December 10, 2025 • 42 mins
Dan Harris is here, and sharing all about how he learned to prioritize self-care in order to be present for others.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Live from the Mercedes Benz Interview Lounge. Wow, what a surprise.
I love holiday surprises. Our friend Dan Harris just dropped by.
I didn't even know he was coming in today. Dan,
I didn't know you were coming in today. I didn't
know I was coming in either.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I drank a lot last night and fat washed up
in your lobby.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We do that every single day. Yeah. Well, I heard
there was gas station foods. Oh that. I gotta give
them a plug because this is very important. You know,
we've been eating on this gas station food all day.
It's the best. We're saying that some of the best
food we've ever had has been served in gas stations.
You said the same thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I was in Austin, Texas once and I had the
best barbecue of my life at a gas station.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I'm talking about Staten Island. Where's it right here?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Here?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It is? Uh? Oh, it's the Shell Station at twelve
twelve Victory Boulevard. The guy, the family who opened the
Shell station loves the food from this gentleman who came
to see us. Eat is his name, and Gerrado was
his son. They said, want you to open a deli
in our gas station? Deli they did. Did they also
(01:08):
have this food? They got chick him palm, they got
everything and the price is unloaded. Yeah? Absolutely yeah fell
her up anyway, So go check him out twelve twelve
Victory Boulevard. They're fantastic. The food looks amazing. It is. Hey,
So Dan Harris going back, if you're wondering, like, who's
this guy? He sounds like he has it much more
(01:28):
together than the other people in that room. He does.
We met Dan eleven years ago.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
He wrote, if you compare me to scary, I'm doing great.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, we need to go shot shot fired. It was
eleven years ago. Eleven years ago this book came out
called ten what is it called? Oh my god, ten
percent Happier, Oh my gosh, ten percent happier about how
this incredible journalist Dan Harris from ABC News, through a crazy,
(02:00):
not even whimsical, a crazy odd turn of events, discovered
meditation was for him. I mean, you were reporting for
ABC News Religion in all spirituality stories, right, I was
like a straight you know, kind of pull up the
rear end anchorman and uh god, how do I get
that job?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah? Well, wow, you're really okay. So we've found ourselves
in a situation would have book in the road.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
You would see Dan doing all these things on ABC
nightlining this and that, and he had the ABC News
conservative look, you know, the hair's perfect and and uh, yeah,
you seemed very like a conservative guy.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yes, And then I took a huge risk, which is
I told the story publicly that I had had a
panic attack on Good Morning America and front of north
of five million people that was largely occasioned by cocaine. Yeah,
he was doing blow all night. Yes, I was not
actually doing blow all night the night before I had
the panic attack, but I was doing enough blow in
(03:03):
an ambient way in my life that produced this panic attack.
And then after I had the panic attack on air, which,
by the way, if you google panic attack on air,
it's the number one result. My mother is very proud
of that. After I had that panic attack, I got
interested in meditation, and then I wrote a book about it,
and you were one of the earliest and most vocal
and warmest supporters. Really helped that book become a success.
(03:28):
And then I ultimately retired from the news game. And
now I'm like a full time happiness weirdo.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Are you Tenpi?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I believe that ten percent. That the ten percent compounds annually.
It's like a good investment that grows over time. And
so it's the incredibly I used to travel around the
world find the worst news and deliver it to you,
and now I have one really good piece of news
that I travel the world disseminating, which is that your
(03:56):
brain is trainable in small, manageable ways, including meditation. But
there are many other modalities and we'll talk about some
of them today that can help you do your life
just a little bit better, and that grows over time.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Of course, timing is everything. Dan was with us exactly
one year ago. You came on to talk about meditation,
how it's important to be mindful of this and that,
especially during this holiday season because it's such a stressful
time of year, And then you came and joined us
at our holiday party. And my assumption is this, I
was telling this all the earlier. We think you only
show up because you want an invite to the holiday party.
(04:30):
You are invited. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It's next We're having Mexican Okay, is it from a
gas station?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
No? No, Actually, actually the place used to be a
limousine gas station. Oh yeah, limousine depot. Anyway, it doesn't matter,
so okay. So it's also interesting to me that in
this eleven years since we met you, since ten percent
Happier came out, how meditation is so much more recognized
(05:00):
and the norm when it comes to a lot of people.
Back then, a lot of people went, ooh God, is
that some sort of Satan worship.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I had a conversation with Barbara Walters, who was my
colleague at ABC News, and I told her I'm working
on a book about meditation, and she said, with no hesitation,
don't quit your day job.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Oh yeah, Barbara, look at her now.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Anyway, I did quit my day job because you're right, Elvis.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I mean, but on some stuff. You were right, specifically
about the fact that meditation eleven years ago was this weird,
hippie niche concern and now it's kind of like commonly
accepted mental hygiene.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Well back even back then, eleven years ago, when you
were sharing this story to all of us who needed
to hear it about meditation, the military was already into it. Yes,
I mean, big, huge corporations were totally totally buying into it. Yes,
and seeing results.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yes, that's true, and it was it was being adopted
in elite corners of the culture, but not it wasn't
like commonly practiced in my job was where my hope
was to kind of nudge it into the mainstream. Over
those eleven years, I've just got I've gotten interested in
things way beyond meditation. I just think that there are
(06:16):
so many ways that we can improve our lives based
on ancient wisdom and modern science, and that's what I
focus on. So I like, I try to become, try
to make myself into it, like a happiness Swiss army knife.
I can just help you with any situation.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
It's also kind of crazy since we've met you, how
many more people have anxiety and how many more people
need something like this?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, and talking about anxiety, and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Especially in adolescence, I cannot believe how many kids suffer
from this now.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, I mean there are many theories as to why
this is. I think one of them is technology. It's
isolating and we need other human beings in order to
be happy. And I mean one of the one of
the curses of being a human being is that we
need others to thrive, and yet other people are a
titanic pain in the you know what, and can we
(07:09):
say yes? So they're a titanic assay other people and
so like one of the skills that I think is
really important around the holidays is learning how to deal
with difficult people. But what we have now are young
people who, through no fault of their own, the faultest hours.
We've created a world where young people are not interacting
with other people. They're not learning the skills of dealing
(07:31):
with difficult people. They're not learning the skills of managing
their own emotions in contact with other people, and that
leads to anxiety.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Let's talk about it. Then it's the holidays. Let's just
get to the By the way, Dan Harris is here
ten percent happier. But also the podcast. Are you still
doing the app as well?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I have a podcast I have I will be launching
my new app in a week with Dan Harris, but
you can get it through Dan harris dot com. Anyway,
enough plugging, Well, how can I help?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Okay, we are right in the middle of the stress.
I mean, I know that everyone has different things thrown
at them for different reasons during this time of year.
You know, we've got concerts, people have gifts, people have
family coming in, people will have loneliness. Yes, one of
the surefire ways to get started on this journey without
(08:22):
having to fully immerse into knowing everything you need to
know about meditation.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah, look, I mean again, as I was saying earlier,
I don't think I started my kind of side hustle
and post and news career talking about meditation. And I
always am happy to talk about that. But there are
so many other ways to improve your life. Let's talk
about loneliness. One really simple way to mitigate your loneliness
(08:49):
is to volunteer. If you feel isolated, A great way
to meet other people is to go help other people.
And why are you not in Gandhi Ghandi.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Is a big one in that one.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
And I started doing it because you said one of
the remedyings to anxiety is action, And after you said that,
I was like, that is what makes me feel really
good about volunteering because it does take something off.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Of your head.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
What are you volunteering as.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
There are a couple different things. My favorite one that
we do is a community cook where we meet and
we make a bunch of food for people who need
it and we don't serve it or anything. We just
cook a ton of food and you get to do
it with your friends and do something fun and move on.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So have you found that this is a great way
to boost your social contact. Yeah, I mean absolutely, And
that's a huge thing. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert,
we all need other human beings in order to be happy.
Of course, everything about modern culture militates against that. It
drives us into individual achievement, it drives us into our
own individualized news feeds and et cetera, et cetera. But
(09:48):
that's counter revolutionary. This is how modern life makes us sick.
We need literally makes us sick. It drives up anxiety,
it drives up autoimmune diseases, all sorts of negatives logical
and physiological results from the way the culture is set
up right now. But what you're doing is like a
heroic counter programming. We need to get involved, and we
(10:11):
need to be involved with other human beings, and volunteering
is a great way to do that.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
People need us, people need you. And if it's not
to cook them a meal, it's to read to them,
it's to just look to them in the eye and
say hi, good to see you. I mean, that's the thing,
And this is the fourth time. I mentioned this on
this show. When you're standing in line it's a supermarket
or whatever, you have people in front of you, you
(10:37):
look at your phone, start doom scrolling whatever. My point
is this, I've started to do this more and more.
