September 19, 2025 • 39 mins
Ben Maller talks about Ben Johnson having a meltdown over the Bears' effort against the Lions, Patrick Mahomes spinning the Chiefs 0-2 start as an "opportunity," Vikings backup QB Carson Wentz drawing rave reviews, Lame Jokes of the Week, and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom, shaka Laca. It's our number three, our number three,
talking foot ball. What are you intrigued by this? Ben
Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. What intrigues you about
this Ben Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. We'll talk
about that. Also. How does Patrick Mahomes selling the opportunity
(00:22):
the Chiefs have for being winless sound to you? And
the Vikings backup quarterback Carson Wentz drawing rave reviews as
he prepares for his first meaningful start in nearly three years?
Nearly three years? What do you make of this? We'll
talk about that as well. Also, Benny versus Depenning on
YouTube YouTube dot com slash at Benny versus Penny all
(00:45):
my NFL picks from the big games. But here it
is our number three. You just got a grinnin, Barrett.
Sometimes you just have to grin and Barrett welcome in
the beginning of another hour of the Ba Mallor Show.
I know it's wild and crazy and wacky, and it
(01:06):
just one after another after another after another.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We are in the air everywhere on a piggyback ride
as we wag our tongues coast to coast, border.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
The border and beyond on the mast end, mishlessly powerful
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He approves that message and this portion of the Ben
(01:43):
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(02:07):
be So we are back at it here as we
yap away in the overnight and this hour, I want
to go back to the story. I'm fascinated by what's
going on right now in Chicago, so let's spend a
couple of minutes on that, and that is where we
will start here. Good content week for the Bears. I
(02:27):
know Eugene in Chicago, our buddy Tree in Chicago, and
a bunch of the regulars there, although a lot of
them are working the day shift now so they're not
as active as they used to be, Yaphoemi and some
of those other guys. So our lead is from Chicago.
Good content, as we said. Now, if you did not
hear the latest on this, possibly not Ben Johnson. This
guy's having a breakdown and it's not even week three
(02:49):
for his Bears yet they haven't played yet. So Ben
Johnson recently said that the Detroit Lions played harder, harder
than he said, and that is a reflection on me
and the players. Now that's referencing Chicago giving up fifty
two points Holy Jay dot in Utah, fifty two points
(03:15):
in the loss at Detroit. Now this comes after Ben
Johnson had said, we talked about this in a previous
episode of the show, that Chicago players practice habits are
not good enough. They're not championship level practice habits. So
let us discuss another day, another revelation. So the question is,
are you intrigued by this latest Ben Johnson quote, This
(03:36):
essentially meltdown regarding the Bears and the habits of the
Chicago Bears. So I've got on this one my views.
I've got Doogie Howser, Hotels dot Com, and ihop and
we will combine all of these things together, and we
are going to make a bagel and then we're gonna
put some baba ganooche on top of the bagel. Is
(03:56):
what we're gonna do. So, first of all, yes I'm
talking about this. Yes, I'm intrigued by this story. Another
Bears coach comes into Chicago thinking that he's the modern
day Vince Lombardi. He's been reincarnated, And two weeks later
he's sitting and scarfing down not deep dish pizza, not
(04:18):
Deep Dish pizza, humble pie. He's enjoying some authentic Chicago
humble pie. And we give Ben Johnson credit like he's honest.
I love it. He's not sugarcoating it. He's not standing
up at the dais and standing up there with a
bunch of corporate jargon and all this stuff. He flat
out said that his football team didn't play hard enough.
(04:40):
That is a felony in that business. That is a felony.
All right, now, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. However,
as I learned from my doctor Doogie Howser, MD back
in the day, just because you can diagnose the disease
does not mean you've got the cure. And the Bears
ca Williams. I'm assuming they all had a big team
(05:02):
dinner somewhere in Chicago and they went to a nice
Chinese restaurant and Caleb Williams opened up a fortune cookie
and the fortune read and he read it aloud to
the entire team, and just go with me on this
cartoon bubble. So he read this to the entire team,
the fortune from the fortune cookie, and it read that
hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
(05:24):
And the players really took that to heart. I said,
why wait for the future. We want our payout right now.
So let's just be lazy and we'll pay it off
right now. And that's what Caleb Williams and the Bears
have been doing. Load management, Baby, they think during the
NBA half speed practices, according to their head coach, and
then you wonder why they go out there and get
(05:45):
poll axed by the Lions in Detroit. So the Bears
kind of like that vintage old school infomercial from the
late Suzanne Summers. The thigh Master just kind of a decoration.
People bought that as a gag and ended up as
a decoration and it looks kind of cool. It's a
talking point thing, but nobody ever used it and all that.
But Ben Johnson thought this was going to be I'm
(06:08):
convinced this guy was so arrogant when he took over.
From what I've heard that he went in there thinking, oh, man,
I got this, I got this, no problem. He could
have had the Raider job, he could have had three
or four other jobs. He picked the Bears because of
Caleb Williams. So far, the only thing Caleb Williams has
been good at in the NFL is painting his nails.
That's not a compliment. That's not a compliment. But Ben
(06:31):
Johnson's like, oh, this guy's the most talented player. Blah
blah blah blah blah blah. No, no, no, So he thought
he would waltz into Chicago, install some shiny new offense
and the players would just line up there and dominate.
Domination situation. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yeah. The so far,
so far, the NFL has enjoyed playing the Chicago But
(06:52):
the Minnesota Vikings, who didn't even have a quarterback in
the game JJ McCarthy, sucks and they ended up doing
very well in the fourth quarter of that game. So
it's not about all the x'es and o's, there's all
this stuff involved. It's still about effort, which is kind
of cool. The ability to actually work your ass off
is one of the most underrated skills in all of sport,
and unfortunately, there are very few player players. There's very
(07:14):
few teams that consistently are willing to put the work
in and Johnson Ben Johnson acting like like you know,
he calls out one or two plays and then magically
everything's going to change. That's it. Spine our alert, spoiler alert.
Telling the world. Telling the world that your players are
soft does not all of a sudden make them tough.
(07:36):
You're gonna have to change players and get rid of
players and all that stuff. All it does, though, is
shine a very bright spotlight for everyone to see how
far away the Chicago football team is from the end
of the rainbow. It's like standing over a flat tire saying,
this tire is flat, all right, thank you, thank you,
(07:56):
thank you. But unless you grab the jack and change
it or make the phone call for a tow truck,
you're stranded on the side of the road. That's it.
And that's where the Bears are right now. They're stranded
on the side of the road. They do have the Cowboys.
That's a winnable game. That is a winnable game. It's
at home. The Dallas Cowboys are not a great team.
So we'll see what happens this weekend. Now. Secondly to
(08:19):
Canzah City, where the Ben Mallard chicken fingers are piping
hot and the Kansas City Chiefs are piping bad. So
Patrick Mahomie. Patrick Mahomes has given a State of the
Chiefs address and he said, in my eyes is a quote.
In my eyes, it looks like what an opportunity to
(08:42):
prove He's to talking about the O and two start.
What an opportunity to prove that we are the Kansas
City Chiefs, Mahomes said, coming back from oh to two
and trying to build up to win a big football
game on Sunday night and try to get our season.
Mahomes said, going in the right direction from there. Close
quote Okay, Oh, question for you, how does Patrick Mahomes
(09:04):
selling the quote opportunity the Chiefs have from being winless
sound to you? So it sounds like Mahomes is trying
to get another commercial. He's not on enough commercials. Sounds
like the sarcastic spokesperson from back in the day for
hotels dot com, Captain obvious, thank you very much. What
(09:26):
the hell else is Patrick Mahomes going to say? Now,
it would have been a better story if Mahomes had
come out and said, yeah, guys, we stink and I
don't even know why we show up. We can't catch passes,
we can't get any yards after catch. We should just
cancel the season and we should just get ready for
next year. That's it, just get ready for next year.
It's all over. And here's the thing. Every single game
(09:48):
is an opportunity. Everything you do in life is an opportunity.
Every decision you make is an opportunity. Whether you're zero
and to one in one, two and oh, it doesn't matter.
