September 4, 2021 • 35 mins
A supposed colleague and friend turns his back to provide an untrustworthy a precious gift.
Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review on iTunes whenever you get the chance.
Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com
Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and on Instagram @BenMallerOnFOX
David is on Twitter @DavidJGascon and Instagram @DaveGascon
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere we were
back at it again. A Saturday Saturday edition of the
Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Deep in the north Woods.
Here a spinoff of the radio show, only available in
the podcast format. We thank you for finding it and
(00:47):
being part of the festivus of audio content. Here on
a Saturday, joined by the Man West of the four
oh five, David Gascon is here. He's got a big,
big introduction. You don't have any any sound effects, nothing canned,
nothing can for the day, well the day. Yeah. The
(01:09):
crowd actually thinks I'm I'm They're they're more excited about me,
so flopping there, very happy that I'm here. I golf
count yeah, exactly. The one thing this show will not
be is all right, will not be born? Yeah? Who
(01:29):
did you get that from? Avenue. No, no, I cannot
say avenue toy. But look the calls are coming in
at most people can't call a podcast guest count. But
look at that. The phones are ringing. Who is that?
I don't know. Oh, the phone is ringing. I'm sorry,
I gotta answer the phone. And she's yelling at me
to answer the phone. Disgusting. You might even get a
(01:52):
prank phone call. Look look at that. Look who's calling in?
Oh no, Papa boys calling. Hey, this is like last
year with with Benny versus the Penny. As soon as
you can see the comments on the YouTube channel, you
just you uh, I was distracted. You were like a
pig and slop to get this. It's the shiny object,
(02:12):
you know, it's the shiny object. And that and when
you when you say something stupid, yeah, yeah, you lose.
See you see that's you know where that's from video games?
That from that's an iconic video game. That's Donkey Kong.
When you when you losing Donkey Kong. Ye Now it's
(02:34):
a child in my youth, those were the games I had,
so for me, that's an iconic sound. That's it is.
It was like Donkey Kong galagha pac Man. You had
some some rich stuff in the video game, in the
world of course Magic versus Bird too, but yeah, yeah, yeah,
there was some classic classic games. So what's that? Who
(03:00):
in it too? I give it to myself? What are
you talking about? You know why? I'm a winner, That's why.
Come on, this is a fucking nightmare. This is absolutely atrocious.
I can't believe you. Did you found this somewhere? Did
you find it or did your wife find it somewhere? Oh? No,
(03:21):
I found it. I I found it, and uh your Batman,
Oh the Cape Crusader making an appearance there. I might
have to edit that out of the podcast in case
the people upstairs here it. Oh yeah, no, so so
I I uh years ago, when you know those replay machines,
(03:43):
you might not if you're like a track right, like
it's connected to your board when you're so that became
I remember when that was like new and the person
on air or the or the engineer could hit sound effects.
And we got one of those at Extra Sports eleven
F D L. A and and I the first like
two months all I did after everything, I said, let
(04:05):
me give you a kind of a recap here what
happened here. Let me see if I can. You can
find it after everything I said, even it didn't matter
what it was, it was yeah, hey, I I had
a corned beef sandwich for lunch yesterday. Yeah, you know, okay,
And it was just and the program director Bo Bennett
came in after a couple of weeks during the show,
(04:26):
I was in the middle of the segment and ripped
the sound effect machine out of my my hands and said, no,
you you're not allowed to have that anymore, and literally
just unplugged it and ripped it from the wall and
took it away. So that's good. Were you were you
scared of him at all or did you push back? No?
I was scared of Bo because he was a very
(04:46):
small person. Um, but I I also was afraid of
all program breactors in general because I was convinced that
they all were out to get me. So I did
not did not spend much time get pushing back. Now,
I I'm at the point I don't really care. But
back then it was it was much different. So on
this podcast, obviously we just gave you the new thing,
which is so excited. Look, hey, the Minnesota Vikings, whoa
(05:11):
look at that school? Ah, oh, this is doesn't bode
well for me. Oh yeah, it's over for you, man,
it's over. Your your career is now. Yeah, that's it. Uh.
So we we have the injury tent, the glitch, and
(05:35):
whatever else pops up, whatever else pops up on the podcast. Also,
I will answer a question now. Yesterday I answered a
couple of questions. I know that the podcast got up
late on Friday, but there were some technical difficulties that
were beyond our control. So we put that up a
little bit later. And I did answer the age old
question of whether or not it's the Code of the
(05:59):
wet or the John Wooden Creed because I had a
guy from from l a here that emailed me, and
he actually emailed me a while ago, not that long ago,
but I I got into that and ranted and raved
about which is which is better? But we begin this podcast.
I hope you if you missed the Friday podcast because
(06:20):
it was up late, you can end up you know,
listen to whatever. Listen to it right now if you want.
I don't care. But this podcast, uh, the injury tent.
So I think you would agree with me that my job,
our job is pretty simple, pretty simple, right, I mean,
it's it's talking. Anybody can talk, um, it's not that hard.
(06:44):
So I found a way the other day to injure
myself while preparing for a radio show. And this could
be the answer to some kind of obscure tributa question.
But I was, I was getting ready for the show,
and I'm pretty much locked in the office here. Not
not that this is a big issue. It's a it's
(07:05):
a first world problem. But there's a lot of construction
going on here at the Mallard mansion, and as a
result of the construction, I am pretty limited in where
I can go. So I hang out in the office
and spend a lot of time here. I don't even
have we don't have TVs in the house. It's it's,
you know, these are first world things that we don't have.
So and then it's gonna be like another month at
least until things are somewhat normal. So, but I'm not
(07:31):
paving roads or doing any kind of physical labor like
the people are actually working on the house or doing
some physical labor. But I managed to suffer a knee injury.
I was prepping for the show the other night, and
I was putting some monologues together, putting some bullet points
together for the monologues. And uh, I had I have
a chair that rolls, most people do. And then I
(07:51):
rolled away to grab some water and then in my
haste to come back and to get back to my
my position in the desk. Uh I went a little
too fast, I think. Uh, the voice in my head
so like kind of like tiger woods. Uh, turning the
corner there near where you live, west of the four
or five back in then and so I I went
(08:12):
boom and then kaboom, just like that, Uh, kaboom, and
my my leftnee was not my right he was my
left knee went right into the corner of the desk,
and I was just in tremendous pain. But nobody knew.
Nobody knew because I'm in a room by myself. I'm
far away from everyone else. And uh, I was in real,
(08:35):
real misery. And so what I had done it I
had jerry rigged the desk because I know you're very
concerned about how my desk is set up. I have
a corner desk in the studio. Everything set up. It's
a pain in the ass. I've had to rebuild the
studio multiple times since the beginning of this year because
of moving, and so I've got it just the way
I wanted. And but the desk, I had to take
(08:55):
part of the desk off so I could sit where
I need to sit for the podcast. And in in
doing that, I opened up a corner and I just
nailed that thing. So I have a nice My knee
is black and blue. It was actually bleeding, Actually had
blood coming out of the of the knee during this
(09:16):
this episode. So it was it was an interesting time.
But but I believe I will make a full recovery.
And I I did not tell a soul, didn't tell
the wife. The first people I'm telling are right now
you listening. It's very important information. The Saturday podcast is
really the life of Mallard. That's what people have said.
(09:37):
It's all about things that have happened to me. So
we should get what was the what was the board game?
Was it called? Doctor? Oh? Are you talking about operation? Operation?
