August 4, 2023 • 50 mins
Big Ben talks about Chris Simms getting roasted for his take on Deshaun Watson, Cowboys players not respecting Dak Prescott, Maller to the Third Degree, Lame Jokes of the Week, Coop's Scoop on Entertainment, and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is the best of the Ben Maler Show on
Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
NFL broadcasters say the darnedest things. Welcome in the beginning
of another edition the Ben Mahler Show. As we are
in the air, everywhere a cluster, as we say, never
give up, never back down, coast to coast, border the
(00:53):
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should Me are lead this hour. Coming from Columbus, Ohio,
The birthplace of pro football. Some degenerate gamblers got together
over one hundred years ago and they said, you know what,
(01:38):
let's do a pro football thing. Maybe we'll make some money,
do a little hustle. They didn't really make the big
money until recently, but boy have they made a lot
of money. The home of the holy Land of football immortality.
Now this is not what you think it's going to be.
You probably think I'm going one direction, but I am
going to zig when you think I'm going to zag.
It was the kickoff of the twenty twenty three exhibition season.
(02:01):
That's right, not the preseason exhibition season, because man, does
it blow the faux. NFL games have begun, just one
game on the card this entire weekend. That was on
Thursday night. And I said, in a radio appearance I
did on our affiliate in Kansas City with my friend
Bob Fesco, I said, listen, I'm gonna make it one play.
(02:24):
And I actually went over that I made it five
plays because I forgot to turn the channel. That's four
more than I expect. But the Hall of Fame game
the highlight. You know things are going well when the
highlight is a twenty minute delay between the third and
fourth quarters because the lights went out. Turn out the
last the parties over right there at the south side
(02:48):
of that stadium in Columbus, Ohio, lights go out, darkness
retreat style, and then eventually the play resumed and the Jets,
putting their fifth stringers in there, suffered a power is.
The Brownies fifth stringers managed to do just enough in
the second half they squeeze past New York twenty one
to sixteen in a practice game opener for both teams.
(03:11):
So if you bet on the Jets, favored by a
point and a half, you've lost. You're a loser. Well,
you're a loser even if you won and bet on
the Browns. The viral moment, though, happened prior to the
game on n b C if you happen to watch
and perhaps not Chris Simms, the spawn of Phil and
(03:34):
a bloviator on different media platforms, Chris Simms was absolutely
bludget for his commentary on DeShawn Watson on the pregame coverage.
Simms said that the Cleveland Browns quarterback has quote knocked
(03:55):
the rust off, and you're going to see the old
Deshaun Watson that we used to see before he had
some issues ding ning dan Nan dang. Yes, that last
line before he had some issues. Yeah, okay, that's the
golden quote right there. Sound the bugle que, the cavalry.
(04:19):
The cavalry are coming. The cavalry are coming. They're on
the way. So let us discuss the question what were
your takeaways from Chris Simms being roasted over an open
social media platform for his Deshaun Watson take on the pregame.
So I've got Needle Point, Boys Town and Tim Allen,
(04:41):
and we will squeeze all these things together and we
are gonna make the Baba Ganouche is what we're gonna
make now. A We have been very clear over the
last couple of years that Deshaun Watson story has bounced
around our little world that we are on t Deshaun
Watson is a creep In fact, if you listen regularly,
(05:04):
or even if you don't, you know, if you've listened
a few times, that we have a nickname for Deshaun Watson,
the creepy quarterback. That's the nickname now. Regardless, though, it
was still impressive to see Outrage Army activated and they
were happy. Zippity dude, da Zippity Day, very exciting. This
(05:25):
is red meat in the lions Den. So I will
tell you that Chris Simms. I don't pay a lot
of attention to what he says. I don't really really
have much value in his opinions, but he gets paid
a lot of much. Pretty good as a firebrand. It's
pretty good at what he does. He seems to get
a lot of headlines, riles people up, the low information
(05:45):
fans go crazy. But this one red meat in the
lions Den. And what he lacks intact, Simms, he makes
up for in the ability to agitate and question is
what were the people complaining expecting Chris Simms to say? Like?
(06:08):
Were they expecting him to get into the Happy Baby
yoga pos and do a little dance? Is that what
they were expected? Like NFL broadcasts, has anyone noticed this?
They are more filtered than tap water. Okay, all the
pregame shows. Everyone just laughs at everything, the games themselves.
There's no legitimate criticism, and anytime there is, people get
(06:31):
aghast when they hear that. But when it comes to
issues like Watson fondling every massous he could get his
hands on, when that stuff comes and being sued by
them all just about when that comes up, Well, come on,
Chris Simms is expected to practice needle point, make a
needle point pillow. He has to thread a needle. It
(06:55):
is a cat and mouse game because anyone that cares
to pay attention knows that Deshaun Watson for the NFL
is a large pus filled cyst on the NFL's took us.
That's Deshaun Watson, right, there's no good outcome. Can't root
for him. The guys, the highest paid guys in Albatross,
(07:15):
some bad dude, Deshaun Watson. But they have to downplay
on the broadcast because the NFL powers that be pay
very close attention. They are a television monstrosity. That's where
they make their money, their TV powerhouse, and so they
have to be careful now turning the page on that.
As for the game, the starters for both teams, you
(07:38):
know what they were doing. They were working as display
case mannequins. They were selling merch for the NFL shop
is what they were doing because they weren't playing, and
a number of them were in uniform. Now, Zach Wilson,
who used to be a starter, I'm old enough to
remember when he started Zach Wilson the prodigy for the Jets.
A couple of years ago. Respect broadcasters like Jason Smith
(08:01):
told me that Zach Wilson would dominate and just wait,
and I waited, and I waited for two years, and
now he's on the outs. So Zach Wilson started this
practice game, this exhibition game for the Jets, and he
was actually getting a lot of flowers thrown his way
on the socials. Why he completed a fifty seven yard
(08:24):
bomb early in the game where and he attempted five
passes completed three of them for sixty five yards. The
moral of the story, when you're Zach Wilson, the bar
is very low. It's very low. Now, regardless, the bigger question,
will you and I see the Jets bost Zach Wilson
(08:50):
get another opportunity to start in the NFL? All right now,
I am nodding my head. Yes, I am going to
be Benny Brightside on this one. Not because I believe
there'll be some great transformation and metamorphosis from Zach Wilson.
Because I'm nuts, but I'm not that nuts. But he's
a twisted ankle away from old man Rogers to start
(09:14):
that aside. The better question is will he get the
chance to be a full time starter, win a job,
and will I say yes? Because Wilson is the classical
reclamation project. You think of the boys club model that
the NFL has embraced Father Flannagan, the boys Club right,
the tendencies of the NFL teams to overlook actual suckage
(09:38):
and say, well, we thought you were going to be good,
the projections where you're gonna be good coming out of college,
so we'll keep giving you the chances. It's like the
statue of Liberty's famous quote, right, give me you're tired,
you're poor, you're underachieving. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe
another chance to make a lot of money and play
someone down the line, and likely sooner than later, will
(09:59):
give him. It looks see, if Rogers makes it through
the year unrelatively unscathed, he will not start all the games.
But Rogers makes it through the majority of the year
and then is going to come back again. The Jets
will say goodbye at that point to Zach Wilson. Now
the last word here. We go to Tampa, we move
away from the Browns and the Jets. We go to Tampa.
(10:21):
Baker Mayfield, who was considered by all to be the
chalk horse, the leader in the pack, to steer the
pirate ship there in Tampa, however, maybe not. The Buccaneers
offensive coordinator Dave Canalis laying it on thick smoochy smoochy
for Kyle Trask, the other quarterback. Do you see this? Yeah? Now?
(10:44):
He said that Maker Mayfield got off to a better start,
he implied there at the beginning of camp. But Canalis
then pivoted singing the praises of Kyle Trask, who was
in Tampa as the caddy to Tom Brady among others
last year. He said the Bucks offensive coordinator that Kyle
Trask is stretching the field with his arm, getting the
(11:06):
ball out quickly, making decisions. Okay, a lot of mumbo jumbo.
So let's talk about this quickly. How is the forecast
looking for Baker Mayfield in Tampa based on parsing the
words in this quote. So I will go first here
the forecast for Baker Mayfield cloudy with a chance of meatballs.
(11:28):
Because if Baker can't beat out Kyle Trask at that moment,
you've already been fired by the Panthers. You were let
go by the Rams. They didn't really want to bring
you back, and so he should consider changing careers. And
may I recommend that if this doesn't work out with
the Bucks and he ends up in purgatory, he should
(11:49):
replace Tim Allen. They can do a remake of his
character Tim Taylor tool time. And we know he's got
the skills right. We know from experience that he is
a jack of all trades, handyman at home with Baker mayfil.
I learned when he played for the Browns that Baker
is able to replace smoke detector batteries, very good at that.
(12:11):
If you need him to check the circuit breaker, he's
good at that. Plumbing issues, he can straighten that out.
He knows the plumber to call. If you have a big, raging,
messy party, he can clean all that up. And he's
diversified because he's also able to be part of the
book club. So I learned all that when he played
for the Cleveland Browns. I didn't learn that he was
any good as a quarterback. I just learned his skills
(12:31):
as a handyman. So I'm saying there's a future there
if the NFL thing does not work out, Like the
playing part of it for the Buccaneers does not work out.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
A Bigger meaning, No, No, there's actually a bigger meaning
to this. Welcome in the big getting of another hour
of the Ben Mallory Show.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
We are in the air everywhere, forming a band as
we practice the art of radio, the science of sport.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Coast, the coast, port, the moort, and beyond. On the
vast and gigantically powerful microphones of fs are amminating live
from the market, the flea market of hot takes. We
are broadcasting live from the ti rak dot com studios.
Tyraq dot com will help you get there in unmatched selection,
(13:34):
fast free shipping, free road hazard protection, and over ten
thousand recommended installers. Tire rack dot com the way tire
buying should be. In our lead this hour, we go
back to Jerry's World. That's where we go. The top
primetime soap opera in the NFL creating new subplots every day,
(13:57):
and we're there to eat them up, just like the
old tea series. The plot usually revolves around a very
affluent group of football players that are feuding. They're a family,
they are united as a football family, and they love
to feud with each other. Now, Big d is the spot,
and it's actually in California where the Cowboys are training.
