motto means
that you've done it many times, many, many, many many times.
I never, I never have ever timed out my personal
bathroom schedule. I've always been terrible at that. But maybe
just I don't know you very well. I don't know
how you gotta go. You gotta go? Yeah, I just
think that maybe that's the mottel you need to change.
(27:21):
When you gotta go, you gotta go, because you don't
always gotta go. When you gotta go, it's bad for
the body to hold that stuff in. If it's a
matter of ten fifteen minutes, I think it's okay, And yeah,
it'll be fine. I've pooped up the opera. I've pooped
in a charger game. You need a butt plug, pet Kennels.
I've pooped during a broadcast once what broadcast? It was
(27:45):
just the six o'clock news. Oh my god, Loupe, thank
you so much. And nothing in the corner store they
sell butt plugs with it, because what you need is
a butt plug. Lovely. That should be written on a
eating card. Well, um, thank you all, go about your day.
(28:06):
We should get out of this elevator. We'll be right back.
Hello and welcome back to the Round Burgundy podcast. Carolina
and I we are safely, safely ensconced back in our
studio here on the ninety floor. And that was that
(28:29):
was that was hair raising at times. You took a
in that elevator, Yes, yes, yes I did. I still
can't get over It wasn't the first time, it won't
be the last I saw you. I was reduced to
my basic animal form, and because we must have been
(28:50):
there for an hour and a half, but you know,
the mind is not working in a rational, rational way,
and I just thought, oh my god, if I keep
this in my bow any longer, it's gonna kill me.
So I just had to go Yeah, I mean, did
you eat the rest of that gumbo? I did right
(29:11):
after because I was starving um. And then what about
the dragonflies? I totally forgot about the dragonflies that was
our field? Peace. Okay, Well, I know what I'll do.
I'll go down to the hobby store, the hobby and
miniature store on the corner of Franklin and Barthoon, and
(29:34):
I'll pick up some of those modeled dragonflies and I'll
paint him with model paint and then we ken. Yeah,
I could just have them otherwise they're just dragonflies. Yeah. Well,
like I said, we are currently back in the studio.
I chugged a bottle of water, and I'm currently recovering
(29:57):
from what what was a crazy day. As we were
just say, to put what I learned today into words
would be too complicated, and most of you out there
would would never understand it. It would sound like gibberish
or some exotic language. So signing off for now, folks,
(30:17):
This is Ron Burgundy and guess what I Am going
to go see my therapist. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio podcast Network and Funnier Die.
I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host, writer and executive producer.
Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. The
(30:40):
show was also produced by Whitney Hodek, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray,
and Nick step Our executive producer is Mike farre Our
consulting producer is Andrew Steve. Our associate producer is Anna Hosnier.
Our writer is Jake Fogolis. Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall.
This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stump.
(31:02):
See you next Thursday on The Ron Burgundy Podcast. No
animals were harmful. Recording of this podcast h
Chu chu chucker chucker chucker chucker choo choo choo chugger.
What time are they going to be here? Okay, because
we call them twenty minutes ago? Chucker chucker choo Joe.
All aboard the Drown Burgundy Podcast. I used train sounds,
(00:22):
That's what those were, because just like a bumpy, swerving
train ride, there is never a dull moment on this podcast.
Who are the local authorities? Because and do you even
have a number to call back on? As you can hear,
Carolina is currently using the elevator telephone to call some
local firefighters, police officers, maybe even a priest to read
(00:45):
us our last rites because you guessed it, folks, We
are currently stuck on an elevator. Uh. We are stuck
in between the eighty six and eighty seven floors of
the time X building. As you know, our podcast studio
is on the floor. Uh, and we are We are
(01:06):
currently stuck. And I'm thank god. We were just returning
from a field peace and so that's why I have
we have audio equipment with us. Caroline is handling the situation. Yes,
they said they'd call back in twenty with an update.
I don't know. I guess we should just sit tight
until then. So twenty minutes we're going to be in here. Yeah,
(01:28):
most likely, Yeah, most likely twenty minutes. All right, Well,
that's just too bad. That's really too bad because we had, folks,
we had President Jimmy Carter in the studio today and
we were going to interview him on what he thinks
on everything that's happened this year. Do we have word
to Jimmy Carter to please? That's that's a little misleading.
(01:50):
We have the president of the San Diego County Farm
Bureau up in the studio, and coincidentally, his name happens
to be Jimmy Carter, so it's not president, it's not
the President United States. And this year Jimmy Carter president.
