Santa!

We rate Santas from movies, television & commercials!

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Six oh no, six ef? What are you one of
those cranky pieces of crap on social media or in
person when you talk to them and like a kid's
steering the six seven stuff.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
I just don't find the joy in it.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
That's because you are an old person. You are an old.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I recognize why the kids enjoy it, because it makes
the olds upset. Yeah, personally, I don't find the joy
in it.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Do you remember what we were saying when we were children.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, we were just talking about sixty nine.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
No, we were taking our hands, slamming our crotch and
saying suck it.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yep, we're doing a lot of that.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
I feel like going six seven like this, it's a
little it's a little bit nicer. It's not as crude,
not as crass.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
I would die laughing. If a kid hit me with
the sucket, I would that would be my favorite kid
of all time.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Like we legit, we went up to old people.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
We just went like this suck while we were gyrating.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
I don't need my son to bring back suck it.
But like maybe if he wants to, you know, start
stone cold stunnering people.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Sure, toe kick to groggy, then stunner.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
But do you think the other kids would understand that
when you go with the toe kick, like you have
to sell it, like we knew that we had to
sell it.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, you have. You have to have a certain the
right client tele I I once almost famously punintended, as
you'll see in a second, nearly paralyzed poor lum Din
in fifth grade because I hit him with a famouser
on the playground and his face smashed directly into the ground.
At that time, I think I started to realize, like, oh,

(01:33):
I don't think we should be doing wrestling moves for
real on people.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
I once as a kid, my cousin gave me a pedigree.
Oh yeah, and my face must have hit off his
knee or off my own knee. I got a big
black eye. That started something.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Supposed to tuck the head right like a pile drive.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Look, it was my fault.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Well, no, it's he didn't get the head wedged up there,
he was clean.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
It was my fault. Yeah, it was my fault.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
I don't know if it is because the pedigree your
arms are tucked. You're a lying upon the guy performing
the pedigree in that move, just like as you aren't
a pile driver.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
And then of course, there's a code with you and
your cousins of like if one of you gets hurt,
you know, you don't tell anybody the issue. I had
a black eye, so I had They're like, what happened
to you?

Speaker 2 (02:14):
You're just looking at one side for like a week.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Also, I saw this if you heard about this Avett.
Nicole Brown was on some kind of a podcast.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Famously of Community.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yes, she played Shirley on Community. Well, i'd say more
famously she was the movie theater manager on Drake and John,
Drake and Josh, but yeah, she also played Shirley on Community,
and she recently said be so that's season one. So
there's a storyline of her ex husband or her husband
at the time, they were strange. He leaves her, but

(02:48):
she said, if they ever reconcile, my wish is for
you to get Malcolm Jamal Warner to be my ex husband.
There's a little Christmas wish, I would say. And they
honored that wish, her childhood crush to be her ex husband.
And she actually had to say for it on set
that if she's getting a little too swoony, you go
in there and you say back off, let me ask

(03:10):
you this mac okay, if you were cast to be
in a television show, yeah, and you had the opportunity
to make a wish, a.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Man wish wish for you.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
That's the song I was thinking of. I think, yeah,
who would you ask them or tell them like, hey,
could you cast this person to be my lover?

Speaker 2 (03:29):
So three options immediately come to mind. If it's like
a parksing Rex situation where it's a Ron and Tammy
or Tammy. Two, if I could cast someone that's a
little bit older, probably be Amy Joe Johnson, right, that
makes a lot of sense, more age appropriate, even though
she's a little older. Topanga would be an option clearly,
Danielle Official. But I think what makes most sense because

(03:50):
I think she's only a year older than me, or
it might even be the same age as Hillary Duff.
Hilly Duff would be would be the number one option.
I think. Good, Yeah, if you had a chance, if
you had one moment.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
One wish to make it cast yeah, money you.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Ever wanted, would you capture it? Would you let it slip?

Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'd probably let it slip now, I guess Alison Brace.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
She's also similarly aged to us age. Here's the other
thing I actually thought it would have been better for community,
because when so, I'm not a community guy. I don't
hate it, but I don't like it. I thought it
would have made more sense that Shirley was making up
her whole life.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
And that would have been interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
I thought that just fit her character. She had two sons,
so I don't know. I just felt like the way
her character presented it felt like she was being very fake.
So I felt like it would have made more sense
if her life that she was telling us and her
friends was fake. But that obviously didn't end.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Up being Linda Carterlini's too old for me, right.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
Linda CARTERLINI would be your Amy Joe Johnson.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
You know, or I would. I would go to the
producer and I'd give him a slip and they'd be like,
these are all adult film stars and half of them
are dead, and have you seen the other half?

Speaker 2 (05:06):
Now? I'll you know what. To that point in the
Amy Joe Johnson category a little bit different body wise,
Jihn and Michaels could be a possibility for me.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
I'm gonna tell a little tail right here, Mac is
that I might have been maybe eighteen or nineteen, and
I spent some time I was trying to write a sitcom,
a television show.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
I came up with twenty two episode ideas, okay, and
I started three or four scripts.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah these days that's three seasons, kew.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
I'll tell you right now, this was super sitcommy, like
it was almost made to air directly on TV Land,
Like it wouldn't even go to fucking prime time. It's
just let's just put it back in like the throwback
sure of what a sitcom is. And I of course
wrote myself in as one of the main characters. The
name of the show was that's it, okay, that's the
catchphrase of the father when he gets mad. That's it

(05:59):
is hand raised and my dream casting for my father.
I had two choices, okay, Wilford l of Boy meets
World Fame.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Sure, Juliel White, Okay, how would you explain that?

Speaker 1 (06:10):
I wasn't gonna or you.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
I mean, you're you're a tan fella, so maybe you
could pull off mixed.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
I was gonna leave it as is. Everyone would ask questions.
We'd never address it.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
I here's how I would suggest, as as your writing partner,
we flip it and reverse it. You're fl move, and
yet you adopted Juliel White as your father.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
One Goo three, Yeah, jos three, King of Queen Marl Street.
And I'm and we are the Mac and Goo program.
Here come Santa Pod, Here come Santa Pod.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Right down pod asplain, what was the family dynamic like
other than your black father in that.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Sitcom that's the name of the show. Actually, my black father,
that's a that's a family guy reference.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Right.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Wasn't it like my my black son or something?

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, my black son was one.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
So it was me and my brother. Mother either left
or died. We weren't deciding yet.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Okay, maybe he didn't know yet.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
We worked in a cold cut place.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Sure you get the meats.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
I was one of the brothers. The other brother had
like a friend who was a little out there, the
jolly mischief maker, if you will. Depending on what network
you're on, that decides what they do, okay, And it
was it was all family misadventures. There's a grandmother, there's
a nanna.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
Was there always a scene of you guys, you know,
slicing up deli meats while chopping it up with the client?

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Tell every episode, did someone slices up a little bit
of their finger mid conversation, someone just starts yelling because
there's blood everywhere.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
And the nana's disappointed.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
She's always making gravy in the corner. Yeah, I want
to talk Santa.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Sure, I don't know what the fuck you planned today.
You basically told me do nothing.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
I said do nothing, and you said, will do I
can do that.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
I'm great at doing that.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
So this isn't every Santa because I don't have so
much time to do. I only have one. This is
not every Santa. But what I did is I grabbed
every I went and grabbed as many Santas as I got.

