Play Time

Mail bag session leading up to some hit & miss moments.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ka Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben

(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere on a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday,
back at it in the salt mine. That is the
podcast studio here somewhere at a secret location in the
north Woods. Seven days in the week, we do this

(00:48):
podcast eight days where I do the podcast eight days
a week. Kiscon is good for one, He's got like
one a week. But I'm in here eight days a
week with the radio show five nights week and then
on the weekends because we know you're looking for good
marginal audio content on the weekends. And so this is
why we are doing this show, and we're glad to

(01:10):
have you with us. Thank you. Remember five stars give
us a five star review on the podcast Tell a Friend,
Sharing is caring, Sharing is caring, so very exciting. All right,
So we are joined by the rare and appropriate appearance
by David Gaston rust of the four all five lakey

(01:32):
his way in and do you want to start this
mailbag session off with some good news or some great news? Uh? Well,
this must be about you. There must be some something.
This actually has a little something to do with you. Uh,
go ahead, go ahead, give me the give me the
good news, and then we'll save the great news. By

(01:55):
the end of the fourth quarter of this calendar year.
You uh, you might have a colleague that is a neighbor.
Is that right? Are you looking to relocate here? Are
you coming to Mallard Territory and a secret location in
the northward? And I don't reveal where I live. Guest,
you know that I'm bringing my my ox and I'm

(02:16):
bringing my my axe, my blue ox could be. How
does that make you feel? Oh, we can hang out
together now five lives. Probably I don't live west of
the four oh five. No, but it'll it'll improve the selfies,
because man, you and Looney just looked disheveled a couple

(02:37):
of days ago at Dodger Stadium. You guys just looked
like actor. People say this and say it looks like
Hobo we got. Let me explain. Let me explain something,
stupid people. The reason is I wear a bank robber mask,
the easy mass thing that they have in l A County.

(02:57):
And so when I go cross enemy lines into Dodger
Stadium there with the mask mandate. But you've been to
these games, no one in the crowd is wearing their mask.
I mean, it's just the there's a few sheep that
are wearing their mask. Most people aren't even wearing their man,
just walking around having a fine time at the game.
But it's it's so but that mask makes me look
like a bump, it does. It's the mask so another

(03:21):
that I want to point that out. And uh Looney
looked like a like a weightlifting bum though I didn't
realize he had a similar shirt that I had on.
It looked like he had just gone out of like
uh gold gym from Venice, like just doing like curls
for the hour hour and a half. So I didn't
want to credit the Atlanta Brave media though, And I

(03:43):
told you this guest guy on that Yeah, you know,
I'm part of the Dodger media contingent. Everyone in the
l A side, you know, wearing their mask. I think
I saw Plasky with like seven masks on. Everyone's doing
and uh and uh the Atlanta Atlanta media they were
they didn't give a crap about the mask that they

(04:03):
weren't wearing their masks. They're just living living their best
life there. That's good. It's uh hey man, I am.
It's it's good to see at least these these games
being intended by not only the media, but the masses.
Obviously the Rams and Chargers, the Dodgers. Uh, it's gonna
get people out and about obviously Staplescent with the Lakers,
Clippers and the Kings too. So yeah, but yeah, it's

(04:27):
it could be. Uh it just forewarning though, I mean,
there could be days where I'm on vacation, I'm I'm
mounting about. I might just say I need you to
pick up my my mail, Ben, can you Well, I
could have you come over and wash my car. The
mallon won't be you can your car is not gonna
get dirty. You don't leave the house. No, but I

(04:48):
don't park it in the garage. I park it outside
because the garage is filled with ship. So well, I
can't you know what I can't. I can't. I don't
know if you heard this or not, but your governor
said that we need to conserve water. We have a
drought in California, which is obviously on the edge of
the Pacific Ocean. Is is in a drought and we
need to do our best to do all we can.
So no water usage of the Millar mansion. So you're

(05:10):
not allowed to wash your car. No, I have a
timer in the shower. I have a timer at the
sink when I'm washing my hands, just to recap. In California,
they don't cut back the forest, so they burn up
every year because God, for God forbid you do forest
conservation to prevent large forest fires. They don't do that.
We save water on that, but then to use the

(05:30):
water because they all burn up and they have to use,
you know, the water to stop the fires once they start.
And you can't wash your car either. Wonderful, what a
great place we are at here, What a wonderful place,
my God. All right, are you ready for the mail bag?
Let's go? Are you sure about that? Now? The way
the mailbag works? There we go. Thanks to our friend

(06:04):
Ohio Al for that nice monotone version of the mail
bag theme. The mail bag theme, so these are actual
questions guests gone by actual listeners to this podcast, loyal
minions of this show, and I am excited to go
into the mail bag. I'm excited to that. So let's

(06:26):
let's not waste any time. Let's get right to it.
Glenn in Chicago bats lead off. He says, I think
the Major League Baseball post season should have a camera
that has a shot of the catcher going through the
signals for each pitch, so you can see the signs
and watch the picture look in. I would call it

(06:46):
the crop shot cam. Your thoughts, well, I mean, I
think you can get that on porn hub. I don't
think you need a baseball game. But he says, also,
what do you think of these crypto n f T
Uh these n f T things. Are people really making
money off a bunch of pixels? Or is this money laundring? Well,

(07:11):
people a are making money, Glenn off this, uh, this
n f T thing. And now I've mocked them. I've
done some monologue, not really monologues, but I've ranted and
really I did do a monologue on n f T
s When the NBA started and they were selling Lebron
James Donk for a hundred thousand or two hundred thousand
dollars of some ridiculous things like this. Uh, there's a

(07:33):
term in Vegas and it's also on Wall Street and
it applies to the n f T market. In any
business like Wall Street gambling or in this case n
f T s, the goal and the singular goal is
to get dumb money. You want to get dumb money.
And this is a stupid test. If you are spending

(07:53):
a ton of money on a bunch of pixels, as
you said Glenn in Chicago, that's a great way to
describe it. If you're spending the money on this and
you can't you don't own it. It's not like if
you buy a Lebron James Dunk n f T, I
can then go on the YouTube get the same dunk,

