Jenkins and Jonez - Solomon Missouri Is Your Favorite Pastor

The guys are joined by pastor Solomon Missouri to discuss his famous Twitter thread, what makes him unique as a pastor, and answer fan questions. Check out more of his work at solomonmissouri.com. #Volume #Herd

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
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hundred gambler or visit FanDuel dot com slash RG. All right,
we're excited to welcome on for this episode of Jenkis
and Jones and Friends a guy I think everyone feels

(01:06):
like they're friends with on Twitter, Solomon Missouri the pastor himself. Solomon.
Thanks for hopping on, man. We really appreciate you. Thank
you all for having me. So we we have to
open up you already know. We have to open up
with the legendary Twitter thread, which I would actually put
Like if there was like a museum for like the
greatest works of art in human history, you'd have like

(01:27):
Michelangelo's David, some painting by Da Vinci, and that thread
would have to be in there. Bro, Just please for
those who do I mean, I know everyone's seeing our
dramatic reading of it. I know everyone's seeing the Twitter thread,
but can you just put us in? Was there, like
was the light shining on you from above? What was
that moment like when you were firing that thing off,

(01:47):
bro Man, No, I was in pizza hood. Yeah, I
was like eating a personal pan pizzas and like I said,
it was like yell, curry about to get in the
Like then, you've been married for like fifty years. You
don't need to get divorced. That's like the last thing
you need to like, if you're gonna do anything, don't

(02:08):
get divorced. Man, this ain't for you. And so I'm
like like random slices of like personal pad pieces and
drinking like hempsy and stuff or whatever, and I'm like,
this man is having the worst moment in life, Like
in public. And the killer part about it was it
was like a gospel Christian station that I saw the
like the break up from or whatever. And I was like, man,

(02:29):
I just need to like be in prayer for dude
because dude, but are about to go through it. And
so I was like, man, I don't know if you're
gonna see that. So if you ain't gonna see this
or whatever, but if you do see this, man, I
just need to like, man, warn you now, like this
ain't for you. You're not You're not that guy they
don't carry Like I can understand that. Maybe this is

(02:51):
like you know somebody you know like Mookie Waylock or
uh you know, like I don't know Muggsy Bowl or
a lot of the morning Like oh yeah, you know
I was on that that Charlotte team and you know,
like I fit to leave. Now everybody know me. Del Curry.
You are just like okay from the you know from
the arc. I mean you are not person that we

(03:14):
the Weston We know you because of your son, right,
we know Seth Curry Morning, we know Deil Curry. And
so I was like, man, it's gonna be like a
really you know, an interestent time for you out here
in the streets said like tapping on sixty, bro, bro,
I legit no exaggerational, how perfectly. I think that is
the single greatest threat in Twitter history. I think this

(03:34):
Nigga beans is the single greatest tweet had us the
single greatest thread, Like as someone myself who has you know,
tweeted out you know, classical viral shit, did you know
you had something special about like the fourth or fifth
tweeting because that's usually when it kind of ends. Now
y'all can see like I kind of tweet like that anyway.
It's all, um, a bit of madness and a bit

(04:00):
of like whimsy, and a pinch of humor, and a
pinch of like mother with as my my my dad
would call it. I mean, it's all it's all in
that in the gumbo together whatever. So I don't really
care if they go viral or not. I mean I've
been literally tweeting like that for a decade, right right right, Yeah,

(04:22):
that's the thing. Like people will fucking you know, hit
you up and be like, oh, you're just trying to
go viral, bro, We've been on this ship for like
fifteen years, and go with viral sucks. I promise you
that is not the goal when we are getting these
tweets off dog Like once you hit a hundred a
k with like a thread or with a tweet, it's
not no money that comes with it. It's just attention
and annoyance, right right, right right? Did you mean what

(04:47):
was that? Like? Did you enjoy it? I mean people
obviously had a lot of fun with it? Or when
you saw people when you saw like our video doing it,
do you at some point and be like, how many
people are making money off this funny thing I posted? Like,
like was that fun for you? Or was it annoyance?
At some point? It's only annoying when it like leaves
a certain neighborhood, like right when it when it like

(05:08):
leaves your audience and leaves the people that you know
and like lead and like it's and it's misconstrued and
people like take things um entirely in a way that
can be perceived sociologically versus with humor, versus with like
um with with the wit that it was like constructed with.

(05:31):
That's when it becomes annoying because I'm like, I'm what
I'm not gonna do is let you misconstrue my words
and my ideas. I know what I'm doing. I don't
know you, and I don't know what you're doing, but
I know what I'm doing. Right, How much of it
have you experienced? Bro? There was a lot of examples
of why that man, you know what I'm saying, to
stay with the woman of his youth. You know what
I'm saying about, Like how much of the dating situation? Yeah? Yeah,

(05:54):
every single thing, all of it, all of them. You know,
they trying, they're trying to back you. They trying to
back you out here. Do if you're out here, you're
gonna run it too. Some people who have like different
preferences and like different expressions of desire and all that

(06:14):
kind of good stuff or whatever, and like it's cool
because like you with everything until you not with everything right,
you're really not with everything. So you like you you
think you wanted it once, but then it gi me like, no,
I really wanted it was not exactly We need to stop.

(06:37):
Do you know if Dell or Steph or the Curries
got one of that, has anything come back to you
on that end? No, Thank goodness, because you know I'm
in North Carolina. You're done right, Like I would hate
to have to try to fight one of them fish
for like a flavor people, So I don't want don't
smoke from the curries, none of that. It's all in
good jokes. I pray for you daily at home. Why

(06:58):
I want you to get all the reason that you
can get. I hope that you and your family to
come back to y'all because I see who y'all dating nine.
It's not where it's that, so yeah, I would Okay,
let me, I'll regul little news to you. I know
that Seth has seen it and thought it was funny. Okay,
I could pass that on to you, and I don't
know about the rest of the family, but but knowing
a little bit about the curries, I think that that

(07:19):
would be received in good humor at least by the boys, which,
as you have noted, that's all you really got to
worry about anyway, That's all. That's all I'm worried about.
That's all I'm worried about. I just want y'all to
have a little jokey Joe, laugh a little bit because
your dad out here in the streets now, and then
you know, let's keep it movement, have a happy Thanksgiving. Yeah,
I mean, ain't nothing funnier than your pop's trying to
be cool. I feel like every son seen their dad

(07:42):
go through that stage, and bro, it is it is
if if it's not hilarious, it's sad, and this is hilarious,
you know, yeah it was if there is a form
of humor into that bit of tragedy, because it's I mean,
at the at the end of the day, like it
is heartbreaking, right, Like that's your family, know, that's that's
the people who raise you and people who love you

(08:02):
and people who taught you have to love and so
like you don't want to see them unhappy, but you
all don't want to like see them broken up either.
So like I get both sides of the argument. But man,
if you're gonna be out here at the game and
skinny jeans, nigga, yeah you know what I mean, like
a big bill buckle. No, yeah, yeah, none of well

(08:25):
I do. I do feel like, you know, we want
to get to know you a little bit. And then
I know, we did a little mail bag, so we've
got Tyler's got some questions for you from readers who
want genuine advice, But I we just want to get
to know you. A little better because you are one
of our favorite people on Twitter, and I feel like,
having followed you for a while, that Twitter thread was
kind of representative of who it seems to me like
you are and that it was funny, but they also