I don't look at my phone when I'm an idle
form because when you look at your phone and hang out,
you're ignoring yourself. You're looking at other people and what
their thoughts are all about. I dare you. I challenge
you to look at the person in front of you
or behind you in line and have a conversation with you.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Know, there's science about this, talk about It's called micro
inter and there's a woman named Barbara Frederickson who's like
the small small talk with your barista, with the cashier,
with other people online has a a quantitative and qualitative
impact on your happiness. In other words, if you just
make it a practice to talk to strangers or even
(11:18):
just to colleagues in the office who you might otherwise ignore,
your happiness will improve that Just iv drip of positive
interactions throughout the day is a massive, massive leverata pole.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
We see as I get older, I'm doing I'm like
a granddad I'll talk to anyone and everyone, and Alex
gets mad at me. They don't want to hear you.
They don't understand your humor. No they do. I get
yelled at like Froggy Froggy his dad. Everything they go
to the grocery store or if they're at a restaurant.
He just says anything and everything with little or no filter. Everybody.
The thing is he's making friends. They like him.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Everyone else's embarrassed. My my grandfather, his name is Sam Harris.
He was a carpenter over the over the river. And
is he a terrible carpenter because he chopped off three
of his own fingers. And he, through my whole childhood,
would go up to strangers with his good thumb and
say pull my thumb, and then he would substitute it
with the stump. And that explains my whole personality.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Is this is this the root of all of your evil?
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yes, that's a window into my soul. Sam Harris, God
loves Sam Harris.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
He would show up at jobs with an electric hammer
and ask people where do I plug this in?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Dan Harris is here, son of Sam Harris, son of Sam,
son of Sam, grandson of Sam. I just want to
be clear. I want to be clear. So let's analyze this. Guys,
So scary your favorite producer behind? Uh huh, that's scary. Yes, okay,
just handed me a note. I'm gonna read the note
(12:57):
in his own handwriting. Mind you what your advice Dan?
For someone on their way to a thankless job and
toxic work environment asking for a friend scary? How do
they deal or make a change?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Has anybody noticed the similarity between his handwriting and the unibombers?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Listen this to the lab? Yeah that long?
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Ok?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Okay, you just sat in traffic on the way down
from your beautiful sprawling estate in the jis wherever it is.
Think of everyone who's sitting in traffic right now. Yes,
they're not alone because they have us on okay, so
they can hear us. But maybe they're leaving a place
that they want to get out of at home, or
(13:45):
they're going to a job like Scary says, it's toxic
and they don't want to be there, But they do
have this bridge of time between the two. Yes, how
do you use these moments, these micro moments of your
day to totally reshift your mind and prepare for whatever
hell could or may not be waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
So many little things that I find helpful in these situations.
First of all, let me just validate the life circumstances
for many people. Listening right now may be really unpleasant.
And I do not have a magic wand, and there
are no magic wands. So anybody who takes the mic
and starts telling you they have some way to solve
all of your problems, you should be very suspicious. But
(14:26):
there are little things you can do that can compound
over time. So one of them is super simple, and
it's the type of thing that your mom told you
when you were young, which is taking a deep breath,
but to do it in a very specific way. There's
a technique called straw breathing, where you deep inhale through
the nose, deep deep, deep inhale, and then you want
an exhale through the lips with lips pursed as if
(14:48):
you're blowing through a straw, and you want that exhale
to be three or four times the length of the inhale.
Sitting in traffic or any moment of frustration through the day,
you can do this actually in a way that people
won't even know you're doing it. Three deep breaths and
then long exhalations like that can reset the nervous system
(15:09):
and fortify you to deal with whatever annoyance lies ahead.
It's not going to solve all of your life circumstances,
but can help you navigate in a more supple way.
Can I offer one other offer?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Seventeen mores? Okay, situations? Have you? Have you guys heard
of self compassion? No? Okay?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
It sounds vaguely autoerotic and weird, but it is. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I know.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I'm like, I'm always just tempting you to be as
dirty as possible. That just the look on your faces.
I see seventy five comments scrolling through your mind right now.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
I feel seen. Okay, That's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Self compassion is we we live in a culture where
we are encouraged to kick our own asses all the time,
and to compare ourselves to other people, and to feel
this ambient sense of insufficiency, always behind, never enough, And
so how how do you counter a program against this?
(16:07):
There is a large and growing body of science to
suggest that something called self compassion can really help, and
it is essentially talking to yourself the way you would
talk to a good friend. We all have this capacity
to talk to our kids, our friends, our mentees at
work in a supportive way, to give good advice, to reassure,
to just be there for them in dark moments. You
(16:30):
can channel that capacity and direct it towards yourself, literally
just by talking to yourself in a supportive way. So
for me, I'm in a moment of irrational fear about
losing everything. Stop, notice this is happening. Okay, yep, I'm
in a moment of anxiety. Step number one, Step number two.
(16:51):
And this is where it gets a little cheesy. Hand
on the chest. You can put your hand on your heart,
you can hug yourself. A lot of data to show
this triggers the paras sympathetic nervous system, in other words,
the aspects of your nervous system that are activated when
you're resting. So it just relaxes you, and then you
just say to yourself what you would say to a
(17:12):
good friend using your own name. I'll say usually, dude,
I know you're worried about losing everything and living in
a flophouse, but that's irrational. You're totally fine, and even
if it did happen, you'd still have your wife and
son and all of your friends and your purpose on
earth to help other people. You're good moments like that
(17:35):
in the car right now, if you're on your way
to a terrible job, or you're leaving a domestic situation
that stinks. Again, I can't fix all of that for you,
but I can help you navigate it by regulating your
nervous system deep breaths as I mentioned, and then talking
to yourself in a supportive way. Especially if you're alone
and there's nobody to share your problems with, you can
(17:56):
be your own support system. Doesn't mean you don't need
other people. You do, but you have a lot within
your own mind and heart right now that can help you.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Does that make sense when I'm paying call it giving
yourself grace? Perfect because I do it with my son
when he like, he was coming off of an injury
and he thought he was you know, it's time get
back out there, gonna be and I go, hey, hey,
got to give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
You're not going to come back and be perfect, but
you're gonna come back and.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Do your best.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
And can you talk to yourself that way.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Danielle, Not as much as I can talk to him though, right.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But now that I'm saying it, because it seemed like
something you could.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Do, yeah, I can definitely try it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's just it's just a habit that we need to develop.
And again, you're gonna fall off the wagon. You're gonna
fall into self criticism or self hatred or whatever. But
can you remember, oh, there is this tool. Yeah, I
don't need anybody else to do it, and I can
practice it.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's the opposite of what we typically do. This morning,
on the way to work, coming down sixth Avenue or up,
I started thinking about what I have to get done today.
I started thinking about jingle Ball this Friday. I start
thinking about the people I have to deal with it
jingle Ball this Friday, and I felt between here and Trybeca.
My heart start to be I'm starting to be like,
I'm having conversations with them in my head. It's not good.
(19:06):
I'm texting Nate about a schedule today. And I started
feeling myself getting more and more just like yeah, crazy.
And then what we don't have the practice of doing
in our own heads is stopping ourselves. Why am I
saying this to myself right now? Why is my heart
beat lifting, Why are my palm sweaty? Being self aware
(19:29):
of this stuff happening is half the battle for me. Anyway.
What was the first thing you said to me when
I walked in here this morning?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I said, I really want to spank your butt? That
was the second thing. And what did I say? What
I said?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
You said something critical about yourself and how you look
is the first thing you said to me?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Oh? Yeah, I did. I did. Yeah, And that is
what we're doing all day long. You just externalized it,
even that all morning to myself.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yes, And and can you just notice when that's happening,
and say, Danielle, you look fine? And who are you
comparing yourself against? Are you comparing yourself against yourself ten
years ago?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Are you saying that time should not apply to you?
Are you comparing yourself to the people you're seeing in
your Instagram feed? Well, those people are using filters and
showing you a very curated aspect of their lives. Can
you just apply basic wisdom that you would share with
your son to yourself in that moment when you look
in the mirror. And but I do it too, I
look in the mirror, I'm like Wow, you look dowey today,
or you look like an over ripe turnip.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, I do that all the time because a woman
who I really respect, Sonya Rena Taylor, says, when she
notices self criticism, she realizes, that's the voice of the system,
that's the voice of the culture, filtering through me, applying
the culture's standards to my standards. And can you just
(20:58):
learn over time to sort of counter program that.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Okay, I think it's creepy. Remember the first thing I
said to you we walked in and we'll get to
that in a moment. Okay, So Dan Harris is here,
I'm going to ask you a question. Will you actually
come back later in the show. I'll come back anytime
because there's a guy that's so hot waiting in the
other room. Yeah, no offense, but no, no, I take,
I take not. I mean, does does he come to
(21:21):
the Christmas party too? Maybe we're gonna invite him? No, no,
I I want you to come back because we want
to continue this conversation. I know Gandi has a million questions.
