Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Your ex broke your heart when they broke up with you.
However, if you break no contact, you will be breaking
your own heart a second time. And someone did exactly that.
What happened? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of love.
(00:21):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your X back or to get over your X.
And welcome back my beautiful noContact army.
Have you been using my app Silencio to help you stay in no
contact? If not, the link to download it
is underneath every single videoand podcast.
And if you too would like to join our no contact army, you
(00:43):
can read our manual at nocontactsecrets.com where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
And before I start, I'm going tomention something that's been on
my mind for a while. 65% of people who listen to me are not
subscribed. So if I could ask you a favor,
(01:07):
and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way and
you want to give something back in return, just hit the
subscribe button and I promise Iwill continue to work hard to
put out interesting and helpful videos so that you have a better
chance of getting your ex back. Thank you.
(01:27):
OK, so I have a comment here from someone who broke no
contact lift or regret it. I'm going to read it and then
break it down. All right, so he says I broke no
contact after almost four months.
I thought I would at least checkthe temperature and check in.
Why do you need to check in? You're not in a relationship.
(01:50):
People check in. In relationships, you're broken
up. You don't need to check in.
And in terms of checking the temperature, let me interpret
that for you. What that means is I couldn't
handle no contact. I was anxious.
I needed a dopamine hit. I needed to know if I had a
chance. I needed to know what she was
thinking. I needed to know what she was
(02:11):
feeling. So I broke no contact.
That's what check the temperature means.
OK? You don't need to check the
temperature of someone who kicked you out of their life.
On the very first call, she was very happy to hear from me and
she thought I would never call. Ha ha.
Exactly. It's been four months and as
(02:35):
I've talked about in other videos, your exes are going to
be thinking about you and they're going to wonder because
they expect to hear from you. And then when they don't,
they'll be like, wow, I guess. I guess they're not going to
chase me even though I dumped them and they're not supposed
to. I guess I'm not going to hear
from them. See, she was wondering about him
(02:55):
and in terms of he said that shewas happy to hear from him.
Of course she was happy. Any X is happy to hear from
someone they dumped. Why?
Because they know they're about to get a huge dopamine hit from
that X. They know the X is going to
(03:18):
boost their ego. They might be come crawl.
They might be crawling back or they're going to say they miss
them. They've been thinking about
them. They're only too happy to talk
to you. 99% of you if you contact your ex and at least a
couple of months have gone by. Two, 3-4 months.
(03:40):
Oh yeah, they will definitely talk to you.
Doesn't mean they'll get back with you, but they will
definitely talk to you. You get their nice little eagle
boost. Satisfies their curiosity as to
what's been going on. Are you dating anyone?
How are you doing? Do you miss them?
And then what's going to happen?Well, you'll see what's going to
happen. And he says that she also wished
(04:05):
him a happy birthday. But the very next day, here it
comes. When we spoke for the second
time, she was very certain she does not want me back.
And I'm selfish and narcissisticand she's made-up her mind not
to come back and she doesn't trust me.
I was broken all over again and broke down and she told me to
(04:28):
never call or text her as there's no reason to stay in
touch. I broke down completely when she
said that. I don't know what to do now.
Well now you screwed yourself. There's nothing to do, which is
what you should have done in the1st place because now at least
you had four months of no contact under your belt.
(04:52):
You just shown her you're very interested.
When you reach out to your ex, when you've been dumped and you
have not cheated and you have not taken your ex for granted.
You know what your phone call oryour text is saying?
It's saying that you're a pussy.It's saying you're a doormat,
you're a beta, you're a loser. You can't find anyone else.
(05:13):
They're your best option. You don't have any other
options. You're weak.
You can't handle the breakup. They won, you lost.
You're not going anywhere. They can treat you and they wait
any way they want to. They can get back with you
anytime they want to. You're low value and you just
thought you were calling to check the temperature.
You were just checking in and checking.
(05:33):
Checking the temperature. No, no, no.
You sent a huge message and it'snot a message you want to be
sending if you want to get your ex back.
And so I asked him why did she wish you a happy birthday?
And he said because we had our birthdays on the same day and I
(05:55):
was in no contact at that time. She unblocked me after two
months but didn't reach out. There you go.