(08:46):
did genuinely come from a place of like love and compassion.
Like the sympathy for that man really comes through on
the thread. That kind of seems to be who you
are on Twitter, Like you're like us, You're you're funny,
you like having fun, but you could tell there's a
thought process and kind of a heart behind what you're doing.
So does that come from being a pastor? Like, like,
you know, what sort of your background in terms of

(09:08):
having that kind of approach on an app where obviously
some people just go on and tweet pictures of poop
or whatever, right, Like, there's all different kinds of people
on Twitter. So how did you kind of arrive at
being who you are through the course of your life?
I think that one of the things that I try
to reinforce in my persona, and you know, to be

(09:28):
honest with you, there there are aspects of like Twitter
space that is a persona right because they don't get
to know all of me, and you know, there's only
people who are in my life and who I choose
to allow them to share that space emotionally that gets
to know all of me. But we share some space
and we share some some context. One of the things

(09:51):
that I am intentional about doing is being castoral. So
that is being a vector or a space for carecau cern, consideration,
and compassion, but not being a space of condemnation. You
do not need that, right, people don't need that. And
the relationships that we have with people who are pastory, preachery,

(10:14):
churchy is a place of will. They're cool up until
a point, and people are always kind of watchful or
worrisome about where that place is. Where is the place
that it's going to be the point of condemnation or
contention or where you're going to say I have been,

(10:35):
um like, this is where you're going to criticize me
or critique man. That's yeah, that's that's not my purpose here.
My purpose is to make sure that you have a
space where you can be and know that there are
individuals who I don't have to know you, I don't
have to like see you on the streets or whatever,
but in real and intentional ways. I am concerned about you.

(10:56):
I hope that you're doing well. I hope that you
are flourishing. I hope that you are finding your way
in the madness of it all. I hope that you
are seeing felt and hurt um. And so I try
to emphasize the ways that my faith, which is a hope. Right,
My faith is a hope. It's not a set of regulations,
it's not a set of rules. My faith is a

(11:17):
hope for humanity. Um. The ways that my hope can
be expressed to people that I come in contact with,
and I come in contact with like a lot of
y'all on Twitter. So that's what I do. I might
still be in church if I had a passion like
you do. You know what I'm saying, like your your
approach is extremely abnormal. You know what I'm saying to

(11:38):
your calling, you know, especially in the Bible belt, you
feel what I'm saying, like what inspired that? Ah? I
can read reading? Reading is like very helpful, not presenting
and not occupying an intellectual space that is of regressiveness, bigotry, hatred,

(12:06):
and a anti intellectual bent. And so it is possible
for me to occupy spaces where I can hope for
the divine and hope for the divine in my fellow
human but also occupied space where I believe in the
Divine revealing itself in different ways through different people that

(12:28):
don't share my understanding and don't share my experiences. So
I can have a, as they say, belief in God,
but not have a belief in bigotry. So I'm a
vivid reader. I'm reading like all of this right now.
I am a person who likes to engage. I like
to be the dumbest person in the room full of

(12:48):
smart people. I want to be in that space where
we are where like I am building with folks intellectually
and that's and for some preachers that that's not their thing,
Like they got the Bible and that's it, that's this
is good for them, And I'm like, that's not good
for me, because right we can't allow our prejudice and

(13:09):
a particularly particularly screwed reading of a book that's thousands
of years old to dictate how humans are going to
be forever. But that's just not the way that that
humanity works. Have you received any any any hate it all?
Like being that you approach it in a different way.
Have you seen any like blowback and how do you
deal with that if you have? Oh yeah, yeah, I

(13:30):
mean people tell me all the time I'm not a
good Christian. I'm a worker of iniquity, as I was
told on last Thursday, really said on Twitter, emails like emails,
people come to my church. Yeah yeah, people like run
up on me, just just any if they see me

(13:52):
in they're like, you look familiar whatever. If you're one
or two ways, it could be like oh man, you awesome,
or it could be like, oh man, you know you
leading people astraight. I've been known to lead people astray.
I'm like, well, I never wanted you to follow me.
That's where where am I? Where? Where would you like
me to lead you to? Right? Right? Right right? And

(14:14):
so yeah, I get all kind of pushed back. But
anytime that you're asking people to do something beyond their
bigotries and beyond their biases, they're always gonna be some pushback,
right So especially for me, who's I am a southern guy.
I like being in North Carolinas as far north as
I'm going. This is it. I can't do it. It's

(14:34):
I don't do the cold. I got this vest all.
But that's where it's like seventy degrees today. I'm just
I'm just not at Like wherever they take the sugar
sweet tea, you ain't working with it, bro, I can't
do it. Like I went to Regina like some times
and I was like, nah, this is not for me.
The energy changes. I was like, this ain't what I'm
trying to you know, be at and so. But I

(14:55):
also understand that there is a particular strain of anti
intellectualism and and um and reading of the Bible and
the books within the Bible that lends towards am an
ignorance and a like sustained ignorance. Like it's it's like

(15:17):
you dumb, but you want to stay dumb, and and
that's that's not what I'm actually attempting to do. I like,
I want people who think of themselves it's like faithful,
to be well read and to be like curious, like
to be curious, because thing about it. Faith is the
premise that there is something beyond what you can know

(15:39):
and what you can see. There is an inherent curiosity
in the idea of faith itself. So why are the
people who think of themselves as having faith not curious coming.
Why do you personally think, you know, as a man
of the cloth, why do you think that so many

(15:59):
people will lean into religion to justify their bigotry. It's
a safe space. It also secures and certifies power. It
justifies our abuses. It tells us that we are right
and makes other people wrong. It others and then when
and by the function of othering, it also occupies our

(16:24):
little club, our little click. It makes us the good
ones and others the bad ones. For example, I mean,
you hear about people all the time like, oh, you know,
the drag brunch or the drag show, or like the
drag queens doing like the reading of you know, like
kids books at the school or whatever, and you're like thinking, oh, man,
that's so awful. You know, they shouldn't the drag queens

(16:46):
shouldn't be doing it. Just then a third but but
like think no, but I actually think about it. The
number of pastors that have been accused of sexual assaulting children,
abusing children, abusing their position, abusing or sexual assaulting women, Like,
it's in astronomical numbers, right, even if you're just looking
at one denomination to Southern apter the church, they have

(17:08):
had over six hundred ministers who are accused of sexually
assaulting like women and children. And you're thinking, man, out
of autumn, six hundred people and not one I was
a dragoneen out of autumn people who they were talking
about are so dangerous for children to see and so
dangerous for children to be in contact with. All of
them were people who wear the cloth wear suits. Are

(17:31):
supposed to be respected members of the community. Our teachers,
our lawyers, our doctors, our preachers. They are not the
individuals that are painted to be the dangerous to society.
And my question is, could it be possible that because
we have painted people who have queer identities as enemies
to family, as enemies to children, as enemies to like

(17:55):
the nuclear conceptions of what of what we should be,
have we made ourselves vulnerable to people who actually predator
as in our community. Like from a realistic standpoint, we
don't have any kind of equipment to protect ourselves and
protect our ideas because we're so big into it's it's
actually being anti intellectual is a danger. I've gotta I mean,

(18:19):
first of all, I'm so glad we had you on
the show because we have the three of us love
talking about shit like this, so this is great. The
Twitter thread was great, but I'm like really excited to
talk about this. Um, I have a question for you,
and if you'll bear with me, I need to share
like a minute or two about my wife. And I
had to sort of arrive at why I would ask
a question. So, my wife is racially mixed, but she's

(18:40):
basically half Japanese and half black, and she grew up
in what I would say, she grew up presbytering and
very active in the church. Her dad was like her
dad's Japanese Okinawan from Hawaii and was like a very
important senior person in his church, helped to hire people.
But it was basically a very progressive, if Japanese Presbyterian church.

