The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller - "The Oligarch of Dark" Mail Bag

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Ben Maller is in the podcast studio with Danny G. to have some fun with the mail bag, answering select P1 questions from the #MallerMilitia on this edition! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:50):
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
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Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere

(01:16):
on a Sunday, Sunday Sunday. Another additional The Fifth Hour
with Ben Maller and Danny g Is upon us. Your
dreams have come true. No days off and Danny, an
amazing story told on the Saturday podcast that you're Tenderoni

(01:39):
enjoyed a Robert Kraft level massage that you provided her
as a gift, and tremendous reaction reaction to that podcast.
But quite the story. Quite something tells me that next
week she's gonna ask me to choke her for the
first time. And uh, but you have to play the

(02:00):
role of the masseuse. You have to play the have
to recreate the magical massage. And that's the way that's
gonna go. But this is the Sunday podcast and people
have been complaining we haven't gotten enough questions. So when
anybody complains, Danny, you know what I say. I said, okay, five,
we'll get to today have questions. Here we go hit
that button. Thanks to ohio Al who sent that in.

(02:30):
It gets played every week about this time on the podcast,
and we are off to the races. These are actual
questions sent in by actual listeners to the fifth hour.
These are not fake. We don't make these questions up.
Sometimes we panic we don't get enough questions, but we
haven't had that problem in a while. And anytime I

(02:52):
have that problem, Danny, I just I just complained to
Alfie an o piner and alf signals the bugle and
then we get too many questions. That's usually how that goes.
But let's get to it all right. First one it
comes from Chris from Falling Waters, West Virginia. Is that
a real place? That sounds like a neat place, falling Waters,

(03:14):
West Virginia. You piste into falling Waters at Madonna in
That's that's right. Uh, Chris says, what was the most
trouble you got into for something that happened while you
were on the air. So we get a version of
this question semi often, Danny and I. I'm still working
at the company, so I can't get into too much detail,
but I have I have gotten in trouble with a

(03:36):
commissioner's office in one of the major sports for a ranted.
I did. I think we kind of talked about that,
didn't we know? We get that a little bit on
the Yeah. Yeah, with Major League Baseball got very upset
with me over some things that I said on the air,
which to me, uh, my my position is they should
be happy that anybody doing a syndicated sports show is

(03:57):
willing to talk about baseball, no matter what they say, right,
no matter. I mean, strike up the organ, Danny, I
mean I want that that that that that that that
that you know I have talking baseball in there playing
so that that happened. I've gotten in trouble for some

(04:20):
jokes that I made on the air that people had
no sense of humor and did not like. There was
one in particular, there was a there was a bacon
joke that I used to tell that got me in trouble.
I can't get into that right now. And usually usually
the times we get in trouble, Danny, are when we
mentioned sponsors in a negative light, not realizing their sponsors.

(04:43):
That's usually what creates a fire, or if it is
known that it's a sponsor and the host still makes
fun of copy or something like that. Clay Travis got
us in trouble on that show one time because he
was making fun of a movie that was coming out.
They were a sponsor on the network, and the copy

(05:03):
was written really horribly. His take was, who the hell
wrote this? And this movie sounds like it sucks, you know.
Needless to say, they did not like that called into
the principal's office. And on your show, you and I
got called into the principal's office together one night on

(05:24):
the air. We were all joking about a co worker.
Oh yes, say who, because we've apologized. It really was
just joking, but I mean we said some things that
I guess somebody snitched and told him. He went back
and listened to the podcast and was offended by what

(05:46):
we said. That was the worst part of it. Like
we were just kidding around, you know, doing a locker
room talk, as our former president would say, and you
know it's like, hey, we all need to laugh, yea.
So we're just having a good time. And then the
person in question did not even hear it. There was
a weasel. I don't know who, but somebody leaked the

(06:10):
goods there, you little weasel. Yeah that's not right. A
weasel will hear us. And and sometimes they're like, why
don't you guys just relax and joke and talk more freely,
and honest, I'll tell you why, because whenever we do that,
if we talk about somebody else, some people will go

(06:33):
running to that person that was talked about. Yeah, suddenly,
now you're in a heavyweight fight. And you know, I
was just doing a bit on the radio. That's all
I was doing. I was there was nothing else than that.
I was just doing it. Snitches get stitches. Was that
that's that? I forgot about that one? Yeah, that we
got the phone call. You always try to avoid the
phone call. You don't want the phone call where they

(06:55):
call you up and what you're doing. Especially you see
when it's a camp friends call with five people on
the line, yeah, and three of them you have no
idea who they are. You don't even know. They're like,
what what is that? And you know, like, well it's
exactly here's HR and the company's attorney on the conference.

(07:15):
You know you're in I got in trouble. Also, I'm
trying to think maybe a lot. I've been doing this
a long time, so Chris has been a lot of
things that probably for getting most of them. But uh,
we we got a ceason assist letter from the Jeopardy people.
We were doing Sports Jeopardy. I've done Sports Jeopardy on
the show for years and probably about ten years ago

(07:37):
they said you can't use the Jeopardy name, and so
we stopped. We we call it balder dash. Now it's
the same game. We just call it balder dash and
uh that that got us in some trouble. But there's
a few all of those things. I a lot of
ceason desist letters. I got a lot of those over
the years. I had a ton when I did the website.
I got a lot of trouble with the website too,

(07:57):
because that's one of the good things we have about
the radio. It's a little less now because the podcast,
because people go back and listen. But when we were
just doing terrestrial radio, if you didn't catch it live,
you didn't get it. It didn't exist, and it just disappeared.
But now everything's recorded for posterity's sake, so we cannot
get out of the doghouse if you will, G right so,

(08:22):
and he says in light of Russell Westbrook's comments, have
you ever received a death threat? Seems like people say
that a lot, but do they really feel threatened? G
I have received multiple death threats over the years for
hot takes on the radio, which fascinates me. That you
would commit capital murder because of something someone says on

(08:44):
the radio just blows my mind that that would happen.
But I have gotten them I've never really taken them
that seriously. I made some comments about Ray Lewis when
the Ravens were in the Super Bowl against the forty Niners,
and some ray Lewis fans, appropriately enough, wanted to harm me,
wanted to kill me, which you know, Ray was involved
in the situation where some some blood was on the

(09:05):
street back in the day. Where's the white suit? Ray,
where are amazing? Yeah? So I got in trouble for
that one. All right, I get in trouble. I got
death threats. I trashed Lebron's cavaliers. Some nice folks in
northern Ohio wanted to put a hit out on me. Wow.

