October 8, 2022 • 29 mins
Ben Maller and his 5th Hour homie Danny G. are having fun for your Saturday, talking What's the Number?, Chick's Revenge, Flea Bag, Commercial Overload, Back Scratcher and more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere.
We welcome into the podcast, Joe, Joe, It's the Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G Radio because four
hours a night or not and off on the overnight.
(00:44):
This a spinoff of that show, Danny of course, now
big time daytime guy again working on uh Fox Sports
radio show Just Lost. How's that going, by the way,
Covino and Rich? Is that going well over there? Danny G? Yeah,
it's been going really good, funny shows every day, really
entertain raining. But Ben, don't get it twisted. Half of
the show is daytime. The other half of the show
(01:05):
is a nighttime hour. Yes, you split right down the middle.
You get half the daytime, half the nighttime. So half
of you is very important, the other half not so important.
So you you got a little bit of both worlds
when you when you cross over the rubicon, it's lopsided
because I'm with you the other time. So yes, So
(01:26):
that's like that's out in the abyss. That's like in
a black hole somewhere, but not the Raiders black hole.
It's it's out far far away. All right. Let's let's
get right into it here. It is the Fifth Hour.
We do this every weekend Saturday, Sunday Friday. We have
Benny versus the Penny until further notice on this podcast,
and so we're keeping the good ship going. And on
(01:47):
this edition of the Fifth Hour we have what's the number, Chicks, Revenge, Fleabag,
Commercial Overload, and end back Scratcher. So a lot to
get to, not a lot of time, Danny, So let's
get going. Yes, let's do it all right, here we go.
(02:09):
We start out with this. So I've been working out
at the gym, and I'm not here to brag about
working out in the gym. I wish I could work
out at home, but my treadmill is still not up
to speed. I moved over a year ago, and stuff
still not where it needs to be, and there's stuff
that needs to be fixed to get the treadmill working
and all that. So I've been I've been going back
(02:29):
to the gym. This past week was an interesting week,
so I I mostly do cardio. I mostly do cardio.
When I'm out there, I like, I listen to music,
or I'll watch TV or whatever, and that's fine. Maybe
I'll watch videos on YouTube on my phone. And they
have a lot of crime at these gyms, Like there's
(02:49):
a lot of people a break into lockers and stealing
all kinds of crap, even where I live out in
the north Woods. So I decided, since I go go
back to the gym, and I don't want to use
a locker because I don't want stuff to get stolen,
and I don't want to leave stuff in my car
because cars get broken into all the time. So I
made a calculated decision. I decided to use They have
(03:09):
these public lockers at the gym I go to, so
it's open twenty four hours. If that gives you a clue,
Danny Phone drizzle. At this particular gym, they have these
lockers right in front and there for public use during
the day or night whenever you're there and you don't
need to use a lock they're out in public view,
(03:32):
and you can put your personal items in there. And
then the way it works is you you put your
stuff in there, like for example, I put my car keys,
my wallet in the locker, and you type in a
pass code. It can be any pass code. It could
be your phone number, your birthday, it could be some
number that you remember, whatever it might be, and you
twist the lock. You remember the number, and then you
(03:54):
twist it again and bam, everything's locked, and that's it, right.
And so I I've been using these things and I've
used them for like the last couple of weeks, and
so this week I put everything in, I twisted the lock,
and then I went and I was sweating to the oldies,
so I went or I was doing my cardio, I
was on the treadmill. But this week was unlike all
(04:15):
other weeks because while I was working out, I then
went to kind of get a good sweat going. I
went to the sauna in the steam room. I loved
getting in there and get get all sweaty from that
in addition to the to the workout. So I'm in
there doing that thing and I come back and I'm like, Okay,
I gotta get my stuff out my wallet and my
my car keys, and I go to locker number seventeen
(04:38):
and I punched in the code and I twist and uh.
I twist again and wait, wait a minute, me, let
me punch in the code again. And so I punched
in the code again and I twisted and uh. And
then I'm like, well, when maybe it wasn't locker number seventeen,
it was locker fifty. So then I went over to
locker fifteen and I punched my coat in and uh
(04:59):
and then I twist at it and uh and and nothing.
Nothing happened. So then I'm like, all right, it must
be seventeen. So I went back to seventeen and I
tried again and and no, And so I started panicking
because I have my car keys and my wallet in
this locker and I'm not sure whether it's seventeen or fifteen,
(05:19):
but I think it's seventeen. And I'm like, what's going
on here? And so I have to to go to
the front desk at the gym, and this this overnight
guy who's like, just leave me alone. You know. He's like,
I'm a nice guy, but he's like, leave me alone.
He's there overnight and I have to tell the guys like, hey,
I need you to help me out. I need you
to do me a solid. Here. I I locked my
(05:42):
my lock I can't remember the code. I can't open
the locker. And then the guy's like, well, you know
I can't do anything. Give me ten minutes, right, So
then ten minutes go by, he comes over. How embarrassing
is this, by the way, So the guy comes over
and he has a master key because he's a public locker,
so they can open him up whenever they want. He uh,
(06:02):
he comes over and real quick he opens it up
and I got my stuff back. So I'm like, okay,
now we're good. So next time I use the locker,
now this time I make complete and I'm making mental notes.
I've got my phone with me, I'm taking pictures the
whole thing, right, and uh, here's the code I punched
(06:23):
in the hand of guy. I had this whole thing
figured out and then never gonna happen to me again.
Same thing happened. So I work out. I go back
to the locker and I'm like, you know what's going
on here? And I have to do the walk of shame.
Same guy, the same guy is that the same guy, Danny.
(06:47):
This guy gives me the look, are you the biggest
moron in the world? What is are you stupid? How
are you able to get out of bed and function? Now?