(14:17):
But if you have not heard the latest, maybe not.
There are some rumlins out there and your belly that
Dak Prescott not only is he a starting quarterback in
the NFL, he is not respected by his Cowboy teammates.
Say what Yeah? That is some of the fallout from
(14:37):
the now viral clip that has bounced all over the
place and been seen millions of times of Dak getting
into it with defensive back Travon Diggs. They were doing
the little square dancing the Doc do and they were
having a great time, having a wonderful time. After that
video went around the Dallas defense. If you didn't see
(15:01):
the clip, the Dallas defense had stopped Dak in practice
and Diggs was talking some trash, which is standard fair
and it was it was kind of like the Smackoff,
you know, and that old Jim Rome show back in
back in the day. So they went back and forth
and people have been obsessing with it. We actually have
(15:24):
some reaction from Dak Prescott. So let's hear what Dak
had to say on this topic. Let's go to the
audio tape.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Very healthy banter between two teammates. That's a guy that
I spent a lot of time with. We're always going
back and forth. And when you're competing at a high level,
when you're competing and you believe that your side's better
than the other side, and that's mutual, and that's iron
and sharpen and iron.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
So words are words.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So he went to the Bible, iron sharpening iron, obviously downplaying,
trying to minimize mitigate what happened. Not everyone Noo agrees.
Lashawn McCoy, who played in the NFL well and now
moonlights at Fox doing a talk show on television. He
recently said that when he was playing in the NFL,
(16:09):
and he talked about how he bounced around, he played
with Michael Vick in Philadelphia, Tom Brady and Tampa played
with Patrick Mahomes, talked about the top quarterbacks in the NFL.
He said, nobody on the teams he played for would
even fix their lips to say something like what Trayvon
(16:30):
Diggs said to Dak Prescott, he said, they wouldn't even
do it. It wouldn't do it to any of those quarterbacks.
So let us discuss the question. You know what the
implication is the question the down playing aside you expected that,
you expected Dak Prescott to belittle what happened and attempt
to downplay it. That aside cowboy players not respecting Dak Prescott.
(16:55):
Do you believe it or not? And I am not
agnostic on this. I am a believer, a true believer.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I am.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I'm all choked up. I've got sand Castle, water balloon,
and Broadway musical and we will combine all of these
things together and we are going to make some Texas toast,
is what we're going to make. Yes, delicious Texas toast,
which hopefully for Stefan Diggs brother, his brother there is
Ravon Diggs will not be Texas toast burned Texas toast
(17:29):
because Diggs has a reputation of always going for the
home run and quite often getting burned baby burned. All right,
So number.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I am okay.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I agree with Shady McCoy. Where there is smoke, there
is a fire person putting the fire out, and a
Trayvon Diggs is gunning to win a smackoff. That is
what he's doing here. Grab a vine, Welcome to the jungle.
Stuff happens, I get it. Stuff happens in the heat
(18:11):
of training camp, and that's as old as the hills.
The trash talk that goes on, that's not up for debate.
I don't know anyone who's got an IQ above forty
who would argue against that. We all agree that's just
part of training camp. However, in this situation, the vibe,
it's highlighted in neon yellow marker, Neon yellow marker. Dak
(18:37):
Prescott is not held in high regard in the cowboy
locker room. He's not. That's the way I interpret what happened.
Your trash talk is allowed, it goes on all the time,
but it is verboten to if you reach a certain
level of rarefied air verboten. Dak Prescott is not that guy, pal,
(19:00):
He's not that guy. There's no worshiping going on of
Dak Prescott. Why would there be. He's lacking the Genesi
quah if you will, Dallas players do not have breathless
reverence for Dakota. That stuff is earned. You win a
lot of trophies and medals and pendants and things like
that is not just given. And even though Dak has
(19:23):
taken a lot of Jerry's money and played eight mediocre seasons,
at least in terms of winning big games. Dak Prescott,
you know what he's like. He's like a sand castle.
He looks sturdy. You're like, okay, we got something here. Played,
put up decent numbers and all that, and right up
until the playoffs, and when the playoffs come around, that
Dak Prescott sand castle with a nice moat out in front,
(19:45):
right there on the front of the playoffs. Yeah. Yeah,
when the playoffs come around and then high tide comes around,
those waves, what do the waves do to that nice
sand castle. Yeah, it goes back to flat sand. There's
something to this noise. And I'm not dismissing. I'm not.
And this is part of the problem. Dak has a
(20:07):
history of going haywire, something malfunctions in the playoffs. Now
this past year something well, he had a perfect game
against Tampa Bay that was not a playoff game. It's
a sub five hundred team. You play a sub five
hundred team and you're hanging your hat on that performance.
When Dak played a good team, the forty nine ers.
(20:29):
The next week, what happened? He took a ride on
the vomit comment. Now page two, there's another round of
chutter about the disgruntled star of the Indianapolis football team.
And this is our obligatory Malard monologue on the conflicting
stories regarding the level of interest around the NFL in
(20:52):
Jonathan Taylor. Now get you up to speed. Earlier this
week we talked about on the show, but maybe you
were not. We were preaching away here. Earlier in the
week there was a story that was going around saying
that half the NFL, at least half of the NFL
wanted a deal for the Indianapolis running back. Well, now
(21:15):
we have had a change in direction. Instead of going
to the right, we are going to the left. So
we're going the other direction. And while the Horseshoes have
not dismissed dealing the sour Puss runner, the new reports
indicate that those stories about there being a bull market
(21:36):
are actually blowney is what they are. And we are
now told the latest chatter is that the list of
teams that are actually interested in acquiring Jonathan Taylor is
quote not long, So do not expect a bidding war
to drive up the price. So how do you assess?
(22:00):
How do you assess the latest wrinkles in the Jonathan
Taylor folk tale with the Colts. So it is a
whale of a tail, such a great story. It would
not have been a great story if we hadn't heard
this week that jim Irsay is planning on burning twenty
million dollars to fly a whale from Miami to Seattle.
(22:24):
That just makes this next level out of this galaxy.
While his running back is asking for the owner to
throw him a bone or a couple of bones, and
the owners like, I know you're having a conniption fit,
but what about the orca? What about the Orca? So
this Jonathan Taylor story, the way it has played out
(22:47):
this week, it is like a defective water balloon. It's
a leaker. It is a leaker. There are three sides
to every story. I'm a big believer in this in
this one, there's three sides to this story. You've got
Taylor's side, widespread interest. You've got the Colt side, nobody
(23:07):
wants him, the guy's a bum. The third side the truth,
that's the that's the tough part to figure out. So
you have a misinformation campaign from the agent. You always
try to look at the source of these things, like
who's the one that leaked the story, who's the one
that benefits from the story. This is rather simple. This
(23:28):
is a starter course, the appetizer. So the agent contacts
some friends or somebody representing a conduit to the agent
represents you know or knows people to the media. So
they contact people to me. They're like, hey, listen, seventeen
teams will like to get their hand on this guy. Yeah,
I mean, they love them. It's a happy hunting ground.
And then the Colts contact some of their pals and
(23:51):
they're like, nobody wants this guy. He's rotting. He's like
a rotting corpse. Nobody wants him. And so there you go.
So you gotta wind back the clock. All right, final point,
let's go to the motors city.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
We took a phone call the other night from a
Lions fan who was trying to figure out whether or
not this is real or a mirage. When I say
real or mirage, the expectations of the Detroit football team
are rather high, rather high. They're gonna drop their latest
album their twenty twenty three album. It drops on early
(24:28):
September against the fact first game of the year against
Kansas City at Arrowhead. For the first time, I read
this and my eyeballs popped out of my head.
Speaker 6 (24:38):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Not surprising, but still when you think about how many
years it's been, it's rather crazy. It's the first time
since Ford Field opened way back in twenty oh two
that the Detroit Lions have sold out of season tickets.
I was a little boy in twenty oh two. I
barely remember twenty oh two, and that's the last time.
(25:01):
The Lions President CEO, Resident big shot Ron Wood bringing
the lumber. He announced there will now be a shocking
waiting list. They will have a Green Bay Packer like
waiting list to buy tickets to watch the Lions. Yes,
(25:21):
the Lions, who were the Booby prize of Thanksgiving every year.
You had to watch the Lions. But then you got
the Cowboy game. Later got the Cowboy game. Later you
watch the game. You gotta get through the Lions game,
and then the Cowboy game would come up a little
bit later. So what is the lesson? What is the
lesson from selling out the Lions selling out Ford field.
(25:44):
So it is the twilight zone. That's right, twilight zone.
For the first time since before YouTube, Facebook and the iPhone,
the lions in the eyes of the natives matter, They're relevant.
(26:04):
Twenty oh two, YouTube didn't exist, Facebook did not exist.
The iPhone was not around. We were many years away
from some of the other social media that's out there
now and inundating many people's lives, turning them into zombies.
But at least in the courtroom of public opinion, it
is like a Broadway musical from years ago, South Pacific
(26:24):
and that song cock eyed optimist. Many of the media,
and this shows you the power of the media, even
with all the social media taken over, but the requirements
of old media, and old media being radio, television, not
so much newspapers anymore, but the old media types who
have been selling the lions and are the roar of
(26:46):
the lions. And I'm actually buying into a point we
talked about this in the previous episode show I'm buying
in that there is some truth to this. This is
not completely imagic. That is absolutely a contender the NFC.
Not that great playoff spots are up for auction in
(27:06):
the NFC, and it's on like Donkey kot Now, I
do have my reservations about Jared Goff. He scares the
hell out of out of you because he's had some real,
real big hiccups in his grip. But nobody's perfect. No
team is perfect. But this is a refresher course on
the power of positivity. That's actually sound of Dan Campbell.
(27:32):
He's sleeping right now. Most people yawn, they sound normal.
He sounds like that when he's when he's snoring. Yeah,
there's areas. Again, perception is reality. I heard that before.
