NUMBER 2

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcasts show?
Podcast is getting the way of me eating cereal? I
just feel like I'm sorry. Every day Daniel walks in
with a new combination of seven several cereals in one bowl.

(00:24):
What are you eating today? Well, today, I'm boring because
all they had was the chocolate frosted flakes and so
that's all I put in the bowl with a banana. Right, Well,
where's our cereal master, Scotty be? He has diarrhea. He's
in the bathroom, not from the cereal. He's making some
count chocola. Oh my god, grows is awful. Okay, okay,
poor poor guy. He's not here to defend himself. But

(00:45):
you know when they were they were torturing him. He
couldn't go because he had to run the board in
the other room. And so he's running the radio station
and he's like, I gotta go, I gotta go, and
everyone's videoing him like they're taking the recording him. The
poor guy's doing the poop dance? Dan there, what are you?
Are you on the poop? Are you on? Are you
on the dumpster? Yes? Why are you? Why are you whispering?

(01:08):
Scotty be. I don't like to talk in the bathroom.
Is there anyone else in there? Well, that's kind of
weird that you're whispering in here? All right? Well, so
we hear you have explosive diarrhea? Yes, I don't know
what it is about your recording this? You're you're on
the podcast? I don't know someone's here? Now I have
to go. What is it called the podcast? You know?
I bet? Okay? Who is it? Look under the stall?

(01:30):
Who do you think it is? Ship? Why are you
guys messing with me? Can't a man have diarrhea? Now?
Why do you have diarrhea? What did you eat that
gave you this explosive? What is it? What are they doing?
To the door? Open? Leave him alone? Why do you

(01:50):
stop here? Why do you have diarrhea? Why? Why do
you think? I wish I knew? I wouldn't eat that
thing ever? Again? Bad cereal? Yea? Is it cereal? Are
you making cocoas we're supposed to? I need to make
rooms so I can eat cereal after this? All right? Yet,
little count chocola going on in there? All right, we

(02:13):
gotta go. There's a marshmallow? Okay? What's straight name? Okay? So,
speaking of the bathroom, I went to the fourth floor
because I had to do a three two four two
right and I was on my way out, so I
had my bag and I hung my bag up on

(02:33):
the back of the door, you know they have that hook.
And I'm sitting there doing my three two four two,
and the weight of the bag over the next thirty
seconds shifted the door the lock open and it swung
open did to make a creaky nose, and then it
hit the laws Like and I'm sitting there, what do

(02:53):
you do? Has anybody who ever had that happened? The
door swings open while you're on the crapper, never had
someone walk in on you. I've had someone walking on me,
like in the middle of the department store. And I'm
sitting there and I'm like, why are you there not
being a jackass? You know what I mean? At the
bathroom in the bathroom, gotta be, you gotta be because
you don't sit right. So I was hovering and they

(03:15):
opened the door and I'm like, dude, my favorite and
it gets very uncomfortable. I walk into the man's room.
I'm standing at you're old doing number one and I
know that three stalls stalls over. There's someone sitting down
and using the bathroom. When I walk in, it's total silence.
There's no noise, there's no movement. They want to they're
like just they're frozen, you know, like a deer, just

(03:38):
trying to remain stealth. And so I'm like, okay, So
I pee and it's something it's kind of freaky. So
I go to flush so and he hears this that
whoever that wasn't a toilet was like, oh thank god,

(03:59):
there's But this is my opportunity when you go to
when you go to the movies and you have to
cough and you wait until there was like a loud
part of the movie that you can like it was like,
have you ever done to leave the bathroom? Fake out?
When is somebody in there being quiet? You go to
the door and you open it and close it and
just stand there, and then you hear them let loose

(04:20):
because they think you walked out. Why would you do that?
And why would you want to go? Always heard everything
I've bathrooms need like scrillicks or something playing, because I
can't go when it's silent, because I feel like somebody
somewhere is going to hear it. I can't believe the
conversation Danielle and Gandhi were having earlier. One of you,

(04:42):
one of you were saying, hey, why didn't you You
were in the bathroom and somebody was going number two?
Why did you stand by the stool and wait till
they come out. I do the opposite and run. I'm like,
I don't want to be in here. What did you
want to be in there? I don't want to be
a part of that. Somebody was blowing up the bathroom,
and then I said, oh, I would have had to
stay and find out who it was. Why did you
do that? Okay, typically I would want to stay and

