September 16, 2021 • 19 mins
We all share our worst/embarrassing stories EVER!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast?
All right, everybody ready for the fifteen minute morning show. Sure. Well,
earlier we were talking about lice, which I'm stretching my
(00:24):
head right now. It's not because I have lices, just
because I need a haircut. But I remember, like you
guys remember the lights checks in school? Right? Yeah? You
know somebody texted and said they don't do them anymore, Danielle,
do you know if they still do lice checks in school?
They don't want None of my kids have had them,
but I know that there was a life thing going
on last year, but I don't. I asked him, I said,
(00:44):
do they call you down to the office, And he
said they said, no, I don't know. They still do
it in our schools. Popsicle sticks, yeah, but tongue depressors
whatever you call them. Yeah, if somebody has life, they
check everyone else. Yes, okay, all right, so they still
do him. And I remember Jimmy Jennicky, he didn't come
back to class because he had lice. And I guess
you get called and like they call your parents to
(01:06):
come pick you up. Like how embarrassing is that? Like
that's like the child equivalent of like getting a d U.
I who do you think it's worse for the kid
or the parent, because the parent coming to pick Moe
was like, yeah, that little dirty bastards mine. But I don't.
I mean you're dirty that you have lice. There are
so many other ways to get in it. All the
ten year olds, Danielle apparently kids I'm saying scientifically, it
(01:31):
means that they're like, oh, you got the coolies. I
don't think that. I mean when I was a kid,
that was it. Everyone had. You had cooties if you
had lice, But I haven't. Don't pick on each other
now nowadays that they're picking on each other for so
many other things, I think lie is the last thing
they pick on each other. Four Can you get away
with lice? Now you know COVID he's only got lice.
It's okay, you want to say scotty um. Do they
(01:54):
still do the schooliosis checks? I remember the gym teacher
used to take take your shirt off and you have
to bend over in front of the gym too. I
don't think that was kind of weird. By the way
you were in church. Well, that also brings up the
(02:15):
topic of what's that embarrassing thing that you think back
on in school and you just still shake your head,
how embarrassed you were. I no, you go first, because
I want to go after. I remember I had apparently
stepped in dog shit and then walked into school to
the point where where I'm sitting in class, and I
(02:36):
was like, why is this smell like dog poop? And
I looked down and it's just like this big mound
of dog shit on my shoe. And I was so
embarrassed because I had tracked it into the room and
I had to walk around in my socks for the
rest of the day because the teacher wouldn't let me
wear my shoes. So embarrassing. I think back on that,
I'm like, oh, I still just cringe at myself. So yeah,
(02:58):
there are so many things that like at the time,
you're like, oh, nobody's gonna remember that. They'll forget it
in two weeks, and then you still totally remember Jimmy
Janetki never coming back. It's horrible. I was getting in
his hands. I'll tell you that one later. Oh, I'd
like to hear that one too. Um. I was getting
a math award in third grade and I didn't feel good,
and they were like going down the list and I
(03:19):
was the only girl that was getting one, and as
soon as they came to me, I had to get
up and run out of the classroom that was in
a mobile thing and puke everywhere. I puked all over
the rocks. It was disgusting, and the whole class I
just remember looking up, the whole classes like standing at
the door of the little mobile unit just staring at
me like are you okay? Should we call your parents?
I was like, mother, God, terrible? What? So I was
(03:44):
studying like crazy, and I was, you know, I was
one of the smarter kids in class, no surprise there,
and so I was really cocky. It's really cocky about it.
And so they had this rule that you had to
say the word, spell it and then say the word right.
And so I was all ready to go your first round.
I'm gonna wipe the floor with these dumbasses. And they
(04:06):
get up there and they get on stage and they
go spell the word angry and I said a N
G R y and they said nope, thank you because
I didn't say angry, a M g R y angry.
So I went and I walked off the stage. I
was out in the first round, so f me, and
then they all remember remember when David Brodie didn't stay angry?
I remember, That's right, I remember. That's all that matters.
(04:29):
I'm waiting for the embarrassing part. Well, Danielle, you won't
do well in game shows, so like, all you didn't
do was say that part. You still spelled the right way.
So yeah, but I got kicked out of the contest.
