June 24, 2025 • 47 mins
In another characteristically honest episode, Lisa goes off about the art of being alone, and whether it’s self-care, emotional shutdown, or just an excuse to avoid people. She and Nick unpack their complicated relationships with downtime, social guilt, and why it takes catching the flu to finally take a break. Then the duo reads letters from a “Real Housewives”-obsessed homebody and a single New Yorker who's trying to balance friendship with the urge to stay in bed forever.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. This podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes. Only these.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come on, gollam,
take a pill.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I said, dumb ass.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Listen to me, you god that song. It's the essence
of my being.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I am sweet and lovely Lisa, and welcome to Shrink
This with Lisa Lampinelli, the podcast that teaches you how
to live. But absolutely you should not take any of
the advice. You should ignore us. But wait, I'm going
to start over. I'm going to start over. I think
(01:13):
you should listen to us. I'm not starting over because
I'm not afraid to have been vulnerable and human, Unlike
you people, I put myself out there. I make the
mistakes on air, and damn it, we're keeping them on.
So Celia, you control freak people. Pleasing twat, don't you.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Edit a thing?
Speaker 4 (01:35):
It's Lisa Warts and All on Shrink This with Lisa Leipadelli,
the podcast where we give you advice and I think
you should listen, And I'm here with my brilliant.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sidekick, Nick Scibility. Yeah, I have to mood like I am.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
Yeah, I'm a little I drove in today, so it
required more focus.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I don't like that.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Yeah, I think I may never do it again. It
was nice today. Anybody feel listen.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
To you Boom podcast over and over and here how
great you are, which is not what I did. I
made the mistake on the drive of listening. You have
to be careful of what you intake. Correct and guess
what I in took today on my drive cooking. No,
never Sackerys and they're not a sponsor. Fuck them because
they never sent me anything free.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, but I made the mistake of listening to a
two parter on a cult escapee.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Now, this is a depressing subject, so you gotta I
gotta be careful and monitor what I'm listening to.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Did you did? Did you listen to something harrowing? Also?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
No, just music at a low volume.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
See that's better.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
What was the cult?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Oh, fundamentalist Christian cult? And it was such a great podcast.
And of course after episode one, I noticed my neck
really hurts and my back hurts, and I'm tense and
I just can't wait for I'm like, I'm not listening
to episode two, but you have to because episode two
is the one where she escapes, because I want to
have some hope that she escaped. And then she escaped
(03:04):
and it wasn't worth the payoff?
Speaker 5 (03:06):
Why not? Wasn't good?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I mean it was great, but it still made me depressed.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I'm like, bitch, how you get involved with that shit
in the first place.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Nobody's trying to put me in a call. You know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I feel you. She escaped and now she works here.
What's up Celia?
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Oh she's.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Our former trad wife, Celia Seljia.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
I could I just call you Selja to give it
a Hispanic flare? Absolutely? I enjoy that. Yes, you know
that's that's actually a Hispanic name.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Well listen, don't be racist, all right, stop being racist.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
She escapes the racist I know well.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That that happens.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
That's the trajectory of all of them. But I love
how our podcast starts off as being one thing and
now it's not about anything I decided, I'm really exhausted
after one episode.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I'm quitting. It's it's it people. I hope you enjoy
our two parter about escaping I escaped the cult.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Of Elvis durand I did. He said to me, do
a podcast, and I said, damn you.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I'll do two. Two episodes that is, but I'm bumped.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
No sound effects guy, I don't get a sound effects
guy effects.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
No cool button.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I wish I could at least the penis sound.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I want to hear that.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Week.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Please. Of course I'll get a button just for it,
like a.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Little splurt, even though I haven't heard a splurt in
a while. Thank god, I right now listen. Speaking of
not splurting. That's our subject today because we got a
lot of letters about people who well, I will actually
preface this with a story of my own me personally,
(04:58):
I feel like I have a strong belief that the
worst thing that happened in my life was I got
the flu. But not for the reasons you will think
it is. Once you get the flu, oh my god,
you get to have a loane time. It's like forced
by yourself. You're with your three little dogs, You're on
(05:20):
a couch, you're laying a certain way, and yes you're
shitting and throwing up, but it's a small price to
pay for the fact that you can't lift your head up.
No one will call you, you don't have to respond
to anything. So I had such forced alone time for
like a week that I was like, oh shit, now
I want it all the time. I'm fantasizing about the flu.
(05:41):
So that's not good. It just shows me I shouldn't
have to get sick, like literally sick and sick and
tired of being sick and tired got it like we
It just shouldn't have to be sick to take the
time to not respond to anybody and to just be
by myself.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Can you relate to this?
Speaker 5 (06:00):
In September I got COVID.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, and I was home.
Speaker 5 (06:03):
For five days.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Best days of your life.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
And by the once like the fever and the shaking
and the chills went.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
I was like looking like lightly looking at work from
home jobs. I was like, this is nice.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
It's hard though, because you're a personal trainer who could
be found at by the way Nick scopes what is it?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And what on?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
All on all the plant and all.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
The stupid things. They're also yeah, Farmers only all trad wives.
You could be a tradi dot com. Yeah, Brandos only
dot com. But like, isn't it just the best to
(06:46):
not have to deal with? But also it's because do
you think it's because we frontload our lives so much,
with so much to do, that we drive ourselves to
need alone time. When we all wes should do is
admit we need it and then we don't have to
get sick.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
To take it. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It's like, what's the point, what's the point of this
driving and striving and doing more. I wrote an entire
play last year about doing less and I don't. And
by the way, writing a play is a lot of work,
so you do more inherently.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
But once I'm done with this play, I'll do less.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
And it's like, wow, what was the lesson in writing
seventy five pages of do less? It was that I'm
still doing too much. And it's not by anybody else's
else's standards. It's not as much as a mom with kids,
or as much as a guy who's running around and
like dating or doing this and has a job.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
I just do too much for me.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
I think I just don't admit that I need just
shutting off.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Sometimes I agree.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
I you know, I go back and forth on this
subject all the time because I do love my alone time.
But at the same time, when I do take off
from work or I have time to myself, it's cool
for like an hour or two, or like a day
or two, and then I start to get like I
gotta do something yeah, or then even work. I know,
for me, like this week was a really busy week
(08:14):
for me, I'll get too comfortable, yes, and like I
almost like I got to rush through everything to get
to my downtime. It's like I struggle with this a lot.
I go back and forth, and I really don't know
what the answer is.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I don't know the answer because you would think by
my age sixty three, you know that they go proud
senior citizen. I'm a proud and I'm not a silver
single who let their hair go gray. Shut up fucking color.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah anyway, I yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
It's like I don't want to tip into I heard
a quote I'm too old to act old. It's like
I don't want to tip into the old lady.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Who never leaves the shoe.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
You never leave the house, because like old ladies when
they're eighty, there's a lot of them are super happy
to just stay home and they'll go to like church
and bingo.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
And that was my mom.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
She was like, twice out of the house a week
is enough, and like, yes, does she get to be
the judge of what's enough for her?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
But to me that feels scary. The idea of not
having something to do at least five six days a
week makes me feel like I'm going to tip into
the other extreme. So I think there's like the two extremes.
There's like the I need all the alone time and
I'm sorry, but guess I have no patience for and
I don't care if anybody even.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Hates me after this.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
The I am socially anxious. I don't like going to parties.
Just ask me to go somewhere and I'll just say no.
It's like, well, then I'm glad you have no friends
dialogue exactly. There's that extreme, and then there's the oh
my god, I just have to do and do and
do and do. So I don't know where the balance
(09:55):
is only a parent when like we're sick, like when
we go, oh, I've finally balance it out. I had
three days at home to myself and now I get
to go three days out.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Yeah, now you don't have it. It's when you don't
have a choice. Yeah, I have to make the decision.
Because every time I've like been chilling and I've chose
to like go somewhere and do something, it's never been bad.
It's always been like, oh that was fun.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
But also, you and I have this thing where we're
high energy, so we'll never go to a place.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And be half asked about it.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
We're not I wouldn't say life of the party all
the time, but we'll bring it fully. We won't go
and go look, I'm just gonna like be mellow at
your house, Like if I don't bring the right energy,
like I'm sorry, No, we just go and we go
full out.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Yeah. I think I was just gonna say that. It's
trying to like we feel like we have to be on.
I know you can't just go and show up and
being because I've gone places a little MOPy or tired.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
And they're like, what's wrong. You're usually okay, I'm Nick
you doing okay?
Speaker 5 (10:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Nick?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I noticed something. Is it the fact that you own
have a girlfriend? Maybe is it the wake game?
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Like they have to then plod and asked you what's wrong?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Like it's like, dude, I just was like being me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Do you think actually we're even supposed to be up up,
up all the time when we're out in these situations
bringing ourselves as our true self might look different than
we think.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Yeah, I think, I mean, do you think that like people?
Because well, especially for you, like I know for me
and my friend group, but because you are who you are,
I think people expect you to be a certain way
when they meet you, and they're probably like if you
have any bit of lull that like you want to
be on and good to go, and you always show
up to shit, you don't. I never cancel, you never can.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
I can't do two things.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
And it was because it was way back a few
months ago over the holidays.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Because of again being sick.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Yeah, and when my dog Parker, like I mean it
was it's not a blessing, but like I went home
one day and like his two back legs were like
faced in like he's in a plea. He was in
position five ballet because he had like a disc problem.
And I was like, oh my god, I'm so sad
for the dog, and thank god it got fixed. I'm like,
(12:02):
oh my god, I get to stay home with him.
If you it is a true friend who will say yes,
stay home with your dog. And if they don't say yes,
stay home with your dog, then that's not a good friend.
