November 16, 2023 • 29 mins
Amara opens about the challenges of having her mom’s opinions and advice clash with her own parenting style. Find out how she copes with the stress and frustration that comes with it.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the show, my show, your show.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's a girl, Amada and you're listening to exactly Amada.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yea, this is having it. So this is a production
of my heart.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And thank you so much for turning in. Don't forget
to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform,
rate us five stars and leave us a review. And
you know I'm gonna go over there and head over
and what you gonna sat everything you guys have to say,
because I like to know your comments on my episodes. Okay,
head over to the YouTube where you can watch or
listen to the podcast by searching for micro through that
podcast and clicking on exactly Amada. With that being said,
(00:36):
today's topic is stop winning Simo. Today's topic it hits
home combre because I am personally going through this experience
grandparents overstepping parents with their own traditional ways of raising children.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Does that make sense? Were you raised by your wiliita
or your wiliito or did you ever.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Have unai I'm a teaching there was always in you know,
in your in your house or they always had an
opinion about how you were being raised or what your
mom should do or shouldn't do, or maybe are you
a mother or a father that is raising your children,
and your mother or father is always all up in
the mix, all up in your business on how you
should raise your kids. Bueno. Today, we're exactly talking about
(01:22):
a lot of the common things that happen in those
challenging situations with your grandparents, well with their grandparents meaning
your parents, and their own personal traditions of how you
should raise your kids. And in many occasions you don't
want to disrespect them because obviously, you know, they raised you,
and I'm sure they did a good job raising you.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
But these days you may have your.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Own ways, your own perspective, your own different opinions on
how children should be raised and the things that you
shouldn't shouldn't do. Some parents, you know, we obviously appreciate
their wisdom and the support of the grandparents. You know,
grandparents come in with a lot of good gonsejos tips.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
They have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Great advice on the things that you should do for
your kids. You're not the bilau and the chicken soup,
you know, and that's the samyla and all the you know,
all the traditional things of our culture. However, just because
you raised me, it doesn't necessarily mean, I may want
to raise my children the same way, and I know
(02:20):
it can be very frustrating, and you can feel annoyed,
and you can, in many occasions even feel offended that they're,
you know, interfering, and not only that interfering, but again
on top of that, they be criticizing you. They be
criticizing the way that you raise your kids, that you
don't know what you're doing that and there are days
they used to do it like this, that you're not
a good parent, you're not a good mother, you're not
a good father, because they would have never done that,
(02:40):
they would have never tolerated.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
This or that.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's it's a lot of pressure because you don't want
them to feel rejected your parents, you know, the grandparents.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You don't want them to feel rejected.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
You don't want them to feel ignored, and nonetheless, you
don't want them to feel disrespected.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Does that make sense when me and Mama lolo?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
But I mean, and you guys already know that, But
just because you raised me some type of way doesn't
mean I want to raise my kids that same way. However,
I've been very open minded because I believe that my
mom is also a very open minded person. She is older,
but she lets herself be guided by this generation as well,
understanding the times have changed and there's many things that
(03:19):
you know that she tells me that I take advice
and I try it because why not, especially being a
first time parent. In many occasions, you don't you know,
you don't necessarily know what you're doing. And I've had
my mom be like, you know, if the if the
babies are what and now, then put them butter in
their feet. I'm like, what, yeah, yeah, yeah, that always
worked for that always worked for you. And that's the
(03:40):
traditional thing when they're acting, you know they're when they're
acting in Kietas, you just put butter on their feet. Uh, okay,
all the babies having bad drinks, put a glass of
water under the bed, sure, all the baby And it's like, okay, listen,
I may not want to do that, you know what
I mean. I understand that those are the traditions, but
(04:00):
I may not want to do that, But at the
same time, I feel like I don't want to miss
out on those special traditional moments.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Then that goes from one generation to the next, because I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Sure that my grandmother did that to her and now
she's passing it on to me, and I may not
believe in it, but it's still a traditional thing that
maybe if you don't just look at it from the
perspective of okay, this may not actually work. It may
have come from a place of ignorance back in the days.
Maybe it does work in save you know, but maybe
(04:33):
it's a traditional thing that it really makes her feel important,
that it really makes her feel like she's really doing
something for me and my kids, that she she is
bringing her culture into our households and she's teaching them
something I don't know. I try to be open minded
and be like, okay, d let's do it, you know.
But then at the same time, sometimes it's like, you
(04:55):
know what, I may not want to do those things,
and how do you tell them? You know, you're kind
of disrespecting me as a mother and the things that
I want to do with my kids by you somewhat
forcing your parenting as a grandmother to my kids.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Am I wrong for that?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And then on top of that, the most common areas
of disagreement when it comes to our grandparents trying to
somewhat parent our children is the discipline, right, the way
that they want to discipline. Our kids may not be
the same way that me. We may want to. Like
I said before, I remember my mom, you know, was
really rough and tough with me growing up, but now
she wants to be all soft and tender and gentle
(05:30):
with my girls.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And I'm like, no, you were really tough on me.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I want to be tough with my girls because back
in the days, life was hard and now it's harder,
not because of financial part, but because of the way
that society has changed. So therefore, having two little girls,
I have to teach them how to be a tough cooking.
I want them to be young, I want them to
be fine, and I want them to live their childhood.
But at the same time, they have to understand, like, yo,
(05:57):
you're not always going to get your ways. No, it's
not like yet it ay, thank God, just give it
to her.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
She wants to cook.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You just know, you know what, sometimes you can get
what you want. So the disciplinary area is one of
the big things food, you know. I have always been
a big believer into like I want my girls to
have vegetables. I want my girls to, you know, eat
a certain type of way. In my perfect world, my
girls will be eating fruits and vegetables and no meat.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
You know, I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I am far from being vegan, but I really didn't
want my girls, you know, the beginning of their life,
to to be eating any type of meat, not even
chicken or anything. And that was just my way of thought,
me understanding that, you know, all the hormones that chicken
has and all the you know, the unhealthy stuff that
may come with with you know, eating those things at
(06:48):
such an early age, knowing that their bodies is not
prepared for it. I didn't want them doing that, but
my mom felt, oh, no, they need to eat it
because of the protein. Because of this, you can get
proteins from beans, you can get prote for many other things.