It's all op To me. It's like the Duncan commercial.
America runs on coffee. Well, yeah, this is the football
runs on opportunity. Life runs on opportunity. Right now, the
(10:08):
Chiefs offense is flat. They're out of whack. They're seventeenth
in total offense, they're twenty fourth in scoring offense. That's
not good. I know. I didn't play in the NFL,
so I don't know, Ryan Clark's gonna allow me to
say that. But that's not good. And that's not the Chiefs.
That's the Titans in a bad year. Andy Reid his
guys have a case of the blas blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The whole
(10:29):
thing just feels stagnant. Now is it gonna feel stagnant
this week? The magic elixirs typically the Giants defense. They're
not very good right now. The Chiefs, they were a Ferrari.
They were a Ferrari and in the moment they're old,
(10:50):
like twenty thirteen family mini van with a lot of
bubble gum and barf and other crap around the back
of it. Is not the defense. The defense has been
holding up there into the bargain. It's Mahomes, It's the receivers.
It's Andy Reid's not doing a great job of scheming
the players up. Mahomes is not making the players better
(11:11):
right now, they don't scare anybody. There's no juice. Where's
the juice. Well, he died a couple of years ago,
but where's the juice. They're like a Seltzer. That's been
sitting open for a week. The Chiefs offense, it's flat, boring,
no fizz, and Mahomes can mention the word opportunity. It's
all about the opportunity all he wants. The reality is
(11:32):
that you are judged off what you have done, and
they are ordinary capital low, ordinary capital low, and that's
the scariest thing of all, like Kansas City looking ordinary.
This is not the way this is supposed to go.
And we still expect them at some point, once all
their deva wide receivers come back from suspension and from
injury and whatnot, that they will turn on the after burners.
(11:55):
That's an assumption. Assumptions don't always work out. Final thought
to menes Sota, Minnesota, nice we go, and that is
where Vikings. Backup quarterback Carson Wentz has been drawing rave reviews.
Reports out of the Twin Cities say he's preparing for
his first meaningful start in nearly three years. It's a
(12:18):
long time. So what do you make of this? What
do you make of this? Wentz glowing reports, doing a
great job. So I read all this and I had
a snicker, not a Snicker's bar. I just kind of
snickered this hits me like a brunsht. I hop fluffy
pancakes syrup all over the place. That's what that sounds
(12:40):
like to me. An, I hop pancake meal with syrup
and there's people lining up to eat it. Chop chop, chop,
chop chop chop eat. Yeah, so Carson Wentz looks good
in practice. Carson's throwing darts career revival developing hot dot
(13:02):
dot dot. Give me a break right now, this is
another only things. I guess I've just become too jaded
as a talk show host. I'm I just check my email.
By the way, I'm still getting crap from my previous
Clayton Kershaw monologue. That's fine, once that hits the dark web,
I'll get a lot of crap. But as far as
Carson Wentz is concerned here, it's the NFL myth making
(13:24):
machine that drives me nuts. It's like they just think
the people that watch their product are just dumb, dumb, dumb,
dumb dumb dumb. You know what this is though, It's
building up the self esteem, kind of like you're supposed
to do for a kid at summer camp. You know,
good job, little Carson, you did it. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
(13:45):
Good job, Carson. Whoopee damn do last I checked, And
I might be wrong in this. I don't think. I
don't think you practice on television think. I don't think
they sell tickets for practice. I don't leave. You are
judged on practice by the consumers of your product. And
we learned this from the original AI, the old school AI.
(14:09):
I always loved those early versions of AI. A lot
of people love chat Ept and Grock and all these others.
Google's got their thing. My favorite AI, Alan Irison. We
talked about practice, not a game, not a game. Practice.
Now until I see Carson Wentz, I'm gonna be a
schmuck until I see Carson Wentz do something special, something magical,
(14:30):
was something that actually matters against a defense that is
trying to rip his head off. It's all just just nonsense,
hot air. Carson Wentz has bounced around the league like
he is on a barnstorming memorabilia tour. Philadelphia, Indy, Washington,
(14:51):
the Rams, the Colts, and now the Minnesota Vikens. Wentz
will be the first player in the history of the
NFL to start for six teams in six consecutive seasons,
and most of that most of that time as a
mop mop up duty. First meaningful start in three years,
(15:11):
he'd start like that Week seventeen game when everything's wrapped
up and you're babying, coddling your star players. So what's next,
Carson Wentz. His goal should be to change teams every year.
He signs a one day contract to every single team
this offseason. He can then collect a nice jersey and
a helmet from every team, like a middle aged dad
(15:34):
doing a ballpark tour, which if you've been able to
do that, good for you. But the guy's basically a
dependable practice arm. He shows up on time, he does
what he's told. He's like the human version of a
jugs machine at practice, and so you keep him around,
and sure coaches love him in shorts and a T shirt.
And when there's actually live action, when they are throwing
(15:58):
hand grenades, lobbing hand grades, all top cocktails, that is
when Carson Wentz gets into the fetal position and starts
sucking his thumb. That's been the way it has been,
so why would it change now. Don't expect it to change.
It is the Ben Mahlor Show. We haven't changed much either.
If you'd like to be part, you can join us
right now at eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox
(16:21):
Unbelievable eight seven seven nine nine six six three sixty nine.
Also on ex at Ben Mahler. That's at Ben Mahler
if you'd like to be part of the live radio show.
As we worked our way through the early morning hours,
and we'll have later this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes
of the week and time now though for the mallor
(16:43):
Riddle of the day. And here's the mallor Riddle of
the day. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning great average NFL player,
but Eli Manning told Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to
call him if he ever needed any He said, hey, Jackson,
give me a call. So Dart reached out to him
(17:06):
and he said, hey, Eli, I would like to get
blank again. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning told Giants rookie
quarterback Jackson Dart, listen, call me up if you need anything.
Just give me a bus. Here's my number. And Jackson Dart,
the rookie quarterback, he said, I said, okay, I'll do that, Eli,
and he reached out to him and he wanted blank.
(17:29):
That is the Malor riddal of the day. The answer,
We'll get to it, and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio Appy.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's me Rock Parker.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of piping hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest name the newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the I tast We've got all the
bases covered.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
New episodes drop every Thursday, So do yourself a favor
and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob Parker on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Bill Miller and you. It is the Ben Malor Show
up all night, every single night. It's the payoff on
the Mallard Riddle of the Day coming up momentarily later
this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes of the week, which
you either love or is a nightmare. In the meantime,
don't forget to support the Mallard Show brand. There's many
(18:42):
ways you can do that. The weekend is almost here,
but the talk does not stop. The Fifth Hour podcast
fresh episodes coming up today and a new episode will
drop on Saturday, and then another one on Sunday. The
mail Bag on Sunday. So very excited about that. So
if you want to be part of the weekend conversation
for the real p ones that even listen to that,
(19:04):
you can check it out Real fifth Hour, Real fifth
Hour is well, you can find fifth Hour anywhere, but
the email add is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot
com if you want to send a letter into the
mail bag. And also don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. Yeah,
we love that show. It's been on for years and
now on YouTube we've gone global with Tom Looney. You
(19:24):
can get all of the picks in the big games
this weekend against the spread and some handicapping on Benny
Versus the Penny and right now, back to it, right
back to it. We'll pay off the malor riddle of
the day here. It is the mallor riddle of the day.
This is where we try to get you to test
(19:47):
the boundaries. Former NFL quarterback, the very mediocre Eli Manning
told the Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to call him
if he ever needed anything. So Dart reached out to
him for blank. All right, that is the riddle. What
is the answer? And I know our friend the moving
(20:08):
man is like, oh, Ben, I know the answer. On Eli,
Manning's not average. I don't know what you're talking about. No, no, no, no, no,
all right, Terry in England says the answer is Jackson.
Dart asked Eli for the for the phone number of
the p D guy that Peyton used. He says, I
(20:30):
called for Peyton's number to get the p D clinics number.
Who else do we have to see? Page down? A
banana cream pie from Luke the vending guys see page down.
