February 28, 2024 • 39 mins
Welcome to Unbreakable! A Mental Wealth podcast hosted by Fox NFL Insider Jay Glazer. On today’s episode, Jay is cooking with American celebrity chef and restaurateur Antonia Lofaso. Grab a seat at the table as Antonia takes you on her incredible journey to stardom!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental wealth podcast
Build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I'm Jay Glazer and I love I have my friends on.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I have a friend of mine on today, but
I love having friends of mine on also who have
just Matt.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Their story is incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
They have worked their asses off to create these universes
for themselves which you could never imagine us if we
looked at from a little kid on what will we becoming?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And our guest has certainly done that before I get
to her.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
If you're like many people, you may be surprised to
learn that one in five adults in this country experienced
mental illness last year, yet far too many fail to
receive the support they need. Carol On behavioral health is
doing something about it. They understand that behavioral health is
a key part of whole health, delivering compassionate care that
treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. And to Carolyn,
(01:01):
behavioral health raising the quality of life through empathy and action.
Talking about action, this woman is a man. She is
a fireplug, She's a spark plug. And we became friends
through GOTTFIEI, who's been on the show as well, and
she's man Fred this whole new universe, just like Gaias did.
I'm just marvel at And we just had her on
(01:23):
our Fox Thanksgiving show in New York and she took
over the show, took over the set, wowed.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
All of us.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
The one and only super chef Antonio Lafassa. She has
free restaurants in La she has Scopa, she has Dama
and Black Market, She's all over the Food Network.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
She is better at TV than all of us who's on.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Our show, and she is a I'm proud to caller
a super friend of mine now as well.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I'm so good. Thank you for that introduction.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Like I was starting to sweat when you when you
were reading off that, like red, I was like, wait,
who who is that?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That's you? That's exactly who it is.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I know.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
But you know, sometimes the years go on and you
actually forget or you know, don't necessarily calculate everything.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
That's like, you know what you've done. But thank you,
thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah, no, we all need to hype people around us, right,
And here's the thing, because I want to get into,
like how you got to where you're in the restaurant
Pistol before even after that, Like I didn't go to
school for TV. I did go for communicitchens, but because
my ADHD, I didn't go to class, you know, so
I got by on my two point three GPA at
past college. Your patient person right now downtown Manhattan. But
(02:34):
I just kind of, you know, learned and picked it up.
But when we're doing our fans steering show Man, you
were just fantastic and you know, knew how to hit
time and knew what we were looking for.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
And now you're on how many TV shows are on
right now?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
The food I mean, yeah, I mean Food Networks sometimes.
I mean it's crazy to think about it.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I mean, you know, probably close to seven or eight.
You know, it depends on you know what we're talking about.
But yeah, it's you know, and I know what you're
going to ask, how do you get good nuns eving?
So I have to tell you, you know, and I've
actually talked to producers about this, like you know, should
I be you know, in some kind of communications class
like as you know, as I was kind of coming
up and you know, what do you think about my
(03:12):
presence here, and honestly, my only thought.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Through this entire process was just be myself.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Try to communicate, you know, in a very sort of like,
you know, a small amount of time, what it is
that you're trying to say, you know, get get right
to the point. You know, guy actually says this all
the time. You know, try and talk in sound bites.
That's like the best way to explain it. But at
the heart of it, the core of it really is
just being myself, you know.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
And I can date that back to my parents.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
My dad would joke all the time.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
He's like, oh my god, we would take you on
an airplane from New York to California to visit family,
and you were walking up and down the aisle introducing
yourself to like strangers on the plane. My name is Antonia,
this is my brother Dominic. We're going to California to visit.
And just I was just free in my ways of communication, and.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I just wanted to talk to people.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
And so, you know, when people ask me that question,
I'm like, there was no way of getting better at it.
There was just practice in being who I am, authentically right, being.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Authentic it is huge, and you know you could lose
that a lot on TV. Look like all of us
on Artrow as you saw, right, you saw some person.
We're exactly on TV as we were in a person.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Right, We're all fucking crazy, but in a good way.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yeah, that's like the best part of it.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
It's it's like, you know, waiting your turn to talk,
but also listening to what someone else is actually saying,
not just waiting to say something, you know, like engaging
with someone authentically, you know, giving people the information about
what it is that you're doing and engaging and it's
it's all just social behavior, you know that Really, I
(04:45):
was taught by my parents. My father's like one of
the biggest you know, he's you know, a construction guy
from New York and a Sicilian construction guy from New York.
With any place he went into, whether restaurant, whether it
was a neighbor's house, it was like.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
How are you? Who are you? This is who why
I am?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You know, and getting right down to the core of
like authentic stories about himself his family. Just connect with
people as quickly as possible so that you can like
share in a real moment.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I want people to hear this also because it's one
of the greatest skills we can all have. And you
talk a lot, I talk a lot, but the best
skill we have is that we listen and like people
that are, you know, trying to be sideline reporters.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
And I always tell.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Them that in TV, like yeah, you got to talk
about your thing, but a lot of times we're trying
to think about our next question and we never hear
what that person across from us says.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
The best TV is that reaction to what somebody says,
Oh wow, they just said that. Oh man, let's let's
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
And so many times people just gloss it over because
they're trying to think about the next thing to say
instead of hearing with that person's And that's a great
lesson for television, for business or relationship, for anything specifically relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You know, I remember being in one of those while
back They're like, are you listening to me or just
waiting for your turn to respond?
Speaker 5 (05:59):
I was like, I was like, I'm sorry now, so
I want to talk about your journey to where you're
at me Scopa is mad.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I love Scope. It's so freaking incredible. Come out to
Los Angeles. It's in Santa Monica. Get your ass over
to Scope. It's fucking unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
But again, being in the restaurant business and all own
a restaurant are two different things. Take take us all
through your journey.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Hey, you got here well, you know, I mean, you know,
very much the same.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
I didn't go to college, you know, I took a
couple of classes in like I think it was, you know,
the history of movies in like the fifties, you know,
because I was like, I don't know what I want
to be, but I've always cooked, you know, as a
very young girl, I was always you know, my parents
own restaurants and delis, and I was just always in
the hospitality industry.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You know.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I started on a hot dog and a stick when
I was sixteen years old because I needed to be
able to like pay my insurance on the car my
parents bought me, and you know, slinging corn dogs at
the mall and not realizing, you know, this is like
nineteen ninety five, that this is an opportunity, this, that
this is a profession, right, that this is a profession
for me. You know, if you look at a lot
of there was no television, culinary competitions, you know, food shows,
(07:08):
very very small amount you know you had and yeah, yeah,
you didn't see what you see now, right. So it's like,
you know, when I see kids on the street, they're like,
oh my god, I grew up watching you. I was like,
oh my god, that's how long I've been doing this
and where it becomes an actual like profession, and so,
you know, I was just working in restaurants and I
was like, you know what, this is what I want
to do, not with the idea of being on television,
not with the idea of doing cooking shows or cooking
(07:30):
competition shows. It was like, I just cannot get food
out of my system. I want to eat it, I
want to serve it, I want to cook it, I
want to share it with people. And that's kind of
where it started. And I worked for Wolfgang Puck for
many many years after I went to culinary school, and
I know.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
That I don't know that.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Yeah, I worked for him at his flagship Spago in
Los Angeles. So got this like incredible, you know, Michelin
star background.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You know, how did you get that gig?
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Ready for this?
Speaker 4 (07:56):
My brother was sleeping with one of the waitresses. Okay,
not that hard.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
He was like, it's.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
There.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
There was no like rhyme or reason, like, you know,
I didn't have to you know, I don't know jump
through that many hoops. But I did go in, you know,
in my like little blazer with my resume and my diploma,
and I remember giving it to the chef in the
kitchen like I graduated second my class and he was like.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Oh, could care less? Like could care less. He was
just like how hard do you work?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Like basically how long can you withstand you know, the
work in the kitchen, and let's see how hard you
can work? And I came in and I did like
a twelve hour stage. I think he like changed a
light bulb during my interview with him. I was like,
they're all nervous, and he was like changing a light bulb.
He's like, I don't really care. How can you come
in tomorrow and try out? Like words didn't matter. It
was like what can let me see what you can do?
And so I came in. I did like a twelve
(08:43):
hour stage with him, and I worked with the fish
guy and he's like, yeah, she's good enough, we can
put her in like Garmage three, which basically is just
like I can like heat up soups and maybe make salads.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And that was it.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
And I worked garmage three in the lunch prep for
at Spago for I don't know, probably like three years
until like the girl who cooked fuagras and was able
to like make salmon salads got unfortunately had I go
have surgery, and I was like, yes, I'd have a
chance to move up, like because that's how cutthroat it
was at the time, Like you didn't move up unless
somebody quit, got fired or got sick.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
And that was like that was the truth.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
And so I just kind of made my way through
the Wolfgang Puck kitchen for many many years. I became
their first female pizza cook. I worked their grill, I
worked the fish station, I worked the pasa station. I
worked every station. I would go home after lunch service,
come back and work the parties for dinner service. I
would stay until like two o'clock in the morning and
clean fuagra like late at night. And I just tried
(09:38):
to soak up every part of that kitchen and I
possibly could. And then I left because I was like,
I've been here long enough. There's no room for growth.