You just cross them off the list. Ye.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
So yeah, that it's like those.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Things converge and you're all of a sudden like, oh,
I'm allowed to stay home. Yeah I'm not bring that.
But but other than that, I rarely cancel.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
That's never, but I even want to, like I find
this for our like our diner nights when it's like me,
you and the other two comics.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah, we go together once a week and like talk.
We ostensibly started this as a writing group, but none
of us wants to write anything. Somebody's that we sit
around and make fun of the two Greek owners exactly.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
And I always want but like for those times like
it should be chill, right, it just and it is chill.
It's so fun. I enjoy it. But I'm always like, oh,
maybe I should like take a nap before tonight, like
just to be ready, like because bring it, yeah, just
to bring it in and have fun and be good
to go, Like I always like make sure like I
like to, I get out of work early on Tuesdays,
go home, I chill, I have like dinner a little bit,
like a light dinner, and then I go to the diet,
(13:05):
like want to have a nice downtime, set.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
It up nice.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Yeah before I hate that, I'm like that, but I'm like, oh,
I have a little downtime and then go.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
It's weird.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
But our other two guys, our other two friends, Bo
and Andrew, it is never questioned if either one of
them are in like sort of a down mood or
more mellow or whatever, because they're just allowed to be
full human beings. But I think me and you, it's
like we have to bring it. Yeah, And I don't
like that about myself. I love I would love to
be like boring. Yeah, And you know, people listening to
(13:35):
this podcast are like, you are, don't worry about it, no,
But I like want to be just with family. It's
tough too, because I have a family. One half of
my family is super heightened. My sister's side of the family.
They bring it there loud. They're always playing games, which
I love all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
So I feel this pressure that I'm going to be
the boring one, and they're going to be like, are
you okay? My sister?
Speaker 4 (13:59):
I love her, her biggest heart in the world, but
the two things she says it drives me nuts.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Are are you okay?
Speaker 4 (14:05):
And when I tell her something good happens, she goes,
good for you and like, I'm not the special needs
bagger at the grocery store, but a good for you
sounds very sort of insulting, but I don't. I know
she doesn't mean it that way. So but around family,
I feel like, oh, I have to present well. It's
(14:27):
so hard to even say I'm okay and have them
sort of accept it. So that's why I think the
alone time for us is like, oh wow, we get
to not pretend anything.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
But the the other side of it is if I
go two days and realize I have not spoken words
out loud, like I've done that where I'm like, oh
my god, all I've said all day is who's a
good boy?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
No, like who's a good boy, who's a good girl.
We're all trees.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
To get my dog to Parker to come to me.
I have to trees, Like, you can't even say it
normalous They respond to like voice sounds I guess, And
I'm like, I have not spoken a word, and I
also like, just real quick, like, are you I think
we're both considered extroverts?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Correct, I guess, I.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Know, but I think we have a little, you know,
introverted need. Also like there's also a little need for
introversion sometimes, and we shouldn't drive ourselves into being ill
to get this job done. But yet, what's the fear
by the way of actually, okay, I'm feeling totally well,
(15:45):
I'm one hundred percent like right now we're taping the podcast.
I was in a terrible mood because of my back, neck,
thighs and other issues. But I said, you know what,
I got The podcast gets me in a good mood,
which proves extraversion.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I love that the energy is up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
But the idea of going home after and like just
canceling the dinner, oh god, it's even uncomfortable say I'm
canceling on a dinner.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I can't say. Two good friends, I love them.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I want one of them's leaving for Florida for like
months to do a show, so I'm like, oh yeah,
my last chance to see him before he goes the
idea of canceling it makes me so uncomfortable because the
story I tell in my head is I'm Lisa. I
don't cancel, but maybe I'm Lisa who sometimes has to cancel.
(16:36):
Like we construct these artificial identities for ourselves. Oh, I'm
the person who always dot dot dot. I'm the person
who always you know what, I shed one of those.
I'm the person who quote always brings something when I'm
invited to a party.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Fuck you.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
You come to my house a lot and you never
bring anything. I'm not bringing anything to your house, so
I have to deconstruct. I'm always the person who shows up,
maybe to my detriment if I'm tired. So are you
a canceler ever?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Not really? I know you a lot.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
More this small percentage, but I will tell you this,
I have a weird if I do cancel something, I
have this weird like almost like fomo.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Oh see you get that.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Not not fomo, but I'm like, the only thing that
I've canceled the most, probably honestly, is dates. Sometimes we're like,
I'm like, it's Friday night, or you said yes to
something earlier in the week and it's for me Friday night.
When it's Friday night and work's done, yeah, I don't
know what it is, but my body's.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Like, it's beautiful to stay on a Friday. It's doesn't
feel like you're cheating life. Also, I would say on
behalf of every girl you canceled on for dates, You've
done a service. They are thanking you. They've saved themselves
from getting not up from by some wap guinea bastard
who won't watch any shows say say I, no, don't
(18:00):
edit that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I'm perfection.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
I don't know about you, but there's times where I
look forward to a day where I don't have anything.
Love it right. The morning comes, it's slow, it's nice
the first few hours. Then I feel like I gotta
do something m and then I do something for a while,
and then the long story of it is it takes
me a while to settle in to do it. Yes, nothing.
(18:24):
And I want to know if you were the same
way or if you're like, nah, I'm chilling, because it
takes me, like to like three pm to be like, okay,
we can relax.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
We will like settle into it.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
To the day of doing like nothing, you know what
I mean, maybe an errand or two, but like, it
takes me a while to settle.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, I think I've just had more practice at it.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
So when I get up, I don't even set that alarm,
and I'm just like, you get up. When you get up,
those freaking dogs will eat whenever I get to them.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Nobody's dying in this house. It's fine. So it doesn't
take me much settling in time anymore. But I remember
when I used to go on vacation.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
There was this really fancy spot I used to go
to when I thought I was a big shot, and
they all said, it's gonna take you three days to
get into the mindset of this place, for you to
let go of work, for you, let go of your
like family obligations. So I see how that could translate
into just if you have one day, it's gonna take
you like a third of it just to gear up
(19:19):
into it. So my advice to you, even though you
didn't ask, because I'm always about giving advice when I'm
not asked, like, don't set the alarm and allow yourself
to if you know you know what, I'm gonna break this.
I'm gonna go like grab coffee. I'm gonna like go
to Duncan Dundas. I'm gonna go and you know, take
(19:39):
a walk, be like okay, well I'm allowed to do that.
So nothing I don't think means laying down the whole day,
even though.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
That's the goal.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
I think like the oh, I allowed myself to do
that thing, And even though it doesn't look strictly like nothing,
it's still fine. Yeah, you know, I think for me,
it's just like, oh, I don't want to interact with people.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
For that day. I just want to be like, oh,
I can just.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Never say words out loud that aren't treat, which is
how I call Parker and you.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Okay, So next, who wrote to us?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Let's see? We have a letter here? Yes from Chase
Chase Range, Illinois.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Sounds gay.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
I'm in he probably is. Let's see, okay, Lisa, I
am thirty four years old, single guy gay. These are
my letters I wrote. Why are you keep putting these
in here?
Speaker 4 (20:42):
You name your kid Chase. Come on, he's gonna be
chasing Dick. And it's I mean, it is what it is, Chase.
Speaker 5 (20:50):
It's also spelled c h a ce.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Oh wait, It'sasse. Get the hell out of I'm joking.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Of course, I don't have any idea, but Yeshase.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
So I'm a thirty four year old single guy. Gay
love you by the way. I love interacting with people
and socializing, but I'm simply lazy all caps. I also
feel quite satisfied with my relationship to the Real Housewife.
Oh no, boy just took a turn. Their drama and
(21:28):
shit talking is enough to fill my cup and my butt. No,
here's the problem. I do not want to die alone.
I feel like I need to be seeking a partner
since I am not getting any younger. But like I said,
I am lazy all caps again. I love you bie,
Okay caps exclamation points.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Very good, They're rather to be exclamation boys after that.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
I think Chase is very judgmental of himself. And the
reason I say this is there's abs. I've rarely met
anyone who's quote lazy.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
That's such a judgy word.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
People saying I'm going to take a day and like
do nothing at home.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I'm so lazy. It's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You're human and we're human being, not a human doing.
I know that's a cliche, but it's true. You know,
and you've never been to a twelve step meeting, But
lazy is such a judgment on yourself. So I think
it's first of all, Chase, if I may call you that,
watch how you talk about yourself. Because I never liked when,
(22:34):
like Nick, you've done this where you're like, oh, I'm
so stupid or I'm so dumb. It's like, first of all,
if you're saying it, you're probably not it. Like it's
the people who go, am I a narcissist? Oh my god,
I hope I'm not an narcissist? Of course you're not,
because you're questioning it. I guarantee you Chase isn't lazy,
but maybe is overly judgmental on the time that he's
(22:55):
spending by himself. Also, the one place I'm going to
judge check is how about we subtract the drama of
the Real Housewives and then add actual people in yeah,
who don't come complete with drama, but will invariably have
some drama.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
There's no one I'm friends.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
With who hasn't had a tiny bit of dramatic content
just because that's how we live. Someone has somebody dying,
someone has a sick dog, somebody has a bald head
and tits Nick, and this is what happens. So that's enough.