Jackson was looking for some discounted sports memorabilia another Manning scandal.
Let's see here. Mister irrigation said he called to get
(20:52):
Peyton's number. He wanted advice on reading the blitz, says
mister irrigation. Who else do we have? Page down? Let's
see can't read that? He said, I would like to
get Peyton Manning's number, someone who's actually good at football?
He said. Alf also made a memorabilia joke. Page dan,
(21:13):
Who else do we have needed interception face coaching from
late night drug tester Robin Minnesota says, Jackson Dart asked
Eli Manning if you could borrow a can of whoopass
courtesy Flusher says, a brand new blender. He wanted a
brand new blender. Trucker, Joe, you gotta have a phe guy,
(21:34):
he says, would like to get a jersey from Mike's subs.
There you go, There you go a jersey. Mike's by
screwed that up? Who else inca Tera is going with
an Archie Manning bobblehead as his answer. Dante says that
Jackson Dart wanted Eli to be his dog walker. Ozzie
(21:54):
Waz is listening live on his satellite hookup in western Austria,
surrounded by kangaroos, and that's at it, says, a kangaroo
steak burger. Ozzie was, what does kangaroo taste like? I've
never had kangaroo? Is it? They're very strong kangaroos. It's
a very bizarre animal coy pond from Donkey Sausage. Benito,
(22:15):
the long suffering, long suffering cowboy fan says weed slug
the hostess with the Moses who's hosted us in Vegas
the last couple of years of the Big Mallard Meet
and greet, says Jackson Dart needs Eli's help getting his
swerve on. It's all about to swerve his backwashed from
Johnny q JT. The wingman from Knoxville, says New Giants
(22:36):
tattoo lefty and he got it right left. He got
it right, so did Eke and Roseville, Minnesota. Bad job
by him. Tillo in Florida says Jackson Dart wanted Eli
to hook him up with some secacis Goba gool the
Goaba goool foot and back massage from Doug Monkey Biz
Doug in South Korea Matt jack going with Russell Palooza tickets.
(23:03):
He wanted that all right, John got it right as well.
Do you have an answer? It's not a cow bell,
which is what Mike the lepperkown. Guess, Lorraina, Do you
have an answer to the riddle of the day. Yes,
I was thinking that he wanted help setting up his
bidet beday, fine answers, it ain't bidet No. It turns
out Eli Manning said that he had given Jackson Dart
(23:25):
his numbers, said hey, call me up. You need anything,
I'm here for you. And Jackson Dart reached out to
him for a dinner reservation at a high end Prime
Rib restaurant in New York City. So there you go,
Charles Prime Rib. I think they would have had more
fun setting up a bidet. Yeah, bedeys would certainly be
(23:46):
and you'd be cleaner and you just feel better. You're
you're a fan of the bdet Now you've gone pro baday.
Speaker 6 (23:51):
Now no, no, no, but you know, I'm sure someone
might need help setting that up.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know, I'm surprised you're not pro badet. I thought
you'd be on team. No. No, no, no, he's just
not used to it. No, you see, you're you're using
the wrong beday because there's different ones that have different
settings on the bidet and so all that. Let's go
to the folks. Let's say hello to Mike in Tucson.
What's going on, Mike and Tucson. Welcome, hey man.
Speaker 7 (24:17):
How are you doing?
Speaker 8 (24:18):
Man?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Mike? If I was any better, I would be a dolphin,
but not on Miami Dolphin. I'd be a dolphin in
the Pacific Ocean, not a Miami Dolphin, because the Miami
dolphins suck. How are you doing, Mike? How can we
help you? Buddy?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
God?
Speaker 7 (24:30):
So Ben I had, I really had to see this.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Questions for you and my daughter will come up? I called.
I called on Monday night.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Oh okay, all right, my daughter woke up.
Speaker 7 (24:41):
I tuned her out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
If no, no, you know you don't need to cheer
your daughter out.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
So she waited in a hold with me for a
long time.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
So oh no, oh no, I now I feel terrible.
Now I feel so bad. I feel like I've done
something terrible here. And how old your daughter?
Speaker 6 (24:57):
She's twelve years old?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Oh, twelve years old. So she's she's at that point
where she's about to hate you? Is that right?
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Yes? Yeah, I said, weard shirt. She refused to with.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
So what is your reasoning for not? Is he not wearing?
You said a Laker shirt you don't.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Want to wear.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
I don't believe she would tell you herself. Watch wear
the shirt? She said that, who do you talk to
you overnight.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
On the radio?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Back she waits, I know, she fell, she fell asleep.
Speaker 7 (25:33):
Why you wear the shirt?
Speaker 8 (25:36):
I just like not really feeling like wearing it?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Okay, you said Raiders shirt?
Speaker 8 (25:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (25:50):
Well yeah, you obviously don't want to wear that because
you don't want to dress like a loser.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
No, no, no, no, no, no no, what are you
not a fan of the Raiders?
Speaker 8 (25:59):
And I justly right chests for football that much anyway,
But yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Like it either.
Speaker 6 (26:09):
Why do you invest so much? So she said, And
I was hurt.
Speaker 7 (26:15):
It's free school, I said, wear your Raider shirt. It's
sports stay No can I ask?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Can I ask your your daughter? Is there another sports
shirt that you would wear other than the Raiders? Is
there another team shirt that you would wear?
Speaker 8 (26:32):
Tell them, oh, my Dodgers shirts.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, there you go. That's all right. Hey, listen, you
know what, you're a good daughter. That is a good
daughter right there. She's willing to wear the Dodger shirt.
Good job. See, we solved the dilemma.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
She loves the Dodgers, her mom and the Dodgers. That
we're in Arizona. How are you.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Let me tell you? Let me tell you something, all right?
The Dodgers spring training headquarters is in Arizona. My not no,
obviously not near you, in two some, but up in Glendale, Arizona.
They have a major complex there. So every year the
Dodgers do play in Arizona for two months. They're in
Arizona every year, so technically the Dodgers are in Arizona.
Team it is.
Speaker 7 (27:15):
And all all my wife's family, all daughter fans, all
Dodgers upon what.
Speaker 6 (27:22):
I'm the dash When the d Backs won.
Speaker 7 (27:26):
The World Series, the Basketball Series ever, Game seven, who
hit who hit the bull? And David ball to goal?
Speaker 6 (27:35):
Yeah, so my daughter loved the Dodgers.
Speaker 7 (27:38):
That's her, guy, said my wife. My father in law said,
if Dodgers are nothing broth, they're all hard for baseball people,
not football.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
But I got you, Well that's probably why. Then she's
around baseball people, so she wants to wear a baseball shirt.
That makes sense, and so you gotta yeah, it's just
kind of obvious, but maybe sure we shall grow into
the Raider thing, you know, it's a little older, you know,
the whole edge thing and want that kind of edge
to you being a Raider fan. So that could be it.
So all right, hey, Mike, thank you, and now go
(28:07):
to bed. Did know what it was your daughter doing awake?
She had school? Right? Didn't she have school today?
Speaker 6 (28:13):
No tubles?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah? Okay, all right, go to bed, you get some sleep.
It's your sleep, good night. Thank you though for very
you have been very cute voice, but thank you. All right.
That reminds me of that little girl Maggie that called
the show with her dad years ago, and she's all
growing up now. She's like, I think she got kids crazy,
this little girl would it was doing the weekend overnight show.
(28:36):
Lebron left Cleveland to go to Miami and we still
have the drop in the system. Yeah, that little girl,
like cute little girl. She's all grown up now, and
like that's of course, that was a long time ago.
It was a twenty eleven, so that's fourteen years ago. Man,
all right, let's go back to the calls. Let's say
hello to Manuel in Guardina. Hello, Manuel in Guardina. Man, well, Inda,
(29:00):
going once, going twice, going three times, going four times?
Do I hear a Manuel in Guardina? I have my
buttons up, all right? Then there he is, I hear him.
Now the man has spoken. The man has spoken.