(08:35):
I made a list, I checked it twice, and I'm
gonna rattle off to you fictional Santas that I want
you to use our gauntlet and then give me not
a hot dog score, that'd be silly. Sure a Christmas
cookie score out of forty Christmas cookies?

Speaker 2 (08:52):
All right? Sure? Sure?

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Do you want to hear what the gauntlet is today?

Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
So we're gonna use fun, Factor, satisfactor, Burrama, Plemonade, Halloween
those are I think those all apply here?

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Sure, but then we're gonna go with the shape. The
shape tell me if their shape matches what you believe
Santa to big gotcha. That could be facial shape, that
could be body shape, beard magic? Do they have that
Christmas magic?

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Okay? All right?

Speaker 1 (09:18):
And then finally their combat skills strength and power.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
How many Santas do you have?

Speaker 1 (09:24):
I don't know. I just made a list. I didn't
check it twice.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
I'm gonna get tired over this after like three Santas.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Now, I think you'll get back into it. Like you'll
get tired a little bit, but then you might come
back around and I give you my Christmas cookie score.
I'll also give you a Christmas cookie score.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
All right, I'm gonna lose track of this real fast, so.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Very quickly for the folks at home. According to Google
AI Overview, Santa Claus is a legendary figure also known
as Saint Nicholas, Chris Kringle or Father Christmas. Did you
know that Father Christmas?

Speaker 2 (09:51):
What moniker do you prefer?

Speaker 1 (09:53):
I just call him Santa.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
I like Chris Kringle.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
I'm a Kringle guy, originating from a kind, generous fourth
century bishop who secretly gave to the poor, kind of
like Robin Hood. Okay, well, do you think he stole
from the rich to give to the poor.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Maybe he just gives the rich less.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Okay, so it's he kind of weighs it.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
He's a poor man's robbinhood.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
He has evolved through Dutch traditions, Santa class, I'm sorry,
cinter class is cin class, C class and American stories
like Clement Clark Moore's poem and Thomas Nests cartoons into
the jolly bearded man in a red suit. We now
know today he lives in the North Pole with elves

(10:35):
and reindeer delivering presents on Christmas Eve?

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Do you think there are children with access to Google
Maps that realize that there is no land on the
North Pole, so it's just ocean.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
I think that's when children start to question it.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
So shut up, what's going on here? You know we
just got pointing email up there and fucking no land.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
He hits every house in thirteen hours. That's his special
magic power.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
It seems like they probably should have just said he
was from the South Pole, which has a land mass.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
You know, he lives in Delaware. So I kind of
have this in alphabetical order, but I don't know if
I do.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
His slave says if.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Themes seem out of order. Just fucking go with.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
It, Like order of the year they played Santa.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
No, I have this in alphabetical order by the last
name of the actor or the person portraying Santa. Okay,
the title of this podcast pretty much is just Santa
Claus and then in parentheses. Just go with it.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
I'm gonna guess for starting with Tim Allen.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Holy shit, Tim Allen Mack, let me ask you for
your gauntlet of Tim Allen as the Santa Claus. He
played him three times one two escape clause. What do
you think of Tim Allan as Santa Claus slash the
lore of and this might play into it. If you
kill Santa, you are Santa Ku.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
I do like that actually fun factor, that's very fun.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
That's very fun. But also there's a bulls eye on
your back.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
Tim Alan as Santa in the Santa Claus trilogy. First
of all, like I said, the idea of becoming Santa
because you killed Santa is very fun, big big on that.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Also, I do feel like there's a part of your
life that, like you almost welcome being killed. And take
this from me, please sure, take this curse. Take this
curse after you've.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Been Santa Claus for like two hundred years, You're like,
all right.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Even after like one or two years, it's the same.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
Here, here's my question. And I don't remember the movies
well enough to whether or not they addressed this. Do
you get to fuck missus clause once you become Santa.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Well, I believe so. He's a divorce dad in the
first one. We're in the nineties. Those are our heroes,
divorce dads. He does meet a new lady who eventually
goes by the name missus Clause.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
I feel like there should be a missus clause or
you get to a point a missus clause, Like we
got to appoint our lady in the sitcom.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Oh, you know, I get to point it's one wish
he gets a genie.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
I get to point Hillary Duff as missus clauset. Then
we're does have a say in this No, I'm Santa
Claus power. I don't know if I was. What's Missus
Claus's magic abilities?

Speaker 1 (13:15):
I think she just has to put up with whatever
Santa says.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Uh satisfactor. I guess it's there's fun hijinks, but it's
I don't know if it's very satisfying. To see Tim
Allen work as Santa Claus. So fun factor high, satisfactor low.
It's not boring though. He always was always hi jinks.
There's always something going on.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
His little l friend, the main elf, the head elf.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Became what's his face? He's in shows and movies.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, he's in shows movies. He's got some attitude, you
know what, Halloween.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
I could go for a fourth movie as Tim Allan
as Santa Claus.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
He had a sequel series that didn't necessarily do anything.
Tim Allen, I don't think you watched so yeah, all right,
it looks like you're a fucking liar.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, maybe I'm a hypocrite. There, take that back. Uh.
Shape was good and they explained it well too. It
was like when the Santa Claus season comes around, he
starts gaining weight again. He fluctuates up and down because magic,
you know, you don't always have to be fat, you know.
He just it's like he gets pregnant for a month
every year. The magical powers. He wasn't great at him.

(14:17):
He had some magic, but the magic was kind of
forced on him, right, He couldn't really control his way.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
I feel like we are really focused on the first
Santa Claus movie, because I definitely lost track of the
lore by the time he got to Martin Schwartz Jack Frost,
I have.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
No idea what happens at the end of that series.
Uh so magic and powers like not great, not great
cookie score overall for Tim Allen's Santa Claus, I'd say
probably like a maybe, like a thirty five.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Thirty start too high, But he's a good Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Good, he's very good, orderline great Santa Claus.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, and also he's a good manager. He's not over
you know, he's not pushing the elves too hard, but
he needs these toys done.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Yeah, it's about as good as you can do as
an average Joe becoming Santra Clause.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
I'm also thirty six hot dogs, race, cookies, cookies, cookies
can sue me? And milk and we should have done
cookies and then how many glasses of milk? How about
this mac And this is really where plemonade might play
a role. Okay, that is ed Asner as Santa Claus
and Elf.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
So I just rewatched Elf the other night. It is
still an absolute delight, hilarious, great physical comedy, mostly from
Will Ferrell, but everyone all the way around James Cohn.
Every time I rewatch the film, I great. I gain
a greater appreciation for James Conn's performance because it's so good.
He's so irritable, and I think in real life he

(15:47):
was probably pretty irritated too. Ed Asner in Elf Satisfactor
Like that is what I grew up thinking. Santa Claus should.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
Live in my mind when I picture Santa Claus. Yeah,
it is because he looks just like a Coca Cola commercial.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yes, yeah, that's a good point, he Sannah.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
So I was thinking about this because he's all over
so many advertisements. Is he public domain?

Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah? I don't think you can own santah right.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Maybe you can own a certain look.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
Maybe you can own the Chris Kringles of the world
or the Saint Nix of the world.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
I should have asked my lawyer the other night. Oh,
I went out to dinner with our lawyer the other night.
You know what he ordered to drink?

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Oh God, it's gotta be terrible. What do you get?

Speaker 1 (16:24):
D caf T?