There you go. We should get that. We should golt
a Ben Mallar operation board because we have the gall bladder,
we have a tongue, we have the knee. Um, have
(10:00):
you stepped your tail yet yet? Oh? Yeah, I've had
two issues now you play the game Operation back when
you were when you were a kid, did you play?
I did? I did, But for full disclosure, your pasty
white seal bruised quite easily. Anyway. This isn't really know.
I've always bruised. That's one of my superpowers. And when
I played football, people always felt bad for me because
(10:22):
the after every game, I would come back and my
arms would be all black and blue from the shoulder
down to the elbow, and people, I can't believe, why
are you playing football? And I'm like, well, it doesn't
it didn't really hurt. I just bruised. You know, you
touched me and I'll bruise. I'm I'm a wallflower when
it comes to that. But the game Operation I played,
I was very good at the game Operation. As a child,
(10:43):
I should have been a doctor. But you know the
name of the title Carrie. Don't know its character. I
don't know if that's the right way to describe it.
But the on the game, the person laying on the
front of the bottom, Okay, I don't know his name,
and I don't know the main character of Monopoli's name either. Yeah,
(11:05):
I know in in Operation it's Cavity Sam they call. Yeah.
I looked that up actually because I I was doing
a monologue about Anthony Davis Lakers and I was like,
this guy's the character from you know, Operation. I was like,
I couldn't and I found his name as Cavity Sam.
(11:27):
But in Operation can he even put can even put
a bone in his mouth? I know you could put
it everywhere else, but I don't even think you could
put a bone in his mouth? Right, Yeah? No, I
I I believe that you can't. I have to look
at the box. I don't have the box right in
front of me, but I think you can put that
(11:48):
put that in anyway? You know. You bringing him up
as is remarkable because that could be a trivia question
the next ten years. Name a game character that was
not canceled. Well, is there a reason to cancer? I'm
sure there's something that has got something racist about Kevity Sam.
I'm sure could be a skin color. Yes. Uh, well,
(12:11):
I'm surprised Monopoly is still around because that supports the
aristocrats and the robber Bart capitalism, capitalist of evil, evil
successful and make a lot of money, and super Mario brothers,
you know, stereotyping Italians, that's right, I mean you could
conceivably get rid of everything. The Smurfs making fun of
(12:33):
a poor community, you know, yeah, exactly. Uh so you know,
why not just get let's just get rid of everything.
We'll just stare at each other and that is it.
We have a very fragile society and the flakes are
triggered by everything. So we'll just bow down. And the
what do they say, they professionally offended class, right, the
(12:56):
offended professional grifters. Yes. Every think of today though, is
that people when they are almost victims and not victims,
get upset when they're not victims. And this is something
that has changed in my lifetime because when I was
a kid, you didn't you you didn't want to be
a victim. You know, he was like, I'm glad, I'm lucky.
(13:16):
I'm not a victim. Nobody's taking advantage of Now It's like,
oh man. The best example of that is the Colorado
Rocky story from a couple of weeks ago. Remember that
one where the fan, the fan behind on plate was
screaming dinger with a d right. I got picked up
on the microphone behind on plate. And of course social
(13:38):
media always going to the worst possible place, uh said
that this guy screamed out the N word, and then
they went back and they realized he was just screaming
out for the Rockies mascot to come over to him.
But the guy on the Marlins, I forget the guy's name,
but the guy in the Marlins who was interviewed, um,
remember he went on and on. It's like, uh, I
(13:59):
heard it. He felt like he was the victim. He
really wanted to be the victim. Like I remember watching
his comments and I was like, wow, this guy really
is upset. He's not the victim. You know, it could
be like that scenario where you're you're playing on Miami's defense, right, Like,
you know, Miami gets a turnover, they get the turnover chain,
and so all of a sudden you have something that
comes to prevalent and you're like, I got the virtue
signal and chain, right like I got the gold like
(14:20):
I got something to put around my neck. Yeah, no, exactly.
It's just it's it's not the Potters have that too,
right the when they hit a hold on they have
the SD chain that they put it. Good for the
nationally naturally West third place standings, Yeah yeah, yeah, Oh
they were great. They were the best team in baseball
for like we're even in first place. I feel like
(14:41):
the Giants have been in first place in baseball. I
think San Diego was like in first place for a
couple of weeks, then the Dodgers and then San Francisco
took him over at the tail end of the middle
of April, and then the Dodgers an hour obviously in
a dogy with this weekend series, do we need to
do a wellness check? In my friend hacks All, there
is cardiac arrest because the padres a falling apart and
(15:04):
heart stop it in Mission Valley when it's not Mission
Valley anymore. See that's a day to day because the
Potters used to play Mission Valley, but now now it's
down downtwass slap? Do you call it gas slap or downtown? Uh? Well,
I always think of it at downtown. I know everyone's
just gas lamp because all the bars and all that
stuff are there. But I always what's just downtown? Just
in downtown. That's why I go to downtown San Diego.
(15:25):
That's where it is, right, I'll be I'll be down
there tomorrow night. Oh yeah. Then a little San Diego example,
what do you. What are you going down? I'm actually
going to del morow on closing day? Oh is that
this weekend? Is that Monday? Yeah? Monday, Yeah, Labor Day.
So I gotta go down there for work one day
and then down there I'm Monday to play a little bit.
So I'm gonna make a weekend out of it. Are
(15:49):
you gonna see my guy, Marlin's Man? Are you gonna
check out Marlin's Man, friend of the show. I gotta like, yeah,
but I can't call him marlins Man. Like, what's his
real name? His name is Lawrence, but I call him
Marlin's Man. When I talked to hey, Marlin's Man, I
don't remember. I often forget his name, his real name,
because to me, he's a superhero. People get very snip
by that. But he's the fans superhero, just like Clipper Darryl.
(16:13):
I call him Clipper Darrell. I don't call him Daryl.
I call him Clipper Daryl. He says that means if
you approach, if you approach Neon Dion, will you call
him Coach Sanders or will you call him Dion Sanders.
I'll call him all he wants to be called coach Prime, Right, Yeah,
Uh no, I'm bummed out. I guess I don't know
if I told that story here on the podcast. I
(16:34):
don't think I did yesterday. I'm trying to remember. It's
just a haze right now. It's a steeple chase, a
lot of obstacles. But I I had to turn down
marlins Man twice. This one, Yeah, Monday, he was at
the Dodger Braves game and he he texts me in
the afternoon and he's like, hey, I got a ticket
and you know v I p right behind him. PLATE
(16:56):
want you to be my guest. And I couldn't do it,
I think the show because I had to prepare for
the show. And uh, you know when you go with
Marlin's Man, there's like a cavalcadeo. You know, it's a
big to do. You know, he's like a super people.
Kids want to take pictures with him, he signs autographs,
you know, adults are asking like, what the hell are
you doing to go to all these games? How can
you afford this? Um, So there's a lot going on
(17:17):
and I I couldn't do it because it was it
was I was just not available because to get ready
for the show. Believe it or not, I don't just
roll into the studio. I have to. There's a lot
of preparation that goes into it. Yeah, and you you
can't roll anymore anyway. You'll bang your knee and cut
it up and fall it on the ground, and exactly,
I can't. I can't do that. So so anyway, so
that happened. And then it was funny because he Marlin's
(17:38):
Man was texting me during the game. I was watching
the Dodger game. I had it on in the studio,
and Marlin's Man was texting me and he had a Pablo,
the guy from Channel eleven. Uh, I forget his last name.
