March 17, 2025 • 8 mins
Believe it or not, even though your ex broke up with you, they do want to talk with you, even if weeks or months have gone by. Dating/relationship expert Lucia shares why your ex wants to talk, even if they haven't reached out yet.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Yes, your ex wants to talk to you.
Most dumpers do want to talk to the dumpy after the breakup and
I know that may be hard to believe, especially if you
haven't heard from your ex in months or weeks.
Why would they want to talk to you?
Well, stay tuned and you'll findout.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
(00:22):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
And welcome back my beautiful nocontact Army.
Have you been a good little soldier and stayed in no
contact? Well if you need help with that,
be sure to download my app Silencio.
And the link for that is underneath every single video
and podcast. And if you too would like to
(00:43):
join our no contact army, all you have to do is subscribe and
hit the bell notification. And to read our manual, go to
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
you purchase the book. And the link to that is also
underneath every single video and podcast.
OK, so I just want to establish that just because I'm telling
(01:05):
you that your ex wants to talk to you, I am not giving you
permission to break no contact. No, no, no.
They want to talk to you when they feel like it, not when you
feel like it. Otherwise, you may end up
catching them on a day when everything's going well for them
and they're happy about the breakup, as opposed to catching
(01:25):
them on a day when they miss you.
You don't know how they're feeling before you contact them,
right? And then you'll get rejected all
over again and have to start no contact all over again.
And that's not fun. So why would an ex want to talk
to you after they dumped you? Many reasons.
One is because the dumper is often ambivalent.
(01:49):
They may still want you in theirlife somehow, but they do not
want to talk about the relationship and they don't want
to feel pressured to talk about the relationship, which is what
the person who's been dumped often wants to do.
And that's why I say that if forsome reason you need to be in
(02:11):
contact with your ex or if you happen to run into them,
absolutely do not, do not bring up the relationship or the
breakup. That's what they're going to be
expecting you to do. And when you don't do that, they
will feel relieved and that willmake them more likely to reach
(02:31):
out in the future because they know they won't be ambushed with
questions about possibly gettingback together.
Now, people are often surprised that their ex is still watching
their stories or following them on social media.
You know, just because they broke up with you, it doesn't
mean that they totally hate you.Unless of course they do because
(02:54):
you did something to make them hate you or they've got mental
health issues. But usually that's not the case.
So they may still like you as a person, but it's just gotten to
a point where they figured they would be happier without you in
their life as a romantic partner.
Does it mean they're not curiousabout what's going on with you
(03:15):
or want to speak with you at some point?
Often just to catch up? But if you're trying to get your
ex back, I strongly suggest you don't have those catch up
conversations because they will not lead to getting back
together. And yes, this applies to
avoidance too. People think that if their ex is
an avoidant that they're not going to watch their stories or
(03:37):
want to speak with them, and that's just not true.
Avoidance avoid feelings and relationships.
They don't avoid watching stories and talking.
And in my video from a few weeksago titled 3 Biggest Mistakes
that Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back, I told the
story of the woman who broke up with the guy because he didn't
(04:00):
want to be in a committed relationship.
And when she contacted him aboutgetting back something that she
had left at his house, he was the one who suggested bringing
it over. And when he got there they
talked for two hours. They both been in no contact for
many months, I can't remember how many, probably at least 6 to
(04:21):
8. And he had not tried to contact
her once. So for those of you who think,
oh, I haven't heard from my ex in months, there's no way he
wants to talk to me or she wantsto talk to me, that's not true.
Just because they're not reaching out doesn't mean they
want to. They don't want to talk to you.
Again, it doesn't mean they wantto get back together, but they
(04:42):
do want to talk to you, even if it's just to find out why you
haven't reached out to them and try to get them back.
So this is the part of the videoor podcast where I let you know
that, believe it or not, 65% of people who listen to me are not
subscribed. I can't believe it.
So if I could ask you a favor, it would be that if my videos
(05:05):
have ever helped you in any way and you want to give back, just
hit the subscribe button and I promise that I'll continue to
work hard and put out interesting and helpful videos.
