April 19, 2020 • 52 mins
The end of the weekend doesn't mean the fun with Ben and his cold-blooded wingman are over. They get you ready for a new week by not sticking to sports and opening up a new can of goods, courtesy of you, the listener! Make sure to subscribe, rate, and post a review of the podcast whenever you get the chance.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
(00:24):
Mallarck starts right now. Yes it does. I'll be doing well.
Welcome to the magic podcast machine, The Fifth Hour with
Ben maller Back. Eight days a week. That's our new slogan.
Now eight days a week, this podcast or the radio
show podcast is available because four hours are not enough.
(00:45):
We have upped the podcast game, as you if you
have not noticed yet, as we pat ourselves on the back.
But yeah, we're doing three a week. We did one
a week for a long time. We're doing three a week.
The ratings are up, The listenership is up eight percent,
which means no one was listening before and now people
who are listening, which is pretty good. And you've already
found the podcast. That's great. If you have not subscribed yet,
(01:07):
bad job by you. Correct that right now, that's right.
Get your phone cook that little button right there is
to subscribe. That helps us out a lot, and tell
a friend you guys have been doing it. Apparently this
is working. The word of mouth advertising, which is the
most effective advertising next to radio advertising, is word of
mouth advertising. So tell your friends, tell your friends, tell
(01:27):
your enemies. Whatever, one minutes all we need. We get
support and we're available on the I Heart podcast network.
But wherever you get your podcast, they can find it.
It's not hard to find. Just tell him fifth Hour
with Ben Maller and that's how you do it. And
yet again we are joined by not the man of
the people, the man of the West, of the four
(01:48):
oh five crab, the elitist, the one per centers academia,
David gues I'm excited to be here and do a
lot of the heavy lifting for this podcast. And it's
always always a great day when you acknowledge who's in
the house with you, Ben Maller. A little bit different
(02:10):
from your show when it's up and down and usually
dropped off the air, but you know, I mean here,
it's no signs of a collapse on this podcast, and
you can thank me well so far and we've had
no signs of a collapse, so you should actually thank me,
as we talked about the previous episode of the Fifth Hour,
I saved the day. I should win an I Heart
(02:31):
Media Engineering Award because I was able to do it.
I was able to fix the equipment. Of course, they
walked me through it and held my hand. Um, but
but you yet again, and and this is another sign.
I want to make you relatable. I want you to
be relatable to the working class. How do I do that? Um?
Maybe not play applause sound effect and I say your name,
(02:52):
and it's the only sound effect. You play your soul.
There's no other sound effect that you play. Right. You
are like the ultimate Prima Donna. You're the ultimate draw
the queen. I mean stop. I know yourself absorbed. I
know you're an attention whore, but try to show a
little grace. How about that. I'll think about it. You'll
consider it. I'll consider it. I mean I don't have
as much airtime as you. I don't have a stop watch.
(03:14):
So whenever someone takes a little bit of time off
the microphone from me that I have to cut them off.
But you know, to teach their own And it's Ben
Maller and this is David Gascon. So nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong. We are in the industry about talking about
ourselves and being about herself like that part of it.
I don't like that. That's one part I don't like.
(03:34):
Are you kidding me right now? I don't? Oh well,
I mean, how do I I'm nor I'm not like that.
I'm not you're compare me to some of these other blowhards.
But I mean, you can always rebrand your show. You
can rebrand it to a different name. It's the Ben
mallor show, right, you could call it something else. I mean,
you call your employees the Benny's. You call them the Benny's. Like,
(03:56):
what kind of hack job is that? The knees? What
the is that? Let me explain something. It is goofing
on award shows and goofing on me. Dummy, Emmy's Benny's.
You see how that works? Stupid Emmy's Benny's. It's the same.
It's flowers your moron out there. You. Let's tell you
(04:19):
something I got. I got a story that popped in
my head about the names of the show. I remember
when I got one of my first big breaks. I
was a radio stringer and I was getting a talk
show for the first time in Los Angeles. Man, this
was a big break in my career. And I had
a conversation with Biff Elliott, late great Biff Elliott from
CBS News Radio, a sports reporter whose brother was a
(04:41):
legendary sportscaster in New York, Win Elliott. And when Elliott
was a legend, and Biff had been an actor and
some movies and whatnot. It was a good friend of mine.
He was a very elderly gentleman at that time when
I knew him, and I was a young guy in
my my twenties, but I really loved the stories he
told about the business and all that. And remember one
day I showed up in the Dodger Stadium press box
(05:04):
and I had a conversation with him. I said, if
I'm getting I'm getting a new a new show, and he's, oh,
that's great, Ben, and and I told him, I said,
I don't know what to call it, though, I don't
know what the name of it, you know, And he
gave me this whole speech how he's like, it doesn't
matter what you call the show. If it sucks, no
one's gonna listen to it. And if it's good, people
are gonna listen to it. Who the who the funk
(05:25):
cares about the name of a show, It's irrelevant. He's
absolutely right. He's bit was so old and had been
there for so long covering the Dodgers. I think he
had covered the team since, like you know, like Jackie
Robinson in Brooklyn, you know that that he was a lot.
You know, there's no cheering in the press box. He
was allowed to cheer. He was allowed to cheer because
(05:45):
he had he had the exemption, and it was it
was pretty funny. He's a great guy. And I ran
into him after he retired, and I ran into him
at adults in this bar I used to hang out
at all the time in Burbank. It's just no longer
there on Riverside Drive, beautiful Burbank, right across from Warner Brothers,
and Bif comes up to me kind of, you know,
(06:07):
he kind of waddling a little bit. You know. He
was a pretty petite guy at this time, fragile. Uh.
And he comes up there, he says, hey, Ben, you
probably thought I was dead. Pretty morbid, right, What a character?
I was always told. I mean, whether it's for a
(06:28):
show or any kind of brand that you always want
to have your name or a name attached to it
because it keeps the audience, like it keeps that product
or that individual in the front of a person's mind
when they're subscribing to Well, everyone loves hearing their name, right,
that's the most what's the Remember the book? What was
(06:50):
the book? The famous book about being relatable? Would you
read how to Make Friends? Right? And remember that famous
book from back in the front book I read is
the Alchemist ben Man? Anyway, Yeah, the sweetest sound in
the language is your name. You people love hearing their name.
And a little cheat code for you guys. On dates
(07:12):
they say that the way to get into a woman's
heart if you're dude, is to say her name and
shut up and let her talk. People like to be
the star. They want to be the star. They don't
want to I never wanted to be the star. I
never like to talk. I was always more comfortable when
the other person was talking speaking of what you know.
You talked about this a few days ago on your show.
But if you ever needed a hype man, I would
(07:34):
definitely take Howard Finkel at the Parli Gate and he
passed away a couple of days ago. At the age
of sixty nine. But man, we were talking about this
a couple episodes ago about the w w F and
WWE and that dude I would take over Bruce Buffer
Michael Buff for anybody else, and you were talking about
life and death obviously with with a former pro in
(07:56):
the game. But Howard Finkel Man, like Third Finkel, his
career is a great testament. This guy started in nineteen
seventy five with Vince McMahon's dad. He started working with
Vince McMahon's dad at Worldwide Wrestling Federation w WWF, and
(08:17):
then he just stayed with the company and he was
the ring announcer since in eighteen seventies seven. God, what
a run. And it reminds me of like, you know,
how like Chris Berman got in at es Man early
and just stayed there forever. And you know, Tom Bob
Lee and some of those early guys that got in
(08:37):
before ESPN blew up. And like Howard Finkel, you know,
he was good. He was a legend, uh and so
he deserved it. But he got in early and and
he was able to stay there. And what an amazing
run he had in wrestling. Yeah, iconic, that is a
great hot man I have I I I mean Bruce
(08:57):
Buffer obviously is iconic for what he does, you know,
at the UFC, and then of course his brother, and
I said, for boxing, and those guys are our beasts.
But no, wonder how many miles he put on, how
many flyer frequent flyer miles he compiled over his career
traveling around. For me, I was, you know, I love Finkel,
(09:19):
but I was mean Gene Oakerland guy. I was mean
Gene all the way because he was tied together was
that he was an old radio guy, right yeah, yeah,
But I just I know he would do the interviews
and I would watch the promos and he would do
the commercials for the w W E ice cream sandwiches
and all that, you know, or w W F ice
cream sandwiches, and so I I saw him a lot
(09:41):
as a kid, you know, with macho man Randy Savage
screaming and oh yeah, you know that kind of nonsense. So,
I mean, Jane was my guy, and he died last year,
and now a body you're you're a few months ago,
and then now a year later we lose Howard Finkel,
who wasn't even seventy. It seems you know, it seems
(10:03):
a little young. I had my my memory refreshed when
Ossie guy hit him me up so politely a couple
of days ago about the Montreal screw job. But no,
it was it was fascinating to retrace those steps. I mean,
you remember this in the in the nineties. These guys
were traveling and they still do now. But the workload
that they had, like Brett the Hitman, Heart was getting paid,
(10:24):
but he was working like almost three hundred days a year,
and the Undertaker, I mean everybody that was They didn't
worry about concussions and they didn't worry about health. They
had the show must go on, right, Yeah, but it
was just amazing to watch the transition from guys like
Hogan and Nash that went to the w c W
(10:45):
formed nw OH and then the guys that stayed with
w w E, like you know, Brett the Hitman, Hard
obviously the Undertaker, and something like Seawan Michaels. So it's
pretty wild. But yeah, those guys mean Gene and and Finkel,
I don't forget them at all because they were just
as good like JR. Was was fantastic. Grilla mon Soon, Um,
(11:08):
you know, Jesse Ventura was great on the mic. There
was a lot of guys that were just great showmen
back in the day. Yeah, yeah, And you know, part
of it, as I've always said, is because you're of
a certain age. For me, it's it's that period between
like nine and twelve where everything's great and like the
rest of my life. I always judge wrestlers as to
(11:29):
how they you know, how I remember it when I
was nine and through the eyes of a child. But
now I'm a cynical, a schmuck of an adult. So
you know, it's a lot different now in the place
I'm out of my life than I was when I
was a kid. But everything like baseball players. Uh, you
know Mel Allen. I I talked in a previous episode
love Mel Allen because I was I was nine, ten, eleven,
twelve watching Mel Allen. I learned baseball from Mel Allen,
(11:51):
and uh, I have great memories of that. So that's
a very important part of your life. And and whoever
was in that window, you know. I love when kids listen.
I have some guys listen to that are that are
in the Mallemlitia that they grew up listening late at
night to the radio. And now these guys are in
their twenties and thirties or whatever, and it's cool man
like for them in some way the show means that
(12:12):
much to them because they grew up as as kids
listening to it, which is really cool. Which is a
really special thing that that you know, you can you
can have that and carry that through because a lot
of stuff I remember with that age, everything's gone, everyone's dead,
you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying,
like it's all it's all over with. Speaking of which,
you're you got your birthday coming up in What are
(12:34):
we gonna do to celebrate that? Since I'm gonna I
think I told my wife, We're gonna go on a vacation.
