December 6, 2020 • 44 mins
A week off the air lead to whining and crying from many in the Maller Militia. The fellas come back to wipe away some of those tears and answer a few questions too.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm PACIFICO. If
you thought four hours a day, minutes a week was enough,
I think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic,
a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the
ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in
(00:22):
the penthouse the clearing House of hot takes break free
for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now. Out of the floodgates, out of the floodgates.
What is that gift? Guy? Out of starting gates. Floodgates. No,
it's like it's like a horse race. You come out
of the starting gates. There Sunday podcast here because four
(00:45):
hours are not enough. Eight days a week now we
are back at this a continuation of the Ben Maller
radio Show, available on the podcast format. We thank you
for supporting the podcast. Tell a friend. That's big word
of mouth advertising, and people are looking for audio content
(01:05):
now more than ever because people are cooped up at
home and they're working out on their own. They're looking
for stuff to listen to. So this is uh An
opportunity for you subscribe and it's like said it and
forget it. Ron Popeel, who would not come on this podcast.
We tried to book Ron Popeel. I talked to his
publicist and Ron's retired. He would not come on because
we're not big enough names. But I still respect Ron
(01:26):
Popeel and that great line said it and forget it
the infomercial king from back in the day. And once
you subscribe to the podcast, you get the podcast automatically.
You don't have to go searching around for it. It
automatically shows up when you go to your podcast the
app on your phone there and you can check that out.
So it is pretty pretty cool and we thank you
(01:47):
for that and back. Unfortunately, I thought maybe he would
take Saturday off from West of the four h five lot.
Dah yippie kai a David Gascarro. I'd like to h
(02:09):
bring myself into this party and say the fifth hour
with Gascon is like taking a dump without butt wipes.
I will not listen unless he is back. That is
a great raving review that was given to us on
the how about this one Apple iTunes. It was probably
the first one I looked at. Andy good reason to Hey, Ben,
(02:30):
can you please give me Ryan Smith's Twitter account? He
was great. I want to follow him on Twitter. From
Steve on Twitter. That was that one Stevie Wonder. I
mean the guy a lot of people were dying to
get more information on on Ryan. I mean, the guy
was a star. I know you're jealous and you're upset,
and you keep bringing this up, but I mean, you
just got school. Do you the replace? It's like the
(02:51):
old the line we used to have about Jim Rome
back in the day when Rome was always paranoid. The
legend was of Jim Rome. He was always paranoid. He
didn't want to have anyone really good filling for him,
so we guys like scrub guys fill in formed because
you don't want anyone to show him up. You made
the mistake of allowing a professional um just a confident.
He's an ass hat and so are you for trying
to pump him up like that. About this from Adrian Alvarez,
(03:14):
Ben and Gascon. I have to give credit where credit
is due. As much as I bust the West of
the four or five guys, chops, I actually missed him
this past weekend that Ryan Smith wrestler guy was horrible.
He fucking sucked. You guys have absolutely much better chemistry
on the podcast together than Ben and Ryan did. So
Gascon stick around, would you, Adrian? I'll think about it. Yeah,
(03:37):
one of many. Nobody wants you to stick around. All right, Uh,
let me tell you something here. First of all, just
because you went out and created a bunch of Gmail
accounts to send yourself emails, I understand, um. Remember, all right,
so you you it's you have selective choosing of the
(03:59):
podt cast here and I go on with that note
from Adrian I have he was really good? Did you
want me to continue with that? Also, I'm dealing with
my first hemorroid and I wanted to know if either
one of you guys have ever had one and how
you dealt with it. I've been going through preparation a routine,
and the hemorroid seems to be shrinking slowly. I'll keep
you guys posted. Ben asked Doc Doc Mike, how you
(04:22):
deal with hemorrhoids? Please? You're you're so paranoid that I
am going to read the next post. I have acknowledging
one of the fans that wrote and took the time
to see you didn't think you didn't think that I
was gonna go look at the podcast information. I didn't
think I was gonna look at it. And by the way,
we need positive podcast views. We need the good podcast
(04:43):
reviews five stars, five stars. Go on the podcast and
give us the five star review on the Apple podcast page.
It's very simple to do. I know it's paying the
st We just gotta click a button. You don't have
to write anything, but its nice of you do. I
thought Marri Hannah or Marihuanna really summed up the pulse
(05:06):
of the people here. So I'd like to read that
if I can't have a little time here. Um yeah,
So I thought this really was and this is really
I've gotten. This is the feedback I've gotten. Marahna rights
and says, I'm writing another five star review again just
because the New Kid on the Block episode was so
good and I enjoyed it so much, and I didn't
(05:28):
miss the pompous a whole gascon and it was a
huge relief. Hope to see more changes in an attempt
to get better and to grow more. Well, thank you,
and that's a five star review. Five stars. Thank you
so much, Thank you so much. I I really do
(05:49):
appreciate it. That was outstanding, out standing, And I guess
would you like to have a rebuttal because that sums
up what I'm getting the feedback I'm getting here. No
one listens to this anyway, so it doesn't matter. We'll
drop in the in the ocean. Well, when you're on,
that's true, no one's listening. When other people are on,
people seem to be listening. I don't know. Yeah, there
(06:11):
you go. Who wrote that? By the way, Ah, that
was Mari hunnah hun. Well fuck him too. How do
you use You're assuming it's a it's a guy, it
might be a woman. Now, No women love me. That's
not true, that's what. That's not what I hear from
Kentucky to Montana to Colorado. Just because because you are harassed,
(06:33):
the women does not love you. I mean, just because
they just want to pacify you so you go away.
It's pursuing, that's what it is. Yeah, some people call
it stockings. Also, it depends on listen. I haven't had
any of my female fans offered me a blowjob like
your male fans have offered you. That's that's fine. Well,
(06:55):
I mean to each their own. Yeah, yeah, you know
it's a man, and we get a problem with that. No,
it's all you man, all right, I'm gitting accepted it.
I'm just rich. It's a very giving act that you
would be willing to all right. Anyway, we got pop
quiz and the mailbag, so let's not dilly dally because
time is a wasting gast. Go on, So we'll start
(07:16):
with the pop quizzies are actual things I found around
the internet and I found them interesting, and so we'll
we'll go through these. I will quiz guest, go on.
He will get them all wrong, uh, and then we
will laugh at him and we will give you the answer.
All right. So this was created fifties six years ago.
It is something that you probably use every day. You
could be using it right now. What is it? Cell
(07:37):
phone charger? And I don't know. Um, well you said
cell phone charger. That's your final answer. Now, ums, I'm
using right now. It's something that you're probably using right
now as well. Do a power cable? Do do do do? Do?
Do do do? The computer mouse was created fifty six
(08:01):
years ago. Yeah, that is interesting. That's in the you
do the math on that you go back fifty six
years that's in the nineteen sixties. They came up with
this in the nineteen sixties. And my my dad worked
in computers when when he was younger, and the computers
were like they took up an entire rule, you know,
(08:22):
the early computers, but they had the mouse. All right.
Legend has it in the wild West, a way to
cure this ailment was to have a tea made from
rabbit shit. What ailment were they trying to fix? Rabbit shit?
T repeat that one more time, all right, So back
(08:45):
in the old wild West, on the frontier, the unsettled
wild West. Uh, in order to treat this ailment, they
believe that you made tea from robert a rabbit ship
and that would be the way to solve your problems
out there when you're a cowboy, um vigilante, wild bill, hiccock,
(09:10):
I don't jock catch wow as a terrible guess. Uh No,
hangover chicken pox, but hangover hang hangover? Yeah, keep drinking again?
Too much whiskey at the saloon? And what should be salon?
That's one of the great misspellings of all time, right
(09:31):
that the term they were trying to get his salon,
which is a European term and they misspelled it and
so turned into saloon fun fact. All right, Uh, this
South Pacific University is currently accepting or a a South
Pacific University rather is currently accepting this item that you
could find in the produce department as tuition. So you
(09:56):
can pay your tuition with an item you can get
at the at the grocery store or in the produce
department Hawaii. No, no, no, I'm not gonna the piece
of produce that you could use, not the location. Um
pomegrant coconuts? All right? Why are coconuts so value? I
(10:21):
don't know, they're not rare. I need more. I need
to know more about that. Off to look that up
are A survey of Americans between the ages of eleven
and twenty four revealed surprisingly that fort of people in
America between eleven and twenty four have never done this activity.
What is it? Swam? No camp or hike? Oh wow,
(10:48):
I get that. If you're a kid in a big city,
you're not gonna go out of camping. When if you're
in the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts, it's not
five guests, and most kids aren't in the Boy Scouts
of the girl's Scots. Didn't they get rid of boy scouts?
Or isn't there scouts now? Because of the PC police,
you can't get your merit badge on that one. Alright.
(11:10):
A smart version of this very basic household item can
be yours for a hundred and fifty dollars smart version
remote control coaster. Fuck? Who the what does that? What
does a smart coaster do? Now? I'm serious, like that
(11:31):
couldn't possibly do? Could it keep the drink warmer or cool?
