August 12, 2025 • 44 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This,”Lisa and Nick dive into the emotional rollercoaster of traditions. From navigating the burdens of upholding holiday rituals to the freedom of creating your own way, the duo breaks down the messy, funny, and sometimes painful reality of letting go of what no longer fits. Tune in for laughs, insights, and a healthy dose of reflection on the power of growth and the importance of making your own traditions - even if that means putting sausage in the stuffing!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lambinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, you're the problems. Come on, come down,
go leab, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
(00:37):
what I say, dumb ass.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Listen to me.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
You everybody hat Lisa Ambinelli and this is shrink This
with Lisa Lambinelli with me today. It's my creative assistant,
Nick Scopaletti's Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Ni, it's me. I got a promotion.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I got a promotion. That's what I got that in Yes, Nick,
to tell everybody where they can find you.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Out you on Instagram and TikTok at.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I love how you like stare at yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
I just hate seeing myself.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, what are you looking at?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Seriously, you guys don't understand. Okay, look I can't see anything.
I'm just looking at Wait I have to turn around.
Hold on, so what's happening? Oh? Hi? Wait? But you're
always looking at it while you're talking. Why and look
at it if you hate it?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I don't know. It's just like a car crash. Look away.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
That's true. I've seen that face. So Okay. So this
is a topic that I want to do for a
while because it plagued me for so many years. Today
I want to talk about family traditions, friend aditions, holiday traditions,
any tradition, because I feel like in society we are
(02:09):
told we have to quote keep up traditions, and it's like,
wait a minute, what if no one else wants to
keep it up when we're the only one upholding it,
or what if everyone kind of senses while this thing's
outlived its usefulness, we should stop or change it up,
or do it differently, and do it with the intention
of like, hey, this is somebody just trying to recapture
(02:30):
their youth with their family. They're trying to do new traditions.
And I think the word tradition is so loaded because
we feel like failures if we don't carry them on.
So I wanted to talk about and we got a
lot of letters from people who are sort of going
through the same thing of like when should I let
things go. When is it okay to just like go ooh,
I don't have to do anything. I basically consider my
(02:52):
ass at Christmas if that's where I find peace and
how I want to live. Are you familiar with this
type of subject, Nicholas, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
The holidays for my family was always a point of contention.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Wait, always like growing up or just as an adult.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
As an adult, I would say as a kid it
was fun because didn't really matter, but then logistically it
got a little you know, without going to the whole story,
just we always had to like ghost like. It was
always like the driving issue.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Right, Okay, you had to drive from where to wear.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
So every it was Thanksgiving in particular, but it was
my grandmother lived in New Rochelle, New York. Okay, so
every the day every Thanksgiving Day, So the night before,
usually in college especially, I go out with my friends.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Ye always get hammhaed.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
We could go out the next day to the Sea Grape.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You go to the Sea Grape. That was like, oh,
I forget where we would go though, definitely okay.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
For a few but I would have to drive from Monroe, Connecticut,
down to New Rochelle, New York, pick up my grandmother
then drive to upstate New York, past Albany, my cousin's house.
I was in a Dobbs Ferry. No, no, it was
past Albany. It was like, wow, that's far okay, Cone
(04:16):
whatever it was called state, go up there, battle the
tap and ze bridge the whole time. And we would
stay overnight and then stay the next day and have
to leave. So the pain, the ass thing that we
used to do every year was again I had to
go from an road and New Michelle. And one year,
one year I suggested, you know what, why would I
(04:36):
go down to New Rochelle and then battle through the
tap and Zee. I said to my grandmother, I go,
how about this year? Oh you drive up to Monroe.
I'll drive you from there. We skipped the tap. She
used to complain every year about the traffic, right, and
I was too tired, and I was like, this is insane.
I go, you come an hour here, I do the
three hours up, the three hours back. You don't have
to worry about nothing, and up in arms.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Oh yes you don't want to come pick me up,
but I don't do enough for you? Yes, yes, yes,
And then the guilt kill a nightmare and with people
like that, it's impossible to say. A shrink told me
years ago that the five most powerful words and the
only words you ever really need, are that doesn't work
(05:21):
for me. So if you truly feel that drive doesn't
work for you, that should be enough. Like it has
to be case closed. But when it comes to family
and traditions, it's so heated and such a hot hot
button issue that people get very emotional over it. I mean,
I remember when we sort of stopped celebrating Easter. It
was like me kicking and screaming, I love, or at
(05:45):
least loved. I'm learning to, you know, let it go.
Every holiday, meaning Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, July fourth,
Memorial Day, and Labor Day, there was always something to
do specifically on those days that involve family. So I
(06:05):
remember we still do Thanksgiving and Christmas sort of similarly
as we always have. I remember the first year that
Easter wasn't gonna happen because I don't think people like
Catholics used to be the biggest holiday. They used to
say Easter is more important than Christmas because Jesus rose,
he was just born on Christmas. That's not important. He
(06:25):
didn't do anything, but he fucking rose. So you would
have to go to like the fire department and get
like buy plants for your moms and aunts and grandmothers,
because I always, for some reason, held them at these
fire stations, so it seemed like a cute little thing.
You'd go buy all these elderly aunts and things, these
flowers and like plants like lilacs and tulips, and then
(06:47):
you'd have like the church thing with your family, and
then the Easter egg hunt and then the Easter baskets
and Easter dinner. So it was like a big deal
in a lot of Catholic slives, and definitely mine in
our family. But I kind of felt like, oh, that's
gonna I sensed after my parents, or right before my
parents passed. I was like, I bet that's gonna be
(07:08):
the first one to go. I think Easter's gonna be
not as observed as the other ones. So I remember
the first year, I get a call from my sister
and she says they're gonna go on a cruise because
it coincides with their school vacation. She's a teacher, and
I was, oh, yeah, no. Externally, of course, I'm like, no,
that's great. Oh my god, you deserve it. Have fun, girl,
(07:30):
get your groove on, which I didn't say any of that.
I was just oh my god, great, have fun. But
inside it felt like the biggest loss and death ever
because I was like, oh no, like once that one goes,
what about the next one and the next one, when
in reality, like if Christmas, Thanksgiving, an Easter and all
(07:50):
the rest disappeared, we'd figure it out. I'd figure out
how to make peace with it. Somehow I'd work it through.
But it was so like a it almost felt I
was getting stabbed in the heart, like, oh, Easter's gone.
So for the first year I tried to like scare
up people to do Easter with and it worked ish
for two years, like with six people, but it felt
(08:12):
sad that it was only six instead of like forty.
And then last year I remember, no one wanted to
do anything. So I texted my brother and his wife
and I go, hey, if you're around for Easter, if
you want to get brunch somewhere, And we went to brunch,
then went on a walk, which I never walk. I
have a fully established hatred of any type of movement,
but they wanted to and I was like, sure, it
(08:33):
was a gorgeous day. I was like, oh, this is
that was nice, And it was me just having to
work on loosening the hold of like I want traditions
like mommy and Daddy had. It's always cause my mother
was so vigilant about doing it the way her parents
did it. So she was like, I could almost my
voice sing like mommy and Daddy did. It is her
(08:54):
voice saying it about her parents. So it all felt
sad to let go of it. And it's still kind
of has a little tinge of like, ooh, we're not
doing anything. But then it kind of I think you
have to really, or least I did, have to meaningfully
work it through of what it really means inside to
me to let it go and not be either resentful
(09:16):
or angry or just sad about it.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Yeah, I definitely think for me the traditions are I
like them. But at the same time I get a
little like I'm like, oh, let's just keep it loose,
like we should all just be having fun, right, like
it's whatever, like one of the points I get another
point of contention. But this is mostly when I was younger.
(09:38):
My grandmother used to really get on me about what
I wore to holidays. Oh my god, I wasn't in
khaki's in a button down. I mean, yeah, what are
you wearing jeans for everyone else? Is it's tradition you're
supposed to And I would be like, shut up. Yeah,
Like I was a teenager, I was like, doesn't murders,
so it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
So I used to like, nah, just do it different,
it's cool, like whatever. So I go back and forth
on that and now and I'm not like, I mean,
I'm an adult, but I don't like a family and
going to I'm not going to easters with like my
own you know what I mean, Like I don't have
So I'm not like worried about traditions yet I'm just
like I show up and we all hang out. Who cares.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, I definitely feel like last year's the first year
I loosened up on that because it was like I
was fighting tooth and nail for something no one else
wanted or valued. And it's like, but then it's not.
I had to really look internally and go, it's not
my job to make them like and want the same
(10:35):
things I like and want. And by the way, once
you start doing that, you go, wait a minute, what
am I trying to do? Oh, I'm trying to recreate
something that happened, you know, fifty forty years ago. But
they can never happen that way again because those people
aren't here anymore. Your grandparents are gone. You're in a
different house my grandparents. I passed their old house every
(10:56):
day because it's on the way to my house, and
I'm like, oh, they're not there anymore. My parents aren't
here anymore. So really, you're never gonna recapture that holiday.
And it's that it's a corny saying, but it's true.
Don't weep for what? Don't weep that you no longer
had it, smile because you'd had it at one point.