We're gonna go sleep in a different room. We're gonna
can experience a different part of the house. Maybe we'll
camp out in the backyard, have a little outdoor birthday party. Yeah, man,
what are you gonna do? Isn't what? Is she gonna
get some candles and put them on top of some
raising canes. That was there? You happy birthday, Eat some
(12:59):
Friday chicken strips. There you go, and I'll be like,
I'm all for that. That would be. That would be
a wonderful meal. No, maybe I'll maybe I'll venture I
don't want to hope Mayor Garcetti is not listening. But
maybe I'll go to like, uh, you know, make a
food run, pick up a sandwich in our favorite deli,
their langu Langers, pick up pistromi sandwich or something like that,
or go to Fat Styles get a big sandwich something
(13:21):
like that. Of course I got to get it to go,
which sucks, and probably have to eat in my car,
but so be you know, why not? Nothing wrong with that? Alright,
So we have on this edition of the Fifth Hour,
which is already well underway. As you know, we have
the mail bag, and we also have don't Stick to Sports,
which I think we should do first. And before we
get to don't stick to Sports, have you I learned
a new term. I like to learn new things. One
(13:41):
of my food gazing things is in addition to covering sports,
which there's no sports to cover now, so I have
more free time. Uh, and I like to I like
to learn random odd things. And when I used to
work with Looney Tunes, we would go back and forth
trying to one up each other on random fun facts.
In fact, the Blitz on the weekends used to just
become us trying to impress each each other with amazing
factoids about you know, the um whiteout was invented in
(14:05):
Dallas and the Rangers, by the way, are leading the
the Astros, you know, seven to two in the fifth
inning or something like that. So were you guys better
at one upping each other or you guys better at
sports cliche interviews during the Blitz? Oh yeah, we gotta
get Luney on this podcast at some point. But those
are some of my favorite memories. We we would do
(14:26):
for seven years, we did this NFL show and we
had the guys from Fox would come on the pre
game and sometimes the post game who did the games,
and then we would interview athletes. The players, like the
players of the game would come on into the interview
and it was such bad radio was horrific. The players
half of them couldn't talk, the other half didn't want
to talk that could talk, and it was just a
(14:48):
total ship show every week and we dreaded it. We
were like, we didn't want to put these guys on,
and then at one point we're like, ah, fuck it.
We would always worry about asking these great questions, you know,
because we wanted to really seem like we knew we
were talking about out And then at some point Looney
figured out, through the brilliance of Looney, then if you
ask the dumbest possible question, that the hackiest sports cliche
(15:09):
question you could possibly ask, you get the greatest answer.
It's unreal and it worked every time. Like Loony Looney
would ask a question of like Ben Jarvis green ellis
so what I'm just using him as an example. I'm
not saying that he's I just remember having him on
uh and something like that, and then all of a sudden,
you know, we get this amazing answer, you know, and
(15:33):
it would be like, what that, I can't believe it,
you know, And it got to the point where, you know,
Looney would be like, uh, you really brought your a
game today, dan'ya you know, something like that, and he
turned the mic up and started laughing, and then we
get this amazing long answer, you know, all right, people,
I'd be like, hey, you know, you were really on
your game today, weren't you. And then you know, we
(15:54):
get to, you know, a forty second answer. It was unbelievable.
Here we are you just gotta dumb it down. Sometimes
you gotta dumb it down. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, Um, but
one of the things I was gonna get through, uh terms.
One of the terms I learned this week. And I
guess this has been around for a while. I didn't
know it. It's benign masochism. You ever heard of the
(16:17):
term benign masochism. Well, I've heard of masochism and I've
heard of benign, but never on the same page. Now,
all right, So this was a term that was credited
to some professor at the University of Pennsylvania. It describes
how human beings enjoy negative sensations and emotions when they
(16:37):
are assured that no harm will come to them. For example,
these things considered safe threats, right, Like roller coasters, Right,
roller coasters. You go on a roller coaster, like off,
it's scary, but you know you're gonna be okay. Right,
Spicy food People eat spicy foods because they're like, yeah,
it's okay. Scary movies, Uh, those kind of things, So
(17:00):
that they say that's benign masochism. Interesting, Yeah, I'd say
former football coaches would be under that category to uh that. Yeah,
you put some in there all right, we have don't
Stick to sports? What do we have on the menu
for Don't stick to be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
(17:22):
Heart Radio app. Pretty excited about a few of these,
and I know you are too. Stimulus checks were submitted
and sent out to quite a few people earlier this week.
I think got in yours. I have not. My dad
got his? Oh did he? Now? Dad hasn't worked in years,
so this is like a botus for him. This is great.
So did he immediately cash the check to go buy cheese? Uh? Well,
(17:44):
I gotta be careful because my dad's occasionally listening to
the podcast now, so I have to be careful he
might be listening. But didn't you say he went out
for like one random chip. Yes, he went to the
store to buy parmesan cheese. Chest the cheese, just the cheese,
because he needed cheese with his pizza. So here to
buy parmesan cheese. And I was like, you know, I
was like, Dad, you probably shouldn't be doing that, you know,
I tell him every day, And uh, for a while
(18:06):
he was just going out to get coffee, and then
then he bought a coffee machine, so I thought, well,
that would end it. But now he's still finding reasons
to go. Like he's got to pay a bill. Most
people just do it online or whatever. He's like, I
go to the bank, you know, because he learned a
few years ago that if you you go to the bank,
it'll show up right away. And so he's like, I'll
(18:28):
do that, you know, And it gives him a reason
to leave the house, which he likes. And uh yeah,
I mean he's he just loves fighting reasons to go play,
and he gets bothered. He got kicked out of a
drug store this week because he didn't have a mask. Yeah,
and I said, well, you know, I've told you every
day to wear a mask when you go out. You know,
he's well. A couple of these stories actually could be
(18:49):
dedicated to, uh to Papa Mallary. The first one is
this UM so I believe it was eighty million people
here in the United States were providing a stimulus check
so far UM. A volunteer firefighter by the name of
Charles Calvin in Indiana went to his a t M
a few days ago and he had a stimast check
(19:10):
that was deposited into his bank, but when he wanted
to take out some cash, he had a total account
balanced ban of eight point two million dollars. That's quite this,
that's pretty generous of the president. I mean that is
he must have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Yeah,
not stimast. That thing was irrect. That's exactly what has
(19:30):
been eight point two million dollars a couple of days later.
I've got the exactly right now. I guess the bigger
question was something like that would be what happens if
you tried pulling out an excess amount and you were
charged with overdraft fees? You go to jail. People have
done that. People that this happens every once in a while,
and if you spend the money you they eventually they
(19:51):
will find it the error and you will go to jail.
You will be charged with the crime. This actually happened.
Not only the guy in Indiana. There was a woman
in Florida that got eight and a half million lillion
dollars in her bank account while withdrawing the the stimulus check.
Ye now see he he got seventeen hundreds So obviously,
different states, different income brackets as well. But what's the
(20:11):
state that pays the eight million, because I'd like to
go to that states Indiana eight in Florida eight point
five millions. Alright, I got a great I got a
great idea for your dad. And I don't know if
he's on social media, but this could be a lot
of fun. There was on Facebook. Is this that's his playga? Alright?
So an older gentleman in Scotland was caught, not caught,
(20:33):
but he was posting up when he went into a store. Um,
he wore a peculiar mask. He actually is an older gentleman. Um,
rather than use a regular mask, he actually wore a
sanitary towel used for for women during that specific time
of a month. Um. Obviously not a tampon, but it
(20:53):
was a pad he was at work. Is that like
an M ninety five mask? He's a similar But it
looked at his name, it looked pretty damn close. Um,
when you looked at it from a distance or a
quick glance, but obviously up close it's a little bit different.
Of the future. But yeah, my friend J sent me
a bunch of photos that people have been taking. There
(21:15):
was a guy the tampon is pretty good. But this
guy had a half a coconut and he put a
string attached it and he covered his nose in his
mouth with a coconut shell. That's pretty good. There's an
old guy somewhere on the East Coast while riding the subway,
had sliced an orange and gutted an orange and then
(21:37):
added some strings around the orange and had that covering
his nose and his mouth. I don't know if these
are photoshopping. They appeared to be real, so I'm believing them.
And then there was a woman on a subway train
that had put you know, like a big tupperware container,
had put that over her head. Yeah, so people are
putting some weird ship on there. I've gone out to
the store a couple of times with man dance. Fortunately,
(21:58):
my brother sent me. My brother in Wisconsin he made
some mask his wife and sent me masks with me
and the family here, so we have official masks now,
which that's good. I saw I saw a woman actually
in a grocery store. She wore you know when you
buy either a down comforter or you buy pillow casings
and they come from like bed bath and beyond, and
(22:20):
it's the Clear. It's the clear packets, the clear like
giant like almost like a suitcase kind of case that
would have all your your your better tire in there.
She wore over her entire It looked like it covered
her entire torso like it went over her head, over
her shoulders, and she just looked like she was frozen stiff.
(22:40):
But she was wearing that and instead of a grocery store,
and so I was pretty good. Wow. Yeah, I was
at Walmart last week. I put some photos on Instagram.
Follow me on there. Ben Maller on Fox US. So
one of the employees at Walmart was greeting customers wearing
a t Rex cost you know, the full body t
Rex outfit. Yeah, they had that on and that was
(23:01):
that was It was a prehistoric confrontation, is what it was. Now,
you and your better half are fans of Tiger King. Um.
I have no idea why, but there's a story out
on Daily Mail TV that Joe exotic. Everything has to
be intellectual, gascun. I know that you think everything has
to be a high brow and all that, but not
(23:22):
everything needs to be high brow. Occasionally you can let
your hair down and just have a good time. And
enjoy some rednecks and some white trash goofing on each Ye.
So Joe Exotic, he he's a fat of beastiality. Um.
Apparently he used to stuff animals as sex toys. Um,
and he had to protesters bodies buried in his zoo.
(23:44):
So who doesn't do this? Come on, Gasco and I
know your history with sex toys, Please appreciate that. I
don't believe anything like because this they are rivals, right,
this guy is the guy's name again? Uh, what is it?
Joe Exotic and Jeff Low, Yeah, Jeff Low. These Jeff Low.
(24:07):
You know, he's been trashed because of the documentary, So
now he's trying to trash Joe Exotic. It's got My
theory is he's got to be really annoyed because Joe
Exotics the star of the show, and Joe Exotics in
jail right now, and this guy is like, wait a minute,
I ain't in jail. What the funk this guy's And
maybe he doesn't. Joe Exotic obviously is probably the biggest
perv out there or whatever, but each of the oh,
(24:27):
I don't care what he does with the stuffed animal.
Better that than harmon animal. Or or some human being
or whatever. I guess, but it's pretty pretty well. I
don't know. You think that's a common thing, using stuffed
animals guessing, and you think that people are understand I
know that there's the Furries, right, the furies or that, right,
there's some weird ship out there, especially right now the
coronavirus going on and people are in quarantine. What's your
(24:50):
weirdest thing? Um my weirdest thing? I don't know. Look
can talk about that, certainly, you're not not gonna share all.
I don't know how a big recall on something like that.
I don't know what kind of you block it out. Yeah,
it's somatic. Yeah, I mean sexual fetishes. I don't know
if they should be out here on the platform. But
you're not. You're not being tied up anymore. That's the
(25:13):
rumor before. Never happened before, I didn't really happen. Trying
to defame me on on a national podcast. I appreciate that.
Stop seeing the Dominatrix exactly. That's another show you need
to watch as Billions. By the way, that's a great show. Paul.
Paul Giamatti's dad was a commissioner of Major League baseball,
(25:34):
the saason Pete Rose will never get back into baseball.
Bart Giamonti died in baseball. Is convinced that Bartie Matty
died as the stress of Pete Rowe see so Giamati,
his son Paul Giamatti, and Damian Lewis, who actually started
in Homeland. There their co leads and billions, and that's
a really good show. I would highly recommend that. I
(25:54):
don't know if you have the time, but yeah, I don't.
I mean, the Sopranos were on season two of the Supranos,
will probably get to like season four by the end
of the weekend. And then Breaking Bads on my list
ahead and watched that one, so I'll check that one out.
