September 28, 2022 • 42 mins
Welcome to Unbreakable! A mental health podcast hosted by Fox NFL Insider Jay Glazer. On today's episode New York Times best-selling author, entrepreneur and former pro athlete Lewis Howes joins Jay on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Plus, Kobe Bryant's definition of love and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast
helping you out of the gray and into the blue.
Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health
podcast with Jay Glazer. I am your host, Jay Glazer.
And for those who are listening for the first time,
(00:23):
the reason why I'm doing a podcast is it's time
that somebody starts giving words to mental health. And God
bless me with the ability to communicate. And you may
know me from the NFL and Fox and Follers and
mixed martial arts. And for years I just hid my issues.
I call my depression anxiety a d D. Together um,
(00:44):
I call it living in the gray. But what this
journey has allowed me to do as I've started to
open up, it started to bring people into my life
that I never would have been close with. It never
would have come across and today's Yes or one of
those people. And you probably know him from School of Greatness.
The White House named him one of the top one
(01:05):
entrepreneurs under thirty in the world. He has his School
of Greatness podcast. He is a all two sport All
Americans on the USA men's national handball team. But the
thing here and his name is Lewis House and the
thing here for me and Louis. Welcome into the show. Brother.
I appreciate you joining me the thing here with us, Louis.
(01:26):
People out there listening. Why I have Louisan besides him
being an absolute rock star. When I was on my
book tour, trying to just open up and talk about
mental health every once in a while and just come
across somebody in your life. For men, you just connect
and you feel like you grew up with that person.
And that's what Lewis was. We I sat there with you,
man for that first podcast, that podcast you and I did,
(01:48):
and I cried to you probably thirty times, and I
did a lot of podcasts. But there's something about you,
something about your heart and your masculinity and vulnerability at
the same time, which just got me to neck with you.
And I'm sure that's what makes you great as an interviewer.
But man, you just have the special thing and I'm
honored that we've become brothers now as a result. Thanks
(02:09):
for havingan J Appreciate you, brother, that's a yeah. There's
not many books that I finished from start to finish,
and yours I was able to get through all the
way because I think of your realness and how much
I was laughing as well as you know, you touched
my heart by you opening up and you're sharing your stories.
And I love seeing the messages from people who have
read your book and just heard your story. The more
you open up about it, how how they can relate
(02:31):
to you. And I think me and you growing up, Jay,
you know we talked about this before. How when I was,
you know, eight years old, twelve years old, sixteen year
old year old planning sports with other guys, I was
never allowed to show emotion unless there was one emotion,
anger or stoicism. Right. It was like you either have
to have full passion and anger towards being on attack
(02:52):
in the basketball court, football field, whatever it might be.
But I could never put my arm around the buddy
of mine and show any of their ocean otherwise I
would be made fun of, picked on, pushed off. You know,
said all these things about me, and so I think
for guys like me and you're growing up, we had
big hearts, We had a lot of feeling, We had
a range of emotion, but we weren't allowed to express it.
(03:14):
And I think, like a lot of men they weren't
allowed to either, which causes a lot of anxiety stressed
to pressure in tension, overwhelmed pressure, unlike the good type
of pressure. You know, there's there's a healthy pressure and
an unhealthy pressure. And I think, um, with the unhealthy pressure,
you explode. With the healthy pressure, you create a diamond.
And so it's learning how to use the range of
(03:34):
emotions so that we can mold ourselves into the beautiful diamonds.
Way up. We both grew up with learning disabilities. Right
I had had a d D, i'd be on the
a d D. I had elemental, you know, and I
was to have a learning disability. I'm like and to
this day, I'm like, no, I just learned differently than
rest y'all and us. Right, absolutely, And that's why I
(03:55):
talked to me to finish reading a book, because it's
I can read a page and then I keep reading
this same page because I'm like, what this just happened?
What does this word say? And I remember thinking something
was wrong with me because of that, you know, I
was when I went to eighth grade. I went to
a different school in eighth grade, so they had these
all these standardized tests for me to enter to see
where my skill level was, and I had a second
(04:17):
grade reading level in eighth grade. So I remember feeling
so humiliated because during recess um or during the lunch break,
which was kind of like the outdoor playground recess thing,
everyone was, you know, out playing outside, hanging out. I
was in the classroom, one on one learning how to read. Still,
and that happened all the way through high school for me.
(04:37):
Bleuis you and I have had a lot of similarities, right,
So I was broke at one point. I went from
broke down, break up arrived. I've known all you were
broke living on your sister's couch. I learned the disability
growing up in a d D. You had dyslexia, and
you had a lot of childhood trauma also. Um, so
we we have a lot of similarities. When did you
(04:58):
realize nothing's wrong with me? I'm just different than people,
but that doesn't mean something's wrong with me. Oh man, Shoot.
The moment I think I found out that something wasn't
wrong with me was once when I was thirty years old,
I went to I was having a lot of different
challenges in my life at the time, everything on the
outside seemed like it was going well. I was making money,
(05:19):
my business was growing, I had just gotten into a
new relationship. All these different things seemed like they're going
well until about, you know, a few months later, when
I thought everything was going to be perfect, everything started
going wrong in my life. My business partnership started not working, uh,
the intimate relationship I was in it was having a
(05:39):
lot of up and down challenges, and I I felt
like I was reacting to everything in the world. I
would play pick up basketball and I would get in
pretty much a fight almost every time I would go
play over a fun pickup basketball game. I would drive
down the street in l A and maybe maybe this
happens for everyone in l A traffic. I would drive
(06:00):
down the street in l A traffic, and I would
get annoyed and frustrated and screaming at people pretty much
every day for any little thing that would happen. If
someone cut me off, even if they weren't trying to,
I would take it personally. And so there were so
many things happening that felt like the world was against me,
that like everyone thing was an attack against me personally
in life, and I felt like I needed to defend
myself against everyone and everything. And this was happening for
(06:22):
many months, and I remember I got into a brig
one of these days at the basketball court. I got
into a pretty bad fight, fist fight. It wasn't just
like a shoving and you know, screaming match. It was
an actual fist fight. And I remember my friend, good
buddy of mine was there that I've known for a
long time. And he goes afterwards the day later, he goes,
what are you doing, man, Like, we're just we're having fun,
(06:44):
and you're over here picking fights with people for no reason,
some some punks who we're just having a pick up
basketball game. Why did you get into a physical fist fight.
I mean there's like blood on the cord, the whole thing, right,
It was like a big deal. And I remember thinking
to myself, I don't know why, Like I really don't
know why. And he goes to be honest, man, I
don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're
gonna keeping like this, because you're gonna get You're gonna
(07:05):
get you're gonna get hurt. You're gonna get me hurt. Like,
I don't know what's going on. Why can't we just
have fun? Why does everything have to be a fight?
You know, I wasn't fighting with him, but he was
in he was there, and he could have got hurt.
And I remember thinking to myself like, oh, this is
a wake up call. Like my best friend who I've
known for the longest, it doesn't want to hang out
with me if I keep behaving this way. And that
was a wake up call. I mean, it wasn't like
(07:26):
mean about it. He was just like, man, you need
you got to change something. This doesn't work for me exactly.
And I remember saying, Okay, let me take a look
in the mirror and see what's going on, Like, what's
what's wrong with me? What is something I need to improve?
Or why am I acting this way? Long story short.
I started going through all the different experts that I could,
(07:47):
different therapists, I started doing, taking workshops, I started reading
books about just emotional intelligence, healing, all these different things
to see is there something wrong with me or is
everyone else messed up? And I'm the one who's okay
and everyone else is just and no one understands and
no one gets me. Right. That was kind of like
no one gets me all that stuff. And I went
to this workshop for um. It was like a five
(08:09):
day workshop that that changed everything for me. It really
opened up my life in a different way. There were
many different It was an emotional intelligence workshop in l
A and there were many different exercises, many different conversations.
Group get little games that you would play that would
help you reflect on your life. So we create a scenario,
things would happen, and then after the scenario, you would
(08:32):
reflect about it, you would journal about it, you would
ask yourself, Okay, why did I react this way? Why
did I show up this way? And then it is
to help us essentially find the things that were hurting
us the most and start the healing process and start
unwinding them and reflecting on those things in our life
like be childhood or traumatic events. And one of the
days in this workshop, there was a moment about halfway
(08:54):
through where the trainer said, Okay, we've gone over all
these things from our past. We've talked about our parents,
we talked about past relationships, we talked about things that
hurt us in our life, and now we're gonna start
creating a vision for our future of what we want
to create in our life. What's our what's our ideal
relationships want to look like our careers. All these different
things are health, what do we what do we want
(09:16):
them to look like. In order to do that, we
need to make sure there's nothing uncovered. There's no stone
unturned from the past. So if there's anything you need
to say, now is your moment. I remember thinking to myself, Man, okay.
I talked about, you know, my brother going to prison
for four years and how that affected me as a
young boy, and what I had to go through experiencing that.
(09:39):
I talked about my parents going through a divorce. I
talked about different breakups. I talked about these all these
different challenges that I hadn't had as a kid, all
this different stuff. And I feel good because I finally
started to open up about these challenges. And I was like, hmmm,
what about that one thing that no one has ever
heard me say? What about that one thing that no
one knows about me? The one thing that if anyone
(10:00):
knew this about me, no one would love me, no
one would accept me, everyone would think that was wrong.
And I was like, why is this one thing in
my mind always come up pretty much every single day,
but I've never had the courage to tell anyone now,
my parents, not friends, no one for twenty five years.