(11:17):
I'm sure I basteardized the quote, but it's like, well,
the whole you're lucky enough that you had these memories,
so until I could use the gratitude of like, you're
fucking lucky that up until you were probably fifty eight,
like Easter was a big f and deal and the
Easter egg hunts with the kids and all that cuteness,
and now it's like everybody goes well, now, established traditions
(11:41):
of your own. I would even argue go or maybe
you don't have to, maybe you could just see what
happens year to year. So I remember last year at
July fourth. Also had always had a real thing to
me because we still always go to my brothers. The
kids were always in a parade. They would barbecue. My
brother's family is the least time maintenance people, so casual.
(12:03):
You never felt any stress. It was always my parents
and me and them, and they just have all these
things set up to play, and the kids had so
much fun. And these are like teenagers, so they were
like really fun to hang out with still and I'm
like one of those kids. All live in different parts
of the country. Now my parents are gone. Uh oh,
I go, let me have a July fourth where I
(12:25):
experiment on staying home because also with good weather, it's
pressure to have fun. And also I've never been a
weather good weather person who needs to do outdoor things.
I lived on the water for years and never went
in the water because I just hate the sand. But
I lived on a private beach. It's mentally ill. So
I said, let me see what this is like. And
(12:46):
three weeks before I'll never forget my friend Anthony, who's
you know, one of my oldest friends, known him forever,
he says, And how perfect did this? He goes, Me
and David, his husband. Me and David are having a
few people over for July fourth. We'd like you to come.
We're doing it our way. We cook outside, but eat inside.
(13:08):
I said, I'm in because I don't have to deal
with a fly. I don't have to deal with a
fucking wind or a breeze and none of that shit.
I literally showed up their house at noon. I left
at nine at night, where I have so much fun. And
by fun, it's my type of fun, like games and
like silly conversation and just having a good time. And boy,
(13:29):
if I didn't let up on the but I have
to recreate that memory of what we used to do
with my brother. And why don't I just chase one
of the kids around the country and go to Cincinnati
and see those guys enforce this tradition. I wouldn't have
been open to that other thing.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah, it's fun, man, Sometimes letting.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Goes it's all letting go. That's Anthony. Actually, the same
guy had given me a bracelet one year that said
the balance of life is how what we hold on
to and what we let go. So I held on
to the good memories. But it took years of me
working out being sad over it. But then it stops
being sad suddenly, which is really nice because you can't
(14:08):
I can't live where I'm holding on so tight to
a dream that's never gonna happen again.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah, my grandmother used to do that too, and it
would stress everyone out, especially me. She'd be like, let's
stay the next day for Thanksgiving for turkey sandwich is
and everyone else is leaving. She's it's traditional. I go,
We're the only ones that stay. Yeah, I think it's over,
like they hosted us. We were here all day yesterday.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I think Uncle Jimmy is annoying. He just wants his
house house back.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Yeah. Yeah, But we stay and we do this.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
It's like, no, let's we gotta go. I want to go.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Let's leave. Well, And also you probably haven't experienced this
yet because of age. When you actually lighten up and
not force a tradition, people end up staying longer in
the right way. So in other words, with Anthony lightening
up and having this silly mistakes inside, don't worry. We
(15:05):
don't have to deal with a bug. You end up
staying longer. And look at your watch. Go Jesus Christ,
it's eight nine o'clock. This is how'd this go? By?
Some best my house for Christmas last year? I remember
I thought everyone's going to leave around six, you know,
and I would I thought I would have killed to
have them say to midnight. My brother and his kids
were like, we want to stay a little longer. And
(15:25):
it was probably because I wasn't giving off a vibe
of please stay, I'm desperate for you to stay, and
they were so relaxed, and I said, oh, it's because
I lightened up. People would rather People would rather be
around the person who's lightened up than be around the
person who's forcing a tradition, right, you know. And I
(15:46):
just got to really maintain that because it's never going
to go back to what it was, right, you know.
About three years ago, when Leona, my great niece, was
firstborn and maybe one, and Elliott, my great nephew, was
about six months, I was down in Richmond, where one
of them lives, and my brother had put together this
(16:07):
big Easter egg hunt. It was like two weeks in advance.
Of Easter because he wasn't gonna be there for Easter.
I was like, oh my god, we can do holidays
on different days. You mean, like it had never dawned
on me so three years ago that oh my god,
Like it doesn't have to be on the day of, right,
And I was like, that felt more like Easter than
anything in years, because we were doing the stuff with
(16:27):
the vibe that was internally warm.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
One percent my family, honestly, my dad's side does that now. Yeah,
it's to the point where I mean, at one point
both of my cousins were married and one still is
and she has her kids, and like she'll go see
the in laws and like my uncle has his in laws,
Like my dad and my mother aren't are single. So
it's whatever. So like a lot of years we won't
even do the holiday on the day of, It'll be like,
(16:51):
say Christmas, Like it'll be like, hey, how's how's January
eighth for everyone? Saturday?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And we're like, good in the feast of the King.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yeah we do it.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you freaking tell you. But here's the question,
what do you do then on the day of I'm.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Curious, pretty chill man, I mean, for.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Me, does that feel good to you?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
There are I always get invited. I've been lucky enough,
even though I don't have a lot of immediate families,
just my dad and I, I've been lucky enough. I
was get invited to people's homes, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Home, right, And it always does come up no one
if you make it known, not in a needy way,
but in the way of, hey, I'm gonna experiment stay
at home on Christmas. You'll get three four invitations because
people are like, oh, well, I like them, they're pleasant
and you and again, I think the kind of would
be cool to kind of say no once in a
while too and just see how it feels.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
For sure, like this, I mean like this year, me
and my dad do it a lot. Is we'll do
like a Jewish Christmas. Yeah, it's Christmas Day. We go
get Chinese food, me and him. Yeah, it comes to
the house. We chill and my dad he didn't even stay.
Like it's kind of funny, like he goes for a
few hours and he'll sit down for an hour talk.
He'll go, Okay, I'm gonna go because he wants to
being too, and I'll turn on a movie and just chill.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Well, I remember, though, remember how I do. The only
tradition I have other than like the family dinners and
stuff is for Valentine's Day, even though I could care
less about Valentine's Day. For some reason, one year, I
had a dinner in Valentine making party with my friends,
like twelve people, and it's just so funny and dumb
because it's all like the cards get dirty and it's
(18:28):
fun and nobody's crafty except one person. The rest of
us suck that. It's like the third year. We did
it this year, But then it's never on Valentine's Day,
So I go, oh, I don't have a Valentine nor
do I want one? Me and I go my gay
friend Bobby, who's single. I just go, you want to
go see The Brutalist, which is, by the way, a
(18:49):
four hour, horrifyingly depressing movie. And what's weird is it
wasn't playing that day because no one's going to see
that on Valentine's Day, so we went to some horror
film instead. But I was like, Oh, it's really fine
to do stuff. Not everyone's a couple, not everyone's Catholic
and has a family, who does a Christmas like that?
(19:10):
Some people are at the movie, and I just admire
the open mindedness because I was very close mind about
things have to be this certain way. It's almost like
now I have to take the feeling that I liked
from the past holiday. So say, with July fourth, I
like the feeling of being included, like the feeling of
(19:30):
it's warm out, but I don't have to be outside.
I like the feeling of it was funny. There was
a lot of laughter. I remember at my brother's house. Okay,
that's what I want to create with somebody else, like
friends or by myself, and those things can all be created.
So it's basically taken the feeling and being responsible for
(19:50):
my own life. So I think that's how I could
get my head more around the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I love this journey for I not negative such a journey,
all right.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
This is from Fiona from Hartford on.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I'm thinking that's a girl married to Shrek.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Probably dear Lisa. Ever since we were kids, my family
has gone to Maine for two weeks every summer.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
God, this sounds like hell. I mean, I love my family, no,
but two weeks around anyone at all.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I just mean like.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Sharing a bathroom with someone in the family for more
than a day. Nobody can't stand that forced together any
my god?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah, okay, go fully than I and our families have
continued the tradition. But a few weeks ago he told
me he was skipping this year and going to Spain
with his family.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Instead, pretentious eurotrash going to Spain. I'm getting it in
the s.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Anal more anal. It's just me and him now, and
I'm really hurt that he's breaking our family tradition. Is
it fair to be pissed at him?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Thinks Okay, it's not fair. It's okay to be hurt,
but it is not his job to heal that hurt
for you. So, like I was saying before, when my
sister decided to go on a cruise a bunch of
years ago, and I was all but hurt about it,
it's not her job to continue a tradition that doesn't
(21:30):
work for her. It also is I'm an adult. It's
not her job to heal my wounds. It's for me
to take it to a therapist or to a book
or whatever I'm working on and say, hmm, I wonder
why that feels so bad? And maybe later years later
they could talk about it and just go, wow, it's
really hurt at that time, and I realize you get
(21:51):
to do what you want with your family. I get
to do what I want. And it did sting a
little and it kind of felt bad, but I'm so
glad I worked it through, because it's not everyone's job
to care take your feelings. That's just codependent one hundred percent,
it's not.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
It's also like you and your brother are adults now
you each have your own families, like he has his
own if his wife or his kids, Like, we really
want to go to Spain and he's like, no, I
have to for my sister. Right.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You don't want anyone doing anything just for you, because
then you end up being hoping they don't resent you.
You don't want to be caretaken like an old person.