This is like the opportunity where I'm going to stay
here and just sort of execute Wolfgang Pucks food for
the rest of my life. I'm going to go out
of my own and see what else is out there
in the world and potentially open.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Up something on my own, right, And so I left.
I left with honors.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Was there another opportunity you just said, I'm just gonna
out myself out there.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
It was so scary because every chef in that kitchen
was like, I can't believe you're going to get ready
to leave this this empire right to go work for
at At the time, spe had just partnered with Michael Mina.
SBS was Sam ne'sarians restaurant group here in Los Angeles.
You know, they had a lot of different night clubs,
they had Hide. They had partnered with Katsuya to make
(10:25):
Katsuya more of like a you know, high end sushi brand.
Jose andreasaid they had just purchased the SLS Hotel, so
Jose was going in there. Michael Mina was opening up
fourteen on Sunset next to Hyde, and so in my mind,
I'm like, get in at the bottom part of like
this restaurant group that's opening these restaurants with all of
these you know, different chefs that you've never worked with,
and the only opportunity they had for me was to
(10:47):
work at the Abbey.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Do you know the Abbey in West Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Absolutely, yeah, So it.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Was I knew at that point I was going to
you know, have an opportunity to get in and work
at their supper club, which was Foxtail, And that's what
happened at the time. And so I then was able
to go and open their one of their first supper clubs,
which was Foxtown, and at the same time got on
the very first or the fourth season of Top Chef.
So their PR team was super excited that I came
(11:13):
in and then I had all this background and all
this knowledge that I was getting ready to be, you know,
the chef of this new supper club that they were
excited about opening that I had like you know, tried
out for.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
They loved what I was doing.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
The CEO at the time, Eric Berghammer, I think actually
now is the is like one of the big executives
at what's the music company that's like taken over everything
Live Nation, Okay, and so he was like, we want
to give you this opportunity the same time, I went
and did Top Chef and it just kind of blew
everything out of the water. They're like, oh my god,
(11:45):
she just did so great on Top Chef. Oh my god,
she's going to So I went from being like a
line cooks seue chef at Spago and at the Abbey
to all of a sudden being catapulted into executive chef
of a new like hot supper club and had just
finaled the season four of Top Chef, and so it
was like, all of a sudden, it was like a
whirlwind of you know, going from absolutely this to like this.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Well back up.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
So, when you're a line strep for a shoe chef,
I don't know what kind of pay that is.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
We're how hard is life?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
I started at seven dollars and fifty cents an hour. Okay,
when I left Spago, I was making thirteen dollars and
fifty cents an hour.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Really yep? And I started yep.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
And when I started my first sou chef position at
the Abbey, I was making thirty two thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Big upgrade from fifty but still even in la thirty
two grad I hear you are you and I connect
on this right, I was making my nine grand a
year for eleven years.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, I get the struggle.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
It was, It was real.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And actually the crazy part is when I first started
at Spago, I was offered a job at the Peninsula
Hotel making eleven dollars an hour versus the seven fifty.
But I knew what I could learn at Spago making
the seven to fifty because everything was made from scratch pastas,
the pizzas, the does, the literally every we were getting
whole animals in for fabrication. The Peninsula is a larger,
(13:08):
you know company, so a lot of that stuff is
like fabricated outside of the venue. So I knew I
was going to take a pay cut, but I would
make it up in wealth of knowledge.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Is it hard being a female chef?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
You know, there's just not that.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
There's just that wasn't that many of us, Like I
was the only female chef that worked during the day
at Spago. That was the only female in the kitchen,
and at night there was another girl named Metta, and
we kind of looked alike.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
So I was.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Actually just called day Meta because we looked alike.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And so for a long time, they were just like, oh,
it's day meta.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I was like, you mean Antonia, and so there's just yeah,
there just wasn't many of us, and so you either
you either played with the big boys or you know,
or it was very difficult.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It seems to me too, there's a lot of that
almost same kind of ribbing, hazing everything you'd have like
in the NFL locker room lid of the world that
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
And the crazy part is like I actually didn't mind it,
you know what I mean, Like I like to I
like to play around, you know, And honestly, I also
grew up in a kitchen though, like the Spago kitchen,
Like they were very respectful, like all of the chefs
in there, like the the the world that I lived in,
Like it wasn't some of the horror stories that I've
heard from, you know, a lot of like other people,
Like my my chefs were amazing. They taught me, they
(14:13):
loved me, they you know, I mean, we all messed
with each other big time, but like there was a
lot of respect, which was great.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Okay, Now I go from there.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
So so well, I opened my first restaurant and then
it failed after a year.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You open it because now people knew who you were
from top chefs, so you can get investors or all.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
So No, so I was able to open up Foxhoale
just based on my merit. Like Eric Berghammer at the
time fought for me.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
He loved me.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
He was just like, you're gonna love this girl, like
she's she's she's who needs to open Foxtown. I met
Brent bolt House of the time, who had who had
you know, basically was like the largest club promoter in
all of Los Angeles. Yeah, he now owns like all
the Bungalows like all throughout Los Angeles, the one you
know in Santa Monica, and there's another one up in
the north and near San Francisco and Long be and
(15:00):
so it's like all these people were kind.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Of just starting out.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
And it was you didn't own it, you were opening
the I.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Just opened it. I was just an employee, Okay, yeah,
that's and.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
So, and a lot of the things were a lot
of the decisions were taken away from me because again
I was an employee.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I wasn't a partner, I wasn't a chef that came in.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Really at the time, like you're talking about this is
like two thousand and four, No, two thousand and five,
two thousand and six. And so really if you look
back at like the history when chefs started to really
get equity, you know, sweat equity for restaurants, I mean
that's really only started over the last.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Like ten years, you know, ten fifteen years. Really it's
been not a long period.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Like most of the time chefs were just hired, they
made a salary, you know, they built these concepts along
with the money, and they really had no equity in the.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Business if it did well.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
And so this all went down. The restaurant was right
above a nightclub. They were very specific about who came
in there, like the very la scene of this.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Isn't about the food. It's more about just who's.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Here and what they're drinking and can you know, can
it's just the restaurants I like a pit stop before
they go into the nightclub. And I was like wait
a second, Like that's not what I was planning, and
this isn't the food I wanted to do, and you know,
so there was just a lot of tension and a
lot of like rift between myself and and I was
someone who spoke up even though I had never opened
a restaurant before. I knew in my gut what was
(16:22):
right and what was wrong. I knew what I felt intuitively,
I can get behind this.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I can't get behind this.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
So I was sort of like the loudest one in
the room screaming like this isn't going to work. This
doesn't feel right. I don't like where the direction it's going.
And everyone's like, no, no, no, don't worry about it. We're
still doing it, like you can either stay on the
train or get off the train. And the train didn't
even make it a year and a half, and you know,
they're like, oh, you know, people don't like the club,
and we have to lower the music so that people
can dine downstairs, and people don't like the chairs.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I was like, these are all the things that like.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
We talked about before it opened, you know, like how
are we going to charge someone like ninety dollars for
a steak when they have to sit on a stool?
You know, it just doesn't make sense, Like the seating
doesn't make sense, the tables don't make sense, Like you know,
Biggie Small is blaring upstairs at the nightclub while people
are trying to you know, enjoy seven hundred dollars bottle
of wine Dunsters doesn't make sense, And so it just
became it was a failure, and I almost stopped cooking.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Yeah, I was like, I took six months of severance
and I was like, I don't know if I can.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Do this anymore.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
The headlines read like, you know, literally throughout you know,
any food blog, any food publication.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
It was just like how poorly I had done.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
You know, it was like a flash in the pan
because I had done so well on Top Chef, and see,
I really didn't have like the gumption to see it through.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
How people went after me so hard. It was so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
How did you handle that?
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
I went and hid in my bedroom for like four
months and just took care of my daughter and was like,
I don't think I'm gonna cook anymore. And my daughter's
father at the time was just like, you are sad
and depressed, and you're sad and depressed because you're not cooking.
And he actually, at the time he's really good friends
with Eddie Murphy, and Eddie Murphy was looking for a
private chef and I had never done private chefing before,
(18:04):
and He's like, listen, just to get you back on
the horse, why don't you just go cook up at
Eddie's for a couple of days a week and like,
you know, just get your like mojo back and enjoy yourself,
like remember why you like cooking? And I was like, okay, fine,
I'm like I do need a job because my my
severance is running out. And you know, it was like,
you know when Stella got her groove back in that
movie like Angela Bascar, like that was me.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Like with Eddie, yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
So good minus the sex, like it was no. But honestly,
like I went up there, I was so well received
by this family that just wanted good food and had
an unlimited budget and I made three different proteins and
two cakes and different kinds of starches and and I
just had the best time cooking for him, you know.
And I did that for like two years. I basically
built my way back, you know. I they asked me
(18:48):
to come back and do Top Chef All Stars again.
I was like totally like, I don't want to do
that again because the notoriety doing so well and it
the first time what people expected from me in Los Angeles.