And so for whatever reason, in this environment, in this event,
(10:21):
I stood up and I shared the story for the
first time at thirty years old, about being sexually views
when I was five years old by a man that
I didn't know, and and I told the whole story,
and for the first time, I remember at the end
being so scared. I started weeping, I started crying. I
left the room. I ran out of the room afterwards
(10:41):
because I was afraid that essentially my life was over
down That's what I was afraid. There's probably forty people
in the room, you know, still today, one of the
most memorable moments of my life, one of the most
touching moments of my life. As I'm outside, I left
this kind of hotel conference room after I shared this story,
I'm crying. I leave the room and I literally go
(11:03):
outside of the hotel and it was kind of like
a back I don't know, street or back alley behind
the hotel that I went out to, and I was
just like had my head my hand against my head,
leaning against kind of this back wall across the street,
and remember just being like, okay, I'm done, Like I'm
not going back in there. My life is over now
(11:23):
that these people know this about me. And again, this
is probably one of the most beautiful memories that I have.
There was a man that came out from the event,
probably a fifty five year old man, and I'm thirty
at this time. He comes out, he touches my back
and my shoulder. He grabs me. He turns me around,
he looks me, he stares at me. He holds my shoulders,
looks me in the eyes, and he says, you're my hero.
(11:46):
I holds my shoulders, says he says, you're my hero.
He says, I've been holding this for fifty years. I've
got three kids. My wife doesn't know, my kids don't know.
I was sexually abused over and over again as a child,
and I thought I was gonna hold this to my grave.
And I was just like stare. I'm like already emotional wreck.
(12:08):
I'm looking at this guy, thinking what is happening right now?
And he tells me the story. He like gives me this,
you know, vulnerable stare holding my shoulders. He pulls me
and he grabs me and hugs me, and I was
just we're both now I'm weeping even more because I
would feel for once, because I feel accepted for the
first time by a man in a vulnerable conversation, because
(12:31):
that had never happened before. And so I go, Wow,
what was crazier is one by one, there's probably like
I'm a twenty men in the group of this forty
person group. One by one, the men in the room
came out and they all shared a vulnerable story with me.
Not everyone had dealt with sexual abuse, but more of
them had who hadn't opened up. Yeah, And and that's
(12:54):
why the first guy was like, you're my hero, because
he didn't have the courage to do it. And I
was just I was just at a point in my
life where I was I need some type of answer
because inside I felt suffocated. I felt like I was,
you know again thriving on the inside quote unquote, where
I was accomplishing. You know, I was winning in sports,
I was making money. All these things were happening. You know,
(13:15):
I was getting praised by the White House, all this
different stuff. But on the inside, I had no peace.
And I think that was the turning point. It was
a journey of healing. It wasn't like everything happened overnight,
and I was I was better all of a sudden,
But it was it was a journey of healing. And
I'll tell you the moment when I realized nothing was
wrong with me that started it. But then after that experience,
(13:38):
after that workshop, is really when the work began, because
it took a couple of years to process the sexual abuse,
to process talking about it in a comfortable way where
I wasn't stuttering or shaking or my nervous system wasn't
like reacting to that that memory that moment. So it
took a couple of years of healing and of that
(13:59):
experience means, and that was me diving all in on processing.
It wasn't just like, Okay, I said it now, I'm fine.
It was like, I'm gonna keep doing the work for
the next couple of years until I feel peaceful about it.
And there was a moment where I was talking to
another uh kind of counselor therapist friend a few months later,
and I told them this story and I said, I
(14:22):
still haven't told my family, right, my siblings, my parents.
I still have told them because I'm afraid that they
won't accept me, that they'll think something's wrong with me. Yeah,
I was still freend I was like, you know, here's this.
It was kind of a group that's a workshop of
like strangers, kind of random people that I didn't really know.
If they don't accept me, okay, it's it's at least
I'm never going to see them again type of feeling.
(14:42):
But my family, my friends, I still hadn't told them,
and I was like, what if what if they think
something's wrong with me? Um, then I have to live
with them, you know, I have to, you know, be
excommunicated from this family group. So I asked the therapist.
I said, um, how can I can municate this to
my family in a way that they can hear it,
(15:04):
in a way that we can have a conversation and
where I can feel safe and and loved. And she said,
ask them this question before you tell them what happened.
And the question was is there anything that I could
ever do or say that would make you not love me?
So she said, asked that to your family members, each
(15:27):
one of them, or see them. I was powerful, Yeah,
I was not in I was not in the same
city with them. So I called them each individually and
I said, hey, I've got something I want to share
with you, but I'm a little scared to share it.
So I wanted to ask you first, is there anything
I could ever say or do that would make you
not love me? And all of them were like, no,
it's absolutely not There's nothing you could ever say or
(15:48):
do that would make me not love you. And I said, okay,
So I felt safe to share something that was on
my heart and mind, that was vulnerable. And so each
one of them I kind of retold the story too,
and I was terrified and I was there, but there
was a safety in that first question that allowed me
to express and have courage to talk about it. And
I think that was a powerful experience, kind of those
(16:10):
phone calls with my family members and then with friends
talking to friends where I felt like, Okay, there's nothing
wrong with me. Did every one of them except you
and then praise you for speaking about it? Or did
anybody shown you for it? No one shunned me for it.
They all accept to be. Yeah, there there might have
been a There might have been like one or two
people that were like, I didn't know how to handle
(16:32):
the conversation. They were like and and it probably means
something happened with them that they were uncomfortable and not
not ready to talk about. So that was fine, but
no one didn't accept me. And I think that was
a beautiful thing because I thought everyone was going to
make fun of me, laugh at me, or just be like, oh,
get away from me. You know, I don't want to
be around you anymore. And I think again, because you know,
(16:53):
guys like me, you were probably conditioned that way in
childhood growing up that we couldn't even put our arm
around a buddy of ours without being told, you know,
some name that isn't isn't a good name. And so
the fear it was always inside of me, like no
one will ever accept me, something is wrong with me.
I'm bad and wrong. And I think that was a
beautiful healing journey of that experience to say, Okay, I'm
(17:18):
not and my family still loves me. And in fact,
my family loved me even more because here's what happened, Jason,
you know this, Here's what happened. As I shared the
story with each one of them, each one of them,
we we created a deeper bond because each one of
them opened up to me about something that they had
went through that I had no clue about when they
were younger. It wasn't sexual trauma or anything, but it
was other vulnerable things I never said, and I never
(17:43):
knew these things, and I was like what. I was like,
Oh my gosh, So all of a sudden, we had
this deeper relationship, this deeper connection and acceptance, an appreciation
of one another. And I started doing that with my
friends and it was a game changer. And like you,
I thought I had a responsibility and kind of duty
to start talking about it more. There were responses I
(18:03):
was getting from friends and family was overwhelming. And I remember,
after about I don't know, nine months of kind of
opening up to just friends and family and processing it
and feeling a lot better inside. I was like, man,
this is a bigger issue than I think people are
even aware of. You know, ten years ago. Yeah, no
one was talking about, you know, sexual abuse with men
(18:27):
ten years ago, or how to overcome these type of
traumas with men ten years ago, and and growing up.
I don't know if you saw this, Jay, but growing up,
I never saw any athletes or any rock star, or
any male kind of iconic figure open up on TV
and say I dealt with sexual abuse as a kid,
and here's what you can do if you've ever experienced this.
(18:49):
We just never witnessed this, and so it was always
kind of like I always felt like I was the
only one in the world that's happened to something must
be wrong with me, so I can never You paved
the way for a lot of people. And you know,
it's interesting because you're you're talking about how much closer
it's gotten you with other people. Every single person I've
opened up to about my my grave, my fucked up nous,
(19:11):
it's just gotten this closer together. No one told me
I'm a worse no one, so many suck it up.
And then, like you said, it's a it's a it's
a way of being of service because then people start
opening up about the things that's been hidden behind their
rib cage for years and years and years and years. Absolutely,
and I think that's, uh, that's probably the most rewarding
things I've ever done. You know, you've opened, you know,
(19:34):
one of the most accessiful gyms in the world. You're
on Fox TV, You're you know, friends with the biggest
celebrities in the world. You can hang out with anyone
you want. You've made money, you've done all these things,
but probably one of the most between years. But what
you say, but probably one of the most impactful and
rewarding accomplishments is you being able to share about this
(19:55):
on your show, talk about this on Fox, talk about
this in your book, and get mess just back in
phone calls back from men and women who are just like, wow,
I never knew this. Thank you for opening up and
letting me know that I can open up as well.
And the most rewarding times of your life are probably
having those vulnerable, intimate conversations with friends, family, fans who
(20:16):
open up to you and say, I've been going through
this my whole life. Thank you for giving me permission
to start telling my partner about this, my family about this,
my friends about this, and allowing me to process these things.
Thank you for telling me that you know me being
messed up means I'm not messed up and it's okay,
and I can accept and love myself. And I think
your your mission and your consistent path doing this. But
(20:41):
that is probably the most impact you'll have on humanity,
more than the fame, more than the Fox. You know,
the big NFL stuff, all that stuff, Well, the fame
and the fortune didn't lead to rainbows and unicorns. I
thought it would, and I thought it would cover up
a lot of the pain, right, I'm like, I'm sure
like you right, like ship, Hey, we're hearing out. But wait, no,
we're the rainbows and people. It's not like that. If
(21:03):
we don't know how to love ourselves for the inside out,
no amount of money in the world makes Yes, it
allows us to beare bills better, no doubt, okay, and
we can go to cool vacations and ship but no,
but then also sudden we have more to lose also,
But it's it didn't. It didn't help me in any way.