I remember during COVID, no one could be around my
mom because she was so old. I got tested a lot,
and I'm single with no kids, so they're like, well,
(22:39):
if you get tested, you can go and do stuff.
So I stated my mom because there was like an Easter,
a Mother's Day at July fourth, like all that during COVID,
and I was like, oh, eun me and her, which,
by the way, was so much fun because my mother
did not like to talk. She just liked to play cards.
And I would be like, I'm gonna bring you dinner
and we're gonna fucking play cards and it was a blast. Again,
(23:00):
I wouldn't have been open to that tradition if co
what is it called COVID? What is the thing called
this disease? You know that fake disease? They create you
fake I know, right, I v no when I you
Southern Bubkin, It's like, if that hadn't come along, I
wouldn't have had those memories with my mom. It's like,
(23:20):
you don't allow anything else to grow and ps maybe
and again she's one hundred and fifty percent allowed to
feel sad, not allowed to put it on him. Maybe
talk about it later when you've resolved it within yourself,
maybe figure out, Wow, is this kind of a sign
from the universe that let's see what happens with just
my family?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah, And it's like, well, you know, it's what they
want to do, it's their own they have to that's cool.
You guys have your memories and that's great. And like
maybe the next like he wants to go to Spain
this year, and the next year it's Maine, and then
the next year he wants to go to Italy.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Like you just can't prescribe to someone else what to do.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
It's like it's also like I noticed my friend's doing
this when they had children, because when my friends had children,
those are now the grandkids. So the grandkids are the
stars of the show. Oh yeah, right, so like back
in the day. I remember, in particular, my friend, my
friend Anthony always had his comes from big family, him
and his wife and their parents are divorced, so it
(24:17):
was like hitting four different houses this day and they
all live in the same area. Yeah, we gotta go here,
we gotta be here. Guess what when they had the grandkids,
they were like, you come here on this day or
we're not going anywhere. Well yeah, that it became a
new thing. It's like I'm not going to do the thing.
You want to come see the grandkids. We will be
home with them opening presents and we'll have dinner at
(24:37):
this time. Cool right, what I mean.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Which is by the way, literally how it's supposed to be,
Like you're supposed to be dragging two year olds out,
you know, and making it.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
They're miserable, they have a routine, they have to nap
the food. It's like whenever he had to go anywhere
with them, or even when I would be I spent
the whole day one time with my buddy and his
twin girls when they were probably two or three, and
I was like bye, seven pm. I was like, dude, yeah,
you do this every day. I get what thing isn't oh?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I know? And they get to be the ones people
take care of, meaning like as a parent, it's like, oh, yeah,
we'll come to you, like the grandparents should come there.
You know. It's like, oh, let our kid have a
break from cleaning up after his two three kids. You know.
So I think it's just everybody thinks they got to
(25:29):
get all mad, But what's at the root of the
anger is that you're sad, frustrated, feeling pushed aside, feeling forgotten,
feeling like you don't count and by the way, and emotionally,
hell yeah, I'm all those things. I go through all
those whenever something fades away like this. But that's not
for them to solve. Because we did an episode recently
(25:52):
on when is it enough? How many holidays is enough?
Then no matter how much spose. He was like, you
know what, Okay, you're right, focks, we're gonna go to
your house, the house in Maine. She has no chance
of working on that self esteem problem that's making her
cling on too much. I wouldn't have grown at all
in self worth if people kept like placating me and going, okay,
(26:16):
so we'll just do what you want to do. Then
you don't work on your shit, and you carry it
into where your your grandmother, poor thing who couldn't even
see past getting picked up every time she went somewhere.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, that was. And another thing that just came to
my head that she used to do a lot. She
had a penhouse in Pelham where she lived, two bedroom,
three bathroom, two story, the spiral staircase. She bought it
in the nineties for like nothing, and it was worth
a lot, but she held on to it too long
because she didn't want to let it go.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Now this is a woman who's had a lot of loss.
Her only daughter dies of cancer. She has one grandson,
which is my dumb ass.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Oh god, that's tragic.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
She starts drinking.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
When I mentioned tragic, that is that you are the
heir to this the.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Heir to the throne, but to stay in that, to
keep the tradition alive, and to stay in that apartment.
She was like, well, the family comes here, it's nice.
And I was like, but you're going You're going broke
staying here. There's no reason.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
But here's the problem with you as a man, And
it's not you, it's a lot of men and rational
women too. It was never about thinking your way out
of it or telling her how to think, or hey, Grandma,
be logical. Grandma was stuck in they owe me. I'm
I did this tradition for them, and they have to
(27:38):
do it for me. So really the only argument is like, yeah,
you get to hold on to it as long as
you want, but then you don't get to complain about
it like that.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
That was the part, right was I have to put
a reverse morgage. You have to do.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Your house well. Victim. So that's why I realize a
lot of that stuff about oh my god, they don't
want to do insert holiday here anymore. It's like that's
putting me in victim mode, like I'm a victim of
their whims. No, but I'm not a victim if I go, oh,
what did it feel like, let me do that for myself.
(28:16):
And the first three years it is a little wonky
and wobbly, and then you suddenly are like, that was
pretty good. I remember the first year because it was COVID.
Remember they had COVID, and hey, they nobody could do
anything New Year's Eve, and I remember going, oh, man,
that's weird because I never liked New Year's Eve, but
I felt I should should do something. I remember staying home.
(28:37):
I was at the gayest New Year's ever. I watched
it in the heights and the prom on Netflix. I
looked at my watch. It was twelve thirty. It was done.
I was like, that was so much fun.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Did you kiss anybody?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
My dog? I totally tongued him and gave him anal
So I just drop it on for that dog, like
that's love.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, you fuck a dog? That makes sense? Like yeah, cornhole,
cornhold dogs.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Thank you, cornholl of Collie. That's my new charity, collecting
money for dildos for animals.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
You're welcome, deserve pleasure to all.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right, So we solved your problem. Work on yourself and
have a nice, peaceful time in Maine, and maybe your
brother will die in a plane crash. Go ahead, Oh God,
probably will Okay.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Hey Lisa, Hey huge.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Fan, No you're not a liar.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I am. My name is Marissa. I'm thirty four living
in Queen's Oh and my family takes Thanksgiving way too serious.
Oh boy, oh this already gives me. This is, by
the way, real quick. Marrying a woman like this is
my fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Then you better make sure whoever you date has dead parents.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I'll talk about another thing after this before I forget.
But anyway, see, they take Thanksgiving way too seriously, like
assign rolls and printed itinerary.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Serious. That's very that's out of a bad movie. That's
not right. You shouldn't do that anyway.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
God, cousin tried to bring mac and cheese last year,
and my aunt acted like she pissed on the turkey.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I mean she did, she did.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I mean that's how. That's where you get the flavor.
And god forbid, someone suggests we don't do the exact
same menu from nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Those were very good years. Shut out, those were good years.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I wasn't born yet. My uncle said changing the stuffing
recipe was disrespectful to our anis do you mean.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
The mayflower relatives that you.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Came in Native American rule.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I fucking hate the whole. An says, how about the Italians?
They want to put sausage in it. Well that's great,
so we can't change things.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
One year, me and my family we did Mexican food
on Thanksgiving because everyone said, fuck it. Everyone's like, no
one wants to this ship enough and it was anyway,
and then she goes, it's stuffing. It's not sacred text.
I love a good tradition, but not when it feels
like a hostage situation with cranberry sauce.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Well yeah, see, that's the thing. When people start feeling
put upon, that's the time to like pull the reins
in a little bit. You know.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
It's a lot, man.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
It's like, I, Oh, what's crazy is if people just
knew that at the root of all that activity, they're
just trying to capture the memory of the past, and
the memory guess what is in there, it will live forever.
So I remember one of my best Thanksgivings was I
was just out of college. I was renting like house
(31:28):
in Monroe, I think Connecticut and or somewhere like that,
and my brother was coming home and it was a
day before Thanksgiving. He was coming home from college and
I remember Hungary Heart by Bruce Springsteen. He loved that song.
We love the clash rock the Kasmo. So we had
all the vinyl records. It's the day before Thanksgiving. They're
on the record play at my mom's house and she's
(31:51):
cooking and yelling about the turkey and the Lendy help
me with basing this fucking thing. Whenever my brother's just
laughing and saying along, and I'm like, that memory lives there.
I literally know what my brother was wearing. That is enough.
So the whole thing is that try and desperately to
(32:12):
recapture that. If I was so insane, and again people
who do this fully respect, But if I said, Okay,
so we're gonna like make the turkey like Mom did,
I'm gonna get the record player, we're gonna put the
records on and we're gonna dance around, and it's like,
you're nuts. It's like that's a little wacky. So but
the good thing is if her family and she could
(32:33):
just get their heads around, it lives inside of us.
The memories really never go and we can't recapture it
because my brother's no longer seventeen years old in college
and I'm not, like, you know, living in a rental
house in Monroe, and like it was the years when
everybody had seen probably the movies where every hipster has
(32:56):
a movie camera and you're making films. Could you have
your punk hair like all that souff, Like it's ever
gonna be that time again? The boy, It's nice that
it happened.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Yeah, I think I used to do. I think for me,
I remember the year of twenty twelve was like such
a fun, amazing year for me and my friends and
we all went out all the time and it was great,
and it was right when everyone got home from college. Yeah,
and you're you guys, are you're making money now and
like you're like this is wild and you're all home again.