I was so arrogant about I was gonna win, and
I was out in the first round to a smart person.
That's embarrassing. I gotta be honest. If I was one
(04:51):
of the other little kids, I would have been the
happiest kid in class when you got kicked out of
those assholes you see, daniel let's I'm talking about those
people were laughing at me. By was the spelling be
the jump off for the rest of your life of
just like you? Nope, I'm going to prove people right
from that moment? Was that the moment that that changed?
(05:12):
That's when I decided to stop being wrong? Yeah? I
bet I bet your wife would beg to different that
you haven't been wrong since you'd have to pay attention
to me to understand that I was wrong. I have
two things you want pop of blood? Which one do
(05:34):
you want first? Which one came out first? I was
in first grade and the urinals in elementary school are like,
they're here, but they go all the way to the floor.
I don't know if I mean girls don't know that,
but they go to the floor. And so I was
standing there with my pants around my ankles because that's
what little boys did, I guess, And as I was peeing,
a little bit of a ball came out, So I
(05:55):
pooped late. So you have to say that again because
I think for he said something over. Sorry, A poop
ball came out while I was peeing and it fell
on the floor, and then yes, okay, and there was
another kid there, so they called me duty head for
like the whole rest of the year. I hate the work.
(06:21):
I hate the word duty so much. In second grade,
I was such a kiss ass that if you wanted
to help wash the chalkboard, you had to be the
first to the sink to get the sponge. So I
ran to the sink and I slipped on water and
(06:42):
I bashed my nose against the sink and I was
bleeding everywhere. The first though and you get to I know,
I had to go to the nurse. Did they finally
stop calling you poopy head for that? Yeah? I guess
by second grade it changed to bloody be I don't know,
ye ha been in third grade, Scotty. In third grade,
(07:06):
I wanted to be the one that to clean the erasers.
They used to have this machine and remember that thing,
and all the bag fell off and the chalk dust
went into my face and I was choking like a mother.
Grade okay, fourth grade. Fourth grade. The fourth grade is
when I faked being sick and I was in the
hospital for a week just to get out of school.
(07:28):
Fake it into the hospital. I never told this story,
do you have. I really did not like school in
fourth grade, especially going to jim for whatever reason. You know, Brodie,
I'm not all that. I'm just gonna play sports run
for the eraser. So I didn't want to go to
school because there was a test or something I don't remember.
And so what I did was before the bus would come,
(07:49):
I said, you know what, I gotta get out of
school today. So I would go into the bathroom and
as because I heard the bus point, I would take
a cup of water and I would go and pour
the water into the toilet, so it sounded like I
was vomiting, and I would just continuously vomit. And then
one night in bed, I just laid like soup hanging
out of my mouth with chew up crackers. I threw
(08:09):
up in my sleep. So I went up going in
the hospital for a week, And of course in the
hospital I didn't throw up at all, because I was
faking it the whole time. By the end of the week,
they realized that they were sending me home, and of
course I went into the bathroom when fake threw up,
but they knew that I was You know, what did
your parents? I took a week in the hospital for
a week. My parents were pissed. Yeah. Yeah, So something
(08:32):
every year in elementary school, okay, what are we up to?
Fifth grade or six? I don't remember anything after that,
is that when you met the Teddy Bear fifth grade,
I would be what like ten years old at that
around yeah, yeah, yeah, Teddy Bear came into play, probably
fifth That's when we open the bank account. I got
the free bear and he was mine and he learned
(08:56):
how to make up the cons your parents that you
were sick enough to be hospitalized. Yeah, that's expensive. No less,
did you go to the DOT like a normal doctor
first before the hospital to like check your most of it?
And they probably said, well we can't, we don't know
what's wrong. So I they admitted me. Yeah, mental hospital.
(09:20):
And at no point did you feel bad, Like, okay, guys,
I've been in the hospital for days. Now, let me know.
He didn't have to go to school. He was commission accomplished.
I was sitting there eating meat loaf, watching Fat Albert.
I was so excited. Wait, so, Scotty, what was the
game plan? What was the game plan? So you're in
there for a week already, like what was the endgame
for you? Like to have a game? At that point,
(09:40):
I was eight or nine. I had no plan. I
didn't no idea what was going on. I was like,
this is great. I don't have to go to school.
