244 - Weirdest Thing You've Seen - 5/2/18

Nate, Brody and Garrett talk about the WEIRDEST THINGS they have seen on the NYC subway! Also Skeery shows off his hidden talent!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast?
A lot of things going on today, just a few. Well,
you know what's funny. You wouldn't tell your stressed ned
because your hair just got cut so you cannot poof it.

(00:25):
That is how you can tell him stressed, isn't it?
But you're hiding it well because you just got a
nice haircut. Yeah, I know. I uh that. That is
what I do when I'm stressed. I pull my hair
out so that by the end of the day it
looks like I have the world's biggest afro. What do
you do when you're stressed? Me, I kind of just
like start like like clenching my fists really tight where

(00:46):
I start shaking and then people go, are you okay?
And I'm just The thing I hate is when people
bite their fingernails. I used to do that. That is
so disgusting. Why would you do that? You know the
amount of things that your hands touch over the course
of the day, and then you're putting your fingers in
your mouth. I had a similar conversation with one of
the interns yesterday. They were talking about how they hate feet.
They hate feet. Feet is so gross. I said, well,

(01:09):
think about it. Your feet are in socks and shoes
all day, completely guarded from the elements from the sidewalk
from right. But your hands touched New York Subway poles
and railings and banisters and elevator buttons. Your hands are
much more gross than your feet. Right, people like you,
shake my hand, you don't know where it's been. Shake
my foot. I took the subway yesterday, and I'm often

(01:30):
pretty good with not touching anything. I'll stand against the door,
lean against something. But I had to touch the rail
yesterday because there were so many people. And for the
entire rest of the day until I got near a sink,
I had my hand like up in the air because
I didn't want to touch my face, you know, just
reminding me to not touch anything else with that hand. Well,
you know what I saw, and you should probably take

(01:50):
up this method. I saw a woman clenched the bar
with her butt cheeks so she didn't have to touch anything,
and she was just setting the rail. Literally. I wrapped
my leg around the bar sometimes, or I'll put it
in the crook of my elbow, like you know inside,
I'll try to get it that way. Oh yeah, that's great,
especially if you're wearing a jacket or something, or you
stand in the way that if the train stops, the

(02:12):
momentum would throw you into the pole. So you stand
on the back side of the pole and lean against it. Right,
I try everything, but you you were in an empty
So I need I need a medical explanation if this
is accurate. If you touch the subway pole or a
disgusting banister or something, right, and you accidentally put your
finger in your mouth, if you spit it into your sleeve,

(02:32):
like you get rid of all the drums? Right? You fine?
You know what? It's kind of my scope of practice.
Thou that because I feel like I'm fine if I
do that. Because you can't spit in public, and you
can't spit on the train, so I try to spit
into that. Wait, wait, you can't spit on the train.
I see stuff way worse on the train. You just

(02:53):
can't spit. You have where the line is spit masturbation.
Can we talk about the grossest things you've ever seen
on a subway? Oh, I've seen a guy ship his
pants on the subway and then laying it. I mean,
you feel bad, but not not not a homeless guy
like a drunk guy laying in his own p and
his drawing all of it. That's the worst. I'll never forget.
On Staten Island, New York, where I grew up, I

(03:14):
was in sixth grade. We were driving past the cemetery.
I'll never forget this woman. Obviously she may be homeless
or just really had to go past a graveyard, and
she literally took a dump in the graveyard. The thing
is etched in my memory. It's one of those things
that I can never get as gross as it is.
Those people are dead, the people on the subway, how

(03:36):
to sit there and you have This is how you
know if you have a come to New York, if
you're not a New Yorker, if you walk onto a
subway car and there's sixty people, but they're all on
one end of the car, You're like, oh, there's plenty
of you know it's because someone or something is on
the other end of the train. What about that's never
an empty train like that? What about you? Grossest thing
your memory probably in the subway. I mean I did

(04:02):
see somebody masturbating in the subway. First. It's one of
those things where it was a double take because it's
something that you've you've never seen before. Your brain has
never processed. It's like seeing an animal, new animal for
the first time. You're like, what, what the hell is that?
Because this guy was laying on the subway bench and
I thought, honestly he was having some sort of seizure

(04:22):
because his body was moving. And then I help him.
It was like, maybe this can help you with his
one eye. Uh So I looked at and I'm like,
why is his body moving like that? And then I
realized his hand was in his pants and he was

(04:42):
at least he wasn't out. I mean there's reports of
people they take it out on the train and do it.
See do you remember that one video. I think you
pulled the sound from it. That one time that woman
a woman yelled at him. She yelled at this guy
that was apparently a pervert and he was grabbing himself
or something and she just calls mount on that subway.
I mean that that happens. I just I never could