Speaker 6 (29:17):
I don't know what happened, but look for Mike and
Tucson or whatever he screwed up. At the beginning, my
daughter Analisa was in onesies of Raiders, was in sheer
Leader outfits of Raiders when she was a toddler that
is embedded by the twelve year old mark. She should
have no clue of I just it's Raiders. There's nothing
(29:40):
else going Raiders now, Analyisa Roles. And it's funny because
Analysa actually works for the Diamondbacks right now. And she
gave me a Cotel Martea bobblehead as a joke, you know,
but because she knows we bleed Dodger blue. She even
bleeds Dodger blue, even though she's getting that diamond Back money.
(30:00):
But ain't Benny Beck to the Dodger blues Man. You
didn't have to go Benny the basher on Kershaw bro
I mean, well, listen, memo, memo, memo, What what did
I What did I saying?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
It's incorrect? Though? What did I say? I don't work
for the Dodgers? What did I say that was incorrect?
Speaker 6 (30:15):
Now? Right now, it's not about being Craig Hey.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
He's not he didn't die, he's not dead. It's well,
he's alive.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
He's after the National Series. He gets an absolved from
the Astros obviously because we know that that was funny business.
But he came through in twenty twenty he had a
good regular season last year and he's had a hell
of a banner year this year. Let him go out
(30:43):
on a high note without you bashing him. Damn it.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I disagree. I mean, I just called it. But why
should we pretend like all that stuff didn't happen. He's
not dead, he's.
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Benny. Like, when you go off the air, we're going
to we're not going to talk about the bad show.
We're going to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah see, but see the difference is when Ben's off
the air, he'll be dead, probably if I will die
on the air. Yeah, okay, listen, man, Well, Kershaw was
a great regular season player. I just nearly felt like
we had to point out the other part. And if
the LA media was legit, Kershaw would have been run
(31:27):
out of LA fifteen years ago he would have been gone.
Or not fifteen, maybe ten years ago he would have
been out of LA. So there was a bunch of
cheerleaders and I'm sure it's gonna be just a slobber
fest all day on Fridays. So there you go. It
is the Ben Madler Show. We're gonna have Big Ben's
lame jokes of the week, Big Ben's lame jokes of
the week coming up here in a couple of minutes,
(31:51):
and there you go. Let's see if weed Man calls
in to be my Is he there, by the way,
do we know if he's online? No, we're efforting to
get the weed Man anyway, lame jokes of the week.
We'll get to that and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific, Bill Miller.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
And you the lame jokes of the week moments away,
all the best singers, all the best one liners of
the Mallard Militia. A reminder that you can hear this
show wherever, whenever, however you want, thanks to the iHeartRadio app,
which is just a monster of audio content. My god
(32:34):
is this thing. I'm always on that iHeart app. I
am I love audio content. There's a lot of stuff
on there. You can stream the Ben Mallor Show wherever
you happen to be. Catch us and all the other blowhards,
gas bags, no what alls on the Fox Sports Radio
Channel live twenty four to seven. New and improved iHeartRadio app.
Just search Fox Sports Radio in the app. You can
stream us live all day and all night, every day
and every night where we are and be sure to
(32:57):
select Fox Sports Radio, Ben Mahler Show and Weekend Fifth
Hour Podcast. A new episode shopping later today, which will
be a big I think it'll be a big hit.
But it's up to Alf and Ferg Dog to let
me know they're the p ones whether they really like
it or not. But that'll be coming up later today.
Fifth Hour Podcast. All that on the iHeart app. It
will always pop up at the top of your screen.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Knock knock, who's there?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Blame week?
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Blame Week.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
It's Big Men's lame joke of the week. Here we go,
Big Men's Lame Jokes the week, Actual jokes by actual listeners.
Do we have weed?
Speaker 8 (33:29):
Man?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Is he there? All right?
Speaker 7 (33:34):
All right?
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I noticed you. You're not calling. You're not calling anymore
other than this. You're very busy man. What do you
What do you do all week? Who much?
Speaker 6 (33:43):
And I knows?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
On huge day?
Speaker 7 (33:45):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, something like that. All right, Well, here we
go a week the great everything. Go with your weed man?
You're okay though? Yes, all right? Why do blind scott
or check that? What do blinds got and Cashew's have
in common? What they're both nuts? All right? What did
(34:10):
blind Scott say whenever he read a scary story in braille?
What something bad is gonna happen? I can feel it? Said? Noah,
See weed man, when you read braille, you got to
use your fingers. That's that's Noah in Austin. Who sent
that one in? Where did blind Scott go to college?
Speaker 6 (34:32):
Where?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
PSU? Psychotic State University? That's Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. All right.
What has been the biggest highlight of Stefan Diggs this season? What? Well,
apparently he scored on a dink and dunk play with
Cardi B. How about that? That's Chip in Maine. Did
(34:55):
you did you see his reaction when he was asked
about Cardi B being pregnant. It did not seem like
he was excited about that. That was very interesting. We
kept it to himself. Huh, yeah, that might have been okay?
All right? Why did weed man hit me get a
gym membership? No know? Why Why did weed man hit
(35:19):
me get a gym membership? Because they have a nice
bathroom where he plans to get ripped? Ripped? That's true?
In Minnesota? Did you hear that Benny versus the Penny
has led to a YouTube spin off show, No What Yes,
make sure to like and subscribe to weed Man Versus
(35:40):
the nickel Bag. That's Joe from Virginia Beach? Who sent
that one? In the next joke here, why does David
Vasse want to meet weed Man hippie? Why? Because he
heard that weed Man smells like Tuckis? That's Lucky Tony.
(36:00):
Have you noticed Lucky Tony not calling as much since
the Chicago Bears started owing too? Have you noticed that?
I've noticed that? Yeah, all right. Why was Jordan Hudson
kicked off Dancing with the Stars? Why she demanded weed
Man as her partner, but they both wanted more days off.
(36:22):
That's Tom in Indiana. When's when's the last time you
worked weed Man? What year? Was it?
Speaker 6 (36:30):
A long time ago?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Was it the eighties? Of the nineties, the nineties? Okay,
the nineties. I was going to say, because you you
lost everything in the stock market crash in the eighties though,
right the late eighties. I know the toy store. I know.
I'm sorry, we've man. I just think you that Oh
(36:53):
I thought it was I thought I thought it was
the one in the eighties. So two thousand and one,
you lost everything? Yeah, okay, all right, and just think
if you hadn't lost everything, you'd be living in the
mansion on Long Island right now. That we never would
have known each other. Why did weed Man get in
trouble at the bank.
Speaker 7 (37:08):
Why?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Well, an old lady said she wanted his help checking
her balance, so he pushed her over. That's Eric in Kansas.
That's not nice weed man, all right. Why would weed
Man hippie make a great companion for Lorena? Why she
snaps her toes and he comes running. That's George and Ubaldi,
(37:30):
Texas with that joke. It's Big Ben's lame jokes of
the league. What does what does Loraine? What does Lorena
like best about Major League Baseball season? What she loves
makeup games? That's Eeke in Roseville. What does the Lorena
(37:52):
and the Iowa Hawkeye fans have in common? What they
both hate? The UMass minute man? A minute man. It's
Eric in Kansas there, Yeah, all right, Uh, we have
some some dad jokes here from dad joke j I
thought these were okay. But what do you call a
mobile phone in prison? What a cell phone? Why? Why
(38:19):
Why do heavy metal bands refuse to drink coke? Why
it's pop. That's why it's pop. That's a. That's a
that's dad dad joke. Jay, Do you have any jokes? Coop?
Any offensive jokes? Now? Actually I might let me let
me see you all right, better do it quick. What
is the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
(38:42):
What the letter F? The letter F? That's it? He said?
Was dumb? Okay?
Speaker 7 (38:48):
What?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
What? No joke coops out of the show. What is
the fastest way to become a millionaire? What? Be a
billionaire and invest in the w NBA. It's right away,
it'll go away there alight. How is Tony the Bay
Area like a treasurer? Have you need a map to
and a shovel to find them? As family? I screwed
that as Eric in Kids, Thanks weed Man.