He's giving me that kind of look like you drove
the short bust, didn't you? You were on back His
look of like if he could kill you with a stair,
he did. And so it turns out the guy I
(07:07):
finally figured out what had happened. So the locker was
so delicate, and I guess this week I had really
fat fingers because it's so sensitive that I barely touched
the the code and it moved like one number, and
you know, all it takes is one number and then
that's it, you know. So I I had the past code, right,
(07:28):
but I, in my I guess my rush to twist
the lock and lock it, I hit the I hit
the thing and it was very embarrassing, Danny. It was
very embarrassing. So what's the number? I couldn't remember the number?
Fumbling with fat fingers. It's not not good. There there
(07:51):
will be revenge, but I guess we have different revenge
right now. Rather than my revenge against that locker, there's
other revenge to discuss. Yes. Yeah, last week on the podcast,
I made a meme joke, not mean, but meme about
Chick fil A, the where you I was gonna take
the I was gonna corral the chickens. Remember we got
(08:11):
that mail bag question about killing one chicken a day
in your car or one human sized chicken once per
year without notice. So I went with the daily chickens
because I said I would corral them, and like that meme,
I would open up a food truck only on Sundays
right outside Chick fil A and call it side chick.
(08:34):
So that's a good right. You know. I think Chick
fil A is in tight with God because of how
they close on Sundays. Because of that, this was God
punishing me. A couple of mornings ago. I wake up
groggy at six am. I need to go unlock the school.
(08:54):
I'm there on the early shift on We're gonna work
a couple of hours that morning, come home, change, and
then go to the studios. So I am putting on
wrong colored socks and forgetting things. And I do what
I do at six am on a weekday. You know,
you're not exactly with it. So I'm about five minutes late.
(09:15):
I run down the stairs and I'm like, I need
to grab something to eat because obviously I need some
brain power right now. Run to the kitchen. You'll love
this from Costco. We have all those egg white sandwiches.
Oh yeah, my, I'm not a breakfast guy because I
only eat once the day. My wife loves those sandwiches,
egg white sandwiches. She's yeah, they're really good. So I
(09:35):
grab it out of the freezer. But I don't like
eating those kind of breakfast sandwiches without Ketchup. I need
at least one little Ketchup packet. So I go to
the drawer where I've left some Ketchup packets and my Tinderoni.
God bless her O c D. She organizes that drawer often,
and she does not like condiments being in drawers, so
(09:58):
she'll usually a throw them away. He put them in
little zip block bags. Hey, and she's even taken pictures
of this drawer after she's cleaned it and organized it
and sent it to me while I'm at work, Like
I'm gonna be impressed. She knows it. It It irritates me
that I don't have the condiments I need. So in
(10:18):
that drawer, ben there should have been one zip block
bag that had some ketchup packets. Nope, they were gone.
She probably tossed them. So there's only one little zip
block bag in there, and it had Chick fil A sauces,
not ketchup. But I need something, so I grabbed two
of the packets out of there. It's half dark. I
don't even know which two I grabbed, but I place
(10:41):
them on top of my book and my cell phone
and I walked down the stairs and out to the car.
As I sit down in the car, my hands literally
stick to the staring wheel. Oh no, And I am like,
what is it? What the hell? What? And I looked
down and on my shorts is that sweet Polynesian sauce
(11:06):
from Chick fil A? Yeah? Sure, that's what it was
on your short stack? How you close on my hands too?
So Timderoni was home, so I don't think I you
(11:29):
know that feeling when you're a groggy be running behind
and see you have no time for some bullshit like this.
So I quickly get the hand sanitizer, trying to get
this sticky sauce off my hands. I'm pondering whether or
not I should run back inside and switch out the shorts.
(11:51):
I kind of glance at my shirt. I don't see
any signs on my shirt. So I'm like, well, let
me just get through this couple of hours. I need
to get over there. So I get down to the school,
unlock the campus, get to the classroom who lets the
kids in early? Doing the walk of shame though to
the classroom because as I'm walking, I'm finding dried up
(12:13):
sauce on my arm. I looked down and it's on
my Nike. I mean, how much freaking sauce was in
this little packet? And then also I'm pissed because I'm like,
how did this packet get opened up? Was it opened
a little bit in the plastic bag in the drawer
and it got put away like that? Uh, not very
(12:36):
possible with all that O C D going on in
the kitchen. I don't know what happened. Did I have
fat fingers like you? And I accidentally squeezed it and
squished it as I was walking? So I get I
opened up the classroom, sit down, and I do a
better scan now that I'm there, and I'm a little
I'm trying to relax on the left side of my shirt.
(12:57):
Ben It's like war stripe all down the side of
my shirt. Now I see how it got to the
shorts and to the Nike. My left Nike has sauce
all over it. I got it all over me. I
get a good morning text from my girl and it says,
good morning. What the hell happened? I'm cleaning up a
(13:21):
trail of sauce down the stairs. Oh man? So yeah,
Chick fil A got me back, and they got me good.
They are in tight with the one only uh and
his son above. Yeah. So a couple of questions. First
of all, did you did did it taste like the
(13:42):
taste with the sauce was did you actually taste did
it taste all right? Or or was it just just dreadful?
I mean I threw the packet away as you did,
you didn't even get to enjoy. And then and then
did you figure out when you did in your head?
Like what happened later on? Did you determine when the
mistake was made? Like when did now? Remember I took
(14:03):
two packets, so there was one that survived, but it
happened to be that buffalo uh, And you can't put
that on an egg white breakfast sandwich. That would be
that would be a tough eat. Yeah, buffalo wing sauce
on a breakfast. So I had to go, you know,
sauceless for the for the breakfast sandwich. And then I
(14:25):
thought about it. Yeah, I retraced my steps before the
first kid arrives at the school. I read my book
and I placed the two sauces on top of my book,
the egg white sandwich on top of my book, and
I carried it down the stairs like it was a tray.