(08:15):
and I can download it to my phone. And I
also owned the Lebron James n f T. It's just
the most ridiculous thing. And uh, it's surprising it's still
going that it's still a thing. And I thought the
economy was bad. I know, inflation is through the roof.
I know every time I go to the store to
buy bread it costs more, and gasoline and everything is

(08:38):
more expensive these days under President Joe Biden. But this,
I mean, my goodness, you gotta there's this many people
that have all that money to spend on n f
T S. I don't get it. As far as the
crotch shot, Baseball will not allow that because they they'll
say that that is compromising the integrity of the game. Uh.
Any thoughts on n f T S or cry shot

(09:00):
cam gascon No. I mean, you hit the nail round
the head. It's all about the pumping of it. I mean,
you have to be kind of the first people. It's
like an I p O. I mean, you have to
be in initially or early on uh to have any
kind of significance. Although it was pretty wild. I was
looking a couple of days ago on on Yahoo Finance

(09:23):
and I don't know if you noticed it or saw
it at all, but you know, President Trump had come
out with a new social media application and yeah, you
got you get hacked or something. I saw somebody put
a head hacked. I don't know if they got hacked
or not, but I I looked at the at the
application itself and it's called Digital World Acquisition Corp. And

(09:48):
it was released earlier in the week, like on a
Tuesday or a Wednesday, and it shot up in value.
Went I think the stock price was like eighteen or
twenty dollars, and then on Thursday and Friday it's shot
up to a hundred and sixty dollars a share. It
was up a hundred within a couple of days. It's

(10:10):
pretty crazy. A lot of a lot of pumping stuff.
But yeah, I mean, you got the funny money is there.
You just gonna get in early. If you pump, you
gotta dump, right, That's the key there. So you pump
it up, you gotta dump it. That's what I do.
You're gonna hold on to it or no, I hold
on stuff. But I'm still waiting for doge coin to
go through the roof. And when it does, guessclleujah, oh boy,

(10:35):
he was going to take place. Yeah that several people
text me this week the price of bitcoin went through
the roof. I'm sure you saw that, guest con new
record high for bitcoin. And my response to everyone that
texts me sho the fuck up. Yeah, that's what I
told them. Anyway. Moving on, Pierre from Springfield, Massachusetts, home

(10:58):
of the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame, where Muffett McGraw
is enshrined. Pierre says, Ben is your sidekicks, sidekick Sidekicks
still on the run. Now you see him? Now you don't.
Early on, during Benny versus the Penny, he appeared as
if he was being held hostage and was rescued by

(11:20):
a listener or stalker named Tommy. I think he met Tammy,
but he said Tommy here. Now, Oh, it's us a
right now Now, I thought Tammy and Montana. But who Now?
He seems to be appearing randomly in various safe houses
throughout the US. What gives? Secondly, can we send smoke

(11:42):
signals to the patron saint of the Mallemlicia Tammy ocous
He did see Tammy and ask her to do a
wellness check on Mallard prop Guy and Manic Mike. Yeah,
I have noticed Mallard prop Guy just kind of went
away there and this all has happened, and you get

(12:03):
worried when this stuff happens, Like what that I mean,
it's it's not a job. You don't have to report
in and write your name in. But when we have
friends that are part of the show and they're with
the show for a long time, and then all of
a sudden, on a dime, they stopped participating in the
live show. And you don't hear from them, you do
worry about. So I don't know what's happened to those guys.

(12:25):
Manic Mike, I think I saw him this week, but
maybe not, maybe not. And Mallard Prop Guy, I have
not seen him actively participating. I don't know much about
these guys. I know Malarprop Guy claims that he traveled
with like music music groups. He's very good at sports trivia,
and I know that I and even he upsets me

(12:47):
because he gets a lot of the who am I
games and the instant trivia games right, and that always
annoys me because I try as much as I can
to make those as impossible as they possibly can be.
And then I got I got him getting them right.
You know, I'm Mallard prop Guy. And then also our
buddy Matt the Warrior Raider, AES fan, does very well

(13:08):
in that as well. So but if Tammy wants to
look up and see if she can find Mallarprop Guy
or Manic Mike, that is a call from our friend
Pierre in Springfield. Next up, Jason from Rocky Mount, Virginia right,
Since Ben I was wondering, is there's a lot of
your Mallard Militia members are wrestling fans, or at least
old school wrestling fans like myself. Have you ever reached

(13:28):
out to any wrestlers for the Friday podcast? Perhaps the
wrestler formerly known as Russef may be interested. Well, Russef
has been on the actual radio show when he was
working at the w w E back in the day.
He was driving to his next gig and he called
us up from his his automobile there and he is

(13:51):
a friend of the show and I could absolutely get
him on. I don't know why we haven't done that.
I'm not sure why why have we not done that,
guess guy Russef? Well, I mean because right now it's
it's the hot point of the NFL and Major League
Baseball season, so I think everything has been kind of
geared towards those two events that are going on right now.

(14:13):
So are you saying that this would be more appropriate
for spring or something mayor June, something like that mayor
June type of thing. Yeah, all right, So that answers
that question. Pierre and or Jason in Rocky Mount of Virginia. Excuse.
Next up, Kevin in Kansas is dear Ben and Gascon

(14:37):
or the other guy. Next week is Halloween. I'm looking
for a good spooky day film to enjoy. Do you
have a go to favorite to recommend? Great podcast that's
from Kevin? Any horror movie, any Halloween movie that you
recommend your gasking on your a movie guy? I mean,

(14:58):
I don't want to say do I have to a movie?
Or can I say? Show? Oh? You do show if
you want? Is it streaming? Can people? Can he watch it? Yeah?
I know that the seasons have kind of been dragged out,
but the initial season one of the Walking Dead was
pretty solid. So that's but that. Yeah, what about a movie?