There's the key to the whole thing.
There's the trigger whenever youbreak no contact.
Whenever you're tempted to breakno contact, it's because you've
been triggered, all right? It's not like you're just
walking around one day and it's like, oh, I think I want to
(06:16):
break no contact. No, no, something happens.
And birthdays are a huge trigger.
And this guy, he had a double whammy because they happen to
have their birthday on the same day.
Obviously that's not usually thecase, but I've seen time and
time again. In fact, I talked about it in a
video and I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner.
I don't remember the title now. Two of my clients, they got
(06:40):
triggered. One it was his birthday, the
other client it was her ex's birthday.
They both wanted to reach out. One of them I have to talk down
off the ledge and the other one,luckily he talked himself down
off the ledge. I think he heard my voice in his
head telling him he better not. People get triggered because of
birthdays. And so if it's your birthday and
(07:04):
you don't hear from them, it's like, oh, I really want to talk
to my ex. You think about past birthdays
you had with them and now you see that you're going to be
without them for this birthday. So you figure, oh, what's the
harm? Let me just reach out.
Or if it's their birthday, you think, well, this is my way in.
I can use the birthday excuse oflike, hey, just wish you a happy
(07:25):
birthday. And then you think that you'll
have a little chat and then they'll want to get together or
you'll suggest getting together and then you'll get back
together. I have never seen anyone get
back together as a result of wishing their ex a happy
birthday. OK, so be aware of that birthday
trigger because it's going to screw you like it did this guy,
(07:50):
Like now this guy is screwed. He had four months of no
contact, which is great, especially if you have an
anxious attachment. Style for months of no contact
is amazing. However, when you break it, the
message you're sending is sure. You were big and bad and tough
(08:10):
with the no contact and you stayed away.
But you finally broke. And you know what?
Your ex is here for it. They love it.
They love to have you break no contact.
I have another comment from someone who had another birthday
trigger in case this other example wasn't enough to stop
(08:33):
you guys from breaking. No contact, she says.
I feel like I embarrass myself. Today is his birthday and we've
only been separated for about two weeks.
I decided to send him an edible arrangement because, well, what
if there was a chance for reconciliation?
I don't want to have that one year.
I didn't get him anything. He wouldn't accept the delivery.
(08:56):
They called to let me know that.Well, that's what you get.
Sorry, no sympathy. It's only been two weeks.
And So what? That you didn't get him anything
for this year? Like, are you OCD where you have
to get him something every year?Otherwise what?
Something's going to happen. Like your mind is going to play
tricks on you and no contact andyou'll find any excuse.
(09:19):
Oh, well, I don't want to miss his birthday this year.
I've gotten him something every year.
So just in case we get back together, I need to send him
something. Well look what happened.
He didn't even accept it. You made a fool of yourself.
You broke no contact for no reason.
OK, so I hope I've convinced younot only to stay in no contact
(09:45):
unless you cheated or took your ex for granted, but especially
if it's their birthday or your birthday.
As you can see, it's not going to get you the result you want.
Stop breaking your heart by breaking no contact.
The price you pay is not worth the payoff of getting that brief
(10:07):
dopamine hit. If there's a chance to get your
X back and you know about no contact and you willingly break
it, you have only yourself to blame if you do not get your X
back. And in fact, I have a whole
video on that and I'll put the link in the upper right hand
corner. So you don't want to put
(10:27):
yourself in this position. You will live to regret it.
And that's going to be a hard truth that you were going to
have to live with for the rest of your life, that maybe you
could have gotten your ex back, but you screwed it up.
So stop breaking your own heart.So now I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
(10:50):
And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. We respond to all emails.
If you don't hear from me or from my assistant within 24
hours, then contact us again from another e-mail address or
(11:10):
hit me up on my socials and the link to that is underneath the
videos. And I am available seven days a
week, 16 hours a day. So it doesn't matter where you
are in the world, we will find the time to talk.
And if you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe
and share. If you're listening to this as a
(11:31):
podcast, please rate and review.And finally, remember, love
inspires and powers, uplifts andenlightens.