Good guy. He's from Miami, so he knows Marlin's Man.
So Marlin's Man is like, hey, this guy came instead
of you. And then they were busting my balls, both
of them, back and forth. Channel eleven here now A obviously.
(18:01):
And then and then on Wednesday, while I woke up,
I I got a bunch of texts like Marlin's Man
is on a plane flying into l A's like, Hey,
I'm on my way to l A. I want you
to go to the game tonight. And again I had
to I had to turn him down. So Hopefully he
does not hold the grudge against me, so I we'll
find out. But I did tell him once the playoffs
come around, I will adjust my schedule because in the playoffs,
(18:26):
we we'll talk about a baseball game like a Dodger
playoff game. We'll do a whole thing on it. But
we're not gonna do a whole thing regular season Dodger game.
And it's just not realistic unless unless Kenny Jansen goes
out and ships the bed then we can do that.
Or kersha, Yeah, well, kersha, he's like a rumor. He
hadn't when's the last time Kershaw told the rubber It's
been a while, right, maybe like, yeah, it's been forever
(18:48):
mayor early June. He's been out forever. Kershaw's season is, uh,
it's not so good, right, Who could have predicted to
pay him that contract? And yeah, he couldn't see that one, right.
I just have so much money. I don't think they care,
you know, hatting that luxury tax that was gonna hurt
a little bit. You can afford it. You can afford it,
(19:11):
and the rest of baseball is like at the dog,
they don't. Yeah, I mean this is going to improve
the pot. You understand how better the pot, how much
better the podcast is gonna be? Now, No, because now
when we do our mailbag sessions, you're gonna have every Tom,
Dick and Harry asking for you to start playing drops
during you'd like to recommend to drop. Now, these are
(19:32):
my own drops. I don't have the you know, the
drops that we have from the show. These are my
own drops, so I don't have. These are different drops,
so and I have a limited amount. I'm still putting
them in. Yeah, it's not good. Look as another as
(19:55):
a cell phone calling in. That's a cell phone. That's
like an old school Nokia flip phone. Like they don't
make that more exactly. Yeah, come on, bro, you know,
give me better than that problem. All right? Moving on
the podcast studio, which hopefully you're hearing this we are
(20:16):
broadcasting from who knows. I have no idea, but the
podcast studio up and ringing the great Jake Warner. The
first he's an answer to a tribute question Jake Warner,
my former engineer Stay Awake with Jake. I was on
his podcast. We talked about this and Jake said, hey,
you sound internetie. You sound like crap. Can you please
I can fix that. I know some things to buy.
(20:37):
So I bought the things and he showed up, put
everything together home studio, Good to Go, came out, had
a great visit, set everything up. We chatted very briefly.
Uh and we uh we we had success. Now that
there was an issue with the cables, but we we
fixed the cables. I know you're very concerned about that. Uh.
(20:59):
And I have had no idea. I had bought in
stereo cables. I thought stereo was better. But when you're
recording audio content, mono is the way to go. So
I learned a valuable audio lesson that winn in doubt
throw the mono out, that that is the that is
the way to go. So when they record you doing
your own videos and the documentary too, they recorded you
(21:21):
in mono. Yeah did. I didn't ask what they were recording,
and I just just kept talking and talking and talking
and talking and talking. Those things are still airing. I
get email. This could be an evergreen thing. This is great.
Those evergreen shows are wonderful. That reminds me September the seventh,
which is a few days from now. Yeah, um, I
(21:45):
will be making a television debut. Oh is that right,
are you? Are you going on the Jerry Springer Show? No?
But American Crime Story season three? Oh it's what do you?
It's the Bill Clinton impeachment, So I, uh, I play
a reporter that on? Is that on Netflix? No, it's
(22:06):
on X Okay, I think Coop was talking about that.
Maybe not. I feel like I've heard that somewhere, maybe
it was from you. But it's on FX. Yeah, on
FX September the seventh, So unless, of course they just
chopped me out. But yeah, I am I'm one of'
I didn't realize this when I shot it, but I'm
(22:27):
one of four reporters that starts grilling Paula Jones and um.
All the other reporters that I was with were sitting
down when they asked questions, and during the press conference,
I decided to stand up, like part of my part
like being like, you know, aggressive and all this bullshit.
So I stood up and the entire Omni Hotel was
(22:48):
covered in people. So I made the mistake of turning around,
and when I did, it was like, holy sh it,
I'm actually really doing this for like hundreds of people.
So it's kind of nerve racking. But yeah, we'll see
how the camera likes me us. So you you filmed
this and you didn't realize where you were around? Or
is it just how they edited together? Has no, No,
(23:10):
So we we go into the we go into the
Omni Hotel, but we're in the front row and then
they bring like a sea of extras behind us to
make it look like this massive press conference about you know,
obviously Bill Clinton being accused of sexual harassment. So all
the questions that were asked by these reporters, they're all
sitting down the front row, but they're all sitting down
(23:32):
like they're not challenging her at all. And I just figured, like, funck,
my scene. I'm not having a big role. But I
felt like my scene I needed to attack her. So
I got up and I started grilling her, like basically
airing her out. But then I was grandstanding to like
like you would be um, like what's his name from CNN?
Um Anderson Cooper? No, No, who's the Georgia Costa you're
(23:58):
talking about? Yeah, Costas. It was just like that, so Acosta,
how he is with Trump? So I basically was attacking
Paula Jones. But I would turn around to face the crowd,
like basically have all their support. And when I did that,
it was kind of like that come to Jesus moment, like,
holy shit, I'm performing in front of all these people.
You know, Like it's different when we're in the studio
because you and I are in isolated bays. But when
(24:21):
you're doing it in a big gass room with you know,
millions of dollars worth of equipment and talent. Yeah, it
got to be for a split second, Wow, you fell
into the that's like curb your enthusiasm style acting right
where you just add are you allowed to do that
when you I don't do these acting gigs. Yeah, I
did it. Yeah, And they didn't say anything like that.
(24:43):
But sometimes people come you have to exactly like I'll
get my the way I relate to that guests. Why
I get a lot of commercials we voiced over for
the podcast of the radio show, and it sometimes the
copy will say, do not add lib. No. I always
think better when you just toss extra stuff in, because
I I give even when I'm doing the p s
A s for Nitza on drinking and driving or or
weed or whatever. I like, I'll throw some extra content.
(25:05):
And but sometimes the people like no, you gotta word
for word verbatim, and I always hate those. I like
to I like to have creative license. I like to
have artistic freedom. And that's because the creative directors don't
like you butchering their copy. But most of the time
their copy sucks, so like they don't, they don't voice
that you do. And U. I had a commercial I
(25:28):
won't say for who this week, but they the copy
they gave me for a live read during the show
was wrong. Uh, it was, it was. It was something.
It had something to do with, Hey, check out the
you know the exhibition football this weekend. There's no exhibition
games this weekend. So there were some other things I
had to on the on the fly, So that's cool. Sorry.
(25:49):
How much how much you get paid for a gig
like that? More than I do? It? Fox was that
that could be two dollars in decent I just read.
I'm glad you brought this up because I just read
the other day and I didn't know this. The film
The Thin Red Line. Yeah, you know the movie, so
(26:10):
I did not know. But in post production, Adrian Brody
in that film, he was supposed to be the lead.
He went from the lead. He only had two lines
of dialogue and he was just edited him out in
post production. He had two lines of Donald of dialogue
Billy Bob Thornton, three hours of narration that was never used.