But like you having all these issues, just lets you
being molested. It motivated you to do all these great things,
(21:27):
right because you have to get some acceptance from the inside.
Same same with me. Yeah, it motivated me for sure
big time. And it made me say, Okay, I don't
love myself, I don't accept myself. What can I do
to gain acceptance and acknowledgement. Let me become really good
at sports because I'm not getting school. I mean, you know,
learn business, all these different things. So it was the
(21:48):
driver to be accepted and loved as opposed to figure
out how to just accept and love myself for who
I am. You talked about are the responses and for me, Man,
I think my life is just started out. I'm fifty
two and it's the first time I've felt like it's
okay for me to operate in the blue and maybe
I'm worthy of it. And um, and I've told you that, Like, man,
(22:12):
I like being in the greatest fucking lonely and you'd
think this guy has it all and I have almost all,
but not the thing that's most important to me, which
is that self love, what's most what's most important, that's
self love, that's most important to me. That's self love,
that love and feeling loved. And and I've always felt
unlovable and I haven't had love. And I've had had
(22:35):
one bad marriage that you know, it was ten months
and that was it. Um. And I've always wanted love
and I just haven't had it. But I think for
a long time I felt I wasn't worthy of receiving it.
And and now now I'm learning that I am. So
I feel like my life is starting. So I get
these messages now, like from grandmother saying like you know, man,
(22:55):
thank you so much. This is the first time in
eighty years someone's giving me the words so my family
can understand me. And I had somebody who's coming on
the podcast soon. Also a guy named Keith Madden who
told me I was on the way to commit suicide.
And I ran into your book at a target and
read it, and I've read it in a day and
a half and turned back around and went home and
(23:17):
realized I don't need to kill myself. But so these
things are like, wow, So give me your one or
two messages that you've gotten since you've started to open up. Man,
that just will make me cry my eyes out. Oh man, Uh,
you know when I when I opened up about it
for the first time publicly, this was like nine years ago.
(23:38):
I remember thinking, my life is gonna be over when
I tell the world about this, Like if I open
up to my audience again. This is a small audience
at the time, ten years ago, and I remember thinking
to myself, but I have a responsibility and duty and
this was becoming bigger than me, bigger than my business.
I was like, if I lose all my money because
of this. But one man has healed, or one man
feels that they can accept themselves and not have to
(23:59):
suffer for like I did for years. It would be
worth it to me because the relief that I had
from this process healing journey was so profound. So I
remember asking a friend of mine. I said, hey, listen,
I think I want to open about this in my podcast. Again,
this is almost ten years ago, when no one was
opening up about stuff online, no one was being vulnerable online.
It was like you have to prove yourself and show
(24:20):
your highlights, and that was it. I remember asking a
friend and saying, hey, will you interview me on my
show and facilitate this process of like how to navigate this.
Then I also called a few kind of female leaders
and I said, listen, I'm thinking of doing this. What's
the best approach to do this? How can I share
this the right way so it doesn't come across weird? Again,
(24:40):
now we see this more and more, it's like it's
like accepted. But no one had posted I've been sexually
abused that I had seen there was there was no
I didn't see. I just hadn't seen it right, So
I was like, I have no idea. So I got
all this kind of advice from people I trusted who
I respected in the space. I record this episode. This
guy interviews me, and I shared this whole episode right then.
(25:03):
I remember after recording it, I held it for six months.
I didn't post it for since. I was like, okay,
I was like, do I really want my life to
be over publicly? You know, privately, I'll find my friend
and my family loved me. But do I want my
business and a career to be done? So I was
still living in fear. I remember saying, I think this
is the final step for me to have courage, like
(25:24):
to be able to not care what people think, but
be of service to helping people heal. That was kind
of the final step, and I was focused on my image. Still,
what are people going to think about me? What are
people to say about me? I was really worried about them.
So I remember posting this like I don't know, ten
eleven o'clock at night, and I posted it on my
blog and I just put one tweet out and I
(25:44):
shared it and I said, I'm closing my computer. I'm
going to bed. You know, my my business careers over
in the morning. So let me just go to bed
in peace and not look at anything. But I wake
up the next morning, and I have never had It's
still today my biggest post an episode on my show
in ten years. Right, I've had some of the biggest
names in the world, all Right, Jake Glazier has been
(26:06):
on the show, right, But this is still one of
the biggest, one of the most impactful posts that I've had.
And for two weeks, I was getting essays and essays,
hundreds of emails and essays from men opening up and
there's not one that I can remember that was like
they all touched me, but just the volume of emails
(26:27):
that I got in the length of detail. I know
you get this all the time now of men in
their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies saying similar things that that
one man said to me and said, you're my hero.
I've had three kids, I've been married for years. No
one knows, not even my wife, thank you for giving
(26:48):
me permission. It was kind of like that story over
and over again. And for about two weeks, I just
I don't know if you're called emotional hangover, but I was.
It was hard for me to really do anything. I
was reading the messages and the weight and the emotional
pain and suffering of these men affected me big time
physically that I really couldn't do anything for a couple
(27:09):
of weeks except for just be like, Wow, there's so
much suffering from men in the world, and yet none
of these men have felt that they have the ability
to talk about it opening while being accepted again. For me,
guys like me and you, there was no one when
we were younger, when we were five, ten, twelve, fifteen
playing sports. There's no one on TV saying yeah, exactly
(27:33):
our whole lives. There was no one that's that said, hey,
if you feel like you're not accepted, if you feel
like you're bad in school, if you feel like you
have a mental challenge or you're you're struggling in some way,
or if you feel like you're emotionally a wreck, if
you feel like you've been used by your parents sexually, physically, emotionally,
It's okay, here's the steps to take, here's somewhere to call,
(27:54):
here's where you can go, here's what you can do.
We never had that right. So there was never this
acceptance or this place where we were able to talk
about these things. And so I think that was the
play that was the moment in tom Or I felt like, Okay,
nothing was wrong with me anymore. There were things that
we're wrong that happened in my life, but it doesn't
mean me as a human is a wrong human. And
(28:15):
that allowed me to start the healing journey. I have
this line I in a chapter in my book, you
never know what lies around next Tuesday. And you know
I'm gonna try and to say this is the right
way with you, But it's basically man things that have
happened to us that could have broken us, and because
it didn't, we were around for something magical to happen.
So like I chose my author Sarah only because she
(28:40):
beat in cancer, no other reason, and I didn't let
her know until I sent in the entire book except
for the final chapter. And you know, I get choked
up emotional talking about it because her reaction and everybody's
reaction when I sent it. I said, Sarah, I know
it sucked you had cancer. I totally know it did.
But if you didn't and you didn't beat it, I
(29:02):
wouldn't have chosen you, and we wouldn't be on this
journey together. And this book has lifted her an awful lot.
Same thing she's got these amazing messages. So I know
it sucked, No, it sucked, but this is what it
led to. And m VP was started basically our charity
a little kid named Logan new Briga, who who I
befriended and who would beat in leukemia twice. And I'm like,
(29:24):
I know it sucked that you had leukemia, but if
you didn't, man, this wouldn't this m d P Foundation
wouldn't start. And there be a lot of veterans who
aren't with us today. Do you realize now are you
able to compartmentalize and go, Man, it fucking sucked that
I was molested, but but almost like saying, you know,
(29:45):
if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have been able to
there be able to save so many others. Now, are
you able to gifted now? Inside you behind your rib cage? Yeah?
Because you know the impact that we can may when
we start to share our story in this way, whether
it be on one person or many people. Uh, it's
worth it for me. That type of impact, that type
(30:07):
of discovery for people, uh, and how their lives start
to change from that move moment moving forward, just like
mind change. When I started open up, I went a
different direction I want a direction of more peace, of
more uh you know, personal growth, and more acceptance of
myself healing all these different things. And it's funny because
(30:27):
now when a moment happens in my life where I
feel like, oh, that's that was a challenging moment, whether
it be in my business or personal life or something
right when when something happens now, Whereas in the past,
when something would happen to in my life, I'd be like, oh,
this is the worst thing ever. I have to deal
with this thing, whatever it is. But when something happens now,
I look five, ten, twenty years out and I think
(30:48):
of hindsight. Now we look back at hindsight and we say, oh,
all these things happen because now I'm here now and
it's helping me impact people, or it's setting me up
in a certain way and whatever it might be. So
when challenge happens now, I think about the future and
I say, Okay, I'm having hindsight now in the future
and I'm saying, Okay, this is happening because it's developing
(31:09):
better leader, more more accepting, more patient, more humble, whatever
it might be, to be a service in a greater way,
and it's shaping and shifting me to develop into a
better person. And if I can look now from the
future as if I'm ten years out and then the
moments don't seem as overwhelming. They might feel like life
(31:31):
is over or something is like horrible at the moment.
But when you think of like ten years from now,
what is this lesson going to help you for your
future self? It all starts to make sense. But it's
really hard when you're in the in the middle of
the mess. You know, when you're in the gray for
for nine days in a row and you feel like, well,
I can't get out of this. You're asking yourself why,
you know, But in five ten years you're gonna know why.
(31:53):
It wasn't until I went to Thailand a couple of
weeks ago for the first time in my life, and
that was life that seemed like a big journey. It
was a huge one for me, and I've been and
every Friday, I now kind of, you know, in part
of things I've learned over there from monks and different
people and gurus and and all that, it's been incredible.