And they're so small. I want them to learn to
enjoy fruits and vegetables because they're gonna naturally gravitate to it.
(07:10):
They're gonna naturally gravitate to French fries and pizza and
hot dogs and all those things. All kids love chicken
nuggets and all those things. But the hard part is
teaching them how to eat the broccoli and the spinach
and all the healthy things. And my mom has her vision.
You know the baby should be eating lotre gobe because
we're Dominican Blad and Osalami.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yes, I don't want to disrespect her.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I don't want her feel bad, but those are part
of the things that I'm like, maybe now you're overstepping
your boundaries because I have my vision of what I
want my kids to eat.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You know, the screen time.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I don't want them to watch as much TV, and
I know it can be stressful to hear them screaming
and crying all day and it's so much easier to
just put Miss Rachel or Cocomela or whatever it may be,
and then they're just gonna be quiet. Yeah, But at
the same time, I don't want my kids to become like,
you know, just like TV zombies, where they're stuck watching
TV all day or on an iPad or on a
(08:07):
phone and if you don't give it to them, they
go crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
And she's like, I know, so nan Yah, it doesn't
matter their kids.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And I'm like, I don't mind letting them watch it,
but there should be a limit of what is too much.
If it's one o'clock in the morning and you're still
watching TV, am I wrong for feeling bad and saying
this is too much, No, but they want to watch it.
So since when are you supposed to let kids do
whatever they want? Am I missing something?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Manners? I would say no.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
My mom does a great job, you know, helping me,
and my father is well teaching them manners, you know,
the thank you, the glasses and all those things.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
So I don't have issues with that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm sure that there's you know, people out.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
There that your parents are out here watching your kids
be mad, disrespectful, be mad, rude, and just because they
don't want the kids to feel bad, they don't say
anything as grandparents if you want to overstep your boundaries,
if you're overstepping your boundaries for the best of them
as far as their behavior, please don't let your grandkids
be disrespectful and wild and rude out here in these streets,
(09:17):
like we see these kids in the supermarket throwing them
tantrums in the floors and you know, taking food and
opening bags and just being rude and disrespectful everywhere they go.
If you're going to overstep your boundaries to stop that,
please be my guest. But then at the same time,
every parent has their own ways of how they want
to raise your kids, because I also know parents where
(09:38):
they're like, just let them be free, let them express themselves.
You know, if she did a tantrum and she threw
all the groceries on the floor, she's just expressing her anger.
Let me tell you something. We don't believe in that.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I don't believe in that. I believe in. I believe
in the time out.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I believe in taking things away.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I believe in. But I believe in that laser eye.
You know, that look that your parents used to give you,
like if you dare to move that. I believe in
all of that, but in that just like, let.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Them be free, let them express them And.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
For those parents that I like that. And I'm sorry
if it sounds like I'm mocking you. Maybe your parents
might be overstepping their boundaries to you because they might
be trying to get them checked safety. You know, the
first safety purposes.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I know that.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
You know, some parents believe in I'm not letting my
kids out the house, I'm not letting my kids go
to the playground. I'm not letting my kids do this.
I don't want my kids to do that. And if
that is something that you want to be respected in
your household.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Put that assle In many occasions they don't respect that,
you know, and I get that. And between that and media,
I not at least tell out a geese.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Now there's a long list.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Of all the things that a lot of grandparents do,
overstepping boundaries, you know what I mean? The time to
go to sleep, the places that they should go, so
the clothes that they should wear. In many occasions, I
want to put my daughter something and here goes my
mom with the mean so I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I don't want them wearing that, ma'am. Ma'am, have you
forgotten that you've already raised me and I am grown.
If I want to put my daughter a pink dress
and you don't want pink because you want yellow, when
do they realize that now you're overstepping a little bit
your boundary. I want you to love them, and I
want you to feel appreciated, and I want you tolo.
But can I have this moment as a mother? Can
(11:31):
I have this moment where I want to see my kids?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And even as a father, I'm sure that you know
there's some grandfathers out there that when the father says
my kid is playing football and you want your grandkids
playing soccer.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
That may be an issue too.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Ask parents, Ask grandparents, do you know when you're overstepping
your boundaries? If you didn't know, please listen to this
podcast and share it and send it to them so
that they hear it from me and they don't thinks
you you might.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Be overstepping your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Here was the smallest little thing that my mother and
I we didn't have an issue.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Tell me if if you've ever gone through something like this.
We didn't have an issue, but.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
We did discuss it, and even discussing it made me
feel weird.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Why should we be having this discussion here?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
It goes, so, my girls hear me calling my mom
mommy all the time, right, kids don't know any better.
So they started calling my mom mommy, and I'm like, no,
that's your abuela, I am your mommy, I am your mother,
it's me, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
And then she was like, Hannah, just let her.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
It's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
You know, they can call you mom, and they can
call me mommy or something like this.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Wait wait, wait, wait, I know that in the Latino
community and in our culture, we've had many you know,
you know it happens where you call your abuela me, ma,
mama or whatever it may be, and then you call
your mom mom or mother or whatever it is, or
you call them by their names and you kind of
somewhat share the same title. I don't know if you
(13:02):
knew how much that bothered me for a second.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Now, I was told, you know what your mother is.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Raising part of the raising your girls, and if it
makes you feel good, and it's what you know, don't
take your personal or you're always going to be their mother,
d da da. But then I had a conversation with
her when I was like, do you remember how special
it felt for you when I called you mom or
mam for the first time and the excitement that you had.