Boom, shaka Laca. It's our number three, our number three,
talking foot ball. What are you intrigued by this? Ben
Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. What intrigues you about
this Ben Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. We'll talk
about that. Also. How does Patrick Mahomes selling the opportunity
(00:22):
the Chiefs have for being winless sound to you? And
the Vikings backup quarterback Carson Wentz drawing rave reviews as
he prepares for his first meaningful start in nearly three years?
Nearly three years? What do you make of this? We'll
talk about that as well. Also, Benny versus Depenning on
YouTube YouTube dot com slash at Benny versus Penny all
(00:45):
my NFL picks from the big games. But here it
is our number three. You just got a grinnin, Barrett.
Sometimes you just have to grin and Barrett welcome in
the beginning of another hour of the Ba Mallor Show.
I know it's wild and crazy and wacky, and it
(01:06):
just one after another after another after another.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We are in the air everywhere on a piggyback ride
as we wag our tongues coast to coast, border.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
The border and beyond on the mast end, mishlessly powerful
microphones of fs are amminnating live from the griddle. We
don't make the takes till you order them from the
world famous Fox Sports Radio studios as approved by mister Irrigation.
He approves that message and this portion of the Ben
(01:43):
Maler Show on Fox made possible in part by our
friends at ti Iraq. For over forty years, ty Iraq
has been helping customers find the right tires for how,
what and where they drive, ship fast end freeback by
free road hazard protection with convenient installation options like multile
tire installation, Tire i Rak, the way Tire Buying Show
(02:07):
be So we are back at it here as we
yap away in the overnight and this hour, I want
to go back to the story. I'm fascinated by what's
going on right now in Chicago, so let's spend a
couple of minutes on that, and that is where we
will start here. Good content week for the Bears. I
(02:27):
know Eugene in Chicago, our buddy Tree in Chicago, and
a bunch of the regulars there, although a lot of
them are working the day shift now so they're not
as active as they used to be, Yaphoemi and some
of those other guys. So our lead is from Chicago.
Good content, as we said. Now, if you did not
hear the latest on this, possibly not Ben Johnson. This
guy's having a breakdown and it's not even week three
(02:49):
for his Bears yet they haven't played yet. So Ben
Johnson recently said that the Detroit Lions played harder, harder
than he said, and that is a reflection on me
and the players. Now that's referencing Chicago giving up fifty
two points Holy Jay dot in Utah, fifty two points
(03:15):
in the loss at Detroit. Now this comes after Ben
Johnson had said, we talked about this in a previous
episode of the show, that Chicago players practice habits are
not good enough. They're not championship level practice habits. So
let us discuss another day, another revelation. So the question is,
are you intrigued by this latest Ben Johnson quote, This
(03:36):
essentially meltdown regarding the Bears and the habits of the
Chicago Bears. So I've got on this one my views.
I've got Doogie Howser, Hotels dot Com, and ihop and
we will combine all of these things together, and we
are going to make a bagel and then we're gonna
put some baba ganooche on top of the bagel. Is
(03:56):
what we're gonna do. So, first of all, yes I'm
talking about this. Yes, I'm intrigued by this story. Another
Bears coach comes into Chicago thinking that he's the modern
day Vince Lombardi. He's been reincarnated, And two weeks later
he's sitting and scarfing down not deep dish pizza, not
(04:18):
Deep Dish pizza, humble pie. He's enjoying some authentic Chicago
humble pie. And we give Ben Johnson credit like he's honest.
I love it. He's not sugarcoating it. He's not standing
up at the dais and standing up there with a
bunch of corporate jargon and all this stuff. He flat
out said that his football team didn't play hard enough.
(04:40):
That is a felony in that business. That is a felony.
All right, now, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. However,
as I learned from my doctor Doogie Howser, MD back
in the day, just because you can diagnose the disease
does not mean you've got the cure. And the Bears
ca Williams. I'm assuming they all had a big team
(05:02):
dinner somewhere in Chicago and they went to a nice
Chinese restaurant and Caleb Williams opened up a fortune cookie
and the fortune read and he read it aloud to
the entire team, and just go with me on this
cartoon bubble. So he read this to the entire team,
the fortune from the fortune cookie, and it read that
hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
(05:24):
And the players really took that to heart. I said,
why wait for the future. We want our payout right now.
So let's just be lazy and we'll pay it off
right now. And that's what Caleb Williams and the Bears
have been doing. Load management, Baby, they think during the
NBA half speed practices, according to their head coach, and
then you wonder why they go out there and get
(05:45):
poll axed by the Lions in Detroit. So the Bears
kind of like that vintage old school infomercial from the
late Suzanne Summers. The thigh Master just kind of a decoration.
People bought that as a gag and ended up as
a decoration and it looks kind of cool. It's a
talking point thing, but nobody ever used it and all that.
But Ben Johnson thought this was going to be I'm
(06:08):
convinced this guy was so arrogant when he took over.
From what I've heard that he went in there thinking, oh, man,
I got this, I got this, no problem. He could
have had the Raider job, he could have had three
or four other jobs. He picked the Bears because of
Caleb Williams. So far, the only thing Caleb Williams has
been good at in the NFL is painting his nails.
That's not a compliment. That's not a compliment. But Ben
(06:31):
Johnson's like, oh, this guy's the most talented player. Blah
blah blah blah blah blah. No, no, no, So he thought
he would waltz into Chicago, install some shiny new offense
and the players would just line up there and dominate.
Domination situation. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yeah. The so far,
so far, the NFL has enjoyed playing the Chicago But
(06:52):
the Minnesota Vikings, who didn't even have a quarterback in
the game JJ McCarthy, sucks and they ended up doing
very well in the fourth quarter of that game. So
it's not about all the x'es and o's, there's all
this stuff involved. It's still about effort, which is kind
of cool. The ability to actually work your ass off
is one of the most underrated skills in all of sport,
and unfortunately, there are very few player players. There's very
(07:14):
few teams that consistently are willing to put the work
in and Johnson Ben Johnson acting like like you know,
he calls out one or two plays and then magically
everything's going to change. That's it. Spine our alert, spoiler alert.
Telling the world. Telling the world that your players are
soft does not all of a sudden make them tough.
(07:36):
You're gonna have to change players and get rid of
players and all that stuff. All it does, though, is
shine a very bright spotlight for everyone to see how
far away the Chicago football team is from the end
of the rainbow. It's like standing over a flat tire saying,
this tire is flat, all right, thank you, thank you,
(07:56):
thank you. But unless you grab the jack and change
it or make the phone call for a tow truck,
you're stranded on the side of the road. That's it.
And that's where the Bears are right now. They're stranded
on the side of the road. They do have the Cowboys.
That's a winnable game. That is a winnable game. It's
at home. The Dallas Cowboys are not a great team.
So we'll see what happens this weekend. Now. Secondly to
(08:19):
Canzah City, where the Ben Mallard chicken fingers are piping
hot and the Kansas City Chiefs are piping bad. So
Patrick Mahomie. Patrick Mahomes has given a State of the
Chiefs address and he said, in my eyes is a quote.
In my eyes, it looks like what an opportunity to
(08:42):
prove He's to talking about the O and two start.
What an opportunity to prove that we are the Kansas
City Chiefs, Mahomes said, coming back from oh to two
and trying to build up to win a big football
game on Sunday night and try to get our season.
Mahomes said, going in the right direction from there. Close
quote Okay, Oh, question for you, how does Patrick Mahomes
(09:04):
selling the quote opportunity the Chiefs have from being winless
sound to you? So it sounds like Mahomes is trying
to get another commercial. He's not on enough commercials. Sounds
like the sarcastic spokesperson from back in the day for
hotels dot com, Captain obvious, thank you very much. What
(09:26):
the hell else is Patrick Mahomes going to say? Now,
it would have been a better story if Mahomes had
come out and said, yeah, guys, we stink and I
don't even know why we show up. We can't catch passes,
we can't get any yards after catch. We should just
cancel the season and we should just get ready for
next year. That's it, just get ready for next year.
It's all over. And here's the thing. Every single game
(09:48):
is an opportunity. Everything you do in life is an opportunity.