(15:20):
What about it? Like a traditional like the all the
movie called Halloween, right, Michael Myers or whatever that was,
that's one of the great What else? Do you watch
a lot of horror movies? Oh? I don't, So I'm
not I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't. I
usually watch comedies. Well I'm married now, so I get
rom coms. But like my level and it's not even

(15:42):
a horror movie. But like, like I think a Halloween movie,
I think like Beetles Juice has like a Halloween movie,
which is an old nineteen eighties movie, or the Adams Family,
something on those lines. But I don't usually go for
like the Friday the thirteen or that kind of stuff.
I was it was always a big deal when I
was a kid. Every Halloween, I believe it was CBS

(16:04):
Channel two in l A. It was a big deal
to Mallor House on Halloween would carve pumpkins. And then
that night my mom got so excited because it was
the Peanuts Gang, the Great It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown,
and that was a big deal. Gascon Uh, you know,
Charlie Brown there in Linus and all of them waiting
for the Great Pumpkin Man. That was big. That a

(16:26):
horror movie, though, unless you look back at it and say,
my god, that's from like the nineteen sixties, and I
guess we're no help. Kevin from Rockford, Illinois, writes in
says Mr Mallor and Mr Gascott. I am currently in
Orange Beach, Alabama, living my best life out on the beach.
Have you guys ever been to the beaches of Alabama?

(16:49):
If not, you should. The beaches are much cleaner than
the homeless, cigarette and invested infested beaches you all have
out west damn all. So I would like to have
a bench press contest against Gascon hundred bucks says I'll
win Kevin in Rockford, Illinois. I think he would. I

(17:09):
think he would win too. Really, you're admitting that you're
not You're not gonna be able to bench it more
than a random listener in Rockford, Illinois. Probably not. I
don't bench press that much anymore. I took my road
to the Cup playing football in my early twenties, and um,
I don't focus on bench a lot anymore. Part of
the reasons because you bringer your shoulders past ninety degrees

(17:30):
and I can't do that. So everything's been at a
flat and ninety degree angle. So so you're saying you're built,
you're built for speed, not power. That's true. That's not true.
I do. I do legs. How about that I squat.
I'll squat more than him. How about that? Yeah, Okay,
he didn't say that. He said bench press. Now, I've
never been to the beaches of Alabama. It's like me

(17:53):
arm wrestling somebody. I can't arm wrestle with somebody. I'm
left handed, have you been to the beaches of Alabama.
You know what about that in Charleston, South Carolina. Jonas
lived down there. Those that area is gorgeous, right, Yeah,
we've been through this. I need to get to Charleston
the next couple of years. My your niece, uncle Benny.

(18:13):
My niece goes to college at one of the universities
in Charleston. Yeah, and she's doing very well there. She's
got a thing going on, and so I'd love to
go down and hang out with her. Um. I went
to a hotel in St. Petersburg called Donces Are down
in Florida. It's right next to Tampa Bay. Then the
beaches are white, like just straight white. And the water,

(18:38):
the water when you get into it, you get see
your toes. It was. It's absolutely gorgeous warm water. Yeah,
it's with all the oil spills that we've had in
the Gulf Coast and the Gulf of Mexico, is that
still I don't know if you're seeing what's going on
in like Bolsa Cheek at Huntington Beach, but we're not listen.

(18:58):
What do you what do you want black water or
do you what the oil tankers and cargo ships that
are like docked off. Yeah, you're thinking a perfect California.
And I go to the beach on the weekends with
the wife. We like to go to the beach and
hang out watch the sunset like old people. And we
go down there and you're looking out. You've got the
beautiful sand, You've got the water, which from a distance

(19:21):
the water looks fine. It's when you get closer you
see how disgusting the water is. But then off in
the horizon with the sun setting, you see seven or
eight oil tankers lined up off the coast of California.
It's just wonderful, and it's it's kind of nice when
I'll drive through Long Beach to get to uh like

(19:43):
Belmont Shore, or even just to go down to Huntington's
Beach and do you take Pacific Coast Highway. But when
you're driving through Long Beach, there's certain parks that are
there and and boardwalks that you have guys and grills
like in these park areas doing like yoga or workout
outs with from the frisbee and even in the sun
setting it looks nice. It's just you obviously people out

(20:04):
there exercising, working out. Gorgeous night and then yeah, over
the scene you just have ship, ship, ship, oiltaker, cargo ship, everything.
Just yeah, it sucks. Man. Well. I I love also
looking and observing the people that visit California, the outsiders,

(20:26):
Like you go to Venice Beach or Santa Monica, two
great locations, historic locations in southern California, and you see
these people that come to town from different parts of
the country and here they are living their dream. They're
in a nice vacation, they're visiting the landmarks in California,
and they get the Venice Beach and they're walking over
ship and piss uh. Santa Monica. You walk down the

(20:48):
Third Street promenade, they've gotten rid of some of the
parking lots now now homeless encampments. You've got. It's unbelievable,
just insane. It's absolutely saying, and no one who has
the chance to do something about it will even acknowledge it, right,
They just they just plast it off and blame it
on other people. And it's it's just it's crazy town,

(21:10):
is what it is. It sucks, and God forbid, if
you do bring it up and try to uh ask questions,
you're labeled as some kind of uh, some kind of
racist or some kind of heathen, if you will, just
trying to attack people because of the living conditions. Well,
it used to be the way I look at this

(21:32):
situation like it's like rush hour. When the term rush
hour was created, it was an ur It was literally
an hour that people there was an hour in the
morning when people were rushing to get to work, in
an hour in the afternoon when they were rushing to
get home from work from work. And it was called
Now in big cities like l A, Chicago, New York, Boston, UH,

(21:53):
San Francisco, places, Houston, it's it's like three hours. In
l A. It's it's from two o'clock until eight o'clock
is rush hour. It's the homeless thing is the same thing.
They used to have these things called skid row. Skid
Row in l A is everywhere. The skid row in
downtown l A. There, I know exactly where it is.
There's a great pastronomy, a French dip place right next

(22:16):
to skid row over the Alorado. Yeah, I'll go hang
out there and all that, And so that used to
be where skid rods skin rolls everyhere. I've been in
a downtown l A a a lot this last week because
the dodging games. I was down there and I don't
spend much time in downtown in l A these days,
but my god, it's it's it's as bad as it's
ever been. It's as bad as it's ever been. Crazy,

(22:36):
it's ghetto. Get all right. Next up, hill Billy Mike writes,
and he says, got I got two questions for the
Mallard mail bag. What do you all think is the
biggest bullshit stat in the NFL? And hill Billy Mike says,
I think it's yards passing, whether it's most in a game,