It's been a crazy one for him. My god, he
had to rule on the San Diego Miniature Horse competition
and let me tell you, there might have been checkered
(02:13):
blankets and straw baskets, but that was no picnic. A
lot of tough decisions that day for Mr President Carter. Um.
Everyone thought that Pippy long Stalking, a beautiful mayor with
a chestnut Maine, was going to win, and it was
actually the black beauty Napoleon who took home the blue ribbon.
And it was a crazy night, crazy night, the anxiety,
(02:35):
the fervor and the crowd. It just was elector. I
broke up two fights and the headlines were crazy. Anyway.
I try to stay out of politics. But that contest
was stolen, no question about it. Don't you think so, Caroline?
I think it. That doesn't really matter. And so we are, Yes,
we're just giving me, giving me a little Absolutely, we're
(02:58):
going to move over a way. This man, we are
just so the listener though we are also in the
elevator stuck with us. Are are two other people, Uh, sir,
can I ask you your name? It's some one, thank you, Owen.
And then this, uh, this lovely young woman over here.
Ye Maria Ana, I did not get that. You're gonna
(03:21):
have to can you? Can you give that to me again? Look,
you can call me a littpe if it's easier, you
can just call me Loupe. But sometimes they call me Lola,
but really my name is Marilynn. Gave it in English.
Sometimes they call me Lola. Sometimes they call me Loupe,
but my name is actually Marilyn. I believe your name
(03:42):
is Maria obviously. Sometimes they call me Loupe maybe, but
they call me Lola also. But my actual name is
no marilynd Sonia Bettest, but they call me Loop and
they call me Lola. Oh when do you speak Spanish?
Because I don't. I don't. I think Carolina, I don't know.
But welcome anyway. And where if I if I could
(04:05):
just ask where where are you? Where are you headed today?
Headed to my therapist office. I have a therapy appointment.
Oh and now you're stuck in an elevator. I saw
her from claustrophobia. Oh, this is a nightmare. This is
a living nightmare. Yeah, it's It's just it's hard to
breathe and I'm just trying to not have a panic.
(04:30):
I start to panic, folks. Just to describe, this is
a very tight elevator. This elevator is four ft by
eight feet UM and uh, very low ceiling. It's a
very cheaply made elevator. It looks like it's about a
six ft ceiling. So we're it's a bit of a
hot box. Yeah. The more you talk about it, the
(04:50):
more I just sort of okay, we won't mention you
should not come down because this happens all the time,
all those Yeah if everyone, thank you, Matta, thank you
Loop Loop, thank you Lope. Well, so here we are,
we're just going to I guess we should keep going
(05:11):
with the show. We need to bank this episode the
best of it show. I didn't know I was on
the show. I didn't Heaven be thy name. Okay, that
was quite oh man ah all right, um everyone, all right, yeah,
(05:40):
I feel like we dropped fifteen floors at least. Um,
do we need to contact the authorities? Do you need
to get back on the phone or I mean, yeah,
I can. First let me let me get to my
restaurant review segment. Okay, let's just do that, all right,
get that out of the way, because if I forget
to do it, we'll never get to it. Um. I
(06:05):
am a man who likes a good, rare pile of
meat and a sip from a crystal goblet now and
then I'll even smoke one of those thin cigarettes worn
Buffett passes around and circles at his men's only club.
To put it simply, I like to indulge. So it's
no wonder I enjoyed my two days at the cheesecake factory.
(06:26):
You just keep leaning into me. Excuse me. A man
is talking here, A man is doing his restaurant report. Sorry,
there's so little room in here. I know I'm doing
my best drifting. Um. That was Owen for those of
you listening, uh, And to give you a visual of
(06:47):
what Owen looks like. He's about five ft tall with
one single strand of hair that has slipped down over
his bald head. I have a full head of hair
and two orange teeth, one on either side of his mouth.
Perhaps that's why his voice sounds so weird. This is
just because he interrupted your Cheesecake Factor. Yes, yes, I
stayed there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two days.
(07:11):
It's called investigative reporting, Carolina. Try it sometime in between
your episodes of Mrs Maizel. It wasn't okay, So your
cheesecake The Cheesecake Factor was an investigative piece. What did
you discover? Are their employees paid for their wages? Is
the food safety? I investigated a lot. They have a
cheesecake sandwich, so I investigated that I'd like to try
(07:32):
cheesecake subs wherever I can. I especially airports because of
all the different cultures that meet there. I investigated their
shrimp scampy twice in the same day. I actually couldn't
finish it, so I brought some with me. Oh my god,
that's why it smells like warm shrimping here. That's exactly
why I wear. Yeah, the cheese, the gumbo, I forget.