(26:34):
That was does he get paid for that? They gotta
pay him? And Mickey Rourke can only be found in
the DVD of The Thin Red Line. Now, those are
all people we've heard of, so they're probably not upset
about that, but we're too upset about it. But imagine
if you were somebody that you hadn't heard of that
I needed that movie, and then you find that you
(26:56):
you spent all this time making The Thin Red Line
and you're the lead here, and then all of a sudden,
no you're not. You only have two lines in the movie.
So that'd yeah. I mean, they give you stage directions
and things you need to do. But we actually shot
that one scene, Like my call time was five am,
and we didn't get into wardrobe and hair and makeup
(27:16):
until eight am, and they wouldn't start shooting till twelve
and then we didn't finished shooting that scene until PM.
So it was like an entire day shooting one scene
of one episode. It was I would I would hate that.
Although you're in a group, there's a lot of people
I know that do acting on the side. Yeah, which
(27:38):
is weird because of the four reporters that were in there,
Me and one of the guy, we're sports reporters or sportscasters,
and the other guy is not working anymore. But what
was the guy's name? Was it Jeff Witcher? I don't know,
I forget. He looked like a disheveled, little like guy. Yeah,
that that by the guy I know, Jeff Witcher, disheveled
at the white guy. Oh yeah, good, it could be him.
(28:00):
And he he used to play all of the sports
reporters if they needed central casting, if they needed a
sports reporter, they would go to Jeff Wicher and he hosted.
He was one of the hosts of Dodger Talk back
in the when I was coming up the radio ranks.
Just a great guy. He's an old school He worked
at k A b C in l A when that
(28:23):
was the number one radio station, and he would tell
me stories of how they treated the on air staff
and it was just spoil them and they all made
ridunculous money and it was like the golden age of radio.
And he would do that to bust my balls, because
it's not like that anymore. But he's like back back
in the old days. Let me tell you, Oh my god,
(28:43):
it was amazing this, that and the other thing. And anyway,
I just said his name popped in my in my head,
and so I thought I would go down that road.
So you want to get scientifical? Would you like to
get scientifically here? We could as I'm looking for that
guy or if it is the same dude that guys
I know Jeff I know better, Jeff Witcher. The other
(29:06):
one is I think it's Jeff Nasonson. I think, oh
my god, that's exactly who it is. Oh yeah, yeah,
Jeff names, Yeah, yeah he I know him a little bit.
I don't know him as well as Jeff Wicher, but
I know him a little bit. And yeah, he worked
at one of the news stations I believe, you know.
I mean, he he looks like a he looks like
(29:28):
a knockoff version of Steve Hartman or Sam Farber, like
like your typical eastline white talk show host, baseline radio
guy that would be That would be Mo'm glad he's
still he's still doing stuff. So yeah, so that's texted
you his uh, his stuff. That's pretty funny. Small world.
(29:51):
It's a small world, after all. It's a small small world,
all right. Let's get scientifical here. Let's see here the
worst days of the week to have your stuff stolen
by a porch pirate. Monday, that is one of them.
What's the other day? Friday? Now Monday and Tuesday? So
(30:16):
is that because people have a tough weekend and they
want to come back and try to get some some
money and some stuff back. And I don't know, but
they say those are the two days that are are
the worst for that kind of I've had mail stolen
here had mail stolen. I've had but the place that
I live at there's the same address on the back side,
(30:37):
it's just different. It's just a different street names, the
numbers are the same. So sometimes like EPs or Amazon
will deliver it to the back side property and not mine,
so I don't get it for like an extended week
or two. I I had a neighbor where the old place,
well two places ago that I lived, and we're pretty
(30:57):
sure that she was stealing male because the local police
department sent out My wife follows them like Facebook, and
they sent out a photo of someone that had been
taken off a camera on a porch, you know, one
of those ring camera things, and it was I'm asking god,
it was this woman that lived next door, blonde woman
who wore ugs all the time. And uh, and she
had the same car and just like they looked almost exactly,
(31:20):
and it had to be her. And I told my wife,
we have a porch pirate that lives right next door.
And she's probably not probably just looks like her all
that she thinks. I all, you know, I think everyone
looks the same, which is true. Actually, I think everyone
kind of looks the same. I don't I'm not able
to tell between between people. All Right, what else do
(31:41):
we have here? Even untrained pet dogs, they say, can
detect when their owners are about to have an epileptic seizure.
That's exciting. But if the dogs not trained, what good
does that do? Now? This is this is a wonderful
thing that dogs help out people like this, But if
(32:01):
you're by yourself, there's not much you can do. Right right,
does not work? I don't know. I don't know how
that works. But that's uh, that's an interesting one. The
powers of dog, The powers of dog let's see here. Uh,
your eyes. Your eyes may reveal whether or not you
have heart disease. Does that? Does that move? You can't
(32:26):
they tell through your eyes if you have UM either
early onset or the potential to have Alzheimer's or dementia. Uh,
that sounds sounds right to me. You know the one
that I didn't know until my mom had it. But
my mom had breast cancer, but then it spread to
her liver and her eyes turned yellow. Uh, jaundice. I
(32:51):
I my eyes when I was in the hospital with
my gallbladder and I was all fucked up because I
waited way too long to go to the hospital. Uh,
my eyes were turning yellow. So that's that's a sign.
If your eyes are turning your your eyes are turning yellow. Generally,
that's not a good thing. That There are some cases.
I remember Michael Jordan's in the documentary. People were like, hey,
(33:15):
you know, Jordan's eyes don't look right, and they said
he was okay. It was just I guess it was
just the way the lighting was or something like that,
or he had some some condition. But it wasn't like
a big they said, it wasn't a big deal. Uh,
who knows one third of the population suffers from a
hatred of movements, a fear of fidgeting. So I do
(33:39):
not suffer from this. I don't What is my big
pet peeve? My big pet peeve is when people drive
like absolute crappola, I lose. I don't think that's a
actual medical condition. I don't think. But when when people
are are driving poorly or drive too slow, or don't
you know, I don't care if you cut me off
(34:01):
as long as you signal, But if not, I'm gonna
go like you know you are a Yeah, what happened?
It's not worth my my toy is not working here?
Oh my god, that's not Let me see here the
toy turned off? What happened to my toy? Oh? I
see here? There go all right. I got concerned. I
(34:26):
thought we haven't even made it through the first podcast
with this thing, and it's what's going on. It's not right.
It doesn't sound a lot, it doesn't sound well, what
happened to it? I didn't do anything to it. Did
you charge you that? Yeah, it's charged. Yeah, the thing's charge.
I don't know. What's a A. Well, it worked for
like five minutes. Well, it's a good lot lasted. If
(34:48):
you did you put a curse on it? Is that
what you did? Guess God Will and the man upstairs?
Did you put a curse on my toy? You can never?
Does that sound right? I want to say her, hold
on a second, fix it here, but this here, like this,
like this in doing this live on the air, being surgery. No,
(35:08):
still not working. Yeah, I don't know what happened. And
it was working fine. I didn't even touch the thing,
and it's it's what kind of what kind of device
is that? I couldn't even make it a forty minute podcast?
Thirty five minute podcast? My god, that's a sign, you know,
that's a sign. Gast gun tap out, that's a side
we gotta give up. Yeah, that's it. Throwing the towel,
throwing the sponge. We'll be back with the mail Bag
(35:32):
on Sunday. All new questions. They're gonna sound like we've
heard them before, but all new questions in the mail
Bag podcast on Sunday. Have a great rest of your Saturday,
and that we will catch you there.