Or maybe it actually drives up the condensation from the drink? Yeah? Maybe,
but hundred and fifty bucks? All right? Nearly parents say
they do this regularly at the dinner table. Belch. Now
they eat their kids leftovers? Oh yeah, that makes sense, right,
(11:54):
it makes some mac and cheese. You're like, hey, I
want a little war mac and cheese. I mean, I'm good,
all right? One third of us will do this by
noon on Christmas Day? What is it? Sleep? No? Have
a alcoholic beverage by noon? Wow? So you get up
early because Santa's knocked on your door, You opened the
(12:15):
presence and you're right to the open bar. Is that
how that works? A little egg non, little klua, little
little white Russian. Why not? Alright, of us will do
this for extra money over the holidays. Strip, that's what
that's what you would do. Sell. You worked at Chipping Deals,
do you guess scout works at Chippendale's. I'm gonna say sell,
(12:41):
sell memorabilia or sell some I don't know, personal artifacts. No,
that is incorrect. It is actually, uh, make a side
deal to say, hey, you know, I'm not gonna let's
just not exchange gifts this year. So you save money
on that. Okay, yeah, you save money on that. You
don't have to exchange gifts and so there's that, all right.
Christmas shopping can be very stressful for some uh you know,
(13:05):
get the pandemic and all that. A new survey asked
people about the most stressful parts of shopping for the holidays,
and they said that trying to find the perfect gift
gift came in at number one. What was number two?
Number two was parking. That's actually a really good guess,
but not in because uh, it's trying to find something
(13:29):
that's sold out, like the hot video game PlayStation PlayStation five. Yeah. Uh.
Sixty six percent of the world's population, not just America,
the globe has never seen this an eclipse. No snow really, yeah,
(13:51):
sixty six percent? How is that? I guess that's because
is that because scent of the world it only snow.
It must only snow in thirty percent of the world
Otherwise I used Miller math on that, guest gun, he
used Miller math on that. But I mean that seems
but just the way that Europe is is set up,
you should be able to travel to see snow and
(14:12):
experience it. Russia, Um, well, like we usually live in
We live in southern California, like we were. Fortunately we
can go to the snow capped mountains above. But it
doesn't snow if we didn't have the mountains. If you're
in Kansas, although it does snow there, but it's weird.
I I don't get. I guess South America does it not,
must not snow a lot Florida. If you're in Brazil,
(14:34):
does it snow? Or Argentina or something. I don't know.
All right, due to the pandemic, we've been doing this
an extra four hours a day. What is it. I'm
doing it right now, playing on our phone, sitting on
our butts, Yeah, sitting on our asses. It's not carriers
or tail feathers. No, it's not. It's awful. Yeah, I've
been trying to get out and get my body moving
(14:55):
a little bit, but I have a job where I'm
required to sit on my ass. But it's there for though.
I mean, when you you have a four hour show,
you have a few hours to prep and and obviously
watch events. But people that have a typical nine to
five I mean, well, I make this a nine to
five job. Guess again, I turned this into But what
(15:16):
I mean is you're just you're You're not stuck at
a computer staring at at graphs and at print and
at documents and you know, the redundant ship. You're actually
watching live sporting events. Oh that is true. That is true,
although not much. I I'm not into college basketball right now.
I just can't get into it. So I have had
(15:38):
a lot of free nights recently unless the NFL is playing.
So the NBA is gonna get started up here at
the end of the month, and I'll watch some of
those games, but I can't get really all that worked
up into that. Yeah, wait till the NBA media starts
freaking out because you're gonna have teams, are gonna have
the coronavirus and all that, and they're gonna, oh, you
should have had a bubble Adam Silver doesn't care about
(15:58):
the players. Oh my gotta Now, what would you do
as a member of the media if they require you
to have a COVID nineteen certificate to enter? I think
it's pretty ridiculous. I don't I don't support that the
thing they're talking about. I don't know how much of
that is actually true and how much of that's just
internet crap about how you can fly, you're gonna need
(16:19):
that and this, that and the other thing. Uh, how
do you how do you prove it? Though? I mean,
I know the conspiracy theory is that the I was
reading this somebody sent it to me the other day
that the conspiracy theory is that the vaccine is going
to leave a mark on your body so the people
can see whether you've had it or not. I don't
know that the mark of lucifer. I'm skeptical, but it could.
(16:41):
It could be a state mandated certificate, right something from Yeah,
I know, I know, you know people you get it forged,
boom done, problem solved. Yeah. Uh, men have told this
lie to get out of a new relationship. That's what
they have to go to work. No, they live with
(17:04):
their parents. No, what about there's plenty of good ways
to get out of that. How do you get out
of that one? I would say, you have to go
to work, family emergency. When I was dating, the women
would say, I got a headache, I forget my nails done.
My girlfriend broke up, she needs me to hang out
with those kind of things. That's what the women would
(17:28):
use against me. That happen, Yeah, happened a lot. I'm
an expert. I could write a book about that or whatever.
It leads you. It led you to being married. Now,
that's true, that's true, all right. In a recent survey,
four percent of people said that thanks to the pandemic,
they no longer do this. Doo doo doo doo do
(17:51):
do do do do do do do do do do
do do do do do? Eat out, eat fast food. No,
I think more people are eating food because of the drive.
Three you can go right through. The correct answer is
where deodorant el stinko has arrived you. You stopped wearing
deodoran years ago, right for you became a hippie. I
(18:13):
got a nice aroma about me. My pheromones are a plus.
That's not what she said. It's not what she says.
In a recent survey, fifty five percent of people have
admitted that they have lied about this to keep from
hurting someone's feelings. Us their sex count, Oh, like how
(18:36):
high they were, how many partners? No, that's not it.
This is something that involves how how how much they weigh. No,
it's uh. When you go out and you have somebody
makes you like a casserole and you have dinner at
their house and it sucks. It's like eating dog food,
it's like eating alcohol and you're like, oh, it's pretty good. Yeah,
thank you. Yeah, it's tough. You know, who can talking
(19:01):
about that as a not not to get carried away here,
but the college football and basketball coaches recruiting traditionally the
way it has worked, and you know this, guess gun,
You go to the parents house to sell the fact
that you want them their son to come play for
your football team. So you know, Nick Saban will fly
in as the closer. And then the traditional cliche trope
(19:21):
of that is the uh, you know, the mom or
the dad will make you know, lasagna and then have
dinner at the house. You know, and then so the
coach has to eat it. How many shitty meals you
think John Calipari and Nick Saban, those guys have had
over the years where they had to say, boy, that's
really delicious. That is let me tell you something. Your
(19:42):
son is so lucky to have you as a mom.
That spaghetti did not taste like worms. It tasted really wonderfully.
Unless it did taste like worms. You know, it's like, jeez,
you know, what about what about someone like Rick Pettino?
Oh yeah, well Petino is another one. They can go
to it Italian or resturants after and have a little
fun in Louisville. He's like when it comes to having fun,
(20:04):
he's like Kyler Murray is just a little fun, a
little all right. Yeah, you're gonna spend an average of
thirty six hours a year here where that's the question
doctor's office? Well, for you, it's more than thirty six hours,
(20:27):
But for the rest of us it is. No, it's
something in the house, bathroom. No, well probably more than that.
After um, it involves the kitchen. Do do do the pantry?
(20:48):
I don't know. Standing in front of the fridge trying
to figure out whether to find something or what you
want to eat, right, whether you're looking for something that's
in there you need to cook, or you're just you're
hungry and you want it. Late nights snack, do you
get like that? No, I I when I started fasting,
I don't even worry about late night staxs. The only
thing I do have an issue with the refrigerator is
(21:09):
because it is all over its helter skelter. It's all
over the place. So like we'll be cooking and my
wife will be like, hey, can you go get so
and so out of refrigerator, So then it becomes a
ten minute fishing expedition to try to find said item
in the refrigerator. So that that isn't But yeah, since
I started fasting, I don't snack. I don't. I mean
(21:30):
on the weekends, I might. I'll go crazy and have
a meal and then I'll snack and you know, a
couple of hours later and then have like a small
meal after that. But that's about during the week. I
don't even eat most days. So that's not bad. Yeah,
damn it, it's actually it works for me. I don't
know if it's the greatest thing in the world. Y're not,
but it works for me. All right, we have the
(21:51):
mail bag. You want to get to the mailbag. Would
like that? They want they want to be part of
the mail bag. All right, these are actual questions by
actual listeners. You guys did a good job. I like
this batch of questions. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Good job by you on the Facebook page. I posted
this on Wednesday morning, Ben Maller's show on Facebook. We
also have some questions via email Real fifth Hour at
(22:12):
gmail dot com. It's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
First one comes from John the Jailer and Allan Toown
p A. He says, like millions of people, I get
my medical advice from an overnight radio talk shows. Thank
you John, Being that you are an essential employee like myself.
Will you be getting the COVID vaccine when it comes out?
(22:32):
Since Gascon is not essential, he may need to wait
like the rest of the commoners. Alright, So this is
related to what we're talking about earlier. So you don't
seem like you you you're into the vaccine, giscon? Is
that fair to say that you're not gonna be the
first one in line to get the vaccine yet? Way,
you gotta give that up to frontline workers and of
(22:52):
course the elderly. But if you were offered vaccine, you
would not take How many people have to have the
vaccine before you would be comfortable taking said vaccine. I
wouldn't take it. You're not gonna take it at all?