Dramatic content, and also then it's called living because it
seems really weird to be so wrapped up in drama
(23:39):
that doesn't really exist for you, Like those aren't people
who are serving you? And ask yourself, are you protecting
yourself from interaction with others and getting that little fix
from people who don't know you on a television It's
like watching the Sopranos and thinking we're friends with them,
even though I think you and I probably are friends
(24:00):
with them in our minds. Yeah, oh totally, they would
so hang out with us, Like I mean, I'm like
Eadie Falco's sister. I think anyway, maybe your mom.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
So yeah, I mean, what do you think? Do you
to me?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
He sounds like it's I'm initially like chuckle is his letter,
But then I'm like, I'm a little sad that he
calls himself names like that.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Yeah, he's just dealing with some stuff on the inside there.
I think step one is stop watching the Real Housewives.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
I mean yeah, I mean, well, I remember when I
did The Celebrity Apprentice, and this is of course before
Trump became anything.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
It was just like a fun show to do, that'll
be silly.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
It turned me so off to do to watching any
kind of reality show because I'm like, that's not real.
Everybody's fake. It's bullshit, and you get so height in
watching it. Like I if I'm going to watch a
good drama on TV, say it's like a handmaids Tale
or something like that, You're just like.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Oh, it's worth it because of the art of it.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
But watching these other things, it like just get you
keyed up and makes you think you know people you don't.
Speaker 5 (25:04):
Yeah, awful people. Yeah, truly, it's the worst. I Mean.
The thing that gets me with his letter is he said,
I feel like I need to be seeking a partner
all that getting any younger. And I've gone back and
forth on this. I've asked a therapists about this brad
or guy, you know, I feel like he says, I
(25:25):
feel like I need to be seeking a partner, and
I always think do I like, do you need to
actively be looking and the apps and doing this and
making yourself go out or are you just like doing
stuff that makes you happy and as you live through
life you meet that person, Like, what's the answer is it? Like, No,
I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
As a single goal who's dated both in the era
of apps and things like that, plus the old fashioned
way when they would drive up to your farm and
a horse and buggy and would trade your father would
trade you for two goats the sheep, and that's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Price for me.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I gotta tell you, I honestly, in my gut, I
feel like just living life and seeing what happens, because
then you're just open to things. And that's where all
good ideas come from, is just having some And again
that's alone time.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's going.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
I'm allowing myself to live my life alone and still
look outward. You could still walk down the street by yourself,
but not have your eyes and your phone or to
the ground. You can still be looking outward and be open,
but you don't have to be actively like searching and
striving sound like they will never get you the results
(26:40):
you want.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Yeah, I mean that's the best example I can think
of right off the top of my head. Is like
the New Year's resolutioners, oh terrible. Never like when you
go from just you know, fucking off for lack of
a better word, the last four months of the year,
you've been drinking and going to parties and eating sugar,
and now you're like all right, no carbs and no alcoholics. Extreme,
gonna go here and guess what more times than not,
(27:03):
you're gonna say relapse, but you're gonna it's gonna come back.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Yeah. Right.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
So it's like if you're going out, say he he
he has a he's motivated one day and he flips
the script. Yeah, I'm gonna done being lazy. I'm gonna
go out and I'm gonna chase men. I'm gonna pull
my ween around and do all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
Turned him into a bottom, I'm just bottom.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
Probably we're gonna ask me. I'm gonna dm find out.
But if he flips the script and he's like, I'm
gonna go hard, like New Year's Resolution style and go
into it. And then if he's disappointed or like things
aren't going his way and he's like, oh, I'm just
gonna go back to what I was doing, and then
he'll go deeper into what he was already doing as
opposed to like, hey, maybe once a week, well it's
(27:43):
once a week go to a bar.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, it's go with the flow.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
You if no one has ever gotten burnt out on anything,
if they just want with the flow. True, So you've
never like been but I used to think it was
great to be driven and to strive and to find
a calm plishment.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And it's just like, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
I mean, every friend I've kind of met in the past,
you know, twenty years, has been just because you happen
to go someplace and you vibed and you got it.
Was like, I'm going to actively seek friendships. God damn it,
I'm going to this connection group and we are going
to all do.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
A forced hike together.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Like, by the way, yeah, don't don't ever name physical
activity for me, but yeah, I think poor Chase I
would be like, Also, thirty four is to me not
in quote danger of dying alone. And that's a little
young to be dramatic, but I get it.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
That's where he is. Housewives, Yep, they sure have. And
you know what it is to dying alone.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Guess what, Chase? Everyone dies alone. Like if you could
have a wife sitting there, you're still alone in your death.
Like there's just the reality. I think it's acceptance that
and not in a fatalistic, depressing way. Man, We're all
gonna die alone and that's okay. And I have to
accept that my body's gonna slow down, I'm gonna you know,
(29:07):
getting an acceptance of these inevitable things really free you
up to be more inflow and meet people and be
present and be in conversation.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
And not have it forced. Does that make sense to you?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (29:18):
I think like also too. And I've done this in
the past, where like say you're on a dating app
and you get a match and you're excited about it,
and you're like, oh, I get a match and like
maybe it doesn't pan out or like they're not responsive
or x y Z or like you get excited about
all these opportunities, but then say they fall through and
you just start going down the other way versus like
you know, you're waiting for them to respond. It's like
(29:40):
it's just like a constant Yeah, I mean, hey, like
are they gonna get back to me? Is this gonna?
Is this the one? Is this the Meanwhile? If you
just lived your life and do stuff you live your life,
you kind of This is something that my therapist told me,
was like people just kind of are attracted to like
you and what you're doing, your energy, you're vibe, Yeah,
you got your own shit. You're not like, hey, what
do you like a puppy? Dog following them around. Be
(30:01):
like you like me? You like me? You got your
own shit going on? Yeah, they find that attractive if
they like you. Great.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
So I think Chase should get out of the house
once twice a week. Yeah, get rid of the real
house while I stop watching some real dramatic stuff. So
you could talk to someone about something other than those
bitchy queens.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
And just don't be so hard on yourself. Don't call
yourself lazy. We'll do that for you. Do you have
another letter we do this, bitch.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
We have a lady.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Oh, or, as we like to be called, a bit
clams clams.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Yes, Melissa from New Rochelle, Oh, New York, Okay, where
my grandmother lived.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Oh really, God rest the soul.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
Oh God, she had a penthouse.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Arleen had it going on.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
I'm keeping my first don't dimp my jewelry a.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Way she's that is literally, I think the ghost of
her just went inside of you.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Those women all wanted to keep their jewelry away from
one particular cousin who was mean to them.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
She didn't call me on yours poort upon.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
The unniversary, and now she's dead to make give my sapphires.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
It's true. Melissa from New Rochelle, New York. I'm gonna
talk like this, Okay, Dear Lisa. First off, I'm a
huge fan and also have an ex husband with big
balls done that.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That's a good reason for a long time.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
By the way, boy, living alone, I never have to
be in danger that two disco balls are gonna hit
me in the naggin pretty big.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
Okay, Okay, let's come back to that. But now I
live alone in New York City and I absolutely love it,
having my sex and the city mom. Thought of going
out after a long workday is not appealing in any way.
But with friends wanting to get together, I'm struggling with
how to balance my love of being alone with the
(32:12):
pressure to be social and keep friendships alive. What do
you recommend? Thanks in advance?
Speaker 4 (32:19):
I mean it sounds like she's killing it. I mean
like Chase is the fucking idiot. No, it sounds like
like the she says balance, here's the problem with balance.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
You're not.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
You only start talking about balance when you're out of it.
Then you notice it and you're like, oh shit, I
felt so in balanced yesterday.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
What happened? So I think it's like kind of going maybe.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
Setting up a loose sort of network of like, Okay,
my loose schedule is I always take Friday night and
Sunday to like do nothing and be by myself. But Saturday,
you know, do something with friends or do something with family.
It's not having this sort of all or nothing. I
think the big problem with people is it's either all
(33:04):
or nothing. And that's the problem with classifying ourselves, even
though we all do it as introverts or extroverts, because no,
I always need to be alone. I always need to
be with people. No, like it has to be balanced somehow.
So I mean, I don't think she sounds like sah.
First of all, she's from New Rochelle and she finally
escaped it and lives in New York City. I mean,
enjoy it and don't. By the way, those of you
(33:25):
who live in New York City, trust me. I lived
in New York for years. Never once went to a museum,
never once went to Central Park and laid out there
like some mama luke who thinks it's their backyard.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I never once went.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
To a trendy singles BA called Adam Zappa or Adams
rib somethink. Those were the days when we would go
to the singles bas You'd sit up there with your
martini and your Donna Karen rap dress, and the men
would come up and early, lady, how you doing looking
for it to good ba. But never did any of
that stuff, so she's probably having her little moment.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
It sounds awesome. My first thought, like, this is the
women I date. She has an ex husband with big balls.
I could fill the space.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Always get rid of the ex husband with big balls.
Speaker 5 (34:13):
That's right. And she's like, now I live in New
York City alone and absolutely love it. You're single and
you're living in New York City.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:20):
Again, what seems to be a night one night.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
You know what she needs to do is set up
you set up. See this is where you're doing to
get horny and try to bang the listeners. Listen, people,
I'm trying to protect you. If you're a woman or
a gay man out there, don't bangn It's always.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
A road to trouble.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
But we'll talk about emotional unavailability in a different podcast episode. Yes,
that is not even make sense. You just got obsessed
with Wicked six months ago.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I don't know, I know you're gay.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Now, I think she and Chase should actually hook up
and like switch a lot. I don't even hook up
physically because he's he's a gay and like kind of
she should educate him a little in like connecting. But
like there is too much pressure in New York though,
to do things. I do find that's that where the
balance gets tipped, where you're like every night there's like
(35:13):
a cool restaurant or a cool bar, a cool opening
of something, and it's just like, eh, the beauty is.