(22:58):
a season, or all time, and most of the yards
are yak yards after catch and shouldn't be included. A
quarterback throws a dink and a dunk pass all day,
but his receivers are racking up the yak. At the
end of the day, they credit the quarterback with a
three yard passing day. He didn't have a three d

(23:20):
fifty yard passing day, maybe fifty yards. It's bullcrap. He says,
what do you think is the most overrated NFL stat? Well,
I'm gonna go with the status that gets brought up
a lot that if you run for a certain amount
of yards, you're gonna win the game. The team that
runs for more wins. That is a skewed stat I'll
tell you why. Typically what has happened. I was changed

(23:42):
a little bit in recent years with the past happy NFL,
But when I was a kid growing up, the team
that had more rushing yards win the game. But the
way that works is typically when you get a lead.
And they don't do it quite as much these days,
but they still a lot of teams. Stood when you
get a lead, what do you do. You sit on
the ball, you run the ball, right to run the ball,
run the clock out. So you're gonna get more rushing

(24:04):
yards in that situation. So it's a self fulfilling prophecy
that generally speaking, the team that runs the ball more.
There are exceptions, Tampa Bay Philadelphia this year, I don't
even try to run the ball. But for the most part,
you get a lead, it's the second half you're gonna
run the ball. You're gonna have more running statistics than
the other team, and you'll get the win. And then

(24:27):
people says to you, the team that runs the ball more,
they end up getting the win. So what what do
you think here, I guess the biggest BS are overrated stet.
I think quarterback rating, the quarterback reading. Part of it's
just because it's the stupid calculation of getting the rating
is a little bit overblown. I think that's the biggest

(24:47):
B A stat that we have right now. Why do
you say that. It's a simple formula, it's as past completions,
yards gain, touchdowns, interceptions. But yeah, I think it's a BS.
I think it's a BS statistic based on the fact
that you can have a perfect quarterback rating. And you
know this, We've had quarterbacks in the National Football League years,

(25:10):
year in and year out that are just these dink
and dunk guys and they'll have completion percentages, play flawless football,
but they can't drive the football down the field and
they get nothing in the red zone. It's all like
field goals, or you know, like a guy like Teddy Bridgewater.
He could be really good for a short period of
time and you look at his quarterback right and it's

(25:30):
off the charts, but they're not putting points on the board.
So I think that's a little bit overblown. I'd rather
have a guy that's like twelve of of twenty five
or twenty six for two hundred yards. But it's got
three touchdown passes and two of them are like forty
yards and above. Yeah, to me, the stat that's the
most important is yards per attempt. Yeah, I think that's

(25:53):
that's the most I didn't ask that question, he'll Billy,
but that's the one. Like and you you brought up
Bridgewater in that game the other night on Thursday, when
Bridgewater completed almost sevent his passes for less than six
yards in the tempt. And I remember working with football
coaches over the years at Fox Sports Radio. We you know,

(26:14):
shoot the shoot the ship off the air, and we
talked about different things, and it was always that yards
per pass. You know, the things that are most important
for a quarterback. Accuracy is the most important thing. But
it's accuracy and not just throwing it behind the line
of scrimmage. A lot of guys will just throw passes
behind the line of scrimmage and you'll have a very

(26:35):
accurate quarterback, but it won't be efficient. So you you've
got to have that Seven is average. If you're at
seven yards per pass attempt. If you get up about eight,
you're really good. Anything above eight. My god, are you
great in that statistic? And so that's that's the big
one of the I mentioned. The running stat thing is

(26:59):
is bull crap. I mean, there's several others. Off the
top of my head here. I think we'll move on
because they don't. I'm sure I'll remember them in a
minute from now. But thank you. Hillbilly Mike appreciate that, uh,
he says. Touchdown passes, he says, are the most overrated staff.
By the way, touchdown passes just another pass. I know

(27:19):
you throw out touchdown passes a lot, but it's just
another pass, says hill Billy Mike. Next up, Valls fan
Jimmy from Fayetteville says, Ben, I know you love betting
on sports. Tell us a couple of bad beats you took.
No missing a field goal at the end of the game.
I'm talking about an unbelievable bad beat for both of you. Well,

(27:42):
there have been several bad beats over the years. The
one I bring up a lot is the Atlanta Braves.
I've been on the Atlanta Braves in the nineties late
nineties with Smoltz, Glavin and Maddox. They were playing the St.
Louis Cardinals, it was the opening round of the playoffs.
The Cardinals, a rag tag Cardinal team. This was the
year they had Will Clark. They had gotten Will Clark

(28:04):
from the Giants or maybe not maybe care for the
Orioles or the Rangers or whoever, but he was on
the Cardinals. And I still, I still am trying to
wrap my head around how the Atlanta Braves lost to
the St. Louis Cardinals. Uh, Like, it makes no sense,
It's completely illogical to me. But it happened. It happened,

(28:24):
It happened. It happened. Uh. And there's been some other
random football games, the Music City Miracles the gold standard
for that. Uh. And that was betting Buffalo just on
the on the money line to win the game with
Wade Phillips's coach Rob Johnson at quarterback, the Doug Flutie
Rob Johnson period of Bills football. And to watch that

(28:47):
illegal forward pass get not get called, and to to
have that game lose because of that. I was actually
on the phone. I was dialing up my buddy who
had told me I was nuts for betting on Buffalo
and uh, and I was, you know, gonna trash talk him.
And then as that all went down. I was, holy crap,
any bad beats guesting and you're not as prolific a gambler,

(29:08):
but any bad beats that you want to hash up here?
I I made the cardinal sin of backing a team
with high juice. I um, I remember this is a
handful of years ago when they were one of the
better teams in the Eastern Conference, but I backed Montreal
in a playoff series. They were up three games to

(29:30):
one against the Washington Capitals in Washington, Washington, or no,
excuse me, the other way around. Washington Capitals were were
the best team in the Eastern Conference. And this is
when they were going through the run of like choking
in the first round and Montreal was the eighth seed.
I believe it was. Washington was up three games to one.
They piste away games uh five and six, and then

(29:51):
they were huge favorites. They're like minus three d or
minus three thirty against Montreal, and I thought, now, there's
no way Washington's gonna blow this three one lead to
the Capital or to the Canadians. And I backed the Capitals,
and uh, you know, it was an expensive night with
that juice. That's it's it was. It was not a
pleasant site to see. So now, how did your hat feel? After? That? Hat?