(09:26):
You know, but these are all the way I look
at it day. And this is just mostly on social media.
Tough guys keyboard exactly exactly. They think they're you know,
myb boss is on you know back in the old days,
you know, in the old country online and they think
they all have anonymity and all that, and I that's
just whatever. I just block them or mute them. Usually

(09:47):
the way you get blocked is to threaten me. That's
normally will lead to a block. If you threaten my life,
I know it. I think that's fair. Like Rob Parker,
I had this conversation Robert block you if you you
say you don't like the color of the shoes. He
just bought the air Jordan's. You know he'll block. But
I'm not like that. He's the Derek Carr of our network.
He just he just goes for it. Robs Like and

(10:08):
I tried to you were there actually the super Bowl thing.
I tried to explain to just mute people. Mute people's
great because they don't know that they're not part of
the conversation, so they keep sending you the offensive stuff,
but you don't see it. So out of sight, out
of mind. Like I muted a lot of people. You
annoy me, I mute you. I don't care to keep
him in the Twitter fold. Yeah, the way I look

(10:29):
at it, they don't. The company does not pay me
to be on Twitter. I'm paid to do a radio show.
That's bonus. Like, I don't need to put up with
people's books. You've got your own issues. See a therapist.
I'm not your therapist, Okay, and and and and work
it out. I hope, I hope things improve for you,
but it's not my job to work it out. For you.
And if you know you have a problem with an opinion,

(10:50):
there's this on off button on the radio. You can
turn it on, you can turn it off or amazing,
there's like a zillion other radio stations. Same thing with
a podcast. So it's like I say, Danny, when I
go to a restaurant, if I do not enjoy the
meal at the restaurant, I don't go back to the restaurant.
I move on. That's it. If there's a snail in
the sandwich I ordered, I'm like, okay, I don't. I

(11:12):
don't like snails. I'm I'm out of here. But I
don't stand there. You don't go back to the restaurant
and shoot the chef. No, And I'm not. I'm not concerned.
Maybe I should consider that, but I've not done that.
And I certainly don't stand outside the restaurant like a
dog barking. You know I'm not doing that. Man, So
it has it? Have you been threatened? Any been radio
a long time? Has anyone threaten you? Yeah? I worked

(11:33):
at a rock station when I was a kid. There
was a couple of different guys who called up every
night for a certain song, and I know that they
were part of the same party because they were just
really obnoxious about this song they wanted. For whatever reason,
the song wasn't on those radio stations playlist, so I
could not play it even if I wanted to. There

(11:55):
wasn't a copy of it there. I couldn't play it,
and they threatened me. It got to the point where
they came by the studios and they shot paintball guns
out the windows. Wow, good day, sir. They were just
so pissed about you know, how dare I not play
the song they wanted? As a kid, I was like,
holy sh it, Like people are that passionate about wanting

(12:16):
a song played. It's not even like they recorded the song.
I think it was by the Red Hot Chili Peppers,
but it was an album cut that wasn't on the playlist.
There's nothing I could do. Yeah, that's that's that's crazy.
I actually wasn't. Are we allowed to tell the story?
I don't know if we're allowed. I think we could
tell the story. I was at the Fox Sports radio studios,

(12:38):
trying to think it was probably been almost fifteen years now,
maybe maybe a little less, but around fifteen years. I
was there on a Sunday night and uh, got shot
at the studio, got shot at but a dumb thing
to do. We tested whether or not the bulletproof class
actually works, and it does. And we also found out

(13:00):
the bulletproof glass is very expensive to replace, and when
it is shot, people don't like to necessarily replace said
bulletproof class because they have to spend a lot of
money replacing it. But it did work, and that is
also one of those nights that I will I will
remember for some time. That was when I first started

(13:21):
at the company. They referred to those as the Ben
Mallard panels. There's been a lot of interesting things at
the corner of Ventura and Sepulvida. We're moving out of
those studios. We'll have to do at some point a
retrospective of the craziest, aniest things that happened at the
original Fox Sports radio studios when they moved to burr

(13:42):
Bach in a couple of months before you know any
Do we have an update on that if you heard
anything there has been any more scuttle buttters, it's still August. Yeah,
August is still what we've been hearing. And of course,
the famous stories about how that location used to be
at Denny's. Yes, before the network moved into the space,
and that's why some huge cock roaches still come out

(14:03):
of the ceiling. The cock roaches. My my favorite is
when of all the critters is when the skunk gets
into the air conditioning system and there's no windows, you
can't open up the windows, and it just reeks of
for for hours. Been the first time that happened. When
I was there, I was like, where's Coop? Where's Well?

