The Strawberry Letter: He’s Here Physically, But Not Mentally

Dear Steve and Shirley,

My husband and I were legally separated for about five months. Things were bad between us last year, and he decided it was best to move out for a while. I agreed with him, and he went to stay with his dad.

Our son is seventeen, and he's been living with my husband's dad for his senior year to be closer to school—and to drive his granddad's old Camaro to school. It was an ideal situation for the three of them.

I thought for sure my husband was going to serve me with the divorce papers. Instead, he called me after Christmas and asked if I'd go to counseling with him. I agreed, and we went to see a therapist for two months.

He got frustrated and said the male therapist was taking my side, so we stopped going. During therapy, I found out that my husband cheated on me—and it was because he wasn't attracted to me anymore.

I was unfazed by it all. I just wanted to get a divorce and get it over with quickly. Then he hit me with a double whammy and said he was ready to come home. I couldn't say no because it's his house too, so he has been back since the first of May.

His body is here, but not his mind. When I talk to him, he smiles and nods his head. I know he's not paying attention to me.

I had decided that if he ever came back home, I was going to give him a night he wouldn't forget. But he hasn't touched me since he got home Saturday night. I tried to shower with him, but he locked the bathroom door.

Why would he come back home without changing his behavior? I cannot live like this. Should I be the one that calls it quits this time?

Please help.