September 2, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This!,”Lisa and Nick tackle the messy line between venting, complaining, and dialing an emotional 911 every time life goes sideways. From friends who drain you dry to the guilt of feeling like a “burden,” they break down when it’s okay to call for backup — and when you need to put on your big-kid pants and self-soothe. With brutal honesty, biting humor, and a few too-real stories (dead birds and CVS meltdowns included), the duo takes on the comedy—and cringe—of figuring out your own emotional emergencies.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These. You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,
go leam, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
(00:37):
what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You we're you,
We're not where We don't take it in the rear anymore.
Those were the days, weren't they nick They were when
the anal ass play was something that was frequent.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah, you sure does.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We are discussing Celia's sex life in the car everyone.
For those of you who don't know, this is Lisa Labinelli.
This is shrink This with me, comedic guy, con retired comedyan,
amazing fucking podcast influencer, extradin air and the unpaid, largely talented,
largely large Nix Scopetti.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, camera, people, listen to this.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Watch it.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
You're gonna watch it now?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh why to see your guns? Turn in?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
See these arms and hear about or see about Celia's
sex life.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know we're discussing Celia's sex life in the car
because we're just wondering. We're like, I wonder she said
in the past she's been interested in lady boy like
Harry Styles. I don't know if that's the right term.
Is not the right turn mean? What do you mean
by s? We said here, see about.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Celia because you're on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
We want to watch watching, watch what all of the
sex that's not happening. We're just wondering. Listening to a
former episode, I was just like, Oh, she likes that
kind of like very femboy. Maybe she just needs a
big black, hard one. That's just my prescription. They called
(02:24):
me doctor Lisa. I wat out prescriptions for O.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
If you're a big black guy write in.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, but not to me anymore. I've retired my backside.
Just Nick and Celia, welcome to shrink this the podcast
that were supposed to be helpful to people, but I
highly doubt is. What do you think, Nick, do you
think we've helped anyone?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
All right, So moving on what we're going to talk
about today, Celia, I'm just trying to see if she's
very attention. Yeah, you push my But who's a good girl.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
A treat me?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now we're gonna talk about something. Listen, I don't like
these babies. Why is everybody a big baby? What is
with the complaining? I am sick and tired of everybody
complaining and reaching out and having to tell me about
(03:22):
their problems. Not on this show, that's professional. They reach out,
they ask the questions. But Nick, do you have in
normal life some of your friends and or family members
that you just see that phone ring and you go, Jesus, Chris, superstop,
I'm gonna have to now hear a litany of complaints.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah no, because I've set pretty hard boundaries in my family,
so no one fucking calls me for anything?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Do they? Did you like say the boundaries out loud, like, hey,
you know what, don't call me?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
If I wouldn't even categorize as complaining. Me and my
two cousins have a group chat, and if we are
complaining to each other, it's usually about one of our parents,
well just two of our parents. Aunt Rosemary is perfect,
my dad my one who knows?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So you basically taught them how to treat you where
they know not to just call and vent. And because
I think there's a fine line. I wanted to talk
about the fine line between venting, complaining and being a
broken frickin' record. Because also I always think ahead till
twenty years from now. In twenty years when I'm eighty,
(04:34):
let me see twenty carry two eighty four, thank you, Nick,
eighty four. It's hard to add those round numbers when
I'm eighty four. Suppose all my friends are dead, because
you know what, I'm very healthy. I'm going to murder.
I would I do murders, Maybe they'll be dead and
(04:56):
or incapacitated or just busy all about. Instead, I do
a little experiment with myself that I don't have to
reach out and complain as much or vent as much,
and learn how to self soothe. This doesn't mean isolating,
It doesn't mean being a martyr. It doesn't mean keeping
it all in and then exploding at the lady and
(05:17):
the post office line who's getting her passport done. I
know that sounds specific, but it's from a specific thing.
Yes there was a snap, and yes it might have
been me maybe not. Yes it was, But I think
there's that really fine line between, you know, what maybe
I should see if I should handle a lot of
things on my own self sooth soothe in proper ways
(05:39):
that aren't about you know, I'm gonna binge huge amount
of shows or binge food or binge get get get
blackout drunk, like Celia, just do the right thing and
not buy Ganny in bulk, because I think it's gonna
help my self esteem and not have solved any of
my inner trauma.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
You put the right thing.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's good to have a millennial producer or whatever whatever
you are. Yeah, listen to your elders. Bitch our poor producer, Celia.
I keep miss gendering her as millennial. Okay, sorry, no
I don't know. Well, look at the shirt rugby match. Okay.
(06:28):
So how I feel is sometimes you've got to self
soothe and go what's an actual emergency? So I wanted
to talk about self soothing versus making a true so
OS call like Nick, can you have you ever been
the guy who truly had an so os, Like really,
something was really wrong and you had to either talk
(06:50):
about something or handle something.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I would say, primarily when I was younger, Yes, I
would definitely like reach out to to friends, primarily because
family was pretty unreliable about stuff. Now on occasion, I will,
I'll reach out. It's funny I have we can talk
about this separately, but yeah, I'll reach out to friends,
(07:15):
usually usually through text. It's never really a call, and
I find myself like, I hate even they're good friends.
I've known him for a while. I always view myself
as like, even when I do do do that do?
I view myself as like a burden.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Yeah, which also is unhealthy because I remember getting a
text from you a few weeks ago and you were like,
hey man, and I'm like, god boy, I love a
Hayman text because the rescuer rescuer and me really loves
to help, and uh, dude, I almost called you because
such and such was bothered me, and I was like,
(07:51):
why didn't he call? I love that, And I on
the receiving and didn't feel it was a burden because
you do it so rarely that I would have been
thrilled for you to call me and then we could
talk crap about whoever was giving you a hard time.
So I think the burden. I don't think you'll ever
fall into the category of the guy who over reaches out,
who over like relies on other people. You almost just
(08:15):
kind of have to do it a little and get
comfortable with asking for help sometimes. But then there's those
other people, those energy sucks who literally I'm like, okay,
and this is how I recognize it. I hate to
say it. It's so embarrassing because I used to totally
be that. I remember and this is just awful. If
I could apologize, I would, but we don't speak anymore.
(08:38):
I had a friend for thirty five years, and for
much of that she was at a disability so she
really didn't leave the house much, and she was like
a bestie where you would just talk about everything and
just vent and complain and you know, problem solve whatever.
And this is horrible to say. I'm already canceled, so
(08:59):
this will cancel me further. I was like, honestly, like
she's disabled, what else has she got to do? I
would never think it conscious. Don't laugh, Celia. I'm trying
to tell you about something that was painful. So she
has to laugh at like the pain. Yeah, I know,
I get it. Emotional unavailable. She had to do a snort,
laugh the whole nine yards to go. But you understand,
(09:20):
I'm telling you bad thinking. It was like I was like, oh,
you know, yeah, you know, so and so is pretty
like you know, she's she probably one of her main
sources of self esteem is that she can help me
or help others, because she was a helper, rescuer type
all so, and I'd be like, well, where's she going.
She ain't going out to run, she's not climbing a mountain.
Come on, please, so and you know all I laughing,
(09:43):
but you're all are mean and you don't like disabled people.
So sadly, I remember the day. I don't know how
it dawned on me. I think she got for the
first time in like thirty years, she got like annoyed
with me. Like she was very calm, she was a
really soothing person. But man, I think I was venting
about something that was so fucking white girl entitled problem.
(10:09):
I think it was something like a producer wasn't calling
me back. So I was. It was a Broadway producer
and we were supposed to do a show and I
wasn't hearing back from him, and I'm crying and I'm
saying to her, well, if he doesn't call me back,
what have I left the earth? What have I left
the world, my message will not get out there and
(10:31):
I will have no legacy. And she just goes, you know,
and I'm thinking, oh my god, now that I'm saying
it's so freaking brutal. Just think of her circumstance. You know,
she had a hard time physically all and then just
to hear this white bitch yelling about her stupid legacy
and she goes, you know, I think you need to
look into radical self compassion and radical worthiness because I
(10:58):
don't have all the answers for you. And it was
like one of those slaps that you go, oh, I
deserve that one. And then I was like what I
got a word. The second I got off the phone
with her, I ordered this book, radical self Compassion. I
ordered this other book about worthiness, and I was like,
oh my god, she's right, and I became too much
for her. Oh stop it. I didn't say she was
(11:18):
in a chair. How dare you if I wasn't so
disabled myself. I walk over there and slap your fat
face and misshapen fuck. But I think, like, we don't.
I don't think we notice it until somebody calls us
on it. And so now I'm almost aware of at
the other end of like, oh, when can I actually,
like you said, quote, burden someone and when is it
(11:41):
okay to vent? But I think that also, that journey
of losing her as a friend, I think meant that
I had to get actual, real therapy, not just talk therapy.
Sorry those yes, talk Therapy's fine, it's a great first step.