(07:53):
I wanted to eat it on the road, so I
just had them put it in a side room cup.
Gonna get Hey, everyone needs to rely acts all right,
especially you Owen Trinquilo trinkuil Relax all men around here.
(08:14):
You've said your piece. Okay, I've lost. Did I get
to my review of the cheesecake kit? Hold on, take
a wide stance. Everyone. You're on my foot, I'm on
(08:35):
your well. You're in between my legs pulling my hair
loopeg please, now is not the time for discouraging words.
Can you just can you just finish this recording or
whatever so we can just get out of your No,
(08:57):
because this bobcast this once told me when I attacked
his security guard, this show must go on. Did that
really happen? Bad things happen, Carolina. It's not all Sunshine
and fleet Fox's songs. Okay, somebody needs perfumed. I think
that we have President Jimmy Carter upstairs and I'm stuck
in an elevator with these bozos. No offense, sir, that
(09:20):
is offensive. No offense, sir. No, you don't just get
to say no offense when you're being offensive. Um, it's not.
Just doesn't just clear you of being offensive? Is if
the president were here? The president is upstairs, Jesus, So
are you getting fitted for a wig today? No, I'm
(09:41):
on my way to see my therapist. I already told you. Then,
what sort of therapy are you working? Is it Freudan?
I don't know if it's for it. I just have issues.
I have claustrophobic, I have anxiety. And are you going
to see a therapist as well? I here? Nobody knows,
(10:05):
but the therapist here is actually me. Nobody is focusing
on what they're supposed to focus on. Oh my god,
it's hot in here, isn't it. The more you talk
about it the more. If you didn't move around so much,
you're creating heat. Well, one thing we have to think
about in the event that the authorities don't get here
(10:28):
in time. I hate to jump to this. Authorities the
authorities are coming, but we will have to pick straws
at one point for what to see if we're gonna
have to kill one or the other to eat to survive.
I don't think here. You only fly off and I'll
(10:50):
be the first one out of the top. You have
shrimp in your pocket. You brought shrimp, I know. But
after I'm done with my shrimp and your gumbo and gambo.
I don't even know why. It's just something. It's a
long term thought down the road, if even for her
for two days. It shouldn't have to come to killing someone.
(11:11):
All right, we should think about it. I know we'll
draw straws. Well, I'm not going to do that. If
I had to pick someone at this point, I think
it'd be Owen. Have I know Judo? So good luck?
You look well, thank you? I sort of thank you.
(11:32):
But I know Judo, So you're not going to eat me?
The one with the wing. It sounds like that. Sounds
like a book your therapist would give you. I know Judo,
so you're not gonna eat me? Uh. Ways to Cope
through the Day by Dr Loewenstein. Have you ever seen
a therapist? Do you know what therapy? I've been to therapy? Yes,
(11:53):
How dare you. How dare you? Okay, it's very healthy thing.
I haven't done it. You should seeing a therapy. This
is very healthy. It's a good way to unbot My
therapist is a walk on the beach collecting driftwood. How
often do you do that? Not as much as I
would like to. I saw a therapist want and he
(12:15):
doesn't exercise either. You did, well, that's good. I saw
her in a supermarket. She was talking to her friend
and mentioned her therapy practice. But I don't know what
kind of show. Wow, I just saw a therapist. I
technically saw a therapist. No, No, that's not seeing a therapist. Yes,
you you saw a therapy. When I see my therapist,
(12:35):
I sit down with her for like an hour a
week and we just go how I'm feeling. So you
don't see a therapist. You stare at a therapist. Yeah,
that's what you do. It's not just staring. I think
what On is doing is a lot more emotional than that.
Sounds like he's really going through some stuff. Well, I
don't know if I needed. Sounds really depressed, and he
(12:58):
sounds like, I mean, we don't need to kill anything.
What if President Jimmy Carter ever saw a therapist right not.
I don't know. It's different for every bit, Bunny, I
don't know if I need his opinion on that. Yeah,
gonna help everyone here, but no one's asking for my
help real quick to break the tension. Uh, I think
(13:18):
we should do a lightning round real quick, just for
the show. So lightning round go? What are we talking?