(33:27):
And then when that started to dissipate, when people started
to move in with each other and get married and
relationships and move away, I had like a real tough
time with like, oh, man, like I know this isn't
a holiday.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
But like just it feels like one.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I was like, shit, dude, like it's over, Like this
is over and you try to recreate it whatever, and
like no, no, let's go Hey, guys, remember we should
go bar and Stanford. Remember we all used to go
to and say, everyone's like, I gotta work at six am.
I know I'm over this and you're like, right, okay,
but yeah, that stuff trying to recreate it can be.
And I remember for years feeling that way, like years
(34:03):
being like remember twenty twelve, I know, and we would.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
All I know, yeah, but isn't it funny? How like
both of us have said, it felt sad. It felt
like a letdown. I think people either skip to anger
or they skip to activity of like, well, we'll do
it this way instead, how about we just do this?
How about you instead of just going wow, I really
feel sad. And that's the lesson here is that I'm
(34:28):
allowed to feel sad and move on and see what
else finds its way in.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah, and so memories I know.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
And guess what, they're not bad. Honestly, I will never
regret the things that happened in the past few years
that weren't how my parents used to do things. And
you just don't you know, I remember this year they
have probably sixty between them and me, sixty enormous crates
(34:54):
of Christmas decorations sixty. Yeah, and I'm very organized. It's
all very organized and in each and I felt almost
a betrayal if I didn't put everything out. And then
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm gonna see what it
feels like to look at everything, go through the boxes
(35:15):
and just take out the stuff that's speaking to me.
And again, it's like a slow process. It's sad, it's
whatever it is, and like, the house looks so nice.
But I noticed, just by even looking at the stuff,
it felt like I honored their things or their memories, like, oh,
so it doesn't have to look the house doesn't have
to look like they had it. It has to feel
(35:40):
like I'm having them in my mind when I'm doing
this stuff. At least for now. Maybe someday I won't
even feel like that. That it's just enough to be like,
oh it's fine, it's cute this way, but I like
just going you work through it. You have some chance
of growth. The thing when you're kind of telling your
family they have to do certain things. No growth's more
healthy growth or no growth. I think we all know growth.
(36:04):
Thank you? Wow you won?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Did I get it right?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Yeah? You ding ding ding? Where's the oh my god.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
It's like, okay, go ahead, you give yourself Like like,
for example, this happened recent my buddy's wife turned forty
and he threw like an old school got a food
truck and he said, no kids, they all have kids.
He's like, get babysitters. We're having an old school adult
beer pong. There was a list like it was it
was where I was playing video games upstairs on my buddies,
and like, that's a brand new memory that now I'll
(36:32):
think about it right all the time, and it was
great and it's and it's more fun now because those
moments are few and far between.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I think every week. I think you're right. I think
part of it is that the less is more proves
that it is really more, because oh wow, now I
fully remembered that. Also, it's like letting things happen naturally.
He wasn't forcing anything. Remember last year for my birthday,
I was like, I don't really want to do anything.
I was like, I don't know. And my friend Bonnie
is really bougie, so she's like, what's your favorite restaurant.
(37:01):
I'm like, oh, John, George or Danielle. But I don't
want to be fancy, Like that's not me anymore, and
it occurs to me out of nowhere. I want to
have like a thing where I hire a dancer who
knows how to do line dances, not country or anything,
but like funny like ballroomy line dancy things, and I
(37:21):
like put everyone on the list who I have a
big you know, feeling towards like who are just fun
and funny and cool. And I was like, Oh that
came because I was on the inside making happen how
I felt on the inside, like playful fun, not in
the least traditional, like anything I've ever had before. And
I'm like, oh, that wouldn't have happened if I was
(37:43):
forcing something else. And that's what these traditions do sometimes,
So pissing the stuffing is what I have to say. Yeah,
do we have one more more?
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Melanie from Brookline, Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
My birthday has always been a big deal to me
and I love to celebrate it with my friends and family.
My wife diminishes it now, saying I'm forty two. Kind
of funny, I'm forty two, and what adults still care
so much about their birthday? I is wanting to celebrate
your birthday childish at a certain age.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Thanks Melanie, I don't think it's childish. I think if
it's a thing where you're making everyone else do the
work and run make it special for you when you're
not doing anything to help yourself. I used to have
a friend who every year she wanted her birthday enormous,
but was willing to do nothing to make it happen.
(38:49):
So it fell to like six people to like, make
the magic happen for Sophie. Just make the magic. And
we're like, but we don't even like her that much, okay,
but like we got to make the magic. And eventually
it was my job. Because I'm the least codependent of
the group, I just go, guess what. Guess what I'm
happy doing for old soap. She's getting a fucking dinner
(39:12):
out at some fucking restaurant that we all like and
cake at my house. And do you know, ever since then,
I haven't resented her at all. I've had a great
time doing it because it's on my terms. Because if
I'm doing all the work, I'm gonna do with the
work that I like, which is hosting games and cake
and stuff at my house. So I think with this
it's like it's not foolish to love your birthday. I
(39:35):
used to think that. I was like, oh, these fucking
jerks have to Oh you're so speak beauty. But then'
like it's one thing you got God bless Yeah. Also, ps,
that's a whole other subject people thinking that's all they have,
Like the other three hundred and sixty four days are
pretty big too, so stuppying asshole. So first of all,
what's his name? This? This this somo?
Speaker 3 (39:55):
No clam is clam.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Hey, Melanie, No, this clam needs to make all the
other days feel a little elevated, And I feel like
that you're one day and the rest days of shit.
That's sometimes the problem with birthday people. I also don't
like birthday people who go, it's my birthday month. No,
you get one fucking day and it doesn't have to
be the day of. It could be a Saturday or
Sunday around it, but it can't be a birthday month.
(40:19):
Nobody likes you that much.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Disgusting.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I know. I hate those people. So I think it's
okay to be a birthday person. But also you have
to kind of share the load. You can't make it
be well. My friends know this about me, so they
have to do it. No, they they leave you in
the dust, bitch.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Yeah it's I mean, I know for me, for my
birth because I don't have a big immediate family, I
would always use my birthday just as an excuse. I
would plan everything though. Yeah, like I wouldn't just say, yeah,
it's my birthday, take me out. No, that's not sane.
I would use it, especially as my friends got older
and when they got married. I would just use it
as an excuse to be like, hey, we're going to
(40:58):
dinner here.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yes, it's a great and you make the plan. You
make the plan, but also get the where you're an asshole.
Get this, Celia, this fucking guy. We say to him, Look,
we have this tradition you've heard about, which is the
three guys in me every Tuesday week go to the
diner ostensibly right stuff, but it never happens. And so
(41:20):
it's just fun. It's a little community of idiots. So
Nick's birthdays, like we're gonna be on Wednesday. We meet
on Tuesday. So we're like, oh, like, we'll take you
out free birthday instead, And I go, do you want
to go to Sally's Pizza? Cause it's like Connecticut's famous
for pizza. And he's like, no, I just kind of
want to go to the diner. I'm like, oh, that's nice.
(41:41):
I go for sure, and he's like, yeah, Well he
picks that fucking week that he asks the fucking load
up he's eating for power lifting. He gets a steak,
he gets a shrimp boat, he gets a baked potato soup,
everything in a the cake. I said, this, motherfucker, that
(42:04):
was fifty dollars. I don't like it. We're gonna get
pizza salads who cost me fucking twenty each. Now we're
each maying fifty dollars. No, I would have liked it better.
It's my birthday. God damn it. The guy he decides
that's the week that protein is of the utmost importance
(42:25):
to the only reason. What a fat bastard. And you
went and you also did. He did the thing where
these guys who think they lift weights but are just large.
He gets rice with four fucking eggs. Alright, it's disgusting
eggs because they got a carb.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
What do you do with that a taste?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
It's stupid. Nobody likes those eggs like that. No, what
what did you say? Just like I was disgusted. No
one cares. So next birthday for you, we go to
Sally's Fine and you pay what there you go.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I'll be honest, I'll tell you why I picked the
diner simply because I don't have to dress up but
on jeans exactly, so.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
You don't exactly come there in style.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
I feel like I have to, like if I come
there in a hoodie and sweat like, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Okay, so you like your see I like that, know
one your comfort level for how you dress, like your
parties and things.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Especially the winter.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, you have the worst birthday. March.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
March sucks because the birthday. My birthday's March twelfth, and
literally every year on my birthday it's either sixty degrees
in sunny or a snowstorm or you know, it doesn't
You don't know what the fuck's going.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
What it costs me less to plow my driveway and
buy you a fucking steak of four eggs. Shut up,
we gotta go. So my advice to you is to
say fuck traditions, make your own, have fun, feel your feelings,
and shut the fuck up and listen to our podcast.
What do you say? Nick?
