Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
So your avoidance bailed on you,as avoidance often do, and you
think it's because they fell outof love?
You think they don't love you anymore?
Yeah, sometimes that's true, Butmore often than not, the reason
is actually the total opposite. What do I mean?
Stay tuned and you'll find out. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
(00:23):
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact Army. Have you been a good little
soldier? If you have and you've
downloaded my app Silencio, the link is underneath every single
video and podcast. And if you too would like to
(00:43):
join our beautiful no contact army, all you have to do is hit
the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
OK, so why did your avoidant X break up with you?
(01:05):
Is it because they thought you were incompatible?
Maybe. Is it because their interest
level went down? Maybe.
Did they fall out of love? Maybe they may give you one or
even all of those reasons and they're convinced that those are
actually the real reasons they want to get away from you.
(01:25):
But the truth is often the opposite.
And I have a short quote that a woman posted just this morning
that fits beautifully with what I'm about to tell you.
And she says he broke up with me, saying he started to fall in
love with me and cannot give hislife to me yet.
(01:46):
I know it doesn't make sense because you see, avoidance don't
leave because they fell out of love.
They leave because they fell in love.
I'll give you a second to process that.
They're not leaving because of the lack of love.
They're leaving because of the presence of love.
In fact, the more love there is,the less likely they are to
(02:08):
stick around because for an avoidant, falling in love is
very dangerous territory. They feel unstable.
They feel like a fish out of water.
And This is why they usually have one foot out the door.
They're afraid to fall in love and they're ready to leave at
the drop of a hat. They may think they're losing
(02:28):
interest and they'll look for reasons to leave, but often the
truth is that they're very interested, but they're falling
in love and they're freaking out.
That's why they'll sometimes leave a perfectly good, even
great relationship and go back to a toxic X.
How frustrating is that, right? And that's because if the toxic
(02:50):
X rejects them, that's more acceptable because hey, the X is
toxic anyway and they the avoidant isn't in love with them
and the ex isn't a threat to their independence and their
sense of self. However, if someone they truly
love rejects them, that would bedevastating.
If they were to truly offer their heart to you now, they're
(03:11):
risking really getting hurt. This is why, as I said.
They always have one foot out the door.
They never want to fully commit 100%.
They'll find a way to keep theirdistance no matter how long
you've been together. And if you try to close that
distance, especially if you're anxious, you're going to try to
close that distance, they're going to push you away.
(03:34):
And avoidance, especially dismissive avoidance, think that
the idea of completely giving your heart to someone is crazy.
Their attitude is why would you put your heart in the hands of a
fickle, fallible, faulty human being?
They may believe in relationships, but truly giving
(03:56):
your heart 100% no, that's not going to happen.
Look at it, look at it this way.Think of avoidance as having a
fortress built around their heart in order to keep everyone
out. So if you have feelings for them
and they start to have feelings for you, you now hold the key to
(04:18):
opening the door to that fortress.
Oh, no. And the closer your key gets to
the door of the fortress, the more they start to pull away.
And the moment that it looks like you're about to put the key
in the lock and open that fortress, that's when they will
very abruptly pull away. That's why avoidance will often
(04:40):
break up with you after you've had a really great weekend
together or a great trip, right?You thought you were getting
closer and things were moving forward.
And the very next day, usually it's crazy, the very next day
they break up with you. That's because they realized
they were falling in love. And, well, we can't have that
(05:00):
now, can we? Falling in love is accompanied
by a loss of control, and one thing an avoidant does not want
to be is out of control. They're not afraid that their
relationship's going to fail. They're actually afraid it's
going to be permanent. So finally, remember that
attachment styles exist on the spectrum and while most
(05:23):
avoidance will feel and behave this way, not all avoidance will
leave because they're in love. Some will leave because they do
not have the control they need in order to feel safe in the
relationship. It feels as if someone is taking
over their life and that is super scary.
They start to feel smothered andcontrolled, and they feel this
(05:44):
way because they weren't able tobe in total control as children.
But now that they're adults, there's no way they're going to
relinquish any control. If they feel that you have the
upper hand in the relationship, they're out.
So now I want to hear from you. What reason did your ex give for
breaking up with you? And in the meantime, if you
(06:06):
would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates for coaching.
I am available seven days a week, 16 hours a day because the
other 8 hours I'm sleeping. But other than that, I am there
if you're an ongoing client withme.
So the direct link to that is underneath every single video
(06:28):
and podcast. And if you found this video
helpful, please like, subscribe and share.
