January 2, 2026 • 46 mins
Bradley Jay Filled In On NightSide with Dan Rea:
For the most part, we all try to be polite in our everyday doings, but sometimes we can unknowingly fall short. What are some of the common mistakes made during small talk? How are people mismanaging table manners during formal meals? Bradley discussed all things etiquette-related with Nikki Sawhney, Certified Children’s and Corporate Etiquette Consultant and Director and Founder of the New England School of Protocol.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's nice side with Dan Ray. I'm telling you Boston's
Beach Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Thanks all great jock tonight. You know, I've made some
pretty bad mistakes etiquette wise and embarrassed myself. I'm for
a small town and no one really told me anything,
and I made some mistakes at dinner parties, in at
business events, and I'm going to try to a educate
(00:27):
myself and be save you the pain that I went through.
You've probably made some mistakes too, and maybe you don't
even know it. Maybe you didn't get that job because
of some etiquette mistake you made. You were rude in
some way you didn't know, or maybe you went to
a party over some people's house and when you left
they they all went, you know, the people that held
(00:50):
the parties that went, oh, oh my god, did you
see what so and so did? Oh my god, did
he grow up in a barn? Well, we're gonna try
to to help you out. This is gonna be fun.
If you have any questions etiquette questions, and etiquette goes
far beyond what you might think. As you find out,
(01:11):
six one, seven, two, five, four, ten thirty is the number.
We do have an expert. You wouldn't want to be
relying on me for your advice. So we hunted far
and wide. We did a search and we found Nicki Sahni,
who is a certified Children's and corporate etiquette consultant and
(01:33):
director and founder of the New England School of Protocol.
Who knew there was a New England School of Protocol
and UH certified incorporate Etiquette consultant, founder director. So you're
you're heavy in the world of etiquette. Come over close
to that microphone.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you, Bradley for having me. It's great to be here, of.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Course, and this is your first time on the radio, right,
it is my first. I'm determined to make this a
happy and pleasant experience.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Firstly, you've really become at the very top of the
etiquette world. How did you who would even think that
this was a career path? How did you find this
career path?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Well, Bradley, my background was in finance and I worked
for a few years and then I was fortunate enough
to be home with my children, and this was the
time when social media and cell phones and smartphones were
coming into being. When my boys got together with their friends,
I noticed that they were all together in the same room,
(02:38):
but no one was speaking to each other. They were
communicating via their phones.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
They're in the same room yet texting each other.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Texting and playing games with each other, but all over
the phone, no one was saying a word. And I
realized that the tools, the very tools that are meant
to make people social, were actually having an adverse effect
on them.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
They were really to make money the social part. That's
what they say. But I don't know how social. Social
media is kind of anti social media, But I get
your point. So that had to be a shocker for you.
Can you come a little close to the cellphone?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, that was a shocker. And then when I go
out to dinner occasionally I'd see parents at the table
on their phones and children on their iPads, and I
realized that we're losing the art of conversation and into
personal skills. I decided to get certified and bring etiquette
back into focus.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So you went way beyond just the cell phone us.
And you did you go to school for this?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I did. I did get certified.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I went where does one do that?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So I got certified for children's etiquette at the American
School of Protocol in Atlanta and then I got certified
for corporate at the Charlotte School of Protocol and etiquette
at the Charleston Part of Me School of Protocol. And
then I also got trained by William Hansen, who is
an etiquette expert out in England.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He has a podcast, right he does? I know the guy.
I mean, I don't know him, but I've watched this podcast.
He's kind of a smart alochy guy.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Right, he is a smart alchy guy, but he knows
the stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
He's got an attitude.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Not when I met him, I see, okay, a good attitude.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Wow, So you certainly have the credibility.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
And now are you able to make a living at it?
By the way, yeah, who hires you?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
So? I work with schools, I work. I teach at universities, corporations,
and partners with various organizations such as the Girl Scouts
of Massachusetts, wreck departments, community centers, and even individuals anyone
who wants to learn etiquette.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
How about parents? Did parents say I want my kid
to know how to act all the time?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
All the time. I have parents who say, Eric, can
you take my child and please teach him some manners
and something?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You can do your job online, right.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I prefer teaching good for you? Yes, I feel that
face to face interaction and teaching and demonstrating and role
playing is really important, especially when it comes to children.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
All right, So the number six, one, seven, two, four, ten.
If you have a question, we're going to go by category.
We're going to start out with dinner, which is something
pretty much everyone does and might need to know. The
manners are related to that. And when you say dinner,
do you mean fancy dinner or dinner party, or dinner
(05:38):
at a restaurant, or just two people at even two
people at home, all of these let's start with two
people at home. That's what I would be help me
to live a better life with my manners with just
my partner and me.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, well, Barley, nowhere are your manners more evident than
on the dining table. That's the one time where your
all your skills come into play, your table manners, your
interpersonal skills.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Question. Right out of the get, your student has a question, sure,
is it okay to watch TV and eat? If it isn't,
I'm going to starve to death.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
A time to A time to eat is a time
to connect with people at the table. So I would
I would say no, what.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
If there's only one other person, that's all right.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Just talk to that one other person, connect with them,
find out how their day was, share how your day was,
ask questions.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So there's if you've communicated with that person enough for
the rest of the day. There's nothing inherently wrong with
watching TV, you cut.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
If you're both watching together, of course.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, and we're discussing what's on TV. That's fine, Like
look at that guys haircut, or I don't like that actor,
things like that.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I personally prefer having a meal with whether it's a
table person, yes, at the table and having no cell phones,
no television, just talking about day.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Maybe try that. Okay, I'm gonna put myself in your hands.
There you go. I'm going to try that nice table. Okay,
take it from there. What else do I need to
know to make it right?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Well, first of all, you don't want full experience any
any phones on the table, no keys, No, are you
eating at home? Yes, you are eating home? Okay. So
posture first of all, jeez, you want to sit at
the table. You want to make sure that you're sitting
with good posture, no slouching posture.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Is so important. I was just slouching, as you said
that posture is important for breathing and all that stuff.
But I guess it's a sign of respect.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
It is a sign of respect and good to Research
shows that when you want to communicate, sixty percent of
what you want to communicate is by your posture, thirty
percent is the tone of your voice, and only ten
percent are your words. So posture is extremely important.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Good thing. I'm on the radio because I'm a sloucher.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
So when you're sitting at the table, you want to
make sure that you are sitting with good posture. Okay,
you are waiting for both of you to have your
food on your plate before you start. If you have
a net paper napkin, you want to open it all
the way. If you have a clock napkin, you always
fold it in half and place it on your lap.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Seeze, I didn't know that fold it in half? Now,
what is the purpose of that?
Speaker 3 (08:14):
So that when you have any stains, or if you
have food on your map, on the side of your
mouth or on top of your mouth, you are going
to open the inside of your clock napkin and wipe
gently dab rather not wipe non scrubbing, No rubbing, but
just dabbing. And when you're done, you'll close your clop
napkin and the stains will remain inside.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Oh my god, this is so fantastic. We're folks. We're
all going to be just at any party we're going
to go, we're going to be the classiest people there. Now,
I didn't know that, And it makes sense. There's always
a reason for these things.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Absolutely, there's always a reason, and it's always good to
ask why.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And the paper napkin, you say, open it all the
way up. You also put that in your lap.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
You also place that in your lap, and you dab
the corners of your mouth. Do not wipe, do not wipe.
But you never take food out in your clock napkin.
You don't rub, You don't blow your nose in your
clock knack.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Who would take food out. Let's say you're at a
you feel older than six.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, let's say you're at a party and you have
you're having a steak and it's a wedding and the
bride's father is giving a speech and you have this
piece of steak and it tastes awful. What are you
going to do with it?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Apparently, not put it in my napkin.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
That is correct.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
What do you do with it?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Well, your first option is obviously to get up and
go out and spit it out, But because there's a
speech going on, you can I tend to get up.
If you have a paper napkin, you're discreetly going to
take it out and put it and place it underneath
your plate on the on the towards you, not on
top of your plate.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
But not a cloth knapkin, not a clock knack, because
you have to keep using it.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
And also if you have if you if you remove
food in a clock napkin and you place it on
your table when you're done with your meal and your
server comes to pick and picks up your napkin, he's
not going to know or she's not going to know
that you have food in gross and they're going to
have to deal with that. And yes, that's gross.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
That's great information.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So if you do not have a paper napkin and
you cannot get up and go to the bathroom to
spit out your food, you're going to very discreetly take
your fork take And you.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Cannot say this right into the microphone, it's.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Important if you do not have a paper napkin and
you cannot get up and walk to the bathroom because
there's a speech going on. Or maybe you have a
lot of five people sitting to your left and five
to your right and you have a wall behind you.
In that situation, you are going to take your fork,
(10:43):
take the food out, very discreetly, put it on your plate,
and cover it with something like your mashed potatoes or rice.
That is your last option. But you will never take
it out in your clock napkin and leave it at
the table and walk away.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
That's one of the best things I've ever heard in
my life. Thank you, And I'm just trying to imagine
me burying a piece of tough steak under the potatoes.