Every decision you make is an opportunity. Whether you're zero
and to one in one, two and oh, it doesn't matter.
It's all op To me. It's like the Duncan commercial.
America runs on coffee. Well, yeah, this is the football
runs on opportunity. Life runs on opportunity. Right now, the
(10:08):
Chiefs offense is flat. They're out of whack. They're seventeenth
in total offense, they're twenty fourth in scoring offense. That's
not good. I know. I didn't play in the NFL,
so I don't know, Ryan Clark's gonna allow me to
say that. But that's not good. And that's not the Chiefs.
That's the Titans in a bad year. Andy Reid his
guys have a case of the blas blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The whole
(10:29):
thing just feels stagnant. Now is it gonna feel stagnant
this week? The magic elixirs typically the Giants defense. They're
not very good right now. The Chiefs, they were a Ferrari.
They were a Ferrari and in the moment they're old,
(10:50):
like twenty thirteen family mini van with a lot of
bubble gum and barf and other crap around the back
of it. Is not the defense. The defense has been
holding up there into the bargain. It's Mahomes, It's the receivers.
It's Andy Reid's not doing a great job of scheming
the players up. Mahomes is not making the players better
(11:11):
right now, they don't scare anybody. There's no juice. Where's
the juice. Well, he died a couple of years ago,
but where's the juice. They're like a Seltzer. That's been
sitting open for a week. The Chiefs offense, it's flat, boring,
no fizz, and Mahomes can mention the word opportunity. It's
all about the opportunity all he wants. The reality is
(11:32):
that you are judged off what you have done, and
they are ordinary capital low, ordinary capital low, and that's
the scariest thing of all, like Kansas City looking ordinary.
This is not the way this is supposed to go.
And we still expect them at some point, once all
their deva wide receivers come back from suspension and from
injury and whatnot, that they will turn on the after burners.
(11:55):
That's an assumption. Assumptions don't always work out. Final thought
to menes Sota, Minnesota, nice we go, and that is
where Vikings. Backup quarterback Carson Wentz has been drawing rave reviews.
Reports out of the Twin Cities say he's preparing for
his first meaningful start in nearly three years. It's a
(12:18):
long time. So what do you make of this? What
do you make of this? Wentz glowing reports, doing a
great job. So I read all this and I had
a snicker, not a Snicker's bar. I just kind of
snickered this hits me like a brunsht. I hop fluffy
pancakes syrup all over the place. That's what that sounds
(12:40):
like to me. An, I hop pancake meal with syrup
and there's people lining up to eat it. Chop chop, chop,
chop chop chop eat. Yeah, so Carson Wentz looks good
in practice. Carson's throwing darts career revival developing hot dot
(13:02):
dot dot. Give me a break right now, this is
another only things. I guess I've just become too jaded
as a talk show host. I'm I just check my email.
By the way, I'm still getting crap from my previous
Clayton Kershaw monologue. That's fine, once that hits the dark web,
I'll get a lot of crap. But as far as
Carson Wentz is concerned here, it's the NFL myth making
(13:24):
machine that drives me nuts. It's like they just think
the people that watch their product are just dumb, dumb, dumb,
dumb dumb dumb. You know what this is though, It's
building up the self esteem, kind of like you're supposed
to do for a kid at summer camp. You know,
good job, little Carson, you did it. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
(13:45):
Good job, Carson. Whoopee damn do last I checked, And
I might be wrong in this. I don't think. I
don't think you practice on television think. I don't think
they sell tickets for practice. I don't leave. You are
judged on practice by the consumers of your product. And
we learned this from the original AI, the old school AI.
(14:09):
I always loved those early versions of AI. A lot
of people love chat Ept and Grock and all these others.
Google's got their thing. My favorite AI, Alan Irison. We
talked about practice, not a game, not a game. Practice.
Now until I see Carson Wentz, I'm gonna be a
schmuck until I see Carson Wentz do something special, something magical,
(14:30):
was something that actually matters against a defense that is
trying to rip his head off. It's all just just nonsense,
hot air. Carson Wentz has bounced around the league like
he is on a barnstorming memorabilia tour. Philadelphia, Indy, Washington,
(14:51):
the Rams, the Colts, and now the Minnesota Vikens. Wentz
will be the first player in the history of the
NFL to start for six teams in six consecutive seasons,
and most of that most of that time as a
mop mop up duty. First meaningful start in three years,
(15:11):
he'd start like that Week seventeen game when everything's wrapped
up and you're babying, coddling your star players. So what's next,
Carson Wentz. His goal should be to change teams every year.
He signs a one day contract to every single team
this offseason. He can then collect a nice jersey and
a helmet from every team, like a middle aged dad
(15:34):
doing a ballpark tour, which if you've been able to
do that, good for you. But the guy's basically a
dependable practice arm. He shows up on time, he does
what he's told. He's like the human version of a
jugs machine at practice, and so you keep him around,
and sure coaches love him in shorts and a T shirt.
And when there's actually live action, when they are throwing
(15:58):
hand grenades, lobbing hand grades, all top cocktails, that is
when Carson Wentz gets into the fetal position and starts
sucking his thumb. That's been the way it has been,
so why would it change now. Don't expect it to change.
It is the Ben Mahlor Show. We haven't changed much either.
If you'd like to be part, you can join us
right now at eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox
(16:21):
Unbelievable eight seven seven nine nine six six three sixty nine.
Also on ex at Ben Mahler. That's at Ben Mahler
if you'd like to be part of the live radio show.
As we worked our way through the early morning hours,
and we'll have later this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes
of the week and time now though for the mallor
(16:43):
Riddle of the day. And here's the mallor Riddle of
the day. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning great average NFL player,
but Eli Manning told Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to
call him if he ever needed any He said, hey, Jackson,
give me a call. So Dart reached out to him
(17:06):
and he said, hey, Eli, I would like to get
blank again. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning told Giants rookie
quarterback Jackson Dart, listen, call me up if you need anything.
Just give me a bus. Here's my number. And Jackson Dart,
the rookie quarterback, he said, I said, okay, I'll do that, Eli,
and he reached out to him and he wanted blank.
(17:29):
That is the Malor riddal of the day. The answer,
We'll get to it, and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio Appy.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's me Rock Parker.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of piping hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest name the newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the I tast We've got all the
bases covered.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
New episodes drop every Thursday, So do yourself a favor
and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob Parker on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Bill Miller and you. It is the Ben Malor Show
up all night, every single night. It's the payoff on
the Mallard Riddle of the Day coming up momentarily later
this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes of the week, which
you either love or is a nightmare. In the meantime,
don't forget to support the Mallard Show brand. There's many
(18:42):
ways you can do that. The weekend is almost here,
but the talk does not stop. The Fifth Hour podcast
fresh episodes coming up today and a new episode will
drop on Saturday, and then another one on Sunday. The
mail Bag on Sunday. So very excited about that. So
if you want to be part of the weekend conversation
for the real p ones that even listen to that,
(19:04):
you can check it out Real fifth Hour, Real fifth
Hour is well, you can find fifth Hour anywhere, but
the email add is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot
com if you want to send a letter into the
mail bag. And also don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. Yeah,
we love that show. It's been on for years and
now on YouTube we've gone global with Tom Looney. You
(19:24):
can get all of the picks in the big games
this weekend against the spread and some handicapping on Benny
Versus the Penny and right now, back to it, right
back to it. We'll pay off the malor riddle of
the day here. It is the mallor riddle of the day.
This is where we try to get you to test
(19:47):
the boundaries. Former NFL quarterback, the very mediocre Eli Manning
told the Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to call him
if he ever needed anything. So Dart reached out to
him for blank. All right, that is the riddle. What
is the answer? And I know our friend the moving
(20:08):
man is like, oh, Ben, I know the answer. On Eli,
Manning's not average. I don't know what you're talking about. No, no, no, no, no,
all right, Terry in England says the answer is Jackson.
Dart asked Eli for the for the phone number of
the p D guy that Peyton used. He says, I
(20:30):
called for Peyton's number to get the p D clinics number.
Who else do we have to see? Page down? A
banana cream pie from Luke the vending guys see page down.