(30:16):
Did not feel well? You know, because you were in
the Dunce cap. That's why. Yeah, I don't know if
I was barfing in it? Did you wear the shame
bell as well? In addition to the Dunce cap? I
didn't tell anybody about it. I Uh, that's like the
that's the last time I would ever take a favorite
with that kind of juice involved. It just so stupid.

(30:37):
You never take think of something that big, no no,
and you everyone's gonna learn this lesson who starts gambling
on sports is these sports books open up state to state.
I promise you, I gallantee. Everyone who's in the sports business,
in sports waging business, they they want you to bet
because they know that you will not know what you're doing,

(31:00):
bigian garbage out. You're gonna bet on all the big favorites,
all the you know that the road teams favored by
five or six points are gonna bet on those teams. Uh,
And you'll end up crying and you're gonna lose a
fortune on that. And at some point a certain percentage
of people will wise up and figure it out. But
a lot of people won't. Yeah, the herd mentality, but

(31:22):
not the herd. Not your guy, Colin Coward, the herd mentality. Alright,
Pete from Main Rights and he says, ben, what is babache?
I've actually gotten this question a lot gascon believe it
or not, because I I say the word bob a ganoe,
A lot people wondering if I want them to send
me bob a ganoe. I don't. In fact, I've only

(31:42):
had boba gus one time. I didn't really like it.
Bobba ganus is a Middle Eastern dish. It is, I believe,
egg plant with lemon and some other seasonings that are
all mixed together. And it's just a fun word to say.
I think bob ganoosh is one of the fun words

(32:02):
out there. I love fun words, and so that's why
I say baked the baba ganoos because it's a fun word.
Where does that run? In contrast to smorgas board, smorgasborg
is a good word. I like flumm x. I don't
use that word a slabber knocker, which is a combined word.
I like slabber knocker. Horn Swoggle is also high on

(32:24):
the lists. Several of those fun words. We need to
have more fun words. I'm an advocate of fun words
to say, and baba ganoos is awesome. It is tremendous fun.
I thought about that when I did do like the
rare trip overseas, I actually did enjoy a smorgasbord of

(32:49):
of meats and fish when I went with a buddy
of mine to uh to answer that was the first
time ever. I thought like, oh my gosh, I'm actually
having a smorgas board of of food. It's like the
first time ever, like nicely like laid out trey and whatnot.
So uh yeah, step on it, dude. Get to get
the babba gan new shout there. Get it out to
the masses at least somebody. After you've got that wonderful

(33:11):
display of of rose petals and brownies and muffins earlier
in the week from one of your your loyalists, Well
you should have stayed around you. I would have given
you something. I was passing out brownies. Hopefully those things
aren't poisoned. I was passing out brownies and cookies to everybody.
Are they poison or their magic? I don't. I have
no idea. They were very nice and what a wonderful

(33:34):
present from Rachel Lamontabello, very kind, lovely Rachel almonta Bello.
And another fun word is sculled duggery. That's a good word. Also,
don't what yeah, what a skulled duggery? You've never used
the word. You've never heard of the words skulled duggery.
Guess no, never? What is that? College educated? I went
to saddleback and you went it's It's just it's another

(33:57):
way of saying, uh, like you're a odd you're up
to skullduggery, Charlatan, Yeah, you're you're double daling, you know
something along those lines. That's a good word, skullduggery, solid word, right,
use these words more. Listen. All we have is words.
Especially I learned this lesson years ago. I told this

(34:19):
before on the radio. Like we're all I'm saying the
same stuff that Cowherd and Patrick and Gottlieb and Jason
Smith and and all these guys, Jonas Knocks, we're all
kind of saying the same Mike harm and all these guys,
we're saying the same thing. So if I can repackage
it and make it sound a little different, why not.
And Plus, it's just better. It's good to have these words.

(34:42):
Some people end up dazed and confused right there, lost
in a cordon Field maze when they are trying to
figure out these words. So I enjoyed one of my
favorite movies, underrated, but it goes right to the point
on This is a Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams
a classic yeah and basically said the same thing. All
you all we have is our words. That's right, yeah, alright.

(35:08):
Next up, Caleb from Meadville, Pennsylvania says Big Ben, the
best interview I've ever heard on this podcast was with
who do you think? Who do you think? Caleb's favorite
interview was with We've got a lot. We have a
very eclectic group. We've had We've had scientists, we've had
media people, my radio friends, we've had old ball players.

(35:29):
We've had an eclectic group. We've had politicians on the show.
A chef, we had a yes, right, wonderful chef. Um.
I don't know, that's a good question when you when
you moved guest, and I guess we can eat at
that restaurant, right, we can go that's right, big farm. Um,
I'm gonna say, was it Jerome Jerenovitch, j Rome seeing

(35:55):
it Headline Sports. That was fun. My favorite were part
of that. It's not Jerome dren my favorite part of Jenna.
Keep in mind, I've known Jerome casually for fifteen years
and I had never heard the story how he started
yelling his name Jerome Jovitch. It's it's one of the

(36:17):
great broadcasting stories. I put that in the top five,
with Bob Ross growing his hair out into a perm
because he couldn't afford haircuts and then that becoming a
thing and he had his that was his trademark on
on PBS. But Jerome Duranovitch, they had a automated system
at CNN Headline News. Did you I don't know if
you listen to the podcast, nobody Jerome told the story,

(36:39):
so they had an automated system at CNN, so he
had I think it was I forget exactly the amount
of time, but it's like a minute forty seconds and
then if you if you go over, it cuts off.
It's kind of like we have the top of the
hour on the network clock at Fox. If you go over,
that's it. You're done. They shut you off. And Jerome
was so paranol about going over they told him, don't

(37:01):
ever go over, don't ever go over. So he would
do his update short and then to fill the final
five seconds or whatever, he would say jarro jach and
he just melt it right and hit the post. Isn't
that great? He became known as that guy that became

(37:23):
his signure thing. People. He was telling the stories that
he'd go to these parties with with Gretzky and Jordan's
and all these big people, and they wanted to talk
to him because they watched CNN and they knew who
he was because he screamed his name out. But the
answer to Caleb's question was Lenny distra nails. He says,