(14:25):
I think we we know what Coop was doing there? Absolutely,
Who the heck is justin Cooper? Yeah, And it was
always like you knew when it started it was gonna
be there for a while, like you just had to
you had a bucker down because that smell was just
gonna be wait. I was terrible. Oh my god, I

(14:46):
don't miss that. I don't know. I don't have that
at the remote study all d Who is next year?
Come back? It's sign, that's right. Patricia from Vegas, formerly
of New England the Boston area. She says, Hey, Ben,
we know how long you've been at FSR, but how
long has Danny been with the company? All right, so

(15:07):
Patricia would like to know your employment history. Danny g
Oh I feel like I'm on a job interview right now.
Uh well, I'm a team player except for the people
I don't work well with, which is half the staff,
along with everyone except the people you don't Yeah. Yeah,
I got hired by Fox Sports Radio December. Okay, yeah,

(15:32):
and it was for your show and The Jason Smith
Show with Mike Harmon. Are we got time for a
short one? Jeremy and san Diego says, I hate that
women expect men to always pick up the tab on
first dates and second third How do I get a
girl to pick up the tab for me instead? You say, oh, damn,

(15:54):
I left my wallet at home. Uh no, you know.
You pay as much as you can and spoil her
and then she'll spoil you back here you go, or
just be really good looking. Yeah, I remember you replaced
Jake Warner, right, he was him in for Jake. Jake
had taken a job. Did he go to I think

(16:16):
Jake took a teaching job something we were in a school.
I think up late with Jake, he did for his
alma mater. He took a job in the counseling office.
Is there something to help kids with? Yeah? Stay awake
with Jake that was Awake with Jake. There you go.
That was his bit that he did and now I'm done,
and he'd throw the microphone down. And now he's got

(16:37):
his own podcast and we saw him and yeah, well
he was doing some stuff out there. So he's doing
very well. I've been on his podcast. He's been on
this podcast, so you have. And of course he got
to do a rant about something that was bothering him
every week. That was his bit. I did Tinderroni chips
and now it's Cooking with Roberto. Jake told me. I

(16:58):
think he might have said this on the place that
his podcast, which is I think just about Jake has
a tremendous female listenership, which is I mean, good for Jake,
but it's it seems I don't know that's what you say,
he swear. I guess maybe he talks about relationships stuff
or something like that. But yeah, I think he does
it do a little bit of that. Okay, all right,

(17:19):
And he's Devin Air. That's right, that's right, he's unless
he's not. He's I got mail, Yeah, I got mail. Yeah,
all right. Kevin from Kansas. Kevin from Kansas says, hey, Benn,
if you don't mind sharing sharing some more insider information.

(17:39):
You do a lot of show prep. When do you
get this done? Is it throughout the day? Do you
have set hours? In quiring minds would like to know?
So it's kind of an all day thing, Kevin. I'm
always like looking to see if there's anything that's gonna
be good talk radio, and I try to talk about
something different all four hours, and some days that's harder

(18:02):
than other days. And so anytime a story pops up,
I'm like, okay, like what's my angle on that? Number one?
What's my angle? Uh? Number two? Is that something that
would be good? Do people actually want to hear that?
And then number three is always is there something better?
Can I find something better? Which is number three fs

(18:22):
me up, Danny because I I spend a lot of
time thinking I can find something better, and some days
you just gotta kind of go with it. So that's
usually it. But it's it's off and on all day,
but we're really about six hours before the show. We
really get cooked about six hours before the show, and
we're on at night, so it's oftentimes something will happen

(18:44):
right now. The NBA is going on, so it'll be
some story that will take place, and obviously I don't
know what's gonna happen until it happens, so I kind
of have to play that out. But usually there's a
couple of stories that happened early in the day that
are going to still have legs at night. NFL moves
or rumors and things like that. So you and like
we got to talk about a little bit on yesterday's

(19:05):
podcast during the pandemic, number three really came in handy, Yeah, exactly.
That helps help, That helps you out with me, Keivin.
But that's the that's the de leo on some of
the show prep and it's as you know, Danny, you've
been doing this for a while too. You just like
you're always trying to find something and you're hoping somebody

(19:27):
will text you something that you can go with and yeah, yeah,
last week, for instance, we got the Calvin Ridley story, Yes,
that's right, and then the Aaron Rodgers and uh, of
course the Denver Broncos story with Russell Wilson on the
same day, and then the baseball thing the next day.
And so for us it's like boom boom boom, and

(19:48):
you know, you get to have your say on on
what's going on, and when there's that much action, it
makes the show even that much more exciting. Yeah, like
those are the days. I think anybody could do the
show like that and there's a big but the day
is where you earn your money is when there's a
little less going on and you have to really really
dig and you use your mind and theater of the mind, right,

(20:09):
theater of the mine. That's what it's all about. Okay,
you don't need to yell. Lugo from Lancaster, California, the
High Desert former home of the Lancaster jet Hawks until
Rob Manford decided to kill the Lancaster jet Hawks. Uh,
Lugo says, Uh, Rob Manford has punished Major League Baseball

(20:30):
fans more than he did the Astros. Your thoughts, well, Lugo,
you're correct. Uh. And every time I see Rob Manford,
I think there's a clown right there. What are you doing?
You lose there's just a piece of metal. Yeah, it's
just a big hunk of metal. Uh, And uh, what
a wonderful leader of business. Rob Manford is pathetic and uh,

(20:57):
you know how I feel about that. Lugo kri this
in Marrick cocada Ioa writes and he says, how would
you go? This is actually an interesting mind bidding question.
He says, how would you go about hiding or laundering
one million dollars you found buried accidentally to make sure friends, family,
and the taxman don't find out? So what is the

(21:20):
best way to launder money? It seems like this might
be an illegal question. He also says, go raiders. So
he's on your team, and he Chris is a Chris
and Mary cocoad io was a big fan of that, right,
he is, uh so, how would you launder money? I
think you'd go to a place like Vegas? Right, you

(21:41):
would go to a place like Vegas and you would
get you get a bunch of and put a munch
of money down, maybe make one bet cash out. Wouldn't
that be a way to do it? And I'm trying
to think, like again, moving the answer for you? All right?
What's the answer? Arbies? We got the meats, just invest

(22:04):
in a bunch of arties and that's all a facade
for the mob anyways, there's no real armies. Yeah, you
go there and it's like you know, you get the
beef and you get I heard you the first time.
You don't need to play that again. What's wrong? Uh? Yeah,
I've never spent I've not spent a lot of time
on that. But you gotta think like swap meets places

(22:25):
like that, right, not a lot of places that dealing
in cash. But I would like to have that problem.
That's a problem. I was gonna say, that's a problem
withill research down the road when we run into being wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
like Travis from Rosberg, Oregon says, you guys had mentioned
the delicious smelling bacon wrapped hot dogs at the Super Bowl.

