May 16, 2025 • 31 mins
Ben Maller (produced by Danny G.) has a fun Friday for you! He talks: Hobgoblin, Foodie Fun, Phrase of the Week, & more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Cutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Friday, and is
the sixteenth day of May. And we are hanging out
together here early live on tape, as Tom Looney used
(00:49):
to say, live on He hated that. He used to
get upset. You kids go live on tape. You can't
be live in on tape. If it's live, it's not
on tape. Anyway. We're here either way. A jam packed
weekend of The Fifth Hour. New episodes Saturday and Sunday.
But we're worried about today. We do the show today.
We're worried about the show today. Normally we start out
(01:12):
with some dope holidays and all that, but I'm not
gonna even bother with that. We have the Hobgoblin, hobnob awaken,
the beast, foody fun, the phrase of the weekend. Who
knows what else we'll get to, but we'll start with
this the Friday Special. Friday Special. Is it true? Is
it true that an unexpected visitor stop by the Overnight
(01:36):
Show just hours ago? Just hours ago? That would be
one thousand percent true. So we start out the new
weekend of the podcast looking back at a snaff who
heard round the audio world if you were with me
on the Overnight Show, the Friday Overnight Show, you heard
(01:59):
the thing of a jig, that snap that wasn't supposed
to snap, that the watcher mccollet, that didn't really work out.
So exclusive details. Nobody else has these details. None of
the other other networks, none of the podcaster Joe Rogan
doesn't have it. None of the people that do these
(02:19):
podcasts have it. We're the only pod that has this information.
The rest of the story. As the late great Paul
Harvey would say, you know what the news is, but
now you're about to find out the rest of the story.
This is must consume content for the p Ones and
the Malon militia. I'm talking about alf the Allen, Pineter,
(02:40):
ferg Dog and all the rest, Kathy and Madison, all
of them. So working from the remote studio. We have
the world's changed since COVID. So we do the show
from the main studio most of the time, but occasionally
during the week we will broadcast from the remote studio,
(03:00):
which is located at the Malor Mansion, yapping away in
the middle of the night. Happens to be the studio
that I'm in right now. So in the rant that
I was doing in hour now very three hour three,
So this is the four am Eastern hour. This is
the one am Pacific hour, ranting poetic about Bill Belichick
(03:28):
and his young Fluozy and the latest on them having
a best selling book. Well, Belichick having a best selling book,
and I was building up to a crescendo. I thought
it was very funny that Bill Belichick wrote a book
and is promoting the book. And the reason the book
is now a New York Times bestseller is because many
(03:50):
of the people going to buy the book believe they're
going to get some kind of amazing details on Bill
Belichick and his young late friend, when that is not
the topic of the book. So I'm building up to this, right,
I'm building up to this, I'm setting it up. I'm
laying the groundwork, and of course you want to know
(04:10):
everything I have to say about the creative muse of
Bill Belichick. So I'm doing my thing, building up to
the great quote from W. C. Fields, who said, you
can fool some of the people some of the time,
and that's enough to make a decent living, which is
a kin what Belichick's doing here, suckering people in to
get the book, thinking they're going to hear all this tabooed,
(04:34):
tawdry stuff about old dude, young woman, and no, so
you don't. You don't get that anyway. So as I
am doing this rant, I get a text on the
malorphone and it says something like you're off the air
line dropped. You're off the air line dropped. And my
(04:55):
immediate reaction is, oh, this is probably a joke. I
know we're into May. It's a l April Fools joke.
And so I off to my left in the studio.
I have all the equipment in the remote studio that
connects me to wherever I need to be connected, and
there's a decent amount of stuff in here that I
(05:16):
purchased I actually bought all this stuff in the remote studio.
If you've been with the show all on time. I
was doing some fill in work at WEI in Boston,
and I did it remote most of the time, and
so I built a studio out in twenty seventeen. I
guess it was twenty seventeen. So that was the year
(05:37):
the pro cheated in the World Series, and Rob Manford,
the commissioner of Major League Baseball, thought, Oh, that's no
big deal. It's just to hunk a metal. We'll protect them.
So I built a studio in twenty seventeen. I've moved
all the equipment for the studio since then. I've moved
(05:57):
to a new humble abode during that time, anyway, So
I have all this stuff in here, and off to
my left, I have the equipment that tells me whether
I'm connected. It's really just a series of lights that
connect me. So I look over and if it's a
green light, I'm connected. And if it's not a green light,
(06:18):
or if it's a red light, something has gone terribly wrong.
And I look over in my periphial vision, thinking that
this was fake, and I do not see the green light.
I don't see the red light. I see no light,
and I'm like, oh boy, Well, it turns out that
this was not some kind of rogue gremlin attack. There
(06:38):
was no gremlin attacked. Instead, the FSR Mothership had a
hiccup the hob goblin hob knob if you will, those
hob goblins. The goblins attacked the Sherman Oaks studios of
the Ben Mathers Show. And as we like to say,
(07:00):
the show must go on. You just got to keep going, right.
We fought the attack of the hobgoblin. We bludgeoned several hobgoblins.
It was like playing whack a mole with the hob goblins.
But you have to roll with the dice that land
wherever the dice land, and the show turned out to be.
I thought it was all right. I thought it was
pretty good. Some parts of it were great. My favorite
(07:22):
parts of last night show because we just did last
Night Show, so that's what I'm thinking of. Pam and
Seattle loved the call. Pam and Seattle called up and
she agreed to take the oath. She wanted to take
the oath. She then was so flustered she couldn't handle
the oath. She did not pass the oath. We had
to fail, Pam. You can hear that on the podcast.
(07:43):
And I'm pretty sure that was a bit because Pam
and Seattle, very calm, professional woman, not like the people
that normally call the show, and she's a classically trained
musician like Inka Terra and a very nice woman. She
would not do that unless that that punk inca terror
(08:03):
had her do that. So I enjoyed. I enjoyed Pam's
phone call. I thought that was good. Charlie totally flamed
out on his call from Dallas, the Charlie from Dallas.
