Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of Hot
takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
(00:23):
Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere and
welcome in another edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben
Mallard and Danny g Radio. It is a Saturday, our
(00:44):
first Saturday podcast in the month of September. And people
say that this is the end of summer's Labor Day weekend,
this weekend, Danny, the end of summer. But in California
it's fire season. Yeah, insane. Every year, right around this time,
end of August early September, it gets scorching hot and
(01:08):
then all the trees in the area are plumb for
the picking. Unfortunately, it happens year after year after year,
and nothing seems to change. Danny, It's the same event,
same time almost every year. It's crazy. Then we're recording
this early in the morning. Of course, I thought I
(01:29):
had to refresh my phone because it said eighty three degrees.
You know, this early in the morning, and it is
eighty three degrees outside my front door. No, it's insane.
It's it's insanity, is what it is. And uh, we're
gonna be a hundred and five today. Yeah, but but
here we are again. There's a bottom. I'm ready to
(01:49):
bring the gas. Let's go, Let's keep it in the Yes,
keep the A C going and so on. This addition
to the fifth hour, we have battle plan Magic Mountain
without the rides, musical chairs, backscratcher, and whatever else we
(02:10):
have time to get to. I have some other things,
but I don't want to tease them in case we
don't have time to get to them. But if we
have some extra time at the end, we will make
sure to get to them. If not, we'll do them
another time. So, as many have asked here, Danny G
what the hell is going on with Benny versus the penny?
A staple of my broadcasting career over the years at
(02:33):
Fox Sports Trade. It's one of the more popular things
that I've been a part of, and not because of me,
more because of the penny. And every week I have
gotten a few emails from people saying what's going on?
What's happening, and people getting worked up into a sweat
trying to speak in the heat, trying to figure out
what's going on? And when where is the Benny versus
(02:56):
the Penny in the Kingdom of Mallard? Is it going
to be on YouTube? And is it gonna be on Twitch?
It's gonna be here there? Is it gonna be anywhere?
Do you know? And I have been very vague. Admittedly
I've been very vague about this. There are reasons for
that that I still cannot get into. And the Penny
has a bunch of lawyers representing it. And not to
(03:18):
make listeners jealous, but I've met the Penny before. Yeah,
you have been in the presence of the Penny. So
last year we did it on YouTube, and as you know,
I did this podcast with David Gascon but he left,
he left California. He's in Florida now and he's got
a good job, he's doing well, and he likes living
in in Florida much better than California, and so good
(03:41):
for him and paying less taxes and cheaper gas and
living his his best life. And so while we could
still do it logistically it's not gonna be as easy
because the time zones and work commitments and things like that.
The other variable, and it's a big variable, is that
there are um rather large things that are in the
(04:03):
work still that may or may not actually happen in
the middle of the football season. And so I'm in
an awkward situation with Benny versus the Penny because normally
I believe in the code of the West day, when
you start somewhere, you gotta finish somewhere. But there's a
(04:24):
very good possibility that Benny versus the Penny will begin
in one place this year and end up somewhere else.
So that means that the wiser listeners are gonna be
able to get the content every week. Those that don't
pay attention will say, what the heck, why did you
do that? I don't understand, you know, and all that nonsense.
(04:45):
If your foot's around you don't pay attention, you're not
gonna get it. But we here's the plan. Okay, So
I've thought this out and we've had meetings about this
and all that. So, uh, my lips are sealed on
what might happen. Please keep your fingers crossed, keep good
thoughts going whatever you do there that this will happen.
(05:07):
But until then, the battle plan for this year is
Benny versus the penny will reside right here on the
fifth hour with Ben Mallard and Danny g So that
deserves some applause as well. Can't wait to see that
extra money on my paycheck while you're from the bets, Fanny,
(05:29):
from all the bets that we win, that that you
will be the penny at the beginning of the year.
Here Danny, get an extra penny. Congratulations on that. And
so the way this is gonna work on Friday, We've
normally brought somebody in, somebody that I know or someone
that is relatively famous in the sports world of the
radio world, and that we've rubbed shoulders and somebody that
(05:53):
I've emailed ten times and they've broken promises. Yeah, Brian Billy,
Brian bill Brian Billick. It's a huge pain in the behind.