I don't know how do you start a lightning round.
I've never done a light Oh my god, we've got
(13:42):
to get out of here. We either have to get
out of here or we have to eat someone. Did
you have to do? What? What did you say about
your I don't know. I just was emotional. I just
said I exclaimed things. I don't know what I said.
Does anyone recall what they actually said? And screamed? Said? Whoa, whoa?
I said, I was praying Ron, It's okay, But if
(14:08):
you needed to the bathroom, then we should figure something out.
Never say I would never mention Mike. I don't know
why they talk so much about their pop high stakes
moment like this. This is like we're in towering inferno
right now. As my therapist would say, sometimes, you know,
stressful situations reveal something about ourselves, like maybe when you
(14:29):
feared your life, you were really fearing your life of
your penis or your ability to procreate. Of course, nothing
else to talk about. Yes, we have a beautiful son, Walter,
and so maybe you think you of Wonter in a
way when you're thinking about your life bluepe Or do
(14:50):
you have children? I thought about you shouldn't be talking
about your pop because the people who talk about the
pop are the ones who have the smaller ones. Do
you have children? That's what I asked when DNA du four.
Well she didn't say yeah, but now it looks like
(15:14):
is everybody here is acting like a child? Baby like
a baby? No, of course baby, No, no, what about No?
I didn't say I have a baby. I said that
everybody here is acting like a baby. The only child
is you. And you understand it's all pig Latin to me.
(15:41):
My My Spanish basically breaks down to enjelata burrito, jimmy charga,
a little bit breed, still stuck in your teeth, but
it's this morning because it's tilling your teeth and insting
that it's all food based, that it's something about it
seems like you're it was talking about what would your
therotist this say about that? Well, that maybe you're trying
(16:01):
to fill something inside of you that you know, you're
always trying to put something in your body to fill
a hole. Maybe that's there or um, you know that
you always feel like you can never get enough? Is
that something that you can relate that I'm never associated right? Well,
I do. If I have a box of Oreo cookies
(16:26):
in front of me, I'll go through the whole thing. Yeah,
that sounds like, Yeah, that sounds exactly what I'm talking about.
And how do you feel when the box is empty
at the end of the box do you feel stated, Yeah,
that's actually a big problem in the office that you'll
go through a box of those marshmallow cookies, the with
(16:49):
the Graham cracker and the marshmallow Mala Mala mars. Do
do you have have you heard of malabar? Is that? Wait?
Did we just did we now go up ten floors?
They moved up? At what floor are we on? Now?
(17:10):
I can't say, I mean, I mean, I don't know.
I mean we're either on the if we went down,
we're probably like on the seventieth floor, sixty floor or
something like that. Do you think maybe we've passed away
and this is what heaven is like? Wow? Is this?
This is it? Wow? Now I think I don't think
(17:34):
this would be heaven. I don't for some reason. I
think it would be not heaven if we were all
stuck in an elevator together right now, and the way
I feel right now, I don't feel like I'm in Baronites.
Here's the question, if you were in heaven, who three
people in history you'd have dinner with? I'll go first
stand Musual, Bows of the Clown and Little Richard. Okay, Carolina, Um,
(18:01):
I guess my mom, um, my sister and my new
puppy Grandma. But they're still living. I nobody just couldn't
go to heaven without them. Loupe, I kissed and Imazin
in heaven. In reality, I don't know if you're talking
about London, but anna keep me so. I don't think
anybody here is dead. The reality is nobody's dead. No, no, no, no,
(18:28):
I don't think we're dead. That's not helpful, Owen, how
would guess Mahatma Gandhi Um Susan b Anthony. I really
would love to hear more about her, and I just
a little Richard. I know, um like if a musician,
(18:49):
maybe John Lennon, John Legend, John Legend, John Lennon, he
was a Beatle from the Beatles. Is he married Chrissy Tigan. Oh,
I loved Legend. I love John Legend too. Seems so
nice and his wife's so pretty, and their babies pretty too,
and they're outspoken, they're real advocates. Yeah. Do you like
(19:11):
Do you like John Legend? Lupe? I like Betty Boop,
like anybody like Mattie Poops. No, no, no, And I
don't know nobody can kind of like Beatty Boop? Why
the what the what's with the fascination with John Legend.
