Hangover Medicine

Recovering from a lengthy 4th of July party, Ben and David take some aspirin before addressing listener emails and requests after the holiday. Still plenty of inquiries and thoughts with a national shutdown so the guys continue to answer the pressing matters.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing House of Hot Takes,
break Free or something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben

(00:24):
Maller starts right now. That it does, and we are
in the air everywhere the vast powerful I Heart podcast network.
We're very grateful that you have chosen have a lot
of options, You've chosen to listen to this podcast at
this time, and there are so many other crappy things

(00:44):
you could be listening to our watching, so we thank
you for that. It does mean a lot, and we
also thank you for subscribing in the reviews. Again, I
know it seems like a pain in the ass if
you haven't done it yet, and we've gotten a lot
of good reviews guests got on the podcast, But compared
to how many people actually doubt about the podcast, it
is a very small percentage of people that have actually
taken the time to write a review on the podcast platform.

(01:09):
But we do thank those of that have done it.
And if you haven't done it yet, well there's still
time to do it, So go ahead and put a
post up there. Yeah. Absolutely, hello, I was I was
waiting for the proper introduction. I I'm sorry. Oh you
are such you are such a diva. You are such

(01:31):
an asshole. Now for better or worse west of the
four oh five, Mr elitist Scottsdale gascon right over there.
It's an appropriate way to start out a new week, uh,

(01:51):
Mr eight oh six in a Fico score. I that
more of that applause was for you, and how you
uh dazzled the night away with the United States, with
the NFL and a new national anthem being plays that
monologue the night said, mallor holy ship. It's amazing because
I know certain times when you're asleep at like eight

(02:14):
or nine or ten o'clock in the morning, I'll click
on a story that comes out and it's like Monologue one,
monologue too, Monologue three, and it's like Taylor made on
certain days for certain shows with you. That's uh. The
NFL continues to be the gift that keeps on giving. Ben.
So yeah, well, I've always had a pet peeve of

(02:34):
mine people that pander I just don't think that's the
society is not better for people pandering. But the NFL's
fully on the pander train church they're going down the tracks. Uh.
And as I said in the monologue the other day,
I mean, you know it's it's that slippery slope, right's
Pandora's box. Well, now you have announced that you fully

(02:57):
are invested in this. You're gonna play the black nat Philantham,
which I didn't even really know was a thing I
didn't Did you know that? I did not. I guess
I might educated on that. But now you've positioned yourself. Well,
what if there is a story involving a Mexican American
or an Asian American, or a go down any American,

(03:18):
simon American, that's right. Do you then and they have
a song that's important to them? Do you then if
you don't play it, you're insensitive? Um? And Uh. The
line that I'm the most proud of in that monologue
is that they're gonna turn NFL games into a concert.
It's gonna be like a going to see the Boston

(03:38):
Pops or something like that, where let's see what songs
are gonna be playing before Maybe we'll get the game
and we're gonna shorten the games from four quarters to
one quarter. It's just a wild story, you know. And
Guscian I would like to just talk about sports stories,
but I haven't been sports in a hundred and seventeen
or eighteen days or whatever is now. So, uh, we

(03:59):
deal with what we have. We we make, as Bill
Parcelves would say, chicken salad, chicken shit. Uh. And then
you know, when you have bananas that go bad, you
make banana bread. Yeah, we'll see, And so that's how
that works. But see, here's the amazing thing, though, is
that you just mentioned with the national anthem being played
that's on the horizon. You also have NASCAR on one
driver that has a Trump car and that's right. All

(04:23):
people offended by that, Yes, it's also people offended by
the BLM car that has been driven around. Yes. And
then you also have on deck the the NBA with
their social justice issues on the backs of their jerseys.
It's never any I'm so glad we had Leo Toorell
on the other day. We might have to have Leo
as on a retainer. We might have to bring Leo

(04:44):
back carefully. He's an attorney. You don't want to use
the word. Yeah, you don't want to use that word
for sure, because that is dangerous. But I just I
didn't think I mentioned this on the radio show the
night but that NASCAR thing, they're they're woke, woke act.
But he did not exactly resonate with the NASCAR fan

(05:04):
And I don't know if you saw the ratings were
horrific for the NASCAR race after Bubba Wallace and all
that attention. You know that the belief and I've always
kind of bought into this over the year's guest gone
that any publicity is good publicity, Right, That's that's something
that I've I've been a big believer. And well, apparently

(05:25):
not because the NASCAR race. You'd think with all this
attention and all the buzz about Bubba Wallace and he
said it was a news and of course it was
just a it was apple phoenia is the term that
would apply there. It's a it's a human condition. I
actually told you about that. I think we talked on
the phonest that's apple phenia. Yeah. That was to close

(05:46):
out the month of June, which was even more alarming
because don't forget FS one had the entire broadcast. It
was a triple header. They did the Truck Series in
the morning, than the Exfinity Race, and then the NASCAR
Cup Series to close out the day. So that's a
little alarming, especially on the aftermath of everything that went
down earlier with Yeah, you would think more people would
be tuning in to see what it would happen and

(06:09):
did not did not take place. Be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and
the I Heart Radio app. Alright, so on this edition
of the Fifth Hour, we've got odd stuff I found
surfing the web. If you don't stick to sports stories
the weekend, a bunch of mail listener questions. Will open

(06:32):
up the mail bag for your quizzes and we'll get
right into it. This is some awesome I like these
oddball stories. And when I used to work with Looney Tunes,
we would try to one up each other. It would
be a pissing contest to see who could find the
most ridiculous odd fact about life. In fact, we turned
the blitz when it was baseball season. We would just

(06:53):
try to entertain ourselves by throwing fun facts out. Like
when we do that, we go to Arlington, Texas, which
is just a few miles away from where Whiteout was invented,
and uh, you know the Rangers, they're playing the Angels
or whatever, and we do these facts. We're going out
of Fenway Park and just down the road the chocolate
chip cookie was invented at the Toll House restaurant and

(07:15):
hotel and anyway, So that is the backdrop. Here we go.
This is interesting. I thought this was kind of cool
in the nineteen eighties. So back in the nineteen eighties,
went back a long time. There there was this unexplained
noise that was coming out from under the ocean, and
there's a lot of tension between Sweden and Russia because