It was difficult not to laugh during that. But I
now know the way to do it. And if somebody says,
what are you doing that, I say, this is the
way you do it. You live your life.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Well, it's better than putting in the clock map leaving
it for your way to to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
What else do we need to know? That was fantastic?
Anything about dishware or order of the use of things.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Yes, So when you're at the table learning how to
navigate a three or four course meal is a good
thing to do. So when we're at the table and
you have a lot of utensils, sometimes people get overwhelmed
with a number of utensils. You want to remember that
you are working from the outside end, so you use
the outermoors utensil first, then the next, and the next
(11:50):
and so on. So if I have a four course
meal and I have soup, a salad, a main course,
and a dessert, the outermost utensil is going to be
the soup spoon, and you work your way in and
and then you are going. You could use either the
(12:11):
Continental style of dining or the American style of dining.
That's totally up to you.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
What's the difference.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
So the Continental style of dining or the European style
of dining is a two step style where you cut.
You hold your knife in your dominant hand and you
you use your fork and you cut. It's two steps.
You cut and then you eat from the back of
the fork.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Leaving both in. You don't have to put one of
them utensils down at all.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
You don't have to. It's cut and eat.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
All right. Do you have the times of the bendy.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Part of the fork facing down, facing the bendy part
fast place up the ties of facing down.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Okay, yes, interesting And.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
When you are resting, it's really important to know. When
you're taking a break or pausing, how do you place
yourself were and when you're done, how do you place
your silverware? So when your pause, you place your silverware
in a triangle that tells your weight. Staff, don't touch
my plate, I'm not done. These are silent signals.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Between bites. Do you keep your utensils in your hands
or do you put them down?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Well, you should place them down, So take a bite
and then you can place them down. You can yep
if you choose stoa.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Yes, and when you do that, you place them down
between bites, place.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Them in a triangle or yes, you place them in
the triangle. Now, if you know that you're taking small
bites and you're eating and you're not pausing, then you
can hold them in your hand. But don't point that
fork or that knife at somebody.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Don't point with your fork or knife.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Wow, this is really actionable stuff, folks. I hope you're
taking notes. I need I need to take a break.
We've gone so long, we'll have more on and we'll
deal with dining etiquette to try to keep you from
being embarrassed in a moment. On Devil's By.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's news radio,
My friends.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
We were talking. We were speaking about etiquette tonight with
Nikki Soni, who's an expert and trained expert, certified expert
and really fascinating. We've already learned that some of the
things we all do are bad. Let's learn some more.
Let's learn other things that we shouldn't do. It's going
to be great to be able to go into a
situation and know that you are probably the only one
(14:30):
there doing things correctly. And that would be because you
listen to night Side. We are still in the home
you you did mention. There's a proper way to recover
from some sort of accident. Say I guess you tipped
over a glass or something like that. That's a proper
recovery method.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Absolutely so, if you are at someone's home and you
have a spell or you have an accident at the table,
the most important thing is to be calm and composed,
acknowledge the mistake, don't make excuse, and then apologize and
offer to help clean up. Most people get frazzled, or
(15:07):
some people may pass the blame or pretend like it
never happened. I think there's a grace in accepting that
it is a mistake and offering to help, or if
you broke something, offering to pay for it.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
So basically own it and don't get in bettered. Absolutely, Okay,
things happen. What about if you go to somebody's house
and what about bringing something? Give me some guidance, give
us all guidance on on that. Sure, I can't assume
that that people drink, like bringing wine might be a mistake.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
That's right. So unless you know them really well and
you know that the type of wine they enjoy, or
even if they drink or not, don't take wine. Always
bring a hostess gift. It's a nice way of showing
your host that you really appreciate the invite. Of all
the people that they could have invited, they chose to invite.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
You, right, So what's a surefire gift that's not going
to fail?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Box of chocolates, candles, Stay away from self help books,
stay away from anything too personal. If you're bringing flowers,
bring flowers in a vase. You don't want the host
to stop in the middle of a party and now
you brought them flowers and they are looking for a vase.
If you're bringing, you know, a dish or a food item,
(16:22):
make sure it's oven ready. You don't want them to
pause in the middle of the party and now transfer
the food into an oven ready dish. So just be
mindful of what you're bringing and what you think that
the host would enjoy.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
All Right, this happens a lot. Hey, you want to
come to dinner? Me what should I bring? They say nothing.
But even though they say nothing, you cannot do.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That right if someone's yes. If you especially if you're
going to someone's house for the very first time, it's
always nice to bring something a homemade jam, a homemade bread.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Jam bread. Well, in Jerry's the gift was it was
a a bobka an. The whole episode was trying to
get ababka.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah. Yeah, I would say definitely, if you're going there
for the first time, bring something a small token gift.
It doesn't have to be anything too expensive or too personal.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Okay, I'm just asking things that pop into my mind.
So what about dous and don'ts on the conversation you make.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Oh, so a time to eat, as I mentioned earlier,
is a great time to connect with people. And when
we're at the table eating, we want it to be
a pleasant conversation. So you want to avoid any kind
of controversial topic unless you know the people at the
table really well. It's okay to have a healthy debate,
But if you are invited to someone's home and you
don't know the other guests, don't start a debate or
(17:47):
a controversial topic. Steer away from anything too personal.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
What about politics, I have to ask that out about it?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Well, like I said, if you don't know the people
at the table, you don't want to discuss topics like
politics or religion or money and start a debate. You
want that evening to be pleasant. Well, if you do
know them, If you know them well, and you can
have a healthy debate with them, if as long as
everyone's on board and try to be inclusive, don't dominate
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I actually, I don't think there's anything such thing as
a healthy debate over politics anymore. People don't seem to
be able to do.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It unless you are very close to someone and you
are both able to discuss and agree to disagree and
you know the person. Yes, I would say, if it's
a very close knit group, if it's my sister and
myself or my brother and we are talking about this
and we are open to accepting each other's ideas, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
That's pretty rare. It is very rare. So what about
the fact that this doing that may take away completely
from the enjoyment of the food. You get so caught
up in your battle of your debate. I don't think
i'd bring up politics or religion or anything at all.
Trying to keep it positive, upbeat, positively reinforcing for everybody,
(19:06):
concentrate on enjoying the food that they work so hard
to put together.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Absolutely, if you know, and I would steer away from there.
But if you are having if it's a close knit
group and you know you can have a healthy conversation.
I've had healthy conversations with family or friends. But if
you can't, I would say, absolutely, steer away from anything
that's debatable, anything that's going to read.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Is it okay if you get an invitation to say,
you know what, I'd love to come if you can
promise me you won't talk about politics. Is that? Is
that a rude thing to do.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Yeah, I would not say I would not have a
conditional invite. If the topic comes up, I would I
would change the topic. Or normally the host is the
person that will steer away and maybe change the topic.
Or you could say, maybe we can discuss this another time,
or I'd rather not speak about this at this point
in time. I'd love to talk about other things, or
(20:01):
enjoy the meal and maybe talk about the food and
the host and people at the table.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
All right, now you mentioned moving into the world of business,
we would change the topic to business dining. Sure, So
I don't even know what to ask in business dining.
There got to be some top three or four things
to do and not to do.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Yes, So when you are inviting your client to dinner
or are being invited, you want to make sure that,
especially if you're inviting, if you're inviting somebody to dinner,
you want to make sure that you take care of
a few things ahead of time. The first thing you
want to know is if there are any dietary restrictions.
You don't want to bring your client to a seafood
(20:44):
restaurant and then find out that they don't eat seafood.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
True.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
The second thing you want to do is you want
to ask your client how much time do they have?
Don't assume that they have two hours to have a
leisure lee lunch, so it's always good to ask them.
The other thing I would ask is what's a good point,
what's a good place to meet that's convenient for them.
You don't want them to driving an hour across town
(21:09):
because it suits you, so you want to be mindful
of that. And then as you get to lunch or dinner,
you want to make sure that you wait for your
client to get there before you sit down. You wait
for them at the front of the.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Restaurant, sit down before they sit down. That's very important.
That's great. I would not know. I wouldn't sit down probably,
but it's good to know that that's a rule. Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
And then when you when you are at the table,
you give your client the better facing seat. You want
them facing the restaurant, not facing the kitchen. And you
order course per course, so that if your client's having
a soup, you try and have a soup or a salad.