But to really get in there and get in your body,
I really think you have to do trauma therapy or
some kind of somatic therapy to really get that stuff
(12:04):
worked on and out of your body. And I'm like, oh,
through our therapist, Brad, I won't mention last names, but
will link them in the show notes, which we won't
because we don't have show notes because our producer, Celia
is too busy buying hair clips. You jerk it off
(12:26):
two guys at the day time. She's telling us to
break No. One tells me to break gets who tells
me how to break me? No? But I think, boy being,
once you do some get some somatic therapy, once you
get some trauma therapy, you realize, oh, they're self soothing
of my own nervous system that I can do, and
then it will truly be an so s call. If
(12:49):
that's what's needed. So I shouldn't be calling Nick saying,
oh my god, I just got to cut off in traffic.
And I mean it really triggered the fact that, like
my pairs choose to cut me off when I was talking,
oh my god, the receipt at the CBS was so
long it running into huge talk I was banged with.
And those aren't the things you should really be having
(13:10):
to vent about those things? Are you can self soothe
about those things? Do you understand what I'm saying, Nick,
Because you do do this trauma therapy work.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
I do. I do. Also I'm an only child, so
self soothing's.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Pretty pretty comes naturally.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
It comes comes pretty naturally, right, I mean, still, I'm
thirty seven years old, and like I'll reach out to
friends I've had for forever and about something. I'm like,
I'm sorry, I'm bothering you at this and They're like, dude,
we've been friends for twenty years and I'm like, yeah,
I know.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
And also aren't we at the point with friends that
they would say, Hey, I'm busy right now. Can I
call you later or tomorrow? So meaning it's I don't
if somebody's picking up the phone I don't think we're
bothering them.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
No.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I think there's the two extremes. The one I went
to with my former friend, which I truly regret, and
then the extreme one might be at now we're like,
oh my god, I'm burdening people. There's that fine line
in between of like, wait, I've tried for twenty four
hours to really work on this myself. I try to
do the you know, nervous system regulation. I've tried all
the somatic exercises, but it's something I just have to
(14:08):
talk about.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, I think also too, there's I know this is
just my process, but in the moment when it's happening,
I don't really reach out or do anything. I just
replay it in my head and I have to like
kind of wrap my head around what is even happening
or why I'm feeling this way. Then like two days later,
if I'm still feeling it, then I'll reach out to
(14:41):
someone and I'll have more of like a coherent like
I'll say, a coherent argument, but like it makes me more.
If I'm so heightened, it's just not gonna come out
good and I'm gonna have all the negative thoughts and
all these bad things, and it's like that you work
through and you go, well, actually it's probably just this.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
This right, and it's more calm and coherent. And also,
we don't want to become the boy who cries wolf
all the time. We don't want to ever have somebody
see our name come up on the phone like oh boy,
here we go and there is I looked up honestly
because I wanted to talk to some girls I coach.
They don't feel entitled to complain. Every one of these
girls in this group. It's like a little group coaching group.
(15:20):
They go, they will have something legitimately wrong. They'll be like,
I didn't get that part, but you know it's fine.
So I feel like there are benefits to complaining, and
I looked it up. But it has to be limited time.
It has to be short, it has to be okay,
maybe even literally timed, because it is a nice emotional release.
I have a list, look at this. I'm prepared. Yeah,
(15:43):
because if you complain just a little, you have an
emotional release. So you're not pushing it down like that
beach wall, because no matter how much you push down
the beach wall, it's gonna pop right the fuck back.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Up.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
So the emotional release problem solving could occur if you're
calling a friend and you're like, what do you think man,
and you bitch and moan. They can give you feedback
if asked for it. You can also get support. I mean,
there's nothing wrong with support. It's just we have to
know when we're piling too much on somebody else, which
I clearly was doing to this form a friend of mine.
And also it could, in mild doses, motivate us to
(16:15):
change whatever we're complaining about, you know, like it's that
thing of like, you know, I eat at this restaurant
once a week in Connecticut on the water, and it's
always cold, like fucking always, even in the I mean
I have to it's either the air conditionings too high
or in the winter it's the heat isn't high enough.
(16:35):
And I'm like, I could ask them to change it.
I could be a straight up cunt and be like,
how dare you I come here? I'm a regular, I
don't know who I am. Bring a fucking sweater? How
about I bring a sweater? So? Yeah, I do? Now,
how dare you call me on my ship? No? So
the complaining about oh my god, I was so cold
at the restaurant. You go bring a shawl. Nick, You
(16:58):
know what you do. You bring a nice paj mina.
You drape it around yourself. They sell them on the street.
Corn Is, then you're not the complain the old Jude
always stopped doing there because of our friend Andrew Ginsburg.
Shout out to Andrew Ginsburg, who does so much work
(17:19):
for this podcast. We do. But honestly, you're gonna thank me,
Corny for quoting someone, but I don't care, because listen
to this statement and tell me where I'm wrong. This
is brilliant. This is from an activist name very famous
named bell Hooks, which I'm sure neither one of you
have heard about because you're racist and you don't like
to be active at all, and no fist bump on that.
(17:41):
But she said, think about this, man, because really this
could apply even if you have a husband or a
wife or a partner. Their job isn't to just constantly
be available to you and constantly hear you rattle on
about the same thing. So I think we have to
take responsibility. And bell Hooks said, what you're dying for
someone else to give you, you need to figure out
how to give it to yourself so masturbation, Nick, that
(18:06):
comes to mind when I think of you. You can't
always want to stick it in. You sometimes have to
give it to yourself, the self soothing. You can't always
look to the partner to sell before you. You have
to go internal and do it yourself. Does this make
sense to you, Nick scope Leddi And are you able
to do that and stop being such a lightweight pussy?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yes? I sit on my thumb sometimes make myself for guys, stop.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You're talking about But don't you agree? Don't you agree?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Yeah? Now you have to have some form of some
form of regulation, whatever it is, before you start bringing
It's like a one of my old bosses used to say, like,
don't bring like dead birds to my door, you know,
like a cat.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
If it's awesome, like.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
A cat brings dead birds to the door. It's like,
don't bring me, don't bring me dead birds like it's true.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, the deal, Learn how.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
To deal with it yourself in some aspect, and then
come to me and we can have a normal rational conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Right, bring like a dead animal. I feel like a
lot of dead birdstn't add up by the way I
had to. I had to clean up my own dead
bird the other day in the yard. It was laying
there and give a little kick, you know, because I'm like, oh, please, jeez, God,
(19:22):
let it actually be dead, because you can imagine I
start to pick it up, it flaps, it beats me. Peck,
get a peck right there. I don't need this help
from this bird. And I had to get a big
like an industrial garbage bag, so I can't feel God
forbid the feather through the bird, through the plastic. So
I get it myself. I put it in the garbage
(19:44):
and I was so proud of myself because honestly, I'm
not kidding. A year and a half ago, I would
have been like, I need to call someone to get
this out. I need to call a man to help me.
I need Louise to come over with his shovels. Louise
come over and get my dead bird, which sounds like
(20:05):
I'm propositioning him because at this point my thing is
a dead bird. It's a dead bush, crusty bush, dusty cut.
But no, so I think that's a good metaphor. I
can't believe we're actually melding today, your dead bird thing
and mine, because like I handled it myself. Sometimes there's
(20:25):
a pride and a real I don't know, it's almost gleefully, like,
oh my god, look what I did. I actually killed
Sorry Friday and Slap just killed the puppies. No, I
got this done myself. If it was a raccoon, that's
(20:45):
when you call in the sos SO. In other words,
I think we have to with our emotional issues and
with these things that happened day to day that bother us.
Maybe figure out if it's just a little dead bird
and you can handle it self soothed, do what you
have to do without hurting yourself. If it's a fucking big, dumb, poisonous, ravenous,
(21:06):
raybe ridden raccoon named Celia, you call it. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. See your fish pump of mine. He's not
gonna let it go. Just do it. So when we
come back, we are gonna talk. We're gonna get some
(21:28):
letters from people who are confused as to the line
to draw between self soothing. And by the way, if
you need self soothing techniques, go to our show notes.
Celia is going to compile a list of exercises that
you can do to make yourself less of a burden
to your friend and more paddable. As I'm saying this,
(21:48):
I'm going she's not going to do any of that,
you know why. She's what we call lazy and focused
on herself. So what we're gonna do is exercises you keegels.
I'm doing them right now. No, they are not in
the show notes. Look them up yourself. These are things
everyone can do. There's so many journaling tools. There's so
(22:10):
many different kinds of tools that you can use to
regulate yourself before you become a burden. And just so
you know, I don't feel in this studio any of
us as a burden except on who the listeners. Yes,
so now we have some letters from me because Nick,
we want to be able to be there for our
people and not drain them dry when it comes to
(22:31):
SOS calls and situations where we need to reach out.
We don't want to view ourselves as a burden. But
we also don't want to be an isolated island. So
let's hear from some listeners, readers slash viewers who have
this problem.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Go all right, you ready, Celia.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Jesus, I'm ready, wait, wait, let us go. Wait one second,
I love her. I think, yeah, my nurse. No, I'm
just kidding. Here's the question, why don't you just leave
the mic on? What if I like, do you have
(23:09):
any self control? Yes? Correct, look at me, Look at me.