(07:36):
Sweden and Russia they were accusing accused of sending Sweden
had an accused Russia of sending submarines into Swedish waters.
Uh do you know the rest of the story, As
Paul Harvey would say, I do not. This is great.
So they investigated what do you think the sound was? Um,
I think the sound was whales. I think the whales

(07:56):
were humping. No, it was actually the sound of Harry
is farting in the water, that we had an international
conflict between Sweden and Russia because of flagelence by fish.
It's what, it's what we adn't that great. That's pretty good.
I did not know about that. I thought that was
that was pretty interesting. A lot of people concerned about
who's gonna win. Is it gonna be uh sleepy Joe

(08:18):
Biden or Donald Trump? Who's gonna win the election? Here
in well, uh, good news, guest down, we will know
by October thirty feet. We are gonna know who's gonna
win the election. We don't have to wait untill early November,
which is a few days after that. Is that since
a company named Spirit Halloween has accurately predicted who is

(08:42):
going to become the president United States based on which
candidates sells more masks. So if you want Joe Biden
to be your president by a Joe Biden mask, if
you want Trump to be your president by a Trump mask,
that's good for us, since we're just a couple hours
away from Vegas looking at the totals and then run
in bed. That's right. Yeah, all right, now, this is

(09:03):
another one. We have a lot of blind listeners. This
is actually a positive thing if you were born blind.
This is the first positive thing I can recall in
many years. If you're born blind, that's very tough life
when you're born blind. It's the obstacles and it's it's
really impressive when somebody can overcome those odds. We have
a lot of people that listen to the show that
have done that. We have inca terror who's a classically

(09:24):
trained musician who's performed all over the world. Uh, and
he's he's blind blind Scott. I don't know that i'd
put him in the good category, but but he's there.
We had a guy Vision that used to call the
show back in the day and legally blind Bread. So
we've had We've had a lot of callers, and we
have many people that have also emailed me that are

(09:45):
in the blind community. So, and at one point, guest Scout,
I was number one with blind people. It's pretty number
one radio show, Colin Cowards number one like overall, but
I was number one with the blind. So anyway, no
person born blind has ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia. That's great,
it's never happened. Now, why would that be, Guess why

(10:06):
would that be? Is it because your eyes lead you
down that path? What was we learned Andrew Tolls the
Dodger outfield, he was diagnosed as schizophrenic. You know, it's
it's interesting that you you bring this up because I
was watching The Right Stuff the other night and I
was bs with my dad about how that movie actually
ended and with the Pallette going spinning out of control

(10:30):
after his jet had stalled, and I asked him, I said,
why didn't the pilot black out? And he said part
of it was because he wasn't the g force wasn't
hitting him as hard, but also because he kept his
eyes on the on the altitude, and he he says
that you won't go into vertigo if you're looking just
at the altitude reading. If you looked outside to see

(10:52):
yourself spinning, then he'd be placed in into vertigo. Really, yes,
that's interesting. Yeah, it's pretty fascinating. That's your fun fact.
These are these are odd things I found surfing the
internet that I figured I might as well. That's sad.
You know, it's actually very common. There's more than three

(11:13):
million people a year that are diagnosed with schizophrenia in
the United States. I think I think that number is right.
I wonder if that's gonna rise here over the last
like three or four months with everything going on and
being more hallucinations, delusions and all that stuff, all right, uh,
or are some other things here? All right? This is cool.
So in the in the early twentieth century, medicine was

(11:36):
not as advanced as it is today, and they recommended
for a strained athlete, they recommended the athletes that were
strained dose themselves with a bottle of champagne. And that
would they would. And if you were like a sprinter
and you had an injury, you would be best cured

(11:59):
by two hinds of champagne. Good solid, solid medical advice.
It was just my advice is just rubbed some dirt
on it. That's my advice. That's old school advice. Babe
Ruth and alcohol and cigars. Yeah. Great thing about Babe
Ruth is we only remember him as a big, fat
ass that eight hot dogs. But he was a fine
tuned athlete with the Red Sox and early with the Yankees,

(12:21):
and I think he stole home plate like ten times.
You could pitch and fucking swing the stick. Yeah, And
then we only remember him as the as fatty fatty Ruth.
All right, today's a children. This is called this is
a good thing for for us. Today's kids take about
nineties seconds longer to run a mile than their parents did.
About that. That's pretty interesting, absolutely all right. And then

(12:45):
one other thing that was interesting to me. Nineteen somebody
posted this. There's an ad that was posted by the
people that make seven Up and it recommended to mothers
whose children did not want to drink milk as the
studio falls party. They said, hey, uh, here's what you do.

(13:06):
And they recommended a wholesome combination of seven Up and
milk for kids. And then there's an image here and
there's equal parts milk and seven Up do not mix,
and it will make a delicious beverage that kids are
gonna love. Do you do you like uh? Yolk? I

(13:26):
do not like you like ice cream? I love ice
Do you like orange? Orange? Sherbet's like the uh, the
popsicle sticks? I do not mind it, although I am
more of a cookie dough, mint chip, chocolate chip. That's
my that's my big three. Typically sometimes strawberry, all right,
I'll go strawberry occasionally. That's usually where I go. I
leave that that neighborhood much. I bring that up because

(13:48):
I used to date this Uh, I used to date
this volatile Mexican girl then San Diego, and her drink
of choice was Captain Morgan's and orange juice, and Bennett
tasted like orange sherbet. It was absolutely delicious, Like I've
never seen that. You're just endorsing that guest gut. And

(14:08):
you know, I like my my big beverages. At the
Ugly Sweater Party, I drink root beer beer. Yeah, I
love it. It's got high alcohol content, but it tastes
like root beer. It's fucking great. So what do you
want to say that against you? You mixed together Captain
Morgan and Yes, isn't that what's a Screwdriver's vodka in orange? Correct?

