July 16, 2025 • 9 mins
Your ex finally reached out after no contact! This is where most people screw it up!Dating/relationship expert Lucia shares why most people mess it up when they hear from their ex and how to not be one of them!
Get coaching!
Download Silenzio App: iPhone OR Android
Read No Contact Secrets Book
Say hello on Instagram!
#nocontact #getexback #nocontactrule
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Today we're going to talk about what I call the reconciliation
minefield, and that is that critical period after your ex
finally contacts you because that's where 90% of people ruin
their chances without even realizing it.
(00:29):
I've got a case study to share from a listener's experience.
And here's the thing, his ex dideverything right to make him
think that getting back togetherwas possible before she pulled
the rug out. So we're going to analyze every
line, expose where things went wrong, and most importantly, how
(00:52):
you can avoid these traps. Are you ready?
Great. But first, hi, this is Lucia
with The Art of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. Have you been a good little
soldier? If you have, then you have been
(01:14):
using my app Silencio to help you stay no contact.
And the link to that is underneath every single video
and podcast. And you 2 can join our no
contact army. Just hit the subscribe button
and the bell notification. And to read our manual go to
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
(01:35):
you purchase the book. OK so let me read the exact
messages and listen closely to this roller coaster.
So he starts by saying my ex communicated with me out of the
blue after a year with somethingso mundane.
So this is bread crumbing one O 1.
(01:58):
They never come back with accountability or rarely, you
know, just nostalgia bait to seeif you're still hooked.
But that's not a reconciliation,that's emotional fishing.
She continues. Then she unblocked me from a
social platform and said her olde-mail was hacked.
(02:19):
Really. That hacked e-mail story is
similar to the dog ate my homework notice She didn't just
unblock, she gave him a new e-mail.
That's not security, that's controlled access.
She's keeping him on a leash. We talked for almost 3 hours and
(02:42):
she was excited about her job promotion.
What do I tell you guys about meeting up with your ex?
Why are you giving them three hours?
You stated no contact that long and now you're giving them three
hours. They haven't earned it yet.
If they want you back, they needto earn every little thing.
(03:05):
But you know, on her side this was glow up manipulation in full
effect. She's doing the X equivalent of
waving a shiny object in his face.
Like look how great I'm doing without you.
And this is classic ego play to trigger his scarcity mindset.
After a few days, I cooked for her and her kids.
(03:26):
Her dog of 14 years was put down.
Aha. So the truth comes out.
So he mistook a crisis bond for wanting to get back together.
And that's why she reached out because she was going through a
crisis and she wanted someone totalk to, someone who felt
(03:51):
familiar, someone she had love for.
And she reached out to him and he thought, hey, she wants to
get back together. So continuing on, she said she
said I was love bombing her and started blaming me for the
breakup all over again and then ghosted.
Aha. The great script flip when they
(04:13):
feel you getting too close. They reframe your care as
manipulation to justify retreating.
Oh, you're being too nice is theavoidant speak for I'm getting
scared of real connection. Her last message was I don't
trust you anymore. We can never be together.
And then she posts Facebook quotes about moving on.
(04:35):
So here's the thing about posting quotes about moving on.
This would be the equivalent of yelling I'm not mad while
slamming doors. Sure you're not people who
actually move on? They don't announce it, they
just disappear. So she reached out because of
(04:58):
her dog passing away? Grief is not a reunion strategy,
OK? Trauma bonding does not equal
getting back together. Reconciliation if they only want
you when they're hurting, then you're not their partner.
You're just their emotional Band-Aid.
Is that all you want to be? And then over investing and
(05:21):
their emotional labor. You know I cook for her kids.
Do not do wife slash husband duties when you're only getting
ex benefits. Cooking for the kids is like
being in a relationship, but you're not in a relationship.
So it's a huge mistake. You're either all in or you're
(05:41):
all out. No free trial periods.
And then he didn't call out the mixed signals.
She unblocked me, gave me a new e-mail and then said I was love
bombing. So the moment that she blamed
him, he needed to say, hey, if we're revisiting the past, then
(06:02):
let's discuss how we've both grown because otherwise, what's
the goal here? What are we doing here?
But you know, he also went too fast.
It's like 3 hours and volunteering to cook.
It's like, no, she needs to makethe moves.