You're an adult. I very much value you. I have
my fingers crossed behind my back. No, I think you
are a pro. I don't think you're gonna fart. I
don't think you're gonna cough. No, I don't think you're
gonna sneeze. Like what if you could what if it
picks up me like chewing my gum or something? Maybe
(23:30):
I can don't chew gum on the fucking air. I
gave up gum August fourth, twenty twenty two, and having
a piece of gum since so, I didn't look like
you do really with my mouth open. So maybe it
would be great for you to put it in. Now
it's under a desk under Elvis. Oh, she just stuck
(23:56):
it to Elvis's picture the microphone. Why did you put
it on Max's picture? You're dead and fired, But keep
you a little dumb mic on in case I asked
you something. But don't view it as something where I
want you to just jump in because you know where
you are. You're big on the limited dose. I'm too scared.
(24:16):
Celia goes a long way shuddy speak when you're spoken
to or shody, Okay, turn off. I was wrong. I
was wrong, but I forget what we're saying. Letters. Well, yeah,
that's it. Let's help people, Dear Lisa.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
I'm a paralegal at a law fir and one and
one of the partners ripped me apart last week and
her vagin sexy. He called me weak and incompetent.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Maybe she is.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
I went just like sitting. I went home and cried
and called my mom and she talked me off the ledge.
It really helped me to talk. But as soon as
I hung up the phone, I thought, I'm weak for
having to call my Oh is it weakness or strength
to ask for help when I'm down and out? I
don't know anyone. I don't know anymore, and maybe I
never did. Thanks Candace and san.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Fran Oh, Candace, I feel like I said it is
sad because the thing is, I think as a person
whose mother isn't here anymore, who probably never called their
mother for that kind of I love my mom, but
that was not her strength. My father's strength was the
one you'd call, oh, Dad, you know such and such happened,
and he'd be empathetic. My mother'd be like me, go,
(25:31):
I'll take care of him. I'll go in there you
want me to. It's like, that's not what you need.
So I really love that she has that with her mom,
and I am so sad for her that the intervening
message is like I shouldn't have done that. I'm weak
for doing that. It never would occur to me as
a reader of that letter to think, huh, that was
(25:53):
some weak bitch, because it doesn't sound like it happens
all the time. It sounds like that's a hard thing
to deal with, being called in competent, and we what
was it?
Speaker 3 (26:01):
The guy called her weekend incompetent?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
God, Celia, how is it to be called weekend incompetent
constantly in daily life? Definitely? Okay? So, Nick, have you
ever been called I got a snort people off as faddy.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
No, I mean, have you ever been called weekend incompetent? No?
Maybe incompetent or just like I don't know, stupid a lot. Sure,
But like this is gonna sound really braggy, but I'm
just pretty well liked around the board, Like even if
I do suck, people are like he's so fun, like
he kind of sucks at this job or whateverbody's fun.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I mean honestly, Okay, maybe Celia, you get weigh in
on this. So if you were ever like, you know,
we joke around. We haveviously been joking around this whole time.
You're really good at your job. You're the opposite of
week and incompetent. But if someone like were to really
go off on you about something, and it can happen,
It's happened to me. It's happened to me, has it?
Oh my god, Elvis is so mean that it wasn't
(27:04):
else I know it never is. He's a gentleman. Like
would you personally think someone's weak for calling their mom no? Right?
I mean I used to like calling your friend no. Yeah.
See that's nice when you could have that. Imagine being
so lucky that you view your mom as a peer,
as someone who could help you, who could talk you
off a ledge a little bit without like rushing into
(27:26):
rescue you, which is how my mom used to be.
So you just didn't tell her. To me, that's a
really nice thing, and she needs this. Candace needs to
work on the negative thoughts she's having about herself. I'm weak,
So maybe working on the piece of like well, reaching
out isn't bad. Maybe telling myself I'm weak is Does
(27:48):
that make sense? Nick?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Yeah? I mean I don't have a mom to call,
so oh, Nick, she's as dead as Celia.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
You know, I really hope that you're not speaking not too.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Oh do I want you to get dick all the time?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I mean I want her to get dick down. She's
not cocking that. I'm standing upon business.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
She's cocking on business.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
You remember how we might have had a few good
ratings for this show. This one will knock be out
of them. This is gonna be when they go. It's
somehow Episode twelve went off the rails and never came back. Geez,
there we go. It becomes true. I'm blaming it on you.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
You're a woman in New York City. Figure it out, dude.
It's not hard.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
There's no way you're not able to get some whatever
the thing is you want to. You don't like ugly people.
See that's you're in New York City. There's hot people everywhere. Taken. No, oh,
it's New York City. N Ning ning, we're gonna do
a different episode. This is for a different episode on
(29:07):
Celia's negative thoughts, Celia's self sabotaged. That would be a
five parter. Well, then we're gonna have to do it.
That will be thirteen through eighteen if I'm adding five directly.
All right, Nick, what's the next letter?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
All right? Number two? Lisa. My name is Wendy. I'm
such a big fan quite frankly need your bluntness. Oh good,
I'm thirty seven, So am I Wendy from Kansas City,
and I just feel weird about my role in this friendship.
My best friend called me the other night at twelve
something in the morning, crying because her boss gave her
(29:42):
a weird tone in an email.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Okay, weird tone in an email. That's not a thing.
That's not real. You can't give a weird tone. There's nothing.
That's why texting an email suck. Yep, correct, it's because's
not weird. He didn't say you're weakening competence, Celia. He
fucking said nothing, but she took it that way.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Go it's weird tone of email, And of course I
talked her off the ledge. May Tea made tea through
the phone. She's a badass queen. Oh god, blah blah
blah boo. But now now I'm wondering, am I her
go to because I'm helpful or because I never say
no ooh? And is it even healthy to be on
(30:22):
call like I'm her emotional nine one one?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Absolutely? Nat? What is her name?
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Wendy?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Wendy, Where are you from? Kansas City?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Kansas City girl, here's a.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Problem with Midwesterners. They're so nice and no, they're not dumb.
Kansas City is a good city. I feel like the
minute you start to tip over into feeling like you're
the emotional constant nine one one, that's where you have
to start putting up a boundary. Now you know me,
I don't believe in self care meaning facials and massages
(30:56):
and candles. Yeah they're also all that stuff's nice, but
it's not going to heal you. But the four basic
tenants and I'll go into the other three at different time,
of actual self care for ourselves is boundaries of just
knowing how much we could take and communicating that. So
I would say, when her friend comes the fuck down,
she say to her, you know what, I love being
(31:17):
here for you. I love being that person you can call.
I'd love to see if we could do it within
normal business hours. I'd love whatever your boundary is, because
those late nights and that yas queening is gonna get
what did she say to her? A good girl or whatever? Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Badass queen.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I No one's believing that. By the way, that's not
the way to support a friend. Nick, pretend you are No,
you'll pretend you have a problem. It doesn't make you
feel better to hear you're a badass queen. Go ahead, like, Okay,
so what happened with the boss?
Speaker 3 (31:57):
I don't know. He just was like getting on me
about my job and like saying, but was it.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Just a tone of the email?
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yeah, it was. The email just seemed off like usually
does three exclamation places. He did one.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Oh my god. Okay, So you know what, maybe you're
just reading a little into it. And while I'd love
to tell you're a badass queen, and me telling you
that five hundred times isn't going to make you feel it.
So maybe you need to do some internal work to
figure out that you are worthy and you do have
things to offer. And again, maybe you're not a badass queen.
(32:28):
Maybe you're just terrible.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
It's a fat ass queen.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, that's true. So goodbye. And by the way, now
it's four am and I'm never getting asleep. I hope
you're happy. Wicked reference. So I think you really give
them the good advice, the good good as they say,
which is where you actually give them some actual feedback
of like blowing smoke and telling somebody they're pretty or
(32:53):
a badass queen. They're never gonna believe it if they
don't believe it within them, no matter how many times
I tell you, You're not gonna believe it, So tell her
to move on. Call others. Have some boundaries and stop
being everybody's nine one one next fuck you? Is this one? Wendy? Okay,
(33:13):
I mix up our girls.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
This is Kimberly from Houston, Texas.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Too many women. Maybe that's the problem. It's all family
blah blah, hormone family black period styles.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Okay, go ahead, dear Lisa. Whenever I'm upset about something,
I usually save it from my therapist, who I speak
to every Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
By the way, I'm going to interrupt you and say
that's one I do I had, don't cut that out.
I'm a human with biological needs. I had something occur
on a Sunday, and I said to myself, I could
call a bunch of people invent two things happen on
(33:55):
the same Sunday. Oh, I was sick to was a
week quiz, And I said, I could vent, and I
could be a big yent and tell everybody, let me
see what the shrink says on Wednesday, because then you
at least know what's on a calendar somewhere, and you
could almost It's not like you're not gonna feel it,
but at least will be we'll have some hope that
(34:18):
it's going to get taken care of. So I think
that's a good logic, So go on.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Uh. The problem is when something comes up on a
Tuesday night or a Wednesday, and it sucks because I'm
forced to wait a full week to talk to her.