Speaker 3 (43:57):
I agree? Thanks, for listening.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Everyone, is that one of those eggs cock?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Thanks for listening. Be sure to email us your questions
maybe if you want to. You want to at shrink
This Show at gmail dot com. That's Shrink this Show
at gmail dot com. Make sure to follow me on
social media at Nick Scopes on Instagram and TikTok, and
follow her Lisa Lampinelli at least Lampinelli. And make sure
(44:28):
to listen to Shrink This on your iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
Yes, wherever you get your other mediocre.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
Podcast podcast, you listen to it on iHeart because we're
on iHeart and helps is my uncle, and that's why
I'm getting
Speaker 2 (44:46):
By
Lisa Lambinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, you're the problems. Come on, come down,
go leab, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
(00:37):
what I say, dumb ass.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Listen to me.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
You everybody hat Lisa Ambinelli and this is shrink This
with Lisa Lambinelli with me today. It's my creative assistant,
Nick Scopaletti's Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Ni, it's me. I got a promotion.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I got a promotion. That's what I got that in Yes, Nick,
to tell everybody where they can find you.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Out you on Instagram and TikTok at.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I love how you like stare at yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
I just hate seeing myself.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, what are you looking at?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Seriously, you guys don't understand. Okay, look I can't see anything.
I'm just looking at Wait I have to turn around.
Hold on, so what's happening? Oh? Hi? Wait? But you're
always looking at it while you're talking. Why and look
at it if you hate it?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I don't know. It's just like a car crash. Look away.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
That's true. I've seen that face. So Okay. So this
is a topic that I want to do for a
while because it plagued me for so many years. Today
I want to talk about family traditions, friend aditions, holiday traditions,
any tradition, because I feel like in society we are
(02:09):
told we have to quote keep up traditions, and it's like,
wait a minute, what if no one else wants to
keep it up when we're the only one upholding it,
or what if everyone kind of senses while this thing's
outlived its usefulness, we should stop or change it up,
or do it differently, and do it with the intention
of like, hey, this is somebody just trying to recapture
(02:30):
their youth with their family. They're trying to do new traditions.
And I think the word tradition is so loaded because
we feel like failures if we don't carry them on.
So I wanted to talk about and we got a
lot of letters from people who are sort of going
through the same thing of like when should I let
things go. When is it okay to just like go ooh,
I don't have to do anything. I basically consider my
(02:52):
ass at Christmas if that's where I find peace and
how I want to live. Are you familiar with this
type of subject, Nicholas, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
The holidays for my family was always a point of contention.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Wait, always like growing up or just as an adult.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
As an adult, I would say as a kid it
was fun because didn't really matter, but then logistically it
got a little you know, without going to the whole story,
just we always had to like ghost like. It was
always like the driving issue.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Right, Okay, you had to drive from where to wear.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
So every it was Thanksgiving in particular, but it was
my grandmother lived in New Rochelle, New York. Okay, so
every the day every Thanksgiving Day, So the night before,
usually in college especially, I go out with my friends.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Ye always get hammhaed.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
We could go out the next day to the Sea Grape.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You go to the Sea Grape. That was like, oh,
I forget where we would go though, definitely okay.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
For a few but I would have to drive from Monroe, Connecticut,
down to New Rochelle, New York, pick up my grandmother
then drive to upstate New York, past Albany, my cousin's house.
I was in a Dobbs Ferry. No, no, it was
past Albany. It was like, wow, that's far okay, Cone
(04:16):
whatever it was called state, go up there, battle the
tap and ze bridge the whole time. And we would
stay overnight and then stay the next day and have
to leave. So the pain, the ass thing that we
used to do every year was again I had to
go from an road and New Michelle. And one year,
one year I suggested, you know what, why would I
(04:36):
go down to New Rochelle and then battle through the
tap and Zee. I said to my grandmother, I go,
how about this year? Oh you drive up to Monroe.
I'll drive you from there. We skipped the tap. She
used to complain every year about the traffic, right, and
I was too tired, and I was like, this is insane.
I go, you come an hour here, I do the
three hours up, the three hours back. You don't have
to worry about nothing, and up in arms.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Oh yes you don't want to come pick me up,
but I don't do enough for you? Yes, yes, yes,
And then the guilt kill a nightmare and with people
like that, it's impossible to say. A shrink told me
years ago that the five most powerful words and the
only words you ever really need, are that doesn't work
(05:21):
for me. So if you truly feel that drive doesn't
work for you, that should be enough. Like it has
to be case closed. But when it comes to family
and traditions, it's so heated and such a hot hot
button issue that people get very emotional over it. I mean,
I remember when we sort of stopped celebrating Easter. It
was like me kicking and screaming, I love, or at
(05:45):
least loved. I'm learning to, you know, let it go.
Every holiday, meaning Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, July fourth,
Memorial Day, and Labor Day, there was always something to
do specifically on those days that involve family. So I
(06:05):
remember we still do Thanksgiving and Christmas sort of similarly
as we always have. I remember the first year that
Easter wasn't gonna happen because I don't think people like
Catholics used to be the biggest holiday. They used to
say Easter is more important than Christmas because Jesus rose,
he was just born on Christmas. That's not important. He
(06:25):
didn't do anything, but he fucking rose. So you would
have to go to like the fire department and get
like buy plants for your moms and aunts and grandmothers,
because I always, for some reason, held them at these
fire stations, so it seemed like a cute little thing.
You'd go buy all these elderly aunts and things, these
flowers and like plants like lilacs and tulips, and then
(06:47):
you'd have like the church thing with your family, and
then the Easter egg hunt and then the Easter baskets
and Easter dinner. So it was like a big deal
in a lot of Catholic slives, and definitely mine in
our family. But I kind of felt like, oh, that's
gonna I sensed after my parents, or right before my
parents passed. I was like, I bet that's gonna be
(07:08):
the first one to go. I think Easter's gonna be
not as observed as the other ones. So I remember
the first year, I get a call from my sister
and she says they're gonna go on a cruise because
it coincides with their school vacation. She's a teacher, and
I was, oh, yeah, no. Externally, of course, I'm like, no,
that's great. Oh my god, you deserve it. Have fun, girl,
(07:30):
get your groove on, which I didn't say any of that.
I was just oh my god, great, have fun. But
inside it felt like the biggest loss and death ever
because I was like, oh no, like once that one goes,
what about the next one and the next one, when
in reality, like if Christmas, Thanksgiving, an Easter and all
(07:50):
the rest disappeared, we'd figure it out. I'd figure out
how to make peace with it. Somehow I'd work it through.
But it was so like a it almost felt I
was getting stabbed in the heart, like, oh, Easter's gone.
So for the first year I tried to like scare
up people to do Easter with and it worked ish
for two years, like with six people, but it felt
(08:12):
sad that it was only six instead of like forty.
And then last year I remember, no one wanted to
do anything. So I texted my brother and his wife
and I go, hey, if you're around for Easter, if
you want to get brunch somewhere, And we went to brunch,
then went on a walk, which I never walk. I
have a fully established hatred of any type of movement,
but they wanted to and I was like, sure, it
(08:33):
was a gorgeous day. I was like, oh, this is
that was nice, And it was me just having to
work on loosening the hold of like I want traditions
like mommy and Daddy had. It's always cause my mother
was so vigilant about doing it the way her parents
did it. So she was like, I could almost my
voice sing like mommy and Daddy did. It is her
(08:54):
voice saying it about her parents. So it all felt
sad to let go of it. And it's still kind
of has a little tinge of like, ooh, we're not
doing anything. But then it kind of I think you
have to really, or least I did, have to meaningfully
work it through of what it really means inside to
me to let it go and not be either resentful
(09:16):
or angry or just sad about it.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Yeah, I definitely think for me the traditions are I
like them. But at the same time I get a
little like I'm like, oh, let's just keep it loose,
like we should all just be having fun, right, like
it's whatever, like one of the points I get another
point of contention. But this is mostly when I was younger.
(09:38):
My grandmother used to really get on me about what
I wore to holidays. Oh my god, I wasn't in
khaki's in a button down. I mean, yeah, what are
you wearing jeans for everyone else? Is it's tradition you're
supposed to And I would be like, shut up. Yeah,
Like I was a teenager, I was like, doesn't murders,
so it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
So I used to like, nah, just do it different,
it's cool, like whatever. So I go back and forth
on that and now and I'm not like, I mean,
I'm an adult, but I don't like a family and
going to I'm not going to easters with like my
own you know what I mean, Like I don't have
So I'm not like worried about traditions yet I'm just
like I show up and we all hang out. Who cares.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, I definitely feel like last year's the first year
I loosened up on that because it was like I
was fighting tooth and nail for something no one else
wanted or valued. And it's like, but then it's not.
I had to really look internally and go, it's not
my job to make them like and want the same
(10:35):
things I like and want. And by the way, once
you start doing that, you go, wait a minute, what
am I trying to do? Oh, I'm trying to recreate
something that happened, you know, fifty forty years ago. But
they can never happen that way again because those people
aren't here anymore. Your grandparents are gone. You're in a
different house my grandparents. I passed their old house every
(10:56):
day because it's on the way to my house, and
I'm like, oh, they're not there anymore. My parents aren't
here anymore. So really, you're never gonna recapture that holiday.
And it's that it's a corny saying, but it's true.
Don't weep for what? Don't weep that you no longer
had it, smile because you'd had it at one point.
(11:17):
I'm sure I basteardized the quote, but it's like, well,
the whole you're lucky enough that you had these memories,
so until I could use the gratitude of like, you're
fucking lucky that up until you were probably fifty eight,
like Easter was a big f and deal and the
Easter egg hunts with the kids and all that cuteness,
and now it's like everybody goes well, now, established traditions
(11:41):
of your own. I would even argue go or maybe
you don't have to, maybe you could just see what
happens year to year. So I remember last year at
July fourth. Also had always had a real thing to
me because we still always go to my brothers. The
kids were always in a parade. They would barbecue. My
brother's family is the least time maintenance people, so casual.
