July 31, 2024 • 20 mins
Are you single for the first time in a long time ? Today we read a list on how to get back in the dating world and give advice!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning Show
Suran in the Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, we're talking about this a second ago.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Being single or actually going from in relationship to being
single and getting out there in the dating world can
be a total mind f you know. I mean, it
can just really scare you, maybe to the point where
you just won't go out. And there's nothing wrong with
spending some time with your friends and letting them take
care of you and just being a person and not
(00:28):
having to think about dating someone else. Because when you
start dating someone else, sometimes it turns into this game
like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Sometimes it shouldn't be that way. It is. It can't
be horrible. It's true.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I know that no matter who you have as friends,
someone in your circle, maybe you are in this situation
where it's time to get out there and dating again
if you want so. Nate sent me this article. It's
a great list about dating, getting out there in the
dating world, and there's some things to think about here.
So if this isn't you, maybe you have a friend
(01:02):
who is about to go back into the dating world,
or maybe they are and they're struggling, or or the
succeeding I don't know. So, Hey, Nate, did you ever
find a caller for her?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
I did talk to Renee. She says, dating in twenty
twenty four is like going to a thrift shop.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh perfect, let's start with her. Then, let's just rather
than diving into the list. Now, let's talk to Renee.
You're saying dating is sucking for you these in this
day and age.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Why is that, Renee?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
It's absolutely horrible. My comment was, it's like trying to
find the least used item that doesn't smell bad but
still holds up for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Okay, wow, dating it goodwill, salvation army.
Speaker 6 (01:41):
I get it.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
It's just it's hard. I most guys either that I
have come into contact with, or either you know, carrying
baggage from their past or you know they are you know,
sewing the wild if you will, on things that they
you know, should have done years ago. And it kind
(02:05):
of trickles down to me, as you know, the one
who's trying to date up. I end up only finding
ways to date down. My daughter actually told me the
other day, Mom, you're like one of those capture the
flag tech people, and I seem to capture all the
red flags.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I mean, so you're saying it's impossible that there's nothing
out there for you at all, or are you just
getting started.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We don't know where you are in the process.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
I've been doing this now for about ten years, off
and on, trying to find somebody that fits decent and
it has been very difficult. I am not giving up there.
I'm found in a termined There is somebody out there
for me. It's just a matter of finding that person.
And you know, one of the big things that I
(02:53):
have learned is I had to set standards and if
you don't meet those standards, then there's really no point
in you coming to you know, to things. But yeah,
it has been difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So what do you think, Gandhi?
Speaker 7 (03:06):
Well, I wanted to know when you say you're trying
to date it, but you end up dating down, what
do you mean by that?
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So I'm trying to find somebody that you know, and
I had, like I said, I set my standards, so
you must have a job. Your job must be something
that is able to take me to dinner, you know.
So I'm trying to find somebody that that has those
good qualities about him, and I only seem to find
those that don't have those qualities.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
So you know, and that's the hard part is trying
to find somebody. And like I said, again, so simple,
and there's yet so many men out there that thinks that,
I mean, how are you going to pay for dinner?
Chivalry is gone, it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Well, I I God, I hate hearing that because I'm
I'm hoping, I'm praying that's not the case for everyone
and it's just been the luck of the draw with you.
But on the other hand, excuse me. You know, we
all have this weird baggage that we carry around in lives,
in our lives, and so you're looking for a guy
who has less baggage because there's always going to be
(04:15):
something you have to deal with. There's always going to
be ways that you try to try to match up
with someone and who's not totally messed up forever, right,
So exactly, employ and.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
It's all that you're willing to compromise.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
With, Okay, so there can be comfortable exactly.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Well, they're there there, you know, there needs to be
you know, obviously, I'm completely okay with somebody who has children,
my daughter's college age. I'm okay with somebody who has children,
but you know, it's got to be within reason. I
don't need the Brady bunch. And you know, but again,
two or three kids, that's fine, you know, we can
we can.