But it wasn't until then, man, when I was sitting
(32:15):
there on my own little self reflection journey where it
came to me like, man, I was putting this kind
of pain so I can help others through theirs. Yeah,
And that was liberating for me because because again, like
you said, like I was angry, Like I'm a huge
god guy, but I was angry at the universe. How
can I be in this much pain? Why am I
always so lonely? How am I always so unloved? And
(32:38):
then it was almost like we love you, but you
almost you've got to be in this kind of pain
because you're gonna help so many others through there's and
and it was liberating for me. It was the first
night I went to sleep without use of an ambient
thirty years. Yes, like always at universe. Now, Man, when
you told me you're going this journey before you left,
(32:59):
I was so excited for you because I was like,
if you can just stick to the plan of like
you know, no social media, no phone type of thing
for thirty days and really just be in nature and
work out and reflect, I go, Man, this is gonna
be a life changing for you. So I'm so glad.
And I know we haven't fully caught up on the
about about this, but I'm excited to hang suit and
learn more about the whole journey because this is life
(33:22):
defining for you again, like, and I want people to
understand that it's never too late to have that moment
in your life. Right, you got a thirty I got
it now fifty two of Okay, now I understand why
I was paying. But we have to use that pain.
We got to be of service tell other people with
this pan without sharing the whole everything. But what's the
number one thing you've got out of that experience about yourself?
(33:44):
The shift in the way I talked about myself from
jag Laser You're an unlovable piece of ship to that
little kid and you and you like you overcame all
these things, so be your own hero. And I just
talked about that recently. Man, So like they said to me, hey,
if some guy, because they're like you talk about yourself
so self loathing. And I said, well, I must be
(34:06):
a piece of ship because I'm just so unlovable, so unloved,
and even though there is a lot of love, I
just feel it. I feel a love in my heart
and in my soul a lot of times. And they said, well, man,
you've overcome a lot that. I said, well, yeah, and
you've endured a lot. Yeah, you've achieved a lot, right,
would you admit that? I said yeah. They said, okay, Well,
(34:27):
if some guy came into your life and he got
you to overcome all this stuff, you overcame, endure all
the things you've endured, swam up stream to overcome all
these other obstacles, and then achieved all this great stuff
you've achieved, would that guy be your hero? And I said,
well yeah, They said, that's you. That's you. You're the
(34:47):
one who did that. You overcame it. The reason why
it's called unbreakable. It's things that try to break me
if I couldn't. But I had to start appreciating the
fact that I'm the one and that little kid of
me who felt so damaged and beat down, that's the
gangster that got me to overcome all this stuff, and
I need to start loving him up. So I had
to start going back to childhood and start loving him
(35:07):
up on the inside out. I do what every day
and that's powerful. Man. Yeah, that's beautiful. What's that I
don't it's probably hard to answer just one, but give
us something. Give my listener something that somebody said to
you on your show to this day, man, it stuck.
It just stood out so much, so loud for you. Um,
(35:28):
when I had Kobe on, it was pretty profound, to
be honest, Sometimes you meet people who are very famous
or very successful and they underwhelm you. They kind of
let you down right. You've been around every famous person
there is, every famous athletes, celebrity, and I was pleasantly
surprised by his presence, his peace, and the way he
opened up about love. Now, I ask a lot of vulnerable,
(35:49):
intimate questions, and so I just think most people hadn't
asked him these things yet. They're more asking about the
championships and all these mindset. And I was like, what's
your definition of love? And he started putting up about
love and he said, here's what love means to me.
And I talked about, like, why do you think you
were so successful in sports emotionally? And he said when
he was I think it was thirteen, he was in
(36:11):
the summer league and he didn't score one point the
whole summer, and I was kind of blown away. I
was like, you didn't get at least one lucky lay
up in there, and he goes, I don't score one
point in a whole summer league tournament that he was in,
and I go, come on, you're the greatest, right you
didn't get one layup? And he goes, now, I then
get one. I think he was twelve or thirteen, he said,
And he said that was a turning point for him
(36:32):
because his dad at the time said, I don't care
if you ever score. I'm still gonna love you, whether
you're the best, whether you don't get any points. I'm
gonna love you no matter what. And he said hearing
that from his father gave him permission to say, Okay,
I'm gonna play all out, but I cannot fail, so
let me play it all out. The next summer he
came back, he dominates at fourteen or fifteen, and then
(36:56):
things start to really shift for him. But he said,
his his father telling him like, I'm gonna love you
no matter what. I think it's really powerful because that
I went back to our reflection when I was thirty
and asking that question, is there anything I could ever
say or do that would make you not love me,
and the people in my life saying no, you can
do anything. Maybe I'll be disappointed, but I'm still gonna
(37:16):
love you. You know, if you do something horrible in
the world, I maybe let down, but I'm still gonna
love you. And I think hearing that from Kobe, you know,
this was after he'd won five NBA Championships, after he
just won the Oscar at that time, and so he
was on, you know, the top top, and I think
that was a powerful moment hearing him talk about love,
(37:36):
talk about acceptance um from his father and what love
means to him. So that was that was a beautiful
story for me. I usually do this with our veterans,
like what are you proud of a lot of times
they will push back, I'm I proud to kill him somebody,
and then ask that give me something you're proud of,
because they're always told no, talk about it, and you know,
we we don't brag about our stuff. I'm like that,
(37:57):
let's start bragging about ourselves and be Probably I got
on you on that because you people don't know this
about Lewis, but at one point he had the single
game receiving record in n C double A history and
you started kind of ship on your cell phone. I'm
and I'm like, no, no, right, my brother, you fucking
did it right. And you were like, yeah, like don't
give me. Yeah, but it wasn't at for Alabama, it
(38:19):
was I don't give a funk you did. So I
try and get them to be proud of anything. Where
are you most proud of? M The thing I'm most
proud of is is reconnecting with the little boy inside
of me, kind of like you were just sharing and
having a different relationship with those memories of my past,
(38:42):
with feeling unlovable, feeling unseeing, feeling taking advantage of feeling
abused and reconnecting with the boy inside of me and
having a deeper relationship that might sound a little weird
for us to talk about here, but I know you
just started going through this process. Doesn't sound weird having
having it, but having a relationship with the boy inside
(39:02):
of me that never felt like he was enough and
healing that process and saying listen, thank you so much
for getting us to where we are in our life together.
Thank you for overcoming the challenges. Thank you for dealing
with all the mess you had to deal with and
staying alive. Thank you for thriving in certain times. Thank
you for your heart, your dedication, your commitment, your passion
(39:22):
to overcome everything and get us to where we are.
I am here for you now, I am the adult
in the room. I've got your back, and we are
in this together and I'm gonna take you as far
as you want to go. And So having that relationship
with the little boy inside of me, that person that
felt like he was never good enough, that he was wrong,
that he was messed up, and healing that journey has
(39:44):
been the thing I'm most proud of because I have
peace for the first time in my life. In the
last couple of years, I have peace and I never
had that before, and it's one of the greatest gifts
that I get over here myself. Man. I love hearing
this because it validates something else I learned when I
was in filing for these monks. They bring me in
and first of all, they're like, oh, you're in a
(40:05):
lot of pain. You're gonna learn how I loved yourself.
This before I ever said a word, I walked in
and they looked at me, and then Southern Monk walks already,
he hugs me, he goes, we're all gonna be praying
for you this week, and I'm like, damn, there's eight
other people here. What the fuck right? Like, oh my god.
But they said, all right, we need you to sit
(40:26):
in your pain. And I said, I sent in my
pain every day. They said, no, you experience your pain
every day. You want you to sit in your pain.
And they said, who do you call the little kid
in you? Was it Jay growing up? I said no,
it was actually Jason, my real name is Jason. Said, Okay,
we want you to sit in your pain, really experienced it,
(40:49):
sit in that pain. We want you to hold little
Jason's hand, put your arm around. Okay, can you hear me?
I'm getting choked up saying it, because man, it's it's
but they're like, it's time he heals and you have
to heal him. So I said, and I can't. How
do I do that? Right? And they're like, show him
(41:11):
compassion because he never felt a Just hold little Jason
tann mm hmmm right. How powerful is that? And that's
what you're saying. I don't know if I showed you this,
but I just on my phone of myself when I
was a kid. I'm going to see this and for people,
for people just listen, you're not gonna see it. But
on my cell phone on the cover I have a
photo of myself when I was younger, and I've had
(41:32):
a different photo when I was even younger on my
phone for the last year and a half, and now
I have an older version. He's probably like nine to
ten right here. So I'm reconnecting with the different stages
of my childhood as an adult and saying, Man, at
this stage, you felt unlovable, unseen, not enough. I'm gonna
hold your hand, put my arm around you, and tell
(41:52):
you I got your back. You are lovable, you are enough,
and kind of re emerged that experience from the childhood
to now so I don't have to have them memories
of those painful things. I can reconnect with them in
a loving way. So I'm so glad you're doing that work.
It's going to transform your life forever, and you continue
to do it. It is it already is man. And
and every time I go back to it now and
I'm just like Andy, Man, I'll think, I'm like, hey,
(42:14):
you got us to this. I said, I'm a warrior,
right and Jay is the warrior and Jay will now
protect you, but you lead the way for us. And
it's a totally different way to talk to myself back
then yeah, don't don't beat yourself up anymore, and now
just love on yourself. Yeah, it's so amazing, man, my brother,
I love you, dude. I appreciate you coming on here. Man,
appreciate it too, Dudely dudes be able to talk like this.
(42:39):
You know who would have thought two years ago, ten
years ago. Right, it's beautiful, it's powerful. I appreciate you
having me on man, absolutely, man, Thank you man, and
enjoy Listen. You're out there in Hawaii and you took
time out and made you wake up early. Lewis, how's
my brother? Thank you for walking this walk together with me. Thanks,
but I appreciate it
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast
helping you out of the gray and into the blue.
Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health
podcast with Jay Glazer. I am your host, Jay Glazer.
And for those who are listening for the first time,
(00:23):
the reason why I'm doing a podcast is it's time
that somebody starts giving words to mental health. And God
bless me with the ability to communicate. And you may
know me from the NFL and Fox and Follers and
mixed martial arts. And for years I just hid my issues.
I call my depression anxiety a d D. Together um,
(00:44):
I call it living in the gray. But what this
journey has allowed me to do as I've started to
open up, it started to bring people into my life
that I never would have been close with. It never
would have come across and today's Yes or one of
those people. And you probably know him from School of Greatness.
The White House named him one of the top one
(01:05):
entrepreneurs under thirty in the world. He has his School
of Greatness podcast. He is a all two sport All
Americans on the USA men's national handball team. But the
thing here and his name is Lewis House and the
thing here for me and Louis. Welcome into the show. Brother.
I appreciate you joining me the thing here with us, Louis.
(01:26):
People out there listening. Why I have Louisan besides him
being an absolute rock star. When I was on my
book tour, trying to just open up and talk about
mental health every once in a while and just come
across somebody in your life. For men, you just connect
and you feel like you grew up with that person.
And that's what Lewis was. We I sat there with you,
man for that first podcast, that podcast you and I did,
(01:48):
and I cried to you probably thirty times, and I
did a lot of podcasts. But there's something about you,
something about your heart and your masculinity and vulnerability at
the same time, which just got me to neck with you.
And I'm sure that's what makes you great as an interviewer.
But man, you just have the special thing and I'm
honored that we've become brothers now as a result. Thanks
(02:09):
for havingan J Appreciate you, brother, that's a yeah. There's
not many books that I finished from start to finish,
and yours I was able to get through all the
way because I think of your realness and how much
I was laughing as well as you know, you touched
my heart by you opening up and you're sharing your stories.
And I love seeing the messages from people who have
read your book and just heard your story. The more
you open up about it, how how they can relate
(02:31):
to you. And I think me and you growing up, Jay,
you know we talked about this before. How when I was,
you know, eight years old, twelve years old, sixteen year
old year old planning sports with other guys, I was
never allowed to show emotion unless there was one emotion,
anger or stoicism. Right. It was like you either have
to have full passion and anger towards being on attack
(02:52):
in the basketball court, football field, whatever it might be.
But I could never put my arm around the buddy
of mine and show any of their ocean otherwise I
would be made fun of, picked on, pushed off. You know,
said all these things about me, and so I think
for guys like me and you're growing up, we had
big hearts, We had a lot of feeling, We had
a range of emotion, but we weren't allowed to express it.
(03:14):
And I think, like a lot of men they weren't
allowed to either, which causes a lot of anxiety stressed
to pressure in tension, overwhelmed pressure, unlike the good type
of pressure. You know, there's there's a healthy pressure and
an unhealthy pressure. And I think, um, with the unhealthy pressure,
you explode. With the healthy pressure, you create a diamond.
And so it's learning how to use the range of
(03:34):
emotions so that we can mold ourselves into the beautiful diamonds.
Way up. We both grew up with learning disabilities. Right
I had had a d D, i'd be on the
a d D. I had elemental, you know, and I
was to have a learning disability. I'm like and to
this day, I'm like, no, I just learned differently than
rest y'all and us. Right, absolutely, And that's why I
(03:55):
talked to me to finish reading a book, because it's
I can read a page and then I keep reading
this same page because I'm like, what this just happened?
What does this word say? And I remember thinking something
was wrong with me because of that, you know, I
was when I went to eighth grade. I went to
a different school in eighth grade, so they had these
all these standardized tests for me to enter to see
where my skill level was, and I had a second
(04:17):
grade reading level in eighth grade. So I remember feeling
so humiliated because during recess um or during the lunch break,
which was kind of like the outdoor playground recess thing,
everyone was, you know, out playing outside, hanging out. I
was in the classroom, one on one learning how to read. Still,
and that happened all the way through high school for me.
(04:37):
Bleuis you and I have had a lot of similarities, right,
So I was broke at one point. I went from
broke down, break up arrived. I've known all you were
broke living on your sister's couch. I learned the disability
growing up in a d D. You had dyslexia, and
you had a lot of childhood trauma also. Um, so
we we have a lot of similarities. When did you
(04:58):
realize nothing's wrong with me? I'm just different than people,
but that doesn't mean something's wrong with me. Oh man, Shoot.
The moment I think I found out that something wasn't
wrong with me was once when I was thirty years old,
I went to I was having a lot of different
challenges in my life at the time, everything on the
outside seemed like it was going well. I was making money,
(05:19):
my business was growing, I had just gotten into a
new relationship. All these different things seemed like they're going
well until about, you know, a few months later, when
I thought everything was going to be perfect, everything started
going wrong in my life. My business partnership started not working, uh,
the intimate relationship I was in it was having a
(05:39):
lot of up and down challenges, and I I felt
like I was reacting to everything in the world. I
would play pick up basketball and I would get in
pretty much a fight almost every time I would go
play over a fun pickup basketball game. I would drive
down the street in l A and maybe maybe this
happens for everyone in l A traffic. I would drive
(06:00):
down the street in l A traffic, and I would
get annoyed and frustrated and screaming at people pretty much
every day for any little thing that would happen. If
someone cut me off, even if they weren't trying to,
I would take it personally. And so there were so
many things happening that felt like the world was against me,
that like everyone thing was an attack against me personally
in life, and I felt like I needed to defend
myself against everyone and everything. And this was happening for
(06:22):
many months, and I remember I got into a brig
one of these days at the basketball court. I got
into a pretty bad fight, fist fight. It wasn't just
like a shoving and you know, screaming match. It was
an actual fist fight. And I remember my friend, good
buddy of mine was there that I've known for a
long time. And he goes afterwards the day later, he goes,
what are you doing, man, Like, we're just we're having fun,
(06:44):
and you're over here picking fights with people for no reason,
some some punks who we're just having a pick up
basketball game. Why did you get into a physical fist fight.
I mean there's like blood on the cord, the whole thing, right,
It was like a big deal. And I remember thinking
to myself, I don't know why, Like I really don't
know why. And he goes to be honest, man, I
don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're
gonna keeping like this, because you're gonna get You're gonna
(07:05):
get you're gonna get hurt. You're gonna get me hurt. Like,
I don't know what's going on. Why can't we just
have fun? Why does everything have to be a fight?
You know, I wasn't fighting with him, but he was
in he was there, and he could have got hurt.
And I remember thinking to myself like, oh, this is
a wake up call. Like my best friend who I've
known for the longest, it doesn't want to hang out
with me if I keep behaving this way. And that
was a wake up call. I mean, it wasn't like
(07:26):
mean about it. He was just like, man, you need
you got to change something. This doesn't work for me exactly.
And I remember saying, Okay, let me take a look
in the mirror and see what's going on, Like, what's
what's wrong with me? What is something I need to improve?
Or why am I acting this way? Long story short.
I started going through all the different experts that I could,
(07:47):
different therapists, I started doing, taking workshops, I started reading
books about just emotional intelligence, healing, all these different things
to see is there something wrong with me or is
everyone else messed up? And I'm the one who's okay
and everyone else is just and no one understands and
no one gets me. Right. That was kind of like
no one gets me all that stuff. And I went
to this workshop for um. It was like a five
(08:09):
day workshop that that changed everything for me. It really
opened up my life in a different way. There were
many different It was an emotional intelligence workshop in l
A and there were many different exercises, many different conversations.
Group get little games that you would play that would
help you reflect on your life. So we create a scenario,
things would happen, and then after the scenario, you would
(08:32):
reflect about it, you would journal about it, you would
ask yourself, Okay, why did I react this way? Why
did I show up this way? And then it is
to help us essentially find the things that were hurting
us the most and start the healing process and start
unwinding them and reflecting on those things in our life
like be childhood or traumatic events. And one of the
days in this workshop, there was a moment about halfway
(08:54):
through where the trainer said, Okay, we've gone over all
these things from our past. We've talked about our parents,
we talked about past relationships, we talked about things that
hurt us in our life, and now we're gonna start
creating a vision for our future of what we want
to create in our life. What's our what's our ideal
relationships want to look like our careers. All these different
things are health, what do we what do we want
(09:16):
them to look like. In order to do that, we
need to make sure there's nothing uncovered. There's no stone
unturned from the past. So if there's anything you need
to say, now is your moment. I remember thinking to myself, Man, okay.
I talked about, you know, my brother going to prison
for four years and how that affected me as a
young boy, and what I had to go through experiencing that.
(09:39):
I talked about my parents going through a divorce. I
talked about different breakups. I talked about these all these
different challenges that I hadn't had as a kid, all
this different stuff. And I feel good because I finally
started to open up about these challenges. And I was like, hmmm,
what about that one thing that no one has ever
heard me say? What about that one thing that no
one knows about me? The one thing that if anyone
(10:00):
knew this about me, no one would love me, no
one would accept me, everyone would think that was wrong.
And I was like, why is this one thing in
my mind always come up pretty much every single day,
but I've never had the courage to tell anyone now,
my parents, not friends, no one for twenty five years.