If they're having a main course, you'll have a main
course and alcohol.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So let them decide the level of the meal.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yes, So you. You let them decide because you're hosting,
and you let them decide.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Now, they obviously would have to order first.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
They would have to order first. Now, how do you
know if you should order the eighty dollars steak or
the twenty dollar pasta?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
You let them order first.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
How would they know if they?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oh? Right? So how would the client?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
How would the client?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
So now we're on the other side. Now we're in
the client and you're going out. Right, If you're a client,
the answer is, I do not know. Tell you tell me.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
What would you do?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Well? I would want to make a good impression on
the client, so I would probably get a mid range
dish because I don't want to seem like I'm uncomfortable
getting anything at all. But I wouldn't get the one
hundred and nineteen dollars whatever steak.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
That's right. So, if someone invites you and is paying
for the meal, that doesn't mean that you take the
liberty of ordering the most expensive or over ordering because
you don't want to cook dinner and you want left over.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
So one of the ways to find out kind of
gauge what you're what the person can afford is by
asking them what do you recommend or have you been
here before? Would you recommend?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
What is great?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
What do you think is great? Or what are you
thinking of getting? And if they say, oh, this place
is known for their stakes, I'm definitely going to get
a rabbi.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Then you can.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Then you can yes, and be mindful. Don't order. Don't
over order. If you have an hour and you're ordering soup, salad,
main course, dessert, don't order all that, especially at a
company dinner or a company lunch during the holidays, if
you are being invited out by your manager and there
(23:46):
the company is paying for it. Don't take under your
advantage and overorder because you want to bring food home.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Okay, this is great. More business lunch and dining tips.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
What do you have horse for course? Oh? What do
you do?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
What about alcohol? Good questions.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
So I always advise that a business meal is an
extension of your work day. It is not a happy
hour with your friends. So be very mindful.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
This is this is similar to how do you know
what to order? How do you know if you should
order alcohol? You kind of defer to the host. Correct
that is in pain And so if they ask first,
are you what do you want to drink? And you
have to ask them back, well, what do you think?
And I have it is that what you do?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
You can do that you could say, or if you
don't want to drink, you could say, you know what,
I'm fine, thank you. But if you do want to drink,
I would say, no your limitation, Oh god, yeah, loan
your limitation. And I usually advise to stick with just
one drink.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
One and done is good.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
One and done.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
After that, it doesn't. It's not so much fun anyway,
that's right. First drink is the best. I mean really,
And the main idea of being there is not the dinner.
It's business.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
It is making that connection, building the relationship, and that's
what it's all about.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Okay, any other common mistakes and you know, actually we'll
break and see if there are any other common mistakes
in business, and then we'll go to a general restaurant
mistakes like how to treat the servers, et cetera. All right,
after this on WBZ, you're.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
On to Night's Side with Dan Ray on WBZ Boston's
news Radio.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
We continue with guests Nikki Sahani learning about how to
have some manners, how to have top class manners so
that when you go to any place, people are going
to think, Wow, that person really is classy, and you're
gonna feel good about yourself and your family and your kids.
You're going to teach them exactly how to do it
(25:51):
so you can kind of, you know, show off a
little bit if you want. And now we're moving into
the restaurant area. We talked about business dining and mistakes
to make there and how to make certain decisions. But
now we'll move into general restaurant behavior, restaurant etiquette plus
and don'ts there. So, Nikki, uh, A soup is a
(26:13):
you know, an early course. A few people know how
to for sure eat soup. Let's get that out of
the way. That's right there. That's worth the price of
admission learning how to eat soup. And if you have
any questions of comments, folks, six one seven, okay, Nikki.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Yeah, So most people, I would say many people. I
wouldn't say most people. Many people are not aware of
the proper etiquette of eating soup. First of all, we
eat soup, we don't drink soup. And when you're serf
soup it's always served on a service plate, so.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
We're in a cup of shower. You never drink it
out of.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
The cup, unless it's a cup with it has handles
on both sides.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Both sides yes, a toen mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
That's for Usually for broth you can lift by holding yes.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
But if it's so.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Use yes, it's better to use your sp yes. So
there is. There are four steps in eating soup. Step
number one is that when you're eating soup, you hold
your spoon, and soup is always scooped away from you,
like a ship leaving shore. That's how I teach the children.
So you always scoop it away from you. You wipe
the excess off the rim of the back rim of
(27:23):
your soup bowl so that the no drips, that's right.
And then you bring your soup spoon up. We don't
bend down. We have limbs, so we bring our soup
spoon up.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Your head forward, you don't.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
You lean in, but you don't lean over.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
And then no further than the edge of the bowl.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
And then you eat soup from the side of your spoon, slowly.
No slurping, no smacking your lips, no blowing on your soup,
blowing blowing on your soup. And that is why we
scoop it away.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
I think I blow on my soup just the other day.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
No blowing on your soup, and you bring it up
and eat, and you have your soup from the spoon.
When you put it in your mouth and you take
it out, it should be empty, so.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
You sip from the edge of the spoon. You don't
put the whole spoon in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
So if it's a thick soup, then you may have
to turn it a little bit towards at an angle
and then have it. And if it's a broth, then
you'd sip.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It up into your mouth.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
That is correct. And then when you are resting or
taking a break, you can put it in your bowl
and when you're done, you put it on your service plate.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Before I forget, Are there any instances where you hold
your pinky out? Is that meth so for anything?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Well, when back in the day, back in the day,
when people were having tea and there were tea mugs
with no handles, they would hold the tea coup with
both hands and a pinky out to balance it. And
then I believe it was in the eighteen hundreds in
Germany when the cup is invented with the handle. And
(29:02):
now that we have a handle. When we're holding a
tea cup, we pinch and pinch the handle and then
rest the handle on our middle finger, right, And we
do not stick our pinkies.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Out, And you don't put your finger through the hole
in the handle. Right.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
When you're having coffee in a coffee mug, you can
loop your finger through the hole, but not with tea tea,
you pinch.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Have you're writing this down, my friends, Okay, we've covered soup.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Another thing about tea. I want to mention, if I may, yes,
when you add sugar to your tea, most people stir
in a circular motion. The proper etiquette of stirring your
tea is going back and forth from the six o'clock
to the twelve o'clock position, and there's no sound, there's
no clinking, no clanking, And then you place your spoon
(29:58):
on top of your saucer.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
All right, What if you drop happens all the time.
What if you drop your napkin or if I guess,
a fork or a spoon or a knife.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So if you're at a public place or restaurant or
at an event and you drop your napkin on the floor,
I would never pick up that napkin. I would never
pick it up and put it on the table. I
would not touch it. It's dead, it's gone. Very politely
indicate your weight staff, don't flag them down eye contact,
(30:31):
and then when they come over, just say their name
and ask for a fresh napkin. So, David, may I
please have a fresh napkin? Now, the napkin that's on
the floor, you're going to gently kick it under the table, okay,
because you don't want anyone to trip on it. And
it also looks quite sloppy, right, and that goes for
(30:53):
your fork, your knives, as well as your spoons.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Say you need to excuse yourself to use the restroom.
Is there a protocol for that. Yes.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
In dining, there's silent signal. So if I need to
excuse myself and use the restroom, I'm just going to
say excuse me. I don't need to announce to the
table that I need to go to the restroom.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Right, you're eating, and I.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Will get up for my chair and place my napkin
on the seat of my chair.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That's the signal.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
That indicates your waiter, don't pick up my plate. I'm
going to be right back, and when you come back gracefully,
pick up your napkin, sit down on the chair, place
it back on your lap, and continue eating.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
People return food, some more than others. What are the
rules about returning food?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Well, if something is not cooked correctly, or if you
have some dietary restrictions and they didn't realize that. For example,
you don't eat your lactose intolerant and you get a
salad it has fata cheese on it because the restaurant
made a mistake, then by all means you should return it.
How if it's cold, absolutely, the key is how you
(32:04):
speak to your weight staff.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
What if you just don't like it? If you don't
like it, my meat is say, my steak is too tough.
How's that?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
So? If you asked for a steak to be cooked
medium rare and it's well done, by all means, you
can return it. If it's over seasoned, if it's overcooked undercooked,
you can return it overseasoned. But if you don't like
it just because you don't like it, you better have
a reason, and better have a reason. In other words,
and what do you say?
Speaker 2 (32:29):
How do you say it?
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I like the sandwich method, which is where I I
would say something nice about the meal to the waiter
or the service, and then say something to the extent,
you know, the appetizers were wonderful, but my steak I
had asked for a medium rare and it's it's quite tough.
I think it's overcooked. Would your mind, would your mind
(32:53):
please changing that for me and getting me another one.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
That's mean you said the sandwich method, which means there's
something nice on the other side of.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
That, which and then something with other nice nice shoes. Yeah, no, David,
or something to thank you so much for your service.
I appreciate that. It's just kindness, simple kindness.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I got to say, this is a strange coincidence. I've
never heard the phrase the sandwich method before today. I
heard it once before today, after all my many many
days of being on this planet, I happen to be
listening to YouTube to how to actually manipulate people, and
(33:36):
there were like sixty seventy ways that people manipulate people.
And I know that seems like a negative, but it
is a form of manipulation, not necessarily evil. The sandwich
method came up, and I thought, that's a funny name
for that. It was a good name, and I was
surprised that it even had a name, And here you
(33:56):
are a few hours later saying the sandwich methods angything.
I knew exactly what it was, all right. I would
like to comment on returning wine. Unless it's rotten, you
can't return it. You can't return it because you don't
like it. It's incumbent upon you to know what kind of
wine you like, what year, what type, and if it's
(34:18):
just sweet for you, too bad. And the only reason
you would you send it back is if it's rotten,
if it started the turn to vinegar and the sniffing
of the cork is really you look at the cork.
Is the cork rotten? And if it tastes the wine?
