74- You're How Old? 7/19/17

We all get old and we can't stop it! Embrace it!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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slash fifteen What would you talk about on your on

(01:04):
your podcast firm Elvis presents fifteen minute Morning Show And
here we go. If you had a fifteen in the
morning show, what would you do? You only a fifteen
minutes go? It's a podcast. I don't know if you've
heard this before, but welcome. If you're a first time listener,

(01:25):
thank you for listening to the fifteen minute Morning Show Podcast.
I'm Elvis durand you thought you were tired of hearing
me for four hours this morning? Will you hear me
four hours from four? Fifteen more minutes here? But I'm
gonna shut up and let everyone else talk. I'm just
starting the show. Around the fifteen minute Morning Show podcast table,
it is Bethany. There's Scary Say Hello, Scary Hello. There's

(01:46):
Dave Brody, there's Garrett, there's Danielle. And Nate is in
and out. He just stormed out of the rooms him off.
I don't know, he's all piste off. He's been piste
off at me a lot lately. You two are fighting
like lovers. That's no, we're not. You are kind of
no we're not, you know, I don't you know me.
I don't let people get away with things. And there's
nothing wrong with that. People people think it's very unattractive

(02:07):
to yell back. But do you let people get away
with things? Nom depends on who it is, but I
don't like to do it. You know, you don't have
to be a lover to look like lovers. Very very
good point. That's what my grandma always said, sleep without
underwear and air it out at all. Right, Well, we
have a fifteen minute morning show podcast to do. Go

(02:29):
what do you have? I think we should talk about
advice that we got from our grandparents. Yeah. Yeah, I
never got really good sound advice for mine, So you
go next. My grandma always said, first of all, you
can't win for losing, which I never knew what that
meant until about six months ago. Uh, do you understand
that you can't win for losing? Explain it? Well, it
could be applied different ways. I do believe that you

(02:51):
think everything's going great. If it's going great and then
someone ships all over, see, I think it means basically,
I think it means you can like bend over backwards
and try to do the right thing. Or you can
sacrifice what you want to make someone else happy and
then they're still unhappy. You can't win for losing, and
it's like a damned if you do, damned if you
They're all sort of related, yeah, um. And she also
had an embroidered thing on her bathroom wall that I

(03:15):
always read when I was going to the bathroom, and
it's she was very spiritual, and it said every evening,
I turned my worries over to God because he's going
to be up all night anyway, which I always thought
that was lovely cool like that. What about you, Scary,
Did your grandparents ever give you any advice? Yeah, I'm
just trying to think. Um, come back to me on
that one. Okay, what about you, Brodie. My grandfather gave

(03:35):
me two bits of advice. One he said, once you
make it till I never make it again, just loosen it,
hang it up the way you made it, and then
when you need it again, the next time you put
it back on, you pull it tight. All of my
ties for my whole life are on a tie rack
that are just they're made, they're ready to go. That's good,
good advice you to worry about saying, don't eat all
the fig Newtons, you'll get fat. And I did not
take his advice on that. I know what your grandfather

(03:56):
did give you good advice. I used to sleep over
on Saturdays and he had a little tea wagon and
hit cookie jars on it, and I would sleep in
the room in the living room with the cookie jars,
and so he'd hear me rattling the cookie jars, and
I eat in the fig Newtons. And he was right
about all things. I love fig Newtons. You do feel
like you're eating little crunchy ants? Yeah, I can't. What
about you, Garrett. Any of my grandfather used to say, Hey,

(04:18):
you don't touch my pound cake. They must know my grandfather.
What about you, Daniel? My grandmother always said, like I said,
sleep with that underwear because you need to air it out.
And I to this day I try not to sleep
with underwear because Grandma always is right, right, isn't grandma
always right? Yeah? I think so. I don't know why
you need to air it out. Is it a health thing?
It must? I think, Well, I'm not a gynecologist, but

(04:41):
I have heard that it could be a good thing
if it's covered up all day. You know, everything needs
to air out. It's better than you know, spraying love
my carpet on there you can't breathing, and then throw
it in the dryer. Yeah, don't forget grandma had a
fur coat back in the day down there that you're right,
she did. So my grandmother got found one. My grandmother

(05:03):
taught me how to properly dry myself off after getting
out of the shower. And it was when he was
eighteen years old, because a lot of times like you
forget like the back of your knees, like you you know,
or behind your ears, so like I have like a
I thoroughly dry myself off with a towel. I'm very

(05:25):
methodical when I get out of the shower in the morning.
And it was just it just occurred to me, and
your grandmother taught you had a proper grandmother taught me
how to properly dry myself straight. Nate, why do you
have that bewildered look on your face? You just walked
in the room and you just heard Scary talking about
telling himself off. His grandmother taught him at a towent
like actually never actually turned you on. So the question