Do you think that waiting can be good? Or should
I use that time to reach out to my friends
and family?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Okay, I love that is so I did not see
that coming. Okay, that is a quandary wrapped in a riddle,
wrapped in a question. He's right, the good What is
this fellow's name? Kimberly Kimberly, he really needs to change
his name.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So I think what's great is I think that's the
space for emotional growth. I think it's the thing where like,
can you ever call a doctor's office, a normal doctor,
not in the r or anything, and they go, if
this is a true emergency, called nine one one, and
like at that point you're like, I guess my earache
isn't a true emergency, so let me just leave a message.
(35:13):
If it's a true emergency, if something happens on a
Tuesday night after therapy or Wednesday morning, yeah, if it's
a super sos like oh my god, I found out
my mother's dying, my mother has cancer, not like that's
the only thing you can call people before or I'm
getting broken up with. I just my house was broken into. Yeah,
maybe that's worth kind of calling somebody inventing or complaining
(35:36):
or worrying about or problem solving. But if it's kind
of just your running the mill emotional stuff, use that
week and see how uncomfortable it is, because it is
uncomfortable to self soothe, to regulate your own emotions, to
see if you can handle it on your own. Maybe
the answer for the therapist will be Hey, I went,
(35:58):
I tried for a week and I couldn't handle this
on my own and I almost implode it. And then
they can give you some clues of how to help yourself.
But I think that unfortunately, that time would be used
really well working on this.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Fuck.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Yeah, you are less than helpful today. Do you have
Edny input whatsoever? You're just really good on the podcast
sometimes and then sometimes I'm like why why why is
lumpy Nick someone who's on the show. No, but you
ever have that time where you got to go like
(36:33):
if dude, if you were like on vacation without self service?
Like I think of that too, Like White Load is
how none of them had their phones last season? That
fit weird family. How did they had to either look
inward or jerk each other's brother off, Like there's like
only two things you can do.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
I won't I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I know you have. It's it's autobiography, But don't you
think what a life lesson of going? Wow, I survived
that week and I actually figured out for myself what
I need.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yeah, I think I think again, there's something just being
able to take a second think about it, work through
tools also too, like tell me if I'm wrong here,
But if you have therapy on a Tuesday, right, And
although this happens to me, like they're giving you if
they're good and like like a brad, they'll give you
(37:28):
tools and things to work on with things outside of it,
so like and I get it. Sometimes things hit you
and you just can't even like get grounded, and you're
just like, but like try to if you have therapy
on a Tuesday, it's like it's fresh. And something happens
on a Wednesday, like go back, and you're paying for
the service, and as you should do it, you know,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
It's not just the Tuesday, sobby, isn't the one good
day of your week. It's to apply the tools to
the foreseeable future. So it's and you know what's wild
as old as I am and just discovering TikTok like
six months ago, there is everything on it, so like
I found I don't know, somehow someone knew that I
(38:09):
was working on nervous system regulation or whatever, and I'm
following all these awesome people with all these tools and
I'm like, oh my god, Like, first of all, how
did you know what I was thinking? But God bless.
There's ways to work on this stuff, and there's like
really good therapists online just for like that eventuality that
something happens the night after and you're like, I don't
(38:32):
want to be If you've noticed you are burdensome to
other people, like I truly noticed it with my former friend,
it's like, oh okay till I reach out, I'm going
to like try these things right, Like there's we have
so much access to things now.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah, I have an app sometimes I use that just
helps with like in the moment if I'm just like, man,
I'm feeling really needy today or I'm feeling really long later,
I'm feeling XYZ and I just like it's like an
AI just type something in. They're like, well, you can
work on these three practices of things to say mantras.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, Like there's so many tools out there. Yeah, I
thought you the app you were using in distress with
zuber eats, that was probably go oh yeah, here we go, okay,
one last one real quick?
Speaker 3 (39:15):
This is it all right, Dear Lisa. I'm a guy. Finally,
I'm a guy that holds everything in and deals with
my wife's problems, my kids problems, and my own problems.
I know where this goes, except the wife and kids part.
The joke is that the guys like me have heart
attacks and die. I think complaining is pointless, and I'd
(39:38):
say I only explode in the tantrum two or three
times a year. Do you think this is healthy? Knowledge?
Ill from Birmingham, Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Wish you.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Down.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I think men tend to do that a lot. Yeah,
And I also think like masculine women like myself, you know,
because I'm sort of a lady boy. No mas like
people who are the strong woman, the pioneer woman type
of thing. You hold a lot of it in too,
So that's extreme. I don't think. Wouldn't it be great
(40:09):
to not explode two to three times a year? Like again,
it's that beach ball analogy. It's popping up somehow. And
by the way, he probably explodes on the wrong people
because I always did. Yeah, it was never the guy
who deserved it. It was always the poor post office
or bank employee. And then you can't go to the
bank anymore. Then you can't go and mail a letter,
(40:31):
God forbid, you need to post something by pony Express.
So I think old Nigel needs to not view himself
as a burden and to work on a shit because again,
just having that safe space, that safe friend, that's safe whatever. Also,
what do you say he's dealing with his wife's and
(40:53):
his kids' problems and his problem.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Yeah, I hold everything in deal with my wife's problems,
with my kids problems, and my own problem.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
How about not marrying some needy bitch who sucks you dry,
whether it's a man or a woman. Yeah, that's right, Celia. Yeah,
I would rather have someone who knows how to regulate themselves.
I have an actual friend. Who say I have an
(41:19):
actual friend? Do you believe I have a friend who?
I asked yesterday? She said she was going through something
like some inner work, which I loved when people say that,
because they're doing their work themselves. And how do you
navigate that living with your husband? Don't you just like
say to him, honey, help me fix this? And she goes, no, why,
And I'm like I don't know, Like you just work
(41:41):
on it yourself, And she's like, yeah, does he take
it personally that you don't tell him everything? She's like no,
because like it's my issue, it's not for him to fix.
I said, what does he say and shes. He says,
let me know what you need. How much better is
that scent? That is the best sentence in the world
because then you can tell him, you can judge if
it's something you can give you or not, and he'd
(42:05):
check in with her once in a while if she's fine.
Can you imagine someone who takes care of your needs
when you need them to, unlike a Celia who will
come in here with the mics that don't work that
I have to do my own slide showing them back.
I don't like it. No, she does everything. I'm just kidding.
She does everything perfect, wouldn't it? Isn't that the right
(42:25):
way to let yourself handle your shit and the other
person just steps aside. So maybe Henigel doesn't have to
take on the wife's problems. Doesn't that's so codependent. Yes,
I guess you have to take your kids problems on,
but let her be an adult, because by taking on
her stuff, you're interrupting her journey to being a self
(42:47):
regulated human. See I say something real good, like a
nice a nice, like a little clip, put something like
a like one where they go. She's smart, she's smad,
she got booked garments, she has weeded, and then Nick goes,
fuck you.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
Yeah, do that.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
But I think what I said was right and I'm
not complaining. What about you, Nick?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
No, Nigel, you got it. You gotta figure it out,
and I gotta. I got a buddy like that. He
takes some people's problems. You got okay, you got you gotta.
I mean I talked to him, so like you got
friends to reach out to, like this an instance like
this is an instance where like, you're not an S
O S guy. I'm sure people that know you are
not gonna be like this needy motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
No, this is once in a while is allowed to
reach out. Absolutely, Just it's something weird about taking on
your partner's problems as your own. I'm no one to
talk about this because I don't have a partner, never
was a good one, proudly divorced twice. Yeah me. But
I'm like, wow, that's got to be difficult to navigate
(43:56):
someone who is an emotional hot mess.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Which is me pretty much.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Nope, you're the opposite, you're a cold mess, herbic.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
But yeah, I mean that's tough. Yeah, like you said,
with your kids, you got to deal with it. But
with your wife, like, talk to her about it.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Maybe, well, we all marry who we need to help
us work. Oh no, I think we marry who we
need to show us how to work on our stuff.
So if you're noticing, like you're constantly rescuing or you're
constantly soothing her versus yourself and you're pushing down your needs,
it's like, oh, maybe that's a sign you need to
work on that, right, So what what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Do I know?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I just know I like them British shows. You know
you have to watch them. They're very good with British Baby,
the British Bacon. I like the ones with Department Q.
You like that one where they go, gay, I'm dead
now I'm going to find the killer. Nice British got imaginations.
That's what you do. Go watch the British Bakeoff and
stick ahead the cake. That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Am I British jerk off.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
I'm just complaining that this is a long episode. If
you didn't like to like this episode, call someone invent
or self soothe through it, or just don't listen. That's
my advice to you. Or if you want to listen,
what should they do? Nick?
Speaker 3 (45:16):
Thanks for listening guy.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
It you to semi app conversation.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Why should be sure to email us your questions at
shrink This Show at gmail dot com. That is shrinked
this show at Celia's a Slut dot com. And make
sure to follow me on socials at Nick Scopes and
her on socials at least Labinelli and her on socials
at Ghanifan Gay for pay dot com. Make sure to
(45:49):
listen to shrink This on your iHeartRadio app or wherever
the you get your podcast.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
You have it better be the iHeart app. It fucking better.