Speaker 8 (04:50):
Work with that.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
But if you've got five, six kids with multiple mothers
and it's like, that's just too much for me where
I'm at a right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Now, and that's fair for you.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, Danielle, I know you haven't had one hundred percent success,
but is there one place or one maybe dating app
or something that you feel like works better than others.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
I feel like I did have some decent luck on
Bumble and Hinge that you seem to be you know,
average people. Anything other than that, you know, the paid apps,
I did have some success, but not tons.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Right, Well, look, stay on it. It doesn't sound like
you're ready to give up. So that's good news, you know,
not at all, not at all.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
There is somebody out there for everyone. It's just a
matter in finding the right person.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm in all right. Well, thank you so much for
your time, Renee. We appreciate it. You have a great day,
good luck.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Okay, thanks you too, Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
So this list is very interesting.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Dating getting back into the dating world number one into
this and I love this one. Worry less about if
they like you and more about if you even like them.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Oh that's a good one. Huh.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We're always trying to like, put our lure in the
water and hopefully they'll like our shiny shiny lure better
than the other ones.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Well, what about them? I mean, do I like them?
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
What am I trying to attract here? What do you think, Nate?
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I think that's a very accurate, you know, point for
a lot of people, because a lot of people want
what they can't have, right, it's for them, it's like, well.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Why doesn't this person like me?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I gotta try harder, you know, it's you're trying too
hard to get something that doesn't want you in return.
So I think that's a fantastic point.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And also, you know, you see so many people, maybe
you've been in this situation before, when there's a breakup,
you're like, why don't they like me? How I need
for them to like me. I'm gonna go try harder,
I'm gonna Well, no, what about you? Why do you
want to be with someone who doesn't want to be
with you? I mean, it's about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Right?
Speaker 6 (06:59):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Number two, rejection is not as personal as it feels.
Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility then
your inherent worth.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Think about that for a second.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
You know, we have to stop thinking about them and
trying to please them and making them like us.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
What are we doing? Thats just that sucks? What about us?
What about me? You know? You agree?
Speaker 7 (07:24):
Oh my god, totally. And just because it doesn't work
out doesn't mean either person is bad. You just weren't
good together, right.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Number three goes back to what I was saying a
second ago. Stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's
not mutual, then why do you want to pursue it?
If they don't want to be with you, they're not
showing enough interest in you. All right, later or maybe
not even later?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Bye? Right? I love this list? Where'd you get this list?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
It's from We're Not Really Strangers dot com? It was
on RT and I just thought it was interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Number four, ask yourself, would you be friends with this
person if you weren't physically attracted them?
Speaker 6 (08:00):
I mean that's a good one, really good one. Yeah,
that is really good.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Well, physical attraction is typically what typically what kind of
makes us look at someone to begin with. I get that,
but it's going to be beyond and deeper than that.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I was thinking of that when I was watching The
Bachelorette for the one day I watched it the other
day because there was a guy who was so hot
and she has this physical attraction to him. But I
didn't feel like there was anything emotionally there or like
that they were really had anything in common or liking
each other. And I was just like, they were just
in it for the physical part. And I'm like, so
(08:35):
for long term, that can't work. You know, that's not
gonna last.
Speaker 6 (08:38):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Way about this for a second. Let's say you break
up with someone or they break up with you, whatever,
and you're like, well, why why are we not speaking
to each other anymore? Were we not friends when we
were together? Why were we even in that relationship if
we weren't friends.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
That's why when people say they started out as friends
first with someone for years and then it went into
that area, I feel like, you know what that means
so much sense because you knew you like them because
they were your friend first.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Wow, I've never been one of those. Have you guys?
Oh that's all I date.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
There's some that I've been friends with.
Speaker 7 (09:11):
Really we start, Yeah, I have not dated someone who
I was not friends with at some point in my
life or knew before we started dating.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, and Brandon and you hated each other at first.
Remember then you became friends and.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well they were kids.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
I mean, yeah, you weren't even twelve.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I mean it was that young.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Yeah, we were little.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
But yeah, I mean but I knew him for a
while and we still talked online and you knew each
other a bit.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, here's a deep one.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Make it very clear on what you want to give
in a relationship, not just what you want to receive
in a relationship, meaning what unique value do you bring
to a partnership? Wow, see again you're taking the light
off of them and putting it on you.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is about me.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I want to be happy in this relationship. What am
I willing to give? How far am I willing to go?