What the recovery rate has, how high it is. I'm
(23:13):
not like, I don't think I need to take it either. Um,
I might be forced to take it, which I don't like.
But I think it should be up to the person
whether they want to take it or not. Yeah, my body,
my choice. Right, it used to be the way it was.
But I mean enough, I think enough people will do
it that this thing will we'll fade away. Who knows?
(23:35):
Valls fan Jimmy right and says, would you eat a
plate of chitling for five thousand dollars? Says for both
you and guest gon chitterlings. Do you know what a
chitterling is? What is that? I looked it up. Uh.
This is from Valls Fan Jimmy our buddy in Fayetteville, Tennessee.
Chitterlings are a Southern food and it is it's it
(23:59):
looks like crispy kind of churros, except it's made from
the large intestine of a hog. Yeah, it doesn't sound
good at all. Five thousand bucks, though, I don't think
I could do it my When I tasted those bolt testicles,
I bit into the vein in the texture, like if
the texture is okay, if it's just like if I
(24:20):
don't realize what I'm eating is a large hog intestine
of a hog. I could probably do it, like like
the poll testical thing. If I'd eaten the original bowl
testicles like deep pride, it tastes like chicken. What I did,
I raw dogged it. It was bad. It was bad.
But for five grand I would do a lot of
(24:41):
things for money, I could buy a lot of stock
gascon with dividends and all that, so I'd consider it.
I would. Yeah, five grand will go a long way.
Mario in Southern California says, my wife is from the Philippines.
Would you eat? I don't know how to pronounce it,
(25:01):
b a l ut? You ever heard of that ballot?
Ballot that? Oh this is even worse. He's he told.
What what Mario did is he told Walls Fan, Jimmy,
hold my beer. So we told you that the chitterlings
is the large intestine of a hog. According to the Internet,
(25:22):
b A l u t is a philip addition from
the Philippines. It is developing bird embryo, usually a duck
that is boiled and eaten out of the shell. Oh
my god, fuck, Hey, I'm good on that, Mario. Does
your wife make that for you? Mario is She's like, hey, Mario,
(25:44):
I got some embryo for you here enjoy. Oh yeah.
Who's the first person that said that's let's let's eat that.
Let's see how that goes. Chris and Marrik Cocona O.
Marri Cocona says, getting into radio, it seemed to be
career suicide. Give in the low pay. Tell me I'm wrong,
He says, Well, Chris, this the year is where you
(26:08):
follow what you want to do. Life is short. You
never know when the next pandemic or world war is
gonna pop up and fuck your life up, and so
follow your your dreams. So if your radio is a
fun industry, and I've enjoyed being in radio and having
you know, if we have a good time doing the
radio stuff and all that, um, it doesn't pay the greatest,
(26:32):
it pays, all right, It doesn't pay the greatest, and
certainly when you start out in local radio it's usually terrible.
You're better off working at at Wendy's. You'll make more money.
But if you love it, if you have a passion
for it, you can do it. And it's like Robert Sala,
the defensive coordinator of the forty nine. Is that guy.
His story is a good story. Is probably gonna be
(26:54):
the Lions coach, but he was. He played football in college,
He got out of college, he worked in fine aunts,
I believe, and then his brother was in one of
the towers on nine eleven and his brother got out,
but they didn't know for a while, and he realized
that day. He had an epiphany in the early two thousands,
and you know, no, you know, early September of one,
(27:16):
he's like, hey, you know, life short, let me follow
my passion, my passions football. He went into coaching, worked
his way up, and now he's about to become an
NFL head coach. Was a pretty cool story. But he
followed his passion because he realized, you know, you might
as well enjoy it. So not being said, if you
want to get paid, I would recommend television rather than
than radio. And he also says Chris in Marracoca to
(27:38):
iowas is, what is your favorite Christmas food? Well? I
like the jelly donuts and the latkas on hanaka, That's
what I like. What about you? Guess? I don't know
if I have a favorite Christmas entree? You don't like
any Christmas related? What are traditional Christmas? You do? Not? No?
(27:59):
No for the July Thanksgiving? Those are traditional hamburgers and
hot dogs, turkey, ham mashed potatoes. Yeah. David from Simpsonville,
South Carolina says, as a Kentucky fan, I will not
buy a Duke North Carolina, Tennessee or Louisville hat. Ben
(28:23):
Besides the a strows and the Laker hats? Are there
eighty you refuse to buy or where? Every time you
say number one, my cat Cash runs into the room
me owing very loudly. He's a member of the militia. Also, uh,
(28:44):
there you go, waiting for your selection hat for Hanukkah.
There you go. Well, thank you, David, I do want
to thank you. David's the hat benefactor who come up
with that sweet looking Kentucky Wildcats hat which I've used
on the on the podcast. The radio show version of
the podcast a couple of times the video podcast. But um, yeah,
I would say the San Francisco Giants. I would not.
(29:05):
I don't think I would be caught wearing a Giant's hat.
That would be on my list. Trying to think who
else off the top of my head, Lakers, Astros, Uh, yeah,
they would be there. Giants, probably the Niners because I'm
a Rams fan. That's the rival, the big rival there.
(29:28):
But outside of that, pretty much fair game. I say
that guests on knowing that I'm gonna forget one and
someone will send me the hat and I will have
to wear it because I just gave my list. Yeah,
I gotta get back to David on the the Hanukah
hat there. I don't I don't know. I gotta think
it's very kind of you. I appreciate that. Pierre, friend
(29:48):
of alf the Alien Opiner, says Benjamin as a true
man of the people, salt of the earth, working man.
I know that, given the opportunity, you would work every day.
And I'm guessing the same camp be said for Mr
West of the four oh five. So my question is
how many podcasts will Gascon be skipping over the holidays?
(30:09):
There you go, and he has a follow up question. Now,
that is a good question. Gascon. Now you you, we
know you. You're a little lazy. You don't have the
work ethic, you don't have to desire the drive. You
do not have that. Um, so what are we looking at?
How many podcasts will you be skipping? And then I'll
have to skip some as well. We've got Christmas and
New Year's back to back, belly to belly. Those are
(30:30):
good days to take off. I think I'll take off
all all six of those days. It's a good idea. Yeah,
is that right? Yeah? Okay, So so that's good news.
We'll get Ryan Smith in here. That's a great idea.
I think that'd be a great way to close out.
As bad as it is, it'll get even worse now. Actually,
(30:53):
I will probably be forced by Forced the Ball and
Chain to miss one weekend of the podcast coming up
because of prior engagements. But I'm not sure when that
will be. I'm not sure when that will be. So
we will we will find out. Get that message I
said you, by the way, do you get that I did?
I did. Thank you for sending it. You're not number one,
(31:15):
You're number one hundred, number one hundred. All right, uh,
straight ahead, Here we have another question from alf for
a Pierre, a friend of Alfie Potter. Ben, how's that
VPN coming along? From gascon? Well, I thank you for
as This guy just fucking jerk you off every week,
all right, this guy just unbelievable. Is it a reach
(31:36):
around or is it like full on frontal grab. I
know no one likes you, this guy. You're the kid
that gets picked on, Pierre, but holy fuck you're you're
the guy that you know people say, oh he's got cooties.
Oh no, you've got the gas gone because you stink
the high heaven. But listen me, okay, sure, all right,
listen very clearly. Um, yes, you have not done anything.
(31:57):
I two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I said, hey,
this VPN thing, Uh, let's get that done. Nothing nothing,
no VPN. You had a guy, you said you had
a hook up. I want a VPN. You didn't get it.
It sucks when someone says they're gonna do something and
they don't do it. Huh, fucking tomahawks steak in your freezer?
(32:18):
How do you know I didn't eat it? Because I
know you didn't eat Maybe I ate it. Maybe I
had it for dinner because you're you're the king of
showing everybody what you did. No, I did not like
when you got a Costco. When you got a Costco
with your little mask on, your like virtue signaling to
the world. It's so brave and with me the wilderness
in California. Well, let me let me explain something because
(32:42):
I know you don't get out of got him? Really
you varmit um. Let me explain something here. When you
go to Costco, if you don't have a mask on,
they don't let you in the store. All right, I
know you're a racket. We're a hundred yards away from
the gate or the door, taking that fucking self. I
was living my best life. I was in line, surrounded
(33:05):
around other people. I was our fearless leader, Joe Biden.
I knew that he would be present someday and he
wanted everyone to wear a mask forever. You're making it
sound like you're Somalia being surrounded with RPGs now. Is
the first day of the Biden administration? Are they gonna
make everyone wear a burka? Is that what they're gonna
make everyone? Forget the mask? Let's go with the burka.
I'm gonna put I'm gonna put some lamb blood over
(33:26):
my front door. How about that saddle cross that'll work?
Why not? So the answer is Pierre and no VPN
Gascon is full of crap, right, He's he's full of crap.
He's a selfish little jerk, and he's a he's a
douche nozzle and dingle Berry and all those big words,
(33:49):
all those big words are infatuated with you. But the
guy knows talent. No, I know what you want me
to say. The guy appreciates talent. He does mailbag continues.