(22:48):
How closed did Ben come to trying one out? Once
you try bacon, you never go back, Travis, No buns
want I didn't come that close. I love the smell
of it, and that's a traditional l A smell when
you go to like sporting events in l A. Any
of the teams, it's it's the bacon wrapt hot dogs,

(23:10):
and it's the corn. This is it the sweet Mexican corner?
Is that what it is? Roberto actually did that this week.
I'm cooking with Roberto. But yeah, I've I've had bacon.
I've just had turkey bacon. I haven't had the authentic
swine bacon, which is which is the most popular and
so but uh, I don't. I don't think at this point.

(23:31):
It's kind of like coffee. If I like to brag
about I've not had a cup of coffee, and i
go to Starbucks with my my wife and I'll get
like lemonade or not not lemonade. They have like a
t thing. I'll do that. But I think I'm I'm
good in that department. All right, let's see who's next.
We have Jason and Rocky Mount Virginia says, Hey, guys,

(23:52):
I believe it was Queen Roxanne who recommended this before
football season when the gas can was there. Can we
get the podcast dropped earlier in the day. I love
the podcast, I'll listen whenever, but it is more convenient
earlier on weekends. Well, I thought we had figured that out.
Now I don't know, Danny. On Friday, we're not allowed
to drop the podcast early because it interferes with my

(24:14):
podcast from the radio. So we have to we have
to separate, uh that with the time it out and
has to be with you know, so it's at the
normal time. Fight But on Saturday and Sunday. We can.
We can fire it off early, right, I fire it
off as soon as it's ready to go, So okay, Yeah,
there's post production involved. Every time you say fucking your

(24:37):
filthy mouth, I don't know what you're talking about. Ben's
curse words need to be believed. Please come on, how
dare you? But yeah, we're trying to get it done.
I think the goal had been like four am on
Saturday and Sunday, but it is. It's usually upright around
that time, sometimes even earlier, so you know, it varies,

(24:57):
but it's always in that six am window. Well, Jason
is in Rocky about, so it's it's seven it will
be or four would be at seven in How early
are you getting up, Jason? Saturday? Sleep in dude. It's say,
you know what need to get up that early on
a Saturday? Do you? Maybe you do? I don't know.
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the AD Council. Valls Fan Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee. Right.

(27:29):
Since this for both of you, if you could coach
any team in any week, He said, holdies, I didn't
play the right I didn't play the right sound bite.
And these guys get upset, Danny, when I don't play
the right sound bites, they get angry. They said, why
didn't I get my little sound body? Alright? Sorry about that.
It's all right anyway. Jimmy says, if you could coach

(27:51):
any team in any league, what would it be? You
can bring two assistants with you from fs are uh?
He says, no l A Clippers, no l A Dodgers,
no l A Lakers, no l A Rams or Las
Vegas Raiders. What? Yeah, you can't coach any of the
teams that we like. Okay, Um, I would I would

(28:14):
have fun managing the Boston Red Sox. I think that
would be coaching the like the Patriots, like a town
like Boston where there's a big passion passion for sports
and all that. I think that would be fun. Uh
So I would. I would enjoy that. But those are
all great jobs. Like is there really a bad job?
Like if you're managing the Toronto Blue Jays, is that

(28:36):
a bad job? You're people like the Blue Jays? You're
in Toronto? If you're the coach of the Toronto Raptors.
Is that from a quality of life perspective? I think maybe, Uh,
like the Miami Marlins would be great because nobody cares
about the team. You live in Miami and you've got
the great weather. There's a lot of games in baseball.
So maybe you'd rather coach the Dolphins or the Miami Heat. Uh,

(29:00):
what about you, Danny? I would take you and Clay
Travis with me to the New York Knicks. Yeah. The
reason why I would pick the Knickerbockers is because we
could turn basketball around in the city of New York.
The glory days from the seventies would be back again. Ben,

(29:20):
You'd look like the big former player turned assistant. It
would just be my finally would be my assistant. I
would tell him to go do things, uh and handle
pr That would be great on Twitter, Ben. The first
move I would make is I would trade for Lebron

(29:41):
James and make you his special coach. Wow, that's just
what I need. That's just you know, I don't know.
I don't know nothing about got it. So if you
if the Knicks ever became good again, I don't know
that we'll see that in our lifetimes because they blow.
But if they ever really became good and all those
you'd be hanging out with Hedge fun guys, Wall Street,

(30:02):
fat cats, the robber barons of business that all are
in Manhattan, and they like their sports and supermodels and
they'd give you like insider tips on what to bet on.
And you know I'm talking about Wall Street here, right,
and you know that's how that goes, right. They're not
they're not legally supposed to do that, but I have heard,
and maybe I've heard wrong, dandy, but I have heard

(30:23):
that the phones are the phones are ringing there, and
that they do they do give some tips. So yeah, yeah,
imagine owning the city of New York. That would be
pretty sweet. It would be pretty pretty cool, for sure.
I got mail, Yeah, I got mail. Yeah, alright, Pierre

(30:43):
from Springfield, Massachusetts. How many Pro Basketball Hall of Fame
where Muffett McGraw is enshrined, And Pierre says, I know
you've got an itchy trigger finger with your sound effects
machine over there, much like Leslie Nielsen who was in
Rio is for his pocket fart machine. He says, there, uh,