And we're not done with you, Dan, We're not done
with you anywhere. You're not done with us Okay, you
have you have to get out of that chair. Okay, Dan,
(21:43):
what are you doing? That's how you know your family?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Get out?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Get out? There's I know that there's a lot of
There are a lot of people listening. There are a
billion people listening for once that really want to hear
what else we have to say about this? Because it
is holidays and this is the perfect time of year
to be focusing on being asked. Anxiety levels are up
there and just the sound of your voice is calming along.
So Dan Harris is coming back. We also have to
(22:07):
play around of family feud. What is it match game?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
And someone has a whistley booger I've been hearing it
might be may Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Well we got to move on if you could blow
your nose because Lucian Levis Gooun is coming in from
Emily in Paris.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Yeah, do you watch Emily in Paris?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I made it on Netflix, right, it's so good. Yeah,
that's Phil collins daughter. Yes is the lead.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yes, but she's not made She has not made it
any because her character irritates the hell out of it. Okay,
I like her as an actor.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
But we like Alfie.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
But anyway, so Alfie Lucian Leviscount is here. Season five
of Emily and Paris is debuting December eighteenth. Yeah, soon, soon,
in a week. He's coming in. But you got to
come back. I'm happy to. I'm just trying to figure
out when I should get up and leave. Yeah, I
just I don't know. I spent a long time. I'm rusty.
(23:00):
Network TV was never quite this loose.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Left you can't say as there were no masturbation jokes,
not at all.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, that's you know, that's missing. I mean we got
to take a break. Lucien is coming up next. You're
coming back. Sure, we're gonna talk more about this and
we're gonna play match game with you and there you go. Okay,
Dan Harris, everyone, what's going on. I'll tell you what's
(23:28):
going on. Dan Harris is back. I like this. This
is a new format. We have a guest on and
we get really really deep, and then they leave. We
bring another guest on, then we go back to guest
a because we feel like we just didn't get enough
out of them. Yeah, we need more from you, Dan.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'm just out there with an IV drip of gas
station food and pastry.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
It's not good I'll stay here forever. May I say,
if you were listening earlier when Dan Harris arrived, the
response on our text message machine or whatever this thing
is was huge. Can we just stop for a second
on text message machine? It's a thing, this contraption, leave
(24:11):
me alone. So then we're all very good friends with Dan,
as you can tell, because he's being quite a butthole.
So anyway, where were we? So, of course we met
Dan eleven years ago. He came out with this book
called ten Minutes, two Minutes, ten Percent Happier. It seems
I could remember the name of the book that introduced
us ten percent Happier, meaning you know, you find this
(24:33):
life of awareness and meditation and you can at least
be ten percent happier in your life because you're now aware,
you're taking care of yourself, you're trying to erase anxiety.
I mean, all the great things that meditation does and
continues to do. I need it right now.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
How I was just going to ask you, how is
your medita is it?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Obviously I'm rusty when I met you, you were you
actually had a pretty stable practice. I did, I did.
It comes and goes, and it seems as if as
I become more anxious in life, I meditate less, which
seems is that a natural thing?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I think it makes complete sense because life seems less
in control and it's spiraling a little bit, and so
you don't feel like you have the time. And that's
a bit of a kind of death spiral because you
feel like you have less time, and then you're more anxious,
but you're not making time for the things that actually
will help you be less anxious. So you actually you
(25:28):
kind of have to make a concerted effort to break
that spiral. Sometimes. I'm not saying it has to be meditation.
It could be exercise, taking a walk, whatever does it
for you. You kind of have to.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I'll ask you, Danielle. I remember talking about this last year.
I think you feel a little guilty making time for yourself.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yes, if I'm doing something, yeah, because you want to
a suffer your kids all the time, and you know whatever.
So if you make time for yourself, a lot of
times you feel like, oh, I shouldn't be doing that.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Yes, And this is very common and I completely get it,
and it comes from a good place. However, you can't
be there for your kids or anybody else if you're
not taking time for yourself. The cliche is you can't
pour from an empty cup, so you're actually doing the
best thing for your kids. If you put on your calendar,
I need thirty minutes to take a walk. I need
thirty minutes to do whatever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I do it every day.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
I walk every day, no matter how cold it is
or whatever's happening. That's my day.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You posted from the thumbs and tundra talking.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
I was in my coat and hat and gloves, and
I had my audible and it was just my hour.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Do you spend time on those walks practicing glorious expletive
filled speeches you're going to deliver to Elvis about no
various things.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
No, I listen to audible. See Danielle will pop her audible.
We will pop an edible. You know what? I think
this is going to be mind blowingly relaxing. What's about
to occur here on the show. It's now time to
play match game? Are we doing edibles for the same
(27:00):
you may need to. It's time to like, are you
hoping she's dyed to do mushrooms with you?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
By the way, Oh man, I'm scared of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Good, be very scared. It's now time to match the stars. Unfortunately,
we couldn't find the stars, so we asked Dan Harris.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
To come in.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And so you know how match game works, right?
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Did that joke come to you on the text message machine?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Yes? Okay, I'm not gonna I think I know how
the match gam goes. Okay, let's just jump into We
have two contestants ready to go. They're ready to play.
Monica from Staten Island. Monica, how are you feeling? You're
in a good mood today?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Good morning guys.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yes, talking to you just made my year. Look at
that you see? Damn people like us. You know there's
no accounting for tastes. All right, don't listen to him, Monica.
All right, Monica, I'm gonna read a sentence out here
or a thought, and there's going to be a blank
in the middle of this thing. Now, I'm going to
ask you to think of a word to fill in
(28:06):
the blank, but don't say it out loud because I
want the stars to write down what they think you're
going to say and see how many matches do you get?
That's what we call it match cave. Right, which seventies porn?
Did you take that song from Wow, oh it is,
that's what I borrowed from you. Here we go. Okay,
(28:29):
listen closely. You don't answer out loud, mon account. I
want you to think about it. Okay, here we go.
Frosty said, it's hard being a snowman. Every time someone
takes a selfie with him, their hands end up on
his blank. Oh all right, just think about that. It's
a snowman. He's a god. It's really rough being a snowman.
(28:49):
Every time someone takes a selfie with me, their hands
end up on my blank. So keep in mind Frosty
is a snowman. Take that into account. And we're not
trying to be fun. We're trying to get matches your Monica.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
That's serious, serious, serious, Okay, this is not a time
for you to be mister comedian.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Okay, all right, let's not start that, right. I wrote
down a Shakespeare quote. Here we go, Monica. Frosty says,
it's hard being a snowman. Every time someone takes a
selfie with me, they end up putting their hands all
over my what carrot? Can't carrots one? They put their
hands all over my carrot? All right? Scary, yeah, Frosty oh,
(29:31):
I hate being a snowman, said Frosty every time I
take a selfie, but so when they can't keep their
hands off my pipe. Alright, alright, sorry, he's trying to
be funny. Gandhi. Frosty hates being a snowman because taking
selfies with him, they always put their hands on his said,
(29:52):
big old steak, big old stick, stick like little arms,
little he had sticks. Yeah, okay, oh well, let's go
over to Nate. Nate Frosty hates being a snowman because
selfie time they put their hands on his snowballs.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Snowball, that's good.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
No one's trying to match. Danielle. Frosty hates taking selfies.
They put it, put their hands on his two head pipe.
I'm sorry, Monica, this is awful. Let's go to Dan.
Maybe Dan will save the day. Hey Dan Harris, what up? Yell?
Who said, Carrot? We got a match? Sorry? I jumped
(30:36):
the gun. You were supposed to read it, and I was.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
It's all right, I'm no Jean Rayburn. He just called
me premature, Carrot. I just want to make.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Hold on, hold on, Monica, Monica, having one match is
better than usual. So you're you're ahead of the game.
Hold on, you're doing great, Dan, Thank you. Just keep
doing what you're doing. Constant reassurance is what I need alright. Basically,
how would it be the carrot? Carrot's on his face,
don't they You used to put a carrot on his wiener?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Well in that case, don't know. Oh, I see I
put it down there, of course you do. Okay, moving on.
Hello Claudine from Beautiful Mystic, Connecticut. How is it up
there in Beautiful Mystic today?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
It's beautiful and cold first thing in the morning.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
We love Mystic, Okay, Claudine. Uh, your friend Monica from
Staten Island only has one match with the world famous
Dan Harris, author who gave us ten percent happier. I
want you to read that, and thanks to you, I
learned about Dan Harris and I meditate every morning now
and it makes it amazing. Look at changing lives. You
did it, not me. All right, here we go. Let's
(31:44):
see if we can get more than one match. Claudine, Oh,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Now.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Don't give us your answer immediately. I want people to
have a chance to write down the answers. Okay, missus
Claws claims Santa gets kind of handsy around the holidays,
she exclaimed. Just last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking
it was a stalking. Oh, don't answer yet. The stars
is gonna write down, right down your answer. You answer,
(32:09):
missus Claus claimed, Santa gets all handsy during the holidays.