This is my turn now, you know, as a woman,
(13:30):
Now is my opportunity to experience just the name. As
a parent, you become so excited when your kid says
Papa or dad dad for the first time.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
That is like your title, that is your name.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You know what I'm saying, And I'm not saying it's
not okay for them to call their grandparents that, but
can they call you ala auelo, you know, grandmama, whatever
it is.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But can I have that? Am I wrong for that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I felt really bad for two seconds when I told
her because I saw her face change, and I was like,
it's not that I'm jealous, but okay, I'm jealous, you know,
I feel a little some type of way. There have
been found surveys that say that when parents that have
(14:19):
asked their grandparents right the child's grandparents to be more
consistent with parenting choices, seventeen percent have said that the
grandparents refuse their request, meaning like, if they have asked
their parents, y'all don't do this. Seventeen percent of them
have been like, Nah, we're gonna stick to what I said,
and this is what it is?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Is that terrible? I also want to know something.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Give me your opinion, But if your parents are also
helping raise your children, should they have the rights to,
you know, give their perspective, their point and their opinion
and their you know, ways of how to raise their
kids or just because they are helping assisting doesn't mean
that they have the rights to make those decisions. A
(15:02):
lot of grandparents just want to stick to the way
that they believe and they're not willing to be flexible.
Some of the reasons for these conflicts are generational differences,
cultural differences, personal preferences, and we have to be understanding
and flexible of if someone gave birth to someone and
(15:22):
they want to raise them a certain type of way,
if even religiously.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
And I do my best to not get myself involved
in religion, but it is very important when it comes
to the Latino household. Your parents may have been Catholic,
You may want to be Christian. You may want to
take your child to a different church. As a matter
of fact, your family may have been super religious and you,
as a parent may not be may not want to
(15:49):
take your child to your church every Sunday, may not
want to do those things.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Even it's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Even the religious part of raising your kids and your
grand and the grandparents and your parents being involved, that
can be an issue.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Generational differences.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Times have changed, miha, We no longer do this, We
now do it this way. You know that can be
an issue, and not only an issue amongst you guys
you knows as your your parents or whatever your closest
family members, but it can be an issue that spreads
throughout the family. Like now you have your mother calling
(16:27):
your aunt, and now your aunt is telling the cousins,
and now everybody is looking at you crazy for having
your own opinion on how you want to raise your kids. Yo,
isn't that crazy? I never knew or expected those things.
Like then they also want to know King and mamatich
the grandmothers are the grandfathers?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Are there any grandfathers out there? Kauzumb being medio.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
They always really have an opinion, maybe on the father
or like, you don't know what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You're not raising your son right, You're not raising your
daughter right. That's not how you do it. Da da
da da da.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
You know, I know a lot of parents that want
to do in this generation gentle parenting, gentle parenting.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Know, Miamu, you don't.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Do it this way. Let's sit down and have a conversation.
Tell me how you feel when we have a lot
of grandparents that back in the days be like, hey,
look a that's the fact.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Don't changkolate asso.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
What she's missing is for you to get that chang
glad and throw it from one side to the other
and be he right in the head or you know
what I mean, what you're missing is to take her
to Puerto Rico, take her to dr take her to
wherever you know the the naga, and then you bring
them back to the States. Everybody has their own ways
of how you're supposed to raise your kid. But have
(17:41):
you ever been in that situation or you've heard it
or you've seen it where you're like, Okay, I don't
want to raise my kid that way. I don't know.
Grandparents may have different views on topics like discipline, education, nutrition,
(18:03):
the sleeping habits based on their own upbringing experiences and values.
And I respect that, you know, because we also have
to respect our elders. We have to respect those who
raised us. We have to respect those that came before us.
And just because we have technology and just because we
feel that we know better, doesn't mean that all their
life experience has to go down the drain. Because they do.
(18:26):
They may know what they're talking about. You know, it
did work back then, why would it not work now?
But I also feel that a lot of grandparents have
to be a little bit more flexible and understand the
times have changed that you you know, just because you
raised me doesn't mean that I am going to mimic
the way that you raised me with my children. There's
many things that a lot of grandparents feel that you
(18:48):
did right that may have not been right.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You have to be able to admit when you were wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And just because you're older and because you deserve respect
because of your age and what you may have done
for us as your children, doesn't mean that we as
your children shouldn't be also respected and respect. You know,
our values, our morals, our principles, and our vision and
perspective of life.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Am I wrong? Let me know and exactly I'm out
on YouTube?
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I also am even seeing little sensitive you know, and
it's not that little, but looking sensitive topics like this.
We have in this generation that we have children that
are choosing their sexuality, that are choosing and when I
say children, I mean even if you're a teenager, right,
they are choosing their sexual preference or how they want
(19:35):
to dress, or how they want to feel, or the
color of their hair. Now we have, you know, even
boys that feel comfortable painting their nails and it doesn't
mean it they maybe it's just a way of expressing
your arts or how or your emotions or whatever it
may be, even from the music that they listen to
all these other things. We're so caught up in this
(19:55):
conversation talking about how, you know, the grandparents make a
us feel as parents, that we haven't stopped to think
about how it affects the children's.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Views on us. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You know, how do you think your kids look at
you when they see that your mother, your father, you're
a parents. Now you know you are the parent of
this child, But they see that your mother or your
father are bossing you around like you're a little kid.
That when you say something, your word, your opinion is
not respected in that household. How is that child supposed
(20:32):
to respect you? How is that kid supposed to view
you when you say something in your household? That is
what is going to be done, period point blank.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But here comes.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Ali and says, I know that is do whatever you want,
you know, do whatever you want, don't worry, don't listen
to them. In what light does that put you? And
I'm saying this for the grandparents that are listening, and
I'm saying this for the mother and the father that
are going through it or that have gone through it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
And I'm also saying this for.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
The kid who knows where I'm coming from because you
see your mother or your father fighting with your grandparents
all the time about them. Guys, if you're going to
have a you know, a discussion, can you please do
that not in front of the kids. What you don't
want is your grandchild to see you disrespecting their parents,
because it's disrespectful when they have said something and they
(21:28):
have stepped their authority and here comes you feeling like
you gotta do what I say because I am your mother.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
No no, no, no no. In that moment and in
that place, you need to understand and know your role.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
You know, you still play the mother or father, you
know role, but now as a grandparent, you have moved
on to a different stage, a different category.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
You have to respect that space in that household. If
you want to have this conversation privately over the phone,
if you want to pull them outside to the back
mea miha, even seen my mom do it. I mean,
I think that you're being too tough on the kids,
or when you spank them, you spank them too hard,
or I think that you should do this, or da
da da da da da. You'll do that privately. You
(22:11):
never want to have those conversations in front of the kids. Hey, listen,
those things It may seem insignificant, but those things even
affect at the long run, the relationship that they have
with even their spouse later on in life, because they'll
be like, well, I never you know what I'm saying.