You don't really need to go through that whole song
and dance. Is it is it turned to vinegar at
(34:43):
all or not? You don't need to make a big show,
at least for me, of swirling it around and getting
the aroma the nose. I mean, that's all. And the
way staff's like, okay, is it vinegar or not? Just
move on, mister showboat. Now what about signaling for the
(35:08):
check well, or actually signaling for the weight staff, or
getting their attention at any time during the meal? Is it?
How do you do it? What are the wrong ways
to do it?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Well?
Speaker 3 (35:21):
You should do it quite discreetly. You don't need to
be allowed or flag them down or snap your fingers
at them and call them. There are your weight staff.
They're your service. They're not your servants. You should respect them.
They work very hard, they're on their feet all day
and so if you need their attention, eye contact just
two fingers. May I please have a fresh napkin?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Politely, like, do the minimum you need to do. Try
eye contact first. If it doesn't work, like slightly raise
your hand in a semi apologetic manner.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
That's correct. Don't wave your napkin.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And folks, under no circumstance, just ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
say girlsaul. People do that. They think they're being funny.
It's no. It's like you're you're a Beverly hillbilly if
you do that. And by the way, it means boy,
if I'm not mistaken, correct, what does it mean?
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I'm not till quite sure. Honestly, Okay, I believe it does.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
It's not what you think, and don't do it next.
Signaling signaling for the check is the same thing. You
don't go. You don't make writing motions in the air.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I guess the most squeak that's right, they will, or
you could just indicate eye contact us. The best way
to get there returns.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
So what if after this, let's find out what you
do if you really have bad service? How do you
deal with it? There must be a correct way to
deal with that, right correct After this on WBZ, It's Night.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Side with Dan Ray on w Boston's news Radio, more
literacy and.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
More here on WBZ. We've gotten so we have received
so much information on how to operate in polite society,
or or operate operate politely in non polite society, how
to eat properly and use correct manners. We come to
a situation, We're going to go right to the sharing
(37:20):
of food. Come to a situation where and it happens
a lot. So let's share a couple of advertisers, or
let's each get an advertiser and share one entree. As
they say, there has to be a right way and
the wrong way to go about all that.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
That is correct, badly. The most important thing that I
think when you're sharing food is being mindful and not
double dipping. Whether it's a Super Bowl party or a
football night or another sports night. Just be mindful that
you are taking the dip, placing it on your own plate,
(37:59):
and then you get double dip as many times as
you like.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Okay, take it, explain exactly what to do again.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
So if you're sharing a dip, or you're sharing some
knots cocktail nuts, or you're sharing any other food item,
always take some and first place it on your of
the dip. Take a little bit off of the dip
and place it on your plate, and then take a
handful of chips and you are out of your plate.
(38:26):
Can double dip, but don't double dip out of the common.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
So you're saying, not only don't double dip in the
common source of dip, don't even single dip directly in there.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh no, if it's you can single dip, but you're not.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Double yourself with your chip into the dip and then
directly into your mouth.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
It's better if you Etiquette says that you should take
the dip, place it on your appetize a plate, and
then use your arm put a bunch of chips onto
your plate, and then and then you should eat out
of your plate.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Any other food sharing.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Don't reach over into somebody's plate. Let the person who's ordered.
Let's say we're at the dinner table and you've ordered
something and you ask would anyone like to share it?
The person who orders should try the dish first. That's
what etiquette dictates. Ask the weight staff for a plate,
and that played over. Let's say, hand that played over
(39:23):
to you. You're going to put a little bit of
whatever it is that's on your plate that you want
to share, and then I will try that. And when
I try it, don't yuck anyone's yum, don't make a face,
don't say you I don't like this, or because you
still have to eat it. So be very cognizant of
the fact that the other person still has to eat
(39:44):
that dish.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
All right, So there's a big table, a lot of people.
Someone says, can you pass me though mashed potatoes? There's
got to be a right way and the wrong way
to pass food.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
That is correct. So in the United States, the first
passing of food is alw to the right. So let's
say that we're all sitting at the table and we're
having a meal together. You have chicken in front of you.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
I have pasta, it's already on our plates or no, it's.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's family style, it's in the serving dish and we
are all sitting at the table together. In the United States,
when when you're sitting at the table together, it's family style.
You'll pick up the potatoes, someone else will pick up
the pasta. I'll pick up the chicken. And when you're
serving ourselves, the first passing is always to the right,
(40:30):
so you'll pass the potatoes to the right, I'll pass
the chicken over to you. That is correct once everyone
has it, and if someone wants more later, it doesn't
matter which direction you pass it in. In Europe, the
first passing, so if I'm in France, the first passing
is to the left. So different countries have different etiquette.
(40:53):
In the United States, when we eat or drink anything,
we don't make a sound. We eat very quietly. But
if you are in Japan and you're having soup with
every bite, you'll slurp because that's their etiquette, and it's Japan.
It's a compliment to the chef that you're really enjoying it.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I cannot help myself. I need to get it into
my body as fast as I can because it is
so good. Well, that's very interesting, but we're primarily talking
about US culture.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
So in the US culture, we do not make a
sound when we eat or drink and when we pass food,
and when you're passing food, like I said, the first
passing is always to the right. Once everyone has it,
you can pass it in any direction. But when you're
also passing food, you want to be mindful that you
are passing with the utensil, the serving utensil, facing the person.
So if I'm passing butter, I'm not going to pass
(41:44):
it with the blade of the knife facing the other person. Okay,
you want to pace, You want to pass the food
with the handle facing the other person.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And the same with salt and pepper, and any specific
rules about salt and pepper or is that different?
Speaker 3 (41:57):
So when someone at the table asks you for salt,
you always give them salt and pepper. The proper etiquette
of passing salt and pepper is that salt and pepper
are never separated. They're always placed together and passed together.
So if someone asks you for pepper, you'll will give
them salt and pepper. If they ask you for salt,
(42:19):
you would give them salt and pepper.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I'm astounded that there is even that rule, but I
am thrilled to know it. Now we come to a
really uncomfortable thing or reason I sometimes I don't even
want to go out to eat with people. Is the
deciding of how the check is going to go. I
hope you have rules about this because I want to know.
I want to be able to say with certainty at
(42:42):
the next event I go to where there are three
people and well, let's get the you know, we'll get
a couple of advertisers and share them. But I'm going
to get a salad too, and you're going to get
a You're going to get a Miller High Life, but
you're going to get in a Groni which costs twenty bucks.
How do you what's the best way to deal with
(43:03):
all that?
Speaker 3 (43:04):
So it really depends on your relationship and the people
that you how comfortable you are. So if you're really
close friends and you know a few dollars here or
there doesn't matter. You may want to split it three
ways easily. But if you feel two out of the
three people are.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Drinking, I want to interrupt that. Sure if you're splitting it,
I mean, I know if you're a decent human being,
you brothers won't happen. But if you're like in like
a Jerry Seinfeld cast member or character, if they're splitting
the check, even like you're going to order more expensive
stuff to get a better deal, like George Costanza would
(43:41):
do that, and then you get bill creep. You get
it creeps up and up because everybody's doing that.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
That is correct, That is correct. I have seen that,
and that can only get you so far. Okay, eventually
I will not pay off, so I think. But I've
been in a situation where two out of the three
people were drinking and the person at the table wasn't
and they they offered to divide it. They offered to
(44:07):
pay the third, but the other two were cognizant and
we're polite and said, no, you didn't have a drink.
It's all right, we're going to We're going to pay
for the drinks.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Is it impolite to address that issue at the outset?
Was that okay to decide beforehand?
Speaker 3 (44:20):
It is okay if you if you know, if you're
comfortable and you and you are close to people, or
you're comfortable and you've set that expectation.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Prior I would I say it, I really want separate checks?
How many? How many separate checks can you get before
that's too many for the server? It's ridiculous. I know
a server who refuses to give separate checks over four people.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I think it's more a restaurant policy. I'm not sure
if it's a server was ye, so if it's. If
it's a large group, you may want to just VENMO
to one person and they're going to take care of it.
And then there's always but there's always a shortfall that
is correct or you set that expectation before going in,
(45:02):
or you say, you know what, do you guys mind
if we get a separate check or the two of
us can Yeah, it's really.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
I'm always going to opt for the separate check because
I want to get what I want to get and
I want to pay. I'm happy to pay for it,
and I'm not I'm also happy to every once in
a while split the thing. But I just like, I
guess it makes me sound cheap, but not necessarily because
I may be the one getting the twenty dollars NEGRONI
(45:30):
and I don't want to feel like I'm putting the
other person out, So I'm going to opt for the
separate check. I want to make sure you have enough time.
There's only one minute. So you're so, so, so fantastic.
If somebody wants some organization or a family or parent
wants to get in touch with you, tell everyone how
to do that well.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
If anyone wants to reach us, they can reach us
at our website, New England School Offprotocol dot com. They
can reach us through our contact page or email us
at info at New England School of Protocol all and
we will be happy to answer any questions that we have.
We also have our group class session a group class
schedule part of me on our website for children, for adults, corporations.
(46:13):
You can reach us.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Email all right, and you may not be able to
remember that, so if you want to get that again,
what you do is you go to Night's Side on
demand and listen to this again. You don't, I think
you can fast forward to the end to get that address.