I remember once when I was sitting I had been
invited to a like a movie premiere of some I
don't know, it was a big deal. It was a
Jim Carrey movie or something, and I was literally I
said no because I didn't feel those things fed my
soul anymore. And I was literally across the street in
(35:34):
a diner watching people, and I was like, oh, that's
the thing I was supposed to go to. I've never
been happier sitting alone by myself in a diner. So
you like you notice the times when you are kind
of like making the right choice of like, oh, being
around those people wasn't feeding it. Being alone did.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
So I don't know, man, Yeah, this is like I
want to like help her, but it seems like life's
going pretty good.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
It seems like that's a humble brag letter. Yeah, I'm
living in New York. My life.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
I mean, like what seems to what is there a
kernel of something in it that sounds tragically?
Speaker 5 (36:08):
I mean the line I thought of going out after
a long day of work is not appealing anyway.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's something you got to just
accept about yourself. By the way, save it for the weekend. Now,
the problem is then you're going to try to stuff it.
That's where the balance problem will come in, where you
s'll try to stuff it all into the weekend and
then hates the weekends.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
So maybe it's.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Going one day a week, I'm going to go for
drinks with the girlies there, go and watch a Real
Housewives with the girl with the gal pals.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
I don't know what girls do. I think that's what
they do. I probably correct. She is definitely not.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
Maybe I think Celia is a potential scissorer from way back,
way back. She yet, yes, no, But I think it's
like basically, take one night a week, fall on the
sword and be like I gotta make something happen one
(37:09):
night a week, then take your Saturday or your Friday.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
And then allow yourself.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
I think all of this is like allowing yourself to
be yourself and find your own balance and stop questioning
what's right for you on the inside and doesn't have
to look like a TV show. That's probably probably why
I never went to any trendy things or went to
museums or anything, because I didn't feel it.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
On the inside.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
It was like, well, I'm should be going. Anytime you're
saying should, it's probably a don't, right.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Yeah, I like to fall on the sword thing. I
think that's what you should do, so you should do Melissa,
fall on the sword, sit on the sword. My nickname
in high school is Excalibur. You know what I'm saying,
So we don't.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Oh, could you please explain that it sounds very inter resting.
Speaker 5 (37:55):
Out of a rock and fight another army. I think that's.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Wow, someone's taking Shakespeare class. Listen. I think we've been
helpful to Chase.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I think Melissa has done some gentle bragging and we
kind of hate her a little bit now, and you're
gonna date her. Uh. If you have a question for me,
make sure to email us us shrink this show at
gmail dot com that I was gonna spell it, but
I'm like, really, could you like spell it without wait?
See if you could spell it Nick without looking down?
(38:27):
Because you got what was your GPA in college?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (38:30):
College was good? What college? We were at? A three
even two?
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Remember what was your school?
Speaker 5 (38:36):
Yeah? Personality? Yes, look, dude, Celia's faces.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I know it's pretty crazy.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
So try to spell shrink this show at Gmail without looking.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
S h R I N hey t H s s
h W.
Speaker 4 (39:08):
Every week I like to show that you know Lisa
Lampinelli despite my famed fortune. In general, overall, Jones Sequa
are absolutely imperfect, just like the rest of you.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
Am.
Speaker 4 (39:19):
I less imperfect than most of you, duh obvi, but
I still make mistakes. And this is when I told
my friend Andrew Ginsberg about because whenever I do something bad,
I try to confess to you because they hold you accountable. No,
just because I feel I could be open. Now, Nick,
tell me, please if you can relate to this.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
It was a very busy day on the road. It's
very a lot.
Speaker 4 (39:43):
Of traffic, A lot of people wanted to get a
certain place at a certain time, and heck, yeah, I'm
one of them two right, and there I am in
my I don't like to brag twenty ten Lexus SUV
with my three hundred and sixteen thousand mile because I
feel at heart, you know, I'm the gal who drives
(40:04):
a car into the ground. I'm a gal who, like
my dad or my mom, has that work ethic, like, man,
we're gonna buy that car, and we're gonna get everything
out of it. I remember once having a freaking car,
Chevy Chavette in my first car when I was in
my twenties, and I didn't get rid of it until
the window broke, so you had to put like plastic
(40:25):
on it. And my mother, in all her inemitable power
and lightness of being, said, you look like a Puerto Rican. Really,
that's why I figure better get that change. So I
like a car that I drive into the ground, but
it still looks good. Lexus has never looked bad. Yeah,
so I'm driving, but I've always said to myself, this
car doesn't really suit me. I have Toyota personality. I'm
(40:50):
raised like a human. I'm raised lower middle class. We
didn't have tons. We had to take our student loans,
so we were, thank god privileged enough to go to college.
But very basic folk. I'm very dunkin donuts. I'm basic
as fuck. So at heart, I know I'm a Toyota
person driving Alexis. But now we're in the heavy traffic
(41:10):
day I referenced and some guy. I know it was
a guy because I'm assuming. I'm sure he was white,
because I'm assuming that too, because all white men are.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Terrible, right.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
He literally cuts me off so close. And I rarely
get scared on the road. I always say my two
talents ever were driving and comedy. That's all I can do,
so I never really get that scared. He cuts me
off like within an inch, and I was like ugh,
And the first oh my god, it's so evil. The
(41:43):
first thought that comes to my mind as I watch
him drive in front of me.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
I don't even beat the horn. I don't do anything outward.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
It's all my internal fuck up, which is, huh, enjoy
your fucking Nissan, asshole?
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Are even saying it?
Speaker 4 (42:01):
I'm so grossed out because it's such a like rich
people asshole move.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
And again, yet did I do it anything outward? No?
Speaker 4 (42:10):
I didn't beep, I didn't follow him. I didn't roll
down the windows. I've always said I have rage everywhere,
but the road I've never because it's just too much
at stakes, it's very really scary. It's too much a
steak when you're driving. But the first thought was I'm
better than you because I drive this fucking car and
you're a.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Piece of shit.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
No guarantee you. He's a piece of shit for all
different reasons. It's not a Nissan because guess what this
is how God got me back A mere two weeks later,
Fucking Lexus starts shaking in the front boo. I'm like,
after only three hundred and sixteen thousand miles, how dare you?
(42:54):
And do you know what I took it in? They
had me convinced I have to buy a new car,
and I said, you know what your penance and your
practice is now. You gotta go back and buy the
car that's really you. You gotta buy Toyota.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
No, not a Nissan.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
They're kind of the same, they are they have just
our family's a Toyota family. And I was like, this
is the Universe's way of teaching me that that little
part of my ego that's still attached to things is
just not something I need anymore. I need to be
driving around in a regular car like a regular person,
(43:37):
because that's who I am internally, and legit is alexis
better than a Toyota. Maybe it has a little more pickup,
maybe it's more roomy. Whatever it is, I'm not fancy.
So go back to your roots. Get a Toyota, Lisa,
and see how that feels. And it does feel a
little weird, I know. Well, Luckily Angel intervened as part
(44:01):
three of the story. My mechanic ended up fixing the lexus,
so I get to push off my ego issues until
my lexus.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Truly breaks down.
Speaker 4 (44:11):
But I did talk to my shrink about going to
that judgment with that guy, and she says, I think
the most uncomfortable thing for you to do, which is
obviously when we're uncomfortable, there's the best growth is going
to be getting the car you wait, the car you need,
(44:32):
versus the car car you want. And I think that
car is going to be a fucking toy owner. Yeah
it is, so, I mean I think those so I
like when I have a fuck up that actually drives
me to work on an issue, you know, I like that.
I thought it and owned it, and it was embarrassing
to say it. The first time I told our friend Andrew,
(44:54):
I was so embarrassed because he's like a Volvo driver.
But he's a basic guy too at heart, He's he's
like just us. I think, my dirty Italian self someday
have to just buy a Toyota. But I'm not getting
a fucking Camra. I like them, but they're too small.
I just feel like I'm and also like to Mike
(45:16):
pull down my own veil. I'm getting older and uh
getting in and out of one of those fucking back seats. No, yeah,
you gotta have an ISSUV would because I'm always making out,
as you know, constantly having the sex in the car.
That is my That's going to be my fuck up
(45:37):
next week is that I had the sex in a car.
Can you imagine ever paying for sex? No, that's for
a different episode. The only reason I thought, I was thinking,
why would I ever be in a backseat of a car.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
Probably just be life.
Speaker 4 (45:50):
I drove up on some male hooker just happened to
be standing there. Hey, hey, sailor, you want to hop
in the back of my Toyota? I mean it could happen.
Speaker 5 (46:02):
I hope it does happen.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
I do.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
I did have a dream that I was making out
with a really hot guy in the back of a truck.
The others I don't know, some guy supposedly from my past.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
You don't remember who was though, No, but he was hot.
How hot?
Speaker 5 (46:15):
Are we talking?
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Like a little.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
Football player, not a big football player, at a little
tiny football player.
Speaker 5 (46:24):
A corner like a bottle head, a corner paper.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
Yeah with Nick, Oh my god, listen, we gotta go.
I've shown you my flaws. Next time we speak you
may be talking to Toyota driver. But for now, thank god,
my ego gets the lexus. All right, Yeah, all right,
So Nick, it's been a pleasure. Tell people once again
where they can find you.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
You could follow me on social media at nick scopes
like the Mouthwashed because I'm fresh and Mintee.
Speaker 4 (46:55):
No, you're neither, and you can find me at Lisa
Klampa now Lisa Lampinelle. If you can't smell it, well,
then you don't deserve to borow. And please come back
again and hear our next episode of shrink This and
make sure to send us your questions at shrinth This
Show at gmail dot com, at Shrinthstop up timemalth dot com.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
And make sure to follow.