And uh, well the goodness this is Quarantine is gonna
go probably to at least June, so we got another
solid month plus to watch shows. Would you ever consider
(26:17):
changing your child's name for any reason? Uh? Yeah, like
if you named your kid and then the name became
synonymous with like a horrible illness, Like if your name
was Corona, and you might want to change your name
if you had a child, you know, if you could
(26:38):
still do it when the kid was like under two
years old or something like that. You would consider that
or like I I told the story on the radio
that before World War Two, the name ate Off and
the name Hitler, that that was a surname. There were
other families name that had the surname Hitler, and there
were there were other people obviously a lot of people
(27:01):
ate Off and whatnot, and then there were a bunch
of people had to change their name because Adolph Hitler
became synonymous with death and doom and being an anti
Semitic and all those things and racist and all that,
and so then it changed their name during World War two.
So yeah, it's like something like that happened. You change
the name other than that your name. You come up
with a name and that's it. You leave it. Well,
I bring that up because Amy Schumer, she's a celebrity.
(27:24):
She's a big fan of hers. By the way, you
love Amy Schumer. You always Gascott every time she would
go on tour back in the day, Gasco, how man,
we should go see Amy Schumer. I would never say
that there's like nothing good about her content, but then
she like steal out of her content to I don't know.
There's been accusations that she's ripped off lines and bits
from people, well every comedian at some point, I mean
(27:46):
kind of reminded. What's the name of the Mexican comedian
has always been accused of that, like has been a
big thief? George Lopez? Is it him? Or Carlos Mencia?
I don't know one of them. I forget which one
is always being accused of ripping off other people's bits.
I mean it reminds me of talk show host in sports,
you know. I mean, yeah, people still my stuff all
(28:07):
the time. That's a good point. And it's still the
Golden Ticket. Yeah, well I was Danny gs creation. Yeah
was it Danny Geese? Yeah, Danny Jesus, I just called
the Golden Ticket. I don't know. There's a guy that
used to work for Premier back in the day that
did something like that. Yeah, well I'm sleeping when that
guy's on. So anyways, Amy Schumer changed her eleven month
old son's name. His original name was gene Autel Fisher,
(28:33):
and she had to change it after she realized that
her name her son's name. If you just threw it
all out, it would it would say genital. Oh well,
she afraid of son is not gonna have proper genitals
or something like that some celebrities. Let's let me tell
you something, all right. The sickest bastards in the world
(28:56):
are on elementary school playgrounds, all right, and they will
attack No matter what your fucking name is, They're going
to attack it. So what are you worried about? You
know they're gonna find You're gonna find some way to
bilittle you. That's what kids do, so big deal. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Well
(29:18):
younger and how about older? A British woman who's um,
According to The New York Post, she's in a love
affair long term relationship with a ninety two year old chandelier,
has been told this. I lovely love romance. I love
that She's been told that her love affair with an
antiques fixture is not a protected sexual orientation. Oh is
(29:40):
that right? Not a protected sexual orientation? That's not right.
If you want to marry a chandelier, you should be
allowed to marry a chandelier. Imagine the dating every night
is a candle light dinner, right, just really light up
her day on to be head over chandeliers and love. Right,
(30:00):
people that like marry their pets. What's the courtship like
when you date a chandelier? Like, how does that work? There?
Do you? You get in the corner there and the
pheromones come out and you're just a couple of love
birds going at it, you know, canoodling and all that. Uh,
there's a lot of power that could be behind their
their their rendezvous in bed too, right, especially when one
gets inserted into the socket. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. Now, Now,
(30:24):
cann a chandelier give consent? Uh, chandelier? Let me ask
you this. Does a chandelier have to be over a
certain age to be able to give a certain wattage?
What the chandelier goes out, one of the light fixtures
goes out? Yeah, yeah, that's uh, that's true. Man. But
that's good. I'm sure she's uh, she's got no mental
(30:45):
illness at all. Right, I'm sure she's she's good. Yeah.
The world we live in right now, is that right?
You can't say that you're not I'm supposed to say that. Well,
I'm not. I'm not a fan of ages. M I
know you are, and uh, you know it's fine. I
mean as I think if you're Smith with an automate
inanimant object, Uh, good for you knocked yourself out. That's uh,
(31:06):
that's not puppy love. That's chandelier love is what that
is there, light love, that's what it's called. Well, that
is what we have today as we don't stick to sports. Okay,
very good, Let's get to the mail bag. We will
get as many of these as we can in the
time that we are a lotted on the Fifth Hour podcast.
These are actual questions from actual listeners to the show,
submitted to our Facebook page. We call it the mail bag,
(31:27):
rab bag, etcetera, etcetera, or inbox, whatever you want to
call it. This one comes from our friend Fats in Philadelphia. Good,
he says, Ben, I like this, guy says. Nicknames have
always been a staple of baseball. What are some of
your favorite nicknames of players? Pastor? President says I always
enjoyed Lonnie Skate, Smith, Bob Pig, Horner, Randy Big Unit Johnson,
(31:50):
Willie E. T McGhee, and of course Lenny Nails dikest Um.
And that says I'll go first year guestcon so again,
going back to my younger day in the Atlanta Braves
had a picture and he bounced around baseball a little
bit named Terry Forster. And Terry Forster's nickname was the
Big Tub of Goo. And I always thought that was
(32:10):
great for a fat baseball player to be named the
Big Tub of Goo. I thought that was wonderful. And
then the nickname that actually was he was known by
this nickname, Dennis Boyd, better known by his nickname oil
Can Boyd for the Red Sox in the eighties. How
great is it to be known as oil Can? And
uh some otherwise, Mike Hargrove, the human rain delay. That
(32:34):
was cool. I patted my game in baseball when I
was in Little League. After Steve Balboni, his nickname was
Bye Bye Boboni. That's a pretty good nickname. Who else?
How about Shane Victorino not that long ago, a flying Hawaiian. Ye,
that's pretty good. And since he mentioned et, since Fats
mentioned DT Fats. How about his teammate with those eighties Cardinals,
(32:56):
Vince Coleman. You remember what Vince Coleman's nickname was, v
Van Go. Is that great? That is outstanding? That's that's it.
I'm out of nick names. What about you just across
baseball or did you like anything? Well, he said baseball,
So you don't know baseball not I mean, babe, Babe
Ruth has always had a handful of him. The Sultan
(33:16):
a swat, the great bat. You know, Um, was it
Teddy ted Williams is what Teddy ball? Game? Yeah? Oral
Herschaizer was what bulldog? Bulldog? That was sort of named
him bulldog. And remember what he named the penguin because
he said he ran like a penguin. How upset must
Ron say? That's stuck? You know, of all the dumb things.
(33:39):
The stick that's funny, that's pretty solid. Yeah, those are good.
Another one, Um, here's another old baseball reference. You heard
of Satchel Page. You know the name Satual Page. Vinsculla
used to tell this story back in the day when
he was doing the dodging games. But Satchel Page, that's
not his real name. Is real name. He was born
(34:00):
Leroy Robert Page. He got the nickname when he was
toting bags at the train station and he said he
was not making enough money at a dime a bag
he was making, so he used a pole and a
rope and he built this Fugais contraption thing, and that
(34:22):
gave him the ability to cart like four bags at
once so he can make more money. And then one
of his rivals, one of these other kids that was
trying to do the hustle, said you look like a
walking satchel tree. And then he became Ken Griff Jr.
That was the kid. K Griff Jr. Was the kid. Yeah,
(34:44):
that's right, Yeah, I thought you were. No. I mean
I always remember that because I thought of you know,
back in the day, it was always Ken Griff Jr.
Was the kid. And then Mike Tyson was always called
Kid Dynamite. Like I thought that was a great nickname.
Iron Mike, No Iron, Mike Tyson, Yeah, Iron, Yeah, I
just referred because Mike Tyson's punch Shot, that was his nickname.
And there it wasn't Iron Mike, it was Kid Dynamite.
(35:05):
So one of the great video games, Mike Tyson's punch
Shot outstanding. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Radio app. Search f s R to listen live. Al Right,
next up on the mail bag says if you can remember.
(35:28):
This is from Andrea and Nashville. He says, if you
can remember when you took your driver's AJAM and had
to do the parking task, what did they make you do?
Parallel park? Are back into a space? Uh? And this
is really more for you, guess than me, because we
all know your reputation here. Did you actually have to
(35:48):
take the driver's test or did they just send you
the driver's license in the mail? It was pretty easy.
They drove around the block a couple of times and
I parked in an empty parking spot in the DMV center.
That was it. I didn't have to do anything. Yeah,
so I learned how to drive. My mom taught me
how to drive, and then she was she thought maybe
I needed a little more fine tuning, so she hired
(36:09):
a driving instructor. This old dude who took me around,
took me on the freeway and he he explained to
me it's safer to drive on the freeway than it
is on the intersection because cross traffic on the freeway.
And I was like, okay, whatever. Uh. And then but
they scared the ship out of me before the drivers
and they were, oh, you're gonna have to parallel park
and have do this that and the other thing. And
I was like, oh, I was like ship my pants.
I was like this is terrible. But then it wasn't
(36:30):
even that bad. Like it was like pretty harmless. They
were just trying to get through as many people as
they could get through. Like I don't I don't believe
I had a parallel park. I got it back into
a space. But it was and that was before backup camps.
But it wasn't that bad. There was no but no
other cars around like when you did it, And yeah,
it was pretty harmless. Parallel parking at art. I know
(36:50):
you can't do it that well, especially with your car,
but I got a backup cam. I'm a great parallel parker.
In fact, my wife says, I parked like a police
officer should always back into spaces and things like that.
You know, police usually back in so they make a
quick exit. I back in back when we left our house,
I would back in. Kennon Toledo writes, and he says,
how many shows, Ben have you done from your remote
home studio in the buff uh Ken. That's a great question,
(37:15):
you know. I for years before I got into radio,
I was a nudist. I grew up in a family,
the nudist colony, the Mallard family. Uh No, I've I've
closed on so I have done shows wearing pajamas. I've
done that. Um, but I've always had clothes on. I
don't know why. I don't really need to, but but
I have. Corey from Iowa says, what is the craziest,
(37:35):
strangest story you have had with a co worker? Any
stories come to mind, guest Gan, you want to share
with the class about co workers that have things that
have happened. Corey is dying to know. I can tell one.
I will not name the guilty because I don't want
to get suited. Years ago, I was doing a show
on the weekends and I came in and let's just
(37:56):
say well known professional athlete had been doing the show
before me, and uh, I turned on the hit the
button on the computer and he had not cleared out
his websites that he was looking at and he was
on adult FriendFinder dot com. Yes, it's going for a
little Uh. I don't think his wife would have approved
of that, but you know he was enjoying life with
the hell. Good for him. Who am I to judge? Right,
(38:17):
that was that was a little awkward. It was slightly
you gotta close out. And then there were other people
that were so paranoid, like Pat O'Brien used to turn
the entire computer off, and and at work at the studios,
the main studio, you gotta walk in the back and
turn the computer back on. It's not you can't just
turn it on from the where you're sitting in the
in the studio. So it's a big to do. And
(38:39):
we the shows, we have about two minutes three minutes
to change over. And if you got to go turn
the computer on, it fox everything up. I think for me,
the oddest story that I have, at least working in
the entertainment world, um, for me personally, was that I
was working on a show on the weekends and this
is the same year that Baker Mayfield and Josh Rosen
(39:01):
like all those guys were getting drafted, you know, Sam Donald.
And there was a host, Steve Hartman was working on
this show with a co host that used to play
in the National Football League, and don't you name the host,
I'm Steve Hartman. Um. So I'm a big fan of
make sure that when you're on a show what's his name?