(05:03):
find out who it was. However, I identified shoes that
were under this stall or whatever, and then I walked
out and I was washing my hands for a long time.
But then I get really weirded out by poop fumes.
So I was like, oh my god, all the poop
fumes are filling up my legs. I gotta get out
of here. So I ran away. But if this person
walks by with the shoes, I'll tell you who it is. Okay, Well,
you know our friend Joe. He has poop shoes where
he changes his shoes for the bathroom because of people

(05:25):
like you. It's true. Who is Joe? I learned from Gregory. Alright.
So last week we were flying out to Puerto Rico
and I was getting nervous before we get on the plane,
so I had to go. So I went into the
men's room and I'm sitting down and it was so awkward.
There was a gentleman right next to me in his stall,

(05:46):
and I like to, like, you know, vape and relax.
So I took out my vape and I thought I
was yeah, So I thought I was in a vape
while I was there is this story almost over all
of a sudden, my vape dropped out of my hand,
hit my knee, and it fell down and it went
underneath his skull. So the guy says to me, he goes, dude,

(06:06):
did you drop something? And I was like, oh, yeah,
I apologize. You didn't take it back. I oh, that's disgusting,
but you sucked on your veith that have been on
the public baths. How I got Joe D. Hey, Joe D.
You know what's going on. You're on the fifteen Minute
Morning show podcast. Say good morning to Gandhi and Scary
and Brody and Garrett and Great Tea and Skinny and

(06:28):
Skinny and Danielle st Hey. So, uh, tell Gandhi about
your poop shoes? My idea for the poop shoes? No you,
I thought he actually does, Yeah poop should you use
in the bathroom? Yeah? So I I kind of wear
flashy shoes, um that are recognizable. So I have a
pair of beaters that I just throw on and uh

(06:51):
use that to go to the bathroom. So I can't
be identified in the bathroom. It's just Berner are they?
Are they loafers? It depends on the day. Some days
I throw on the loafers. Some days it's address shoe.
Other days. You know, because here's the thing. He doesn't
want you to look down at his shoes in the
hallway and go, mm, that's the guy who was spewing,

(07:16):
and you you can identify people pretty quickly when yeah,
there's a dude that goes barefoot in this building. That's disgusting.
Who is it? Who is it? I don't know, but
I started looking at people's feet like it's got it,
Like he puts his shoes right next to the bare feet,
So trying to identify it. It's like walking in squishy mud.

(07:40):
All right, Well, with that said, we love you, Joe.
Do you have a nice day. By the way, it's
time for new poop shoes because we've all recognized these.
Hello hello, Okay, you know what I don't care in
the stall to when the stall door or walls are
kicked in or out, like from the from the inside. Like,

(08:01):
how intense is it that you have to kick or
punch a wall so hard that it's starting to bend.
I was kicking. I don't even know what you're talking about.
You've never gone into like a grungy bar bathroom and
then kicked in. That's the movie, you know, when you
go on the movie? Why are you looking for that person?
And I mean, what kind of what kind of poop
are they having? They had? That's an intense one. Poor

(08:24):
little Max over there, he can't handle this noise. My
dog has a noise aversion. Can we get him uh
earmos or something? No, No, I'm gonna take him into
the room. You guys, finish this anymore. I think I'm
all pooped. You guys finish nervous. That's when he's nervous.

(08:45):
He's nervous that he's only six years old. But he's
getting nervous. Sound and makes him nervous. All right, you guys,
finish the pot. I'm kind of bored with you anyway,
as you're bored with me about the regular New York
City sounds? Does he get nervous by the New York
He is very nervous. And you want to take you
for a walkie? Can handle it? You know, we never
really stopped to think about how how noisy it is
in our lives until you actually have this silence. Is

(09:10):
that great? It's amazing. I feel like we did that yesterday.
Didn't we do that on the show? All right, you
should move on to Urine. Well, Scotty just got back
from the bathroom, so I feel like we were really
leaving from Max or do you have to poop? No,
I'm leaving from my dog. Come Scott, come in as

(09:30):
Scotty how it came out. Employees him, take elvis as
like Scotty for you. I feel like this was a
really bad day for Scotti because he has told me
repeatedly that there are only a couple of places where
hell poop, and this place was not one of them. Well,
and it was on the third floor emergency. I was

