June 13, 2025 • 10 mins
If you've been dumped, you're probably wondering: Is my ex confused after the breakup? Does my ex regret breaking up with me?
Dating/relationship expert Lucia shares why dumpers often second-guess their decision - and how their confusion puts YOU in a stronger position.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
If you've been struggling with no contact today I'm going to be
talking about something that might just give you a little
piece of mind. Your ex is way more confused
than you think. That's right, If you've been
sitting there wondering, do theymiss me?
Are they regretting their decision?
Chances are they're actually struggling way more than they're
(00:22):
letting on. So stick around because by the
end of the video you'll see why you might actually be in the
stronger position. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. I have a promotion going on and
(00:45):
that is with my app Silencio. If you've downloaded it or if
you download it and you leave it, review, not a rating, a
review in either the App Store or the Google Play Store, and
then you send me a screenshot with that review.
In return, I will give you a free copy of my book, No Contact
(01:08):
Secrets, which you can find out about at nonocontactsecrets.com.
It's over 170 pages, so it's notjust a little pamphlet.
And you can send that screenshotto me via my website
theartoflove.net. And if you 2 would like to join
our army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the
(01:29):
bell notification and you're in.OK, so let's get started.
So breakups are messy. And even if your X was the one
to end things, that doesn't meanthey're 100% sure.
And here's why we have the Grassis greener syndrome.
A lot of jumpers think that breaking up will magically solve
(01:51):
the problems in the relationship.
But once reality hits loneliness, dating apps or just
missing you, they're going to start second guessing
themselves, which of course, is great news for you.
They're also going to be wrestling with pride.
Even if they miss you, admittingthat they made a mistake feels
(02:13):
like a blow to their ego, so instead they'll act cold or
indifferent to cover up their confusion.
And This is why you can't respond to bread crumbs,
thinking that they're using the bread crumbs as a way to get
back with you. Most of the time they just want
to see if they have access to you.
People hate changing their mindsonce they decide to break up
(02:36):
with someone, but if they're having second thoughts and they
start to miss you, the missing you will usually went out over
the pride of not wanting to change their mind.
So again, more good news. It's all good news today.
And then also, emotions lag behind actions.
(02:58):
So just because someone says they're done, it doesn't mean
their feelings shut off overnight.
Their brain might be saying moveon, but their heart's still
catching up. Now remember that they didn't
start dating you or marry you just to eventually dump you.
That was never part of the plan,at least not if they're mentally
(03:21):
healthy. So they've been struggling with
this decision for a while. And even when they do finally
pull the trigger and break up with you, they're still a part
of them that's not sure that they're making the right
decision. But they were at least 51% sure
as I've said many times before, otherwise they would not have
broken up with you. So they're going through their
(03:43):
own emotional turmoil even if it's not showing.
And they most likely don't have a grand plan as to what they're
going to do after the breakup. They just know they didn't want
to be with you anymore. They'll also be confused if you
go into no contact and stay there.
Most jumpers assume the dumpy isgoing to resist or chase them
(04:06):
after the breakup, especially ifyou were anxious in the
relationship. So when you start to behave the
total opposite of what they expected, they'll be confused.
They'll wonder what's going on. Perhaps you weren't as into them
as they thought you were. Maybe you had someone else on
the side. Maybe they've been replaced.
(04:29):
Why aren't you chasing them likethey expected you to?
And all these question marks become a hook that hooks them
back into thinking about you andwondering if they made the right
decision. You're now unpredictable, and
unpredictability is actually attractive.
You're mysterious, and mystery is attractive.
(04:52):
Now, confusion on the part of your ex often looks like
rejection. If they're still rejecting you
or giving you hot and cold signals, it's because they're
confused. They're still going to act like
they don't want to get back together, but because you're
looking for any little glimmer of hope, you think that just
(05:12):
because they're sometimes comingin hot that they want to get
back together. But then the next day they go
back to being cold and your hopes are dashed.
And This is why we wait for themto say something significant.
Now, what are some other signs that they're secretly unsure?
So I just mentioned the hot and cold.
(05:34):
One day they're texting you, heystranger, and then the next day
they're ghosting. So mixed signals equal equals
mental chaos. The social media games.
So posting sad songs, old memories, watching your
Instagram story at 2:00 AM or suddenly liking your pictures.
(05:55):
They're trying to get your attention without admitting that
they want it or asking mutual friends about you.
If they're just curious how you're doing, yeah, they're not
over it. So the bottom line is, if
they're acting weird, it's because they feel weird.
And here's the best part. Their confusion means that you
(06:19):
have the upper hand. If you play it cool.