(05:48):
from Bethany was what great advice did your grandparents give you.
Oh god, i'd have to think about that. Well, you
think I have a follow up for scary? Did she
do it on you to show you or to she
talk you through the process? Over here, Gary, let me
show you how to wipe off your early on. She
she actually did it for me. For me, but I
was like four or five, I mean it was eight

(06:10):
or nine. She would make sure that I did it
the right way? Did she said? Let me see your ball?
So I know? How does she knows? Anyway? Okay, So anyway,
so any advice from your grandparents, don't be a little ship.
I remember my grandmother repeatedly, why didn't you listen to her?
My mother always says that about my kids. She says,

(06:32):
you give me one weekend with them, I'll fix their
wagon and bring them back to you all. No kids,
she says, when they're acting up, that's what that's crazy.
I feel like it's the opposite way with my mom
and my nieces, because when they're with you know, Mima
and Papa anything, they can do anything. There's no problem
Mima and Papa Papa. You know, it's kind of funny.

(06:54):
We all have different names for our grandparents. Mine was
grandmother and grandfather. That is weird. It is weird because
most of my friends had names like Nana, Nanna, Noni. Yeah,
we were Grandpa and grandma. Did you call your dad Papa? No?
I did not Papa. My kids out at the stables Papa.

(07:16):
My kids called my mother in law granny Grandma Lolli
because she sends them lollipops from France all the time,
so she's Grandma Lollly. And Grandpa is Chef. For some reason,
they call him Chef. I don't know why, but that's
the name they adopted for him, so that's what they
call in said, Grandpa. It's so strange. I know, mushrooms.
When I was a kid, I had no concept of anything. Uh.

(07:37):
And I remember asking my grandmother if she ever hung
out with Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. You don't know about time,
you don't know about age. You don't get it. Growing up,
I remember sitting around the dinner table and asking my
dad if he was alive in the eight hundred, and
he was aghast. He's like, no, I was born in
nineteen fifty five, and I just remember thinking that was

(07:59):
like in the nineteen US, and you're not that young,
like I was so confused. I thought he was around
during black and white photos, and I just couldn't. I
couldn't make the concept of time happen. My kids do
the same thing. They think, like, how old you? About
sixty five? I'm like, really, really, yeah, Grandma's how much
older than you? I'm like, I'm gonna smack you so hard.
They have no guns out, they don't know. Well, we

(08:22):
had the problem with Jake, our our video guy, Jake,
who's right behind you, Hey, Jake, how old do you
think Dave Brody is? My guess was forty two. Now.
Our intern was telling him a story about how she
dated a thirty seven year old and he wants to
tell me the story. He goes, well, she was dating
a guy who's much older. But how old are you?
Because I don't want to offend you that she was

(08:43):
dating thirty seven year old, So I said, you don't
how old I am? I go, so I told how
old he was? He was, no, No, really, how old
you You're not that old. Well this made me realize
that I don't know how old anybody is. Right. He
was off by a lot, which, by the way, was
a compliment. He thinks scary was much younger than he
actually is. He thought Scary was like thirty seven, and
so he has because he's like twenty two, he thinks
anyone older than him is a lot, you know. He

(09:04):
thinks thirty is much older. Though two years that's five seconds.
I look so young, so I'm always used to people
thinking that I'm so much younger. So I feel like
I'm just so used to people looking younger than they
really are. Like I will tell you something like he's
like sixty two being the oldest guy in the room.

(09:29):
I will tell you, the older you get, the younger
people look. Like the other day, I saw a kid,
he must have been four years old, get into a
car and drive away, and then I was reminded, no,
he's probably like eighteen years old seven, Like, no, he's not.
It's a weird thing. When you get old, you you
consider everyone to be younger than they truly are. Yeah.

(09:50):
When I graduated from college, i went back to my
hometown and I drove by the high school and I'm like,
all of these kids are ten because they all look
so young and you know, twenty two. But then also
I'll see a girl who's really well put together. She's
beautiful that I'm like, oh my god, she's no, she's twelve.

(10:11):
So I mean, the older you get, the younger you
are in the older yard, you have a difficult time
gauging true age. But I don't know if it's a
compliment or not. I gave him my real age. He
laughed that I couldn't possibly be that old or at
that age. I gave him and said, you look much younger. Now.
Is it a compliment that I look younger than I
said I want? Or is it an insult that I

(10:32):
couldn't possibly be at that age? Because he thinks that
age is really old, which either you look great for
being that ancient, or oh my god, you don't look
that anxious. Well, Jake, what do you consider old? Watch yourself? No,
no, no no, no, feel sixty? I would say year old.
My mom's gonna smack me because she's overseas. That's the thing.