He's your actual questions sending by actual listeners. Again, if
you weren't paying attention earlier. Ben Mallard Show on Facebook,
like the page on there, and on Wednesdays, that's typically
(34:10):
when we do this. Now over the holidays, if we
do do some podcasts over the hollies, will probably do
it earlier in the week maybe on like Tuesday, um,
and we might even do it on the weekends and
just say hey, send some in for next week. Keep
them kind of evergreen. The term evergreen means they do
not expire, right, like honey. The perfect product is honey.
If I would open a store, I would sell honey.
(34:31):
What about garlic? Honey? You know garlic can go bad.
Honey does not go bad. Yeah, but garlic is like
the Ben Mallory lick. Sir, No, well that is true.
I love garlic and I need the more garlic, roasted
garlic and all that. But like, there's no expliration date
on honey. It has internal shelf life, so it's perfect.
(34:54):
But when when you say, hey, can you give me
some evergreen questions that would be non specific, and you
guys been pretty good. You guys have been pretty good.
They're not dated Carlos, and Houston says, who says that
drop romosexual? Is that a caller or just a random SoundBite.
He also says, when it is Justin and Cincinnati going
to be paying off that bed, well, that's what everyone
(35:15):
wants to know. Inquiring minds would like to know Justin
and he made a big wager there and the ones
you're gonna pay it theF to answer the first part
of that question, Carlos, that was a random caller to
Fox Sports Radio a million years ago. And when Tony
Romo took over for Drew Bledsoe, I'm doing the show.
(35:37):
I was doing the weekend show, and this was like
I was so excited because I was a huge Romo fan,
and the guys started calling me a Romo sexual. And
then we had got We had certain p One's Brigadier
generals that had social media accounts. I guess back then
it would be like my Space. But are they call
up as romosexual and all that? And so the we
(35:58):
have different callers and forget exactly who that is, and
they probably don't listen anymore. It's been a long time,
but that was just a little clip of a random
caller to Fox Sports Radio back in Tony Romo's salad
days with the Dallas Cowboys Romo Sexual. That sound bit's
gotta be fourteen years old something along those lines. Pretty old. Yeah,
(36:20):
we still we still play it. We still play it.
Uh and Mr Luciano rights and he says, all expenses paid,
which country would you like to travel to for a
week and why for both of you? Glad the show
is back on. Well, thank you, Mr Lucy on a
very kind of you. I really thought about that where
(36:42):
I would like to travel. I haven't been anywhere other
than the US and Canada and Mexico and all that, so, uh,
I have been to Oceania Hawaii. Oceana was just like
another continent. Um, I've a good things. My my wife's
got family in Italy, so I think it'd be cool
to dry around Italy and some of those European countries.
(37:05):
I've heard Rome is beautiful. Uh, you wouldn't. You wouldn't
be good in the summer, though, you'd have to go
in the winter or spring. I've been in the South.
It can't be any worse than it's way worse. I disagree,
you're such a softy. I'm not soft, but you know
you you set. I've lost some weight though it's it's
a little different. Though it's a little different. Where else
(37:27):
would I like to go to Australia? Man New Zealand.
I want to go to New Zealand cause I've been
on radio there. There's a rumor I could be back
on New Zealand Radio one. By the way, the network
I was on went out of business because of the pandemic.
But there's a little birdie tells me that I might
be back as a weekly international correspondent on New Zealand Radio.
Not confirmed, nothing's been signed yet, but it's in the works.
(37:49):
More bad news, great news, you should get me into
one of those gigs. The first thing you have to
do is be good and then you get the gig.
Can you work on that track? Okay? One of my
favorite Where do you want to go? Get Australia. Australia.
That's Australia. Well, I mean that's not going to going
to the beach. It's not going to Catalina. It's not
(38:10):
going to cattle. It is like going to Catalina is
great Australia. I want to go to Japan someday. I'm
getting a how I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna
get a house on Catalan Island. That'll be my weekend house.
All right, I will go there. That'll be my retreat
and I will go to Catalana Island and I will
love it. It'll be wonderful little bits. That's west of
the four or five where the buffalo roame. That's not
(38:31):
west of the four or five. It's you gotta take
a fucking boat to get there. Yeah, it's very elitist.
You gotta take a little yacht to get over to
Catalan Island. It's beautiful, it's all right, so nice. You
feel like it's just a like an hour boat ride.
You feel like you're in a different, different world. I
got away from all the schmucks, away from all the lunatics.
It's so good, all right. Uh, let's see here Ozzy
(38:55):
momentum right soon, He says. One of my favorite things.
I think we did this last week, but maybe not.
One of my favorite things on your show is when
you blindly say that's a lie, no matter what the situation,
whether it's a lie or not. Uh, you seem to
have stopped saying that. Is there a reason, No, there's
no reason, Jay, I rotate some things. I mean, I don't.
It can't be doing the same stuff. I don't want
to be locked in a time warp. You know. You
(39:18):
know certain people get into this business they're just the same.
And I do a lot of same bits. But I
try to change things up and keep it fresh and
vibrant and alive. I don't want it to go stale.
You never wanted to go stale. When it goes stale
is time to get out. So I change it up.
But I have mixed it in a little bit. That's
a lie. The people also enjoy the racist drop about anything,
(39:40):
even when it's obviously not racist. That's racist. People love
that big fan h We have a couple of sport
old questions. Kyle from San Antonio writes in he says,
what does he say? Any meaning? Ka says, is Jimmy
Garoppolo destined to be the next Ryan Leaf stands the
imprisonment for drugs? No? Oh, who's a better comp of
(40:02):
Jimmy Garoppolo. I'm trying to think of a comp for
how about James Kingham Joe Flacco? Although Garbolo Flacco won
the Super Bowl. Give me a quarterback that got to
a super Bowl and then was just kind of mediocre,
like Jared Goff. Well, Kaepernick's well, yeah, Kaepernick's one Kaepernick.
(40:23):
That's a good analogy. He got to the Super Bowl
of the Niners. He blew the game in the second half.
They choked with him under center and he was stunk.
And then he realized his career was dying. So he
became a social justice warrior and you know, political lunatic
and all that. So that's a good Although Garoppolo is
gonna do last stuff. He's hanging out with porn stars.
He's not trying to get a special Nike shoot by
(40:45):
taking a knee a Manual from Portugal. Right, he's like
Chris Chandler. How about that? Yeah with the Falcons that
he got smoked in the Super Bowl against the Broncos. Alright,
Emmanual from Portugal says, sides the Ramps. What NFL team
would you like to coach for? And why the Browns? Why?
(41:07):
Why the Browns? Because you love the you love the
dog Pound and they got two horses in the backfield.
But being a coach, you're the spokesperson. Wouldn't you like
to be in a town with a fired up media
like the Patriots or one of the New York teams?
How would you like to be the guy that made
the Jets a good team? Wouldn't you like to be
(41:28):
the guy that turned the Jets and have those have
all those slobbering guys from a Long Island that the
contractors from Long Island in the Union. I would be
good of being the head coach of the Denver Broncos.
Well not right now, man, great city franchise, historic, one
(41:49):
of the winningest teams in NFL history. You know what,
the Broncos are old money. They're old money the National
Football League. No, but that's really the Broncos are old money.
It's like they're living off the Lway Day. There's a
long time ago. They just a lot of Super Bowl
A handful of years ago. I was talking about a fluke,
(42:09):
a fluke that was that trying to make that sound
like it was a hail Mary. And it wasn't a fluke.
They had one of the greatest defense is in NFL history.
A fluke out of here. It was because Cam Newton
decided not to jump on a football. They're still winning
that game. Before that happened. What are you talking about?
Cam was rattled and he wasn't the same. They beat
(42:30):
Tom Brady in the a f C Championship game with
Grant going off. Don't give me that crap. Let's be
better than this. Let's now, let's let's break down the
candy salesman's performance. You know what, you could You could
probably have a lot of fun as the head coach
in either Minnesota Seattle. Yeah, because you got we got
fan bases up there too, that's true. And there's raising
(42:52):
Kine's locations. And just imagine if you had Paul Allen
go off on you one time, like you just make
this great call on him. He was just thinking your
praises from the high heavens. I can have fun with
with Jerry Jones too, right, would yeah, but he'd be
micro managing you. Yeah, but I'd win. I'm a winner, Okay,
(43:13):
I would win. And there's nothing better than winning. Boy,
like with the Cowboys, I'm so what I'm all about. Victory, victory, gascon.
I'll teach you about that. Oh boy. Yeah, all right,
we gotta get out of here. Yes, yeah, we gotta go.
All right, we gotta we gotta go. We got places go. Then,
all I remember cameo deal, I'll give you till Friday.
Give you till Friday. If you're thinking about doing a cameo,
(43:35):
I'm gonna have to raise the rate because some other
people have their hand in the cookie jar. And we
went over that earlier. So that that's that's the deal.
So again cameo. In the previous podcast Cameo dot Com.
Ben Mallard love to do it for you and great
stocking stuff for holidays are coming up. Eight nights of Hanukkah.
What a horrible gift on like this the fifth night
(43:57):
and get that anyway, We'll be back on the radio
tonight breaking down all the NFL and all the sporting
news of the day on The Ben Maller Show. That's
eleven o'clock Pacific on Sunday night, two am Monday morning
in the East, and I'll reave a dead ship. We'll
catch you next time. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
(44:19):
eleven pm Pacific
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm PACIFICO. If
you thought four hours a day, minutes a week was enough,
I think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic,
a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the
ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in
(00:22):
the penthouse the clearing House of hot takes break free
for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now. Out of the floodgates, out of the floodgates.