If ever they push you to the point where they
want you to go into an area where you don't
want to go emotionally or putting it up with whatever,
how much do that can you give?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
You know, it's not about them, it's about you.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
And I also think too. I have a very good
friend who's always complaining about the dating world, and I
asked her once would you date you? And she said no?
So I was like, okay, well why you right?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Got to fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Was she serious?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If you say that I wouldn't date myself, that is
worthy of investigation.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Don't don't you think that's a red flag? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Wow? Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Again, know what you want from a potential partner. What
are your non negotiables, what are you flexible on? And
then communicate your needs. Don't just look, just think them.
And here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know with an
individual person you're dating what's negotiable or not until you
get to the problem, right, you don't know you date.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's some things like maybe religious that's a non negotiable.
Like I knew going into my relationship being a Catholic
is important to me. I knew I wanted to raise
my kids Catholic. Sheldon's Episcopalian, which is very close. But
you know, like we those are things you need to discuss.
Those are things that if that's that important to you
going in, is that non negotiable you.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Know, Wow, and you're talking about deep into the relationship
with marriage marriage talk. I'm just talking about like body
odor stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
Oh okay, well, I hope that's a non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, different people.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Danielle is wrong about you and what you
believe in as far as bodyodor goes. I'm not into
body odor personally. I'm just using as example, Yes, Kandhi.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
I think a really important question to ask people, because
you'll get interesting answers, is what is something about you
that I won't find out until we're well into the
relationship or maybe it's too late. And I asked my
boyfriend that when we first started dating, and he said,
I'm a very poor sport, and man if he wasn't
accurate about that, and that is like something that you
(12:00):
deal with all the time on little issues. But it
would have taken a long time to figure that out.
And I'm glad that he told me that so I
could decide if that was, you know, something that bothered
me or not.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Well, asking about those things, most of the ones that
are the most challenging, they're not going to tell you
because they don't face up to those problems.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Themselves. Well they might not even know it exactly exactly
what's up? Scary?
Speaker 8 (12:25):
Okay, At the risk of sounding as shallow as a puddle,
I just bring it all back. I'm sorry, I don't
want to. I think that people who are fours and
fives and sixes aim for eights, nines and tens, and
the eights and nines and tens are really dating and
with other eights, nines and tens, they're not looking down
(12:46):
at the forest. Fives and sixes and not just in
the forest. Fives and sixes don't just apply to your looks.
I'm just what it also applies to what you're bringing
to the table in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Scary.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
How who is giving us these numbers? I'm trying to
figure out. How how do I know if I'm a
four or five or six.
Speaker 8 (13:03):
Well, you may be lower like for me, Okay, if
two people, one person doesn't have kids and one person
has kids, some of the person without the kids might
lower the score of a person with kids because for
them that's like, you know, they don't have kids and
they're they're they're dating.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Okay, so I get that, But the rating of these numbers,
I'm trying to figure out, Like this isn't the Olympics.
We're not having the German judge give us a number.
I don't know where you're coming up with, Like, how
do you know you're a four? How dare you as
a five go for an eight?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
How does it? How does this apply? Just tell me
how that works.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
Because I think more people would be happy and experience
bliss if the fours, fives, and sixes all got together
with each other.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And you're not listening to what I'm saying. How do
I know I'm in the category of fours? I don't
know how what makes me feel I'm a four? And
how do you know that you're not a nine to
someone and a three to someone else? Right, I'm not trying.
I'm trying to figure this out.
Speaker 8 (13:56):
I feel like, Okay, looks wise, I may be a
five or six, but maybe I have a great so
that brings me up to an eight, you know, because like,
for instance, that woman right there on the phone was
looking for someone, but take some dinner.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I can do that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But you think you're an eight, but everyone else thinks
you're a three.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
Like that's not like you know out though.
Speaker 8 (14:15):
It's it's it. There's more to it than just the looks.
It's the full package of what you're bringing. If you've
got baggage and you've got like your x'es, and you've
got other issues going, your number is going to be lower.
You may be really hot, you may be a nine,
but you're lowered to a four. I'm just saying that
the people should get I don't know. This is just
my own theory. And I saw form online.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Okay, good, let me stick figure form. Let me ask
you how much how much sense would this conversation make
if you eliminated the fours, fives, and six's rating system
and just talked as if we're just people like dating
people with baggage versus not and what gandhi, can you
help me with this?