(05:04):
understand how guys, I guess you got to be in
that state where you just go, I'm gonna take it
out right now. Well, in your fairness, if the guy
doesn't have an income, he probably doesn't have access to
free online pool and he doesn't have virtual reality goggles?
Is his virtual reality goggles? Yes? The Oculus is the
D train. Literally, what are you gonna do? You know

(05:25):
what's great about the studio right now? So Nate Brody
and myself we're sitting here talking scary as headphones on,
listening to something totally different there we go. By the way,
scary one headphones on is the same as when he's
not paying attention to the show. He doesn't hear what's
going on. You're like, oh, scary listening to scary paying
attention and not paying Yeah, because I'm in my own zone.

(05:48):
We're just talking about you. What do I say was
scary to get your attention? Fart in your mouth? Yeah?
Your mouth? He not because you know what, I'm really
in my own head space, and I know that I
need to focus extra hard on what I'm focusing on alright,
and I have no focus on except you're focusing on
what Elvis does not want you to focus on. Because
I have a one track mind. So if if food

(06:08):
is in the room, I'm focusing on the food because
otherwise I'll spill it all over myself. You help yourself.
You could have said any other example, but you toast food.
Well yeah, but I'm always in the moment of what
I'm into. But you can, I mean in that moment.
But you get paid to be in the moment of
the show. There's the show going on, and you're like,

(06:29):
we're talking about the thing you ever saw in public
on the subway? Baby vomit on the floor. That's that's
rookie stuff that happened. Call me when you see a
person eating the baby vomit off the floor. Pizza saw that.
Remember when Jamie Fox used to play that character on

(06:50):
a Living Color where he was a homeless guy carrying
a jar of his fee season urine, Like, hey, how many? Okay,
I found a jar of urine on the subway? There
were no feasa did Did you know right away when
you tasted it? Exactly? Oh? Oh it's gatorade lemon line? No, no,

(07:11):
I want change the color. There's definitely I know it was.
It might have been an Arizona iced tea bottle of
you is that really the issue here? What the bottle
was iced tea? But it was yellow, so I wasn't lemonade.
I kind of wanted to know I was gonna see
it was a hellman's char I mean that would be
it could have been a half and half half diarrhea.

(07:33):
You crossed, but I crossed the line become the most
disgusting podcast anyway. What we're saying is come to New York,
comp visit our great city. So I think they've been
doing a better job of keeping the subway stops cleaner.
Is it just me? No? I noticed that too. Yeah,
I'm like, there's not nearly as many dirty diapers and cigarettes.
It's been a movement, the blessed the six eight months

(07:54):
they're trying to beautify the subway. Did you say movement? Yes,
put your phones back. There's a lot of other cities
around the world. They have their own transportation. They have
their own subways, right and in Sweden, in Stockholm, they
have the subway and it's on time, like every three minutes,
never late, and they have seats with like padded seats,

(08:16):
you know car you know seats, And I'm thinking if
there were cloth seats, we can't have nice things here.
There are there are other major American cities, and you
don't have to text and correct me. I think Washington,
d C. Has padded seats, and I think padded seats
yeah yeah, And I think San Francisco does on the bar,
but wherever it is doesn't matter. New York doesn't. And

(08:39):
every time I get on those seats, I go they
would rip these up and throw them or use them
to make blankets for themselves. New York would never ever
have anything nice. And we have the greatest subway system
in the world, but cushion seats never could happen. It's
the equivalent of in a prison, like like the yard,
where everything's bolted down, like there's nothing that you can remove.
In the New York's I love the people that take

(09:01):
the map, like, seriously, you have an iPhone, you don't
need the map of the submob Okay, people taking the
map don't have iPhones, Let's be honest. The way they
have the maps on the trains now. And I haven't
figured out why tourists who have phones smartphones, why or
any even New Yorkers. I tell people all the time,
because when you go to look at the map on

(09:21):
the wall, someone's sitting there. You have to have them
move their head, download the map on your phone, and
then wherever you go, you've got the map on your phone.
Speaking of which, if you're a tourist with a smartphone,
you're and we've had this conversation I think on the
Brooklyn Boys podcast. If you're an American tourist, you're using
an American phone. Don't ask me for directions. I'll give
you direction. So guy came up because, excuse me, manis

(09:43):
Canal Street. I've been looking old for it, Canal and Greenwich,
I said, And he's holding his phone. I said, you
have a smartphone, right, yeah, it also makes I said, no,
I said, it's this over there, you go, but for
future reference in case something else you need, you know
you can look it up. Ah yeah, ever think of it.
So it was I didn't want I helped him, but
what if he needs a second address? I'm not there

