Ariana Grande Feels 'Empty' & Says Performing Is Actually "Hell"
By Emily Lee
April 19, 2019
Ariana Grande opened about the realities of touring and how it affects her mental health on Twitter. On Thursday (April 18), Ariana read a fan's tweet that said, "Music is your therapy and I love seeing it heal you," and decided to set the record straight. "Making it is healing. Performing it is like reliving it all over again and it is hell," the 25-year-old pop star explained. Even though she quickly deleted that particular tweet, she continued to talk about the issue with fans.
Some fans sent supportive messages after seeing the exchange, even telling Ari that they "wouldn't be mad" if she needed to cancel the rest of her tour for her own happiness and well-being. Ari replied that she "won't do that" no matter how "confused and tired" she feels. She continued speaking about the toll touring has on her, writing:
"I don't think it is [healthy]. It's been v hard. I have sm on my mind and it's so heavy and no energy to process or work thru any of it but I'm trying hard. And I have the twins. And seeing you all is so nice. But it's hard emotionally. I wish it were a year ago. I'd give anything."
Ariana replied to another fan, saying she just feels "empty" and doesn't "have anything" to give her fans at the moment.
i just feel empty and i wanna have more to say / better energy to give to u and rn i don’t have anything. love u. 🖤💻— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) April 18, 2019
This isn't the first time Ari has spoken about how difficult it can be to perform songs inspired by her personal life. She's frequently become emotional while performing the "thank u, next" lyrics referencing her ex-boyfriend, the late Mac Miller. She's even told fans there are some songs she couldn't put on the setlist because they're too emotional, such as "Ghostin," which is about how Miller's death impacted her relationship with then-fiance Pete Davidson. "i just want to have a good time with y’all and like .... make it thru the show lol. love u sm. thank u for showing this song so much love. it means a great deal," she told a fan on Twitter.
Ari recently shared a brain scan revealing the effect PTSD from the Manchester Bombing has had on her brain. "I found it informative and interesting and wanted to encourage y'all to make sure you check on your brains/listen to your bodies/take care of yourselves, too," Ari wrote in a follow up story. "I love science and seeing the physical reality of what's going on in there was incredible to me."
"Someday, when I'm feeling ready or when I'm more healed up, we can talk more about it," Ari continued. "I am constantly working on my health/learning how to process pain (aren't we all)."
It must not always be easy to be this open and honest with the world, but it's definitely so important to normalize stigmas about mental health. Thank you, Ari!