139 - Greg T HATES Trees-10/30/17

Why does Greg T hate trees!?!?!?!?!?!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
Elvis Presents Show. Literally, Greg, he is very unhappy today today. Yeah,

(00:26):
I'll tell you he's about a six on the unhappy scale,
but it has the potential to be a nine by
the end of the podcast. Yeah, oh yeah, we're gonna
get it probably worked out. Have you guys noticed he
has made a concerted effort to be in a better mood.
So he's angry, and he smiles while he's angry. Now
it's a good thing. Yeah. I honestly, he's like, nothing's
bothering my he's smiling. I said nothing. Brodie came in

(00:47):
this more and said, hey, Non, how you doing. Yeah,
and he's like stopping so nice to me. It's like
two little and I just said, I said, I was
just saying, hello, man, that's all right. Hello. Don't have
time to me any morning, so I really don't scary.
Is there my right, Brody is there? To my left,
directly across from me is Danielle. To my two o'clock

(01:09):
is Nate. And to my nine o'clock this great team
about to eat a chick. I meant a peep had
for Nate. Why are you eating that? I handed it
tonight because it's it's he likes you're in the right
place favor. But I gave it to Nate because he
likes that. And I said, I don't. I don't chicks

(01:30):
in the studio. I just saw you throw in this
general direction. I'm so sorry if you bend that chick
over the board. So yeah, so you know that old saying,
get off my lawn. This is one of those real
deal situations to get off my lawn. Man. So, my
neighbor planted a tree two years ago on the actual

(01:52):
property line, and he planted like a seriously a twig,
and it was so skinny that the bottom of it
he put like in his ziplock bag with some woo
her and he planted that like in the ground, you know,
and me and me and Trish would laugh like death.
Thing is never gonna grow. Right, Well, two years later,
the thing has grown well well over fifteen feet. Right.

(02:12):
It's an amazing growth spurt. And the size of the leaves,
I am telling you. And the size of the leaves,
They've got to be two of my hands, like side
to side, that's how big these freaking leaves are, right,
I don't know. It's a tree you would find, like
like in Denver, Colorado, like it's there. He might have

(02:39):
I don't know what he did, right, So the thing
is that is that me and Trish or Trish and I,
we are tree killers and I don't even care. Like
I don't care one bit. Didn't you cut down like
a whole? The first thing we did when we moved in,
we slaughtered them. God, I do not care. You live

(03:00):
in the country, you live in suburber I'm not I like, oh,
grand open property. I love open property. Let the sun
based down purpose, I don't want the suburbs from the city.
Don't care more greenery around you. I'm not trying to
overdo it. I'm being honest, seriously, don't care about trees

(03:21):
at all. I hope you don't want to breathe later
on the property. So anyway, So now it's fall, and
what happens in the fall the lea. So you know
what I have in my backyard now, gargagouing size freaking
leaves that are this freaking big, right, and they're all
over my property. So what I've decided to do is
I'm gonna start to rake him up right, and I'm

(03:43):
gonna dump him get on his driveway, and I'm gonna
do it on purpose, and I'm gonna tell him, man,
I don't care. And I did tell Church that, I said,
what if, like in a couple of nights from now
at night, I go with a saw and I start
to slice it little by little and then eventually, oh
my god, the fucking thing just falls because I seriously

(04:07):
can't stand. Wait me ask you a question, is any
of it on your property? No? No, no, he legitimately
he can't say you can't do that actual problem. Wait
a minute. When you play, when you plant the tree
on the line, the branches go onto your problem, the
roots on the ground problem. So technically you should be

(04:29):
allowed to trim the side of the tree that's on
your side of the property. So if you want to
get rid of that side, he's gonna cut it in
half long ways. What I look like an air freshen
or a car. I have? Um, I have like you know,
like weed killer, like very very strong weed killer that
I bought from like a landscaping shopping you know. So

(04:50):
I'm thinking, I'm just I'm gonna poison the freaking tree. Absolutely,
So that's a bitch. Dies You're mad at a he's
gonna hate you now though I don't care. He'll never
know something's gonna he's too old to listen. He's not
listening to this. Who do you think he's gonna think
it is? I don't. But the thing is, I don't