You have support, so like you always acknowledge Roberto and Eddie,
(39:25):
um Coop and whoever else. And so what happened was
is that co host really took it for Grant to
sit in the chair and be on the show. So
he at times was aloof and other times it was
kinda he talked down to everyone else that helps support him.
(39:46):
And one day he was like, Oh, we just need
to go and get this like update guy over and
done with. And I was on work in the updates,
and this was just before he had this take about
Josh Rosen Baker Mayfield and like throwing the stuff out there.
And I was like, man, yeah, I guess we gotta
get through this thing because we go back to your
garbage hot take. And I said that on the radio
(40:10):
before my update. After the update was over and we
went to commercial break, he made a beadline pass Bob
Gara and into my studio and he got my face
and so he's like, don't you fucking disrespect me? Da da? Yeah,
So I was sitting down. I was sitting down. I
(40:30):
was like that very personally, very proud a lot of
my cheese mode there. Yeah, And I was like well,
you know what, like do you even know who I am,
because I'm just the update guy that's just here to
like serve you and serve this show. And then he
just kept yelling and yelling, and then all of a sudden,
I got up and I got back in his face,
and I was like, don't fucking come here and like
try to disrespect me or anybody else that's here to
(40:51):
help you out support you in this show. Like I
was fucking piste after that, because yeah, I just you know,
like you're on a show, you were with an entire crew,
and like everyone has the responsibilities and everyone has their roles,
and so I'm not here to like dismiss anybody. It
doesn't matter what their role as host, board of I've
always said that people that are like so full of themselves,
(41:12):
like you know, the funniest jokes are usually self deprecated.
You can't google on yourself. You're a hard oh, And
I don't want you in my life. I don't want
to listen to you on the radio. You know who
wants that. I don't want especially when you're working together
with someone for like three or four hours at eight
time on the show, Like there should be some good ribbing.
You know, it doesn't matter men, women whoever. It is like,
(41:34):
you gotta have fun on this format because if you don't,
you take yourself way too seriously. That should will get
flat real quick. Let's do a few more questions. This
is the mailbag portion of the pit the podcast. You
know that already. Dr Goopy from Maine says, where was
William Shatton? Where's William Shatner been during this whole social
distancing thing? And have you bothered to check in on him?
And if you did talk to him, what would you say?
(41:57):
Can I answer that for him? Yeah? I've been watching
a ton of YouTube clips with William Shatner as Denny
Crane on Boston Legal. He was so good on that
show of James Spader. He was fantastical enemy You just
he was fantastic in that role, and he was a
brilliant actor. And and obviously, uh, these days are gone
(42:18):
and being on that platform, but man, I missed that guy.
Uh To answer Dr Goopy, I have not talked to
Shatner since we ended the spats with Shats victorious one
of the great underdog stories of our time. You talked
David versus Goliath a dope overnight sports talk radio show
against a pop culture icon, the Mallar Militia versus the
(42:40):
Trek Eas and the Mallard Militia. One we knocked out
William Shatner. He said, no, Moss, it's wonderful. God, they
should have made a movie about that. Would that would
actually be a pretty good movie, wouldn't It would be
like a porn film where you guys are just grabbing ankles.
You and the Mallar Militia. You again with grabbing ankles.
I don't want to whatever you do in the comfort
(43:01):
of your own home, I don't need to hear about
all right. Which Simpson character do you most identify with?
This is from Matt in Mansfield, Texas. Well. For me,
it's either Homer Simpson or Krusty the clown. Uh Gascon's
Mr Burns. There you go right now, you're Mr Burns.
Grandpa Simpson. You could be like Grandpa Simps. I could
(43:21):
see his Grandpa was a Devin when I was a
kid that was trouble all the time. You could be Mo,
you know, you could be Mo. I could see his Mo.
Or Barney you're like Barney in the Alcoholic could be
like Barney. I don't have a gut like that. Could
be the comic book guy. You know that guy's the
Groudoo's comic book all time. All right, Carlos in Houston says,
since you know Yiddish and this is a podcast, can
(43:44):
you tell us some curse words that you learned in
the length? I give a shot? Uh, schwantz means dick?
Uh what is it? I'm trying to remember a shit?
Drek means piece of shit. That's what that means. Stoop
means fuck in Yiddish. Uh what else? Kish mine took
(44:05):
us means kiss my ass. That's a good one. Uh, nafka.
I believe that's how you said horror? That means horror. Uh?
What is it? Guy? Cucking often yam? I believe that
means go ship in the ocean. I think that's what
them I got. There's a few. It's broken Yiddish. It's uh,
you know, I I don't know those words as well. Uh.
(44:28):
For cocked, that means like fucked up beyond belief for cocked?
All right? You know what a Yiddish guess I do not, though, Yeah,
you didn't have a Yidish grandfather, you got a lot
of hoots. You know, there's some Yiddish that's like that.
Kutsas a word that's kind of gone mainstream. But kiss
(44:48):
is a Yiddish word. People use that a lot. Klutz
is a Yiddish word for clumsy. You're a big fan
of horn schwoggle. Yeah, that's I don't think that's a
Yudish word. I know, But I'm just saying, like words
that should I do. Like I like fun words. I
like because all I have is words. We don't have photos.
All we have on radio's words. I like mixing in
fun words like they're they're fun to listen to. It's
like it's like getting a cookie. It's like get a
(45:09):
little cookie or something like that. It's pretty cool. Uh well,
thank you Carlos for listening, even though you're in Houston.
Let's see. Uh. Eric in q C says, how is
Bella dealing with you being home at the house with Uh? Yeah,
Bella doesn't give a funk. Bella is more concerned about
my wife and my wife's number one in the house,
(45:30):
and she still goes to work at the police station,
so doing her nine one one thing. So Bella kind
of ignores me. Although when I'm doing the show. Sometimes
Bella will give me odd looks like why the funk
are you still talking? Shut up? That kind of thing,
and uh so there's a lot of that. Well, she's
pretty good. She sleeps about twenty hours a day and
then about four hours she's crazy. But then for the
(45:52):
rest of the time she's like laying down sleeping most
of the time. Uh. This one's from a moving man,
Matt in Boston. Why is gag On such a bitch?
All talk and no action? H isn't that what the
job is the podcast with the radio show is to
be all talk. Well, he's accusing you of being a
fake tough guys? What do you say? Why would it
be a fake tough guy? How can I be a
(46:12):
fixture of fraud compared to who him? Yeah? This guy's
guy's moving guy from Boston. What does he do? This
guy would he would treat you like play dough and
just be terrible for you? Moving Matt Matt would turn
into a tomato can. That's exactly what he would be. Uh.
There's another question for you, guests, go on. This is
from John. He says, why is the good Old USA?
(46:34):
Why are they not a world power? And team handball.
They're fucking awful handball there. Well, you know what, the
same reason why we're not good in soccer, at least
on the men's set of things. We're fucking awful and
soccer we're awful and handball. He's another one from us.
See here a guy in Bakersfield, Jason and Bakersfield says,
(46:55):
what's your most unpopular food opinion? Also, you mentioned a
poutine play in Bakersfield last week. What's the name of
the restaurant? Uh? Yeah, Jason, I'll give you the name.
It's uh, it's called Saunder s O N D E R.
Baker's Field. I think they're closed right now because of
the pandemic, but they should open up hopefully when this
is over. A Saunder Bakersfield dot com is the website.
(47:15):
Great poutine. It's a restaurant my wife loves and we
always stopped there in Bakersfield when we passed through Big
What did you go down? It sounds good right now? Yeah, yeah,
it's pretty good. It's good restaurant. Uh. Well, let's see
what's your most unpopular food opinion. I don't know. I
never I don't like coffee. I'd ever drink coffee. People
get upset about that. Your worst food opinion, Your your
(47:37):
worst food opinion is having your steak well done. No, no,
that is fucking awful. Man. Let me tell you something.
No man, the president, Donald J. Trump, the President of
the free world, burn steak. All right, that's the proper
way to eat a piece of meat. Burn it up,
burn baby, burning lamb? What sucking lame do you have?
(48:02):
What do you like? Burn? Hammer? Well done meat? I
like it? Well none, No, it's it's depressing because then
you eat it, it's just you're like you're eating charcoal.
That's exactly what it tastes like, and then you just
got black all over your teeth. It's just it's not
good at all. You get no taste, no flavor. No, No,
it's wonderful. It is so great. And I really like
(48:23):
when I used to go to restaurants in order the
food well done, because it would really upset the guys
in the kitchen. They would be so upset by that,
and they'd be like, oh, this is not right, this
is blasphemy. How dare you eat a burn steak? You know?
This is that elitist what's your part of the elitist class?
I know what's good? I know what's good? Okay, what
(48:45):
else do we have here? Do we have anything from
blind Scott? Uh? I did not see the quoite why
he said he sent a question or something. I'm just curious.
I mean the actual people that are legit worthy of
the matter, militia like I'm a pilot Terry in UK,
Blind Scott. Also, the people that enjoy you this and
(49:05):
just those are the Mount Rushmorrow, Jason and Rocky Mount
Virginia says, Hey, guys, if you had to be quarantined
with one of these two, who would you choose? Angry
Bill or Justin in Cincinnati? I think justin Cincinnati for sure,
because I would beat you get the CORONAVIU. I would
beat the funk out of him every single day, like
(49:27):
just everywhere. I'd beat his ass like a pinata like that,
just little twerp. I would just fuck him up. Angry Bill.
Angry Bill you would be okay with because you wouldn't
have to look at him because he has that white
hood on all the time, so he wouldn't have to
see his face all that. We'd have that, and he'd
probably going to clan meetings all the time, so all
the way about seeing him very often, so he wouldn't
(49:48):
really be there justin you'd be guaranteed to get the coronavirus.
And according to you, justin Um travels around the country
to to go on dates, so that according to me,
I only heard that he flies across I never heard that.
I heard that he flies across the country to go
try sleeping with your old colleagues ex girlfriends. Really yeah,
(50:11):
and then he gets to the coronavirus that way, That's
just what I heard, Like I heard it on a
love like it's mallow Militia. There's a branch of the
Mallem Militia that are just totally funked up beyond belief.
And they all tell these stories like it's like junior
high school or high school about everyone else. I don't
even know if they're true or not. They just bullshit
their parasites. That's call them all right, that's enough, right,
(50:31):
We're good, Yes, very anything else you want to add,
guest on or you know, I'm I'm really happy though
about the downloads, the reviews and the responses on like Apple,
iTunes and Spotify and all those platforms does a lot
for obviously us, so I appreciate it even during these
tough times. Yeah, it helps, man, trust me. And like
(50:51):
I've told you before, the management looks at those numbers.
We have ratings on radio and those come out every
so often, but the real time streaming numbers are a
big part of the business right now. And so if
those numbers are strong, the show is doing well, then
I think we're all in good shape and it's good
for everybody, and so we think. And it's free. You
(51:12):
don't have to pay for it, which is great. Right's
one thing in life you don't have to pay for
you just listen. Simple. It's free for them, and it's
free forever. That's right. I mean we're in the same bow.
I'm not getting paid to do this. You're not getting
paid to listen to this, So it's all it's all
the same. It's pro bono work, guest, it's pro boon work.
And who would want to interfere with pro bone or work.
We were on medal with that, right, not during this
time anyway, of course. Not all right, listen, stay healthy.
(51:34):
Follow me on Instagram at Ben Maller. On Fox follow
me on Twitter at Ben Maller. And again, if you
want to send questions for our mail bag segment, which
we do once a week on one of our three
fifth hour podcasts, and we do the podcast eight days
a week, but you can send me a message. Ben
Mallard's show on Facebook and guest gons on social media.
