Episode 18: The 4 Horsemen of Looming Divorce: Criticism & Defensiveness Edition (Part 1)

Welcome back to a special joint episode of  The Evolved Caveman and Love Isn’t Enough, where Joree and John lovingly drag your relationship habits into the light—so you can stop sabotaging your love life one passive-aggressive comment at a time.

In this episode, we’re saddling up with the Four Horsemen of the (Relationship) Apocalypse, straight from the research of the OG love nerds, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. These four bad boys—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—aren’t just annoying. They’re *statistically proven* to predict divorce with a freaky 92% accuracy rate.

That’s right. If these habits are riding around unchecked in your relationship, you're not just arguing over the dishwasher—you might be headed for Splitsville.

Today, we’re going deep on the first two horsemen: Criticism (AKA “Let me tell you why you suck”) and Defensiveness (AKA “Oh really? Well what about YOU?”). Joree and John keep it real with personal stories, hilarious moments of self-awareness, and insight from working with clients who, let’s just say, *learned the hard way*.

What You'll Learn (Besides How to Stop Arguing Like 5-Year-Olds):

* Why your nervous system flips out in the middle of a fight

* How criticism is NOT the same as feedback (and why one will wreck your weekend)

* The sneaky ways defensiveness kills emotional safety

* How to stop being a porcupine when your partner needs a hug

* Simple ways to shift from reaction to curiosity (yes, even mid-argument)

* The absolute magic of non-defensive listening (hint: your partner might cry happy tears)

* And how to actually connect—even when you’re pissed

Because the goal isn’t just to stop fighting. It’s to fight smarter, love deeper, and maybe—just maybe—not feel like you're stuck in a never-ending episode of *Who’s the Bigger Jerk?*

Bottom Line?

You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to show up, own your sh\*t, and stop letting bad habits ride roughshod over your connection. With curiosity, compassion, and a little non-defensive magic, you can actually make your relationship feel less like a battlefield and more like, well, love.

Want more tough love with tools?

💔 Check out the Relationship Master Class at

👉 [LoveIsntEnough.net](https://LoveIsntEnough.net)

(Spoiler: love isn’t enough. But boundaries, communication, and knowing what to do when your partner is annoying? Total game-changers.)

🎙️ Listen now on The Evolved Caveman Podcast

👉 [TheEvolvedCaveman.com](https://TheEvolvedCaveman.com)

💃 For Joree’s powerhouse work helping women ditch burnout, find joy, and stop dating emotionally unavailable man-children: 

👉 [JoreeRose.com](https://JoreeRose.com)

👔 For Dr. John’s work helping execs and high performers stop silently imploding: 

👉 [GuideToSelf.com](https://GuideToSelf.com)

😡 For info on Dr. John's Ultimate Anger Management Course (which has over 20,000 graduates!), visit his High Performer Shop at https://guide-to-self.mykajabi.com/store.