(19:02):
And on the black side of her family, a lot
of Seventh day Adventists, very conservative about about, you know,
LGBTQ issues, everything else. But my wife is like very progressive.
She's exactly who you're describing you would hope Christians would be.
She was a religious studies major at UCLA. She went
she literally was like, I just want to learn more
about how people think of these issues because she thinks

(19:24):
about them a lot. And I would always ask her.
I grew up in a family of sort of defected
Catholics for some of the reasons that you describe, like
if I'm going to this church and now I know
that this priest was doing this stuff, well, what's what's
the post? Right? And so my question to her that
was basically passed down I guess through my parents, was

(19:45):
always what is the value of being contained in this
word christian with all these people, Like she feels exactly
as you describe about being frustrated about the bigotry and
stuff that people out of convenience would attach to the
name Christianity. And I would always say, well, doesn't that
bother you? You know, like what like why would you

(20:06):
want to put that word on yourself if you see
dangelical white Christians doing all this stuff? Right? And she
you know, I mean basically, it's not like there's no
right or wrong answer on either side of it. Obviously,
that was always kind of the question I had for her,
And her answer was basically that being within that sort
of umbrella, she didn't feel associated with those people because

(20:27):
of the word. But I'm kind of curious for you
as a pastor or your thoughts on that because you
clearly do see yourself as standing apart from these other
negative strains of how people would use a shared faith
that they might have with you. So is that something
that bothers you? Is that something that you think about,
I guess morally as opposed to just sort of like

(20:47):
the actions that you're taking. I'm just curious for your
thoughts on that. Yeah, So let me give you three things.
One grateful for your journey and grateful for your wife's journey.
That's important to acknowledge that we are all having like
these conversations because people discount that I'm actually still occupying

(21:15):
the space known as church because I believe in hope,
and I believe that in many cases church spaces can
be a place or a vector of intentional good. Now,

(21:40):
that does not disqualifying or negate the real harm that
churches have done and allowed to be done because they
thought they were saving themselves by not actually calling out
and calling people to be accountable for their harm. That
does not negate that, that does not disqualify, that, that's

(22:00):
not erase that who I am in pursuit of the
integrity or the socratic space that Jesus the Christ occupied

(22:21):
and that socratic space, that questioning space is how do
institutions that have retained power served the marginalized. There's a
question of the gospel, and that question of the gospel
is what do we do with the least of these?
Do we ignore them, do we overlook them? Or do

(22:41):
we bring the margins to the middle. The only place
where I see that question as the engine of their
actions and purposes is the church. It's not evident in
our businesses. It's not evident in our governments, it's not

(23:05):
evident in our social organizations. The only place where I
see the question of how do we make the marginalize
the middle is the church. And so then it's a
question of power. Third name, how do we democratize power
so that it reprioritizes those who have been harmed into

(23:32):
direct action? Given direct action, given a sense of direction
and influence over resources tangible resource. I'm not talking about
like just being ahead of something at the church. I'm
talking about if you have a million dollars, the person
who is effected the most is in charge of the
vision that we have for the tangible resources in order

(23:55):
to say how this best affects and best serves the community.
There is no other place that that question should be. Now.
It's not only because I mean, listen, I understand that
faith spaces have been a vector for political games and
like politics and then you know, like foolishness. I get it.

(24:19):
But there's still that question, and that question still is
compelled from the life, the action, the interactions of the
Christ of how it is that we serve the least
of these man. That is the only reason why I'm
here at the point in time where we abandon that question.
I'm gonna do something else I've always thought about, like
starting a smoke house in Bucksville, Alabama. I'm gonna go

(24:43):
and like smoke hauled me and reach Aucer, because that's
all I've I just I'm just gonna echo and John said,
man that if my interaction with religious religious leaders in
my community have been more like the interaction we're having
with you, I think I would have grown up feeling
very differently about a lot of things. Yeah. Sure, so,

(25:06):
so I'm a bit interested in in the journey or something. Um,
I know you were born and raised in Alabama. You're
living in Durham now shouts to the Bulls City, like,
how was was? Was this something you always knew was
your calling. Was there like a pivotal moment in your
life that immersed you in your faith? Or Okay, so
I can talk about like I've been in ministry for
over twenty two years, so most of my life I've

(25:28):
been doing this UM I've been doing. For the first
decade of ministry, I was probably the most intellectually inefficient
UM and more resembling your average fire and brimstone preacher,

(25:58):
more resembling, you know, your your average UM you gotta
live right type preacher. You you know, more resembling your
average pull yourself up by your bootstraps type politic um.
For the first decade of ministry, UM, I went to
seminary so always I was like, gave my life to

(26:18):
the Lord at seven. Always, you know, wanted to be
like a good type of due or whatever. I took
a class in seminary from a lady name Nancy. The
class a Wofford, and she was an old Testament theolo.
She is ultimately thelo she ain't did she's still in black.

(26:39):
She cool UM and she was she like her her
specialty or her area of of study. Isn't the song
she like writes about the songs all that kind of
good stuff. And she talks about like the emotional equipment
of the psalmist. This this school of writers called the
psalmist Um. And she in class one day asked the question,

(27:06):
and that question kind of like framed or reframed how
I go about and how I occupied or deployed um
my thought concerning ministry. And it was a really simple question.
She she was like, okay, um, what if the helpers

(27:29):
that God has sent us our same gender loving Now
we were in class, we were talking about, you know,
the Bible and man and woman and all that kind
of good stuff. Whatever. She said, what if the helpers
And she went through the whole thing. She on the
on the board, she did them the Hebrew of like

(27:50):
syllables and paneticism and all that kind of good stuff.
And she said there was no gender to the word helper,
right help her And she said, okay, what if God
had purposed in creation that our helpers be same gender
like you can you can have a strong helper that
was the word in Hebrew, strong helper that was a man,

(28:12):
or a strong helper that was a woman. She said,
if that's a possibility that a person can be as
strong can like be your strong helper. Then it requires
us to imagine the possibilities of the text in radically
different ways. Now somebody I would say, well, that ain't nothing.

(28:36):
But if you're considering, like from the outside in the
implications of the divine purposing this text in ways that
are beyond simply the words are that are on the paper, like,
that's gonna make you dig a little deeper. And she
wanted us to dig a little deeper and to fight

(28:58):
for it. Don't just allow your faith to be something
that is given to you and it was crammed down
your throat, but a fight for it, Like go back
and make sure this is something that you believe. Make
sure that you are deconstructed, and make sure that you
are purposefully with intent building it back. That was my

(29:19):
deconstruction that day, in that class. Was my deconstruction from
that day on to this day. Right now, I am
questioning the text, I am questioning goodness, I'm questioning kindness,
I am questioning everything because being a part of the
soachronic community that Jesus was a barn of, which was
questioning the purposes of the temple, purposes purposing and questioning

(29:43):
the purposes of those who are occupying the temple? Do
you want to be seen? Do you want power? What
do you want from this thing? It is about acknowledgment,
It is about platform, like what is your work in
the earth? Reil right. If you're coming from that aspect
of advantage point, then you're more likely to say, wait,

(30:04):
I need to reconsider, like how I'm using what I got?
Do I want to build somebody else? Up? Is it's
all about me? Do I just want to be seen?
Do I just want to be hurt? Or do I
want to make ways for other people to exist and
be healthy and be whole. That's interesting because so many
people like I remember being in the church where I
was told not to question, not to question, you know

(30:25):
what I mean? And I'm coming back from college where
I'm taught to question, you know what I mean, and
I'm reading the body, I read it twice. I'm thinking
like this, don't this ain't someb of this shit ain't
adding up based upon what I've been learning and what
I've been thinking. It's just you know what I mean?
And it's just beautiful to hear you say that from
in your position. You know, question question these things. You
know what I mean, it's okay to question, and you

(30:46):
should question. I know it's okay, but you should question
these things. I think that's important. Man, you know what
I mean. So I want to applause you on that
for Sofa so jee you did you ever have a
moment where you kind of became, you know, jaded with
your faith, with with with Christianity. Hey, yeah, I'm jaded
right now. I kind of like people like I'm punchy.