Your ex broke your heart when they broke up with you.
However, if you break no contact, you will be breaking
your own heart a second time. And someone did exactly that.
What happened? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of love.
(00:21):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your X back or to get over your X.
And welcome back my beautiful noContact army.
Have you been using my app Silencio to help you stay in no
contact? If not, the link to download it
is underneath every single videoand podcast.
And if you too would like to join our no contact army, you
(00:43):
can read our manual at nocontactsecrets.com where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
And before I start, I'm going tomention something that's been on
my mind for a while. 65% of people who listen to me are not
subscribed. So if I could ask you a favor,
(01:07):
and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way and
you want to give something back in return, just hit the
subscribe button and I promise Iwill continue to work hard to
put out interesting and helpful videos so that you have a better
chance of getting your ex back. Thank you.
(01:27):
OK, so I have a comment here from someone who broke no
contact lift or regret it. I'm going to read it and then
break it down. All right, so he says I broke no
contact after almost four months.
I thought I would at least checkthe temperature and check in.
Why do you need to check in? You're not in a relationship.
(01:50):
People check in. In relationships, you're broken
up. You don't need to check in.
And in terms of checking the temperature, let me interpret
that for you. What that means is I couldn't
handle no contact. I was anxious.
I needed a dopamine hit. I needed to know if I had a
chance. I needed to know what she was
thinking. I needed to know what she was
(02:11):
feeling. So I broke no contact.
That's what check the temperature means.
OK? You don't need to check the
temperature of someone who kicked you out of their life.
On the very first call, she was very happy to hear from me and
she thought I would never call. Ha ha.
Exactly. It's been four months and as
(02:35):
I've talked about in other videos, your exes are going to
be thinking about you and they're going to wonder because
they expect to hear from you. And then when they don't,
they'll be like, wow, I guess. I guess they're not going to
chase me even though I dumped them and they're not supposed
to. I guess I'm not going to hear
from them. See, she was wondering about him
(02:55):
and in terms of he said that shewas happy to hear from him.
Of course she was happy. Any X is happy to hear from
someone they dumped. Why?
Because they know they're about to get a huge dopamine hit from
that X. They know the X is going to
(03:18):
boost their ego. They might be come crawl.
They might be crawling back or they're going to say they miss
them. They've been thinking about
them. They're only too happy to talk
to you. 99% of you if you contact your ex and at least a
couple of months have gone by. Two, 3-4 months.
(03:40):
Oh yeah, they will definitely talk to you.
Doesn't mean they'll get back with you, but they will
definitely talk to you. You get their nice little eagle
boost. Satisfies their curiosity as to
what's been going on. Are you dating anyone?
How are you doing? Do you miss them?
And then what's going to happen?Well, you'll see what's going to
happen. And he says that she also wished
(04:05):
him a happy birthday. But the very next day, here it
comes. When we spoke for the second
time, she was very certain she does not want me back.
And I'm selfish and narcissisticand she's made-up her mind not
to come back and she doesn't trust me.
I was broken all over again and broke down and she told me to
(04:28):
never call or text her as there's no reason to stay in
touch. I broke down completely when she
said that. I don't know what to do now.
Well now you screwed yourself. There's nothing to do, which is
what you should have done in the1st place because now at least
you had four months of no contact under your belt.
(04:52):
You just shown her you're very interested.
When you reach out to your ex, when you've been dumped and you
have not cheated and you have not taken your ex for granted.
You know what your phone call oryour text is saying?
It's saying that you're a pussy.It's saying you're a doormat,
you're a beta, you're a loser. You can't find anyone else.
(05:13):
They're your best option. You don't have any other
options. You're weak.
You can't handle the breakup. They won, you lost.
You're not going anywhere. They can treat you and they wait
any way they want to. They can get back with you
anytime they want to. You're low value and you just
thought you were calling to check the temperature.
You were just checking in and checking.
(05:33):
Checking the temperature. No, no, no.
You sent a huge message and it'snot a message you want to be
sending if you want to get your ex back.
And so I asked him why did she wish you a happy birthday?
And he said because we had our birthdays on the same day and I
(05:55):
was in no contact at that time. She unblocked me after two
months but didn't reach out. There you go.
