January 30, 2021 • 25 mins
Tales from the Benny strike again, but his four-legged friend also jumps into the mix.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. If
you thought more hours a day, minutes a week was enough,
I think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic,
a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the
Ghetto Cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in
(00:22):
the penthouse. The clearing House of Hot takes break free
for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now in the air everywhere, back at it again
as we bluviate the weekend away from the comfortable podcast
(00:43):
studios of I Heart Media, a spinoff a spinoff of
The Ben Maller Show, and glad you have join us.
Hope you heard the Friday podcast. I want to thank
Katherine Ross who joined us from the Street Live with
Jim Cramer. She gave us some in side on what
has been the story of the week here. It's the
(01:04):
crossover stories affected everything, uh the Sulbreddit of all things
just a community on Reddit Wall Street bets and their
ability to influence to manipulate Wall Street. So it was
an interesting listen and so if you didn't hear it.
You could still go back and we'll be there. It's
great thing about podcasting here here whenever you want. We
(01:26):
do this eight days a week. This is the Saturday podcast.
Sunday we'll have a brand new podcast, the mail Bag,
which we look forward to and back again. I thought
maybe he'd only be in for one podcast, David Gascota Podcast.
(01:48):
I hope I made some eagers bleed out there in
the market. Um, you think Catherine Ross for joining us,
I think you should thank me for pulling the guests too.
I thought I did a good job with that. I
was appropriate with the timing and your THEA. Because you
will not pat me on the back, I will pat
myself on the back. I will pat You don't have
(02:17):
to listen closer. You can hear the palpable right, the
palpable elitism. You can hear as talks here. And it
was so nice last week having someone not talk to
work with someone and a microphone off, charming, engaging by Kevin.
What's that's the fresh air? Yeah? What's Kevin's last name?
(02:41):
Kevin is a savant. What's his last name? Do you want?
You don't know his last name? I know his last
day's last name. I'm just waiting for you to acknowledge
that you do not know his O'Connell. You dummy, You
didn't think I knew if I see Unlike you, I
know the behind the scenes people. I know. I'm not
(03:04):
a names dropper like you. I don't. I don't go
around I need it. I'm on a first name basis
with Kevin O'Connell, so I don't have to say his
last name. I know that's over your head here because
you you want to brag about how you hang out
with the low people and the totem ball and all
that stuff, because that's a big thing. If you're west
of the four oh five, you're up across your high
society and all that. But I leave in a world
(03:27):
with the common person, and so for me, it's not
that big deal. I just used their first name. But
you you have you have to you do this nonsense.
You play a little game. I'll educate you on how
this works. I'll educate you and how this works. Okay,
Oh boy, I heard you missed me last week though,
uh No, I was fine. It was good, pretty boring.
I am immuna, say great, who'd you have on last week.
(03:51):
What's that? Who'd you have? Great Bruce Jacobs, this guy,
wonderful Fox Sports radio legend. If you go to the
Fox Sports Radio Hall of Fame, Bruce Jacobs has a
plaque in there. Many great bits on the radio. Legendary,
Jets and Mets fan, passionate, opinionated, knowledgeable, all the things
you aspire to be. Bruce Jacobs is those things. And
(04:14):
we need a solid thirty or so minutes with Bruce.
It was wonderful. It's great catching up on old stories,
talking about what's going on. I loved it. Great. Yeah,
talking old stories, it's great. Yeah, that's awesome. I don't know.
You know this. People love stories, guests, people love stories.
If you open up a restaurant, the first thing they
tell you when you open up a restaurant is you've
gotta have a good backstory. You gotta have a good backstory.
(04:36):
I go to Raising Kanes, right named after a dog, uh,
and so they have If you go to Raising Kanes,
any almost any locations will have a sign up telling
the story of Raising Kanes. Now, I just want the
chicken fingers. I don't need the backstory. But a lot
of people love the backstory and so we gave a
bunch of backstories. So people are welling for well informed, right,
(04:58):
and they they're knowledgeable about that, and people enjoy that.
It's fine. Old man radio is fine every once in
a while. It's not old man old man radio. It's
not old man radio because you're illiterate things. Is what
I understand exactly what it is. Old man radio basically
insinuates that you guys just old guys talking about the
(05:21):
glory days and not what's relevant and contemporary. It's fine. Well,
here's the problem you have, okay. He first of all,
you've never had any glory days. You have nothing to
talk about. It means righter days are in front of me.
Then that's great. Well you think that, or you just
don't have any in your in your holster there, it
could be the problem. Listen, all I need is one
(05:41):
silver bullet. That's all I need is one. Yeah. He
keeps saying that I try to get you that job
in China, go to China. So listen, when I come
to you for a career advice, you can go back
to Tom Looney for real estate advice. How about that?
You know here I am I help you, and you
grumble plane. Let's go through the laundry list of how
you've provided me throughout the years, and you condemn me
(06:03):
and what I did. I didn't have to give you
advice here. I did not have to help you out.
You came to a professional, all right, and I gave
you the information you requested and instead I instead of
a thank you, I get a bit session from you. Alright,
So pooch paradise. Now it is story time on the
(06:23):
Benmouth Show, and I gasconsin. Nobody wants a old guy
radio telling stories. This is a fresh story, a global exclusive,
global exclusive. Nobody else has this. So the other night,
me and the family are driving home from celebrating my
brother's birthday. My brother has been in town helping us out.