And so for whatever reason, in this environment, in this event,
(10:21):
I stood up and I shared the story for the
first time at thirty years old, about being sexually views
when I was five years old by a man that
I didn't know, and and I told the whole story,
and for the first time, I remember at the end
being so scared. I started weeping, I started crying. I
left the room. I ran out of the room afterwards
(10:41):
because I was afraid that essentially my life was over
down That's what I was afraid. There's probably forty people
in the room, you know, still today, one of the
most memorable moments of my life, one of the most
touching moments of my life. As I'm outside, I left
this kind of hotel conference room after I shared this story,
I'm crying. I leave the room and I literally go
(11:03):
outside of the hotel and it was kind of like
a back I don't know, street or back alley behind
the hotel that I went out to, and I was
just like had my head my hand against my head,
leaning against kind of this back wall across the street,
and remember just being like, okay, I'm done, Like I'm
not going back in there. My life is over now
(11:23):
that these people know this about me. And again, this
is probably one of the most beautiful memories that I have.
There was a man that came out from the event,
probably a fifty five year old man, and I'm thirty
at this time. He comes out, he touches my back
and my shoulder. He grabs me. He turns me around,
he looks me, he stares at me. He holds my shoulders,
looks me in the eyes, and he says, you're my hero.
(11:46):
I holds my shoulders, says he says, you're my hero.
He says, I've been holding this for fifty years. I've
got three kids. My wife doesn't know, my kids don't know.
I was sexually abused over and over again as a child,
and I thought I was gonna hold this to my grave.
And I was just like stare. I'm like already emotional wreck.
(12:08):
I'm looking at this guy, thinking what is happening right now?
And he tells me the story. He like gives me this,
you know, vulnerable stare holding my shoulders. He pulls me
and he grabs me and hugs me, and I was
just we're both now I'm weeping even more because I
would feel for once, because I feel accepted for the
first time by a man in a vulnerable conversation, because
(12:31):
that had never happened before. And so I go, Wow,
what was crazier is one by one, there's probably like
I'm a twenty men in the group of this forty
person group. One by one, the men in the room
came out and they all shared a vulnerable story with me.
Not everyone had dealt with sexual abuse, but more of
them had who hadn't opened up. Yeah, And and that's
(12:54):
why the first guy was like, you're my hero, because
he didn't have the courage to do it. And I
was just I was just at a point in my
life where I was I need some type of answer
because inside I felt suffocated. I felt like I was,
you know again thriving on the inside quote unquote, where
I was accomplishing. You know, I was winning in sports,
I was making money. All these things were happening. You know,
(13:15):
I was getting praised by the White House, all this
different stuff. But on the inside, I had no peace.
And I think that was the turning point. It was
a journey of healing. It wasn't like everything happened overnight,
and I was I was better all of a sudden,
But it was it was a journey of healing. And
I'll tell you the moment when I realized nothing was
wrong with me that started it. But then after that experience,
(13:38):
after that workshop, is really when the work began, because
it took a couple of years to process the sexual abuse,
to process talking about it in a comfortable way where
I wasn't stuttering or shaking or my nervous system wasn't
like reacting to that that memory that moment. So it
took a couple of years of healing and of that
(13:59):
experience means, and that was me diving all in on processing.
It wasn't just like, Okay, I said it now, I'm fine.
It was like, I'm gonna keep doing the work for
the next couple of years until I feel peaceful about it.
And there was a moment where I was talking to
another uh kind of counselor therapist friend a few months later,
and I told them this story and I said, I
(14:22):
still haven't told my family, right, my siblings, my parents.
I still have told them because I'm afraid that they
won't accept me, that they'll think something's wrong with me. Yeah,
I was still freend I was like, you know, here's this.
It was kind of a group that's a workshop of
like strangers, kind of random people that I didn't really know.
If they don't accept me, okay, it's it's at least
I'm never going to see them again type of feeling.
(14:42):
But my family, my friends, I still hadn't told them,
and I was like, what if what if they think
something's wrong with me? Um, then I have to live
with them, you know, I have to, you know, be
excommunicated from this family group. So I asked the therapist.
I said, um, how can I can municate this to
my family in a way that they can hear it,
(15:04):
in a way that we can have a conversation and
where I can feel safe and and loved. And she said,
ask them this question before you tell them what happened.
And the question was is there anything that I could
ever do or say that would make you not love me?
So she said, asked that to your family members, each
(15:27):
one of them, or see them. I was powerful, Yeah,
I was not in I was not in the same
city with them. So I called them each individually and
I said, hey, I've got something I want to share
with you, but I'm a little scared to share it.
So I wanted to ask you first, is there anything
I could ever say or do that would make you
not love me? And all of them were like, no,
it's absolutely not There's nothing you could ever say or
(15:48):
do that would make me not love you. And I said, okay,
So I felt safe to share something that was on
my heart and mind, that was vulnerable. And so each
one of them I kind of retold the story too,
and I was terrified and I was there, but there
was a safety in that first question that allowed me
to express and have courage to talk about it. And
I think that was a powerful experience, kind of those
(16:10):
phone calls with my family members and then with friends
talking to friends where I felt like, Okay, there's nothing
wrong with me. Did every one of them except you
and then praise you for speaking about it? Or did
anybody shown you for it? No one shunned me for it.
They all accept to be. Yeah, there there might have
been a There might have been like one or two
people that were like, I didn't know how to handle
(16:32):
the conversation. They were like and and it probably means
something happened with them that they were uncomfortable and not
not ready to talk about. So that was fine, but
no one didn't accept me. And I think that was
a beautiful thing because I thought everyone was going to
make fun of me, laugh at me, or just be like, oh,
get away from me. You know, I don't want to
be around you anymore. And I think again, because you know,
(16:53):
guys like me, you were probably conditioned that way in
childhood growing up that we couldn't even put our arm
around a buddy of ours without being told, you know,
some name that isn't isn't a good name. And so
the fear it was always inside of me, like no
one will ever accept me, something is wrong with me.
I'm bad and wrong. And I think that was a
beautiful healing journey of that experience to say, Okay, I'm
(17:18):
not and my family still loves me. And in fact,
my family loved me even more because here's what happened, Jason,
you know this, Here's what happened. As I shared the
story with each one of them, each one of them,
we we created a deeper bond because each one of
them opened up to me about something that they had
went through that I had no clue about when they
were younger. It wasn't sexual trauma or anything, but it
was other vulnerable things I never said, and I never
(17:43):
knew these things, and I was like what. I was like,
Oh my gosh, So all of a sudden, we had
this deeper relationship, this deeper connection and acceptance, an appreciation
of one another. And I started doing that with my
friends and it was a game changer. And like you,
I thought I had a responsibility and kind of duty
to start talking about it more. There were responses I
(18:03):
was getting from friends and family was overwhelming. And I remember,
after about I don't know, nine months of kind of
opening up to just friends and family and processing it
and feeling a lot better inside. I was like, man,
this is a bigger issue than I think people are
even aware of. You know, ten years ago. Yeah, no
one was talking about, you know, sexual abuse with men
(18:27):
ten years ago, or how to overcome these type of
traumas with men ten years ago, and and growing up.
I don't know if you saw this, Jay, but growing up,
I never saw any athletes or any rock star, or
any male kind of iconic figure open up on TV
and say I dealt with sexual abuse as a kid,
and here's what you can do if you've ever experienced this.
(18:49):
We just never witnessed this, and so it was always
kind of like I always felt like I was the
only one in the world that's happened to something must
be wrong with me, so I can never You paved
the way for a lot of people. And you know,
it's interesting because you're you're talking about how much closer
it's gotten you with other people. Every single person I've
opened up to about my my grave, my fucked up nous,
(19:11):
it's just gotten this closer together. No one told me
I'm a worse no one, so many suck it up.
And then, like you said, it's a it's a it's
a way of being of service because then people start
opening up about the things that's been hidden behind their
rib cage for years and years and years and years. Absolutely,
and I think that's, uh, that's probably the most rewarding
things I've ever done. You know, you've opened, you know,
(19:34):
one of the most accessiful gyms in the world. You're
on Fox TV, You're you know, friends with the biggest
celebrities in the world. You can hang out with anyone
you want. You've made money, you've done all these things,
but probably one of the most between years. But what
you say, but probably one of the most impactful and
rewarding accomplishments is you being able to share about this
(19:55):
on your show, talk about this on Fox, talk about
this in your book, and get mess just back in
phone calls back from men and women who are just like, wow,
I never knew this. Thank you for opening up and
letting me know that I can open up as well.
And the most rewarding times of your life are probably
having those vulnerable, intimate conversations with friends, family, fans who
(20:16):
open up to you and say, I've been going through
this my whole life. Thank you for giving me permission
to start telling my partner about this, my family about this,
my friends about this, and allowing me to process these things.
Thank you for telling me that you know me being
messed up means I'm not messed up and it's okay,
and I can accept and love myself. And I think
your your mission and your consistent path doing this. But
(20:41):
that is probably the most impact you'll have on humanity,
more than the fame, more than the Fox. You know,
the big NFL stuff, all that stuff, Well, the fame
and the fortune didn't lead to rainbows and unicorns. I
thought it would, and I thought it would cover up
a lot of the pain, right, I'm like, I'm sure
like you right, like ship, Hey, we're hearing out. But wait, no,
we're the rainbows and people. It's not like that. If
(21:03):
we don't know how to love ourselves for the inside out,
no amount of money in the world makes Yes, it
allows us to beare bills better, no doubt, okay, and
we can go to cool vacations and ship but no,
but then also sudden we have more to lose also,
But it's it didn't. It didn't help me in any way.
But like you having all these issues, just lets you
being molested. It motivated you to do all these great things,
(21:27):
right because you have to get some acceptance from the inside.