And then we had hollering James, a vintage hollering James
throwback call where he was just snoring, and it wasn't agony,
(08:24):
it was joy. It was joy listening to him snore.
Meg My god, was that great? So anyway, that was
the hobgoblin hobb now now turning the page on that
to page two. And once upon a time, a couple
days ago, that's right, Once upon a time, a couple
of days ago, a slapstick comedy broke out. Not on radio, no, no, no,
(08:47):
not on radio. It was not on television. It was
not a concert, It wasn't a lot of palooza. It
was a Vaudvillian event that very few people know about,
and I will share that with you right now. So
it's started out simple enough, as most stories do. It
was just a casual event and one thing led to another.
(09:09):
So following the radio show, I made the long trek
back to the north Woods. This was when I was
in studio, So I made my way back, and following
the radio show, I put my bags. I have two
bags I take with me. I put them down. I
got a thing of water. I then got my headphones
(09:30):
that I use and a couple of items, and I
went to the dungeon at the Malor Mansion. Went down
to the dungeon, which is not a basement because they
don't have basements in California. It's a literal dungeon. So
I went into the dungeon. I decided I was going
to hop on the treadmill. I said, you know what
I need. I need to be productive. Let me hop
(09:52):
on the treadmill and I'll knock out a little workout.
Why not? So I hopped on the treadmill in the dungeon,
not bragging. The thing was real fixed. It was down
for like three years A gentleman came over cost us
an arm and a leg. But the treadmill is not working.
So my goal is ten thousand steps today. My goal
often is a lot more than that. My goal often
is close to twenty thousand, but I try to get
(10:13):
a minimum of ten thousand. So remember I'm here at
the Malar you know, Malar Mansion. My my pal Moxie
is holding down the fort, the mascot of the Malar Militia.
She's on the sofa and this is her throne. This
is where she hangs out. She cannot be bothered to
go into the dungeon. She does not want to hang
(10:34):
out with me. While I'm on the treadmill. She looks
down upon me and my dog Moxie working out. So
Moxie is so lazy. How lazy is she? She's so lazy.
I'm glad you asked. Moxy is so lazy that if
you have a bulldog, I'm guessing they're all like this.
I just I've never had a bulldog before. Moxie so
as she is. She's so lazy. She doesn't even move
(10:57):
her body when you enter the room. I've had dog
that would run and try to jump through Bella, the
old dog we had Bella. We'll try to run through
the freaking door to get you. Knew that you were
on the other side of the door, and we try
to literally run and jump like some kind of matador,
like ill Matta door and the bull trying to get
through the door. So Moxie is the antithesis of that.
(11:21):
She's the complete opposite of that. And she's so lazy.
She will not move her body when you're in the room.
She moves her eyeballs, and sometimes she's so lazy she
will not even move her eyeballs, so like track you
with her eyes. So this was just your normal night
again once upon a time, a couple of days ago.
(11:42):
And I'm doing my routine on the tread. I'm not
really running, but I'm not walking. I guess that's jogging.
I guess it's called fast walking. Whatever you want to
call it, I don't care. So I'm doing that. And
I did a decent amount of time. I put some
audio on. I was listening to something podcast asked or something.
And then after about forty five minutes, I said, you
(12:04):
know what, I got to answer a call. I'm not
doing a talk show. I had to answer the call.
And so I had to answer nature's call. So I
paused the treadmill. I headed to the powder room. As
they say in Canada, Oh come, we'll be in Vancouver.
Coming up man, less than two weeks from today. We
(12:30):
will be in Vancouver. Cannot wait, Mouther meet and greet
Canadian style. Anyway, so I decided I had to go bathroom.
My body told me I had to go bathroom. So
I made my way out of the dungeon, and Justin
and Cincinnati tells me Robbie the Mariner fan lives in
the dungeon. Anyway, So I made my way out of
the dungeon. I walked up some stairs, then down a hall,
(12:52):
and then down a different set of stairs. And as
I was walking in this room, I saw Moxie who
was sleeping. And again no acknowledgement. It's in the dark.
And of course I'm such a loser. I was like,
I don't want to I did not want to wake
up Moxie. I did not want to wake her up. Yeah,
(13:13):
so maybe she'll wake up if I turned the lights on.
So I went over to the to the powder room,
to the bathroom, and I made my way to the crapper,
crap on, crap off the crapper. So I took care
of business, and then I had to reverse the trip
in the dark, so I made sure to flush. I
washed my hands in the dark. So I go out
(13:37):
and I walk and it's a normal walk, nothing really interesting.
I walked back up the stairs down to the to
the left, and now I go down another set of
stairs and then I go down into my dungeon and
I'm on my way. So as I was making this trip,
about midway through, I started smelling something that didn't really
(13:59):
smell proper, smelled a little foul, so I thought, but
it must be Moxie. Moxie must have let one ript
flashlens for Moxie. Bulldogs are known to have a lot
of gas, so I didn't think much of it. I
kept going and going and going, and I kept smelling it.
And it turns out that Moxie had decided that she
(14:21):
needed to go to the bathroom and she couldn't make
it out in time, and so she went poopy in
the Houseye And as the famous line goes, watch that
last step, it's a doozy. It is a doozy, And
it was so here I am very proud of myself.
(14:42):
I'm like, oh, I'm getting some exercise. I'm being a
grown up, you know, being an adult. I just had a
big birthday. People tell me I'm old.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
So I got on the treadmill. Fine, so I'm now
standing here. I looked down at my shoes covered in
fecal matter. It's pitch black. Other I had to turn
my light on my phone on. Now I'm like, these
are the pair of shoes that I use on the treadmill.
I got to get these things cleaned as ap. These
(15:10):
things must be clean. I had options. I said, well,
I can put on the sink, but then that's the sink,
the kitchen sink we use for the dishes. I don't
want to put dog shit in the kitchen sink. And
I was like, I go to the bathroom and use
the sink there, but it's the same concept we wash
our hands there. I don't know if I want that,
so I, ah, you know, I'll just go out in
the back and I'll turn on the hose. I'll go
(15:32):
behind the mallor mansion, and I'll turn on the hose
and that'll be that. Yay, it's the middle of the night.