(37:45):
could you please have him on again? Sometime? I was
glued to my radio when you had him on. Yeah,
I'd love to have Lenny on. Lenny's a friend of
the show. Lenny would do it. Problem with this, though,
is the schedule when we record the podcast, Like, I
don't want these things to be dated. The podcast got

(38:05):
to breathe a little bit, and you do. You can't
do a specific podcast about like the World Series during
the World Series because it's dated. Like, for example, the
World Series this week starts on Tuesday and on Wednesday.
I believe that's the start of the World Series. I

(38:26):
think I'm correct on that. Uh, first two games, then
they have a travel day on Thursday, they play. Uh
they might have a couple of days off, but they
play over the weekend. So we would if we were
to do the dicest podcast, we want to talk about
the World Series match up, and then we would have
to it would be dated right away because by the
time it aired to be a game that would have played.

(38:47):
So but after the World Series, get also, we have
to get an American hero, the great Rick Monday. Oh yeah,
you go. I talked to Rick. Rick said he's he's
cool to do the podcast at some point, So we'll
get him on here, the man that saved the American flag.
And if that happened today, there would have been off

(39:07):
columnists at CNN and The New York Times that would
have ripped Rick. Oh yeah, well you know what if
Rick Monday would have done that today, I bet you,
I bet you everything I have in the tank that
even the hacks that the l A Times would would
trash Rick Monday. Hud that would would happen if that

(39:28):
if that happened at that happened at Dodgers Stadium and
the l A Times was there. I guarantee they would
trash Rick Monday. Oh yeah, oh yeah. The the think
police would be out there and they'd be doing their
their nonsense. So uh anyway, Uh, let's see your page down,

(39:48):
page down, all right. Uh. Next on the mail bag,
we have Carlos in Houston, Texas. Carlos and Houston, Texas
has been You have mentioned a few times that you
got in trouble by Major League Baseball because of the
cheating scandal. Can you go into detail with what they

(40:10):
told you? Yeah, Carlos, Unfortunately I am not able to
talk about that at this time, and for whatever reason,
I leave Fox Sports Radio and I write a book.
I promise you there will be a chapter about what
happened and the phone calls that were made, the emails

(40:34):
that were made. You know, the story. Guests on you're
aware of what happened, but unfortunately that is not for
public consumption at this time. Let's just say, once the
story comes out, many people will be bug eyed and
will not believe, will not believe what happened behind the scenes.
That's all I will says. I think I'm right on
that right, Yes, yes, wow, all right. He says, also,

(40:59):
I'm surprised that you haven't done a monologue on the
Rich Paul versus New Lands. No, well, story, Yeah, that's
that's kind of it's it's still a story, but it's
in a in a holding pattern right now. And I
did consider it, but there was something bigger that happened,
and so that that was on my What I do
is I put a list of things I might want

(41:21):
to do a monologue about. I like, I'll write down
like maybe i'll do this that, And then I thinned
the herd and I'll chop it down. And so that
didn't make the cut because there was something I like
more that I was more interested in that week that
story came out. He also says, may I recommend an
interview Tony Adams, the guy who made the sign Stealing
scandal dot com website? You ever heard of that guy? Uh? Guess, no,

(41:49):
sign Stealing scandal dot com. I'm clicking on it right now,
right when they click on it right now, and uh,
it appears to be not an actual site, So I
don't know what he's talking about. Maybe it was at
one point, Uh, science, I'm looking on. It's not Oh
wait a minute, it is coming up. Now, now it

(42:10):
is coming up. I guess I had a bad link.
It says I'm an Astros fan. They cheated during the
regular season. The evidence is clear. In an attempt to
understand the scope of the cheating and the players involved,
this guy wrote, I decided to listen to every pitch
from the Astros home games and log any banging noise

(42:30):
I could detect, and then he gave the results here
and uh, there's a lot of ven diagrams, pie charts
and all that. Yeah, I don't know. Would that be
a good podcast. I don't know about that would be
an interesting to talk to you now? I think I
feel like we need visuals to compliment it. Yeah, I'd

(42:56):
rather get that Mattress Mac guy on in Houston. Get
that guy on, that'd be good, that'd be that'd be
fun to talk to him. And if you want to
recommend anyone, you know, every week we have on Friday,
we try, unless we we fail, we'll get somebody on
to talk to. So if there's anybody you want that
you think is reasonable. And I've tried to get people

(43:17):
I want to know, some people won't do the podcast.
There's a lot of these these elites that won't do
the podcast because we're not big enough names or whatever.
We don't know. We don't know what it was. That
guy Mike Row. I really wanted to get mic Row on,
A big fan of micro and I emailed his publicist
and they asked for a list of names of people
we had on the podcast, and I guess we didn't

(43:38):
make the cut, so mic Row would not do the pocket.
I'm sure Mike has no idea about this at all,
by the way that it's people below him and all that.
It was disappointing. I was, and I he's He's someone
I think it would have been great for the show
and talk to and you know, the dirty jobs guy
Mike Row, And unfortunately I'm not gonna get him on.

(43:59):
Who else? I was Ron Popeil he's dead now, but
Ron Popeo. We wanted to get him on and I
we had him booked and then at the last minute
Poppel backed out. At the last minute, I thought it
was a done deal backed out. That that one hurt.
Trying to feel like we had another athlete that was
on board, an athlete that backed out that we had

(44:24):
Why don't we try to get Alec Baldwin on how
about that? Oh my god, what a story? Holy, how horrible?
How horrific? Oh, you're in the movie business, guest Scott,
How the fund does that happen? I know what's happened before,
but how that you're just a proper business and how

(44:45):
does that place? That's just gun safety one on one
on one though, like you just you never point a
firearm at somebody. You check the chamber. I mean, you
check to see if it's loaded. Are you blaming Alec
Baldwin on one thousand, one thousand percent? That's neglig on
his part. Well, you don't know what happened, all the

(45:09):
all the details. I don't know what happened, But I'm
gonna give him the benefit of the doubt that he
he's on set. He thought that was a a prop gun,
not a not a real gun. Who's who's got a
live gun laying around like that? Well, I'll put it
this way, though, if you have any kind of weapon,