You know, my father unfortunately, surprisingly unexpectedly passed away at
(06:44):
the beginning of one and so we've had a lot
to take care of and my brother has been out here,
has been great. He's been able to work remotely because
of the COVID stuff, so he's been in California helping
me out. And my younger brother was unable to make
it from Wisconsin. So my brother knew or has been
out here. So we were celebrating the birthday with him,
and you know, it's unfortunate because he couldn't be with
(07:06):
his family. So but I am family, So I think
I think I still qualify as family even though we
don't you know, we don't live in the same times
on it all that. So anyway, I'm coming back home
from celebrating my brother's birthday. We turned the corner to
almost home. We turned the corner onto the street the
Mallard Mansions on uh, and as I'm turning, we noticed
this large beast. It looked like a wolf wandering around
(07:30):
the streets there. And I was like, that's kind of weird.
And it was like dazed and confused, like it had
smoked too much weed or something like that, or had
too many pops. So I'm like, okay, everyone, shway, you
see a creature out there here, Especially working the late
night shift coming home, you see all kinds of critters
and things like that. So I anythink any of it? Uh,
(07:51):
And my my wife like immediately know. So I I
drive the Mallard wibile into the driveway. I parked the car,
my wife and springs into action. Now this was we
mentioned the weather. This was a chilly, soa count night.
It was down into the thirties. But my wife she
sprints like she's in the Olympics into the cul de
Sac area there to try to find said creature because
(08:13):
the creature looked like it was sick. Next thing I know,
next thing I know, we have this. It turned out
to be an old canine that is now being housed
in the backyard of the Mallard mansion. So this old
mongrel who was walking slowly, completely out of sorts and
(08:34):
all that. And now, mind you, while this is going on,
I am prepping for the show, like I'm I'm doing
my copious research, trying to put the show together and
figure out what I want to talk about and what
I want to yap about and these dopey monologues and
all this and jotting down some bullet points and so well,
all that's going on, Uh, my wife's in the backyard. Now,
(08:54):
my wife, this is this is where it gets even better.
I mentioned pooch Paradise. So the wife feeling bad because
it was so cold, So a hand to God here,
she decided. First of all, she put out one of
the you know those portable space heaters. You know, I
was saying, yeah, the little box, you plug them in whatever.
(09:16):
So we have a few of those because we don't
sometimes we want to turn on the heater. We just
have a room we want to heat, and most people
have that, I think. And so we had one of
those heaters and she decided, you know what, I'm gonna
get an extension court. She goes out and she gets
the extension court somewhere. I don't know where she got
it from. She then proceeds to open up the door
a little bit, put this heater in the backyard so
(09:36):
the mutt could stay warm. She of course gave the
food and water to the to the dog and that
whole thing. And it was she was getting upset because
the dog was not laying near the heater because apparently
the dog didn't give a crap and wasn't cold. This
seemed like it was cold, and so it was all
for not. Now, the reason the dog had to stay
in the backyard guest gun is because we had not
(09:58):
only it was Pooh Paradise, but it was all most
uh pooch octagon because Bella, the Mallard dog, Bella was
having none of this. And so we had a lot
of drama because we had to close off the doggie
door where Bella. You know, it gets busy in the
backyard pooh, and you know what. And so because this
(10:18):
this old hound would have one bite, it wouldn't even
been an appetizer for Bella. Uh if if the dog
had eaten Bella rather and so, anyway, my wife to
advance the story kind of the final part of this,
the the wife posted on there's a neighborhood page. I
don't know what where this is. What platform is I
don't it's on Facebook or something like that, but it's
(10:39):
a you know, the community the streets around where I live.
They have a community where they post different things about
crime or whatever is going on in the neighborhood and stuff.
So anyway, she's on there a lot. She's engaged. I'm not.
I have no idea. I don't know anybody around here.
And uh so the story had an happy ending. She
was able to track down the dog's owner and reunite
(11:01):
the owner and the dog. It was an older woman
who was apparently I wasn't there when the dog was returned,
but it was very excited and the dog, you'd say,
I don't know, maybe seven eight blocks away from where
we are. But it's you know, it's a weird The
grid around here is crazy because there's a lot of
dead end streets and things like that. So, uh so
(11:23):
there you go. So if you need dog boarding, the
Mallard Mansion will allow you to keep your dog overnight
if you want. Now, this is good karma, though, gas
gun because um, I think it was in December. I
think it was either November or December last year. Uh,
Bella escaped right, flew the coop, went a wall and
(11:45):
got away, and we told the story on the podcast.
But Bella was returned by a neighbor who saw Bella
and then drove around and try to find the owner
of Bella. So yeah, so it had So it's it's
it's like karma, you know, you scratch my pay it forward, right,
they paid it forward. We paid it forward so the
universe can continue. It's good. It's my my pooch paradise. Now.
(12:09):
Uh you had what is this day of broken glass?
What is that all about? What happened with that? So
I had. I had a bit of a catastrophe a
few days ago. I um as you know, I'd love
to Uh I left a one and dine a little bit.
And uh, I take great pride in my cooking. And
(12:30):
this is something even though it's headlined A day of
broken Glass, this is going to turn into a story
about how great you want. Well, this is alarming. This
is alarming because I don't know. Well, okay, so when
you usually set up on Sundays during the NFL season
and you're usually making your pizza, like you have you
have your your line of sight where you go from
(12:50):
point A to point and b right like you go,
you go what dough, sauce, cheese, Pepperoni's or something like
that combination. Right, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do what
I do. My move here is I have the dough
and I kind of spread that out. I make the
pizza from scratch or all buy dough and then make
it that way. But either way, you know, you go.