You are so fantastic, And there are other things to
talk about, like interpersonal etiquette, a way to speak to
each other in different situations. We haven't addressed, so we'll
(46:36):
have to have you back. Thank you so much for
coming in. I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Thank you great to be here.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
It's WBZ.
It's nice side with Dan Ray. I'm telling you Boston's
Beach Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Thanks all great jock tonight. You know, I've made some
pretty bad mistakes etiquette wise and embarrassed myself. I'm for
a small town and no one really told me anything,
and I made some mistakes at dinner parties, in at
business events, and I'm going to try to a educate
(00:27):
myself and be save you the pain that I went through.
You've probably made some mistakes too, and maybe you don't
even know it. Maybe you didn't get that job because
of some etiquette mistake you made. You were rude in
some way you didn't know, or maybe you went to
a party over some people's house and when you left
they they all went, you know, the people that held
(00:50):
the parties that went, oh, oh my god, did you
see what so and so did? Oh my god, did
he grow up in a barn? Well, we're gonna try
to to help you out. This is gonna be fun.
If you have any questions etiquette questions, and etiquette goes
far beyond what you might think. As you find out,
(01:11):
six one, seven, two, five, four, ten thirty is the number.
We do have an expert. You wouldn't want to be
relying on me for your advice. So we hunted far
and wide. We did a search and we found Nicki Sahni,
who is a certified Children's and corporate etiquette consultant and
(01:33):
director and founder of the New England School of Protocol.
Who knew there was a New England School of Protocol
and UH certified incorporate Etiquette consultant, founder director. So you're
you're heavy in the world of etiquette. Come over close
to that microphone.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you, Bradley for having me. It's great to be here, of.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Course, and this is your first time on the radio, right,
it is my first. I'm determined to make this a
happy and pleasant experience.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Firstly, you've really become at the very top of the
etiquette world. How did you who would even think that
this was a career path? How did you find this
career path?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Well, Bradley, my background was in finance and I worked
for a few years and then I was fortunate enough
to be home with my children, and this was the
time when social media and cell phones and smartphones were
coming into being. When my boys got together with their friends,
I noticed that they were all together in the same room,
(02:38):
but no one was speaking to each other. They were
communicating via their phones.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
They're in the same room yet texting each other.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Texting and playing games with each other, but all over
the phone, no one was saying a word. And I
realized that the tools, the very tools that are meant
to make people social, were actually having an adverse effect
on them.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
They were really to make money the social part. That's
what they say. But I don't know how social. Social
media is kind of anti social media, But I get
your point. So that had to be a shocker for you.
Can you come a little close to the cellphone?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, that was a shocker. And then when I go
out to dinner occasionally I'd see parents at the table
on their phones and children on their iPads, and I
realized that we're losing the art of conversation and into
personal skills. I decided to get certified and bring etiquette
back into focus.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So you went way beyond just the cell phone us.
And you did you go to school for this?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I did. I did get certified.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I went where does one do that?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So I got certified for children's etiquette at the American
School of Protocol in Atlanta and then I got certified
for corporate at the Charlotte School of Protocol and etiquette
at the Charleston Part of Me School of Protocol. And
then I also got trained by William Hansen, who is
an etiquette expert out in England.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He has a podcast, right he does? I know the guy.
I mean, I don't know him, but I've watched this podcast.
He's kind of a smart alochy guy.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Right, he is a smart alchy guy, but he knows
the stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
He's got an attitude.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Not when I met him, I see, okay, a good attitude.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Wow, So you certainly have the credibility.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
And now are you able to make a living at it?
By the way, yeah, who hires you?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
So? I work with schools, I work. I teach at universities, corporations,
and partners with various organizations such as the Girl Scouts
of Massachusetts, wreck departments, community centers, and even individuals anyone
who wants to learn etiquette.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
How about parents? Did parents say I want my kid
to know how to act all the time?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
All the time. I have parents who say, Eric, can
you take my child and please teach him some manners
and something?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You can do your job online, right.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I prefer teaching good for you? Yes, I feel that
face to face interaction and teaching and demonstrating and role
playing is really important, especially when it comes to children.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
All right, So the number six, one, seven, two, four, ten.
If you have a question, we're going to go by category.
We're going to start out with dinner, which is something
pretty much everyone does and might need to know. The
manners are related to that. And when you say dinner,
do you mean fancy dinner or dinner party, or dinner
(05:38):
at a restaurant, or just two people at even two
people at home, all of these let's start with two
people at home. That's what I would be help me
to live a better life with my manners with just
my partner and me.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Yeah, well, Barley, nowhere are your manners more evident than
on the dining table. That's the one time where your
all your skills come into play, your table manners, your
interpersonal skills.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Question. Right out of the get, your student has a question, sure,
is it okay to watch TV and eat? If it isn't,
I'm going to starve to death.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
A time to A time to eat is a time
to connect with people at the table. So I would
I would say no, what.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
If there's only one other person, that's all right.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Just talk to that one other person, connect with them,
find out how their day was, share how your day was,
ask questions.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So there's if you've communicated with that person enough for
the rest of the day. There's nothing inherently wrong with
watching TV, you cut.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
If you're both watching together, of course.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, and we're discussing what's on TV. That's fine, Like
look at that guys haircut, or I don't like that actor,
things like that.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I personally prefer having a meal with whether it's a
table person, yes, at the table and having no cell phones,
no television, just talking about day.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Maybe try that. Okay, I'm gonna put myself in your hands.
There you go. I'm going to try that nice table. Okay,
take it from there. What else do I need to
know to make it right?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Well, first of all, you don't want full experience any
any phones on the table, no keys, No, are you
eating at home? Yes, you are eating home? Okay. So
posture first of all, jeez, you want to sit at
the table. You want to make sure that you're sitting
with good posture, no slouching posture.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Is so important. I was just slouching, as you said
that posture is important for breathing and all that stuff.
But I guess it's a sign of respect.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
It is a sign of respect and good to Research
shows that when you want to communicate, sixty percent of
what you want to communicate is by your posture, thirty
percent is the tone of your voice, and only ten
percent are your words. So posture is extremely important.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Good thing. I'm on the radio because I'm a sloucher.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
So when you're sitting at the table, you want to
make sure that you are sitting with good posture. Okay,
you are waiting for both of you to have your
food on your plate before you start. If you have
a net paper napkin, you want to open it all
the way. If you have a clock napkin, you always
fold it in half and place it on your lap.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Seeze, I didn't know that fold it in half? Now,
what is the purpose of that?
Speaker 3 (08:14):
So that when you have any stains, or if you
have food on your map, on the side of your
mouth or on top of your mouth, you are going
to open the inside of your clock napkin and wipe
gently dab rather not wipe non scrubbing, No rubbing, but
just dabbing. And when you're done, you'll close your clop
napkin and the stains will remain inside.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Oh my god, this is so fantastic. We're folks. We're
all going to be just at any party we're going
to go, we're going to be the classiest people there. Now,
I didn't know that, And it makes sense. There's always
a reason for these things.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Absolutely, there's always a reason, and it's always good to
ask why.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And the paper napkin, you say, open it all the
way up. You also put that in your lap.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
You also place that in your lap, and you dab
the corners of your mouth. Do not wipe, do not wipe.
But you never take food out in your clock napkin.
You don't rub, You don't blow your nose in your
clock knack.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Who would take food out. Let's say you're at a
you feel older than six.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Well, let's say you're at a party and you have
you're having a steak and it's a wedding and the
bride's father is giving a speech and you have this
piece of steak and it tastes awful. What are you
going to do with it?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Apparently, not put it in my napkin.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
That is correct.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
What do you do with it?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Well, your first option is obviously to get up and
go out and spit it out, But because there's a
speech going on, you can I tend to get up.
If you have a paper napkin, you're discreetly going to
take it out and put it and place it underneath
your plate on the on the towards you, not on
top of your plate.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
But not a cloth knapkin, not a clock knack, because
you have to keep using it.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
And also if you have if you if you remove
food in a clock napkin and you place it on
your table when you're done with your meal and your
server comes to pick and picks up your napkin, he's
not going to know or she's not going to know
that you have food in gross and they're going to
have to deal with that. And yes, that's gross.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
That's great information.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So if you do not have a paper napkin and
you cannot get up and go to the bathroom to
spit out your food, you're going to very discreetly take
your fork take And you.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Cannot say this right into the microphone, it's.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Important if you do not have a paper napkin and
you cannot get up and walk to the bathroom because
there's a speech going on. Or maybe you have a
lot of five people sitting to your left and five
to your right and you have a wall behind you.
In that situation, you are going to take your fork,
(10:43):
take the food out, very discreetly, put it on your plate,
and cover it with something like your mashed potatoes or rice.
That is your last option. But you will never take
it out in your clock napkin and leave it at
the table and walk away.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
That's one of the best things I've ever heard in
my life. Thank you, And I'm just trying to imagine
me burying a piece of tough steak under the potatoes.
It was difficult not to laugh during that. But I
now know the way to do it. And if somebody says,
what are you doing that, I say, this is the
way you do it. You live your life.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Well, it's better than putting in the clock map leaving
it for your way to to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
What else do we need to know? That was fantastic?