Speaker 2 (16:26):
So what do you even get the tea?

Speaker 1 (16:28):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
He is, you know, a good friend, He's a smart fella.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
He's great at killing bees.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
He makes very interesting decisions, and he's okay with him,
He'll live with them. He's unapologetic. He's one of the
nicest people of all time, but he's definitely one of
the more interesting fellows DCAFFT. Like at the end of
the meal, they're like, do you want coffee, and he's like,
I'll take dcf T Well.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
No, it was at the beginning of the meal he
ordered drinks.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
He chose dcaf T hot tea hot tea for to
enjoy with his meal. Yeah, that's an insane move.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
I think they might have given him caffeinated City. So he.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Though ed Asner very satisfying. Look as Santa That's like
hashtag my Santa Claus. That's how I always pictured it.
It would I void.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
The voice is perfect.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
I want the Santa Claus to look like that bald
beard gonna BASI voice.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Power in that voice, like there's authority.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
And also like, you know, his diction and the way
he speaks is perfect. It's like a calming, relaxing, reassuring
type of character. And like when he gases Buddy up
at the end of the movie to help gas his
sleigh up, that's great too.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
So that's an It might be he's not in a
ton of the movie. That might be his only knock.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
But ages really well and you're right, plemonade wise when
he's when he's in.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
There, he steals.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's fun. He's still The shape is good.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
The shape is great.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
The detriment. He's not that powerful.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
He has to rely he needs Christmas chair, but they need.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
To rely on the people, so he doesn't really have that.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
They're gonna knock him for not having Magically, he's not
that magical. It's like when you're watching a Celtics game,
you need the fucking scoreboard to tell you to raise
the level, to get it to garden level.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
I'm gonna say, thirty nine thirty nine cookies of history.
He's got no magical abilities really side of history, just
his bag. And you know what, he kidnapped buddy by mistake,
So there, you know there's a half make mistakes.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
He kidnapped people, make mistakes.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
He committed. He should have been on the naughty list.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
How about this? Speaking of nautilusts, and I I'd be
on it for my arms and all the ink I
have on myself.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, crash more, Oh, crash Moore, is a great one.
So interesting relationship with crash Moore the first time, this
is season two, I think you should leave. The first
time I saw the series of crash More sketches, didn't
really get it, didn't really understand it. And by the
third time I was like, oh, this is the best
set of sketches Halloween.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
Halloween has this waned over time. No, it's better through.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
The roof, so Halloween as high as you can get.
And Plemonade. Also when he said that, like that, like
that type of shit that's through the roof, it's not boring.
It gets better and funnier every time. It's super fun,
pretty satisfying. I guess he's got no magical powers at all.

(19:34):
Though he's a good actor. He has to be a
working actor.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
He's not a great actor, but he has his quote
and you have to pay him that two mil.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, good shape on him, not too big, but big enough.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
And you also speak about diction with ed Asner crash Moore.
Biff Wiff has a bit of a heavy tongue which
plays perfectly.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah, like that sort of thing, which is kind of
fun for Santa. But if I'm gonna doc ed Asner
for not having Eddy Powers. I got a doc crash More,
so I'll put I'll put Biff Whiff's crash More also
at thirty nine cookies.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
I'm gonna have him at thirty four. Well, I love
Well while I love crash More, it's not a sand
don't want everybody.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
But I like how black and white he is with this.
You know, I feel like and Asner's Santa's a lot
of gray. You could be naughty or nice. Crash Moore
has his guidelines. You know, you're either getting gifts or
you're not, and he doesn't judge you.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
What do you think Crashmore would say if he heard
that I gave him thirty four out of forty cookies,
he'd probably respect it.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
He'd probably respect it. Fucking asshole said.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Come on, you gotta pick up on this shit, all right, Mac. Next,
let's move on to the Santa Claus, the one from
the Fruity Pebbles commercial that forces Fred to share his
Fruity Pebbles with Barney.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
I don't know if I remember the Santa Claus.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
So at first Barney comes down the chimney. He is
dressed as Santa, trying to trick Fred into giving him
the fruit. Peple. Once Fred realizes that it's Barney, Bonnie,
those are my pebbles, and then the real Santa comes
down there and he's like, Fred, it's the holidays. Don't
be such a bitch. And then Fred shares his pebbles.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
Bonnie, what do you got for a cookie? Score?

Speaker 1 (21:21):
It's about sharing. There's not a lot of magic, but
they're in the Stone Age. How much magic can you
have in the Stone Age? But the animals can't talk
and it is a living ye think about this is
that back when Barney and Fred were alive, animals had jobs.
Right now animals don't have jobs, and soon we're not
going to have jobs because the machines are going to

(21:41):
take them.

Speaker 2 (21:42):
Maybe have you considered that the Flintstones are in the
Wicked universe where the animals reverted, you know, they got
they got pushed down, forced out of society, and now
they've become.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
I've heard this as a conspiracy theory, and maybe we
should dip our feet back into conspiracy theories because what
we're doing it's not going anywhere. I've read some where
people believe that the Flintstones is actually in the future.
I can see that we have gone back to that
because of what we've done to this world.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
The animals have advanced to the point where they're working jobs,
but humans are their own worst enemies, and then reverted
us back to the Stone age.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
I know what I heard the other day because you
just took to the name of that song. I Am
my own worst enemy. Please tell me I saw and
it might be from last year, but it is uh
one of my go to karaoke songs. Wheatis did Christmas
start bag where they replaced the word teenage with Christmas?

(22:39):
And then you know, I was told this from social media.
So the lead singer of the song, he sings that
part where he gets super high. He does in this
part though, he does the voice of Santa and he
goes really low.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Interesting.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
I specifically stayed on the song to see what he
did at that point. I wasn't disappointed. Oh it was good,
I mean no, but.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Not so not an improvement lit My own worst Enemy
is one of my go tos. Macy Grays comment.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
Down below, I'm my own worst enemy or teenage dirt.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Bag Macy Grays, I try is my other.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Or Macy Grace try? Those are comment down below and
there are no bad.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
Commical away and stubble.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
Except for the ones that are meeting. Don't do those.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
It's chris My will crumbles when you are not.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
I'm thirty five on the fruity pebble Santa.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Above crash more. Yeah, I don't like you.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
He's either in the future or in the past, and
he promotes sharing.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
The Santa you just described it was like a lazy twin.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Is harder to crack than one of those slate pieces
of rock that Fred needs the chisel into, Santa.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
Does you ever you ever see a piece of slate
cracks pretty easily?

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Slate is the boss, mister Slate.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
I actually don't know shit about slate. I have no
idea for cracks easily or not. Oh there's slate roofs
that last a while, but they crack. How many cookies
the guy you described to me is like a classic
twenty eight, twenty nine to thirty dos.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Okay, twenty twenty nine, that's fine cookie Santa. You have
your opinion, and I'm gonna tell you twenty nine. Share
your fruity pebbles.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Mac. You can't share Freddy pebbles. They get soggy too quick.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I will say this. I'm completely against this, like pour
the person a new bowl, don't share soup, and don't
share cereal that is yours?

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Oh sharing a bowl?

