Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
There's a quote that says dumperlaugh now, cry later, dumpy cry
now, laugh later. And even though you think your
ex or know that your ex is happyabout the breakup and they're
doing great, doesn't mean it's always going to be that way.
As time goes by, there's a very good chance they'll eventually
(00:24):
start to feel worse and you willstart to feel better.
As hard as it may be to believe right now, how is this possible?
Well, stay tuned and you'll findout.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
And welcome back my beautiful nocontact army.
(00:44):
Have you downloaded Silencio to help you stay in no contact?
The app is underneath every single video and podcast.
And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
you have to do is to the subscribe button and the bell
notification and you're in. And to read our manual go to
(01:04):
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
you purchase the book. So unless this is not the first
breakup with this person, then your ex does not know how
they're going to feel after the breakup with you.
They just know they wanted the breakup, but they are now on new
(01:27):
terrain. They've not been here before.
Most people when they dump someone, they think that they're
going to go off and live happilyever after, but that's not
always the way it works out. Jumpers don't always want to end
the relationship, but they feel they have to for a variety of
reasons. So most will feel relief after
(01:49):
the breakup. They dreaded having to break up
with you, right? Because who wants to have to go
through that? But when they finally do, they
feel relief. Just as when you dread having to
do something or talk to a certain person.
And then when you finally do it,you're like, so glad that's over
with. I'm so relieved.
Even if the interaction didn't go well, you're just relieved
(02:11):
it's not behind you, right? So they're relieved they got
that over with, and they're relieved that they're no longer
in a relationship where they weren't happy.
Now, there are some dumpers who don't immediately feel relief,
and they will actually be feeling bad right after the
(02:31):
breakup. And these are the people who
will reach out to you sooner rather than later.
You'll hear from them within a few days or a few weeks.
And that's usually because they feel guilty about hurting you
and they're hoping that you're doing OK so that they can go off
on their merry weight without feeling bad.
(02:53):
It doesn't mean that they want to get back together.
Unless it was a fake breakup to get you to do something or not
do something. And even if it was a fake
breakup, they are still the oneswho need to say that they've
changed their mind and they madea mistake.
You can't ask for them. And I've done a video on fake
(03:15):
breakups and I will put the linkup on YouTube.
So while they feel relief, you unfortunately feel out of
control. Which is why if you have an
anxious attachment style, you chase your ex after the breakup.
People with a secure or an avoidant attachment style may
(03:37):
also feel out of control, but they channel that energy in
different ways. They don't reach out to their
ex. But you know the relief stage.
It does not last forever. It eventually passes.
It will eventually lose its shine, as does everything.
They're going to begin to realize that the single life
(03:59):
isn't what they thought it wouldbe, or the rebound is not
someone who's going to be able to replace you.
So now, finally, they can start to feel worse when they feel the
emotional consequences of the breakup, meaning they actually
start to miss you. There's no way that you can be
(04:19):
with someone for years or even months and not miss them when
they're no longer in your life. At some point, at some time,
they're going to start to miss you.
And this happens when they get triggered.
You have triggers and you want to reach out, right?
You probably have triggers everyday and you want to reach out.
(04:41):
So why wouldn't they? And this can be anything from a
song that reminds them of you orof a fun time you share
together. A location, a movie, a food,
anything. And this is the part of the
video where I let you know that,believe it or not, 65% of people
(05:04):
who listen to me are not subscribed.
I know. So I just want to ask you one
thing and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way
and you want to give something back, all you have to do is hit
the subscribe button. And I promise that I will
continue to work hard and put out interesting and helpful
videos so that you can get your ex back.
(05:25):
Thank you. OK, so continuing on, they will
finally feel the consequences ofbreaking up with you.
But you need to let them get to that point by getting into no
contact and staying there. Because if you get impatient
(05:46):
like most people do, and think that they're not going to reach
out and you contact them, you'vejust set yourself back and
you're going to have to start the count all over again.
For all you know, they could have been at the point of
breaking and they were going to reach out tomorrow or next week.
(06:08):
Keep in mind that water boils at100°C, but it does not boil at
98°C. Those last couple of degrees
make all the difference. So if you take the pot off the
stove at 98° because you're impatient, it hasn't started to
(06:31):
boil yet, it's going to cool offand now you're going to have to
start all over again. So same thing with contacting
your ex before they get to the point where they get triggered
and start to miss you. That's why it's imperative that
you get into no contact and staythere no matter what.
(06:53):
Now, on top of missing you, yoursilence is a blow to their ego.
When they broke up with you, they figured they could get you
back at any time if things didn't go as planned.
In their new life, you were an option.