Speaker 4 (47:16):
Us on socials and make sure to listen to shrink
this on your iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts,
which should be the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
What are you stupid?
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. This podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes. Only these.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come on, gollam,
take a pill.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I said, dumb ass.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Listen to me, you god that song. It's the essence
of my being.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I am sweet and lovely Lisa, and welcome to Shrink
This with Lisa Lampinelli, the podcast that teaches you how
to live. But absolutely you should not take any of
the advice. You should ignore us. But wait, I'm going
to start over. I'm going to start over. I think
(01:13):
you should listen to us. I'm not starting over because
I'm not afraid to have been vulnerable and human, Unlike
you people, I put myself out there. I make the
mistakes on air, and damn it, we're keeping them on.
So Celia, you control freak people. Pleasing twat, don't you.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Edit a thing?
Speaker 4 (01:35):
It's Lisa Warts and All on Shrink This with Lisa Leipadelli,
the podcast where we give you advice and I think
you should listen, And I'm here with my brilliant.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sidekick, Nick Scibility. Yeah, I have to mood like I am.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
Yeah, I'm a little I drove in today, so it
required more focus.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I don't like that.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Yeah, I think I may never do it again. It
was nice today. Anybody feel listen.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
To you Boom podcast over and over and here how
great you are, which is not what I did. I
made the mistake on the drive of listening. You have
to be careful of what you intake. Correct and guess
what I in took today on my drive cooking. No,
never Sackerys and they're not a sponsor. Fuck them because
they never sent me anything free.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, but I made the mistake of listening to a
two parter on a cult escapee.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Now, this is a depressing subject, so you gotta I
gotta be careful and monitor what I'm listening to.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Did you did? Did you listen to something harrowing? Also?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
No, just music at a low volume.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
See that's better.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
What was the cult?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Oh, fundamentalist Christian cult? And it was such a great podcast.
And of course after episode one, I noticed my neck
really hurts and my back hurts, and I'm tense and
I just can't wait for I'm like, I'm not listening
to episode two, but you have to because episode two
is the one where she escapes, because I want to
have some hope that she escaped. And then she escaped
(03:04):
and it wasn't worth the payoff?
Speaker 5 (03:06):
Why not? Wasn't good?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I mean it was great, but it still made me depressed.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I'm like, bitch, how you get involved with that shit
in the first place.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Nobody's trying to put me in a call. You know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I feel you. She escaped and now she works here.
What's up Celia?
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Oh she's.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Our former trad wife, Celia Seljia.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
I could I just call you Selja to give it
a Hispanic flare? Absolutely? I enjoy that. Yes, you know
that's that's actually a Hispanic name.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Well listen, don't be racist, all right, stop being racist.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
She escapes the racist I know well.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That that happens.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
That's the trajectory of all of them. But I love
how our podcast starts off as being one thing and
now it's not about anything I decided, I'm really exhausted
after one episode.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I'm quitting. It's it's it people. I hope you enjoy
our two parter about escaping I escaped the cult.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Of Elvis durand I did. He said to me, do
a podcast, and I said, damn you.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I'll do two. Two episodes that is, but I'm bumped.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
No sound effects guy, I don't get a sound effects
guy effects.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
No cool button.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I wish I could at least the penis sound.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I want to hear that.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Week.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Please. Of course I'll get a button just for it,
like a.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Little splurt, even though I haven't heard a splurt in
a while. Thank god, I right now listen. Speaking of
not splurting. That's our subject today because we got a
lot of letters about people who well, I will actually
preface this with a story of my own me personally,
(04:58):
I feel like I have a strong belief that the
worst thing that happened in my life was I got
the flu. But not for the reasons you will think
it is. Once you get the flu, oh my god,
you get to have a loane time. It's like forced
by yourself. You're with your three little dogs, You're on
(05:20):
a couch, you're laying a certain way, and yes you're
shitting and throwing up, but it's a small price to
pay for the fact that you can't lift your head up.
No one will call you, you don't have to respond
to anything. So I had such forced alone time for
like a week that I was like, oh shit, now
I want it all the time. I'm fantasizing about the flu.
(05:41):
So that's not good. It just shows me I shouldn't
have to get sick, like literally sick and sick and
tired of being sick and tired got it like we
It just shouldn't have to be sick to take the
time to not respond to anybody and to just be
by myself.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Can you relate to this?
Speaker 5 (06:00):
In September I got COVID.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, and I was home.
Speaker 5 (06:03):
For five days.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Best days of your life.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
And by the once like the fever and the shaking
and the chills went.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
I was like looking like lightly looking at work from
home jobs. I was like, this is nice.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
It's hard though, because you're a personal trainer who could
be found at by the way Nick scopes what is it?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And what on?
Speaker 5 (06:23):
All on all the plant and all.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
The stupid things. They're also yeah, Farmers only all trad wives.
You could be a tradi dot com. Yeah, Brandos only
dot com. But like, isn't it just the best to
(06:46):
not have to deal with? But also it's because do
you think it's because we frontload our lives so much,
with so much to do, that we drive ourselves to
need alone time. When we all wes should do is
admit we need it and then we don't have to
get sick.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
To take it. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It's like, what's the point, what's the point of this
driving and striving and doing more. I wrote an entire
play last year about doing less and I don't. And
by the way, writing a play is a lot of work,
so you do more inherently.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
But once I'm done with this play, I'll do less.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
And it's like, wow, what was the lesson in writing
seventy five pages of do less? It was that I'm
still doing too much. And it's not by anybody else's
else's standards. It's not as much as a mom with kids,
or as much as a guy who's running around and
like dating or doing this and has a job.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
I just do too much for me.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
I think I just don't admit that I need just
shutting off.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Sometimes I agree.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
I you know, I go back and forth on this
subject all the time because I do love my alone time.
But at the same time, when I do take off
from work or I have time to myself, it's cool
for like an hour or two, or like a day
or two, and then I start to get like I
gotta do something yeah, or then even work. I know,
for me, like this week was a really busy week
(08:14):
for me, I'll get too comfortable, yes, and like I
almost like I got to rush through everything to get
to my downtime. It's like I struggle with this a lot.
I go back and forth, and I really don't know
what the answer is.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I don't know the answer because you would think by
my age sixty three, you know that they go proud
senior citizen. I'm a proud and I'm not a silver
single who let their hair go gray. Shut up fucking color.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah anyway, I yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
It's like I don't want to tip into I heard
a quote I'm too old to act old. It's like
I don't want to tip into the old lady.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Who never leaves the shoe.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
You never leave the house, because like old ladies when
they're eighty, there's a lot of them are super happy
to just stay home and they'll go to like church
and bingo.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
And that was my mom.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
She was like, twice out of the house a week
is enough, and like, yes, does she get to be
the judge of what's enough for her?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
But to me that feels scary. The idea of not
having something to do at least five six days a
week makes me feel like I'm going to tip into
the other extreme. So I think there's like the two extremes.
There's like the I need all the alone time and
I'm sorry, but guess I have no patience for and
I don't care if anybody even.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Hates me after this.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
The I am socially anxious. I don't like going to parties.
Just ask me to go somewhere and I'll just say no.
It's like, well, then I'm glad you have no friends
dialogue exactly. There's that extreme, and then there's the oh
my god, I just have to do and do and
do and do. So I don't know where the balance
(09:55):
is only a parent when like we're sick, like when
we go, oh, I've finally balance it out. I had
three days at home to myself and now I get
to go three days out.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Yeah, now you don't have it. It's when you don't
have a choice. Yeah, I have to make the decision.
Because every time I've like been chilling and I've chose
to like go somewhere and do something, it's never been bad.
It's always been like, oh that was fun.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
But also, you and I have this thing where we're
high energy, so we'll never go to a place.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And be half asked about it.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
We're not I wouldn't say life of the party all
the time, but we'll bring it fully. We won't go
and go look, I'm just gonna like be mellow at
your house, Like if I don't bring the right energy,
like I'm sorry, No, we just go and we go
full out.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Yeah. I think I was just gonna say that. It's
trying to like we feel like we have to be on.
I know you can't just go and show up and
being because I've gone places a little MOPy or tired.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
And they're like, what's wrong. You're usually okay, I'm Nick
you doing okay?
Speaker 5 (10:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Nick?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I noticed something. Is it the fact that you own
have a girlfriend? Maybe is it the wake game?
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Like they have to then plod and asked you what's wrong?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Like it's like, dude, I just was like being me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Do you think actually we're even supposed to be up up,
up all the time when we're out in these situations
bringing ourselves as our true self might look different than
we think.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Yeah, I think, I mean, do you think that like people?
Because well, especially for you, like I know for me
and my friend group, but because you are who you are,
I think people expect you to be a certain way
when they meet you, and they're probably like if you
have any bit of lull that like you want to
be on and good to go, and you always show
up to shit, you don't. I never cancel, you never can.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
I can't do two things.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
And it was because it was way back a few
months ago over the holidays.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Because of again being sick.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Yeah, and when my dog Parker, like I mean it
was it's not a blessing, but like I went home
one day and like his two back legs were like
faced in like he's in a plea. He was in
position five ballet because he had like a disc problem.
And I was like, oh my god, I'm so sad
for the dog, and thank god it got fixed. I'm like,
(12:02):
oh my god, I get to stay home with him.
If you it is a true friend who will say yes,
stay home with your dog. And if they don't say yes,
stay home with your dog, then that's not a good friend.
You just cross them off the list. Ye.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
So yeah, that it's like those.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Things converge and you're all of a sudden like, oh,
I'm allowed to stay home. Yeah I'm not bring that.
