May 6, 2025 • 14 mins
Old Chile takes us for a wild ride through the misadventures of his first luxury car—Auto, a 1964 Mercedes-Benz with more quirks than horsepower. From goat pellets in the glovebox to pushing executives in wool suits through Austin traffic, this strange-but-true tale proves that sometimes, love for a car defies all mechanical logic. Buckle up—this one's got spark (just not always in the engine).
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, guys, welcome, it's old Chili coming back at you.
I'm going to tell you a story today about one
luxury vehicle that I'd had in the past. Now I'm
going to tell you I've had four Mercedes Benz. Three
of them were beyond the imagination. They were fabulous, fabulous, dependable,
(00:28):
beautiful automobiles. But this first one I'm gonna tell you.
I'm gonna tell you about my experience of the car
that became known as Auto Here we Go. Nineteen sixty
(00:51):
four was a great year for Bordeaux wine and great
German cars. One such vehicle is the main character in
this strange but true story. The year was nineteen ninety.
An opening scene takes me to Unit two four of
the Hensenaw Condominiums downtown Austin. I'd accepted the position of
(01:15):
division president of an Austin title company. I'd sold my
interest in a title company in McKinney, Texas in nineteen
eighty nine, and my transportation at that time was a
Ford Ranger pickup truck with a bed and gown, some
(01:36):
stowing place behind the front seat for a lot of
empty course cans. But I was on the lookout for
something more in line with my lofty position. My wife
James's father, Aubrick, lived in Mountain Springs, Texas, north of Dallas.
He knew I was looking for a car and found
(01:57):
in nineteen sixty four Mercedes Benz two eighty s not
far from where he lived. He called and I asked
him how much that boy wanted for that car? And
he said, I think it's two thousand dollars. It's at
Mercedes Benz. I said, wow. Well, Jane and I hit
(02:20):
the road to North Texas the weekend after we knew
about this fine now we went through the country to
view the car, and as aub had told us, it
was truly housed in a barn. As the owner opened
the barn door, I caught a glimpse of my next vehicle.
(02:42):
I had always leaned very strongly in the direction of optimism,
but this one was a stretch. The car had four
flat tires and was the living quarters of a number
of goats and mice. Hey goat and MIA's pellets. Or
greeted me how much you want for this beauty? I
(03:05):
as the owner. Well, I want two thousand, but I'll
take twelve fifty as is so, I wrote the check,
with no idea of the checks that would follow me
and the Mercedes down the road. The old car reluctantly
fired up by being charged with jumper cables. The owner
(03:27):
filled the ties with the air, and I drove off
with the wind and hay in my hair. It was
pretty nice to be the proud owner of such a
fine automate. Bill. I drove straight to a local mechanic
and asked him to check out the bens. The next
morning he called, how far are you thinking about driving
(03:52):
this little treasury? Oh gosh, do you think it'll make
it to Austin? He replied, yep, sooner later with any luck.
The next morning, Jane followed me in the truck and
we struck you out to Austin. By the grace of God,
we made it home without incident. Those would not be
(04:14):
far behind. Though this car tested good judgment and relationship limits.
My first task after I got home was to clean
the car out. I washed the car inside and outside.
I bought compounding wax and began to transform the deep
maroon finish into a breath taking shine that appeared to
(04:38):
be totally bottomless. I clean the inside with chlorox cut
with petuli oil and after shave loation. Then I was
ready to squire Jane around Austin in style and luxury.
But her first question was is this thing safe? And
(04:59):
do you think it'll make get up that hell? The
answer to both those questions but no, it was no.
But I said, this is the finest car ever made.
Next week I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles
to register the license on the car. While the clerk
asked if I wanted a custom vanity license plate. You know,
(05:23):
I thought, in such a wonderful ride, deserved to be
honored with a unique plate. What do you want on
the plate, he asked. I thought of for another second
or two and thought of my mother's maiden named Bielstein. Yes,
and a German theme to help the identity was the
name Auto and the middle name was moh in honor
(05:48):
of one of the stooges. Oh. That rounded out the
name of my car. And from that point the license
plate O. M Bill B I E L was forever
registered to my name, and so that car now became
Auto MO Bill. Inside jokes, you know, are fun while
(06:14):
all is right, but at the moment things can turn,
the joke becomes far less funny. The following are a
list of repairs Auto required that total total about eight
hundred dollars a month. You know, anyway, that was that
was what I was faced with. You know, the air
(06:36):
conditioning blue hot or nowhere fixed, automatic windows would fall
down and not roll up fixed, four flat tires replaced,
you know, two of them would go down at the
same time. Mice nesting in the glove box. Mercedes Star
(06:57):
hood ornaments stolen, only one one forward automatic gear working,
no break or turn lights, and a foul one foul
spark plug. And these are all that I remember at
this point. But I did attempt to fix some of
the broken parts, such as the Mercedes Star in the
(07:17):
power windows. For the Star, I took golf tea and
super glued a nice new shiny golf ball on it.