Just last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking it was
a stalking. Okay, this is tough. I would say something
stupid like I would say stalking. He grabbed my stalking
(32:31):
thinking it was a stalking. It was a stock exactly.
It's a stupid answer. That's why I'm not playing. I'm
the host. Oh I I don't think I'm gonna I
think Monica's going to kick my butt. No, I don't know.
Cruise kind of weird. All right, here we go, Claudine U,
missus Clause, I don't know. Mister Claus gets kind of
handsy with her around the holidays. Just last night, he
(32:53):
grabbed her blank, thinking it was a stalking. What do
you think it was? Her gigantic tam panty, gigantic lot
me and scary with the bell. The bell that means
we're locked in. Oh, Monica, good luck with your PRIs man.
All right, all right, he thought, my panties were a stalking.
(33:14):
Uh scary, Uh, missus Claws. While that mister Claus is
all handsy, he keeps grabbing her blank, thinking it was
a stalking. What is your answer, Murkin? What what?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Damn dam look up the Google marking, Dan, I don't
have my phone on it.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
It's a wig for a body part.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's it's a cubic to pay if you've got alopecia
south of the board. Let's not overthink it. Gandhy you gandhy, yes,
missus Claws. His mister Claus is all handsied around the
around the holidays, just like I said, he grabbed her blank,
thinking it was his stalking.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I said, cookie, cookie, Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Sorry. Wow, it's at a little more subtle than than that.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Scary.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That's a long cookie. Hey Nate, turn on Nate's Mike,
Hey Nate. Missus Claws claims senses getting handsy around the holidays.
She says this last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking
it was a stalking. I said, bonnet.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
She does, Yeah, a bonnet, bonnet the thing you've got.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I'm gonna be in my bonnet right now, Danielle, Please,
we're looking for uh panties. Who isn't u missus Claws says,
Sands's handsy grabbed her blank, thought it was a stalking.
What do you think it is? Bob movie? See that's funny.
That's funny. And finally we go to Dan Harris. Claudie,
(34:50):
keep in mind this man is the guy that got
you to meditate. Hey, hey, Dan, you have to say panties.
Uh mi, his claws claimed Santa gets handy around the holidays.
She says, just last night, he grabbed a blank thinking
it was a stalking. And you said, I said, leg,
leg It makes sense.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
This was a tough question.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
It was a great meeting. You hold on, Claudy. You
don't walk away empty handed. We're gonna send you something. No,
you don't. We got something, Andy, and he sent her something. Okay,
I'll think about it. And do you have any panties
back there? Andy? Hello Monica, you won with only one match?
(35:38):
What do you got for a friend? Monica? Thanks to
the delonge're giving treats the LAS specialist or to Evo Wow,
oh my god.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Professional gives you the precision to craft your perfect cup.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know we love DELONGI comes with him urkin damn
we talked something today. In the business, we call that
a callback. Is that losing a client?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I love you, DeLong, thank you for being a client
for so many years. We're gonna ask you I apologies,
hold on and enjoy your your new delogy. By the way,
delongey perfect. I'm gonna have a little pick me up
right now. Hey, you know we have we have a
few moments with Dan, don't we How about Dan comes
back next year for the podcast.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Can't he stay for the podcast?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah? Yeah, say for the podcast, but he's not what
just say it. He'll be coming back soon. Yeah, Daniel,
don't say anything because you're wrecking his plans.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I thought Dan was taking for the podcast, but he is,
but it's for a later date. Oh okay, Dan behind
the curtains. I love you guys. No, no, so fast,
not so fast. First of all, we're having our lunch
next Wednesday. We would love for you to be there. Uh. Secondly,
the app is coming up. When are you talking about this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I have a If you go to Dan Harris dot com,
you can get all of my stuff, including the the
New Year's Free Meditation Challenge. We're going to onboard you
to meditation. If you've fallen off the wagon like Elvis Duran,
or you want to start, it's a good place to go.
Dan Harris dot com.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
You know me. I always on a wagon. Hey, but
before you leave, I need one more thing from you.
Everyone driving to work right now. I love that silence
right there by the way. It's so important we have silence.
To me. That's my go to place. I got in
trouble once people were talking about being anxious. I said,
you know what I want you to do. Turn off
(37:30):
your radio right now and be with yourself. And the
manager calls, what are you doing? They're go our ratings.
It's okay, we can sacrifice ratings for a day. But
what is your advice for someone right now who is
in the thick of it. It's the holiday season and
we're going through these I feel like I'm sitting in
an electric chair time times. So what do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I'm going to calibrate my answer to how much time
we have left?
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Don't do the time we have left? Don't do that,
don't let you do that? No, no, no, serious?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Okay? Can I give you a deep and challenging answer. Yeah,
some people might not like this. But if you're dealing
with difficult people in your life, as we all are,
here's a little phrase you can drop into your mind.
When I first heard it, I did not like it
because I misinterpreted it. But the phrase is love no
matter what. That does not mean you have to be
(38:21):
resigned or passive or a doormat in the face of
the difficult people in your life, whether it's your boss
or your obnoxious uncle or whatever. It just means recognizing
that we all have a whole set of past causes
and conditions and traumas that produce our current behavior. And
so if you can view the activities of the people
(38:42):
in your life who are annoying or obnoxious through the
lens of hey, if I came out of that womb
and had the same exact life circumstances, I probably be
doing the same stuff. Christmas is I'm told as a
Jew Jesus' birthday. What was the last thing Jesus said,
I believe was forgive them Lord? They know not what
they do, And can you bring that spirit. It doesn't
(39:03):
mean you don't set boundaries, it doesn't mean you don't
stand up for yourself, but you can do all that
without the hatred, and I think this is a good
time of year to remember that spirit.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Okay, Gosh, I love you even though eight things were
about to take a break. Okay. That is a great
way of looking at an individual or a group of
people who are driving you nuts. What about the situations.
I'm in a situation now where I've got a calendar
that's driving me insane. Yeah, I have things I've got
(39:32):
to get done by a deadline. Maybe a lot of
this is my fault because I'm the one who decided
to take it on. Yeah. What about situations?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Have you thought about exerting the power of no a lot? Yeah,
but sometimes you know, there's just things coming at you.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
But you have a lot of power to say no.
And I wonder if your yeses are motivated by people
pleasing of course.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Now, I want you to speak to everyone listening, not just.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah, well, I just says saying to Elvis and anybody listening.
I think you can deploy no in your life, not
in an abusive or obnoxious way, but as a self
protective in the spirit of love. No matter what, you
you deserve love too, and part of loving yourself, And
I don't mean self love in the kind of like
knitted on a throw pillow, annoying cliche way. I mean,
(40:22):
real love of yourself, the way you would love anybody
else in your life is to protect your boundaries and
not say yes to everything because you're trying to keep
everybody happy in a way that depletes you. Kind of
goes back to what I was saying to Danielle earlier, like,
you can't be good to the people in your life
if you're not good to yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
What did.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
There's some great Pops line how you're gonna be all
in if you're not right within?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Oh? Yeah, how are you gonna win if you ain't
right within?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
It's it's the nineties pops, said Lauren Hill. Yes, Lauren Hill,
how are you gonna be all in? Or how you're
gonna win if you're not right within? And so you
do need to take care of yourself. If you're an
annoying situation and you're feeling overwhelmed, you do need to
say no sometimes, and you can do that in a
polite way, but you need to pick the you need
to prioritize. And I struggle with this too, but over
(41:13):
time I learn and then fall off the wagon. And
then learn again.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Well, then I'm gonna ask you to take you to
the next level. Okay, what about these things that I
didn't say no to? But I still have a mountain
in front of me I have to climb and take
care of how do I keep myself sane, sane and
get through it?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Are you carving out enough time for yourself within these
current perspective?
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Is will that help me get all these things on
my list checked off? If I carve out some time
I do?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I mean, don't you think if you take some time
to fill your own tank that it can really help
you navigate all the stuff. And this again, I'll broaden
it beyond you. We're all in this crazy holiday season
where we've got parties and gifts and the whole extra
holiday workload added on top of our normal workload. And
can you do this counterintuitive thing of like, Nope, I'm
(42:02):
gonna I'm gonna do whatever it is that fills my cup.
If it's Danielle, I'm gonna take a walk. If it's me,
I'm gonna meditate an exercise. I'm gonna do that so
that I can navigate everything else with a little bit
more sanity.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
So you're saying, I have a list of things to
get done. I should add one more thing to the list.
And yes, and I also think do my own thing
for a few minutes. And yes, yes, I.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Also think, to the best of your ability, if you
can cross a few of those things off the list
or delegate might be helpful not just for you, but
for everybody.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Or move it to the next list.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
There's nothing wrong with asking for help, I would say
not asking for help as a kind of mistreatment of yourself.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yes, that's a very good point. And with that said,
we love you, Dan Harris.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
I love you right back.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Come back and see us in the new year with
the podcast we're about to record in a few moments.