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Maller starts right now in the air everywhere we were
back at it again. A Saturday Saturday edition of the
Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Deep in the north Woods.
Here a spinoff of the radio show, only available in
the podcast format. We thank you for finding it and
(00:47):
being part of the festivus of audio content. Here on
a Saturday, joined by the Man West of the four
oh five, David Gascon is here. He's got a big,
big introduction. You don't have any any sound effects, nothing canned,
nothing can for the day, well the day. Yeah. The
(01:09):
crowd actually thinks I'm I'm They're they're more excited about me,
so flopping there, very happy that I'm here. I golf
count yeah, exactly. The one thing this show will not
be is all right, will not be born? Yeah? Who
(01:29):
did you get that from? Avenue. No, no, I cannot
say avenue toy. But look the calls are coming in
at most people can't call a podcast guest count. But
look at that. The phones are ringing. Who is that?
I don't know. Oh, the phone is ringing. I'm sorry,
I gotta answer the phone. And she's yelling at me
to answer the phone. Disgusting. You might even get a
(01:52):
prank phone call. Look look at that. Look who's calling in?
Oh no, Papa boys calling. Hey, this is like last
year with with Benny versus the Penny. As soon as
you can see the comments on the YouTube channel, you
just you uh, I was distracted. You were like a
pig and slop to get this. It's the shiny object,
(02:12):
you know, it's the shiny object. And that and when
you when you say something stupid, yeah, yeah, you lose.
See you see that's you know where that's from video games?
That from that's an iconic video game. That's Donkey Kong.
When you when you losing Donkey Kong. Ye Now it's
(02:34):
a child in my youth, those were the games I had,
so for me, that's an iconic sound. That's it is.
It was like Donkey Kong galagha pac Man. You had
some some rich stuff in the video game, in the
world of course Magic versus Bird too, but yeah, yeah, yeah,
there was some classic classic games. So what's that? Who
(03:00):
in it too? I give it to myself? What are
you talking about? You know why? I'm a winner, That's why.
Come on, this is a fucking nightmare. This is absolutely atrocious.
I can't believe you. Did you found this somewhere? Did
you find it or did your wife find it somewhere? Oh? No,
(03:21):
I found it. I I found it, and uh your Batman,
Oh the Cape Crusader making an appearance there. I might
have to edit that out of the podcast in case
the people upstairs here it. Oh yeah, no, so so
I I uh years ago, when you know those replay machines,
(03:43):
you might not if you're like a track right, like
it's connected to your board when you're so that became
I remember when that was like new and the person
on air or the or the engineer could hit sound effects.
And we got one of those at Extra Sports eleven
F D L. A and and I the first like
two months all I did after everything, I said, let
(04:05):
me give you a kind of a recap here what
happened here. Let me see if I can. You can
find it after everything I said, even it didn't matter
what it was, it was yeah, hey, I I had
a corned beef sandwich for lunch yesterday. Yeah, you know, okay,
And it was just and the program director Bo Bennett
came in after a couple of weeks during the show,
(04:26):
I was in the middle of the segment and ripped
the sound effect machine out of my my hands and said, no,
you you're not allowed to have that anymore, and literally
just unplugged it and ripped it from the wall and
took it away. So that's good. Were you were you
scared of him at all or did you push back? No?
I was scared of Bo because he was a very
(04:46):
small person. Um, but I I also was afraid of
all program breactors in general because I was convinced that
they all were out to get me. So I did
not did not spend much time get pushing back. Now,
I I'm at the point I don't really care. But
back then it was it was much different. So on
this podcast, obviously we just gave you the new thing,
which is so excited. Look, hey, the Minnesota Vikings, whoa
(05:11):
look at that school? Ah, oh, this is doesn't bode
well for me. Oh yeah, it's over for you, man,
it's over. Your your career is now. Yeah, that's it. Uh.
So we we have the injury tent, the glitch, and
(05:35):
whatever else pops up, whatever else pops up on the podcast. Also,
I will answer a question now. Yesterday I answered a
couple of questions. I know that the podcast got up
late on Friday, but there were some technical difficulties that
were beyond our control. So we put that up a
little bit later. And I did answer the age old
question of whether or not it's the Code of the
(05:59):
wet or the John Wooden Creed because I had a
guy from from l a here that emailed me, and
he actually emailed me a while ago, not that long ago,
but I I got into that and ranted and raved
about which is which is better? But we begin this podcast.
I hope you if you missed the Friday podcast because
(06:20):
it was up late, you can end up you know,
listen to whatever. Listen to it right now if you want.
I don't care. But this podcast, uh, the injury tent.
So I think you would agree with me that my job,
our job is pretty simple, pretty simple, right, I mean,
it's it's talking. Anybody can talk, um, it's not that hard.
(06:44):
So I found a way the other day to injure
myself while preparing for a radio show. And this could
be the answer to some kind of obscure tributa question.
But I was, I was getting ready for the show,
and I'm pretty much locked in the office here. Not
not that this is a big issue. It's a it's
(07:05):
a first world problem. But there's a lot of construction
going on here at the Mallard mansion, and as a
result of the construction, I am pretty limited in where
I can go. So I hang out in the office
and spend a lot of time here. I don't even
have we don't have TVs in the house. It's it's,
you know, these are first world things that we don't have.
So and then it's gonna be like another month at
least until things are somewhat normal. So, but I'm not
(07:31):
paving roads or doing any kind of physical labor like
the people are actually working on the house or doing
some physical labor. But I managed to suffer a knee injury.
I was prepping for the show the other night, and
I was putting some monologues together, putting some bullet points
together for the monologues. And uh, I had I have
a chair that rolls, most people do. And then I
(07:51):
rolled away to grab some water and then in my
haste to come back and to get back to my
my position in the desk. Uh I went a little
too fast, I think. Uh, the voice in my head
so like kind of like tiger woods. Uh, turning the
corner there near where you live, west of the four
or five back in then and so I I went
(08:12):
boom and then kaboom, just like that, Uh, kaboom, and
my my leftnee was not my right he was my
left knee went right into the corner of the desk,
and I was just in tremendous pain. But nobody knew.
Nobody knew because I'm in a room by myself. I'm
far away from everyone else. And uh, I was in real,
(08:35):
real misery. And so what I had done it I
had jerry rigged the desk because I know you're very
concerned about how my desk is set up. I have
a corner desk in the studio. Everything set up. It's
a pain in the ass. I've had to rebuild the
studio multiple times since the beginning of this year because
of moving, and so I've got it just the way
I wanted. And but the desk, I had to take
(08:55):
part of the desk off so I could sit where
I need to sit for the podcast. And in in
doing that, I opened up a corner and I just
nailed that thing. So I have a nice My knee
is black and blue. It was actually bleeding, Actually had
blood coming out of the of the knee during this
(09:16):
this episode. So it was it was an interesting time.
But but I believe I will make a full recovery.
And I I did not tell a soul, didn't tell
the wife. The first people I'm telling are right now
you listening. It's very important information. The Saturday podcast is
really the life of Mallard. That's what people have said.
(09:37):
It's all about things that have happened to me. So
we should get what was the what was the board game?
Was it called? Doctor? Oh? Are you talking about operation? Operation?
There you go. We should get that. We should golt
a Ben Mallar operation board because we have the gall bladder,
we have a tongue, we have the knee. Um, have
(10:00):
you stepped your tail yet yet? Oh? Yeah, I've had
two issues now you play the game Operation back when
you were when you were a kid, did you play?