And the perception is Detroit is going to be a
playoff team, or at least a playoff contender, and so
people are excited about that, and it's it's nice, good
(27:54):
to see and all those people that promised me. When
Dan I did a monologue of fanboy monologue, I was like,
you know those Taylor swift has the Swifties. I was
at Campbell Eese or whatever they call Dan Campbell fan
because people were goofing on Dan Campbell. This guy's would
meat head. Why did they hire him? You know, all
the racemongerers are the race hustlers were like, he's a
white guy, that's why they hired him. Yeah, but Dan
(28:16):
Campbell appears to know a thing or two about coaching,
and we'll find out.
Speaker 7 (28:21):
Now.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
The Lions could go out there and get in the
fetal position and start sucking their paw, and that could
be that, but it certainly looks pretty good.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Hi, this is Jay Glazer.
Speaker 8 (28:36):
And you may know me for the world of football
or fighting or even shows like HBO's Ballers.
Speaker 6 (28:42):
Well you don't know this.
Speaker 8 (28:43):
For my entire life, I have lived in something I
refer to as the gray depression anxiety. So now I'm
coming out with a new podcast, Unbreakable, a mental health.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Podcast with Jay Glazer where each week, well we talk
about mental health. I hope to describe it, give it words.
Speaker 8 (28:59):
Listen to Unbreakable with Jay Glazer on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
It's maller.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
How about that to the third degree?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This is one big event.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Gets grilled. Go.
Speaker 7 (29:17):
Melvin Gordon recently gave out some advice in an interview,
telling young athletes to reconsider playing running back and to
switch positions if athletic enough, Ben, do you think someone
like Derrick Henry will be the last of his kind
an elite running back.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Yes, Melvin Gordon has these Bengali effect and every pop
warner all American will give up the running back position
because Melvin Gordon told them to unless nothing is going
to change. Listen, the minimum salary in the NFL seven
hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That's a pretty good salary,
and it try making that at a regular jobs. I
don't stop. Not much is going to change it all.
Speaker 7 (29:53):
Next, there was a report this week that those funny
looking padded helmets you see at training camp called guardian
caps have I've helped to reduce concussions by fifty three percent. Ben,
do you think we're heading towards guardian caps in the
regular season?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
You know how you can spin numbers to fit any
narrative you want. Now, there's no chance because this looks
like a total clown show that people wearing the helmets,
and the NFL is a television show. The optics, it
looks bad. People don't they're just not comfortable with those caps.
They'll have them more in practice, But I do not
see them coming to actual games next.
Speaker 7 (30:28):
There's some speculation that the Raiders could use Sakon Barkley's
deal with the Giants as the framework to get Josh
Jacobs back with the team. Ben, do you think a
Jacob's return is imminent?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I don't think it's imminent, but I do think he
will play when the regular season comes around, because you know,
leave money on the table, you going to be a
dumb dumb like Le'Veon Bell. It's great to be noble,
but when push comes to shove, and more importantly, when
the checks start vanishing, he's gonna show up. Jacobs.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
How do we do a failure?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
What?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
I didn't like your first answer? I think you're wrong.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It's a great answer. Nothing's gonna do you think Gordon's
gonna change things? He can't even hold the ball.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app. Search FSR to
listen live. Knock Knock, Who's there? Blame We Blame wee too.
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
Week, and away we go.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Big Ben's Lame Jokes of the Week. These are actual
jokes sending by actual listeners. Listeners to show the laughter
is already starting here on lame jokes. And we have
our friend from Miami. He only appears on the show
once a week. He used to call every night. Every night,
this guy would fall. His real name is Billy, but
he goes by the name weed Man on the show
(31:47):
because there was another guy named Billy Blanks. I don't
know what happened to that guy. But we have our man,
weed Man. Hippie. Hello, weed Man, Hey, Ben, say hello Lisa,
Hi Lisa. Oh she's there.
Speaker 4 (32:03):
She is.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
All right.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Darn you've not done very well for Lisa's sleep pattern. There,
weed Man, she's on the phone with you all night.
Speaker 6 (32:12):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
When does she sleep? Okay?
Speaker 6 (32:18):
All right? You just talk to you.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Oh, thank you. It's very kind of you. That's friendship,
weed Man. That is friendship. So these are actual jokes
from actual listeners. If you'd like to send a joke
in in a future episode of the show, you can
send them in care of Ben Mahler's show at gmail
dot com. That's Benmahler's Show at gmail dot com, and
we may we may read your joke on the no guarantee.
(32:42):
Just make sure you put jokes in the headlines, and
we know we made it. Here you go, all right,
and here we go. What are this is the Lizzo
radio roast. We're starting with the Lizzo radio ros as
she is in danger of being canceled. What are Lizzos
on stage? Dan answers a signature move?
Speaker 6 (33:02):
I don't know what are their signature moves?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Called the banana flips is what they're called. They called
it the banana flip in Roseville, Minnesota. Well, the fashion
community is speaking up against Lizzo, Eddie. You hear about that?
Speaker 6 (33:16):
I no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Yeah, they're talking about her ability to put together a
lawsuit is amazing. I don't think at George and Rochester, Minnesota.
Did you Lizzo has actually joined the army because of
all this. Yeah, it shocking. She's specializing in heavy artillery.
That's her specialty. That's justin in DC. Why did Lizzo
(33:42):
get kicked out of Yellowstone National Park?
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I don't know why?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Well, why did the park ranger got upset because she
was using that that guys are old faithful as a
bidet and that that's not allowed it. You can't you
thought it was going away that surfer Todd the Comedian
said that one. And by the way, Justin in DC
is now known as Justin the DC Comedian. That's what
(34:11):
he's known as now. He's he's jealous of the attention
surfer Todd the Comedian is getting. Why are the Lizzo
jokes so funny this weekend?
Speaker 6 (34:19):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
It's low hanging fruit, Eddie. That's why it's low hanging
for a very low that's Chip Chip in Maine sent
that one in What is the opening group when Lizzo
goes on tour?
Speaker 6 (34:35):
I don't know what's the opening group.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
They're called Banana rama is what they're called. That's some
eke in Roseio, Minnesota. What is Lizzo's pet name for
her on stage dancers.
Speaker 6 (34:52):
I don't know what's her pet name for the dancers.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
For some reason, she calls the ladies the chequita's. I
don't know why, Eddie, I have no for me. In Roseville, Minnesota,
what's Lizzo's favorite song?
Speaker 6 (35:07):
I don't know what's your favorite song?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Yes, we have some bananas. That's her favorite song. That's
Gordon in Zacoba. We got any jokes? Over there in
the Lizzo radio rows steady jokes over there, Kobaloo, I
do not have any joke, okay A. Lizzo surprisingly picked
up a brand ambassador ship in the middle of this
really troubling scandal.
Speaker 6 (35:30):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yes, she has been named the new spokesperson for the
Savannah Bananas. Eddie Soga. I don't know how she got that.
No idea. That's from Mike in Georgia who sent this.
This next one's from Dave in Delaware. He says Lizzo
was asked why she liked her dancers to have bananas.
Do you hear what she said? No? She said she
(35:52):
found them more appealing that way. How many versions of
a joke can we do? I still can't get over
the fact, Eddie, that Lizzo actually fat shames someone.
Speaker 6 (36:06):
Else in amazing That is surprising us.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, that's like a whale calling the walrus. Wett, Who
does that? Come on, that's a Kurt from Earth. Thank
you for that, pity laugh weed, man, I believe I
thank you for that. Kurt from Earth also sent this
one in. Apparently even John Gruden has filed a lawsuit
against Lizzo.
Speaker 6 (36:24):
Really, that's surprising.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, apparently she learned of the spider two wide banana
play and she's been running that with the the dancers.
So that's Kurt from Earth who sent that? When I
saw thanks to the laugh who I saw Lizzo near
my car the other day?
Speaker 6 (36:40):
Oh yeah, what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, it's a good thing I didn't fall for the
banana in the tailpipe, Eddie. That would have been bad.
I didn't fall for it, though. I think she likes
the banana in the front pipe. I don't know any
art that's a Kurt from Earth who set that one in?
Did you see that story, weed Man, the Lizzos lawsuit?
You read that? No, no idea what we're talking? Oh
(37:07):
my god? All right, where did Lizzo first fall in
love with bananas?
Speaker 6 (37:15):
I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
That would be Sunday school, Eddie.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
Yeah, ice cream, Sunday.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Banana splits, Eddie, they make the banana split, s Eddie,
the Sunday the banana.
Speaker 5 (37:28):
I'll tell you about the story during the break, weed Man.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, then he'll be laughing his ass off. Well, Lizzo,
she tried to get in the oil business, but unfortunately
she was unable to make.
Speaker 6 (37:39):
A lot of money.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Well, she focused on banana oil, that's all she was.
That was from Mike. This one's from Fred in Vegas.
Why does Lizzo put sunscreen on her bananas?
Speaker 6 (37:55):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Well, she doesn't want them to peel, Eddie, She's worried
they'll peel if they get you know. Well, with Lizzo
part of the supposedly phenomenal Barbie soundtrack, you know what
Lizzo and Barbie have in common?
Speaker 6 (38:14):
Uh no, what do they have in common?
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Absolutely? Positivity, positivity, nothing, nothing, Eddie, they have nothing. In Boston.
Set that one in Why does Lizzo put sunscreen? I
already did that one's I'll do one more and we'll
close the Lizzo radio rows. Did you hear that Lizzo
has canceled her fancy European tour dates?
Speaker 6 (38:38):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yes, she told her manager she is now only going
to perform in banana republics. That's it, Eddie, she will
only go to banana republics. That's what Gordon and Tacoma.
So we had other jokes. We can't do all this,
but thank you, and we will have the rest. We're
gonna have the weed man a couple of weed Man jokes.
We've got many more jokes. It's Big Ben's Lame Show
(39:00):
Jokes of the Week. We do it every Friday. If
you like it. If you don't like it, we only
do it once a week. So who the hell cares?