(13:12):
You go the dough first to put the you what
I like to do is put garlic powder on the dough,
and then I put the tomato sauce, and then I
put more garlic powder and some other like Italian season
and things like that on the on the tomato sauce,
and then I go to the cheese. Does you want
the full. You don't want the full, But does the
powder make it less sticky? Uh? It just adds an
(13:36):
extra kick to the garlic, is what it does. So
it's it's you put garlic powder in Italian season? Man?
Is that good? I was curious. No, I do have
to put on the pizza tray. I have to put
a little oil down just so it doesn't stick. Because yeah,
that is boy, there's nothing more frustrating than you make
a delicious pizza and then you try to you can't
get it off. Yeah, it's just horrible. But anyway, So
(13:58):
I do the tomato, then put the cheese on top.
Then I put the toppings. Depending on the mood, I'm
at do like a turkey pepperoni because I'm healthy, or
I'll put you know, usually bell peppers and garlic, roasted garlic,
an onion, And man, is that great? That the greatest
pizza we'll see? I bring that up because of this.
A couple of days ago, I was making dinner for
(14:20):
the fam, and um I decided to do chicken. I
was doing chicken and vegetables the whole nine yards, But
for the chicken, I usually let it sit for like
thirty minutes. And then I'll start marinating everything and spicing
it all up. But I did that. I have like
my protocol, and I had this this pan that I
was gonna put everything in, and so I oiled it up,
(14:43):
turn on the oven, preheated it for wasnt four seventy
five I think it was. I was ready to go.
Chicken was ready to be put in. There was like
probably ten eleven breasts that I put into the pan,
put it into the oven, set the timer for like minute,
and um during the cooking, I'll take it out halfway
(15:03):
through and then just flip all the chicken breasts over.
Always do that. This is a lot of chicken. How
many people are you serving here? A large amount of breast? Yeah,
there was like five of us. Okay, so so each
person is going to eat to at least two pieces
of chicken probably under that scenario. Yeah. And so I
took a phone call in the middle of cooking, and
(15:25):
it wasn't gonna take me that long. And all of
a sudden, like I heard a couple of beepings. So
I thought it was the timer going off on the oven.
I go to the oven and it's not the case.
Like there were smoke coming out of the oven, and
I thought, what the funk is this? So Ben, I
opened up the oven and the pan that I was
I had all the chicken breast in exploded. What it
(15:46):
fucking exploded? Yeah, I was. I looked. I looked at
the pane. I was like, how do it? How does
it pan? Was it like a gag pan that somebody
gave you as a no, no, guess god, it's going
to explode. It's It's a pan that I've used on
on many of occasions for chicken, for steak, for vegetables.
I mean, you name it, I've I've cooked on it
(16:09):
and I've always set the temperature anywhere from and have
never had the issue, like never once. And I opened
why was this night different than all other nights? Guests?
I have no f an idea? And the chicken looked amazing.
The worst part is it smelled good and it was
still cooking so like it was cooing. I'm looking at
(16:31):
some photographic evidence here, Wow, that is a It sucked.
You still eat the chicken because I would have considered.
I did consider it, but I was like, oh man,
what's the risk reward? Can't do that? You can't do
that to me the fact if you hear a little
crunch when you bite it, you might want to spit
that out. You might want to spit that out a
(16:52):
little glass teeth action. Well, that's a lot of chicken
to go to waist there. You haven't defeated to the
dog or something like that. I had to throw it away, man,
to throw that panaway, you should have fully cooked it
and then given it to you know, an animals. We'll see.
I I when I checked the timer, it was pretty
damn close to being done. Wow. Yeah, really disappointing. That's
(17:12):
like the first it's like the first catastrophe they've had
cooking in a long time. That's no, you had to
let it cool down thereby we set the vacuum out,
and having vacuum up all the glass, had to scrape
it out. Yeah, to get scrape it out a little
broom and get that sucker out because the shards of
glass we were pretty thick. So I got those out
right away. But everything else is small and able to
(17:34):
salvage the the oven, so I pressed on. I mean,
I had another batch of chicken that I made and
actually uh grilled a different way, and it was all good,
but yeah, it was, it was. It sucked. I was
contemplating sending you a picture of it when it happened,
but I thought i'd get nothing but hawes and hawes
and you know, maybe the picture too on social media.
(17:55):
So you made you made a wise decision waiting. You
made a wise decision waiting to do that, because I
would have killed you. I would have killed you. Um. Yeah,
not to nitpick, but you might want to clean your
oven too. There's some I did. I just on the
front of it there it looks uh that's because of
the explosion. And I thought you just left it like that.
(18:15):
I thought you just a pig looking at the at
the photo here. Yeah, No, I mean because I I
layered the pan pretty well with oil and um and
a sheet and then the same thing with the chicken breasts,
and yeah, I was ready to go, man, and then
all of a sudden, just really disappointing. That's crazy. All right, Well,
(18:37):
I'm glad have you recovered from that? Is everything You're
gonna You're not cook anymore. But I can't cook you
sing my my freaking explode here. No, I just I mean,
I don't know, I don't know how I fucked up
with that oven and the temperature in the pan, especially
when I've used it on the regular. I'm sure someone's
gonna I'm sure someone's gonna listen to this and I
actually listen to the words I said and start bitching
(18:58):
me on Twitter about it. But well, that's why Twitter exists,
for people to complain. That's the reason, the very reason.