But but other than that, I rarely cancel.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
That's never, but I even want to, like I find
this for our like our diner nights when it's like me,
you and the other two comics.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Yeah, we go together once a week and like talk.
We ostensibly started this as a writing group, but none
of us wants to write anything. Somebody's that we sit
around and make fun of the two Greek owners exactly.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
And I always want but like for those times like
it should be chill, right, it just and it is chill.
It's so fun. I enjoy it. But I'm always like, oh,
maybe I should like take a nap before tonight, like
just to be ready, like because bring it, yeah, just
to bring it in and have fun and be good
to go, Like I always like make sure like I
like to, I get out of work early on Tuesdays,
go home, I chill, I have like dinner a little bit,
like a light dinner, and then I go to the diet,
(13:05):
like want to have a nice downtime, set.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
It up nice.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Yeah before I hate that, I'm like that, but I'm like, oh,
I have a little downtime and then go.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
It's weird.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
But our other two guys, our other two friends, Bo
and Andrew, it is never questioned if either one of
them are in like sort of a down mood or
more mellow or whatever, because they're just allowed to be
full human beings. But I think me and you, it's
like we have to bring it. Yeah, And I don't
like that about myself. I love I would love to
be like boring. Yeah, And you know, people listening to
(13:35):
this podcast are like, you are, don't worry about it, no,
But I like want to be just with family. It's
tough too, because I have a family. One half of
my family is super heightened. My sister's side of the family.
They bring it there loud. They're always playing games, which
I love all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
So I feel this pressure that I'm going to be
the boring one, and they're going to be like, are
you okay? My sister?
Speaker 4 (13:59):
I love her, her biggest heart in the world, but
the two things she says it drives me nuts.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Are are you okay?
Speaker 4 (14:05):
And when I tell her something good happens, she goes,
good for you and like, I'm not the special needs
bagger at the grocery store, but a good for you
sounds very sort of insulting, but I don't. I know
she doesn't mean it that way. So but around family,
I feel like, oh, I have to present well. It's
(14:27):
so hard to even say I'm okay and have them
sort of accept it. So that's why I think the
alone time for us is like, oh wow, we get
to not pretend anything.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
But the the other side of it is if I
go two days and realize I have not spoken words
out loud, like I've done that where I'm like, oh
my god, all I've said all day is who's a
good boy?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
No, like who's a good boy, who's a good girl.
We're all trees.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
To get my dog to Parker to come to me.
I have to trees, Like, you can't even say it
normalous They respond to like voice sounds I guess, And
I'm like, I have not spoken a word, and I
also like, just real quick, like, are you I think
we're both considered extroverts?
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Correct, I guess, I.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
Know, but I think we have a little, you know,
introverted need. Also like there's also a little need for
introversion sometimes, and we shouldn't drive ourselves into being ill
to get this job done. But yet, what's the fear
by the way of actually, okay, I'm feeling totally well,
(15:45):
I'm one hundred percent like right now we're taping the podcast.
I was in a terrible mood because of my back, neck,
thighs and other issues. But I said, you know what,
I got The podcast gets me in a good mood,
which proves extraversion.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I love that the energy is up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
But the idea of going home after and like just
canceling the dinner, oh god, it's even uncomfortable say I'm
canceling on a dinner.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I can't say. Two good friends, I love them.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I want one of them's leaving for Florida for like
months to do a show, so I'm like, oh yeah,
my last chance to see him before he goes the
idea of canceling it makes me so uncomfortable because the
story I tell in my head is I'm Lisa. I
don't cancel, but maybe I'm Lisa who sometimes has to cancel.
(16:36):
Like we construct these artificial identities for ourselves. Oh, I'm
the person who always dot dot dot. I'm the person
who always you know what, I shed one of those.
I'm the person who quote always brings something when I'm
invited to a party.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Fuck you.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
You come to my house a lot and you never
bring anything. I'm not bringing anything to your house, so
I have to deconstruct. I'm always the person who shows up,
maybe to my detriment if I'm tired. So are you
a canceler ever?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Not really? I know you a lot.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
More this small percentage, but I will tell you this,
I have a weird if I do cancel something, I
have this weird like almost like fomo.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Oh see you get that.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Not not fomo, but I'm like, the only thing that
I've canceled the most, probably honestly, is dates. Sometimes we're like,
I'm like, it's Friday night, or you said yes to
something earlier in the week and it's for me Friday night.
When it's Friday night and work's done, yeah, I don't
know what it is, but my body's.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Like, it's beautiful to stay on a Friday. It's doesn't
feel like you're cheating life. Also, I would say on
behalf of every girl you canceled on for dates, You've
done a service. They are thanking you. They've saved themselves
from getting not up from by some wap guinea bastard
who won't watch any shows say say I, no, don't
(18:00):
edit that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I'm perfection.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
I don't know about you, but there's times where I
look forward to a day where I don't have anything.
Love it right. The morning comes, it's slow, it's nice
the first few hours. Then I feel like I gotta
do something m and then I do something for a while,
and then the long story of it is it takes
me a while to settle in to do it. Yes, nothing.
(18:24):
And I want to know if you were the same
way or if you're like, nah, I'm chilling, because it
takes me, like to like three pm to be like, okay,
we can relax.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
We will like settle into it.
Speaker 5 (18:33):
To the day of doing like nothing, you know what
I mean, maybe an errand or two, but like, it
takes me a while to settle.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, I think I've just had more practice at it.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
So when I get up, I don't even set that alarm,
and I'm just like, you get up. When you get up,
those freaking dogs will eat whenever I get to them.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Nobody's dying in this house. It's fine. So it doesn't
take me much settling in time anymore. But I remember
when I used to go on vacation.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
There was this really fancy spot I used to go
to when I thought I was a big shot, and
they all said, it's gonna take you three days to
get into the mindset of this place, for you to
let go of work, for you, let go of your
like family obligations. So I see how that could translate
into just if you have one day, it's gonna take
you like a third of it just to gear up
(19:19):
into it. So my advice to you, even though you
didn't ask, because I'm always about giving advice when I'm
not asked, like, don't set the alarm and allow yourself
to if you know you know what, I'm gonna break this.
I'm gonna go like grab coffee. I'm gonna like go
to Duncan Dundas. I'm gonna go and you know, take
(19:39):
a walk, be like okay, well I'm allowed to do that.
So nothing I don't think means laying down the whole day,
even though.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
That's the goal.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
I think like the oh, I allowed myself to do
that thing, And even though it doesn't look strictly like nothing,
it's still fine. Yeah, you know, I think for me,
it's just like, oh, I don't want to interact with people.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
For that day. I just want to be like, oh,
I can just.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Never say words out loud that aren't treat, which is
how I call Parker and you.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Okay, So next, who wrote to us?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Let's see? We have a letter here? Yes from Chase
Chase Range, Illinois.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Sounds gay.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
I'm in he probably is. Let's see, okay, Lisa, I
am thirty four years old, single guy gay. These are
my letters I wrote. Why are you keep putting these
in here?
Speaker 4 (20:42):
You name your kid Chase. Come on, he's gonna be
chasing Dick. And it's I mean, it is what it is, Chase.
Speaker 5 (20:50):
It's also spelled c h a ce.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Oh wait, It'sasse. Get the hell out of I'm joking.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Of course, I don't have any idea, but Yeshase.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
So I'm a thirty four year old single guy. Gay
love you by the way. I love interacting with people
and socializing, but I'm simply lazy all caps. I also
feel quite satisfied with my relationship to the Real Housewife.
Oh no, boy just took a turn. Their drama and
(21:28):
shit talking is enough to fill my cup and my butt. No,
here's the problem. I do not want to die alone.
I feel like I need to be seeking a partner
since I am not getting any younger. But like I said,
I am lazy all caps again. I love you bie,
Okay caps exclamation points.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Very good, They're rather to be exclamation boys after that.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
I think Chase is very judgmental of himself. And the
reason I say this is there's abs. I've rarely met
anyone who's quote lazy.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
That's such a judgy word.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
People saying I'm going to take a day and like
do nothing at home.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I'm so lazy. It's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You're human and we're human being, not a human doing.
I know that's a cliche, but it's true. You know,
and you've never been to a twelve step meeting, But
lazy is such a judgment on yourself. So I think
it's first of all, Chase, if I may call you that,
watch how you talk about yourself. Because I never liked when,
(22:34):
like Nick, you've done this where you're like, oh, I'm
so stupid or I'm so dumb. It's like, first of all,
if you're saying it, you're probably not it. Like it's
the people who go, am I a narcissist? Oh my god,
I hope I'm not an narcissist? Of course you're not,
because you're questioning it. I guarantee you Chase isn't lazy,
but maybe is overly judgmental on the time that he's
(22:55):
spending by himself. Also, the one place I'm going to
judge check is how about we subtract the drama of
the Real Housewives and then add actual people in yeah,
who don't come complete with drama, but will invariably have
some drama.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
There's no one I'm friends.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
With who hasn't had a tiny bit of dramatic content
just because that's how we live. Someone has somebody dying,
someone has a sick dog, somebody has a bald head
and tits Nick, and this is what happens. So that's enough.
Dramatic content, and also then it's called living because it
seems really weird to be so wrapped up in drama
(23:39):
that doesn't really exist for you, Like those aren't people
who are serving you? And ask yourself, are you protecting
yourself from interaction with others and getting that little fix
from people who don't know you on a television It's
like watching the Sopranos and thinking we're friends with them,
even though I think you and I probably are friends
(24:00):
with them in our minds. Yeah, oh totally, they would
so hang out with us, Like I mean, I'm like
Eadie Falco's sister. I think anyway, maybe your mom.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
So yeah, I mean, what do you think? Do you
to me?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
He sounds like it's I'm initially like chuckle is his letter,
But then I'm like, I'm a little sad that he
calls himself names like that.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Yeah, he's just dealing with some stuff on the inside there.