But Lame Jokes of the Week rolls on. We'll get
to it. We will do it next.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Lame Jokes of the Week it continues on. We think
all of our unpaid, underappreciated joke writers that have taken
time out to write the show, and we thank them
for their many Lizzo jokes. Weed Man, did you hang up?
Are you still there?
Speaker 6 (39:30):
Weed Man?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I'm here all right. There is weed Man Hippie in Miami.
Longtime show contributor. What was the major flaw with the
mice's plan to steal weed man hippies teeth?
Speaker 6 (39:43):
Attie? I don't know what. They've stolen them and they
have never been found.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
No, No, the flaw was they thought they could get
him to pay the ransom. That's the that's the problem.
That's a passion belly laugh and weed Man. That's Chip
and Maine who sent that one? And and if you
give weed man a fish, if you give weed Man
a fish, you'll feed him for a day at right,
(40:10):
if you give weed Man a poison fish, you'll feed
him for life. Justin, justin in d C set that
one in. How was Lisa able to break all of
weed Man's teeth when she threw a glass at him?
Speaker 6 (40:27):
I don't know how was she able to do that?
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Turns out weed Man's teeth were in the glass. They
were in the glass circle Todd the comedian, I know
she's sleeping. What's weed Man's what's weed Man asking for
for his next birthday?
Speaker 4 (40:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Glowing the dark toothbody you want? What's that? We man?
My birthday was last week last No, no way, happy birthday?
Speaker 6 (40:56):
Look at that. I meant to say it last coming radio.
Happy birthday. How old are you?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Twenty seven? You're still twenty seven?
Speaker 6 (41:09):
No way? Are you away old before?
Speaker 1 (41:14):
How old do you feel?
Speaker 6 (41:17):
I couldn't tell you. It's to medicid.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Just like you planned out life. It's going as planned
when you were younger? Right? Any jokes over there?
Speaker 6 (41:27):
Cooperloo, Yeah, I gotta come with.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
He Okay, Coop's got some offensive jokes.
Speaker 7 (41:32):
How do you pay your respects to pbe Herman's at
pe wee Herman's funeral?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (41:38):
You should show yes, yes, what a.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Way to find out?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
Okay, but the proper way to pay your respects is
to show up naked.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
I think we should apologize to Kurt from Earth because
he got just bowguarded by weed Man. Just reaction, It
just spoiled that joke. Man Man alive?
Speaker 6 (42:12):
All right?
Speaker 1 (42:13):
How is weed Man getting ready for football season?
Speaker 6 (42:17):
I don't know how's he getting ready?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
He's already sleeping in the parking lot at the Dolphin Stadium,
getting ready to panhandle, so he's ready to go on that.
What should everyone do to fight poverty, Eddie?
Speaker 6 (42:30):
I don't know what what should we do?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Punch weed Man? Just punch weed Man. That's all you have.
That's Eric in Kansas. All right, calm down. At least
you're not giving out your Gmail anymore. You've stopped doing
that or whatever. Your PayPal? Can you say, pah, yeah,
do you actually check that email? You're locked out of Twitter,
You're locked out of everything. You forgot your password to
all these things. I still have all right, why don't
(42:58):
you reset your your Twitter password? I don't know what happened. Well,
it's no longer it's called x now all right. How
can the Malard militia help weed Man get off the streets?
Speaker 6 (43:10):
I don't know how. How can they help them?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Well, they can just pick him up and put him
on the sidewalk. That's what they could do. They could
do that, justin Justin and DC sent that one in
DC Comedian. Justin any other jokes? Cool? Nah, okay. Women
call weed Man ugly until they find out how much
he's worth Eddie?
Speaker 6 (43:29):
Oh is that right?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Then they call him ugly and poor. It's what they
call him. Justin the DC Comedian. Here's some other jokes.
Why can't angry Bill donate to the spur Bank?
Speaker 6 (43:41):
Oh god, I don't know why. Why can't he not
do that?
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Low income Eddie? Low income? That's is Justin in DC.
Do you know Andre has a lazy eye?
Speaker 6 (43:54):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Yeah, he can't control his pupils. He can't control the pupil.
That's Justin and D. See. Thank you all for the
lame jokes. Next week, man, get out of here, go away.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
I passed the hour and the Coop Scoop on Entertainment
is right freaking now.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Don't hang up because I want to speak to Koop
on all things pop culture.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Oh you want to be part of this, Okay, Coop,
Coop can be Uh, he'll be one of the people
listening here. Yeah, okay, you stay right there. But it's
the Kop Scoop on Entertainment. We Coop. We did learn
that Marcel's very connected when it comes to entertainment. He
actually knows a lot of stuff about entertainment more than sports.
The Coop Scoop on Entertainment. Justin Cooper.
Speaker 7 (44:42):
All right, we got a couple of a couple of
movies that are coming out this weekend or or are
already out that may be of some interest. First, is
uh Teenage Mutant Ninja, Turtles, Mutant Mayhem. This one is
already in theaters. I believe this comes. It's a it's
an anim made it animated movie.
Speaker 6 (45:01):
It kind of has a clamation feel to it. Is
that would that be accurate?
Speaker 7 (45:06):
I don't know if I would call it clamation. It's
a it is a weird kind of I guess I
guess you would. I don't know, because I mean, it's
not clamation, but I guess it kind of does look
like it could be.
Speaker 6 (45:21):
It's computerized claymation.
Speaker 7 (45:22):
Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at it now. But it's it's
an interesting style and it is getting rave reviews. I
believe reviews it is.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yes, it's not just good reviews. Rave review that's a
different type of review at it. It's a rave review.
Speaker 7 (45:37):
It has got a ninety five percent on Rotten Tomatoes
from the critics, and the audience score is ninety four percent.
So it's uh, you know, liked by the critics and
the people alike. I believe it comes from I believe
Seth Rogan is behind this. Is it rated R It
is not? Oh darn no, it is rated PG. Uh
(45:58):
but that isn't theaters right now, and uh entering theaters
today is the Meg two for those of you stoked
about that. This one's called The Trench and it stars Jason.
It's a really big shark this time, yes, huge shark.
It was just a big shark. Loss is a really
big shark.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
This one.
Speaker 5 (46:17):
This one came from the trench. It is gigantic.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
It's the film America needs right now.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
This one has a twenty five percent on run time.
But you know what, they.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Can't they can't afford the good bots.
Speaker 5 (46:34):
That's what I'll probably still see it on. Oh good god,
I know.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Well you have a past.
Speaker 6 (46:39):
Cool, Yeah, you could spend that.
Speaker 5 (46:41):
You're spending mons on watching something else, a lot of things.
Speaker 6 (46:44):
Watch.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Remember how valuable your time is, coop. Remember that the
most important, most valuable thing you have is your time.
Speaker 5 (46:50):
That's fair. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 7 (46:52):
Going over to television, we have this new show from
Amazon Prime available right now. It is called The Lost
Flowers of ali Heart. It is a seven part Australian
series based on a book by somebody named Holly Ringland.
It is a decade spanning drama that starts the stars
(47:12):
the title character, Alice Hart. She's orphaned at the age
of nine. There's a mysterious fire and her she goes
to live with her grandmother, who's played by Sigourney Weaver,
and she finds out secrets about her family's past and
ends up in a fight for her life. Those episodes
stream weekly. That is on Amazon Prime and then moving
(47:33):
over to later in the weekend on Sunday night, we
have the season sixth premiere of The Shy on Showtime
that is at nine pm. That is the show about Chicago, obviously.
And then last but not least, we have the second
season premiere of Winning Time The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty. Yes, oh,
(47:57):
stop it, stop it. This is great television.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
You fail this coop, scoop, but it didn't you get nothing.
Speaker 5 (48:04):
Season one was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Here we go, Clippers, here we go. This is a
Clippers show coming out called Losing Time, the Clippers of
the nineties. I'd watch it.
Speaker 5 (48:17):
That fantastic.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
I was there. Let me tell you, they were more
fun when they were out smoking weed outside the practice
facility when it was illegal to do that.
Speaker 5 (48:25):
I mean, come on, anyway.
Speaker 7 (48:26):
This premiere is Sunday night on HBO at nine pm,
but it is also available on Max. This season will
have seven episodes and it will follow the team from
the nineteen eighty eighty one season through nineteen eighty four.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
A coop. You buried the lead on this coop. My
favorite story, you know my phrase? The better stories in
the losing locker room did you see what a turn
burger the movie Haunted Mansion is. Yes, yes, this is
a great story, so Eddie Variety. According to the Hollywood
Trade Pick Variety Haunted Mansion, it is estimated that if
(49:03):
you combine the marketing cost and the production cost, it
costs two hundred and fifty million dollars to make that move. No,
so they had to get back like three hundred and
fifty four hundred million dollars worldwide to break even. The
worldwide opening box office for Haunted Mansion the Disney movie
(49:24):
thirty three million.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Thirty three million more than who's watching a movie about
a ride?
Speaker 5 (49:32):
No, I understand, but again end pretty well.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Listen, listen to the math. Three hundred and fifty million
to break even. Usually we know how this works. The
first weekend. If it you don't do great, it doesn't
get better after that, it gets worse. Thirty three million.
Speaker 7 (49:47):
Let's just be clear though, because this is a big
talking point on social media. It is doing terrible in
the box office because it's a bad movie, not because
it's Disney, and because well the.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Problem is Eddie's Disney pass is going to go up. Now, Coop,
that's the problem you had Orlando Bloom and you had
Johnny Depp. This I don't what is this now? I
predict right now, Jared Leto, I'm gonna predict right now
that when that snow White movie comes out, and I'm
not sure when the snow White movie comes out, that
(50:19):
will be the greatest disaster in the history of Disney.
That will be the end of this mountain. The Snow
White movie will be the single worst movie. That is
if what I've seen, the photos people have been sending
me of, Oh my god, what a disaster.
Thanks for listening to the best of the Ben Mahler
Show podcast. Be sure to catch us live every weeknight
from two to six Eastern eleven pm to three am
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and to find your local
station for the Benmatherers Show at Foxsports Radio dot com.