Anything about dishware or order of the use of things.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Yes, So when you're at the table learning how to
navigate a three or four course meal is a good
thing to do. So when we're at the table and
you have a lot of utensils, sometimes people get overwhelmed
with a number of utensils. You want to remember that
you are working from the outside end, so you use
the outermoors utensil first, then the next, and the next
(11:50):
and so on. So if I have a four course
meal and I have soup, a salad, a main course,
and a dessert, the outermost utensil is going to be
the soup spoon, and you work your way in and
and then you are going. You could use either the
(12:11):
Continental style of dining or the American style of dining.
That's totally up to you.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
What's the difference.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
So the Continental style of dining or the European style
of dining is a two step style where you cut.
You hold your knife in your dominant hand and you
you use your fork and you cut. It's two steps.
You cut and then you eat from the back of
the fork.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Leaving both in. You don't have to put one of
them utensils down at all.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
You don't have to. It's cut and eat.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
All right. Do you have the times of the bendy.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Part of the fork facing down, facing the bendy part
fast place up the ties of facing down.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Okay, yes, interesting And.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
When you are resting, it's really important to know. When
you're taking a break or pausing, how do you place
yourself were and when you're done, how do you place
your silverware? So when your pause, you place your silverware
in a triangle that tells your weight. Staff, don't touch
my plate, I'm not done. These are silent signals.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Between bites. Do you keep your utensils in your hands
or do you put them down?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Well, you should place them down, So take a bite
and then you can place them down. You can yep
if you choose stoa.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Yes, and when you do that, you place them down
between bites, place.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Them in a triangle or yes, you place them in
the triangle. Now, if you know that you're taking small
bites and you're eating and you're not pausing, then you
can hold them in your hand. But don't point that
fork or that knife at somebody.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Don't point with your fork or knife.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Wow, this is really actionable stuff, folks. I hope you're
taking notes. I need I need to take a break.
We've gone so long, we'll have more on and we'll
deal with dining etiquette to try to keep you from
being embarrassed in a moment. On Devil's By.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's news radio,
My friends.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
We were talking. We were speaking about etiquette tonight with
Nikki Soni, who's an expert and trained expert, certified expert
and really fascinating. We've already learned that some of the
things we all do are bad. Let's learn some more.
Let's learn other things that we shouldn't do. It's going
to be great to be able to go into a
situation and know that you are probably the only one
(14:30):
there doing things correctly. And that would be because you
listen to night Side. We are still in the home
you you did mention. There's a proper way to recover
from some sort of accident. Say I guess you tipped
over a glass or something like that. That's a proper
recovery method.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Absolutely so, if you are at someone's home and you
have a spell or you have an accident at the table,
the most important thing is to be calm and composed,
acknowledge the mistake, don't make excuse, and then apologize and
offer to help clean up. Most people get frazzled, or
(15:07):
some people may pass the blame or pretend like it
never happened. I think there's a grace in accepting that
it is a mistake and offering to help, or if
you broke something, offering to pay for it.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
So basically own it and don't get in bettered. Absolutely, Okay,
things happen. What about if you go to somebody's house
and what about bringing something? Give me some guidance, give
us all guidance on on that. Sure, I can't assume
that that people drink, like bringing wine might be a mistake.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
That's right. So unless you know them really well and
you know that the type of wine they enjoy, or
even if they drink or not, don't take wine. Always
bring a hostess gift. It's a nice way of showing
your host that you really appreciate the invite. Of all
the people that they could have invited, they chose to invite.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
You, right, So what's a surefire gift that's not going
to fail?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Box of chocolates, candles, Stay away from self help books,
stay away from anything too personal. If you're bringing flowers,
bring flowers in a vase. You don't want the host
to stop in the middle of a party and now
you brought them flowers and they are looking for a vase.
If you're bringing, you know, a dish or a food item,
(16:22):
make sure it's oven ready. You don't want them to
pause in the middle of the party and now transfer
the food into an oven ready dish. So just be
mindful of what you're bringing and what you think that
the host would enjoy.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
All Right, this happens a lot. Hey, you want to
come to dinner? Me what should I bring? They say nothing.
But even though they say nothing, you cannot do.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That right if someone's yes. If you especially if you're
going to someone's house for the very first time, it's
always nice to bring something a homemade jam, a homemade bread.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Jam bread. Well, in Jerry's the gift was it was
a a bobka an. The whole episode was trying to
get ababka.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah. Yeah, I would say definitely, if you're going there
for the first time, bring something a small token gift.
It doesn't have to be anything too expensive or too personal.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Okay, I'm just asking things that pop into my mind.
So what about dous and don'ts on the conversation you make.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Oh, so a time to eat, as I mentioned earlier,
is a great time to connect with people. And when
we're at the table eating, we want it to be
a pleasant conversation. So you want to avoid any kind
of controversial topic unless you know the people at the
table really well. It's okay to have a healthy debate,
But if you are invited to someone's home and you
don't know the other guests, don't start a debate or
(17:47):
a controversial topic. Steer away from anything too personal.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
What about politics, I have to ask that out about it?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Well, like I said, if you don't know the people
at the table, you don't want to discuss topics like
politics or religion or money and start a debate. You
want that evening to be pleasant. Well, if you do
know them, If you know them well, and you can
have a healthy debate with them, if as long as
everyone's on board and try to be inclusive, don't dominate
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I actually, I don't think there's anything such thing as
a healthy debate over politics anymore. People don't seem to
be able to do.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It unless you are very close to someone and you
are both able to discuss and agree to disagree and
you know the person. Yes, I would say, if it's
a very close knit group, if it's my sister and
myself or my brother and we are talking about this
and we are open to accepting each other's ideas, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
That's pretty rare. It is very rare. So what about
the fact that this doing that may take away completely
from the enjoyment of the food. You get so caught
up in your battle of your debate. I don't think
i'd bring up politics or religion or anything at all.
Trying to keep it positive, upbeat, positively reinforcing for everybody,
(19:06):
concentrate on enjoying the food that they work so hard
to put together.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Absolutely, if you know, and I would steer away from there.
But if you are having if it's a close knit
group and you know you can have a healthy conversation.
I've had healthy conversations with family or friends. But if
you can't, I would say, absolutely, steer away from anything
that's debatable, anything that's going to read.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Is it okay if you get an invitation to say,
you know what, I'd love to come if you can
promise me you won't talk about politics. Is that? Is
that a rude thing to do.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Yeah, I would not say I would not have a
conditional invite. If the topic comes up, I would I
would change the topic. Or normally the host is the
person that will steer away and maybe change the topic.
Or you could say, maybe we can discuss this another time,
or I'd rather not speak about this at this point
in time. I'd love to talk about other things, or
(20:01):
enjoy the meal and maybe talk about the food and
the host and people at the table.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
All right, now you mentioned moving into the world of business,
we would change the topic to business dining. Sure, So
I don't even know what to ask in business dining.
There got to be some top three or four things
to do and not to do.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Yes, So when you are inviting your client to dinner
or are being invited, you want to make sure that,
especially if you're inviting, if you're inviting somebody to dinner,
you want to make sure that you take care of
a few things ahead of time. The first thing you
want to know is if there are any dietary restrictions.
You don't want to bring your client to a seafood
(20:44):
restaurant and then find out that they don't eat seafood.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
True.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
The second thing you want to do is you want
to ask your client how much time do they have?
Don't assume that they have two hours to have a
leisure lee lunch, so it's always good to ask them.
The other thing I would ask is what's a good point,
what's a good place to meet that's convenient for them.
You don't want them to driving an hour across town
(21:09):
because it suits you, so you want to be mindful
of that. And then as you get to lunch or dinner,
you want to make sure that you wait for your
client to get there before you sit down. You wait
for them at the front of the.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Restaurant, sit down before they sit down. That's very important.
That's great. I would not know. I wouldn't sit down probably,
but it's good to know that that's a rule. Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
And then when you when you are at the table,
you give your client the better facing seat. You want
them facing the restaurant, not facing the kitchen. And you
order course per course, so that if your client's having
a soup, you try and have a soup or a salad.
If they're having a main course, you'll have a main
course and alcohol.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So let them decide the level of the meal.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yes, So you. You let them decide because you're hosting,
and you let them decide.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Now, they obviously would have to order first.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
They would have to order first. Now, how do you
know if you should order the eighty dollars steak or
the twenty dollar pasta?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
You let them order first.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
How would they know if they?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oh? Right? So how would the client?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
How would the client?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
So now we're on the other side. Now we're in
the client and you're going out. Right, If you're a client,
the answer is, I do not know. Tell you tell me.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
What would you do?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Well? I would want to make a good impression on
the client, so I would probably get a mid range
dish because I don't want to seem like I'm uncomfortable
getting anything at all. But I wouldn't get the one
hundred and nineteen dollars whatever steak.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
That's right. So, if someone invites you and is paying
for the meal, that doesn't mean that you take the
liberty of ordering the most expensive or over ordering because
you don't want to cook dinner and you want left over.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
So one of the ways to find out kind of
gauge what you're what the person can afford is by
asking them what do you recommend or have you been
here before? Would you recommend?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
What is great?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
What do you think is great? Or what are you
thinking of getting? And if they say, oh, this place
is known for their stakes, I'm definitely going to get
a rabbi.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Then you can.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Then you can yes, and be mindful. Don't order. Don't
over order. If you have an hour and you're ordering soup, salad,
main course, dessert, don't order all that, especially at a
company dinner or a company lunch during the holidays, if
you are being invited out by your manager and there
(23:46):
the company is paying for it. Don't take under your
advantage and overorder because you want to bring food home.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Okay, this is great. More business lunch and dining tips.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
What do you have horse for course? Oh? What do
you do?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
What about alcohol? Good questions.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
So I always advise that a business meal is an
extension of your work day. It is not a happy
hour with your friends. So be very mindful.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
This is this is similar to how do you know
what to order? How do you know if you should
order alcohol? You kind of defer to the host. Correct
that is in pain And so if they ask first,
are you what do you want to drink? And you
have to ask them back, well, what do you think?
