Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast
phone Elvis represents Minute Morning show. The iswa. These things
(00:23):
are seriously something that you would find at a fair
or like the boardwalk where you would win a game
like you know with you know, throwing darts or you know,
warbling squirting water in the clown's mouth. That is I
am so obsessed with these stupid rubber chicken, rubber pig
that party. Those are the rubber chickens in my youth,
rubber chickens when we were younger. We're en and these
(00:47):
two rubber chickens sound different like this. One sounds like
this this and sounds like this. Are you really amazing?
That pick sounds like this? But they're not floppy rubber chickens.
They're yeah, these are I just I want to see
the meeting that one I have party City with all
the guys sitting around the table, go, how don't we
reinvent the rubber chicken? Well, what I'm so amazed at
(01:08):
is that there's toys that seem to always come back
after a couple of years, but reinvented, you know, whether
it's like the game Simon, you know where they now
make it like a Super Simon, you know, or like
the Rubik's Cube now doesn't have three it's got like
four or five different attorneys. I mean there's all kinds
of things, you know. I just I can't figure out
what the next toy where all of a sudden come
(01:29):
back at I would love to have a Furbie back.
The matchbox car rapt car hasn't left, no, but you
can bring it back. It's like maybe it's bigger. Maybe
it's bigger now doors open up on the side. About
hot wheels, by the way, yeah, I was always a
hot wheels guy. Matchbox is really only like construction trucks
and police cars and fire engine and the pink scrap
(01:51):
scratched scratched off a much easier wheels. Always they had
the glossy finish. I still collect them. But which one
went out of business? First? This in business really hot
wheels and you can get matchbox cars at the grocery store.
What are you living in a bubble and they have
matchbox matchbox not matchbox wheels. I'm talking about meal wheels
(02:14):
makes the really hot meals on wheels really like the
bridge and like the garage crash. You can bring oatmeal
to old people great. I say this speaking of meals
on wheels. Had a restaurant rate fffing idea for a restaurant.
Where are we going in two days? Daniel? I Fair? Okay?
(02:35):
What do you love about the Iowa State Fair? The
food on a stick? The food on a stick. I'm
going to open up a restaurant that is just Fair food.
So you go there. There's a pork chop on a stick.
There's the huge turkey leg, there's the whatever, the cheez curds, butter,
fried butter. Everything you can imagine that you can get
(02:56):
the Fair. No calorie counts on the men of the food.
What do you do for dessert? You can do the
fried oreo. You have to have a barksteale cookie barksteal.
You can anything you get at the Fair? Why wait
once a year? W are you cutting candy peanuts? You're
gonna have paper plates? I can just throw on the floor.
You can throw there won't be trapped. There will be buckets.
(03:16):
Oh no, have those thirty gallon drums. The oil all
over the restaurant, and you gotta throw the food in
from Its gonna be straw on the floor. Don't forget me.
The pig with the big balls, big with huge balls
right next to the counter. You can do the pig
with your logo on it and it's the fair food.
And then kids can squeeze it and it's, oh my god,
(03:37):
what kid wouldn't want to pig that you can squeeze
on this? So I have a name for it, isn't
it suld? It should be fair, fair like f A
I R f A R good fair good fair. I'm
not fair. Fair sounds pretty. That's like one of those
Williamsburg restaurants that everybody's talking about. Fair little patties around
(03:58):
the floor, on the floor, the floor on the back.
Can you have animals like a petting zoo in the
back that would beat you? Gotta have that. I think
the smell of animals, I think has to come out.
That you have a little shitty, dangerous roller coaster that
adults don't fit in, but they go on anyway. But
see if you had a petting zoo at a place
(04:21):
where you were making food, I would question where the
food comes from. Well, you know, the goat died. We
got a special. You can put the restaurant on wheels.
That's brilliant. I'm telling you, everybody This is such a
great idea. I can't believe it. Nobody came up with
the patent, didn't Then you're done. Yeah. See, I don't
want to give away my idea now because an idea
for restaurant, it is gonna be called Sloppy Dave's. And
(04:43):
it was gonna be all the messy concoctions of food
I came up with as a kid, like you know,
the crazy things. But here's the kicker. You want to
be comfortable, right The napkins are shirt sleeves, So you
put them on and you wipe your face on your sleeve,
and that's the napkins. That's pretty great at all. That's
on sanitary. You're on sanitary. You're gonna get a D
(05:05):
in the letter. It's a napkin. What's the difference. But
it's got like a button collar and you just wipe
your arm. You've never wiped your arm. In the age
that we're in right now, we're all the healthy. Everybody
wants to eat healthy and stuff in the veins everywhere.