It's pitch black. Everyone's sleeping. I'm awake, Moxie is sleeping.
So I go down outside. I go around to where
the hose is, and again, this is just all going
on in the span of you know, a short amount
of time. Moxie is so unbothered by the situation. She decides,
(15:56):
I'm not getting up. You know, I'm good, I'm I'm
not doing that. So I go out and I take
the shoes off, and I turned the hose on and
I rinse away the Moxie waste off the sneakers. And
as I am doing this, and it's only been about
twenty seconds since I started deciding to wash the sneakers
(16:18):
because I need them, all of a sudden I hear
this galloping and this barking from a distance, and I'm like,
what the F is that? Now? It turns out the
rest of the story, our friend Moxie my pal. I
spend almost every night during the week enjoying the company
(16:41):
of Moxie. She keeps me company. My wife works as well,
so she's not around and I'm with mox We're enjoying ourselves.
And so it turns out that galloping I heard was
Moxie who went from zero to hero. She was into
hero mode, clearly triggered in a paste by Poseidon, the
(17:02):
Greek god of the sea. The Moxie that we knew
that was sleeping, that is so lazy, she would not
move her anything more than her eyeballs. It turns out
we awoken the beast. We did. We awoken the beast,
and so now here we are. I mentioned this was
a Vaudvillian comedy, more like The Three Stooges, which is
(17:24):
Vaudvillian old comedy Troupe Three Stooges. So it's the middle
of the night. I'm now standing outside barefoot holding a
shoe covered in shit Moxie muffins full of crap ole.
I'm washing the shoe off. Behind me is Moxie, who
(17:44):
is waking up all of the neighbors of the Malor
mansion in a time that is not a time to
be awake for most. She's then turning her attention to me.
She's trying to attack me. Well, not really. She wanted
to get to the source of the water, so the
goal was to get to the source of the water.
(18:06):
I was in between the source of the water and Moxie,
so I've got my shoes covered. I've got water now
everywhere because of the hose. I've got Moxie trying to
attack the water, ready to fight to the death, ready
to fight to the death. And just another night, just
(18:27):
another random night in paradise. God, it was. It was
like I couldn't go back on the treadmill because the
shoes were covered in the crap. And then I got
the crap off of Maxie. Was Moxie was of upset. Now.
My mistake, the fatal mistake I made, was I left
the door open, because that got the wheels in motion.
(18:48):
I left the door open because I assumed, like a
dumb ass, that my dog Moxie would just stay asleep.
I didn't think we were going to have a turf
war between Moxie and the Greek god of the sea Poseidon.
I did not expect that to happen. I figure, well,
she's sleeping, the host doesn't even make that much noise.
(19:09):
There's no way this is gonna end up in a
bad situation. And sure enough, it ended up in a
bad situation. So that was. That was one of the
tales I am promoting ahead, my man, you gotta tease
mam man you gotta tease, all right, So tomorrow I'm
gonna save all the wedding stories. Danny produces the spot,
but he's not with me on Friday, is really much
anymore at all. So I'll save some of that stuff
(19:31):
to Saturday, because I Danny's been to a lot of
like weddings and stuff. And I was at a wedding
last weekend and I saved a couple of stories. One
of them, one of the five funniest moments I've had
in my life, happened at that wedding, and I will
share that with you tomorrow. We'll go down that road,
(19:53):
will go off the beaten path. Is that a good
tease getting people to listen to a story about a wedding?
I don't know that that's a good teast that will
be going on tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow's another day. Time out
for some food he fun, all right, for food he fun.
That's right, it's food he fun. So the Foody Fund
(20:15):
these are different food items. Various food items that we
have discovered are either on sale or there's new items out.
For example, Krispy Kream, Krispy Kreme, they're everywhere, not as
everywhere as they used to be, but that Krispy Cream
is all over the place. Well, they have debuted in
honor of pac Man and the video game pac Man's
(20:39):
forty fifth birthday. Man, I'm older than pac Man. Holy crap. Anyway,
Chrispy Kream is celebrating Krispy Kreme is celebrating Pacman's forty
fifth birthday, and they have teamed up with the owner
of the pac Man brand and they are now hawking
pac Man Donuts a pac Man donut donut collection which
(21:04):
started this week four four days ago. They have the
pac Man Party Donut, the original glazed donut covered with
yellow butter cream flavored iceling, top with celebration sprinkles, and
finished with a pac Man piece. They have the Team
Ghost Donut that is unglazed with chocolate flavored cream, dipped
(21:28):
in black icing, decorated with a classic pac Man maize,
and top with a Team Ghost piece. And then you
have Strawberry powder Berry Donut that's a mouthful unglazed shell
donut filled with strawberry flavored cream, top with red icing,
and finished with white sprinkles. So all this available, and
(21:54):
there's even more. They have a Light Hot Light donut
giveaway and Strawberry Glaze Challenge is that started May twelfth.
It goes through the end of the weekend. On Sunday,
they claim they will hand out a total of forty
five thousand free original glazed donuts and hot light hours
(22:18):
seven to nine am and five to seven pm. So
you got that. I mean there's other promotions there, but
the whole point of is they're going to have the
pac Man. They have it right now, the Pacman Donut
collection Pan Express. I used to be a big Pan
Express guy. Every Christmas I would eat Panda Express because
it was the only thing open. So Pan Express launched
(22:38):
a new Chili Crisp Chicken featuring Mike's Hot Honey in
select markets. So if you're into pand Express, you can
have a big day, big day there at Pan Express.
What Marcus is it? I you did to say what
markets are? Right? So this item is available on Albuquerque, Atlanta, Chicago,
(23:02):
Sweet Home, Chicago, Houston, Las Vegas, and Santa Fe. So
you can get your hands on the new item at
Panda Express. The new Chili Chris Chicken does seem a
litt odd The cities that were chosen medium sized cities
(23:24):
like Las Vegas I guess it's bigger than that. Now,
massive cities like Atlanta, Chicago, and Houston, and then you
have Albuquerque and Santa Fe seems rather odd to me.