So in my mind, I'm thinking, there's no way I
(14:47):
pressed down on the packet and exploded it. I still
have no idea how this thing opened up. The amount
of sauce that came out of this band, you would think,
you would think I spilled five packets on myself. It
was like the clown car of of condiment package right,
just kept coming out and out and out. And I
(15:07):
was like in like some kind of magic trick or
something like that. Oh, it was like my friend Rusty
Pena when I was a little kid. Him and his
family and his uncle and his aunt and his little
cousins and his nephew, and his mom and dad and
sisters and brothers. They would all hop out of the
same station wagon and I was like, Rusty, how did
(15:28):
you guys all fit in there? And He's like, oh,
we just all squished in there. I was like, damn, man,
you have like four generations in one car. Yeah, that
you've You've got to be able to move like a gymnast,
right you. A contortionist is what you have to be
able to getting cars like that. I who were working
in San Diego, I would see that from time to
time people driving around and I didn't. I haven't seen
(15:49):
it much around here, but I'm sure it happens. But oh,
and remember the far back seat faced out? Yes, yes,
so my stepdad would tell us, if you it in
the very back, you're on highway patrol. Watch. No. That
was cool. I remember as a kid, I had relatives
that had the station wagons with the seat facing out
(16:11):
in the back, and I was thought, I was like
the coolest thing in the world to sit back there.
I was like, that's awesome, man, I love that. I
didn't get to do it very often. I did it
a couple of times, but I was like, man, I
was like a boss, like sitting out there. They don't
do that anymore, we do You think you could sell
that if you made cars like those old school cars,
but they were more fuel efficient. Do you think people
(16:31):
were buying the minivan replaced the station wagon the minivans
of the new station wagon, and the wagons were some
ugly fucking cars. Man, Oh they were bad. I watched
the documentary. I think I mentioned it on this podcast
before you were part of the podcast, Danny, And there's
these dudes that collect station wagons, like old school nineteen seventies,
(16:54):
nineteen sixties style station wagons, and they're they've become collectible
now crazy. Yeah, they collect the ones with the fake
wood paneling. Yes, yes, yes they do. I'm telling you.
I think I saw it on YouTube. Maybe it was
on Netflix, but it was a few years ago. Just
google it. There's a documentary about station wagons, and it
(17:18):
was pretty interesting. It wasn't the greatest documentary I've ever seen,
but it was pretty pretty cool, probably because of nostalgia,
right because I'm, you know, around the same age, Danny,
and we both remember the station wagon and all that
from back back in the day. Alright, So moving on
from that, turning the page, I've got a fleabag update.
(17:39):
Now Bella. I don't talk about Bella Bella very much
my dog. Yeah, Bella is the bark boss of the
Mallard Mansion. She is the ship too of the house.
And this week Bella was very upset with Now why
was Bella upset? You asked, Is it true that Bella
(18:03):
was annoyed because of an uninvited house guest? Yes, my
wife decided that we needed to help the handyman. There's
a guy that was a contractor who's been doing some
work from time to time sporadically as we're still getting
stuff done here at the Mallard Mansion. And so this
guy is a good, good dude, and he works hard
(18:25):
and all that stuff, and he's been helping us with
some projects at the house. And so his car broke
down and he was staying at somebody's house and he
couldn't keep he has dog with him, and so he
needed us to watch his dog. And of course, my
my wife's like, okay, let's do it. And so we
welcomed the dog Katana Uh to the to the homestead here. Now,
(18:48):
she spent several nights at the Bread and Breakfast, the
Bed and Breakfast this week, the Betty Bed and Breakfast.
It's it's a puppy. It's a French bulldog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
I've never really dealt with French bulldogs. I've always been
more of an English bulldog fan. But I gotta tell you,
the French bulldogs growing on me a little bit. And
(19:09):
but Bella was very annoyed that this dog was. It
was hanging around, and Bella likes her space. She's a
one dog kind of woman, and she was very bitchy
with the other dog who just wanted to play. Because
the dogs and the other dogs a puppy, the French
bulldogs and puppy, and so the dog just want to play.
And the fleabag rumble was on. It was on like
(19:31):
Donkey Kong. Now I'm doing the show from here about
half the time from the Mallard mansion. The other half
of them in the studio giver take and I can't
have dogs barking, you know, behind me. I can't. I
can't do that. So unfortunately, the French bulldog had to
to go outside, uh get to get away for a
(19:53):
little bit. But it was it was pretty cool. This
dog full of energy and you know, as a puppy
plays fetch. This is like the greatest dog I've ever
been around to play fetch. Every other dog I've had,
they never actually returned the ball. Like Bella is so lazy.
She's an old dog. She'll play fetch, she'll go get
(20:15):
whatever you throw. She'll walk back and then it's the
most frustrating thing, Danny. I don't know if you've ever
had this with a dog or anything, but Bella will
walk back with the two toy and then she'll drop
it just far enough away you can't reach it. Yeah, yeah,
like she's she's figured out, Okay, you're sitting down, so
(20:37):
if I dropped this like three and a half feet away,
you won't be able to reach it. And she does
it every time. But this other dog was was great
and uh very what's the word bashful? These French bulldogs,
if you yell at them, they mope around. They get
really depressed, very sensitive. Yes, yes it was. It was interesting.
(20:58):
I love the personalities of these different dogs and but
but anyway, it was cool. And these French bulldogs are
full of muscle, and it's not like the dog works
out but just ripped, absolutely ripped naturally from the genetics,
the doggy genetics. So that was that was an interesting.
A couple of days there with a extra dog. How
(21:21):
did Bella celebrate once she got the mansion back to herself. Yeah,
I think she pooped in the house and urinated in
the house, saying, ha, this is my territory, you losers,
clean up my ship right now, is what she said.
We did. Anyway, Uh, the the commercial overload, Danny, Now,
(21:45):
we have a recording session every week. We talked about
this a little bit inside radio, and every week, once
a week, usually it's only once a week. I will
have to record a bunch of commercials, a bunch of
spots we call them, and you hear them on Fox
Sports Radio, on my show and every once in a
while on some other shows. Now, this past week we
(22:08):
set a new record, a brand new record. Typically I
will record anywhere from two to five commercials, usually like
three to five commercials a week. But this was commercial
overload I recorded. You might take case how many spots? Danny?