(14:31):
But that doesn't taste that good Captain Morgan and orange? Yes? Yeah.
And so my wife likes to drink occasionally. She gets
very upset with me that I don't drink much. Yeah,
I never see a drink, So this could be an
avenue for me to drink. Yes, and it tastes you
could you could get me to become a raging alcoholic.
I prefer not to do that, especially because you're not
working out at the gym. Alright, so Captain Morrigan, I'm

(14:53):
gonna try that next time, my wife on like a
Saturday and night. We will fire in the back there
and we burn away our sorrows. Yeah, and I'll say,
all right, we'll do this is what we're gonna do,
Captain Morgan. And orange juice. Now, I don't know what
kind of orange juice do you usually drink anyway? Do
you drink like the Tropicana orange juice or just the whatever.
I'm not an orange juice snob. I'm not. I'm east
of the four or five year west of the four

(15:14):
or five that's what you are. So you're more concerned.
But now that we really orange juice, the real orange
juice debate is paulp or no Paul. That's the big debate,
Paul or no Paul. And I'm fine either way. I
got a little bit of paulp but too much is
not good. Yes, I agree, Yeah, yeah, I agree on that.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. All right,

(15:35):
you want to do some don't six of sports and
we'll get to the mail back. Yeah we can, we
can definitely do that have you do you know, first
of all, do you know anybody that's uh that has
had the coronavirus, like anyone in the in the family,
anyone or my wife's one of her great girlfriends. Both
her parents had the coronavirus UM. That is that. And

(15:58):
my mother in law work at a hospital in Los
Angeles and several of her co workers have had that.
I think that is the that's it. So it's like
three people loosely related that I in my circle that
no people that have had it directly. No. The only
one I guess would be the guy in Cincinnati who's

(16:20):
just a pain in the ask Justin and Cincinnati, who
had it. But he had it like right away, he
had it when this first thing went down there. Yeah,
didn't he fly across the country to get it? Uh?
He is flying. He's flown across the country to get
a lot of things. Uh. Yeah, he's he's not afraid
to spend, spend money and fly the friendlies guys. Good

(16:41):
for him. Well, I bring that up because of this.
A sixty two year old man um found out that
he had the coronavirus. Then he was placed on a
ventilator in a hospital in France, and was also left
with the direction for four hours because he had blood
clots in his crank, so he was standing at attention
for four hours because of when they say, because of

(17:03):
the corona. Yes, you had the blood clots. Wow. That
those things you know in life, when you're a kid
and you're first learning learn about sex, You're like, man,
would that be great? Have that for four hours? And
then when you get to a certain age you're like,
hold rap, that is not good. That is a that

(17:24):
is a terrible thing. When that is you don't want
no part of that. It's it's odd. It's one of
those things that sounds like it would be great, but
then in actual execution not so. Yeah. I kind of
like this podcast four hours is not enough. Anyways, Then
how about this UM since we're in cancel culture UM
an online petition right now, UH is calling for Christopher

(17:46):
Columbus and in the state of Ohio to be replaced
to honor the life of Chef Boyer. D Wait wait, wait,
so they want to honor Chef Boyard you or they
want to put a Chef boy or be statue? Yeah,
they no, they want to have a figure of him.
Honoring him is that. Yes, yes, it's it's a recent change.
Change dot Org has an appeal going on right now

(18:08):
for the Cleveland City Council to remove the statue of
Christopher Columbus Um in Tony Brush Park in the little
Little Italy neighborhood. And they want to have uh yeah,
they want to have the new the new figurine that
will be placed in there. Well, this is this is
odd to me, and I'll tell you why. All right.
First of all, I have no problem with Chef Boyard.

(18:30):
I have no problem with Christopher Columbus per se. He
guys been dead for five years. Who the hell cares um?
And I think part of America is you the legend,
the mythology that the folklore, right, the American folklore that
gets passed down from generation. But maybe I'm old and
i'm you know, the people call me a boomer because
I think that stuff is mildly important. But but whatever

(18:50):
the case, So if you want to get rid of it.
But Chef boyar D, I thought that was dean racist
that was on the chopping block with you know, they
got rid of Uncle Ben, they got rid of Anti Mima,
and you know there have been people over the years
that have complained that it's mocking Italian Chef boy Ard.
It's goofing on the Italian heritage with that. And and
also I've heard Gordon Fisherman could be in danger. Um.

(19:14):
Count Chocola is also u something that could be called raisings.
This is the by the way, the entire diet of
Marcel in Brooklyn is his entire diet. He's gonna have
to change because all these products are now taboo and
cancel culture. We'll see. The one thing I could say
for Chef board d is he actually immigrated from Italy
at the age of sixteen, and then he came to

(19:36):
Cleveland to open It doesn't matter, doesn't just like that
high school high schools that have redskins on Indian reservations,
doesn't matter. If people are offended, even if they're not
have no reason to be offended. You gotta cancel. Those
are the rules. Cancel culture. It's the world we live
in now. Yeah. Um, every time I hear of Chef Boyard, though,
I think of the famous call when I was doing
stuff at at e I and Marcel called up that

(19:59):
show and he was so terrible. Uh had nothing to say,
and so I said you know what, I'm gonna try
to ask him questions to see if you can make
this interesting. And so I said, what do you have
for dinner? And marcel then said I had chef boy
r d. I had some ravioli or whatever. It's good.
So then I told Marcelle. I said, Marcella, I don't
know if you know this, but in Italy, the finest

(20:22):
restaurants in Italy served chef boyar d ravioli. Uh, it's
it's it's actually directly out of Italy. And Marcelle said, yeah,
that's right. He's like agreeing with me. Yeah, it was great,
and you're doing this it was so funny. And that
that led to food picks with marcel And you're doing
this at what one or two o'clock in the morning. Ah,

(20:42):
that was probably yeah, like one in the morning or
something like that. Poor bastard. Do you remember Tommy Tubberville,
I do, yes, the Auburn coach that sure he's uh,
he's a US Senate candidate and he was on the
campaign trail earlier this week. Um his campaign supposedly went

(21:02):
up in flames. Ben literally, he had a campaign bus
that was caught on the interstate up engulfed in flames.
Interstate state was shut down, He asked, because it caught fire. Wow, jeez,
that's that's a for those busses when they light they
man it is it is a firebox? Yeah, it's I've

(21:26):
never seen a small bus fire. No, I've I've driven
like on the Vegas or Arizona out here in the west,
and you go buy it. Everyone saw it was a
tour bus on fire. And that thing is like a firepit.
It is crazy. Anyway, be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. Alright, anything else there's that? Is it?