(45:31):
why would you point it at somebody? One? And two?
Why would you point to somebody that's not even in
the scene with you? I mean, I could done this
down if you had a blowhorn. Would you put a
blowhorn point blank to someone's face or ear? Well, first
of all, if you knew in your in your head

(45:52):
that that was not a real you know, you were
just goofing around, right, it was a it was a
prop gun. So it's like when I was a kid,
we had these capo Yeah, they still have those, by
the way, those done. They do. But I mean even
if even a BB gun, if you had a b
B gun, you wouldn't you wouldn't aim that at somebody.
A paintball gun you wouldn't aim at somebody either. Yeah,

(46:14):
I don't know. I mean, I know you want to,
but I'm not a big Alec Baldwin guy, but that
I don't unless I would have to read more about it.
Guesscou As I understand it right now. I don't blame him,
but I mean, that's that is man. If you I
just I can't think you're thinking you're shooting a toy
gun and it turns out to be a real gun

(46:36):
and you've killed someone. I mean, I'll put it this way.
I hate bringing this up, but Dante Stalworth killed a
man and it was in the middle of the night.
The man was crossing the crosswalk. I don't know if
he was. Yeah, and Stalwarth was he was in toxic kid.
I mean at worst, I mean not worst, but at

(46:59):
least he's he's negligent on what he did and he
needs to be held accountable. Man like that dude needs
to go to jail. So you think Alec Baldwin should
go to jail, Yeah, one thousand percent. He needs to
go to jail. Do you think he will go to jail?
I say no, no, he will not know he won't
go to jail. And there's several reasons for that. There's

(47:19):
I know it's different. But in California, there was an incident,
uh some we talked about this on the radio. Somebody's
some famous guy's kid, uh died in an accident with
a gun on a movie set years ago. I think
it's in the eighties or the early nineties, and there
were no criminal charges. Also, the state of New Mexico
wants more Hollywood productions to come right to the state

(47:41):
of New Mexico. So that's where that happened. Yeah, so
they'll probably yeah, you know, it's just an accident and
we'll move on. But Matthew Broderick killed somebody he didn't.
I mean Jim Las Jimmy Larritz. I could get him
on the podcast Yankee Hero, Jim Layriz. I knew him
when he played with the Dodger a little bit and

(48:02):
the Angels back in the back in the day. Let's
see here, Greg and Iowas says, have either of you
piste on a live electric fence, whether sober or drunk?
Gascon that's all you. And my wife told me though,
she works at the police stations, and I one one

(48:23):
operator that is legal in the state of California to
ship on the street and to piss on the street
legal in the state of California. How the fuck has
that happened? Yeah, like we we mock people in San
Francisco in l A. San Francisco, in l A, they ship.
There's piles of human feces in parts of San Francisco.

(48:45):
In l A. You've got San Francisco, one of you know,
one of the most beautiful cities in in God's Green Earth.
On God's Green Earth, you've got these amazing mosaic views
of the skyline, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge,
these aws, some boats out in the harbor, and you
walk over human ship and it's not even against the law.

(49:07):
It's wild. Don't worry, man, I don't worry. They know better,
and the people voting for them no better. Well, you're
moving to a place where it is locally illegal to
ship and piss. I believe if I don't know where
you're moving, you haven't told me where you're moving, for sure.
But if you're moving somewhat in my area out adjacent

(49:28):
to the north Woods, not legal, not legal to do it.
They also, amazingly in those places, they actually when they
is graffiti just gonna blow your mind, guests, Gan, they
clean it up within forty eight hours. Yes, they don't
just leave it there as a nice piece of art
like a Rembrandt or a van Go. They actually get
rid of it. And then it tells me they don't

(49:50):
allow robberies to take places like in cvs IS or
Right Aids, or like beauty stores or you know, best buys,
things like that. You can't go in with a duffeld.
I can fill it up and just walk out and
then nobody cares, all right. Last email question Scott from
Parts Unknown says Ben and Gascon are there any photos

(50:13):
of some of the various characters on the show, such
as Spin Psycho Regina Tammy from Montana. He says, also,
what is the most embarrassing moment you've experienced on the air?
I love the show? F al tub Actually we can
say funk out because that's what he wrote. So Scott,
first of all, I'm I don't know what spin Psycho

(50:35):
Regina looks like or Tammy. It's radio. Part of the
fun for me is it is theater of the mind.
You can imagine what I look like, what Tammy looks like,
Spin Psycho Regina, Doc Mike flexis any of these characters

(50:56):
that call the show and are part of our family,
But you don't really know. Now with the Internet it's changed.
But spend Psycho Regina, I've I don't know if she
looks like. I don't know what Tammy, uh, Doc Mike.
I've met some of these characters. I've met Lance the
bus driver. I've met him several times. Jay Scoop had
a nice meal. We're friends because I had a meal

(51:17):
with the great Jay Scoop. Helmet but I met Helmet Man. Yeah,
Helmet Man. I knew him before he called the show.
I hope he's around. I don't know what happened to him.
He's gone, at least from calling the show. And uh,
I've seen Cowboy And when there's some of these guys
are on the internet, Cowboy John Brad. If you do
a search, I'm sure you rather it sounds like you'd
rather see the beautiful women in the malle Militia Scott

(51:40):
then the guys. But Cowboy on the CBC website. My man,
he was. He was such a prolific hoarder in Canada
that the Canadian government came and evicted him from his home.
And I think he called himself the handsome hoarder. But
if you type in uh, cowboy, John windsor hoarding, some

(52:03):
combination of those words into Google, you'll find the story.
And there's a photo of Cowboy John Brad in the
in the squalor that he was living in in his
home in Canada. Had the Canadian government had to they
had to find a new home for him. It's so
many papers and books and all that, and he is

(52:24):
his mind. It's fascinating. He does not use computers, he
doesn't own a computer. He's got this photographic memory. It's wild.
I got a terrible memory. This guy's got an amazing memory. Uh.
And as far as the other part of the question,
there Scott most embarrassing moments on the air? Where do

(52:47):
where do we begin? Uh? Well, I mean we've had
I've had guests on. I didn't realize. I thought I
was talking to player A and I was talking to
person B. That's been embarrassing. Uh. One time I did
a show, I was hammered, which is I don't even
get drunk very often. But this is years ago. I
was in my twenties. I've told the story before thumbnail version.