You can find it there or stream us live every
night on the iHeartRadio app by searching FSR.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is the best of the Ben Maler Show on
Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
NFL broadcasters say the darnedest things. Welcome in the beginning
of another edition the Ben Mahler Show. As we are
in the air, everywhere a cluster, as we say, never
give up, never back down, coast to coast, border the
(00:53):
order and beyond. On the mast and irresistibly powerful microphones
of FSR emmnating live from the drop as we drop
the mic into your ear drums. We are broadcasting live
from the tire rac dot com studios. Tyre rac dot
com will help you get there an unmatched selection, fast
(01:16):
tree shipping, free road hazard protection, and over ten thousand
recommended installers. Tyre ract dot com The Way tire buying
should Me are lead this hour. Coming from Columbus, Ohio,
The birthplace of pro football. Some degenerate gamblers got together
over one hundred years ago and they said, you know what,
(01:38):
let's do a pro football thing. Maybe we'll make some money,
do a little hustle. They didn't really make the big
money until recently, but boy have they made a lot
of money. The home of the holy Land of football immortality.
Now this is not what you think it's going to be.
You probably think I'm going one direction, but I am
going to zig when you think I'm going to zag.
It was the kickoff of the twenty twenty three exhibition season.
(02:01):
That's right, not the preseason exhibition season, because man, does
it blow the faux. NFL games have begun, just one
game on the card this entire weekend. That was on
Thursday night. And I said, in a radio appearance I
did on our affiliate in Kansas City with my friend
Bob Fesco, I said, listen, I'm gonna make it one play.
(02:24):
And I actually went over that I made it five
plays because I forgot to turn the channel. That's four
more than I expect. But the Hall of Fame game
the highlight. You know things are going well when the
highlight is a twenty minute delay between the third and
fourth quarters because the lights went out. Turn out the
last the parties over right there at the south side
(02:48):
of that stadium in Columbus, Ohio, lights go out, darkness
retreat style, and then eventually the play resumed and the Jets,
putting their fifth stringers in there, suffered a power is.
The Brownies fifth stringers managed to do just enough in
the second half they squeeze past New York twenty one
to sixteen in a practice game opener for both teams.
(03:11):
So if you bet on the Jets, favored by a
point and a half, you've lost. You're a loser. Well,
you're a loser even if you won and bet on
the Browns. The viral moment, though, happened prior to the
game on n b C if you happen to watch
and perhaps not Chris Simms, the spawn of Phil and
(03:34):
a bloviator on different media platforms, Chris Simms was absolutely
bludget for his commentary on DeShawn Watson on the pregame coverage.
Simms said that the Cleveland Browns quarterback has quote knocked
(03:55):
the rust off, and you're going to see the old
Deshaun Watson that we used to see before he had
some issues ding ning dan Nan dang. Yes, that last
line before he had some issues. Yeah, okay, that's the
golden quote right there. Sound the bugle que, the cavalry.
(04:19):
The cavalry are coming. The cavalry are coming. They're on
the way. So let us discuss the question what were
your takeaways from Chris Simms being roasted over an open
social media platform for his Deshaun Watson take on the pregame.
So I've got Needle Point, Boys Town and Tim Allen,
(04:41):
and we will squeeze all these things together and we
are gonna make the Baba Ganouche is what we're gonna
make now. A We have been very clear over the
last couple of years that Deshaun Watson story has bounced
around our little world that we are on t Deshaun
Watson is a creep In fact, if you listen regularly,
(05:04):
or even if you don't, you know, if you've listened
a few times, that we have a nickname for Deshaun Watson,
the creepy quarterback. That's the nickname now. Regardless, though, it
was still impressive to see Outrage Army activated and they
were happy. Zippity dude, da Zippity Day, very exciting. This
(05:25):
is red meat in the lions Den. So I will
tell you that Chris Simms. I don't pay a lot
of attention to what he says. I don't really really
have much value in his opinions, but he gets paid
a lot of much. Pretty good as a firebrand. It's
pretty good at what he does. He seems to get
a lot of headlines, riles people up, the low information
(05:45):
fans go crazy. But this one red meat in the
lions Den. And what he lacks intact, Simms, he makes
up for in the ability to agitate and question is
what were the people complaining expecting Chris Simms to say? Like?
(06:08):
Were they expecting him to get into the Happy Baby
yoga pos and do a little dance? Is that what
they were expected? Like NFL broadcasts, has anyone noticed this?
They are more filtered than tap water. Okay, all the
pregame shows. Everyone just laughs at everything, the games themselves.
There's no legitimate criticism, and anytime there is, people get
(06:31):
aghast when they hear that. But when it comes to
issues like Watson fondling every massous he could get his
hands on, when that stuff comes and being sued by
them all just about when that comes up, Well, come on,
Chris Simms is expected to practice needle point, make a
needle point pillow. He has to thread a needle. It
(06:55):
is a cat and mouse game because anyone that cares
to pay attention knows that Deshaun Watson for the NFL
is a large pus filled cyst on the NFL's took us.
That's Deshaun Watson, right, there's no good outcome. Can't root
for him. The guys, the highest paid guys in Albatross,
(07:15):
some bad dude, Deshaun Watson. But they have to downplay
on the broadcast because the NFL powers that be pay
very close attention. They are a television monstrosity. That's where
they make their money, their TV powerhouse, and so they
have to be careful now turning the page on that.
As for the game, the starters for both teams, you
(07:38):
know what they were doing. They were working as display
case mannequins. They were selling merch for the NFL shop
is what they were doing because they weren't playing, and
a number of them were in uniform. Now, Zach Wilson,
who used to be a starter, I'm old enough to
remember when he started Zach Wilson the prodigy for the Jets.
A couple of years ago. Respect broadcasters like Jason Smith
(08:01):
told me that Zach Wilson would dominate and just wait,
and I waited, and I waited for two years, and
now he's on the outs. So Zach Wilson started this
practice game, this exhibition game for the Jets, and he
was actually getting a lot of flowers thrown his way
on the socials. Why he completed a fifty seven yard
(08:24):
bomb early in the game where and he attempted five
passes completed three of them for sixty five yards. The
moral of the story, when you're Zach Wilson, the bar
is very low. It's very low. Now, regardless, the bigger question,
will you and I see the Jets bost Zach Wilson
(08:50):
get another opportunity to start in the NFL? All right now,
I am nodding my head. Yes, I am going to
be Benny Brightside on this one. Not because I believe
there'll be some great transformation and metamorphosis from Zach Wilson.
Because I'm nuts, but I'm not that nuts. But he's
a twisted ankle away from old man Rogers to start
(09:14):
that aside. The better question is will he get the
chance to be a full time starter, win a job,
and will I say yes? Because Wilson is the classical
reclamation project. You think of the boys club model that
the NFL has embraced Father Flannagan, the boys Club right,
the tendencies of the NFL teams to overlook actual suckage
(09:38):
and say, well, we thought you were going to be good,
the projections where you're gonna be good coming out of college,
so we'll keep giving you the chances. It's like the
statue of Liberty's famous quote, right, give me you're tired,
you're poor, you're underachieving. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe
another chance to make a lot of money and play
someone down the line, and likely sooner than later, will
(09:59):
give him. It looks see, if Rogers makes it through
the year unrelatively unscathed, he will not start all the games.
But Rogers makes it through the majority of the year
and then is going to come back again. The Jets
will say goodbye at that point to Zach Wilson. Now
the last word here. We go to Tampa, we move
away from the Browns and the Jets. We go to Tampa.
(10:21):
Baker Mayfield, who was considered by all to be the
chalk horse, the leader in the pack, to steer the
pirate ship there in Tampa, however, maybe not. The Buccaneers
offensive coordinator Dave Canalis laying it on thick smoochy smoochy
for Kyle Trask, the other quarterback. Do you see this? Yeah? Now?
(10:44):
He said that Maker Mayfield got off to a better start,
he implied there at the beginning of camp. But Canalis
then pivoted singing the praises of Kyle Trask, who was
in Tampa as the caddy to Tom Brady among others
last year. He said the Bucks offensive coordinator that Kyle
Trask is stretching the field with his arm, getting the
(11:06):
ball out quickly, making decisions. Okay, a lot of mumbo jumbo.
So let's talk about this quickly. How is the forecast
looking for Baker Mayfield in Tampa based on parsing the
words in this quote. So I will go first here
the forecast for Baker Mayfield cloudy with a chance of meatballs.
(11:28):
Because if Baker can't beat out Kyle Trask at that moment,
you've already been fired by the Panthers. You were let
go by the Rams. They didn't really want to bring
you back, and so he should consider changing careers. And
may I recommend that if this doesn't work out with
the Bucks and he ends up in purgatory, he should
(11:49):
replace Tim Allen. They can do a remake of his
character Tim Taylor tool time. And we know he's got
the skills right. We know from experience that he is
a jack of all trades, handyman at home with Baker mayfil.
I learned when he played for the Browns that Baker
is able to replace smoke detector batteries, very good at that.
(12:11):
If you need him to check the circuit breaker, he's
good at that. Plumbing issues, he can straighten that out.
He knows the plumber to call. If you have a big, raging,
messy party, he can clean all that up. And he's
diversified because he's also able to be part of the
book club. So I learned all that when he played
for the Cleveland Browns. I didn't learn that he was
any good as a quarterback. I just learned his skills
(12:31):
as a handyman. So I'm saying there's a future there
if the NFL thing does not work out, Like the
playing part of it for the Buccaneers does not work out.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
A Bigger meaning, No, No, there's actually a bigger meaning
to this. Welcome in the big getting of another hour
of the Ben Mallory Show.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
We are in the air everywhere, forming a band as
we practice the art of radio, the science of sport.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Coast, the coast, port, the moort, and beyond. On the
vast and gigantically powerful microphones of fs are amminating live
from the market, the flea market of hot takes. We
are broadcasting live from the ti rak dot com studios.