Thank you. Another reason why your ex may
want to talk to you but hasn't reached out is because they
don't think anything's going to change and they don't want to
(05:26):
feel frustrated and disappointedagain, which was the reason they
left in the first place. So why go back from more
torture, right? They think that the problems
can't be solved or that you've tried and it hasn't worked, so
what's the point? So if that's their mindset, then
the only way that that's going to change is if they start to
(05:48):
miss you. And I've done several topics or
several videos on the topic of missing you and I will post the
link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
That's why it's important that during no contact you're working
on yourself. And people always ask, well, how
will my ex know that I've changed?
(06:08):
Great question. They're going to be able to tell
from your energy, believe it or not, if you were very anxious
before. And if for some reason you have
contact with your ex, they're going to see that you're not
behaving the same or asking the same questions, or they'll be
able to see it through your social media.
Your posts will be different. You may even start dressing
(06:30):
differently or get a different haircut, which often means that
something changed internally andthat's why the person looks
different externally. And the hair has a lot to do
with it, interestingly enough. Or if you're in contact with
them, you just tell them, hey, I'm working on myself, I'm going
to therapy, etcetera, etcetera. And often they're going to be
(06:52):
interested to find out what progress you're making in
therapy. So that's a good sign.
And then the final reason why your ex wants to talk to you but
hasn't reached out is because they don't want to lead you on
and have you thinking that they want to get back together.
If they're not sure that they want to get back together or if
(07:12):
they currently think that they don't want to get back together,
especially if you didn't initially accept the breakup and
you were chasing them. When you finally do go quiet,
they don't want to open that canof worms again if they're not
100% certain that they want to come back.
That's why when someone breaks up with you, it's important that
(07:34):
you accept a breakup sooner rather than later and make it
seem as if you're moving on. That way they feel safe in
approaching you if they start tochange their mind.
So you may think that your ex doesn't want to talk to you, but
in many cases, they do 90% of people will hear from their ex.
(07:54):
So if you haven't heard from yours yet, it may just be a
matter of time. So hang in there.
But right now, I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
Please comment below and you maynot be able to talk to your ex
right now, right this minute, but hey, you can talk to me.
I'm the second best choice. So if you want my help in
(08:17):
getting your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They're not on the page and the direct link to that is
underneath every single video and podcast.
If you found this video helpful,please like, subscribe, and
share. If you're listening to this as a
podcast and you want to help theshow, then please download this
(08:39):
episode. And finally, remember, love
inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Yes, your ex wants to talk to you.
Most dumpers do want to talk to the dumpy after the breakup and
I know that may be hard to believe, especially if you
haven't heard from your ex in months or weeks.
Why would they want to talk to you?
Well, stay tuned and you'll findout.
Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
(00:22):
I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
And welcome back my beautiful nocontact Army.
Have you been a good little soldier and stayed in no
contact? Well if you need help with that,
be sure to download my app Silencio.
And the link for that is underneath every single video
and podcast. And if you too would like to
(00:43):
join our no contact army, all you have to do is subscribe and
hit the bell notification. And to read our manual, go to
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
you purchase the book. And the link to that is also
underneath every single video and podcast.
OK, so I just want to establish that just because I'm telling
(01:05):
you that your ex wants to talk to you, I am not giving you
permission to break no contact. No, no, no.
They want to talk to you when they feel like it, not when you
feel like it. Otherwise, you may end up
catching them on a day when everything's going well for them
and they're happy about the breakup, as opposed to catching
(01:25):
them on a day when they miss you.
You don't know how they're feeling before you contact them,
right? And then you'll get rejected all
over again and have to start no contact all over again.
And that's not fun. So why would an ex want to talk
to you after they dumped you? Many reasons.
One is because the dumper is often ambivalent.
(01:49):
They may still want you in theirlife somehow, but they do not
want to talk about the relationship and they don't want
to feel pressured to talk about the relationship, which is what
the person who's been dumped often wants to do.
And that's why I say that if forsome reason you need to be in
(02:11):
contact with your ex or if you happen to run into them,
absolutely do not, do not bring up the relationship or the
breakup. That's what they're going to be
expecting you to do. And when you don't do that, they
will feel relieved and that willmake them more likely to reach
(02:31):
out in the future because they know they won't be ambushed with
questions about possibly gettingback together.
Now, people are often surprised that their ex is still watching
their stories or following them on social media.
You know, just because they broke up with you, it doesn't
mean that they totally hate you.Unless of course they do because
(02:54):
you did something to make them hate you or they've got mental
health issues. But usually that's not the case.