It's uh, they're absolutely all right. So I have a
story as well, another story metal shoes. So yeah, again
this is called my life. Um, you know the reason
we had to stop doing Benny versus the Penny is
(19:19):
you know, hopefully we can do it next week for
the super Bowl. But you know, my pretty much all
my free time has been spent literally and figuratively helping
take care of my father's estate. So it's, uh, there's
a lot to do, but mainly the house is the
big thing. And he lived by himself after my mom
passed away, uh in and so um, pretty much all
(19:43):
my mom's it's it's almost like both parents at the
same piome all my mom stuff. I'm going through that
because he just left it didn't didn't get rid of
pretty much anything, and so it's like, uh, it's pretty overwhelming.
So my brother has been helping out with why it's
been great. The family has been very supportive and all that,
which is wonderful. But uh, you know, that's my That's
pretty much all I do. I do radio during the week,
(20:03):
which I love. I keep my mind off everything through
the show, focused on that. Last weekend, I noticed I
was moving some stuff, getting rid of some stuff, donating
stuff um that my dad. My dad had left, and
I noticed my shoe felt a little different, alright, So
at first I kind of ignored this, and then I
gave a a quick glance at the old clod hopper there,
(20:26):
and first of all, I didn't notice anything visually odd,
so I kept walking on it, but it still felt
a little out of sorts. So I was like, I
don't know what's going on whatever, But I I was like, well,
I just looked just nothing there. It mus be my imagination.
So this was last weekend, and then on Tuesday I
got I opped on the treadmill and I kind of
(20:48):
heard this clank sound that and I really heard it,
and uh, and when I was working out, So I'm
gonna send you a photo here, guess gan, Uh, let
me see there and check that out. Um, so I'm
I'm doing and I at that point I stopped. I
turned the the shoe over, the soul of the shoe
(21:13):
and uh, yeah, let me let me send you another photo.
You honest, I don't see if you can see that good? Yeah.
So I turned the shoe over to examine. Into my amazement,
I found a large metal screw wedged into my shoe,
right into the soul of my shoe. It's about a
quarter inch, yeah, and for some reason I couldn't feel it.
(21:34):
But it was far. It was just barely far enough
away where I couldn't It didn't actually like the top
of the screw didn't end up hitting my foot. But
I needed pliers. I sent you another photo. I needed
pliers in order to twist the thread of the screw
out of my shoe. And uh, unreal. Uh, Now I
(21:55):
have kept I have it's right on my it's in
the studio actually here that I did the show from
the studio. I've kept a little piece of metal as
a reminder of how lucky I was that this did
not completely screw me over. But is that wild? Look
that thing? But the weird the weird part about it
(22:15):
is it looks perfectly screwed in. Yes, yes, how does
that happen? Like I stepped on it? Did I twist
my foot when I stepped on it to make sure
it went all the way in. It's unreal. The idea
that you could actually do that but not puncture your
foot is amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's It's insane, is what
(22:37):
it is. But that that's what happened. So that was
my my metal shoes there. I've stepped on nails and
stuff before, but not a screw. I don't think that.
I don't think I've ever the first life ex my
first virgin territory with a screw. I sounded bad, but
but no, I uh it was all it was hot.
(22:59):
So there you go. The metal shoes just another day
in the life living. See, now I'm gonna get stories
from guys that have real jobs, like working factories. Oh yeah,
you know, I stepped on a chainsaw at one time,
and you know all those all those type of stories. Yeah,
but those cats that step on nails like they step
on legit nails that are probably like inches long. That
uh yeah, not one inch. So all right, so we're
(23:22):
at a crossroads here, We're at a fork in the
road here Gascon. We can either do the pop quiz.
We can do the pop quiz, or we can save
that for Sunday and combine pop quiz in the mailback.
Sunday is just the mail back you wanna you wanna
pause for the cause, as they say, for the rest
of the day. Call it today. We'll pack it up
and wait since we get nothing going on on on
(23:43):
the middle of a week between the Super Bowl and
the championship games. All right, so hey listen, We're on
all the social media channels. Also cameo. If you want
to personalize video message, you want your own mini Mallard
monologue about something in your life, whatever it might be. Birthdays,
bar mitz was Allentine's Day is coming up? Boy, I
can't think of anything more romantic to give your significant
(24:05):
other than a Mallard cameo. It's good flowers, candy Mallard cameo. Well,
that's good because you get the women to request a
cameo for their significant other. No, no, no, and then
you have the men requested for request me for their females.
In your head, in your neurosis, in your head, that
(24:28):
would happen. That's more about your psychosis than anything else
that's happened before. I don't I don't think that's happened.
I wasn't paid for it, and you were dreaming possible
that happened. Boke up there and then it felt like
a dream. I know, I know you'd like to think that.
So here's the problem with you. You're in the wrong format. Guest. No,
(24:49):
we do sports radio, sh we do? Well, you did
it for eight months, you did it for eight months. Well, yeah,
I didn't know sports for yeah, pretty much most from
March hundred and thirties something days without sports and then
when sports came back, they sucked. Um. But anyway, alright,
so yeah, find me on cameo, Ben Maller on Twitter,
(25:10):
Ben Maller on Fox. Also on Instagram, and Ben Mallard
show over on the Facebook page. And guess gon, how
can the Twitter loves the Twitter? Twitter? Twitter? Twitter? Gotten
off Twitter? You have? You're still on there? No, I'm
still I haven't been punted on yet. David J. Gascon
And then Instagram is at Dave Gascon. Alright, have a
(25:32):
great rest of your Saturday. Don't forget mail bag, mail
Bag And as an added bonus, pop quiz on the
Sunday Sunday Sunday podcast. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. If
you thought more hours a day, minutes a week was enough,
I think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic,
a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the
Ghetto Cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in
(00:22):
the penthouse. The clearing House of Hot takes break free
for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts
right now in the air everywhere, back at it again
as we bluviate the weekend away from the comfortable podcast
(00:43):
studios of I Heart Media, a spinoff a spinoff of
The Ben Maller Show, and glad you have join us.