Tyraq dot com will help you get there in unmatched selection,
(13:34):
fast free shipping, free road hazard protection, and over ten
thousand recommended installers. Tire rack dot com the way tire
buying should be. In our lead this hour, we go
back to Jerry's World. That's where we go. The top
primetime soap opera in the NFL creating new subplots every day,
(13:57):
and we're there to eat them up, just like the
old tea series. The plot usually revolves around a very
affluent group of football players that are feuding. They're a family,
they are united as a football family, and they love
to feud with each other. Now, Big d is the spot,
and it's actually in California where the Cowboys are training.
(14:17):
But if you have not heard the latest, maybe not.
There are some rumlins out there and your belly that
Dak Prescott not only is he a starting quarterback in
the NFL, he is not respected by his Cowboy teammates.
Say what Yeah? That is some of the fallout from
(14:37):
the now viral clip that has bounced all over the
place and been seen millions of times of Dak getting
into it with defensive back Travon Diggs. They were doing
the little square dancing the Doc do and they were
having a great time, having a wonderful time. After that
video went around the Dallas defense. If you didn't see
(15:01):
the clip, the Dallas defense had stopped Dak in practice
and Diggs was talking some trash, which is standard fair
and it was it was kind of like the Smackoff,
you know, and that old Jim Rome show back in
back in the day. So they went back and forth
and people have been obsessing with it. We actually have
(15:24):
some reaction from Dak Prescott. So let's hear what Dak
had to say on this topic. Let's go to the
audio tape.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Very healthy banter between two teammates. That's a guy that
I spent a lot of time with. We're always going
back and forth. And when you're competing at a high level,
when you're competing and you believe that your side's better
than the other side, and that's mutual, and that's iron
and sharpen and iron.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
So words are words.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So he went to the Bible, iron sharpening iron, obviously downplaying,
trying to minimize mitigate what happened. Not everyone Noo agrees.
Lashawn McCoy, who played in the NFL well and now
moonlights at Fox doing a talk show on television. He
recently said that when he was playing in the NFL,
(16:09):
and he talked about how he bounced around, he played
with Michael Vick in Philadelphia, Tom Brady and Tampa played
with Patrick Mahomes, talked about the top quarterbacks in the NFL.
He said, nobody on the teams he played for would
even fix their lips to say something like what Trayvon
(16:30):
Diggs said to Dak Prescott, he said, they wouldn't even
do it. It wouldn't do it to any of those quarterbacks.
So let us discuss the question. You know what the
implication is the question the down playing aside you expected that,
you expected Dak Prescott to belittle what happened and attempt
to downplay it. That aside cowboy players not respecting Dak Prescott.
(16:55):
Do you believe it or not? And I am not
agnostic on this. I am a believer, a true believer.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I am.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I'm all choked up. I've got sand Castle, water balloon,
and Broadway musical and we will combine all of these
things together and we are going to make some Texas toast,
is what we're going to make. Yes, delicious Texas toast,
which hopefully for Stefan Diggs brother, his brother there is
Ravon Diggs will not be Texas toast burned Texas toast
(17:29):
because Diggs has a reputation of always going for the
home run and quite often getting burned baby burned. All right,
So number.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I am okay.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I agree with Shady McCoy. Where there is smoke, there
is a fire person putting the fire out, and a
Trayvon Diggs is gunning to win a smackoff. That is
what he's doing here. Grab a vine, Welcome to the jungle.
Stuff happens, I get it. Stuff happens in the heat
(18:11):
of training camp, and that's as old as the hills.
The trash talk that goes on, that's not up for debate.
I don't know anyone who's got an IQ above forty
who would argue against that. We all agree that's just
part of training camp. However, in this situation, the vibe,
it's highlighted in neon yellow marker, Neon yellow marker. Dak
(18:37):
Prescott is not held in high regard in the cowboy
locker room. He's not. That's the way I interpret what happened.
Your trash talk is allowed, it goes on all the time,
but it is verboten to if you reach a certain
level of rarefied air verboten. Dak Prescott is not that guy, pal,
(19:00):
He's not that guy. There's no worshiping going on of
Dak Prescott. Why would there be. He's lacking the Genesi
quah if you will, Dallas players do not have breathless
reverence for Dakota. That stuff is earned. You win a
lot of trophies and medals and pendants and things like
that is not just given. And even though Dak has
(19:23):
taken a lot of Jerry's money and played eight mediocre seasons,
at least in terms of winning big games. Dak Prescott,
you know what he's like. He's like a sand castle.
He looks sturdy. You're like, okay, we got something here. Played,
put up decent numbers and all that, and right up
until the playoffs, and when the playoffs come around, that
Dak Prescott sand castle with a nice moat out in front,
(19:45):
right there on the front of the playoffs. Yeah. Yeah,
when the playoffs come around and then high tide comes around,
those waves, what do the waves do to that nice
sand castle. Yeah, it goes back to flat sand. There's
something to this noise. And I'm not dismissing. I'm not.
And this is part of the problem. Dak has a
(20:07):
history of going haywire, something malfunctions in the playoffs. Now
this past year something well, he had a perfect game
against Tampa Bay that was not a playoff game. It's
a sub five hundred team. You play a sub five
hundred team and you're hanging your hat on that performance.
When Dak played a good team, the forty nine ers.
(20:29):
The next week, what happened? He took a ride on
the vomit comment. Now page two, there's another round of
chutter about the disgruntled star of the Indianapolis football team.
And this is our obligatory Malard monologue on the conflicting
stories regarding the level of interest around the NFL in
(20:52):
Jonathan Taylor. Now get you up to speed. Earlier this
week we talked about on the show, but maybe you
were not. We were preaching away here. Earlier in the
week there was a story that was going around saying
that half the NFL, at least half of the NFL
wanted a deal for the Indianapolis running back. Well, now
(21:15):
we have had a change in direction. Instead of going
to the right, we are going to the left. So
we're going the other direction. And while the Horseshoes have
not dismissed dealing the sour Puss runner, the new reports
indicate that those stories about there being a bull market
(21:36):
are actually blowney is what they are. And we are
now told the latest chatter is that the list of
teams that are actually interested in acquiring Jonathan Taylor is
quote not long, So do not expect a bidding war
to drive up the price. So how do you assess?
(22:00):
How do you assess the latest wrinkles in the Jonathan
Taylor folk tale with the Colts. So it is a
whale of a tail, such a great story. It would
not have been a great story if we hadn't heard
this week that jim Irsay is planning on burning twenty
million dollars to fly a whale from Miami to Seattle.
(22:24):
That just makes this next level out of this galaxy.
While his running back is asking for the owner to
throw him a bone or a couple of bones, and
the owners like, I know you're having a conniption fit,
but what about the orca? What about the Orca? So
this Jonathan Taylor story, the way it has played out
(22:47):
this week, it is like a defective water balloon. It's
a leaker. It is a leaker. There are three sides
to every story. I'm a big believer in this in
this one, there's three sides to this story. You've got
Taylor's side, widespread interest. You've got the Colt side, nobody
(23:07):
wants him, the guy's a bum. The third side the truth,
that's the that's the tough part to figure out. So
you have a misinformation campaign from the agent. You always
try to look at the source of these things, like
who's the one that leaked the story, who's the one
that benefits from the story. This is rather simple. This
(23:28):
is a starter course, the appetizer. So the agent contacts
some friends or somebody representing a conduit to the agent
represents you know or knows people to the media. So
they contact people to me. They're like, hey, listen, seventeen
teams will like to get their hand on this guy. Yeah,
I mean, they love them. It's a happy hunting ground.
And then the Colts contact some of their pals and
(23:51):
they're like, nobody wants this guy. He's rotting. He's like
a rotting corpse. Nobody wants him. And so there you go.
So you gotta wind back the clock. All right, final point,
let's go to the motors city.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
We took a phone call the other night from a
Lions fan who was trying to figure out whether or
not this is real or a mirage. When I say
real or mirage, the expectations of the Detroit football team
are rather high, rather high. They're gonna drop their latest
album their twenty twenty three album. It drops on early
(24:28):
September against the fact first game of the year against
Kansas City at Arrowhead. For the first time, I read
this and my eyeballs popped out of my head.
Speaker 6 (24:38):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Not surprising, but still when you think about how many
years it's been, it's rather crazy. It's the first time
since Ford Field opened way back in twenty oh two
that the Detroit Lions have sold out of season tickets.
I was a little boy in twenty oh two. I
barely remember twenty oh two, and that's the last time.
(25:01):
The Lions President CEO, Resident big shot Ron Wood bringing
the lumber. He announced there will now be a shocking
waiting list. They will have a Green Bay Packer like
waiting list to buy tickets to watch the Lions. Yes,
(25:21):
the Lions, who were the Booby prize of Thanksgiving every year.
You had to watch the Lions. But then you got
the Cowboy game. Later got the Cowboy game. Later you
watch the game. You gotta get through the Lions game,
and then the Cowboy game would come up a little
bit later. So what is the lesson? What is the
lesson from selling out the Lions selling out Ford field.
(25:44):
So it is the twilight zone. That's right, twilight zone.
For the first time since before YouTube, Facebook and the iPhone,
the lions in the eyes of the natives matter, They're relevant.
(26:04):
Twenty oh two, YouTube didn't exist, Facebook did not exist.
The iPhone was not around. We were many years away
from some of the other social media that's out there
now and inundating many people's lives, turning them into zombies.
But at least in the courtroom of public opinion, it
is like a Broadway musical from years ago, South Pacific
(26:24):
and that song cock eyed optimist. Many of the media,
and this shows you the power of the media, even
with all the social media taken over, but the requirements
of old media, and old media being radio, television, not
so much newspapers anymore, but the old media types who
have been selling the lions and are the roar of
(26:46):
the lions. And I'm actually buying into a point we
talked about this in the previous episode show I'm buying
in that there is some truth to this. This is
not completely imagic. That is absolutely a contender the NFC.
Not that great playoff spots are up for auction in
(27:06):
the NFC, and it's on like Donkey kot Now, I
do have my reservations about Jared Goff. He scares the
hell out of out of you because he's had some real,
real big hiccups in his grip. But nobody's perfect. No
team is perfect. But this is a refresher course on
the power of positivity. That's actually sound of Dan Campbell.