(12:03):
You never felt any stress. It was always my parents
and me and them, and they just have all these
things set up to play, and the kids had so
much fun. And these are like teenagers, so they were
like really fun to hang out with still and I'm
like one of those kids. All live in different parts
of the country. Now my parents are gone. Uh oh,
I go, let me have a July fourth where I
(12:25):
experiment on staying home because also with good weather, it's
pressure to have fun. And also I've never been a
weather good weather person who needs to do outdoor things.
I lived on the water for years and never went
in the water because I just hate the sand. But
I lived on a private beach. It's mentally ill. So
I said, let me see what this is like. And
(12:46):
three weeks before I'll never forget my friend Anthony, who's
you know, one of my oldest friends, known him forever,
he says, And how perfect did this? He goes, Me
and David, his husband. Me and David are having a
few people over for July fourth. We'd like you to come.
We're doing it our way. We cook outside, but eat inside.
(13:08):
I said, I'm in because I don't have to deal
with a fly. I don't have to deal with a
fucking wind or a breeze and none of that shit.
I literally showed up their house at noon. I left
at nine at night, where I have so much fun. And
by fun, it's my type of fun, like games and
like silly conversation and just having a good time. And boy,
(13:29):
if I didn't let up on the but I have
to recreate that memory of what we used to do
with my brother. And why don't I just chase one
of the kids around the country and go to Cincinnati
and see those guys enforce this tradition. I wouldn't have
been open to that other thing.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah, it's fun, man, Sometimes letting.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Goes it's all letting go. That's Anthony. Actually, the same
guy had given me a bracelet one year that said
the balance of life is how what we hold on
to and what we let go. So I held on
to the good memories. But it took years of me
working out being sad over it. But then it stops
being sad suddenly, which is really nice because you can't
(14:08):
I can't live where I'm holding on so tight to
a dream that's never gonna happen again.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah, my grandmother used to do that too, and it
would stress everyone out, especially me. She'd be like, let's
stay the next day for Thanksgiving for turkey sandwich is
and everyone else is leaving. She's it's traditional. I go,
We're the only ones that stay. Yeah, I think it's over,
like they hosted us. We were here all day yesterday.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I think Uncle Jimmy is annoying. He just wants his
house house back.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Yeah. Yeah, But we stay and we do this.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
It's like, no, let's we gotta go. I want to go.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Let's leave. Well, And also you probably haven't experienced this
yet because of age. When you actually lighten up and
not force a tradition, people end up staying longer in
the right way. So in other words, with Anthony lightening
up and having this silly mistakes inside, don't worry. We
(15:05):
don't have to deal with a bug. You end up
staying longer. And look at your watch. Go Jesus Christ,
it's eight nine o'clock. This is how'd this go? By?
Some best my house for Christmas last year? I remember
I thought everyone's going to leave around six, you know,
and I would I thought I would have killed to
have them say to midnight. My brother and his kids
were like, we want to stay a little longer. And
(15:25):
it was probably because I wasn't giving off a vibe
of please stay, I'm desperate for you to stay, and
they were so relaxed, and I said, oh, it's because
I lightened up. People would rather People would rather be
around the person who's lightened up than be around the
person who's forcing a tradition, right, you know. And I
(15:46):
just got to really maintain that because it's never going
to go back to what it was, right, you know.
About three years ago, when Leona, my great niece, was
firstborn and maybe one, and Elliott, my great nephew, was
about six months, I was down in Richmond, where one
of them lives, and my brother had put together this
(16:07):
big Easter egg hunt. It was like two weeks in advance.
Of Easter because he wasn't gonna be there for Easter.
I was like, oh my god, we can do holidays
on different days. You mean, like it had never dawned
on me so three years ago that oh my god,
Like it doesn't have to be on the day of, right,
And I was like, that felt more like Easter than
anything in years, because we were doing the stuff with
(16:27):
the vibe that was internally warm.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
One percent my family, honestly, my dad's side does that now. Yeah,
it's to the point where I mean, at one point
both of my cousins were married and one still is
and she has her kids, and like she'll go see
the in laws and like my uncle has his in laws,
Like my dad and my mother aren't are single. So
it's whatever. So like a lot of years we won't
even do the holiday on the day of, It'll be like,
(16:51):
say Christmas, Like it'll be like, hey, how's how's January
eighth for everyone? Saturday?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And we're like, good in the feast of the King.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yeah we do it.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you freaking tell you. But here's the question,
what do you do then on the day of I'm.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Curious, pretty chill man, I mean, for.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Me, does that feel good to you?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
There are I always get invited. I've been lucky enough,
even though I don't have a lot of immediate families,
just my dad and I, I've been lucky enough. I
was get invited to people's homes, friends.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Home, right, And it always does come up no one
if you make it known, not in a needy way,
but in the way of, hey, I'm gonna experiment stay
at home on Christmas. You'll get three four invitations because
people are like, oh, well, I like them, they're pleasant
and you and again, I think the kind of would
be cool to kind of say no once in a
while too and just see how it feels.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
For sure, like this, I mean like this year, me
and my dad do it a lot. Is we'll do
like a Jewish Christmas. Yeah, it's Christmas Day. We go
get Chinese food, me and him. Yeah, it comes to
the house. We chill and my dad he didn't even stay.
Like it's kind of funny, like he goes for a
few hours and he'll sit down for an hour talk.
He'll go, Okay, I'm gonna go because he wants to
being too, and I'll turn on a movie and just chill.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Well, I remember, though, remember how I do. The only
tradition I have other than like the family dinners and
stuff is for Valentine's Day, even though I could care
less about Valentine's Day. For some reason, one year, I
had a dinner in Valentine making party with my friends,
like twelve people, and it's just so funny and dumb
because it's all like the cards get dirty and it's
(18:28):
fun and nobody's crafty except one person. The rest of
us suck that. It's like the third year. We did
it this year, But then it's never on Valentine's Day,
So I go, oh, I don't have a Valentine nor
do I want one? Me and I go my gay
friend Bobby, who's single. I just go, you want to
go see The Brutalist, which is, by the way, a
(18:49):
four hour, horrifyingly depressing movie. And what's weird is it
wasn't playing that day because no one's going to see
that on Valentine's Day, so we went to some horror
film instead. But I was like, Oh, it's really fine
to do stuff. Not everyone's a couple, not everyone's Catholic
and has a family, who does a Christmas like that?
(19:10):
Some people are at the movie, and I just admire
the open mindedness because I was very close mind about
things have to be this certain way. It's almost like
now I have to take the feeling that I liked
from the past holiday. So say, with July fourth, I
like the feeling of being included, like the feeling of
(19:30):
it's warm out, but I don't have to be outside.
I like the feeling of it was funny. There was
a lot of laughter. I remember at my brother's house. Okay,
that's what I want to create with somebody else, like
friends or by myself, and those things can all be created.
So it's basically taken the feeling and being responsible for
(19:50):
my own life. So I think that's how I could
get my head more around the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I love this journey for I not negative such a journey,
all right.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
This is from Fiona from Hartford on.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I'm thinking that's a girl married to Shrek.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Probably dear Lisa. Ever since we were kids, my family
has gone to Maine for two weeks every summer.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
God, this sounds like hell. I mean, I love my family, no,
but two weeks around anyone at all.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I just mean like.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Sharing a bathroom with someone in the family for more
than a day. Nobody can't stand that forced together any
my god?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah, okay, go fully than I and our families have
continued the tradition. But a few weeks ago he told
me he was skipping this year and going to Spain
with his family.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Instead, pretentious eurotrash going to Spain. I'm getting it in
the s.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Anal more anal. It's just me and him now, and
I'm really hurt that he's breaking our family tradition. Is
it fair to be pissed at him?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Thinks Okay, it's not fair. It's okay to be hurt,
but it is not his job to heal that hurt
for you. So, like I was saying before, when my
sister decided to go on a cruise a bunch of
years ago, and I was all but hurt about it,
it's not her job to continue a tradition that doesn't
(21:30):
work for her. It also is I'm an adult. It's
not her job to heal my wounds. It's for me
to take it to a therapist or to a book
or whatever I'm working on and say, hmm, I wonder
why that feels so bad? And maybe later years later
they could talk about it and just go, wow, it's
really hurt at that time, and I realize you get
(21:51):
to do what you want with your family. I get
to do what I want. And it did sting a
little and it kind of felt bad, but I'm so
glad I worked it through, because it's not everyone's job
to care take your feelings. That's just codependent one hundred percent,
it's not.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
It's also like you and your brother are adults now
you each have your own families, like he has his
own if his wife or his kids, Like, we really
want to go to Spain and he's like, no, I
have to for my sister. Right.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You don't want anyone doing anything just for you, because
then you end up being hoping they don't resent you.
You don't want to be caretaken like an old person.
I remember during COVID, no one could be around my
mom because she was so old. I got tested a lot,
and I'm single with no kids, so they're like, well,
(22:39):
if you get tested, you can go and do stuff.
So I stated my mom because there was like an Easter,
a Mother's Day at July fourth, like all that during COVID,
and I was like, oh, eun me and her, which,
by the way, was so much fun because my mother
did not like to talk. She just liked to play cards.