(31:11):
I'm punchy, um. And it's because I understand harm. Right.
One of the things that um is difficult for a
lot of Christians to understand is in this moment where
we don't know what to actually be Christian about, what
to be outraged about, what to be um upset about,

(31:34):
is because we have been armed with wrong tools. Come on, man,
y'all really care what two other people do in their bedroom?
Really really care? You know what I mean? Come on, man,
I mean the only way that it affects you is
if you're gonna go get up in there with right.
But we have been taught that this is some kind
that we have a religious socio religious privilege to us

(31:59):
to traject and affect the lines of others, the happiness
of others, the well being of others because of our
religious pent. Man, that's not religious freedom, that's religious domination.
So yeah, I'm I'm punchy, man, I'd be upset all
the time, but I don't care. They're gonna they're gonna
hear this voice. Man, I got this out there, mother,

(32:19):
So so yeah and again. But this is the other reason,
all right. So like all of those Christian voices that
you hear, and like, they they feel as if they
are under persecution and they're like, you know, the world
doesn't like doesn't like God and all that kind of

(32:40):
good stuff. Man, they go back to church on Sunday.
They're fine, They're okay. They have literally no material affectiveness
by the actions that they're taken against others. They're nothing happens, right.
The lady who who didn't want to make cakes for
gay people, like her life was right, She went and

(33:01):
made like thirteen thousand other heterosexual case right, it was
not a problem. The lady who was like, who didn't
want to do I would their ladies named Kim in
Kentucky or something like that. Old wow, ladies looked like
he's never been the supercussor nothing like, like she didn't
do them, Like she said, I'm not gonna do it,

(33:22):
like the Merrit certificates or whatever. She went back to
like hitt and spit Kentucky and like she was fine,
she was okay. Right, they all go back to their
communities of origin and they're fine. Nothing happens to them.
The material goods of their life are not effected in
any way. But what happened? What about like trans kids

(33:45):
who are struggling to be loved and struggling to find
care and like don't deserve to be bullied, don't deserve
to be harmed, Like they deserve to have a chance,
because we know that most trans people don't make it
towards like to forty, Like that's that's a real number.
Like we understand that, like because they can't receive care,

(34:07):
because there are material realities that affect their mental health,
because we know that they're bullied, because we know that
they're killed. Right, there are material effects for these social
ideas that are seen as religious ideas. But that's not
a part of your gospel at all. So nah, I'll

(34:30):
be like nah, but you you go back to those
communities and nothing happens to you. You just want to
be able to dominate other people. You want people to
be subservient to you and subservient to your articulation expression
of the divine. But there are real and serious ramifications
when it comes to bigotry. Our like Christians who deploy

(34:55):
bigotry and who use the Bible as an expression of hate.
There are real consequences to that. And so that's why
I'm like, yeah, now you're gonna go ahead and get
it from this end, because I can't allow you to
continue to harm people who first under you. Why you
are creating the theater of oppression. I'm excited to get

(35:16):
to these questions, Tyler. I like, like, like genuinely. I
mean I thought when you brought it up. When Tyler
brought this up, I was like, Oh, that's a cool idea,
that'll be good content. But now I like, really, I
really want your advice on the questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is a good talk right here for sure. All right, Well,
let's let's just hop into it right now, and let's
dig into the mail bag, all right. First one is

(35:37):
from the homey Silas and it says their pastor why
are so many churches refusing to meet the spiritual needs
of under eighteen members. Why can't churches talk about evils
that go beyond the Ten Commandments and extends to racism,
corporate greed, and the environment. M all right, So this

(35:57):
is one that actually causes us to take into account
the way that we one understand gospel, so understand what
it is that Jesus is suggesting advancing in creation to
the relationship that we have with the document known as

(36:19):
the Bible itself, like how are we using it? What
choices are we making and deploying it? And then three
the actual training and the ways that we are equipped
to build healthy community. So I'm just gonna go from
a healthy community at home. One of the problems that
we have when we talk about or think about the

(36:41):
evils of society beyond like gender, beyond the way that
gender has been co opted to be a manifestation of
the demonic right, beyond sexuality, beyond like women being the
enemies of the church because they want to be in

(37:02):
taught because of feminism, is that we don't and have
not built healthy community that understands that environmental racism is
a serious and real thing that has material consequences in
the earth, and people who are forced to live near

(37:24):
landfills have higher rates of asthma, have higher rates of cancer,
have higher rates of like just overall genetic and health risk. Right.
But then the other point about this is we think
of these as 'scotological aspirations. Escotological that which is in

(37:46):
the end. And so rather than thinking about the material
realities of folks down here who going through hell, we
position the ultimate question in the Christian community and context
as are you going to heaven our health? I don't
care about that. That ain't my business. You're talking a destination,

(38:08):
if you're gonna have one or not, I don't know.
It's not my business. I am a pastor. I am
a person who is concerned, concerned about your material realities
on the ground. Boot We are boots on the ground.
Christians are boots on the ground. Are you okay today?
Do you have enough to eat? Do you have somewhere
to sleep? Are you being cared for as far as
your health is concerned? Like, Christians are boots on the ground,

(38:31):
divine communicators of compassion. But because we have deferred or
outsourced the reality the material comfort to the question of
are you going to heaven our health. We say we
don't have to deal with that. We don't have to
deal with people being knowledgeable about their bodies, knowledgeable about consent,

(38:54):
knowledgeable about the ramplications and implications of the justice system
of on black and brown folks. So we say we
don't don't have to be knowledgeable about that, concerned about that,
careful about that. Because if you can answer, yes, I'm
going to heaven because I believe in Jesus, then you're fine.
And my positioning is we're not fine. If we create hells,

(39:14):
we're not fine. If we create the conditions for people
to have to live, position, operate, and exist as immoral
just to get by, we're not fine. So if we
live under the thumb of a capitalistic authoritarian system, we
are not fine. But that goes back to an ethic, right,

(39:34):
are you just hoping for people to go to heaven
or are you hoping for people to be whole? And
so that's one of the reasons why we don't actually
equip ourselves to talk to talk to talk to directly
to the issues that concern people under eighteen, Like you know,
are you gonna be able to breathe the air in
teen years, like is like, are you gonna be able

(39:56):
to afford place to live next year? How do you
pay back the loans that you've got because we've deferred
the question to heaven or hill, and the Bible says,
don't be so heavenly minded that you're of no earthly
knew it. Oh that's a bar day um something. You know,
that's kind of an extension of that, you know, in
regards to kind of the generational gaps there. Um. I

(40:17):
feel like our generation, my generation, you know, we grew
up where our parents were heavily immersed in the church.
Our grandparents were heavily immersed in the church, our grandsparents
parents were heavily immersed in the church. And I don't
think our generation is you know, my family is Southern
Black Baptists. I think that that is is is the
root of who I am, of of who my family is.