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (14:54):
I kind of sadly understand what he's saying a little bit,
because you know, we were on the phone early with
a woman who said, I'm trying to date up. I
always date down. But if she's trying to date up,
and that means the person she's trying to date is
going to date down. So I think what he's trying to.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Say is maybe.
Speaker 7 (15:14):
She's trying to like shop in our category and like
stay I actually dealt with a dating service called the
Three Day Rule, and they said, one of the biggest
dating mistakes is that everybody wants a ten. Sort of
what's scary you're saying, But what are you bringing to
the table that makes you a ten?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it isn't all about looks, It's about lifestyle. It's
about all kinds of things.
Speaker 7 (15:34):
But a lot of people are disappointed because they think
that they're bringing more than they actually are.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
I don't know if.
Speaker 8 (15:40):
Helen wanted ten, but the guys that she's looking at
are dating other nines and tens.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
She may not be a ten to that.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Dude.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It sucks, but that's life.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But everybody's ten is different. Like you're ten is different
than my ten.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
That's my point, Like it's it's just okay, let me
just assign myself a number according to what I feel
about me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know. I do shockingly see where you're going.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
With it, you know, I don't know. Let's move on.
If you if you had a way with words, they
move you up to seven. Maybe all right, all right,
stop here we are another list. Uh line here is
(16:33):
stop being shocked by repeated behavior. Oh god, I am
such the worst at this. For example, if someone has
continuously shown you they're they're not a good texture, stop
expecting them to be.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Notice patterns and believe them. And this could be.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Something as simple as texting or something as complicated as
anger or whatever. If you see a pattern there, stop
being shocked every time it comes to the surface.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
I'm guilty of that too. I'm sorry too.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Is it because we think it's going to change and
it never does? Is that basically what it is?
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Yeah? Yeah, because you think you're going to change that person.
You think, oh, I'm special, I'm going to change this
person's bad behavior or behavior that I don't agree with
because I'm special, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Nope, that person is that person. You're not going to change.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Them special, Nate, That's right. I'm telling myself that for years.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Danielle, that's that's a very good one.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
We're all guilty of that, not only in romantic relationships,
but in relationship with relationships with colleagues and friends, whatever.
They keep screwing you over in one way or another,
and you just expect it to get better and it doesn't.
I love that one. You don't need to be perfect
to be loved. Perfection isn't relatable, meaning I could be
(17:53):
a four and be loved. Oh scary, You can't, you
can't connect to it. We all have flow, we all
have vulnerabilities, and being able to own them as one
of the most attractive things we can do. The right
person will embrace the things you once felt you had
to hide. What let me read that again. The right
person will embrace the things you once felt you had
(18:15):
to hide.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Your oo, all your special qualities, your king yeah, oh yeah,
or your thought.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, it can be
physical or emotional whatever. Yeah, it's really about self examination,
right Gandhi, I mean, oh.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
Absolutely, I think the perfection thing it's so much harder
now because now that everybody is online and you think
that you have so many options, people see little red
flags that they probably would have dealt with before and
it wouldn't have been a big deal, and they just
immediately write that person off and move on to the
next person that appears to be perfect. But everybody, ourselves included,
we all have red flags. You can't just write people
(18:52):
off immediately for that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, God, I gotta find my red flags.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I always so seldom that I'm like, honey, if you
knew this when we were dating, would you run the
other way?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
And he's like, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Oh wow, changing that subject. This list, by the way, again,
I'm loving it. A great list.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
You right in here, Nate. I just lost it though,
Where did it go? I got the last one? You
want me to read the last one? Yeah, read the
last one? Okay.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Your love life is just one area of your life.
Don't forget to nurture the rest significant other aside. When
you visualize coming home to a life you love, what
does that look like? So it's not. Your life isn't
all about finding that person. You have other areas of
your life that you should nurture and enjoy, not just
(19:48):
finding some.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
Good one that is a good one.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And sometimes if you nurture those other areas and you
don't focus so much on finding the person, the person
kind of shows up, you know what I mean, the
most unexpected places.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well, if I could just end it with this text,
it really sums it all up. I'm good with an old,
rich guy with a heart condition.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
All right, Okay, there you go.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Shall I send them my number?
Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning Show
Suran in the Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, we're talking about this a second ago.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Being single or actually going from in relationship to being
single and getting out there in the dating world can
be a total mind f you know. I mean, it
can just really scare you, maybe to the point where
you just won't go out. And there's nothing wrong with
spending some time with your friends and letting them take
care of you and just being a person and not
(00:28):
having to think about dating someone else. Because when you
start dating someone else, sometimes it turns into this game
like chess.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Sometimes it shouldn't be that way. It is. It can't
be horrible. It's true.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I know that no matter who you have as friends,
someone in your circle, maybe you are in this situation
where it's time to get out there and dating again
if you want so. Nate sent me this article. It's
a great list about dating, getting out there in the
dating world, and there's some things to think about here.
So if this isn't you, maybe you have a friend
(01:02):
who is about to go back into the dating world,
or maybe they are and they're struggling, or or the
succeeding I don't know. So, Hey, Nate, did you ever
find a caller for her?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
I did talk to Renee. She says, dating in twenty
twenty four is like going to a thrift shop.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh perfect, let's start with her. Then, let's just rather
than diving into the list. Now, let's talk to Renee.
You're saying dating is sucking for you these in this
day and age.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Why is that, Renee?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
It's absolutely horrible. My comment was, it's like trying to
find the least used item that doesn't smell bad but
still holds up for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Okay, wow, dating it goodwill, salvation army.
Speaker 6 (01:41):
I get it.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
It's just it's hard. I most guys either that I
have come into contact with, or either you know, carrying
baggage from their past or you know they are you know,
sewing the wild if you will, on things that they
you know, should have done years ago. And it kind
(02:05):
of trickles down to me, as you know, the one
who's trying to date up. I end up only finding
ways to date down. My daughter actually told me the
other day, Mom, you're like one of those capture the
flag tech people, and I seem to capture all the
red flags.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I mean, so you're saying it's impossible that there's nothing
out there for you at all, or are you just
getting started.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We don't know where you are in the process.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
I've been doing this now for about ten years, off
and on, trying to find somebody that fits decent and
it has been very difficult. I am not giving up there.
I'm found in a termined There is somebody out there
for me. It's just a matter of finding that person.
And you know, one of the big things that I
(02:53):
have learned is I had to set standards and if
you don't meet those standards, then there's really no point
in you coming to you know, to things. But yeah,
it has been difficult.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So what do you think, Gandhi?
Speaker 7 (03:06):
Well, I wanted to know when you say you're trying
to date it, but you end up dating down, what
do you mean by that?
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So I'm trying to find somebody that you know, and
I had, like I said, I set my standards, so
you must have a job. Your job must be something
that is able to take me to dinner, you know.
So I'm trying to find somebody that that has those
good qualities about him, and I only seem to find
those that don't have those qualities.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
So you know, and that's the hard part is trying
to find somebody. And like I said, again, so simple,
and there's yet so many men out there that thinks that,
I mean, how are you going to pay for dinner?
Chivalry is gone, it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Well, I I God, I hate hearing that because I'm
I'm hoping, I'm praying that's not the case for everyone
and it's just been the luck of the draw with you.
But on the other hand, excuse me. You know, we
all have this weird baggage that we carry around in lives,
in our lives, and so you're looking for a guy
who has less baggage because there's always going to be
(04:15):
something you have to deal with. There's always going to
be ways that you try to try to match up
with someone and who's not totally messed up forever, right,
So exactly, employ and.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
It's all that you're willing to compromise.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
With, Okay, so there can be comfortable exactly.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Well, they're there there, you know, there needs to be
you know, obviously, I'm completely okay with somebody who has children,
my daughter's college age. I'm okay with somebody who has children,
but you know, it's got to be within reason. I
don't need the Brady bunch. And you know, but again,
two or three kids, that's fine, you know, we can
we can.