(22:30):
I think I have a good idea because I had
to go through a few of these with Covino and Rich.
Did you have breeders cup? There was a Breeder's cup,
There was that a Discover card, there was a discover Yeah,
you have about eighteen tire rack. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I think it was. I think it was I forgot
the action. I think it was around I think oh
(22:51):
my goodness. Yeah yeah. On Wednesday night this past week,
I didn't get home until nine pm, and it was
because I sat in there putting together ten different commercials.
And then as I was leaving, I was all proud
of myself. An email came to my company inbox and
it was nine more commercials that were due by Friday. Yeah, so,
(23:15):
I mean, I don't I don't mind. I like doing
the commercials, but the problem is it's it's such a
fine line. They give you usually a lot of copy
and they only give you a little time. It's like
trying to to put twenty five pounds of you know
what in a ten pound bag. But these were actually
not that bad. I feel like they've done a better job.
(23:36):
Maybe I'm I'm wrong on this, but they weren't. They
weren't is loaded these commercials, so there was a little
more wiggle room to read them because you've got to
nail the spot. You have sixty seconds. You don't you
can't do fifty eight, you can't do sixty one. It's
got to be exact, and there's usually too much copy there,
so you have to speed read and that's a pain
(23:58):
in the behind. And as why I love the podcast
commercials because there's no time on it. You can go
as long as you want. Who cares the podcast commercial?
So I go along and all that. Now, Covino and
Enrich do they trade off doing the commercials or they
both do the commercials? How's that work? They trade off?
Covino goes first and then Rich finishes the spot. Oh
(24:18):
so they share the spout case so they are both
fun Like I thought one of them would do one
spot and the other would do the other. Thought about
doing that, but the beginning of the script said this
is Covino Enrich and so they're like, oh, we better
both jump on it. Okay, but but this and this
is a great thing at Fox Sports Radio is doing
very well. It's a testimonial to the listeners right that
(24:40):
the advertisers are there. And yeah, thank god, otherwise we
wouldn't have roofs over our heads exactly. We wouldn't be
able to afford to go to Chick fil A and
get sauce packets and spill them all over ourselves and
all that stuff. So it's always cool when things are
going well, and especially in this economy where I'm thinking, Danny,
we're gonna be paying ten dollars a gallon eventually here
(25:02):
in California, for I think the hell is going on
with that. We got down to what six bucks, and
we all started dancing in the streets, and then it
slowly crept back up to seven over a couple of
weeks period. And then now we are looking at some
gas stations that are over seven dollars right now. Well
that's the thing. When it goes up to ten dollars,
(25:23):
will be like, oh, it's down to seven. We've made it.
We've made a great deal. This is wonderful. So they're
they're training us, they're indoctrinating us, the oil companies and
the evil politicians in California. Last Friday, I went to
a high school football game out here, and speaking of
Chick fil A, they were selling Chick fil A chicken
sandwich is at snack bar. That's yeah, that's cool, right,
(25:46):
I'm like, I haven't eaten yet. I had a rush
here to the game after work, so I got one.
It was seven dollars now, normally at a snack bar,
seven dollars for a sandwich, you'd be like, man, But
I I thought to myself, that's not bad. That's like
getting a gallon of gas. Dude. Oh my god. I
(26:09):
got gas this week and I I think it was
like eighty five dollars and it wasn't even an empty tank.
And I'm like, you know, what are we doing here?
You know what? It's just really you know necessary, I
go over to Arizona and save money on gas, or
got friends who live in Florida or Texas, and that's
it's it's amazing. Once you cross the state line, gas
(26:30):
goes down by three dollars a gallon. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah.
And the politicians. I heard an interview this past week.
They were talking about how left up the California politics are.
And they have a special blend of gas that they
are convinced makes the the air clean. They're convinced that's
(26:50):
the reason the air is cleaner in California. But there's
other people that say, no, it's really the pollution was
mainly from the planes and things like that, and they
and so there's this debate about whether it's on any
difference at all. But California is the only state. The
politicians here so fucked up. It's the only state that
as is blended of gas. So all the other states
use different blends of gas, and they can trade gas
(27:12):
between states and so, but California's like, bend you over here.
It's all right, moving on, We got the backscratch a
real quick. We got shut out lest last week. These
are people that take the time out on the Apple
podcast page with the fifth hour to give us a
review real quick, Danny, do you think we got shut
out this week? How many reviews did we get? I'm
gonna say we got one review that is correct. We
(27:34):
got a one hitter. Our guy Adrian in the Mile
High City. This guy is a super duper fan of
this program and the the Overnight Show. Hard working guy,
great family man, and he gave us five stars. He said,
scratch my back. Benn and Danny G make me laugh
every podcast. The Saturday Life and Times of Mallard and
(27:57):
Danny G is my favorite episode of the weekend. About that, uh,
he says, I'm loving Benny versus the Penny and podcast
format on Friday's I'm always listening in the meter reader
car at work. Well, God bless you, Adrian. We thank
you for that, and we'll get out on that note,
we get the mail bag. Maybe Adrian will be in
(28:19):
the mail bag tomorrow as well. You never know anything
to promote here, Danny g at all. Anything you have
coming up here or you're are you clear and free,
or you've got something going on. I'm still gonna keep
my Saturday shift. Um, so I'm gonna go in and
help out Jonas Knox for his two hours show eleven
am to one pm here on the West Coast. So
(28:39):
then after that Steve Hartman and e from salom Prime
College Football, real Estate. Right there, have a great rest
of your Saturday. If you're listening to us on Saturday,
people download the podcast whenever they wants, so maybe it's Sunday,
maybe it's Monday, who the hell knows. Yeah, what's up,
future listener. That's right, and we will talk to you
next time. Enjoy your day and we'll catch you on
(29:02):
the mail Bag on the Sunday Pod later. Skater gotta murder,
Gotta go
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere.
