Ron Burgundy Drank Motor Oil As A Baby And Other Parenting Tips

By Diana Brown

September 5, 2019

Ron Burgundy has a wide variety of interests and talents, so perhaps it’s no surprise to hear that at one point in his illustrious life, he was a doula in a small Polish town: “I helped deliver the babes. No education or training...if you’re ever in Poland and you find yourself in a beautiful small town called Malbork, pop into their local elementary school, you’ll find a whole classroom of children I delivered,” he says. “They’re doing great. One of them still has his umbilical cord.” So this episode of The Ron Burgundy Podcast is all about childcare. “To the parents out there, you made a human. Now what? You rinse them off, you wrap them in a towel, then you put them down somewhere,” Ron says. “How do you fill the time with these strange creatures?” For help finding out, Ron and his producer, Carolina, sit down with Liz, who works in a developmental center for two- to five-year-olds. But first, Ron wants to read his own podcast reviews: “Oh, look, this guy gave our podcast a star,” Ron says excitedly. “It starts by saying...‘This is a poop podcast, worthless, shameful.’...who said the art of criticism was dead?”

After a champagne toast to celebrate their reviews, Ron and Carolina get down to business talking to Liz about all things baby, including using rum and coke to get them to calm down (“It’s what my mother used to do to me,” Ron says), how and when to teach kids that farting is embarrassing, how Carolina can best deal with Ron’s temper tantrums, and when it is and isn’t okay to bite someone. This one’s contentious, because Liz says it’s rarely, if ever, okay to bite someone, and Ron counters, “Sometimes you are backed into a corner in a certain situation, and you've exhausted all other ways of negotiation, and the only way to get out of it is to bite someone.” While Liz thinks that over, Ron adds, “And on occasion when I'm on a transcontinental flight and I'm just bored...There is nothing more pleasurable than hearing someone up in first class going, ‘Someone just bit me!’ and knowing it was you.” 

Then, they bring composer and musician Jon Brion into the studio to accompany Ron as he sings some classic nursery rhymes and reminisces about his own childhood. “I used to play with a can of Pennzoil motor oil. I'd just pour it all over myself, even into my mouth, and laugh like an idiot,” Ron recalls fondly, so his mother would sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” to entice him into a bath. After that, they move on to “Hot Cross Buns,” and Ron tells us that while some nursery rhymes have origins that date back to the 19th century, this song was written by “John Lennon and Paul McCartney...recorded over two sessions on July 30th, 1962...The final version of ‘Hot Cross Buns’ we're all familiar with is actually a combination of the 17th and 21st take of the song produced by George Martin, and appearing on The Beatles' second U.K. album With The Beatles.” After Ron’s rousing rendition, Jon says, “I like that you did the version from the earlier take that’s on the bootlegs.” 

Tune in to the episode to sing along with Ron’s lullabies, find out more parenting tips from Liz, and discover what it sounds like “when Edgar Allen Poe wakes up from a nap,” on The Ron Burgundy Podcast.

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