What is that gift? Guy? Out of starting gates. Floodgates. No,
it's like it's like a horse race. You come out
of the starting gates. There Sunday podcast here because four
(00:45):
hours are not enough. Eight days a week now we
are back at this a continuation of the Ben Maller
radio Show, available on the podcast format. We thank you
for supporting the podcast. Tell a friend. That's big word
of mouth advertising, and people are looking for audio content
(01:05):
now more than ever because people are cooped up at
home and they're working out on their own. They're looking
for stuff to listen to. So this is uh An
opportunity for you subscribe and it's like said it and
forget it. Ron Popeel, who would not come on this podcast.
We tried to book Ron Popeel. I talked to his
publicist and Ron's retired. He would not come on because
we're not big enough names. But I still respect Ron
(01:26):
Popeel and that great line said it and forget it
the infomercial king from back in the day. And once
you subscribe to the podcast, you get the podcast automatically.
You don't have to go searching around for it. It
automatically shows up when you go to your podcast the
app on your phone there and you can check that out.
So it is pretty pretty cool and we thank you
(01:47):
for that and back. Unfortunately, I thought maybe he would
take Saturday off from West of the four h five lot.
Dah yippie kai a David Gascarro. I'd like to h
(02:09):
bring myself into this party and say the fifth hour
with Gascon is like taking a dump without butt wipes.
I will not listen unless he is back. That is
a great raving review that was given to us on
the how about this one Apple iTunes. It was probably
the first one I looked at. Andy good reason to Hey, Ben,
(02:30):
can you please give me Ryan Smith's Twitter account? He
was great. I want to follow him on Twitter. From
Steve on Twitter. That was that one Stevie Wonder. I
mean the guy a lot of people were dying to
get more information on on Ryan. I mean, the guy
was a star. I know you're jealous and you're upset,
and you keep bringing this up, but I mean, you
just got school. Do you the replace? It's like the
(02:51):
old the line we used to have about Jim Rome
back in the day when Rome was always paranoid. The
legend was of Jim Rome. He was always paranoid. He
didn't want to have anyone really good filling for him,
so we guys like scrub guys fill in formed because
you don't want anyone to show him up. You made
the mistake of allowing a professional um just a confident.
He's an ass hat and so are you for trying
to pump him up like that. About this from Adrian Alvarez,
(03:14):
Ben and Gascon. I have to give credit where credit
is due. As much as I bust the West of
the four or five guys, chops, I actually missed him
this past weekend that Ryan Smith wrestler guy was horrible.
He fucking sucked. You guys have absolutely much better chemistry
on the podcast together than Ben and Ryan did. So
Gascon stick around, would you, Adrian? I'll think about it. Yeah,
(03:37):
one of many. Nobody wants you to stick around. All right, Uh,
let me tell you something here. First of all, just
because you went out and created a bunch of Gmail
accounts to send yourself emails, I understand, um. Remember, all right,
so you you it's you have selective choosing of the
(03:59):
podt cast here and I go on with that note
from Adrian I have he was really good? Did you
want me to continue with that? Also, I'm dealing with
my first hemorroid and I wanted to know if either
one of you guys have ever had one and how
you dealt with it. I've been going through preparation a routine,
and the hemorroid seems to be shrinking slowly. I'll keep
you guys posted. Ben asked Doc Doc Mike, how you
(04:22):
deal with hemorrhoids? Please? You're you're so paranoid that I
am going to read the next post. I have acknowledging
one of the fans that wrote and took the time
to see you didn't think you didn't think that I
was gonna go look at the podcast information. I didn't
think I was gonna look at it. And by the way,
we need positive podcast views. We need the good podcast
(04:43):
reviews five stars, five stars. Go on the podcast and
give us the five star review on the Apple podcast page.
It's very simple to do. I know it's paying the
st We just gotta click a button. You don't have
to write anything, but its nice of you do. I
thought Marri Hannah or Marihuanna really summed up the pulse
(05:06):
of the people here. So I'd like to read that
if I can't have a little time here. Um yeah,
So I thought this really was and this is really
I've gotten. This is the feedback I've gotten. Marahna rights
and says, I'm writing another five star review again just
because the New Kid on the Block episode was so
good and I enjoyed it so much, and I didn't
(05:28):
miss the pompous a whole gascon and it was a
huge relief. Hope to see more changes in an attempt
to get better and to grow more. Well, thank you,
and that's a five star review. Five stars. Thank you
so much, Thank you so much. I I really do
(05:49):
appreciate it. That was outstanding, out standing, And I guess
would you like to have a rebuttal because that sums
up what I'm getting the feedback I'm getting here. No
one listens to this anyway, so it doesn't matter. We'll
drop in the in the ocean. Well, when you're on,
that's true, no one's listening. When other people are on,
people seem to be listening. I don't know. Yeah, there
(06:11):
you go. Who wrote that? By the way, Ah, that
was Mari hunnah hun. Well fuck him too. How do
you use You're assuming it's a it's a guy, it
might be a woman. Now, No women love me. That's
not true, that's what. That's not what I hear from
Kentucky to Montana to Colorado. Just because because you are harassed,
(06:33):
the women does not love you. I mean, just because
they just want to pacify you so you go away.
It's pursuing, that's what it is. Yeah, some people call
it stockings. Also, it depends on listen. I haven't had
any of my female fans offered me a blowjob like
your male fans have offered you. That's that's fine. Well,
(06:55):
I mean to each their own. Yeah, yeah, you know
it's a man, and we get a problem with that. No,
it's all you man, all right, I'm gitting accepted it.
I'm just rich. It's a very giving act that you
would be willing to all right. Anyway, we got pop
quiz and the mailbag, so let's not dilly dally because
time is a wasting gast. Go on, So we'll start
(07:16):
with the pop quizzies are actual things I found around
the internet and I found them interesting, and so we'll
we'll go through these. I will quiz guest, go on.
He will get them all wrong, uh, and then we
will laugh at him and we will give you the answer.
All right. So this was created fifties six years ago.
It is something that you probably use every day. You
could be using it right now. What is it? Cell
(07:37):
phone charger? And I don't know. Um, well you said
cell phone charger. That's your final answer. Now, ums, I'm
using right now. It's something that you're probably using right
now as well. Do a power cable? Do do do do? Do?
Do do do? The computer mouse was created fifty six
(08:01):
years ago. Yeah, that is interesting. That's in the you
do the math on that you go back fifty six
years that's in the nineteen sixties. They came up with
this in the nineteen sixties. And my my dad worked
in computers when when he was younger, and the computers
were like they took up an entire rule, you know,
(08:22):
the early computers, but they had the mouse. All right.
Legend has it in the wild West, a way to
cure this ailment was to have a tea made from
rabbit shit. What ailment were they trying to fix? Rabbit shit?
T repeat that one more time, all right, So back
(08:45):
in the old wild West, on the frontier, the unsettled
wild West. Uh, in order to treat this ailment, they
believe that you made tea from robert a rabbit ship
and that would be the way to solve your problems
out there when you're a cowboy, um vigilante, wild bill, hiccock,
(09:10):
I don't jock catch wow as a terrible guess. Uh No,
hangover chicken pox, but hangover hang hangover? Yeah, keep drinking again?
Too much whiskey at the saloon? And what should be salon?
That's one of the great misspellings of all time, right
(09:31):
that the term they were trying to get his salon,
which is a European term and they misspelled it and
so turned into saloon fun fact. All right, Uh, this
South Pacific University is currently accepting or a a South
Pacific University rather is currently accepting this item that you
could find in the produce department as tuition. So you
(09:56):
can pay your tuition with an item you can get
at the at the grocery store or in the produce
department Hawaii. No, no, no, I'm not gonna the piece
of produce that you could use, not the location. Um
pomegrant coconuts? All right? Why are coconuts so value? I
(10:21):
don't know, they're not rare. I need more. I need
to know more about that. Off to look that up
are A survey of Americans between the ages of eleven
and twenty four revealed surprisingly that fort of people in
America between eleven and twenty four have never done this activity.
What is it? Swam? No camp or hike? Oh wow,
(10:48):
I get that. If you're a kid in a big city,
you're not gonna go out of camping. When if you're
in the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts, it's not
five guests, and most kids aren't in the Boy Scouts
of the girl's Scots. Didn't they get rid of boy scouts?
Or isn't there scouts now? Because of the PC police,
you can't get your merit badge on that one. Alright.
(11:10):
A smart version of this very basic household item can
be yours for a hundred and fifty dollars smart version
remote control coaster. Fuck? Who the what does that? What
does a smart coaster do? Now? I'm serious, like that
(11:31):
couldn't possibly do? Could it keep the drink warmer or cool?