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah, no anything in a bowl. Don't share anything in
a bowl. Yeah out that's the mac and gooo psa
of the day.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
You take anything away from today's podcast, don't share a bull.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Let's go on to from Fred Klaus Paul Giamatti. So
he's little but big, he's feisty.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
He's feisty. Yeah, you're right about that. Satisfying, he's kind
of mean. Yeah, he's not a very satisasting Giamati.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
You're gonna let him be mean.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
He's not a very satisfying experience.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
As Santa, the satisfactor is low satisfactor on Fred Claus
in general is pretty well true.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
The fun factor of Santa, like bickering with his brother
is decent. I don't mind that. But when when the
brothers more fun than Santa, that means.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
You are more fun than Santa. You got Ludacris as
an elf.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
So the Boma who with Giamatti is up there. It's
ticking highly. I've never once wanted to rewatch that. So
it's Halloween big time. Shape's decent I'll give him shape.
I don't remember, not for a second, what type of
powers or abilities he had, so I want to put
that right in the middle.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
Snark was his magic power.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
I'm not gonna say he's a failing Santa Clause because
it takes it takes something to play second fiddle as Santa.
So I'm gonna give him twenty six.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
I had twenty seven. Okay, twenty seven.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
Now, this next fella voiced pretty much every character in
this movie, but one of the characters that he voiced
is Santa Claus, and that is Tom Hanks in The
Polar Express. I'll just stop you right there. I don't
like this Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
You and I both don't really care for this movie either,
and some people love.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
I don't care for the tone. I don't care for
his shape, I don't care for his look.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't love this. It is
Tom Hanks doing some Tom Hanks stuff. Like. It's not bad,
but it is somewhat satisfying to see that story play out.
I guess it's not very fun, at least not to me.
He is magical, he's got magic powers. I suppose he makes.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Plain at night I don't know, get out of my face.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
It's weaned waned. You know, the boromer does tick as
well because he is more magical than most of the
Santa's we've talked about. I think that kicks him up
a little bit. I'm gonna give thirty Christmas cookies for
Tom Hanks twenty four.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Okay, how about this next one from I forget the
name of the movie. Was it Violent Knight? David Harbor
as Santa Claus that came out last two years ago,
two years ago. He is a John Wick Santa who
you would take in the octagon, but I don't know
if you want deliver gifts.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, he's basically just Dennis Hopper as Santa Claus. It
was satisfying to see Santa have some irreverent humor, you know,
and just be like, oh man, this sucks, you know,
kind of like Crash more So, I like that. That
movie was kind of fun. You liked it more than
I did. Yeah, his character, the idea of the character

(27:23):
is fun. It was somewhat of a boring movie considering
all the pizazz they but they were.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Like so all the other characters were terrible in it.
The little kid had a decent line about hey, have
you seen home Alone? That was kind of funny. But
Harbor was I thought good enough in a faceless, nameless
movie because there were three to four like big action scenes,
especially like I really wish I had my hammer and
then he gets his hammer.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, but I have no desire to rewatch that, so
it's weaned the Borrower ticks. I do think Harbor make
some plumondes. I'll give him that. He was not he
needed to be a little fatter. He just was more
dad bod. I need my Santa to be a little fatter.
So not the best shape Santa wise, He's definitely magical,

(28:09):
but not magical enough that liking the bag was the
most magical thing. For sure. I'd say he's about a
thirty two cookie Santa.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
Oh that's weird. I'm I only have met a thirty
may we have different cookie standards, I guess, sure, Sure,
how about this one? Mac And maybe you haven't seen
this one, but this is from a combat Santa? Is it?
It's Hull Cogan as Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
I actually haven't seen it. How Gogan is Santa Claus?

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh Santa with muscles? Sorry?

Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, yeah, it's fun. I suppose satisfying to see like
a childhood idol in that role. So that's satisfying.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Santa with muscles and boy howdy does he have those
fucking I don't know if.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
It's boring, it's probably not boring, right, it's probably fun
in the worst possible way. But because consider I've never
seen it, I'd say that's the highest possible wing Wayne
factor there. There's no way Terry Balaya is making plemonade.
So that's I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Look at this cover. He might be that's a good.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Little The shape is poor, very poor.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
How dare you he's in great show?

Speaker 2 (29:14):
I don't know what the extent of his magical powers
or abilities.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
You can lift two human beings at once, that's pretty
fucking strong.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
I'm gonna give him a barely passing grade just because
it's funny to see a childhood idle play Santas. I'll
give him twenty four cookies.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
But you give him twenty four.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, it's pretty big. Pretty bad guy too.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
He's a good guy.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
In real life, it's a pretty bad guy.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
He's a terrible person. Hey, Mac, how about this one?
The Santa Claus that we have seen for two decades now,
three decades when was nineteen ninety five, three decades, three
decades now. The Santa Claus from the M and M's commercial.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
He does exist.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
They you exist.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
So this Santa if you're all knowing, being an all
powerful right, oh you're.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
Calling and the logic you should you.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Shouldn't be surprised by fucking talking eminems. You ms, yeah,
it should be. In fact, you probably made these fucking eminems.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
You should be on the hunt. You should be trying
to locate them and eat them.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Right. Not very satisfying to see Santa Claus faint at
the existence of talking.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
You are going all in on this, Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
You got flying rein there.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
I didn't know you were so anti eminem, Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
It's the fun factors. Decent up because of the Eminem's,
not because of Santa it is. I don't know. There's
only so many ways you can come up with Santa
Claus fainting when he sees Eminem's so that it is
a little boring. It does ween Weigne over time. His
shape is good. He's got the shape and the look down.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
He's got the look. He's got the shape.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
In the lookdown but obviously not very magical if he's
fucking stunned by talking eminem. So this is probably my
least favorite Santa. Yet I cannot believe that I'm gonna
go twenty one Christmas cookies.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
Think solo of you? Now, I think so much less
of you. This might be our last episode.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Well, I mean, where do you have eminem Santa at
thirty four?

Speaker 1 (31:08):
He's at He's not okay. Look, we think he can't
even finish his deliveries because he fainted. Let's say this.
Let's say you know about centient eminem's. Let's say that
you are aware of these eminems, yet you still come
face to face of them for the first time. You're
gonna be a little spooked.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
No, the man's lived hundreds thousands of years. He's been
to every country in the world. He's created magical beings,
and you're not spooked by centient eminems.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
What if he lives in the tim Allen universe where
he is a fresh new Santa Claus that just murdered
another Santa Claus and this is his first encounter.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
Santa Claus would roll with the punchers with the sentient eminem's.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
It'd be like this, sucks.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
He'd probably think it was funny. Check out this guy.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
I'm a little thrown right now. I'm a little thrown
right now.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
All right.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
The next one up here, mac is little uh little Meta.
If you will me on Christmas Eve?

Speaker 2 (32:06):
Sure? Sure? Yeah? Are you? Are you retiring this year?
What's what's this? What's this?

Speaker 1 (32:11):
You got my text?

Speaker 2 (32:12):
I am?