That's all I knew. Your parents are like freaking out
having panic attacks, and we could be wrong with it.
You're really sick. Nothing, that's terrible. Sorry he never yelled
at your kids again, you were worse. You're right. I
fake I fake ran away one time too. Remember what
great that was? In How did you fake it? No.
(10:04):
My neighbor was watching me in their backyard and they
the kid got into a fight with the mom whatever,
and I got scared, so I ran into the bushes
in front of my house and I just stayed there
for hours, and they went up calling the police and
the whole thing, and then I finally just walked into
the house. I was like, hey, mom, you know, and
and it was just it was a whole fiasco because
the neighbor was going nuts because she was responsible for
(10:26):
him and complaining about your daughter, Cooper. I am going
to say, karma is a bit. It's fun to watch
Mini Me try to get away with ship. Seriously, there
was no way, Scotty, You're in the will. Your childhood
was like a comic streng was like Calvin and Hobbs. Yeah,
(10:48):
damn Scottie. Okay, next, I just I just remember doing
theater in college and I was doing Dracula, and I
remember being on stage and there was a pair of
scissors next to us, and I picked up the scissors
to do my scene and it was real and I
cut my whole hand open and I'm on stage and
I couldn't stop, and real blood is dripping down my hand.
(11:10):
Like not the fake blood. You would pretend that, you know,
you got on the stage and it's dripping all the
stage and draculas keep we kept going me and at
the end like there was blood and I had it
was crazy, but it was like, but no one. I
don't even think anyone realized about me. I was embarrassed
for myself, but I don't think anybody a new audience
(11:32):
even realized. It just wasn't mess to clean up later on.
I might have told this on the air once. But
when I was a kid, I was in first grade
and we uh, it was my birthday and my mother
had bought a hostess cupcakes for everybody for my birthday
that we were going to eat after lunch. But I
ate a big lunch. We ran around outside on the
(11:53):
playground and you know, in the school yard, and I
was feeling kind of sick. And then there was it
was one o'clock. We came back into this you know school,
all sweaty in the classroom. They saying happy birthday to me,
and everyone started eating the cupcakes and I remember just
taking a bite and going like all over the floor.
(12:18):
I ran to the bathroom. I was I was horrified
for weeks it was. It was yeah, pretty yeah, you
know what they remember the kids, and the kids remember that.
They remember that right through the sixth grade until he
graduated pre school. So I went to you know, like
(12:40):
the Y m c A before kindergarten and pre Kane
all that. So and you would take the bus home. Uh.
I was still learning how to go to the bathroom.
So I would poot my pants from time to time,
and they would send it home with you in a bag.
They would send it home. They would send your underwear
home with you in a bag. But you know, I
don't know it out hold on the ball. Yeah, but
(13:03):
it's still dirty. That's not the point of the story.
This is outrageous. Listen all right. So again, like I
told you, I took the bus home. After about a
week of this happening, I was not allowed to sit
next to the window anymore because I was scared to
bring home my dirty underwear. So I would throw it
out the window on the way home. And then how
(13:26):
many times did probably about a good week and change.
Damn again. You try to learn when when you're four
or five years old. Um, so, so the bus driver
had to, like you know, bus driver drops you off
how to pull my parents aside and be like, hey, listen,
he can't sit next to the window anymore. He's been
throwing his underwear out the window. Oh my god, but
(13:49):
when you go home, your mother doesn't go don't you
like your mother had the notice you don't want to
wear on when you get home? Well know you probably
there was probably back up, like I wasn't. I wasn't
free balling it. And at the y MC I had
to back up. It wouldn't be the first guy back up.
I can't. I can't. Yeah, I wasn't allowed to sit
next to the window. Froggy has been very quiet about
(14:13):
his embarrassing on younger years. And I know the frog
because I got cold from doing dumb shit, like I
didn't really do embarrassing stuff, and it dumb stuff like
I forged my dad's name on on my report card,
and then I got away with it a couple of
times because my report card was bad, So then I
started having I was stupid. I had I forged my
(14:33):
dad's name on other kids report cards, but he wasn't
their dad, so we got caught like that, like why
is this man signing this kids report cards? But he's
not his father, but it looks real. My one forging story.
