September 6, 2023 • 28 mins
Welcome to Unbreakable! A mental health podcast hosted by Fox NFL Insider Jay Glazer. On today’s episode, Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay makes his triumphant return to the podcast one year to the day.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental health podcast
helping you out of the gray and into the blue.
Now here's Jay Glacier.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And we have a very.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Special guest today. But before I get to him, quick
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Speaker 3 (00:35):
They understand the.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Behavioral health is a key part of whole health, delivering
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and tandem Carolyn behavioral Health raising the quality of life
from empathy and action. All right, folks, Exactly a year
ago I started this podcast with the same guest I'm
having on right now, Shaun.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
McVay, head coach of the RAMS, who is also very.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Integral in me explaining in my book I'm Break about
how I turned my depression anxiety into motivation and you
can too, who's in a role in that book can
explaining mental health and how I explained it to him.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
We were able to then explain it to the world
and really help a lot of people out. Sean at the.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Time wasn't really sure about mental health when we were
talking about it way back then two years ago. He
damned sure understands it now. But you know, Sean, I
appreciate you coming joining in. It's special that we had
you last year going into week one. Having you this year,
this would be our fifty third show wow going in,
so I appreciate it. But you know, I kind of
(01:38):
wanted to dive into what you've learned over the past
year because last year got into what you've learned. Okay,
now I get it, Jay, I understand you know some
of the trauma that we go through. But obviously last year,
at the end of last season, you were really going
back and forth even more about whether you're going to
coach again or not, and you were going through things
that I.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Hadn't seen you go through before.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So kind of want to dive into what you've learned
from the first time you came unbreakable to Now.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Yeah, you know, obviously we're such close friends and you
mean so much to me, so I appreciate you having
me on. I think the first thing is this, when
we've talked about it before, you know, you've kind of
joked about you know, you haven't really your Your toughest
experience was losing the Super Bowl in eighteen, and you know,
we would laugh about it, but I didn't really realize.
(02:22):
You know, you read about people that go through adversity
and you try to always want to, you know, be
able to handle things accordingly. But until you go through it,
you're not able to really grow through it or talk
about it. And I've been so blessed and fortunate and
last year, especially from a professional perspective, you know, with
how much we put in and how much I love coaching,
(02:44):
how much I love this, and sometimes how much your
identity can wrongly be tied up in the results. It
taught me a lot. And we had had so many
things that had gone well in the first five years
that I had been a head coach that you know,
you talk about going through adversity, then when you're forced
to really go through some things and then you reflect
back on am I really being the leader the person
(03:05):
that I want to be? Am I letting the outside
circumstances effect whether it be the security you have in yourself,
the identity being the leader that you want to be.
And the answer is, I wasn't proud of what I
was last year in the midst of a lot of
real adversity. What I am grateful for is it forced reflection.
It forced me to get grounded in a way that
I would have never done otherwise if it wasn't for
(03:28):
going through and ultimately hopefully growing through some of the
experiences that we had last year. Because it's always about
being the person that you want to be, and there's
so many things that are outside of your control. But
here's what I learned. You want to have values and
principles that guide your everyday approach. You want to make
sure that you surround yourself with people that are positive influences,
(03:48):
that are the all time friends, not just the good
time friends. And then you got to do an unbelievable
job of having great epic self talk, you know, because
so many of your thoughts and the things that you
can do can take you down a road that you
don't want to go if you're not cognizant of that.
And then I think the last part that I've really
focused on Jay is having you know, outstanding daily recovery habits,
(04:11):
getting your rest, starting to get an awareness of when
you start to get a little bit irritable or edgey,
Let's take a break, let's go exercise, let's do some breathing,
some meditation. But it's one of those deals. I think
the biggest difference, I would say, Jay is is we're
always accustomed to we're preparing for a game and then
we're either trying to get the result that we want
or not. This is a never ending journey. This is
(04:33):
the way of life. This is being more the person
that I want to be for close friends like you,
for my wife Veronica, for the people that I love unconditionally,
that love me unconditionally. And while I didn't like a
lot of the things that occurred last year, I'm really
grateful for the perspective, for the work that it caused,
and for where I'm at now. And I think, really
(04:54):
the journey is getting ready to get started, and I'm
very you know, I'm optimistic that with the people that
I'm around, with some of these things that we've started
to implement, that you're not going to be so affected
by the things that are outside of your control, and
you're going to be more consistent with the person you
want to be. Very much like we've talked about, but
now it's about putting it in action.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
You just said you're proud of certain things that you
how you handle things last year.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Explain dive into that.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
For me, the biggest thing, Jay would be a lot
of the things that I internalized. And the main thing
what I sometimes lost perspective of is what a blessing
this is to be able to be a coach in
the National Football League and really a coach in general.
I don't take that, you know, mantle lightly in terms
of the influence the way you want to positively affect guys,
(05:38):
in the way that you want to positively affect situations.
Now it can't all be everything is all positive, but
it's about are you positively affecting change, whether it be
with people or with situations you're part of, and a
lot of instances, you know, you challenge your players to say,
let's be your best regardless of the circumstances. And I
(05:58):
can be honest enough to there were times that I
was not. I let the outside circumstances dictate. You know,
my overall vibe, the energy and the engagement that I
brought to these guys, my enjoyment, the overall security I
felt in myself as a person, and I think that
was a necessary step for my you know, growth and
again just getting back grounded. You know, I could be
(06:20):
a stubborn guide Jay. And so you can read about.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh no you no.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
But no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I feel like it forced some reflection, some growth, some relationships,
some dialogue where you're coming from a much more educated perspective.
I mean we sat on this a year ago and
the perspective that I have. And if you said, okay,
coming off of the year that we were so fortunate
and blessed to have, did you learn more that year?
Did you learn more this last year? It's not even close.
(06:51):
You know, you become more aware. You learn more when
you go through the trials and the tribulations and the
challenging things and the things that go the way you
want to. But I think it's always about the response.
And I think I thought that there was this image
that you had to uphold of perfection that just wasn't real,
And it's about you know, being the person that you
want to be more consistently. But I also think it
(07:13):
was about giving myself a little bit more grace. You know,
sometimes you can challenge yourself so much. And You've always
kind of said this to me, but I'm not going
to apologize for having eye expectations. But it's also a
let's control what you can control, and let's expend your energy,
your engagement, and your effort in those things. And I
think having the wisdom to be able to discern the
differences between the two can be easier said than done.