Hope you heard the Friday podcast. I want to thank
Katherine Ross who joined us from the Street Live with
Jim Cramer. She gave us some in side on what
has been the story of the week here. It's the
(01:04):
crossover stories affected everything, uh the Sulbreddit of all things
just a community on Reddit Wall Street bets and their
ability to influence to manipulate Wall Street. So it was
an interesting listen and so if you didn't hear it.
You could still go back and we'll be there. It's
great thing about podcasting here here whenever you want. We
(01:26):
do this eight days a week. This is the Saturday podcast.
Sunday we'll have a brand new podcast, the mail Bag,
which we look forward to and back again. I thought
maybe he'd only be in for one podcast, David Gascota Podcast.
(01:48):
I hope I made some eagers bleed out there in
the market. Um, you think Catherine Ross for joining us,
I think you should thank me for pulling the guests too.
I thought I did a good job with that. I
was appropriate with the timing and your THEA. Because you
will not pat me on the back, I will pat
myself on the back. I will pat You don't have
(02:17):
to listen closer. You can hear the palpable right, the
palpable elitism. You can hear as talks here. And it
was so nice last week having someone not talk to
work with someone and a microphone off, charming, engaging by Kevin.
What's that's the fresh air? Yeah? What's Kevin's last name?
(02:41):
Kevin is a savant. What's his last name? Do you want?
You don't know his last name? I know his last
day's last name. I'm just waiting for you to acknowledge
that you do not know his O'Connell. You dummy, You
didn't think I knew if I see Unlike you, I
know the behind the scenes people. I know. I'm not
(03:04):
a names dropper like you. I don't. I don't go
around I need it. I'm on a first name basis
with Kevin O'Connell, so I don't have to say his
last name. I know that's over your head here because
you you want to brag about how you hang out
with the low people and the totem ball and all
that stuff, because that's a big thing. If you're west
of the four oh five, you're up across your high
society and all that. But I leave in a world
(03:27):
with the common person, and so for me, it's not
that big deal. I just used their first name. But
you you have you have to you do this nonsense.
You play a little game. I'll educate you on how
this works. I'll educate you and how this works. Okay,
Oh boy, I heard you missed me last week though,
uh No, I was fine. It was good, pretty boring.
I am immuna, say great, who'd you have on last week.
(03:51):
What's that? Who'd you have? Great Bruce Jacobs, this guy,
wonderful Fox Sports radio legend. If you go to the
Fox Sports Radio Hall of Fame, Bruce Jacobs has a
plaque in there. Many great bits on the radio. Legendary,
Jets and Mets fan, passionate, opinionated, knowledgeable, all the things
you aspire to be. Bruce Jacobs is those things. And
(04:14):
we need a solid thirty or so minutes with Bruce.
It was wonderful. It's great catching up on old stories,
talking about what's going on. I loved it. Great. Yeah,
talking old stories, it's great. Yeah, that's awesome. I don't know.
You know this. People love stories, guests, people love stories.
If you open up a restaurant, the first thing they
tell you when you open up a restaurant is you've
gotta have a good backstory. You gotta have a good backstory.
(04:36):
I go to Raising Kanes, right named after a dog, uh,
and so they have If you go to Raising Kanes,
any almost any locations will have a sign up telling
the story of Raising Kanes. Now, I just want the
chicken fingers. I don't need the backstory. But a lot
of people love the backstory and so we gave a
bunch of backstories. So people are welling for well informed, right,
(04:58):
and they they're knowledgeable about that, and people enjoy that.
It's fine. Old man radio is fine every once in
a while. It's not old man old man radio. It's
not old man radio because you're illiterate things. Is what
I understand exactly what it is. Old man radio basically
insinuates that you guys just old guys talking about the
(05:21):
glory days and not what's relevant and contemporary. It's fine. Well,
here's the problem you have, okay. He first of all,
you've never had any glory days. You have nothing to
talk about. It means righter days are in front of me.
Then that's great. Well you think that, or you just
don't have any in your in your holster there, it
could be the problem. Listen, all I need is one
(05:41):
silver bullet. That's all I need is one. Yeah. He
keeps saying that I try to get you that job
in China, go to China. So listen, when I come
to you for a career advice, you can go back
to Tom Looney for real estate advice. How about that?
You know here I am I help you, and you
grumble plane. Let's go through the laundry list of how
you've provided me throughout the years, and you condemn me
(06:03):
and what I did. I didn't have to give you
advice here. I did not have to help you out.
You came to a professional, all right, and I gave
you the information you requested and instead I instead of
a thank you, I get a bit session from you. Alright,
So pooch paradise. Now it is story time on the
(06:23):
Benmouth Show, and I gasconsin. Nobody wants a old guy
radio telling stories. This is a fresh story, a global exclusive,
global exclusive. Nobody else has this. So the other night,
me and the family are driving home from celebrating my
brother's birthday. My brother has been in town helping us out.