Then I painted it bright metallic silver, and then I
supercluded into the hole on the hood. Oh my gosh.
(07:37):
I felt uniquely sporty and clever with this fix. The
windows were an easy repair. I pushed the windows closed,
split another golf tea. You know, the golf tea is
a wonderful thing to have, split it lengthwise and wrapped
rubber band around it. Eight or nine times the tea
(08:01):
between the car window and the door frame stayed up.
What genius. In July nineteen ninety one, I still had
Auto and hosted a meeting in Austin for other title
company where I worked. It was a big meeting. My
job was entertained and press and follow through with hospitality
(08:24):
of our guests. The chairman of the board of directors
and the chief financial officer were flying in from California.
I met them at the air tournament all and escorted
them to the beautifully detailed Auto. The day was like
many other days in Austin, hot and still Otto was
(08:47):
parked in the sun, and when we opened the door
it felt like a furnace was alive and burning in
the car. The chairman claimed to be seventy four, but
looked a little older, and I had him ride in
the front seat, newly repaired air conditioning blowing directly upon him.
Both my riders were duly impressed with a luxurious sedan
(09:10):
that I had to pick them up at the airport.
As I pulled Auto out into the traffic on a
airport boulevard, Auto coughed and died. I could not I
couldn't restart my shiny chariot. I asked my esteemed passengers
(09:33):
if they would mind getting out and pushing me out
of traffic and onto the shoulder. They got out. Now
they were wearing wool suits from California and it was
it was not a pretty sight. They were all sweating
when I got out of the car, out of Auto
and flagged down a cab and called a wrecker to
(09:57):
come pick Auto up. Thanks to the cab company, we
all made it to the meeting. The remaining time of
that meeting, I was reminded a number of times times
how I had really shown my ass to the big wigs,
but I was still in love with Auto. Incidentally, my boss,
(10:19):
the regional vice president, came up to me and in
the meeting and said, hey, don't you dare tell anybody
you get a really nice, nice car allowance aw Man.
I was touched there for a moment. My final blow
to my love affair with Auto came on a trip
(10:45):
to West Texas, a little Czech village in central Texas.
Our friends Jackie and Glen had come down to visit
us in Austin and we were going to follow them
back up to West have a little lunch, send them
on their way, and then Jane and I were going
to load up on little sausage colatches the little chubbies
(11:07):
right there and head back to Austin. Well, we hugged them,
kissed them, said goodbye and be on their way. And
I jumped into into Auto and was ready to roll
out of the parking lot. We had a couple of
dozen chubbies in the back seat, and you know I cranked, well,
(11:33):
I tried to crank Auto. Auto would not budge. I mean,
they just we just wouldn't budge. Not only did it
not respond to a electric jump shock, it refused to
get out of park. I called a wrecord for the
fifth time to take Auto to a foreign repair shop
(11:54):
there around Waco. The record driver gave us a lift
of the airport and I inted a car, and having
deposited Auto at the shop, we went back to back
to Austin. A week later, I got a call that
Auto needed a new engine wiring in a battery. How
(12:16):
much we talking about, I asked, The mechanic took way
too long if he was totaling very long column of numbers. Well,
two thousand and five hundred seventy two dollars. I said,
is that with or without tax? He said that's without tax.
Well I just almost gave up completely, but I decided
(12:42):
to try to get Austin. To Austin to be my
next destination for auto, so I went down to Waco
picked auto up. But I was overcome by the new,
shiny cars I saw on the very first dealership that
(13:03):
I went to. I did in the shopper haggle. I
pointed at one of the new cars and says, what's
the difference that you'll give me for that that silver
car over there? The salesman said fourteen thousand, nine hundred dollars. Well,
we did the deal, and I had a new silver
(13:27):
Chrysler LeBaron turbo fastback coop Oras. I affectionately named I
name on my cars, but anyway, I call this one
mister Fist. But the name mister Lemon Fist fitted the
(13:47):
car a lot better, as I was soon to discover,
once again, I chose to look good rather than look
smart with my car. But I've had some good one
to sentence then, and and take a chill and watch
the intersections, and I see down rope
Hey, guys, welcome, it's old Chili coming back at you.