So I forged my dad's signature one in fourth grade,
(14:54):
I do believe, and the teacher, you know, sends it
home and like, we, you know, have your dad signed
it on top of where you're selling? Did? And I
remember it was who had the Bigfoot pizza? Or remember
was that pizza hut? It was like a big gigantic
so yeah, it was. It was Bigfoot. So it was
Bigfoot pizza to night. It was a Monday night. My
dad signs the paper, goes, what's this? I go, well,
I tried to sign it, takes the big Foot pizza
(15:14):
and throws it across the kitchen and goes, how dare
you tried to sign? All I remember is the Bigfoot
pizza And that was big. That was big, flying across
the kitchen. Oh my gosh, you know my brother did.
My brother is a computer graphics artist and he's so
good and it must have started way back in the
day because he used to have a fake report card
(15:35):
be sent home and he would get all these great
grades and blah blah blah. And then eventually my mom's like, Danny,
do you notice that the school emblem is not on
the top of this um. You know, I don't think
this is real, right, So we figured that out. And
then his biggest mistake was they were using typewriters back
then to like type the thing. He didn't. He thought
(15:56):
he gave himself too high a grade, so he raised
it and put a different grade, and you could see
that it was a raised and my mother is like, Okay,
this is not something is out there. And that's how
we finally got busted. But I can't even tell you
how long he must have been doing it for you.
Forget it, forget it. We are messed up. When I
was in high school, I used to cut school so
much that I was able to get into the office
(16:18):
and I stole a piece of letter head and I
typed a letter to my parents saying that there was
an error in the computer attendance system and if you
get any calls about absences, please disregard any questions. Please
call Miriam Schlack, attendant supervisor. Fake person. I made it up, Miriam.
I signed it, and I put a phone number that
(16:39):
I knew was a facts number in the school, so
it looked like one of their numbers. And they I
mean I told them years later and they got a
good laugh. But I mean the letters came home and
they never called anybody about it. Please give your son
Scott one d dollars today, I say, though, and I'm
sure all of you guys probably agree. The older I get,
the more I totally understand dad rage. I used to
(17:02):
think my dad just got mad about nothing. And now
when like Garrett talks about his dad chucking that pizza
across the house, I'm like, yeah, I woant have done
the same thing. Totally understand Dad rage. Now that was
the other thing. It just came. It just came home.
He's a bucket through the whole thing. You know what's
funny is my dad did that one time to my
mom and just baked a bunch of cookies, and I
(17:22):
did something stupid. My dad took the cookie sheet and
threw it across the kitchen. Fucking cookies went everywhere. The
dogs are eating him off the floor. We never ate
any cookies at all, Dad Rage. You know what else
my brother did? Wait, so he borrowed the car. He
didn't have his license. He was like, I don't a teenager,
(17:44):
and he decided to take my dad's car without telling
my dad, and he drove at some place, but the
dumbass when he got it back the farking spot that
my dad parked in, it wasn't available. The car in
a different spot, and I got totally busted because it
wasn't my dad's Like I didn't park my car here
with the box. I got pulled over. I got pulled
over at fourteen for driving my dad's Mercury Cougar because
(18:06):
I had a V eight didn't We would go into
an empty parking lot and burn the tires off and rubber,
and I got pulled over fourteen. My parents were out
of town for driving his cart. That dad rage once again.
It was a lot of dad rage after that one.
I don't know. I don't see Scotty as being a
dad that has dad rage, but if he ever did,
I would have apple sauce on the ceiling from the
(18:28):
time that I forget Cooper did something. I don't remember
what it was, but I was so mad I threw
her cup of apple sauce and it's splattered on the
ceiling and some of it is still there. My father, Tony,
very very even keel guy. He had dad rage when
I wouldn't take a I didn't want to take a bath.
It was bath time. He literally lifted me up and
threw me in the bath my clothes on, picked him
(18:54):
up and threw him in the bath or something years ago.
The way I think we're over. We're way over. Show
perfect tomorrow, we are. We don't do it. We cut
it off right before we talk about Froggy abusing us on. No,
I threw it. I can remained the pool with all
of his clothes on one time. That's okay, that was nice.
(19:15):
It was funny. He got you back by you'll get
us back. They'll get us back, of course they will.
