March 3, 2025 • 10 mins
The no contact phase of a breakup is simple, but not easy. Where people make the most mistakes is AFTER no contact. Dating/relationship expert Lucia shares the 3 biggest mistakes that will ruin your chances of getting your ex back.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
No contact is simple. It's not necessarily easy, but
it is simple in the sense that there aren't a lot of things you
need to remember to do or not do.
All you have to do is not reach out to your ex and not respond
unless they say something significant.
(00:22):
And by significant, I mean that they say something that leads
you to believe that they are rethinking their decision and
they may want to get back together.
Everything else is a breadcrumb.So although it may be difficult
if you have an anxious attachment style, no contact is
(00:42):
simple. However, where people make their
mistakes when they're trying to get an X back is when they are
in contact with their X. So I want to talk about the
biggest mistakes people make once they're in contact after
being in a period of no contact.Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
(01:04):
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your X back or to get
over your X. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. If you have downloaded my app
Silencio, be sure to update it as we regularly fix bugs and
make changes. And if you haven't downloaded
it, the link is underneath everysingle video and podcast.
(01:25):
And be sure to check out our No Contact Army manual where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book and that
is at nocontactsecrets.com. And yes, of course the link is
underneath every video and podcast.
So before I start, I want to mention something that's been on
my mind and that is that believeit or not, 65% of people who
(01:46):
listen to me are not subscribed.So if I can ask you a favor, it
would be if my videos have ever helped you and you want to give
me back in return, then please just hit the subscribe button.
And I promise that I will continue to work hard to put out
interesting and helpful videos so that you will have a better
chance of getting your X back. Thank you.
(02:08):
OK, so to illustrate the mistakes that people make when
they're trying to get it next back, I'm going to use the
example of a woman I know who isnot a client, who made pretty
much all the mistakes you can make in trying to get an X back.
So she was dating this guy. They were never official or
(02:30):
exclusive. And she broke up with him
because he didn't want to commit.
And she had something at his home, something that some sort
of kitchen, something I don't know.
And she didn't go to get it whenshe broke up with him.
She thought, you know what, I'lljust buy another one.
I don't want to see him again. If I ever need that I'll just
(02:52):
buy another one. OK?
Keep this in mind. It's a very important part of
the story and he never brought it up.
So time goes on, she starts dating someone else and she
thinks this new guy is the love of her life, is the one, is the
soulmate. And unfortunately after a few
(03:12):
months he breaks up with her. So she's devastated.
Now, whenever someone breaks up with you, you usually want
comfort. You want to be with someone who
you know has positive feelings for you, or at least had
positive feelings for you. So often that means that you
want to speak to the last personyou dated before this breakup.
(03:36):
So she wanted to have contact with the ex, the one she broke
up with, even though consciouslyshe may not have thought that,
subconsciously she did. And so even though she had said,
oh, well, if I ever need that item, I'll just buy another one,
Did she do that? No.
(03:56):
And that led to, well, disastrous results, as you're
going to see. So she contacted him to get it
back. And she said, listen, you can
just leave it on your front doorand I'll pick it up.
But secretly, she was probably hoping that he wouldn't do that.
And in fact, he said no, no, it's OK, I'll drop it off.
(04:17):
Sure. So they arranged a time for him
to drop it off. Did he just drop it off and
leave? Of course not.
They both want to get their dopamine, fix their dopamine
hits because you know when it involves getting an X back,
you're a junkie and you'll do anything to get a hit.
(04:41):
So he came in and they talked for two hours, which is another
mistake. As I said in the video, I think
the title is do not give this toyour ex.
I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
You do not give your ex hours and hours of time when you
(05:05):
finally speak to them, if you ever speak to them at some
point, especially if you broke up with them because they didn't
want to commit. It's like they didn't want to
commit. You were forced to move on, and
now you're going to give them two hours of your life.
I mean, nothing like showing that you're still very
interested. And the conclusion they came to
was that they were going to takeit slow.
(05:27):
Sure. This is such a stupid concept,
this taking it slow, it never works.
It's just BS. It just sounds good.
OK, we're going to take it slow.OK, think of it this way.
Imagine you have a car and there's something wrong with the
car. OK, the brakes don't work,
whatever. And instead of fixing the car,
(05:51):
you know, you you put you put itin the garage for whatever 345
months and then you take it out and you go, well, I'm just going
to drive it slow. I'll just drive 5 miles an hour.
There's issues with the car, so I'll just drive slow.
OK, Well, what do you think's going to happen?
Do you think the problem went away just because you left it in
(06:12):
the garage or now because you'regoing to drive 5 miles an hour?
If there's a problem there, it'sgoing to pop up at some point.
So that's just BS, this whole taking it slow thing.
And so, no, of course they weren't exclusive.
They started to date and at first it was fine, of course,
(06:37):
until it wasn't. And she saw him out with another
girl and they looked very chummy.
And that's when she had to, you know, cut it off for good.
And another mistake that she made was that she did not ask
the six questions when they decided to take it slow.