(21:46):
All right? Let's get to the mail bag. These are
listener questions and these are posted on our Facebook page
every usually Wednesday, most week. Some weeks we won't do
the mail bag, but you can post a question. Ben
Mallers Show is our eacebook page. Guys have been very good.
We've gotten more uh more people interacting on Facebook, which

(22:06):
is a good to see and I like that. I
feel like it's better during the day though it doesn't
really work as much for what we do on the
on the live show, but I certainly check it out
and I post videos on there. And also, if you
don't want to post your comment publicly and see everyone,
let everyone see it on Facebook. If you're not on Facebook,
like guest Gone, you can send me a message at
Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. These first couple

(22:28):
actually came from the email bag Rick in San Ramon. Uh,
he actually wanted to thank It wasn't really a question Guestan.
But he's worked for the East Bay Police Department for
twenty seven years, retired in seventeen. He's still working in
law enforcement, just at a different agency. And uh, he's

(22:49):
a fan. He does appreciate the support that we have
for for the police. Well, Rick, we do listen. Guests
obviously got a vested interest, but I also have a
bit of a us an interest in that because my
wife and her job. But yeah, I hope you heard
Rick the interview we did on Friday. If not, go
back and listen because Leo Terrell, who says, this guy's

(23:12):
been in lawsuits against law enforcement. He's a civil rights attorney,
the fair minded civil rights attorney, and he of all
people you would think would be leading the charge to
get rid of the police. And Leo was like no,
the police are important police and most are good and
that's what people with common sense would say. But there's
a lot of people that have no common sense, that

(23:33):
have an agenda, and right now they've got the loudest
bullhorn on the block. But but thank you many thanks. Yes,
all right, this is from Kyrie in Okay c He says, Hey, Ben,
you did a cameo for me on Father's Day. Thanks
made my man and made my year man. Well, thank you, Kyrie.
Was it was fun to do it. I'm glad, glad

(23:55):
I was able to pull that off. And I hope
he had a wonderful Father's Day there and your family
spoiled the A lout of you, uh says how come
your best of podcast on the radio show is so short?
Kyrie says, compared to the other Fox Sports Radio's best
of podcast? Is that true, guest cup, I didn't even
know that ours is a lot shorter than everyone else.
You know what, You'll have to ask your your producer

(24:16):
for that one. That's uh, that is well out of
my skille. Yeah. Kyrie then says, please tell Coop to
stop being lazy and give us more content. Please. Uh, Well, Kyrie,
I I did not know that. I will have to
look into that. But we have four hours, and I
think the only other show this four hours is Jason
Smith Show. Everyone else does a three hour show or
less on the network, So we have more content to

(24:38):
pick from than any other show. So we should have
at least the same length on the Best Of. But
if you want to hear the whole thing, you can
hear the whole thing and just fast forward to it. Um,
So it's up to I know there are people that
like the Best Of just because it's a quick listen
and you don't have to listen to the whole thing.
And in theory, you want the best parts, right. It's
like when you eat a cinema and roll. The best

(24:58):
part of a cinema roll in the middle part. I
don't know, the entire roll is good for me? Bullshit. No,
if you've ever had monkey bread, right, I would call it.
But it's all just the middle part of a cinnamon roll.
Oh god, I should make that. I need to. I
haven't made that in a while. That's a great fat
guy you made that. I used to have. Well. My yeah,
my wife Aaron, she uh she got me cooking and

(25:19):
all that and uh, but that's a lot of prep.
It is. It's actually not as hard as you would
think it's. It is. You just gotta make the stame
stuff you'd make for the cinnamon roll, and then you
roll it up into little balls and you put cinnamon
on it and then you stick it all together and
it's you. It's actually not that difficult to make. Wow,
it's pretty interesting. Yeah, and it's fucking delicious. It is.

(25:43):
It is awesome. And uh boy, you get fat eating
that man, you get fat. Yeah, So thank you, Kyrie.
I will, yeah, I will. Heads are gonna roll. Heads
are gonna roll. But all right, Jay from New Bedford,
Mass rights and he's a is the The sound bites
on the show are hilarious. How do Roberto and Coop

(26:05):
get them out so quickly? On the spot always wondered
that even with no live major sports, you guys are
killing it at night at night in and night out.
Thank you Ja. Well. Coop actually doesn't play any of
the sound bites. The people that say play sound on
the show are Roberto and actually Eddie. Believe it or not,
Eddie will play a lot of sound bites during the
show kind of dress things up. So it's we've got

(26:26):
two people playing sound bites, and sometimes the Roberto and
Eddie will play the same sound bite. They're they're thinking
he's the same and they think a sound BITO works.
So it's those guys and the way it works, to
let you know, is we we have in our in
our studios there's computers obviously with all the equipment, and
there's a board's got like these little buttons and you

(26:48):
have a mouse and you just scroll over it and
it's got like my page has what do you think,
forty or fifty sound bites. Yeah, you've got multiple pages too,
So there's sound bites from obviously call is yourself, the crew, um,
obviously athletes and whatnot. So you have a you have
a gallery. That's what you have. Yeah, we don't have

(27:08):
guests on the podcast or on that on the show
we do on this we have we're not really guests.
We have people we like that hang out with us. Yeah,
but I done really well with radio people. I we
Mike North, I consider Leo Torrella radio guy. Even though
he's a lawyer, John Sterling, you know, yeah, you know
what I'm saying, I I he might identify himself as
a lawyer, first, I would say radio guy. Yeah, radio guy.

(27:32):
You love the radio guy I think, I mean, I
don't know, you probably disagree with me on this, but
sound drops for you, I think the top one is
your sports cliche sound drops. Um you what are you
going to? Specifically? What are you Yeah, you have two
athletes that took you talking about, Oh, Scott pod Sednik, Yeah,
pot Segni was his number one for sure. Yeah. My

(27:54):
favorite one is the the one from the old Cubs
manager Lee ilia Hey Eddie. Five percent of the world's
at work and the other fifteen percent come out here.
It's a playground for the blank blanks. It's hilarious. The
one thing you can't do is attack the customer. And
he didn't just attack the customer, he went all in.