There's the key to the whole thing.
There's the trigger whenever youbreak no contact.
Whenever you're tempted to breakno contact, it's because you've
been triggered, all right? It's not like you're just
walking around one day and it's like, oh, I think I want to
(06:16):
break no contact. No, no, something happens.
And birthdays are a huge trigger.
And this guy, he had a double whammy because they happen to
have their birthday on the same day.
Obviously that's not usually thecase, but I've seen time and
time again. In fact, I talked about it in a
video and I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner.
I don't remember the title now. Two of my clients, they got
(06:40):
triggered. One it was his birthday, the
other client it was her ex's birthday.
They both wanted to reach out. One of them I have to talk down
off the ledge and the other one,luckily he talked himself down
off the ledge. I think he heard my voice in his
head telling him he better not. People get triggered because of
birthdays. And so if it's your birthday and
(07:04):
you don't hear from them, it's like, oh, I really want to talk
to my ex. You think about past birthdays
you had with them and now you see that you're going to be
without them for this birthday. So you figure, oh, what's the
harm? Let me just reach out.
Or if it's their birthday, you think, well, this is my way in.
I can use the birthday excuse oflike, hey, just wish you a happy
(07:25):
birthday. And then you think that you'll
have a little chat and then they'll want to get together or
you'll suggest getting together and then you'll get back
together. I have never seen anyone get
back together as a result of wishing their ex a happy
birthday. OK, so be aware of that birthday
trigger because it's going to screw you like it did this guy,
(07:50):
Like now this guy is screwed. He had four months of no
contact, which is great, especially if you have an
anxious attachment. Style for months of no contact
is amazing. However, when you break it, the
message you're sending is sure. You were big and bad and tough
(08:10):
with the no contact and you stayed away.
But you finally broke. And you know what?
Your ex is here for it. They love it.
They love to have you break no contact.
I have another comment from someone who had another birthday
trigger in case this other example wasn't enough to stop
(08:33):
you guys from breaking. No contact, she says.
I feel like I embarrass myself. Today is his birthday and we've
only been separated for about two weeks.
I decided to send him an edible arrangement because, well, what
if there was a chance for reconciliation?
I don't want to have that one year.
I didn't get him anything. He wouldn't accept the delivery.
(08:56):
They called to let me know that.Well, that's what you get.
Sorry, no sympathy. It's only been two weeks.
And So what? That you didn't get him anything
for this year? Like, are you OCD where you have
to get him something every year?Otherwise what?
Something's going to happen. Like your mind is going to play
tricks on you and no contact andyou'll find any excuse.
(09:19):
Oh, well, I don't want to miss his birthday this year.
I've gotten him something every year.
So just in case we get back together, I need to send him
something. Well look what happened.
He didn't even accept it. You made a fool of yourself.
You broke no contact for no reason.
OK, so I hope I've convinced younot only to stay in no contact
(09:45):
unless you cheated or took your ex for granted, but especially
if it's their birthday or your birthday.
As you can see, it's not going to get you the result you want.
Stop breaking your heart by breaking no contact.
The price you pay is not worth the payoff of getting that brief
(10:07):
dopamine hit. If there's a chance to get your
X back and you know about no contact and you willingly break
it, you have only yourself to blame if you do not get your X
back. And in fact, I have a whole
video on that and I'll put the link in the upper right hand
corner. So you don't want to put
(10:27):
yourself in this position. You will live to regret it.
And that's going to be a hard truth that you were going to
have to live with for the rest of your life, that maybe you
could have gotten your ex back, but you screwed it up.
So stop breaking your own heart.So now I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
(10:50):
And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. We respond to all emails.
If you don't hear from me or from my assistant within 24
hours, then contact us again from another e-mail address or
(11:10):
hit me up on my socials and the link to that is underneath the
videos. And I am available seven days a
week, 16 hours a day. So it doesn't matter where you
are in the world, we will find the time to talk.
And if you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe
and share. If you're listening to this as a
(11:31):
podcast, please rate and review.And finally, remember, love
inspires and powers, uplifts andenlightens.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.