Silence speaks louder than words.
The more you chase, the more certain they'll feel.
But if you focus on you, that's when the doubt creeps in for
them. Once they're out of the relief
stage that I talked about in my video titled I believe it was 7
(06:41):
stages Dumpers go through and I'll put the link in the upper
right hand corner on YouTube. They have to face the
consequences of their actions. They thought they'd feel better
after the breakup, but that's not always the outcome.
That's when they start to doubt their decision.
But this can only happen if you have been in no contact.
(07:02):
So when they're confused, they're going to wonder if they
can get you back in case they made a mistake.
That's when the bread crumbing starts.
If you respond to the bread crumbs, they're now sure that
you're still there and they willno longer be confused.
One of my clients, her ex, kept bread crumbing her and with my
(07:24):
help she ignored the bread crumbs.
Unfortunately, she answered the phone when he called not knowing
it was him and then she went on to make another mistake of being
on the phone with him for a longtime.
Did he say he wanted to get backtogether at the end of the call?
No, now he's no longer confused and she feels worse than ever.
(07:46):
Not responding to his bread crumbs was working, but talking
to him on the phone gave him allthe reassurance he needed to
know that she was still there waiting for him.
So do not give that reinsure reassurance.
Make sure they stay in confusionland until they're ready to get
back together and they'll respect you more.
Because nothing messes with Annex's head like seeing you
(08:10):
thrive. Because it forces them to
wonder, did I mess up? So level up and boss up and take
this time and no contact to workon yourself and go after your
dreams. Your energy is always better
spent on you instead of decodingtheir mixed signals, but either
(08:31):
way, you win. How, you might ask?
Well, if they come back, great. But now you're in control.
You've shown them that they can break up with you and you're not
going to fall apart and chase them.
If anything, you're going to survive and thrive, and if they
don't come back, well, you've already moved on to bigger and
(08:53):
better things. You know, at the end of the day,
breakups are tough. But knowing that your ex is
probably just as confused, if not more than you are, that's
great news. So if you've been depressed,
cheer up Now I want to hear fromyou.
Have you noticed your ex acting unsure?
(09:14):
What have they done? Leave a comment below and if
this video or podcast help you, give it a thumbs up and share it
with someone who needs to hear it.
And if you would like my help toget your ex back, you can
contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. They are not on the website.
(09:36):
If you're listening to this as apodcast and you want to help the
show, then just download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, upliffs and
enlightens.
If you've been struggling with no contact today I'm going to be
talking about something that might just give you a little
piece of mind. Your ex is way more confused
than you think. That's right, If you've been
sitting there wondering, do theymiss me?
Are they regretting their decision?
Chances are they're actually struggling way more than they're
(00:22):
letting on. So stick around because by the
end of the video you'll see why you might actually be in the
stronger position. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. I have a promotion going on and
(00:45):
that is with my app Silencio. If you've downloaded it or if
you download it and you leave it, review, not a rating, a
review in either the App Store or the Google Play Store, and
then you send me a screenshot with that review.
In return, I will give you a free copy of my book, No Contact
(01:08):
Secrets, which you can find out about at nonocontactsecrets.com.
It's over 170 pages, so it's notjust a little pamphlet.
And you can send that screenshotto me via my website
theartoflove.net. And if you 2 would like to join
our army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the
(01:29):
bell notification and you're in.OK, so let's get started.
So breakups are messy. And even if your X was the one
to end things, that doesn't meanthey're 100% sure.
And here's why we have the Grassis greener syndrome.
A lot of jumpers think that breaking up will magically solve
(01:51):
the problems in the relationship.
But once reality hits loneliness, dating apps or just
missing you, they're going to start second guessing
themselves, which of course, is great news for you.
They're also going to be wrestling with pride.
Even if they miss you, admittingthat they made a mistake feels
(02:13):
like a blow to their ego, so instead they'll act cold or
indifferent to cover up their confusion.
And This is why you can't respond to bread crumbs,
thinking that they're using the bread crumbs as a way to get
back with you. Most of the time they just want
to see if they have access to you.
People hate changing their mindsonce they decide to break up
(02:36):
with someone, but if they're having second thoughts and they
start to miss you, the missing you will usually went out over
the pride of not wanting to change their mind.
So again, more good news. It's all good news today.
And then also, emotions lag behind actions.
(02:58):
So just because someone says they're done, it doesn't mean
their feelings shut off overnight.
Their brain might be saying moveon, but their heart's still
catching up. Now remember that they didn't
start dating you or marry you just to eventually dump you.