(28:14):
All right, Thank you j for that question. Brady from Massachusetts.
Right since his first time new listener, I've been listening
to the Final Hour every week for the last two years. Well,
thank you, Brady. One question I have for you is
who is your favorite cabinet member? Uh, Coop Eddie or
master cheffer Bird. I guess he would include you here,

(28:35):
guests Gun Uh, Well, he didn't include you. Actually, he
just included the people on the radio show. I guess
of that group, Eddie has been with me the longest,
So if you had to pick a favorite, I guess
I would go with Eddie because we've been together. Eddie
started a couple of years. I think it was either
a couple of years or a year after I started.
And I started like a week after Fox Sports Radio launched,

(28:55):
so we've seen a lot of crazy stuff hiding in
the show. It was at Fox Sports Radius. I would
of that group. You're never supposed to say your favorite
kid is, but whatever, not my kids, I'll go with that.
Travis in Roseberg, Oregon, says, one of you guys heading
to Vegas, and what's the first thing gambled? He says,

(29:16):
when you guys rather heading to Vegas, what's the first
thing gambled on your the sports book or the first
table machine through the door. Alright, so Travis, this is
not a bad question. Now I'm gonna tell you how
I roll. I am such a freak when it comes
to the gambling. I don't even wait to Vegas. I
drive gascon flies. So he doesn't have the same experience.

(29:37):
He's west of the four oh five, but I'm east
of the four oh five. So I drive to Vegas,
and when I get to the Nevada state line, there's
a place called prim Nevada. Gascon doesn't know that because
he doesn't drive to Vegas. Prim is a border city.
There's Whiskey Pete's and Buffalo bills to hotels. That's it.
There's a there's a mall, and there's some fast food

(30:00):
restaurants in a gas station, a couple of gas stations.
That's all that's in prim Nevada. Nothing else. I stopped
in prim Nevada because when I go to Vegas, normally,
if I leave because I do the overnight and I'll
wake up and by the time I get there, I
will miss the East Coast games, I will not be
able to wage it on the Ease Coast games. So
what I do is I go to I usually go

(30:21):
I think it's Whiskey Peats Uh one of the there's
like three hotels there, but when I forget which one,
I go into one of them and I'll run to
the sports book to try to beat because the game
starts four o'clock in the in the Pacific time zone,
and I'll try to get in there and put my
bets in and then I'll keep driving to Vegas know
when I got a little action, and then I'll try

(30:41):
to listen to the game as I'm on the way
on one of the apps on my phone so I
can hear what's going on. I go a little bit
different because if I fly, I obviously want to get
it there early before and of the games, so I'll
dip my toes into uh into a football game if
it's on a Sunday or Saturday for college ball. But
after that, I immediately go to the tables and I'll

(31:03):
go craps first to see if there's a bad table
there with some poor rollers, and if that's the case,
I'll sit on that one for a while, and if
it's not, I'll go find a blackjack table that's completely
empty because I like playing against the dealer heads up.
That's always always the case. My favorite, my favorite sports book,
I don't know if you if you have a favorite
ben but it's Legassi Stadium that's under that's actually underneath

(31:26):
Venetian and Palazzo because it's it's a massive sports book,
but it actually looks like a giant movie theater too,
like in the middle of the of the sports book.
You have all the like reclining and couch seats with
a giant flat screen TV, and then the book in
front of you used to can place your wagers, and
then surrounding it it's a bar so you can look
over with televisions all around the place. That's probably my

(31:48):
favorite sports book. MGM is pretty good. The Winds pretty
pretty nice as well, but Gossi is probably my favorite.
If you want to go, what's the the Orleans? If
you want smokey kind of you know, Vegas type situation,
The Orleans. Uh, I used to love the Aria. One
of the guys got upset with me because he's a

(32:10):
the guy that used to run it. He's not there anymore,
but he he was a big Mets fan. And I've
told the story before, but I stopped getting Freebe's guests
gone because I I ripped, you know, not Chase Utley
role at second base, and I ripped the Mets shortstop
because he was in the wrong position and that's why
he got hurt. And this guy got all upset. Um

(32:30):
Matt in Rochester, New York right since says everyone has
been or stayed in a bad hotel in their life,
do you guys have a bad hotel experience story that
you can tell. Uh, yeah, of course, Matt. I've stayed
at some really shitty hotels. When I was at Saddleback,
we we traveled to I think it was a San

(32:53):
Jose to do a game and we got the cheapest
hotel because we had a very small budget college radio.
And I remember the hotel we stayed at. Uh. Each
side of us, on each side of the room we
were in, there were families living in the hotel and
UH and it was not the greatest hotel in the world.

(33:13):
It had not been updated in a long time. And
I felt really bad. I mean, there's always kids, and
they weren't just there on vacation that was their home.
They were living in hotel. And then the worst hotel
experience that I ever had was that was just depressing
because I felt bad for these kids. You know, they
didn't have a place, and that was you know, you
want to live in a shitty hotel with your kid,
but they didn't know any better. So I was in
New York and I was trying to stay I was

(33:34):
using my brother and I said, you know, I was
with my other brother, my younger brother, and we found
this cheap hotel in in New York is a couple
of blocks away from my brother who lives kind of
near the East Village, a little bit in the East Village,
and so we got to the hotel. I didn't really
read the fine print when I booked the room. Gascon

(33:54):
it was a five story. We wasn't If you're on
the first floor was fine. We were on the fifth floor.
It's a five story walk up in Manhattan. As I remember,
it no working air conditioning in the summertime in New
York City. I was very fat at this time, so
imagine fat guy five story walk up. Um. The other
thing I recall is the bathroom was so small. How

(34:17):
small it was it I'm glad you have. It was
so small. I could not actually sit to drop a deuce.
I could only do a number one. I couldn't do
a number two because my legs were too long. And
there was literally a wall right in front of the
toilet that you could not You could barely squeeze in
there and kind of, you know, hover over it and
do your business, but you could not. I was too

(34:37):
tall to sit on it. So that was my worst
hotel experience. What about you get. Oh man, my worst
hotel experience takes me back to the to the glory
days of us kind of. I I was in San
Diego at the time. I was I was going to
San Diego State and this girl that I wanted a
date for the longest time was back in l A.