(07:34):
And the activation part of the plan is the most challenging.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Well, listen, I know you're not on social media, so
a lot of people, a lot of us, the problem
is that we compare ourselves to everybody else's filtered fraction
of a second of highlights on social media, or we hear.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That outside knows you're not on that, but you are saying.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You were comparing yourself to how it happened, So how
are you hearing that?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Was that a big problem is that you're comparing yourself
to what you were when you, you know, had those
winning years as supposed to last year.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think what
you become is you become obsessed with the societal scoreboard
instead of the personal scoreboard, and you start worrying about
things that are outside of your control, you stop expending
your energy on the stuff that is in your control.
You know, the way that you continue to pour into
these relationships, the way that you go back to work. Like,
(08:27):
one of the big things to Jay that I would
say is is that I've really gotten into this concept
of a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. And I
think in a lot of instances, as a result of
things going well, you almost become less resilient to when
you do face adversity because you think, oh, it just
happened that way, instead of no, the work works. The
people that you were doing it with were instrumental in
(08:49):
the collective success that we were able to achieve as
teams in those previous years. And then there are certain
things where when you do go through adversity, you only
have control over so much. You know, we did have
some real things that occurred that were outside of our control.
But how do you make sure that you're handling in
a manner that when you look back on it, because
it's all such temporary moments in time, can you be
(09:11):
proud of the friend, the leader, the coach, whether it
be the husband, you know, future father here coming up
in a couple of months. You know, can you be
proud of that? And when I look back on last year,
I'm grateful that I can say, no, I wasn't proud
of that person, but I can control being a better
version of myself because there's been moments of time when
you've been that and then having gone through those averse moments,
(09:34):
you feel like you're better equipped with the armor to
apply the things. And now I'm a big believer in this, Jay,
and we've talked about this a lot, like I see
better than I hear, Like I can say that right now.
The real challenge is going to be if we when
we go through adversity at some point, you know, which
is inevitable. All right, how steady are you in that storm?
How much are you doing the things that you talk about?
(09:56):
That's to me when you know I can be able
to tell you, you know, I think a lot of this
work that we put in because up until this point,
you know, this is like training camp in preseason. But
now that this season really starts, let's see if we
can apply these principles and be the person you want
to be for the people that you love. And care
about and not be selfishly motivated, but be motivated to
(10:16):
do right for others. And that's where you can have
your cup full all the time.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I've seen a much lighter side of here. Look day
one a camp this year. You know, I was joking
around your whole sideline because the scoreboard went dead night.
I yelled out to your whole sideline, well, we're about
to see if he's a commerce aw McVay.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
And you work.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
You didn't rip the shit out of everybody. You're much calmer.
It was day one. I was proud of you. You're
definitely a lot lighter. Is that just for where you're learning?
Is that also because you're going to have a kid
here in a month and a half.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
You know what, I think it's a little bit of both.
And again here's the thing too, And you know me
as well as anybody, Jay, I'm still wired. I'm still
you know, an urgent guy that does and have the
best patience. I'm working on those things. What I would
say is better up to this point is the awareness
of when you feel yourself getting to a point that
(11:09):
all right, this isn't going to elicit positive change. The
feelings that I'm feeling. It's not that I'm going to
change part of the DNA, but you can be more
aware of it and then apply those principles that I
was talking about when I was a little too long
winded at the beginning of this conversation. That's what it is.
And then you just mentioned it. You know, a lot
of the reflection that we had when you're talking about
(11:32):
a right how do you get back to, you know,
being the person you want to be? How do you
put an action plan in place that really makes you feel,
you know, good about being the coach that you want
to be for the people that you're working with and
make sure that this is a blessing and not a burden.
And then it's also like, hey, you know, when I'm
fortunate enough to have our son in a couple months, here,
(11:53):
am I going to be able to say do as
Dad did, or you know, do as I say, not
as I do, when those inevitable challenges moments in life occur.
And that was a big catalyst for you know, doing
the work, and now it's about being able to apply
it and see if we've built up the armor. And
I do think it's not just a journey where you're
in this by yourself. You know, it's about having friends
(12:14):
like yourself and my wife Veronica, and the people that
I love and care about so closely. Yere with the
rams that I'm working with, whether it be coaches or players.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
What was the darkest moment last year?
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You know, I'll be honest with you, it all blended together.
It was more about you. You're just in a rut
and you're almost just kind of going through the motions
where you feel like you're having an out of body experience.
It was just, you know, I would like to think
that I've always been a pretty joyful guy, where you've
got an optimistic approach and you just lose the essence
(12:46):
of the things that if you were to say, I
would you want people to describe you? And what do
you hope that you come off as towards them based
on what you value and what is true to your heart.
I think the sad thing is a lot of those
things were not reflected, and that's what I don't ever
want to do again and again. I don't want to
sit here and pretend like everything is all rosy either.
(13:09):
But there's certain ways that you can respond and handle
things accordingly. And just be that person that ends up
being a positive influence with your friends, your family, your players,
your coaches, and a lot of instances I was, and
I think a lot of the stuff that you went
through to you internalize.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Now.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
The people that know me closest, they knew what was
going on and that I wasn't myself. I mean, shoot,
and it wasn't just last year either. I don't think
that this was exclusive to just last year. It just
got exclamated because now, oh, by the way, we're not
getting the results we wanted. There's been you know, for
a few years where you just need to be reflective
(13:48):
on making sure that you recommit to the values and
principles that are in alignment with being the person want
to be, and it had been a while since I
had been that person. It just got masked because we
were able to have have, you know, some fortunate results
that kind of just end up kind of brushing it
under the rug and you're not really forced to address
the things and it's not any new information to you.