(31:05):
he says, my question is for Danny and whether he
adds his drops in real time or does he add
them in post. Sometimes when you don't react to them,
it makes it seem like they were added later. Also, Uh,
if you haven't yet checked out the Mallard Town Podcast,
I would recommend episode thirty for some very clear half

(31:25):
pint audio, much different than what we are used to.
All right, that's from Pierre, So Uh, Pierre's impressed that
sometimes Danny, you try to throw me off my game.
But I'm so stone faced at times that it seems
like you put certain drops in later. But it's just
me being a professional broadcast. Well, I wish I could

(31:48):
go along with that story, but we've talked about this
on the podcast before. I do add stuff post production.
But to be fair, on the live radio show all
those years with you, I would slip draw sin and
you would ignore me then too the man enjoy me. Well, yeah,
because I you know, I'm I'm on the train, chu chue,

(32:08):
you know I'm going down the tracks and just it's
all about the timing of the drop anyways, It's not
about your reaction to a drop. Yeah, And I have
not had a chance to hear the Mallard Town podcast
with half point, but I have not heard a half
point call the show. I'm worried about her. I hope
she's okay. It's very ugly what happened with beer drinking,
Brian dying, and then the family his family and getting upset.

(32:33):
I guess with the finances. I don't know what's going
on with that, but it's uh a little a little awkward,
a little awkward. So I hope everything ends up well
for all involved. Uh. Next up on the old mail bag? Yes, uh,
let's see here we have. Oh, here's a here's a
couple of fan favorites, Helen and Stu and Palmetto Bay, Florida,

(32:58):
says Ben Danny g in Ukraine, President lyns a Jew.
May your strength be firm, h Ben. Uh will save
discussing the pros of working nights in Montana's oldest profession
for another day. That sounds like that's a shot and
a certain female in Montana who who loves this show? Uh?

(33:19):
And Helen says, as Stu and I finish up this
week the last leg of our RV road trip here
in Orlando. That sounds like fun. Let's begin with a
timely fifth hour joke and end with a question as
for the joke, what's the difference between a Republican and
a Ukrainian? Helen says, Uh, The answer is a Ukrainian

(33:40):
defends their capital. Wow, look at you? How dare you? Helen?
How dare you? It was very threatening, those guys walking
around with American flags at the capitol. Al Right, Uh,
she says. Ben asked for the question, who's more disappointed
and heartbroken? Is how their other kids lives turned out?
Annie Manzell's parents Paul and Michelle or your show producer

(34:05):
Justin Cooper's parents Fletcher and Marie h signed Helen and
uh and Stu man they are they are firebrands. They
are they're going for it wrong? Yeah, no, they are.
I'm sure Cooper still got he's got. I think he's
done pretty well for him. I he had a bunch

(34:25):
of acting gimes when he was a kid, so yeah,
and he invested his money wisely. Yeah, So I think
he's he's good. And Johnny Manzel his family came from
old money, right, The Manzel family had old old texts money,
his oil money. So crude. When you when you don't
have to worry about paying your bills and you don't

(34:46):
have to worry about losing a job because you don't
have to worry about paying your bills, then you you
act very reckless. I remember as a kid and I
played Donkey Kong Danny, and if I didn't really concern
myself with how I was gonna do, it was like
I kept carrying that, No, I don't care reckless. So anyway, uh,
next up, let's see here we have a Moleman. Long

(35:10):
message from mole Man, he says, Ben, etcetera. All, I
mean a long time Mallard devotee. It's started with sleep difficulties,
and now I don't know if you are the cause
of or the cure of my occasional insomnia. He says.
I love the show, love the podcast, love the fifth Hour,

(35:32):
very kind of talked about the work ethic here. I
have subscribed to unliked both what most thank you, God,
bless you, love the Gang and irreverence and the entire stick.
I'm usually an I heart listening occasionally terrestrial radio, and
I'm a fan of all things Mallard except that seven
minute long Novo Nordisk commercial. He says, well that that

(35:59):
commercial is so good it's its own podcast. It's like
a podcast within a podcast that commercial anyway, says Lamb
jokes Coop Scoop cooking with the Berto anything. Eddie h
points for him being a pirate Steeler fan have become
must listen radio. Thankfully, I can listen later if I
happen to actually fall asleep at night like you. I'm

(36:20):
a self described a logo file. And if you have
to look that up, which I do, uh, he says uh.
I also like meat cooked well done, financially financial frugality,
so we have that in commorg. I guess you validate
my very existence. Yea. Well, we we share a similar

(36:42):
similar wants and desires in life. A burned up piece
of meat, and and then also not blowing your money,
not being reckless with your money. Uh, he says Danny
g Uh. He says Danny G gag on, and he
says you're better. He says, Danny g It's not even clo. Wow.

(37:03):
He says. Some honor people are likable and become one's friends.
Others are hard to endure. I'll leave it at that. Uh,
you know what's up. Thank you for delivering us from
the collateral damage of exposure to the ego shots fired
now He says, he's gonna get to the point, but
he did say, Danny you are He says, you're smart, funny, interesting,

(37:25):
and a normal nice dude. Wow, which the bosses felt
that way. Yeah, this is actually sent by Don Martin.
I know anyway, Uh says, I'll get to the point. Says,
two weeks ago, you and Danny G were discussing the
word old the guard. Hell. Yes, I love the word,
and it seems timely, so I want to nominate a

(37:45):
new phrase of your official nickname list, which I love.
By the way, gottle off the whole thing here one
of these days, and don't let Danny G talk you
out of it. It's awesome incorporating most exciting word to
to win, uh, he says. Uh. He says, how about
the oligarch of after Dark, the oligarch of Overnight, or

(38:06):
the overnight oligarch make it stomp? Well, no, those are
all great suggestions, but which one will stick? The oligarch
of after Dark, the oligark of Overnight, or the overnight oligarch?
M hm. I kind of like the oligarch of after dark?
But what do you think? Which one of those? Do you? Do?
You like? Daddy I don't like nicknames. It's wrong with you.