(06:59):
She needed to ask him the six questions, which I talked about
in my video, the six questions to ask your ex if they want you
back. And I'll put the link in the
upper right hand corner. And those are meant for your
protection. And I find that some people are
afraid of them. They're afraid to ask them
because they're afraid that they're not going to get very
good answers, which is the wholepoint.
It's like if your ex is not willing to give you great
(07:22):
answers to these questions, there's no point in getting back
together. Or if they're not even willing
to answer the questions at all, what's the point of getting back
together? If they want to get back
together, they need to show thatthey very much want to get back
together and that they made a mistake either in breaking up
(07:43):
with you or in this case, and not committing to her.
Well, I mean, she didn't know about the six questions, but I'm
talking to you guys who do know or now you know, there's no
point in getting back with an X unless you ask the six
questions. You know, why should I take you
back? What's going to be different?
How are you going to make it up to me, etcetera, etcetera.
(08:04):
The other three questions. And so now he's definitely gone
for good because this is the second breakup.
So the mistakes she made were first of all breaking no
contact, right? Because in that whole time after
she broke up with him, he never once contacted her.
(08:24):
So what does that tell you? The interest just isn't there.
Sometimes if someone isn't that interested, you just have to
accept that fact and keep it moving.
As opposed to I see people in the comments saying, Oh no,
contact doesn't work. No, contact doesn't work.
No, just because it didn't work for you, it doesn't mean it
didn't work. It's because the person was
totally done or just not that interested.
(08:45):
And then the second mistake, well, I was going to say it's
letting him come in, but you know what?
I know that 99% of people, if their ex dropped off an item and
he wants to just come in or she wants to come in, they're not
going to say no, no, just give me my thing and go away.
They're not going to do that. And so that was the second
(09:09):
mistake. The third mistake, of course,
talking for two hours, it's like, what for?
How did that help? Talking for two hours and not
asking the six questions. So this isn't just a matter of,
oh, I'll do no contact and then I'll get my X back.
No, after you are in contact with the X, if you don't handle
things correctly, then there's going to be a second breakup.
(09:32):
And the more breakups you have, the less chance you have of
getting your X back. So you don't just want to get
back and, and on a hope and a prayer that Oh yeah, this time
it's going to work out. No, maybe if you're lucky, maybe
if you go slow the car won't break down, but I doubt it.
(09:56):
OK, so now I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
And if you would like my help toget your ex back, you can
contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. The direct link is underneath
(10:16):
every single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
please like, subscribe and shareand hit the notification bell so
you'll be notified when a new video is up.
And if you're listening to this as a podcast and you would like
to help the show, then please download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
(10:42):
enlightens.
No contact is simple. It's not necessarily easy, but
it is simple in the sense that there aren't a lot of things you
need to remember to do or not do.
All you have to do is not reach out to your ex and not respond
unless they say something significant.
(00:22):
And by significant, I mean that they say something that leads
you to believe that they are rethinking their decision and
they may want to get back together.
Everything else is a breadcrumb.So although it may be difficult
if you have an anxious attachment style, no contact is
(00:42):
simple. However, where people make their
mistakes when they're trying to get an X back is when they are
in contact with their X. So I want to talk about the
biggest mistakes people make once they're in contact after
being in a period of no contact.Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
(01:04):
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your X back or to get
over your X. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. If you have downloaded my app
Silencio, be sure to update it as we regularly fix bugs and
make changes. And if you haven't downloaded
it, the link is underneath everysingle video and podcast.
(01:25):
And be sure to check out our No Contact Army manual where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book and that
is at nocontactsecrets.com. And yes, of course the link is
underneath every video and podcast.
So before I start, I want to mention something that's been on
my mind and that is that believeit or not, 65% of people who
(01:46):
listen to me are not subscribed.So if I can ask you a favor, it
would be if my videos have ever helped you and you want to give
me back in return, then please just hit the subscribe button.
And I promise that I will continue to work hard to put out
interesting and helpful videos so that you will have a better
chance of getting your X back. Thank you.
(02:08):
OK, so to illustrate the mistakes that people make when
they're trying to get it next back, I'm going to use the
example of a woman I know who isnot a client, who made pretty
much all the mistakes you can make in trying to get an X back.
So she was dating this guy. They were never official or
(02:30):
exclusive. And she broke up with him
because he didn't want to commit.
And she had something at his home, something that some sort
of kitchen, something I don't know.
And she didn't go to get it whenshe broke up with him.
She thought, you know what, I'lljust buy another one.
I don't want to see him again. If I ever need that I'll just
(02:52):
buy another one. OK?
Keep this in mind. It's a very important part of
the story and he never brought it up.
So time goes on, she starts dating someone else and she
thinks this new guy is the love of her life, is the one, is the
soulmate. And unfortunately after a few
(03:12):
months he breaks up with her. So she's devastated.
Now, whenever someone breaks up with you, you usually want
comfort. You want to be with someone who
you know has positive feelings for you, or at least had
positive feelings for you. So often that means that you
want to speak to the last personyou dated before this breakup.