(14:09):
But I think going through last year made me realize that, like,
this wasn't anything new. It just got revealed in a
very public fashion because of some of the whether it's
the shame, the embarrassment that I felt, and not being
the person that I wanted to be.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Your your darkest moment for me, you talking about Rosie.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Rosie and I went and spent Thanksgiving with you after
we got off our show.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
You told us about your dream. Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Oh my god, You're like, hey, I tell you. I
tell Rosie. I show up.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
The first thing he says, hey tell you about my
dream last night? He said no, you said, oh yeah,
I was getting carjacked. This guy pulled the gun out right,
do you remember?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
No, that was I had seen a I had seen
it had I was walking out and I had seen
the news that somebody had and I, this is this
is terrible. I mean they you know you don't want
to pull me over right now, I said, I bet
you won't. You know it was you know, but that's
not even you know, you just realize, like, hey, there
(15:11):
were some moments where I was in I was not myself,
that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But that's the thing too, Like even the year before
when you were winning, you weren't enjoying it. You weren't
you were having these really, really, really dark moments.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I think for the pressure of your job, but it's
all relative, like all our problems weigh the same. So
you know, there's time you see me at really dark
moments when you were thinking the outside, man, life is great,
and my life is great, but between my ears just
sucks sometimes and and I don't see it at the
same time, And I think you go through that same
thing where, man, your life is great. You're the youngest
(15:44):
fucking coach in the history of the National Football League.
But these stresses and pressures make us think that our
lives suck when they don't. And that's that's our biggest.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Challenge, so true, and those are in the light. You
tell yourself far that I won't be happy unless you
achieve X, Y and Z, and then once you do that,
it's never enough. And the body is this. I think
you can still be a great competitor and try to
strive for you know, achieving goals with the people that
you care about, but with the right perspective and the
right approach that's in alignment with being just more steady
(16:14):
and still as a person. And it's all temporary moments
in time. But I'll tell you this, jay I, I
like I had mentioned earlier. I would never have had
the perspective if it wasn't going through and really being
the person that I didn't want to be, because again,
these were things I knew I was linked getting towards.
(16:35):
And you're getting further away from the zest and the
joy for just coaching football and it being a blessing
and slowly but surely, if you let those outside influences
or even the conversations you have in your mind, you know,
totally dictate yourself worth, your identity. Man, it can be
a really slippery slope and I don't ever want to
(16:57):
go back to that place. And the challenge are ahead.
And I think the biggest thing that I've learned that
I'm really excited and optimistic about applying is is that
like different we're We're all so structured, you know, especially
as competitors. You as an athlete, and now you know,
you go through coaching and really you're a coach in
this light based on the wisdom that you're able to
(17:19):
provide and do so many different things. And I'm a coach,
but it's like, Okay, how do we make sure that
that doesn't just dictate our whole identity based on what
those results are while still being a competitor and then
just being able to seamlessly move from one thing to
the next and know that, hey, you know, the winning
is all great, but man, it's ephemeral. It's temporary. But
(17:41):
you know what isn't temporary the character that you have
and the way that you respond. Like I think about
the people I respect the most. You know how much
appreciation I have for your willingness and your security to
be able to acknowledge some of the real things you
go through. I respect that a lot. But it's like,
did I ever really, you know, give myself the great
news some of those things? And I think there's a
(18:01):
real comfort and acknowledging that, yeah, I did go through
some challenging times, but this isn't permanent. You have a
say in how you want to be able to respond,
and we can grab the pen and take hold of it,
and and there's power and acknowledging that, yeah, you know
what that was. That was a moment in time, and
that was a period of time that I wasn't proud
of that. And I'm optimistic that we can apply the
right principles to say that when we talk about this
(18:24):
again and you really have those experiences that you go through.
You know what. It wasn't easy, but I was proud
of the way that we responded in the midst of
some of those challenging setbacks.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I think it makes you so much better of a
coach if you can use these to discuss them with
your coaches, with your players.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
It makes you more vulnerable, It connects you more to
those guys.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Yeah, it humanizes you, right, Yeah, absolutely make you much
better coach.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
And again, it's like anything else, the experiences helped teach
you and man in seven years. I might be young
in age, but sometimes I feel like an old soul.
But last year was probably the most beneficial. As I
look back and I reflect back on it, it was
not at all fun, but it was the most meaningful
in regards to the lessons that it taught me. And
(19:10):
I do think a lot of the every part of
my life is better as a result of some of
the things that it's forced me to reflect, to change
into adjust on. As of right now, what I want
to be able to say to you, Jay, is in
the midst of the season, when things get tough, or
once we go through the season, that I can still
feel confident today. Man. You know, I'm not going to
(19:31):
pretend like I'm going to be cheery if we don't
get the result we want. Let's not kid ourselves. But
are you applying the principles and are you utilizing the
things you learn to beat the person you want to
be for the players and for the coaches, and having
a life that's guided with real purpose instead of some
of the selfish stuff that got me twisted up last year.
Because you know, I don't want to be that guy.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
But I think, like I said, I think if you
use a lot of this coach, it'll make you I
just called your coach, which I've never done, but it'll
make you. It'll make you so much better of a
coach because think about nowadays, the lack of authenticity. These
players and a lot of your coaches are around, right,
they're around, like I said, filter and highlights on social media.
(20:12):
For looking at Twitter, which is half of them were bots,
half of our thirteen year old kids talking shit for
their mom's basement. There's so much there's no authenticity. So
if you could use all the dark shit you've been
through to really, you know, lead your players and your
coaches there and be authentic in that way. They don't
have a lot of authenticity in their life. I think
that really will have a huge effect on them.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
Yeah, I mean, and you've mentioned it before. It humanizes
you more. And here's the powerful thing about it too.
It's all true, you know, but people feel that like
they've seen it, you could talk about it, and then
it's like, all right, let's come out on the right
end of it, because you show me somebody, I'll show
you somebody that's had to persevere through some adversity or
gone through some moments that they were not the person
(20:56):
they wanted to be. And you know what, it just
so happens that that reflection has really allowed me to
revisit Like it's so insane to me to think that,
like I stopped loving what I do. And this is
something that I've always been passionate about. Like if I
had told myself, if you said, okay, what would you
have what advice would you have given to yourself when
(21:16):
you started this job and some of the feelings that
I had and the things that I went through last year,
you almost would have said, are you kid me? Man?