That was never part of the plan,at least not if they're mentally
(03:21):
healthy. So they've been struggling with
this decision for a while. And even when they do finally
pull the trigger and break up with you, they're still a part
of them that's not sure that they're making the right
decision. But they were at least 51% sure
as I've said many times before, otherwise they would not have
broken up with you. So they're going through their
(03:43):
own emotional turmoil even if it's not showing.
And they most likely don't have a grand plan as to what they're
going to do after the breakup. They just know they didn't want
to be with you anymore. They'll also be confused if you
go into no contact and stay there.
Most jumpers assume the dumpy isgoing to resist or chase them
(04:06):
after the breakup, especially ifyou were anxious in the
relationship. So when you start to behave the
total opposite of what they expected, they'll be confused.
They'll wonder what's going on. Perhaps you weren't as into them
as they thought you were. Maybe you had someone else on
the side. Maybe they've been replaced.
(04:29):
Why aren't you chasing them likethey expected you to?
And all these question marks become a hook that hooks them
back into thinking about you andwondering if they made the right
decision. You're now unpredictable, and
unpredictability is actually attractive.
You're mysterious, and mystery is attractive.
(04:52):
Now, confusion on the part of your ex often looks like
rejection. If they're still rejecting you
or giving you hot and cold signals, it's because they're
confused. They're still going to act like
they don't want to get back together, but because you're
looking for any little glimmer of hope, you think that just
(05:12):
because they're sometimes comingin hot that they want to get
back together. But then the next day they go
back to being cold and your hopes are dashed.
And This is why we wait for themto say something significant.
Now, what are some other signs that they're secretly unsure?
So I just mentioned the hot and cold.
(05:34):
One day they're texting you, heystranger, and then the next day
they're ghosting. So mixed signals equal equals
mental chaos. The social media games.
So posting sad songs, old memories, watching your
Instagram story at 2:00 AM or suddenly liking your pictures.
(05:55):
They're trying to get your attention without admitting that
they want it or asking mutual friends about you.
If they're just curious how you're doing, yeah, they're not
over it. So the bottom line is, if
they're acting weird, it's because they feel weird.
And here's the best part. Their confusion means that you
(06:19):
have the upper hand. If you play it cool.
Silence speaks louder than words.
The more you chase, the more certain they'll feel.
But if you focus on you, that's when the doubt creeps in for
them. Once they're out of the relief
stage that I talked about in my video titled I believe it was 7
(06:41):
stages Dumpers go through and I'll put the link in the upper
right hand corner on YouTube. They have to face the
consequences of their actions. They thought they'd feel better
after the breakup, but that's not always the outcome.
That's when they start to doubt their decision.
But this can only happen if you have been in no contact.
(07:02):
So when they're confused, they're going to wonder if they
can get you back in case they made a mistake.
That's when the bread crumbing starts.
If you respond to the bread crumbs, they're now sure that
you're still there and they willno longer be confused.
One of my clients, her ex, kept bread crumbing her and with my
(07:24):
help she ignored the bread crumbs.
Unfortunately, she answered the phone when he called not knowing
it was him and then she went on to make another mistake of being
on the phone with him for a longtime.
Did he say he wanted to get backtogether at the end of the call?
No, now he's no longer confused and she feels worse than ever.
(07:46):
Not responding to his bread crumbs was working, but talking
to him on the phone gave him allthe reassurance he needed to
know that she was still there waiting for him.
So do not give that reinsure reassurance.
Make sure they stay in confusionland until they're ready to get
back together and they'll respect you more.
Because nothing messes with Annex's head like seeing you
(08:10):
thrive. Because it forces them to
wonder, did I mess up? So level up and boss up and take
this time and no contact to workon yourself and go after your
dreams. Your energy is always better
spent on you instead of decodingtheir mixed signals, but either
(08:31):
way, you win. How, you might ask?
Well, if they come back, great. But now you're in control.
You've shown them that they can break up with you and you're not
going to fall apart and chase them.
If anything, you're going to survive and thrive, and if they
don't come back, well, you've already moved on to bigger and
(08:53):
better things. You know, at the end of the day,
breakups are tough. But knowing that your ex is
probably just as confused, if not more than you are, that's
great news. So if you've been depressed,
cheer up Now I want to hear fromyou.
Have you noticed your ex acting unsure?
(09:14):
What have they done? Leave a comment below and if
this video or podcast help you, give it a thumbs up and share it
with someone who needs to hear it.
And if you would like my help toget your ex back, you can
contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
will send you the rates. They are not on the website.
(09:36):
If you're listening to this as apodcast and you want to help the
show, then just download this episode.
And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, upliffs and
enlightens.
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