Hi The fifteen minute Morning Show
What would you talk about on your on your podcast?
All right, everybody ready for the fifteen minute morning show. Sure. Well,
earlier we were talking about lice, which I'm stretching my
(00:24):
head right now. It's not because I have lices, just
because I need a haircut. But I remember, like you
guys remember the lights checks in school? Right? Yeah? You
know somebody texted and said they don't do them anymore, Danielle,
do you know if they still do lice checks in school?
They don't want None of my kids have had them,
but I know that there was a life thing going
on last year, but I don't. I asked him, I said,
(00:44):
do they call you down to the office, And he
said they said, no, I don't know. They still do
it in our schools. Popsicle sticks, yeah, but tongue depressors
whatever you call them. Yeah, if somebody has life, they
check everyone else. Yes, okay, all right, so they still
do him. And I remember Jimmy Jennicky, he didn't come
back to class because he had lice. And I guess
you get called and like they call your parents to
(01:06):
come pick you up. Like how embarrassing is that? Like
that's like the child equivalent of like getting a d U.
I who do you think it's worse for the kid
or the parent, because the parent coming to pick Moe
was like, yeah, that little dirty bastards mine. But I don't.
I mean you're dirty that you have lice. There are
so many other ways to get in it. All the
ten year olds, Danielle apparently kids I'm saying scientifically, it
(01:31):
means that they're like, oh, you got the coolies. I
don't think that. I mean when I was a kid,
that was it. Everyone had. You had cooties if you
had lice, But I haven't. Don't pick on each other
now nowadays that they're picking on each other for so
many other things, I think lie is the last thing
they pick on each other. Four Can you get away
with lice? Now you know COVID he's only got lice.
It's okay, you want to say scotty um. Do they
(01:54):
still do the schooliosis checks? I remember the gym teacher
used to take take your shirt off and you have
to bend over in front of the gym too. I
don't think that was kind of weird. By the way
you were in church. Well, that also brings up the
(02:15):
topic of what's that embarrassing thing that you think back
on in school and you just still shake your head,
how embarrassed you were. I no, you go first, because
I want to go after. I remember I had apparently
stepped in dog shit and then walked into school to
the point where where I'm sitting in class, and I
(02:36):
was like, why is this smell like dog poop? And
I looked down and it's just like this big mound
of dog shit on my shoe. And I was so
embarrassed because I had tracked it into the room and
I had to walk around in my socks for the
rest of the day because the teacher wouldn't let me
wear my shoes. So embarrassing. I think back on that,
I'm like, oh, I still just cringe at myself. So yeah,
(02:58):
there are so many things that like at the time,
you're like, oh, nobody's gonna remember that. They'll forget it
in two weeks, and then you still totally remember Jimmy
Janetki never coming back. It's horrible. I was getting in
his hands. I'll tell you that one later. Oh, I'd
like to hear that one too. Um. I was getting
a math award in third grade and I didn't feel good,
and they were like going down the list and I
(03:19):
was the only girl that was getting one, and as
soon as they came to me, I had to get
up and run out of the classroom that was in
a mobile thing and puke everywhere. I puked all over
the rocks. It was disgusting, and the whole class I
just remember looking up, the whole classes like standing at
the door of the little mobile unit just staring at
me like are you okay? Should we call your parents?
I was like, mother, God, terrible? What? So I was
(03:44):
studying like crazy, and I was, you know, I was
one of the smarter kids in class, no surprise there,
and so I was really cocky. It's really cocky about it.
And so they had this rule that you had to
say the word, spell it and then say the word right.
And so I was all ready to go your first round.
I'm gonna wipe the floor with these dumbasses. And they
(04:06):
get up there and they get on stage and they
go spell the word angry and I said a N
G R y and they said nope, thank you because
I didn't say angry, a M g R y angry.
So I went and I walked off the stage. I
was out in the first round, so f me, and
then they all remember remember when David Brodie didn't stay angry?
I remember, That's right, I remember. That's all that matters.
(04:29):
I'm waiting for the embarrassing part. Well, Danielle, you won't
do well in game shows, so like, all you didn't
do was say that part. You still spelled the right way.
So yeah, but I got kicked out of the contest.