So I'm saying, we love you, We'll see you next time,
or maybe we won't. H
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These. You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,
go leam, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
(00:37):
what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You we're you,
We're not where We don't take it in the rear anymore.
Those were the days, weren't they nick They were when
the anal ass play was something that was frequent.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah, you sure does.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We are discussing Celia's sex life in the car everyone.
For those of you who don't know, this is Lisa Labinelli.
This is shrink This with me, comedic guy, con retired comedyan,
amazing fucking podcast influencer, extradin air and the unpaid, largely talented,
largely large Nix Scopetti.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, camera, people, listen to this.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Watch it.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
You're gonna watch it now?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh why to see your guns? Turn in?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
See these arms and hear about or see about Celia's
sex life.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know we're discussing Celia's sex life in the car
because we're just wondering. We're like, I wonder she said
in the past she's been interested in lady boy like
Harry Styles. I don't know if that's the right term.
Is not the right turn mean? What do you mean
by s? We said here, see about.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Celia because you're on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
We want to watch watching, watch what all of the
sex that's not happening. We're just wondering. Listening to a
former episode, I was just like, Oh, she likes that
kind of like very femboy. Maybe she just needs a
big black, hard one. That's just my prescription. They called
(02:24):
me doctor Lisa. I wat out prescriptions for O.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
If you're a big black guy write in.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, but not to me anymore. I've retired my backside.
Just Nick and Celia, welcome to shrink this the podcast
that were supposed to be helpful to people, but I
highly doubt is. What do you think, Nick, do you
think we've helped anyone?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
All right, So moving on what we're going to talk
about today, Celia, I'm just trying to see if she's
very attention. Yeah, you push my But who's a good girl.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
A treat me?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now we're gonna talk about something. Listen, I don't like
these babies. Why is everybody a big baby? What is
with the complaining? I am sick and tired of everybody
complaining and reaching out and having to tell me about
(03:22):
their problems. Not on this show, that's professional. They reach out,
they ask the questions. But Nick, do you have in
normal life some of your friends and or family members
that you just see that phone ring and you go, Jesus, Chris, superstop,
I'm gonna have to now hear a litany of complaints.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah no, because I've set pretty hard boundaries in my family,
so no one fucking calls me for anything?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Do they? Did you like say the boundaries out loud, like, hey,
you know what, don't call me?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
If I wouldn't even categorize as complaining. Me and my
two cousins have a group chat, and if we are
complaining to each other, it's usually about one of our parents,
well just two of our parents. Aunt Rosemary is perfect,
my dad my one who knows?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So you basically taught them how to treat you where
they know not to just call and vent. And because
I think there's a fine line. I wanted to talk
about the fine line between venting, complaining and being a
broken frickin' record. Because also I always think ahead till
twenty years from now. In twenty years when I'm eighty,
(04:34):
let me see twenty carry two eighty four, thank you, Nick,
eighty four. It's hard to add those round numbers when
I'm eighty four. Suppose all my friends are dead, because
you know what, I'm very healthy. I'm going to murder.
I would I do murders, Maybe they'll be dead and
(04:56):
or incapacitated or just busy all about. Instead, I do
a little experiment with myself that I don't have to
reach out and complain as much or vent as much,
and learn how to self soothe. This doesn't mean isolating,
It doesn't mean being a martyr. It doesn't mean keeping
it all in and then exploding at the lady and
(05:17):
the post office line who's getting her passport done. I
know that sounds specific, but it's from a specific thing.
Yes there was a snap, and yes it might have
been me maybe not. Yes it was, But I think
there's that really fine line between, you know, what maybe
I should see if I should handle a lot of
things on my own self sooth soothe in proper ways
(05:39):
that aren't about you know, I'm gonna binge huge amount
of shows or binge food or binge get get get
blackout drunk, like Celia, just do the right thing and
not buy Ganny in bulk, because I think it's gonna
help my self esteem and not have solved any of
my inner trauma.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
You put the right thing.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's good to have a millennial producer or whatever whatever
you are. Yeah, listen to your elders. Bitch our poor producer, Celia.
I keep miss gendering her as millennial. Okay, sorry, no
I don't know. Well, look at the shirt rugby match. Okay.
(06:28):
So how I feel is sometimes you've got to self
soothe and go what's an actual emergency? So I wanted
to talk about self soothing versus making a true so
OS call like Nick, can you have you ever been
the guy who truly had an so os, Like really,
something was really wrong and you had to either talk
(06:50):
about something or handle something.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I would say, primarily when I was younger, Yes, I
would definitely like reach out to to friends, primarily because
family was pretty unreliable about stuff. Now on occasion, I will,
I'll reach out. It's funny I have we can talk
about this separately, but yeah, I'll reach out to friends,
(07:15):
usually usually through text. It's never really a call, and
I find myself like, I hate even they're good friends.
I've known him for a while. I always view myself
as like, even when I do do do that do?
I view myself as like a burden.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Yeah, which also is unhealthy because I remember getting a
text from you a few weeks ago and you were like,
hey man, and I'm like, god boy, I love a
Hayman text because the rescuer rescuer and me really loves
to help, and uh, dude, I almost called you because
such and such was bothered me, and I was like,
(07:51):
why didn't he call? I love that, And I on
the receiving and didn't feel it was a burden because
you do it so rarely that I would have been
thrilled for you to call me and then we could
talk crap about whoever was giving you a hard time.
So I think the burden. I don't think you'll ever
fall into the category of the guy who over reaches out,
who over like relies on other people. You almost just
(08:15):
kind of have to do it a little and get
comfortable with asking for help sometimes. But then there's those
other people, those energy sucks who literally I'm like, okay,
and this is how I recognize it. I hate to
say it. It's so embarrassing because I used to totally
be that. I remember and this is just awful. If
I could apologize, I would, but we don't speak anymore.
(08:38):
I had a friend for thirty five years, and for
much of that she was at a disability so she
really didn't leave the house much, and she was like
a bestie where you would just talk about everything and
just vent and complain and you know, problem solve whatever.
And this is horrible to say. I'm already canceled, so
(08:59):
this will cancel me further. I was like, honestly, like
she's disabled, what else has she got to do? I
would never think it conscious. Don't laugh, Celia. I'm trying
to tell you about something that was painful. So she
has to laugh at like the pain. Yeah, I know,
I get it. Emotional unavailable. She had to do a snort,
laugh the whole nine yards to go. But you understand,
(09:20):
I'm telling you bad thinking. It was like I was like, oh,
you know, yeah, you know, so and so is pretty
like you know, she's she probably one of her main
sources of self esteem is that she can help me
or help others, because she was a helper, rescuer type
all so, and I'd be like, well, where's she going.
She ain't going out to run, she's not climbing a mountain.
Come on, please, so and you know all I laughing,
(09:43):
but you're all are mean and you don't like disabled people.
So sadly, I remember the day. I don't know how
it dawned on me. I think she got for the
first time in like thirty years, she got like annoyed
with me. Like she was very calm, she was a
really soothing person. But man, I think I was venting
about something that was so fucking white girl entitled problem.
(10:09):
I think it was something like a producer wasn't calling
me back. So I was. It was a Broadway producer
and we were supposed to do a show and I
wasn't hearing back from him, and I'm crying and I'm
saying to her, well, if he doesn't call me back,
what have I left the earth? What have I left
the world, my message will not get out there and
(10:31):
I will have no legacy. And she just goes, you know,
and I'm thinking, oh my god, now that I'm saying
it's so freaking brutal. Just think of her circumstance. You know,
she had a hard time physically all and then just
to hear this white bitch yelling about her stupid legacy
and she goes, you know, I think you need to
look into radical self compassion and radical worthiness because I
(10:58):
don't have all the answers for you. And it was
like one of those slaps that you go, oh, I
deserve that one. And then I was like what I
got a word. The second I got off the phone
with her, I ordered this book, radical self Compassion. I
ordered this other book about worthiness, and I was like,
oh my god, she's right, and I became too much
for her. Oh stop it. I didn't say she was
(11:18):
in a chair. How dare you if I wasn't so
disabled myself. I walk over there and slap your fat
face and misshapen fuck. But I think, like, we don't.
I don't think we notice it until somebody calls us
on it. And so now I'm almost aware of at
the other end of like, oh, when can I actually,
like you said, quote, burden someone and when is it
(11:41):
okay to vent? But I think that also, that journey
of losing her as a friend, I think meant that
I had to get actual, real therapy, not just talk therapy.
Sorry those yes, talk Therapy's fine, it's a great first step.
But to really get in there and get in your body,
I really think you have to do trauma therapy or
some kind of somatic therapy to really get that stuff
(12:04):
worked on and out of your body. And I'm like, oh,
through our therapist, Brad, I won't mention last names, but
will link them in the show notes, which we won't
because we don't have show notes because our producer, Celia
is too busy buying hair clips. You jerk it off
(12:26):
two guys at the day time. She's telling us to
break No. One tells me to break gets who tells
me how to break me? No? But I think, boy being,
once you do some get some somatic therapy, once you
get some trauma therapy, you realize, oh, they're self soothing
of my own nervous system that I can do, and
then it will truly be an so s call. If
(12:49):
that's what's needed. So I shouldn't be calling Nick saying,
oh my god, I just got to cut off in traffic.