(40:38):
I think that's more of a categorization of a culture,
because you know, the church and Christianity is such a
staple in our family, even though you know a lot
of us aren't avid churchgoers. Like none of my friends
my age or avid church goers, none of my cousins
my age or avid churchgoers, and I think it's because
we got we got deterred a bit by the hypocrisy.
We got deterred by, you know, being so this notion

(40:58):
of an all compassionate, all loving God who didn't like
gay people, who didn't like women having children out of wedlock.
You know, um, you know, church Christianity is supposed to
be built around philanthropy. We're not seeing our church to
any community outreach but passes pulling up in a brand
new bens. I think my generation got jaded on ship
like that and we start away from the church. So
I'm curious, you know, as to how you feel about that.

(41:20):
How do you see do you think that is a
legit problem where it seems that, especially in the Black community,
that Christianity and being avid churchgoers is something that's going
to phase out with with you know, our generation and
upcoming generations. Yeah, definitely churches on the decline. And I
think that one of the problems that we have in
the institutionalized church, institucialized church is simply the organized, functional,

(41:42):
or structured church is because let me say this, there
will always be people who are operating with the ethic
of community at heart somebody's always gonna be the church, right.
There's always somebody reaching out, Always somebody open up their doors,
letting kids and be like, hey, have y'all had something
to ea today? Right at the end of the day,
It's always gonna be somebody who's out there saying, hey, sis,

(42:05):
you know you ain't got enough to pay your light bill,
let me go ahead and cover you on that or whatever.
It's always always gonna be somebody doing church, right, but
it may not always be the institutionalized church. And for me,
that's okay, right, because I'm not called to go to church.
I'm called to be church. That's an entirely different thing.
A lot of what we do in like faith spaces

(42:27):
is platform building and popularity building, and we're doing a
lot of stuff that allows us to be seen as
like prosperous and happy and whole. As if this is
as if I am living the lifestyle that you are

(42:49):
aspiring too, and I can lead you to it, let
me go ahead and help you through that. Everything I
got on probably cast twenty four dollars. I got this
on Amazon at all of it. I got a PAMPL sixteen,
a pig and flop because it's not like that. I
don't need that. I need to be covered like I

(43:11):
and everybody't want to be fly? Right, I'm saving up
to get me, you know, my first pair of Jordan's.
I want to be fly or whatever. But do I
want to have every pair of Jordans? Do I need
to have like I got? Like my car? Do I
need to have three more? It ain't but wanted me
up in here? Right, I got a house? How many

(43:32):
more houses do I need? Um? If you gotta change, okay, cool,
you gotta change? How many of them? Can't? You were
at the same time? But then here's a better question
for people like me. I'm prospering, making myself away, all
making myself prosperous off of the life's blood of the folks.

(43:58):
What am I leading them to? If I'm leading them
to the same thing that like you know, baby them
leading them to, then they just go fall a baby
because he's doing it better than I am. Like I
ain't got enough of that? You know, I got like Evolvo,
like you know, a head car? What am I leading

(44:20):
them to? Everything in our world tells us that it's
never enough, Like everything is about chasing the bag? Everything
is about like being getting more. Everybody want more, and
I get it. I understand. There's never a place that
tells you that you have enough, in that you are enough.
You're never gonna be happy because you're never gonna have

(44:41):
enough and you're never gonna be enough. One of the
pressures that we have when it comes to like finding
intimacy and relationships and dating is that because we never
come to a place where, you know, we say I
am enough and I have enough, I'm always chasing something more.
I always need somebody more. Nothing is filling that whole.
I'm not satisfied with themselves. Man. These people get up

(45:02):
on Sunday mornings. Man, they got like Burberry like stuff
on and like Bolly Munth stuff on, and like, I
don't I don't even know how to say that's the
whole every man, Like that's wild, because buddy, what you're
telling me is that you don't feel like you enough.
You feel like that you got the ball, You feel
like that you gotta like just like bet everything that
that's out there. You you're not telling me that I'm cool,

(45:24):
I'm good, I'm okay, it doesn't matter what I have on.
Like I can love in ways that are real and
that are substantive and that are not showy and not
for performance. So we're insecure even in church, even in
face space. So we want to be the cool spot. Man.
Now I don't be the cool spot, man, Be the
careful spot. Be the spot that's compassionate, Be the spot

(45:45):
that's carry be the spot that says man, you know,
in order and rather than have like a Birdberry shirt, Man,
I had that little target shirt on. It's ten dollars.
But I can go out here and bless somebody and
they be good. They'll be good, and I'm still fine.
And we don't have those kind of spaces. This is
because we insecure it. You you you spoke to the
sustained ignorance too, you know what I mean. And I

(46:07):
feel like the world's changed so much in our lifetime,
more than probably the whole all the three generations before ours,
you know what I'm saying. So it's important for the
church to change in this generation, maybe more than it's
been in the generations prior. And it has it And
you said, it's that sustaining. So people just hold onto
those same ideals and like we ain't gone for it.

(46:30):
You know what I'm saying, so I think you kind
of spoke to it earlier as well. We're talking about
how people just want to say that say and believe
in the same shit, you know what I mean, from
the generations prior and prior and prior. And that was
cool then. But the world has changed twenty eight times
and the forty years I've been here, you know what
I'm saying. But but one of the issues that we have,
like in face spaces, is we are as you talk about,

(46:52):
you know, doing the same thing over and over again,
is retaining a body of politics that is not in
the best practices and best advantage for our people. Right.
So you talk about, um, how we can be like
socially or community social, but like personally conservative. Um, that's

(47:17):
not in the best interests of our people. But our
faith spaces keep projecting and keep teaching and keep forming
us to inhabit and embody and practice and body of
politics that's harmful to like the souls of our people.
And we just don't grow up and we don't grow out, right,
we don't continue to equip ourselves with a body of knowledge. Man.

(47:39):
The people that I look up to in ministry, man,
those are like curious people. They got like congregations of
ten people, but like they're the ten people that got
all PhDs because they want to learn, Like they want
to be in concert with people who are curious and
people who are outstretched. They don't like just read John

(47:59):
max Well white Christian dude who writes about a leadership.
They don't just like read out the Maxwell or whatever
they're reading about, like everything they're reading about, like the body.
They're reading about biology, they are reading about quantum physics,
like they want to know. They they don't understand half
the stuff or whatever. They don't care. They just want
to know. They want to be exposed to everything. And

(48:21):
so the question that I have for our faith communities
is not, you know, can we just continue to perform
or practice or exhibit ways that we are the standard
of success because people come to church and look like
they're successful. They come to church and show on. But
when can we begin to embody an ethic of a
body of politics that shows up that we are curious,

(48:44):
that we are careful, and that we are looking to
help and become passion in creation. That's real, all right,
next question, we are definitely switching lanes here as subject
line F and F. But I don't want to be
for the listeners who might not be aware of that

(49:04):
acronym that means fu nigga, free shots, glowrilla. So this
is some romantic advice that is being solicited here from
from doctor love pastor Missouri here. Oh okay, So hello,
and the writer was Cat Jazz. Hello, big fan, longtime
listener and OJI follower from Twitter. Shout see you Cat.
My question is how do I get over getting ghosted
by a nice guy? She puts a nice guy in