Nobody respecting my parents, So why I got to respect you?
(22:31):
Like all those things that you may feel that it's insignificant,
does affect the way that your kids are being raised anyways,
think about it and if you feel some type of
way and you haven't taken action, how did I woke
and have that conversation today with your mother your father
and be like, oh, hey man, you gotta respect me
when I say something to my kids.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
This is what it is.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
You can't come over here, you know what I'm saying,
breaking my authority. That's not how this works over here.
So what can parents and grandparents do to avoid or
resolve these conflicts?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You got any tips, any advice?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Let me know. Well, I honestly think that communication is
so key, you know, communicating having a clear understanding, because
it's not just communicating, it's trying to understand the other
person's perspective and point of view of you being respectful.
You know what I'm saying, Let's be respectful of their point.
It's not just about okay, I want to talk on this. No, no, no,
(23:28):
listen to why they're saying what they're saying, because they
might actually have a point.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
So let's figure out ways to have private conversations to understand.
Why is it that you feel that overstepping my boundaries
is okay? What is it that you're trying to teach
me as a parent? Am I doing something wrong? Why
do you think I'm doing something wrong? How can I
learn from your past experiences?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
You know? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
All? The why? Questions are important because at the end
of the day, you don't want to have bad vibes
in your family. Nonetheless with your parents, you know, because
whatever it is, I'm sure they're not trying to have
ill tensions behind it, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Parents and grandparents should talk very often, especially if they
are involved in the role of raising your children. If
(24:10):
you're dropping off your kids to the grandma's house, to
the wallit those houses or whatever, and then they have
a way of raising them at.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
You can't feel some type of way because you are
allowing them to.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
A certain extent to participate in the way that they're
being raised. So those conversations of roles, of boundaries and
expectations should be had at some point, if not consistently.
So that's a great way of avoiding, you know, judgment,
accusations and all types of you know, just saying I
feel this type of way.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
I need you to help me.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Because even that word is important. I need you to
help me understand. I need you to help me do better.
I need you to and just also saying even before
you start with the way that you feel, I appreciate
what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I appreciate your intentions.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I you know, before you hit them BOMBASO go to
the positive. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to
do this. However, it makes me feel this way and
I need you to please or I need you to
please help me do this for X and Y reasons.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
It's just it's just the way you present your feelings.
It's important because you don't want to make them feel
bad because, like I said, I'm sure they don't mean
it with bad intentions. Compromising is important, you know what
I mean, Like, you know what, maybe I should be
a little bit flexible. Maybe I'm being too stiff, Maybe
I'm expecting too much. Maybe over you know, analyze yourself
(25:38):
a little bit too when you feel that they're overstepping
the boundaries. Why are they doing it? Is it maybe
that you're not doing something right realistically? As much as
you think that you're a perfect parent, maybe you really are.
You know, you could do better, and that's okay to admit, Like,
you know what, I probably should do better. I probably
am not necessarily, you know, necessarily handling the situation. The
(25:59):
best way parents and grandparents should try to find a
middle ground and work, you know, work together as a
team because you guys are a family at the end
of the day, and the most important thing is you
should respect each other's authority.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Respect is key.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Never feel now that because you are a parent, that
you are gonna that it's okay to just disrespect now
your parents. Is is never that deep right? You never
want to do that because then later on you'll end
up regretting it. And in many occasions you'll see your
parents being like I told, I told you singa early
(26:37):
look what happened. I told you to handle it this week,
and look what happened now, and most likely you already
know they'll end up being right. So let's not get
to the space of being disrespectful. Also, I think it's
important to.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
At the end of the day, focus on the children.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Focus on the kids.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
No matter what it is that you guys are trying
to accomplish, you're trying to accomplish it for the best
well being of that child.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Of those children, whatever it is that they're teaching them,
not teaching them, or maybe they're doing it out of
love and it comes off the wrong way or whatever,
remember that you're doing this because you're trying to be
as loving, as providing, as caring for that child. Don't
let your ego, your pride, your vision of life interfere
(27:22):
the goal and the purpose, which is to raise those
kids in a space of love, appreciation, and care and respect.
Let's find a solution to the problem. Anyways, I thought
that this conversation was important and it was an important
conversation to have. And like I said, if you have
any family members, if you're going through it, if you
know anyone who's going through it, please feel free to
(27:44):
share this podcast with them because it's important for us
to have these conversations. We can't just avoid.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Them because then later on and turns into worse things.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Let's talk about it. We're a family. If you're a family,
you should be able to have an open conversation feeling
like you're being judged. That's not what this is about
at the end of the day. It's about coming together
for the well being of the family. Anyways, thank you
so much again for listening to Exactly Amada. Thank you
for being part of this podcast because I do it
(28:14):
with so much love and appreciation, and I talk about
all my personal life experiences with you because I'm sure
that there's somebody out there that that this episode can
connect with.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
There's somebody out there that has gone through it or
that is going through it.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
And if that's your case, thank you for being part
of this amazing podcast because I do this for you
every single time. Make sure to find me on YouTube
and catch my show by searching for Michael through that
podcast on YouTube and clicking on Exactly Amata Binge watch Binge,
listen and check out all my episodes because I'm sure
you will learn something from it every time. I do
(28:47):
these episodes, I release when we have guests, I learn,
I share, and this is really what it's about. At
the end of the day, you guys are my exactly
Amada family, and guys, you already know this is a
protection of Iheartsmichael through that podcast work. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite show.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Don't Forget, Don't vergain to follow.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Me on Instagram at Amara ra a l n Amara
lagra a l N. I am so grateful for you guys,
and thank you for listening to Exactly Ama.