(27:32):
He's sleeping right now. Most people yawn, they sound normal.
He sounds like that when he's when he's snoring. Yeah,
there's areas. Again, perception is reality. I heard that before.
And the perception is Detroit is going to be a
playoff team, or at least a playoff contender, and so
people are excited about that, and it's it's nice, good
(27:54):
to see and all those people that promised me. When
Dan I did a monologue of fanboy monologue, I was like,
you know those Taylor swift has the Swifties. I was
at Campbell Eese or whatever they call Dan Campbell fan
because people were goofing on Dan Campbell. This guy's would
meat head. Why did they hire him? You know, all
the racemongerers are the race hustlers were like, he's a
white guy, that's why they hired him. Yeah, but Dan
(28:16):
Campbell appears to know a thing or two about coaching,
and we'll find out.
Speaker 7 (28:21):
Now.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
The Lions could go out there and get in the
fetal position and start sucking their paw, and that could
be that, but it certainly looks pretty good.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Hi, this is Jay Glazer.
Speaker 8 (28:36):
And you may know me for the world of football
or fighting or even shows like HBO's Ballers.
Speaker 6 (28:42):
Well you don't know this.
Speaker 8 (28:43):
For my entire life, I have lived in something I
refer to as the gray depression anxiety. So now I'm
coming out with a new podcast, Unbreakable, a mental health.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Podcast with Jay Glazer where each week, well we talk
about mental health. I hope to describe it, give it words.
Speaker 8 (28:59):
Listen to Unbreakable with Jay Glazer on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
It's maller.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
How about that to the third degree?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This is one big event.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Gets grilled. Go.
Speaker 7 (29:17):
Melvin Gordon recently gave out some advice in an interview,
telling young athletes to reconsider playing running back and to
switch positions if athletic enough, Ben, do you think someone
like Derrick Henry will be the last of his kind
an elite running back.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Yes, Melvin Gordon has these Bengali effect and every pop
warner all American will give up the running back position
because Melvin Gordon told them to unless nothing is going
to change. Listen, the minimum salary in the NFL seven
hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That's a pretty good salary,
and it try making that at a regular jobs. I
don't stop. Not much is going to change it all.
Speaker 7 (29:53):
Next, there was a report this week that those funny
looking padded helmets you see at training camp called guardian
caps have I've helped to reduce concussions by fifty three percent. Ben,
do you think we're heading towards guardian caps in the
regular season?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
You know how you can spin numbers to fit any
narrative you want. Now, there's no chance because this looks
like a total clown show that people wearing the helmets,
and the NFL is a television show. The optics, it
looks bad. People don't they're just not comfortable with those caps.
They'll have them more in practice, But I do not
see them coming to actual games next.
Speaker 7 (30:28):
There's some speculation that the Raiders could use Sakon Barkley's
deal with the Giants as the framework to get Josh
Jacobs back with the team. Ben, do you think a
Jacob's return is imminent?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I don't think it's imminent, but I do think he
will play when the regular season comes around, because you know,
leave money on the table, you going to be a
dumb dumb like Le'Veon Bell. It's great to be noble,
but when push comes to shove, and more importantly, when
the checks start vanishing, he's gonna show up. Jacobs.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
How do we do a failure?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
What?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
I didn't like your first answer? I think you're wrong.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It's a great answer. Nothing's gonna do you think Gordon's
gonna change things? He can't even hold the ball.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app. Search FSR to
listen live. Knock Knock, Who's there? Blame We Blame wee too.
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the.
Speaker 6 (31:22):
Week, and away we go.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Big Ben's Lame Jokes of the Week. These are actual
jokes sending by actual listeners. Listeners to show the laughter
is already starting here on lame jokes. And we have
our friend from Miami. He only appears on the show
once a week. He used to call every night. Every night,
this guy would fall. His real name is Billy, but
he goes by the name weed Man on the show
(31:47):
because there was another guy named Billy Blanks. I don't
know what happened to that guy. But we have our man,
weed Man. Hippie. Hello, weed Man, Hey, Ben, say hello Lisa,
Hi Lisa. Oh she's there.
Speaker 4 (32:03):
She is.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
All right.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Darn you've not done very well for Lisa's sleep pattern. There,
weed Man, she's on the phone with you all night.
Speaker 6 (32:12):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
When does she sleep? Okay?
Speaker 6 (32:18):
All right? You just talk to you.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Oh, thank you. It's very kind of you. That's friendship,
weed Man. That is friendship. So these are actual jokes
from actual listeners. If you'd like to send a joke
in in a future episode of the show, you can
send them in care of Ben Mahler's show at gmail
dot com. That's Benmahler's Show at gmail dot com, and
we may we may read your joke on the no guarantee.
(32:42):
Just make sure you put jokes in the headlines, and
we know we made it. Here you go, all right,
and here we go. What are this is the Lizzo
radio roast. We're starting with the Lizzo radio ros as
she is in danger of being canceled. What are Lizzos
on stage? Dan answers a signature move?
Speaker 6 (33:02):
I don't know what are their signature moves?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Called the banana flips is what they're called. They called
it the banana flip in Roseville, Minnesota. Well, the fashion
community is speaking up against Lizzo, Eddie. You hear about that?
Speaker 6 (33:16):
I no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Yeah, they're talking about her ability to put together a
lawsuit is amazing. I don't think at George and Rochester, Minnesota.
Did you Lizzo has actually joined the army because of
all this. Yeah, it shocking. She's specializing in heavy artillery.
That's her specialty. That's justin in DC. Why did Lizzo
(33:42):
get kicked out of Yellowstone National Park?
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I don't know why?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Well, why did the park ranger got upset because she
was using that that guys are old faithful as a
bidet and that that's not allowed it. You can't you
thought it was going away that surfer Todd the Comedian
said that one. And by the way, Justin in DC
is now known as Justin the DC Comedian. That's what
(34:11):
he's known as now. He's he's jealous of the attention
surfer Todd the Comedian is getting. Why are the Lizzo
jokes so funny this weekend?
Speaker 6 (34:19):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
It's low hanging fruit, Eddie. That's why it's low hanging
for a very low that's Chip Chip in Maine sent
that one in What is the opening group when Lizzo
goes on tour?
Speaker 6 (34:35):
I don't know what's the opening group.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
They're called Banana rama is what they're called. That's some
eke in Roseio, Minnesota. What is Lizzo's pet name for
her on stage dancers.
Speaker 6 (34:52):
I don't know what's her pet name for the dancers.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
For some reason, she calls the ladies the chequita's. I
don't know why, Eddie, I have no for me. In Roseville, Minnesota,
what's Lizzo's favorite song?
Speaker 6 (35:07):
I don't know what's your favorite song?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Yes, we have some bananas. That's her favorite song. That's
Gordon in Zacoba. We got any jokes? Over there in
the Lizzo radio rows steady jokes over there, Kobaloo, I
do not have any joke, okay A. Lizzo surprisingly picked
up a brand ambassador ship in the middle of this
really troubling scandal.
Speaker 6 (35:30):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yes, she has been named the new spokesperson for the
Savannah Bananas. Eddie Soga. I don't know how she got that.
No idea. That's from Mike in Georgia who sent this.
This next one's from Dave in Delaware. He says Lizzo
was asked why she liked her dancers to have bananas.
Do you hear what she said? No? She said she
(35:52):
found them more appealing that way. How many versions of
a joke can we do? I still can't get over
the fact, Eddie, that Lizzo actually fat shames someone.
Speaker 6 (36:06):
Else in amazing That is surprising us.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, that's like a whale calling the walrus. Wett, Who
does that? Come on, that's a Kurt from Earth. Thank
you for that, pity laugh weed, man, I believe I
thank you for that. Kurt from Earth also sent this
one in. Apparently even John Gruden has filed a lawsuit
against Lizzo.
Speaker 6 (36:24):
Really, that's surprising.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, apparently she learned of the spider two wide banana
play and she's been running that with the the dancers.
So that's Kurt from Earth who sent that? When I
saw thanks to the laugh who I saw Lizzo near
my car the other day?
Speaker 6 (36:40):
Oh yeah, what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, it's a good thing I didn't fall for the
banana in the tailpipe, Eddie. That would have been bad.
I didn't fall for it, though. I think she likes
the banana in the front pipe. I don't know any
art that's a Kurt from Earth who set that one in?
Did you see that story, weed Man, the Lizzos lawsuit?
You read that? No, no idea what we're talking? Oh
(37:07):
my god? All right, where did Lizzo first fall in
love with bananas?
Speaker 6 (37:15):
I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
That would be Sunday school, Eddie.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
Yeah, ice cream, Sunday.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Banana splits, Eddie, they make the banana split, s Eddie,
the Sunday the banana.
Speaker 5 (37:28):
I'll tell you about the story during the break, weed Man.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, then he'll be laughing his ass off. Well, Lizzo,
she tried to get in the oil business, but unfortunately
she was unable to make.
Speaker 6 (37:39):
A lot of money.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Well, she focused on banana oil, that's all she was.
That was from Mike. This one's from Fred in Vegas.
Why does Lizzo put sunscreen on her bananas?
Speaker 6 (37:55):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Well, she doesn't want them to peel, Eddie, She's worried
they'll peel if they get you know. Well, with Lizzo
part of the supposedly phenomenal Barbie soundtrack, you know what
Lizzo and Barbie have in common?
Speaker 6 (38:14):
Uh no, what do they have in common?
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Absolutely? Positivity, positivity, nothing, nothing, Eddie, they have nothing. In Boston.
Set that one in Why does Lizzo put sunscreen? I
already did that one's I'll do one more and we'll
close the Lizzo radio rows. Did you hear that Lizzo
has canceled her fancy European tour dates?
Speaker 6 (38:38):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yes, she told her manager she is now only going
to perform in banana republics. That's it, Eddie, she will
only go to banana republics. That's what Gordon and Tacoma.
So we had other jokes. We can't do all this,
but thank you, and we will have the rest. We're
gonna have the weed man a couple of weed Man jokes.