I doubt that that's the whole point of going to
the restaurant. You're gonna start, You're gonna have kids, going
(05:25):
a mom, dad, I want to go to the restaurant
where I can my face on my sleeve. Dani will
tell you, I'm sure as as parents, you don't. You
get disgusted even clean up your kids stuff. You don't
want to see it at a restaurant, totally take What
are you talking about? They use napkins. It's just a
sleeve shaped napkin. You're making stuff questions. Are the sleeve
shaped napkins like um the type that you guys wash
(05:46):
or they disposable? You could probably make paper ones. But
I would have cloth at the that's a place cloth
sleepy stop at sleeps. Give me pants, Give me napkin
pants too, so I can wipe my hands on my pants.
That's not bad, like a like a crotch bard. I
would do that. It's so funny you bring this up.
(06:07):
I remember just now my dad. He would get a
bag of cheetos and he would get home from work
and he's tired, and he's sitting there with his bag
of Cheetos and he would wipe his fingers on his sleeve,
so there his sleeve would just be orange. We always do.
Any someone in this room, mother than me, has done it.
Don't lie when you're desperate for a napkin, and it's
late at night. You wipe your hands on your socks
(06:29):
all the time. But but you know what, Brodie's a
finger sucker to like he's wasted here in the studio.
I don't that sound though, but I know it's for
I understand that. But if I like, we had pizza
today from Monty's any way that's sweetened and um spicy
(06:51):
sauce like that tied chili sauce, I had to go finger,
what are you doing? I couldn't wipe it on my
think he's let me tell you, it's not just Brody.
I have a friend that does it as well. And
I don't think you established. I'm not going on the planet.
I don't want to know two of you. I don't
want to throw you into the bus like that that.
(07:13):
I've gone to get food with right, and we had
pulled pork sandwiches and it came over here on his
thumb a little bit and he was like this, and
I was like, oh, stop, stop. I couldn't if you
eat ribs. If you eat ribs, you're telling me you
don't lick your fingers. No, I just like food. You
don't eat ribs. Oh my gosh, wait a minute, this
(07:33):
is actually something I talked about it mother. I didn't
even realize this about my brother. He has no fingers.
The other day, no, I had a barbecue and I
served ribs, and I said to my brother, why aren't
you eating them? And my sister said to me, you
don't know. He doesn't eat with his fingers. He won't eat.
He won't do that. He doesn't like the food. I
don't like it to get on his fingers. How do pizza?
(07:55):
Here's the thing, so when I eat pizza, you have
a handle. All they forget the call on you get
the corner, which is I always go for the corner.
But it just say, will not eat the center of
square pizzas and wings in restaurants. I have asked for
gloves so I don't have to have it on my fingers.
Like the same thing. She wouldn't eat it off the bone.
I'm like, I don't I didn't understand. Can we just
(08:17):
remind people if you listen to these podcasts in order?
Greg t refuses to lick his fingers because it's disgusting,
but he PE's in his own pool. Here we go
again on the flooring in his mouth. What I did,
what I did on the carpeting. It was a mistake.
(08:38):
Let's get past on the floor. Can I just say
one thing about that? I really am what to keep
on bringing it off. The first time that you pooped
on the floor, they're floating series. I noticed people are
talking on my back. That's the way I think. The
second time, like when you stood there and realized that
it was happening, you perfectly tried to aim at its scary. Okay,
(09:00):
maybe I did. People are talking about this. You are
one guy ships on the floor. All of a sudden,
it's talking to time. I don't hear. Oh my god,
everybody was talking about it. You have to realize that
when people come in here, they ask us why doesn't
the carpet match? And we have to explain everything that
(09:22):
In a normal office, people talk about how Bob took
someone else's stapler, like did you Bob took mary stapler?
And he's acting like it's his stapler. You ship on
the floor, why, I'll tell you, why did you not
try to poop? Unscary? So here's what I didn't tell you.