(09:50):
crawled there. First of all, I would never do that
because they would know it was me. And the thing
is that the kid from promotions walked in just as
I was walking out the stall door, so he knew,
he knew what what What did you eat? I think
I think it was bad ricotta cheese. By the way,
scot is a solution. There's a solution to the one

(10:13):
bathroom stall problem. You go in and the minute you
walk in, you go, God, damn, it smells in here,
but I gotta go, So I'm gonna go in here, Scotty.
I walked in into the bathroom when you were there,
just to like mess with you. You were already on
the phone, but you got even quieter and you started
to lift your legs as acting right. But but you're

(10:34):
already on the phone. But I was whispering at that point.
I don't talk on phones and bathrooms, on trains anything.
I don't talk on phones in places like that. By
the way, thank God for that strong lock on that stall.
You pulled on it pretty hard. In that case, don't
go to the fourth floor. That thing just flings open
and up the slightest breathe and on the third floor.
Here there's there you could see through the slab. Scott

(10:55):
is actually my partner. I guess I don't know what
to really call it. When I have a bad BM,
I will text Scotty be So there was one Saturday
morning where I was having some fiber issues. I'm texting
Scotty and I'm asking for advice, and you gave me
some good and you sent me the corn emoji. It
was a rough one. Girls. You know of himself keeps

(11:18):
having out his belly button, you know what. You guys
can all say that, but everybody has to do that,
at least I have never done. I have do. I
just told belly button, how deep is your belly button?
Everyone pressing? But I don't have to do to mine.

(11:38):
We have different belly buttons. How old is Preston? He
can't clean his own belly button. He's still wipe now.
He doesn't get in there. Don't talking about that. I
know somebody they had a child, and you know, I
guess when you have a baby, you're supposed to put
vasilin on their butt and their butt hole or something.
But Crane. They were doing it to this child until

(11:59):
the child was four. But if you if the kid.
If the kid doesn't wipe, well, he's gonna get shaped fast.
I would. I gotta tell you you still do it
every once in a while, the white destined cream. Yeah,
you still feel so nice. Yeah. And when you put
a magic marker and it makes pretty easy, it makes

(12:22):
the next morning. Yeah, just glamer on this podcast. Wright
back to the belly button from one thing. Seriously, after
you guys, take it your next shower, I want you
to put a cute dip in there and gently twisted,
not so hard that it hits your brain. But smell it.
I do smell and the big toneil, what does the
belly button smell like? Like feet? Like feet? Because it's

(12:46):
cleaning it, tranch. You have to clean your body, clean
your body. You're the most disgusting person in this room.
You should. I can't. I continue to talk about this stuff.
But you do it. You peel on your house. I
do it for shock value, not to gross. That is
not an accident. The second time was a scary kept

(13:08):
on flicking the ball. Second time. Now you admitted you
knew you you have it on tape, so you said it.
I never you pushed. I saw the yelled. Watch this
it was there was no way, I can you stop

(13:30):
deliberately had sex with a belly button a belly have
I had sex with a belly but what do you?
What do you what are you implying? I'm applying that No.
Look at him, He's like, you know, we found the
line to get Scary to stop eating. So Scary started
this podcast eating some chocolate. We're almost at fifteen minutes.
He has stopped eating the chocolate as we've talked more

(13:52):
and morossed out oday. Good, it's my new Dilan. Thanks,
no problem. A serial killer's podcast. Make sure you check
that out. We're gonna record it your podcast. He can
promote it because he's got two nude serial killer podcast
jinglesa coming soon. Oh see, now you're promoting your stuff.
And I also have plenty of room to eat cereal

(14:13):
now so clean butthole. Yeah, but if you have a
diarrhea during your pocket then they'll be silence. Don't tell
you I'm going to run. Literally, Yes, I'm thing about
Scotty is how honest it is about things, Like I
can ask him anything and he'll give me a real answer,
which is actually kind of disturbing a lot of times.
Somebody with that blunt Scott you just say Scotty, have

(14:35):
you ever and hell yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, you don't
shower with the girls, right, Hello, okay, stuff last week Wall,
This is so plain waterfall and I don't know where
you're talking. I don't know when when used to put
your hands and make a waterfall and it would go
from your hands onto them. I said, no, I never
did that. We did, alright, podcast, I think the podcast,

(15:01):
the fifteen Minute Morning Show,