We welcome into the podcast, Joe, Joe, It's the Fifth
Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G Radio because four
hours a night or not and off on the overnight.
(00:44):
This a spinoff of that show, Danny of course, now
big time daytime guy again working on uh Fox Sports
radio show Just Lost. How's that going, by the way,
Covino and Rich? Is that going well over there? Danny G? Yeah,
it's been going really good, funny shows every day, really
entertain raining. But Ben, don't get it twisted. Half of
the show is daytime. The other half of the show
(01:05):
is a nighttime hour. Yes, you split right down the middle.
You get half the daytime, half the nighttime. So half
of you is very important, the other half not so important.
So you you got a little bit of both worlds
when you when you cross over the rubicon, it's lopsided
because I'm with you the other time. So yes, So
(01:26):
that's like that's out in the abyss. That's like in
a black hole somewhere, but not the Raiders black hole.
It's it's out far far away. All right. Let's let's
get right into it here. It is the Fifth Hour.
We do this every weekend Saturday, Sunday Friday. We have
Benny versus the Penny until further notice on this podcast,
and so we're keeping the good ship going. And on
(01:47):
this edition of the Fifth Hour we have what's the number, Chicks, Revenge, Fleabag,
Commercial Overload, and end back Scratcher. So a lot to
get to, not a lot of time, Danny, So let's
get going. Yes, let's do it all right, here we go.
(02:09):
We start out with this. So I've been working out
at the gym, and I'm not here to brag about
working out in the gym. I wish I could work
out at home, but my treadmill is still not up
to speed. I moved over a year ago, and stuff
still not where it needs to be, and there's stuff
that needs to be fixed to get the treadmill working
and all that. So I've been I've been going back
(02:29):
to the gym. This past week was an interesting week,
so I I mostly do cardio. I mostly do cardio.
When I'm out there, I like, I listen to music,
or I'll watch TV or whatever, and that's fine. Maybe
I'll watch videos on YouTube on my phone. And they
have a lot of crime at these gyms, Like there's
(02:49):
a lot of people a break into lockers and stealing
all kinds of crap, even where I live out in
the north Woods. So I decided, since I go go
back to the gym, and I don't want to use
a locker because I don't want stuff to get stolen,
and I don't want to leave stuff in my car
because cars get broken into all the time. So I
made a calculated decision. I decided to use They have
(03:09):
these public lockers at the gym I go to, so
it's open twenty four hours. If that gives you a clue,
Danny Phone drizzle. At this particular gym, they have these
lockers right in front and there for public use during
the day or night whenever you're there and you don't
need to use a lock they're out in public view,
(03:32):
and you can put your personal items in there. And
then the way it works is you you put your
stuff in there, like for example, I put my car keys,
my wallet in the locker, and you type in a
pass code. It can be any pass code. It could
be your phone number, your birthday, it could be some
number that you remember, whatever it might be, and you
twist the lock. You remember the number, and then you
(03:54):
twist it again and bam, everything's locked, and that's it, right.
And so I I've been using these things and I've
used them for like the last couple of weeks, and
so this week I put everything in, I twisted the lock,
and then I went and I was sweating to the oldies,
so I went or I was doing my cardio, I
was on the treadmill. But this week was unlike all
(04:15):
other weeks because while I was working out, I then
went to kind of get a good sweat going. I
went to the sauna in the steam room. I loved
getting in there and get get all sweaty from that
in addition to the to the workout. So I'm in
there doing that thing and I come back and I'm like, Okay,
I gotta get my stuff out my wallet and my
my car keys, and I go to locker number seventeen
(04:38):
and I punched in the code and I twist and uh.
I twist again and wait, wait a minute, me, let
me punch in the code again. And so I punched
in the code again and I twisted and uh. And
then I'm like, well, when maybe it wasn't locker number seventeen,
it was locker fifty. So then I went over to
locker fifteen and I punched my coat in and uh
(04:59):
and then I twist at it and uh and and nothing.
Nothing happened. So then I'm like, all right, it must
be seventeen. So I went back to seventeen and I
tried again and and no, And so I started panicking
because I have my car keys and my wallet in
this locker and I'm not sure whether it's seventeen or fifteen,
(05:19):
but I think it's seventeen. And I'm like, what's going
on here? And so I have to to go to
the front desk at the gym, and this this overnight
guy who's like, just leave me alone. You know. He's like,
I'm a nice guy, but he's like, leave me alone.
He's there overnight and I have to tell the guys like, hey,
I need you to help me out. I need you
to do me a solid. Here. I I locked my
(05:42):
my lock I can't remember the code. I can't open
the locker. And then the guy's like, well, you know
I can't do anything. Give me ten minutes, right, So
then ten minutes go by, he comes over. How embarrassing
is this, by the way, So the guy comes over
and he has a master key because he's a public locker,
so they can open him up whenever they want. He uh,
(06:02):
he comes over and real quick he opens it up
and I got my stuff back. So I'm like, okay,
now we're good. So next time I use the locker,
now this time I make complete and I'm making mental notes.
I've got my phone with me, I'm taking pictures the
whole thing, right, and uh, here's the code I punched
(06:23):
in the hand of guy. I had this whole thing
figured out and then never gonna happen to me again.
Same thing happened. So I work out. I go back
to the locker and I'm like, you know what's going
on here? And I have to do the walk of shame.
Same guy, the same guy is that the same guy, Danny.
(06:47):
This guy gives me the look, are you the biggest
moron in the world? What is are you stupid? How
are you able to get out of bed and function? Now?
He's giving me that kind of look like you drove
the short bust, didn't you? You were on back His
look of like if he could kill you with a stair,
he did. And so it turns out the guy I
(07:07):
finally figured out what had happened. So the locker was
so delicate, and I guess this week I had really
fat fingers because it's so sensitive that I barely touched
the the code and it moved like one number, and
you know, all it takes is one number and then
that's it, you know. So I I had the past code, right,
(07:28):
but I, in my I guess my rush to twist
the lock and lock it, I hit the I hit
the thing and it was very embarrassing, Danny. It was
very embarrassing. So what's the number? I couldn't remember the number?