And then when I didn't deliver. It was just like
you know, it was like you know, men in pitchforks
chasing after me and you know, being like, don't let
her open anything, like the guys.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
This was the best part. I think it was Think
Food Group, not Think Food group.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
Was it one of the food groups that does what's
that restaurant? Was it koy Sushi? Like I remember putting
my resumes. They wouldn't even call me back, like would
not even call me back.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Like I was like.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Scarlet letter, Wow, And I was like, you know what, fine,
I'm gonna go back and do Top Chef All Stars.
And if I do it, I have to commit to
it because I was trying to sell my book at the.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Time backing up here too because I know, and you
know I talked about it or not.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But yeah, we all we all do it with anxiety
when things like that happened to us.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
We it's so loud for us with those with anxiety,
where you.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Think everybody's looking at you, everybody's point and then and
most of the time they're not.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
But it's just so loud for us. It's hard for
us to get ruined.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But like you said, like the lesson there You've got
to get back to what you do that you love.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
But it is hard. You've got to figure it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It's it's a it's a rare skiller trait to be
able to tune out those voices and those were mentioning
that everybody staring, pointing and laugh Well.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
It was.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
It was probably the scariest moment of my life because
the thing that I loved the most, which was cooking
and hospitality, was there was a part of it where
I was like, I can't do this.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I shouldn't do this. I don't belong there. They don't
want me.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And you know, and Zaiya's dad at the time, you
know who's in entertainment.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
He, you know, who had seen failure himself.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
And I think we don't talk enough about that part,
Like successful people don't talk about how many times they
fell down and almost stopped and you know, like skin
their knees so bad that they thought they'd never walk
again kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
And and this podcasts for for exactly that.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
In that moment, I had a choice, you know what
I mean, And he said this to me, And mind you,
him and I weren't together at the time, and in fact,
we were actually not in the greatest space other than
being Zia's parents, but I respected his knowledge in the
career world, you know, so much that I was like,
listen to what he's saying because he's just saying this
to you because he's been there before, which is like.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Get up, Yes, who cares if anyone is talking? And
no one cares? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (21:09):
And do the thing that you love and start over?
You can start over. And I was like, okay, and
I did. I started over and then got into the
restaurant industry with business partners that I was like in
that moment, I was like, here's the thing. If we
don't open up something that we both can mutually agree upon,
then we shouldn't do this.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
And the crazy part.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Is are you ready for this, Jay of like the
points in the universe that connect. Okay, this awful experience
that I had where I almost stopped cooking because I
opened this.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Restaurant with sbe at the time.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
One of the bartenders there who was just learning his
mixology craft and his spirit craft is Pablo Moy who
is my now business partner who actually introduced me to
the business partners that we built. The last three restaurants
with built basically a twenty million dollar restaurant empire over
the last eleven years.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And so this awful.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Experience that I had that I was like, oh my god,
this almost stopped my entire career. I met someone there
who then connected me and we all connected to build
what have been some of the proudest restaurant moments of
my life, which are Black Market, Scope A, and Dama,
which are three restaurants in major market like Los Angeles
(22:18):
that have survived recessions COVID, you know all the things
that have taken restaurants out.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
You know ours are you know, still supported and thriving.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
What was the hardest for me? Again, I always go
back about nine grand a year for the eleven years.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
But like it's interesting, like I got rejected for all
those eleven years for a full time job. But now
I look at it like I try and use my
mental health issues as my superpower. So like my depression
told me I was worthless, and you know, you were
worthy of being rejected, So I didn't mind getting rejected.
It turns out it ended up helping me. Okay, fine,
but fucking A was miserable. But you know, you have
a lot of these moments you look back and you're like,
(22:58):
oh my god, that was can't believe I pulled myself
out of that.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
But the opposite of I've had these moments, I'm like.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh my god, like how did I get here? And
I'm still waiting to wake up in fifth grade and
my mom wakes me up at school.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
None of this happened. What was your first moment of
oh my god, how did I get here?
Speaker 4 (23:19):
You know, I think it was, you know, true, truthfully,
I think it was like pretty recent. And I know
this is going to sound so crazy, right because you know,
in the midst of me closing this restaurant, going back
and back to top.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Chef, Zaiah's dad had passed away.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
And so even with all of this like restaurant failure,
what am I going to do? Then on top of it,
my partner, who was supposed to be you know, financially partnership,
you know, raising child partnership is now gone and it's
just me, And.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
So I was like, what else can happen?
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Like that's where that's where I lived for a very
very long time with just waiting for the other shoot
to fall. So there's so much that happen with building
black market, that being successful, building scope of that being successful,
then building Dama, raising my daughter, and just trying to
get through the day to day because my anxiety is
through the roof. I'm having anxiety attacks. I don't have
(24:14):
a choice but to go to work and make things
happen because otherwise she doesn't get shoes on her feet
because I can't make money type of reality. Right, there
was no life insurance. I didn't have anything to kind
of like fall back on. So I was just like
in the middle of the ocean, and I was like,
you either don't stop swimming or you drown, like end
of story. And so really that all just settled like
(24:35):
probably over the last like four years, you know, where
I've been able to take a deeper breath, been able
to like make money. My daughter's like, you know, in
her own world, doing her own thing, where I've been like,
oh my goodness, I'm finally come out of this cocoon
of just doing right and not even realizing what the
hell I've created over the last ten years. Right, So,
(24:57):
like I'm not making a joke when you read my resume.
Sometimes I'm like I'm still in awe of it, but
it was I was driving and You'll get a kick
out of this again because I'm still in the I
only make seven dollars and.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Fifty cent mentality.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
I was driving a car that I had won on
Top Chef and this car, my daughter larned to driving it.
The entire side was ripped off. They were like ripped
in the leather of the seat, you know where.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
The kitchen starts to come out, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 4 (25:22):
And now, mind, I'm like making money, okay, but in
my mind, I'm still makes seven dollars and fifty cents
now and I haven't even come to like like haven't
even like taken account for everything I've done. And my brother,
you know, my younger brother who's twenty I think he
was like twenty four at the time, had just gotten
divorced and was kind of like not doing well in
(25:45):
a way, and his wife had taken the car, and
he's like, I can't get to work.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Antonia. I know you were talking about selling your car.
Would you sell me your car?
Speaker 4 (25:52):
And I was like, you know what, I'm going to
give you my car because this car was gifted to me,
and I'm going to go buy myself a car, right,
and I like I gifted I was like so excited
that I could gift my brother this car. Of course
that was falling apart, but he loves it and thinks
it's like the best car in the world. And I
went to the range Rover dealership and I bought myself
(26:12):
a range Rover. And I walked in and I could
like swipe my credit card for like the down payment.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Then my credit score.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Is amazing because I've never used it for anything, do
you know what I mean? Because I've just had my head,
you know, buried in the sand. And in that moment,
I was just like, I can't believe that I can
actually like buy myself this car. And I literally I
drove out of the dealership like sobbing, because for the
last ten years I had I was in the mode of, like,
(26:42):
what does my daughter need? I was in full surviving mode.
When is the next shoe? When is the next like
attack going to happen on my life? When is the
next shoe gonna something bad's gonna happen? When is going
to happen? I'm waiting for it. Okay, Sure they said
the restaurant's doing good. Sure, I'm collecting paychecks and I'm
just putting them in the bank, but I'm not living,
like I'm not having any kind of life. And in
(27:04):
that moment, I still look at this car now and
everyone's like, it's really nice, and I was. And It's
the crazy part was everyone's response to me buying this
car for myself.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
They're like, you just can't. I can't believe it took you.
I can't.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Like I was like crying every time I went near
someone cause they were like, you deserve this so much,
I'm so happy you did this for yourself. And I
was like, I can't believe how many people were talking
about how I wasn't doing anything for myself or or
enjoying anything that had happened. And so the truth is
I haven't really been able to enjoy anything that has
happened because I've just been in full survival. And it's
(27:36):
really just a recent where I was like, I'm going
to buy myself this car, but really only because my
brother was like, I need a car, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
So, if this Antonia could go back to Antonia from
ten to fifteen years ago, would you have advice for
her so she could enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Earlier, like, how would you talk to her?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
You know, I don't. I don't know if I would
change anything.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Actually, you know, I think think what I would I
think if my this antonia self could tell my younger
antonia self anything is just like it'll be fine, because
that's what like this self tells.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
My future self, right like when I have.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
These still spirals of like, at any given moment, everything
could be taken away from me at any given moment,
I will have no work at any given moment. You know,
I went through this whole period where I wasn't competing
very well and I was like, Okay, now I can't cook.