And I have it is that what you do?
Speaker 3 (24:35):
You can do that you could say, or if you
don't want to drink, you could say, you know what,
I'm fine, thank you. But if you do want to drink,
I would say, no your limitation, Oh god, yeah, loan
your limitation. And I usually advise to stick with just
one drink.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
One and done is good.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
One and done.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
After that, it doesn't. It's not so much fun anyway,
that's right. First drink is the best. I mean really,
And the main idea of being there is not the dinner.
It's business.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
It is making that connection, building the relationship, and that's
what it's all about.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Okay, any other common mistakes and you know, actually we'll
break and see if there are any other common mistakes
in business, and then we'll go to a general restaurant
mistakes like how to treat the servers, et cetera. All right,
after this on WBZ, you're.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
On to Night's Side with Dan Ray on WBZ Boston's
news Radio.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
We continue with guests Nikki Sahani learning about how to
have some manners, how to have top class manners so
that when you go to any place, people are going
to think, Wow, that person really is classy, and you're
gonna feel good about yourself and your family and your kids.
You're going to teach them exactly how to do it
(25:51):
so you can kind of, you know, show off a
little bit if you want. And now we're moving into
the restaurant area. We talked about business dining and mistakes
to make there and how to make certain decisions. But
now we'll move into general restaurant behavior, restaurant etiquette plus
and don'ts there. So, Nikki, uh, A soup is a
(26:13):
you know, an early course. A few people know how
to for sure eat soup. Let's get that out of
the way. That's right there. That's worth the price of
admission learning how to eat soup. And if you have
any questions of comments, folks, six one seven, okay, Nikki.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Yeah, So most people, I would say many people. I
wouldn't say most people. Many people are not aware of
the proper etiquette of eating soup. First of all, we
eat soup, we don't drink soup. And when you're serf
soup it's always served on a service plate, so.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
We're in a cup of shower. You never drink it
out of.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
The cup, unless it's a cup with it has handles
on both sides.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Both sides yes, a toen mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
That's for Usually for broth you can lift by holding yes.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
But if it's so.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Use yes, it's better to use your sp yes. So
there is. There are four steps in eating soup. Step
number one is that when you're eating soup, you hold
your spoon, and soup is always scooped away from you,
like a ship leaving shore. That's how I teach the children.
So you always scoop it away from you. You wipe
the excess off the rim of the back rim of
(27:23):
your soup bowl so that the no drips, that's right.
And then you bring your soup spoon up. We don't
bend down. We have limbs, so we bring our soup
spoon up.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Your head forward, you don't.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
You lean in, but you don't lean over.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
And then no further than the edge of the bowl.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
And then you eat soup from the side of your spoon, slowly.
No slurping, no smacking your lips, no blowing on your soup,
blowing blowing on your soup. And that is why we
scoop it away.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
I think I blow on my soup just the other day.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
No blowing on your soup, and you bring it up
and eat, and you have your soup from the spoon.
When you put it in your mouth and you take
it out, it should be empty, so.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
You sip from the edge of the spoon. You don't
put the whole spoon in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
So if it's a thick soup, then you may have
to turn it a little bit towards at an angle
and then have it. And if it's a broth, then
you'd sip.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It up into your mouth.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
That is correct. And then when you are resting or
taking a break, you can put it in your bowl
and when you're done, you put it on your service plate.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Before I forget, Are there any instances where you hold
your pinky out? Is that meth so for anything?
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Well, when back in the day, back in the day,
when people were having tea and there were tea mugs
with no handles, they would hold the tea coup with
both hands and a pinky out to balance it. And
then I believe it was in the eighteen hundreds in
Germany when the cup is invented with the handle. And
(29:02):
now that we have a handle. When we're holding a
tea cup, we pinch and pinch the handle and then
rest the handle on our middle finger, right, And we
do not stick our pinkies.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Out, And you don't put your finger through the hole
in the handle. Right.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
When you're having coffee in a coffee mug, you can
loop your finger through the hole, but not with tea tea,
you pinch.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Have you're writing this down, my friends, Okay, we've covered soup.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Another thing about tea. I want to mention, if I may, yes,
when you add sugar to your tea, most people stir
in a circular motion. The proper etiquette of stirring your
tea is going back and forth from the six o'clock
to the twelve o'clock position, and there's no sound, there's
no clinking, no clanking, And then you place your spoon
(29:58):
on top of your saucer.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
All right, What if you drop happens all the time.
What if you drop your napkin or if I guess,
a fork or a spoon or a knife.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So if you're at a public place or restaurant or
at an event and you drop your napkin on the floor,
I would never pick up that napkin. I would never
pick it up and put it on the table. I
would not touch it. It's dead, it's gone. Very politely
indicate your weight staff, don't flag them down eye contact,
(30:31):
and then when they come over, just say their name
and ask for a fresh napkin. So, David, may I
please have a fresh napkin? Now, the napkin that's on
the floor, you're going to gently kick it under the table, okay,
because you don't want anyone to trip on it. And
it also looks quite sloppy, right, and that goes for
(30:53):
your fork, your knives, as well as your spoons.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Say you need to excuse yourself to use the restroom.
Is there a protocol for that. Yes.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
In dining, there's silent signal. So if I need to
excuse myself and use the restroom, I'm just going to
say excuse me. I don't need to announce to the
table that I need to go to the restroom.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Right, you're eating, and I.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Will get up for my chair and place my napkin
on the seat of my chair.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That's the signal.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
That indicates your waiter, don't pick up my plate. I'm
going to be right back, and when you come back gracefully,
pick up your napkin, sit down on the chair, place
it back on your lap, and continue eating.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
People return food, some more than others. What are the
rules about returning food?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Well, if something is not cooked correctly, or if you
have some dietary restrictions and they didn't realize that. For example,
you don't eat your lactose intolerant and you get a
salad it has fata cheese on it because the restaurant
made a mistake, then by all means you should return it.
How if it's cold, absolutely, the key is how you
(32:04):
speak to your weight staff.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
What if you just don't like it? If you don't
like it, my meat is say, my steak is too tough.
How's that?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
So? If you asked for a steak to be cooked
medium rare and it's well done, by all means, you
can return it. If it's over seasoned, if it's overcooked undercooked,
you can return it overseasoned. But if you don't like
it just because you don't like it, you better have
a reason, and better have a reason. In other words,
and what do you say?
Speaker 2 (32:29):
How do you say it?
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I like the sandwich method, which is where I I
would say something nice about the meal to the waiter
or the service, and then say something to the extent,
you know, the appetizers were wonderful, but my steak I
had asked for a medium rare and it's it's quite tough.
I think it's overcooked. Would your mind, would your mind
(32:53):
please changing that for me and getting me another one.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
That's mean you said the sandwich method, which means there's
something nice on the other side of.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
That, which and then something with other nice nice shoes. Yeah, no, David,
or something to thank you so much for your service.
I appreciate that. It's just kindness, simple kindness.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I got to say, this is a strange coincidence. I've
never heard the phrase the sandwich method before today. I
heard it once before today, after all my many many
days of being on this planet, I happen to be
listening to YouTube to how to actually manipulate people, and
(33:36):
there were like sixty seventy ways that people manipulate people.
And I know that seems like a negative, but it
is a form of manipulation, not necessarily evil. The sandwich
method came up, and I thought, that's a funny name
for that. It was a good name, and I was
surprised that it even had a name, And here you
(33:56):
are a few hours later saying the sandwich methods angything.
I knew exactly what it was, all right. I would
like to comment on returning wine. Unless it's rotten, you
can't return it. You can't return it because you don't
like it. It's incumbent upon you to know what kind of
wine you like, what year, what type, and if it's
(34:18):
just sweet for you, too bad. And the only reason
you would you send it back is if it's rotten,
if it started the turn to vinegar and the sniffing
of the cork is really you look at the cork.
Is the cork rotten? And if it tastes the wine?
You don't really need to go through that whole song
and dance. Is it is it turned to vinegar at
(34:43):
all or not? You don't need to make a big show,
at least for me, of swirling it around and getting
the aroma the nose. I mean, that's all. And the
way staff's like, okay, is it vinegar or not? Just
move on, mister showboat. Now what about signaling for the
(35:08):
check well, or actually signaling for the weight staff, or
getting their attention at any time during the meal? Is it?