We've got many more jokes. It's Big Ben's Lame Show
(39:00):
Jokes of the Week. We do it every Friday. If
you like it. If you don't like it, we only
do it once a week. So who the hell cares?
But Lame Jokes of the Week rolls on. We'll get
to it. We will do it next.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Lame Jokes of the Week it continues on. We think
all of our unpaid, underappreciated joke writers that have taken
time out to write the show, and we thank them
for their many Lizzo jokes. Weed Man, did you hang up?
Are you still there?
Speaker 6 (39:30):
Weed Man?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I'm here all right. There is weed Man Hippie in Miami.
Longtime show contributor. What was the major flaw with the
mice's plan to steal weed man hippies teeth?
Speaker 6 (39:43):
Attie? I don't know what. They've stolen them and they
have never been found.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
No, No, the flaw was they thought they could get
him to pay the ransom. That's the that's the problem.
That's a passion belly laugh and weed Man. That's Chip
and Maine who sent that one? And and if you
give weed man a fish, if you give weed Man
a fish, you'll feed him for a day at right,
(40:10):
if you give weed Man a poison fish, you'll feed
him for life. Justin, justin in d C set that
one in. How was Lisa able to break all of
weed Man's teeth when she threw a glass at him?
Speaker 6 (40:27):
I don't know how was she able to do that?
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Turns out weed Man's teeth were in the glass. They
were in the glass circle Todd the comedian, I know
she's sleeping. What's weed Man's what's weed Man asking for
for his next birthday?
Speaker 4 (40:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Glowing the dark toothbody you want? What's that? We man?
My birthday was last week last No, no way, happy birthday?
Speaker 6 (40:56):
Look at that. I meant to say it last coming radio.
Happy birthday. How old are you?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Twenty seven? You're still twenty seven?
Speaker 6 (41:09):
No way? Are you away old before?
Speaker 1 (41:14):
How old do you feel?
Speaker 6 (41:17):
I couldn't tell you. It's to medicid.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Just like you planned out life. It's going as planned
when you were younger? Right? Any jokes over there?
Speaker 6 (41:27):
Cooperloo, Yeah, I gotta come with.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
He Okay, Coop's got some offensive jokes.
Speaker 7 (41:32):
How do you pay your respects to pbe Herman's at
pe wee Herman's funeral?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (41:38):
You should show yes, yes, what a.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Way to find out?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
Okay, but the proper way to pay your respects is
to show up naked.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
I think we should apologize to Kurt from Earth because
he got just bowguarded by weed Man. Just reaction, It
just spoiled that joke. Man Man alive?
Speaker 6 (42:12):
All right?
Speaker 1 (42:13):
How is weed Man getting ready for football season?
Speaker 6 (42:17):
I don't know how's he getting ready?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
He's already sleeping in the parking lot at the Dolphin Stadium,
getting ready to panhandle, so he's ready to go on that.
What should everyone do to fight poverty, Eddie?
Speaker 6 (42:30):
I don't know what what should we do?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Punch weed Man? Just punch weed Man. That's all you have.
That's Eric in Kansas. All right, calm down. At least
you're not giving out your Gmail anymore. You've stopped doing
that or whatever. Your PayPal? Can you say, pah, yeah,
do you actually check that email? You're locked out of Twitter,
You're locked out of everything. You forgot your password to
all these things. I still have all right, why don't
(42:58):
you reset your your Twitter password? I don't know what happened. Well,
it's no longer it's called x now all right. How
can the Malard militia help weed Man get off the streets?
Speaker 6 (43:10):
I don't know how. How can they help them?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Well, they can just pick him up and put him
on the sidewalk. That's what they could do. They could
do that, justin Justin and DC sent that one in
DC Comedian. Justin any other jokes? Cool? Nah, okay. Women
call weed Man ugly until they find out how much
he's worth Eddie?
Speaker 6 (43:29):
Oh is that right?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Then they call him ugly and poor. It's what they
call him. Justin the DC Comedian. Here's some other jokes.
Why can't angry Bill donate to the spur Bank?
Speaker 6 (43:41):
Oh god, I don't know why. Why can't he not
do that?
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Low income Eddie? Low income? That's is Justin in DC.
Do you know Andre has a lazy eye?
Speaker 6 (43:54):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Yeah, he can't control his pupils. He can't control the pupil.
That's Justin and D. See. Thank you all for the
lame jokes. Next week, man, get out of here, go away.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
I passed the hour and the Coop Scoop on Entertainment
is right freaking now.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Don't hang up because I want to speak to Koop
on all things pop culture.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Oh you want to be part of this, Okay, Coop,
Coop can be Uh, he'll be one of the people
listening here. Yeah, okay, you stay right there. But it's
the Kop Scoop on Entertainment. We Coop. We did learn
that Marcel's very connected when it comes to entertainment. He
actually knows a lot of stuff about entertainment more than sports.
The Coop Scoop on Entertainment. Justin Cooper.
Speaker 7 (44:42):
All right, we got a couple of a couple of
movies that are coming out this weekend or or are
already out that may be of some interest. First, is
uh Teenage Mutant Ninja, Turtles, Mutant Mayhem. This one is
already in theaters. I believe this comes. It's a it's
an anim made it animated movie.
Speaker 6 (45:01):
It kind of has a clamation feel to it. Is
that would that be accurate?
Speaker 7 (45:06):
I don't know if I would call it clamation. It's
a it is a weird kind of I guess I
guess you would. I don't know, because I mean, it's
not clamation, but I guess it kind of does look
like it could be.
Speaker 6 (45:21):
It's computerized claymation.
Speaker 7 (45:22):
Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at it now. But it's it's
an interesting style and it is getting rave reviews. I
believe reviews it is.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yes, it's not just good reviews. Rave review that's a
different type of review at it. It's a rave review.
Speaker 7 (45:37):
It has got a ninety five percent on Rotten Tomatoes
from the critics, and the audience score is ninety four percent.
So it's uh, you know, liked by the critics and
the people alike. I believe it comes from I believe
Seth Rogan is behind this. Is it rated R It
is not? Oh darn no, it is rated PG. Uh
(45:58):
but that isn't theaters right now, and uh entering theaters
today is the Meg two for those of you stoked
about that. This one's called The Trench and it stars Jason.
It's a really big shark this time, yes, huge shark.
It was just a big shark. Loss is a really
big shark.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
This one.
Speaker 5 (46:17):
This one came from the trench. It is gigantic.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
It's the film America needs right now.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
This one has a twenty five percent on run time.
But you know what, they.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Can't they can't afford the good bots.
Speaker 5 (46:34):
That's what I'll probably still see it on. Oh good god,
I know.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Well you have a past.
Speaker 6 (46:39):
Cool, Yeah, you could spend that.
Speaker 5 (46:41):
You're spending mons on watching something else, a lot of things.
Speaker 6 (46:44):
Watch.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Remember how valuable your time is, coop. Remember that the
most important, most valuable thing you have is your time.
Speaker 5 (46:50):
That's fair. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 7 (46:52):
Going over to television, we have this new show from
Amazon Prime available right now. It is called The Lost
Flowers of ali Heart. It is a seven part Australian
series based on a book by somebody named Holly Ringland.
It is a decade spanning drama that starts the stars
(47:12):
the title character, Alice Hart. She's orphaned at the age
of nine. There's a mysterious fire and her she goes
to live with her grandmother, who's played by Sigourney Weaver,
and she finds out secrets about her family's past and
ends up in a fight for her life. Those episodes
stream weekly. That is on Amazon Prime and then moving
(47:33):
over to later in the weekend on Sunday night, we
have the season sixth premiere of The Shy on Showtime
that is at nine pm. That is the show about Chicago, obviously.
And then last but not least, we have the second
season premiere of Winning Time The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty. Yes, oh,
(47:57):
stop it, stop it. This is great television.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
You fail this coop, scoop, but it didn't you get nothing.
Speaker 5 (48:04):
Season one was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Here we go, Clippers, here we go. This is a
Clippers show coming out called Losing Time, the Clippers of
the nineties. I'd watch it.
Speaker 5 (48:17):
That fantastic.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
I was there. Let me tell you, they were more
fun when they were out smoking weed outside the practice
facility when it was illegal to do that.
Speaker 5 (48:25):
I mean, come on, anyway.
Speaker 7 (48:26):
This premiere is Sunday night on HBO at nine pm,
but it is also available on Max. This season will
have seven episodes and it will follow the team from
the nineteen eighty eighty one season through nineteen eighty four.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
A coop. You buried the lead on this coop. My
favorite story, you know my phrase? The better stories in
the losing locker room did you see what a turn
burger the movie Haunted Mansion is. Yes, yes, this is
a great story, so Eddie Variety. According to the Hollywood
Trade Pick Variety Haunted Mansion, it is estimated that if
(49:03):
you combine the marketing cost and the production cost, it
costs two hundred and fifty million dollars to make that move. No,
so they had to get back like three hundred and
fifty four hundred million dollars worldwide to break even. The
worldwide opening box office for Haunted Mansion the Disney movie
(49:24):
thirty three million.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Thirty three million more than who's watching a movie about
a ride?
Speaker 5 (49:32):
No, I understand, but again end pretty well.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Listen, listen to the math. Three hundred and fifty million
to break even. Usually we know how this works. The
first weekend. If it you don't do great, it doesn't
get better after that, it gets worse. Thirty three million.
Speaker 7 (49:47):
Let's just be clear though, because this is a big
talking point on social media. It is doing terrible in
the box office because it's a bad movie, not because
it's Disney, and because well the.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Problem is Eddie's Disney pass is going to go up. Now, Coop,
that's the problem you had Orlando Bloom and you had
Johnny Depp. This I don't what is this now? I
predict right now, Jared Leto, I'm gonna predict right now
that when that snow White movie comes out, and I'm
not sure when the snow White movie comes out, that
(50:19):
will be the greatest disaster in the history of Disney.
That will be the end of this mountain. The Snow
White movie will be the single worst movie. That is
if what I've seen, the photos people have been sending
me of, Oh my god, what a disaster.
Host
Ben Maller
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