Or maybe it actually drives up the condensation from the drink? Yeah? Maybe,
but hundred and fifty bucks? All right? Nearly parents say
they do this regularly at the dinner table. Belch. Now
they eat their kids leftovers? Oh yeah, that makes sense, right,
(11:54):
it makes some mac and cheese. You're like, hey, I
want a little war mac and cheese. I mean, I'm good,
all right? One third of us will do this by
noon on Christmas Day? What is it? Sleep? No? Have
a alcoholic beverage by noon? Wow? So you get up
early because Santa's knocked on your door, You opened the
(12:15):
presence and you're right to the open bar. Is that
how that works? A little egg non, little klua, little
little white Russian. Why not? Alright, of us will do
this for extra money over the holidays. Strip, that's what
that's what you would do. Sell. You worked at Chipping Deals,
do you guess scout works at Chippendale's. I'm gonna say sell,
(12:41):
sell memorabilia or sell some I don't know, personal artifacts. No,
that is incorrect. It is actually, uh, make a side
deal to say, hey, you know, I'm not gonna let's
just not exchange gifts this year. So you save money
on that. Okay, yeah, you save money on that. You
don't have to exchange gifts and so there's that, all right.
Christmas shopping can be very stressful for some uh you know,
(13:05):
get the pandemic and all that. A new survey asked
people about the most stressful parts of shopping for the holidays,
and they said that trying to find the perfect gift
gift came in at number one. What was number two?
Number two was parking. That's actually a really good guess,
but not in because uh, it's trying to find something
(13:29):
that's sold out, like the hot video game PlayStation PlayStation five. Yeah. Uh.
Sixty six percent of the world's population, not just America,
the globe has never seen this an eclipse. No snow really, yeah,
(13:51):
sixty six percent? How is that? I guess that's because
is that because scent of the world it only snow.
It must only snow in thirty percent of the world
Otherwise I used Miller math on that, guest gun, he
used Miller math on that. But I mean that seems
but just the way that Europe is is set up,
you should be able to travel to see snow and
(14:12):
experience it. Russia, Um, well, like we usually live in
We live in southern California, like we were. Fortunately we
can go to the snow capped mountains above. But it
doesn't snow if we didn't have the mountains. If you're
in Kansas, although it does snow there, but it's weird.
I I don't get. I guess South America does it not,
must not snow a lot Florida. If you're in Brazil,
(14:34):
does it snow? Or Argentina or something. I don't know.
All right, due to the pandemic, we've been doing this
an extra four hours a day. What is it. I'm
doing it right now, playing on our phone, sitting on
our butts, Yeah, sitting on our asses. It's not carriers
or tail feathers. No, it's not. It's awful. Yeah, I've
been trying to get out and get my body moving
(14:55):
a little bit, but I have a job where I'm
required to sit on my ass. But it's there for though.
I mean, when you you have a four hour show,
you have a few hours to prep and and obviously
watch events. But people that have a typical nine to
five I mean, well, I make this a nine to
five job. Guess again, I turned this into But what
(15:16):
I mean is you're just you're You're not stuck at
a computer staring at at graphs and at print and
at documents and you know, the redundant ship. You're actually
watching live sporting events. Oh that is true. That is true,
although not much. I I'm not into college basketball right now.
I just can't get into it. So I have had
(15:38):
a lot of free nights recently unless the NFL is playing.
So the NBA is gonna get started up here at
the end of the month, and I'll watch some of
those games, but I can't get really all that worked
up into that. Yeah, wait till the NBA media starts
freaking out because you're gonna have teams, are gonna have
the coronavirus and all that, and they're gonna, oh, you
should have had a bubble Adam Silver doesn't care about
(15:58):
the players. Oh my gotta Now, what would you do
as a member of the media if they require you
to have a COVID nineteen certificate to enter? I think
it's pretty ridiculous. I don't I don't support that the
thing they're talking about. I don't know how much of
that is actually true and how much of that's just
internet crap about how you can fly, you're gonna need
(16:19):
that and this, that and the other thing. Uh, how
do you how do you prove it? Though? I mean,
I know the conspiracy theory is that the I was
reading this somebody sent it to me the other day
that the conspiracy theory is that the vaccine is going
to leave a mark on your body so the people
can see whether you've had it or not. I don't
know that the mark of lucifer. I'm skeptical, but it could.
(16:41):
It could be a state mandated certificate, right something from Yeah,
I know, I know, you know people you get it forged,
boom done, problem solved. Yeah. Uh, men have told this
lie to get out of a new relationship. That's what
they have to go to work. No, they live with
(17:04):
their parents. No, what about there's plenty of good ways
to get out of that. How do you get out
of that one? I would say, you have to go
to work, family emergency. When I was dating, the women
would say, I got a headache, I forget my nails done.
My girlfriend broke up, she needs me to hang out
with those kind of things. That's what the women would
(17:28):
use against me. That happen, Yeah, happened a lot. I'm
an expert. I could write a book about that or whatever.
It leads you. It led you to being married. Now,
that's true, that's true, all right. In a recent survey,
four percent of people said that thanks to the pandemic,
they no longer do this. Doo doo doo doo do
(17:51):
do do do do do do do do do do
do do do do do? Eat out, eat fast food. No,
I think more people are eating food because of the drive.
Three you can go right through. The correct answer is
where deodorant el stinko has arrived you. You stopped wearing
deodoran years ago, right for you became a hippie. I
(18:13):
got a nice aroma about me. My pheromones are a plus.
That's not what she said. It's not what she says.
In a recent survey, fifty five percent of people have
admitted that they have lied about this to keep from
hurting someone's feelings. Us their sex count, Oh, like how
(18:36):
high they were, how many partners? No, that's not it.
This is something that involves how how how much they weigh. No,
it's uh. When you go out and you have somebody
makes you like a casserole and you have dinner at
their house and it sucks. It's like eating dog food,
it's like eating alcohol and you're like, oh, it's pretty good. Yeah,
thank you. Yeah, it's tough. You know, who can talking
(19:01):
about that as a not not to get carried away here,
but the college football and basketball coaches recruiting traditionally the
way it has worked, and you know this, guess gun,
You go to the parents house to sell the fact
that you want them their son to come play for
your football team. So you know, Nick Saban will fly
in as the closer. And then the traditional cliche trope
(19:21):
of that is the uh, you know, the mom or
the dad will make you know, lasagna and then have
dinner at the house. You know, and then so the
coach has to eat it. How many shitty meals you
think John Calipari and Nick Saban, those guys have had
over the years where they had to say, boy, that's
really delicious. That is let me tell you something. Your
(19:42):
son is so lucky to have you as a mom.
That spaghetti did not taste like worms. It tasted really wonderfully.
Unless it did taste like worms. You know, it's like, jeez,
you know, what about what about someone like Rick Pettino?
Oh yeah, well Petino is another one. They can go
to it Italian or resturants after and have a little
fun in Louisville. He's like when it comes to having fun,
(20:04):
he's like Kyler Murray is just a little fun, a
little all right. Yeah, you're gonna spend an average of
thirty six hours a year here where that's the question
doctor's office? Well, for you, it's more than thirty six hours,
(20:27):
But for the rest of us it is. No, it's
something in the house, bathroom. No, well probably more than that.
After um, it involves the kitchen. Do do do the pantry?
(20:48):
I don't know. Standing in front of the fridge trying
to figure out whether to find something or what you
want to eat, right, whether you're looking for something that's
in there you need to cook, or you're just you're
hungry and you want it. Late nights snack, do you
get like that? No, I I when I started fasting,
I don't even worry about late night staxs. The only
thing I do have an issue with the refrigerator is
(21:09):
because it is all over its helter skelter. It's all
over the place. So like we'll be cooking and my
wife will be like, hey, can you go get so
and so out of refrigerator, So then it becomes a
ten minute fishing expedition to try to find said item
in the refrigerator. So that that isn't But yeah, since
I started fasting, I don't snack. I don't. I mean
(21:30):
on the weekends, I might. I'll go crazy and have
a meal and then I'll snack and you know, a
couple of hours later and then have like a small
meal after that. But that's about during the week. I
don't even eat most days. So that's not bad. Yeah,
damn it, it's actually it works for me. I don't
know if it's the greatest thing in the world. Y're not,
but it works for me. All right, we have the
(21:51):
mail bag. You want to get to the mailbag. Would
like that? They want they want to be part of
the mail bag. All right, these are actual questions by
actual listeners. You guys did a good job. I like
this batch of questions. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Good job by you on the Facebook page. I posted
this on Wednesday morning, Ben Maller's show on Facebook. We
also have some questions via email Real fifth Hour at
(22:12):
gmail dot com. It's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
First one comes from John the Jailer and Allan Toown
p A. He says, like millions of people, I get
my medical advice from an overnight radio talk shows. Thank
you John, Being that you are an essential employee like myself.
Will you be getting the COVID vaccine when it comes out?
(22:32):
Since Gascon is not essential, he may need to wait
like the rest of the commoners. Alright, So this is
related to what we're talking about earlier. So you don't
seem like you you you're into the vaccine, giscon? Is
that fair to say that you're not gonna be the
first one in line to get the vaccine yet? Way,
you gotta give that up to frontline workers and of
(22:52):
course the elderly. But if you were offered vaccine, you
would not take How many people have to have the
vaccine before you would be comfortable taking said vaccine. I
wouldn't take it. You're not gonna take it at all?