(49:26):
print in quotes. We didn't have a disagreement or anything,
but he hasn't responded to a text or reached out
since we last talked a few days after we hooked up.
He said he might be busy with work. He's an
entrepreneur and has a demanding job besides coming to terms
that my pussy might be trashing on Unlike with other

(49:47):
guys that I know for sure, weren't about anything. Any
advice help man, I read man, So like one, um,
continue to say, you know FNF, you know as always
we want to move Yeah. Um two, I'm sorry that

(50:13):
like that happened to you and that you experienced that
like dating is extremely difficult and it's extremely rough, all right,
And so I don't want to disqualify like that pain
and that expectation that you have, because one any person's
out here dating is put their hope on put their
heart on their shoulder. If you're dating in your heart

(50:34):
ain't on your shoulder. You don't need a date, go
back in the house because you're just like you ready
to be mean, you want from sex. Ain't wrong with that,
But like, if you're dating, if you're looking for some
form of real connection, you're like, your heart is out there,
And I don't want to like laughing nobody for like
putting out how the heart out there, because that's real

(50:55):
and you know, you want to be able to say
that that matters, and it does matter. Um, I don't
know about you know, your sex or whatever, because you know,
hopefully it ain't trash, but if it is, Um, they
got toys for that. They got, they got they got
to think you can put it into the same the situation. Yeah,

(51:15):
I'm like, we have all kind of stuff out there. Um.
But then the other part about that is this, people
do have busy jobs. That's that can be a reality,
that can be a truth. But I hate when people

(51:35):
like say that they're that busy if you like know
that because you do all this work to meet somebody,
to know somebody and like to have sex with them whatever,
and they like, now I'm not call you no more.
At least you can say it now like that wasn't
a good interaction, that wasn't a good engagement. You know,
that's not something I'm looking for to do again. And

(51:57):
that's difficult to hear. Um. But at least you don't
have questions. Um. And then sometimes people say, oh, she
could have moved differently, but it ain't nothing that you
could have moved differently if somebody was had like in
ulterior motives the entire time. So don't even like double
you know, like question yourself and double gets yourself or whatever. Um.

(52:21):
You know your heart's in the right place. You're looking
for love, that's cool. This ain't the one. Take the
time that you need to get off the board and
stop blowing that man phone up. He don't he don't
need your calls, he don't need your text or whatever.
Don't put your energy in that. Go to a boxing
class and beat up on somebody who're letting you spart
with them for a little while and for that duration,
but don't don't even pay. But they know it's your mind.

(52:42):
Just just let it go. Got to charge some sent
to the game man. But yeah, yeah, and that's unfortunate.
But it's real. Also that the game is a religious principle.
Charging game is a religious principle. That's a fact. The
ability to release and say, well, I mean it's above me,
it's beyond me, it's nothing I can control about it.

(53:03):
That's an important that's an important regardless of your life outlook,
you need that skill for sure. Also, ghost and folks
is cowardly too. So he told us he told you
something about himself there, you know what I mean. So
it feels probably like she didn't win, but she won,
you know what I mean. If someone ghosts, you pretend
you found out that they beat their mom up or something.

(53:24):
Basically that's like what you found out is you found
out something about that person that should make them someone
you would not want to be around you. You found
out you fuck nigga free because this fuck nigga left
your life. You feel me? All right? Next question here,
something I get here is I need advice like real

(53:46):
bad and like real bad is an all caps so
she got some shit to get off her chests. Here
this is from our listener essence. She says, hey, y'all,
so I'm gonna get it right into it. Earlier this year,
my roommate Craig asked me a very heavy question. His
sister Mary was living with their mama and going to
school in Pennsylvania. When she was closing her sophomore year,

(54:06):
she ended up getting pregnant by her boyfriend, who is
now twenty two. Mary and Craig's mama was incess. She
urged Mary to get an abortion several times, letting her
know that she was done raising babies and that Mary
was not going to live in her home if she
remained pregnant, while Mary said fuck all that and kept
the baby, and their mama kept her word, and the
span of a week, Mary was homeless and knocked up.

(54:29):
The boyfriend's family said she couldn't live there, and she
was essentially forced to transfer to a local school to
finish her education. Craig asked me one night if Mary
could stay with us. He explained the situation, and of
course I empathized and felt so bad for her. I
agreed to it following a conversation, emphasizing that she would
help out around the house, take care of herself, and
move out prior to her giving birth. Now this may

(54:51):
seem harsh, but I am not prepared to live in
a house with a baby, especially one that is not
mine or related to me. Craig agreed to these terms
and asserted that he he also didn't want Mary to
stay with us once she had the baby, and let
her know that these were the terms. Mary accepted. But
I'm starting to think this half a forgot. First of all,
she barely does her part in this house. We're lucky

(55:11):
to share a three bedroom, two bath house within union
laundry and brand new appliances. Mary does not clean the kitchen,
She's never swept her up, and only washes dishes she's
personally used, even if the sink is full. Otherwise, she
does not have a job, so she doesn't pay for anything. Occasionally,
she'll use her boyfriend's food stamps to get groceries, but
it search that they are hers alone. She uses my

(55:31):
bathroom for everything but showering, and has never taken a
chlorox wiped to a single surface. She lets a whole
bunch of other habits here that are not too hygetic
that I think I'm gonna you know, cut short for
the Okay. Lastly, I have no idea when she's leaving.
We've collectively had several conversations reminding her that she cannot

(55:53):
give birth and removed to this home and returned to
this home with a baby. Craig has talked to her
one on one. She has searched that she knows this,
but there's no plan in sight. She's about seven months
right now, and the day draws NI. I will not
live in a house with an infant. Let me tell
you that right now. My question is she I talked
to her individually about her annoying habits, and when she
plans to leave, talk to Craig or just shut the

(56:14):
fuck up. Because she's having a baby, and that in
and of itself is hard. I'm conflicted. My nature is
genuinely easy going, but I hate not feeling comfortable in
a place where I pay rent and half the highest utilities.
Please help, because I'm losing it. Yours truly. Nobody's auntie, Goddamn,
nobody's a man. This is like a really difficult question

(56:38):
because the American Social Safety that is like trash, Like, yes,
the ability of a person too. And there's a few
things that I just the Holy Ghost has just told
me in that little question I got to come back to. So, um, yeah,
American social safety that is trash. But um, your boundaries

(57:02):
are important and thinking through what you're comfortable with its
important as well. It's an act of compassion, like even
to let somebody like occupy your space. And I get
that because I am in a three bedroom house and
I don't want nobody else up in here with me.
I like big am I alone. It is my preferred

(57:23):
state of existence. I have been naked practically twenty years
of my life. This is awesome. Okay, get up, made coffee.
But to the world, great, right man, Like you wanted
to have your space to yourself or whatever and so,
and let's be clear, most people wouldn't do what you did.