That's great, awesome, Like now I'm just like not even
a good chef anymore. I would just always remind myself
that it actually always will be okay.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
You will always be okay, no matter what the outcome is.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
You know, sometimes we don't like the path, we don't
like the answer in the moment. We don't realize the
answer in the moment leads to something greater, far better
for you ten folds down the road, and that the
path is backwards and down and up and left and right,
not straight.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
That I would just kind of say that to her to.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Kind of give her a little like hot you know,
but not not change anything.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
And look, we do people who are driven like we are.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Anybody who's successful has been doing so much and so
much heartache and so much.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I'm not gonna call it.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Failure because it's not part of the journey, but the
rejection and the fuck ups and the hurdles, and that's
what life that you're you could be successful because you've
been able to deal.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
With more hurdles than most have ever become more than
everybody else.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And you know, I always say like, and I learned
this from a therapist to mine because I wake up
every day and it says to me, also, the remains
in my head men university going to come crashing down
around you, And I got the therapist said, no, the
universe conspires to help us. Yeah, we got to some
help convince ourselves and let that sink in.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
And if we can in the world can be a
lot less scary for us.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
And it's exactly I think what you're doing here, like, hey,
it's gonna be okay, but so hard for us to
comprehend while we're in that battle.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And even after.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
You're successful, like look, there's still you know, a lot
of us who are at the top, like we have
we have this monster in this that you know, makes
us think that tomorrow we're all gonna be canceled.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
It over and done and it's all gonna be gone.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
And it's I've been going through it, and I've been
you know, I've been on Fox for twenty years and
you know, me and Terry Bratcher, well this this we're
out after this year, We're done here. It's just like
that's what the roommates in over head tell us when
we're the best of what we do.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Oh yeah, I just went through the period where you know,
I wasn't competing just very well. And I was like, okay,
it's just a matter of time now, Like I've just
gotten too old and I can't do it anymore and
I've lost the you know, I've lost all of these
young people to come in. They just know so much
more than you do and have And I was like
and then I remember, you know, guy was like, You're
doing Turnado Champions one more time this year. And I
was like nauseous and like sick to my stomach about it,
(30:42):
you know, And you know, I came out of the
gate last year like a monster, a monster, you know,
and just you know, handled it in such a big way,
and so I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It doesn't matter. I hope you see. Here's the thing
for me.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I look at you like you're a gangster, right and
you've already done it. It doesn't matter or if you
win or lose, now you've done it.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Around it. You already did it.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And I try and tell this to people who are
well used to be world champions in fighting, and I
tell it to people who played in the NFL, like, dude,
you did it. Just because the uniforms off doesn't mean
you're still not a gangster. You'll always be a gangster.
And you've got to realize that also, like you're there,
you've done it.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
It's not a week by week thing.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And that's we too many of us do that, like,
oh man, this week, I do it like that crap
this week and I have a lot of scoops.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Fuck man, I suck. And yeah, it's no, we've done it.
We've done it at the highest level.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
But we got to play mind games with ourselves to
make sure that we have to give ourselves that grace.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Well the crazy part let me ask you a good
question because I feel like this is the weird part, right,
Like I am the most self deprecating person alone. Like
Greg will tell you, Who'll be like, oh my god,
she's spiraling. Just give us some space, Like she'll come back,
don't worry. Then you put me in a room where
I have to sell myself, and I'm like my biggest cheerleader.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yes, Like you want to know what I could do?
You want to know what I like? It's like how
these two people live together?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Right right? Right? Why could you do it? So?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
How do you get yourself Antony to then start? Make
sure you're those people in the room and you sell
yourself to you.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, sell myself to myself to myself.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Right, That's what we have to do a million percent.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
So many times, like producers will be like, oh my god,
have you ever seen Antoni in the room with like
the president of Food Network.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
She murders it, she kills it, And I'm like, yeah,
put her.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
In the room.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
I was like, yeah, put me in the room, Coach
like let me in, you know. And then I get
in the room and they're like, we love you, We'll
give you anything. And then all of a sudden, then
I go home and I'm like, nobody likes me.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Give me now that you're you're you've been on TV
and you're this big name. And it's so funny because
Antoni and I were at I was starting a super
Bowl party a couple of years ago, and I roll
up with me her whis Khalifa and Guy Fieri and our.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Guys at Fox. One of my producers. You got Antonio
la face here. Oh my god, I just want to
be her. I just want to meet her. Right. So,
now now that you are where you've been on TV,
Bill love, nobody loves you.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
But give me your moment of like did someone has
come up to you and You're like, holy fuck, how
did I get? Like someone just recognized me from TV?
Then like I can't believe this shit happened. Like I'm
gonna tell you real quick, like mine was. I'm were
two things that I'm at the Emmys and I just
went with some Fox people and I'm in the bathroom
and the big stars come in. They're like, I got
(33:16):
Jake Glazer, Dude, I started Jason went in my fantasy
team this morning because of what you said, Well he's
gonna play or that, and they hey, here's Jake and
the I'm like and they were like, oh dude, I
go out here stuff from my fantasy football too. And
I'm like, is this really fucking happening right now? And
they're all big stars and I'm like, God, how did
I get here? Give me your moment like that?
Speaker 4 (33:34):
So it was actually a guy's uh uh star on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame because it was Matthew McConaughey. Yes,
like Matthew McConaughey was there, and he was just like
he presented him and he knew Like he.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Walked back, He's like, hey, Antoni is here.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I was like, wait, what, Like was insane to me
that these celebrities like Selena Gomez. When I did Selena Show,
she was just like like someone came up to me
at like the the food and wine event. They were
just like, you know, Selena Gomez only follows like twenty people,
Like you know, she's got like some very small you know,
she has like twenties you know, however many million people
(34:11):
follow her. But she's like that has like this many people.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
And I'm like one of the people she follows.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
And so it's like when you have these moments where
you're like, oh my god, these huge celebrities that literally
run that people look up to and run the they
and then they're like, but you made this.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I was like, I just can't even believe that that's
part of your like vocabulary. That's like on the bigger level,
right on the on the much more like important level
of like where I feel like I've touched people and
I want to cry about it. Is I will randomly
get DMS, and a lot happened when I gave the
commencement speech at the Culinary School a couple of years
(34:47):
ago here in Los Angeles, and to this day, I
still get random kids that I gave the speech to
that are in Los Angeles that are still working, that
will see me in restaurants and they'll come up to
me and they go, you gave this speech and talked
about and they will pick a piece that I talked about.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Mostly, what I always say is don't skip the middle.
Everyone wants, you know, to.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Just they started, and then they just want to be successful,
and I'm like, don't skip the middle. The middle is
the most important part. And I've had students come up
and quote that back to me and I want to
cry because I'm like, oh my god, they heard me,
these young little sponges who are so excited about this
culinary industry that you know has jaded so many of
(35:27):
us and me, I've wanted to quit, love it, hate
it all the things. Right remembered that one piece that
I said to and they hung on to it, right,
And it's like I changed this or I changed my
path and now I'm doing this and I love what
I do because you said this, and I'm like, oh
my god, I've changed the course of certain people's lives
because of something I've said.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
And to me, that's like, you know, some fuck.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Is My last question before the final ext question was
going to be like, hey, give me the best business
advice you can give the people out there, and then
I think you just answered it.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Don't skip the middle. The middle is. The middle is
like the hardest. It is the shit, you know what
I mean. It's the it's the you know.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I stepped in shit for ten years kind of feeling.
But it is like the most important part.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
I love that. All right, here's my last question for you.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
I ask all my guesses give me the moment that
anytime of your life, career, anything that could have broken
you should have it didn't, and as a result, you
came out of the other side of that tunnel much
stronger with this mental wealth we're talking about.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
You know, is probably the day that Zaiyah's dad died, Like,
without question, that was when I think about my life.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
I think about it.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Before and after, right, So when he was here and
now when he's gone, my life split into two pieces.
And it was a situation that, without questions, should have
broken me. Right, Like, financially, I was in no way
orform ready to just take care of her financially by myself,
(37:04):
you know, emotionally did I want to do it by myself?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
No, you know I was.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
My daughter was eleven years old at the time. I
had just opened black market, I'm trying to figure out
my own career, and I talk about this all the time.
It's like success out of necessity, right, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I didn't have a moment.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
I had a choice in that moment, Like I was
either going to be like victimized by this horrific thing
that happened, or I was going to take.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
It and use that fuel to like.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
Put me in a situation that was far better than
where I had started, and it was something that like
every single day of like, you know, my young daughter
not wanting to go to school, not understanding why I was,
why I was at work, you know, still being trying
to like open restaurants and build teams, and every piece
of that shouldn't have worked in theory, every single piece
(37:56):
of it right, like, should.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Not have worked in theory. And none of it was easy.
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I've literally spent probably like ten years in purgatory or
what felt like purgatory. But now the incredible thing is,
like my daughter did an interview with me for something
probably like a year ago, and all she talks about
is my strength. All she talks about is my perseverance.
(38:22):
All she talks about is remembering how I was almost
catatonic when he first died and couldn't even figure out
how to get us to New York. And then all
she remembers is me like making every dream of hers
come true.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Oh my god, Yeah, that's incredible. That's one of the
coolest answers I ever had that question.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Yeah, that is amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:48):
I you know, it's weird. I just when people people
I say that all the time, like, I'm so proud
of you. You should be proud of yourself.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I'm like, it almost just felt like it was my duty,
if that makes sense, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Like, no, your fucking answer needs to be yes, I'm
proud of myself.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
I can't say anything nice. What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (39:05):
God? It needs to be ca Yeah, my.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Gut visceral reaction is not to be able to do that.
But yes, Okay, thank you, Jay, Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
I love it And tiny Alla Foss I love you.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
I appreciate you as a friend, I appreciate you from
what we learn from you as well. Thank you so
much for joining the Unbreakable Mental Health podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
You're the best.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Thank you, You're the best.