Fumbling with fat fingers. It's not not good. There there
(07:51):
will be revenge, but I guess we have different revenge
right now. Rather than my revenge against that locker, there's
other revenge to discuss. Yes. Yeah, last week on the podcast,
I made a meme joke, not mean, but meme about
Chick fil A, the where you I was gonna take
the I was gonna corral the chickens. Remember we got
(08:11):
that mail bag question about killing one chicken a day
in your car or one human sized chicken once per
year without notice. So I went with the daily chickens
because I said I would corral them, and like that meme,
I would open up a food truck only on Sundays
right outside Chick fil A and call it side chick.
(08:34):
So that's a good right. You know. I think Chick
fil A is in tight with God because of how
they close on Sundays. Because of that, this was God
punishing me. A couple of mornings ago. I wake up
groggy at six am. I need to go unlock the school.
(08:54):
I'm there on the early shift on We're gonna work
a couple of hours that morning, come home, change, and
then go to the studios. So I am putting on
wrong colored socks and forgetting things. And I do what
I do at six am on a weekday. You know,
you're not exactly with it. So I'm about five minutes late.
(09:15):
I run down the stairs and I'm like, I need
to grab something to eat because obviously I need some
brain power right now. Run to the kitchen. You'll love
this from Costco. We have all those egg white sandwiches.
Oh yeah, my, I'm not a breakfast guy because I
only eat once the day. My wife loves those sandwiches,
egg white sandwiches. She's yeah, they're really good. So I
(09:35):
grab it out of the freezer. But I don't like
eating those kind of breakfast sandwiches without Ketchup. I need
at least one little Ketchup packet. So I go to
the drawer where I've left some Ketchup packets and my Tinderoni.
God bless her O c D. She organizes that drawer often,
and she does not like condiments being in drawers, so
(09:58):
she'll usually a throw them away. He put them in
little zip block bags. Hey, and she's even taken pictures
of this drawer after she's cleaned it and organized it
and sent it to me while I'm at work, Like
I'm gonna be impressed. She knows it. It It irritates me
that I don't have the condiments I need. So in
(10:18):
that drawer, ben there should have been one zip block
bag that had some ketchup packets. Nope, they were gone.
She probably tossed them. So there's only one little zip
block bag in there, and it had Chick fil A sauces,
not ketchup. But I need something, so I grabbed two
of the packets out of there. It's half dark. I
don't even know which two I grabbed, but I place
(10:41):
them on top of my book and my cell phone
and I walked down the stairs and out to the car.
As I sit down in the car, my hands literally
stick to the staring wheel. Oh no, And I am like,
what is it? What the hell? What? And I looked
down and on my shorts is that sweet Polynesian sauce
(11:06):
from Chick fil A? Yeah? Sure, that's what it was
on your short stack? How you close on my hands too?
So Timderoni was home, so I don't think I you
(11:29):
know that feeling when you're a groggy be running behind
and see you have no time for some bullshit like this.
So I quickly get the hand sanitizer, trying to get
this sticky sauce off my hands. I'm pondering whether or
not I should run back inside and switch out the shorts.
(11:51):
I kind of glance at my shirt. I don't see
any signs on my shirt. So I'm like, well, let
me just get through this couple of hours. I need
to get over there. So I get down to the school,
unlock the campus, get to the classroom who lets the
kids in early? Doing the walk of shame though to
the classroom because as I'm walking, I'm finding dried up
(12:13):
sauce on my arm. I looked down and it's on
my Nike. I mean, how much freaking sauce was in
this little packet? And then also I'm pissed because I'm like,
how did this packet get opened up? Was it opened
a little bit in the plastic bag in the drawer
and it got put away like that? Uh, not very
(12:36):
possible with all that O C D going on in
the kitchen. I don't know what happened. Did I have
fat fingers like you? And I accidentally squeezed it and
squished it as I was walking? So I get I
opened up the classroom, sit down, and I do a
better scan now that I'm there, and I'm a little
I'm trying to relax on the left side of my shirt.
(12:57):
Ben It's like war stripe all down the side of
my shirt. Now I see how it got to the
shorts and to the Nike. My left Nike has sauce
all over it. I got it all over me. I
get a good morning text from my girl and it says,
good morning. What the hell happened? I'm cleaning up a
(13:21):
trail of sauce down the stairs. Oh man? So yeah,
Chick fil A got me back, and they got me good.
They are in tight with the one only uh and
his son above. Yeah. So a couple of questions. First
of all, did you did did it taste like the
(13:42):
taste with the sauce was did you actually taste did
it taste all right? Or or was it just just dreadful?
I mean I threw the packet away as you did,
you didn't even get to enjoy. And then and then
did you figure out when you did in your head?
Like what happened later on? Did you determine when the
mistake was made? Like when did now? Remember I took
(14:03):
two packets, so there was one that survived, but it
happened to be that buffalo uh, And you can't put
that on an egg white breakfast sandwich. That would be
that would be a tough eat. Yeah, buffalo wing sauce
on a breakfast. So I had to go, you know,
sauceless for the for the breakfast sandwich. And then I
(14:25):
thought about it. Yeah, I retraced my steps before the
first kid arrives at the school. I read my book
and I placed the two sauces on top of my book,
the egg white sandwich on top of my book, and
I carried it down the stairs like it was a tray.