Jackson was looking for some discounted sports memorabilia another Manning scandal.
Let's see here. Mister irrigation said he called to get
(20:52):
Peyton's number. He wanted advice on reading the blitz, says
mister irrigation. Who else do we have? Page down? Let's
see can't read that? He said, I would like to
get Peyton Manning's number, someone who's actually good at football?
He said. Alf also made a memorabilia joke. Page dan,
(21:13):
Who else do we have needed interception face coaching from
late night drug tester Robin Minnesota says, Jackson Dart asked
Eli Manning if you could borrow a can of whoopass
courtesy Flusher says, a brand new blender. He wanted a
brand new blender. Trucker, Joe, you gotta have a phe guy,
(21:34):
he says, would like to get a jersey from Mike's subs.
There you go, There you go a jersey. Mike's by
screwed that up? Who else inca Tera is going with
an Archie Manning bobblehead as his answer. Dante says that
Jackson Dart wanted Eli to be his dog walker. Ozzie
(21:54):
Waz is listening live on his satellite hookup in western Austria,
surrounded by kangaroos, and that's at it, says, a kangaroo
steak burger. Ozzie was, what does kangaroo taste like? I've
never had kangaroo? Is it? They're very strong kangaroos. It's
a very bizarre animal coy pond from Donkey Sausage. Benito,
(22:15):
the long suffering, long suffering cowboy fan says weed slug
the hostess with the Moses who's hosted us in Vegas
the last couple of years of the Big Mallard Meet
and greet, says Jackson Dart needs Eli's help getting his
swerve on. It's all about to swerve his backwashed from
Johnny q JT. The wingman from Knoxville, says New Giants
(22:36):
tattoo lefty and he got it right left. He got
it right, so did Eke and Roseville, Minnesota. Bad job
by him. Tillo in Florida says Jackson Dart wanted Eli
to hook him up with some secacis Goba gool the
Goaba goool foot and back massage from Doug Monkey Biz
Doug in South Korea Matt jack going with Russell Palooza tickets.
(23:03):
He wanted that all right, John got it right as well.
Do you have an answer? It's not a cow bell,
which is what Mike the lepperkown. Guess, Lorraina, Do you
have an answer to the riddle of the day. Yes,
I was thinking that he wanted help setting up his
bidet beday, fine answers, it ain't bidet No. It turns
out Eli Manning said that he had given Jackson Dart
(23:25):
his numbers, said hey, call me up. You need anything,
I'm here for you. And Jackson Dart reached out to
him for a dinner reservation at a high end Prime
Rib restaurant in New York City. So there you go,
Charles Prime Rib. I think they would have had more
fun setting up a bidet. Yeah, bedeys would certainly be
(23:46):
and you'd be cleaner and you just feel better. You're
you're a fan of the bdet Now you've gone pro baday.
Speaker 6 (23:51):
Now no, no, no, but you know, I'm sure someone
might need help setting that up.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know, I'm surprised you're not pro badet. I thought
you'd be on team. No. No, no, no, he's just
not used to it. No, you see, you're you're using
the wrong beday because there's different ones that have different
settings on the bidet and so all that. Let's go
to the folks. Let's say hello to Mike in Tucson.
What's going on, Mike and Tucson. Welcome, hey man.
Speaker 7 (24:17):
How are you doing?
Speaker 8 (24:18):
Man?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Mike? If I was any better, I would be a dolphin,
but not on Miami Dolphin. I'd be a dolphin in
the Pacific Ocean, not a Miami Dolphin, because the Miami
dolphins suck. How are you doing, Mike? How can we
help you? Buddy?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
God?
Speaker 7 (24:30):
So Ben I had, I really had to see this.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Questions for you and my daughter will come up? I called.
I called on Monday night.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Oh okay, all right, my daughter woke up.
Speaker 7 (24:41):
I tuned her out.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
If no, no, you know you don't need to cheer
your daughter out.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
So she waited in a hold with me for a
long time.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
So oh no, oh no, I now I feel terrible.
Now I feel so bad. I feel like I've done
something terrible here. And how old your daughter?
Speaker 6 (24:57):
She's twelve years old?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Oh, twelve years old. So she's she's at that point
where she's about to hate you? Is that right?
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Yes? Yeah, I said, weard shirt. She refused to with.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
So what is your reasoning for not? Is he not wearing?
You said a Laker shirt you don't.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Want to wear.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
I don't believe she would tell you herself. Watch wear
the shirt? She said that, who do you talk to
you overnight.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
On the radio?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Back she waits, I know, she fell, she fell asleep.
Speaker 7 (25:33):
Why you wear the shirt?
Speaker 8 (25:36):
I just like not really feeling like wearing it?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Okay, you said Raiders shirt?
Speaker 8 (25:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (25:50):
Well yeah, you obviously don't want to wear that because
you don't want to dress like a loser.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
No, no, no, no, no, no no, what are you
not a fan of the Raiders?
Speaker 8 (25:59):
And I justly right chests for football that much anyway,
But yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Like it either.
Speaker 6 (26:09):
Why do you invest so much? So she said, And
I was hurt.
Speaker 7 (26:15):
It's free school, I said, wear your Raider shirt. It's
sports stay No can I ask?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Can I ask your your daughter? Is there another sports
shirt that you would wear other than the Raiders? Is
there another team shirt that you would wear?
Speaker 8 (26:32):
Tell them, oh, my Dodgers shirts.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, there you go. That's all right. Hey, listen, you
know what, you're a good daughter. That is a good
daughter right there. She's willing to wear the Dodger shirt.
Good job. See, we solved the dilemma.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
She loves the Dodgers, her mom and the Dodgers. That
we're in Arizona. How are you.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Let me tell you? Let me tell you something, all right?
The Dodgers spring training headquarters is in Arizona. My not no,
obviously not near you, in two some, but up in Glendale, Arizona.
They have a major complex there. So every year the
Dodgers do play in Arizona for two months. They're in
Arizona every year, so technically the Dodgers are in Arizona.
Team it is.
Speaker 7 (27:15):
And all all my wife's family, all daughter fans, all
Dodgers upon what.
Speaker 6 (27:22):
I'm the dash When the d Backs won.
Speaker 7 (27:26):
The World Series, the Basketball Series ever, Game seven, who
hit who hit the bull? And David ball to goal?
Speaker 6 (27:35):
Yeah, so my daughter loved the Dodgers.
Speaker 7 (27:38):
That's her, guy, said my wife. My father in law said,
if Dodgers are nothing broth, they're all hard for baseball people,
not football.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
But I got you, Well that's probably why. Then she's
around baseball people, so she wants to wear a baseball shirt.
That makes sense, and so you gotta yeah, it's just
kind of obvious, but maybe sure we shall grow into
the Raider thing, you know, it's a little older, you know,
the whole edge thing and want that kind of edge
to you being a Raider fan. So that could be it.
So all right, hey, Mike, thank you, and now go
(28:07):
to bed. Did know what it was your daughter doing awake?
She had school? Right? Didn't she have school today?
Speaker 6 (28:13):
No tubles?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah? Okay, all right, go to bed, you get some sleep.
It's your sleep, good night. Thank you though for very
you have been very cute voice, but thank you. All right.
That reminds me of that little girl Maggie that called
the show with her dad years ago, and she's all
growing up now. She's like, I think she got kids crazy,
this little girl would it was doing the weekend overnight show.
(28:36):
Lebron left Cleveland to go to Miami and we still
have the drop in the system. Yeah, that little girl,
like cute little girl. She's all grown up now, and
like that's of course, that was a long time ago.
It was a twenty eleven, so that's fourteen years ago. Man,
all right, let's go back to the calls. Let's say
hello to Manuel in Guardina. Hello, Manuel in Guardina. Man, well, Inda,
(29:00):
going once, going twice, going three times, going four times?
Do I hear a Manuel in Guardina? I have my
buttons up, all right? Then there he is, I hear him.
Now the man has spoken. The man has spoken.