Welcome to the show, my show, your show.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's a girl, Amada and you're listening to exactly Amada.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yea, this is having it. So this is a production
of my heart.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And thank you so much for turning in. Don't forget
to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform,
rate us five stars and leave us a review. And
you know I'm gonna go over there and head over
and what you gonna sat everything you guys have to say,
because I like to know your comments on my episodes. Okay,
head over to the YouTube where you can watch or
listen to the podcast by searching for micro through that
podcast and clicking on exactly Amada. With that being said,
(00:36):
today's topic is stop winning Simo. Today's topic it hits
home combre because I am personally going through this experience
grandparents overstepping parents with their own traditional ways of raising children.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Does that make sense? Were you raised by your wiliita
or your wiliito or did you ever.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Have unai I'm a teaching there was always in you know,
in your in your house or they always had an
opinion about how you were being raised or what your
mom should do or shouldn't do, or maybe are you
a mother or a father that is raising your children,
and your mother or father is always all up in
the mix, all up in your business on how you
should raise your kids. Bueno. Today, we're exactly talking about
(01:22):
a lot of the common things that happen in those
challenging situations with your grandparents, well with their grandparents meaning
your parents, and their own personal traditions of how you
should raise your kids. And in many occasions you don't
want to disrespect them because obviously, you know, they raised you,
and I'm sure they did a good job raising you.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
But these days you may have your.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Own ways, your own perspective, your own different opinions on
how children should be raised and the things that you
shouldn't shouldn't do. Some parents, you know, we obviously appreciate
their wisdom and the support of the grandparents. You know,
grandparents come in with a lot of good gonsejos tips.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
They have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Great advice on the things that you should do for
your kids. You're not the bilau and the chicken soup,
you know, and that's the samyla and all the you know,
all the traditional things of our culture. However, just because
you raised me, it doesn't necessarily mean, I may want
to raise my children the same way, and I know
(02:20):
it can be very frustrating, and you can feel annoyed,
and you can, in many occasions even feel offended that they're,
you know, interfering, and not only that interfering, but again
on top of that, they be criticizing you. They be
criticizing the way that you raise your kids, that you
don't know what you're doing that and there are days
they used to do it like this, that you're not
a good parent, you're not a good mother, you're not
a good father, because they would have never done that,
(02:40):
they would have never tolerated.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
This or that.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's it's a lot of pressure because you don't want
them to feel rejected your parents, you know, the grandparents.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
You don't want them to feel rejected.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
You don't want them to feel ignored, and nonetheless, you
don't want them to feel disrespected.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Does that make sense when me and Mama lolo?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
But I mean, and you guys already know that, But
just because you raised me some type of way doesn't
mean I want to raise my kids that same way. However,
I've been very open minded because I believe that my
mom is also a very open minded person. She is older,
but she lets herself be guided by this generation as well,
understanding the times have changed and there's many things that
(03:19):
you know that she tells me that I take advice
and I try it because why not, especially being a
first time parent. In many occasions, you don't you know,
you don't necessarily know what you're doing. And I've had
my mom be like, you know, if the if the
babies are what and now, then put them butter in
their feet. I'm like, what, yeah, yeah, yeah, that always
worked for that always worked for you. And that's the
(03:40):
traditional thing when they're acting, you know they're when they're
acting in Kietas, you just put butter on their feet. Uh, okay,
all the babies having bad drinks, put a glass of
water under the bed, sure, all the baby And it's like, okay, listen,
I may not want to do that, you know what
I mean. I understand that those are the traditions, but
(04:00):
I may not want to do that, But at the
same time, I feel like I don't want to miss
out on those special traditional moments.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Then that goes from one generation to the next, because I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Sure that my grandmother did that to her and now
she's passing it on to me, and I may not
believe in it, but it's still a traditional thing that
maybe if you don't just look at it from the
perspective of okay, this may not actually work. It may
have come from a place of ignorance back in the days.
Maybe it does work in save you know, but maybe
(04:33):
it's a traditional thing that it really makes her feel important,
that it really makes her feel like she's really doing
something for me and my kids, that she she is
bringing her culture into our households and she's teaching them
something I don't know. I try to be open minded
and be like, okay, d let's do it, you know.
But then at the same time, sometimes it's like, you
(04:55):
know what, I may not want to do those things,
and how do you tell them? You know, you're kind
of disrespecting me as a mother and the things that
I want to do with my kids by you somewhat
forcing your parenting as a grandmother to my kids.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Am I wrong for that?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And then on top of that, the most common areas
of disagreement when it comes to our grandparents trying to
somewhat parent our children is the discipline, right, the way
that they want to discipline. Our kids may not be
the same way that me. We may want to. Like
I said before, I remember my mom, you know, was
really rough and tough with me growing up, but now
she wants to be all soft and tender and gentle
(05:30):
with my girls.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And I'm like, no, you were really tough on me.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I want to be tough with my girls because back
in the days, life was hard and now it's harder,
not because of financial part, but because of the way
that society has changed. So therefore, having two little girls,
I have to teach them how to be a tough cooking.
I want them to be young, I want them to
be fine, and I want them to live their childhood.
But at the same time, they have to understand, like, yo,
(05:57):
you're not always going to get your ways. No, it's
not like yet it ay, thank God, just give it
to her.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
She wants to cook.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You just know, you know what, sometimes you can get
what you want. So the disciplinary area is one of
the big things food, you know. I have always been
a big believer into like I want my girls to
have vegetables. I want my girls to, you know, eat
a certain type of way. In my perfect world, my
girls will be eating fruits and vegetables and no meat.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
You know, I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I am far from being vegan, but I really didn't
want my girls, you know, the beginning of their life,
to to be eating any type of meat, not even
chicken or anything. And that was just my way of thought,
me understanding that, you know, all the hormones that chicken
has and all the you know, the unhealthy stuff that
may come with with you know, eating those things at
(06:48):
such an early age, knowing that their bodies is not
prepared for it. I didn't want them doing that, but
my mom felt, oh, no, they need to eat it
because of the protein. Because of this, you can get
proteins from beans, you can get prote for many other things.