(51:56):
Also Yeah Twitter at David J. Gascon book and no
Dice Instagram at Dave Gascon. All right, have a great day.
Back on the radio on the overnight of course, you
know when, same time, same station. We'll catch you next time.
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
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break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
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Mallarck starts right now. Yes it does. I'll be doing well.
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(00:45):
We have upped the podcast game, as you if you
have not noticed yet, as we pat ourselves on the back.
But yeah, we're doing three a week. We did one
a week for a long time. We're doing three a week.
The ratings are up, The listenership is up eight percent,
which means no one was listening before and now people
who are listening, which is pretty good. And you've already
found the podcast. That's great. If you have not subscribed yet,
(01:07):
bad job by you. Correct that right now, that's right.
Get your phone cook that little button right there is
to subscribe. That helps us out a lot, and tell
a friend you guys have been doing it. Apparently this
is working. The word of mouth advertising, which is the
most effective advertising next to radio advertising, is word of
mouth advertising. So tell your friends, tell your friends, tell
(01:27):
your enemies. Whatever, one minutes all we need. We get
support and we're available on the I Heart podcast network.
But wherever you get your podcast, they can find it.
It's not hard to find. Just tell him fifth Hour
with Ben Maller and that's how you do it. And
yet again we are joined by not the man of
the people, the man of the West, of the four
(01:48):
oh five crab, the elitist, the one per centers academia,
David gues I'm excited to be here and do a
lot of the heavy lifting for this podcast. And it's
always always a great day when you acknowledge who's in
the house with you, Ben Maller. A little bit different
(02:10):
from your show when it's up and down and usually
dropped off the air, but you know, I mean here,
it's no signs of a collapse on this podcast, and
you can thank me well so far and we've had
no signs of a collapse, so you should actually thank me,
as we talked about the previous episode of the Fifth Hour,
I saved the day. I should win an I Heart
(02:31):
Media Engineering Award because I was able to do it.
I was able to fix the equipment. Of course, they
walked me through it and held my hand. Um, but
but you yet again, and and this is another sign.
I want to make you relatable. I want you to
be relatable to the working class. How do I do that? Um?
Maybe not play applause sound effect and I say your name,
(02:52):
and it's the only sound effect. You play your soul.
There's no other sound effect that you play. Right. You
are like the ultimate Prima Donna. You're the ultimate draw
the queen. I mean stop. I know yourself absorbed. I
know you're an attention whore, but try to show a
little grace. How about that. I'll think about it. You'll
consider it. I'll consider it. I mean I don't have
as much airtime as you. I don't have a stop watch.
(03:14):
So whenever someone takes a little bit of time off
the microphone from me that I have to cut them off.
But you know, to teach their own And it's Ben
Maller and this is David Gascon. So nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong. We are in the industry about talking about
ourselves and being about herself like that part of it.
I don't like that. That's one part I don't like.
(03:34):
Are you kidding me right now? I don't? Oh well,
I mean, how do I I'm nor I'm not like that.
I'm not you're compare me to some of these other blowhards.
But I mean, you can always rebrand your show. You
can rebrand it to a different name. It's the Ben
mallor show, right, you could call it something else. I mean,
you call your employees the Benny's. You call them the Benny's. Like,
(03:56):
what kind of hack job is that? The knees? What
the is that? Let me explain something. It is goofing
on award shows and goofing on me. Dummy, Emmy's Benny's.
You see how that works? Stupid Emmy's Benny's. It's the same.
It's flowers your moron out there. You. Let's tell you
(04:19):
something I got. I got a story that popped in
my head about the names of the show. I remember
when I got one of my first big breaks. I
was a radio stringer and I was getting a talk
show for the first time in Los Angeles. Man, this
was a big break in my career. And I had
a conversation with Biff Elliott, late great Biff Elliott from
CBS News Radio, a sports reporter whose brother was a
(04:41):
legendary sportscaster in New York, Win Elliott. And when Elliott
was a legend, and Biff had been an actor and
some movies and whatnot. It was a good friend of mine.
He was a very elderly gentleman at that time when
I knew him, and I was a young guy in
my my twenties, but I really loved the stories he
told about the business and all that. And remember one
day I showed up in the Dodger Stadium press box
(05:04):
and I had a conversation with him. I said, if
I'm getting I'm getting a new a new show, and he's, oh,
that's great, Ben, and and I told him, I said,
I don't know what to call it, though, I don't
know what the name of it, you know, And he
gave me this whole speech how he's like, it doesn't
matter what you call the show. If it sucks, no
one's gonna listen to it. And if it's good, people
are gonna listen to it. Who the who the funk
(05:25):
cares about the name of a show, It's irrelevant. He's
absolutely right. He's bit was so old and had been
there for so long covering the Dodgers. I think he
had covered the team since, like you know, like Jackie
Robinson in Brooklyn, you know that that he was a lot.
You know, there's no cheering in the press box. He
was allowed to cheer. He was allowed to cheer because
(05:45):
he had he had the exemption, and it was it
was pretty funny. He's a great guy. And I ran
into him after he retired, and I ran into him
at adults in this bar I used to hang out
at all the time in Burbank. It's just no longer
there on Riverside Drive, beautiful Burbank, right across from Warner Brothers,
and Bif comes up to me kind of, you know,
(06:07):
he kind of waddling a little bit. You know. He
was a pretty petite guy at this time, fragile. Uh.
And he comes up there, he says, hey, Ben, you
probably thought I was dead. Pretty morbid, right, What a character?
I was always told. I mean, whether it's for a
(06:28):
show or any kind of brand that you always want
to have your name or a name attached to it
because it keeps the audience, like it keeps that product
or that individual in the front of a person's mind
when they're subscribing to Well, everyone loves hearing their name, right,
that's the most what's the Remember the book? What was
(06:50):
the book? The famous book about being relatable? Would you
read how to Make Friends? Right? And remember that famous
book from back in the front book I read is
the Alchemist ben Man? Anyway, Yeah, the sweetest sound in
the language is your name. You people love hearing their name.
And a little cheat code for you guys. On dates
(07:12):
they say that the way to get into a woman's
heart if you're dude, is to say her name and
shut up and let her talk. People like to be
the star. They want to be the star. They don't
want to I never wanted to be the star. I
never like to talk. I was always more comfortable when
the other person was talking speaking of what you know.
You talked about this a few days ago on your show.
But if you ever needed a hype man, I would
(07:34):
definitely take Howard Finkel at the Parli Gate and he
passed away a couple of days ago. At the age
of sixty nine. But man, we were talking about this
a couple episodes ago about the w w F and
WWE and that dude I would take over Bruce Buffer
Michael Buff for anybody else, and you were talking about
life and death obviously with with a former pro in
(07:56):
the game. But Howard Finkel Man, like Third Finkel, his
career is a great testament. This guy started in nineteen
seventy five with Vince McMahon's dad. He started working with
Vince McMahon's dad at Worldwide Wrestling Federation w WWF, and
(08:17):
then he just stayed with the company and he was
the ring announcer since in eighteen seventies seven. God, what
a run. And it reminds me of like, you know,
how like Chris Berman got in at es Man early
and just stayed there forever. And you know, Tom Bob
Lee and some of those early guys that got in
(08:37):
before ESPN blew up. And like Howard Finkel, you know,
he was good. He was a legend, uh and so
he deserved it. But he got in early and and
he was able to stay there. And what an amazing
run he had in wrestling. Yeah, iconic, that is a
great hot man I have I I I mean Bruce
(08:57):
Buffer obviously is iconic for what he does, you know,
at the UFC, and then of course his brother, and
I said, for boxing, and those guys are our beasts.
But no, wonder how many miles he put on, how
many flyer frequent flyer miles he compiled over his career
traveling around. For me, I was, you know, I love Finkel,
(09:19):
but I was mean Gene Oakerland guy. I was mean
Gene all the way because he was tied together was
that he was an old radio guy, right yeah, yeah,
But I just I know he would do the interviews
and I would watch the promos and he would do
the commercials for the w W E ice cream sandwiches
and all that, you know, or w W F ice
cream sandwiches, and so I I saw him a lot
(09:41):
as a kid, you know, with macho man Randy Savage
screaming and oh yeah, you know that kind of nonsense. So,
I mean, Jane was my guy, and he died last year,
and now a body you're you're a few months ago,
and then now a year later we lose Howard Finkel,
who wasn't even seventy. It seems you know, it seems
(10:03):
a little young. I had my my memory refreshed when
Ossie guy hit him me up so politely a couple
of days ago about the Montreal screw job. But no,
it was it was fascinating to retrace those steps. I mean,
you remember this in the in the nineties. These guys
were traveling and they still do now. But the workload
that they had, like Brett the Hitman, Heart was getting paid,
(10:24):
but he was working like almost three hundred days a year,
and the Undertaker, I mean everybody that was They didn't
worry about concussions and they didn't worry about health. They
had the show must go on, right, Yeah, but it
was just amazing to watch the transition from guys like
Hogan and Nash that went to the w c W
(10:45):
formed nw OH and then the guys that stayed with
w w E, like you know, Brett the Hitman, Hard
obviously the Undertaker, and something like Seawan Michaels. So it's
pretty wild. But yeah, those guys mean Gene and and Finkel,
I don't forget them at all because they were just
as good like JR. Was was fantastic. Grilla mon Soon, Um,
(11:08):
you know, Jesse Ventura was great on the mic. There
was a lot of guys that were just great showmen
back in the day. Yeah, yeah, And you know, part
of it, as I've always said, is because you're of
a certain age. For me, it's it's that period between
like nine and twelve where everything's great and like the
rest of my life. I always judge wrestlers as to
(11:29):
how they you know, how I remember it when I
was nine and through the eyes of a child. But
now I'm a cynical, a schmuck of an adult. So
you know, it's a lot different now in the place
I'm out of my life than I was when I
was a kid. But everything like baseball players. Uh, you
know Mel Allen. I I talked in a previous episode
love Mel Allen because I was I was nine, ten, eleven,
twelve watching Mel Allen. I learned baseball from Mel Allen,
(11:51):
and uh, I have great memories of that. So that's
a very important part of your life. And and whoever
was in that window, you know. I love when kids listen.
I have some guys listen to that are that are
in the Mallemlitia that they grew up listening late at
night to the radio. And now these guys are in
their twenties and thirties or whatever, and it's cool man
like for them in some way the show means that
(12:12):
much to them because they grew up as as kids
listening to it, which is really cool. Which is a
really special thing that that you know, you can you
can have that and carry that through because a lot
of stuff I remember with that age, everything's gone, everyone's dead,
you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying,
like it's all it's all over with. Speaking of which,
you're you got your birthday coming up in What are
(12:34):
we gonna do to celebrate that? Since I'm gonna I
think I told my wife, We're gonna go on a vacation.
We're gonna go sleep in a different room. We're gonna
can experience a different part of the house. Maybe we'll
camp out in the backyard, have a little outdoor birthday party. Yeah, man,
what are you gonna do? Isn't what? Is she gonna
get some candles and put them on top of some
raising canes. That was there? You happy birthday, Eat some
(12:59):
Friday chicken strips. There you go, and I'll be like,
I'm all for that. That would be. That would be
a wonderful meal. No, maybe I'll maybe I'll venture I
don't want to hope Mayor Garcetti is not listening. But
maybe I'll go to like, uh, you know, make a
food run, pick up a sandwich in our favorite deli,
their langu Langers, pick up pistromi sandwich or something like that,
or go to Fat Styles get a big sandwich something
(13:21):
like that. Of course I got to get it to go,
which sucks, and probably have to eat in my car,
but so be you know, why not? Nothing wrong with that? Alright,
So we have on this edition of the Fifth Hour,
which is already well underway. As you know, we have
the mail bag, and we also have don't Stick to Sports,
which I think we should do first. And before we
get to don't stick to Sports, have you I learned
a new term. I like to learn new things. One
(13:41):
of my food gazing things is in addition to covering sports,
which there's no sports to cover now, so I have
more free time. Uh, and I like to I like
to learn random odd things. And when I used to
work with Looney Tunes, we would go back and forth
trying to one up each other on random fun facts.