(53:08):
So it was during the Olympics. I was doing a
night show, local show in l A. We were told
we weren't gonna be on because of Olympic coverage network
coverage on the Olympics. The program director says, hey, go
hang out at a restaurant and stay in the area
because if the Olympic coverage ends early, we'll put you
on for like an hour, so we'd have to fill

(53:29):
an hour. And so okay, So we stayed out. We
went to this place called Adults in Burbank, which no
longer exists, and we just watched TV eight chicken fingers
and drank beer and told radio stories. All night and
then we get a phone call right when we're getting
ready just to kind of wander the streets of Burbank

(53:49):
and try to sober up. And the boss is like, hey,
we need you. So I went in and I did
an hour of radio. And when you're inebriated, you curse
and you don't even realize you're cursing. Like I have
some filter on the radio. I've developed a bit of
a filter, which isn't perfect, but it's pretty good. And

(54:09):
when you're drunk, you don't do that. Uh. The other
thing along that vein I I this was last Was
it last year? I guess it was two years ago.
Guess gun Remember the famous pizza when I burned my mouth?
Oh yeah? Rams game? Yeah yeah. So I was supposed
to go to a Rams Bucks game when Jamis Winston
was with the Bucks in I didn't get my request

(54:31):
into the Rams soon enough. The Rams would not allow
me in the stadium, would not allow me in the stadium.
So I stayed home and I made the Mallard pizza
garlic onion, bell pepper Mallard pizza. And I was so
excited and to eat the pizza that I ate it
before the pizza had cooled down and I burned my
tongue and for the next week I sounded like Lou

(54:54):
Holtz had the gods. I sounded like Lou holes I
had a lisp as I was hemming in on on
the radio. Is embarrassing. It was the game that it's
a game that Jared Goff had multiple turnovers and Jamis
Winston had like what like six touchdowns or something like that. Yeah,
well that was actually I guess that was a a

(55:16):
preview a four shock of future attractions because that helped
spur the Ramps to eventually get rid of Jared Goff.
So that was a big thing. Sold anyway, all right,
that's it. Anything else, Gaston, I think we're We've run
through all the emails that I have here. I have
a stack of emails. Are some other ones, but no, no,
the hats did come in though a couple of days

(55:37):
ago was in the studio, so many thanks, and we
had a couple of emails and trackers. That's a reminder
so if anyone send anything to you or myself, they
have to put our names on it, because apparently the
package with the hats did not have a name on it.
So the people that were managing the mail for us
are in a different department, and they were just holding

(56:00):
onto it because they had no idea who the um
recipient was of all that stuff. Yeah, so, and I
will give out the address, not that anyone will write
it down here Gascon. But if you would like to
send anything to Gascon or myself, not that you should,
and not that we were we want you to, but
actually we do want you to. But if you want
to be part of it, you can send your your

(56:22):
package to Ben Mallard show. You gotta put that above
the address line, Ben mallows Show, Fox Sports Radio one
five two six oh one Ventura Boulevard. And I believe
it's sweet five now, Yeah, I believe five hundred Sherman Oaks, California,

(56:44):
oh three. And that is the address. And we will
let us know though, so we make sure there's a
lot of Rush Limbaugh still getting me. I was in
the other night after the Dodger INDs game, and I
look around at the stacks of mail looking for stuff
for me and George nor He's got a bunch of stuff,
and there's Russia Limbaugh, Cowherd, Steve Harvey, all the big

(57:05):
stars of the premier networks. And uh, then I'm scrambling
to try to find stuff for me. So yeah, and
and then and then just a reminder to piggyback off
of that. Um, I wear a large T shirt and
a seven and three size cat. Okay, uh, people know,
I guess, and I wear a size eight hat. I

(57:27):
have a big melon, a watermelon head, lemon head, and
I I generally wear a two X long. I could
wear an Excel, but I don't like to. I look
too skinny in that, So I like a too X.
Let it, let it breathe a little bit, but it
has to be long because I'm lengthy. I'm nank I

(57:47):
think would be the term. Anyway. You swim in your clothes?
Now you do? You swim in your clothes? I like that.
I like that. I like that because before when I
originally lost all the weight, I'm a yo yo person.
I been pretty good with this new intermitute fasting. But
when I lost the weight before, I gained half of
it back. I lost over two hundred pounds and I

(58:09):
gained over a hundred pounds back, and I was so petty.
I got married. My wife's a great cook, and you know,
I was the hunting moon phase and I just ate
everything literally and I get a hundred pounds back. But
since I've lost the hundred, I've lost five over three
hundred pounds in the last twelve years or so. But

(58:30):
but but anyway, so yeah, so that the uh, the
diet things working out and all that. But I like
my clothes to be a little loose, just in case
I gained a little weight back. I still don't feel
like a big fatty. They do tell you, though, don't they.
The diet X was tell you to wear jeans because
you can't cheat in jeans, and if you've gained weight,

(58:52):
they'll show you won't be able to put those genes
on anymore. And a lot of you it's the old
trick we all do as fat people. We just wear
the gym shorts and the sweatpants and the things that
you can expand the waste. So if you gain a
couple of pounds, it's no big deal. We're a lot
of black, a lot of gray, and a lot of blue. Yeah,

(59:14):
and do you can dress like me? I have my
clothing right off skid Row. The aligned from skid Row
very nice, all right, Thank you gusting on for showing up.
Will you be how many podcasts next week? One? Two
or three? What? What's what's the over under? Add is
it one and a half or two? One and a
half one and a half. I'll take the d D.

(59:36):
All right, let's have a great day. We'll be back
on the radio. I will be tonight. It's eleven o'clock
in the West Sunday night, two am in the East
Monday morning. A feeling You're opening monologue could be something
Arizona related. It might be baseball related, a rare, a

(59:57):
rare and appropriate baseball monologue. It could be all right anyway,
have a great day. Thank you for supporting the podcast.
Remember five Stars cameo dot com. You want a cameo,
We're there for you and we'll catch you next time. Aloha.