This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental wealth podcast
Build you from the inside out.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Now here's Jay Glacier.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I'm Jay Glazer and I love I have my friends on.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I have a friend of mine on today, but
I love having friends of mine on also who have
just Matt.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Their story is incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
They have worked their asses off to create these universes
for themselves which you could never imagine us if we
looked at from a little kid on what will we becoming?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And our guest has certainly done that before I get
to her.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
If you're like many people, you may be surprised to
learn that one in five adults in this country experienced
mental illness last year, yet far too many fail to
receive the support they need. Carol On behavioral health is
doing something about it. They understand that behavioral health is
a key part of whole health, delivering compassionate care that
treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. And to Carolyn,
(01:01):
behavioral health raising the quality of life through empathy and action.
Talking about action, this woman is a man. She is
a fireplug, She's a spark plug. And we became friends
through GOTTFIEI, who's been on the show as well, and
she's man Fred this whole new universe, just like Gaias did.
I'm just marvel at And we just had her on
(01:23):
our Fox Thanksgiving show in New York and she took
over the show, took over the set, wowed.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
All of us.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
The one and only super chef Antonio Lafassa. She has
free restaurants in La she has Scopa, she has Dama
and Black Market, She's all over the Food Network.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
She is better at TV than all of us who's on.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Our show, and she is a I'm proud to caller
a super friend of mine now as well.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I'm so good. Thank you for that introduction.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Like I was starting to sweat when you when you
were reading off that, like red, I was like, wait,
who who is that?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That's you? That's exactly who it is.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I know.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
But you know, sometimes the years go on and you
actually forget or you know, don't necessarily calculate everything.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
That's like, you know what you've done. But thank you,
thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah, no, we all need to hype people around us, right,
And here's the thing, because I want to get into,
like how you got to where you're in the restaurant
Pistol before even after that, Like I didn't go to
school for TV. I did go for communicitchens, but because
my ADHD, I didn't go to class, you know, so
I got by on my two point three GPA at
past college. Your patient person right now downtown Manhattan. But
(02:34):
I just kind of, you know, learned and picked it up.
But when we're doing our fans steering show Man, you
were just fantastic and you know, knew how to hit
time and knew what we were looking for.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
And now you're on how many TV shows are on
right now?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
The food I mean, yeah, I mean Food Networks sometimes.
I mean it's crazy to think about it.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I mean, you know, probably close to seven or eight.
You know, it depends on you know what we're talking about.
But yeah, it's you know, and I know what you're
going to ask, how do you get good nuns eving?
So I have to tell you, you know, and I've
actually talked to producers about this, like you know, should
I be you know, in some kind of communications class
like as you know, as I was kind of coming
up and you know, what do you think about my
(03:12):
presence here, and honestly, my only thought.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Through this entire process was just be myself.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Try to communicate, you know, in a very sort of like,
you know, a small amount of time, what it is
that you're trying to say, you know, get get right
to the point. You know, guy actually says this all
the time. You know, try and talk in sound bites.
That's like the best way to explain it. But at
the heart of it, the core of it really is
just being myself, you know.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
And I can date that back to my parents.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
My dad would joke all the time.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
He's like, oh my god, we would take you on
an airplane from New York to California to visit family,
and you were walking up and down the aisle introducing
yourself to like strangers on the plane. My name is Antonia,
this is my brother Dominic. We're going to California to visit.
And just I was just free in my ways of communication, and.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I just wanted to talk to people.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
And so, you know, when people ask me that question,
I'm like, there was no way of getting better at it.
There was just practice in being who I am, authentically right, being.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Authentic it is huge, and you know you could lose
that a lot on TV. Look like all of us
on Artrow as you saw, right, you saw some person.
We're exactly on TV as we were in a person.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Right, We're all fucking crazy, but in a good way.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yeah, that's like the best part of it.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
It's it's like, you know, waiting your turn to talk,
but also listening to what someone else is actually saying,
not just waiting to say something, you know, like engaging
with someone authentically, you know, giving people the information about
what it is that you're doing and engaging and it's
it's all just social behavior, you know that Really, I
(04:45):
was taught by my parents. My father's like one of
the biggest you know, he's you know, a construction guy
from New York and a Sicilian construction guy from New York.
With any place he went into, whether restaurant, whether it
was a neighbor's house, it was like.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
How are you? Who are you? This is who why
I am?
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You know, and getting right down to the core of
like authentic stories about himself his family. Just connect with
people as quickly as possible so that you can like
share in a real moment.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I want people to hear this also because it's one
of the greatest skills we can all have. And you
talk a lot, I talk a lot, but the best
skill we have is that we listen and like people
that are, you know, trying to be sideline reporters.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
And I always tell.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Them that in TV, like yeah, you got to talk
about your thing, but a lot of times we're trying
to think about our next question and we never hear
what that person across from us says.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
The best TV is that reaction to what somebody says,
Oh wow, they just said that. Oh man, let's let's
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
And so many times people just gloss it over because
they're trying to think about the next thing to say
instead of hearing with that person's And that's a great
lesson for television, for business or relationship, for anything specifically relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You know, I remember being in one of those while
back They're like, are you listening to me or just
waiting for your turn to respond?
Speaker 5 (05:59):
I was like, I was like, I'm sorry now, so
I want to talk about your journey to where you're
at me Scopa is mad.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I love Scope. It's so freaking incredible. Come out to
Los Angeles. It's in Santa Monica. Get your ass over
to Scope. It's fucking unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
But again, being in the restaurant business and all own
a restaurant are two different things. Take take us all
through your journey.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Hey, you got here well, you know, I mean, you know,
very much the same.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
I didn't go to college, you know, I took a
couple of classes in like I think it was, you know,
the history of movies in like the fifties, you know,
because I was like, I don't know what I want
to be, but I've always cooked, you know, as a
very young girl, I was always you know, my parents
own restaurants and delis, and I was just always in
the hospitality industry.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You know.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I started on a hot dog and a stick when
I was sixteen years old because I needed to be
able to like pay my insurance on the car my
parents bought me, and you know, slinging corn dogs at
the mall and not realizing, you know, this is like
nineteen ninety five, that this is an opportunity, this, that
this is a profession, right, that this is a profession
for me. You know, if you look at a lot
of there was no television, culinary competitions, you know, food shows,
(07:08):
very very small amount you know you had and yeah, yeah,
you didn't see what you see now, right. So it's like,
you know, when I see kids on the street, they're like,
oh my god, I grew up watching you. I was like,
oh my god, that's how long I've been doing this
and where it becomes an actual like profession, and so,
you know, I was just working in restaurants and I
was like, you know what, this is what I want
to do, not with the idea of being on television,
not with the idea of doing cooking shows or cooking
(07:30):
competition shows. It was like, I just cannot get food
out of my system. I want to eat it, I
want to serve it, I want to cook it, I
want to share it with people. And that's kind of
where it started. And I worked for Wolfgang Puck for
many many years after I went to culinary school, and
I know.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
That I don't know that.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Yeah, I worked for him at his flagship Spago in
Los Angeles. So got this like incredible, you know, Michelin
star background.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You know, how did you get that gig?
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Ready for this?
Speaker 4 (07:56):
My brother was sleeping with one of the waitresses. Okay,
not that hard.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
He was like, it's.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
There.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
There was no like rhyme or reason, like, you know,
I didn't have to you know, I don't know jump
through that many hoops. But I did go in, you know,
in my like little blazer with my resume and my diploma,
and I remember giving it to the chef in the
kitchen like I graduated second my class and he was like.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Oh, could care less? Like could care less. He was
just like how hard do you work?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Like basically how long can you withstand you know, the
work in the kitchen, and let's see how hard you
can work? And I came in and I did like
a twelve hour stage. I think he like changed a
light bulb during my interview with him. I was like,
they're all nervous, and he was like changing a light bulb.
He's like, I don't really care. How can you come
in tomorrow and try out? Like words didn't matter. It
was like what can let me see what you can do?
And so I came in. I did like a twelve
(08:43):
hour stage with him, and I worked with the fish
guy and he's like, yeah, she's good enough, we can
put her in like Garmage three, which basically is just
like I can like heat up soups and maybe make salads.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And that was it.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
And I worked garmage three in the lunch prep for
at Spago for I don't know, probably like three years
until like the girl who cooked fuagras and was able
to like make salmon salads got unfortunately had I go
have surgery, and I was like, yes, I'd have a
chance to move up, like because that's how cutthroat it
was at the time, Like you didn't move up unless
somebody quit, got fired or got sick.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
And that was like that was the truth.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
And so I just kind of made my way through
the Wolfgang Puck kitchen for many many years. I became
their first female pizza cook. I worked their grill, I
worked the fish station, I worked the pasa station. I
worked every station. I would go home after lunch service,
come back and work the parties for dinner service. I
would stay until like two o'clock in the morning and
clean fuagra like late at night. And I just tried
(09:38):
to soak up every part of that kitchen and I
possibly could. And then I left because I was like,
I've been here long enough. There's no room for growth.