However, your silence is now making them doubt whether they
(07:13):
could even get you back. And the confidence they once
had, it's starting to diminish. Maybe they're not as amazing as
they thought they were, or maybeyou weren't as into them as they
thought you were. Otherwise, why are you not
reaching out? How could you possibly just be
moving on with your life, especially if at first you were
(07:36):
upset at the breakup? Are you faking it until you make
it, or are you truly over them? These thoughts are going to
invade their mind and they'll want to know the answers, and
that's when you'll hear from them.
Usually in the form of a breadcrumb because of course
they don't want to be vulnerable, but you're going to
(07:58):
be a good little soldier and you're not going to respond to a
breadcrumb. And that's going to be an even
bigger blow to their ego. They were 100% certain that if
they reached out, you would respond even if they just said
hey or how's it going, which is what they usually do.
And yet on your side, it's radiosilence.
(08:21):
Now they're starting to panic. If they're anxious or anxious
avoidant, they may call you a bunch of times in a day.
Or the more likely scenario is that they'll wait a couple of
weeks and try again hoping that in the meantime you will reach
out. But of course you're not going
to because you're working on your attachment style and you're
(08:43):
leveling up and you do not have time for bread crumbs.
You'll delay them missing you and quote UN quote crying later
if you don't leave them alone and get into no contact.
That's why you want to get into it as soon as possible.
They have to feel your absence and they can't do that if you're
not absent, right? Any type of you reaching out to
(09:08):
them, even if it's only once a month or anything that lets them
know you may still be interested, such as watching
their story. Even if it's accidental, it's
breaking no contact and you haveto start the count all over
again. So if you have my Silencio app,
you can just reset the counter back to 0.
(09:31):
So let time do its thing. Let them get past the relief
stage of thinking they're going to have a great old time being
single or moving on, and eventually they'll experience
the consequences of the breakup.They'll start to feel worse.
They'll miss you. Their ego will have taken a hit.
In the meantime, you've been working on your attachment
(09:54):
style, right? You've been working on your
attachment style. You've begun to level up, work
out, and you're feeling better. And that's when you'll hear from
hear from them. And if you want to know how long
each stage is going to take, because I know that's your next
question, I of course have done a video on that and I'll put the
(10:14):
link on YouTube. So now I'm going to hear from
you. How long have you been in no
contact and how is it going? And in the meantime, if you
would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They are not on the website and the direct link to that is
(10:35):
underneath every single video and podcast.
If you found this video helpful,please like, subscribe and
share. If you're listening to this as a
podcast and you want to help theshow, download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
There's a quote that says dumperlaugh now, cry later, dumpy cry
now, laugh later. And even though you think your
ex or know that your ex is happyabout the breakup and they're
doing great, doesn't mean it's always going to be that way.
As time goes by, there's a very good chance they'll eventually
(00:24):
start to feel worse and you willstart to feel better.
As hard as it may be to believe right now, how is this possible?
Well, stay tuned and you'll findout.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
And welcome back my beautiful nocontact army.
(00:44):
Have you downloaded Silencio to help you stay in no contact?
The app is underneath every single video and podcast.
And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
you have to do is to the subscribe button and the bell
notification and you're in. And to read our manual go to
(01:04):
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
you purchase the book. So unless this is not the first
breakup with this person, then your ex does not know how
they're going to feel after the breakup with you.
They just know they wanted the breakup, but they are now on new
(01:27):
terrain. They've not been here before.
Most people when they dump someone, they think that they're
going to go off and live happilyever after, but that's not
always the way it works out. Jumpers don't always want to end
the relationship, but they feel they have to for a variety of
reasons. So most will feel relief after
(01:49):
the breakup. They dreaded having to break up
with you, right? Because who wants to have to go
through that? But when they finally do, they
feel relief. Just as when you dread having to
do something or talk to a certain person.
And then when you finally do it,you're like, so glad that's over
with. I'm so relieved.
Even if the interaction didn't go well, you're just relieved
(02:11):
it's not behind you, right? So they're relieved they got
that over with, and they're relieved that they're no longer
in a relationship where they weren't happy.
Now, there are some dumpers who don't immediately feel relief,
and they will actually be feeling bad right after the
(02:31):
breakup. And these are the people who
will reach out to you sooner rather than later.
You'll hear from them within a few days or a few weeks.
And that's usually because they feel guilty about hurting you
and they're hoping that you're doing OK so that they can go off
on their merry weight without feeling bad.
(02:53):
It doesn't mean that they want to get back together.
Unless it was a fake breakup to get you to do something or not
do something. And even if it was a fake
breakup, they are still the oneswho need to say that they've
changed their mind and they madea mistake.
You can't ask for them. And I've done a video on fake
(03:15):
breakups and I will put the linkup on YouTube.
So while they feel relief, you unfortunately feel out of
control. Which is why if you have an
anxious attachment style, you chase your ex after the breakup.