Speaker 1 (32:12):
I am trying to retire myself. Uh. Number one is
the children that I see on Christmas Eve, my niece's, nephew's,
my son. Last year, they were beginning to catch on
to me, and I will say it is because I
have a gaunt face.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
You have a slender face.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
I have a slender face. I'm not the largest person
in general. So yes, I have a pillow on my tummy.
My hair goes on my wrist, goes beyond my sleeve.
And for something, my niece picked up on that. She's like,
I can see the hair and I'm like, okay, that's
kind of weird. So yes, I am trying to retire
myself and find someone at least. So what we need

(32:51):
to do this year is that one of my cousins
at least needs to take on the mantle, just so
they see me outside of Santa. Sure, they might pick
up on the it's you know them or something like that.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
You need to Santa system.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
We need a too Santa system. I would like to
hire an outsider, like an outside Santa, to step in
there and then they see everyone, They're like, oh shit,
this is really Santa. Yeah, we only have so many
more years of this.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
I would if if my family also didn't do something
on Christmas Eve, I would have probably done it. But
that's a big ask because now I'm gonna get into character,
and God forbid, I ruined someone's belief in Santa. That's
not my own family. It's a funny joke if it's
my own family. But if I come into your family
and ruin your son or niece or nephew's belief in

(33:35):
Santa Claus, I don't want to live with that.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
God forbid. You step in there and you give them
a gift and then you say that sucks. You know
Santa Claus is.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Kept swearing and stuff.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah you just start swearing. Now what I need to do?
And if this is like olden times, yeah, you just
have a neighbor step in. But people don't know their
neighbors anymore. You can't do that.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah, yeah, I would need.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
To find another father and we swamp out for like
a little bit.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, yes, you go to his family's house as Santa Claus,
he comes to yours. That's a good trade. You should
post on Craigslist.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Now, I'm not gonna do it on Craigslist. I don't
want to find a Craigslist Santa. So what's my score?
It's pretty low, it's pretty bad. It's forty cookie effort.
Forty cookie effort. I'm sure you're fun.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
You get it. You like getting the character. I'll give
you that. It can't be that satisfying, though, So that's
that's kind of low.

Speaker 1 (34:29):
I do my best to not favor my kids too,
like I really try and see, you're.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Probably not boring. You're probably not boring the kids.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
Do look for I do a somersault when I walk in,
I fake like my leg for sure.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
You try to make plemonade, that's no doubt about that.
The shape is poor, ice sweat. You have no magical
abilities that you know. Have you tried to do card
tricks or something to try to show off some magical ability.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
I walk in there with rings and I just start
going like this and I separate them. You got props,
I got props. I have a giant case, not a.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Bag of gifts. It's a bag of props.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
I'm carrot top Christmas.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
That's that's what I did. We could give fun.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
I feel like I saw him on the Leno Show
one time doing his uh Santa props.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
I'll I'll give you and the idea of dads as Santa.
I'll give them twenty four yash Okay, so you pass
for effort. You're better than You're better than.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Me in general. But you're saying dads as like a
thought of being Santa Claus. Yeah only twenty four.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah, I mean you could hire someone I am.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
You think I have money, you know much money I
just spent on Christmas.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
My issue, I know a Santa guy.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
My issue with Christmas gifts is that I get my
Christmas shopping done maybe like the first week of the
shopping season, so like by the time the Thanksgiving weekend
is over, I have bought all of the Christmas gifts.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Impressive.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
I then have a month of like, maybe I should
get a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Maybe I'll give him this one. You can open this one.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, you can open that one. He's been really good. Yeah, yeah,
and here we are. I'm fucking broke. I can't afford
a Santa for Christmas Eve. Now I'm gonna split what
you just said in half me as a Santa twenty
hot dogs. The idea of a family member stepping into
pose as Santa forty hot dogs, that is the Christmas spirit.

(36:20):
That is magic.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Okay? Sure?

Speaker 1 (36:22):
How about that, uh, that boring guy from Miracle on
thirty fourth Street, And you can talk about the one
from ninety five, or or the one with Matilda nineteen
thirty two, Matilda, Oh you know what I learned?

Speaker 2 (36:34):
And this is crazy nineteen fifty four.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
I think I saw it on a watch Mojo video.
Did you know that the little girl from the Pepsi
commercials in the late nineties slash she was in the
movie Polly with that parrot that ran away, the little
girl with the curly hair not ringing a bell. Give
her a quick Googles and I'll speak as slowly as possible.

(36:57):
Did you know that she is the sister of Jesse Eisenberg.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
So I'm looking. I looked up the movie Pollie. I
don't think this is I think this is the wrong
Pollie found the nineteen eighty nine's Pauli.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
Now it's like nineteen ninety seven's Pauli. It's an upsetting movie.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
Polly Movie Bird, nineteen ninety eight film.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Okay, Polly Movie Bird.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Oh that girl, that's just it. I recognize that girl
from the commercials. He's right, Uh yeah, Pepsi. Tony Shaloub
is in that movie Goo, as well as Jay Moore.
How about that Hailey Eisenberg. That's a Niley Eisenberg. Wow,
she's Maren's in that movie. Maybe I should watch that movie.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
I can tell you if you want a good cry,
watch fucking Polly Hailey Eisenberg.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
Oh so she's younger than Jesse. Hailey Eisenberg is thirty
three years old. How about that? All right?

Speaker 1 (37:48):
So, uh, the Santa from Miracle on thirty fourth Street.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
So he's like the standard that basically they craft ed
asner off of. Right, So the idea, the look in
the feel of Miracle on thirty four Streets, Santa is
what everyone is aspiring to be. So that's maximum like
satisfying look, not that fun. But then it does come
around and he may he grants your wish. So he's powerful, right,

(38:15):
so he's got magical powers. The shape is there. He's
not really making plemonade. He's pretty boring, admitted.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
He's on trial.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
He's somewhat fun yep, I know, but like you know,
would dreams do come true?

Speaker 1 (38:28):
So yeah, but it also it's it's not like, uh,
it's not like my cousin Vinnie.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
I think because he's not as fun as crash More
even at Asner. I got miracle on thirty four streets
Santa At Who'd I give thirty six to Allen? I
think I have him like thirty seven, thirty eight. He's
he's like an ideal Santa. Not the best one, but
he's like an ideal Santa.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
I got him at twenty eight. You want to know why? Wow,
why what's the opposite of plemonade? He has too much
screen time.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
It does have a lot of screens, too much screens.
That's not his fault.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
I blame the actor. He's probably there being like put
me on screen more, and they're like, shit, we have
to meet the filters.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
Who's the guy that plays him in the Matilda one?

Speaker 1 (39:07):
I don't know, man, Let's move on while you're giving
that a goog's and I will now bring up one
of the stop motion animation ones, and that is Mickey
Rooney from Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus
is coming to town. Richard Attenborough, Richard Attenborough, good old
Dicky Ats.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah, who did you just talk about?

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Mickey Rooney?

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Mickey Rooney? Where does he play? Santa Claus?

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Santa Claus is coming to town.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
I don't remember this at all.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
Stop motion animation.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
Oh, stop motion watch free voices.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Voice, he voices Santa. Maybe maybe my Google AI overview
lied to me. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Uh, Santa Claus is coming to town. This is an
enjoyable one. I like that flick.

Speaker 1 (39:53):
He's a redheabit.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
It's a satisfying it's fun. It's a fun story, satisfying story.
It's not very boring. I don't think it halloweens. It's
a classic. You know you enjoy watching that. Maybe he
is in it too much, right, so maybe.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
He's the titular character. He's coming to town.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
So plemonade doesn't really apply. But he's good. The shape
not so much, not the best shape ever for Santa Santa.
He's he's his magic is growing, his powers are growing.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
It's the origin story. It's really when we see him.