You know, my father unfortunately, surprisingly unexpectedly passed away at
(06:44):
the beginning of one and so we've had a lot
to take care of and my brother has been out here,
has been great. He's been able to work remotely because
of the COVID stuff, so he's been in California helping
me out. And my younger brother was unable to make
it from Wisconsin. So my brother knew or has been
out here. So we were celebrating the birthday with him,
and you know, it's unfortunate because he couldn't be with
(07:06):
his family. So but I am family, So I think
I think I still qualify as family even though we
don't you know, we don't live in the same times
on it all that. So anyway, I'm coming back home
from celebrating my brother's birthday. We turned the corner to
almost home. We turned the corner onto the street the
Mallard Mansions on uh, and as I'm turning, we noticed
this large beast. It looked like a wolf wandering around
(07:30):
the streets there. And I was like, that's kind of weird.
And it was like dazed and confused, like it had
smoked too much weed or something like that, or had
too many pops. So I'm like, okay, everyone, shway, you
see a creature out there here, Especially working the late
night shift coming home, you see all kinds of critters
and things like that. So I anythink any of it? Uh,
(07:51):
And my my wife like immediately know. So I I
drive the Mallard wibile into the driveway. I parked the car,
my wife and springs into action. Now this was we
mentioned the weather. This was a chilly, soa count night.
It was down into the thirties. But my wife she
sprints like she's in the Olympics into the cul de
Sac area there to try to find said creature because
(08:13):
the creature looked like it was sick. Next thing I know,
next thing I know, we have this. It turned out
to be an old canine that is now being housed
in the backyard of the Mallard mansion. So this old
mongrel who was walking slowly, completely out of sorts and
(08:34):
all that. And now, mind you, while this is going on,
I am prepping for the show, like I'm I'm doing
my copious research, trying to put the show together and
figure out what I want to talk about and what
I want to yap about and these dopey monologues and
all this and jotting down some bullet points and so well,
all that's going on, Uh, my wife's in the backyard. Now,
(08:54):
my wife, this is this is where it gets even better.
I mentioned pooch Paradise. So the wife feeling bad because
it was so cold, So a hand to God here,
she decided. First of all, she put out one of
the you know those portable space heaters. You know, I
was saying, yeah, the little box, you plug them in whatever.
(09:16):
So we have a few of those because we don't
sometimes we want to turn on the heater. We just
have a room we want to heat, and most people
have that, I think. And so we had one of
those heaters and she decided, you know what, I'm gonna
get an extension court. She goes out and she gets
the extension court somewhere. I don't know where she got
it from. She then proceeds to open up the door
a little bit, put this heater in the backyard so
(09:36):
the mutt could stay warm. She of course gave the
food and water to the to the dog and that
whole thing. And it was she was getting upset because
the dog was not laying near the heater because apparently
the dog didn't give a crap and wasn't cold. This
seemed like it was cold, and so it was all
for not. Now, the reason the dog had to stay
in the backyard guest gun is because we had not
(09:58):
only it was Pooh Paradise, but it was all most
uh pooch octagon because Bella, the Mallard dog, Bella was
having none of this. And so we had a lot
of drama because we had to close off the doggie
door where Bella. You know, it gets busy in the
backyard pooh, and you know what. And so because this
(10:18):
this old hound would have one bite, it wouldn't even
been an appetizer for Bella. Uh if if the dog
had eaten Bella rather and so, anyway, my wife to
advance the story kind of the final part of this,
the the wife posted on there's a neighborhood page. I
don't know what where this is. What platform is I
don't it's on Facebook or something like that, but it's
(10:39):
a you know, the community the streets around where I live.
They have a community where they post different things about
crime or whatever is going on in the neighborhood and stuff.
So anyway, she's on there a lot. She's engaged. I'm not.
I have no idea. I don't know anybody around here.
And uh so the story had an happy ending. She
was able to track down the dog's owner and reunite
(11:01):
the owner and the dog. It was an older woman
who was apparently I wasn't there when the dog was returned,
but it was very excited and the dog, you'd say,
I don't know, maybe seven eight blocks away from where
we are. But it's you know, it's a weird The
grid around here is crazy because there's a lot of
dead end streets and things like that. So, uh so
(11:23):
there you go. So if you need dog boarding, the
Mallard Mansion will allow you to keep your dog overnight
if you want. Now, this is good karma, though, gas
gun because um, I think it was in December. I
think it was either November or December last year. Uh,
Bella escaped right, flew the coop, went a wall and
(11:45):
got away, and we told the story on the podcast.
But Bella was returned by a neighbor who saw Bella
and then drove around and try to find the owner
of Bella. So yeah, so it had So it's it's
it's like karma, you know, you scratch my pay it forward, right,
they paid it forward. We paid it forward so the
universe can continue. It's good. It's my my pooch paradise. Now.
(12:09):
Uh you had what is this day of broken glass?
What is that all about? What happened with that? So
I had. I had a bit of a catastrophe a
few days ago. I um as you know, I'd love
to Uh I left a one and dine a little bit.
And uh, I take great pride in my cooking. And
(12:30):
this is something even though it's headlined A day of
broken Glass, this is going to turn into a story
about how great you want. Well, this is alarming. This
is alarming because I don't know. Well, okay, so when
you usually set up on Sundays during the NFL season
and you're usually making your pizza, like you have you
have your your line of sight where you go from
(12:50):
point A to point and b right like you go,
you go what dough, sauce, cheese, Pepperoni's or something like
that combination. Right, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do what
I do. My move here is I have the dough
and I kind of spread that out. I make the
pizza from scratch or all buy dough and then make
it that way. But either way, you know, you go.