I did? I did, But for full disclosure, your pasty
white seal bruised quite easily. Anyway. This isn't really know.
I've always bruised. That's one of my superpowers. And when
I played football, people always felt bad for me because
(10:22):
the after every game, I would come back and my
arms would be all black and blue from the shoulder
down to the elbow, and people, I can't believe, why
are you playing football? And I'm like, well, it doesn't
it didn't really hurt. I just bruised. You know, you
touched me and I'll bruise. I'm I'm a wallflower when
it comes to that. But the game Operation I played,
I was very good at the game Operation. As a child,
(10:43):
I should have been a doctor. But you know the
name of the title Carrie. Don't know its character. I
don't know if that's the right way to describe it.
But the on the game, the person laying on the
front of the bottom, Okay, I don't know his name,
and I don't know the main character of Monopoli's name either. Yeah,
(11:05):
I know in in Operation it's Cavity Sam they call. Yeah.
I looked that up actually because I I was doing
a monologue about Anthony Davis Lakers and I was like,
this guy's the character from you know, Operation. I was like,
I couldn't and I found his name as Cavity Sam.
(11:27):
But in Operation can he even put can even put
a bone in his mouth? I know you could put
it everywhere else, but I don't even think you could
put a bone in his mouth? Right, Yeah? No, I
I I believe that you can't. I have to look
at the box. I don't have the box right in
front of me, but I think you can put that
(11:48):
put that in anyway? You know. You bringing him up
as is remarkable because that could be a trivia question
the next ten years. Name a game character that was
not canceled. Well, is there a reason to cancer? I'm
sure there's something that has got something racist about Kevity Sam.
I'm sure could be a skin color. Yes. Uh, well,
(12:11):
I'm surprised Monopoly is still around because that supports the
aristocrats and the robber Bart capitalism, capitalist of evil, evil
successful and make a lot of money, and super Mario brothers,
you know, stereotyping Italians, that's right, I mean you could
conceivably get rid of everything. The Smurfs making fun of
(12:33):
a poor community, you know, yeah, exactly. Uh so you know,
why not just get let's just get rid of everything.
We'll just stare at each other and that is it.
We have a very fragile society and the flakes are
triggered by everything. So we'll just bow down. And the
what do they say, they professionally offended class, right, the
(12:56):
offended professional grifters. Yes. Every think of today though, is
that people when they are almost victims and not victims,
get upset when they're not victims. And this is something
that has changed in my lifetime because when I was
a kid, you didn't you you didn't want to be
a victim. You know, he was like, I'm glad, I'm lucky.
(13:16):
I'm not a victim. Nobody's taking advantage of Now It's like,
oh man. The best example of that is the Colorado
Rocky story from a couple of weeks ago. Remember that
one where the fan, the fan behind on plate was
screaming dinger with a d right. I got picked up
on the microphone behind on plate. And of course social
(13:38):
media always going to the worst possible place, uh said
that this guy screamed out the N word, and then
they went back and they realized he was just screaming
out for the Rockies mascot to come over to him.
But the guy on the Marlins, I forget the guy's name,
but the guy in the Marlins who was interviewed, um,
remember he went on and on. It's like, uh, I
(13:59):
heard it. He felt like he was the victim. He
really wanted to be the victim. Like I remember watching
his comments and I was like, wow, this guy really
is upset. He's not the victim. You know, it could
be like that scenario where you're you're playing on Miami's defense, right, Like,
you know, Miami gets a turnover, they get the turnover chain,
and so all of a sudden you have something that
comes to prevalent and you're like, I got the virtue
signal and chain, right like I got the gold like
(14:20):
I got something to put around my neck. Yeah, no, exactly.
It's just it's it's not the Potters have that too,
right the when they hit a hold on they have
the SD chain that they put it. Good for the
nationally naturally West third place standings, Yeah yeah, yeah, Oh
they were great. They were the best team in baseball
for like we're even in first place. I feel like
(14:41):
the Giants have been in first place in baseball. I
think San Diego was like in first place for a
couple of weeks, then the Dodgers and then San Francisco
took him over at the tail end of the middle
of April, and then the Dodgers an hour obviously in
a dogy with this weekend series, do we need to
do a wellness check? In my friend hacks All, there
is cardiac arrest because the padres a falling apart and
(15:04):
heart stop it in Mission Valley when it's not Mission
Valley anymore. See that's a day to day because the
Potters used to play Mission Valley, but now now it's
down downtwass slap? Do you call it gas slap or downtown? Uh? Well,
I always think of it at downtown. I know everyone's
just gas lamp because all the bars and all that
stuff are there. But I always what's just downtown? Just
in downtown. That's why I go to downtown San Diego.
(15:25):
That's where it is, right, I'll be I'll be down
there tomorrow night. Oh yeah. Then a little San Diego example,
what do you. What are you going down? I'm actually
going to del morow on closing day? Oh is that
this weekend? Is that Monday? Yeah? Monday, Yeah, Labor Day.
So I gotta go down there for work one day
and then down there I'm Monday to play a little bit.
So I'm gonna make a weekend out of it. Are
(15:49):
you gonna see my guy, Marlin's Man? Are you gonna
check out Marlin's Man, friend of the show. I gotta like, yeah,
but I can't call him marlins Man. Like, what's his
real name? His name is Lawrence, but I call him
Marlin's Man. When I talked to hey, Marlin's Man, I
don't remember. I often forget his name, his real name,
because to me, he's a superhero. People get very snip
by that. But he's the fans superhero, just like Clipper Darryl.
(16:13):
I call him Clipper Darrell. I don't call him Daryl.
I call him Clipper Daryl. He says that means if
you approach, if you approach Neon Dion, will you call
him Coach Sanders or will you call him Dion Sanders.
I'll call him all he wants to be called coach Prime, Right, Yeah,
Uh no, I'm bummed out. I guess I don't know
if I told that story here on the podcast. I
(16:34):
don't think I did yesterday. I'm trying to remember. It's
just a haze right now. It's a steeple chase, a
lot of obstacles. But I I had to turn down
marlins Man twice. This one, Yeah, Monday, he was at
the Dodger Braves game and he he texts me in
the afternoon and he's like, hey, I got a ticket
and you know v I p right behind him. PLATE
(16:56):
want you to be my guest. And I couldn't do it,
I think the show because I had to prepare for
the show. And uh, you know when you go with
Marlin's Man, there's like a cavalcadeo. You know, it's a
big to do. You know, he's like a super people.
Kids want to take pictures with him, he signs autographs,
you know, adults are asking like, what the hell are
you doing to go to all these games? How can
you afford this? Um, So there's a lot going on
(17:17):
and I I couldn't do it because it was it
was I was just not available because to get ready
for the show. Believe it or not, I don't just
roll into the studio. I have to. There's a lot
of preparation that goes into it. Yeah, and you you
can't roll anymore anyway. You'll bang your knee and cut
it up and fall it on the ground, and exactly,
I can't. I can't do that. So so anyway, so
that happened. And then it was funny because he Marlin's
(17:38):
Man was texting me during the game. I was watching
the Dodger game. I had it on in the studio,
and Marlin's Man was texting me and he had a Pablo,
the guy from Channel eleven. Uh, I forget his last name.
Good guy. He's from Miami, so he knows Marlin's Man.