People with a secure or an avoidant attachment style may
(03:37):
also feel out of control, but they channel that energy in
different ways. They don't reach out to their
ex. But you know the relief stage.
It does not last forever. It eventually passes.
It will eventually lose its shine, as does everything.
They're going to begin to realize that the single life
(03:59):
isn't what they thought it wouldbe, or the rebound is not
someone who's going to be able to replace you.
So now, finally, they can start to feel worse when they feel the
emotional consequences of the breakup, meaning they actually
start to miss you. There's no way that you can be
(04:19):
with someone for years or even months and not miss them when
they're no longer in your life. At some point, at some time,
they're going to start to miss you.
And this happens when they get triggered.
You have triggers and you want to reach out, right?
You probably have triggers everyday and you want to reach out.
(04:41):
So why wouldn't they? And this can be anything from a
song that reminds them of you orof a fun time you share
together. A location, a movie, a food,
anything. And this is the part of the
video where I let you know that,believe it or not, 65% of people
(05:04):
who listen to me are not subscribed.
I know. So I just want to ask you one
thing and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way
and you want to give something back, all you have to do is hit
the subscribe button. And I promise that I will
continue to work hard and put out interesting and helpful
videos so that you can get your ex back.
(05:25):
Thank you. OK, so continuing on, they will
finally feel the consequences ofbreaking up with you.
But you need to let them get to that point by getting into no
contact and staying there. Because if you get impatient
(05:46):
like most people do, and think that they're not going to reach
out and you contact them, you'vejust set yourself back and
you're going to have to start the count all over again.
For all you know, they could have been at the point of
breaking and they were going to reach out tomorrow or next week.
(06:08):
Keep in mind that water boils at100°C, but it does not boil at
98°C. Those last couple of degrees
make all the difference. So if you take the pot off the
stove at 98° because you're impatient, it hasn't started to
(06:31):
boil yet, it's going to cool offand now you're going to have to
start all over again. So same thing with contacting
your ex before they get to the point where they get triggered
and start to miss you. That's why it's imperative that
you get into no contact and staythere no matter what.
(06:53):
Now, on top of missing you, yoursilence is a blow to their ego.
When they broke up with you, they figured they could get you
back at any time if things didn't go as planned.
In their new life, you were an option.
However, your silence is now making them doubt whether they
(07:13):
could even get you back. And the confidence they once
had, it's starting to diminish. Maybe they're not as amazing as
they thought they were, or maybeyou weren't as into them as they
thought you were. Otherwise, why are you not
reaching out? How could you possibly just be
moving on with your life, especially if at first you were
(07:36):
upset at the breakup? Are you faking it until you make
it, or are you truly over them? These thoughts are going to
invade their mind and they'll want to know the answers, and
that's when you'll hear from them.
Usually in the form of a breadcrumb because of course
they don't want to be vulnerable, but you're going to
(07:58):
be a good little soldier and you're not going to respond to a
breadcrumb. And that's going to be an even
bigger blow to their ego. They were 100% certain that if
they reached out, you would respond even if they just said
hey or how's it going, which is what they usually do.
And yet on your side, it's radiosilence.
(08:21):
Now they're starting to panic. If they're anxious or anxious
avoidant, they may call you a bunch of times in a day.
Or the more likely scenario is that they'll wait a couple of
weeks and try again hoping that in the meantime you will reach
out. But of course you're not going
to because you're working on your attachment style and you're
(08:43):
leveling up and you do not have time for bread crumbs.
You'll delay them missing you and quote UN quote crying later
if you don't leave them alone and get into no contact.
That's why you want to get into it as soon as possible.
They have to feel your absence and they can't do that if you're
not absent, right? Any type of you reaching out to
(09:08):
them, even if it's only once a month or anything that lets them
know you may still be interested, such as watching
their story. Even if it's accidental, it's
breaking no contact and you haveto start the count all over
again. So if you have my Silencio app,
you can just reset the counter back to 0.
(09:31):
So let time do its thing. Let them get past the relief
stage of thinking they're going to have a great old time being
single or moving on, and eventually they'll experience
the consequences of the breakup.They'll start to feel worse.
They'll miss you. Their ego will have taken a hit.
In the meantime, you've been working on your attachment
(09:54):
style, right? You've been working on your
attachment style. You've begun to level up, work
out, and you're feeling better. And that's when you'll hear from
hear from them. And if you want to know how long
each stage is going to take, because I know that's your next
question, I of course have done a video on that and I'll put the
(10:14):
link on YouTube. So now I'm going to hear from
you. How long have you been in no
contact and how is it going? And in the meantime, if you
would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They are not on the website and the direct link to that is
(10:35):
underneath every single video and podcast.
If you found this video helpful,please like, subscribe and
share. If you're listening to this as a
podcast and you want to help theshow, download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
enlightens.
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