And they're so small. I want them to learn to
enjoy fruits and vegetables because they're gonna naturally gravitate to it.
(07:10):
They're gonna naturally gravitate to French fries and pizza and
hot dogs and all those things. All kids love chicken
nuggets and all those things. But the hard part is
teaching them how to eat the broccoli and the spinach
and all the healthy things. And my mom has her vision.
You know the baby should be eating lotre gobe because
we're Dominican Blad and Osalami.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yes, I don't want to disrespect her.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I don't want her feel bad, but those are part
of the things that I'm like, maybe now you're overstepping
your boundaries because I have my vision of what I
want my kids to eat.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You know, the screen time.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I don't want them to watch as much TV, and
I know it can be stressful to hear them screaming
and crying all day and it's so much easier to
just put Miss Rachel or Cocomela or whatever it may be,
and then they're just gonna be quiet. Yeah, But at
the same time, I don't want my kids to become like,
you know, just like TV zombies, where they're stuck watching
TV all day or on an iPad or on a
(08:07):
phone and if you don't give it to them, they
go crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
And she's like, I know, so nan Yah, it doesn't
matter their kids.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And I'm like, I don't mind letting them watch it,
but there should be a limit of what is too much.
If it's one o'clock in the morning and you're still
watching TV, am I wrong for feeling bad and saying
this is too much, No, but they want to watch it.
So since when are you supposed to let kids do
whatever they want? Am I missing something?
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Manners? I would say no.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
My mom does a great job, you know, helping me,
and my father is well teaching them manners, you know,
the thank you, the glasses and all those things.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
So I don't have issues with that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm sure that there's you know, people out.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
There that your parents are out here watching your kids
be mad, disrespectful, be mad, rude, and just because they
don't want the kids to feel bad, they don't say
anything as grandparents if you want to overstep your boundaries,
if you're overstepping your boundaries for the best of them
as far as their behavior, please don't let your grandkids
be disrespectful and wild and rude out here in these streets,
(09:17):
like we see these kids in the supermarket throwing them
tantrums in the floors and you know, taking food and
opening bags and just being rude and disrespectful everywhere they go.
If you're going to overstep your boundaries to stop that,
please be my guest. But then at the same time,
every parent has their own ways of how they want
to raise your kids, because I also know parents where
(09:38):
they're like, just let them be free, let them express themselves.
You know, if she did a tantrum and she threw
all the groceries on the floor, she's just expressing her anger.
Let me tell you something. We don't believe in that.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I don't believe in that. I believe in. I believe
in the time out.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I believe in taking things away.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I believe in. But I believe in that laser eye.
You know, that look that your parents used to give you,
like if you dare to move that. I believe in
all of that, but in that just like, let.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Them be free, let them express them And.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
For those parents that I like that. And I'm sorry
if it sounds like I'm mocking you. Maybe your parents
might be overstepping their boundaries to you because they might
be trying to get them checked safety. You know, the
first safety purposes.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I know that.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
You know, some parents believe in I'm not letting my
kids out the house, I'm not letting my kids go
to the playground. I'm not letting my kids do this.
I don't want my kids to do that. And if
that is something that you want to be respected in
your household.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Put that assle In many occasions they don't respect that,
you know, and I get that. And between that and media,
I not at least tell out a geese.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Now there's a long list.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Of all the things that a lot of grandparents do,
overstepping boundaries, you know what I mean? The time to
go to sleep, the places that they should go, so
the clothes that they should wear. In many occasions, I
want to put my daughter something and here goes my
mom with the mean so I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I don't want them wearing that, ma'am. Ma'am, have you
forgotten that you've already raised me and I am grown.
If I want to put my daughter a pink dress
and you don't want pink because you want yellow, when
do they realize that now you're overstepping a little bit
your boundary. I want you to love them, and I
want you to feel appreciated, and I want you tolo.
But can I have this moment as a mother? Can
(11:31):
I have this moment where I want to see my kids?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And even as a father, I'm sure that you know
there's some grandfathers out there that when the father says
my kid is playing football and you want your grandkids
playing soccer.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
That may be an issue too.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Ask parents, Ask grandparents, do you know when you're overstepping
your boundaries? If you didn't know, please listen to this
podcast and share it and send it to them so
that they hear it from me and they don't thinks
you you might.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Be overstepping your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Here was the smallest little thing that my mother and
I we didn't have an issue.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Tell me if if you've ever gone through something like this.
We didn't have an issue, but.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
We did discuss it, and even discussing it made me
feel weird.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Why should we be having this discussion here?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
It goes, so, my girls hear me calling my mom
mommy all the time, right, kids don't know any better.
So they started calling my mom mommy, and I'm like, no,
that's your abuela, I am your mommy, I am your mother,
it's me, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
And then she was like, Hannah, just let her.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
It's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
You know, they can call you mom, and they can
call me mommy or something like this.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Wait wait, wait, wait, I know that in the Latino
community and in our culture, we've had many you know,
you know it happens where you call your abuela me, ma,
mama or whatever it may be, and then you call
your mom mom or mother or whatever it is, or
you call them by their names and you kind of
somewhat share the same title. I don't know if you
(13:02):
knew how much that bothered me for a second.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Now, I was told, you know what your mother is.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Raising part of the raising your girls, and if it
makes you feel good, and it's what you know, don't
take your personal or you're always going to be their mother,
d da da. But then I had a conversation with
her when I was like, do you remember how special
it felt for you when I called you mom or
mam for the first time and the excitement that you had.