Speaker 8 (04:50):
Work with that.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
But if you've got five, six kids with multiple mothers
and it's like, that's just too much for me where
I'm at a right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Now, and that's fair for you.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, Danielle, I know you haven't had one hundred percent success,
but is there one place or one maybe dating app
or something that you feel like works better than others.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
I feel like I did have some decent luck on
Bumble and Hinge that you seem to be you know,
average people. Anything other than that, you know, the paid apps,
I did have some success, but not tons.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Right, Well, look, stay on it. It doesn't sound like
you're ready to give up. So that's good news, you know,
not at all, not at all.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
There is somebody out there for everyone. It's just a
matter in finding the right person.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I'm in.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I'm in all right. Well, thank you so much for
your time, Renee. We appreciate it. You have a great day,
good luck.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Okay, thanks you too, Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
So this list is very interesting.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Dating getting back into the dating world number one into
this and I love this one. Worry less about if
they like you and more about if you even like them.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Oh that's a good one. Huh.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We're always trying to like, put our lure in the
water and hopefully they'll like our shiny shiny lure better
than the other ones.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Well, what about them? I mean, do I like them?
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
What am I trying to attract here? What do you think, Nate?
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I think that's a very accurate, you know, point for
a lot of people, because a lot of people want
what they can't have, right, it's for them, it's like, well.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Why doesn't this person like me?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I gotta try harder, you know, it's you're trying too
hard to get something that doesn't want you in return.
So I think that's a fantastic point.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And also, you know, you see so many people, maybe
you've been in this situation before, when there's a breakup,
you're like, why don't they like me? How I need
for them to like me. I'm gonna go try harder,
I'm gonna Well, no, what about you? Why do you
want to be with someone who doesn't want to be
with you? I mean, it's about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Right?
Speaker 6 (06:59):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Number two, rejection is not as personal as it feels.
Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility then
your inherent worth.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Think about that for a second.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
You know, we have to stop thinking about them and
trying to please them and making them like us.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
What are we doing? Thats just that sucks? What about us?
What about me? You know? You agree?
Speaker 7 (07:24):
Oh my god, totally. And just because it doesn't work
out doesn't mean either person is bad. You just weren't
good together, right.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Number three goes back to what I was saying a
second ago. Stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's
not mutual, then why do you want to pursue it?
If they don't want to be with you, they're not
showing enough interest in you. All right, later or maybe
not even later?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Bye? Right? I love this list? Where'd you get this list?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
It's from We're Not Really Strangers dot com? It was
on RT and I just thought it was interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Number four, ask yourself, would you be friends with this
person if you weren't physically attracted them?
Speaker 6 (08:00):
I mean that's a good one, really good one. Yeah,
that is really good.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Well, physical attraction is typically what typically what kind of
makes us look at someone to begin with. I get that,
but it's going to be beyond and deeper than that.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I was thinking of that when I was watching The
Bachelorette for the one day I watched it the other
day because there was a guy who was so hot
and she has this physical attraction to him. But I
didn't feel like there was anything emotionally there or like
that they were really had anything in common or liking
each other. And I was just like, they were just
in it for the physical part. And I'm like, so
(08:35):
for long term, that can't work. You know, that's not
gonna last.
Speaker 6 (08:38):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Way about this for a second. Let's say you break
up with someone or they break up with you, whatever,
and you're like, well, why why are we not speaking
to each other anymore? Were we not friends when we
were together? Why were we even in that relationship if
we weren't friends.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
That's why when people say they started out as friends
first with someone for years and then it went into
that area, I feel like, you know what that means
so much sense because you knew you like them because
they were your friend first.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Wow, I've never been one of those. Have you guys?
Oh that's all I date.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
There's some that I've been friends with.
Speaker 7 (09:11):
Really we start, Yeah, I have not dated someone who
I was not friends with at some point in my
life or knew before we started dating.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, and Brandon and you hated each other at first.
Remember then you became friends and.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well they were kids.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
I mean, yeah, you weren't even twelve.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I mean it was that young.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Yeah, we were little.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
But yeah, I mean but I knew him for a
while and we still talked online and you knew each
other a bit.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, here's a deep one.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Make it very clear on what you want to give
in a relationship, not just what you want to receive
in a relationship, meaning what unique value do you bring
to a partnership? Wow, see again you're taking the light
off of them and putting it on you.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is about me.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I want to be happy in this relationship. What am
I willing to give? How far am I willing to go?
If ever they push you to the point where they
want you to go into an area where you don't
want to go emotionally or putting it up with whatever,
how much do that can you give?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
You know, it's not about them, it's about you.