And I mean it really triggered the fact that, like
my pairs choose to cut me off when I was talking,
oh my god, the receipt at the CBS was so
long it running into huge talk I was banged with.
And those aren't the things you should really be having
(13:10):
to vent about those things? Are you can self soothe
about those things? Do you understand what I'm saying, Nick,
Because you do do this trauma therapy work.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
I do. I do. Also I'm an only child, so
self soothing's.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Pretty pretty comes naturally.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
It comes comes pretty naturally, right, I mean, still, I'm
thirty seven years old, and like I'll reach out to
friends I've had for forever and about something. I'm like,
I'm sorry, I'm bothering you at this and They're like, dude,
we've been friends for twenty years and I'm like, yeah,
I know.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
And also aren't we at the point with friends that
they would say, Hey, I'm busy right now. Can I
call you later or tomorrow? So meaning it's I don't
if somebody's picking up the phone I don't think we're
bothering them.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
No.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I think there's the two extremes. The one I went
to with my former friend, which I truly regret, and
then the extreme one might be at now we're like,
oh my god, I'm burdening people. There's that fine line
in between of like, wait, I've tried for twenty four
hours to really work on this myself. I try to
do the you know, nervous system regulation. I've tried all
the somatic exercises, but it's something I just have to
(14:08):
talk about.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, I think also too, there's I know this is
just my process, but in the moment when it's happening,
I don't really reach out or do anything. I just
replay it in my head and I have to like
kind of wrap my head around what is even happening
or why I'm feeling this way. Then like two days later,
if I'm still feeling it, then I'll reach out to
(14:41):
someone and I'll have more of like a coherent like
I'll say, a coherent argument, but like it makes me more.
If I'm so heightened, it's just not gonna come out
good and I'm gonna have all the negative thoughts and
all these bad things, and it's like that you work
through and you go, well, actually it's probably just this.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
This right, and it's more calm and coherent. And also,
we don't want to become the boy who cries wolf
all the time. We don't want to ever have somebody
see our name come up on the phone like oh boy,
here we go and there is I looked up honestly
because I wanted to talk to some girls I coach.
They don't feel entitled to complain. Every one of these
girls in this group. It's like a little group coaching group.
(15:20):
They go, they will have something legitimately wrong. They'll be like,
I didn't get that part, but you know it's fine.
So I feel like there are benefits to complaining, and
I looked it up. But it has to be limited time.
It has to be short, it has to be okay,
maybe even literally timed, because it is a nice emotional release.
I have a list, look at this. I'm prepared. Yeah,
(15:43):
because if you complain just a little, you have an
emotional release. So you're not pushing it down like that
beach wall, because no matter how much you push down
the beach wall, it's gonna pop right the fuck back.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Up.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
So the emotional release problem solving could occur if you're
calling a friend and you're like, what do you think man,
and you bitch and moan. They can give you feedback
if asked for it. You can also get support. I mean,
there's nothing wrong with support. It's just we have to
know when we're piling too much on somebody else, which
I clearly was doing to this form a friend of mine.
And also it could, in mild doses, motivate us to
(16:15):
change whatever we're complaining about, you know, like it's that
thing of like, you know, I eat at this restaurant
once a week in Connecticut on the water, and it's
always cold, like fucking always, even in the I mean
I have to it's either the air conditionings too high
or in the winter it's the heat isn't high enough.
(16:35):
And I'm like, I could ask them to change it.
I could be a straight up cunt and be like,
how dare you I come here? I'm a regular, I
don't know who I am. Bring a fucking sweater? How
about I bring a sweater? So? Yeah, I do? Now,
how dare you call me on my ship? No? So
the complaining about oh my god, I was so cold
at the restaurant. You go bring a shawl. Nick, You
(16:58):
know what you do. You bring a nice paj mina.
You drape it around yourself. They sell them on the street.
Corn Is, then you're not the complain the old Jude
always stopped doing there because of our friend Andrew Ginsburg.
Shout out to Andrew Ginsburg, who does so much work
(17:19):
for this podcast. We do. But honestly, you're gonna thank me,
Corny for quoting someone, but I don't care, because listen
to this statement and tell me where I'm wrong. This
is brilliant. This is from an activist name very famous
named bell Hooks, which I'm sure neither one of you
have heard about because you're racist and you don't like
to be active at all, and no fist bump on that.
(17:41):
But she said, think about this, man, because really this
could apply even if you have a husband or a
wife or a partner. Their job isn't to just constantly
be available to you and constantly hear you rattle on
about the same thing. So I think we have to
take responsibility. And bell Hooks said, what you're dying for
someone else to give you, you need to figure out
how to give it to yourself so masturbation, Nick, that
(18:06):
comes to mind when I think of you. You can't
always want to stick it in. You sometimes have to
give it to yourself, the self soothing. You can't always
look to the partner to sell before you. You have
to go internal and do it yourself. Does this make
sense to you, Nick scope Leddi And are you able
to do that and stop being such a lightweight pussy?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yes? I sit on my thumb sometimes make myself for guys, stop.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You're talking about But don't you agree? Don't you agree?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Yeah? Now you have to have some form of some
form of regulation, whatever it is, before you start bringing
It's like a one of my old bosses used to say, like,
don't bring like dead birds to my door, you know,
like a cat.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
If it's awesome, like.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
A cat brings dead birds to the door. It's like,
don't bring me, don't bring me dead birds like it's true.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, the deal, Learn how.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
To deal with it yourself in some aspect, and then
come to me and we can have a normal rational conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Right, bring like a dead animal. I feel like a
lot of dead birdstn't add up by the way I
had to. I had to clean up my own dead
bird the other day in the yard. It was laying
there and give a little kick, you know, because I'm like, oh, please, jeez, God,
(19:22):
let it actually be dead, because you can imagine I
start to pick it up, it flaps, it beats me. Peck,
get a peck right there. I don't need this help
from this bird. And I had to get a big
like an industrial garbage bag, so I can't feel God
forbid the feather through the bird, through the plastic. So
I get it myself. I put it in the garbage
(19:44):
and I was so proud of myself because honestly, I'm
not kidding. A year and a half ago, I would
have been like, I need to call someone to get
this out. I need to call a man to help me.
I need Louise to come over with his shovels. Louise
come over and get my dead bird, which sounds like
(20:05):
I'm propositioning him because at this point my thing is
a dead bird. It's a dead bush, crusty bush, dusty cut.
But no, so I think that's a good metaphor. I
can't believe we're actually melding today, your dead bird thing
and mine, because like I handled it myself. Sometimes there's
(20:25):
a pride and a real I don't know, it's almost gleefully, like,
oh my god, look what I did. I actually killed
Sorry Friday and Slap just killed the puppies. No, I
got this done myself. If it was a raccoon, that's
(20:45):
when you call in the sos SO. In other words,
I think we have to with our emotional issues and
with these things that happened day to day that bother us.
Maybe figure out if it's just a little dead bird
and you can handle it self soothed, do what you
have to do without hurting yourself. If it's a fucking big, dumb, poisonous, ravenous,
(21:06):
raybe ridden raccoon named Celia, you call it. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. See your fish pump of mine. He's not
gonna let it go. Just do it. So when we
come back, we are gonna talk. We're gonna get some
(21:28):
letters from people who are confused as to the line
to draw between self soothing. And by the way, if
you need self soothing techniques, go to our show notes.
Celia is going to compile a list of exercises that
you can do to make yourself less of a burden
to your friend and more paddable. As I'm saying this,
(21:48):
I'm going she's not going to do any of that,
you know why. She's what we call lazy and focused
on herself. So what we're gonna do is exercises you keegels.
I'm doing them right now. No, they are not in
the show notes. Look them up yourself. These are things
everyone can do. There's so many journaling tools. There's so
(22:10):
many different kinds of tools that you can use to
regulate yourself before you become a burden. And just so
you know, I don't feel in this studio any of
us as a burden except on who the listeners. Yes,
so now we have some letters from me because Nick,
we want to be able to be there for our
people and not drain them dry when it comes to
(22:31):
SOS calls and situations where we need to reach out.
We don't want to view ourselves as a burden. But
we also don't want to be an isolated island. So
let's hear from some listeners, readers slash viewers who have
this problem.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Go all right, you ready, Celia.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Jesus, I'm ready, wait, wait, let us go. Wait one second,
I love her. I think, yeah, my nurse. No, I'm
just kidding. Here's the question, why don't you just leave
the mic on? What if I like, do you have
(23:09):
any self control? Yes? Correct, look at me, Look at me.