(05:11):
even care, like question, Like I don't even have a
place in my heart, like not even saying you should
feel bad at all. Like there's no like nothing like
I hate and despise trees. Is it bothering anyone? It does? What? What?
Because I like green, beautiful, nice mode manicured lawns, and
I have these like this, And it's because you know

(05:35):
underneath the leaves the grass will die. That's why you
have to break your leaves. You have to rake them
up just because there's too many. You have to break
your leaves because if you don't, the leaves will kill
your lawn by next year. We're not allowed to have
the internet as December. And it's true, high high potency

(06:00):
weed killer that you're going to spray on this tree.
Now I'm trying to I'm trying to figure out what
kind of tree you have massive leaves, because you said
it was the kind of tree that you would find
in Denver marijuana him leaves, putting his two hands together.
He's just that it's a deciduous tree, not a coniferous tree.

(06:26):
Only now I'm kidding, leaves would be like the size
of let's say, one hand. Yeah, that's on a good
day you find a big, big one, this one. I'm
telling you, two hands, side by side, like a Jurassic
Park t Just do you think it's a box elder tree?
Now he's in the leaves on a box elder tree.

(06:49):
No larger than larger than all right, yeah, and they're
bigger than a gamble oak. Yeah, going through the trees. Now,
they're not a narrow leaf cotton wood because those have
narrow lea quite the arbors. And it has to grow
fast because I'm telling you two years ago he played
a twig. So within two years this thing is about it.
Bethany's searched for magic beans. Like we're ignoring thing. We're

(07:17):
ignoring something. We've got to figure out how you can
fix this problem because granted, granted, okay, this is only
a problem one time year. Right, the tree doesn't buy
I mean, Granny, you don't like trees. But the tree
with leaves during spring and summer. It didn't like these
leaves were not so big, and they were like maybe
if you had a conversation with your neighbor. Hey man,

(07:37):
that's the easy way, rather cursed the darknessn't let it
funny story about my neighbor. Okay, funny story. It's funny, hilarious,
so funny story. You know what, I really can you
know what, I can go to the story because if
he doesn't so funny, we can't even have to. Now
I can't even to be stupid. You will die without trees,

(08:00):
but I'm not on my property. Let somebody else worry
about that. Is it a big leaf, maple? It's like that, Yes,
it's like that. That's the way it is. By the
time that people really start dying for lack of trees,
I'll have already been dead. So somebody else's like, I
don't even care if somebody else's words with problems wor

(08:23):
crap that's gonna happen to this earth. By the time
it all happens, we will all be gone. It doesn't
matter for any what about your daughter's gone too, And
there's no way there's a bigger here. Maybe all of you,
you guys are homeowners. Have you ever experienced anything like
this with your neighbors? Yes? What everything? I have a
giant tree over my house and the branches go over

(08:44):
his house, and he told me I need to cut them. Now, legally,
he can cut them if he wants, but I don't
have to pay to cut them. I can't be responsible
for the tree growing. That's that's the law. However, have
you called great tea? He blows his leaves himself, and
I have a guy blows my leaves because I don't
have time bed back. He blows his leaves into the

(09:06):
street onto my property. So the spark in front of
my house leaf blowers, and no one believes the property
in front of my house where I would park a car,
there's his leaves there. So I have to like take
a big broom and brush them back in front of
his house. Now I could say something but that, but
then you start and then I have I have dogs

(09:26):
shitter guy he walks his dog. He walks his dog
by opening the garage door, letting the dog out. And
I guess he feels like it's mystery ship if he
doesn't know, it's just it's just goes wherever it goes
because I have two dogs low and ships on my lawn. No, No,

(09:46):
I got the ship. I did. I told you. I
picked the ship up and I threw it on his lawn.
And then it works. I picked up the ship and
threw it on the steps. Okay, which in my neighborhood
grown up, we had like the sour bowl woman, right,
she would be the woman that was outside of her
house mixing something in a bowl. I swear to gotten.
She had this shitty look on her face, so we
called her a sour bowl woman. Which neighbor you, he,