(57:46):
Most people wouldn't like open up their house and open
up their home, like most people who are Christians wouldn't
do what you did, because if they would, we wouldn't
have so many people in orphanage just now, right, all
these people who talk about like, oh well we were like,
go get you a kid day out? There, they're waiting
for you. Buddy, you ain't got you ain't got like,
you know, stop monster having you know, you know, go

(58:08):
to that board, go to the orphanage. Don't get you one.
So don't discount the fact that you even let this
person into your home. I get that, right, That's a reality.
And you do need to talk to your roommate about
your level of comfort because you're not this is he's
not doing you a favor by being your roommate. Y'all

(58:28):
got to be roommates to survive. This is a real
type of situation, and with being in that situation is
comes respect and like, there's things that I can do
now not being in here with anybody else that I
could not do with living with somebody else. I didn't
I wouldn't do somebody else was like simply visiting. That's
just a level of respect and a level of efficiency

(58:50):
that you have to keep the home and the house
at when you're living with somebody else. If she there,
she can't just be taken up. You know, she's pregnant, Lord,
help them, help help them do the pregnancy. But at
the same time, like you, you gotta care for yourself
and you gotta make techn and make sure that you
like being respectful and honoring boundaries. And so if we
have to have a conversation about boundaries and have to

(59:12):
have a conversation about like how we are um existing
in this space together, you can do that with compassion.
You can talk about what you yeah with with with compassion,
you don't have to be like you don't have to
knut up at him and like put out your block
or whatever, like you're like, oh, you know, I'm at
the table. You did what it is you can lead today.
You can lead today. You can do all that people.

(59:34):
People know when they when they're moving greasy, right, It's
not a secret Johnny noticed you she would living greens.
It's a reason, it's a reason why you had to
leave a Mama crile right beyond like the town type situation,
people knowing that when they're being greasy and she knows
she can stuff up, and so keep that before her,
and also keep it before her the reality that you
need your spot back. You did this because she was pregnant,

(59:56):
but you also need to see and it's really so difficult,
right because what can you do when you're pregnant with
like seven months pregnant, you're like visibly pregnant. No, that's
what I was gonna say, Like, it's almost compassionate to
have the conversation sooner than later. So like, hey, I'm
not trying because I mean, I know when my wife
was seven months pregnant, I wouldn't asked her to move
from the one couch to the other side of the couch,

(01:00:18):
you know what I mean? So yes, saying like, hey,
you're seven months now, this is what the boundary is.
I'm coming to you with compassion because I don't want
to come to you when you're eight months pregnant or
when you're holding a baby and say you gotta get
the heck out of here. So yeah, I think that.
Like you said, though, these things oftentimes get presented or
they get answered with this sort of like sitcom type

(01:00:41):
thing of like well, do you let her live with
you forever? Or do you physically kick her out of
your house? Like you said, there's so much middle ground
and still operate with compassion while being firm about your boundaries. Right. So,
another part about it is like you don't deserve to
be miserable in order to accommodate somebody else's stance like
that's not God ain't called you to do that either, right,

(01:01:04):
real shit? All right? The next um question here is bro,
It's from Julius Bros. What's the word? Thanks for what
y'all doing, the laughs and insight you provide the only
question I got for the God Solomon? Is this to them? As?
That was it? These Holy California's got on me for
the way I mispronounced that fucking word. I try to

(01:01:25):
tell them, Bro, it's East Coasters. We'll be vacation in
the Caribbean. Bro, like Atlantis, Like that's our to them? Dog,
Atlanta is a tolom So oh yeah, that's that's like
the capital. That's like the mecca for like all hot
girls on Instagram to loom. If you're gonna Instagram and
you're like somebody in a bikini, they they in like

(01:01:45):
Toloom there like in Mexicode right now doing hot girl activities.
So if you see like hashtag taloom, you already know
what time it is. Margaritas and madness. All right. So
so here's the last one here, and this is from Thomas. So,
if you fail to love the wife of your youth

(01:02:07):
and the inevitable split happened. What options are available to
a black man of means with grown kids in prime
earning years ps not interested in women under forty? All right,
So I thought about this man one. I'm sorry that,
like you, that you had difficulties in your previous relationship.

(01:02:31):
So I want to acknowledge that that's a reality, that's
real situation. Like people go through divorce every day. I'm divorced.
I get it. Two options, And this is something that
like a lot of times, guys don't think about it.
Consider dating is a reflection of the communities that you occupy.

(01:02:58):
One of the problems that we are experiencing and dating
is that we have commoditized it and that we have
made it a reflection of consumerism. So you go in
the app like you do all the other apps, and
you are looking for a brand, and you're looking for
like a You're trying to make a purchase decision. That

(01:03:20):
is not what a relationship is about. A relationship is
not a purchase. A relationship is a synthesis. It is
an active work between you and another human being in
order to cultivate something called love. It is a synthesis.
It's a mixture. It's more chemistry than like procurement. We

(01:03:43):
want to go out and get somebody and bring them
home and make them fit right in this thing that
we were doing before. That is not a relationship. Once
you go get this person and you go like bring
them into your space, into your life, the life that
you have before is gone. The life that they have

(01:04:04):
before is gone. You all are doing something different together, right,
This is a totally different thing. So that were like
three things that were interested in me and his question One,
where do I go in order to like date success
all my kids grown or whatever. I'm trying to have
them dad. They gotta have his life. So the question

(01:04:28):
I will have for them one is this, what are
the communities that you occupy presently? Look like? What communities
are you involved with? If that's a faith community, fine,
If that's a social group, fine, what are you doing
beyond yourself? Because those are the people that you are
in contact with, right The people who share the same

(01:04:50):
qualities and the same values as you do are going
to be reflections of the communities that you occupy. This
is all about where you like, where you have If
it's a motorcycle club, like what quality team do they
have an hold if it's the barn, it's different kind
of barns. Like what kind of smartness do you go to?
We are you at with it? The second thing is
what are you doing beyond yourself? Are you cultivating compassion, consciousness,

(01:05:16):
and consideration in real and tangible ways? Like are you
are you a nice guy because you want other people
to say that you're a nice guy, or are you
like actively trying to advance care in the earth. Now,
if you just want to be out here because you
want to be out here and you want some hot
boy stuff, which is cool, like do your thing. Acknowledge that,

(01:05:38):
but also acknowledge the foolishnessm comes with it, because you're
gonna get the foolishness comes with it. If that's what
you're trying to be on, you're gonna sew, You're gonna
read whatever you saw, whatever you're putting out, that's what
you're gonna get in right, um. But if you're trying
to do this in like a different way, you have
to be conscious of the communities that you occupied. The
second or third thing that I found to be interesting

(01:05:58):
was he said that he is a man of means, Okay,
And two he's in his prime earning years, brethren. That
has nothing to do with you dating these people. It
has nothing to do with you being a healthy partner.
That has nothing to do and I and I understand

(01:06:20):
the pushback to that because it takes resources to accommodate
and facilitate love and care. Right, none is free. I
understand understand that, and at a like granular level, at
a like foundational level, none of this is free. It
takes you. Know, you gotta have money to do things
that you're trying to do in life. But your ability

(01:06:43):
to like earn it's not a reflection of your ability
to care being a good partner. And we don't tell
men that enough. Like your competency as a partner, as
an intimate partner is greater than your paycheck, Like your
direct deposit does not mean you have a competency to

(01:07:05):
care for this person in real and intentional ways and
ways that speak to who they are. Right, So you
have to be able to describe yourself in ways that
are relevant to the activity that you want to participate in.
You're trying to find a relationship or you're trying to
manage a portfolio. Because if you're trying to be like

(01:07:25):
a money manager, You should definitely tell people that you
are in your prime earning years. But if you're trying
to like, actually, if you find trying to find a
woman and somebody who's stacked up, you need to tell
them that you could do more than like just be
a check because that's that's a basement level expectation, and

(01:07:46):
women are asking us for more than just like basement
level expatation. You gotta check cool. You got a car? Cool?
Everybody has a car. They sell millions of them a year.
Can you think right? Are you participant in like care
when I need something not money wise, if I need
something emotionally, can you take out time? Can you be considerate?