So in my mind, I'm thinking, there's no way I
(14:47):
pressed down on the packet and exploded it. I still
have no idea how this thing opened up. The amount
of sauce that came out of this band, you would think,
you would think I spilled five packets on myself. It
was like the clown car of of condiment package right,
just kept coming out and out and out. And I
(15:07):
was like in like some kind of magic trick or
something like that. Oh, it was like my friend Rusty
Pena when I was a little kid. Him and his
family and his uncle and his aunt and his little
cousins and his nephew, and his mom and dad and
sisters and brothers. They would all hop out of the
same station wagon and I was like, Rusty, how did
(15:28):
you guys all fit in there? And He's like, oh,
we just all squished in there. I was like, damn, man,
you have like four generations in one car. Yeah, that
you've You've got to be able to move like a gymnast,
right you. A contortionist is what you have to be
able to getting cars like that. I who were working
in San Diego, I would see that from time to
time people driving around and I didn't. I haven't seen
(15:49):
it much around here, but I'm sure it happens. But oh,
and remember the far back seat faced out? Yes, yes,
so my stepdad would tell us, if you it in
the very back, you're on highway patrol. Watch. No. That
was cool. I remember as a kid, I had relatives
that had the station wagons with the seat facing out
(16:11):
in the back, and I was thought, I was like
the coolest thing in the world to sit back there.
I was like, that's awesome, man, I love that. I
didn't get to do it very often. I did it
a couple of times, but I was like, man, I
was like a boss, like sitting out there. They don't
do that anymore, we do You think you could sell
that if you made cars like those old school cars,
but they were more fuel efficient. Do you think people
(16:31):
were buying the minivan replaced the station wagon the minivans
of the new station wagon, and the wagons were some
ugly fucking cars. Man, Oh they were bad. I watched
the documentary. I think I mentioned it on this podcast
before you were part of the podcast, Danny, And there's
these dudes that collect station wagons, like old school nineteen seventies,
(16:54):
nineteen sixties style station wagons, and they're they've become collectible
now crazy. Yeah, they collect the ones with the fake
wood paneling. Yes, yes, yes they do. I'm telling you.
I think I saw it on YouTube. Maybe it was
on Netflix, but it was a few years ago. Just
google it. There's a documentary about station wagons, and it
(17:18):
was pretty interesting. It wasn't the greatest documentary I've ever seen,
but it was pretty pretty cool, probably because of nostalgia,
right because I'm, you know, around the same age, Danny,
and we both remember the station wagon and all that
from back back in the day. Alright, So moving on
from that, turning the page, I've got a fleabag update.
(17:39):
Now Bella. I don't talk about Bella Bella very much
my dog. Yeah, Bella is the bark boss of the
Mallard Mansion. She is the ship too of the house.
And this week Bella was very upset with Now why
was Bella upset? You asked, Is it true that Bella
(18:03):
was annoyed because of an uninvited house guest? Yes, my
wife decided that we needed to help the handyman. There's
a guy that was a contractor who's been doing some
work from time to time sporadically as we're still getting
stuff done here at the Mallard Mansion. And so this
guy is a good, good dude, and he works hard
(18:25):
and all that stuff, and he's been helping us with
some projects at the house. And so his car broke
down and he was staying at somebody's house and he
couldn't keep he has dog with him, and so he
needed us to watch his dog. And of course, my
my wife's like, okay, let's do it. And so we
welcomed the dog Katana Uh to the to the homestead here. Now,
(18:48):
she spent several nights at the Bread and Breakfast, the
Bed and Breakfast this week, the Betty Bed and Breakfast.
It's it's a puppy. It's a French bulldog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
I've never really dealt with French bulldogs. I've always been
more of an English bulldog fan. But I gotta tell you,
the French bulldogs growing on me a little bit. And
(19:09):
but Bella was very annoyed that this dog was. It
was hanging around, and Bella likes her space. She's a
one dog kind of woman, and she was very bitchy
with the other dog who just wanted to play. Because
the dogs and the other dogs a puppy, the French
bulldogs and puppy, and so the dog just want to play.
And the fleabag rumble was on. It was on like
(19:31):
Donkey Kong. Now I'm doing the show from here about
half the time from the Mallard mansion. The other half
of them in the studio giver take and I can't
have dogs barking, you know, behind me. I can't. I
can't do that. So unfortunately, the French bulldog had to
to go outside, uh get to get away for a
(19:53):
little bit. But it was it was pretty cool. This
dog full of energy and you know, as a puppy
plays fetch. This is like the greatest dog I've ever
been around to play fetch. Every other dog I've had,
they never actually returned the ball. Like Bella is so lazy.
She's an old dog. She'll play fetch, she'll go get
(20:15):
whatever you throw. She'll walk back and then it's the
most frustrating thing, Danny. I don't know if you've ever
had this with a dog or anything, but Bella will
walk back with the two toy and then she'll drop
it just far enough away you can't reach it. Yeah, yeah,
like she's she's figured out, Okay, you're sitting down, so
(20:37):
if I dropped this like three and a half feet away,
you won't be able to reach it. And she does
it every time. But this other dog was was great
and uh very what's the word bashful? These French bulldogs,
if you yell at them, they mope around. They get
really depressed, very sensitive. Yes, yes it was. It was interesting.
(20:58):
I love the personalities of these different dogs and but
but anyway, it was cool. And these French bulldogs are
full of muscle, and it's not like the dog works
out but just ripped, absolutely ripped naturally from the genetics,
the doggy genetics. So that was that was an interesting.
A couple of days there with a extra dog. How
(21:21):
did Bella celebrate once she got the mansion back to herself. Yeah,
I think she pooped in the house and urinated in
the house, saying, ha, this is my territory, you losers,
clean up my ship right now, is what she said.
We did. Anyway, Uh, the the commercial overload, Danny, Now,
(21:45):
we have a recording session every week. We talked about
this a little bit inside radio, and every week, once
a week, usually it's only once a week. I will
have to record a bunch of commercials, a bunch of
spots we call them, and you hear them on Fox
Sports Radio, on my show and every once in a
while on some other shows. Now, this past week we
(22:08):
set a new record, a brand new record. Typically I
will record anywhere from two to five commercials, usually like
three to five commercials a week. But this was commercial
overload I recorded. You might take case how many spots? Danny?