But I don't work for I don't work for them.
I do not What else do we have on foody fun?
Denny's has introduced the new Red, White and Berry Pancake Slam,
(23:47):
alongside the new Bacon Ranch Cheeseburger and Cookie Dough Lovers Pie. Hello,
sign me up for some of that Cookie do Lovers Pie.
I'm in, I'm in now. I realized that this next item.
Half of the country has Hearty's, half of the country
has Carls Junior. So I'm not sure if these deals
apply at Harty's. I know at Carl's Junior they have
(24:10):
welcome back the Sour Dough Star. O MG, the Sourdough
Star is back on the menu at Carls Junior. Yeah,
that's right now, available in a triple size. Thank god,
my prayers have been answered. Carls Jr. Also launched a
five ninety nine build your Own Bag byob deal Carls Jr.
(24:35):
Allowing you to customize your meal nationwide. Debut five ninety
nine Build Your own bag at participating locations. What's in
the bag? What you ask me? What's in the bag?
What do you think is in the bag? So available
during late night hours from eight pm to closed daily
(24:55):
byob Bring your own bag includes a four piece Chicken Star.
They're still making those Chicken Stars, your choice of a
main entree, cal classic cheeseburger, spicy chicken sandwich, and a
side of natural cut fries or onion rings, all for
the retail price suggested at five ninety nine, which tells
(25:19):
me these items are not big sellers that we're trying
to get inventory out. These are not big That's what
that tells me. Maybe I'm wrong, Maybe mem wrong. Arbi's
is testing a new flame roasted rotisserie chicken. Yeah, that's okay,
That's not really something I'm into. But if you want
(25:40):
The Avocado Chicken Club features flame roasted rotray, amocano zesty sauce, bacon, cheese, lettuce,
tomato on a sub roll. They've got the Tuscan Chicken
also available. So they've got three new items of the
Chicken Bacon Ranch. These items will are available are available
(26:03):
trio of rotisserie chicken substyle sandwiches at arby Restaurants. Arby's
Restaurants in Milwaukee, Little Rock, Arkansas, and Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Hello our guy, America's favorite crossing garden Fort Wayne. Get
out there and get your hands on these new sandwiches. No,
(26:25):
you're not, probably not, probably not going to do that. Yeah,
I got you. What else do we have? We can't
read that? Let's see our wingstop interesting, a new Mexican
street spice flavor and twenty for twenty dollars deal. Okay,
time now four. The phrase of the week. The phrase
(26:51):
of the week. We use this on social media. Several
of you said, oh, I don't know what that is?
Did you make that up? Where'd you get that from?
What's that mean? Including supermarket Steve and Ralph not recket Ralph.
This Ralph lives in Arizona, and so unless recket Ralph
moved to Arizona and has become a podcast listener and
a consumer that sends messages in probably not the same Ralph.
(27:16):
So the phrase of the week is work like stink.
The idiom work like stink, which originated in British England
as opposed to the other British but it's originated in
British English, and it is used to describe I think
(27:37):
you can figure this out. It's rather obvious. It's telegraphed
to describe working extremely hard or intensely, or you end
up having a little smell, right, you work like hell.
It's a phrase similar to his work like hell, work
like mad, and just kind of a way to enhance
the language. The term stink is itself has been used
(28:01):
since the early twentieth century. When someone works like stink,
they are working with great effort and speed, likely a
lot of sweating going on, which leads to bodily odors.
And it's an informal way of saying someone is working
at a passionate level, very quickly and working like stink,
(28:23):
which is a cousin of working like a dog from
the nineteenth century and working like a horse. Of course,
of course I've also heard working like an aux. I've
heard that the original phrase go like stink, which is
not the phrase that we used your work like stink,
(28:44):
go like stink. That phrase means to move very fast.
That's mid twentieth century, and they say that was the
precursor to the modern word that we're talking about. The
phrase we're talking about here involving the stink, and it
goes back to the nineteen fifties British novel Going like Stink.
(29:08):
Working like Stink could also have been adapted. And so
there ye go the phrase of the week which goes
back to the nineteen hundreds and it is work like stink. Yeah,
works so much you get a little sweaty. You need
(29:28):
to take a nice shower. Just take a nice shower.
The Malord meet and greet. If you have not heard
and you want to know about the details, we did
a pod last week about it. We are going to
have the meet and greet on Thursday, May twenty ninth.
It's at the Court Side on Maine. That is two
four one five Main Street, Vancouver, BC. Very excited. I
(29:51):
have not really spent much time in Canada. I'm looking
forward to meeting you if you're going to be out there,
and you know, obviously if you not, I can't meet you.
I'm able to do a zoom chat. But it's gonna
be a lot of fun. I'm really excited about it.
And if you do come out to the meat and greet,
let us know because we're going to hang out over
the weekend in Vancouver. So kind of let us know
what you think we would like to see, and not
just me. I'll be there with Lorraine, I'll be there
(30:13):
with Coop, We'll all be hanging out. So yes, kind
of let us know what's going on and what you
like and what you don't like, and what you think
we would like based on listening to the show. And
I again want to thank Nico and he's been so
so kind to put this together and beat boots on
the ground. He's very proud of his location. He loves
(30:33):
the show and he's a regular listener, and so I'm
excited about that. So the Malor Meet greet again Thursday
of the twenty ninth, court Side on Maine, Vancouver. We're
flying in that day, assuming there's no glitches, we'll be
there at six thirty or seven till ten. You're gonna
have a great time doing that anyway, Take care, have
a wonderful rest of your Friday. Will have fresh pods
(30:56):
and amazing stories from the weekend. That was the wedding,
that was you gotta hear these. We'll get to those
on tomorrow's pod. Have a wonderful day and we'll catch
you then later. Skater Asta pasta something like that. Did
(31:17):
I do that right, Danny? No, I'm not doing it again. Nope, nope, No,
gotta murder. I gotta go.
Cutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Friday, and is
the sixteenth day of May. And we are hanging out
together here early live on tape, as Tom Looney used
(00:49):
to say, live on He hated that. He used to
get upset. You kids go live on tape. You can't
be live in on tape. If it's live, it's not
on tape. Anyway. We're here either way. A jam packed
weekend of The Fifth Hour. New episodes Saturday and Sunday.
But we're worried about today. We do the show today.
We're worried about the show today. Normally we start out
(01:12):
with some dope holidays and all that, but I'm not
gonna even bother with that. We have the Hobgoblin, hobnob awaken,
the beast, foody fun, the phrase of the weekend. Who
knows what else we'll get to, but we'll start with
this the Friday Special. Friday Special. Is it true? Is
it true that an unexpected visitor stop by the Overnight
(01:36):
Show just hours ago? Just hours ago? That would be
one thousand percent true. So we start out the new
weekend of the podcast looking back at a snaff who
heard round the audio world if you were with me
on the Overnight Show, the Friday Overnight Show, you heard
(01:59):
the thing of a jig, that snap that wasn't supposed
to snap, that the watcher mccollet, that didn't really work out.
So exclusive details. Nobody else has these details. None of
the other other networks, none of the podcaster Joe Rogan
doesn't have it. None of the people that do these
(02:19):
podcasts have it. We're the only pod that has this information.
The rest of the story. As the late great Paul
Harvey would say, you know what the news is, but
now you're about to find out the rest of the story.
This is must consume content for the p Ones and
the Malon militia. I'm talking about alf the Allen, Pineter,
(02:40):
ferg Dog and all the rest, Kathy and Madison, all
of them. So working from the remote studio. We have
the world's changed since COVID. So we do the show
from the main studio most of the time, but occasionally
during the week we will broadcast from the remote studio,
(03:00):
which is located at the Malor Mansion, yapping away in
the middle of the night. Happens to be the studio
that I'm in right now. So in the rant that
I was doing in hour now very three hour three,
So this is the four am Eastern hour. This is
the one am Pacific hour, ranting poetic about Bill Belichick
(03:28):
and his young Fluozy and the latest on them having
a best selling book. Well, Belichick having a best selling book,
and I was building up to a crescendo. I thought
it was very funny that Bill Belichick wrote a book
and is promoting the book. And the reason the book
is now a New York Times bestseller is because many
(03:50):
of the people going to buy the book believe they're
going to get some kind of amazing details on Bill
Belichick and his young late friend, when that is not
the topic of the book. So I'm building up to this, right,
I'm building up to this, I'm setting it up. I'm
laying the groundwork, and of course you want to know
(04:10):
everything I have to say about the creative muse of
Bill Belichick. So I'm doing my thing, building up to
the great quote from W. C. Fields, who said, you
can fool some of the people some of the time,
and that's enough to make a decent living, which is
a kin what Belichick's doing here, suckering people in to
get the book, thinking they're going to hear all this tabooed,
(04:34):
tawdry stuff about old dude, young woman, and no, so
you don't. You don't get that anyway. So as I
am doing this rant, I get a text on the
malorphone and it says something like you're off the air
line dropped. You're off the air line dropped. And my
(04:55):
immediate reaction is, oh, this is probably a joke. I
know we're into May. It's a l April Fools joke.
And so I off to my left in the studio.
I have all the equipment in the remote studio that
connects me to wherever I need to be connected, and
there's a decent amount of stuff in here that I
(05:16):
purchased I actually bought all this stuff in the remote studio.
If you've been with the show all on time. I
was doing some fill in work at WEI in Boston,
and I did it remote most of the time, and
so I built a studio out in twenty seventeen. I
guess it was twenty seventeen. So that was the year
(05:37):
the pro cheated in the World Series, and Rob Manford,
the commissioner of Major League Baseball, thought, Oh, that's no
big deal. It's just to hunk a metal. We'll protect them.
So I built a studio in twenty seventeen. I've moved
all the equipment for the studio since then. I've moved
(05:57):
to a new humble abode during that time, anyway, So
I have all this stuff in here, and off to
my left, I have the equipment that tells me whether
I'm connected. It's really just a series of lights that
connect me. So I look over and if it's a
green light, I'm connected. And if it's not a green light,
(06:18):
or if it's a red light, something has gone terribly wrong.
And I look over in my periphial vision, thinking that
this was fake, and I do not see the green light.
I don't see the red light. I see no light,
and I'm like, oh boy, Well, it turns out that
this was not some kind of rogue gremlin attack. There
(06:38):
was no gremlin attacked. Instead, the FSR Mothership had a
hiccup the hob goblin hob knob if you will, those
hob goblins. The goblins attacked the Sherman Oaks studios of
the Ben Mathers Show. And as we like to say,
(07:00):
the show must go on. You just got to keep going, right.
We fought the attack of the hobgoblin. We bludgeoned several hobgoblins.
It was like playing whack a mole with the hob goblins.
But you have to roll with the dice that land
wherever the dice land, and the show turned out to be.
I thought it was all right. I thought it was
pretty good. Some parts of it were great. My favorite
(07:22):
parts of last night show because we just did last
Night Show, so that's what I'm thinking of. Pam and
Seattle loved the call. Pam and Seattle called up and
she agreed to take the oath. She wanted to take
the oath. She then was so flustered she couldn't handle
the oath. She did not pass the oath. We had
to fail, Pam. You can hear that on the podcast.
(07:43):
And I'm pretty sure that was a bit because Pam
and Seattle, very calm, professional woman, not like the people
that normally call the show, and she's a classically trained
musician like Inka Terra and a very nice woman. She
would not do that unless that that punk inca terror
(08:03):
had her do that. So I enjoyed. I enjoyed Pam's
phone call. I thought that was good. Charlie totally flamed
out on his call from Dallas, the Charlie from Dallas.
And then we had hollering James, a vintage hollering James
throwback call where he was just snoring, and it wasn't agony,
(08:24):
it was joy. It was joy listening to him snore.