You're an adult. I very much value you. I have
my fingers crossed behind my back. No, I think you
are a pro. I don't think you're gonna fart. I
don't think you're gonna cough. No, I don't think you're
gonna sneeze. Like what if you could what if it
picks up me like chewing my gum or something? Maybe
(23:30):
I can don't chew gum on the fucking air. I
gave up gum August fourth, twenty twenty two, and having
a piece of gum since so, I didn't look like
you do really with my mouth open. So maybe it
would be great for you to put it in. Now
it's under a desk under Elvis. Oh, she just stuck
(23:56):
it to Elvis's picture the microphone. Why did you put
it on Max's picture? You're dead and fired, But keep
you a little dumb mic on in case I asked
you something. But don't view it as something where I
want you to just jump in because you know where
you are. You're big on the limited dose. I'm too scared.
(24:16):
Celia goes a long way shuddy speak when you're spoken
to or shody, Okay, turn off. I was wrong. I
was wrong, but I forget what we're saying. Letters. Well, yeah,
that's it. Let's help people, Dear Lisa.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
I'm a paralegal at a law fir and one and
one of the partners ripped me apart last week and
her vagin sexy. He called me weak and incompetent.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Maybe she is.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
I went just like sitting. I went home and cried
and called my mom and she talked me off the ledge.
It really helped me to talk. But as soon as
I hung up the phone, I thought, I'm weak for
having to call my Oh is it weakness or strength
to ask for help when I'm down and out? I
don't know anyone. I don't know anymore, and maybe I
never did. Thanks Candace and san.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Fran Oh, Candace, I feel like I said it is
sad because the thing is, I think as a person
whose mother isn't here anymore, who probably never called their
mother for that kind of I love my mom, but
that was not her strength. My father's strength was the
one you'd call, oh, Dad, you know such and such happened,
and he'd be empathetic. My mother'd be like me, go,
(25:31):
I'll take care of him. I'll go in there you
want me to. It's like, that's not what you need.
So I really love that she has that with her mom,
and I am so sad for her that the intervening
message is like I shouldn't have done that. I'm weak
for doing that. It never would occur to me as
a reader of that letter to think, huh, that was
(25:53):
some weak bitch, because it doesn't sound like it happens
all the time. It sounds like that's a hard thing
to deal with, being called in competent, and we what
was it?
Speaker 3 (26:01):
The guy called her weekend incompetent?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
God, Celia, how is it to be called weekend incompetent
constantly in daily life? Definitely? Okay? So, Nick, have you
ever been called I got a snort people off as faddy.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
No, I mean, have you ever been called weekend incompetent? No?
Maybe incompetent or just like I don't know, stupid a lot. Sure,
But like this is gonna sound really braggy, but I'm
just pretty well liked around the board, Like even if
I do suck, people are like he's so fun, like
he kind of sucks at this job or whateverbody's fun.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I mean honestly, Okay, maybe Celia, you get weigh in
on this. So if you were ever like, you know,
we joke around. We haveviously been joking around this whole time.
You're really good at your job. You're the opposite of
week and incompetent. But if someone like were to really
go off on you about something, and it can happen,
It's happened to me. It's happened to me, has it?
Oh my god, Elvis is so mean that it wasn't
(27:04):
else I know it never is. He's a gentleman. Like
would you personally think someone's weak for calling their mom no? Right?
I mean I used to like calling your friend no. Yeah.
See that's nice when you could have that. Imagine being
so lucky that you view your mom as a peer,
as someone who could help you, who could talk you
off a ledge a little bit without like rushing into
(27:26):
rescue you, which is how my mom used to be.
So you just didn't tell her. To me, that's a
really nice thing, and she needs this. Candace needs to
work on the negative thoughts she's having about herself. I'm weak,
So maybe working on the piece of like well, reaching
out isn't bad. Maybe telling myself I'm weak is Does
(27:48):
that make sense? Nick?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Yeah? I mean I don't have a mom to call,
so oh, Nick, she's as dead as Celia.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
You know, I really hope that you're not speaking not too.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Oh do I want you to get dick all the time?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I mean I want her to get dick down. She's
not cocking that. I'm standing upon business.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
She's cocking on business.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
You remember how we might have had a few good
ratings for this show. This one will knock be out
of them. This is gonna be when they go. It's
somehow Episode twelve went off the rails and never came back. Geez,
there we go. It becomes true. I'm blaming it on you.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
You're a woman in New York City. Figure it out, dude.
It's not hard.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
There's no way you're not able to get some whatever
the thing is you want to. You don't like ugly people.
See that's you're in New York City. There's hot people everywhere. Taken. No, oh,
it's New York City. N Ning ning, we're gonna do
a different episode. This is for a different episode on
(29:07):
Celia's negative thoughts, Celia's self sabotaged. That would be a
five parter. Well, then we're gonna have to do it.
That will be thirteen through eighteen if I'm adding five directly.
All right, Nick, what's the next letter?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
All right? Number two? Lisa. My name is Wendy. I'm
such a big fan quite frankly need your bluntness. Oh good,
I'm thirty seven, So am I Wendy from Kansas City,
and I just feel weird about my role in this friendship.
My best friend called me the other night at twelve
something in the morning, crying because her boss gave her
(29:42):
a weird tone in an email.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Okay, weird tone in an email. That's not a thing.
That's not real. You can't give a weird tone. There's nothing.
That's why texting an email suck. Yep, correct, it's because's
not weird. He didn't say you're weakening competence, Celia. He
fucking said nothing, but she took it that way.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Go it's weird tone of email, And of course I
talked her off the ledge. May Tea made tea through
the phone. She's a badass queen. Oh god, blah blah
blah boo. But now now I'm wondering, am I her
go to because I'm helpful or because I never say
no ooh? And is it even healthy to be on
(30:22):
call like I'm her emotional nine one one?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Absolutely? Nat? What is her name?
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Wendy?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Wendy, Where are you from? Kansas City?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Kansas City girl, here's a.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Problem with Midwesterners. They're so nice and no, they're not dumb.
Kansas City is a good city. I feel like the
minute you start to tip over into feeling like you're
the emotional constant nine one one, that's where you have
to start putting up a boundary. Now you know me,
I don't believe in self care meaning facials and massages
(30:56):
and candles. Yeah they're also all that stuff's nice, but
it's not going to heal you. But the four basic
tenants and I'll go into the other three at different time,
of actual self care for ourselves is boundaries of just
knowing how much we could take and communicating that. So
I would say, when her friend comes the fuck down,
she say to her, you know what, I love being
(31:17):
here for you. I love being that person you can call.
I'd love to see if we could do it within
normal business hours. I'd love whatever your boundary is, because
those late nights and that yas queening is gonna get
what did she say to her? A good girl or whatever? Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Badass queen.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I No one's believing that. By the way, that's not
the way to support a friend. Nick, pretend you are No,
you'll pretend you have a problem. It doesn't make you
feel better to hear you're a badass queen. Go ahead, like, Okay,
so what happened with the boss?
Speaker 3 (31:57):
I don't know. He just was like getting on me
about my job and like saying, but was it.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Just a tone of the email?
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yeah, it was. The email just seemed off like usually
does three exclamation places. He did one.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Oh my god. Okay, So you know what, maybe you're
just reading a little into it. And while I'd love
to tell you're a badass queen, and me telling you
that five hundred times isn't going to make you feel it.
So maybe you need to do some internal work to
figure out that you are worthy and you do have
things to offer. And again, maybe you're not a badass queen.
(32:28):
Maybe you're just terrible.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
It's a fat ass queen.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, that's true. So goodbye. And by the way, now
it's four am and I'm never getting asleep. I hope
you're happy. Wicked reference. So I think you really give
them the good advice, the good good as they say,
which is where you actually give them some actual feedback
of like blowing smoke and telling somebody they're pretty or
(32:53):
a badass queen. They're never gonna believe it if they
don't believe it within them, no matter how many times
I tell you, You're not gonna believe it, So tell her
to move on. Call others. Have some boundaries and stop
being everybody's nine one one next fuck you? Is this one? Wendy? Okay,
(33:13):
I mix up our girls.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
This is Kimberly from Houston, Texas.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Too many women. Maybe that's the problem. It's all family
blah blah, hormone family black period styles.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Okay, go ahead, dear Lisa. Whenever I'm upset about something,
I usually save it from my therapist, who I speak
to every Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
By the way, I'm going to interrupt you and say
that's one I do I had, don't cut that out.
I'm a human with biological needs. I had something occur
on a Sunday, and I said to myself, I could
call a bunch of people invent two things happen on
(33:55):
the same Sunday. Oh, I was sick to was a
week quiz, And I said, I could vent, and I
could be a big yent and tell everybody, let me
see what the shrink says on Wednesday, because then you
at least know what's on a calendar somewhere, and you
could almost It's not like you're not gonna feel it,
but at least will be we'll have some hope that
(34:18):
it's going to get taken care of. So I think
that's a good logic, So go on.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Uh. The problem is when something comes up on a
Tuesday night or a Wednesday, and it sucks because I'm
forced to wait a full week to talk to her.