And I would be like, I'm gonna bring you dinner
and we're gonna fucking play cards and it was a blast. Again,
(23:00):
I wouldn't have been open to that tradition if co
what is it called COVID? What is the thing called
this disease? You know that fake disease? They create you
fake I know, right, I v no when I you
Southern Bubkin, It's like, if that hadn't come along, I
wouldn't have had those memories with my mom. It's like,
(23:20):
you don't allow anything else to grow and ps maybe
and again she's one hundred and fifty percent allowed to
feel sad, not allowed to put it on him. Maybe
talk about it later when you've resolved it within yourself,
maybe figure out, Wow, is this kind of a sign
from the universe that let's see what happens with just
my family?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah, And it's like, well, you know, it's what they
want to do, it's their own they have to that's cool.
You guys have your memories and that's great. And like
maybe the next like he wants to go to Spain
this year, and the next year it's Maine, and then
the next year he wants to go to Italy.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Like you just can't prescribe to someone else what to do.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
It's like it's also like I noticed my friend's doing
this when they had children, because when my friends had children,
those are now the grandkids. So the grandkids are the
stars of the show. Oh yeah, right, so like back
in the day. I remember, in particular, my friend, my
friend Anthony always had his comes from big family, him
and his wife and their parents are divorced, so it
(24:17):
was like hitting four different houses this day and they
all live in the same area. Yeah, we gotta go here,
we gotta be here. Guess what when they had the grandkids,
they were like, you come here on this day or
we're not going anywhere. Well yeah, that it became a
new thing. It's like I'm not going to do the thing.
You want to come see the grandkids. We will be
home with them opening presents and we'll have dinner at
(24:37):
this time. Cool right, what I mean.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Which is by the way, literally how it's supposed to be,
Like you're supposed to be dragging two year olds out,
you know, and making it.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
They're miserable, they have a routine, they have to nap
the food. It's like whenever he had to go anywhere
with them, or even when I would be I spent
the whole day one time with my buddy and his
twin girls when they were probably two or three, and
I was like bye, seven pm. I was like, dude, yeah,
you do this every day. I get what thing isn't oh?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I know? And they get to be the ones people
take care of, meaning like as a parent, it's like, oh, yeah,
we'll come to you, like the grandparents should come there.
You know. It's like, oh, let our kid have a
break from cleaning up after his two three kids. You know.
So I think it's just everybody thinks they got to
(25:29):
get all mad, But what's at the root of the
anger is that you're sad, frustrated, feeling pushed aside, feeling forgotten,
feeling like you don't count and by the way, and emotionally,
hell yeah, I'm all those things. I go through all
those whenever something fades away like this. But that's not
for them to solve. Because we did an episode recently
(25:52):
on when is it enough? How many holidays is enough?
Then no matter how much spose. He was like, you
know what, Okay, you're right, focks, we're gonna go to
your house, the house in Maine. She has no chance
of working on that self esteem problem that's making her
cling on too much. I wouldn't have grown at all
in self worth if people kept like placating me and going, okay,
(26:16):
so we'll just do what you want to do. Then
you don't work on your shit, and you carry it
into where your your grandmother, poor thing who couldn't even
see past getting picked up every time she went somewhere.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, that was. And another thing that just came to
my head that she used to do a lot. She
had a penhouse in Pelham where she lived, two bedroom,
three bathroom, two story, the spiral staircase. She bought it
in the nineties for like nothing, and it was worth
a lot, but she held on to it too long
because she didn't want to let it go.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Now this is a woman who's had a lot of loss.
Her only daughter dies of cancer. She has one grandson,
which is my dumb ass.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Oh god, that's tragic.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
She starts drinking.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
When I mentioned tragic, that is that you are the
heir to this the.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Heir to the throne, but to stay in that, to
keep the tradition alive, and to stay in that apartment.
She was like, well, the family comes here, it's nice.
And I was like, but you're going You're going broke
staying here. There's no reason.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
But here's the problem with you as a man, And
it's not you, it's a lot of men and rational
women too. It was never about thinking your way out
of it or telling her how to think, or hey, Grandma,
be logical. Grandma was stuck in they owe me. I'm
I did this tradition for them, and they have to
(27:38):
do it for me. So really the only argument is like, yeah,
you get to hold on to it as long as
you want, but then you don't get to complain about
it like that.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
That was the part, right was I have to put
a reverse morgage. You have to do.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Your house well. Victim. So that's why I realize a
lot of that stuff about oh my god, they don't
want to do insert holiday here anymore. It's like that's
putting me in victim mode, like I'm a victim of
their whims. No, but I'm not a victim if I go, oh,
what did it feel like, let me do that for myself.
(28:16):
And the first three years it is a little wonky
and wobbly, and then you suddenly are like, that was
pretty good. I remember the first year because it was COVID.
Remember they had COVID, and hey, they nobody could do
anything New Year's Eve, and I remember going, oh, man,
that's weird because I never liked New Year's Eve, but
I felt I should should do something. I remember staying home.
(28:37):
I was at the gayest New Year's ever. I watched
it in the heights and the prom on Netflix. I
looked at my watch. It was twelve thirty. It was done.
I was like, that was so much fun.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Did you kiss anybody?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
My dog? I totally tongued him and gave him anal
So I just drop it on for that dog, like
that's love.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, you fuck a dog? That makes sense? Like yeah, cornhole,
cornhold dogs.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Thank you, cornholl of Collie. That's my new charity, collecting
money for dildos for animals.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
You're welcome, deserve pleasure to all.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right, So we solved your problem. Work on yourself and
have a nice, peaceful time in Maine, and maybe your
brother will die in a plane crash. Go ahead, Oh God,
probably will Okay.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Hey Lisa, Hey huge.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Fan, No you're not a liar.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I am. My name is Marissa. I'm thirty four living
in Queen's Oh and my family takes Thanksgiving way too serious.
Oh boy, oh this already gives me. This is, by
the way, real quick. Marrying a woman like this is
my fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Then you better make sure whoever you date has dead parents.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I'll talk about another thing after this before I forget.
But anyway, see, they take Thanksgiving way too seriously, like
assign rolls and printed itinerary.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Serious. That's very that's out of a bad movie. That's
not right. You shouldn't do that anyway.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
God, cousin tried to bring mac and cheese last year,
and my aunt acted like she pissed on the turkey.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I mean she did, she did.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I mean that's how. That's where you get the flavor.
And god forbid, someone suggests we don't do the exact
same menu from nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Those were very good years. Shut out, those were good years.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I wasn't born yet. My uncle said changing the stuffing
recipe was disrespectful to our anis do you mean.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
The mayflower relatives that you.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Came in Native American rule.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I fucking hate the whole. An says, how about the Italians?
They want to put sausage in it. Well that's great,
so we can't change things.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
One year, me and my family we did Mexican food
on Thanksgiving because everyone said, fuck it. Everyone's like, no
one wants to this ship enough and it was anyway,
and then she goes, it's stuffing. It's not sacred text.
I love a good tradition, but not when it feels
like a hostage situation with cranberry sauce.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Well yeah, see, that's the thing. When people start feeling
put upon, that's the time to like pull the reins
in a little bit. You know.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
It's a lot, man.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
It's like, I, Oh, what's crazy is if people just
knew that at the root of all that activity, they're
just trying to capture the memory of the past, and
the memory guess what is in there, it will live forever.
So I remember one of my best Thanksgivings was I
was just out of college. I was renting like house
(31:28):
in Monroe, I think Connecticut and or somewhere like that,
and my brother was coming home and it was a
day before Thanksgiving. He was coming home from college and
I remember Hungary Heart by Bruce Springsteen. He loved that song.
We love the clash rock the Kasmo. So we had
all the vinyl records. It's the day before Thanksgiving. They're
on the record play at my mom's house and she's
(31:51):
cooking and yelling about the turkey and the Lendy help
me with basing this fucking thing. Whenever my brother's just
laughing and saying along, and I'm like, that memory lives there.
I literally know what my brother was wearing. That is enough.
So the whole thing is that try and desperately to
(32:12):
recapture that. If I was so insane, and again people
who do this fully respect, But if I said, Okay,
so we're gonna like make the turkey like Mom did,
I'm gonna get the record player, we're gonna put the
records on and we're gonna dance around, and it's like,
you're nuts. It's like that's a little wacky. So but
the good thing is if her family and she could
(32:33):
just get their heads around, it lives inside of us.
The memories really never go and we can't recapture it
because my brother's no longer seventeen years old in college
and I'm not, like, you know, living in a rental
house in Monroe, and like it was the years when
everybody had seen probably the movies where every hipster has
(32:56):
a movie camera and you're making films. Could you have
your punk hair like all that souff, Like it's ever
gonna be that time again? The boy, It's nice that
it happened.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Yeah, I think I used to do. I think for me,
I remember the year of twenty twelve was like such
a fun, amazing year for me and my friends and
we all went out all the time and it was great,
and it was right when everyone got home from college. Yeah,
and you're you guys, are you're making money now and
like you're like this is wild and you're all home again.