Get a hold of yourself. But in the midst of
that journey. It can be a real thing, and I
have such a better understanding and appreciation for it. And
I think that's why a lot of the conversations that
we've had, that you've shared for me, going back prior
(21:37):
to last year, there maybe was an inability to truly understand,
you know, when people go through struggles that are very
real and they're not out of the norm either, they're
just not And it can happen to a lot of
people that are the most driven to try to achieve
and that's how we are as human beings. But with
the right perspective, the right awareness, And then I think
(21:57):
the most important thing too, is is like the right
support system, Like you're not in this alone. Like that's
why I love what you're doing, is there's just such
power in that. You know, I had a tendency last year.
The more angry you got or the more you know
down that you got about some of the things going on,
the more I drew inward as opposed to expanding your
(22:18):
arms and reaching out, And that becomes way worse than
anything else, Like you'd never do that.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Two more questions for you. One you know, and I
think you eventual me a lot so out. You know,
two years ago, I thought you were gone going to television.
Last year, I really thought you were gone. What was
it that flipped you to say, Okay, I'm not gonna
I'm gonna not go on a TV and stay head coach?
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Realizing that, you know, when you really reflect on who
do you want to be and how much you love
this job and how much you love the blessing that
it provides to be able to positively pour into people,
and then you get the chance to work around a
game that you've always been passionate about and that you
love like it's it's It seems so insane to me
(23:02):
that that was even a thought, But it was more
about It was never that I didn't want to coach.
It was more about I wanted to make sure that
I could have an action plan that was in alignment
with getting back to the person that I wanted to
be for the people that I do it for as
the players, that's the coaches, and being the leader that
can positively elicit change, whether that be with people or
(23:22):
situations you're part of. And really it was more about
not addressing the insecurities protecting an image that you thought
you were trying to uphold and it seems so silly,
but there's power and acknowledging that, like, while there would
have been maybe some other opportunities, it would have been
a convenient excuse to just run away from the adversity
that we had faced and not addressing the things that
(23:44):
needed to be addressed to be the person that I
want to be for everybody that I really love and
care about, And I feel like I'm so far from
that person and now I'm just interested in continuing to
apply that. And it's not like it's a one day thing.
It's not like it's a two day thing, or it's
not like it's got end goal to this season.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
This is like what I.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Want to be for my life. And I'm not naive
to think that it's a perfect thing. But you know,
it's like, we have game plans for these games, we
have the things that guide situational decisions, but it's like,
how often do we have a game plan that really
guides being the person that we want to be? And
a lot of the things that you went through last
year forced that reflection. You know, I'm positive and I'm
(24:25):
optimistic about the journey that have been on the last
couple of months, and now I'm really excited to apply
it when it really counts, when I know that the
challenging triggers and some of the things that are on
the horizon will possibly present themselves, and want to be
steady in the midst of it all, whether it be
good or the challenging times.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Last question, where have you seen yourself forward? Apply it?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
But where have you seen something that the past would
have sent you down a tailspin and now you're like, hey,
I was able to handle like this.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
There's a lot of instances every day. I mean, you
alluded to some of the things in training camp. I
think it's more the awareareness, and then I think it's
more the consistency, not exclusive to at work, but also
at home, Like it's not by coincidence that I'm much
more thoughtful and considerate of Veronica, Like she's always been
so selfless and it's amazing. But I don't think it's
by coincidence that my relationship with my wife, my friendships,
(25:20):
the things that you say you want to be are
just better. And then when you do get to those
moments where you know you're you still have some of
those things that bring up or listed some of the
feelings that you're talking about that you don't want to have,
or more equipped with tools and weapons to be able
to counter it, whether it be taking a step back,
I want to take in a breather, making sure that
(25:41):
I'm better about getting my rest. I think it's really
more about just everyday things, I mean, and then I
can be more present, you know sometimes I mean, and
you know, Jay, like when we've spent time like you could,
you're you're not really there, but you're there, and you're
able to be more present and you're able to compartmentalize
the parts of your life that, oh, by the way,
make you better about football when you say, let me
(26:03):
take a break from it every now and then, let
me be with my friends. Let me make sure that
I'm you know, being able to get some laughs or
get the exercise, or be able to have a couple
of cocktails if we wanted to. But it's just it's
just a better balance, it's a better awareness, and you know,
and I'm looking forward to seeing how that thing unfolds
and illustrates itself, you know, with the with the people
(26:23):
that I really care about as we start this great
challenge coming up here, soon, buddy, brother.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Man again, you were guests one and I'll get fifty two.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
What do you think you know just from our friendship,
if you were to say some of the things that
maybe you've noticed, I mean, you mentioned on one story,
but like, do you feel like there's a difference or
what would be so.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Much more present? You're enjoying life. You're completely I was
telling Rosie when I came back from camp. I'm like me, Rosie,
I'm really problem because you knows a lot of things
that I do working myself, and it will work for
a couple of days and I'll start going down the
rabbit hole and.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
It's something we have to passively work on.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
And I said, I'm really proud because he is You're
You've been a more present friend than you've ever been,
and also more compassion for what you're You know, what
your other friends may be going through, and hey, man,
I got to make sure I'm there for them as
well instead of them just being there for me. And
I said, you know, he's just he's a different guy.
(27:24):
And I can't wait for your little man to meet
that guy later this year, because this is the guy
you deserve.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
To be. I totally see different. It's a huge change, man,
absolutely huge change. And I think everybody else is going
to be listen. Whether other people see it or not
doesn't really make a difference. What makes a difference is
that you see it and you keep working on it.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And you also, you're young, dude, You're a young guy.
You know, I mean twenty years older than you. And
you know, we're still I've been through it for for
a long time, even though we're you know, or a
kind of equal footing in our friendship here. I'm been
going out of twenty years longer and you know, but
you're still young, so you're still going to be learning
these things in life. And I am proud of you, man.
You have you made the commitment to do the work,
(28:08):
and the work is helping and you could tell that
you're just enjoying life now and things that may have
set you off in the past. Horn and I, as
your friend, I really love to see you enjoying life.
And I don't give a shit if you go in
eighteen or eighteen and oh man, I just want you
to enjoy the fact that we are blessed here.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
And that's hard for us because We are so damn competitive.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
No doubt, And I love you and I appreciate you.
And you know how my differendships meant and it always has,
always will.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Brother, I appreciate you. Matt Sean McVay joining us second
time on our Unbreakable podcast
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental health podcast
helping you out of the gray and into the blue.