Just this week actually, I had been emailing a very prominent,
well known former college football coach and I got got no, no,
(06:20):
final final response on that. So, by the way, I've
still been emailing George Nori. It was easier at a
book Musburger for me than it is Nori right now?
Is that right? George is not he's a legend. He
is a legend. Well, hopefully we'll get him on. But
now it's just gonna be all about the penny. Yeah,
it's gonna be big shots. Yeah. Yeah, So he's part
(06:42):
of the deal, the contract. There's a lot of money
involved on Benny Versus the Penny, clearly, and so the
plan is as of right now subject to change, but
the plan is every Friday morning you will get a
pipe and hot edition of The Fifth Hour, which will
be Benny versus the Penny. Let's go. And I have
always allowed allowed people to interact with many versus depending
(07:07):
now we're trying to figure out logistically how we can
do that Danny and allow fans to interact. And so
there is a chance, depending on your schedule and my schedule,
we might be able to do something on Twitch or
some other platform doing it live, although logistically that's also
(07:29):
a pain in the behind. And also we have to
check with certain people to make sure we're not violating
certain rules and whatnot. There's a lot of bureaucracy involved
in things like that to see if it's even feasible.
So that needs to get the green light. At this time,
we do not have the green light for that. So
since you guys want to be part of the show,
(07:53):
I was thinking, Danny, what we could do is have
some email on games that week, so witty comments, some questions,
and we can mix that in because I do like
to have the fans be part of this. And so
I know Alf the alien o Pineer is really he's
gonna be really upset if he's not part of the show.
(08:13):
And and and some of the other people who are
are big fans of the show. So the penny is
such a celebrity, the penny would have its own mail bag. Yeah, yeah,
well Benny versus the Penny. Sure, it's like a mini
mail bag. Yeah, the penny bag just yeah, the bag
of pennies, nickel bag. Yeah, pennies to Heaven. We can
(08:34):
call it Pennies to Heaven or whatever. And so I
promise we'll find a way for you to be part
of the show. But if you want in on that,
just send me a message sometime during the week. You
can send it to Real Fifth Hour at gmail dot
com or Ben Maller's show at gmail dot com and
put Benny versus the penny in there. We'll make sure
(08:55):
we a lot a certain amount of time. There's a
lot of games to get to, which means we got
to go quick. We'll go. I try to keep the
thing moving. Even though we're on a podcast. We don't
have three hours to do for benny versus the penny,
and so we'll keep it lean and mean give opinions
on every game, Daniel, flip the penny and we'll have
(09:15):
a good time. And it's marginal football handicapping, and so
that's the way we're gonna do it. Danny. I'm excited
about it. It starts this coming Friday. We've got a
good card. Will still pick the Thursday night game on
terrestrial radio, the Ram Bills game. I'll do that on
the radio regularly, but we'll dedicate it to the podcast
(09:36):
and we'll flip the penny and we'll have a great
time and we'll see how it goes. So hopefully I'll
do well this year. I usually get off to a
pretty good start most years, and then let's injuries start
piling up. I start sucking. But hopefully no no bad
times here. And I am such a radio loser. I
have good memories of the Penny. Don't forget that. Back
(09:56):
in the day when I was your technical producer, I
used to play the Penny sound effect, and you can
do it live on the air. We did, we didn't
do it live. I would do our two of the
Friday Show. I would do dedicate the Benny Versus the thing.
You were such an Andy Reid at clock Management that
(10:16):
you would have five games to fit in in the
last two minutes. Yes, rapid Fire, that was the beauty.
And those were always the best games. Those were always
the prime time games. Those were always we you know,
we would cobble together Benny versus Benny and we'd spend
like twenty minutes on Jacksonville playing the Jets, and then
(10:36):
it would be like the Patriots and the Cowboys, some
high profile matchup, or the Steelers and the Raiders, and
we're like, oh, by the way, I got the penny picks,
you know, so stupid, so dumb. Uh man oh man.
But it is gonna be like a roller coaster, but
not like any of those roller coasters at Magic Mountain.