I don't have a fascination. I like John Legend, But
(19:33):
I was talking about John m Christmas Special. It was
so good. I'm so glad this is finally taking my
mind off the elevator. Do you like Christmas? Lupe? Marry Christmas.
There's going to be a delightful Christmas, especially if we
have to spend it all together here, guys. Once again,
I think we need to get back at the survival mode.
I think we need to discreetly turn from the other
(19:56):
three in a rotation and collect our urine in some
sort of receptacle and then we will drink it to survive.
I don't even think we're yet. We've been here for
like fifteen minutes, but it has not been fifteen minutes. Okay,
well it's been half an hour. Maybe that short. It's
like a been a day. No, no, not at all,
and we just had lunch. But just as a proactive measure,
(20:18):
we should store our urine. Is there something we can oh?
And can I use your baseball cap? No? No, you
can't use my baseball cap? And I use your purse
when you love a thing. Actually, in reality, what I
have is really just a very smart person you. I
appreciate that. So I'm gonna fill Loope's purse full of
my year in. I'll start first, Mason jar you brought
(20:41):
in with you, not my bug collection. Get rid of
the just shake out the bus. No, I was showing these.
These are my dragonflies. I'm gonna show to Jimmy Carter President.
Jimmy Carter. Al Right, well you can put those in
that towel right there and just have them there and
use the jar. I can't. As soon as I in
the jar, they will fly away. How are they're going
(21:03):
to rest on this towel. I thought they were dead.
They looked dead. Why is there a beach towel in
the bottom of this I don't know. Later, I just
thought you said this was going to be a regular
day at the beach. Oh, that's right, we brought beach towels.
I don't know if those dragonflies are alive. Did you
put air holes on the top of that jar? Oh,
(21:28):
Survey says zero, meaning no, yeah, I got that. You
can use the mason jar then too. Okay, I will
not urinate in your in your purse because you haven't
even drink water. You haven't drunk water. You can't do
anything of you drink water in this jar because I
(21:50):
kind of need the cock now everyone, could everyone please
turn away? My god, you have you need to cut parents.
Let's got two commercials. Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
It is our ten uh here in the elevator. Has
(22:11):
it been ten hours? It has been an hour, okay.
I've had to rip apart um my jacket to tie
over our faces run defecated. He tried to hit the
mason jar. It's about he missed. If I would say
half a foot, I got nervous because everyone was watching,
and we just threw a beach towel over it. Um. Yeah,
(22:36):
we're just trying to get through. I believe it's beyond
me that you would do this like it just you
couldn't hold it. You are you a child? Like you
can't This is child like I said, It is ninety
eight degrees in here. It smells of shrimp, gumbo and
human feces. It could be the worst day of my life.
(22:58):
And more you talk about it feels like doesn't it
feel like the walls are closing in. Stop saying stuff
like that. Please, it's just you're just it feels like
we're in Alice in the looking glass and going through
that little tiny doorway at the end, and it's getting
smaller and smaller and smaller and small bag Please, Well,
(23:19):
it's because you're not breathing deeply. Is your job being
a communicator and understanding what your audience can respond to that?
Right now, all the rules are throwing out the window. Okay,
we are in survival mode. We have we have all nominated.
Owen will be the first one that we eat if
that time comes. I really don't think it should. I
don't think it should come to that. I mean, I
(23:39):
didn't think that we should have to go the floor.
May I ask you this question? Can I just as
a sample, bite into the back of your calf, and
just to see if your calf meat is tender and delicious?
I'll just know the answers know it won't be tender
(24:01):
and delicious. So obviously missing his therapist, do you will
you be charged for your therapy session? Well, I hope not.
I mean, I hope she understands that I stuck in
an elevator. What is the meat? Carolina? Do you have
any read on the media? Must be going crazy, ron
Berger and he's stuck in an elevator. I don't think
(24:21):
the media is really paying attention to this issue. I mean,
I think probably going to get a medal get out
of this alive. Maybe it wasn't necessarily you might get
all for that. The carpet on the bottom of the elevator. Yeah,
that's it has soiled the carpet of the elevator because
(24:43):
in my effort to a little bit of on my
pant leg, in an effort to get it off, I
stepped in it and smushed it more into the carpet.
It just we all. I don't know why you're whatever
audience listens to you, I don't know why they would
want any of these specifics. Ron says he likes to
keep things one hundred with his audiences and wants everything
(25:04):
out on the open. LUPPI, what's your relationship with Jimmy Carter? President?
