James Van Der Beek Shares Heartbreaking Instagram Post

By Dave Basner

September 11, 2018

James Van Der Beek is a proud father of five kids, with his latest child, Gwendolyn, born just before Father's Day in June. However, in a recent Instagram post, the Dawson's Creek star revealed that the road to having such a large family has been a bumpy one. He told his followers that over the years, he and Kimberly, his wife of eight years, have had three miscarriages, including one just before Gwendolyn was conceived. 

In his post, he writes:

"First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage,” in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start."

He goes on to describe how losing a baby feels, explaining:

"It will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. 

View this post on Instagram

Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start. Second... it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then... once you’re able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you’ve been warned 😍). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way... Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage #WeNeedANewName #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout @vanderkimberly

A post shared by James Van Der Beek (@vanderjames) on

However, James also has advice for anyone who has had to deal with the pain of a miscarriage, saying:

"Don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then... once you’re able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you’ve been warned 😍)."

In the past few years, more celebrities have been open about their miscarriages and the emotions that follow. Just this week, Backstreet Boy Nick Carter revealed he and his wife just suffered one.

And in December, One Tree Hill's Jana Kramer posted about her struggles with miscarriages. 

View this post on Instagram

Today I am 1-3. I debated posting this for the exact reason why it’s a silent struggle. I don’t want I’m sorry or sympathy. I just don’t want to feel alone. And I know I’m not. This unfortunately isn’t my first loss. When I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to shout it from the rooftop but I know for reasons like this we have to wait. So because we don’t tell many, we have to suffer silently...and suffering silently was my thing in the past, but it’s not now. For the women out there who have miscarried in the past and need support and a place to grieve their little one lost or to those in the thick of it like me who are currently grieving and in pain, let us all be there for each other. You don’t need to feel alone and maybe that’s me talking to myself but if you need a place to share, I’m here for you...and all of us are (and guys too. We sometimes silence your voice because you feel bad to express how it’s made u feel so let this be a safe place for you too). And because I don’t have all the words to say because I’m knee deep in crying and trying to listen to God, my girlfriend @alittlebitfancy says them for me. But in her Words and her story on her loss. It’s powerful and strong and those who have suffered a loss I truly feel u can heal reading her blog. I know for me it helped. Head over to her page. Her link is in the bio and also in my bio. I love you guys. #yourenotalone

A post shared by Jana Kramer (@kramergirl) on

For more information about miscarriages and how to get through them emotionally, head here

Photo Credit: Getty

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