Meg My god, was that great? So anyway, that was
the hobgoblin hobb now now turning the page on that
to page two. And once upon a time, a couple
days ago, that's right, Once upon a time, a couple
of days ago, a slapstick comedy broke out. Not on radio, no, no, no,
(08:47):
not on radio. It was not on television. It was
not a concert, It wasn't a lot of palooza. It
was a Vaudvillian event that very few people know about,
and I will share that with you right now. So
it's started out simple enough, as most stories do. It
was just a casual event and one thing led to another.
(09:09):
So following the radio show, I made the long trek
back to the north Woods. This was when I was
in studio, So I made my way back, and following
the radio show, I put my bags. I have two
bags I take with me. I put them down. I
got a thing of water. I then got my headphones
(09:30):
that I use and a couple of items, and I
went to the dungeon at the Malor Mansion. Went down
to the dungeon, which is not a basement because they
don't have basements in California. It's a literal dungeon. So
I went into the dungeon. I decided I was going
to hop on the treadmill. I said, you know what
I need. I need to be productive. Let me hop
(09:52):
on the treadmill and I'll knock out a little workout.
Why not? So I hopped on the treadmill in the dungeon,
not bragging. The thing was real fixed. It was down
for like three years A gentleman came over cost us
an arm and a leg. But the treadmill is not working.
So my goal is ten thousand steps today. My goal
often is a lot more than that. My goal often
is close to twenty thousand, but I try to get
(10:13):
a minimum of ten thousand. So remember I'm here at
the Malar you know, Malar Mansion. My my pal Moxie
is holding down the fort, the mascot of the Malar Militia.
She's on the sofa and this is her throne. This
is where she hangs out. She cannot be bothered to
go into the dungeon. She does not want to hang
(10:34):
out with me. While I'm on the treadmill. She looks
down upon me and my dog Moxie working out. So
Moxie is so lazy. How lazy is she? She's so lazy.
I'm glad you asked. Moxy is so lazy that if
you have a bulldog, I'm guessing they're all like this.
I just I've never had a bulldog before. Moxie so
as she is. She's so lazy. She doesn't even move
(10:57):
her body when you enter the room. I've had dog
that would run and try to jump through Bella, the
old dog we had Bella. We'll try to run through
the freaking door to get you. Knew that you were
on the other side of the door, and we try
to literally run and jump like some kind of matador,
like ill Matta door and the bull trying to get
through the door. So Moxie is the antithesis of that.
(11:21):
She's the complete opposite of that. And she's so lazy.
She will not move her body when you're in the room.
She moves her eyeballs, and sometimes she's so lazy she
will not even move her eyeballs, so like track you
with her eyes. So this was just your normal night
again once upon a time, a couple of days ago.
(11:42):
And I'm doing my routine on the tread. I'm not
really running, but I'm not walking. I guess that's jogging.
I guess it's called fast walking. Whatever you want to
call it, I don't care. So I'm doing that. And
I did a decent amount of time. I put some
audio on. I was listening to something podcast asked or something.
And then after about forty five minutes, I said, you
(12:04):
know what, I got to answer a call. I'm not
doing a talk show. I had to answer the call.
And so I had to answer nature's call. So I
paused the treadmill. I headed to the powder room. As
they say in Canada, Oh come, we'll be in Vancouver.
Coming up man, less than two weeks from today. We
(12:30):
will be in Vancouver. Cannot wait, Mouther meet and greet
Canadian style. Anyway, so I decided I had to go bathroom.
My body told me I had to go bathroom. So
I made my way out of the dungeon, and Justin
and Cincinnati tells me Robbie the Mariner fan lives in
the dungeon. Anyway, So I made my way out of
the dungeon. I walked up some stairs, then down a hall,
(12:52):
and then down a different set of stairs. And as
I was walking in this room, I saw Moxie who
was sleeping. And again no acknowledgement. It's in the dark.
And of course I'm such a loser. I was like,
I don't want to I did not want to wake
up Moxie. I did not want to wake her up. Yeah,
(13:13):
so maybe she'll wake up if I turned the lights on.
So I went over to the to the powder room,
to the bathroom, and I made my way to the crapper,
crap on, crap off the crapper. So I took care
of business, and then I had to reverse the trip
in the dark, so I made sure to flush. I
washed my hands in the dark. So I go out
(13:37):
and I walk and it's a normal walk, nothing really interesting.
I walked back up the stairs down to the to
the left, and now I go down another set of
stairs and then I go down into my dungeon and
I'm on my way. So as I was making this trip,
about midway through, I started smelling something that didn't really
(13:59):
smell proper, smelled a little foul, so I thought, but
it must be Moxie. Moxie must have let one ript
flashlens for Moxie. Bulldogs are known to have a lot
of gas, so I didn't think much of it. I
kept going and going and going, and I kept smelling it.
And it turns out that Moxie had decided that she
(14:21):
needed to go to the bathroom and she couldn't make
it out in time, and so she went poopy in
the Houseye And as the famous line goes, watch that
last step, it's a doozy. It is a doozy, And
it was so here I am very proud of myself.
(14:42):
I'm like, oh, I'm getting some exercise. I'm being a
grown up, you know, being an adult. I just had a
big birthday. People tell me I'm old.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
So I got on the treadmill. Fine, so I'm now
standing here. I looked down at my shoes covered in
fecal matter. It's pitch black. Other I had to turn
my light on my phone on. Now I'm like, these
are the pair of shoes that I use on the treadmill.
I got to get these things cleaned as ap. These
(15:10):
things must be clean. I had options. I said, well,
I can put on the sink, but then that's the sink,
the kitchen sink we use for the dishes. I don't
want to put dog shit in the kitchen sink. And
I was like, I go to the bathroom and use
the sink there, but it's the same concept we wash
our hands there. I don't know if I want that,
so I, ah, you know, I'll just go out in
the back and I'll turn on the hose. I'll go
(15:32):
behind the mallor mansion, and I'll turn on the hose
and that'll be that. Yay, it's the middle of the night.