Same same with me. Yeah, it motivated me for sure
big time. And it made me say, Okay, I don't
love myself, I don't accept myself. What can I do
to gain acceptance and acknowledgement. Let me become really good
at sports because I'm not getting school. I mean, you know,
learn business, all these different things. So it was the
(21:48):
driver to be accepted and loved as opposed to figure
out how to just accept and love myself for who
I am. You talked about are the responses and for me, Man,
I think my life is just started out. I'm fifty
two and it's the first time I've felt like it's
okay for me to operate in the blue and maybe
I'm worthy of it. And um, and I've told you that, Like, man,
(22:12):
I like being in the greatest fucking lonely and you'd
think this guy has it all and I have almost all,
but not the thing that's most important to me, which
is that self love, what's most what's most important, that's
self love, that's most important to me. That's self love,
that love and feeling loved. And and I've always felt
unlovable and I haven't had love. And I've had had
(22:35):
one bad marriage that you know, it was ten months
and that was it. Um. And I've always wanted love
and I just haven't had it. But I think for
a long time I felt I wasn't worthy of receiving it.
And and now now I'm learning that I am. So
I feel like my life is starting. So I get
these messages now, like from grandmother saying like you know, man,
(22:55):
thank you so much. This is the first time in
eighty years someone's giving me the words so my family
can understand me. And I had somebody who's coming on
the podcast soon. Also a guy named Keith Madden who
told me I was on the way to commit suicide.
And I ran into your book at a target and
read it, and I've read it in a day and
a half and turned back around and went home and
(23:17):
realized I don't need to kill myself. But so these
things are like, wow, So give me your one or
two messages that you've gotten since you've started to open up. Man,
that just will make me cry my eyes out. Oh man, Uh,
you know when I when I opened up about it
for the first time publicly, this was like nine years ago.
(23:38):
I remember thinking, my life is gonna be over when
I tell the world about this, Like if I open
up to my audience again. This is a small audience
at the time, ten years ago, and I remember thinking
to myself, but I have a responsibility and duty and
this was becoming bigger than me, bigger than my business.
I was like, if I lose all my money because
of this. But one man has healed, or one man
feels that they can accept themselves and not have to
(23:59):
suffer for like I did for years. It would be
worth it to me because the relief that I had
from this process healing journey was so profound. So I
remember asking a friend of mine. I said, hey, listen,
I think I want to open about this in my podcast. Again,
this is almost ten years ago, when no one was
opening up about stuff online, no one was being vulnerable online.
It was like you have to prove yourself and show
(24:20):
your highlights, and that was it. I remember asking a
friend and saying, hey, will you interview me on my
show and facilitate this process of like how to navigate this.
Then I also called a few kind of female leaders
and I said, listen, I'm thinking of doing this. What's
the best approach to do this? How can I share
this the right way so it doesn't come across weird? Again,
(24:40):
now we see this more and more, it's like it's
like accepted. But no one had posted I've been sexually
abused that I had seen there was there was no
I didn't see. I just hadn't seen it right, So
I was like, I have no idea. So I got
all this kind of advice from people I trusted who
I respected in the space. I record this episode. This
guy interviews me, and I shared this whole episode right then.
(25:03):
I remember after recording it, I held it for six months.
I didn't post it for since. I was like, okay,
I was like, do I really want my life to
be over publicly? You know, privately, I'll find my friend
and my family loved me. But do I want my
business and a career to be done? So I was
still living in fear. I remember saying, I think this
is the final step for me to have courage, like
(25:24):
to be able to not care what people think, but
be of service to helping people heal. That was kind
of the final step, and I was focused on my image. Still,
what are people going to think about me? What are
people to say about me? I was really worried about them.
So I remember posting this like I don't know, ten
eleven o'clock at night, and I posted it on my
blog and I just put one tweet out and I
(25:44):
shared it and I said, I'm closing my computer. I'm
going to bed. You know, my my business careers over
in the morning. So let me just go to bed
in peace and not look at anything. But I wake
up the next morning, and I have never had It's
still today my biggest post an episode on my show
in ten years. Right, I've had some of the biggest
names in the world, all Right, Jake Glazier has been
(26:06):
on the show, right, But this is still one of
the biggest, one of the most impactful posts that I've had.
And for two weeks, I was getting essays and essays,
hundreds of emails and essays from men opening up and
there's not one that I can remember that was like
they all touched me, but just the volume of emails
(26:27):
that I got in the length of detail. I know
you get this all the time now of men in
their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies saying similar things that that
one man said to me and said, you're my hero.
I've had three kids, I've been married for years. No
one knows, not even my wife, thank you for giving
(26:48):
me permission. It was kind of like that story over
and over again. And for about two weeks, I just
I don't know if you're called emotional hangover, but I was.
It was hard for me to really do anything. I
was reading the messages and the weight and the emotional
pain and suffering of these men affected me big time
physically that I really couldn't do anything for a couple
(27:09):
of weeks except for just be like, Wow, there's so
much suffering from men in the world, and yet none
of these men have felt that they have the ability
to talk about it opening while being accepted again. For me,
guys like me and you, there was no one when
we were younger, when we were five, ten, twelve, fifteen
playing sports. There's no one on TV saying yeah, exactly
(27:33):
our whole lives. There was no one that's that said, hey,
if you feel like you're not accepted, if you feel
like you're bad in school, if you feel like you
have a mental challenge or you're you're struggling in some way,
or if you feel like you're emotionally a wreck, if
you feel like you've been used by your parents sexually, physically, emotionally,
It's okay, here's the steps to take, here's somewhere to call,
(27:54):
here's where you can go, here's what you can do.
We never had that right. So there was never this
acceptance or this place where we were able to talk
about these things. And so I think that was the
play that was the moment in tom Or I felt like, Okay,
nothing was wrong with me anymore. There were things that
we're wrong that happened in my life, but it doesn't
mean me as a human is a wrong human. And
(28:15):
that allowed me to start the healing journey. I have
this line I in a chapter in my book, you
never know what lies around next Tuesday. And you know
I'm gonna try and to say this is the right
way with you, But it's basically man things that have
happened to us that could have broken us, and because
it didn't, we were around for something magical to happen.
So like I chose my author Sarah only because she
(28:40):
beat in cancer, no other reason, and I didn't let
her know until I sent in the entire book except
for the final chapter. And you know, I get choked
up emotional talking about it because her reaction and everybody's
reaction when I sent it. I said, Sarah, I know
it sucked you had cancer. I totally know it did.
But if you didn't and you didn't beat it, I
(29:02):
wouldn't have chosen you, and we wouldn't be on this
journey together. And this book has lifted her an awful lot.
Same thing she's got these amazing messages. So I know
it sucked, No, it sucked, but this is what it
led to. And m VP was started basically our charity
a little kid named Logan new Briga, who who I
befriended and who would beat in leukemia twice. And I'm like,
(29:24):
I know it sucked that you had leukemia, but if
you didn't, man, this wouldn't this m d P Foundation
wouldn't start. And there be a lot of veterans who
aren't with us today. Do you realize now are you
able to compartmentalize and go, Man, it fucking sucked that
I was molested, but but almost like saying, you know,
(29:45):
if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have been able to
there be able to save so many others. Now, are
you able to gifted now? Inside you behind your rib cage? Yeah?
Because you know the impact that we can may when
we start to share our story in this way, whether
it be on one person or many people. Uh, it's
worth it for me. That type of impact, that type
(30:07):
of discovery for people, uh, and how their lives start
to change from that move moment moving forward, just like
mind change. When I started open up, I went a
different direction I want a direction of more peace, of
more uh you know, personal growth, and more acceptance of
myself healing all these different things. And it's funny because
(30:27):
now when a moment happens in my life where I
feel like, oh, that's that was a challenging moment, whether
it be in my business or personal life or something
right when when something happens now, Whereas in the past,
when something would happen to in my life, I'd be like, oh,
this is the worst thing ever. I have to deal
with this thing, whatever it is. But when something happens now,
I look five, ten, twenty years out and I think
(30:48):
of hindsight. Now we look back at hindsight and we say, oh,
all these things happen because now I'm here now and
it's helping me impact people, or it's setting me up
in a certain way and whatever it might be. So
when challenge happens now, I think about the future and
I say, Okay, I'm having hindsight now in the future
and I'm saying, Okay, this is happening because it's developing
(31:09):
better leader, more more accepting, more patient, more humble, whatever
it might be, to be a service in a greater way,
and it's shaping and shifting me to develop into a
better person. And if I can look now from the
future as if I'm ten years out and then the
moments don't seem as overwhelming. They might feel like life
(31:31):
is over or something is like horrible at the moment.
But when you think of like ten years from now,
what is this lesson going to help you for your
future self? It all starts to make sense. But it's
really hard when you're in the in the middle of
the mess. You know, when you're in the gray for
for nine days in a row and you feel like, well,
I can't get out of this. You're asking yourself why,
you know, But in five ten years you're gonna know why.
(31:53):
It wasn't until I went to Thailand a couple of
weeks ago for the first time in my life, and
that was life that seemed like a big journey. It
was a huge one for me, and I've been and
every Friday, I now kind of, you know, in part
of things I've learned over there from monks and different
people and gurus and and all that, it's been incredible.