Jimmy Carter? Jo? Okay, look what he likes his drama
because in reality he didn't have to do that. I
think that you have a stomach bug because somebody here
is hungry. We would just eat you if we're hungry.
Despite his reputation, he really was a visionary if you
think about it. I mean, outside of the hostage situation,
(25:27):
which was just somewhat bad. Lucky you know, Middie's peace process,
his views on environmentalism, conservation, solar panels on the White
House pretty progressive, fellow, huh? And he was really handsome, yes,
and handsome unless what are you saying I'm handsome? No? No,
(25:49):
I would never say that because in reality, you haven't
looked in the mirror today. He used to have a
little bit of burrito in your hair. I'm used to
it now. Oh no, we're writing, Oh here we go
the elevator. Finally engaged, everyone can go. What a wonderful experience.
(26:14):
This was amazing. I learned so much about all of you.
Let's um, should we trade information? Well, no, I'm not
gonna do that. I'm just excited and go my therapist.
Whoa you have sex with your therapist? Yeah? Impaired to talk?
Then afterwards, well, well I'm not gonna say. Because I'm
a gentleman, I don't kusin town. But yeah, okay, wow,
(26:38):
that's the problem. There's a problem. Yeah, I'm going to
run and get some pine sil and you're gonna clean
this up yourself. Of course, that's nice. I always have
a motto, what is it When Ron Burgundy craps in public?
He cleans it up. He doesn't let someone else clean
it up. And that's not a metaphor that it's literal,
(27:00):
it's literally. How the fact that it's a motto means
that you've done it many times, many, many, many many times.
I never, I never have ever timed out my personal
bathroom schedule. I've always been terrible at that. But maybe
just I don't know you very well. I don't know
how you gotta go. You gotta go? Yeah, I just
think that maybe that's the mottel you need to change.
(27:21):
When you gotta go, you gotta go, because you don't
always gotta go. When you gotta go, it's bad for
the body to hold that stuff in. If it's a
matter of ten fifteen minutes, I think it's okay, And yeah,
it'll be fine. I've pooped up the opera. I've pooped
in a charger game. You need a butt plug, pet Kennels.
I've pooped during a broadcast once what broadcast? It was
(27:45):
just the six o'clock news. Oh my god, Loupe, thank
you so much. And nothing in the corner store they
sell butt plugs with it, because what you need is
a butt plug. Lovely. That should be written on a
eating card. Well, um, thank you all, go about your day.
(28:06):
We should get out of this elevator. We'll be right back.
Hello and welcome back to the Round Burgundy podcast. Carolina
and I we are safely, safely ensconced back in our
studio here on the ninety floor. And that was that
(28:29):
was that was hair raising at times. You took a
in that elevator, Yes, yes, yes I did. I still
can't get over It wasn't the first time, it won't
be the last I saw you. I was reduced to
my basic animal form, and because we must have been
(28:50):
there for an hour and a half, but you know,
the mind is not working in a rational, rational way,
and I just thought, oh my god, if I keep
this in my bow any longer, it's gonna kill me.
So I just had to go Yeah, I mean, did
you eat the rest of that gumbo? I did right
(29:11):
after because I was starving um. And then what about
the dragonflies? I totally forgot about the dragonflies that was
our field? Peace. Okay, Well, I know what I'll do.
I'll go down to the hobby store, the hobby and
miniature store on the corner of Franklin and Barthoon, and
(29:34):
I'll pick up some of those modeled dragonflies and I'll
paint him with model paint and then we ken. Yeah,
I could just have them otherwise they're just dragonflies. Yeah. Well,
like I said, we are currently back in the studio.
I chugged a bottle of water, and I'm currently recovering
(29:57):
from what what was a crazy day. As we were
just say, to put what I learned today into words
would be too complicated, and most of you out there
would would never understand it. It would sound like gibberish
or some exotic language. So signing off for now, folks,
(30:17):
This is Ron Burgundy and guess what I Am going
to go see my therapist. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio podcast Network and Funnier Die.
I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host, writer and executive producer.
Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. The
(30:40):
show was also produced by Whitney Hodek, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray,
and Nick step Our executive producer is Mike farre Our
consulting producer is Andrew Steve. Our associate producer is Anna Hosnier.
Our writer is Jake Fogolis. Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall.
This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stump.
(31:02):
See you next Thursday on The Ron Burgundy Podcast. No
animals were harmful. Recording of this podcast h
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