Speaker 2 (40:28):
Yeah, that's not that high either. I think I like
Santa Claus Mickey Rourke Rooney, Mickey Rooney.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Micky, he probably has played Santa somewhere. We could probably
find that in the New York next year when when
we do our Santa Too next year, when we when
we really dig and try and find more Santas. Yeah, yeah,
we'll talk about him then.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
I like, I like Santa Claus coming to town. Mickey
Rooney as like a thirty four cookie.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Santa thirty two. I like him. Yeah, he is the
young Santa that I think of. When I think of
a young Santa, I think of a little ginger. Yeah,
I agree, I agree, So credit to them. How about
from recent times Kurt Russell.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Kurt Russell in what movie was he in?

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Kurt Russell? Santa Claus? What does it called?

Speaker 2 (41:12):
The name of that movie? The most dapper Santa We've
ever had?

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Christmas Chronicles?

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Christmas Chronicles?

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Oh is he the most handsome Santa? Oh?

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Probably?

Speaker 1 (41:21):
You know what I probably should a he guys comment
down below, most handsome handsome Santa. Who's the sexiest Santa?

Speaker 2 (41:29):
I've never seen his performance in Christmas Chronicles because you know,
for for sure, I was never gonna watch that movie.
So satisfying and fun, I'm not so sure. But he
looks nice. He looks dapper. Because I've never seen it,
that's pretty low. He probably makes plumbing a because Kurt
Russell's good and everything.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Got a nice missus clause.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Who's the who's the missus? Oh? Oh, that makes sense.
So maybe he does have some magical powers there, you know.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
Oh, look at these two. Look at how much fun
they're having.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
The shapest they shaped him up, decent shape, the beard
is tremendous.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
And he's the star of the movie.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
I haven't seen it, so I can't rate him that high.
Thirty thirty cookies for go thirty eight.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Wow, Not only is he handsome, he's hashtag my sexy Sanna.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
He's hanging down.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Yeah, he's a good looking Sandy. He's got the shape,
he's got the We're gonna do this.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Next week for Missus Clauses. Goldiean's gonna be up there.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Guys' gonna give your heads up right now. We're not
putting an episode out on Christmas. It looking like next
year will do our missus Clauses.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
Okay, let's stay tuned.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
I'll tell you right now.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Remind us subscribe down below for so you can get
reminded of our.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
Subscribe button clause. Hit the alert button so that next year,
December twenty first, twenty twenty six, if we're alive, Yeah,
we're doing our Missus clauset.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
We're gonna do a Doomsday slash Missus Clause episode.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
It's gonna be split. It's gonna be our speaker box below.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Speakerbox. I think it's the Love Below or something like that.
I forget what it is.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
It's one of those things, man, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Which side deal.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
This might be a split Santa as well, because it's
a bit of a The personality switch is nuts. But
in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Yeah, he had a very shiny nose.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
He had a very shiny nose and if you ever
saw it, you'd even say it glows. Santa. You have
finn Santa and then you have Christmas Santa. When he
puts the weight back on, Yeah, the attitude shift, the
way that he manages the workshop completely different. When he
is skinny, he's a no nonsense dickhead. He doesn't want

(43:47):
you being different. He doesn't want no misfits in his
north Pole. But then when he's fat, he's like, it's snowing, guys,
it's not safe out there. Christmas is canceled.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah, because when he's fat, he's indulging. He's enjoying life.
He's having fun. He's not on a no carved diet.
You know, he's in taking some sugar.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
You know, you think that's what it is. You think
he is a You think Santa has diabetes. And when
he is not, he's not at his proper insolent lethargic.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
So it doesn't matter what you do.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
What do you got for your Santa? What is this?

Speaker 2 (44:17):
He gets fun, But also because he's a Kunti Kringle,
that comes down a little bit.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
Mary. I'm not gonna say the word, and you've already
said it once so you can't say it.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
It's fun, not the most fun, but it's fun. It's
a bit boring. It is a bit boring. He is
making plemonade though in a dual role. I'll give him that.
She's doing bold. He's doing too bad.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Feel like, if this is live action, they have two
different actors playing him.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
The shape is fine. The shape's good.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Well, when he's fat, the power has.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Got great powers. Clearly this is one of the better
ones go, I think, because you do have to have
some no nonsense to run that operation. You know, I'm
gonna so, I'm gonna say thirty eight Christmas cookies.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Between the two of them. You're saying thirty eight? Yeah, wow,
thirty five?

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Now. JK. Simmons has played Santa Claus twice. Have you
seen the one with the rock?

Speaker 2 (45:14):
I have seen the one with the rock? Yes?

Speaker 1 (45:16):
What would you give him? Quickly? I don't need your
full thing?

Speaker 2 (45:18):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (45:19):
He's actually pretty good. Okay, that terrible movie. He actually
he's not say enough. He met Santa he met well,
he's the yellow Eminem.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
He does exist. That is JK. How did that happen?
How did he get that role?

Speaker 1 (45:38):
It's crazy is that it's him and Billy West. Like
Billy West is a well known voice actor. That makes sense.
I'm curious. I was JK. Simmons more of a voice
actor when he started out?

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Yeah? I try. The first time I can ever remember
seeing JK. Simmons was that j Jonah Jamison. I don't know.
She was certainly in stuff before I just don't recall it.
And J Jonah Jamison must have been at least five
or six years after that first eminem's commercial.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Right, so he started in nineteen ninety six.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
There you go. I was spot on with that.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
When did M and M's Meet Santa December nineteen ninety six?

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Yeah, so I spot on with that, I guess. So,
I guess my first introduction to JK. Simmons was as
the yellow eminem. How about that. I'm impressed with that,
so am I grading him as a yellow eminem.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Yeah, so we're gonna do three grades. Now, We're to
do the Rocks movie the eminem and then also he
was Santa in Klaus.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
As the Santa in the Rocks movie. I was just
surprised it wasn't terrible, but it's like it's like twenty
Christmas cookies. He's one of the worst ones. As a
yellow he steals the show. That's plemonade to the max.
Everyone's like a red eminem, sexy, green.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Green, so sexy.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
I yellow the green eminem, yellow yellow eminem steals the show.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
PLU Remember that controversy when people were like, they're gonna
stop making these eminems so sexy?

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Yeah, they just gave the eminem like defined lips an eyeliner,
and people like, we're gonna fuck the eminem.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Oh, why do I want to fuck this eminem?

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Uh? He's he's a he's a forty cookie yellow eminem,
no doubt.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
While going through reels the other day, a song popped up.
It sounded a lot like a Flight of the Concord song,
but it was two younger fellas complaining about movies making
animals too sexy, like this is pretty funny.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
I mean Lula Bunny, Well that's what.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Why is Lola Bunny so sexy? And Bugs is just average?

Speaker 2 (47:35):
That should make a buff bugs you?

Speaker 1 (47:37):
Okay? Hashtag my sexy bugs bunny?