Live from the Mercedes Benz Interview Lounge. Wow, what a surprise.
I love holiday surprises. Our friend Dan Harris just dropped by.
I didn't even know he was coming in today. Dan,
I didn't know you were coming in today. I didn't
know I was coming in either.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I drank a lot last night and fat washed up
in your lobby.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We do that every single day. Yeah. Well, I heard
there was gas station foods. Oh that. I gotta give
them a plug because this is very important. You know,
we've been eating on this gas station food all day.
It's the best. We're saying that some of the best
food we've ever had has been served in gas stations.
You said the same thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I was in Austin, Texas once and I had the
best barbecue of my life at a gas station.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I'm talking about Staten Island. Where's it right here?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Here?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It is? Uh? Oh, it's the Shell Station at twelve
twelve Victory Boulevard. The guy, the family who opened the
Shell station loves the food from this gentleman who came
to see us. Eat is his name, and Gerrado was
his son. They said, want you to open a deli
in our gas station? Deli they did. Did they also
(01:08):
have this food? They got chick him palm, they got
everything and the price is unloaded. Yeah? Absolutely yeah fell
her up anyway, So go check him out twelve twelve
Victory Boulevard. They're fantastic. The food looks amazing. It is. Hey,
So Dan Harris going back, if you're wondering, like, who's
this guy? He sounds like he has it much more
(01:28):
together than the other people in that room. He does.
We met Dan eleven years ago.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
He wrote, if you compare me to scary, I'm doing great.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, we need to go shot shot fired. It was
eleven years ago. Eleven years ago this book came out
called ten what is it called? Oh my god, ten
percent Happier, Oh my gosh, ten percent happier about how
this incredible journalist Dan Harris from ABC News, through a crazy,
(02:00):
not even whimsical, a crazy odd turn of events, discovered
meditation was for him. I mean, you were reporting for
ABC News Religion in all spirituality stories, right, I was
like a straight you know, kind of pull up the
rear end anchorman and uh god, how do I get
that job?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah? Well, wow, you're really okay. So we've found ourselves
in a situation would have book in the road.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
You would see Dan doing all these things on ABC
nightlining this and that, and he had the ABC News
conservative look, you know, the hair's perfect and and uh, yeah,
you seemed very like a conservative guy.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yes, And then I took a huge risk, which is
I told the story publicly that I had had a
panic attack on Good Morning America and front of north
of five million people that was largely occasioned by cocaine. Yeah,
he was doing blow all night. Yes, I was not
actually doing blow all night the night before I had
the panic attack, but I was doing enough blow in
(03:03):
an ambient way in my life that produced this panic attack.
And then after I had the panic attack on air, which,
by the way, if you google panic attack on air,
it's the number one result. My mother is very proud
of that. After I had that panic attack, I got
interested in meditation, and then I wrote a book about it,
and you were one of the earliest and most vocal
and warmest supporters. Really helped that book become a success.
(03:28):
And then I ultimately retired from the news game. And
now I'm like a full time happiness weirdo.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Are you Tenpi?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I believe that ten percent. That the ten percent compounds annually.
It's like a good investment that grows over time. And
so it's the incredibly I used to travel around the
world find the worst news and deliver it to you,
and now I have one really good piece of news
that I travel the world disseminating, which is that your
(03:56):
brain is trainable in small, manageable ways, including meditation. But
there are many other modalities and we'll talk about some
of them today that can help you do your life
just a little bit better, and that grows over time.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Of course, timing is everything. Dan was with us exactly
one year ago. You came on to talk about meditation,
how it's important to be mindful of this and that,
especially during this holiday season because it's such a stressful
time of year, And then you came and joined us
at our holiday party. And my assumption is this, I
was telling this all the earlier. We think you only
show up because you want an invite to the holiday party.
(04:30):
You are invited. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It's next We're having Mexican Okay, is it from a
gas station?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
No? No, Actually, actually the place used to be a
limousine gas station. Oh yeah, limousine depot. Anyway, it doesn't matter,
so okay. So it's also interesting to me that in
this eleven years since we met you, since ten percent
Happier came out, how meditation is so much more recognized
(05:00):
and the norm when it comes to a lot of people.
Back then, a lot of people went, ooh God, is
that some sort of Satan worship.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I had a conversation with Barbara Walters, who was my
colleague at ABC News, and I told her I'm working
on a book about meditation, and she said, with no hesitation,
don't quit your day job.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Oh yeah, Barbara, look at her now.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Anyway, I did quit my day job because you're right, Elvis.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
I mean, but on some stuff. You were right, specifically
about the fact that meditation eleven years ago was this weird,
hippie niche concern and now it's kind of like commonly
accepted mental hygiene.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Well back even back then, eleven years ago, when you
were sharing this story to all of us who needed
to hear it about meditation, the military was already into it. Yes,
I mean, big, huge corporations were totally totally buying into it. Yes,
and seeing results.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yes, that's true, and it was it was being adopted
in elite corners of the culture, but not it wasn't
like commonly practiced in my job was where my hope
was to kind of nudge it into the mainstream. Over
those eleven years, I've just got I've gotten interested in
things way beyond meditation. I just think that there are
(06:16):
so many ways that we can improve our lives based
on ancient wisdom and modern science, and that's what I
focus on. So I like, I try to become, try
to make myself into it, like a happiness Swiss army knife.
I can just help you with any situation.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
It's also kind of crazy since we've met you, how
many more people have anxiety and how many more people
need something like this?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yes, and talking about anxiety, and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Especially in adolescence, I cannot believe how many kids suffer
from this now.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, I mean there are many theories as to why
this is. I think one of them is technology. It's
isolating and we need other human beings in order to
be happy. And I mean one of the one of
the curses of being a human being is that we
need others to thrive, and yet other people are a
titanic pain in the you know what, and can we
(07:09):
say yes? So they're a titanic assay other people and
so like one of the skills that I think is
really important around the holidays is learning how to deal
with difficult people. But what we have now are young
people who, through no fault of their own, the faultest hours.
We've created a world where young people are not interacting
with other people. They're not learning the skills of dealing
(07:31):
with difficult people. They're not learning the skills of managing
their own emotions in contact with other people, and that
leads to anxiety.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Let's talk about it. Then it's the holidays. Let's just
get to the By the way, Dan Harris is here
ten percent happier. But also the podcast. Are you still
doing the app as well?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I have a podcast I have I will be launching
my new app in a week with Dan Harris, but
you can get it through Dan harris dot com. Anyway,
enough plugging, Well, how can I help?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Okay, we are right in the middle of the stress.
I mean, I know that everyone has different things thrown
at them for different reasons during this time of year.
You know, we've got concerts, people have gifts, people have
family coming in, people will have loneliness. Yes, one of
the surefire ways to get started on this journey without
(08:22):
having to fully immerse into knowing everything you need to
know about meditation.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah, look, I mean again, as I was saying earlier,
I don't think I started my kind of side hustle
and post and news career talking about meditation. And I
always am happy to talk about that. But there are
so many other ways to improve your life. Let's talk
about loneliness. One really simple way to mitigate your loneliness
(08:49):
is to volunteer. If you feel isolated, A great way
to meet other people is to go help other people.
And why are you not in Gandhi Ghandi.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Is a big one in that one.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
And I started doing it because you said one of
the remedyings to anxiety is action, And after you said that,
I was like, that is what makes me feel really
good about volunteering because it does take something off.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Of your head.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
What are you volunteering as.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
There are a couple different things. My favorite one that
we do is a community cook where we meet and
we make a bunch of food for people who need
it and we don't serve it or anything. We just
cook a ton of food and you get to do
it with your friends and do something fun and move on.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So have you found that this is a great way
to boost your social contact. Yeah, I mean absolutely, And
that's a huge thing. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert,
we all need other human beings in order to be happy.
Of course, everything about modern culture militates against that. It
drives us into individual achievement, it drives us into our
own individualized news feeds and et cetera, et cetera. But
(09:48):
that's counter revolutionary. This is how modern life makes us sick.
We need literally makes us sick. It drives up anxiety,
it drives up autoimmune diseases, all sorts of negatives logical
and physiological results from the way the culture is set
up right now. But what you're doing is like a
heroic counter programming. We need to get involved, and we
(10:11):
need to be involved with other human beings, and volunteering
is a great way to do that.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
People need us, people need you. And if it's not
to cook them a meal, it's to read to them,
it's to just look to them in the eye and
say hi, good to see you. I mean, that's the thing,
And this is the fourth time. I mentioned this on
this show. When you're standing in line it's a supermarket
or whatever, you have people in front of you, you
(10:37):
look at your phone, start doom scrolling whatever. My point
is this, I've started to do this more and more.