Now here's Jay Glacier.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And we have a very.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Special guest today. But before I get to him, quick
word from our sponsor. If you're like many people, you
may be surprised to learn that one in five adults
in this country experienced mental illness last year. Get far
too many fail to receive the support they need. Carolyn
Behavioral Health is doing something about it.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
They understand the.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Behavioral health is a key part of whole health, delivering
compassionate care that treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs
and tandem Carolyn behavioral Health raising the quality of life
from empathy and action. All right, folks, Exactly a year
ago I started this podcast with the same guest I'm
having on right now, Shaun.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
McVay, head coach of the RAMS, who is also very.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Integral in me explaining in my book I'm Break about
how I turned my depression anxiety into motivation and you
can too, who's in a role in that book can
explaining mental health and how I explained it to him.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
We were able to then explain it to the world
and really help a lot of people out. Sean at the.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Time wasn't really sure about mental health when we were
talking about it way back then two years ago. He
damned sure understands it now. But you know, Sean, I
appreciate you coming joining in. It's special that we had
you last year going into week one. Having you this year,
this would be our fifty third show wow going in,
so I appreciate it. But you know, I kind of
(01:38):
wanted to dive into what you've learned over the past
year because last year got into what you've learned. Okay,
now I get it, Jay, I understand you know some
of the trauma that we go through. But obviously last year,
at the end of last season, you were really going
back and forth even more about whether you're going to
coach again or not, and you were going through things
that I.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Hadn't seen you go through before.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
So kind of want to dive into what you've learned
from the first time you came unbreakable to Now.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Yeah, you know, obviously we're such close friends and you
mean so much to me, so I appreciate you having
me on. I think the first thing is this, when
we've talked about it before, you know, you've kind of
joked about you know, you haven't really your Your toughest
experience was losing the Super Bowl in eighteen, and you know,
we would laugh about it, but I didn't really realize.
(02:22):
You know, you read about people that go through adversity
and you try to always want to, you know, be
able to handle things accordingly. But until you go through it,
you're not able to really grow through it or talk
about it. And I've been so blessed and fortunate and
last year, especially from a professional perspective, you know, with
how much we put in and how much I love coaching,
(02:44):
how much I love this, and sometimes how much your
identity can wrongly be tied up in the results. It
taught me a lot. And we had had so many
things that had gone well in the first five years
that I had been a head coach that you know,
you talk about going through adversity, then when you're forced
to really go through some things and then you reflect
back on am I really being the leader the person
(03:05):
that I want to be? Am I letting the outside
circumstances effect whether it be the security you have in yourself,
the identity being the leader that you want to be.
And the answer is, I wasn't proud of what I
was last year in the midst of a lot of
real adversity. What I am grateful for is it forced reflection.
It forced me to get grounded in a way that
I would have never done otherwise if it wasn't for
(03:28):
going through and ultimately hopefully growing through some of the
experiences that we had last year. Because it's always about
being the person that you want to be, and there's
so many things that are outside of your control. But
here's what I learned. You want to have values and
principles that guide your everyday approach. You want to make
sure that you surround yourself with people that are positive influences,
(03:48):
that are the all time friends, not just the good
time friends. And then you got to do an unbelievable
job of having great epic self talk, you know, because
so many of your thoughts and the things that you
can do can take you down a road that you
don't want to go if you're not cognizant of that.
And then I think the last part that I've really
focused on Jay is having you know, outstanding daily recovery habits,
(04:11):
getting your rest, starting to get an awareness of when
you start to get a little bit irritable or edgey,
Let's take a break, let's go exercise, let's do some breathing,
some meditation. But it's one of those deals. I think
the biggest difference, I would say, Jay is is we're
always accustomed to we're preparing for a game and then
we're either trying to get the result that we want
or not. This is a never ending journey. This is
(04:33):
the way of life. This is being more the person
that I want to be for close friends like you,
for my wife Veronica, for the people that I love unconditionally,
that love me unconditionally. And while I didn't like a
lot of the things that occurred last year, I'm really
grateful for the perspective, for the work that it caused,
and for where I'm at now. And I think, really
(04:54):
the journey is getting ready to get started, and I'm
very you know, I'm optimistic that with the people that
I'm around, with some of these things that we've started
to implement, that you're not going to be so affected
by the things that are outside of your control, and
you're going to be more consistent with the person you
want to be. Very much like we've talked about, but
now it's about putting it in action.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
You just said you're proud of certain things that you
how you handle things last year.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Explain dive into that.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
For me, the biggest thing, Jay would be a lot
of the things that I internalized. And the main thing
what I sometimes lost perspective of is what a blessing
this is to be able to be a coach in
the National Football League and really a coach in general.
I don't take that, you know, mantle lightly in terms
of the influence the way you want to positively affect guys,
(05:38):
in the way that you want to positively affect situations.
Now it can't all be everything is all positive, but
it's about are you positively affecting change, whether it be
with people or with situations you're part of, and a
lot of instances, you know, you challenge your players to say,
let's be your best regardless of the circumstances. And I
(05:58):
can be honest enough to there were times that I
was not. I let the outside circumstances dictate. You know,
my overall vibe, the energy and the engagement that I
brought to these guys, my enjoyment, the overall security I
felt in myself as a person, and I think that
was a necessary step for my you know, growth and
again just getting back grounded. You know, I could be
(06:20):
a stubborn guide Jay. And so you can read about.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh no you no.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
But no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I feel like it forced some reflection, some growth, some relationships,
some dialogue where you're coming from a much more educated perspective.
I mean we sat on this a year ago and
the perspective that I have. And if you said, okay,
coming off of the year that we were so fortunate
and blessed to have, did you learn more that year?
Did you learn more this last year? It's not even close.
(06:51):
You know, you become more aware. You learn more when
you go through the trials and the tribulations and the
challenging things and the things that go the way you
want to. But I think it's always about the response.
And I think I thought that there was this image
that you had to uphold of perfection that just wasn't real,
And it's about you know, being the person that you
want to be more consistently. But I also think it
(07:13):
was about giving myself a little bit more grace. You know,
sometimes you can challenge yourself so much. And You've always
kind of said this to me, but I'm not going
to apologize for having eye expectations. But it's also a
let's control what you can control, and let's expend your energy,
your engagement, and your effort in those things. And I
think having the wisdom to be able to discern the
differences between the two can be easier said than done.
