Mr. Michael Oppenheimer 13

He won’t take no for an answer, it’s the horribly persistent salesperson, Mr. Michael Oppenheimer!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Elvis durand Elvis Duran's phone tap.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
Michael Oppenheimer strikes again. Dear Elvis, my son Milo gets
crazy when telemarketers call the house. Huh mean Milo's been
away for a while, so he's not familiar with Michael Oppenheimer.
He won't recognize the voice, and Michael Oppenheimer's relentless sales
pitches will drive Milo nuts. Please phone tap him. He's

(00:26):
a crazy, wild guy. As you'll hear, he's gonna fall
for a big time.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
All right.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
This is a phone tap done by Milo's mother Cheryl
and Milo's sister Nina. All right, Scary's gonna play the
part of Michael Oppenheimer selling alarm systems to Milo.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Shall we listen in little Hello, good afternoon. This is
mister Michael Oppenheimer with HT and Z home security systems.
How are you doing today, sir?

Speaker 4 (00:53):
Uh? Not too good to right now?

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Oh yeah? Well did you know that one in every
four homeowners have had their home robbed each year?

Speaker 4 (01:01):
I didn't know that. I'm sorry? Can I go because
I really don't feel good?

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Did you know that every eight seconds of burglar breaks
into another home?

Speaker 4 (01:09):
I'm sorry? I don't mean to be rude, sir, but
I really gotta go right.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Did you know that with each TZ home security systems,
thieves don't stand a chance to rob you and get
away with your personal belongings?

Speaker 4 (01:20):
Oh, sir, did you hear what I say?

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yes, I hear you.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Feel good.

Speaker 4 (01:24):
I'm just gonna go all right. I don't want to
be rude.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
We'll ensure your protection against time.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Now.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
I realized this, but I really gotta go all right.
Thank you for your time.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
We have a special offer for you today, sir.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
No, I realize that, but I'm not interested. Hello, this
is mister.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Michael Oppenheimer EAHTZ Home Security Systems against sir. Did you
know that ruin and every four homeowners have had their
homes and robbed each year?

Speaker 4 (01:49):
Listen, man, I've lived in South Africa, which is one
of the most dangerous countries in the entire world. I
don't put of that. With my doors locked, I leave
my windows open. If somebody wants to rob me, then
they can come in and rob me. I really don't care.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Did you know that every eight seconds of burglar bridge
into another home. Are you aware of this?

Speaker 4 (02:07):
Well, you told me that before, so I'm aware of it.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
One of those eight seconds could be you.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
I'm not purchasing anything. I really have to go.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Well, we seem to have gotten disconnected. This is mister
Michael Oppenheimer with HTZ Home Security System.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
I'm actually robbing this house I'm in right now, so
I'm one of the people that you're going after.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
It, all right.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Normally the police don't call back, normally harassing me.

Speaker 4 (02:33):
Man, stop calling.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
The first time it was cool because I was very
relaxed and I said, please don't call back. But this
is the third time in a row you've called, and
I don't appreciate it anymore.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Honestly, you let me finish, sir.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
I don't want to hear what you have to say.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
I'm not interested in home security system. We have a
limited time, but I don't even own this house. I'm
not interested. Really, I'm telling you, I already don't feel good,
and I'm telling you please call my house.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Do you live in No?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Do you understand you call the house again, I'm going
to call the police.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
We'll give you the first month free.

Speaker 4 (03:07):
Though I realized this, no other.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Security company can come close to this type off fork provide.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
I have to go.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
I'm saying goodbye, and if you call again then we're
going to have a bit of an issue.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Hello, this is mister Michael.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
You've said this before.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
So did you know that one in every five I realized.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
That one in every fus Holmes gets robbed every forty
seconds or whatever you're saying.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
Actually that was the second fact.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
No, no, I know that's the second fact. I don't
want to hear it anymore.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Let's eat seconds.

Speaker 4 (03:36):
No, I don't want to hear it anymore. Please stop
calling my house, sir.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
All we want to do is make your home secure.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
Listen, man, I have to go now.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
I'll talk to you again in like twenty seconds, because
you're going to call back again in like twenty seconds.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
You're a real comedian, aren't you.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
I'm a comedian. Could I get on a comedy special?

Speaker 1 (03:53):
I could get you on the radio.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
You could get me on the radio.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
You want to meet the president of HTZ Home Security?

Speaker 4 (04:00):
To meet the president of ht Z w H t
Z f M. You're making this stuff, dude.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
This is scary Jones and you've been phone tapped?

Speaker 4 (04:08):
Are you serious?

Speaker 2 (04:09):
But your mom you must be joking?

Speaker 4 (04:12):
No way, man, My grandfather.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
He just said to me, it's probably those crazy people
from the radio. Elvis Duran's phone