So they may still like you as a person, but it's just gotten to
a point where they figured they would be happier without you in
their life as a romantic partner.
Does it mean they're not curiousabout what's going on with you
(03:15):
or want to speak with you at some point?
Often just to catch up? But if you're trying to get your
ex back, I strongly suggest you don't have those catch up
conversations because they will not lead to getting back
together. And yes, this applies to
avoidance too. People think that if their ex is
an avoidant that they're not going to watch their stories or
(03:37):
want to speak with them, and that's just not true.
Avoidance avoid feelings and relationships.
They don't avoid watching stories and talking.
And in my video from a few weeksago titled 3 Biggest Mistakes
that Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back, I told the
story of the woman who broke up with the guy because he didn't
(04:00):
want to be in a committed relationship.
And when she contacted him aboutgetting back something that she
had left at his house, he was the one who suggested bringing
it over. And when he got there they
talked for two hours. They both been in no contact for
many months, I can't remember how many, probably at least 6 to
(04:21):
8. And he had not tried to contact
her once. So for those of you who think,
oh, I haven't heard from my ex in months, there's no way he
wants to talk to me or she wantsto talk to me, that's not true.
Just because they're not reaching out doesn't mean they
want to. They don't want to talk to you.
Again, it doesn't mean they wantto get back together, but they
(04:42):
do want to talk to you, even if it's just to find out why you
haven't reached out to them and try to get them back.
So this is the part of the videoor podcast where I let you know
that, believe it or not, 65% of people who listen to me are not
subscribed. I can't believe it.
So if I could ask you a favor, it would be that if my videos
(05:05):
have ever helped you in any way and you want to give back, just
hit the subscribe button and I promise that I'll continue to
work hard and put out interesting and helpful videos.
Thank you. Another reason why your ex may
want to talk to you but hasn't reached out is because they
don't think anything's going to change and they don't want to
(05:26):
feel frustrated and disappointedagain, which was the reason they
left in the first place. So why go back from more
torture, right? They think that the problems
can't be solved or that you've tried and it hasn't worked, so
what's the point? So if that's their mindset, then
the only way that that's going to change is if they start to
(05:48):
miss you. And I've done several topics or
several videos on the topic of missing you and I will post the
link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
That's why it's important that during no contact you're working
on yourself. And people always ask, well, how
will my ex know that I've changed?
(06:08):
Great question. They're going to be able to tell
from your energy, believe it or not, if you were very anxious
before. And if for some reason you have
contact with your ex, they're going to see that you're not
behaving the same or asking the same questions, or they'll be
able to see it through your social media.
Your posts will be different. You may even start dressing
(06:30):
differently or get a different haircut, which often means that
something changed internally andthat's why the person looks
different externally. And the hair has a lot to do
with it, interestingly enough. Or if you're in contact with
them, you just tell them, hey, I'm working on myself, I'm going
to therapy, etcetera, etcetera. And often they're going to be
(06:52):
interested to find out what progress you're making in
therapy. So that's a good sign.
And then the final reason why your ex wants to talk to you but
hasn't reached out is because they don't want to lead you on
and have you thinking that they want to get back together.
If they're not sure that they want to get back together or if
(07:12):
they currently think that they don't want to get back together,
especially if you didn't initially accept the breakup and
you were chasing them. When you finally do go quiet,
they don't want to open that canof worms again if they're not
100% certain that they want to come back.
That's why when someone breaks up with you, it's important that
(07:34):
you accept a breakup sooner rather than later and make it
seem as if you're moving on. That way they feel safe in
approaching you if they start tochange their mind.
So you may think that your ex doesn't want to talk to you, but
in many cases, they do 90% of people will hear from their ex.
(07:54):
So if you haven't heard from yours yet, it may just be a
matter of time. So hang in there.
But right now, I want to hear from you.
How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
Please comment below and you maynot be able to talk to your ex
right now, right this minute, but hey, you can talk to me.
I'm the second best choice. So if you want my help in
(08:17):
getting your ex back, you can contact me at
theartoflove.net/coaching and wewill send you the rates.
They're not on the page and the direct link to that is
underneath every single video and podcast.
If you found this video helpful,please like, subscribe, and
share. If you're listening to this as a
podcast and you want to help theshow, then please download this
(08:39):
episode. And finally, remember, love
inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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