How do you do it? What are the wrong ways
to do it?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Well?
Speaker 3 (35:21):
You should do it quite discreetly. You don't need to
be allowed or flag them down or snap your fingers
at them and call them. There are your weight staff.
They're your service. They're not your servants. You should respect them.
They work very hard, they're on their feet all day
and so if you need their attention, eye contact just
two fingers. May I please have a fresh napkin?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Politely, like, do the minimum you need to do. Try
eye contact first. If it doesn't work, like slightly raise
your hand in a semi apologetic manner.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
That's correct. Don't wave your napkin.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And folks, under no circumstance, just ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
say girlsaul. People do that. They think they're being funny.
It's no. It's like you're you're a Beverly hillbilly if
you do that. And by the way, it means boy,
if I'm not mistaken, correct, what does it mean?
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I'm not till quite sure. Honestly, Okay, I believe it does.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
It's not what you think, and don't do it next.
Signaling signaling for the check is the same thing. You
don't go. You don't make writing motions in the air.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I guess the most squeak that's right, they will, or
you could just indicate eye contact us. The best way
to get there returns.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
So what if after this, let's find out what you
do if you really have bad service? How do you
deal with it? There must be a correct way to
deal with that, right correct After this on WBZ, It's Night.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Side with Dan Ray on w Boston's news Radio, more
literacy and.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
More here on WBZ. We've gotten so we have received
so much information on how to operate in polite society,
or or operate operate politely in non polite society, how
to eat properly and use correct manners. We come to
a situation, We're going to go right to the sharing
(37:20):
of food. Come to a situation where and it happens
a lot. So let's share a couple of advertisers, or
let's each get an advertiser and share one entree. As
they say, there has to be a right way and
the wrong way to go about all that.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
That is correct, badly. The most important thing that I
think when you're sharing food is being mindful and not
double dipping. Whether it's a Super Bowl party or a
football night or another sports night. Just be mindful that
you are taking the dip, placing it on your own plate,
(37:59):
and then you get double dip as many times as
you like.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Okay, take it, explain exactly what to do again.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
So if you're sharing a dip, or you're sharing some
knots cocktail nuts, or you're sharing any other food item,
always take some and first place it on your of
the dip. Take a little bit off of the dip
and place it on your plate, and then take a
handful of chips and you are out of your plate.
(38:26):
Can double dip, but don't double dip out of the common.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
So you're saying, not only don't double dip in the
common source of dip, don't even single dip directly in there.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh no, if it's you can single dip, but you're not.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Double yourself with your chip into the dip and then
directly into your mouth.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
It's better if you Etiquette says that you should take
the dip, place it on your appetize a plate, and
then use your arm put a bunch of chips onto
your plate, and then and then you should eat out
of your plate.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Any other food sharing.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Don't reach over into somebody's plate. Let the person who's ordered.
Let's say we're at the dinner table and you've ordered
something and you ask would anyone like to share it?
The person who orders should try the dish first. That's
what etiquette dictates. Ask the weight staff for a plate,
and that played over. Let's say, hand that played over
(39:23):
to you. You're going to put a little bit of
whatever it is that's on your plate that you want
to share, and then I will try that. And when
I try it, don't yuck anyone's yum, don't make a face,
don't say you I don't like this, or because you
still have to eat it. So be very cognizant of
the fact that the other person still has to eat
(39:44):
that dish.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
All right, So there's a big table, a lot of people.
Someone says, can you pass me though mashed potatoes? There's
got to be a right way and the wrong way
to pass food.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
That is correct. So in the United States, the first
passing of food is alw to the right. So let's
say that we're all sitting at the table and we're
having a meal together. You have chicken in front of you.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
I have pasta, it's already on our plates or no, it's.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's family style, it's in the serving dish and we
are all sitting at the table together. In the United States,
when when you're sitting at the table together, it's family style.
You'll pick up the potatoes, someone else will pick up
the pasta. I'll pick up the chicken. And when you're
serving ourselves, the first passing is always to the right,
(40:30):
so you'll pass the potatoes to the right, I'll pass
the chicken over to you. That is correct once everyone
has it, and if someone wants more later, it doesn't
matter which direction you pass it in. In Europe, the
first passing, so if I'm in France, the first passing
is to the left. So different countries have different etiquette.
(40:53):
In the United States, when we eat or drink anything,
we don't make a sound. We eat very quietly. But
if you are in Japan and you're having soup with
every bite, you'll slurp because that's their etiquette, and it's Japan.
It's a compliment to the chef that you're really enjoying it.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I cannot help myself. I need to get it into
my body as fast as I can because it is
so good. Well, that's very interesting, but we're primarily talking
about US culture.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
So in the US culture, we do not make a
sound when we eat or drink and when we pass food,
and when you're passing food, like I said, the first
passing is always to the right. Once everyone has it,
you can pass it in any direction. But when you're
also passing food, you want to be mindful that you
are passing with the utensil, the serving utensil, facing the person.
So if I'm passing butter, I'm not going to pass
(41:44):
it with the blade of the knife facing the other person. Okay,
you want to pace, You want to pass the food
with the handle facing the other person.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And the same with salt and pepper, and any specific
rules about salt and pepper or is that different?
Speaker 3 (41:57):
So when someone at the table asks you for salt,
you always give them salt and pepper. The proper etiquette
of passing salt and pepper is that salt and pepper
are never separated. They're always placed together and passed together.
So if someone asks you for pepper, you'll will give
them salt and pepper. If they ask you for salt,
(42:19):
you would give them salt and pepper.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I'm astounded that there is even that rule, but I
am thrilled to know it. Now we come to a
really uncomfortable thing or reason I sometimes I don't even
want to go out to eat with people. Is the
deciding of how the check is going to go. I
hope you have rules about this because I want to know.
I want to be able to say with certainty at
(42:42):
the next event I go to where there are three
people and well, let's get the you know, we'll get
a couple of advertisers and share them. But I'm going
to get a salad too, and you're going to get
a You're going to get a Miller High Life, but
you're going to get in a Groni which costs twenty bucks.
How do you what's the best way to deal with
(43:03):
all that?
Speaker 3 (43:04):
So it really depends on your relationship and the people
that you how comfortable you are. So if you're really
close friends and you know a few dollars here or
there doesn't matter. You may want to split it three
ways easily. But if you feel two out of the
three people are.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Drinking, I want to interrupt that. Sure if you're splitting it,
I mean, I know if you're a decent human being,
you brothers won't happen. But if you're like in like
a Jerry Seinfeld cast member or character, if they're splitting
the check, even like you're going to order more expensive
stuff to get a better deal, like George Costanza would
(43:41):
do that, and then you get bill creep. You get
it creeps up and up because everybody's doing that.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
That is correct, That is correct. I have seen that,
and that can only get you so far. Okay, eventually
I will not pay off, so I think. But I've
been in a situation where two out of the three
people were drinking and the person at the table wasn't
and they they offered to divide it. They offered to
(44:07):
pay the third, but the other two were cognizant and
we're polite and said, no, you didn't have a drink.
It's all right, we're going to We're going to pay
for the drinks.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Is it impolite to address that issue at the outset?
Was that okay to decide beforehand?
Speaker 3 (44:20):
It is okay if you if you know, if you're
comfortable and you and you are close to people, or
you're comfortable and you've set that expectation.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Prior I would I say it, I really want separate checks?
How many? How many separate checks can you get before
that's too many for the server? It's ridiculous. I know
a server who refuses to give separate checks over four people.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I think it's more a restaurant policy. I'm not sure
if it's a server was ye, so if it's. If
it's a large group, you may want to just VENMO
to one person and they're going to take care of it.
And then there's always but there's always a shortfall that
is correct or you set that expectation before going in,
(45:02):
or you say, you know what, do you guys mind
if we get a separate check or the two of
us can Yeah, it's really.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
I'm always going to opt for the separate check because
I want to get what I want to get and
I want to pay. I'm happy to pay for it,
and I'm not I'm also happy to every once in
a while split the thing. But I just like, I
guess it makes me sound cheap, but not necessarily because
I may be the one getting the twenty dollars NEGRONI
(45:30):
and I don't want to feel like I'm putting the
other person out, So I'm going to opt for the
separate check. I want to make sure you have enough time.
There's only one minute. So you're so, so, so fantastic.
If somebody wants some organization or a family or parent
wants to get in touch with you, tell everyone how
to do that well.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
If anyone wants to reach us, they can reach us
at our website, New England School Offprotocol dot com. They
can reach us through our contact page or email us
at info at New England School of Protocol all and
we will be happy to answer any questions that we have.
We also have our group class session a group class
schedule part of me on our website for children, for adults, corporations.
(46:13):
You can reach us.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Email all right, and you may not be able to
remember that, so if you want to get that again,
what you do is you go to Night's Side on
demand and listen to this again. You don't, I think
you can fast forward to the end to get that address.
You are so fantastic, And there are other things to
talk about, like interpersonal etiquette, a way to speak to
each other in different situations. We haven't addressed, so we'll
(46:36):
have to have you back. Thank you so much for
coming in. I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Thank you great to be here.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
It's WBZ.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!