I think step one is stop watching the Real Housewives.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
I mean yeah, I mean, well, I remember when I
did The Celebrity Apprentice, and this is of course before
Trump became anything.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
It was just like a fun show to do, that'll
be silly.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
It turned me so off to do to watching any
kind of reality show because I'm like, that's not real.
Everybody's fake. It's bullshit, and you get so height in
watching it. Like I if I'm going to watch a
good drama on TV, say it's like a handmaids Tale
or something like that, You're just like.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Oh, it's worth it because of the art of it.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
But watching these other things, it like just get you
keyed up and makes you think you know people you don't.
Speaker 5 (25:04):
Yeah, awful people. Yeah, truly, it's the worst. I Mean.
The thing that gets me with his letter is he said,
I feel like I need to be seeking a partner
all that getting any younger. And I've gone back and
forth on this. I've asked a therapists about this brad
or guy, you know, I feel like he says, I
(25:25):
feel like I need to be seeking a partner, and
I always think do I like, do you need to
actively be looking and the apps and doing this and
making yourself go out or are you just like doing
stuff that makes you happy and as you live through
life you meet that person, Like, what's the answer is it? Like, No,
I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
As a single goal who's dated both in the era
of apps and things like that, plus the old fashioned
way when they would drive up to your farm and
a horse and buggy and would trade your father would
trade you for two goats the sheep, and that's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Price for me.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I gotta tell you, I honestly, in my gut, I
feel like just living life and seeing what happens, because
then you're just open to things. And that's where all
good ideas come from, is just having some And again
that's alone time.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's going.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
I'm allowing myself to live my life alone and still
look outward. You could still walk down the street by yourself,
but not have your eyes and your phone or to
the ground. You can still be looking outward and be open,
but you don't have to be actively like searching and
striving sound like they will never get you the results
(26:40):
you want.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Yeah, I mean that's the best example I can think
of right off the top of my head. Is like
the New Year's resolutioners, oh terrible. Never like when you
go from just you know, fucking off for lack of
a better word, the last four months of the year,
you've been drinking and going to parties and eating sugar,
and now you're like all right, no carbs and no alcoholics. Extreme,
gonna go here and guess what more times than not,
(27:03):
you're gonna say relapse, but you're gonna it's gonna come back.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Yeah. Right.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
So it's like if you're going out, say he he
he has a he's motivated one day and he flips
the script. Yeah, I'm gonna done being lazy. I'm gonna
go out and I'm gonna chase men. I'm gonna pull
my ween around and do all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
Turned him into a bottom, I'm just bottom.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
Probably we're gonna ask me. I'm gonna dm find out.
But if he flips the script and he's like, I'm
gonna go hard, like New Year's Resolution style and go
into it. And then if he's disappointed or like things
aren't going his way and he's like, oh, I'm just
gonna go back to what I was doing, and then
he'll go deeper into what he was already doing as
opposed to like, hey, maybe once a week, well it's
(27:43):
once a week go to a bar.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, it's go with the flow.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
You if no one has ever gotten burnt out on anything,
if they just want with the flow. True, So you've
never like been but I used to think it was
great to be driven and to strive and to find
a calm plishment.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And it's just like, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
I mean, every friend I've kind of met in the past,
you know, twenty years, has been just because you happen
to go someplace and you vibed and you got it.
Was like, I'm going to actively seek friendships. God damn it,
I'm going to this connection group and we are going
to all do.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
A forced hike together.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Like, by the way, yeah, don't don't ever name physical
activity for me, but yeah, I think poor Chase I
would be like, Also, thirty four is to me not
in quote danger of dying alone. And that's a little
young to be dramatic, but I get it.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
That's where he is. Housewives, Yep, they sure have. And
you know what it is to dying alone.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Guess what, Chase? Everyone dies alone. Like if you could
have a wife sitting there, you're still alone in your death.
Like there's just the reality. I think it's acceptance that
and not in a fatalistic, depressing way. Man, We're all
gonna die alone and that's okay. And I have to
accept that my body's gonna slow down, I'm gonna you know,
(29:07):
getting an acceptance of these inevitable things really free you
up to be more inflow and meet people and be
present and be in conversation.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
And not have it forced. Does that make sense to you?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (29:18):
I think like also too. And I've done this in
the past, where like say you're on a dating app
and you get a match and you're excited about it,
and you're like, oh, I get a match and like
maybe it doesn't pan out or like they're not responsive
or x y Z or like you get excited about
all these opportunities, but then say they fall through and
you just start going down the other way versus like
you know, you're waiting for them to respond. It's like
(29:40):
it's just like a constant Yeah, I mean, hey, like
are they gonna get back to me? Is this gonna?
Is this the one? Is this the Meanwhile? If you
just lived your life and do stuff you live your life,
you kind of This is something that my therapist told me,
was like people just kind of are attracted to like
you and what you're doing, your energy, you're vibe, Yeah,
you got your own shit. You're not like, hey, what
do you like a puppy? Dog following them around. Be
(30:01):
like you like me? You like me? You got your
own shit going on? Yeah, they find that attractive if
they like you. Great.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
So I think Chase should get out of the house
once twice a week. Yeah, get rid of the real
house while I stop watching some real dramatic stuff. So
you could talk to someone about something other than those
bitchy queens.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
And just don't be so hard on yourself. Don't call
yourself lazy. We'll do that for you. Do you have
another letter we do this, bitch.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
We have a lady.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Oh, or, as we like to be called, a bit
clams clams.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Yes, Melissa from New Rochelle, Oh, New York, Okay, where
my grandmother lived.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Oh really, God rest the soul.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
Oh God, she had a penthouse.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Arleen had it going on.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
I'm keeping my first don't dimp my jewelry a.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Way she's that is literally, I think the ghost of
her just went inside of you.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Those women all wanted to keep their jewelry away from
one particular cousin who was mean to them.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
She didn't call me on yours poort upon.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
The unniversary, and now she's dead to make give my sapphires.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
It's true. Melissa from New Rochelle, New York. I'm gonna
talk like this, Okay, Dear Lisa. First off, I'm a
huge fan and also have an ex husband with big
balls done that.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That's a good reason for a long time.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
By the way, boy, living alone, I never have to
be in danger that two disco balls are gonna hit
me in the naggin pretty big.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
Okay, Okay, let's come back to that. But now I
live alone in New York City and I absolutely love it,
having my sex and the city mom. Thought of going
out after a long workday is not appealing in any way.
But with friends wanting to get together, I'm struggling with
how to balance my love of being alone with the
(32:12):
pressure to be social and keep friendships alive. What do
you recommend? Thanks in advance?
Speaker 4 (32:19):
I mean it sounds like she's killing it. I mean
like Chase is the fucking idiot. No, it sounds like
like the she says balance, here's the problem with balance.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
You're not.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
You only start talking about balance when you're out of it.
Then you notice it and you're like, oh shit, I
felt so in balanced yesterday.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
What happened? So I think it's like kind of going maybe.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
Setting up a loose sort of network of like, Okay,
my loose schedule is I always take Friday night and
Sunday to like do nothing and be by myself. But Saturday,
you know, do something with friends or do something with family.
It's not having this sort of all or nothing. I
think the big problem with people is it's either all
(33:04):
or nothing. And that's the problem with classifying ourselves, even
though we all do it as introverts or extroverts, because no,
I always need to be alone. I always need to
be with people. No, like it has to be balanced somehow.
So I mean, I don't think she sounds like sah.
First of all, she's from New Rochelle and she finally
escaped it and lives in New York City. I mean,
enjoy it and don't. By the way, those of you
(33:25):
who live in New York City, trust me. I lived
in New York for years. Never once went to a museum,
never once went to Central Park and laid out there
like some mama luke who thinks it's their backyard.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I never once went.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
To a trendy singles BA called Adam Zappa or Adams
rib somethink. Those were the days when we would go
to the singles bas You'd sit up there with your
martini and your Donna Karen rap dress, and the men
would come up and early, lady, how you doing looking
for it to good ba. But never did any of
that stuff, so she's probably having her little moment.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
It sounds awesome. My first thought, like, this is the
women I date. She has an ex husband with big balls.
I could fill the space.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Always get rid of the ex husband with big balls.
Speaker 5 (34:13):
That's right. And she's like, now I live in New
York City alone and absolutely love it. You're single and
you're living in New York City.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:20):
Again, what seems to be a night one night.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
You know what she needs to do is set up
you set up. See this is where you're doing to
get horny and try to bang the listeners. Listen, people,
I'm trying to protect you. If you're a woman or
a gay man out there, don't bangn It's always.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
A road to trouble.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
But we'll talk about emotional unavailability in a different podcast episode. Yes,
that is not even make sense. You just got obsessed
with Wicked six months ago.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I don't know, I know you're gay.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Now, I think she and Chase should actually hook up
and like switch a lot. I don't even hook up
physically because he's he's a gay and like kind of
she should educate him a little in like connecting. But
like there is too much pressure in New York though,
to do things. I do find that's that where the
balance gets tipped, where you're like every night there's like
(35:13):
a cool restaurant or a cool bar, a cool opening
of something, and it's just like, eh, the beauty is.