What the recovery rate has, how high it is. I'm
(23:13):
not like, I don't think I need to take it either. Um,
I might be forced to take it, which I don't like.
But I think it should be up to the person
whether they want to take it or not. Yeah, my body,
my choice. Right, it used to be the way it was.
But I mean enough, I think enough people will do
it that this thing will we'll fade away. Who knows?
(23:35):
Valls fan Jimmy right and says, would you eat a
plate of chitling for five thousand dollars? Says for both
you and guest gon chitterlings. Do you know what a
chitterling is? What is that? I looked it up. Uh.
This is from Valls Fan Jimmy our buddy in Fayetteville, Tennessee.
Chitterlings are a Southern food and it is it's it
(23:59):
looks like crispy kind of churros, except it's made from
the large intestine of a hog. Yeah, it doesn't sound
good at all. Five thousand bucks, though, I don't think
I could do it my When I tasted those bolt testicles,
I bit into the vein in the texture, like if
the texture is okay, if it's just like if I
(24:20):
don't realize what I'm eating is a large hog intestine
of a hog. I could probably do it, like like
the poll testical thing. If I'd eaten the original bowl
testicles like deep pride, it tastes like chicken. What I did,
I raw dogged it. It was bad. It was bad.
But for five grand I would do a lot of
(24:41):
things for money, I could buy a lot of stock
gascon with dividends and all that, so I'd consider it.
I would. Yeah, five grand will go a long way.
Mario in Southern California says, my wife is from the Philippines.
Would you eat? I don't know how to pronounce it,
(25:01):
b a l ut? You ever heard of that ballot?
Ballot that? Oh this is even worse. He's he told.
What what Mario did is he told Walls Fan, Jimmy,
hold my beer. So we told you that the chitterlings
is the large intestine of a hog. According to the Internet,
(25:22):
b A l u t is a philip addition from
the Philippines. It is developing bird embryo, usually a duck
that is boiled and eaten out of the shell. Oh
my god, fuck, Hey, I'm good on that, Mario. Does
your wife make that for you? Mario is She's like, hey, Mario,
(25:44):
I got some embryo for you here enjoy. Oh yeah.
Who's the first person that said that's let's let's eat that.
Let's see how that goes. Chris and Marrik Cocona O.
Marri Cocona says, getting into radio, it seemed to be
career suicide. Give in the low pay. Tell me I'm wrong,
He says, Well, Chris, this the year is where you
(26:08):
follow what you want to do. Life is short. You
never know when the next pandemic or world war is
gonna pop up and fuck your life up, and so
follow your your dreams. So if your radio is a
fun industry, and I've enjoyed being in radio and having
you know, if we have a good time doing the
radio stuff and all that, um, it doesn't pay the greatest,
(26:32):
it pays, all right, It doesn't pay the greatest, and
certainly when you start out in local radio it's usually terrible.
You're better off working at at Wendy's. You'll make more money.
But if you love it, if you have a passion
for it, you can do it. And it's like Robert Sala,
the defensive coordinator of the forty nine. Is that guy.
His story is a good story. Is probably gonna be
(26:54):
the Lions coach, but he was. He played football in college,
He got out of college, he worked in fine aunts,
I believe, and then his brother was in one of
the towers on nine eleven and his brother got out,
but they didn't know for a while, and he realized
that day. He had an epiphany in the early two thousands,
and you know, no, you know, early September of one,
(27:16):
he's like, hey, you know, life short, let me follow
my passion, my passions football. He went into coaching, worked
his way up, and now he's about to become an
NFL head coach. Was a pretty cool story. But he
followed his passion because he realized, you know, you might
as well enjoy it. So not being said, if you
want to get paid, I would recommend television rather than
than radio. And he also says Chris in Marracoca to
(27:38):
iowas is, what is your favorite Christmas food? Well? I
like the jelly donuts and the latkas on hanaka, That's
what I like. What about you? Guess? I don't know
if I have a favorite Christmas entree? You don't like
any Christmas related? What are traditional Christmas? You do? Not? No?
(27:59):
No for the July Thanksgiving? Those are traditional hamburgers and
hot dogs, turkey, ham mashed potatoes. Yeah. David from Simpsonville,
South Carolina says, as a Kentucky fan, I will not
buy a Duke North Carolina, Tennessee or Louisville hat. Ben
(28:23):
Besides the a strows and the Laker hats? Are there
eighty you refuse to buy or where? Every time you
say number one, my cat Cash runs into the room
me owing very loudly. He's a member of the militia. Also, uh,
(28:44):
there you go, waiting for your selection hat for Hanukkah.
There you go. Well, thank you, David, I do want
to thank you. David's the hat benefactor who come up
with that sweet looking Kentucky Wildcats hat which I've used
on the on the podcast. The radio show version of
the podcast a couple of times the video podcast. But um, yeah,
I would say the San Francisco Giants. I would not.
(29:05):
I don't think I would be caught wearing a Giant's hat.
That would be on my list. Trying to think who
else off the top of my head, Lakers, Astros, Uh, yeah,
they would be there. Giants, probably the Niners because I'm
a Rams fan. That's the rival, the big rival there.
(29:28):
But outside of that, pretty much fair game. I say
that guests on knowing that I'm gonna forget one and
someone will send me the hat and I will have
to wear it because I just gave my list. Yeah,
I gotta get back to David on the the Hanukah
hat there. I don't I don't know. I gotta think
it's very kind of you. I appreciate that. Pierre, friend
(29:48):
of alf the Alien Opiner, says Benjamin as a true
man of the people, salt of the earth, working man.
I know that, given the opportunity, you would work every day.
And I'm guessing the same camp be said for Mr
West of the four oh five. So my question is
how many podcasts will Gascon be skipping over the holidays?
(30:09):
There you go, and he has a follow up question. Now,
that is a good question. Gascon. Now you you, we
know you. You're a little lazy. You don't have the
work ethic, you don't have to desire the drive. You
do not have that. Um, so what are we looking at?
How many podcasts will you be skipping? And then I'll
have to skip some as well. We've got Christmas and
New Year's back to back, belly to belly. Those are
(30:30):
good days to take off. I think I'll take off
all all six of those days. It's a good idea. Yeah,
is that right? Yeah? Okay, So so that's good news.
We'll get Ryan Smith in here. That's a great idea.
I think that'd be a great way to close out.
As bad as it is, it'll get even worse now. Actually,
(30:53):
I will probably be forced by Forced the Ball and
Chain to miss one weekend of the podcast coming up
because of prior engagements. But I'm not sure when that
will be. I'm not sure when that will be. So
we will we will find out. Get that message I
said you, by the way, do you get that I did?
I did. Thank you for sending it. You're not number one,
(31:15):
You're number one hundred, number one hundred. All right, uh,
straight ahead, Here we have another question from alf for
a Pierre, a friend of Alfie Potter. Ben, how's that
VPN coming along? From gascon? Well, I thank you for
as This guy just fucking jerk you off every week,
all right, this guy just unbelievable. Is it a reach
(31:36):
around or is it like full on frontal grab. I
know no one likes you, this guy. You're the kid
that gets picked on, Pierre, but holy fuck you're you're
the guy that you know people say, oh he's got cooties.
Oh no, you've got the gas gone because you stink
the high heaven. But listen me, okay, sure, all right,
listen very clearly. Um, yes, you have not done anything.
(31:57):
I two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I said, hey,
this VPN thing, Uh, let's get that done. Nothing nothing,
no VPN. You had a guy, you said you had
a hook up. I want a VPN. You didn't get it.
It sucks when someone says they're gonna do something and
they don't do it. Huh, fucking tomahawks steak in your freezer?
(32:18):
How do you know I didn't eat it? Because I
know you didn't eat Maybe I ate it. Maybe I
had it for dinner because you're you're the king of
showing everybody what you did. No, I did not like
when you got a Costco. When you got a Costco
with your little mask on, your like virtue signaling to
the world. It's so brave and with me the wilderness
in California. Well, let me let me explain something because
(32:42):
I know you don't get out of got him? Really
you varmit um. Let me explain something here. When you
go to Costco, if you don't have a mask on,
they don't let you in the store. All right, I
know you're a racket. We're a hundred yards away from
the gate or the door, taking that fucking self. I
was living my best life. I was in line, surrounded
(33:05):
around other people. I was our fearless leader, Joe Biden.
I knew that he would be present someday and he
wanted everyone to wear a mask forever. You're making it
sound like you're Somalia being surrounded with RPGs now. Is
the first day of the Biden administration? Are they gonna
make everyone wear a burka? Is that what they're gonna
make everyone? Forget the mask? Let's go with the burka.
I'm gonna put I'm gonna put some lamb blood over
(33:26):
my front door. How about that saddle cross that'll work?
Why not? So the answer is Pierre and no VPN
Gascon is full of crap, right, He's he's full of crap.
He's a selfish little jerk, and he's a he's a
douche nozzle and dingle Berry and all those big words,
(33:49):
all those big words are infatuated with you. But the
guy knows talent. No, I know what you want me
to say. The guy appreciates talent. He does mailbag continues.