(07:34):
And the activation part of the plan is the most challenging.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Well, listen, I know you're not on social media, so
a lot of people, a lot of us, the problem
is that we compare ourselves to everybody else's filtered fraction
of a second of highlights on social media, or we hear.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
That outside knows you're not on that, but you are saying.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You were comparing yourself to how it happened, So how
are you hearing that?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Was that a big problem is that you're comparing yourself
to what you were when you, you know, had those
winning years as supposed to last year.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think what
you become is you become obsessed with the societal scoreboard
instead of the personal scoreboard, and you start worrying about
things that are outside of your control, you stop expending
your energy on the stuff that is in your control.
You know, the way that you continue to pour into
these relationships, the way that you go back to work. Like,
(08:27):
one of the big things to Jay that I would
say is is that I've really gotten into this concept
of a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. And I
think in a lot of instances, as a result of
things going well, you almost become less resilient to when
you do face adversity because you think, oh, it just
happened that way, instead of no, the work works. The
people that you were doing it with were instrumental in
(08:49):
the collective success that we were able to achieve as
teams in those previous years. And then there are certain
things where when you do go through adversity, you only
have control over so much. You know, we did have
some real things that occurred that were outside of our control.
But how do you make sure that you're handling in
a manner that when you look back on it, because
it's all such temporary moments in time, can you be
(09:11):
proud of the friend, the leader, the coach, whether it
be the husband, you know, future father here coming up
in a couple of months. You know, can you be
proud of that? And when I look back on last year,
I'm grateful that I can say, no, I wasn't proud
of that person, but I can control being a better
version of myself because there's been moments of time when
you've been that and then having gone through those averse moments,
(09:34):
you feel like you're better equipped with the armor to
apply the things. And now I'm a big believer in this, Jay,
and we've talked about this a lot, like I see
better than I hear, Like I can say that right now.
The real challenge is going to be if we when
we go through adversity at some point, you know, which
is inevitable. All right, how steady are you in that storm?
How much are you doing the things that you talk about?
(09:56):
That's to me when you know I can be able
to tell you, you know, I think a lot of this
work that we put in because up until this point,
you know, this is like training camp in preseason. But
now that this season really starts, let's see if we
can apply these principles and be the person you want
to be for the people that you love. And care
about and not be selfishly motivated, but be motivated to
(10:16):
do right for others. And that's where you can have
your cup full all the time.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I've seen a much lighter side of here. Look day
one a camp this year. You know, I was joking
around your whole sideline because the scoreboard went dead night.
I yelled out to your whole sideline, well, we're about
to see if he's a commerce aw McVay.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
And you work.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
You didn't rip the shit out of everybody. You're much calmer.
It was day one. I was proud of you. You're
definitely a lot lighter. Is that just for where you're learning?
Is that also because you're going to have a kid
here in a month and a half.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
You know what, I think it's a little bit of both.
And again here's the thing too, And you know me
as well as anybody, Jay, I'm still wired. I'm still
you know, an urgent guy that does and have the
best patience. I'm working on those things. What I would
say is better up to this point is the awareness
of when you feel yourself getting to a point that
(11:09):
all right, this isn't going to elicit positive change. The
feelings that I'm feeling. It's not that I'm going to
change part of the DNA, but you can be more
aware of it and then apply those principles that I
was talking about when I was a little too long
winded at the beginning of this conversation. That's what it is.
And then you just mentioned it. You know, a lot
of the reflection that we had when you're talking about
(11:32):
a right how do you get back to, you know,
being the person you want to be? How do you
put an action plan in place that really makes you feel,
you know, good about being the coach that you want
to be for the people that you're working with and
make sure that this is a blessing and not a burden.
And then it's also like, hey, you know, when I'm
fortunate enough to have our son in a couple months, here,
(11:53):
am I going to be able to say do as
Dad did, or you know, do as I say, not
as I do, when those inevitable challenges moments in life occur.
And that was a big catalyst for you know, doing
the work, and now it's about being able to apply
it and see if we've built up the armor. And
I do think it's not just a journey where you're
in this by yourself. You know, it's about having friends
(12:14):
like yourself and my wife Veronica, and the people that
I love and care about so closely. Yere with the
rams that I'm working with, whether it be coaches or players.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
What was the darkest moment last year?
Speaker 4 (12:26):
You know, I'll be honest with you, it all blended together.
It was more about you. You're just in a rut
and you're almost just kind of going through the motions
where you feel like you're having an out of body experience.
It was just, you know, I would like to think
that I've always been a pretty joyful guy, where you've
got an optimistic approach and you just lose the essence
(12:46):
of the things that if you were to say, I
would you want people to describe you? And what do
you hope that you come off as towards them based
on what you value and what is true to your heart.
I think the sad thing is a lot of those
things were not reflected, and that's what I don't ever
want to do again and again. I don't want to
sit here and pretend like everything is all rosy either.
(13:09):
But there's certain ways that you can respond and handle
things accordingly. And just be that person that ends up
being a positive influence with your friends, your family, your players,
your coaches, and a lot of instances I was, and
I think a lot of the stuff that you went
through to you internalize.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Now.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
The people that know me closest, they knew what was
going on and that I wasn't myself. I mean, shoot,
and it wasn't just last year either. I don't think
that this was exclusive to just last year. It just
got exclamated because now, oh, by the way, we're not
getting the results we wanted. There's been you know, for
a few years where you just need to be reflective
(13:48):
on making sure that you recommit to the values and
principles that are in alignment with being the person want
to be, and it had been a while since I
had been that person. It just got masked because we
were able to have have, you know, some fortunate results
that kind of just end up kind of brushing it
under the rug and you're not really forced to address
the things and it's not any new information to you.