(22:30):
I think I have a good idea because I had
to go through a few of these with Covino and Rich.
Did you have breeders cup? There was a Breeder's cup,
There was that a Discover card, there was a discover Yeah,
you have about eighteen tire rack. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I think it was. I think it was I forgot
the action. I think it was around I think oh
(22:51):
my goodness. Yeah yeah. On Wednesday night this past week,
I didn't get home until nine pm, and it was
because I sat in there putting together ten different commercials.
And then as I was leaving, I was all proud
of myself. An email came to my company inbox and
it was nine more commercials that were due by Friday. Yeah, so,
(23:15):
I mean, I don't I don't mind. I like doing
the commercials, but the problem is it's it's such a
fine line. They give you usually a lot of copy
and they only give you a little time. It's like
trying to to put twenty five pounds of you know
what in a ten pound bag. But these were actually
not that bad. I feel like they've done a better job.
(23:36):
Maybe I'm I'm wrong on this, but they weren't. They
weren't is loaded these commercials, so there was a little
more wiggle room to read them because you've got to
nail the spot. You have sixty seconds. You don't you
can't do fifty eight, you can't do sixty one. It's
got to be exact, and there's usually too much copy there,
so you have to speed read and that's a pain
(23:58):
in the behind. And as why I love the podcast
commercials because there's no time on it. You can go
as long as you want. Who cares the podcast commercial?
So I go along and all that. Now, Covino and
Enrich do they trade off doing the commercials or they
both do the commercials? How's that work? They trade off?
Covino goes first and then Rich finishes the spot. Oh
(24:18):
so they share the spout case so they are both
fun Like I thought one of them would do one
spot and the other would do the other. Thought about
doing that, but the beginning of the script said this
is Covino Enrich and so they're like, oh, we better
both jump on it. Okay, but but this and this
is a great thing at Fox Sports Radio is doing
very well. It's a testimonial to the listeners right that
(24:40):
the advertisers are there. And yeah, thank god, otherwise we
wouldn't have roofs over our heads exactly. We wouldn't be
able to afford to go to Chick fil A and
get sauce packets and spill them all over ourselves and
all that stuff. So it's always cool when things are
going well, and especially in this economy where I'm thinking, Danny,
we're gonna be paying ten dollars a gallon eventually here
(25:02):
in California, for I think the hell is going on
with that. We got down to what six bucks, and
we all started dancing in the streets, and then it
slowly crept back up to seven over a couple of
weeks period. And then now we are looking at some
gas stations that are over seven dollars right now. Well
that's the thing. When it goes up to ten dollars,
(25:23):
will be like, oh, it's down to seven. We've made it.
We've made a great deal. This is wonderful. So they're
they're training us, they're indoctrinating us, the oil companies and
the evil politicians in California. Last Friday, I went to
a high school football game out here, and speaking of
Chick fil A, they were selling Chick fil A chicken
sandwich is at snack bar. That's yeah, that's cool, right,
(25:46):
I'm like, I haven't eaten yet. I had a rush
here to the game after work, so I got one.
It was seven dollars now, normally at a snack bar,
seven dollars for a sandwich, you'd be like, man, But
I I thought to myself, that's not bad. That's like
getting a gallon of gas. Dude. Oh my god. I
(26:09):
got gas this week and I I think it was
like eighty five dollars and it wasn't even an empty tank.
And I'm like, you know, what are we doing here?
You know what? It's just really you know necessary, I
go over to Arizona and save money on gas, or
got friends who live in Florida or Texas, and that's
it's it's amazing. Once you cross the state line, gas
(26:30):
goes down by three dollars a gallon. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah.
And the politicians. I heard an interview this past week.
They were talking about how left up the California politics are.
And they have a special blend of gas that they
are convinced makes the the air clean. They're convinced that's
(26:50):
the reason the air is cleaner in California. But there's
other people that say, no, it's really the pollution was
mainly from the planes and things like that, and they
and so there's this debate about whether it's on any
difference at all. But California is the only state. The
politicians here so fucked up. It's the only state that
as is blended of gas. So all the other states
use different blends of gas, and they can trade gas
(27:12):
between states and so, but California's like, bend you over here.
It's all right, moving on, We got the backscratch a
real quick. We got shut out lest last week. These
are people that take the time out on the Apple
podcast page with the fifth hour to give us a
review real quick, Danny, do you think we got shut
out this week? How many reviews did we get? I'm
gonna say we got one review that is correct. We
(27:34):
got a one hitter. Our guy Adrian in the Mile
High City. This guy is a super duper fan of
this program and the the Overnight Show. Hard working guy,
great family man, and he gave us five stars. He said,
scratch my back. Benn and Danny G make me laugh
every podcast. The Saturday Life and Times of Mallard and
(27:57):
Danny G is my favorite episode of the weekend. About that, uh,
he says, I'm loving Benny versus the Penny and podcast
format on Friday's I'm always listening in the meter reader
car at work. Well, God bless you, Adrian. We thank
you for that, and we'll get out on that note,
we get the mail bag. Maybe Adrian will be in
(28:19):
the mail bag tomorrow as well. You never know anything
to promote here, Danny g at all. Anything you have
coming up here or you're are you clear and free,
or you've got something going on. I'm still gonna keep
my Saturday shift. Um, so I'm gonna go in and
help out Jonas Knox for his two hours show eleven
am to one pm here on the West Coast. So
(28:39):
then after that Steve Hartman and e from salom Prime
College Football, real Estate. Right there, have a great rest
of your Saturday. If you're listening to us on Saturday,
people download the podcast whenever they wants, so maybe it's Sunday,
maybe it's Monday, who the hell knows. Yeah, what's up,
future listener. That's right, and we will talk to you
next time. Enjoy your day and we'll catch you on
(29:02):
the mail Bag on the Sunday Pod later. Skater gotta murder,
Gotta go
Host
Ben Maller
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.