This is like the opportunity where I'm going to stay
here and just sort of execute Wolfgang Pucks food for
the rest of my life. I'm going to go out
of my own and see what else is out there
in the world and potentially open.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Up something on my own, right, And so I left.
I left with honors.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Was there another opportunity you just said, I'm just gonna
out myself out there.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
It was so scary because every chef in that kitchen
was like, I can't believe you're going to get ready
to leave this this empire right to go work for
at At the time, spe had just partnered with Michael Mina.
SBS was Sam ne'sarians restaurant group here in Los Angeles.
You know, they had a lot of different night clubs,
they had Hide. They had partnered with Katsuya to make
(10:25):
Katsuya more of like a you know, high end sushi brand.
Jose andreasaid they had just purchased the SLS Hotel, so
Jose was going in there. Michael Mina was opening up
fourteen on Sunset next to Hyde, and so in my mind,
I'm like, get in at the bottom part of like
this restaurant group that's opening these restaurants with all of
these you know, different chefs that you've never worked with,
and the only opportunity they had for me was to
(10:47):
work at the Abbey.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Do you know the Abbey in West Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Absolutely, yeah, So it.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Was I knew at that point I was going to
you know, have an opportunity to get in and work
at their supper club, which was Foxtail, And that's what
happened at the time. And so I then was able
to go and open their one of their first supper clubs,
which was Foxtown, and at the same time got on
the very first or the fourth season of Top Chef.
So their PR team was super excited that I came
(11:13):
in and then I had all this background and all
this knowledge that I was getting ready to be, you know,
the chef of this new supper club that they were
excited about opening that I had like you know, tried
out for.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
They loved what I was doing.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
The CEO at the time, Eric Berghammer, I think actually
now is the is like one of the big executives
at what's the music company that's like taken over everything
Live Nation, Okay, and so he was like, we want
to give you this opportunity the same time, I went
and did Top Chef and it just kind of blew
everything out of the water. They're like, oh my god,
(11:45):
she just did so great on Top Chef. Oh my god,
she's going to So I went from being like a
line cooks seue chef at Spago and at the Abbey
to all of a sudden being catapulted into executive chef
of a new like hot supper club and had just
finaled the season four of Top Chef, and so it
was like, all of a sudden, it was like a
whirlwind of you know, going from absolutely this to like this.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Well back up.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
So, when you're a line strep for a shoe chef,
I don't know what kind of pay that is.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
We're how hard is life?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
I started at seven dollars and fifty cents an hour. Okay,
when I left Spago, I was making thirteen dollars and
fifty cents an hour.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Really yep? And I started yep.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
And when I started my first sou chef position at
the Abbey, I was making thirty two thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Big upgrade from fifty but still even in la thirty
two grad I hear you are you and I connect
on this right, I was making my nine grand a
year for eleven years.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, I get the struggle.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
It was, It was real.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And actually the crazy part is when I first started
at Spago, I was offered a job at the Peninsula
Hotel making eleven dollars an hour versus the seven fifty.
But I knew what I could learn at Spago making
the seven to fifty because everything was made from scratch pastas,
the pizzas, the does, the literally every we were getting
whole animals in for fabrication. The Peninsula is a larger,
(13:08):
you know company, so a lot of that stuff is
like fabricated outside of the venue. So I knew I
was going to take a pay cut, but I would
make it up in wealth of knowledge.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Is it hard being a female chef?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
You know, there's just not that.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
There's just that wasn't that many of us, Like I
was the only female chef that worked during the day
at Spago. That was the only female in the kitchen,
and at night there was another girl named Metta, and
we kind of looked alike.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
So I was.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Actually just called day Meta because we looked alike.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And so for a long time, they were just like, oh,
it's day meta.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I was like, you mean Antonia, and so there's just yeah,
there just wasn't many of us, and so you either
you either played with the big boys or you know,
or it was very difficult.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It seems to me too, there's a lot of that
almost same kind of ribbing, hazing everything you'd have like
in the NFL locker room lid of the world that
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
And the crazy part is like I actually didn't mind it,
you know what I mean, Like I like to I
like to play around, you know, And honestly, I also
grew up in a kitchen though, like the Spago kitchen,
Like they were very respectful, like all of the chefs
in there, like the the the world that I lived in,
Like it wasn't some of the horror stories that I've
heard from, you know, a lot of like other people,
Like my my chefs were amazing. They taught me, they
(14:13):
loved me, they you know, I mean, we all messed
with each other big time, but like there was a
lot of respect, which was great.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Okay, Now I go from there.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
So so well, I opened my first restaurant and then
it failed after a year.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You open it because now people knew who you were
from top chefs, so you can get investors or all.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
So No, so I was able to open up Foxhoale
just based on my merit. Like Eric Berghammer at the
time fought for me.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
He loved me.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
He was just like, you're gonna love this girl, like
she's she's she's who needs to open Foxtown. I met
Brent bolt House of the time, who had who had
you know, basically was like the largest club promoter in
all of Los Angeles. Yeah, he now owns like all
the Bungalows like all throughout Los Angeles, the one you
know in Santa Monica, and there's another one up in
the north and near San Francisco and Long be and
(15:00):
so it's like all these people were kind.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Of just starting out.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
And it was you didn't own it, you were opening
the I.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Just opened it. I was just an employee, Okay, yeah,
that's and.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
So, and a lot of the things were a lot
of the decisions were taken away from me because again
I was an employee.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I wasn't a partner, I wasn't a chef that came in.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Really at the time, like you're talking about this is
like two thousand and four, No, two thousand and five,
two thousand and six. And so really if you look
back at like the history when chefs started to really
get equity, you know, sweat equity for restaurants, I mean
that's really only started over the last.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Like ten years, you know, ten fifteen years. Really it's
been not a long period.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Like most of the time chefs were just hired, they
made a salary, you know, they built these concepts along
with the money, and they really had no equity in the.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Business if it did well.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
And so this all went down. The restaurant was right
above a nightclub. They were very specific about who came
in there, like the very la scene of this.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Isn't about the food. It's more about just who's.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Here and what they're drinking and can you know, can
it's just the restaurants I like a pit stop before
they go into the nightclub. And I was like wait
a second, Like that's not what I was planning, and
this isn't the food I wanted to do, and you know,
so there was just a lot of tension and a
lot of like rift between myself and and I was
someone who spoke up even though I had never opened
a restaurant before. I knew in my gut what was
(16:22):
right and what was wrong. I knew what I felt intuitively,
I can get behind this.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I can't get behind this.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
So I was sort of like the loudest one in
the room screaming like this isn't going to work. This
doesn't feel right. I don't like where the direction it's going.
And everyone's like, no, no, no, don't worry about it. We're
still doing it, like you can either stay on the
train or get off the train. And the train didn't
even make it a year and a half, and you know,
they're like, oh, you know, people don't like the club,
and we have to lower the music so that people
can dine downstairs, and people don't like the chairs.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I was like, these are all the things that like.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
We talked about before it opened, you know, like how
are we going to charge someone like ninety dollars for
a steak when they have to sit on a stool?
You know, it just doesn't make sense, Like the seating
doesn't make sense, the tables don't make sense, Like you know,
Biggie Small is blaring upstairs at the nightclub while people
are trying to you know, enjoy seven hundred dollars bottle
of wine Dunsters doesn't make sense, And so it just
became it was a failure, and I almost stopped cooking.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Yeah, I was like, I took six months of severance
and I was like, I don't know if I can.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Do this anymore.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
The headlines read like, you know, literally throughout you know,
any food blog, any food publication.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
It was just like how poorly I had done.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
You know, it was like a flash in the pan
because I had done so well on Top Chef, and see,
I really didn't have like the gumption to see it through.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
How people went after me so hard. It was so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
How did you handle that?
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
I went and hid in my bedroom for like four
months and just took care of my daughter and was like,
I don't think I'm gonna cook anymore. And my daughter's
father at the time was just like, you are sad
and depressed, and you're sad and depressed because you're not cooking.
And he actually, at the time he's really good friends
with Eddie Murphy, and Eddie Murphy was looking for a
private chef and I had never done private chefing before,
(18:04):
and He's like, listen, just to get you back on
the horse, why don't you just go cook up at
Eddie's for a couple of days a week and like,
you know, just get your like mojo back and enjoy yourself,
like remember why you like cooking? And I was like, okay, fine,
I'm like I do need a job because my my
severance is running out. And you know, it was like,
you know when Stella got her groove back in that
movie like Angela Bascar, like that was me.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Like with Eddie, yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
So good minus the sex, like it was no. But honestly,
like I went up there, I was so well received
by this family that just wanted good food and had
an unlimited budget and I made three different proteins and
two cakes and different kinds of starches and and I
just had the best time cooking for him, you know.
And I did that for like two years. I basically
built my way back, you know. I they asked me
(18:48):
to come back and do Top Chef All Stars again.
I was like totally like, I don't want to do
that again because the notoriety doing so well and it
the first time what people expected from me in Los Angeles.