I remember once when I was sitting I had been
invited to a like a movie premiere of some I
don't know, it was a big deal. It was a
Jim Carrey movie or something, and I was literally I
said no because I didn't feel those things fed my
soul anymore. And I was literally across the street in
(35:34):
a diner watching people, and I was like, oh, that's
the thing I was supposed to go to. I've never
been happier sitting alone by myself in a diner. So
you like you notice the times when you are kind
of like making the right choice of like, oh, being
around those people wasn't feeding it. Being alone did.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
So I don't know, man, Yeah, this is like I
want to like help her, but it seems like life's
going pretty good.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
It seems like that's a humble brag letter. Yeah, I'm
living in New York. My life.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
I mean, like what seems to what is there a
kernel of something in it that sounds tragically?
Speaker 5 (36:08):
I mean the line I thought of going out after
a long day of work is not appealing anyway.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's something you got to just
accept about yourself. By the way, save it for the weekend. Now,
the problem is then you're going to try to stuff it.
That's where the balance problem will come in, where you
s'll try to stuff it all into the weekend and
then hates the weekends.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
So maybe it's.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Going one day a week, I'm going to go for
drinks with the girlies there, go and watch a Real
Housewives with the girl with the gal pals.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
I don't know what girls do. I think that's what
they do. I probably correct. She is definitely not.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
Maybe I think Celia is a potential scissorer from way back,
way back. She yet, yes, no, But I think it's
like basically, take one night a week, fall on the
sword and be like I gotta make something happen one
(37:09):
night a week, then take your Saturday or your Friday.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
And then allow yourself.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
I think all of this is like allowing yourself to
be yourself and find your own balance and stop questioning
what's right for you on the inside and doesn't have
to look like a TV show. That's probably probably why
I never went to any trendy things or went to
museums or anything, because I didn't feel it.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
On the inside.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
It was like, well, I'm should be going. Anytime you're
saying should, it's probably a don't, right.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Yeah, I like to fall on the sword thing. I
think that's what you should do, so you should do Melissa,
fall on the sword, sit on the sword. My nickname
in high school is Excalibur. You know what I'm saying,
So we don't.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Oh, could you please explain that it sounds very inter resting.
Speaker 5 (37:55):
Out of a rock and fight another army. I think that's.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
Wow, someone's taking Shakespeare class. Listen. I think we've been
helpful to Chase.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I think Melissa has done some gentle bragging and we
kind of hate her a little bit now, and you're
gonna date her. Uh. If you have a question for me,
make sure to email us us shrink this show at
gmail dot com that I was gonna spell it, but
I'm like, really, could you like spell it without wait?
See if you could spell it Nick without looking down?
(38:27):
Because you got what was your GPA in college?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (38:30):
College was good? What college? We were at? A three
even two?
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Remember what was your school?
Speaker 5 (38:36):
Yeah? Personality? Yes, look, dude, Celia's faces.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I know it's pretty crazy.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
So try to spell shrink this show at Gmail without looking.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
S h R I N hey t H s s
h W.
Speaker 4 (39:08):
Every week I like to show that you know Lisa
Lampinelli despite my famed fortune. In general, overall, Jones Sequa
are absolutely imperfect, just like the rest of you.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
Am.
Speaker 4 (39:19):
I less imperfect than most of you, duh obvi, but
I still make mistakes. And this is when I told
my friend Andrew Ginsberg about because whenever I do something bad,
I try to confess to you because they hold you accountable. No,
just because I feel I could be open. Now, Nick,
tell me, please if you can relate to this.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
It was a very busy day on the road. It's
very a lot.
Speaker 4 (39:43):
Of traffic, A lot of people wanted to get a
certain place at a certain time, and heck, yeah, I'm
one of them two right, and there I am in
my I don't like to brag twenty ten Lexus SUV
with my three hundred and sixteen thousand mile because I
feel at heart, you know, I'm the gal who drives
(40:04):
a car into the ground. I'm a gal who, like
my dad or my mom, has that work ethic, like, man,
we're gonna buy that car, and we're gonna get everything
out of it. I remember once having a freaking car,
Chevy Chavette in my first car when I was in
my twenties, and I didn't get rid of it until
the window broke, so you had to put like plastic
(40:25):
on it. And my mother, in all her inemitable power
and lightness of being, said, you look like a Puerto Rican. Really,
that's why I figure better get that change. So I
like a car that I drive into the ground, but
it still looks good. Lexus has never looked bad. Yeah,
so I'm driving, but I've always said to myself, this
car doesn't really suit me. I have Toyota personality. I'm
(40:50):
raised like a human. I'm raised lower middle class. We
didn't have tons. We had to take our student loans,
so we were, thank god privileged enough to go to college.
But very basic folk. I'm very dunkin donuts. I'm basic
as fuck. So at heart, I know I'm a Toyota
person driving Alexis. But now we're in the heavy traffic
(41:10):
day I referenced and some guy. I know it was
a guy because I'm assuming. I'm sure he was white,
because I'm assuming that too, because all white men are.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Terrible, right.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
He literally cuts me off so close. And I rarely
get scared on the road. I always say my two
talents ever were driving and comedy. That's all I can do,
so I never really get that scared. He cuts me
off like within an inch, and I was like ugh,
And the first oh my god, it's so evil. The
(41:43):
first thought that comes to my mind as I watch
him drive in front of me.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
I don't even beat the horn. I don't do anything outward.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
It's all my internal fuck up, which is, huh, enjoy
your fucking Nissan, asshole?
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Are even saying it?
Speaker 4 (42:01):
I'm so grossed out because it's such a like rich
people asshole move.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
And again, yet did I do it anything outward? No?
Speaker 4 (42:10):
I didn't beep, I didn't follow him. I didn't roll
down the windows. I've always said I have rage everywhere,
but the road I've never because it's just too much
at stakes, it's very really scary. It's too much a
steak when you're driving. But the first thought was I'm
better than you because I drive this fucking car and
you're a.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Piece of shit.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
No guarantee you. He's a piece of shit for all
different reasons. It's not a Nissan because guess what this
is how God got me back A mere two weeks later,
Fucking Lexus starts shaking in the front boo. I'm like,
after only three hundred and sixteen thousand miles, how dare you?
(42:54):
And do you know what I took it in? They
had me convinced I have to buy a new car,
and I said, you know what your penance and your
practice is now. You gotta go back and buy the
car that's really you. You gotta buy Toyota.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
No, not a Nissan.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
They're kind of the same, they are they have just
our family's a Toyota family. And I was like, this
is the Universe's way of teaching me that that little
part of my ego that's still attached to things is
just not something I need anymore. I need to be
driving around in a regular car like a regular person,
(43:37):
because that's who I am internally, and legit is alexis
better than a Toyota. Maybe it has a little more pickup,
maybe it's more roomy. Whatever it is, I'm not fancy.
So go back to your roots. Get a Toyota, Lisa,
and see how that feels. And it does feel a
little weird, I know. Well, Luckily Angel intervened as part
(44:01):
three of the story. My mechanic ended up fixing the lexus,
so I get to push off my ego issues until
my lexus.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Truly breaks down.
Speaker 4 (44:11):
But I did talk to my shrink about going to
that judgment with that guy, and she says, I think
the most uncomfortable thing for you to do, which is
obviously when we're uncomfortable, there's the best growth is going
to be getting the car you wait, the car you need,
(44:32):
versus the car car you want. And I think that
car is going to be a fucking toy owner. Yeah
it is, so, I mean I think those so I
like when I have a fuck up that actually drives
me to work on an issue, you know, I like that.
I thought it and owned it, and it was embarrassing
to say it. The first time I told our friend Andrew,
(44:54):
I was so embarrassed because he's like a Volvo driver.
But he's a basic guy too at heart, He's he's
like just us. I think, my dirty Italian self someday
have to just buy a Toyota. But I'm not getting
a fucking Camra. I like them, but they're too small.
I just feel like I'm and also like to Mike
(45:16):
pull down my own veil. I'm getting older and uh
getting in and out of one of those fucking back seats. No, yeah,
you gotta have an ISSUV would because I'm always making out,
as you know, constantly having the sex in the car.
That is my That's going to be my fuck up
(45:37):
next week is that I had the sex in a car.
Can you imagine ever paying for sex? No, that's for
a different episode. The only reason I thought, I was thinking,
why would I ever be in a backseat of a car.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
Probably just be life.
Speaker 4 (45:50):
I drove up on some male hooker just happened to
be standing there. Hey, hey, sailor, you want to hop
in the back of my Toyota? I mean it could happen.
Speaker 5 (46:02):
I hope it does happen.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
I do.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
I did have a dream that I was making out
with a really hot guy in the back of a truck.
The others I don't know, some guy supposedly from my past.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
You don't remember who was though, No, but he was hot.
How hot?
Speaker 5 (46:15):
Are we talking?
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Like a little.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
Football player, not a big football player, at a little
tiny football player.
Speaker 5 (46:24):
A corner like a bottle head, a corner paper.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
Yeah with Nick, Oh my god, listen, we gotta go.
I've shown you my flaws. Next time we speak you
may be talking to Toyota driver. But for now, thank god,
my ego gets the lexus. All right, Yeah, all right,
So Nick, it's been a pleasure. Tell people once again
where they can find you.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
You could follow me on social media at nick scopes
like the Mouthwashed because I'm fresh and Mintee.
Speaker 4 (46:55):
No, you're neither, and you can find me at Lisa
Klampa now Lisa Lampinelle. If you can't smell it, well,
then you don't deserve to borow. And please come back
again and hear our next episode of shrink This and
make sure to send us your questions at shrinth This
Show at gmail dot com, at Shrinthstop up timemalth dot com.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
And make sure to follow.
Speaker 4 (47:16):
Us on socials and make sure to listen to shrink
this on your iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts,
which should be the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
What are you stupid?
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