This is my turn now, you know, as a woman,
(13:30):
Now is my opportunity to experience just the name. As
a parent, you become so excited when your kid says
Papa or dad dad for the first time.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
That is like your title, that is your name.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You know what I'm saying, And I'm not saying it's
not okay for them to call their grandparents that, but
can they call you ala auelo, you know, grandmama, whatever
it is.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But can I have that? Am I wrong for that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I felt really bad for two seconds when I told
her because I saw her face change, and I was like,
it's not that I'm jealous, but okay, I'm jealous, you know,
I feel a little some type of way. There have
been found surveys that say that when parents that have
(14:19):
asked their grandparents right the child's grandparents to be more
consistent with parenting choices, seventeen percent have said that the
grandparents refuse their request, meaning like, if they have asked
their parents, y'all don't do this. Seventeen percent of them
have been like, Nah, we're gonna stick to what I said,
and this is what it is?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Is that terrible? I also want to know something.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Give me your opinion, But if your parents are also
helping raise your children, should they have the rights to,
you know, give their perspective, their point and their opinion
and their you know, ways of how to raise their
kids or just because they are helping assisting doesn't mean
that they have the rights to make those decisions. A
(15:02):
lot of grandparents just want to stick to the way
that they believe and they're not willing to be flexible.
Some of the reasons for these conflicts are generational differences,
cultural differences, personal preferences, and we have to be understanding
and flexible of if someone gave birth to someone and
(15:22):
they want to raise them a certain type of way,
if even religiously.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
And I do my best to not get myself involved
in religion, but it is very important when it comes
to the Latino household. Your parents may have been Catholic,
You may want to be Christian. You may want to
take your child to a different church. As a matter
of fact, your family may have been super religious and you,
as a parent may not be may not want to
(15:49):
take your child to your church every Sunday, may not
want to do those things.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Even it's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Even the religious part of raising your kids and your
grand and the grandparents and your parents being involved, that
can be an issue.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Generational differences.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Times have changed, miha, We no longer do this, We
now do it this way. You know that can be
an issue, and not only an issue amongst you guys
you knows as your your parents or whatever your closest
family members, but it can be an issue that spreads
throughout the family. Like now you have your mother calling
(16:27):
your aunt, and now your aunt is telling the cousins,
and now everybody is looking at you crazy for having
your own opinion on how you want to raise your kids. Yo,
isn't that crazy? I never knew or expected those things.
Like then they also want to know King and mamatich
the grandmothers are the grandfathers?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Are there any grandfathers out there? Kauzumb being medio.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
They always really have an opinion, maybe on the father
or like, you don't know what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You're not raising your son right, You're not raising your
daughter right. That's not how you do it. Da da
da da da.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
You know, I know a lot of parents that want
to do in this generation gentle parenting, gentle parenting.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Know, Miamu, you don't.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Do it this way. Let's sit down and have a conversation.
Tell me how you feel when we have a lot
of grandparents that back in the days be like, hey,
look a that's the fact.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Don't changkolate asso.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
What she's missing is for you to get that chang
glad and throw it from one side to the other
and be he right in the head or you know
what I mean, what you're missing is to take her
to Puerto Rico, take her to dr take her to
wherever you know the the naga, and then you bring
them back to the States. Everybody has their own ways
of how you're supposed to raise your kid. But have
(17:41):
you ever been in that situation or you've heard it
or you've seen it where you're like, Okay, I don't
want to raise my kid that way. I don't know.
Grandparents may have different views on topics like discipline, education, nutrition,
(18:03):
the sleeping habits based on their own upbringing experiences and values.
And I respect that, you know, because we also have
to respect our elders. We have to respect those who
raised us. We have to respect those that came before us.
And just because we have technology and just because we
feel that we know better, doesn't mean that all their
life experience has to go down the drain. Because they do.
(18:26):
They may know what they're talking about. You know, it
did work back then, why would it not work now?
But I also feel that a lot of grandparents have
to be a little bit more flexible and understand the
times have changed that you you know, just because you
raised me doesn't mean that I am going to mimic
the way that you raised me with my children. There's
many things that a lot of grandparents feel that you
(18:48):
did right that may have not been right.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You have to be able to admit when you were wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And just because you're older and because you deserve respect
because of your age and what you may have done
for us as your children, doesn't mean that we as
your children shouldn't be also respected and respect. You know,
our values, our morals, our principles, and our vision and
perspective of life.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Am I wrong? Let me know and exactly I'm out
on YouTube?
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I also am even seeing little sensitive you know, and
it's not that little, but looking sensitive topics like this.
We have in this generation that we have children that
are choosing their sexuality, that are choosing and when I
say children, I mean even if you're a teenager, right,
they are choosing their sexual preference or how they want
(19:35):
to dress, or how they want to feel, or the
color of their hair. Now we have, you know, even
boys that feel comfortable painting their nails and it doesn't
mean it they maybe it's just a way of expressing
your arts or how or your emotions or whatever it
may be, even from the music that they listen to
all these other things. We're so caught up in this
(19:55):
conversation talking about how, you know, the grandparents make a
us feel as parents, that we haven't stopped to think
about how it affects the children's.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Views on us. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You know, how do you think your kids look at
you when they see that your mother, your father, you're
a parents. Now you know you are the parent of
this child, But they see that your mother or your
father are bossing you around like you're a little kid.
That when you say something, your word, your opinion is
not respected in that household. How is that child supposed
(20:32):
to respect you? How is that kid supposed to view
you when you say something in your household? That is
what is going to be done, period point blank.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But here comes.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Ali and says, I know that is do whatever you want,
you know, do whatever you want, don't worry, don't listen
to them. In what light does that put you? And
I'm saying this for the grandparents that are listening, and
I'm saying this for the mother and the father that
are going through it or that have gone through it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
And I'm also saying this for.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
The kid who knows where I'm coming from because you
see your mother or your father fighting with your grandparents
all the time about them. Guys, if you're going to
have a you know, a discussion, can you please do
that not in front of the kids. What you don't
want is your grandchild to see you disrespecting their parents,
because it's disrespectful when they have said something and they
(21:28):
have stepped their authority and here comes you feeling like
you gotta do what I say because I am your mother.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
No no, no, no no. In that moment and in
that place, you need to understand and know your role.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
You know, you still play the mother or father, you
know role, but now as a grandparent, you have moved
on to a different stage, a different category.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
You have to respect that space in that household. If
you want to have this conversation privately over the phone,
if you want to pull them outside to the back
mea miha, even seen my mom do it. I mean,
I think that you're being too tough on the kids,
or when you spank them, you spank them too hard,
or I think that you should do this, or da
da da da da da. You'll do that privately. You
(22:11):
never want to have those conversations in front of the kids. Hey, listen,
those things It may seem insignificant, but those things even
affect at the long run, the relationship that they have
with even their spouse later on in life, because they'll
be like, well, I never you know what I'm saying.
