Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
When an avoidant X is truly never coming back, their
behavior often shows clear signsof detachment.
What are those key signs that your avoidant X is never coming
back? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
But first, Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
(00:21):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your X back or to get over your X.
And welcome back my beautiful noContact Army.
Have you been a good little soldier?
Well, if you have, then you've downloaded my app Silencio to
help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
underneath every single video and podcast.
(00:42):
And if you're new to this channel, please be sure to drop
a heart in the comments so that I can personally say hello to
you and welcome to our No Contact Army.
And to read our manual, you can go to nocontactsecrets.com where
you can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
OK, so the signs are in no particular order.
(01:05):
And as usual, the more signs yousee, the more likely it is that
they're not coming back. Now, why are avoidance less
likely to come back than other attachment styles?
So let me just briefly tell you that before I give you the first
sign. And that is because avoidance
(01:29):
associate relationships with stress and engulfment.
So once they're detached, they often quote UN quote, rewrite
history to justify leaving. Another reason is fear of
regression, and that means that to them, returning means facing
the same problems, which terrifies them.
(01:50):
The thought of going backwards. And then finally, for avoidance,
especially dismissive avoidance,it's out of sight, out of mind.
Since they suppress their emotions rather than process
them, it's easier to just stay gone.
OK, so let's get on with the signs.
The first one is that they ghostyou and I've actually already
(02:16):
done a video on this titled The number one sign They're never
coming back. And that's because they've let
the resentment build and they haven't communicated their
feelings. And at a certain point they
point to decide that they've hadenough.
And meanwhile you don't even know there's something wrong.
But there are always signs and micro expressions.
(02:39):
However, unless you've trained yourself to look for them,
you'll be like most people who, well, like I said, we'll miss
them and, and they'll think, hey, everything's OK.
And then they're surprised when the ex ghosts them.
And I know you'll be asking, well, what signs?
Well, there's a million signs that someone's unhappy.
(03:00):
So it's not like there's a list I can rattle off.
It's the same as asking, well, what are the signs that a first
date isn't going well? Again, it could be a million
things. It could be something as simple
as let's say you're the woman and you went out to dinner with
a guy and after the day to the two of you are leaving the
restaurant and instead of havingyou walk in front of him, he
(03:25):
walks ahead of you like you're not even with him.
So that's a sign that he's not really interested.
But again, most people are not going to clock that as a sign of
disinterest. OK, so if an avoidant reaches
the point where they think there's too much water under the
bridge and they need to leave, they may just disappear because
(03:49):
they don't want to have a conversation knowing that you'll
be trying to talk them out of it.
But meanwhile they've already made-up their mind, so if they
ghosted rather than doing the slow fade, the chances of them
coming back are less. The second sign is that they
downplay the relationship and the connection the two of you
(04:12):
had. So this is yet another strategy
of the avoidant. If they can convince themselves
that it didn't really mean anything, then of course it's
easier to move on. They don't really have to face
their feelings if they can lie to you about how important their
relationship was to them, and then they can certainly lie to
themselves. And that's exactly what they do.
(04:35):
And they do this actually automatically and
subconsciously. It's not something that they
deliberately think of doing. The next sign is that more than
a year has passed since the breakup.
By this time, they are well out of the relief stage unless you
(04:56):
continued to reach out to them and not stay in no contact.
So they've had plenty of time tothink about everything and they
still haven't reached out. And this usually means they will
not be reaching out. The 4th sign is that they have
been no contact with no bread crumbs.
(05:20):
It doesn't have to be a year. It could be, you know, six
months for this sign. So they don't reach out at all.
No texts, calls or social media interactions.
And even if you initiate, they may respond minimally or not at
all. Avoidance who might return
(05:42):
usually leave subtle bread crumbs, likes random messages,
etcetera. So total silence suggests
they've closed the door #5 they've expressed clear
finality. So they've said things like I'm
done for good, we're not right for each other.
(06:02):
I don't see a future with you. Avoidance who leave room for
possibility tend to be vague, sothey'll say I need space as
opposed to it's over forever. Now with this one, keep in mind
that sometimes in the heat of the moment, people may say these
things of all attachment styles,not just avoidance, but not
(06:24):
really mean them. So this one you kind of have to
take with a grain of salt and you also have to see how many
other signs of the ones that I'mmentioning here today they have.
So if they have a lot of the signs that I'm talking about and
on top of that, they say that it's over for good, then it
(06:46):
probably is. OK.