(10:54):
You will see. There was one time when you thought
twenty was old, and then you turned twenty. Yeah. I
remember being younger and thinking that, like, high schoolers were
so old, and then I got to high school, and
then I got to college and now past college, and
I'm like, wow, high schoolers are so young. It's crazy
and it never stops. You always see someone is being
crazy old until you're that age, and you always see

(11:17):
people as being like, holy crap, you're so so young,
Like the thought of being fifty right now is just
I can't imagine that. Oh my god. Okay, So I
have any of you gone to a high school reunion? Yes, okay,
the Scary and uh and Brody, the Brooklyn Boys. So

(11:37):
when you go there, did you notice that everyone who's
your same age looks so much older? They all look
like crap because what they're doing, and they have two
examples of this. Because of the way you see them,
it may you're judging yourself against them, so you're like,
how can they look that old? I'm not that old?
Guess what you are. Another one is you have friends

(12:00):
that have kids, and now those kids like five years old.
You can't handle that, not because of the kids getting older,
because that means you're that much older too. It's kind
of a weird scene, absolutely, But I couldn't believe how
many people have fallen off in my class when I
went there, Like, oh my god, I'm like, you look
like you got you look like you're in your seventies,

(12:20):
but they looked like it. I wanted to say it.
I'm like, that can't be. We're the same age. Isn't
at the point it happened. Isn't that the point of
going to a high school reunion to make yourself feel
so much better? But I've never been. I've been invited.
I've been told, hey, you gotta come to your reunion.
I didn't like them when I was going to school
with them. I don't like them, probably like five people
I liked. You don't see them age, so you see
them as eighteen years old, and then you see them

(12:42):
at forty you're like, wow, what happened to them? But
you see yourself grow old gradually, so you see what
happened to you. I had. They're all still the same,
like when you know, when I talk to my girlfriends,
I feel like, well, no, they're all still single. They're
all still running around when they're like, oh, I have
three kids, and I'm like, now, like, we don't have
three kids. My kids had never hadn't watched Friends, right,

(13:03):
So they watched they heard it was great. They went
on Netflix and they binge watched the entire ten seasons
of Friends. They had never seen those actors before whatever.
They just saw Chandler on a TV show, Matthew Perry,
and we're like, oh my god, what the hell happened
to him? Because now he's and all we know him
is his twenty five year old on Friends and like,
what happened? Well, that shows from the nineties, that's what happened.

(13:26):
Time is what happened. Gravity is evil speaking of straight
and A just walked back into the room again, you're
like walking death. Well, we've got something. We're doing something
and it requires coordination. Okay, all right? And you have
that look, doesn't he have a heavy look on his face,
a little bit like you're carrying the burden of the world.
That's this show strong. You could be working with so

(13:51):
many other people that you would hate more. I know,
I say that every day. The splinters of the cross
you're burying are digging into your show shoulder. Still us
remembers who you are, You don't we don't have to
talk about all right, Well, this has been an interesting
fifteen minute morning show podcast, talking about talking almost talking
about aging. It's something that everyone can listen to. The

(14:12):
thing is, if you're younger than us and a good
chance you are unless you're Nate, I mean, Jake. Uh,
it's not making sense to you. But one day you're
gonna look at back on hearing this podcast and you're gonna, oh,
my god, those assholes were right. It's still assholes. When
people tell them told me, oh gosh, you're gonna blink in.
Your kid's going to be, you know, almost a teenager,

(14:34):
I'm like, shut up, he's one. He's twelve now, and
I swear to god, I blinked and he turned twelve.
And it's not a lie until you don't have Until
you have your own kids, you don't believe that ship.
My dad always said, the older you get, the faster
it goes around the room. What's your advice for people
coming up in this world? Danielle, Listen, if you have
to turn it, you might as well celebrate it. The

(14:56):
other alternative as you drop dead, go out and party
and enjoy your birthday. What about you, Garrett, I would say,
absorb everything around you, because by the time you realize
what you're in right now and you leave it, you're like,
oh crap, I should have should have enjoyed that a
little more. What about you, Jake? My advice to the
younger people just don't just if you if you're feeling something,

(15:18):
do it. Trust your gut. That's advice for everyone, all right.
We only have forty more seconds, so Brodie advice for
younger people be nice to people that are older than
you because you'll be there soon. There you go. What
about you, Scotty? Getting married and having kids makes you
age faster, so stay single and get a lot of sleep. Yourself, man,
you don't have kids or are you look like? What about?

(15:42):
What about your be gentle with yourself. How about you, Elvis?
That sounds hot. You never can have too many friends
friends Ashole fifteen minute Morning Elf.