Nobody respecting my parents, So why I got to respect you?
(22:31):
Like all those things that you may feel that it's insignificant,
does affect the way that your kids are being raised anyways,
think about it and if you feel some type of
way and you haven't taken action, how did I woke
and have that conversation today with your mother your father
and be like, oh, hey man, you gotta respect me
when I say something to my kids.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
This is what it is.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
You can't come over here, you know what I'm saying,
breaking my authority. That's not how this works over here.
So what can parents and grandparents do to avoid or
resolve these conflicts?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You got any tips, any advice?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Let me know. Well, I honestly think that communication is
so key, you know, communicating having a clear understanding, because
it's not just communicating, it's trying to understand the other
person's perspective and point of view of you being respectful.
You know what I'm saying, Let's be respectful of their point.
It's not just about okay, I want to talk on this. No, no, no,
(23:28):
listen to why they're saying what they're saying, because they
might actually have a point.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
So let's figure out ways to have private conversations to understand.
Why is it that you feel that overstepping my boundaries
is okay? What is it that you're trying to teach
me as a parent? Am I doing something wrong? Why
do you think I'm doing something wrong? How can I
learn from your past experiences?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
You know? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (23:49):
All? The why? Questions are important because at the end
of the day, you don't want to have bad vibes
in your family. Nonetheless with your parents, you know, because
whatever it is, I'm sure they're not trying to have
ill tensions behind it, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Parents and grandparents should talk very often, especially if they
are involved in the role of raising your children. If
(24:10):
you're dropping off your kids to the grandma's house, to
the wallit those houses or whatever, and then they have
a way of raising them at.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
You can't feel some type of way because you are
allowing them to.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
A certain extent to participate in the way that they're
being raised. So those conversations of roles, of boundaries and
expectations should be had at some point, if not consistently.
So that's a great way of avoiding, you know, judgment,
accusations and all types of you know, just saying I
feel this type of way.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
I need you to help me.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Because even that word is important. I need you to
help me understand. I need you to help me do better.
I need you to and just also saying even before
you start with the way that you feel, I appreciate
what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I appreciate your intentions.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I you know, before you hit them BOMBASO go to
the positive. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to
do this. However, it makes me feel this way and
I need you to please or I need you to
please help me do this for X and Y reasons.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
It's just it's just the way you present your feelings.
It's important because you don't want to make them feel
bad because, like I said, I'm sure they don't mean
it with bad intentions. Compromising is important, you know what
I mean, Like, you know what, maybe I should be
a little bit flexible. Maybe I'm being too stiff, Maybe
I'm expecting too much. Maybe over you know, analyze yourself
(25:38):
a little bit too when you feel that they're overstepping
the boundaries. Why are they doing it? Is it maybe
that you're not doing something right realistically? As much as
you think that you're a perfect parent, maybe you really are.
You know, you could do better, and that's okay to admit, Like,
you know what, I probably should do better. I probably
am not necessarily, you know, necessarily handling the situation. The
(25:59):
best way parents and grandparents should try to find a
middle ground and work, you know, work together as a
team because you guys are a family at the end
of the day, and the most important thing is you
should respect each other's authority.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Respect is key.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Never feel now that because you are a parent, that
you are gonna that it's okay to just disrespect now
your parents. Is is never that deep right? You never
want to do that because then later on you'll end
up regretting it. And in many occasions you'll see your
parents being like I told, I told you singa early
(26:37):
look what happened. I told you to handle it this week,
and look what happened now, and most likely you already
know they'll end up being right. So let's not get
to the space of being disrespectful. Also, I think it's
important to.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
At the end of the day, focus on the children.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Focus on the kids.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
No matter what it is that you guys are trying
to accomplish, you're trying to accomplish it for the best
well being of that child.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Of those children, whatever it is that they're teaching them,
not teaching them, or maybe they're doing it out of
love and it comes off the wrong way or whatever,
remember that you're doing this because you're trying to be
as loving, as providing, as caring for that child. Don't
let your ego, your pride, your vision of life interfere
(27:22):
the goal and the purpose, which is to raise those
kids in a space of love, appreciation, and care and respect.
Let's find a solution to the problem. Anyways, I thought
that this conversation was important and it was an important
conversation to have. And like I said, if you have
any family members, if you're going through it, if you
know anyone who's going through it, please feel free to
(27:44):
share this podcast with them because it's important for us
to have these conversations. We can't just avoid.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Them because then later on and turns into worse things.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Let's talk about it. We're a family. If you're a family,
you should be able to have an open conversation feeling
like you're being judged. That's not what this is about
at the end of the day. It's about coming together
for the well being of the family. Anyways, thank you
so much again for listening to Exactly Amada. Thank you
for being part of this podcast because I do it
(28:14):
with so much love and appreciation, and I talk about
all my personal life experiences with you because I'm sure
that there's somebody out there that that this episode can
connect with.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
There's somebody out there that has gone through it or
that is going through it.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
And if that's your case, thank you for being part
of this amazing podcast because I do this for you
every single time. Make sure to find me on YouTube
and catch my show by searching for Michael through that
podcast on YouTube and clicking on Exactly Amata Binge watch Binge,
listen and check out all my episodes because I'm sure
you will learn something from it every time. I do
(28:47):
these episodes, I release when we have guests, I learn,
I share, and this is really what it's about. At
the end of the day, you guys are my exactly
Amada family, and guys, you already know this is a
protection of Iheartsmichael through that podcast work. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite show.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Don't Forget, Don't vergain to follow.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Me on Instagram at Amara ra a l n Amara
lagra a l N. I am so grateful for you guys,
and thank you for listening to Exactly Ama.
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