Maybe Magic Mountain without the rides, Dandy something like that, right,
(10:59):
I see what you did there with the transition. Yeah, yeah, Well,
very smooth this past Wednesday on campus. Not only was
it a hundred degrees, but some new stanchions arrived. That's exciting. Yeah,
for the dean, it's exciting because he loves painting red
(11:19):
lines on the campus for where students can't stand and
where they can stand. And he also loves stanchions with
those pulley things, the lines that they help you make
a line. Obviously, he got some new ones. And this
is where I wish I covered my tattoos even better
than I already do, because he came up to me
(11:40):
and he's like, hey, Danny, I can tell that you're
an enforcer. And I'm like, man, this guy is gonna
treat me like a bouncer at a nightclub right now.
I can already feel it. Yeah, he said, I'm having
problems during nutrition time now to see you know what
that lingo is. That's basically snack time between second in
third period, so they give the kids twelve minutes, an
(12:03):
extra twelve minutes in between class to go line up
at the cafeteria and go through for a yogurt and
a muffin or whatever the snack is of the day.
They've been having issues Ben because much like Magic Mountain.
And I don't know if you saw the headline from
their new CEO. It was just a couple of weeks ago.
(12:24):
Six Flags. This is from the l A Times. Six
Flags gets treated like a daycare center for teenagers. It's
CEO is not happy a lot of people in southern California.
I don't know about the other six Flags properties, but
at least in Valencia, California, you're gonna see a whole
bunch of teenagers and kids, preteens cutting the line. They
(12:49):
pretend like they spotted their friends way up ahead. You'll
see them go underneath stanchions. You're just constantly getting cut
in the line you're standing in. This is what's been
going on at nutrition there on the middle school campus.
So the dean's idea was, let me extend the stanchions
and let me get a bouncer. He tells me, all right,
(13:14):
so Danny, after second period, would you mind coming out
to help me get this line cutting under control. I
kind of just want your input because he also gave
me a stack of these yellow slips where if I
catch kids cutting, I'm supposed to write them up for
trash pickup. Oh man, So he he wants you to
(13:35):
be the bad guy you got the bed. Yeah, it's
kind of like giving a kid a detention. And as
you know, whether you're a full time teacher, substitute teacher,
running the before or after school program, whatever the case
might be, or whatever your role is on campus, you
don't want to be one of the bad guys. You
don't want to be looked at as one of the narcs.
(13:55):
So they expect you to crack the whip and all that.
So here's my advice. I would give a ton of
warnings and be like, you know, because we all love
the police officer that pulls us over and says, you know,
how fast you're going and then says slow down, have
a good day, right, you know, he checks your driver's
license and registration, but let you go on your way.
(14:16):
You love that, So I would try to too. And
you really have to thread a needles what you have
to do because you have a boss. You have to
make your boss happy, but at the same time, you
don't want the kids to all hate you, so you
have to I would I would give us many more.
I would give like two or three warnings, and then
you're gonna have to make an example out of some punk.
(14:38):
You're gonna have to make an example out of one
of the kids, which is gonna suck. And then when
you do it, you have to make a big deal
so everyone kind of knows, Hey, this is what happened.
You know, let me throw a curveball at you. Then.
So that's what I did the rest of the week.
But then the dean called me and a couple of
other employees into his office and he said, I haven't
got one yellow slip on my desk this week. Enough
(15:01):
with the verbal warnings, he said, I've noticed you guys
all doing verbal warnings, and that's fine, but the kids
know by now we are into week four of our
school year. They have had enough verbal warnings. I don't
want to act like I'm running the highway patrol here,
but there is kind of a quota, he said, because
if you're just doing verbal warnings, the kids are gonna
(15:24):
not start taking you serious because there's no repercussions. So
he complained at the end of the week band that
no yellow slips were turned in. All right, So so yeah,
I mean, you're gonna have to do a few who
are the worst transgressors like you there's certain sixth graders
the sixth year, alright, so just starting to laying it
(15:45):
on the sixth graders, then there you go, just leave
the upper classmen alone. But isn't there in any kind
of humor interact human interaction, there's like a basic template, right,
they talk about riots and things like that, how things start.