I'm going to tell you a story today about one
luxury vehicle that I'd had in the past. Now I'm
going to tell you I've had four Mercedes Benz. Three
of them were beyond the imagination. They were fabulous, fabulous, dependable,
(00:28):
beautiful automobiles. But this first one I'm gonna tell you.
I'm gonna tell you about my experience of the car
that became known as Auto Here we Go. Nineteen sixty
(00:51):
four was a great year for Bordeaux wine and great
German cars. One such vehicle is the main character in
this strange but true story. The year was nineteen ninety.
An opening scene takes me to Unit two four of
the Hensenaw Condominiums downtown Austin. I'd accepted the position of
(01:15):
division president of an Austin title company. I'd sold my
interest in a title company in McKinney, Texas in nineteen
eighty nine, and my transportation at that time was a
Ford Ranger pickup truck with a bed and gown, some
(01:36):
stowing place behind the front seat for a lot of
empty course cans. But I was on the lookout for
something more in line with my lofty position. My wife
James's father, Aubrick, lived in Mountain Springs, Texas, north of Dallas.
He knew I was looking for a car and found
(01:57):
in nineteen sixty four Mercedes Benz two eighty s not
far from where he lived. He called and I asked
him how much that boy wanted for that car? And
he said, I think it's two thousand dollars. It's at
Mercedes Benz. I said, wow. Well, Jane and I hit
(02:20):
the road to North Texas the weekend after we knew
about this fine now we went through the country to
view the car, and as aub had told us, it
was truly housed in a barn. As the owner opened
the barn door, I caught a glimpse of my next vehicle.
(02:42):
I had always leaned very strongly in the direction of optimism,
but this one was a stretch. The car had four
flat tires and was the living quarters of a number
of goats and mice. Hey goat and MIA's pellets. Or
greeted me how much you want for this beauty? I
(03:05):
as the owner. Well, I want two thousand, but I'll
take twelve fifty as is so, I wrote the check,
with no idea of the checks that would follow me
and the Mercedes down the road. The old car reluctantly
fired up by being charged with jumper cables. The owner
(03:27):
filled the ties with the air, and I drove off
with the wind and hay in my hair. It was
pretty nice to be the proud owner of such a
fine automate. Bill. I drove straight to a local mechanic
and asked him to check out the bens. The next
morning he called, how far are you thinking about driving
(03:52):
this little treasury? Oh gosh, do you think it'll make
it to Austin? He replied, yep, sooner later with any luck.
The next morning, Jane followed me in the truck and
we struck you out to Austin. By the grace of God,
we made it home without incident. Those would not be
(04:14):
far behind. Though this car tested good judgment and relationship limits.
My first task after I got home was to clean
the car out. I washed the car inside and outside.
I bought compounding wax and began to transform the deep
maroon finish into a breath taking shine that appeared to
(04:38):
be totally bottomless. I clean the inside with chlorox cut
with petuli oil and after shave loation. Then I was
ready to squire Jane around Austin in style and luxury.
But her first question was is this thing safe? And
(04:59):
do you think it'll make get up that hell? The
answer to both those questions but no, it was no.
But I said, this is the finest car ever made.
Next week I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles
to register the license on the car. While the clerk
asked if I wanted a custom vanity license plate. You know,
(05:23):
I thought, in such a wonderful ride, deserved to be
honored with a unique plate. What do you want on
the plate, he asked. I thought of for another second
or two and thought of my mother's maiden named Bielstein. Yes,
and a German theme to help the identity was the
name Auto and the middle name was moh in honor
(05:48):
of one of the stooges. Oh. That rounded out the
name of my car. And from that point the license
plate O. M Bill B I E L was forever
registered to my name, and so that car now became
Auto MO Bill. Inside jokes, you know, are fun while
(06:14):
all is right, but at the moment things can turn,
the joke becomes far less funny. The following are a
list of repairs Auto required that total total about eight
hundred dollars a month. You know, anyway, that was that
was what I was faced with. You know, the air
(06:36):
conditioning blue hot or nowhere fixed, automatic windows would fall
down and not roll up fixed, four flat tires replaced,
you know, two of them would go down at the
same time. Mice nesting in the glove box. Mercedes Star
(06:57):
hood ornaments stolen, only one one forward automatic gear working,
no break or turn lights, and a foul one foul
spark plug. And these are all that I remember at
this point. But I did attempt to fix some of
the broken parts, such as the Mercedes Star in the
(07:17):
power windows. For the Star, I took golf tea and
super glued a nice new shiny golf ball on it.