(10:04):
for him. You have a phone, Google Maps, Apple Maps,
whatever maps. Your phone has a knap system in it.
But if you don't help, if someone asked for directions
and you don't take the two seconds to open up
your your map, you are just equally as big of
an a hole. I know, New York. I don't even
take out my phone. But the point is they have
a phone. If I go to San Francisco, and I'm lost,

(10:24):
I'll open my phone. It has it has a system
in it to help me. Have you ever been in
another city that you didn't know and somebody asks you
for directions? Yeah, it look like you know what you're
talking about. Cocky attitude. When I walk, I never look lost.
I don't. Anybody's seen me in Pittsburgh. Go and that
guy looks lost, They're gonna go. That guy looks confident

(10:45):
as I walk right into a wall, I'm gonna ask
him for directions. Then he's gonna tell me to look
at my phone. That's right, because you should look at
your phone. I mean, it's so easy to find your
way around anymore, right, I mean, just pull out your
phone for crime. It's like people texted and they go, like,
someone's what was the name of that Shaggy and Sting
song you played today? They have one song? Well, okay,

(11:05):
but if you google Shaggy and Stinting whatever song they're doing, right.
They don't have like a college catalog like like Lady
Gaga led Zeppelin, Like you put a Zeppelin song, what
was it? I get it? They have one song. It's funny.
I was trying to think of what it was. Like
when I was a kid and you wanted to know
the name of something, how did you do it? You
had to ask everyone. Yeah, Like my mom would call

(11:28):
me and say, I just saw a movie with that guy.
He was in a movie with that woman who was
in a movie, like when you were a kid. He
was in a spy movie. He drove the red car
Roger Moore. Right, You're like, but now you go to
i m dB. I tell my mom all the time,
I don't talk about it, just use your phone. Yeah,
so I used to since I didn't have like smartphone

(11:48):
technology when I was you know, fifth, six, seventh grade.
I would listen to the radio. Elvis used to be
on in the afternoon, so he would play you know
something by green Day. I would call up no more
than two seconds after he would play it and requested
this song. And that's the only way I would learn music. Yeah,
but I was also that guy that was like, I
just played that song two seconds ago. Kid. I'm sorry,

(12:09):
but if you didn't know the song or the artist,
you were screwed. If the if, the if, the the
DJ didn't we call it back, sell it again this song.
But that was Lady Gaga with whatever you had no
clue what it was. You couldn't shazam it. You know, hey,
what's the song that goes? We used to do praying
phone calls many years ago, phone taps before shazam. We
would call record stores and we go, well, yeah, there

(12:31):
was a song I'm looking for. How did it go?
And we would go and we went, ah, my as,
I love you, my ass. And then they would ask
their coworkers and they go, the guy's looking for a song.
It goes I love you and my ass. You'd hear
them singing it, because that's what people would do. It
goes bla blah blah blah blah blah blah, I love
my heart, goes on my heart blah blah. You'd have
to figure that out. And people would call us or

(12:52):
they text, They go something about chicken. Who's something the chicken?
I don't know who is there some song with a chicken?
Thank God for the Internet. I know who? Did you
guys have like an encyclopedia grown up? Yeah, we had almanac, almanac,
encyclopedias and you look up and hope what you looked
up wasn't outdated from the like your almanac was from
two years earlier, and they always had those additional years
where they would make uh, you know, amendments. Yeah. By

(13:15):
the way, if you don't know what an almanac is,
don't tweet me and ask me what an almanac is it.
These kids today with their Internet, they don't use. But
Scaries hidden talent is what Brodie was just talking about,
where you could just give Scary a phrase of a
song and pretty much he is the human Shazam, which
he can right now, do it? Somebody throw up Scary Yeah,

(13:40):
um uh oh babe, We're gonna love tonight online. Thank
you my team here. I'm like that with years, I
visualize album covers and years the album came out, so
if I like it, I can tell you when it

(14:01):
came out, like this thing was here and I was like,
oh synchronicity, and I tell you three like I know
where I remember coming out. I'm using great with years
and uh an album, I don't know the album titles,
but you give me a title, I'll give you an artist.
You've seen me a lyric, I'll give you the artist.
Usually I can give you the year as well as
a bonus. Usually it's incredible. There is you have forty

(14:22):
seconds left. She's so high high above me. Oh that's
a tal Bachman from I'm sorry, I just walked in.
This is the worst worst podcast every Elvis. What's the
most disgusting thing? Give us on a New York subway?
This podcast? Somebody listen to it. Masbate Nate watched the

(14:47):
guy masturbateing and it was myself left. It's about to
be minute morning show.