There's a you people that are the leaders, and then
there's the copycats the kind of parrot their activity. Right,
(16:06):
So you the hard part is to find out who
is at the very front of that, who are the
leaders and who are the fogs. Because if you can,
if you can figure out who the first people to
do it are and then make an example out of them,
that'll cut down on the copycat crime. And then you
don't have to worry about they won't because a lot
of the kids probably just copying off a saw. They're
(16:28):
smart because they learned how to do this last year.
They would cut the line in the middle where there
was no cones or no stanchion, and now that it's extended,
kids are just cutting the very back of the line
where the stanchion ends. Didn't this happen at Disneyland a
while ago, and there was a huge fight because somebody
cut online and the other family wouldn't let them cut
(16:50):
online and they want to. There was like a massive
fight between two families at Disneyland within the like the
last year. I don't remember exactly when, but they were
all crammed online and it turned into this beautiful Donnie
brook where it was it was on and uh, his
(17:11):
video went viral on social media, which take a lot
for it to go viral on social media. But that
was googling what you brought up, because I don't remember that,
but yeah, it says mass brawl breaks out at disney
after guests accused of cutting line July. Oh that was
just in in July of this year. So yeah, I
(17:34):
remember reading about that and how wild it was, and
it was like, you don't expect a tremendous fight to
take place at Disneyland. At least I don't. Maybe some
people do, but I'm like, oh, you go there, and
you spend eight thousand dollars to get in, you figure
at least I won't have to worry about that nonsense
when I get in the park. Man. Either these are
(17:55):
the best damn muffins you've ever tasted in your life
or these kids are a starving So I have an
alternative theory on the on the muffin day. Okay, And
I know from people in my inner circle, shall we say, Danny,
that I think the issue here is the kids want
to have more time socializing. They don't want to be online, correct,
(18:17):
So they figure if they can they can cut the
vortex of manity there and get the muffin then play
grab bass with their other their buddies, Ding ding ding
Wa what do I win? Ticket? So you're right, because
right outside the cafeteria are a bunch of benches. They
(18:39):
grab their snack and they run to the bench so
that they can hug on each other and slap each
other's at off and call each other dick head and
all the stuff, all the fun they have. But there
right they want to be doing that as they stuff
their face with the nutrition of the day. Yeah, okay,
so there's there's the issue. Is there any way to
(18:59):
hand and out the muffins faster? Can they speed up
the muffin process? Is there away they can make the
muffins more efficient? Henry Ford created the modern day conveyor belt,
right to make cars and whatnot? Can they can? Can
they make a conveyor belt for the muffin. Can you
talk to the principle, say the reason the kids are
cutting in line. It's taking way too long for them
(19:22):
to get their muffin, So you've gotta give out the
muffins quicker. There's gotta be a way to do it.
I know. And there was a meeting of the minds
Friday morning, the dean, the principle, the vice principal, and
the lady who runs the cafeteria. They were all huddled
right afterwards because when the last bell rang, there were
still kids in line, and they were like, we gotta
(19:43):
get a handle on this. We have to make it
more efficient. I even heard that word come out of
their huddle. Yeah, no, no, it's hey, you gotta be
lean and mean, and there's gotta be a way to
get the muffin to the kid. In the meantime, I'm
gonna be the fall guy. You'll be the bad guy,
you'll be the asshole. You'll be I don't know for sure,
(20:05):
but it seems like you kids like you. You're like
you're the likable guy, and you're like the cool guy.
Now you're gonna come to the schmuck, which is not good.
I don't think that's your strong point, right, Danny. I
mean you you have a very imposing presence, but you're
a nice person, you know. Yeah, once they get to
know me, they're like, well, I thought you were scary
at first, but you're cool, and so you're right. It's like,
(20:26):
I don't want to be going from Kobe too, I
don't know Patrick Beverley, because that's what it would turn in.
That's what it would turn into, rights the glue guy,
pest the end. I don't want to go from a
Magic Johnson smile to elbowing them like Pat BEV. That's
kind of what it would be like, riding them up
with those yellow slips. So I'll keep you updated as
(20:48):
the school year goes, and I'll let you know if
I indeed right my first yellow detention slip. All right, Yeah,
keep us posted on that turning the pature. This is
the Life of Mallard and Danny g podcasts are Saturday
podcast and last weekend was a mad dash because because
(21:09):
of the meet and greet we had on Friday, we
did the postgame show yesterday a week later, but we
looked back at some of the highlights of the meet
and greet. I had to squeeze in all of my
weekend activities on Saturday. Normally we have Friday night. I'm I.