I don't look at my phone when I'm an idle
form because when you look at your phone and hang out,
you're ignoring yourself. You're looking at other people and what
their thoughts are all about. I dare you. I challenge
you to look at the person in front of you
or behind you in line and have a conversation with you.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Know, there's science about this, talk about It's called micro
inter and there's a woman named Barbara Frederickson who's like
the small small talk with your barista, with the cashier,
with other people online has a a quantitative and qualitative
impact on your happiness. In other words, if you just
make it a practice to talk to strangers or even
(11:18):
just to colleagues in the office who you might otherwise ignore,
your happiness will improve that Just iv drip of positive
interactions throughout the day is a massive, massive leverata pole.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
We see as I get older, I'm doing I'm like
a granddad I'll talk to anyone and everyone, and Alex
gets mad at me. They don't want to hear you.
They don't understand your humor. No they do. I get
yelled at like Froggy Froggy his dad. Everything they go
to the grocery store or if they're at a restaurant.
He just says anything and everything with little or no filter. Everybody.
The thing is he's making friends. They like him.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Everyone else's embarrassed. My my grandfather, his name is Sam Harris.
He was a carpenter over the over the river. And
is he a terrible carpenter because he chopped off three
of his own fingers. And he, through my whole childhood,
would go up to strangers with his good thumb and
say pull my thumb, and then he would substitute it
with the stump. And that explains my whole personality.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Is this is this the root of all of your evil?
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yes, that's a window into my soul. Sam Harris, God
loves Sam Harris.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
He would show up at jobs with an electric hammer
and ask people where do I plug this in?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Dan Harris is here, son of Sam Harris, son of Sam,
son of Sam, grandson of Sam. I just want to
be clear. I want to be clear. So let's analyze this. Guys,
So scary your favorite producer behind? Uh huh, that's scary. Yes, okay,
just handed me a note. I'm gonna read the note
(12:57):
in his own handwriting. Mind you what your advice Dan?
For someone on their way to a thankless job and
toxic work environment asking for a friend scary? How do
they deal or make a change?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Has anybody noticed the similarity between his handwriting and the unibombers?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Listen this to the lab? Yeah that long?
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Ok?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Okay, you just sat in traffic on the way down
from your beautiful sprawling estate in the jis wherever it is.
Think of everyone who's sitting in traffic right now. Yes,
they're not alone because they have us on okay, so
they can hear us. But maybe they're leaving a place
that they want to get out of at home, or
(13:45):
they're going to a job like Scary says, it's toxic
and they don't want to be there, But they do
have this bridge of time between the two. Yes, how
do you use these moments, these micro moments of your
day to totally reshift your mind and prepare for whatever
hell could or may not be waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
So many little things that I find helpful in these situations.
First of all, let me just validate the life circumstances
for many people. Listening right now may be really unpleasant.
And I do not have a magic wand, and there
are no magic wands. So anybody who takes the mic
and starts telling you they have some way to solve
all of your problems, you should be very suspicious. But
(14:26):
there are little things you can do that can compound
over time. So one of them is super simple, and
it's the type of thing that your mom told you
when you were young, which is taking a deep breath,
but to do it in a very specific way. There's
a technique called straw breathing, where you deep inhale through
the nose, deep deep, deep inhale, and then you want
an exhale through the lips with lips pursed as if
(14:48):
you're blowing through a straw, and you want that exhale
to be three or four times the length of the inhale.
Sitting in traffic or any moment of frustration through the day,
you can do this actually in a way that people
won't even know you're doing it. Three deep breaths and
then long exhalations like that can reset the nervous system
(15:09):
and fortify you to deal with whatever annoyance lies ahead.
It's not going to solve all of your life circumstances,
but can help you navigate in a more supple way.
Can I offer one other offer?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Seventeen mores? Okay, situations? Have you? Have you guys heard
of self compassion? No? Okay?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
It sounds vaguely autoerotic and weird, but it is. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I know.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I'm like, I'm always just tempting you to be as
dirty as possible. That just the look on your faces.
I see seventy five comments scrolling through your mind right now.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
I feel seen. Okay, That's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Self compassion is we we live in a culture where
we are encouraged to kick our own asses all the time,
and to compare ourselves to other people, and to feel
this ambient sense of insufficiency, always behind, never enough, And
so how how do you counter a program against this?
(16:07):
There is a large and growing body of science to
suggest that something called self compassion can really help, and
it is essentially talking to yourself the way you would
talk to a good friend. We all have this capacity
to talk to our kids, our friends, our mentees at
work in a supportive way, to give good advice, to reassure,
to just be there for them in dark moments. You
(16:30):
can channel that capacity and direct it towards yourself, literally
just by talking to yourself in a supportive way. So
for me, I'm in a moment of irrational fear about
losing everything. Stop, notice this is happening. Okay, yep, I'm
in a moment of anxiety. Step number one, Step number two.
(16:51):
And this is where it gets a little cheesy. Hand
on the chest. You can put your hand on your heart,
you can hug yourself. A lot of data to show
this triggers the paras sympathetic nervous system, in other words,
the aspects of your nervous system that are activated when
you're resting. So it just relaxes you, and then you
just say to yourself what you would say to a
(17:12):
good friend using your own name. I'll say usually, dude,
I know you're worried about losing everything and living in
a flophouse, but that's irrational. You're totally fine, and even
if it did happen, you'd still have your wife and
son and all of your friends and your purpose on
earth to help other people. You're good moments like that
(17:35):
in the car right now, if you're on your way
to a terrible job, or you're leaving a domestic situation
that stinks. Again, I can't fix all of that for you,
but I can help you navigate it by regulating your
nervous system deep breaths as I mentioned, and then talking
to yourself in a supportive way. Especially if you're alone
and there's nobody to share your problems with, you can
(17:56):
be your own support system. Doesn't mean you don't need
other people. You do, but you have a lot within
your own mind and heart right now that can help you.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Does that make sense when I'm paying call it giving
yourself grace? Perfect because I do it with my son
when he like, he was coming off of an injury
and he thought he was you know, it's time get
back out there, gonna be and I go, hey, hey,
got to give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
You're not going to come back and be perfect, but
you're gonna come back and.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Do your best.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
And can you talk to yourself that way.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Danielle, Not as much as I can talk to him though, right.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But now that I'm saying it, because it seemed like
something you could.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Do, yeah, I can definitely try it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's just it's just a habit that we need to develop.
And again, you're gonna fall off the wagon. You're gonna
fall into self criticism or self hatred or whatever. But
can you remember, oh, there is this tool. Yeah, I
don't need anybody else to do it, and I can
practice it.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's the opposite of what we typically do. This morning,
on the way to work, coming down sixth Avenue or up,
I started thinking about what I have to get done today.
I started thinking about jingle Ball this Friday. I start
thinking about the people I have to deal with it
jingle Ball this Friday, and I felt between here and Trybeca.
My heart start to be I'm starting to be like,
I'm having conversations with them in my head. It's not good.
(19:06):
I'm texting Nate about a schedule today. And I started
feeling myself getting more and more just like yeah, crazy.
And then what we don't have the practice of doing
in our own heads is stopping ourselves. Why am I
saying this to myself right now? Why is my heart
beat lifting, Why are my palm sweaty? Being self aware
(19:29):
of this stuff happening is half the battle for me. Anyway.
What was the first thing you said to me when
I walked in here this morning?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I said, I really want to spank your butt? That
was the second thing. And what did I say? What
I said?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
You said something critical about yourself and how you look
is the first thing you said to me?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Oh? Yeah, I did. I did. Yeah, And that is
what we're doing all day long. You just externalized it,
even that all morning to myself.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yes, And and can you just notice when that's happening,
and say, Danielle, you look fine? And who are you
comparing yourself against? Are you comparing yourself against yourself ten
years ago?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Are you saying that time should not apply to you?
Are you comparing yourself to the people you're seeing in
your Instagram feed? Well, those people are using filters and
showing you a very curated aspect of their lives. Can
you just apply basic wisdom that you would share with
your son to yourself in that moment when you look
in the mirror. And but I do it too, I
look in the mirror, I'm like Wow, you look dowey today,
or you look like an over ripe turnip.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, I do that all the time because a woman
who I really respect, Sonya Rena Taylor, says, when she
notices self criticism, she realizes, that's the voice of the system,
that's the voice of the culture, filtering through me, applying
the culture's standards to my standards. And can you just
(20:58):
learn over time to sort of counter program that.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Okay, I think it's creepy. Remember the first thing I
said to you we walked in and we'll get to
that in a moment. Okay, So Dan Harris is here,
I'm going to ask you a question. Will you actually
come back later in the show. I'll come back anytime
because there's a guy that's so hot waiting in the
other room. Yeah, no offense, but no, no, I take,
I take not. I mean, does does he come to
(21:21):
the Christmas party too? Maybe we're gonna invite him? No, no,
I I want you to come back because we want
to continue this conversation. I know Gandi has a million questions.