(01:08:08):
Like the ways that I make the most mistakes of
my relationships is like I I was thinking about all
this stuff that we could like spend money on, But
it was a time that she was really asking for.
She wanted me to be like be aware of how
she was feeling, be aware of what you know, like
she was going through. Not trying to fix her, but
try to listen to her, you know, so again then finally,

(01:08:30):
but it was but it was like, um, I'm a
man of means, but what are you what are you
telling women, Because if you're telling me this, then I
noticed how you're leading with women. So you gotta we
gotta really think about how we're leading in these conversations,

(01:08:50):
beyond trying to lead with our bread and then be
upset when people after our bread. I think, and I
think an important piece. And we're old enough now that
I've got several friends who you know, are on their
second marriage or looking for a relationship after a divorce,
and I know something. So my wife and i've been

(01:09:11):
together since we're eighteen, which fortunately we were. We were
we were young and broken enough. It was like, of
course we don't have any money when we got together.
We're fucking eighteen years old, right, Like all of the
sort of like Twitter stuff about dating, we just didn't
have to worry about it. But I know that's one
thing she will always tell people, and I always tell people,
is the more honestly you present yourself, the more honest

(01:09:31):
the response you're getting from someone is right. So if
he's out here looking to have fun, go to places
that people have fun and be honest about what you're
looking for. But like you said, if what you're doing
is you're telling someone you want to be with. I'm
a man of means. That's that's not a good sales
pitch unless what you're looking for is someone who wants
to be with a man of means. And I don't
think that's what you're looking for, right You're looking for

(01:09:53):
someone who wants to have fun, and so I think
you know, be honest about that and seek at those places.
But Duffy, Yeah, yeah, I have the same reaction. It's
not a good pitch to say, because I mean, if
you're looking for hot girls, you're gonna look, you're gonna run.
It's a hot girls but hot girl activities. And but
they're gonna spend it. They're gonna win, and they're gonna
do it better you're gonna do it. So you gotta understand,

(01:10:16):
especially if you if you like, you know, late forties
knocking on fifty. But that ain't what you want to
be in. Man, listen, because they they have the stamina
for it. They can like spend your bread. All this
you can do is like take the little blue pills
and just be stretched out and have like hard compel
take you. That's not the business you're trying to be

(01:10:36):
in right now with somebody who's steady, who like, ain't
gonna mess up your credit? Who ain't gonna have you
out here fighting in the streets, you know, who's not
gonna be on Instagram typing up like stuff like look
at this nigga, you know you like now you want
something that's gonna be like stable, right right right right,

(01:10:58):
So nah, don't don't come out here leading like that man,
you know and the other thing, brethren, and this go
for me too. You out here trying to date, Have
somebody else takes some pictures for you. Have somebody else
take your profile pictures for you. Why is the camera
so close to your nose? Why can't you why? Why?

(01:11:21):
Why is it you're looking like you know, you off
center or whatever? You're looking like you you and we
stay we're always staring at the camera in a way
that's perpendicular to the shot, so it looks like we're
suspect of the camera. We don't trust the camera. Have
somebody else take your profile pictures uploading that way? Stop
taking pictures with fish in your hands, unless you're trying
to find somebody who like farmers only like, have somebody

(01:11:44):
help you with your profile that can actually talk about
the things that you want, who you are and what
you're trying to do. Yeah, we call that functional advice.
That's functional advice. Yeah, I think that m him wanting
wanting a woman forty plus here adds a new wrinkle
to this And I want y'all to follow me with
with where I'm going here, right, Okay, So you know

(01:12:05):
how our parents try to give a job application advice
and it's so outdated, Like your mom will tell you
need to put on a suit, go to some offices
and right right, shakes and hands and give them your resume.
That's how you get a job. And you know, we
gotta come back to mama, like it's twenty twenty three.
We apply, we pick up our phone, we hop on
in d we apply to fifty jobs a day until
we get one, right, Like that's how that ship works now, Okay,

(01:12:27):
So to bring that back to this, like if you're
twenty five years old or whatever and you go through
a breakup and you want to get back out there dating,
you know what do you do? You fire that phone up, right,
you hop on tender and get the swiping. You start
going crazy with the likes and the new picks on
Igor or you know, to throw that bast signal up
or you slide in some Twitter dms. You know much
in a way that like you know, we apply for

(01:12:49):
jobs on our phone these days, like younger folks hop
on that phone and they find a new romantic partner
this very same way. Now, if you want a forty
plus year old woman, you have to listen to mama's
advice on this one. You have to pound the payment, bro.
You're gonna have to you about to hop out there
in these streets. You had to find some cigar loungers.
You're about to find some karaoke spots, right, and this

(01:13:12):
man said he wants some black women, So you have
to go to karaoke spots where they singing Mary Jay
and not Taylor Swift. Right, you got to did some
goddamn all white Labor Day parties. You got to keep
your ears to the streets on when when SWB is
coming to your child to do a show, right, you
got to get you get that. The best place to
find women of a certain age who are single, it's

(01:13:34):
Saturday morning, ten to two o'clock home depot in the
plant department. That's when they have all that's when they
have time. What I tell ya, they headed to it.
They headed the home depot loads. They're going to get
the plants together, especially now because it's trying to get warm. Yeah,

(01:13:54):
they out there and then the people, all them kids,
they're not going to home depots. They're trying to get
as much sleep as possible. I said, ten o'clock, ten o'clock.
You gotta be on time, and you're gonna know who
they are. You're gonna seeing walker whatever a getting they
look playing together so far and so on, no ring on,
go out to and ask them, hey, do you need
some help getting the most of your car? See if

(01:14:16):
they're interested in it, if they open to it or whatever.
Sunday Target, run through Target. You're gonna see whoever out
there or whatever whatever they open to it, they open
to it. Places that are functional. Man, anytime the Akas
or the Delvits come in town, you need to be
right there with matter of fact, join a chapter, brat chout,

(01:14:40):
be out there with them. You know, do think be
places and in communities. What I'm talking about, like, what
kind of communities are you occupying that reflective values that
you are trying to attract, Because if you're not in
you're Like I tell people all the time, like, don't
dat in church. I don't because I think it's like
a place of spiritual healing and repair. But shucks, and

(01:15:04):
not every church because like my church got a whole
bunch of old people in it, which is fine Jesus,
they really do you know a church it's got like
it's some bad he's in there. Go to church. Not
not my church, because you're gonna be messing up my church.
I'm gonna have you like nah, but you gotta go um,
but go to church. I mean go to a place.

(01:15:26):
Go to a community that reflects the values that you're
trying to attract. Like do it in reliential way. You
gonna have to change, like move how you move. You
can't just be waiting for to attract people who would
like the things that you like. So like me and
go to the sugar sugar bar and try to find
women who smoke a cigar But that's what you like
to do. That's not but that's not It may not

(01:15:49):
be the type of people that you're trying to attract.
The woman who in a cigar bar, she may not
be the one for you. She might be a hot
girl just forty. You know what it's saying. Yeah, you're
kind of do the same thing you're trying to do
that may not be where you're trying to be. Right well,
I think home, depot, Target, and church is the definition

(01:16:09):
of functional advice. Pastor Solomon, thank you so much for
hopping on with us. Man. I think that was funny
and also super informative for our listeners. Thank you to
all the listeners who wrote in with questions. We appreciate
you guys too, but Solomon, thanks again for hopping on,
and we really appreciate you. Thank you for selfish. It
was a great time, man,