We do the show. Friday, we get off at three
in the morning West Coast time. I do. Eddie has
to work a little longer in those guys. But then
(21:31):
I'm off the rest of the day, and then Saturday
we're off and we come back on Sunday, Sunday night
a Monday, and so I have to squeeze all my
adult ng and all my leisure time into that like
a day and a half. And that's my meat time
on my family time with my wife and what not.
So I had to get everything in one day and
(21:52):
a lot to do. My wife is planning this massive, massive,
like speak easy style Part D, which will be going
on actually later today at the Mallard Mansion, and so
I don't know how many people are gonna be a
fifty or sixty people. It's gonna be like a big party.
It's going to be a circus standing under the big top.
(22:15):
And I just imagine the Benny Hill music playing in
the background, right, and and and and all that, but
that's really what you'd be playing when we should have
been playing. When I was running around on Saturday, I
had to pick up a pot pourri of random things
with my wife as well. Now I I went out,
I had to get some tarps at one store. I
had to get cushions at another. We were all looking
(22:36):
for chairs because we don't have enough chairs. If you're
gonna have people over Danny at a party, you gotta
have enough chairs and and so we didn't have enough.
So we've been running around. We ended up playing musical chairs.
My wife was scanning all the apps. She found a
bunch of chairs on offer up for for really cheap,
like folding chairs and stuff. So she was running around,
(22:58):
scrambling and you know, keeping me. She was keeping me
abreast of the folding chairs. We ended up getting sixteen
folding chairs. And then we have some other chairs that
we already had. So I think we'll be will be
enough in the chair will will be big enough in
the chair world. Where as long as like like five
or six people stand up, everyone else should be able
to be sitting down. You said, the chairworld, the chairworld. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(23:24):
call me the chairman of the board. I don't know.
And I love when ladies keep us abreast. Yeah, exactly. Well,
we we're big fans. Uh. And there was a condo
line of boxes. I don't know if your Tinderoni does this, Danny,
but my wife, you know, she works a lot, she
drives a lot, so pretty much all of her shopping
is done online. And she's a tremendous socialite, party planner,
(23:50):
coordinating everything, and so she has been buying stuff. She
bought so much stuff on Amazon. How much stuff did
she buy? She bought so much stuff on Amazon that
the delivery guy left this large crate that I'd never
seen before that I don't even think he was supposed
to leave. He put together a shelf on your pretty much.
(24:15):
It was like an oversized container made out of that
full leather stuff, not full leather packing. It's kind of
like a tart material, but it's like from an Amazon.
It looked like it came right out of the like
a plane, and then it went to the to the
delivery chuck. It was a large crate, but it had
(24:37):
this mesh material around it. It's hard to describe it.
So this guy just dropped it off of the door.
There was so much stuff that and um, I don't
even know what this is it's like a random hodgepodge
of things, and you know, she's put all this stuff together,
She's planned all these games to play. Now the good
news is the thing I'm happiest about, Danny. I approve
(24:58):
of you guys have become an Amazon drop off location.
There is that the thing that I had one request.
So my wife's planning all these games because we're gonna
have all these people over and it's gonna be a
big deal, and friends and family and some people we
haven't seen a long time. Some of my old neighbors
from the old Mallard Mallard Mansion are gonna be coming
(25:18):
in and they're gonna make the trek down to the
new Mallard Mansion. And so the one game I asked for, though, Danny,
we got. And I'm happy to report to all of
the many affiliates that listen to the Fifth Hour podcast,
we will have cornhole at the Mallard Mansion. We are
going to have cornhole. Yeah, it is on, Maan, it
(25:44):
is on. So all I'm not into a lot of
the other games. I'm a simple guy, Danny. All I
need is a little corn hole, and then I love
the game that we talked about last weekend left right center.