(38:31):
He lost your way, he became an old grumpy man.
How there you. You know it's my job to drop
drops on you when you try to give us a
long list of nicknames. But I agree with this guy.
I agree with this guy, mole Man that that oligarch
is a fun word to say. That's fine. I just
thought that this was gonna lead in to your usual

(38:52):
bit about all your nicknames. So I'm happy that you're
mature enough to not do your entire list of nicknames.
Well day, Listen. You know I'm a I'm a grown up,
I'm an adults wrong. Yeah, So I have been called
the spin Master of misinformation, the bannering Broadcaster, the Beethoven
of Bascar, Mudgeon of commentary, Chasm of sarcasm csars any

(39:15):
dark night of week night sports radio. Can you do
a thing like this? Mogul of mischief, Benny the Brazen
King of zing muddey Ball Mallard, I fell asleep, Benny
the Bopper, Facetious Fox, Sultan of insulted, the Shaman of
shaden freude, jumping Jack of wisecrack, insight of overnight medicine

(39:39):
Man Mallard Miller name, Bob of Negativity, Sage of Outrage,
Pinnacle of cynical What kind of radio show are you guys? Do?
The Prince of preposters, Professor of propaganda, Oh no, we
shock again, Huszar of hyperbole, and the mad Hatter of

(40:03):
sports chatter. And that's just some of my officially sanctioned nicknames,
just a small dose of the nicknames. There needs to
be a new one added in there. About bulletproof glass well,
the older Gark of after dark, the older Gark of overnight,
about the bulletproof gas bag, glass bag, glass bag, glassbags. See,

(40:29):
what's what rhymes with oligarch rhymes with the word. That's
not a word that would have a lot of rhymes,
is it. Yeah? No, park Dark Sark. Well, there you are,
the Oldagark of Dark. No, no, yeah, that's actually good.
You like that, The older dark of Dark. Oh man,
I can't believe I gave you another one. There you go,

(40:51):
the mole man. We've done this on the air. I mean,
let me let me write down a note here, the
older Gark of Dark. I think it works. I feel
dirty right now, like I need a shower because I'm
part of this now that's great. It can be another
nickname to add on to the nickname roll call, and
we can thank the mole Man. He says, I am

(41:13):
always interested in your take on all sports news events.
Your monologues are great, says you are the lone rational
voice in a noisy see of pomp, mediocrity and stupid filler.
There you sorry for the novel, he says, rock on, dude,
that's from mole Man. Well, it's very kind, mole Man,

(41:33):
And if you'd like to be my publicist, please send
me another message and we'll we'll make that happen. He
also says, f baseball, I'm sick of those whiney rich pricks.
He says, wow, little harsh Uh. Let's see who is
next year? Any me? I got mail? Yea, I got mail? Yea?
All right, Carlos in Houston, Texas, says a Ben. A

(41:56):
few weeks ago, you guys had a conversation about Fox
Sports Tradio alumni the alumni Association. So my question is
who is the one guy who absolutely hated working with
pasted or present goes for you as well as Danny
g And also, will you guys be attending any minor
league games. Well, I haven't thought that far ahead, Carlos.

(42:17):
I love minor league baseball. I would love to get
to a game or two. And now we've always refrained
from answering this question, Danny the Fox Sports Radio Alumni Association.
The people that you hated working is for the very
reason I gave already on the podcast this weekend. Because
there's snitches, yeah, exactly, and people they they will The

(42:39):
people we are going to name would not hear this,
but somebody that is listening would say, Hey, I heard
mallor ripped you. What's up with that? You know, certain
people are just wired. They're wired that way, Carlo. So
that is a non answer answer, which you just got, Carlos,
was a non answer. I'll give you one because I
don't know his name. We're still trying to figure it

(42:59):
out that one host that would fill in for you sometimes,
and we thought we kept going off the air because
his pauses were so long. Oh yeah, I remember you
guys telling me about that. You can't think of his
name though he's not on the network anymore. It's not
that I hated him, but I hated doing the shifts
when he was on because we constantly thought that we

(43:19):
lost the satellite link. Yeah it was he was he Ohio?
That guy? Where was he yet? Do you remember where
he was? No? I thought he was in Vegas. I
could be wrong, but I mean it's a far cry
from you where sometimes it's hard to fit a drop
in because you won't give me a breath. And this
guy would pause so long you could drive an entire

(43:42):
train through the pause. Yeah, Like, I'm always like, I
gotta keep going because if there's a dead area, people
tune out. They don't want to keep listening. They're like, yeah, boring.
You're thoughtful with what you say. So sometimes you're a
deep thinker and you think about what you're saying. And
that's fine. But this guy would and man Fred should

(44:08):
really think about it. And he did that like constantly
through a monologue to where there were ten times we
thought we went off the air. It was painful. Wow,
that is this craziness slapped me around a little bit.
I've had my run ins with some former athletes that
have passed through the building. Let's just leave it at that,
and uh, you know, be careful because some of them

(44:28):
end up it's like a boomerang Danny. They leave and
then they come back, they leave, and then they come back.
It's I robbed from Lincoln, Nebraska, where when I was
a kid, Nebraska football was like right at the top
with Oklahoma. They've sucked for twenty plus years, it seemed.