If you'll listen to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
So your avoidance bailed on you,as avoidance often do, and you
think it's because they fell outof love?
You think they don't love you anymore?
Yeah, sometimes that's true, Butmore often than not, the reason
is actually the total opposite. What do I mean?
Stay tuned and you'll find out. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
(00:23):
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact Army. Have you been a good little
soldier? If you have and you've
downloaded my app Silencio, the link is underneath every single
video and podcast. And if you too would like to
(00:43):
join our beautiful no contact army, all you have to do is hit
the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
OK, so why did your avoidant X break up with you?
(01:05):
Is it because they thought you were incompatible?
Maybe. Is it because their interest
level went down? Maybe.
Did they fall out of love? Maybe they may give you one or
even all of those reasons and they're convinced that those are
actually the real reasons they want to get away from you.
(01:25):
But the truth is often the opposite.
And I have a short quote that a woman posted just this morning
that fits beautifully with what I'm about to tell you.
And she says he broke up with me, saying he started to fall in
love with me and cannot give hislife to me yet.
(01:46):
I know it doesn't make sense because you see, avoidance don't
leave because they fell out of love.
They leave because they fell in love.
I'll give you a second to process that.
They're not leaving because of the lack of love.
They're leaving because of the presence of love.
In fact, the more love there is,the less likely they are to
(02:08):
stick around because for an avoidant, falling in love is
very dangerous territory. They feel unstable.
They feel like a fish out of water.
And This is why they usually have one foot out the door.
They're afraid to fall in love and they're ready to leave at
the drop of a hat. They may think they're losing
(02:28):
interest and they'll look for reasons to leave, but often the
truth is that they're very interested, but they're falling
in love and they're freaking out.
That's why they'll sometimes leave a perfectly good, even
great relationship and go back to a toxic X.
How frustrating is that, right? And that's because if the toxic
(02:50):
X rejects them, that's more acceptable because hey, the X is
toxic anyway and they the avoidant isn't in love with them
and the ex isn't a threat to their independence and their
sense of self. However, if someone they truly
love rejects them, that would bedevastating.
If they were to truly offer their heart to you now, they're
(03:11):
risking really getting hurt. This is why, as I said.
They always have one foot out the door.
They never want to fully commit 100%.
They'll find a way to keep theirdistance no matter how long
you've been together. And if you try to close that
distance, especially if you're anxious, you're going to try to
close that distance, they're going to push you away.
(03:34):
And avoidance, especially dismissive avoidance, think that
the idea of completely giving your heart to someone is crazy.
Their attitude is why would you put your heart in the hands of a
fickle, fallible, faulty human being?
They may believe in relationships, but truly giving
(03:56):
your heart 100% no, that's not going to happen.
Look at it, look at it this way.Think of avoidance as having a
fortress built around their heart in order to keep everyone
out. So if you have feelings for them
and they start to have feelings for you, you now hold the key to
(04:18):
opening the door to that fortress.
Oh, no. And the closer your key gets to
the door of the fortress, the more they start to pull away.
And the moment that it looks like you're about to put the key
in the lock and open that fortress, that's when they will
very abruptly pull away. That's why avoidance will often
(04:40):
break up with you after you've had a really great weekend
together or a great trip, right?You thought you were getting
closer and things were moving forward.
And the very next day, usually it's crazy, the very next day
they break up with you. That's because they realized
they were falling in love. And, well, we can't have that
(05:00):
now, can we? Falling in love is accompanied
by a loss of control, and one thing an avoidant does not want
to be is out of control. They're not afraid that their
relationship's going to fail. They're actually afraid it's
going to be permanent. So finally, remember that
attachment styles exist on the spectrum and while most
(05:23):
avoidance will feel and behave this way, not all avoidance will
leave because they're in love. Some will leave because they do
not have the control they need in order to feel safe in the
relationship. It feels as if someone is taking
over their life and that is super scary.
They start to feel smothered andcontrolled, and they feel this
(05:44):
way because they weren't able tobe in total control as children.
But now that they're adults, there's no way they're going to
relinquish any control. If they feel that you have the
upper hand in the relationship, they're out.
So now I want to hear from you. What reason did your ex give for
breaking up with you? And in the meantime, if you
(06:06):
would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates for coaching.
I am available seven days a week, 16 hours a day because the
other 8 hours I'm sleeping. But other than that, I am there
if you're an ongoing client withme.
So the direct link to that is underneath every single video
(06:28):
and podcast. And if you found this video
helpful, please like, subscribe and share.
If you'll listen to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
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