The next sign is that they have removed emotional and physical
ties. So they've given you back your
things or thrown them away. They've unfollowed or blocked
you on social media. They've told mutual friends
they're not looking back again. They're probably gone for good.
(07:10):
The next sign is that they've worked on themselves without
you. So if they've gone to therapy,
pursued self improvement, or made big life changes without
attempting to reconnect, then very likely they've moved on.
Next. You just feel it.
Their energy is gone. So even if they haven't said
(07:33):
anything, you intuitively feel like they're done for good.
And this last one, it may or maynot be a sign.
Again, it depends on how many other signs there are.
And that is that they're dating someone new and they're posting
about their new life or they just genuinely seem happy
(07:55):
without you. Avoidance rarely return once
they replace the relationship emotionally or physically.
However, if the person was a rebound, then there's a very
good chance that it's not over for good, they're not gone for
good, and when it ends that theymay come looking for you.
(08:17):
So only time will tell. So when might an avoidant come
back? Well, if they're not fully
detached. So if they're still watching
your stories, sending mixed signals, hot and cold, that's a
good sign. If you have changed so you're
not chasing, you're emotionally independent, you're no longer a
(08:41):
perceived threat, that's a good sign for them to not be afraid.
Or if time has passed and they find themselves still
interested, whether it's months or years later when their fear
of engulfment has finally faded,that's when they might come
back. So what can you do now?
Well, I would say that you should assume that they're not
(09:04):
coming back. That way you protect your peace.
Focus on your healing avoidance.Rarely return unless they see
real change. So if they felt that you were
the problem, then this step is crucial.
And if they do come back, ensurethey've done the work.
Make sure they're working on their attachment style or you
(09:27):
will repeat the cycle. So if they're showing consistent
long term indifference, they're likely gone for good.
And the best move is to detach and invest in yourself.
So now I'm gonna hear from you. How many of these signs have you
seen from your avoidant ex? And if you are serious about
(09:49):
getting your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They're not on the website. If you found this video helpful,
please like, subscribe and share.
If you're listening to this as apodcast and you want to help the
show, then just download this episode.
(10:10):
Thank you for putting up with mywith my voice.
I'm just getting over being sick.
And remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
When an avoidant X is truly never coming back, their
behavior often shows clear signsof detachment.
What are those key signs that your avoidant X is never coming
back? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
But first, Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
(00:21):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your X back or to get over your X.
And welcome back my beautiful noContact Army.
Have you been a good little soldier?
Well, if you have, then you've downloaded my app Silencio to
help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
underneath every single video and podcast.
(00:42):
And if you're new to this channel, please be sure to drop
a heart in the comments so that I can personally say hello to
you and welcome to our No Contact Army.
And to read our manual, you can go to nocontactsecrets.com where
you can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
OK, so the signs are in no particular order.
(01:05):
And as usual, the more signs yousee, the more likely it is that
they're not coming back. Now, why are avoidance less
likely to come back than other attachment styles?
So let me just briefly tell you that before I give you the first
sign. And that is because avoidance
(01:29):
associate relationships with stress and engulfment.
So once they're detached, they often quote UN quote, rewrite
history to justify leaving. Another reason is fear of
regression, and that means that to them, returning means facing
the same problems, which terrifies them.
(01:50):
The thought of going backwards. And then finally, for avoidance,
especially dismissive avoidance,it's out of sight, out of mind.
Since they suppress their emotions rather than process
them, it's easier to just stay gone.
OK, so let's get on with the signs.
The first one is that they ghostyou and I've actually already
(02:16):
done a video on this titled The number one sign They're never
coming back. And that's because they've let
the resentment build and they haven't communicated their
feelings. And at a certain point they
point to decide that they've hadenough.
And meanwhile you don't even know there's something wrong.
But there are always signs and micro expressions.
(02:39):
However, unless you've trained yourself to look for them,
you'll be like most people who, well, like I said, we'll miss
them and, and they'll think, hey, everything's OK.
And then they're surprised when the ex ghosts them.
And I know you'll be asking, well, what signs?
Well, there's a million signs that someone's unhappy.
(03:00):
So it's not like there's a list I can rattle off.
It's the same as asking, well, what are the signs that a first
date isn't going well? Again, it could be a million
things. It could be something as simple
as let's say you're the woman and you went out to dinner with
a guy and after the day to the two of you are leaving the
restaurant and instead of havingyou walk in front of him, he
(03:25):
walks ahead of you like you're not even with him.