But it wasn't until then, man, when I was sitting
(32:15):
there on my own little self reflection journey where it
came to me like, man, I was putting this kind
of pain so I can help others through theirs. Yeah,
And that was liberating for me because because again, like
you said, like I was angry, Like I'm a huge
god guy, but I was angry at the universe. How
can I be in this much pain? Why am I
always so lonely? How am I always so unloved? And
(32:38):
then it was almost like we love you, but you
almost you've got to be in this kind of pain
because you're gonna help so many others through there's and
and it was liberating for me. It was the first
night I went to sleep without use of an ambient
thirty years. Yes, like always at universe. Now, Man, when
you told me you're going this journey before you left,
(32:59):
I was so excited for you because I was like,
if you can just stick to the plan of like
you know, no social media, no phone type of thing
for thirty days and really just be in nature and
work out and reflect, I go, Man, this is gonna
be a life changing for you. So I'm so glad.
And I know we haven't fully caught up on the
about about this, but I'm excited to hang suit and
learn more about the whole journey because this is life
(33:22):
defining for you again, like, and I want people to
understand that it's never too late to have that moment
in your life. Right, you got a thirty I got
it now fifty two of Okay, now I understand why
I was paying. But we have to use that pain.
We got to be of service tell other people with
this pan without sharing the whole everything. But what's the
number one thing you've got out of that experience about yourself?
(33:44):
The shift in the way I talked about myself from
jag Laser You're an unlovable piece of ship to that
little kid and you and you like you overcame all
these things, so be your own hero. And I just
talked about that recently. Man, So like they said to me, hey,
if some guy, because they're like you talk about yourself
so self loathing. And I said, well, I must be
(34:06):
a piece of ship because I'm just so unlovable, so unloved,
and even though there is a lot of love, I
just feel it. I feel a love in my heart
and in my soul a lot of times. And they said, well, man,
you've overcome a lot that. I said, well, yeah, and
you've endured a lot. Yeah, you've achieved a lot, right,
would you admit that? I said yeah. They said, okay, Well,
(34:27):
if some guy came into your life and he got
you to overcome all this stuff, you overcame, endure all
the things you've endured, swam up stream to overcome all
these other obstacles, and then achieved all this great stuff
you've achieved, would that guy be your hero? And I said,
well yeah, They said, that's you. That's you. You're the
(34:47):
one who did that. You overcame it. The reason why
it's called unbreakable. It's things that try to break me
if I couldn't. But I had to start appreciating the
fact that I'm the one and that little kid of
me who felt so damaged and beat down, that's the
gangster that got me to overcome all this stuff, and
I need to start loving him up. So I had
to start going back to childhood and start loving him
(35:07):
up on the inside out. I do what every day
and that's powerful. Man. Yeah, that's beautiful. What's that I
don't it's probably hard to answer just one, but give
us something. Give my listener something that somebody said to
you on your show to this day, man, it stuck.
It just stood out so much, so loud for you. Um,
(35:28):
when I had Kobe on, it was pretty profound, to
be honest, Sometimes you meet people who are very famous
or very successful and they underwhelm you. They kind of
let you down right. You've been around every famous person
there is, every famous athletes, celebrity, and I was pleasantly
surprised by his presence, his peace, and the way he
opened up about love. Now, I ask a lot of vulnerable,
(35:49):
intimate questions, and so I just think most people hadn't
asked him these things yet. They're more asking about the
championships and all these mindset. And I was like, what's
your definition of love? And he started putting up about
love and he said, here's what love means to me.
And I talked about, like, why do you think you
were so successful in sports emotionally? And he said when
he was I think it was thirteen, he was in
(36:11):
the summer league and he didn't score one point the
whole summer, and I was kind of blown away. I
was like, you didn't get at least one lucky lay
up in there, and he goes, I don't score one
point in a whole summer league tournament that he was in,
and I go, come on, you're the greatest, right you
didn't get one layup? And he goes, now, I then
get one. I think he was twelve or thirteen, he said,
And he said that was a turning point for him
(36:32):
because his dad at the time said, I don't care
if you ever score. I'm still gonna love you, whether
you're the best, whether you don't get any points. I'm
gonna love you no matter what. And he said hearing
that from his father gave him permission to say, Okay,
I'm gonna play all out, but I cannot fail, so
let me play it all out. The next summer he
came back, he dominates at fourteen or fifteen, and then
(36:56):
things start to really shift for him. But he said,
his his father telling him like, I'm gonna love you
no matter what. I think it's really powerful because that
I went back to our reflection when I was thirty
and asking that question, is there anything I could ever
say or do that would make you not love me,
and the people in my life saying no, you can
do anything. Maybe I'll be disappointed, but I'm still gonna
(37:16):
love you. You know, if you do something horrible in
the world, I maybe let down, but I'm still gonna
love you. And I think hearing that from Kobe, you know,
this was after he'd won five NBA Championships, after he
just won the Oscar at that time, and so he
was on, you know, the top top, and I think
that was a powerful moment hearing him talk about love,
(37:36):
talk about acceptance um from his father and what love
means to him. So that was that was a beautiful
story for me. I usually do this with our veterans,
like what are you proud of a lot of times
they will push back, I'm I proud to kill him somebody,
and then ask that give me something you're proud of,
because they're always told no, talk about it, and you know,
we we don't brag about our stuff. I'm like that,
(37:57):
let's start bragging about ourselves and be Probably I got
on you on that because you people don't know this
about Lewis, but at one point he had the single
game receiving record in n C double A history and
you started kind of ship on your cell phone. I'm
and I'm like, no, no, right, my brother, you fucking
did it right. And you were like, yeah, like don't
give me. Yeah, but it wasn't at for Alabama, it
(38:19):
was I don't give a funk you did. So I
try and get them to be proud of anything. Where
are you most proud of? M The thing I'm most
proud of is is reconnecting with the little boy inside
of me, kind of like you were just sharing and
having a different relationship with those memories of my past,
(38:42):
with feeling unlovable, feeling unseeing, feeling taking advantage of feeling
abused and reconnecting with the boy inside of me and
having a deeper relationship that might sound a little weird
for us to talk about here, but I know you
just started going through this process. Doesn't sound weird having
having it, but having a relationship with the boy inside
(39:02):
of me that never felt like he was enough and
healing that process and saying listen, thank you so much
for getting us to where we are in our life together.
Thank you for overcoming the challenges. Thank you for dealing
with all the mess you had to deal with and
staying alive. Thank you for thriving in certain times. Thank
you for your heart, your dedication, your commitment, your passion
(39:22):
to overcome everything and get us to where we are.
I am here for you now, I am the adult
in the room. I've got your back, and we are
in this together and I'm gonna take you as far
as you want to go. And So having that relationship
with the little boy inside of me, that person that
felt like he was never good enough, that he was wrong,
that he was messed up, and healing that journey has
(39:44):
been the thing I'm most proud of because I have
peace for the first time in my life. In the
last couple of years, I have peace and I never
had that before, and it's one of the greatest gifts
that I get over here myself. Man. I love hearing
this because it validates something else I learned when I
was in filing for these monks. They bring me in
and first of all, they're like, oh, you're in a
(40:05):
lot of pain. You're gonna learn how I loved yourself.
This before I ever said a word, I walked in
and they looked at me, and then Southern Monk walks already,
he hugs me, he goes, we're all gonna be praying
for you this week, and I'm like, damn, there's eight
other people here. What the fuck right? Like, oh my god.
But they said, all right, we need you to sit
(40:26):
in your pain. And I said, I sent in my
pain every day. They said, no, you experience your pain
every day. You want you to sit in your pain.
And they said, who do you call the little kid
in you? Was it Jay growing up? I said no,
it was actually Jason, my real name is Jason. Said, Okay,
we want you to sit in your pain, really experienced it,
(40:49):
sit in that pain. We want you to hold little
Jason's hand, put your arm around. Okay, can you hear me?
I'm getting choked up saying it, because man, it's it's
but they're like, it's time he heals and you have
to heal him. So I said, and I can't. How
do I do that? Right? And they're like, show him
(41:11):
compassion because he never felt a Just hold little Jason
tann mm hmmm right. How powerful is that? And that's
what you're saying. I don't know if I showed you this,
but I just on my phone of myself when I
was a kid. I'm going to see this and for people,
for people just listen, you're not gonna see it. But
on my cell phone on the cover I have a
photo of myself when I was younger, and I've had
(41:32):
a different photo when I was even younger on my
phone for the last year and a half, and now
I have an older version. He's probably like nine to
ten right here. So I'm reconnecting with the different stages
of my childhood as an adult and saying, Man, at
this stage, you felt unlovable, unseen, not enough. I'm gonna
hold your hand, put my arm around you, and tell
(41:52):
you I got your back. You are lovable, you are enough,
and kind of re emerged that experience from the childhood
to now so I don't have to have them memories
of those painful things. I can reconnect with them in
a loving way. So I'm so glad you're doing that work.
It's going to transform your life forever, and you continue
to do it. It is it already is man. And
and every time I go back to it now and
I'm just like Andy, Man, I'll think, I'm like, hey,
(42:14):
you got us to this. I said, I'm a warrior,
right and Jay is the warrior and Jay will now
protect you, but you lead the way for us. And
it's a totally different way to talk to myself back
then yeah, don't don't beat yourself up anymore, and now
just love on yourself. Yeah, it's so amazing, man, my brother,
I love you, dude. I appreciate you coming on here. Man,
appreciate it too, Dudely dudes be able to talk like this.
(42:39):
You know who would have thought two years ago, ten
years ago. Right, it's beautiful, it's powerful. I appreciate you
having me on man, absolutely, man, Thank you man, and
enjoy Listen. You're out there in Hawaii and you took
time out and made you wake up early. Lewis, how's
my brother? Thank you for walking this walk together with me. Thanks,
but I appreciate it
Fox Sports Radio News
Host
Jonas Knox
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