And we're not done with you, Dan, We're not done
with you anywhere. You're not done with us Okay, you
have you have to get out of that chair. Okay, Dan,
(21:43):
what are you doing? That's how you know your family?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Get out?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Get out? There's I know that there's a lot of
There are a lot of people listening. There are a
billion people listening for once that really want to hear
what else we have to say about this? Because it
is holidays and this is the perfect time of year
to be focusing on being asked. Anxiety levels are up
there and just the sound of your voice is calming along.
So Dan Harris is coming back. We also have to
(22:07):
play around of family feud. What is it match game?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
And someone has a whistley booger I've been hearing it
might be may Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Well we got to move on if you could blow
your nose because Lucian Levis Gooun is coming in from
Emily in Paris.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Yeah, do you watch Emily in Paris?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I made it on Netflix, right, it's so good. Yeah,
that's Phil collins daughter. Yes is the lead.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yes, but she's not made She has not made it
any because her character irritates the hell out of it. Okay,
I like her as an actor.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
But we like Alfie.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
But anyway, so Alfie Lucian Leviscount is here. Season five
of Emily and Paris is debuting December eighteenth. Yeah, soon, soon,
in a week. He's coming in. But you got to
come back. I'm happy to. I'm just trying to figure
out when I should get up and leave. Yeah, I
just I don't know. I spent a long time. I'm rusty.
(23:00):
Network TV was never quite this loose.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Left you can't say as there were no masturbation jokes,
not at all.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, that's you know, that's missing. I mean we got
to take a break. Lucien is coming up next. You're
coming back. Sure, we're gonna talk more about this and
we're gonna play match game with you and there you go. Okay,
Dan Harris, everyone, what's going on. I'll tell you what's
(23:28):
going on. Dan Harris is back. I like this. This
is a new format. We have a guest on and
we get really really deep, and then they leave. We
bring another guest on, then we go back to guest
a because we feel like we just didn't get enough
out of them. Yeah, we need more from you, Dan.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'm just out there with an IV drip of gas
station food and pastry.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
It's not good I'll stay here forever. May I say,
if you were listening earlier when Dan Harris arrived, the
response on our text message machine or whatever this thing
is was huge. Can we just stop for a second
on text message machine? It's a thing, this contraption, leave
(24:11):
me alone. So then we're all very good friends with Dan,
as you can tell, because he's being quite a butthole.
So anyway, where were we? So, of course we met
Dan eleven years ago. He came out with this book
called ten Minutes, two Minutes, ten Percent Happier. It seems
I could remember the name of the book that introduced
us ten percent Happier, meaning you know, you find this
(24:33):
life of awareness and meditation and you can at least
be ten percent happier in your life because you're now aware,
you're taking care of yourself, you're trying to erase anxiety.
I mean, all the great things that meditation does and
continues to do. I need it right now.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
How I was just going to ask you, how is
your medita is it?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Obviously I'm rusty when I met you, you were you
actually had a pretty stable practice. I did, I did.
It comes and goes, and it seems as if as
I become more anxious in life, I meditate less, which
seems is that a natural thing?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I think it makes complete sense because life seems less
in control and it's spiraling a little bit, and so
you don't feel like you have the time. And that's
a bit of a kind of death spiral because you
feel like you have less time, and then you're more anxious,
but you're not making time for the things that actually
will help you be less anxious. So you actually you
(25:28):
kind of have to make a concerted effort to break
that spiral. Sometimes. I'm not saying it has to be meditation.
It could be exercise, taking a walk, whatever does it
for you. You kind of have to.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I'll ask you, Danielle. I remember talking about this last year.
I think you feel a little guilty making time for yourself.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yes, if I'm doing something, yeah, because you want to
a suffer your kids all the time, and you know whatever.
So if you make time for yourself, a lot of
times you feel like, oh, I shouldn't be doing that.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Yes, And this is very common and I completely get it,
and it comes from a good place. However, you can't
be there for your kids or anybody else if you're
not taking time for yourself. The cliche is you can't
pour from an empty cup, so you're actually doing the
best thing for your kids. If you put on your calendar,
I need thirty minutes to take a walk. I need
thirty minutes to do whatever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I do it every day.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
I walk every day, no matter how cold it is
or whatever's happening. That's my day.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You posted from the thumbs and tundra talking.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
I was in my coat and hat and gloves, and
I had my audible and it was just my hour.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Do you spend time on those walks practicing glorious expletive
filled speeches you're going to deliver to Elvis about no
various things.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
No, I listen to audible. See Danielle will pop her audible.
We will pop an edible. You know what? I think
this is going to be mind blowingly relaxing. What's about
to occur here on the show. It's now time to
play match game? Are we doing edibles for the same
(27:00):
you may need to. It's time to like, are you
hoping she's dyed to do mushrooms with you?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
By the way, Oh man, I'm scared of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Good, be very scared. It's now time to match the stars. Unfortunately,
we couldn't find the stars, so we asked Dan Harris.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
To come in.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And so you know how match game works, right?
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Did that joke come to you on the text message machine?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Yes? Okay, I'm not gonna I think I know how
the match gam goes. Okay, let's just jump into We
have two contestants ready to go. They're ready to play.
Monica from Staten Island. Monica, how are you feeling? You're
in a good mood today?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Good morning guys.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yes, talking to you just made my year. Look at
that you see? Damn people like us. You know there's
no accounting for tastes. All right, don't listen to him, Monica.
All right, Monica, I'm gonna read a sentence out here
or a thought, and there's going to be a blank
in the middle of this thing. Now, I'm going to
ask you to think of a word to fill in
(28:06):
the blank, but don't say it out loud because I
want the stars to write down what they think you're
going to say and see how many matches do you get?
That's what we call it match cave. Right, which seventies porn?
Did you take that song from Wow, oh it is,
that's what I borrowed from you. Here we go. Okay,
(28:29):
listen closely. You don't answer out loud, mon account. I
want you to think about it. Okay, here we go.
Frosty said, it's hard being a snowman. Every time someone
takes a selfie with him, their hands end up on
his blank. Oh all right, just think about that. It's
a snowman. He's a god. It's really rough being a snowman.
(28:49):
Every time someone takes a selfie with me, their hands
end up on my blank. So keep in mind Frosty
is a snowman. Take that into account. And we're not
trying to be fun. We're trying to get matches your Monica.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
That's serious, serious, serious, Okay, this is not a time
for you to be mister comedian.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Okay, all right, let's not start that, right. I wrote
down a Shakespeare quote. Here we go, Monica. Frosty says,
it's hard being a snowman. Every time someone takes a
selfie with me, they end up putting their hands all
over my what carrot? Can't carrots one? They put their
hands all over my carrot? All right? Scary, yeah, Frosty oh,
(29:31):
I hate being a snowman, said Frosty every time I
take a selfie, but so when they can't keep their
hands off my pipe. Alright, alright, sorry, he's trying to
be funny. Gandhi. Frosty hates being a snowman because taking
selfies with him, they always put their hands on his said,
(29:52):
big old steak, big old stick, stick like little arms,
little he had sticks. Yeah, okay, oh well, let's go
over to Nate. Nate Frosty hates being a snowman because
selfie time they put their hands on his snowballs.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Snowball, that's good.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
No one's trying to match. Danielle. Frosty hates taking selfies.
They put it, put their hands on his two head pipe.
I'm sorry, Monica, this is awful. Let's go to Dan.
Maybe Dan will save the day. Hey Dan Harris, what up? Yell?
Who said, Carrot? We got a match? Sorry? I jumped
(30:36):
the gun. You were supposed to read it, and I was.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
It's all right, I'm no Jean Rayburn. He just called
me premature, Carrot. I just want to make.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Hold on, hold on, Monica, Monica, having one match is
better than usual. So you're you're ahead of the game.
Hold on, you're doing great, Dan, Thank you. Just keep
doing what you're doing. Constant reassurance is what I need alright. Basically,
how would it be the carrot? Carrot's on his face,
don't they You used to put a carrot on his wiener?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Well in that case, don't know. Oh, I see I
put it down there, of course you do. Okay, moving on.
Hello Claudine from Beautiful Mystic, Connecticut. How is it up
there in Beautiful Mystic today?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
It's beautiful and cold first thing in the morning.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
We love Mystic, Okay, Claudine. Uh, your friend Monica from
Staten Island only has one match with the world famous
Dan Harris, author who gave us ten percent happier. I
want you to read that, and thanks to you, I
learned about Dan Harris and I meditate every morning now
and it makes it amazing. Look at changing lives. You
did it, not me. All right, here we go. Let's
(31:44):
see if we can get more than one match. Claudine, Oh,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Now.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Don't give us your answer immediately. I want people to
have a chance to write down the answers. Okay, missus
Claws claims Santa gets kind of handsy around the holidays,
she exclaimed. Just last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking
it was a stalking. Oh, don't answer yet. The stars
is gonna write down, right down your answer. You answer,
(32:09):
missus Claus claimed, Santa gets all handsy during the holidays.