Then I painted it bright metallic silver, and then I
supercluded into the hole on the hood. Oh my gosh.
(07:37):
I felt uniquely sporty and clever with this fix. The
windows were an easy repair. I pushed the windows closed,
split another golf tea. You know, the golf tea is
a wonderful thing to have, split it lengthwise and wrapped
rubber band around it. Eight or nine times the tea
(08:01):
between the car window and the door frame stayed up.
What genius. In July nineteen ninety one, I still had
Auto and hosted a meeting in Austin for other title
company where I worked. It was a big meeting. My
job was entertained and press and follow through with hospitality
(08:24):
of our guests. The chairman of the board of directors
and the chief financial officer were flying in from California.
I met them at the air tournament all and escorted
them to the beautifully detailed Auto. The day was like
many other days in Austin, hot and still Otto was
(08:47):
parked in the sun, and when we opened the door
it felt like a furnace was alive and burning in
the car. The chairman claimed to be seventy four, but
looked a little older, and I had him ride in
the front seat, newly repaired air conditioning blowing directly upon him.
Both my riders were duly impressed with a luxurious sedan
(09:10):
that I had to pick them up at the airport.
As I pulled Auto out into the traffic on a
airport boulevard, Auto coughed and died. I could not I
couldn't restart my shiny chariot. I asked my esteemed passengers
(09:33):
if they would mind getting out and pushing me out
of traffic and onto the shoulder. They got out. Now
they were wearing wool suits from California and it was
it was not a pretty sight. They were all sweating
when I got out of the car, out of Auto
and flagged down a cab and called a wrecker to
(09:57):
come pick Auto up. Thanks to the cab company, we
all made it to the meeting. The remaining time of
that meeting, I was reminded a number of times times
how I had really shown my ass to the big wigs,
but I was still in love with Auto. Incidentally, my boss,
(10:19):
the regional vice president, came up to me and in
the meeting and said, hey, don't you dare tell anybody
you get a really nice, nice car allowance aw Man.
I was touched there for a moment. My final blow
to my love affair with Auto came on a trip
(10:45):
to West Texas, a little Czech village in central Texas.
Our friends Jackie and Glen had come down to visit
us in Austin and we were going to follow them
back up to West have a little lunch, send them
on their way, and then Jane and I were going
to load up on little sausage colatches the little chubbies
(11:07):
right there and head back to Austin. Well, we hugged them,
kissed them, said goodbye and be on their way. And
I jumped into into Auto and was ready to roll
out of the parking lot. We had a couple of
dozen chubbies in the back seat, and you know I cranked, well,
(11:33):
I tried to crank Auto. Auto would not budge. I mean,
they just we just wouldn't budge. Not only did it
not respond to a electric jump shock, it refused to
get out of park. I called a wrecord for the
fifth time to take Auto to a foreign repair shop
(11:54):
there around Waco. The record driver gave us a lift
of the airport and I inted a car, and having
deposited Auto at the shop, we went back to back
to Austin. A week later, I got a call that
Auto needed a new engine wiring in a battery. How
(12:16):
much we talking about, I asked, The mechanic took way
too long if he was totaling very long column of numbers. Well,
two thousand and five hundred seventy two dollars. I said,
is that with or without tax? He said that's without tax.
Well I just almost gave up completely, but I decided
(12:42):
to try to get Austin. To Austin to be my
next destination for auto, so I went down to Waco
picked auto up. But I was overcome by the new,
shiny cars I saw on the very first dealership that
(13:03):
I went to. I did in the shopper haggle. I
pointed at one of the new cars and says, what's
the difference that you'll give me for that that silver
car over there? The salesman said fourteen thousand, nine hundred dollars. Well,
we did the deal, and I had a new silver
(13:27):
Chrysler LeBaron turbo fastback coop Oras. I affectionately named I
name on my cars, but anyway, I call this one
mister Fist. But the name mister Lemon Fist fitted the
(13:47):
car a lot better, as I was soon to discover,
once again, I chose to look good rather than look
smart with my car. But I've had some good one
to sentence then, and and take a chill and watch
the intersections, and I see down rope
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