(44:49):
But anyway, Robin Nebraska says, does Roberto bring in any
of the food he makes on the Cooking with Roberto segment? Well,
he he had in the past. I'm not sure about recently.
I have been doing the show remote Lee from the
Remote Studio, so I don't know if that's the case.
But the food was delicious, and he'd usually bring in
some tupper wear and they'd have to have the food

(45:09):
in there. Who is next here? You've all right? Mike
from Fullerton in southern California says, when you were a kid,
what cars did you think were the coolest, real and fictional? Well,
that's a product growing up in the mostly the eighties.
I love the the eight Team Van I thought was
really cool. The the Batmobile was awesome. Uh. That night

(45:34):
Rider car kit kit from the David Hasselhoff I thought
that was pretty neat. Those are the three that popped
into my head. Any cars any I did? The fictional Uh,
you want to do the nonfiction. Yeah, well one more fictional.
How about the Dukes of Hazzard car. That's another one. Yeah,
the dukes would go on all those jumps or the

(45:57):
Jetsons plane thing by around and George insert jets in
sound effect here, kitchen, they had. The sound effect of

(46:21):
that car is one of the greatest futuristic sound effects. Uh,
let's see. And now do you want real cars? Uh? Yeah, sure,
wonder Oh here we go. I got I found it
this um. You know, when I was a little kid.
I you know, we loved it when Sports Illustrated came

(46:44):
in the mail Remember that feeling. Oh it was great. Yeah,
the smell of it, the pages you said, oh yeah,
running from the mailbox. I would tell my older brother
it's hair. And I remember flipping through the pages as
a little kid. I was a small kid in elementary school,
and there was a picture of Marcus Allen standing in

(47:04):
front of his jet black d R Testa Rosa And
that was it for you right there. You were small.
It looked fast. Yeah, And I remember doing research on
the car afterwards and asking my mom about it, and
she told me, well, you're gonna have to play football too.
If you want one of those has good motherly advice.

(47:27):
You want that, well, yeah you gotta. You know you
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of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families
and the AD Council. Was there a car when you

(49:39):
were a kid that caught your eye? You know? Not?
Not really. I was more into like the the ones
from the shows I watched. I didn't really get into
cars until I got a little older, so there really
wasn't one. I was like, wow, I gotta get that.
But I always loved I was such a loser. I
was like, I love my My grandparents had this RV

(50:00):
and when they never took us on the road, they
took my cousins on the road because my parents couldn't
get off work, so they take the cousins and they
go on these summer vacations for like a month. They'd
go to all over the country, and I remember before
they would leave, we would all hang out and I
got to run through the r V, and as a kid,

(50:21):
I thought that was like the coolest thing ever. You
bring your house on the road with you, and it
was like really nice and it was awesome. But but
as far as like a speed car anything like that,
not really. I wish I had a great answer, but
I don't. Let's see what is next year? Any meany I?
Thought that RV was great until they had you empty
the uh the waste receptacles. Oh yeah. The funny thing

(50:44):
is I was told that they would go on the
road and then they would stay at hotels anyway, So
what's the point of it's a gas cause there I
don't gas was cheaper back then, but it seems like
the cheapest. I remember gas under a dollar. It briefly
got under a dollar. It was. I couldn't tell you when,

(51:04):
but I remember running we drove by the gas station.
It was like no ninety seven cents or something like
that in California, obviously before the gas tax kicked in
and all that. I remember like it was it had
been for a while when I first started driving, because
I'm old, it had been like, uh, two dollars and
twenty cents or something like that, and then it slowly

(51:27):
would go up, and then eventually got to three dollars,
and then it got to four dollars, and lately has
been you know, to the moon, to the moon. Yep.
I got five dollars and seventy nine cents yesterday. Um,
I think I paid five fifty earlier this week. That was,

(51:47):
And I don't get gas as much as you probably do,
but it was five fifty people. You talk to people
who have worked in the oil industry, like behind the scenes,
and they'll tell you that it's just complete bullshit. The
way that they adjust the oil price is and they
always panic before. They panic first, and then we'll adjust after.

(52:10):
So they'll you will end up paying more at the
pump because of panic. What could happen, not what's actually happening.
What could happen, and they raised the prices up, and
then when it doesn't happen, it's not like they give
you a discount and say, Okay, we were wrong. Insurance,
you don't get any of it back for not using it. No,
and most insurance, let's be honest here, I've had to

(52:33):
file claims with various insurance companies over the years. They
they want you to pay the premium, but they don't
if you you actually need the insurance. They try to
find every reason not to pay you the insurance. That's
normally how that goes. So it's like, what are we
paying for? This is where I wish Tom Looney still
worked out the network so I could psyche the gas
out of his car. Yeah, well, let's please, we can

(52:56):
take the I'll take the tires off, you take the
gas out? What good were good on that? Uh? Quotation?
For Danny g As, he still travel he said, he
said quotation, but he meant question. He misspelled question quotation.
Why would direct quotation if you make questions anyway? And
why would I read it? He says. For Danny g As,
he still travels with the studio. How much did you

(53:19):
have to cry when you last filled up your vehicle?
And have you asked for a raise from the I
Heart people to accommodate you. That's from Big Regg in Iowa.
Insert left track here, thank you. And this is where

(53:41):
we point out we work for Fox Sports Radio, not
Fox Sports Television. We work for I Heart Radio. And
as rich as Troy Aikman and these NFL broadcasters are
for some reason that I don't I don't understand what
this is. It has not it has not gone down
to radio. Yeah, it has a quite trickled down to us.

(54:01):
And also I got an email last week from my
Heart giving employees the first crack at buying I Heart
Music Festival tickets for Las Vegas. Man, it's a deal.
Eight hundred and eighty two dollars for one ticket? Are
you serious? I'm gonna get ten of them? Eighty two

(54:25):
for one ticket? Now, I get it. It's a huge festival.
It's a two day event, but for either Friday or Saturday,
not eight eight two for both days, eighty two for
one of the days. I'm sure you could resell that
for a couple of thousand bucks. But people are nuts
with what they'll pay for a concert. What's the most
you've paid for a concert? Probably a couple of hundred bucks.