But I'm going to talk a bit about that in a second.
So what could he have done different?
(06:26):
Well, there's the 24 to 48 hour rule, and that is you make them
marinate in uncertainty. So when an ex texts after no
contact, you make them wait 24 to 48 hour hours to see how
they're going to respond to that.
And if they can't wait a day or two, then you know what?
(06:49):
They really weren't serious. You know, if they text back, oh,
you know what? Forget my message.
OK, well you know then you weren't serious then.
Step 2. The interest level always under
match their energy. So if they write 10 words, you
write 7. If they take two hours to reply,
(07:10):
you take 3. And this prevents what's called
emotional overdraft, where you give more than they've earned,
so match their effort -20% then we have the accountability
gauntlet. And that is that you force
clarity or you walk away. So at the first blame attempt
(07:33):
where she brought up the breakup, say, hey, I've
reflected on that too. And if we're talking again, I'd
want us to focus on where we arenow, not who we were then.
And this separates the serious from the time wasters.
You're either moving forward or you're done.
(07:54):
So when an X says we can never be together but keeps you
unblocked, when they rant about the past but stalk your stories,
when they post about moving on but respond to your texts, then
they're not rejecting you. They're addicted to the drama.
This isn't confusing confusion, sorry.
(08:16):
It's emotional hoarding. We want to keep you in their
back pocket while shopping for better options.
And the moment that you truly move on, that's usually when
they'll step up or fade away. But either way, you win because
indifference is always the ultimate power move.
(08:36):
And if you take nothing else from today, keep this in mind.
And X, who truly wants you back won't make you decode mixed
signals. They will make things crystal
clear. OK so now I want to hear from
you. How long have you been in no
(08:57):
contact and how is it going? And if you would like my help to
get your ex back you can contactme at theartoflove.net/coaching
and we will send you the rates. They're not on the website and
we respond to all emails within 24 hours.
So if you don't hear from us, then we either didn't get your
(09:19):
e-mail or we responded and it's in your junk or spam, especially
if you have Gmail. So if you don't hear from us
within 24 hours, then please reach out again, hopefully using
another e-mail. And if you found this video
helpful, please give it a like. And if you listen to this as a
podcast and would like to help the show, then just download the
(09:41):
episode. You don't even have to listen to
it, just download it. And finally, remember that love
inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Today we're going to talk about what I call the reconciliation
minefield, and that is that critical period after your ex
finally contacts you because that's where 90% of people ruin
their chances without even realizing it.
(00:29):
I've got a case study to share from a listener's experience.
And here's the thing, his ex dideverything right to make him
think that getting back togetherwas possible before she pulled
the rug out. So we're going to analyze every
line, expose where things went wrong, and most importantly, how
(00:52):
you can avoid these traps. Are you ready?
Great. But first, hi, this is Lucia
with The Art of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
contact army. Have you been a good little
soldier? If you have, then you have been
(01:14):
using my app Silencio to help you stay no contact.
And the link to that is underneath every single video
and podcast. And you 2 can join our no
contact army. Just hit the subscribe button
and the bell notification. And to read our manual go to
nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
(01:35):
you purchase the book. OK so let me read the exact
messages and listen closely to this roller coaster.
So he starts by saying my ex communicated with me out of the
blue after a year with somethingso mundane.
So this is bread crumbing one O 1.
(01:58):
They never come back with accountability or rarely, you
know, just nostalgia bait to seeif you're still hooked.
But that's not a reconciliation,that's emotional fishing.
She continues. Then she unblocked me from a
social platform and said her olde-mail was hacked.
(02:19):
Really. That hacked e-mail story is
similar to the dog ate my homework notice She didn't just
unblock, she gave him a new e-mail.
That's not security, that's controlled access.
She's keeping him on a leash. We talked for almost 3 hours and
(02:42):
she was excited about her job promotion.
What do I tell you guys about meeting up with your ex?
Why are you giving them three hours?
You stated no contact that long and now you're giving them three
hours. They haven't earned it yet.
If they want you back, they needto earn every little thing.
(03:05):
But you know, on her side this was glow up manipulation in full
effect. She's doing the X equivalent of
waving a shiny object in his face.
Like look how great I'm doing without you.
And this is classic ego play to trigger his scarcity mindset.