(03:36):
So she wanted to have contact with the ex, the one she broke
up with, even though consciouslyshe may not have thought that,
subconsciously she did. And so even though she had said,
oh, well, if I ever need that item, I'll just buy another one,
Did she do that? No.
(03:56):
And that led to, well, disastrous results, as you're
going to see. So she contacted him to get it
back. And she said, listen, you can
just leave it on your front doorand I'll pick it up.
But secretly, she was probably hoping that he wouldn't do that.
And in fact, he said no, no, it's OK, I'll drop it off.
(04:17):
Sure. So they arranged a time for him
to drop it off. Did he just drop it off and
leave? Of course not.
They both want to get their dopamine, fix their dopamine
hits because you know when it involves getting an X back,
you're a junkie and you'll do anything to get a hit.
(04:41):
So he came in and they talked for two hours, which is another
mistake. As I said in the video, I think
the title is do not give this toyour ex.
I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
You do not give your ex hours and hours of time when you
(05:05):
finally speak to them, if you ever speak to them at some
point, especially if you broke up with them because they didn't
want to commit. It's like they didn't want to
commit. You were forced to move on, and
now you're going to give them two hours of your life.
I mean, nothing like showing that you're still very
interested. And the conclusion they came to
was that they were going to takeit slow.
(05:27):
Sure. This is such a stupid concept,
this taking it slow, it never works.
It's just BS. It just sounds good.
OK, we're going to take it slow.OK, think of it this way.
Imagine you have a car and there's something wrong with the
car. OK, the brakes don't work,
whatever. And instead of fixing the car,
(05:51):
you know, you you put you put itin the garage for whatever 345
months and then you take it out and you go, well, I'm just going
to drive it slow. I'll just drive 5 miles an hour.
There's issues with the car, so I'll just drive slow.
OK, Well, what do you think's going to happen?
Do you think the problem went away just because you left it in
(06:12):
the garage or now because you'regoing to drive 5 miles an hour?
If there's a problem there, it'sgoing to pop up at some point.
So that's just BS, this whole taking it slow thing.
And so, no, of course they weren't exclusive.
They started to date and at first it was fine, of course,
(06:37):
until it wasn't. And she saw him out with another
girl and they looked very chummy.
And that's when she had to, you know, cut it off for good.
And another mistake that she made was that she did not ask
the six questions when they decided to take it slow.
(06:59):
She needed to ask him the six questions, which I talked about
in my video, the six questions to ask your ex if they want you
back. And I'll put the link in the
upper right hand corner. And those are meant for your
protection. And I find that some people are
afraid of them. They're afraid to ask them
because they're afraid that they're not going to get very
good answers, which is the wholepoint.
It's like if your ex is not willing to give you great
(07:22):
answers to these questions, there's no point in getting back
together. Or if they're not even willing
to answer the questions at all, what's the point of getting back
together? If they want to get back
together, they need to show thatthey very much want to get back
together and that they made a mistake either in breaking up
(07:43):
with you or in this case, and not committing to her.
Well, I mean, she didn't know about the six questions, but I'm
talking to you guys who do know or now you know, there's no
point in getting back with an X unless you ask the six
questions. You know, why should I take you
back? What's going to be different?
How are you going to make it up to me, etcetera, etcetera.
(08:04):
The other three questions. And so now he's definitely gone
for good because this is the second breakup.
So the mistakes she made were first of all breaking no
contact, right? Because in that whole time after
she broke up with him, he never once contacted her.
(08:24):
So what does that tell you? The interest just isn't there.
Sometimes if someone isn't that interested, you just have to
accept that fact and keep it moving.
As opposed to I see people in the comments saying, Oh no,
contact doesn't work. No, contact doesn't work.
No, just because it didn't work for you, it doesn't mean it
didn't work. It's because the person was
totally done or just not that interested.
(08:45):
And then the second mistake, well, I was going to say it's
letting him come in, but you know what?
I know that 99% of people, if their ex dropped off an item and
he wants to just come in or she wants to come in, they're not
going to say no, no, just give me my thing and go away.
They're not going to do that. And so that was the second
(09:09):
mistake. The third mistake, of course,
talking for two hours, it's like, what for?
How did that help? Talking for two hours and not
asking the six questions. So this isn't just a matter of,
oh, I'll do no contact and then I'll get my X back.
No, after you are in contact with the X, if you don't handle
things correctly, then there's going to be a second breakup.
(09:32):
And the more breakups you have, the less chance you have of
getting your X back. So you don't just want to get
back and, and on a hope and a prayer that Oh yeah, this time
it's going to work out. No, maybe if you're lucky, maybe
if you go slow the car won't break down, but I doubt it.
(09:56):
OK, so now I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
And if you would like my help toget your ex back, you can
contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. The direct link is underneath
(10:16):
every single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
please like, subscribe and shareand hit the notification bell so
you'll be notified when a new video is up.
And if you're listening to this as a podcast and you would like
to help the show, then please download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
(10:42):
enlightens.
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