(13:12):
You go the dough first to put the you what
I like to do is put garlic powder on the dough,
and then I put the tomato sauce, and then I
put more garlic powder and some other like Italian season
and things like that on the on the tomato sauce,
and then I go to the cheese. Does you want
the full. You don't want the full, But does the
powder make it less sticky? Uh? It just adds an
(13:36):
extra kick to the garlic, is what it does. So
it's it's you put garlic powder in Italian season? Man?
Is that good? I was curious. No, I do have
to put on the pizza tray. I have to put
a little oil down just so it doesn't stick. Because yeah,
that is boy, there's nothing more frustrating than you make
a delicious pizza and then you try to you can't
get it off. Yeah, it's just horrible. But anyway, So
(13:58):
I do the tomato, then put the cheese on top.
Then I put the toppings. Depending on the mood, I'm
at do like a turkey pepperoni because I'm healthy, or
I'll put you know, usually bell peppers and garlic, roasted garlic,
an onion, And man, is that great? That the greatest
pizza we'll see? I bring that up because of this.
A couple of days ago, I was making dinner for
(14:20):
the fam, and um I decided to do chicken. I
was doing chicken and vegetables the whole nine yards, But
for the chicken, I usually let it sit for like
thirty minutes. And then I'll start marinating everything and spicing
it all up. But I did that. I have like
my protocol, and I had this this pan that I
was gonna put everything in, and so I oiled it up,
(14:43):
turn on the oven, preheated it for wasnt four seventy
five I think it was. I was ready to go.
Chicken was ready to be put in. There was like
probably ten eleven breasts that I put into the pan,
put it into the oven, set the timer for like minute,
and um during the cooking, I'll take it out halfway
(15:03):
through and then just flip all the chicken breasts over.
Always do that. This is a lot of chicken. How
many people are you serving here? A large amount of breast? Yeah,
there was like five of us. Okay, so so each
person is going to eat to at least two pieces
of chicken probably under that scenario. Yeah. And so I
took a phone call in the middle of cooking, and
(15:25):
it wasn't gonna take me that long. And all of
a sudden, like I heard a couple of beepings. So
I thought it was the timer going off on the oven.
I go to the oven and it's not the case.
Like there were smoke coming out of the oven, and
I thought, what the funk is this? So Ben, I
opened up the oven and the pan that I was
I had all the chicken breast in exploded. What it
(15:46):
fucking exploded? Yeah, I was. I looked. I looked at
the pane. I was like, how do it? How does
it pan? Was it like a gag pan that somebody
gave you as a no, no, guess god, it's going
to explode. It's It's a pan that I've used on
on many of occasions for chicken, for steak, for vegetables.
I mean, you name it, I've I've cooked on it
(16:09):
and I've always set the temperature anywhere from and have
never had the issue, like never once. And I opened
why was this night different than all other nights? Guests?
I have no f an idea? And the chicken looked amazing.
The worst part is it smelled good and it was
still cooking so like it was cooing. I'm looking at
(16:31):
some photographic evidence here, Wow, that is a It sucked.
You still eat the chicken because I would have considered.
I did consider it, but I was like, oh man,
what's the risk reward? Can't do that? You can't do
that to me the fact if you hear a little
crunch when you bite it, you might want to spit
that out. You might want to spit that out a
(16:52):
little glass teeth action. Well, that's a lot of chicken
to go to waist there. You haven't defeated to the
dog or something like that. I had to throw it away, man,
to throw that panaway, you should have fully cooked it
and then given it to you know, an animals. We'll see.
I I when I checked the timer, it was pretty
damn close to being done. Wow. Yeah, really disappointing. That's
(17:12):
like the first it's like the first catastrophe they've had
cooking in a long time. That's no, you had to
let it cool down thereby we set the vacuum out,
and having vacuum up all the glass, had to scrape
it out. Yeah, to get scrape it out a little
broom and get that sucker out because the shards of
glass we were pretty thick. So I got those out
right away. But everything else is small and able to
(17:34):
salvage the the oven, so I pressed on. I mean,
I had another batch of chicken that I made and
actually uh grilled a different way, and it was all good,
but yeah, it was, it was. It sucked. I was
contemplating sending you a picture of it when it happened,
but I thought i'd get nothing but hawes and hawes
and you know, maybe the picture too on social media.
(17:55):
So you made you made a wise decision waiting. You
made a wise decision waiting to do that, because I
would have killed you. I would have killed you. Um. Yeah,
not to nitpick, but you might want to clean your
oven too. There's some I did. I just on the
front of it there it looks uh that's because of
the explosion. And I thought you just left it like that.
(18:15):
I thought you just a pig looking at the at
the photo here. Yeah, No, I mean because I I
layered the pan pretty well with oil and um and
a sheet and then the same thing with the chicken breasts,
and yeah, I was ready to go, man, and then
all of a sudden, just really disappointing. That's crazy. All right, Well,
(18:37):
I'm glad have you recovered from that? Is everything You're
gonna You're not cook anymore. But I can't cook you
sing my my freaking explode here. No, I just I mean,
I don't know, I don't know how I fucked up
with that oven and the temperature in the pan, especially
when I've used it on the regular. I'm sure someone's
gonna I'm sure someone's gonna listen to this and I
actually listen to the words I said and start bitching
(18:58):
me on Twitter about it. But well, that's why Twitter exists,
for people to complain. That's the reason, the very reason.