(14:09):
But I think going through last year made me realize that, like,
this wasn't anything new. It just got revealed in a
very public fashion because of some of the whether it's
the shame, the embarrassment that I felt, and not being
the person that I wanted to be.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Your your darkest moment for me, you talking about Rosie.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Rosie and I went and spent Thanksgiving with you after
we got off our show.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
You told us about your dream. Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Oh my god, You're like, hey, I tell you. I
tell Rosie. I show up.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
The first thing he says, hey tell you about my
dream last night? He said no, you said, oh yeah,
I was getting carjacked. This guy pulled the gun out right,
do you remember?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
No, that was I had seen a I had seen
it had I was walking out and I had seen
the news that somebody had and I, this is this
is terrible. I mean they you know you don't want
to pull me over right now, I said, I bet
you won't. You know it was you know, but that's
not even you know, you just realize, like, hey, there
(15:11):
were some moments where I was in I was not myself,
that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But that's the thing too, Like even the year before
when you were winning, you weren't enjoying it. You weren't
you were having these really, really, really dark moments.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I think for the pressure of your job, but it's
all relative, like all our problems weigh the same. So
you know, there's time you see me at really dark
moments when you were thinking the outside, man, life is great,
and my life is great, but between my ears just
sucks sometimes and and I don't see it at the
same time, And I think you go through that same
thing where, man, your life is great. You're the youngest
(15:44):
fucking coach in the history of the National Football League.
But these stresses and pressures make us think that our
lives suck when they don't. And that's that's our biggest.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Challenge, so true, and those are in the light. You
tell yourself far that I won't be happy unless you
achieve X, Y and Z, and then once you do that,
it's never enough. And the body is this. I think
you can still be a great competitor and try to
strive for you know, achieving goals with the people that
you care about, but with the right perspective and the
right approach that's in alignment with being just more steady
(16:14):
and still as a person. And it's all temporary moments
in time. But I'll tell you this, jay I, I
like I had mentioned earlier. I would never have had
the perspective if it wasn't going through and really being
the person that I didn't want to be, because again,
these were things I knew I was linked getting towards.
(16:35):
And you're getting further away from the zest and the
joy for just coaching football and it being a blessing
and slowly but surely, if you let those outside influences
or even the conversations you have in your mind, you know,
totally dictate yourself worth, your identity. Man, it can be
a really slippery slope and I don't ever want to
(16:57):
go back to that place. And the challenge are ahead.
And I think the biggest thing that I've learned that
I'm really excited and optimistic about applying is is that
like different we're We're all so structured, you know, especially
as competitors. You as an athlete, and now you know,
you go through coaching and really you're a coach in
this light based on the wisdom that you're able to
(17:19):
provide and do so many different things. And I'm a coach,
but it's like, Okay, how do we make sure that
that doesn't just dictate our whole identity based on what
those results are while still being a competitor and then
just being able to seamlessly move from one thing to
the next and know that, hey, you know, the winning
is all great, but man, it's ephemeral. It's temporary. But
(17:41):
you know what isn't temporary the character that you have
and the way that you respond. Like I think about
the people I respect the most. You know how much
appreciation I have for your willingness and your security to
be able to acknowledge some of the real things you
go through. I respect that a lot. But it's like,
did I ever really, you know, give myself the great
news some of those things? And I think there's a
(18:01):
real comfort and acknowledging that, yeah, I did go through
some challenging times, but this isn't permanent. You have a
say in how you want to be able to respond,
and we can grab the pen and take hold of it,
and and there's power and acknowledging that, yeah, you know
what that was. That was a moment in time, and
that was a period of time that I wasn't proud
of that. And I'm optimistic that we can apply the
right principles to say that when we talk about this
(18:24):
again and you really have those experiences that you go through.
You know what. It wasn't easy, but I was proud
of the way that we responded in the midst of
some of those challenging setbacks.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I think it makes you so much better of a
coach if you can use these to discuss them with
your coaches, with your players.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
It makes you more vulnerable, It connects you more to
those guys.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Yeah, it humanizes you, right, Yeah, absolutely make you much
better coach.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
And again, it's like anything else, the experiences helped teach
you and man in seven years. I might be young
in age, but sometimes I feel like an old soul.
But last year was probably the most beneficial. As I
look back and I reflect back on it, it was
not at all fun, but it was the most meaningful
in regards to the lessons that it taught me. And
(19:10):
I do think a lot of the every part of
my life is better as a result of some of
the things that it's forced me to reflect, to change
into adjust on. As of right now, what I want
to be able to say to you, Jay, is in
the midst of the season, when things get tough, or
once we go through the season, that I can still
feel confident today. Man. You know, I'm not going to
(19:31):
pretend like I'm going to be cheery if we don't
get the result we want. Let's not kid ourselves. But
are you applying the principles and are you utilizing the
things you learn to beat the person you want to
be for the players and for the coaches, and having
a life that's guided with real purpose instead of some
of the selfish stuff that got me twisted up last year.
Because you know, I don't want to be that guy.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
But I think, like I said, I think if you
use a lot of this coach, it'll make you I
just called your coach, which I've never done, but it'll
make you. It'll make you so much better of a
coach because think about nowadays, the lack of authenticity. These
players and a lot of your coaches are around, right,
they're around, like I said, filter and highlights on social media.
(20:12):
For looking at Twitter, which is half of them were bots,
half of our thirteen year old kids talking shit for
their mom's basement. There's so much there's no authenticity. So
if you could use all the dark shit you've been
through to really, you know, lead your players and your
coaches there and be authentic in that way. They don't
have a lot of authenticity in their life. I think
that really will have a huge effect on them.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
Yeah, I mean, and you've mentioned it before. It humanizes
you more. And here's the powerful thing about it too.
It's all true, you know, but people feel that like
they've seen it, you could talk about it, and then
it's like, all right, let's come out on the right
end of it, because you show me somebody, I'll show
you somebody that's had to persevere through some adversity or
gone through some moments that they were not the person
(20:56):
they wanted to be. And you know what, it just
so happens that that reflection has really allowed me to
revisit Like it's so insane to me to think that,
like I stopped loving what I do. And this is
something that I've always been passionate about. Like if I
had told myself, if you said, okay, what would you
have what advice would you have given to yourself when
(21:16):
you started this job and some of the feelings that
I had and the things that I went through last year,
you almost would have said, are you kid me? Man?