Speaker 7 (10:11):
And I also think too. I have a very good
friend who's always complaining about the dating world, and I
asked her once would you date you? And she said no?
So I was like, okay, well why you right?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Got to fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Was she serious?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If you say that I wouldn't date myself, that is
worthy of investigation.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Don't don't you think that's a red flag? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Wow? Uh?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Again, know what you want from a potential partner. What
are your non negotiables, what are you flexible on? And
then communicate your needs. Don't just look, just think them.
And here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know with an
individual person you're dating what's negotiable or not until you
get to the problem, right, you don't know you date.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's some things like maybe religious that's a non negotiable.
Like I knew going into my relationship being a Catholic
is important to me. I knew I wanted to raise
my kids Catholic. Sheldon's Episcopalian, which is very close. But
you know, like we those are things you need to discuss.
Those are things that if that's that important to you
going in, is that non negotiable you.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Know, Wow, and you're talking about deep into the relationship
with marriage marriage talk. I'm just talking about like body
odor stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (11:24):
Oh okay, well, I hope that's a non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, different people.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You know, Danielle is wrong about you and what you
believe in as far as bodyodor goes. I'm not into
body odor personally. I'm just using as example, Yes, Kandhi.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
I think a really important question to ask people, because
you'll get interesting answers, is what is something about you
that I won't find out until we're well into the
relationship or maybe it's too late. And I asked my
boyfriend that when we first started dating, and he said,
I'm a very poor sport, and man if he wasn't
accurate about that, and that is like something that you
(12:00):
deal with all the time on little issues. But it
would have taken a long time to figure that out.
And I'm glad that he told me that so I
could decide if that was, you know, something that bothered
me or not.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Well, asking about those things, most of the ones that
are the most challenging, they're not going to tell you
because they don't face up to those problems.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Themselves. Well they might not even know it exactly exactly
what's up? Scary?
Speaker 8 (12:25):
Okay, At the risk of sounding as shallow as a puddle,
I just bring it all back. I'm sorry, I don't
want to. I think that people who are fours and
fives and sixes aim for eights, nines and tens, and
the eights and nines and tens are really dating and
with other eights, nines and tens, they're not looking down
(12:46):
at the forest. Fives and sixes and not just in
the forest. Fives and sixes don't just apply to your looks.
I'm just what it also applies to what you're bringing
to the table in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Scary.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
How who is giving us these numbers? I'm trying to
figure out. How how do I know if I'm a
four or five or six.
Speaker 8 (13:03):
Well, you may be lower like for me, Okay, if
two people, one person doesn't have kids and one person
has kids, some of the person without the kids might
lower the score of a person with kids because for
them that's like, you know, they don't have kids and
they're they're they're dating.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Okay, so I get that, But the rating of these numbers,
I'm trying to figure out, Like this isn't the Olympics.
We're not having the German judge give us a number.
I don't know where you're coming up with, Like, how
do you know you're a four? How dare you as
a five go for an eight?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
How does it? How does this apply? Just tell me
how that works.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
Because I think more people would be happy and experience
bliss if the fours, fives, and sixes all got together
with each other.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
And you're not listening to what I'm saying. How do
I know I'm in the category of fours? I don't
know how what makes me feel I'm a four? And
how do you know that you're not a nine to
someone and a three to someone else? Right, I'm not trying.
I'm trying to figure this out.
Speaker 8 (13:56):
I feel like, Okay, looks wise, I may be a
five or six, but maybe I have a great so
that brings me up to an eight, you know, because like,
for instance, that woman right there on the phone was
looking for someone, but take some dinner.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I can do that.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But you think you're an eight, but everyone else thinks
you're a three.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
Like that's not like you know out though.
Speaker 8 (14:15):
It's it's it. There's more to it than just the looks.
It's the full package of what you're bringing. If you've
got baggage and you've got like your x'es, and you've
got other issues going, your number is going to be lower.
You may be really hot, you may be a nine,
but you're lowered to a four. I'm just saying that
the people should get I don't know. This is just
my own theory. And I saw form online.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Okay, good, let me stick figure form. Let me ask
you how much how much sense would this conversation make
if you eliminated the fours, fives, and six's rating system
and just talked as if we're just people like dating
people with baggage versus not and what gandhi, can you
help me with this?