I was so arrogant about I was gonna win, and
I was out in the first round to a smart person.
That's embarrassing. I gotta be honest. If I was one
(04:51):
of the other little kids, I would have been the
happiest kid in class when you got kicked out of
those assholes you see, daniel let's I'm talking about those
people were laughing at me. By was the spelling be
the jump off for the rest of your life of
just like you? Nope, I'm going to prove people right
from that moment? Was that the moment that that changed?
(05:12):
That's when I decided to stop being wrong? Yeah? I
bet I bet your wife would beg to different that
you haven't been wrong since you'd have to pay attention
to me to understand that I was wrong. I have
two things you want pop of blood? Which one do
(05:34):
you want first? Which one came out first? I was
in first grade and the urinals in elementary school are like,
they're here, but they go all the way to the floor.
I don't know if I mean girls don't know that,
but they go to the floor. And so I was
standing there with my pants around my ankles because that's
what little boys did, I guess, And as I was peeing,
a little bit of a ball came out, So I
(05:55):
pooped late. So you have to say that again because
I think for he said something over. Sorry, A poop
ball came out while I was peeing and it fell
on the floor, and then yes, okay, and there was
another kid there, so they called me duty head for
like the whole rest of the year. I hate the work.
(06:21):
I hate the word duty so much. In second grade,
I was such a kiss ass that if you wanted
to help wash the chalkboard, you had to be the
first to the sink to get the sponge. So I
ran to the sink and I slipped on water and
(06:42):
I bashed my nose against the sink and I was
bleeding everywhere. The first though and you get to I know,
I had to go to the nurse. Did they finally
stop calling you poopy head for that? Yeah? I guess
by second grade it changed to bloody be I don't know,
ye ha been in third grade, Scotty. In third grade,
(07:06):
I wanted to be the one that to clean the erasers.
They used to have this machine and remember that thing,
and all the bag fell off and the chalk dust
went into my face and I was choking like a mother.
Grade okay, fourth grade. Fourth grade. The fourth grade is
when I faked being sick and I was in the
hospital for a week just to get out of school.
(07:28):
Fake it into the hospital. I never told this story,
do you have. I really did not like school in
fourth grade, especially going to jim for whatever reason. You know, Brodie,
I'm not all that. I'm just gonna play sports run
for the eraser. So I didn't want to go to
school because there was a test or something I don't remember.
And so what I did was before the bus would come,
(07:49):
I said, you know what, I gotta get out of
school today. So I would go into the bathroom and
as because I heard the bus point, I would take
a cup of water and I would go and pour
the water into the toilet, so it sounded like I
was vomiting, and I would just continuously vomit. And then
one night in bed, I just laid like soup hanging
out of my mouth with chew up crackers. I threw
(08:09):
up in my sleep. So I went up going in
the hospital for a week, And of course in the
hospital I didn't throw up at all, because I was
faking it the whole time. By the end of the week,
they realized that they were sending me home, and of
course I went into the bathroom when fake threw up,
but they knew that I was You know, what did
your parents? I took a week in the hospital for
a week. My parents were pissed. Yeah. Yeah, So something
(08:32):
every year in elementary school, okay, what are we up to?
Fifth grade or six? I don't remember anything after that,
is that when you met the Teddy Bear fifth grade,
I would be what like ten years old at that
around yeah, yeah, yeah, Teddy Bear came into play, probably
fifth That's when we open the bank account. I got
the free bear and he was mine and he learned
(08:56):
how to make up the cons your parents that you
were sick enough to be hospitalized. Yeah, that's expensive. No less,
did you go to the DOT like a normal doctor
first before the hospital to like check your most of it?
And they probably said, well we can't, we don't know
what's wrong. So I they admitted me. Yeah, mental hospital.
(09:20):
And at no point did you feel bad, Like, okay, guys,
I've been in the hospital for days. Now, let me know.
He didn't have to go to school. He was commission accomplished.
I was sitting there eating meat loaf, watching Fat Albert.
I was so excited. Wait, so, Scotty, what was the
game plan? What was the game plan? So you're in
there for a week already, like what was the endgame
for you? Like to have a game? At that point,
(09:40):
I was eight or nine. I had no plan. I
didn't no idea what was going on. I was like,
this is great. I don't have to go to school.