(33:27):
And then when that started to dissipate, when people started
to move in with each other and get married and
relationships and move away, I had like a real tough
time with like, oh, man, like I know this isn't
a holiday.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
But like just it feels like one.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I was like, shit, dude, like it's over, Like this
is over and you try to recreate it whatever, and
like no, no, let's go Hey, guys, remember we should
go bar and Stanford. Remember we all used to go
to and say, everyone's like, I gotta work at six am.
I know I'm over this and you're like, right, okay,
but yeah, that stuff trying to recreate it can be.
And I remember for years feeling that way, like years
(34:03):
being like remember twenty twelve, I know, and we would.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
All I know, yeah, but isn't it funny? How like
both of us have said, it felt sad. It felt
like a letdown. I think people either skip to anger
or they skip to activity of like, well, we'll do
it this way instead, how about we just do this?
How about you instead of just going wow, I really
feel sad. And that's the lesson here is that I'm
(34:28):
allowed to feel sad and move on and see what
else finds its way in.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah, and so memories I know.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
And guess what, they're not bad. Honestly, I will never
regret the things that happened in the past few years
that weren't how my parents used to do things. And
you just don't you know, I remember this year they
have probably sixty between them and me, sixty enormous crates
(34:54):
of Christmas decorations sixty. Yeah, and I'm very organized. It's
all very organized and in each and I felt almost
a betrayal if I didn't put everything out. And then
I'm like, wait a minute, I'm gonna see what it
feels like to look at everything, go through the boxes
(35:15):
and just take out the stuff that's speaking to me.
And again, it's like a slow process. It's sad, it's
whatever it is, and like, the house looks so nice.
But I noticed, just by even looking at the stuff,
it felt like I honored their things or their memories, like, oh,
so it doesn't have to look the house doesn't have
to look like they had it. It has to feel
(35:40):
like I'm having them in my mind when I'm doing
this stuff. At least for now. Maybe someday I won't
even feel like that. That it's just enough to be like,
oh it's fine, it's cute this way, but I like
just going you work through it. You have some chance
of growth. The thing when you're kind of telling your
family they have to do certain things. No growth's more
healthy growth or no growth. I think we all know growth.
(36:04):
Thank you? Wow you won?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Did I get it right?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Yeah? You ding ding ding? Where's the oh my god.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
It's like, okay, go ahead, you give yourself Like like,
for example, this happened recent my buddy's wife turned forty
and he threw like an old school got a food
truck and he said, no kids, they all have kids.
He's like, get babysitters. We're having an old school adult
beer pong. There was a list like it was it
was where I was playing video games upstairs on my buddies,
and like, that's a brand new memory that now I'll
(36:32):
think about it right all the time, and it was
great and it's and it's more fun now because those
moments are few and far between.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I think every week. I think you're right. I think
part of it is that the less is more proves
that it is really more, because oh wow, now I
fully remembered that. Also, it's like letting things happen naturally.
He wasn't forcing anything. Remember last year for my birthday,
I was like, I don't really want to do anything.
I was like, I don't know. And my friend Bonnie
is really bougie, so she's like, what's your favorite restaurant.
(37:01):
I'm like, oh, John, George or Danielle. But I don't
want to be fancy, Like that's not me anymore, and
it occurs to me out of nowhere. I want to
have like a thing where I hire a dancer who
knows how to do line dances, not country or anything,
but like funny like ballroomy line dancy things, and I
(37:21):
like put everyone on the list who I have a
big you know, feeling towards like who are just fun
and funny and cool. And I was like, Oh that
came because I was on the inside making happen how
I felt on the inside, like playful fun, not in
the least traditional, like anything I've ever had before. And
I'm like, oh, that wouldn't have happened if I was
(37:43):
forcing something else. And that's what these traditions do sometimes,
So pissing the stuffing is what I have to say. Yeah,
do we have one more more?
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Melanie from Brookline, Massachusetts.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
My birthday has always been a big deal to me
and I love to celebrate it with my friends and family.
My wife diminishes it now, saying I'm forty two. Kind
of funny, I'm forty two, and what adults still care
so much about their birthday? I is wanting to celebrate
your birthday childish at a certain age.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Thanks Melanie, I don't think it's childish. I think if
it's a thing where you're making everyone else do the
work and run make it special for you when you're
not doing anything to help yourself. I used to have
a friend who every year she wanted her birthday enormous,
but was willing to do nothing to make it happen.
(38:49):
So it fell to like six people to like, make
the magic happen for Sophie. Just make the magic. And
we're like, but we don't even like her that much, okay,
but like we got to make the magic. And eventually
it was my job. Because I'm the least codependent of
the group, I just go, guess what. Guess what I'm
happy doing for old soap. She's getting a fucking dinner
(39:12):
out at some fucking restaurant that we all like and
cake at my house. And do you know, ever since then,
I haven't resented her at all. I've had a great
time doing it because it's on my terms. Because if
I'm doing all the work, I'm gonna do with the
work that I like, which is hosting games and cake
and stuff at my house. So I think with this
it's like it's not foolish to love your birthday. I
(39:35):
used to think that. I was like, oh, these fucking
jerks have to Oh you're so speak beauty. But then'
like it's one thing you got God bless Yeah. Also, ps,
that's a whole other subject people thinking that's all they have,
Like the other three hundred and sixty four days are
pretty big too, so stuppying asshole. So first of all,
what's his name? This? This this somo?
Speaker 3 (39:55):
No clam is clam.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Hey, Melanie, No, this clam needs to make all the
other days feel a little elevated, And I feel like
that you're one day and the rest days of shit.
That's sometimes the problem with birthday people. I also don't
like birthday people who go, it's my birthday month. No,
you get one fucking day and it doesn't have to
be the day of. It could be a Saturday or
Sunday around it, but it can't be a birthday month.
(40:19):
Nobody likes you that much.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Disgusting.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I know. I hate those people. So I think it's
okay to be a birthday person. But also you have
to kind of share the load. You can't make it
be well. My friends know this about me, so they
have to do it. No, they they leave you in
the dust, bitch.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Yeah it's I mean, I know for me, for my
birth because I don't have a big immediate family, I
would always use my birthday just as an excuse. I
would plan everything though. Yeah, like I wouldn't just say, yeah,
it's my birthday, take me out. No, that's not sane.
I would use it, especially as my friends got older
and when they got married. I would just use it
as an excuse to be like, hey, we're going to
(40:58):
dinner here.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yes, it's a great and you make the plan. You
make the plan, but also get the where you're an asshole.
Get this, Celia, this fucking guy. We say to him, Look,
we have this tradition you've heard about, which is the
three guys in me every Tuesday week go to the
diner ostensibly right stuff, but it never happens. And so
(41:20):
it's just fun. It's a little community of idiots. So
Nick's birthdays, like we're gonna be on Wednesday. We meet
on Tuesday. So we're like, oh, like, we'll take you
out free birthday instead, And I go, do you want
to go to Sally's Pizza? Cause it's like Connecticut's famous
for pizza. And he's like, no, I just kind of
want to go to the diner. I'm like, oh, that's nice.
(41:41):
I go for sure, and he's like, yeah, Well he
picks that fucking week that he asks the fucking load
up he's eating for power lifting. He gets a steak,
he gets a shrimp boat, he gets a baked potato soup,
everything in a the cake. I said, this, motherfucker, that
(42:04):
was fifty dollars. I don't like it. We're gonna get
pizza salads who cost me fucking twenty each. Now we're
each maying fifty dollars. No, I would have liked it better.
It's my birthday. God damn it. The guy he decides
that's the week that protein is of the utmost importance
(42:25):
to the only reason. What a fat bastard. And you
went and you also did. He did the thing where
these guys who think they lift weights but are just large.
He gets rice with four fucking eggs. Alright, it's disgusting
eggs because they got a carb.
Speaker 3 (42:42):
What do you do with that a taste?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
It's stupid. Nobody likes those eggs like that. No, what
what did you say? Just like I was disgusted. No
one cares. So next birthday for you, we go to
Sally's Fine and you pay what there you go.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I'll be honest, I'll tell you why I picked the
diner simply because I don't have to dress up but
on jeans exactly, so.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
You don't exactly come there in style.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
I feel like I have to, like if I come
there in a hoodie and sweat like, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Okay, so you like your see I like that, know
one your comfort level for how you dress, like your
parties and things.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Especially the winter.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, you have the worst birthday. March.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
March sucks because the birthday. My birthday's March twelfth, and
literally every year on my birthday it's either sixty degrees
in sunny or a snowstorm or you know, it doesn't
You don't know what the fuck's going.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
What it costs me less to plow my driveway and
buy you a fucking steak of four eggs. Shut up,
we gotta go. So my advice to you is to
say fuck traditions, make your own, have fun, feel your feelings,
and shut the fuck up and listen to our podcast.
What do you say? Nick?
Speaker 3 (43:57):
I agree? Thanks, for listening.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Everyone, is that one of those eggs cock?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Thanks for listening. Be sure to email us your questions
maybe if you want to. You want to at shrink
This Show at gmail dot com. That's Shrink this Show
at gmail dot com. Make sure to follow me on
social media at Nick Scopes on Instagram and TikTok, and
follow her Lisa Lampinelli at least Lampinelli. And make sure
(44:28):
to listen to Shrink This on your iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
Yes, wherever you get your other mediocre.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
Podcast podcast, you listen to it on iHeart because we're
on iHeart and helps is my uncle, and that's why
I'm getting
Speaker 2 (44:46):
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