In fact, the Blitz on the weekends used to just
become us trying to impress each each other with amazing
factoids about you know, the um whiteout was invented in
(14:05):
Dallas and the Rangers, by the way, are leading the
the Astros, you know, seven to two in the fifth
inning or something like that. So were you guys better
at one upping each other or you guys better at
sports cliche interviews during the Blitz? Oh yeah, we gotta
get Luney on this podcast at some point. But those
are some of my favorite memories. We we would do
(14:26):
for seven years, we did this NFL show and we
had the guys from Fox would come on the pre
game and sometimes the post game who did the games,
and then we would interview athletes. The players, like the
players of the game would come on into the interview
and it was such bad radio was horrific. The players
half of them couldn't talk, the other half didn't want
to talk that could talk, and it was just a
(14:48):
total ship show every week and we dreaded it. We
were like, we didn't want to put these guys on,
and then at one point we're like, ah, fuck it.
We would always worry about asking these great questions, you know,
because we wanted to really seem like we knew we
were talking about out And then at some point Looney
figured out, through the brilliance of Looney, then if you
ask the dumbest possible question, that the hackiest sports cliche
(15:09):
question you could possibly ask, you get the greatest answer.
It's unreal and it worked every time. Like Loony Looney
would ask a question of like Ben Jarvis green ellis
so what I'm just using him as an example. I'm
not saying that he's I just remember having him on
uh and something like that, and then all of a sudden,
you know, we get this amazing answer, you know, and
(15:33):
it would be like, what that, I can't believe it,
you know, And it got to the point where, you know,
Looney would be like, uh, you really brought your a
game today, dan'ya you know, something like that, and he
turned the mic up and started laughing, and then we
get this amazing long answer, you know, all right, people,
I'd be like, hey, you know, you were really on
your game today, weren't you. And then you know, we
(15:54):
get to, you know, a forty second answer. It was unbelievable.
Here we are you just gotta dumb it down. Sometimes
you gotta dumb it down. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, Um, but
one of the things I was gonna get through, uh terms.
One of the terms I learned this week. And I
guess this has been around for a while. I didn't
know it. It's benign masochism. You ever heard of the
(16:17):
term benign masochism. Well, I've heard of masochism and I've
heard of benign, but never on the same page. Now,
all right, So this was a term that was credited
to some professor at the University of Pennsylvania. It describes
how human beings enjoy negative sensations and emotions when they
(16:37):
are assured that no harm will come to them. For example,
these things considered safe threats, right, Like roller coasters, Right,
roller coasters. You go on a roller coaster, like off,
it's scary, but you know you're gonna be okay. Right,
Spicy food People eat spicy foods because they're like, yeah,
it's okay. Scary movies, Uh, those kind of things, So
(17:00):
that they say that's benign masochism. Interesting, Yeah, I'd say
former football coaches would be under that category to uh that. Yeah,
you put some in there all right, we have don't
Stick to sports? What do we have on the menu
for Don't stick to be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
(17:22):
Heart Radio app. Pretty excited about a few of these,
and I know you are too. Stimulus checks were submitted
and sent out to quite a few people earlier this week.
I think got in yours. I have not. My dad
got his? Oh did he? Now? Dad hasn't worked in years,
so this is like a botus for him. This is great.
So did he immediately cash the check to go buy cheese? Uh? Well,
(17:44):
I gotta be careful because my dad's occasionally listening to
the podcast now, so I have to be careful he
might be listening. But didn't you say he went out
for like one random chip. Yes, he went to the
store to buy parmesan cheese. Chest the cheese, just the cheese,
because he needed cheese with his pizza. So here to
buy parmesan cheese. And I was like, you know, I
was like, Dad, you probably shouldn't be doing that, you know,
I tell him every day, And uh, for a while
(18:06):
he was just going out to get coffee, and then
then he bought a coffee machine, so I thought, well,
that would end it. But now he's still finding reasons
to go. Like he's got to pay a bill. Most
people just do it online or whatever. He's like, I
go to the bank, you know, because he learned a
few years ago that if you you go to the bank,
it'll show up right away. And so he's like, I'll
(18:28):
do that, you know, And it gives him a reason
to leave the house, which he likes. And uh yeah,
I mean he's he just loves fighting reasons to go play,
and he gets bothered. He got kicked out of a
drug store this week because he didn't have a mask. Yeah,
and I said, well, you know, I've told you every
day to wear a mask when you go out. You know,
he's well. A couple of these stories actually could be
(18:49):
dedicated to, uh to Papa Mallary. The first one is
this UM so I believe it was eighty million people
here in the United States were providing a stimulus check
so far UM. A volunteer firefighter by the name of
Charles Calvin in Indiana went to his a t M
a few days ago and he had a stimast check
(19:10):
that was deposited into his bank, but when he wanted
to take out some cash, he had a total account
balanced ban of eight point two million dollars. That's quite this,
that's pretty generous of the president. I mean that is
he must have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Yeah,
not stimast. That thing was irrect. That's exactly what has
(19:30):
been eight point two million dollars a couple of days later.
I've got the exactly right now. I guess the bigger
question was something like that would be what happens if
you tried pulling out an excess amount and you were
charged with overdraft fees? You go to jail. People have
done that. People that this happens every once in a while,
and if you spend the money you they eventually they
(19:51):
will find it the error and you will go to jail.
You will be charged with the crime. This actually happened.
Not only the guy in Indiana. There was a woman
in Florida that got eight and a half million lillion
dollars in her bank account while withdrawing the the stimulus check.
Ye now see he he got seventeen hundreds So obviously,
different states, different income brackets as well. But what's the
(20:11):
state that pays the eight million, because I'd like to
go to that states Indiana eight in Florida eight point
five millions. Alright, I got a great I got a
great idea for your dad. And I don't know if
he's on social media, but this could be a lot
of fun. There was on Facebook. Is this that's his playga? Alright?
So an older gentleman in Scotland was caught, not caught,
(20:33):
but he was posting up when he went into a store. Um,
he wore a peculiar mask. He actually is an older gentleman. Um,
rather than use a regular mask, he actually wore a
sanitary towel used for for women during that specific time
of a month. Um. Obviously not a tampon, but it
(20:53):
was a pad he was at work. Is that like
an M ninety five mask? He's a similar But it
looked at his name, it looked pretty damn close. Um,
when you looked at it from a distance or a
quick glance, but obviously up close it's a little bit different.
Of the future. But yeah, my friend J sent me
a bunch of photos that people have been taking. There
(21:15):
was a guy the tampon is pretty good. But this
guy had a half a coconut and he put a
string attached it and he covered his nose in his
mouth with a coconut shell. That's pretty good. There's an
old guy somewhere on the East Coast while riding the subway,
had sliced an orange and gutted an orange and then
(21:37):
added some strings around the orange and had that covering
his nose and his mouth. I don't know if these
are photoshopping. They appeared to be real, so I'm believing them.
And then there was a woman on a subway train
that had put you know, like a big tupperware container,
had put that over her head. Yeah, so people are
putting some weird ship on there. I've gone out to
the store a couple of times with man dance. Fortunately,
(21:58):
my brother sent me. My brother in Wisconsin he made
some mask his wife and sent me masks with me
and the family here, so we have official masks now,
which that's good. I saw I saw a woman actually
in a grocery store. She wore you know when you
buy either a down comforter or you buy pillow casings
and they come from like bed bath and beyond, and
(22:20):
it's the Clear. It's the clear packets, the clear like
giant like almost like a suitcase kind of case that
would have all your your your better tire in there.
She wore over her entire It looked like it covered
her entire torso like it went over her head, over
her shoulders, and she just looked like she was frozen stiff.
(22:40):
But she was wearing that and instead of a grocery store,
and so I was pretty good. Wow. Yeah, I was
at Walmart last week. I put some photos on Instagram.
Follow me on there. Ben Maller on Fox US. So
one of the employees at Walmart was greeting customers wearing
a t Rex cost you know, the full body t
Rex outfit. Yeah, they had that on and that was
(23:01):
that was It was a prehistoric confrontation, is what it was. Now,
you and your better half are fans of Tiger King. Um.
I have no idea why, but there's a story out
on Daily Mail TV that Joe exotic. Everything has to
be intellectual, gascun. I know that you think everything has
to be a high brow and all that, but not
(23:22):
everything needs to be high brow. Occasionally you can let
your hair down and just have a good time. And
enjoy some rednecks and some white trash goofing on each Ye.
So Joe Exotic, he he's a fat of beastiality. Um.
Apparently he used to stuff animals as sex toys. Um,
and he had to protesters bodies buried in his zoo.
(23:44):
So who doesn't do this? Come on, Gasco and I
know your history with sex toys, Please appreciate that. I
don't believe anything like because this they are rivals, right,
this guy is the guy's name again? Uh, what is it?
Joe Exotic and Jeff Low, Yeah, Jeff Low. These Jeff Low.
(24:07):
You know, he's been trashed because of the documentary, So
now he's trying to trash Joe Exotic. It's got My
theory is he's got to be really annoyed because Joe
Exotics the star of the show, and Joe Exotics in
jail right now, and this guy is like, wait a minute,
I ain't in jail. What the funk this guy's And
maybe he doesn't. Joe Exotic obviously is probably the biggest
perv out there or whatever, but each of the oh,
(24:27):
I don't care what he does with the stuffed animal.
Better that than harmon animal. Or or some human being
or whatever. I guess, but it's pretty pretty well. I
don't know. You think that's a common thing, using stuffed
animals guessing, and you think that people are understand I
know that there's the Furries, right, the furies or that, right,
there's some weird ship out there, especially right now the
coronavirus going on and people are in quarantine. What's your
(24:50):
weirdest thing? Um my weirdest thing? I don't know. Look
can talk about that, certainly, you're not not gonna share all.
I don't know how a big recall on something like that.
I don't know what kind of you block it out. Yeah,
it's somatic. Yeah, I mean sexual fetishes. I don't know
if they should be out here on the platform. But
you're not. You're not being tied up anymore. That's the
(25:13):
rumor before. Never happened before, I didn't really happen. Trying
to defame me on on a national podcast. I appreciate that.
Stop seeing the Dominatrix exactly. That's another show you need
to watch as Billions. By the way, that's a great show. Paul.
Paul Giamatti's dad was a commissioner of Major League baseball,
(25:34):
the saason Pete Rose will never get back into baseball.
Bart Giamonti died in baseball. Is convinced that Bartie Matty
died as the stress of Pete Rowe see so Giamati,
his son Paul Giamatti, and Damian Lewis, who actually started
in Homeland. There their co leads and billions, and that's
a really good show. I would highly recommend that. I
(25:54):
don't know if you have the time, but yeah, I don't.
I mean, the Sopranos were on season two of the Supranos,
will probably get to like season four by the end
of the weekend. And then Breaking Bads on my list
ahead and watched that one, so I'll check that one out.