Just last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking it was
a stalking. Okay, this is tough. I would say something
stupid like I would say stalking. He grabbed my stalking
(32:31):
thinking it was a stalking. It was a stock exactly.
It's a stupid answer. That's why I'm not playing. I'm
the host. Oh I I don't think I'm gonna I
think Monica's going to kick my butt. No, I don't know.
Cruise kind of weird. All right, here we go, Claudine U,
missus Clause, I don't know. Mister Claus gets kind of
handsy with her around the holidays. Just last night, he
(32:53):
grabbed her blank, thinking it was a stalking. What do
you think it was? Her gigantic tam panty, gigantic lot
me and scary with the bell. The bell that means
we're locked in. Oh, Monica, good luck with your PRIs man.
All right, all right, he thought, my panties were a stalking.
(33:14):
Uh scary, Uh, missus Claws. While that mister Claus is
all handsy, he keeps grabbing her blank, thinking it was
a stalking. What is your answer, Murkin? What what?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Damn dam look up the Google marking, Dan, I don't
have my phone on it.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
It's a wig for a body part.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's it's a cubic to pay if you've got alopecia
south of the board. Let's not overthink it. Gandhy you gandhy, yes,
missus Claws. His mister Claus is all handsied around the
around the holidays, just like I said, he grabbed her blank,
thinking it was his stalking.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I said, cookie, cookie, Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Sorry. Wow, it's at a little more subtle than than that.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Scary.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
That's a long cookie. Hey Nate, turn on Nate's Mike,
Hey Nate. Missus Claws claims senses getting handsy around the holidays.
She says this last night, he grabbed my blank, thinking
it was a stalking. I said, bonnet.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
She does, Yeah, a bonnet, bonnet the thing you've got.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I'm gonna be in my bonnet right now, Danielle, Please,
we're looking for uh panties. Who isn't u missus Claws says,
Sands's handsy grabbed her blank, thought it was a stalking.
What do you think it is? Bob movie? See that's funny.
That's funny. And finally we go to Dan Harris. Claudie,
(34:50):
keep in mind this man is the guy that got
you to meditate. Hey, hey, Dan, you have to say panties.
Uh mi, his claws claimed Santa gets handy around the holidays.
She says, just last night, he grabbed a blank thinking
it was a stalking. And you said, I said, leg,
leg It makes sense.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
This was a tough question.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
It was a great meeting. You hold on, Claudy. You
don't walk away empty handed. We're gonna send you something. No,
you don't. We got something, Andy, and he sent her something. Okay,
I'll think about it. And do you have any panties
back there? Andy? Hello Monica, you won with only one match?
(35:38):
What do you got for a friend? Monica? Thanks to
the delonge're giving treats the LAS specialist or to Evo Wow,
oh my god.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Professional gives you the precision to craft your perfect cup.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know we love DELONGI comes with him urkin damn
we talked something today. In the business, we call that
a callback. Is that losing a client?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I love you, DeLong, thank you for being a client
for so many years. We're gonna ask you I apologies,
hold on and enjoy your your new delogy. By the way,
delongey perfect. I'm gonna have a little pick me up
right now. Hey, you know we have we have a
few moments with Dan, don't we How about Dan comes
back next year for the podcast.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Can't he stay for the podcast?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah? Yeah, say for the podcast, but he's not what
just say it. He'll be coming back soon. Yeah, Daniel,
don't say anything because you're wrecking his plans.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I thought Dan was taking for the podcast, but he is,
but it's for a later date. Oh okay, Dan behind
the curtains. I love you guys. No, no, so fast,
not so fast. First of all, we're having our lunch
next Wednesday. We would love for you to be there. Uh. Secondly,
the app is coming up. When are you talking about this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I have a If you go to Dan Harris dot com,
you can get all of my stuff, including the the
New Year's Free Meditation Challenge. We're going to onboard you
to meditation. If you've fallen off the wagon like Elvis Duran,
or you want to start, it's a good place to go.
Dan Harris dot com.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
You know me. I always on a wagon. Hey, but
before you leave, I need one more thing from you.
Everyone driving to work right now. I love that silence
right there by the way. It's so important we have silence.
To me. That's my go to place. I got in
trouble once people were talking about being anxious. I said,
you know what I want you to do. Turn off
(37:30):
your radio right now and be with yourself. And the
manager calls, what are you doing? They're go our ratings.
It's okay, we can sacrifice ratings for a day. But
what is your advice for someone right now who is
in the thick of it. It's the holiday season and
we're going through these I feel like I'm sitting in
an electric chair time times. So what do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I'm going to calibrate my answer to how much time
we have left?
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Don't do the time we have left? Don't do that,
don't let you do that? No, no, no, serious?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Okay? Can I give you a deep and challenging answer. Yeah,
some people might not like this. But if you're dealing
with difficult people in your life, as we all are,
here's a little phrase you can drop into your mind.
When I first heard it, I did not like it
because I misinterpreted it. But the phrase is love no
matter what. That does not mean you have to be
(38:21):
resigned or passive or a doormat in the face of
the difficult people in your life, whether it's your boss
or your obnoxious uncle or whatever. It just means recognizing
that we all have a whole set of past causes
and conditions and traumas that produce our current behavior. And
so if you can view the activities of the people
(38:42):
in your life who are annoying or obnoxious through the
lens of hey, if I came out of that womb
and had the same exact life circumstances, I probably be
doing the same stuff. Christmas is I'm told as a
Jew Jesus' birthday. What was the last thing Jesus said,
I believe was forgive them Lord? They know not what
they do, And can you bring that spirit. It doesn't
(39:03):
mean you don't set boundaries, it doesn't mean you don't
stand up for yourself, but you can do all that
without the hatred, and I think this is a good
time of year to remember that spirit.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Okay, Gosh, I love you even though eight things were
about to take a break. Okay. That is a great
way of looking at an individual or a group of
people who are driving you nuts. What about the situations.
I'm in a situation now where I've got a calendar
that's driving me insane. Yeah, I have things I've got
(39:32):
to get done by a deadline. Maybe a lot of
this is my fault because I'm the one who decided
to take it on. Yeah. What about situations?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Have you thought about exerting the power of no a lot? Yeah,
but sometimes you know, there's just things coming at you.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
But you have a lot of power to say no.
And I wonder if your yeses are motivated by people
pleasing of course.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Now, I want you to speak to everyone listening, not just.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah, well, I just says saying to Elvis and anybody listening.
I think you can deploy no in your life, not
in an abusive or obnoxious way, but as a self
protective in the spirit of love. No matter what, you
you deserve love too, and part of loving yourself, And
I don't mean self love in the kind of like
knitted on a throw pillow, annoying cliche way. I mean,
(40:22):
real love of yourself, the way you would love anybody
else in your life is to protect your boundaries and
not say yes to everything because you're trying to keep
everybody happy in a way that depletes you. Kind of
goes back to what I was saying to Danielle earlier, like,
you can't be good to the people in your life
if you're not good to yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
What did.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
There's some great Pops line how you're gonna be all
in if you're not right within?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Oh? Yeah, how are you gonna win if you ain't
right within?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
It's it's the nineties pops, said Lauren Hill. Yes, Lauren Hill,
how are you gonna be all in? Or how you're
gonna win if you're not right within? And so you
do need to take care of yourself. If you're an
annoying situation and you're feeling overwhelmed, you do need to
say no sometimes, and you can do that in a
polite way, but you need to pick the you need
to prioritize. And I struggle with this too, but over
(41:13):
time I learn and then fall off the wagon. And
then learn again.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Well, then I'm gonna ask you to take you to
the next level. Okay, what about these things that I
didn't say no to? But I still have a mountain
in front of me I have to climb and take
care of how do I keep myself sane, sane and
get through it?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Are you carving out enough time for yourself within these
current perspective?
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Is will that help me get all these things on
my list checked off? If I carve out some time
I do?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I mean, don't you think if you take some time
to fill your own tank that it can really help
you navigate all the stuff. And this again, I'll broaden
it beyond you. We're all in this crazy holiday season
where we've got parties and gifts and the whole extra
holiday workload added on top of our normal workload. And
can you do this counterintuitive thing of like, Nope, I'm
(42:02):
gonna I'm gonna do whatever it is that fills my cup.
If it's Danielle, I'm gonna take a walk. If it's me,
I'm gonna meditate an exercise. I'm gonna do that so
that I can navigate everything else with a little bit
more sanity.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
So you're saying, I have a list of things to
get done. I should add one more thing to the list.
And yes, and I also think do my own thing
for a few minutes. And yes, yes, I.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Also think, to the best of your ability, if you
can cross a few of those things off the list
or delegate might be helpful not just for you, but
for everybody.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Or move it to the next list.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
There's nothing wrong with asking for help, I would say
not asking for help as a kind of mistreatment of yourself.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yes, that's a very good point. And with that said,
we love you, Dan Harris.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
I love you right back.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Come back and see us in the new year with
the podcast we're about to record in a few moments.
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
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