And then when I didn't deliver. It was just like
you know, it was like you know, men in pitchforks
chasing after me and you know, being like, don't let
her open anything, like the guys.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
This was the best part. I think it was Think
Food Group, not Think Food group.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
Was it one of the food groups that does what's
that restaurant? Was it koy Sushi? Like I remember putting
my resumes. They wouldn't even call me back, like would
not even call me back.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Like I was like.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Scarlet letter, Wow, And I was like, you know what, fine,
I'm gonna go back and do Top Chef All Stars.
And if I do it, I have to commit to
it because I was trying to sell my book at the.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Time backing up here too because I know, and you
know I talked about it or not.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But yeah, we all we all do it with anxiety
when things like that happened to us.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
We it's so loud for us with those with anxiety,
where you.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Think everybody's looking at you, everybody's point and then and
most of the time they're not.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
But it's just so loud for us. It's hard for
us to get ruined.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But like you said, like the lesson there You've got
to get back to what you do that you love.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
But it is hard. You've got to figure it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It's it's a it's a rare skiller trait to be
able to tune out those voices and those were mentioning
that everybody staring, pointing and laugh Well.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
It was.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
It was probably the scariest moment of my life because
the thing that I loved the most, which was cooking
and hospitality, was there was a part of it where
I was like, I can't do this.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I shouldn't do this. I don't belong there. They don't
want me.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And you know, and Zaiya's dad at the time, you
know who's in entertainment.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
He, you know, who had seen failure himself.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
And I think we don't talk enough about that part,
Like successful people don't talk about how many times they
fell down and almost stopped and you know, like skin
their knees so bad that they thought they'd never walk
again kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
And and this podcasts for for exactly that.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
In that moment, I had a choice, you know what
I mean, And he said this to me, And mind you,
him and I weren't together at the time, and in fact,
we were actually not in the greatest space other than
being Zia's parents, but I respected his knowledge in the
career world, you know, so much that I was like,
listen to what he's saying because he's just saying this
to you because he's been there before, which is like.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Get up, Yes, who cares if anyone is talking? And
no one cares? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (21:09):
And do the thing that you love and start over?
You can start over. And I was like, okay, and
I did. I started over and then got into the
restaurant industry with business partners that I was like in
that moment, I was like, here's the thing. If we
don't open up something that we both can mutually agree upon,
then we shouldn't do this.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
And the crazy part.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Is are you ready for this, Jay of like the
points in the universe that connect. Okay, this awful experience
that I had where I almost stopped cooking because I
opened this.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Restaurant with sbe at the time.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
One of the bartenders there who was just learning his
mixology craft and his spirit craft is Pablo Moy who
is my now business partner who actually introduced me to
the business partners that we built. The last three restaurants
with built basically a twenty million dollar restaurant empire over
the last eleven years.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And so this awful.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Experience that I had that I was like, oh my god,
this almost stopped my entire career. I met someone there
who then connected me and we all connected to build
what have been some of the proudest restaurant moments of
my life, which are Black Market, Scope A, and Dama,
which are three restaurants in major market like Los Angeles
(22:18):
that have survived recessions COVID, you know all the things
that have taken restaurants out.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
You know ours are you know, still supported and thriving.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
What was the hardest for me? Again, I always go
back about nine grand a year for the eleven years.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
But like it's interesting, like I got rejected for all
those eleven years for a full time job. But now
I look at it like I try and use my
mental health issues as my superpower. So like my depression
told me I was worthless, and you know, you were
worthy of being rejected, So I didn't mind getting rejected.
It turns out it ended up helping me. Okay, fine,
but fucking A was miserable. But you know, you have
a lot of these moments you look back and you're like,
(22:58):
oh my god, that was can't believe I pulled myself
out of that.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
But the opposite of I've had these moments, I'm like.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh my god, like how did I get here? And
I'm still waiting to wake up in fifth grade and
my mom wakes me up at school.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
None of this happened. What was your first moment of
oh my god, how did I get here?
Speaker 4 (23:19):
You know, I think it was, you know, true, truthfully,
I think it was like pretty recent. And I know
this is going to sound so crazy, right because you know,
in the midst of me closing this restaurant, going back
and back to top.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Chef, Zaiah's dad had passed away.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
And so even with all of this like restaurant failure,
what am I going to do? Then on top of it,
my partner, who was supposed to be you know, financially partnership,
you know, raising child partnership is now gone and it's
just me, And.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
So I was like, what else can happen?
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Like that's where that's where I lived for a very
very long time with just waiting for the other shoot
to fall. So there's so much that happen with building
black market, that being successful, building scope of that being successful,
then building Dama, raising my daughter, and just trying to
get through the day to day because my anxiety is
through the roof. I'm having anxiety attacks. I don't have
(24:14):
a choice but to go to work and make things
happen because otherwise she doesn't get shoes on her feet
because I can't make money type of reality. Right, there
was no life insurance. I didn't have anything to kind
of like fall back on. So I was just like
in the middle of the ocean, and I was like,
you either don't stop swimming or you drown, like end
of story. And so really that all just settled like
(24:35):
probably over the last like four years, you know, where
I've been able to take a deeper breath, been able
to like make money. My daughter's like, you know, in
her own world, doing her own thing, where I've been like,
oh my goodness, I'm finally come out of this cocoon
of just doing right and not even realizing what the
hell I've created over the last ten years. Right, So,
(24:57):
like I'm not making a joke when you read my resume.
Sometimes I'm like I'm still in awe of it, but
it was I was driving and You'll get a kick
out of this again because I'm still in the I
only make seven dollars and.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Fifty cent mentality.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
I was driving a car that I had won on
Top Chef and this car, my daughter larned to driving it.
The entire side was ripped off. They were like ripped
in the leather of the seat, you know where.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
The kitchen starts to come out, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 4 (25:22):
And now, mind, I'm like making money, okay, but in
my mind, I'm still makes seven dollars and fifty cents
now and I haven't even come to like like haven't
even like taken account for everything I've done. And my brother,
you know, my younger brother who's twenty I think he
was like twenty four at the time, had just gotten
divorced and was kind of like not doing well in
(25:45):
a way, and his wife had taken the car, and
he's like, I can't get to work.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Antonia. I know you were talking about selling your car.
Would you sell me your car?
Speaker 4 (25:52):
And I was like, you know what, I'm going to
give you my car because this car was gifted to me,
and I'm going to go buy myself a car, right,
and I like I gifted I was like so excited
that I could gift my brother this car. Of course
that was falling apart, but he loves it and thinks
it's like the best car in the world. And I
went to the range Rover dealership and I bought myself
(26:12):
a range Rover. And I walked in and I could
like swipe my credit card for like the down payment.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Then my credit score.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Is amazing because I've never used it for anything, do
you know what I mean? Because I've just had my head,
you know, buried in the sand. And in that moment,
I was just like, I can't believe that I can
actually like buy myself this car. And I literally I
drove out of the dealership like sobbing, because for the
last ten years I had I was in the mode of, like,
(26:42):
what does my daughter need? I was in full surviving mode.
When is the next shoe? When is the next like
attack going to happen on my life? When is the
next shoe gonna something bad's gonna happen? When is going
to happen? I'm waiting for it. Okay, Sure they said
the restaurant's doing good. Sure, I'm collecting paychecks and I'm
just putting them in the bank, but I'm not living,
like I'm not having any kind of life. And in
(27:04):
that moment, I still look at this car now and
everyone's like, it's really nice, and I was. And It's
the crazy part was everyone's response to me buying this
car for myself.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
They're like, you just can't. I can't believe it took you.
I can't.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Like I was like crying every time I went near
someone cause they were like, you deserve this so much,
I'm so happy you did this for yourself. And I
was like, I can't believe how many people were talking
about how I wasn't doing anything for myself or or
enjoying anything that had happened. And so the truth is
I haven't really been able to enjoy anything that has
happened because I've just been in full survival. And it's
(27:36):
really just a recent where I was like, I'm going
to buy myself this car, but really only because my
brother was like, I need a car, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
So, if this Antonia could go back to Antonia from
ten to fifteen years ago, would you have advice for
her so she could enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Earlier, like, how would you talk to her?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
You know, I don't. I don't know if I would
change anything.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Actually, you know, I think think what I would I
think if my this antonia self could tell my younger
antonia self anything is just like it'll be fine, because
that's what like this self tells.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
My future self, right like when I have.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
These still spirals of like, at any given moment, everything
could be taken away from me at any given moment,
I will have no work at any given moment. You know,
I went through this whole period where I wasn't competing
very well and I was like, Okay, now I can't cook.