So Marlin's Man is like, hey, this guy came instead
of you. And then they were busting my balls, both
of them, back and forth. Channel eleven here now A obviously.
(18:01):
And then and then on Wednesday, while I woke up,
I I got a bunch of texts like Marlin's Man
is on a plane flying into l A's like, Hey,
I'm on my way to l A. I want you
to go to the game tonight. And again I had
to I had to turn him down. So Hopefully he
does not hold the grudge against me, so I we'll
find out. But I did tell him once the playoffs
come around, I will adjust my schedule because in the playoffs,
(18:26):
we we'll talk about a baseball game like a Dodger
playoff game. We'll do a whole thing on it. But
we're not gonna do a whole thing regular season Dodger game.
And it's just not realistic unless unless Kenny Jansen goes
out and ships the bed then we can do that.
Or kersha, Yeah, well, kersha, he's like a rumor. He
hadn't when's the last time Kershaw told the rubber It's
been a while, right, maybe like, yeah, it's been forever
(18:48):
mayor early June. He's been out forever. Kershaw's season is, uh,
it's not so good, right, Who could have predicted to
pay him that contract? And yeah, he couldn't see that one, right.
I just have so much money. I don't think they care,
you know, hatting that luxury tax that was gonna hurt
a little bit. You can afford it. You can afford it,
(19:11):
and the rest of baseball is like at the dog,
they don't. Yeah, I mean this is going to improve
the pot. You understand how better the pot, how much
better the podcast is gonna be? Now, No, because now
when we do our mailbag sessions, you're gonna have every Tom,
Dick and Harry asking for you to start playing drops
during you'd like to recommend to drop. Now, these are
(19:32):
my own drops. I don't have the you know, the
drops that we have from the show. These are my
own drops, so I don't have. These are different drops,
so and I have a limited amount. I'm still putting
them in. Yeah, it's not good. Look as another as
(19:55):
a cell phone calling in. That's a cell phone. That's
like an old school Nokia flip phone. Like they don't
make that more exactly. Yeah, come on, bro, you know,
give me better than that problem. All right? Moving on
the podcast studio, which hopefully you're hearing this we are
(20:16):
broadcasting from who knows. I have no idea, but the
podcast studio up and ringing the great Jake Warner. The
first he's an answer to a tribute question Jake Warner,
my former engineer Stay Awake with Jake. I was on
his podcast. We talked about this and Jake said, hey,
you sound internetie. You sound like crap. Can you please
I can fix that. I know some things to buy.
(20:37):
So I bought the things and he showed up, put
everything together home studio, Good to Go, came out, had
a great visit, set everything up. We chatted very briefly.
Uh and we uh we we had success. Now that
there was an issue with the cables, but we we
fixed the cables. I know you're very concerned about that. Uh.
(20:59):
And I have had no idea. I had bought in
stereo cables. I thought stereo was better. But when you're
recording audio content, mono is the way to go. So
I learned a valuable audio lesson that winn in doubt
throw the mono out, that that is the that is
the way to go. So when they record you doing
your own videos and the documentary too, they recorded you
(21:21):
in mono. Yeah did. I didn't ask what they were recording,
and I just just kept talking and talking and talking
and talking and talking. Those things are still airing. I
get email. This could be an evergreen thing. This is great.
Those evergreen shows are wonderful. That reminds me September the seventh,
which is a few days from now. Yeah, um, I
(21:45):
will be making a television debut. Oh is that right,
are you? Are you going on the Jerry Springer Show? No?
But American Crime Story season three? Oh it's what do you?
It's the Bill Clinton impeachment, So I, uh, I play
a reporter that on? Is that on Netflix? No, it's
(22:06):
on X Okay, I think Coop was talking about that.
Maybe not. I feel like I've heard that somewhere, maybe
it was from you. But it's on FX. Yeah, on
FX September the seventh, So unless, of course they just
chopped me out. But yeah, I am I'm one of'
I didn't realize this when I shot it, but I'm
(22:27):
one of four reporters that starts grilling Paula Jones and um.
All the other reporters that I was with were sitting
down when they asked questions, and during the press conference,
I decided to stand up, like part of my part
like being like, you know, aggressive and all this bullshit.
So I stood up and the entire Omni Hotel was
(22:48):
covered in people. So I made the mistake of turning around,
and when I did, it was like, holy sh it,
I'm actually really doing this for like hundreds of people.
So it's kind of nerve racking. But yeah, we'll see
how the camera likes me us. So you you filmed
this and you didn't realize where you were around? Or
is it just how they edited together? Has no, No,
(23:10):
So we we go into the we go into the
Omni Hotel, but we're in the front row and then
they bring like a sea of extras behind us to
make it look like this massive press conference about you know,
obviously Bill Clinton being accused of sexual harassment. So all
the questions that were asked by these reporters, they're all
sitting down the front row, but they're all sitting down
(23:32):
like they're not challenging her at all. And I just figured, like, funck,
my scene. I'm not having a big role. But I
felt like my scene I needed to attack her. So
I got up and I started grilling her, like basically
airing her out. But then I was grandstanding to like
like you would be um, like what's his name from CNN?
Um Anderson Cooper? No, No, who's the Georgia Costa you're
(23:58):
talking about? Yeah, Costas. It was just like that, so Acosta,
how he is with Trump? So I basically was attacking
Paula Jones. But I would turn around to face the crowd,
like basically have all their support. And when I did that,
it was kind of like that come to Jesus moment, like,
holy shit, I'm performing in front of all these people.
You know, Like it's different when we're in the studio
because you and I are in isolated bays. But when
(24:21):
you're doing it in a big gass room with you know,
millions of dollars worth of equipment and talent. Yeah, it
got to be for a split second, Wow, you fell
into the that's like curb your enthusiasm style acting right
where you just add are you allowed to do that
when you I don't do these acting gigs. Yeah, I
did it. Yeah, And they didn't say anything like that.
(24:43):
But sometimes people come you have to exactly like I'll
get my the way I relate to that guests. Why
I get a lot of commercials we voiced over for
the podcast of the radio show, and it sometimes the
copy will say, do not add lib. No. I always
think better when you just toss extra stuff in, because
I I give even when I'm doing the p s
A s for Nitza on drinking and driving or or
weed or whatever. I like, I'll throw some extra content.
(25:05):
And but sometimes the people like no, you gotta word
for word verbatim, and I always hate those. I like
to I like to have creative license. I like to
have artistic freedom. And that's because the creative directors don't
like you butchering their copy. But most of the time
their copy sucks, so like they don't, they don't voice
that you do. And U. I had a commercial I
(25:28):
won't say for who this week, but they the copy
they gave me for a live read during the show
was wrong. Uh, it was, it was. It was something.
It had something to do with, Hey, check out the
you know the exhibition football this weekend. There's no exhibition
games this weekend. So there were some other things I
had to on the on the fly, So that's cool. Sorry.
(25:49):
How much how much you get paid for a gig
like that? More than I do? It? Fox was that
that could be two dollars in decent I just read.
I'm glad you brought this up because I just read
the other day and I didn't know this. The film
The Thin Red Line. Yeah, you know the movie, so
(26:10):
I did not know. But in post production, Adrian Brody
in that film, he was supposed to be the lead.
He went from the lead. He only had two lines
of dialogue and he was just edited him out in
post production. He had two lines of Donald of dialogue
Billy Bob Thornton, three hours of narration that was never used.
