The Strawberry Letter: Has My Husband Been Faking It?

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I'm a 39-year-old married woman, and my husband is 37. My husband lost his job in 2020, and we moved to a smaller house and used the equity from our old house to cover our expenses until he could find another job. The change in lifestyle brought us closer and really humbled him. He finally joined my church, and he stopped pressuring me to have a baby.

He told me that he was happier than he'd ever been and that he felt at peace. Then he got a job in 2023. Late last year, he got a big promotion, and now he earns more than he's ever earned. By the beginning of this year, he started saying that we're outgrowing the small house and need to find a home in our old neighborhood. He suggested that I start looking for a new car for myself, but I just paid off my Volvo, so I'm good for now. I'm a teacher, and I have no desire to drive a luxury car to my job in the hood.

He bought a new SUV and renewed our membership to a private club—where we’re usually the only Black people at events. He started going back to his old tailor and even cut off his beard that I loved. He was becoming his old self again.

At Memorial Day, his company had a cookout, and I couldn’t wait to meet the coworkers he always bragged about. Most of the Black ones don’t seem to know they’re Black, and I didn’t know whether to laugh at my husband or clap for him when he used proper subject-verb agreement.

My husband really wants the status that he once had. I told him that he lied about being comfortable with downsizing our lives. He said that it’s time for a change.

Was my husband faking his happiness with me for the past five years?