After a few days, I cooked for her and her kids.
(03:26):
Her dog of 14 years was put down.
Aha. So the truth comes out.
So he mistook a crisis bond for wanting to get back together.
And that's why she reached out because she was going through a
crisis and she wanted someone totalk to, someone who felt
(03:51):
familiar, someone she had love for.
And she reached out to him and he thought, hey, she wants to
get back together. So continuing on, she said she
said I was love bombing her and started blaming me for the
breakup all over again and then ghosted.
Aha. The great script flip when they
(04:13):
feel you getting too close. They reframe your care as
manipulation to justify retreating.
Oh, you're being too nice is theavoidant speak for I'm getting
scared of real connection. Her last message was I don't
trust you anymore. We can never be together.
And then she posts Facebook quotes about moving on.
(04:35):
So here's the thing about posting quotes about moving on.
This would be the equivalent of yelling I'm not mad while
slamming doors. Sure you're not people who
actually move on? They don't announce it, they
just disappear. So she reached out because of
(04:58):
her dog passing away? Grief is not a reunion strategy,
OK? Trauma bonding does not equal
getting back together. Reconciliation if they only want
you when they're hurting, then you're not their partner.
You're just their emotional Band-Aid.
Is that all you want to be? And then over investing and
(05:21):
their emotional labor. You know I cook for her kids.
Do not do wife slash husband duties when you're only getting
ex benefits. Cooking for the kids is like
being in a relationship, but you're not in a relationship.
So it's a huge mistake. You're either all in or you're
(05:41):
all out. No free trial periods.
And then he didn't call out the mixed signals.
She unblocked me, gave me a new e-mail and then said I was love
bombing. So the moment that she blamed
him, he needed to say, hey, if we're revisiting the past, then
(06:02):
let's discuss how we've both grown because otherwise, what's
the goal here? What are we doing here?
But you know, he also went too fast.
It's like 3 hours and volunteering to cook.
It's like, no, she needs to makethe moves.
But I'm going to talk a bit about that in a second.
So what could he have done different?
(06:26):
Well, there's the 24 to 48 hour rule, and that is you make them
marinate in uncertainty. So when an ex texts after no
contact, you make them wait 24 to 48 hour hours to see how
they're going to respond to that.
And if they can't wait a day or two, then you know what?
(06:49):
They really weren't serious. You know, if they text back, oh,
you know what? Forget my message.
OK, well you know then you weren't serious then.
Step 2. The interest level always under
match their energy. So if they write 10 words, you
write 7. If they take two hours to reply,
(07:10):
you take 3. And this prevents what's called
emotional overdraft, where you give more than they've earned,
so match their effort -20% then we have the accountability
gauntlet. And that is that you force
clarity or you walk away. So at the first blame attempt
(07:33):
where she brought up the breakup, say, hey, I've
reflected on that too. And if we're talking again, I'd
want us to focus on where we arenow, not who we were then.
And this separates the serious from the time wasters.
You're either moving forward or you're done.
(07:54):
So when an X says we can never be together but keeps you
unblocked, when they rant about the past but stalk your stories,
when they post about moving on but respond to your texts, then
they're not rejecting you. They're addicted to the drama.
This isn't confusing confusion, sorry.
(08:16):
It's emotional hoarding. We want to keep you in their
back pocket while shopping for better options.
And the moment that you truly move on, that's usually when
they'll step up or fade away. But either way, you win because
indifference is always the ultimate power move.
(08:36):
And if you take nothing else from today, keep this in mind.
And X, who truly wants you back won't make you decode mixed
signals. They will make things crystal
clear. OK so now I want to hear from
you. How long have you been in no
(08:57):
contact and how is it going? And if you would like my help to
get your ex back you can contactme at theartoflove.net/coaching
and we will send you the rates. They're not on the website and
we respond to all emails within 24 hours.
So if you don't hear from us, then we either didn't get your
(09:19):
e-mail or we responded and it's in your junk or spam, especially
if you have Gmail. So if you don't hear from us
within 24 hours, then please reach out again, hopefully using
another e-mail. And if you found this video
helpful, please give it a like. And if you listen to this as a
podcast and would like to help the show, then just download the
(09:41):
episode. You don't even have to listen to
it, just download it. And finally, remember that love
inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com