(35:00):
And she said, Hey, come up, I'm free this weekend.
So I met up with her in like Hermosa Ro
Donald Manhattan Beach that area one night, and we were
drinking and you know, obviously we couldn't drive after that,
so we needed a hotel and I didn't know where
the fund to go. I hadn't been back in l

(35:20):
A for a long time, and so we got into
a cab and I just said, hey, make your way
down pc H and we'll find like the first hotel
that we we can see, We'll go to ben I
went to the spot and remember the name was in Torrents.
It's called El Dorado. It was this motel. It looked
like ship. Yeah, I get a room charged by the hour. Yes,

(35:41):
they charged by the hour. And when I booked the room,
or I booked it, but I got it. I go
inside and the first thing I see as I entered
into the door is two bullet holes onto the chain
which you like chained the door locked, so there's two
bullet holes there. On top of that, it was a

(36:01):
small bathroom like the one you just mentioned, and it
cracked mirror above the bed. Have you ever stated did
you feel like you were gonna get bed bugs when
you and I like that? One? Yeah. One time I
was at a hotel in Vegas and you know, you
always think, wow, they don't really clean the rooms, but
maybe they do, you don't know for sure. So I

(36:22):
go into the hotel and we checked in at the
casino in Vegas, and we get to the room and
there was a guy's driver's license and like part his
wallet was on the table little tables sit at you know,
And I was like, yeah, that means no one came
in here and actually looked this over at all. Man.
Last time I went to a bachelor party in Vegas

(36:44):
to stay at the Cosmopolitan and it's expensive. COMO check
this out. I got that's a that's a chickotoe right
for the ladies. Yeah, I check in there. All of
a sudden, we feel this this like the ground moving
a little bit, and we and we smell, the stench
ben the plumbing underneath the building. There's a burst and

(37:04):
a pipe. It was all the sewage that came out
on the street. And then on top of that, we
go into the room and I swooped down the room
like you're talking about, I found a used condom in
the bed. No, no, I know, you did. I swear
to you. I did. So they upgraded our room and
I got a different spot. But yeah, like there was sewage.

(37:24):
You got a lawsuit there. Yeah, in the case traumatic experience.
I was in Vegas last in December before the apocalypse,
and we were walking around the strip outside New York,
New York right here that NHL Arena, and there was
a sewer leak and the entire strip smelled like ship as.
I mean, the it was. It was so strong the smell.

(37:51):
I mean, you felt like you had moved into the
squatty potty or the or or the porta potty. Rather, Yeah,
you felt like you had moved into a porta potty
or whatever. Was like unreal. It was like, uh, you
know that Tennessee trots, like somebody had dysenterry, but the
entire street had dysenterry. You know, it wasn't a steaming dump.

(38:11):
It was just unreal. Um anyway, So there you moving on.
Trucker Joe says, if you could go back to any
era in time, what era would it be? Era? Being
like anything prior to two thousand's, you know, would be
interesting if I could be guaranteed to come back. I
quote William Shakespeare a lot. Many of the phrases we

(38:32):
use are from William Shakespeare. So he was from like
the six hundred, early sixteen hundreds. I think he was
in his prime there. I'm curious if the legend lives
up to the reality is as good as the legend,
or if I'd be like, this is fucking terrible. Why
are we quoting Shakespeare four hundred years later, five hundred

(38:55):
years later? Whatever? I guess that. What about you, Gasca?
I think I probably go all the way back to
the to the Roman Empire. I would love to see
or maybe even be involved coming back alive, of course.
But the being inside the Colosseum, Oh, ye're watching the gladiators,
which are actually like slaves, right. I'm surprised they haven't

(39:16):
torn down the Colosseum because there were slaves that were
fighting the the animals never know, but that that would
be amazing to be a part of something like that.
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Fox sports
Radio dot com and within the I Heart Radio app
search f s R to listen live. Yeah, yeah, you wonder.

(39:40):
I think if you could use the knowledge that you
know in the modern world, and a lot of it
wouldn't translate them to that time, so it would be useless,
all right. Pierre from Springfield, Ish, Massachusetts. By the way, Pierre,
my grandfather, the the guy that I quote a lot
who spoke Yiddish when I was a kid, when he

(40:02):
didn't want us to know what the bad words he
was saying, and I learned some Yiddish words from him.
He is from Springfield, mess so I have some some
bloodlines there. Anyway, Any chance of getting some old co
workers on the podcast, maybe uh fill in for Gascott,
k K, Marcel Julio, maybe even an old caller like
Gay Brad or Troy the gambling and well that's you're

(40:24):
going way back, Pierre. I don't think we could even
call Gay Brad gave Brad now because someone will be
triggered used to Yeah, gay guy from Tennessee who he
chose the name Gay Brad as a caller, and he
was kind of an effeminine gay guy. Uh, that called
the show and was a character for several years. Troy
the gambling Man was great. He drove a sweeper truck

(40:45):
around Nashville and we had him picking games. And I
don't know what happened to Troy. I used to have
a correspondence with Troy. I don't know. I haven't heard
from him in years. I don't know if he's still around.
I don't know what's going on, Troy. If you're listening,
check in with me. I'd love to hear from Troy
the Gambling and that would be pretty cool. Jerry says,
when's there? When's another talent show? By the way, just
to answer that last guy from Springfield. Uh, maybe next week, yescar,

(41:07):
we might do a day and and just put one
of these old people on that I used to work
with and go down memory lane. You've worked with a
lot of people. There's a lot that's true, there's a
lot of options, but catch up with an old producer,
find out what it was like. Yeah, yeah, I could
do that. Uh, Jerry says, when there when is there
gonna be another talent show? I can't wait. I want