He's your actual questions sending by actual listeners. Again, if
you weren't paying attention earlier. Ben Mallard Show on Facebook,
like the page on there, and on Wednesdays, that's typically
(34:10):
when we do this. Now over the holidays, if we
do do some podcasts over the hollies, will probably do
it earlier in the week maybe on like Tuesday, um,
and we might even do it on the weekends and
just say hey, send some in for next week. Keep
them kind of evergreen. The term evergreen means they do
not expire, right, like honey. The perfect product is honey.
If I would open a store, I would sell honey.
(34:31):
What about garlic? Honey? You know garlic can go bad.
Honey does not go bad. Yeah, but garlic is like
the Ben Mallory lick. Sir, No, well that is true.
I love garlic and I need the more garlic, roasted
garlic and all that. But like, there's no expliration date
on honey. It has internal shelf life, so it's perfect.
(34:54):
But when when you say, hey, can you give me
some evergreen questions that would be non specific, and you
guys been pretty good. You guys have been pretty good.
They're not dated Carlos, and Houston says, who says that
drop romosexual? Is that a caller or just a random SoundBite.
He also says, when it is Justin and Cincinnati going
to be paying off that bed, well, that's what everyone
(35:15):
wants to know. Inquiring minds would like to know Justin
and he made a big wager there and the ones
you're gonna pay it theF to answer the first part
of that question, Carlos, that was a random caller to
Fox Sports Radio a million years ago. And when Tony
Romo took over for Drew Bledsoe, I'm doing the show.
(35:37):
I was doing the weekend show, and this was like
I was so excited because I was a huge Romo fan,
and the guys started calling me a Romo sexual. And
then we had got We had certain p One's Brigadier
generals that had social media accounts. I guess back then
it would be like my Space. But are they call
up as romosexual and all that? And so the we
(35:58):
have different callers and forget exactly who that is, and
they probably don't listen anymore. It's been a long time,
but that was just a little clip of a random
caller to Fox Sports Radio back in Tony Romo's salad
days with the Dallas Cowboys Romo Sexual. That sound bit's
gotta be fourteen years old something along those lines. Pretty old. Yeah,
(36:20):
we still we still play it. We still play it.
Uh and Mr Luciano rights and he says, all expenses paid,
which country would you like to travel to for a
week and why for both of you? Glad the show
is back on. Well, thank you, Mr Lucy on a
very kind of you. I really thought about that where
(36:42):
I would like to travel. I haven't been anywhere other
than the US and Canada and Mexico and all that, so, uh,
I have been to Oceania Hawaii. Oceana was just like
another continent. Um, I've a good things. My my wife's
got family in Italy, so I think it'd be cool
to dry around Italy and some of those European countries.
(37:05):
I've heard Rome is beautiful. Uh, you wouldn't. You wouldn't
be good in the summer, though, you'd have to go
in the winter or spring. I've been in the South.
It can't be any worse than it's way worse. I disagree,
you're such a softy. I'm not soft, but you know
you you set. I've lost some weight though it's it's
a little different. Though it's a little different. Where else
(37:27):
would I like to go to Australia? Man New Zealand.
I want to go to New Zealand cause I've been
on radio there. There's a rumor I could be back
on New Zealand Radio one. By the way, the network
I was on went out of business because of the pandemic.
But there's a little birdie tells me that I might
be back as a weekly international correspondent on New Zealand Radio.
Not confirmed, nothing's been signed yet, but it's in the works.
(37:49):
More bad news, great news, you should get me into
one of those gigs. The first thing you have to
do is be good and then you get the gig.
Can you work on that track? Okay? One of my
favorite Where do you want to go? Get Australia. Australia.
That's Australia. Well, I mean that's not going to going
to the beach. It's not going to Catalina. It's not
(38:10):
going to cattle. It is like going to Catalina is
great Australia. I want to go to Japan someday. I'm
getting a how I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna
get a house on Catalan Island. That'll be my weekend house.
All right, I will go there. That'll be my retreat
and I will go to Catalana Island and I will
love it. It'll be wonderful little bits. That's west of
the four or five where the buffalo roame. That's not
(38:31):
west of the four or five. It's you gotta take
a fucking boat to get there. Yeah, it's very elitist.
You gotta take a little yacht to get over to
Catalan Island. It's beautiful, it's all right, so nice. You
feel like it's just a like an hour boat ride.
You feel like you're in a different, different world. I
got away from all the schmucks, away from all the lunatics.
It's so good, all right. Uh, let's see here Ozzy
(38:55):
momentum right soon, He says. One of my favorite things.
I think we did this last week, but maybe not.
One of my favorite things on your show is when
you blindly say that's a lie, no matter what the situation,
whether it's a lie or not. Uh, you seem to
have stopped saying that. Is there a reason, No, there's
no reason, Jay, I rotate some things. I mean, I don't.
It can't be doing the same stuff. I don't want
to be locked in a time warp. You know. You
(39:18):
know certain people get into this business they're just the same.
And I do a lot of same bits. But I
try to change things up and keep it fresh and
vibrant and alive. I don't want it to go stale.
You never wanted to go stale. When it goes stale
is time to get out. So I change it up.
But I have mixed it in a little bit. That's
a lie. The people also enjoy the racist drop about anything,
(39:40):
even when it's obviously not racist. That's racist. People love
that big fan h We have a couple of sport
old questions. Kyle from San Antonio writes in he says,
what does he say? Any meaning? Ka says, is Jimmy
Garoppolo destined to be the next Ryan Leaf stands the
imprisonment for drugs? No? Oh, who's a better comp of
(40:02):
Jimmy Garoppolo. I'm trying to think of a comp for
how about James Kingham Joe Flacco? Although Garbolo Flacco won
the Super Bowl. Give me a quarterback that got to
a super Bowl and then was just kind of mediocre,
like Jared Goff. Well, Kaepernick's well, yeah, Kaepernick's one Kaepernick.
(40:23):
That's a good analogy. He got to the Super Bowl
of the Niners. He blew the game in the second half.
They choked with him under center and he was stunk.
And then he realized his career was dying. So he
became a social justice warrior and you know, political lunatic
and all that. So that's a good Although Garoppolo is
gonna do last stuff. He's hanging out with porn stars.
He's not trying to get a special Nike shoot by
(40:45):
taking a knee a Manual from Portugal. Right, he's like
Chris Chandler. How about that? Yeah with the Falcons that
he got smoked in the Super Bowl against the Broncos. Alright,
Emmanual from Portugal says, sides the Ramps. What NFL team
would you like to coach for? And why the Browns? Why?
(41:07):
Why the Browns? Because you love the you love the
dog Pound and they got two horses in the backfield.
But being a coach, you're the spokesperson. Wouldn't you like
to be in a town with a fired up media
like the Patriots or one of the New York teams?
How would you like to be the guy that made
the Jets a good team? Wouldn't you like to be
(41:28):
the guy that turned the Jets and have those have
all those slobbering guys from a Long Island that the
contractors from Long Island in the Union. I would be
good of being the head coach of the Denver Broncos.
Well not right now, man, great city franchise, historic, one
(41:49):
of the winningest teams in NFL history. You know what,
the Broncos are old money. They're old money the National
Football League. No, but that's really the Broncos are old money.
It's like they're living off the Lway Day. There's a
long time ago. They just a lot of Super Bowl
A handful of years ago. I was talking about a fluke,
(42:09):
a fluke that was that trying to make that sound
like it was a hail Mary. And it wasn't a fluke.
They had one of the greatest defense is in NFL history.
A fluke out of here. It was because Cam Newton
decided not to jump on a football. They're still winning
that game. Before that happened. What are you talking about?
Cam was rattled and he wasn't the same. They beat
(42:30):
Tom Brady in the a f C Championship game with
Grant going off. Don't give me that crap. Let's be
better than this. Let's now, let's let's break down the
candy salesman's performance. You know what, you could You could
probably have a lot of fun as the head coach
in either Minnesota Seattle. Yeah, because you got we got
fan bases up there too, that's true. And there's raising
(42:52):
Kine's locations. And just imagine if you had Paul Allen
go off on you one time, like you just make
this great call on him. He was just thinking your
praises from the high heavens. I can have fun with
with Jerry Jones too, right, would yeah, but he'd be
micro managing you. Yeah, but I'd win. I'm a winner, Okay,
(43:13):
I would win. And there's nothing better than winning. Boy,
like with the Cowboys, I'm so what I'm all about. Victory, victory, gascon.
I'll teach you about that. Oh boy. Yeah, all right,
we gotta get out of here. Yes, yeah, we gotta go.
All right, we gotta we gotta go. We got places go. Then,
all I remember cameo deal, I'll give you till Friday.
Give you till Friday. If you're thinking about doing a cameo,
(43:35):
I'm gonna have to raise the rate because some other
people have their hand in the cookie jar. And we
went over that earlier. So that that's that's the deal.
So again cameo. In the previous podcast Cameo dot Com.
Ben Mallard love to do it for you and great
stocking stuff for holidays are coming up. Eight nights of Hanukkah.
What a horrible gift on like this the fifth night
(43:57):
and get that anyway, We'll be back on the radio
tonight breaking down all the NFL and all the sporting
news of the day on The Ben Maller Show. That's
eleven o'clock Pacific on Sunday night, two am Monday morning
in the East, and I'll reave a dead ship. We'll
catch you next time. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
(44:19):
eleven pm Pacific
Host
Ben Maller
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