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (14:54):
I kind of sadly understand what he's saying a little bit,
because you know, we were on the phone early with
a woman who said, I'm trying to date up. I
always date down. But if she's trying to date up,
and that means the person she's trying to date is
going to date down. So I think what he's trying to.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Say is maybe.
Speaker 7 (15:14):
She's trying to like shop in our category and like
stay I actually dealt with a dating service called the
Three Day Rule, and they said, one of the biggest
dating mistakes is that everybody wants a ten. Sort of
what's scary you're saying, But what are you bringing to
the table that makes you a ten?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And it isn't all about looks, It's about lifestyle. It's
about all kinds of things.
Speaker 7 (15:34):
But a lot of people are disappointed because they think
that they're bringing more than they actually are.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
I don't know if.
Speaker 8 (15:40):
Helen wanted ten, but the guys that she's looking at
are dating other nines and tens.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
She may not be a ten to that.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Dude.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
It sucks, but that's life.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But everybody's ten is different. Like you're ten is different
than my ten.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
That's my point, Like it's it's just okay, let me
just assign myself a number according to what I feel
about me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know. I do shockingly see where you're going.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
With it, you know, I don't know. Let's move on.
If you if you had a way with words, they
move you up to seven. Maybe all right, all right,
stop here we are another list. Uh line here is
(16:33):
stop being shocked by repeated behavior. Oh god, I am
such the worst at this. For example, if someone has
continuously shown you they're they're not a good texture, stop
expecting them to be.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Notice patterns and believe them. And this could be.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Something as simple as texting or something as complicated as
anger or whatever. If you see a pattern there, stop
being shocked every time it comes to the surface.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
I'm guilty of that too. I'm sorry too.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Is it because we think it's going to change and
it never does? Is that basically what it is?
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Yeah? Yeah, because you think you're going to change that person.
You think, oh, I'm special, I'm going to change this
person's bad behavior or behavior that I don't agree with
because I'm special, I'm different.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Nope, that person is that person. You're not going to change.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Them special, Nate, That's right. I'm telling myself that for years.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Danielle, that's that's a very good one.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
We're all guilty of that, not only in romantic relationships,
but in relationship with relationships with colleagues and friends, whatever.
They keep screwing you over in one way or another,
and you just expect it to get better and it doesn't.
I love that one. You don't need to be perfect
to be loved. Perfection isn't relatable, meaning I could be
(17:53):
a four and be loved. Oh scary, You can't, you
can't connect to it. We all have flow, we all
have vulnerabilities, and being able to own them as one
of the most attractive things we can do. The right
person will embrace the things you once felt you had
to hide. What let me read that again. The right
person will embrace the things you once felt you had
(18:15):
to hide.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Your oo, all your special qualities, your king yeah, oh yeah,
or your thought.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, it can be
physical or emotional whatever. Yeah, it's really about self examination,
right Gandhi, I mean, oh.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
Absolutely, I think the perfection thing it's so much harder
now because now that everybody is online and you think
that you have so many options, people see little red
flags that they probably would have dealt with before and
it wouldn't have been a big deal, and they just
immediately write that person off and move on to the
next person that appears to be perfect. But everybody, ourselves included,
we all have red flags. You can't just write people
(18:52):
off immediately for that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, God, I gotta find my red flags.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I always so seldom that I'm like, honey, if you
knew this when we were dating, would you run the
other way?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
And he's like, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Oh wow, changing that subject. This list, by the way, again,
I'm loving it. A great list.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
You right in here, Nate. I just lost it though,
Where did it go? I got the last one? You
want me to read the last one? Yeah, read the
last one? Okay.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Your love life is just one area of your life.
Don't forget to nurture the rest significant other aside. When
you visualize coming home to a life you love, what
does that look like? So it's not. Your life isn't
all about finding that person. You have other areas of
your life that you should nurture and enjoy, not just
(19:48):
finding some.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
Good one that is a good one.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And sometimes if you nurture those other areas and you
don't focus so much on finding the person, the person
kind of shows up, you know what I mean, the
most unexpected places.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well, if I could just end it with this text,
it really sums it all up. I'm good with an old,
rich guy with a heart condition.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
All right, Okay, there you go.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Shall I send them my number?
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