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Uh? JK. Simmons in Klaus forty.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
That's a man right now.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
He's not your favorite one, Okay.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
He's a bit of a recluse. He's out, he's out
there living. He's a toy maker and he is he's
finding new ways to bring these toys to the children.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Yeah. I don't love that. He's like a rec loose.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
He's a wreck.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
He's a little bit of a rogue Santa with some
out of an attitude. He is. He is a thick
boy that's like, that's like a thirty five thirty.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
He's also no nonsense. I agree, don't go behind his back.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
There's a lot of things I like about but there's
some detractions. So I got him like thirty five thirty
six cookies.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
Possibly my favorite Santa Claus. I love him in that I.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
Haven't I haven't given out a forty cookie Santa. I'm
leaving open the possibility that there's gonna be a number
one Santa.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Still, I'm selling right now there is it.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Well, I maybe they haven't been cast.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
You're saying that in the future we're due for forty
cookies ses once again. King of the Hill Hank giving
Michael Irvin a B so he has room to improve.
At Dallas Cowboys Training Camp, Jack Skellington, when he puts
on the Santa suit.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
He's a real son of a bitch until he's not,
though he learns. He learns the lesson that Santa is
trying to teach everyone, I suppose, so.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
That's satisfy to learn the lesson of staying your lane,
don't try new stuff.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
He is fun. He's fun when he still and stuff.
That movie is still great to watch. He makes plemonade.
The shape is tremendously bad to where shape.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
HiT's the opposite of the shape I want.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
He's somewhat magical, not as magical as he should be.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Well, he didn't die when his sleigh got shot down.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
Give me thirty two Christmas cookies on scaling, I will.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Say though, with Skelington, his body shape makes more sense
for going down a chimney. Just slide right down.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
That's a good point. But then I mean the magic
comes into play right instance.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
We're talking physics right now.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Sure, sure he would maybe slide down too fast and
break his egg.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
I bet there'd be some children that would like those
spooky gifts.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
All the goth girls, all the goth girls.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
What if he only delivered the goth girls. It's a
billy d Christmas. That's an inside joke. And I apologize, guys.
He's well intentioned, he sees it, he tries to bring it. Sure,
I feel like what he should have done is, and
this is hindsight twenty twenty, yeah, is that he should

(50:01):
have not tried to be Santa in Christmas Town. He
should have tried to be Santa in Halloween Town. So
bring Christmas to Halloween Town.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
Ridiculed in Halloween.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Well, they built him the gifts. Yeah, but they they
build him the reindeer.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Yeah, you're right, you're true, you're right.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Thirty okay, fair, thirty for the effort. John Travolta in
the Capitol One ads.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
He's like going for what Kurt Russell nailed and he's
just not as good at it. So what I give
Kurt Russell?

Speaker 1 (50:37):
I gave him thirty eight. You're gonna bounce it off mine.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
I think I gave Kurt Russell like thirty four to thirty.
I don't know. Let's let's say he's a poor man's Russell.
Let's give him like twenty two. You can dance twenty
two Christmas card? Are you keeping him to know if
he still can dance?

Speaker 1 (50:52):
He was dancing in the ad.

Speaker 2 (50:54):
Oh, I don't know. If I've seen the ad, then he's.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
A great dancer. Was I think he can still dance?

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Guys comment down below. Can John Travolta dance right now?

Speaker 2 (51:04):
I think SAPs all the dance out of you.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
It's like the footloose fucking town is that when you
join the religion, you're not allowed to dance anymore.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Take away everyone's tap shoes.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
I'll got twenty six he can dance. And then finally
Billy Bob Thornton, Oh yeah, Bad Santa.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
To me, he's like, you know, totally the best version
of what Jack Skellington was kind of doing at the
beginning of that movie.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Right you want a sandwich?

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Uh, it's very satisfying. And Graham Lauren Graham, Oh yeah,
how about it.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
He heard about it.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
He learns a lesson. It's fun. Stealing stuff is fun.
Even though it's against the rules. That movie is a
great watch. Still, he certainly makes plemonade. The shape is poor,
but give him a few more years maybe he'll get that.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
I don't think he looked like it in The Santa
Claus or The Bad Santa Too.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
I would say that, by the way, he's like seventy
years old, which is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Still loves a kangle hat, though.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
I would say of all the Santas we've talked about,
he might be the most magical because he pulled lawng Graham.
So I'm gonna give Billy Bob Thornton as Sanna in
Bad Santa. I still haven't seen Bad Santa Too, so
I couldn't tell you what that performance is like, I'm
gonna say thirty three Christmas Cookies.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Thirty three, okay, I mean as a as a movie,
as a Christmas movie. I love it. He does learn
a lesson, he does get the Christmas spirit gets him
thirty two okay, thirty two on his specifically his Santa. Yeah, yeah, okay,
Well that's all I have.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Mac.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
So we go back through and give our Santa scores.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
I don't remember any of the scores. I think I
gave Asner and crash Moore or my top thirty.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
As I go through mine off the top yard just
ballpark it.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Crash More at Asner are my two favorite. They're both
at thirty nine. They both could be a smidge better.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
I have Tim All at thirty six.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
I think I also gave him thirty six.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
I have Ed Asner is forty okay, the look the
feel that is Santa. Crash More thirty four, the Santa
from the Fruity Pebbles commercial thirty five.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
Yeah, I don't remember what I gave him.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Paul and gmah at the twenty seven, Yeah, he was
like twenty nine. Tom Hanks twenty four sure, David Harbor
thirty sure, hull Cogan twenty too low, too low from
the Eminem's commercial thirty four.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Yeah, I gave him eighteen, I think.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Me on Christmas Eve twenty.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
I gave you twenty four.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
The idea of fathers or uncles or loved ones posing
as Santa forty. Yeah, I'm gonna start crying right now.
Miracle on thirty fourth Street, bor Rude twenty eight.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
It's like it's an ideal. Santa thirty four, thirty five,
thirty six in.

Speaker 1 (53:50):
That range, coming to town thirty two, Yeah, Kurt Russell thirty.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Eight, Okay, I mean he's sexy, but that's too much.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Rudolph Santa thirty five, Yeah, that sounds about right. Dick,
he's a dickhead for J K. Simmons klous forty.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
That seems high, but you love that movie.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
I understand it, and as the Yellow Eminem forty, I'll
agree with that. Is that a podcast soon? Are you
gonna start ranking and rating.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Talking about ways we'd fuck the Green Eminem?

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Yeah? Purple one's pretty good too.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
I don't know if I've seen the sleep on the.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Purple one, I'm pretty sure, or is it the brown one?
Let's look up the colors of the eminem's.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
I'm gonna look up sexyminem.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
Yeah, look up sexy eminem. While I finished this, Jack
Skellington thirty, John Travolter twenty six, Billy Bob Thornton thirty two.
Is the purple one sexy?

Speaker 2 (54:39):
I googled sexy m and ms. The first pop up
is Tucker Carls and widely mocked after criticizing less sexy eminems.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Oh so he was saying he wanted more.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Sexy m they weren't sexy and oh okay, Oh the
green eminem. Wait, I don't know if this is AI
or if this is a real thing. The green eminem
took off her shell and then she was brown.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
Okay, so that is from a commercial, Okay, a very
good commercial.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Looks like the brown eminem is also a female.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Is the purple one? Was I thinking of the David
Cross eminem?

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Yeah? I don't see a purple one in here.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
The purple one might be the caramel one. I was
thinking of the brown one.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
The brown one has sexy glasses specs if you're into that.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Right, Like, my big thing is like an eminem in
high heels. That's where it's at.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
I like a pair of specs on a love interest.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Well that's because, like you know, they mean business when
they lean forward and pull them down to the tip
of their nose.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Yes, yeah, then you're like, I'm in Maybe maybe they'll
discipline me too, you know, with a ruler or something.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
So merry Christmas.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Chris tweet at us what eminem you'd rather fuck the
brown or they're green?