And uh, well the goodness this is Quarantine is gonna
go probably to at least June, so we got another
solid month plus to watch shows. Would you ever consider
(26:17):
changing your child's name for any reason? Uh? Yeah, like
if you named your kid and then the name became
synonymous with like a horrible illness, Like if your name
was Corona, and you might want to change your name
if you had a child, you know, if you could
(26:38):
still do it when the kid was like under two
years old or something like that. You would consider that
or like I I told the story on the radio
that before World War Two, the name ate Off and
the name Hitler, that that was a surname. There were
other families name that had the surname Hitler, and there
were there were other people obviously a lot of people
(27:01):
ate Off and whatnot, and then there were a bunch
of people had to change their name because Adolph Hitler
became synonymous with death and doom and being an anti
Semitic and all those things and racist and all that,
and so then it changed their name during World War two.
So yeah, it's like something like that happened. You change
the name other than that your name. You come up
with a name and that's it. You leave it. Well,
I bring that up because Amy Schumer, she's a celebrity.
(27:24):
She's a big fan of hers. By the way, you
love Amy Schumer. You always Gascott every time she would
go on tour back in the day, Gasco, how man,
we should go see Amy Schumer. I would never say
that there's like nothing good about her content, but then
she like steal out of her content to I don't know.
There's been accusations that she's ripped off lines and bits
from people, well every comedian at some point, I mean
(27:46):
kind of reminded. What's the name of the Mexican comedian
has always been accused of that, like has been a
big thief? George Lopez? Is it him? Or Carlos Mencia?
I don't know one of them. I forget which one
is always being accused of ripping off other people's bits.
I mean it reminds me of talk show host in sports,
you know. I mean, yeah, people still my stuff all
(28:07):
the time. That's a good point. And it's still the
Golden Ticket. Yeah, well I was Danny gs creation. Yeah
was it Danny Geese? Yeah, Danny Jesus, I just called
the Golden Ticket. I don't know. There's a guy that
used to work for Premier back in the day that
did something like that. Yeah, well I'm sleeping when that
guy's on. So anyways, Amy Schumer changed her eleven month
old son's name. His original name was gene Autel Fisher,
(28:33):
and she had to change it after she realized that
her name her son's name. If you just threw it
all out, it would it would say genital. Oh well,
she afraid of son is not gonna have proper genitals
or something like that some celebrities. Let's let me tell
you something, all right. The sickest bastards in the world
(28:56):
are on elementary school playgrounds, all right, and they will
attack No matter what your fucking name is, They're going
to attack it. So what are you worried about? You
know they're gonna find You're gonna find some way to
bilittle you. That's what kids do, so big deal. Be
sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Well
(29:18):
younger and how about older? A British woman who's um,
According to The New York Post, she's in a love
affair long term relationship with a ninety two year old chandelier,
has been told this. I lovely love romance. I love
that She's been told that her love affair with an
antiques fixture is not a protected sexual orientation. Oh is
(29:40):
that right? Not a protected sexual orientation? That's not right.
If you want to marry a chandelier, you should be
allowed to marry a chandelier. Imagine the dating every night
is a candle light dinner, right, just really light up
her day on to be head over chandeliers and love. Right,
(30:00):
people that like marry their pets. What's the courtship like
when you date a chandelier? Like, how does that work? There?
Do you? You get in the corner there and the
pheromones come out and you're just a couple of love
birds going at it, you know, canoodling and all that. Uh,
there's a lot of power that could be behind their
their their rendezvous in bed too, right, especially when one
gets inserted into the socket. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. Now, Now,
(30:24):
cann a chandelier give consent? Uh, chandelier? Let me ask
you this. Does a chandelier have to be over a
certain age to be able to give a certain wattage?
What the chandelier goes out, one of the light fixtures
goes out? Yeah, yeah, that's uh, that's true. Man. But
that's good. I'm sure she's uh, she's got no mental
(30:45):
illness at all. Right, I'm sure she's she's good. Yeah.
The world we live in right now, is that right?
You can't say that you're not I'm supposed to say that. Well,
I'm not. I'm not a fan of ages. M I
know you are, and uh, you know it's fine. I
mean as I think if you're Smith with an automate
inanimant object, Uh, good for you knocked yourself out. That's uh,
(31:06):
that's not puppy love. That's chandelier love is what that
is there, light love, that's what it's called. Well, that
is what we have today as we don't stick to sports. Okay,
very good, Let's get to the mail bag. We will
get as many of these as we can in the
time that we are a lotted on the Fifth Hour podcast.
These are actual questions from actual listeners to the show,
submitted to our Facebook page. We call it the mail bag,
(31:27):
rab bag, etcetera, etcetera, or inbox, whatever you want to
call it. This one comes from our friend Fats in Philadelphia. Good,
he says, Ben, I like this, guy says. Nicknames have
always been a staple of baseball. What are some of
your favorite nicknames of players? Pastor? President says I always
enjoyed Lonnie Skate, Smith, Bob Pig, Horner, Randy Big Unit Johnson,
(31:50):
Willie E. T McGhee, and of course Lenny Nails dikest Um.
And that says I'll go first year guestcon so again,
going back to my younger day in the Atlanta Braves
had a picture and he bounced around baseball a little
bit named Terry Forster. And Terry Forster's nickname was the
Big Tub of Goo. And I always thought that was
(32:10):
great for a fat baseball player to be named the
Big Tub of Goo. I thought that was wonderful. And
then the nickname that actually was he was known by
this nickname, Dennis Boyd, better known by his nickname oil
Can Boyd for the Red Sox in the eighties. How
great is it to be known as oil Can? And
uh some otherwise, Mike Hargrove, the human rain delay. That
(32:34):
was cool. I patted my game in baseball when I
was in Little League. After Steve Balboni, his nickname was
Bye Bye Boboni. That's a pretty good nickname. Who else?
How about Shane Victorino not that long ago, a flying Hawaiian. Ye,
that's pretty good. And since he mentioned et, since Fats
mentioned DT Fats. How about his teammate with those eighties Cardinals,
(32:56):
Vince Coleman. You remember what Vince Coleman's nickname was, v
Van Go. Is that great? That is outstanding? That's that's it.
I'm out of nick names. What about you just across
baseball or did you like anything? Well, he said baseball,
So you don't know baseball not I mean, babe, Babe
Ruth has always had a handful of him. The Sultan
(33:16):
a swat, the great bat. You know, Um, was it
Teddy ted Williams is what Teddy ball? Game? Yeah? Oral
Herschaizer was what bulldog? Bulldog? That was sort of named
him bulldog. And remember what he named the penguin because
he said he ran like a penguin. How upset must
Ron say? That's stuck? You know, of all the dumb things.
(33:39):
The stick that's funny, that's pretty solid. Yeah, those are good.
Another one, Um, here's another old baseball reference. You heard
of Satchel Page. You know the name Satual Page. Vinsculla
used to tell this story back in the day when
he was doing the dodging games. But Satchel Page, that's
not his real name. Is real name. He was born
(34:00):
Leroy Robert Page. He got the nickname when he was
toting bags at the train station and he said he
was not making enough money at a dime a bag
he was making, so he used a pole and a
rope and he built this Fugais contraption thing, and that
(34:22):
gave him the ability to cart like four bags at
once so he can make more money. And then one
of his rivals, one of these other kids that was
trying to do the hustle, said you look like a
walking satchel tree. And then he became Ken Griff Jr.
That was the kid. K Griff Jr. Was the kid. Yeah,
(34:44):
that's right, Yeah, I thought you were. No. I mean
I always remember that because I thought of you know,
back in the day, it was always Ken Griff Jr.
Was the kid. And then Mike Tyson was always called
Kid Dynamite. Like I thought that was a great nickname.
Iron Mike, No Iron, Mike Tyson, Yeah, Iron, Yeah, I
just referred because Mike Tyson's punch Shot, that was his nickname.
And there it wasn't Iron Mike, it was Kid Dynamite.
(35:05):
So one of the great video games, Mike Tyson's punch
Shot outstanding. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Radio app. Search f s R to listen live. Al Right,
next up on the mail bag says if you can remember.
(35:28):
This is from Andrea and Nashville. He says, if you
can remember when you took your driver's AJAM and had
to do the parking task, what did they make you do?
Parallel park? Are back into a space? Uh? And this
is really more for you, guess than me, because we
all know your reputation here. Did you actually have to
(35:48):
take the driver's test or did they just send you
the driver's license in the mail? It was pretty easy.
They drove around the block a couple of times and
I parked in an empty parking spot in the DMV center.
That was it. I didn't have to do anything. Yeah,
so I learned how to drive. My mom taught me
how to drive, and then she was she thought maybe
I needed a little more fine tuning, so she hired
(36:09):
a driving instructor. This old dude who took me around,
took me on the freeway and he he explained to
me it's safer to drive on the freeway than it
is on the intersection because cross traffic on the freeway.
And I was like, okay, whatever. Uh. And then but
they scared the ship out of me before the drivers
and they were, oh, you're gonna have to parallel park
and have do this that and the other thing. And
I was like, oh, I was like ship my pants.
I was like this is terrible. But then it wasn't
(36:30):
even that bad. Like it was like pretty harmless. They
were just trying to get through as many people as
they could get through. Like I don't I don't believe
I had a parallel park. I got it back into
a space. But it was and that was before backup camps.
But it wasn't that bad. There was no but no
other cars around like when you did it, And yeah,
it was pretty harmless. Parallel parking at art. I know
(36:50):
you can't do it that well, especially with your car,
but I got a backup cam. I'm a great parallel parker.
In fact, my wife says, I parked like a police
officer should always back into spaces and things like that.
You know, police usually back in so they make a
quick exit. I back in back when we left our house,
I would back in. Kennon Toledo writes, and he says,
how many shows, Ben have you done from your remote
home studio in the buff uh Ken. That's a great question,
(37:15):
you know. I for years before I got into radio,
I was a nudist. I grew up in a family,
the nudist colony, the Mallard family. Uh No, I've I've
closed on so I have done shows wearing pajamas. I've
done that. Um, but I've always had clothes on. I
don't know why. I don't really need to, but but
I have. Corey from Iowa says, what is the craziest,
(37:35):
strangest story you have had with a co worker? Any
stories come to mind, guest Gan, you want to share
with the class about co workers that have things that
have happened. Corey is dying to know. I can tell one.
I will not name the guilty because I don't want
to get suited. Years ago, I was doing a show
on the weekends and I came in and let's just
(37:56):
say well known professional athlete had been doing the show
before me, and uh, I turned on the hit the
button on the computer and he had not cleared out
his websites that he was looking at and he was
on adult FriendFinder dot com. Yes, it's going for a
little Uh. I don't think his wife would have approved
of that, but you know he was enjoying life with
the hell. Good for him. Who am I to judge? Right,
(38:17):
that was that was a little awkward. It was slightly
you gotta close out. And then there were other people
that were so paranoid, like Pat O'Brien used to turn
the entire computer off, and and at work at the studios,
the main studio, you gotta walk in the back and
turn the computer back on. It's not you can't just
turn it on from the where you're sitting in the
in the studio. So it's a big to do. And
(38:39):
we the shows, we have about two minutes three minutes
to change over. And if you got to go turn
the computer on, it fox everything up. I think for me,
the oddest story that I have, at least working in
the entertainment world, um, for me personally, was that I
was working on a show on the weekends and this
is the same year that Baker Mayfield and Josh Rosen
(39:01):
like all those guys were getting drafted, you know, Sam Donald.
And there was a host, Steve Hartman was working on
this show with a co host that used to play
in the National Football League, and don't you name the host,
I'm Steve Hartman. Um. So I'm a big fan of
make sure that when you're on a show what's his name?
You have support, so like you always acknowledge Roberto and Eddie,
(39:25):
um Coop and whoever else. And so what happened was
is that co host really took it for Grant to
sit in the chair and be on the show. So
he at times was aloof and other times it was
kinda he talked down to everyone else that helps support him.