So that's a sign that he's not really interested.
But again, most people are not going to clock that as a sign of
disinterest. OK, so if an avoidant reaches
the point where they think there's too much water under the
bridge and they need to leave, they may just disappear because
(03:49):
they don't want to have a conversation knowing that you'll
be trying to talk them out of it.
But meanwhile they've already made-up their mind, so if they
ghosted rather than doing the slow fade, the chances of them
coming back are less. The second sign is that they
downplay the relationship and the connection the two of you
(04:12):
had. So this is yet another strategy
of the avoidant. If they can convince themselves
that it didn't really mean anything, then of course it's
easier to move on. They don't really have to face
their feelings if they can lie to you about how important their
relationship was to them, and then they can certainly lie to
themselves. And that's exactly what they do.
(04:35):
And they do this actually automatically and
subconsciously. It's not something that they
deliberately think of doing. The next sign is that more than
a year has passed since the breakup.
By this time, they are well out of the relief stage unless you
(04:56):
continued to reach out to them and not stay in no contact.
So they've had plenty of time tothink about everything and they
still haven't reached out. And this usually means they will
not be reaching out. The 4th sign is that they have
been no contact with no bread crumbs.
(05:20):
It doesn't have to be a year. It could be, you know, six
months for this sign. So they don't reach out at all.
No texts, calls or social media interactions.
And even if you initiate, they may respond minimally or not at
all. Avoidance who might return
(05:42):
usually leave subtle bread crumbs, likes random messages,
etcetera. So total silence suggests
they've closed the door #5 they've expressed clear
finality. So they've said things like I'm
done for good, we're not right for each other.
(06:02):
I don't see a future with you. Avoidance who leave room for
possibility tend to be vague, sothey'll say I need space as
opposed to it's over forever. Now with this one, keep in mind
that sometimes in the heat of the moment, people may say these
things of all attachment styles,not just avoidance, but not
(06:24):
really mean them. So this one you kind of have to
take with a grain of salt and you also have to see how many
other signs of the ones that I'mmentioning here today they have.
So if they have a lot of the signs that I'm talking about and
on top of that, they say that it's over for good, then it
(06:46):
probably is. OK.
The next sign is that they have removed emotional and physical
ties. So they've given you back your
things or thrown them away. They've unfollowed or blocked
you on social media. They've told mutual friends
they're not looking back again. They're probably gone for good.
(07:10):
The next sign is that they've worked on themselves without
you. So if they've gone to therapy,
pursued self improvement, or made big life changes without
attempting to reconnect, then very likely they've moved on.
Next. You just feel it.
Their energy is gone. So even if they haven't said
(07:33):
anything, you intuitively feel like they're done for good.
And this last one, it may or maynot be a sign.
Again, it depends on how many other signs there are.
And that is that they're dating someone new and they're posting
about their new life or they just genuinely seem happy
(07:55):
without you. Avoidance rarely return once
they replace the relationship emotionally or physically.
However, if the person was a rebound, then there's a very
good chance that it's not over for good, they're not gone for
good, and when it ends that theymay come looking for you.
(08:17):
So only time will tell. So when might an avoidant come
back? Well, if they're not fully
detached. So if they're still watching
your stories, sending mixed signals, hot and cold, that's a
good sign. If you have changed so you're
not chasing, you're emotionally independent, you're no longer a
(08:41):
perceived threat, that's a good sign for them to not be afraid.
Or if time has passed and they find themselves still
interested, whether it's months or years later when their fear
of engulfment has finally faded,that's when they might come
back. So what can you do now?
Well, I would say that you should assume that they're not
(09:04):
coming back. That way you protect your peace.
Focus on your healing avoidance.Rarely return unless they see
real change. So if they felt that you were
the problem, then this step is crucial.
And if they do come back, ensurethey've done the work.
Make sure they're working on their attachment style or you
(09:27):
will repeat the cycle. So if they're showing consistent
long term indifference, they're likely gone for good.
And the best move is to detach and invest in yourself.
So now I'm gonna hear from you. How many of these signs have you
seen from your avoidant ex? And if you are serious about
(09:49):
getting your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They're not on the website. If you found this video helpful,
please like, subscribe and share.
If you're listening to this as apodcast and you want to help the
show, then just download this episode.
(10:10):
Thank you for putting up with mywith my voice.
I'm just getting over being sick.
And remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.