That's great, awesome, Like now I'm just like not even
a good chef anymore. I would just always remind myself
that it actually always will be okay.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
You will always be okay, no matter what the outcome is.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
You know, sometimes we don't like the path, we don't
like the answer in the moment. We don't realize the
answer in the moment leads to something greater, far better
for you ten folds down the road, and that the
path is backwards and down and up and left and right,
not straight.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
That I would just kind of say that to her to.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Kind of give her a little like hot you know,
but not not change anything.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
And look, we do people who are driven like we are.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Anybody who's successful has been doing so much and so
much heartache and so much.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I'm not gonna call it.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Failure because it's not part of the journey, but the
rejection and the fuck ups and the hurdles, and that's
what life that you're you could be successful because you've
been able to deal.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
With more hurdles than most have ever become more than
everybody else.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And you know, I always say like, and I learned
this from a therapist to mine because I wake up
every day and it says to me, also, the remains
in my head men university going to come crashing down
around you, And I got the therapist said, no, the
universe conspires to help us. Yeah, we got to some
help convince ourselves and let that sink in.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
And if we can in the world can be a
lot less scary for us.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
And it's exactly I think what you're doing here, like, hey,
it's gonna be okay, but so hard for us to
comprehend while we're in that battle.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And even after.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
You're successful, like look, there's still you know, a lot
of us who are at the top, like we have
we have this monster in this that you know, makes
us think that tomorrow we're all gonna be canceled.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
It over and done and it's all gonna be gone.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
And it's I've been going through it, and I've been
you know, I've been on Fox for twenty years and
you know, me and Terry Bratcher, well this this we're
out after this year, We're done here. It's just like
that's what the roommates in over head tell us when
we're the best of what we do.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Oh yeah, I just went through the period where you know,
I wasn't competing just very well. And I was like, okay,
it's just a matter of time now, Like I've just
gotten too old and I can't do it anymore and
I've lost the you know, I've lost all of these
young people to come in. They just know so much
more than you do and have And I was like
and then I remember, you know, guy was like, You're
doing Turnado Champions one more time this year. And I
was like nauseous and like sick to my stomach about it,
(30:42):
you know, And you know, I came out of the
gate last year like a monster, a monster, you know,
and just you know, handled it in such a big way,
and so I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It doesn't matter. I hope you see. Here's the thing
for me.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I look at you like you're a gangster, right and
you've already done it. It doesn't matter or if you
win or lose, now you've done it.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Around it. You already did it.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And I try and tell this to people who are
well used to be world champions in fighting, and I
tell it to people who played in the NFL, like, dude,
you did it. Just because the uniforms off doesn't mean
you're still not a gangster. You'll always be a gangster.
And you've got to realize that also, like you're there,
you've done it.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
It's not a week by week thing.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And that's we too many of us do that, like,
oh man, this week, I do it like that crap
this week and I have a lot of scoops.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Fuck man, I suck. And yeah, it's no, we've done it.
We've done it at the highest level.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
But we got to play mind games with ourselves to
make sure that we have to give ourselves that grace.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Well the crazy part let me ask you a good
question because I feel like this is the weird part, right,
Like I am the most self deprecating person alone. Like
Greg will tell you, Who'll be like, oh my god,
she's spiraling. Just give us some space, Like she'll come back,
don't worry. Then you put me in a room where
I have to sell myself, and I'm like my biggest cheerleader.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yes, Like you want to know what I could do?
You want to know what I like? It's like how
these two people live together?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Right right? Right? Why could you do it? So?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
How do you get yourself Antony to then start? Make
sure you're those people in the room and you sell
yourself to you.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, sell myself to myself to myself.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Right, That's what we have to do a million percent.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
So many times, like producers will be like, oh my god,
have you ever seen Antoni in the room with like
the president of Food Network.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
She murders it, she kills it, And I'm like, yeah,
put her.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
In the room.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
I was like, yeah, put me in the room, Coach
like let me in, you know. And then I get
in the room and they're like, we love you, We'll
give you anything. And then all of a sudden, then
I go home and I'm like, nobody likes me.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Give me now that you're you're you've been on TV
and you're this big name. And it's so funny because
Antoni and I were at I was starting a super
Bowl party a couple of years ago, and I roll
up with me her whis Khalifa and Guy Fieri and our.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Guys at Fox. One of my producers. You got Antonio
la face here. Oh my god, I just want to
be her. I just want to meet her. Right. So,
now now that you are where you've been on TV,
Bill love, nobody loves you.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
But give me your moment of like did someone has
come up to you and You're like, holy fuck, how
did I get? Like someone just recognized me from TV?
Then like I can't believe this shit happened. Like I'm
gonna tell you real quick, like mine was. I'm were
two things that I'm at the Emmys and I just
went with some Fox people and I'm in the bathroom
and the big stars come in. They're like, I got
(33:16):
Jake Glazer, Dude, I started Jason went in my fantasy
team this morning because of what you said, Well he's
gonna play or that, and they hey, here's Jake and
the I'm like and they were like, oh dude, I
go out here stuff from my fantasy football too. And
I'm like, is this really fucking happening right now? And
they're all big stars and I'm like, God, how did
I get here? Give me your moment like that?
Speaker 4 (33:34):
So it was actually a guy's uh uh star on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame because it was Matthew McConaughey. Yes,
like Matthew McConaughey was there, and he was just like
he presented him and he knew Like he.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Walked back, He's like, hey, Antoni is here.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I was like, wait, what, Like was insane to me
that these celebrities like Selena Gomez. When I did Selena Show,
she was just like like someone came up to me
at like the the food and wine event. They were
just like, you know, Selena Gomez only follows like twenty people,
Like you know, she's got like some very small you know,
she has like twenties you know, however many million people
(34:11):
follow her. But she's like that has like this many people.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
And I'm like one of the people she follows.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
And so it's like when you have these moments where
you're like, oh my god, these huge celebrities that literally
run that people look up to and run the they
and then they're like, but you made this.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I was like, I just can't even believe that that's
part of your like vocabulary. That's like on the bigger level,
right on the on the much more like important level
of like where I feel like I've touched people and
I want to cry about it. Is I will randomly
get DMS, and a lot happened when I gave the
commencement speech at the Culinary School a couple of years
(34:47):
ago here in Los Angeles, and to this day, I
still get random kids that I gave the speech to
that are in Los Angeles that are still working, that
will see me in restaurants and they'll come up to
me and they go, you gave this speech and talked
about and they will pick a piece that I talked about.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Mostly, what I always say is don't skip the middle.
Everyone wants, you know, to.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Just they started, and then they just want to be successful,
and I'm like, don't skip the middle. The middle is
the most important part. And I've had students come up
and quote that back to me and I want to
cry because I'm like, oh my god, they heard me,
these young little sponges who are so excited about this
culinary industry that you know has jaded so many of
(35:27):
us and me, I've wanted to quit, love it, hate
it all the things. Right remembered that one piece that
I said to and they hung on to it, right,
And it's like I changed this or I changed my
path and now I'm doing this and I love what
I do because you said this, and I'm like, oh
my god, I've changed the course of certain people's lives
because of something I've said.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
And to me, that's like, you know, some fuck.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Is My last question before the final ext question was
going to be like, hey, give me the best business
advice you can give the people out there, and then
I think you just answered it.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Don't skip the middle. The middle is. The middle is
like the hardest. It is the shit, you know what
I mean. It's the it's the you know.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I stepped in shit for ten years kind of feeling.
But it is like the most important part.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
I love that. All right, here's my last question for you.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
I ask all my guesses give me the moment that
anytime of your life, career, anything that could have broken
you should have it didn't, and as a result, you
came out of the other side of that tunnel much
stronger with this mental wealth we're talking about.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
You know, is probably the day that Zaiyah's dad died, Like,
without question, that was when I think about my life.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
I think about it.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Before and after, right, So when he was here and
now when he's gone, my life split into two pieces.
And it was a situation that, without questions, should have
broken me. Right, Like, financially, I was in no way
orform ready to just take care of her financially by myself,
(37:04):
you know, emotionally did I want to do it by myself?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
No, you know I was.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
My daughter was eleven years old at the time. I
had just opened black market, I'm trying to figure out
my own career, and I talk about this all the time.
It's like success out of necessity, right, Like.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I didn't have a moment.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
I had a choice in that moment, Like I was
either going to be like victimized by this horrific thing
that happened, or I was going to take.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
It and use that fuel to like.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
Put me in a situation that was far better than
where I had started, and it was something that like
every single day of like, you know, my young daughter
not wanting to go to school, not understanding why I was,
why I was at work, you know, still being trying
to like open restaurants and build teams, and every piece
of that shouldn't have worked in theory, every single piece
(37:56):
of it right, like, should.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Not have worked in theory. And none of it was easy.
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I've literally spent probably like ten years in purgatory or
what felt like purgatory. But now the incredible thing is,
like my daughter did an interview with me for something
probably like a year ago, and all she talks about
is my strength. All she talks about is my perseverance.
(38:22):
All she talks about is remembering how I was almost
catatonic when he first died and couldn't even figure out
how to get us to New York. And then all
she remembers is me like making every dream of hers
come true.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Oh my god, Yeah, that's incredible. That's one of the
coolest answers I ever had that question.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Yeah, that is amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:48):
I you know, it's weird. I just when people people
I say that all the time, like, I'm so proud
of you. You should be proud of yourself.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I'm like, it almost just felt like it was my duty,
if that makes sense, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Like, no, your fucking answer needs to be yes, I'm
proud of myself.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
I can't say anything nice. What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (39:05):
God? It needs to be ca Yeah, my.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Gut visceral reaction is not to be able to do that.
But yes, Okay, thank you, Jay, Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
I love it And tiny Alla Foss I love you.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
I appreciate you as a friend, I appreciate you from
what we learn from you as well. Thank you so
much for joining the Unbreakable Mental Health podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
You're the best.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Thank you, You're the best.
Fox Sports Radio News
Host
Jonas Knox
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