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Comment down below. Tweet Prowner Yeah, comment down below. YouTube
smash that subscribe button. Check us out next year for
missus claws. Let's get into Ma Sack and Mac sac
could be anything, it could be about and Mac. We

(56:08):
have been talking wishes this whole podcast.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Right right.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
I have recently seen a movie. It's called The Housemaid. Okay,
I am going to allow you to ask me three
housemaid wishes, three housemaid questions. I am the Housemaid Genie.
This is the adapted book to movie starring Amanda Sefried
and Sidney.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
Sweeney and bought a couple hot eminems.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
Soon to be Batman. Okay, and I'm going to answer
this that it's a it's a wealthy family who hires
a young housemaid to step in there, clean the house,
help with the kids. Pick Up the Kid, you know
how it is, and you know sexy Shenanigan's happened?

Speaker 2 (56:49):
All right? My three questions? Yes, number one is there
new today?

Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yes? Uh?

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Number two by who?

Speaker 1 (56:56):
So are we talking? So bum is partial nudity?

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Correct, I'll count bump, I'll count bum.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
Okay, So there is man bum okay from Batman? From Batman.
By the way, he's not officially Batman, but I'm gonn
tell you right now, having seen him in Glenar, having
seen him in the Blake Lively movie last year where
he was in pretty good shape compared to now where
he's fucking yoked. I'm like he's training for something. He's

(57:22):
putting on the weight for something. I think it's gonna
be Batman.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
He also has a very Bruce Wayne look to him.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
No hog though, just no haws.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
There is Skinemax style uh engagement.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
I will say, okay.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Oh, and back to the newdity breasts from Swing Dog,
from Sid the Kid.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
Yeah, but nothing from Amanda No, Okay, that's a little disappointing,
but she does she has, you know, done that in
the past. Mister skid Sweety's really leaning into it these days.
Were they were they good skinemax scenes?

Speaker 1 (57:57):
To him?

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Pretty good, passionate, passionate that that doesn't count as question.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
We brought this No, that counts as a question. Two,
my fingers are down now. We brought this up two
years ago, that like, movies really haven't been sexy lately,
and I feel like the last year and a half
movies have kind of gotten sexy again.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Kicked off by the Sweeney and Glen Poll movie.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
That movie was sexy, that was pretty sexy. We were
disappointed by the sexiness in that non sexy tennis movie.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Oh very unsexy. Yeah yeah, not enough sex not enough sexiness. Yeah, yes,
I feel like movies are sexy again in that movie. Good.
My final, My third and final question is is there
an exchanging of fluids between the two female leads?

Speaker 1 (58:35):
Now? Okay, sorry if that is a spoiler.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
There's no like hate hook up there that just actually
hate each other.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
Well you'll find out, I guess. So I will also
say this is that. So we saw it at a
screening and there was someone sitting in front of me.
I'm not gonna say what their occupation is, but they
laughed at every piece of dialogue and it was the
most annoying thing possible.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
You should have spilled some of your burrito on them.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
I did eat a burrito delicious, carnanitas, pico nagayo, rice, guacamole,
hot sauce. The movie wasn't necessarily great, but it also
wasn't laughably bad. Were there some lines that you're like,
that's kind of stupid. Sure, but to sit in the
front of this movie theater with everyone watching and to

(59:24):
be so distracting, get out of my face.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Do you think she was planted as a laugher the
same way Isla Fisher was planted as a crier in
Kirby You.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
So what you're saying is that she meant to go
to a live taping of The Big Bang Theory and
she accidentally went to see The Housemaid. Yes, she's like,
this isn't Sheldon.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
All the time? Great episode. I don't know if you've
seen that one with Isla Fisher as he paid for
crier at Clive Owen's Broadway show and Larry catches on,
Oh it's great, it's good.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
All right, Mac? Where can the folks find us?

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
You can find us on x and on Instagram at
Mac and Go podcast. That's Mac shift seven on your
keyboard and go over the platform.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
Let's not forget.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
I do Macago podcasts on all social medias, on all
podcast platforms, including Spotify, but more importantly Apple podcasts. Get
on there, rate review, subscribe five stars. If you do
that in an alternate timeline, we'd still be giving you
Mac and Goo t shirts from the folks over at

(01:00:34):
Watertown Sports where that's Watertown Sports. We're on thirty four
Mot Auburn Street in Watertown, Massachusetts. Watertown Sports were experts screenprinting.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
And Burtepublic dot Com. I would say that you might
be a little bit late if you are trying to
order stuff for Christmas. But I don't know, Gove, who knows?

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
Yeah? Go, look what did you ask Santa Claus for
for Christmas?

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Money to pay for the rest of the crap that
I bought for everybody else I need it?

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Yeah? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
Knowing what I receive on Christmas, that's already gone. That's
well gone. Sure, I have spent way too much money
in my son I have. We usually don't get big gifts,
me and my wife, but I'm gonna surprise her with
something pretty nice. Okay, I'll tell you what it is.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
Because it's just your big drip in hob.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
It's my nick and a box. I'm gonna say what
it is right now because she doesn't zero percent chance
she's fucking listening right now. Yeah I got her. I
designed a closet for her. Oh that's right. Yeah, you
were talking about this. Are you gonna I'm not gonna
build it. What I did is I printed out what
I built. I put it in a box. I will

(01:01:45):
open it. She'll open it be like, oh what is this?
I built you a closet. Everything that I have, like,
all the pieces are on the porch. This also allows
me to if she fucking hates it, I'll bring it back.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Because you are you are you haven't already yet built
it yet? Yeah that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
That makes it'd be a bit because the closet stands
eighty four inches tall.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
But how many man hours you're talking here to build
this closet.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
I don't think that many.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
I really like the top fucking drawer because it's a
glass top and you can pull it out in there.
You can put your jewelry in there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Oh, I say, dill Do's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
You can put that in the second one.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
You don't want to see them.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Comment down below. Do you want to see your bill doos?
So if she's listening, Merry Christmas, she ain't, though.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
You know, you know what we did do. This is
our first Christmas together. You know, it's a young, you know,
blossoming relationship and in lieu of getting each other gifts
that yeah, dildos that we know we're not gonna use.
You're gonna stick to our old, trusty, reliable ones. We
split a little trip trip in a couple of months,
a little weekend away, which is good because I guess

(01:02:53):
we're going to.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Use it is the dill dos.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Yeah, on the trip, you know, good comp.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
There was an old dust on El sketch where they're
trying to figure out what to give everyone in the
office as like an office Christmas gift, and it's just
Will fort Tay's character just going dild does. We gave
him dildo's last year.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
I like calling individuals who I don't care fields.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
It's a great, great fucking insult.

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
All right, So once again, Merry Christmas, Ry, but also
you'll hear from us maybe at the top of next week.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
Hanka uh good Happy Kwanza? Is that how they say it.
Marry Kwanza.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
We're gonna do a news dump at the top of
next week, but then after that we're probably not We're
not doing an episode at the end, so.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
We're gonna do thirty seven minutes on the Gaston solo film.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
I have some thoughts. That's a big market tease for Monday.
That's a big market deece for Monday, Tuesdays, for Guesdays,
I use kangaroos, Damn Martin Bye. Please flip the cassette
over to side B to continue the adventure. Hey, now,

(01:04:05):
let's side for girls jumping on tramp trampopolines line, Let's
hold folks,