Do you think that waiting can be good? Or should
I use that time to reach out to my friends
and family?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Okay, I love that is so I did not see
that coming. Okay, that is a quandary wrapped in a riddle,
wrapped in a question. He's right, the good What is
this fellow's name? Kimberly Kimberly, he really needs to change
his name.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So I think what's great is I think that's the
space for emotional growth. I think it's the thing where like,
can you ever call a doctor's office, a normal doctor,
not in the r or anything, and they go, if
this is a true emergency, called nine one one, and
like at that point you're like, I guess my earache
isn't a true emergency, so let me just leave a message.
(35:13):
If it's a true emergency, if something happens on a
Tuesday night after therapy or Wednesday morning, yeah, if it's
a super sos like oh my god, I found out
my mother's dying, my mother has cancer, not like that's
the only thing you can call people before or I'm
getting broken up with. I just my house was broken into. Yeah,
maybe that's worth kind of calling somebody inventing or complaining
(35:36):
or worrying about or problem solving. But if it's kind
of just your running the mill emotional stuff, use that
week and see how uncomfortable it is, because it is
uncomfortable to self soothe, to regulate your own emotions, to
see if you can handle it on your own. Maybe
the answer for the therapist will be Hey, I went,
(35:58):
I tried for a week and I couldn't handle this
on my own and I almost implode it. And then
they can give you some clues of how to help yourself.
But I think that unfortunately, that time would be used
really well working on this.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Fuck.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Yeah, you are less than helpful today. Do you have
Edny input whatsoever? You're just really good on the podcast
sometimes and then sometimes I'm like why why why is
lumpy Nick someone who's on the show. No, but you
ever have that time where you got to go like
(36:33):
if dude, if you were like on vacation without self service?
Like I think of that too, Like White Load is
how none of them had their phones last season? That
fit weird family. How did they had to either look
inward or jerk each other's brother off, Like there's like
only two things you can do.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
I won't I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I know you have. It's it's autobiography, But don't you
think what a life lesson of going? Wow, I survived
that week and I actually figured out for myself what
I need.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yeah, I think I think again, there's something just being
able to take a second think about it, work through
tools also too, like tell me if I'm wrong here,
But if you have therapy on a Tuesday, right, And
although this happens to me, like they're giving you if
they're good and like like a brad, they'll give you
(37:28):
tools and things to work on with things outside of it,
so like and I get it. Sometimes things hit you
and you just can't even like get grounded, and you're
just like, but like try to if you have therapy
on a Tuesday, it's like it's fresh. And something happens
on a Wednesday, like go back, and you're paying for
the service, and as you should do it, you know,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
It's not just the Tuesday, sobby, isn't the one good
day of your week. It's to apply the tools to
the foreseeable future. So it's and you know what's wild
as old as I am and just discovering TikTok like
six months ago, there is everything on it, so like
I found I don't know, somehow someone knew that I
(38:09):
was working on nervous system regulation or whatever, and I'm
following all these awesome people with all these tools and
I'm like, oh my god, Like, first of all, how
did you know what I was thinking? But God bless.
There's ways to work on this stuff, and there's like
really good therapists online just for like that eventuality that
something happens the night after and you're like, I don't
(38:32):
want to be If you've noticed you are burdensome to
other people, like I truly noticed it with my former friend,
it's like, oh okay till I reach out, I'm going
to like try these things right, Like there's we have
so much access to things now.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah, I have an app sometimes I use that just
helps with like in the moment if I'm just like, man,
I'm feeling really needy today or I'm feeling really long later,
I'm feeling XYZ and I just like it's like an
AI just type something in. They're like, well, you can
work on these three practices of things to say mantras.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, Like there's so many tools out there. Yeah, I
thought you the app you were using in distress with
zuber eats, that was probably go oh yeah, here we go, okay,
one last one real quick?
Speaker 3 (39:15):
This is it all right, Dear Lisa. I'm a guy. Finally,
I'm a guy that holds everything in and deals with
my wife's problems, my kids problems, and my own problems.
I know where this goes, except the wife and kids part.
The joke is that the guys like me have heart
attacks and die. I think complaining is pointless, and I'd
(39:38):
say I only explode in the tantrum two or three
times a year. Do you think this is healthy? Knowledge?
Ill from Birmingham, Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Wish you.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Down.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I think men tend to do that a lot. Yeah,
And I also think like masculine women like myself, you know,
because I'm sort of a lady boy. No mas like
people who are the strong woman, the pioneer woman type
of thing. You hold a lot of it in too,
So that's extreme. I don't think. Wouldn't it be great
(40:09):
to not explode two to three times a year? Like again,
it's that beach ball analogy. It's popping up somehow. And
by the way, he probably explodes on the wrong people
because I always did. Yeah, it was never the guy
who deserved it. It was always the poor post office
or bank employee. And then you can't go to the
bank anymore. Then you can't go and mail a letter,
(40:31):
God forbid, you need to post something by pony Express.
So I think old Nigel needs to not view himself
as a burden and to work on a shit because again,
just having that safe space, that safe friend, that's safe whatever. Also,
what do you say he's dealing with his wife's and
(40:53):
his kids' problems and his problem.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Yeah, I hold everything in deal with my wife's problems,
with my kids problems, and my own problem.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
How about not marrying some needy bitch who sucks you dry,
whether it's a man or a woman. Yeah, that's right, Celia. Yeah,
I would rather have someone who knows how to regulate themselves.
I have an actual friend. Who say I have an
(41:19):
actual friend? Do you believe I have a friend who?
I asked yesterday? She said she was going through something
like some inner work, which I loved when people say that,
because they're doing their work themselves. And how do you
navigate that living with your husband? Don't you just like
say to him, honey, help me fix this? And she goes, no, why,
And I'm like I don't know, Like you just work
(41:41):
on it yourself, And she's like, yeah, does he take
it personally that you don't tell him everything? She's like no,
because like it's my issue, it's not for him to fix.
I said, what does he say and shes. He says,
let me know what you need. How much better is
that scent? That is the best sentence in the world
because then you can tell him, you can judge if
it's something you can give you or not, and he'd
(42:05):
check in with her once in a while if she's fine.
Can you imagine someone who takes care of your needs
when you need them to, unlike a Celia who will
come in here with the mics that don't work that
I have to do my own slide showing them back.
I don't like it. No, she does everything. I'm just kidding.
She does everything perfect, wouldn't it? Isn't that the right
(42:25):
way to let yourself handle your shit and the other
person just steps aside. So maybe Henigel doesn't have to
take on the wife's problems. Doesn't that's so codependent. Yes,
I guess you have to take your kids problems on,
but let her be an adult, because by taking on
her stuff, you're interrupting her journey to being a self
(42:47):
regulated human. See I say something real good, like a
nice a nice, like a little clip, put something like
a like one where they go. She's smart, she's smad,
she got booked garments, she has weeded, and then Nick goes,
fuck you.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
Yeah, do that.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
But I think what I said was right and I'm
not complaining. What about you, Nick?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
No, Nigel, you got it. You gotta figure it out,
and I gotta. I got a buddy like that. He
takes some people's problems. You got okay, you got you gotta.
I mean I talked to him, so like you got
friends to reach out to, like this an instance like
this is an instance where like, you're not an S
O S guy. I'm sure people that know you are
not gonna be like this needy motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
No, this is once in a while is allowed to
reach out. Absolutely, Just it's something weird about taking on
your partner's problems as your own. I'm no one to
talk about this because I don't have a partner, never
was a good one, proudly divorced twice. Yeah me. But
I'm like, wow, that's got to be difficult to navigate
(43:56):
someone who is an emotional hot mess.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Which is me pretty much.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Nope, you're the opposite, you're a cold mess, herbic.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
But yeah, I mean that's tough. Yeah, like you said,
with your kids, you got to deal with it. But
with your wife, like, talk to her about it.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Maybe, well, we all marry who we need to help
us work. Oh no, I think we marry who we
need to show us how to work on our stuff.
So if you're noticing, like you're constantly rescuing or you're
constantly soothing her versus yourself and you're pushing down your needs,
it's like, oh, maybe that's a sign you need to
work on that, right, So what what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Do I know?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I just know I like them British shows. You know
you have to watch them. They're very good with British Baby,
the British Bacon. I like the ones with Department Q.
You like that one where they go, gay, I'm dead
now I'm going to find the killer. Nice British got imaginations.
That's what you do. Go watch the British Bakeoff and
stick ahead the cake. That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Am I British jerk off.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
I'm just complaining that this is a long episode. If
you didn't like to like this episode, call someone invent
or self soothe through it, or just don't listen. That's
my advice to you. Or if you want to listen,
what should they do? Nick?
Speaker 3 (45:16):
Thanks for listening guy.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
It you to semi app conversation.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Why should be sure to email us your questions at
shrink This Show at gmail dot com. That is shrinked
this show at Celia's a Slut dot com. And make
sure to follow me on socials at Nick Scopes and
her on socials at least Labinelli and her on socials
at Ghanifan Gay for pay dot com. Make sure to
(45:49):
listen to shrink This on your iHeartRadio app or wherever
the you get your podcast.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
You have it better be the iHeart app. It fucking better.
So I'm saying, we love you, We'll see you next time,
or maybe we won't. H
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