That's all I knew. Your parents are like freaking out
having panic attacks, and we could be wrong with it.
You're really sick. Nothing, that's terrible. Sorry he never yelled
at your kids again, you were worse. You're right. I
fake I fake ran away one time too. Remember what
great that was? In How did you fake it? No.
(10:04):
My neighbor was watching me in their backyard and they
the kid got into a fight with the mom whatever,
and I got scared, so I ran into the bushes
in front of my house and I just stayed there
for hours, and they went up calling the police and
the whole thing, and then I finally just walked into
the house. I was like, hey, mom, you know, and
and it was just it was a whole fiasco because
the neighbor was going nuts because she was responsible for
(10:26):
him and complaining about your daughter, Cooper. I am going
to say, karma is a bit. It's fun to watch
Mini Me try to get away with ship. Seriously, there
was no way, Scotty, You're in the will. Your childhood
was like a comic streng was like Calvin and Hobbs. Yeah,
(10:48):
damn Scottie. Okay, next, I just I just remember doing
theater in college and I was doing Dracula, and I
remember being on stage and there was a pair of
scissors next to us, and I picked up the scissors
to do my scene and it was real and I
cut my whole hand open and I'm on stage and
I couldn't stop, and real blood is dripping down my hand.
(11:10):
Like not the fake blood. You would pretend that, you know,
you got on the stage and it's dripping all the
stage and draculas keep we kept going me and at
the end like there was blood and I had it
was crazy, but it was like, but no one. I
don't even think anyone realized about me. I was embarrassed
for myself, but I don't think anybody a new audience
(11:32):
even realized. It just wasn't mess to clean up later on.
I might have told this on the air once. But
when I was a kid, I was in first grade
and we uh, it was my birthday and my mother
had bought a hostess cupcakes for everybody for my birthday
that we were going to eat after lunch. But I
ate a big lunch. We ran around outside on the
(11:53):
playground and you know, in the school yard, and I
was feeling kind of sick. And then there was it
was one o'clock. We came back into this you know school,
all sweaty in the classroom. They saying happy birthday to me,
and everyone started eating the cupcakes and I remember just
taking a bite and going like all over the floor.
(12:18):
I ran to the bathroom. I was I was horrified
for weeks it was. It was yeah, pretty yeah, you
know what they remember the kids, and the kids remember that.
They remember that right through the sixth grade until he
graduated pre school. So I went to you know, like
(12:40):
the Y m c A before kindergarten and pre Kane
all that. So and you would take the bus home. Uh.
I was still learning how to go to the bathroom.
So I would poot my pants from time to time,
and they would send it home with you in a bag.
They would send it home. They would send your underwear
home with you in a bag. But you know, I
don't know it out hold on the ball. Yeah, but
(13:03):
it's still dirty. That's not the point of the story.
This is outrageous. Listen all right. So again, like I
told you, I took the bus home. After about a
week of this happening, I was not allowed to sit
next to the window anymore because I was scared to
bring home my dirty underwear. So I would throw it
out the window on the way home. And then how
(13:26):
many times did probably about a good week and change.
Damn again. You try to learn when when you're four
or five years old. Um, so, so the bus driver
had to, like you know, bus driver drops you off
how to pull my parents aside and be like, hey, listen,
he can't sit next to the window anymore. He's been
throwing his underwear out the window. Oh my god, but
(13:49):
when you go home, your mother doesn't go don't you
like your mother had the notice you don't want to
wear on when you get home? Well know you probably
there was probably back up, like I wasn't. I wasn't
free balling it. And at the y MC I had
to back up. It wouldn't be the first guy back up.
I can't. I can't. Yeah, I wasn't allowed to sit
next to the window. Froggy has been very quiet about
(14:13):
his embarrassing on younger years. And I know the frog
because I got cold from doing dumb shit, like I
didn't really do embarrassing stuff, and it dumb stuff like
I forged my dad's name on on my report card,
and then I got away with it a couple of
times because my report card was bad, So then I
started having I was stupid. I had I forged my
(14:33):
dad's name on other kids report cards, but he wasn't
their dad, so we got caught like that, like why
is this man signing this kids report cards? But he's
not his father, but it looks real. My one forging story.