Oh yeah, that sounded cool. Gambling game and that's gonna
be part of our our fun and so that's that's
(26:06):
the d l e O. Here for the party. We'll
see how it goes later today on this Saturday, and
I'm sure we'll have a complete detailed recap on our
Saturday podcast next week. So we will have that and
come on big money. My wife's planning. She told me,
she's all, yeah, we're gonna have we're gonna have a
Halloween party. We're gonna have a Thanksgiving get together for family.
(26:28):
We're gonna do, you know, Christmas, the sweater party. She's like,
maybe we'll change the name of the sweater party to
something else. She's got all these wild ideas, but normally
what happens Danny after the parties. After the first party,
it's so much work, she's like, oh, maybe we should
hold off on the other. It's like. But then a
week later she's like, Okay, we'll do it. We'll do
(26:49):
another one. So yeah, once she's recovered from the clean
up situation, yeah, exactly, all right, we have a little
time left. We've got the back scratcher, you scratch our
back we ratchers. It's our weekly tip of the on
air light and the microphone to the loyal minions in
the Mallard militia. Danny, and these are actual reviews by
(27:13):
actual listeners on the Fifth Hour Apple podcast page. And
we still have so many listeners. I know how many
downloads roughly we get every show. We have a very
small fraction, very small fraction of people that have been
posting reviews on the Apple podcast page. So I know
it's a pain in the behind and all that, but
(27:35):
if you're a fan of the show, please help us out.
And management does check out the podcast page. So uh
and and in the description Danny started this, you started
this a couple of weeks ago. It's been great. We've
had at least one review every week. We've had multiple
reviews most week, most weeks. This week, Danny, I went
(27:57):
to the Apple podcast page Fifth Hour, and we have one.
But just one a week, we're good. That's fifty two
a year. If somebody does every week, we're happy that
we'd like more, but one a week keeps the way
the unemployment line exactly. So this one comes from David
(28:17):
in Louisville. He says, uh, listen every night for years,
took a new position. Have not. I've been able to
listen for about four years. David has not listened. He
said he just found the podcast going through all the episodes.
Five stars. He says, good job, Ben and Danny g
(28:43):
So that is from David in Louisville. Thank you, David,
God bless you. Welcome back the Home of the Louisville Slugger. Yeah,
I'm I'm glad you found the show. Sorry that you
missed the last four years of content. You missed a
lot of astro monologues, a lot of me bitching about
the Clippers and ripping the Lakers. Game shows, end game shows,
(29:07):
cheesy game shows. You've missed much of that activity as well.
But you've been thinking out over the game shows. Well,
it's not really freaking out. It's it's being on the
right side of history, wrong, Eddie, on the wrong side
of history. I don't need to get into that right now.
But we burn the midnight oil every night. I've been
burning midnight Old. Apparently there's no end to the midnight oil. Danny,
(29:27):
just get this more and more and more and more
and more. The furnace baby, Alright, So we will exit
stage right right now. We'll turn off the on air
light and all that. But it is Saturday, Danny. Anything
you would like to let the minions know, the p
ones and the Mallard militia. We'll be working slaving away
(29:48):
behind a hot microphone today inside the Fox Sports Radio studios.
I'm actually gonna do a couple of extra hours because
I'm going in at eleven am to work with jonah Us.
We don't need to bring Jonas in, Go hard on
a guy, and then after that the usual programming. I'm
on with Steve Hartman and Jeff Schortz and then Brian
(30:10):
no with from Salon. Alright, so check that out. And
they don't want, of course, play to an empty house.
You want everyone who listens to this podcast to listen
all day to Fox Sports Radio while you're doing your stuff,
whatever you might be doing, just have it on and
enjoy enjoy the programming. So we'll talk to luck to
you behind the griddle by the way, thank you. Yeah, well,
(30:32):
I'll let you know the food situation. Hopefully they'll be
very little griddling. It's so hot, but we'll find out
about that and we'll talk to you next time. Got
a big mail bag ready for tomorrow, and I haven't
even gone through all the questions. So we'll see what
we have in store for you and us, and we'll
get to that then and we'll talk to you next time.
(30:53):
I have a great day today. Aloha Austa pasta gott
a murder, Gotta go,