(54:47):
There's no way I would go over two hundred dollars
for a concert ticket. When I was in Vegas, I
almost went to see Billy Joel. He was performing at
the uh the Stadium, the Raiders team. Yeah, I didn't
do it. Now if it was yeah, now, if it
was a rock and roll band on their final tour,

(55:09):
something special like that, almost like the super Bowl of
rock or hip hop, something like that, I could understand
you paying a lot of money for that. But to
go see a top forty act that is on top
of the world right now, Oh, let's go see Drake.
Tickets are only six hundred dollars. Now, that's okay, I'm
cool on that. Um. Yeah, Like who's one of the Beatles. Guy,

(55:32):
what's his name? Paul McCartney's performing in l A. I
think right, Yeah, people have been complaining about his ticket prices. Yeah,
but he's how old is Paul McCartney. I know it's
like your last opportunity, right, and the same thing is
going on right now in London at the end of March.
Is going to be the last show for Phil Collins

(55:53):
in Genesis. Yeah, and so something like that. I would
pay a lot. Man. As far as gas, I can't
really answer that because I don't sit there and fill
up my entire tank. I'm one of those people where
I think I'm saving money if I get the gas
in thirty Okay, I got you, Yeah, Because I'm always

(56:15):
on the lookout for the best gas station. Well, this
gas station is five seventy nine. Surely I'm gonna find
a gas station for five forty nine. So I'll do
forty here and I'll do forty there. So I bounced around.
This sounds like if you were watching T n T
the other night during the week Shock, they were having

(56:35):
a conversation about gas prices and Shock that was his
I think it was Shock. He was telling to Kenny Smith,
and yeah, he was trying to explain you. Uh. One
of them was saying, I forget, which they were saying,
like you fill up like you do, daddy, We just
put thirty or Philip halfway or whatever. It's like a
mine trick where it's you don't feel it as much
because you're not you're not paying for the full tank.

(56:58):
And it's so bad. Remember they put limits the credit cards.
They used to put limits on for a while, you
couldn't spend more than like fifty bucks, and then they
raised it to seventy five. But the price of gas
now is so crazy they might have to raise the
price of uh, you know, the limit on the credit
card again. Oh yeah. A friend of mine posted a
picture where she put a hundred and twenty seven dollars

(57:21):
into her SUV one two seven insane and it's probably
gonna get her what three miles maybe if she's lucky.
You know the way these things go. Oh thank god,
I don't have a V eight anymore. Although my car
only takes premium, and I know you disagree with that.
I do. I'm anti premium. I put and put the
regular gas in. That's one of the great scams of

(57:42):
our time, premium gaests. It's not a scam when you
have a performance engine in your car. Man, you can't
just you can't put dirt oil into a race car engine. Scamp.
You are fake news. You are fake moves. Now you
are he said it to you, You didn't say it
to me. Wrong. Don't use middle grade because that's still dirty.

(58:03):
It's still got the dirt in it. Gotta use premium
to get that clean cool. Even survey study after study
how much money Americans waste on premium gasoline where they
don't need it. You'll get the knocks and the pings
in that jet engine if you use that dirt oil. Yeah,
all right, let's see who is next year? Any meany mine? Got?

(58:28):
All right? This is John and Northern Colorado resubmitted. He says,
what is your favorite road food? What is your favorite
road trip food? I prefer slim Jim's and Twizzlers and
the occasional fig Newton. He says, John, I'm I love
there's this trail mix that I get from. I don't

(58:51):
know if I should name the story that just one
of the big box stores. It's got and it's got
like a bull's eye logo, and they have this trail
mix which has no nothing good in it. It's just
like cash shoes, peanuts, M and m's. And then they've
got these uh, these caramel chocolate things. It's wonderful and

(59:14):
uh that is my guilty pleasure on the road. And
my wife bought a bunch of stuff. We like tons
of snacks. And I try to explain her I don't
really eat that much these days, very rarely. I did
this past weekend. I went for it on the road trip,
but very rarely do I eat that much. But she
went crazy with that. Uh so, what what's your go

(59:35):
to snack? Danniel put the baby to bed here soon.
What's your go to snack? My tender Roney does a
great job hooking it up from Trader Joe's. She'll get
the turkey jerky, She'll get the white cheese puffs, you know,
the Yeah, I know what she's like. The Pirates booty
type stuff is every time exactly that. With some turkey

(59:56):
jerky and some Capri Sun flavored water, you're good to go.
Capri Son, that's good. That's a flashback to like high school,
junior high back in the day. Oh yeah, man, Bobo
every Sunday night in the studio. He busts out Caprice sons.
I pulled some out of my bag and he looks
at me and he's like, yo, man, we're like brothers.
That's awesome, that's great. I think that's enough. On the

(01:00:20):
mail back, we went a little longer than normal this week.
We had one more time, so thanks to everybody, we
didn't get to skip to Zip the official four star
roast manner. Master General of the Mallard Militian Akron Ohio
skips him with the show a long time. He asked
a hard old basketball question, which is really not what
we're looking to do here on the podcast, and Brendan
in red Wing, Minnesota, he asked the timeless he wanted

(01:00:44):
to know how much would a wood chuck would chuck
if it could chuck wood something like that. But we
don't have time for that, but thank you all. We'll
be back on the I'll be back on the terrestrial
radio tonight. Danny's working all day and I'll be back
to night on Fox. That's eleven p m. Sunday night
in the West, two am, two am on Monday in

(01:01:08):
the East, and we'll be doing four hours of original
audio content and who knows what's gonna happen, but we
will be there and then will be yapping, and even
if nothing happens, we'll still be yapping. Well, whether there's
a lot going on or nothing. Right, that's the rule, Danny, Right,
that's the rule. Yep. Thanks for being part of a
fun weekend. It's been great. Thank you. Keep telling people

(01:01:30):
and promote the podcast. Get the word out and we'll
talk to you next time. Gotta murder, Gotta Go. Lation
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