(41:27):
to win it. Well, Jerry, we just did one during
the apocalypse, and sports are supposed to come back, uh
in late July, and so if that happens, we'll probably
not do another one. But if everything gets walky and
shuts down again, I will go back to my bag
of tricks and we will certainly do that as well.
This kind of relates to that, Carlos, and Houston says,

(41:50):
why did you stop doing the Power Hour on the show? Uh, Carlos,
that's a good question. People have been asking me that. Why.
I know the answer because it was awful radio and
it was very lazy, and you have to come to
Jesus moment, you know, I know not will do something
better for the audience as opposed to no no, no, no,
no no. I thought it was very interesting. I thought
it was it was compelling, and it was fun with

(42:10):
Cowboy and Windsor and Uh. Several of the guys were
great and it was a lot of fun. Chris and Houston,
Sean the hood Guy. I thought all those guys were
very good. But Felexis was so bad. The last one
that we did, it was so terrible and so painful
that I just said, I can't, I gotta take it.
But I was suffering from PTSD, I this post traumatic

(42:33):
stress disorder because of how bad that was. And and
so if you want to blame anybody, blame America's favorite
drag queen, the only known drag queen caller sports Radio Flexus,
because that is uh boy, that was nightmare causing that
was things that go bump in the night. That is
what it was. So that's the answer. Carlos says, I
also do hope to see you here in Houston, if

(42:54):
you decide to come with Carlos, I'd love to meet you,
and I I will get to Houston. I'm hoping to
go this year, but unfortunately right now that's that's off
the table. But I'm hoping and I am optimistic, Benny Brightside,
that I am able to go and hang out with you,
Carlos and some of the other big fans. Which is
great guest gun because I take a lot of pot

(43:15):
shots at the Astros, the Astros and the Texans and
the Roquettes, but yet we have a very solid loyal
branch of the Mallard militia that do not mind being
pummeled are having their teams pummeled on the radio. When
is here's one from Jason and Baker. So when is
guests got going to start playing more sound effects on

(43:37):
the Fifth Hour podcast? All right, So this is something
I get asked a lot. Guest. We are in a
different studio. That isn't that the issue? Guest, gon We're
in a different studio, so you don't have access to
the same sound effects that we have on the radio show. Yeah,
part of that, and plus we just go more long,
long form talk and the show is obviously different than

(43:57):
the podcast because these are are dedicated to to you,
the listeners. So if you're gonna have questions and answers
and whatnot. I don't like to play sound drops during that.
I mean I could, technically speaking, but we have a
lot of guests and friends of the show that come on,
so we want to interrupt them with any sound drops
or anything like that. It is an odd thing though,
when the sound effects, because there's some people like our

(44:18):
friend here in Bakersfield who loves it, and then there's
other people like that Snowflake fun House who he thinks
it's like the Hindenburgh when he hears the bell, you know,
it's like, oh my god, lose loose tons is sinking,
and it's like, you know, come on, it's the redundancy
of the bell that it's getting played over and over

(44:38):
and over again that he does not like, do not
control any of these sound effects at all. Chris from
seven eighty Edmonton, Alberta says, if Doc Mike possessed the
same qualifications as Dr Fauci, would you recommend you're in therapy? Yeah?
Good question. Says uh, yeah, I was a little uncomfortable.
Doc called up the other night and said that some

(45:00):
woman who has cancer he's gonna help, And I was like, oh,
this is not you know. I mean, I get a
kick out of Dock. I think he's pretty good and entertaining,
but that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's going you're
going too far. Of course, Doc is convinced that that
he's he's got the magic, the magic Beans Valls. Fan

(45:21):
Jimmy from Fayetteville, Tennessee says, if you were elected president
and had to make take these callers with you, what
would their jobs be? Doc Mike, Skeeter, Tammy and Montana
and Mr Tibbs. Wow, I have not heard Mr Tibbs name,
and he didn't call the show. He hasn't called a
long time. Mr Tibbs fun caller. I don't know what
happened to him. Uh, well, that's that's the I guess.

(45:43):
I would have Doc Mike would have to be the
health guy, right, he would be the attorney the surgeon general. Yeah.
I think what would Tammy's job be? What would she
she could be like in charge, she could work at
like the Pentagon, do something at the Pentagon. Yeah, she's
very feisty and battles back and counterpunches. What about Skeeter

(46:07):
Wonder good guys Skeeter do? What could he our buddy
Skeeter do? Where is he from? He's from Montana, but
he's got a he's got an interesting career. He's been
in the military, He's lived an interesting life. And you
can make him your chief of staff chief of staff,
all right? And then Mr Tibbs. What would Mr tibsby
like what? I don't really know much about Mr Tips

(46:31):
other than he told some wild stories when he called
the show about his neighbors and random things. And yeah,
I'm not sure one of their jobs in the cabinet there?
How about the Well, this would be a fun job.
Mr Tips is always always would be mesmerized when he talks.
So how about the press secretary? Yeah, I can get out.
I don't know. You could have blind Scott as your

(46:53):
press secretary. He'd be like fighting with reporters, throwing hay
bakers and tiss and for nation. Jack in Greensboro? Right,
since this Ben, how where did you first meet Mrs Maller? Also?
Once you realized she was interested in you, did you
make did that make her less desirable? Since she apparently

(47:14):
has either mental deficiencies or poor judgment? Uh? Well, thank
you Jack? Right kind of you to say that you
met her west of the four oh five. I know
that firsthand. Uh. No, I did not meet her west
the four You did? You did you married her west
of the four or five as well? No? I did not.
There's no four or five freeway in the garden Island

(47:36):
of in POI poo I got married. Uh No, I
met my wife. I was doing internet dating and I
met her and then we went out, and then I
didn't hear from her for a while. You know, she
wasn't interested. Um and uh, but then she contacted me
again and we first date we went on was in Pasadena,

(47:57):
beautiful Pasadena, Yes there and call Ronald Boulevard. And we
were supposed to go to a movie. Um, and she
she did bait and switch. She said, because my idea
of a perfect date was to go to the movies,
and then because you don't have to talk. Yeah, it's
like the Power Hour. Yeah. So so anyway, she she
we met at the movie theater and she's, uh, why