It's pitch black. Everyone's sleeping. I'm awake, Moxie is sleeping.
So I go down outside. I go around to where
the hose is, and again, this is just all going
on in the span of you know, a short amount
of time. Moxie is so unbothered by the situation. She decides,
(15:56):
I'm not getting up. You know, I'm good, I'm I'm
not doing that. So I go out and I take
the shoes off, and I turned the hose on and
I rinse away the Moxie waste off the sneakers. And
as I am doing this, and it's only been about
twenty seconds since I started deciding to wash the sneakers
(16:18):
because I need them, all of a sudden I hear
this galloping and this barking from a distance, and I'm like,
what the F is that? Now? It turns out the
rest of the story, our friend Moxie my pal. I
spend almost every night during the week enjoying the company
(16:41):
of Moxie. She keeps me company. My wife works as well,
so she's not around and I'm with mox We're enjoying ourselves.
And so it turns out that galloping I heard was
Moxie who went from zero to hero. She was into
hero mode, clearly triggered in a paste by Poseidon, the
(17:02):
Greek god of the sea. The Moxie that we knew
that was sleeping, that is so lazy, she would not
move her anything more than her eyeballs. It turns out
we awoken the beast. We did. We awoken the beast,
and so now here we are. I mentioned this was
a Vaudvillian comedy, more like The Three Stooges, which is
(17:24):
Vaudvillian old comedy Troupe Three Stooges. So it's the middle
of the night. I'm now standing outside barefoot holding a
shoe covered in shit Moxie muffins full of crap ole.
I'm washing the shoe off. Behind me is Moxie, who
(17:44):
is waking up all of the neighbors of the Malor
mansion in a time that is not a time to
be awake for most. She's then turning her attention to me.
She's trying to attack me. Well, not really. She wanted
to get to the source of the water, so the
goal was to get to the source of the water.
(18:06):
I was in between the source of the water and Moxie,
so I've got my shoes covered. I've got water now
everywhere because of the hose. I've got Moxie trying to
attack the water, ready to fight to the death, ready
to fight to the death. And just another night, just
(18:27):
another random night in paradise. God, it was. It was
like I couldn't go back on the treadmill because the
shoes were covered in the crap. And then I got
the crap off of Maxie. Was Moxie was of upset. Now.
My mistake, the fatal mistake I made, was I left
the door open, because that got the wheels in motion.
(18:48):
I left the door open because I assumed, like a
dumb ass, that my dog Moxie would just stay asleep.
I didn't think we were going to have a turf
war between Moxie and the Greek god of the sea Poseidon.
I did not expect that to happen. I figure, well,
she's sleeping, the host doesn't even make that much noise.
(19:09):
There's no way this is gonna end up in a
bad situation. And sure enough, it ended up in a
bad situation. So that was. That was one of the
tales I am promoting ahead, my man, you gotta tease
mam man you gotta tease, all right, So tomorrow I'm
gonna save all the wedding stories. Danny produces the spot,
but he's not with me on Friday, is really much
anymore at all. So I'll save some of that stuff
(19:31):
to Saturday, because I Danny's been to a lot of
like weddings and stuff. And I was at a wedding
last weekend and I saved a couple of stories. One
of them, one of the five funniest moments I've had
in my life, happened at that wedding, and I will
share that with you tomorrow. We'll go down that road,
(19:53):
will go off the beaten path. Is that a good
tease getting people to listen to a story about a wedding?
I don't know that that's a good teast that will
be going on tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow's another day. Time out
for some food he fun, all right, for food he fun.
That's right, it's food he fun. So the Foody Fund
(20:15):
these are different food items. Various food items that we
have discovered are either on sale or there's new items out.
For example, Krispy Kream, Krispy Kreme, they're everywhere, not as
everywhere as they used to be, but that Krispy Cream
is all over the place. Well, they have debuted in
honor of pac Man and the video game pac Man's
(20:39):
forty fifth birthday. Man, I'm older than pac Man. Holy crap. Anyway,
Chrispy Kream is celebrating Krispy Kreme is celebrating Pacman's forty
fifth birthday, and they have teamed up with the owner
of the pac Man brand and they are now hawking
pac Man Donuts a pac Man donut donut collection which
(21:04):
started this week four four days ago. They have the
pac Man Party Donut, the original glazed donut covered with
yellow butter cream flavored iceling, top with celebration sprinkles, and
finished with a pac Man piece. They have the Team
Ghost Donut that is unglazed with chocolate flavored cream, dipped
(21:28):
in black icing, decorated with a classic pac Man maize,
and top with a Team Ghost piece. And then you
have Strawberry powder Berry Donut that's a mouthful unglazed shell
donut filled with strawberry flavored cream, top with red icing,
and finished with white sprinkles. So all this available, and
(21:54):
there's even more. They have a Light Hot Light donut
giveaway and Strawberry Glaze Challenge is that started May twelfth.
It goes through the end of the weekend. On Sunday,
they claim they will hand out a total of forty
five thousand free original glazed donuts and hot light hours
(22:18):
seven to nine am and five to seven pm. So
you got that. I mean there's other promotions there, but
the whole point of is they're going to have the
pac Man. They have it right now, the Pacman Donut
collection Pan Express. I used to be a big Pan
Express guy. Every Christmas I would eat Panda Express because
it was the only thing open. So Pan Express launched
(22:38):
a new Chili Crisp Chicken featuring Mike's Hot Honey in
select markets. So if you're into pand Express, you can
have a big day, big day there at Pan Express.
What Marcus is it? I you did to say what
markets are? Right? So this item is available on Albuquerque, Atlanta, Chicago,
(23:02):
Sweet Home, Chicago, Houston, Las Vegas, and Santa Fe. So
you can get your hands on the new item at
Panda Express. The new Chili Chris Chicken does seem a
litt odd The cities that were chosen medium sized cities
(23:24):
like Las Vegas I guess it's bigger than that. Now,
massive cities like Atlanta, Chicago, and Houston, and then you
have Albuquerque and Santa Fe seems rather odd to me.