So I forged my dad's signature one in fourth grade,
(14:54):
I do believe, and the teacher, you know, sends it
home and like, we, you know, have your dad signed
it on top of where you're selling? Did? And I
remember it was who had the Bigfoot pizza? Or remember
was that pizza hut? It was like a big gigantic
so yeah, it was. It was Bigfoot. So it was
Bigfoot pizza to night. It was a Monday night. My
dad signs the paper, goes, what's this? I go, well,
I tried to sign it, takes the big Foot pizza
(15:14):
and throws it across the kitchen and goes, how dare
you tried to sign? All I remember is the Bigfoot
pizza And that was big. That was big, flying across
the kitchen. Oh my gosh, you know my brother did.
My brother is a computer graphics artist and he's so
good and it must have started way back in the
day because he used to have a fake report card
(15:35):
be sent home and he would get all these great
grades and blah blah blah. And then eventually my mom's like, Danny,
do you notice that the school emblem is not on
the top of this um. You know, I don't think
this is real, right, So we figured that out. And
then his biggest mistake was they were using typewriters back
then to like type the thing. He didn't. He thought
(15:56):
he gave himself too high a grade, so he raised
it and put a different grade, and you could see
that it was a raised and my mother is like, Okay,
this is not something is out there. And that's how
we finally got busted. But I can't even tell you
how long he must have been doing it for you.
Forget it, forget it. We are messed up. When I
was in high school, I used to cut school so
much that I was able to get into the office
(16:18):
and I stole a piece of letter head and I
typed a letter to my parents saying that there was
an error in the computer attendance system and if you
get any calls about absences, please disregard any questions. Please
call Miriam Schlack, attendant supervisor. Fake person. I made it up, Miriam.
I signed it, and I put a phone number that
(16:39):
I knew was a facts number in the school, so
it looked like one of their numbers. And they I
mean I told them years later and they got a
good laugh. But I mean the letters came home and
they never called anybody about it. Please give your son
Scott one d dollars today, I say, though, and I'm
sure all of you guys probably agree. The older I get,
the more I totally understand dad rage. I used to
(17:02):
think my dad just got mad about nothing. And now
when like Garrett talks about his dad chucking that pizza
across the house, I'm like, yeah, I woant have done
the same thing. Totally understand Dad rage. Now that was
the other thing. It just came. It just came home.
He's a bucket through the whole thing. You know what's
funny is my dad did that one time to my
mom and just baked a bunch of cookies, and I
(17:22):
did something stupid. My dad took the cookie sheet and
threw it across the kitchen. Fucking cookies went everywhere. The
dogs are eating him off the floor. We never ate
any cookies at all, Dad Rage. You know what else
my brother did? Wait, so he borrowed the car. He
didn't have his license. He was like, I don't a teenager,
(17:44):
and he decided to take my dad's car without telling
my dad, and he drove at some place, but the
dumbass when he got it back the farking spot that
my dad parked in, it wasn't available. The car in
a different spot, and I got totally busted because it
wasn't my dad's Like I didn't park my car here
with the box. I got pulled over. I got pulled
over at fourteen for driving my dad's Mercury Cougar because
(18:06):
I had a V eight didn't We would go into
an empty parking lot and burn the tires off and rubber,
and I got pulled over fourteen. My parents were out
of town for driving his cart. That dad rage once again.
It was a lot of dad rage after that one.
I don't know. I don't see Scotty as being a
dad that has dad rage, but if he ever did,
I would have apple sauce on the ceiling from the
(18:28):
time that I forget Cooper did something. I don't remember
what it was, but I was so mad I threw
her cup of apple sauce and it's splattered on the
ceiling and some of it is still there. My father, Tony,
very very even keel guy. He had dad rage when
I wouldn't take a I didn't want to take a bath.
It was bath time. He literally lifted me up and
threw me in the bath my clothes on, picked him
(18:54):
up and threw him in the bath or something years ago.
The way I think we're over. We're way over. Show
perfect tomorrow, we are. We don't do it. We cut
it off right before we talk about Froggy abusing us on. No,
I threw it. I can remained the pool with all
of his clothes on one time. That's okay, that was nice.
(19:15):
It was funny. He got you back by you'll get
us back. They'll get us back, of course they will.
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