(26:34):
That was does he get paid for that? They gotta
pay him? And Mickey Rourke can only be found in
the DVD of The Thin Red Line. Now, those are
all people we've heard of, so they're probably not upset
about that, but we're too upset about it. But imagine
if you were somebody that you hadn't heard of that
I needed that movie, and then you find that you
(26:56):
you spent all this time making The Thin Red Line
and you're the lead here, and then all of a sudden,
no you're not. You only have two lines in the movie.
So that'd yeah. I mean, they give you stage directions
and things you need to do. But we actually shot
that one scene, Like my call time was five am,
and we didn't get into wardrobe and hair and makeup
(27:16):
until eight am, and they wouldn't start shooting till twelve
and then we didn't finished shooting that scene until PM.
So it was like an entire day shooting one scene
of one episode. It was I would I would hate that.
Although you're in a group, there's a lot of people
I know that do acting on the side. Yeah, which
(27:38):
is weird because of the four reporters that were in there,
Me and one of the guy, we're sports reporters or sportscasters,
and the other guy is not working anymore. But what
was the guy's name? Was it Jeff Witcher? I don't know,
I forget. He looked like a disheveled, little like guy. Yeah,
that that by the guy I know, Jeff Witcher, disheveled
at the white guy. Oh yeah, good, it could be him.
(28:00):
And he he used to play all of the sports
reporters if they needed central casting, if they needed a
sports reporter, they would go to Jeff Wicher and he hosted.
He was one of the hosts of Dodger Talk back
in the when I was coming up the radio ranks.
Just a great guy. He's an old school He worked
at k A b C in l A when that
(28:23):
was the number one radio station, and he would tell
me stories of how they treated the on air staff
and it was just spoil them and they all made
ridunculous money and it was like the golden age of radio.
And he would do that to bust my balls, because
it's not like that anymore. But he's like back back
in the old days. Let me tell you, Oh my god,
(28:43):
it was amazing this, that and the other thing. And anyway,
I just said his name popped in my in my head,
and so I thought I would go down that road.
So you want to get scientifical? Would you like to
get scientifically here? We could as I'm looking for that
guy or if it is the same dude that guys
I know Jeff I know better, Jeff Witcher. The other
(29:06):
one is I think it's Jeff Nasonson. I think, oh
my god, that's exactly who it is. Oh yeah, yeah,
Jeff names, Yeah, yeah he I know him a little bit.
I don't know him as well as Jeff Wicher, but
I know him a little bit. And yeah, he worked
at one of the news stations I believe, you know.
I mean, he he looks like a he looks like
(29:28):
a knockoff version of Steve Hartman or Sam Farber, like
like your typical eastline white talk show host, baseline radio
guy that would be That would be Mo'm glad he's
still he's still doing stuff. So yeah, so that's texted
you his uh, his stuff. That's pretty funny. Small world.
(29:51):
It's a small world, after all. It's a small small world,
all right. Let's get scientifical here. Let's see here the
worst days of the week to have your stuff stolen
by a porch pirate. Monday, that is one of them.
What's the other day? Friday? Now Monday and Tuesday? So
(30:16):
is that because people have a tough weekend and they
want to come back and try to get some some
money and some stuff back. And I don't know, but
they say those are the two days that are are
the worst for that kind of I've had mail stolen
here had mail stolen. I've had but the place that
I live at there's the same address on the back side,
(30:37):
it's just different. It's just a different street names, the
numbers are the same. So sometimes like EPs or Amazon
will deliver it to the back side property and not mine,
so I don't get it for like an extended week
or two. I I had a neighbor where the old place,
well two places ago that I lived, and we're pretty
(30:57):
sure that she was stealing male because the local police
department sent out My wife follows them like Facebook, and
they sent out a photo of someone that had been
taken off a camera on a porch, you know, one
of those ring camera things, and it was I'm asking god,
it was this woman that lived next door, blonde woman
who wore ugs all the time. And uh, and she
had the same car and just like they looked almost exactly,
(31:20):
and it had to be her. And I told my wife,
we have a porch pirate that lives right next door.
And she's probably not probably just looks like her all
that she thinks. I all, you know, I think everyone
looks the same, which is true. Actually, I think everyone
kind of looks the same. I don't I'm not able
to tell between between people. All Right, what else do
(31:41):
we have here? Even untrained pet dogs, they say, can
detect when their owners are about to have an epileptic seizure.
That's exciting. But if the dogs not trained, what good
does that do? Now? This is this is a wonderful
thing that dogs help out people like this, But if
(32:01):
you're by yourself, there's not much you can do. Right right,
does not work? I don't know. I don't know how
that works. But that's uh, that's an interesting one. The
powers of dog, The powers of dog let's see here. Uh,
your eyes. Your eyes may reveal whether or not you
have heart disease. Does that? Does that move? You can't
(32:26):
they tell through your eyes if you have UM either
early onset or the potential to have Alzheimer's or dementia. Uh,
that sounds sounds right to me. You know the one
that I didn't know until my mom had it. But
my mom had breast cancer, but then it spread to
her liver and her eyes turned yellow. Uh, jaundice. I
(32:51):
I my eyes when I was in the hospital with
my gallbladder and I was all fucked up because I
waited way too long to go to the hospital. Uh,
my eyes were turning yellow. So that's that's a sign.
If your eyes are turning your your eyes are turning yellow. Generally,
that's not a good thing. That There are some cases.
I remember Michael Jordan's in the documentary. People were like, hey,
(33:15):
you know, Jordan's eyes don't look right, and they said
he was okay. It was just I guess it was
just the way the lighting was or something like that,
or he had some some condition. But it wasn't like
a big they said, it wasn't a big deal. Uh,
who knows one third of the population suffers from a
hatred of movements, a fear of fidgeting. So I do
(33:39):
not suffer from this. I don't What is my big
pet peeve? My big pet peeve is when people drive
like absolute crappola, I lose. I don't think that's a
actual medical condition. I don't think. But when when people
are are driving poorly or drive too slow, or don't
you know, I don't care if you cut me off
(34:01):
as long as you signal, But if not, I'm gonna
go like you know you are a Yeah, what happened?
It's not worth my my toy is not working here?
Oh my god, that's not Let me see here the
toy turned off? What happened to my toy? Oh? I
see here? There go all right. I got concerned. I
(34:26):
thought we haven't even made it through the first podcast
with this thing, and it's what's going on. It's not right.
It doesn't sound a lot, it doesn't sound well, what
happened to it? I didn't do anything to it. Did
you charge you that? Yeah, it's charged. Yeah, the thing's charge.
I don't know. What's a A. Well, it worked for
like five minutes. Well, it's a good lot lasted. If
(34:48):
you did you put a curse on it? Is that
what you did? Guess God Will and the man upstairs?
Did you put a curse on my toy? You can never?
Does that sound right? I want to say her, hold
on a second, fix it here, but this here, like this,
like this in doing this live on the air, being surgery. No,
(35:08):
still not working. Yeah, I don't know what happened. And
it was working fine. I didn't even touch the thing,
and it's it's what kind of what kind of device
is that? I couldn't even make it a forty minute podcast?
Thirty five minute podcast? My god, that's a sign, you know,
that's a sign. Gast gun tap out, that's a side
we gotta give up. Yeah, that's it. Throwing the towel,
throwing the sponge. We'll be back with the mail Bag
(35:32):
on Sunday. All new questions. They're gonna sound like we've
heard them before, but all new questions in the mail
Bag podcast on Sunday. Have a great rest of your Saturday,
and that we will catch you there.
Host
Ben Maller
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.