(39:46):
And one day he was like, Oh, we just need
to go and get this like update guy over and
done with. And I was on work in the updates,
and this was just before he had this take about
Josh Rosen Baker Mayfield and like throwing the stuff out there.
And I was like, man, yeah, I guess we gotta
get through this thing because we go back to your
garbage hot take. And I said that on the radio
(40:10):
before my update. After the update was over and we
went to commercial break, he made a beadline pass Bob
Gara and into my studio and he got my face
and so he's like, don't you fucking disrespect me? Da da? Yeah,
So I was sitting down. I was sitting down. I
(40:30):
was like that very personally, very proud a lot of
my cheese mode there. Yeah, And I was like well,
you know what, like do you even know who I am,
because I'm just the update guy that's just here to
like serve you and serve this show. And then he
just kept yelling and yelling, and then all of a sudden,
I got up and I got back in his face,
and I was like, don't fucking come here and like
try to disrespect me or anybody else that's here to
(40:51):
help you out support you in this show. Like I
was fucking piste after that, because yeah, I just you know,
like you're on a show, you were with an entire crew,
and like everyone has the responsibilities and everyone has their roles,
and so I'm not here to like dismiss anybody. It
doesn't matter what their role as host, board of I've
always said that people that are like so full of themselves,
(41:12):
like you know, the funniest jokes are usually self deprecated.
You can't google on yourself. You're a hard oh, And
I don't want you in my life. I don't want
to listen to you on the radio. You know who
wants that. I don't want especially when you're working together
with someone for like three or four hours at eight
time on the show, Like there should be some good ribbing.
You know, it doesn't matter men, women whoever. It is like,
(41:34):
you gotta have fun on this format because if you don't,
you take yourself way too seriously. That should will get
flat real quick. Let's do a few more questions. This
is the mailbag portion of the pit the podcast. You
know that already. Dr Goopy from Maine says, where was
William Shatton? Where's William Shatner been during this whole social
distancing thing? And have you bothered to check in on him?
And if you did talk to him, what would you say?
(41:57):
Can I answer that for him? Yeah? I've been watching
a ton of YouTube clips with William Shatner as Denny
Crane on Boston Legal. He was so good on that
show of James Spader. He was fantastical enemy You just
he was fantastic in that role, and he was a
brilliant actor. And and obviously, uh, these days are gone
(42:18):
and being on that platform, but man, I missed that guy.
Uh To answer Dr Goopy, I have not talked to
Shatner since we ended the spats with Shats victorious one
of the great underdog stories of our time. You talked
David versus Goliath a dope overnight sports talk radio show
against a pop culture icon, the Mallar Militia versus the
(42:40):
Trek Eas and the Mallard Militia. One we knocked out
William Shatner. He said, no, Moss, it's wonderful. God, they
should have made a movie about that. Would that would
actually be a pretty good movie, wouldn't It would be
like a porn film where you guys are just grabbing ankles.
You and the Mallar Militia. You again with grabbing ankles.
I don't want to whatever you do in the comfort
(43:01):
of your own home, I don't need to hear about
all right. Which Simpson character do you most identify with?
This is from Matt in Mansfield, Texas. Well. For me,
it's either Homer Simpson or Krusty the clown. Uh Gascon's
Mr Burns. There you go right now, you're Mr Burns.
Grandpa Simpson. You could be like Grandpa Simps. I could
(43:21):
see his Grandpa was a Devin when I was a
kid that was trouble all the time. You could be Mo,
you know, you could be Mo. I could see his Mo.
Or Barney you're like Barney in the Alcoholic could be
like Barney. I don't have a gut like that. Could
be the comic book guy. You know that guy's the
Groudoo's comic book all time. All right, Carlos in Houston says,
since you know Yiddish and this is a podcast, can
(43:44):
you tell us some curse words that you learned in
the length? I give a shot? Uh, schwantz means dick?
Uh what is it? I'm trying to remember a shit?
Drek means piece of shit. That's what that means. Stoop
means fuck in Yiddish. Uh what else? Kish mine took
(44:05):
us means kiss my ass. That's a good one. Uh, nafka.
I believe that's how you said horror? That means horror. Uh?
What is it? Guy? Cucking often yam? I believe that
means go ship in the ocean. I think that's what
them I got. There's a few. It's broken Yiddish. It's uh,
you know, I I don't know those words as well. Uh.
(44:28):
For cocked, that means like fucked up beyond belief for cocked?
All right? You know what a Yiddish guess I do not, though, Yeah,
you didn't have a Yidish grandfather, you got a lot
of hoots. You know, there's some Yiddish that's like that.
Kutsas a word that's kind of gone mainstream. But kiss
(44:48):
is a Yiddish word. People use that a lot. Klutz
is a Yiddish word for clumsy. You're a big fan
of horn schwoggle. Yeah, that's I don't think that's a
Yudish word. I know, But I'm just saying, like words
that should I do. Like I like fun words. I
like because all I have is words. We don't have photos.
All we have on radio's words. I like mixing in
fun words like they're they're fun to listen to. It's
like it's like getting a cookie. It's like get a
(45:09):
little cookie or something like that. It's pretty cool. Uh well,
thank you Carlos for listening, even though you're in Houston.
Let's see. Uh. Eric in q C says, how is
Bella dealing with you being home at the house with Uh? Yeah,
Bella doesn't give a funk. Bella is more concerned about
my wife and my wife's number one in the house,
(45:30):
and she still goes to work at the police station,
so doing her nine one one thing. So Bella kind
of ignores me. Although when I'm doing the show. Sometimes
Bella will give me odd looks like why the funk
are you still talking? Shut up? That kind of thing,
and uh so there's a lot of that. Well, she's
pretty good. She sleeps about twenty hours a day and
then about four hours she's crazy. But then for the
(45:52):
rest of the time she's like laying down sleeping most
of the time. Uh. This one's from a moving man,
Matt in Boston. Why is gag On such a bitch?
All talk and no action? H isn't that what the
job is the podcast with the radio show is to
be all talk. Well, he's accusing you of being a
fake tough guys? What do you say? Why would it
be a fake tough guy? How can I be a
(46:12):
fixture of fraud compared to who him? Yeah? This guy's
guy's moving guy from Boston. What does he do? This
guy would he would treat you like play dough and
just be terrible for you? Moving Matt Matt would turn
into a tomato can. That's exactly what he would be. Uh.
There's another question for you, guests, go on. This is
from John. He says, why is the good Old USA?
(46:34):
Why are they not a world power? And team handball.
They're fucking awful handball there. Well, you know what, the
same reason why we're not good in soccer, at least
on the men's set of things. We're fucking awful and
soccer we're awful and handball. He's another one from us.
See here a guy in Bakersfield, Jason and Bakersfield says,
(46:55):
what's your most unpopular food opinion? Also, you mentioned a
poutine play in Bakersfield last week. What's the name of
the restaurant? Uh? Yeah, Jason, I'll give you the name.
It's uh, it's called Saunder s O N D E R.
Baker's Field. I think they're closed right now because of
the pandemic, but they should open up hopefully when this
is over. A Saunder Bakersfield dot com is the website.
(47:15):
Great poutine. It's a restaurant my wife loves and we
always stopped there in Bakersfield when we passed through Big
What did you go down? It sounds good right now? Yeah, yeah,
it's pretty good. It's good restaurant. Uh. Well, let's see
what's your most unpopular food opinion. I don't know. I
never I don't like coffee. I'd ever drink coffee. People
get upset about that. Your worst food opinion, Your your
(47:37):
worst food opinion is having your steak well done. No, no,
that is fucking awful. Man. Let me tell you something.
No man, the president, Donald J. Trump, the President of
the free world, burn steak. All right, that's the proper
way to eat a piece of meat. Burn it up,
burn baby, burning lamb? What sucking lame do you have?
(48:02):
What do you like? Burn? Hammer? Well done meat? I
like it? Well none, No, it's it's depressing because then
you eat it, it's just you're like you're eating charcoal.
That's exactly what it tastes like, and then you just
got black all over your teeth. It's just it's not
good at all. You get no taste, no flavor. No, No,
it's wonderful. It is so great. And I really like
(48:23):
when I used to go to restaurants in order the
food well done, because it would really upset the guys
in the kitchen. They would be so upset by that,
and they'd be like, oh, this is not right, this
is blasphemy. How dare you eat a burn steak? You know?
This is that elitist what's your part of the elitist class?
I know what's good? I know what's good? Okay, what
(48:45):
else do we have here? Do we have anything from
blind Scott? Uh? I did not see the quoite why
he said he sent a question or something. I'm just curious.
I mean the actual people that are legit worthy of
the matter, militia like I'm a pilot Terry in UK,
Blind Scott. Also, the people that enjoy you this and
(49:05):
just those are the Mount Rushmorrow, Jason and Rocky Mount
Virginia says, Hey, guys, if you had to be quarantined
with one of these two, who would you choose? Angry
Bill or Justin in Cincinnati? I think justin Cincinnati for sure,
because I would beat you get the CORONAVIU. I would
beat the funk out of him every single day, like
(49:27):
just everywhere. I'd beat his ass like a pinata like that,
just little twerp. I would just fuck him up. Angry Bill.
Angry Bill you would be okay with because you wouldn't
have to look at him because he has that white
hood on all the time, so he wouldn't have to
see his face all that. We'd have that, and he'd
probably going to clan meetings all the time, so all
the way about seeing him very often, so he wouldn't
(49:48):
really be there justin you'd be guaranteed to get the coronavirus.
And according to you, justin Um travels around the country
to to go on dates, so that according to me,
I only heard that he flies across I never heard that.
I heard that he flies across the country to go
try sleeping with your old colleagues ex girlfriends. Really yeah,
(50:11):
and then he gets to the coronavirus that way, That's
just what I heard, Like I heard it on a
love like it's mallow Militia. There's a branch of the
Mallem Militia that are just totally funked up beyond belief.
And they all tell these stories like it's like junior
high school or high school about everyone else. I don't
even know if they're true or not. They just bullshit
their parasites. That's call them all right, that's enough, right,
(50:31):
We're good, Yes, very anything else you want to add,
guest on or you know, I'm I'm really happy though
about the downloads, the reviews and the responses on like Apple,
iTunes and Spotify and all those platforms does a lot
for obviously us, so I appreciate it even during these
tough times. Yeah, it helps, man, trust me. And like
(50:51):
I've told you before, the management looks at those numbers.
We have ratings on radio and those come out every
so often, but the real time streaming numbers are a
big part of the business right now. And so if
those numbers are strong, the show is doing well, then
I think we're all in good shape and it's good
for everybody, and so we think. And it's free. You
(51:12):
don't have to pay for it, which is great. Right's
one thing in life you don't have to pay for
you just listen. Simple. It's free for them, and it's
free forever. That's right. I mean we're in the same bow.
I'm not getting paid to do this. You're not getting
paid to listen to this, So it's all it's all
the same. It's pro bono work, guest, it's pro boon work.
And who would want to interfere with pro bone or work.
We were on medal with that, right, not during this
time anyway, of course. Not all right, listen, stay healthy.
(51:34):
Follow me on Instagram at Ben Maller. On Fox follow
me on Twitter at Ben Maller. And again, if you
want to send questions for our mail bag segment, which
we do once a week on one of our three
fifth hour podcasts, and we do the podcast eight days
a week, but you can send me a message. Ben
Mallard's show on Facebook and guest gons on social media.
(51:56):
Also Yeah Twitter at David J. Gascon book and no
Dice Instagram at Dave Gascon. All right, have a great day.
Back on the radio on the overnight of course, you
know when, same time, same station. We'll catch you next time.
Host
Ben Maller
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