(10:12):
I'm imagining you're the angry No, I'm not a good guy.
You know. My neighbors love me. You know why because
they don't know he kills the stuff. Because when it snows,
I'm the guy with the snowblower and I blow. I
snowplow everybody's driveway. I live in a cold de sac.
I take care of my direct neighbor who doesn't have
this tree problem because it's on the other side, so
I do his. And I helped my other neighbor out

(10:34):
across the street as well. And then I have the
old man Vinny. I take care of him as well.
All year round because I did like three or four houses, which,
by the way, I get angry because here's the thing. Wait,
I've only been there for like five or maybe six
years now, right. The people that around me, they're all lifers,
like they all been there for what they do before you.

(10:57):
All of a sudden, now I have a snowplow and
now like no going the drive And he's like, I
help him. But him, I've asked slower snowblowers. So I've
asked about this, and I go, why don't you just
not do it? He goes, I cannot not do it.
I started doing this to continue to do happens. I

(11:17):
come out with the snowblower and then all of a
suddenhen I'm out by myself. One guy comes out, then
the next guy come out. You know what they do.
They do the pause like they do like two or
three shovels, and I'm like, okay, and I don't like
telling myself don't look at him, don't look at him,
and they're just they're almost like in my face, like hey,

(11:38):
it's the equivalent of like the t Rex arms when
you want someone else to play, I'll give my So
the guy across the street from used to do my lawn,
my driveway. And then he sold the house to a
new couple and they bought the house and his snowblower.
So when they bought the house, they said, you know,
Mike used to do my driveway with that snowblower. We

(11:59):
have and like a close attachment. It's that saved me
because I have a bad back. Oh really, So then
the first time it's snow and I was outsore, I
did the two shovels. Oh, he comes over and does
my job. You know what's amazing renting an apartment. I
was thinking the same thing. How about owning your own snowblower,

(12:22):
nesting in something for yourself. Being in your own apartment
is great. Having a husband who goes out and snowband
living in an apartment, not having a da Bethany had

(12:44):
to go to Jake's apartment over the weekend and bring
her cat to find a mouse, right, did, why can't
you get his own cat? Came over and she basically
wandered around the entire apartment to get like her smell
around it. And then I brushed her hair and I
sprinkled her hair in the whole where the mice come out.
Of and then I taped him over and put peppermint
around him to try to like keep the mice out.

(13:06):
I think they will eat through the tape, I think.
But that's where they like if they smell the hair
the cat here first, they won't even come close because
there's a cat there. That's the work in theory. You know,
that's so cool. They only cats don't want a cat around.
I was thinking about living in an apartment all this time. Yeah,
and I gotta tell you, guys, it's the best thing
in the world. It really is. After hearing every one

(13:28):
of these motherfucker's around this table complain about something, I'm like,
and you know what neighbor I am. I'm the I'm
pretending I'm not home guy because I keep the lights out.
And by the way, it's an apartment building. People don't
knock on each other's doors. I can't believe you guys
get this in your neighborhood. It's the best. I board
with a family. So guess what if something breaks in
my apartment, I call someone else and they fix it. Yeah,

(13:51):
me too, but it costs me defense microwave, and I
just go to the doorman. I said, excuse me, could
you send the handing end up? Will you have a chance? Okay,
no problem, Mr Scary. Ten minutes later, the guy arrives
at my door and he takes care of business for me.
Can you you don't have to think you're gonna paying people.
Can you imagine going to a restaurant, looking at the menu,

(14:13):
not going to that restaurant, but having to pay seventy
five dollars. That's what it's like calling a goddamn plumber.
They cut your house. If they look, they charge you
seventy five dollars and then go, yeah, it's gonna be
like we have porters to do that. We have handy man.
We just gotta pay the guy to tell me how
much he's gonna charge me. Why did you buy a house?
What investment? We walk away with something? I have no complaints,

(14:37):
Scary with tomorrow by and Halloween. What are your plans?
I'm doing a lot broadcast that webster slide under his
bed until all the Jones, you know, Scary Jones, sign
up his apartment for the children to come ring his door. Jones,
I've done it before. L shown me up for Trick
or Traders. Fifteen minute morning show off