(48:19):
don't we Uh, why don't we go over here instead?
And so we we talked and then it worked out well.
But yeah, clearly she's got poor judgment. That is that
is obvious. Jack, no question about it. A dub bar
rights and he says, why don't you post and asked
for questions for the Fifth Hour podcast on Twitter? Why
is it always Facebook? Um, well, a dub The reason

(48:41):
for that is I'm down on the Twitter. I'm down
on the Twitter. I think we get better questions on Facebook.
I've done it on on Twitter. It's just not it's
a cesspools. I use it during the show and i've
I have You've noticed I don't nearly post as much
as I used to. I just don't not something I'm
I'm really a big fan of I just don't like

(49:01):
the way that that platform has gone very much. So
but to each their own, and we still use it
during the show, but it's just that's not it doesn't
seem to work for this jess in. Pomona rites in
and he says, hey, man, my question is what is
the strangest thing you did do impressive date? And that's
for both you and guess. Well, yeah, Jess, I, I

(49:24):
did not really do a lot. That's part of my problem.
I mean, I guess the most I would do to
impress a date was to take a shower and maybe
putting on a nice shirt or something like that. But yeah,
i'd always like hide the fact that I worked in
radio and didn't you know, I didn't really promote that.
Uh you know, not that many women listen to sports
radio because they don't, so it's not like they would
know who I was. But I just gonna whatever. But

(49:46):
what you guess got your west of the four or five?
You probably just took him to your house and said,
look at my house, look at the Pacific Ocean. I'm
west of the four or five. Man. There's some embarrassing moments. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like, um, it's like when you when you go
to to Vegas and you lose quickly on a hand
of black jack and you need it rush to the
A t M. Because you're already in the hole. You're

(50:09):
trying to dig yourself out. Like I've had that happen
a few times. Were like I've gone on a date
and you know, whatever you're doing, like if I'm ordering
dinner or something like that, you kind of get just
deep into what you're doing. You're like, let's order this,
let's order that, let's order this, and let's order that,
and then all of a sudden you find out you're
ordering too much. You're trying to impress her, and it

(50:30):
looks pretty freaking weak. One of the signs to tell
that a woman's in you. Usually this maybe has changed,
but when I was dating, when you first go to restaurants,
they would order like a salad or something small. And
then the longer you date and then they're eating like
chocolate Sundays and they're they're going for Yeah. Yeah, anyway,
r J and san Antonio rights and says, hey, what

(50:51):
is your favorite Saturday Night Live skit? Well, I haven't
watched Saturday Night Live very much in years, but some
of my favorites they were They were guests on Saturday
Night Penn and Teller many years ago. It's on YouTube.
They did this skit where they were hanging upside down,
but you didn't know that was the gag, but she
didn't know until the end of it, and it was amazing.

(51:13):
I was like as a kid, I was like, Wow,
that's the coolest thing in the world. Uh. Some of
the other ones I loved being a Jewish kid. I
loved hanaka Harry, which was John Lovitts did that back
in the day. Eddie Murphy did Mr Robinson's neighborhood. Remember that. Yeah,
that would be canceled right now, wouldn't it. That would
not be allowed. The Church Lady was pretty funny. Stewart Smalley,

(51:38):
anything for you guess on. One of my favorites, and
everybody likes this one, was the Christopher walkin Will Ferrell
cal Bell. Yeah, that was that bad timeless. I used
to love and Living Color, by the way, that was
your your gig, that was your show. Jim Carrey was
was fantastic. The Wayne's Brothers, But yeah, Jim Carrey was
was fucking phenomenal and living color. It's a great show.

(52:01):
Kentucky Tay rights In says hotter than Kentucky. J I
would hope, so, says, I don't believe in reincarnation. However,
the idea is pretty cool to me. If you could
come back as a child of any athlete, who would
it be and why? Uh? Well, yeah, I would go
I don't know, Michael Jordan's because on top of the

(52:22):
world dominating, I would inherit all that money. That would
be pretty cool. So I guess I would go with that.
Guess quickly, man, I think I'm either going Tiger Woods
or Derek Jeter. He didn't have any kids still he
stopped playing. Yeah, but you know what, his Hall of
Fame roster of the women that he nailed is pretty

(52:42):
fucking phenomenal. His his check mark list. Yeah. And the
gift box or the gift bag before the disclosures that
you gotta like drop off your cell phone and then
you get a gift bag when you get kicked out.
That's pretty good. Derek Jeter all pro man, All right,
Chris and mac Keita, Ioway easier for me to say, says,
please explain who gets the extra home game when NFL

(53:05):
goes to seventeen games and why, Well, Chris, that's easy.
I believe what they're planning on is eight home games,
eight road games, and then a neutral sight game. That's
the plan. And then also, why is the universal d
age a good idea this year? The season is a waste,
so let's try it. Uh No, it's a good idea, Chris,
because the players are pussy willows and their Mr softies
the pictures and ninety eight percent of them don't give

(53:29):
two ships about hitting. They don't even try. And pictures
make so much money starting pictures that they they're trying
to insulate. It's all about risk management, and they're worried
that a picture is gonna get hit on the wrist
and be out and they're gonna lose value on the contract,
equity and the contract, and they're gonna be injured running
the basis. So that's pretty much one. Plus, they need
to boost television ratings what the games already being missed,

(53:53):
more offense, more runs, and they believe there's more interest,
So an extra bad in there, all right? Last one,
Tres in San Antonio says, why do we park on
a driveway, yet drive on a parkway. And why does
guests Gone park in more than one spot at a time,
Because I can what a dick west of the four five?
What's you? That's your west of the four or five privilege? Apologize?

(54:15):
Apologize at least to the four or five. I park
in one space. Listen, you don't park every time you
park in two spaces. That's a dog whistle to the
people who live east to the four or five. You're
mocking us. You are mocking us, Guest Gone, how dare you? Yeah? Anyway,
all right, listen, have a wonderful rest of your Sunday.

(54:35):
Don't forget back on the Magic Radio box tonight on
the Ben Mallor Show and cameyo, Camyo, camyo. If you
haven't done that, cameo dot com Ben Mallard guest gons
on there, follow us on social media, and more importantly,
have a great day.