Speaker 6 (29:17):
I don't know what happened, but look for Mike and
Tucson or whatever he screwed up. At the beginning, my
daughter Analisa was in onesies of Raiders, was in sheer
Leader outfits of Raiders when she was a toddler that
is embedded by the twelve year old mark. She should
have no clue of I just it's Raiders. There's nothing
(29:40):
else going Raiders now, Analyisa Roles. And it's funny because
Analysa actually works for the Diamondbacks right now. And she
gave me a Cotel Martea bobblehead as a joke, you know,
but because she knows we bleed Dodger blue. She even
bleeds Dodger blue, even though she's getting that diamond Back money.
(30:00):
But ain't Benny Beck to the Dodger blues Man. You
didn't have to go Benny the basher on Kershaw bro
I mean, well, listen, memo, memo, memo, What what did
I What did I saying?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
It's incorrect? Though? What did I say? I don't work
for the Dodgers? What did I say that was incorrect?
Speaker 6 (30:15):
Now? Right now, it's not about being Craig Hey.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
He's not he didn't die, he's not dead. It's well,
he's alive.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
He's after the National Series. He gets an absolved from
the Astros obviously because we know that that was funny business.
But he came through in twenty twenty he had a
good regular season last year and he's had a hell
of a banner year this year. Let him go out
(30:43):
on a high note without you bashing him. Damn it.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I disagree. I mean, I just called it. But why
should we pretend like all that stuff didn't happen. He's
not dead, he's.
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Benny. Like, when you go off the air, we're going
to we're not going to talk about the bad show.
We're going to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah see, but see the difference is when Ben's off
the air, he'll be dead, probably if I will die
on the air. Yeah, okay, listen, man, Well, Kershaw was
a great regular season player. I just nearly felt like
we had to point out the other part. And if
the LA media was legit, Kershaw would have been run
(31:27):
out of LA fifteen years ago he would have been gone.
Or not fifteen, maybe ten years ago he would have
been out of LA. So there was a bunch of
cheerleaders and I'm sure it's gonna be just a slobber
fest all day on Fridays. So there you go. It
is the Ben Madler Show. We're gonna have Big Ben's
lame jokes of the week, Big Ben's lame jokes of
the week coming up here in a couple of minutes,
(31:51):
and there you go. Let's see if weed Man calls
in to be my Is he there, by the way,
do we know if he's online? No, we're efforting to
get the weed Man anyway, lame jokes of the week.
We'll get to that and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific, Bill Miller.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
And you the lame jokes of the week moments away,
all the best singers, all the best one liners of
the Mallard Militia. A reminder that you can hear this
show wherever, whenever, however you want, thanks to the iHeartRadio app,
which is just a monster of audio content. My god
(32:34):
is this thing. I'm always on that iHeart app. I
am I love audio content. There's a lot of stuff
on there. You can stream the Ben Mallor Show wherever
you happen to be. Catch us and all the other blowhards,
gas bags, no what alls on the Fox Sports Radio
Channel live twenty four to seven. New and improved iHeartRadio app.
Just search Fox Sports Radio in the app. You can
stream us live all day and all night, every day
and every night where we are and be sure to
(32:57):
select Fox Sports Radio, Ben Mahler Show and Weekend Fifth
Hour Podcast. A new episode shopping later today, which will
be a big I think it'll be a big hit.
But it's up to Alf and Ferg Dog to let
me know they're the p ones whether they really like
it or not. But that'll be coming up later today.
Fifth Hour Podcast. All that on the iHeart app. It
will always pop up at the top of your screen.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Knock knock, who's there?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Blame week?
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Blame Week.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
It's Big Men's lame joke of the week. Here we go,
Big Men's Lame Jokes the week, Actual jokes by actual listeners.
Do we have weed?
Speaker 8 (33:29):
Man?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Is he there? All right?
Speaker 7 (33:34):
All right?
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I noticed you. You're not calling. You're not calling anymore
other than this. You're very busy man. What do you
What do you do all week? Who much?
Speaker 6 (33:43):
And I knows?
Speaker 1 (33:44):
On huge day?
Speaker 7 (33:45):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, something like that. All right, Well, here we
go a week the great everything. Go with your weed man?
You're okay though? Yes, all right? Why do blind scott
or check that? What do blinds got and Cashew's have
in common? What they're both nuts? All right? What did
(34:10):
blind Scott say whenever he read a scary story in braille?
What something bad is gonna happen? I can feel it? Said? Noah,
See weed man, when you read braille, you got to
use your fingers. That's that's Noah in Austin. Who sent
that one in? Where did blind Scott go to college?
Speaker 6 (34:32):
Where?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
PSU? Psychotic State University? That's Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. All right.
What has been the biggest highlight of Stefan Diggs this season? What? Well,
apparently he scored on a dink and dunk play with
Cardi B. How about that? That's Chip in Maine. Did
(34:55):
you did you see his reaction when he was asked
about Cardi B being pregnant. It did not seem like
he was excited about that. That was very interesting. We
kept it to himself. Huh, yeah, that might have been okay?
All right? Why did weed man hit me get a
gym membership? No know? Why Why did weed man hit
(35:19):
me get a gym membership? Because they have a nice
bathroom where he plans to get ripped? Ripped? That's true?
In Minnesota? Did you hear that Benny versus the Penny
has led to a YouTube spin off show, No What Yes,
make sure to like and subscribe to weed Man Versus
(35:40):
the nickel Bag. That's Joe from Virginia Beach? Who sent
that one? In the next joke here, why does David
Vasse want to meet weed Man hippie? Why? Because he
heard that weed Man smells like Tuckis? That's Lucky Tony.
(36:00):
Have you noticed Lucky Tony not calling as much since
the Chicago Bears started owing too? Have you noticed that?
I've noticed that? Yeah, all right. Why was Jordan Hudson
kicked off Dancing with the Stars? Why she demanded weed
Man as her partner, but they both wanted more days off.
(36:22):
That's Tom in Indiana. When's when's the last time you
worked weed Man? What year? Was it?
Speaker 6 (36:30):
A long time ago?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Was it the eighties? Of the nineties, the nineties? Okay,
the nineties. I was going to say, because you you
lost everything in the stock market crash in the eighties though,
right the late eighties. I know the toy store. I know.
I'm sorry, we've man. I just think you that Oh
(36:53):
I thought it was I thought I thought it was
the one in the eighties. So two thousand and one,
you lost everything? Yeah, okay, all right, and just think
if you hadn't lost everything, you'd be living in the
mansion on Long Island right now. That we never would
have known each other. Why did weed Man get in
trouble at the bank.
Speaker 7 (37:08):
Why?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Well, an old lady said she wanted his help checking
her balance, so he pushed her over. That's Eric in Kansas.
That's not nice weed man, all right. Why would weed
Man hippie make a great companion for Lorena? Why she
snaps her toes and he comes running. That's George and Ubaldi,
(37:30):
Texas with that joke. It's Big Ben's lame jokes of
the league. What does what does Loraine? What does Lorena
like best about Major League Baseball season? What she loves
makeup games? That's Eeke in Roseville. What does the Lorena
(37:52):
and the Iowa Hawkeye fans have in common? What they
both hate? The UMass minute man? A minute man. It's
Eric in Kansas there, Yeah, all right, Uh, we have
some some dad jokes here from dad joke j I
thought these were okay. But what do you call a
mobile phone in prison? What a cell phone? Why? Why
(38:19):
Why do heavy metal bands refuse to drink coke? Why
it's pop. That's why it's pop. That's a. That's a
that's dad dad joke. Jay, Do you have any jokes? Coop?
Any offensive jokes? Now? Actually I might let me let
me see you all right, better do it quick. What
is the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
(38:42):
What the letter F? The letter F? That's it? He said?
Was dumb? Okay?
Speaker 7 (38:48):
What?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
What? No joke coops out of the show. What is
the fastest way to become a millionaire? What? Be a
billionaire and invest in the w NBA. It's right away,
it'll go away there alight. How is Tony the Bay
Area like a treasurer? Have you need a map to
and a shovel to find them? As family? I screwed
that as Eric in Kids, Thanks weed Man.
Host
Ben Maller
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