But I don't work for I don't work for them.
I do not What else do we have on foody fun?
Denny's has introduced the new Red, White and Berry Pancake Slam,
(23:47):
alongside the new Bacon Ranch Cheeseburger and Cookie Dough Lovers Pie. Hello,
sign me up for some of that Cookie do Lovers Pie.
I'm in, I'm in now. I realized that this next item.
Half of the country has Hearty's, half of the country
has Carls Junior. So I'm not sure if these deals
apply at Harty's. I know at Carl's Junior they have
(24:10):
welcome back the Sour Dough Star. O MG, the Sourdough
Star is back on the menu at Carls Junior. Yeah,
that's right now, available in a triple size. Thank god,
my prayers have been answered. Carls Jr. Also launched a
five ninety nine build your Own Bag byob deal Carls Jr.
(24:35):
Allowing you to customize your meal nationwide. Debut five ninety
nine Build Your own bag at participating locations. What's in
the bag? What you ask me? What's in the bag?
What do you think is in the bag? So available
during late night hours from eight pm to closed daily
(24:55):
byob Bring your own bag includes a four piece Chicken Star.
They're still making those Chicken Stars, your choice of a
main entree, cal classic cheeseburger, spicy chicken sandwich, and a
side of natural cut fries or onion rings, all for
the retail price suggested at five ninety nine, which tells
(25:19):
me these items are not big sellers that we're trying
to get inventory out. These are not big That's what
that tells me. Maybe I'm wrong, Maybe mem wrong. Arbi's
is testing a new flame roasted rotisserie chicken. Yeah, that's okay,
That's not really something I'm into. But if you want
(25:40):
The Avocado Chicken Club features flame roasted rotray, amocano zesty sauce, bacon, cheese, lettuce,
tomato on a sub roll. They've got the Tuscan Chicken
also available. So they've got three new items of the
Chicken Bacon Ranch. These items will are available are available
(26:03):
trio of rotisserie chicken substyle sandwiches at arby Restaurants. Arby's
Restaurants in Milwaukee, Little Rock, Arkansas, and Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Hello our guy, America's favorite crossing garden Fort Wayne. Get
out there and get your hands on these new sandwiches. No,
(26:25):
you're not, probably not, probably not going to do that. Yeah,
I got you. What else do we have? We can't
read that? Let's see our wingstop interesting, a new Mexican
street spice flavor and twenty for twenty dollars deal. Okay,
time now four. The phrase of the week. The phrase
(26:51):
of the week. We use this on social media. Several
of you said, oh, I don't know what that is?
Did you make that up? Where'd you get that from?
What's that mean? Including supermarket Steve and Ralph not recket Ralph.
This Ralph lives in Arizona, and so unless recket Ralph
moved to Arizona and has become a podcast listener and
a consumer that sends messages in probably not the same Ralph.
(27:16):
So the phrase of the week is work like stink.
The idiom work like stink, which originated in British England
as opposed to the other British but it's originated in
British English, and it is used to describe I think
(27:37):
you can figure this out. It's rather obvious. It's telegraphed
to describe working extremely hard or intensely, or you end
up having a little smell, right, you work like hell.
It's a phrase similar to his work like hell, work
like mad, and just kind of a way to enhance
the language. The term stink is itself has been used
(28:01):
since the early twentieth century. When someone works like stink,
they are working with great effort and speed, likely a
lot of sweating going on, which leads to bodily odors.
And it's an informal way of saying someone is working
at a passionate level, very quickly and working like stink,
(28:23):
which is a cousin of working like a dog from
the nineteenth century and working like a horse. Of course,
of course I've also heard working like an aux. I've
heard that the original phrase go like stink, which is
not the phrase that we used your work like stink,
(28:44):
go like stink. That phrase means to move very fast.
That's mid twentieth century, and they say that was the
precursor to the modern word that we're talking about. The
phrase we're talking about here involving the stink, and it
goes back to the nineteen fifties British novel Going like Stink.
(29:08):
Working like Stink could also have been adapted. And so
there ye go the phrase of the week which goes
back to the nineteen hundreds and it is work like stink. Yeah,
works so much you get a little sweaty. You need
(29:28):
to take a nice shower. Just take a nice shower.
The Malord meet and greet. If you have not heard
and you want to know about the details, we did
a pod last week about it. We are going to
have the meet and greet on Thursday, May twenty ninth.
It's at the Court Side on Maine. That is two
four one five Main Street, Vancouver, BC. Very excited. I
(29:51):
have not really spent much time in Canada. I'm looking
forward to meeting you if you're going to be out there,
and you know, obviously if you not, I can't meet you.
I'm able to do a zoom chat. But it's gonna
be a lot of fun. I'm really excited about it.
And if you do come out to the meat and greet,
let us know because we're going to hang out over
the weekend in Vancouver. So kind of let us know
what you think we would like to see, and not
just me. I'll be there with Lorraine, I'll be there
(30:13):
with Coop, We'll all be hanging out. So yes, kind
of let us know what's going on and what you
like and what you don't like, and what you think
we would like based on listening to the show. And
I again want to thank Nico and he's been so
so kind to put this together and beat boots on
the ground. He's very proud of his location. He loves
(30:33):
the show and he's a regular listener, and so I'm
excited about that. So the Malor Meet greet again Thursday
of the twenty ninth, court Side on Maine, Vancouver. We're
flying in that day, assuming there's no glitches, we'll be
there at six thirty or seven till ten. You're gonna
have a great time doing that anyway, Take care, have
a wonderful rest of your Friday. Will have fresh pods
(30:56):
and amazing stories from the weekend. That was the wedding,
that was you gotta hear these. We'll get to those
on tomorrow's pod. Have a wonderful day and we'll catch
you then later. Skater Asta pasta something like that. Did
(31:17):
I do that right, Danny? No, I'm not doing it again. Nope, nope, No,
gotta murder. I gotta go.
Host
Ben Maller
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