He did what I did. I'll put it to rest already,
(09:44):
and then I would ask you a question before you
do that. Go ahead. Did you see Ed expensed his lunch,
but he wasn't. It wasn't really a business one, and
he wasn't at lunch and he was talking to Maria
and on a side note, great, tell the chicken. Here's
what happen. Here's okay, here's here's what happened. All right.
So I hate food, okay, so listen. So I've been
(10:05):
having an issue with going to the bathroom. Okay, after
my colonoscopy, my doctor says I should take mirror lax
in the morning and mirror lax at night. So it's
two times a mirror lax. Okay, relax, Okay, it came
out like much so right. So what happens is is
that presently I have not been having some hard enough stools. Okay.
(10:29):
So what happened is Dan Nate said to me, and
that you have to admit you said to me, put
the ping pong ball far up there, so screwing of
a problem getting it out? Did you not say that?
I may have said, have it you take it? Notes?
Can you eat the transcript back? When I just wanted
to be I don't know if I necessarily said put
it up your butt hole? But far did you say?
(10:51):
You did say put it up there? I can't remember,
your honor, I don't remember the ball doesn't said did
you put it up there? And I said, and I said, oh, baby,
did I ever? I said, I jammed it up there?
And then I sat on, it's really good. I didn't
know about did you know that Stephanie took home coffee paper?
(11:12):
Coffee paper? Soone's all the way up there, okay, which
now is stretching out my muscles. Okay, so now scary
is in there? Now, scary? Did you not flick it
many times? I had to because I touch on what
was he flicking with my nail? With my nail like this? Right?
(11:32):
So as he as he flicked Intenate's Restaurants, something that
was vibration. It was sending vibrations into the that area.
So when the ball came out, it was like a
suction popped out and it started to come out. So
here's what happened, like champagne. Now let's get to this
point because that was the first So it is coming out.
(11:55):
So now I feel like pushing down towards my whole
O thank gosh. At that point, I just said to myself,
screw it. At this point, it's already out, it's on
the floor. And then I just said it's coming anyway,
and I pushed a little, and the rest of you did.
At the second point, you did push. But to be
honest to Danielle's point that I think it'd be funny
(12:17):
if it's shot out of my butt like like that
onto you. Yes, I thought that would be hysterical had
it actually shot feces out onto your How did you
think that would be hy You wouldn't have laughed if
it would be like in a movie, like it's shooting
out and hitting somebody. Why why did you dig that
would be appropriate? I thought, if I just just tell
(12:38):
you guys something that I think this plays into this beautifully.
Edgar on the fourth floor has been making international phone
calls on charging the company. Now that I explained that,
here's what I want to say to you guys, Okay,
how much more time? All right? Real quick? Do you admit,
like just to sum up anything? The first time he
accidentally happened. The second time it was going that way,
(12:59):
you put, but it was going that way anyway. It
was to feel the pulse sating of the muscles. It
was going there, there's something I could do. So then
why are you so bent out of shape when it
comes up after the Okay, listen, there are TV shows
and there are actors comedians, but when they're done with
the show, they're done with the show. Now, I've known
(13:20):
you guys for so many years now, so after the
show is over, can't we just go back? No? No,
because it can't. We just walk away from this and
just be normal people to one another. But why continue
to bring it up when we just put on a
(13:40):
show for audience, because that's what we did. It's not
like you did something like a bit for the show.
We did that was something that like you can't unsee that,
but it was for the show. It wasn't scripted though,
like the TV shows you're talking about, though, there's a
script the characters player that we can't walk away from
(14:01):
the characters that we have to be on the air.
I don't want to stand why we can't just walk
away from that? Why does it have to continue? Do
you think I go to my neighbor's house, like, hey, Steve,
and I go crapping on his on his driving that
after hours, once it hits ten Eastern Standard time, once
we're still doing the podcast at ten. I just don't understand.
And that's the problem. That's the point I'm asking. I
(14:21):
don't talk to you scary like we've talked in the air, Daniella,
talk to you like that, Nate, Brody, Garrett, none of
you guys. It was your best man at the wedding,
So why continue the jokes? But after the show is over,
I'm kind of the same person off the year that
I am on the air. I don't think I'm much different. Well,
I really don't, am I much different. I'm just wondering
why we just can't. I think I think if any
(14:43):
one of us was out to dinner as couples in
these offices, it's gonna come up Let's restaurant, like Mike
is stealing liquid paper, which is fifteen minute morning show