Get a hold of yourself. But in the midst of
that journey. It can be a real thing, and I
have such a better understanding and appreciation for it. And
I think that's why a lot of the conversations that
we've had, that you've shared for me, going back prior
(21:37):
to last year, there maybe was an inability to truly understand,
you know, when people go through struggles that are very
real and they're not out of the norm either, they're
just not And it can happen to a lot of
people that are the most driven to try to achieve
and that's how we are as human beings. But with
the right perspective, the right awareness, And then I think
(21:57):
the most important thing too, is is like the right
support system, Like you're not in this alone. Like that's
why I love what you're doing, is there's just such
power in that. You know, I had a tendency last year.
The more angry you got or the more you know
down that you got about some of the things going on,
the more I drew inward as opposed to expanding your
(22:18):
arms and reaching out, And that becomes way worse than
anything else, Like you'd never do that.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Two more questions for you. One you know, and I
think you eventual me a lot so out. You know,
two years ago, I thought you were gone going to television.
Last year, I really thought you were gone. What was
it that flipped you to say, Okay, I'm not gonna
I'm gonna not go on a TV and stay head coach?
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Realizing that, you know, when you really reflect on who
do you want to be and how much you love
this job and how much you love the blessing that
it provides to be able to positively pour into people,
and then you get the chance to work around a
game that you've always been passionate about and that you
love like it's it's It seems so insane to me
(23:02):
that that was even a thought, But it was more
about It was never that I didn't want to coach.
It was more about I wanted to make sure that
I could have an action plan that was in alignment
with getting back to the person that I wanted to
be for the people that I do it for as
the players, that's the coaches, and being the leader that
can positively elicit change, whether that be with people or
(23:22):
situations you're part of. And really it was more about
not addressing the insecurities protecting an image that you thought
you were trying to uphold and it seems so silly,
but there's power and acknowledging that, like, while there would
have been maybe some other opportunities, it would have been
a convenient excuse to just run away from the adversity
that we had faced and not addressing the things that
(23:44):
needed to be addressed to be the person that I
want to be for everybody that I really love and
care about, And I feel like I'm so far from
that person and now I'm just interested in continuing to
apply that. And it's not like it's a one day thing.
It's not like it's a two day thing, or it's
not like it's got end goal to this season.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
This is like what I.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Want to be for my life. And I'm not naive
to think that it's a perfect thing. But you know,
it's like, we have game plans for these games, we
have the things that guide situational decisions, but it's like,
how often do we have a game plan that really
guides being the person that we want to be? And
a lot of the things that you went through last
year forced that reflection. You know, I'm positive and I'm
(24:25):
optimistic about the journey that have been on the last
couple of months, and now I'm really excited to apply
it when it really counts, when I know that the
challenging triggers and some of the things that are on
the horizon will possibly present themselves, and want to be
steady in the midst of it all, whether it be
good or the challenging times.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Last question, where have you seen yourself forward? Apply it?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
But where have you seen something that the past would
have sent you down a tailspin and now you're like, hey,
I was able to handle like this.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
There's a lot of instances every day. I mean, you
alluded to some of the things in training camp. I
think it's more the awareareness, and then I think it's
more the consistency, not exclusive to at work, but also
at home, Like it's not by coincidence that I'm much
more thoughtful and considerate of Veronica, Like she's always been
so selfless and it's amazing. But I don't think it's
by coincidence that my relationship with my wife, my friendships,
(25:20):
the things that you say you want to be are
just better. And then when you do get to those
moments where you know you're you still have some of
those things that bring up or listed some of the
feelings that you're talking about that you don't want to have,
or more equipped with tools and weapons to be able
to counter it, whether it be taking a step back,
I want to take in a breather, making sure that
(25:41):
I'm better about getting my rest. I think it's really
more about just everyday things, I mean, and then I
can be more present, you know sometimes I mean, and
you know, Jay, like when we've spent time like you could,
you're you're not really there, but you're there, and you're
able to be more present and you're able to compartmentalize
the parts of your life that, oh, by the way,
make you better about football when you say, let me
(26:03):
take a break from it every now and then, let
me be with my friends. Let me make sure that
I'm you know, being able to get some laughs or
get the exercise, or be able to have a couple
of cocktails if we wanted to. But it's just it's
just a better balance, it's a better awareness, and you know,
and I'm looking forward to seeing how that thing unfolds
and illustrates itself, you know, with the with the people
(26:23):
that I really care about as we start this great
challenge coming up here, soon, buddy, brother.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Man again, you were guests one and I'll get fifty two.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
What do you think you know just from our friendship,
if you were to say some of the things that
maybe you've noticed, I mean, you mentioned on one story,
but like, do you feel like there's a difference or
what would be so.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Much more present? You're enjoying life. You're completely I was
telling Rosie when I came back from camp. I'm like me, Rosie,
I'm really problem because you knows a lot of things
that I do working myself, and it will work for
a couple of days and I'll start going down the
rabbit hole and.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
It's something we have to passively work on.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
And I said, I'm really proud because he is You're
You've been a more present friend than you've ever been,
and also more compassion for what you're You know, what
your other friends may be going through, and hey, man,
I got to make sure I'm there for them as
well instead of them just being there for me. And
I said, you know, he's just he's a different guy.
(27:24):
And I can't wait for your little man to meet
that guy later this year, because this is the guy
you deserve.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
To be. I totally see different. It's a huge change, man,
absolutely huge change. And I think everybody else is going
to be listen. Whether other people see it or not
doesn't really make a difference. What makes a difference is
that you see it and you keep working on it.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And you also, you're young, dude, You're a young guy.
You know, I mean twenty years older than you. And
you know, we're still I've been through it for for
a long time, even though we're you know, or a
kind of equal footing in our friendship here. I'm been
going out of twenty years longer and you know, but
you're still young, so you're still going to be learning
these things in life. And I am proud of you, man.
You have you made the commitment to do the work,
(28:08):
and the work is helping and you could tell that
you're just enjoying life now and things that may have
set you off in the past. Horn and I, as
your friend, I really love to see you enjoying life.
And I don't give a shit if you go in
eighteen or eighteen and oh man, I just want you
to enjoy the fact that we are blessed here.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
And that's hard for us because We are so damn competitive.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
No doubt, And I love you and I appreciate you.
And you know how my differendships meant and it always has,
always will.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Brother, I appreciate you. Matt Sean McVay joining us second
time on our Unbreakable podcast
Fox Sports Radio News
Host
Jonas Knox
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