It's uh, they're absolutely all right. So I have a
story as well, another story metal shoes. So yeah, again
this is called my life. Um, you know the reason
we had to stop doing Benny versus the Penny is
(19:19):
you know, hopefully we can do it next week for
the super Bowl. But you know, my pretty much all
my free time has been spent literally and figuratively helping
take care of my father's estate. So it's, uh, there's
a lot to do, but mainly the house is the
big thing. And he lived by himself after my mom
passed away, uh in and so um, pretty much all
(19:43):
my mom's it's it's almost like both parents at the
same piome all my mom stuff. I'm going through that
because he just left it didn't didn't get rid of
pretty much anything, and so it's like, uh, it's pretty overwhelming.
So my brother has been helping out with why it's
been great. The family has been very supportive and all that,
which is wonderful. But uh, you know, that's my That's
pretty much all I do. I do radio during the week,
(20:03):
which I love. I keep my mind off everything through
the show, focused on that. Last weekend, I noticed I
was moving some stuff, getting rid of some stuff, donating
stuff um that my dad. My dad had left, and
I noticed my shoe felt a little different, alright, So
at first I kind of ignored this, and then I
gave a a quick glance at the old clod hopper there,
(20:26):
and first of all, I didn't notice anything visually odd,
so I kept walking on it, but it still felt
a little out of sorts. So I was like, I
don't know what's going on whatever, But I I was like, well,
I just looked just nothing there. It mus be my imagination.
So this was last weekend, and then on Tuesday I
got I opped on the treadmill and I kind of
(20:48):
heard this clank sound that and I really heard it,
and uh, and when I was working out, So I'm
gonna send you a photo here, guess gan, Uh, let
me see there and check that out. Um, so I'm
I'm doing and I at that point I stopped. I
turned the the shoe over, the soul of the shoe
(21:13):
and uh, yeah, let me let me send you another photo.
You honest, I don't see if you can see that good? Yeah.
So I turned the shoe over to examine. Into my amazement,
I found a large metal screw wedged into my shoe,
right into the soul of my shoe. It's about a
quarter inch, yeah, and for some reason I couldn't feel it.
(21:34):
But it was far. It was just barely far enough
away where I couldn't It didn't actually like the top
of the screw didn't end up hitting my foot. But
I needed pliers. I sent you another photo. I needed
pliers in order to twist the thread of the screw
out of my shoe. And uh, unreal. Uh, Now I
(21:55):
have kept I have it's right on my it's in
the studio actually here that I did the show from
the studio. I've kept a little piece of metal as
a reminder of how lucky I was that this did
not completely screw me over. But is that wild? Look
that thing? But the weird the weird part about it
(22:15):
is it looks perfectly screwed in. Yes, yes, how does
that happen? Like I stepped on it? Did I twist
my foot when I stepped on it to make sure
it went all the way in. It's unreal. The idea
that you could actually do that but not puncture your
foot is amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's It's insane, is what
(22:37):
it is. But that that's what happened. So that was
my my metal shoes there. I've stepped on nails and
stuff before, but not a screw. I don't think that.
I don't think I've ever the first life ex my
first virgin territory with a screw. I sounded bad, but
but no, I uh it was all it was hot.
(22:59):
So there you go. The metal shoes just another day
in the life living. See, now I'm gonna get stories
from guys that have real jobs, like working factories. Oh yeah,
you know, I stepped on a chainsaw at one time,
and you know all those all those type of stories. Yeah,
but those cats that step on nails like they step
on legit nails that are probably like inches long. That
uh yeah, not one inch. So all right, so we're
(23:22):
at a crossroads here, We're at a fork in the
road here Gascon. We can either do the pop quiz.
We can do the pop quiz, or we can save
that for Sunday and combine pop quiz in the mailback.
Sunday is just the mail back you wanna you wanna
pause for the cause, as they say, for the rest
of the day. Call it today. We'll pack it up
and wait since we get nothing going on on on
(23:43):
the middle of a week between the Super Bowl and
the championship games. All right, so hey listen, We're on
all the social media channels. Also cameo. If you want
to personalize video message, you want your own mini Mallard
monologue about something in your life, whatever it might be. Birthdays,
bar mitz was Allentine's Day is coming up? Boy, I
can't think of anything more romantic to give your significant
(24:05):
other than a Mallard cameo. It's good flowers, candy Mallard cameo. Well,
that's good because you get the women to request a
cameo for their significant other. No, no, no, and then
you have the men requested for request me for their females.
In your head, in your neurosis, in your head, that
(24:28):
would happen. That's more about your psychosis than anything else
that's happened before. I don't I don't think that's happened.
I wasn't paid for it, and you were dreaming possible
that happened. Boke up there and then it felt like
a dream. I know, I know you'd like to think that.
So here's the problem with you. You're in the wrong format. Guest. No,
(24:49):
we do sports radio, sh we do? Well, you did
it for eight months, you did it for eight months. Well, yeah,
I didn't know sports for yeah, pretty much most from
March hundred and thirties something days without sports and then
when sports came back, they sucked. Um. But anyway, alright,
so yeah, find me on cameo, Ben Maller on Twitter,
(25:10):
Ben Maller on Fox. Also on Instagram, and Ben Mallard
show over on the Facebook page. And guess gon, how
can the Twitter loves the Twitter? Twitter? Twitter? Twitter? Gotten
off Twitter? You have? You're still on there? No, I'm
still I haven't been punted on yet. David J. Gascon
And then Instagram is at Dave Gascon. Alright, have a
(25:32):
great rest of your Saturday. Don't forget mail bag, mail
Bag And as an added bonus, pop quiz on the
Sunday Sunday Sunday podcast. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific
Host
Ben Maller
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