Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Put your heads together and we're going to start to party.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Start.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
I'm ready a party.
Speaker 4 (00:07):
The Elvis Duran After Party.
Speaker 5 (00:16):
It is the after Party podcast, a lot different than
yesterday's podcast.
Speaker 6 (00:21):
It doesn't have to be, it will be.
Speaker 5 (00:26):
We're not talking about Anus is today as talk, no
anal talk. Danielle is here and they're scary, and there's
straight Nate, and there's Gandhi and there's Scott b Let's go.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
You know, we were talking on the show.
Speaker 5 (00:40):
On earlier today, which was the Tuesday Show, and we're
talking about Mel Robbins and Jefferson Fisher, two people we
want to have on our show, very very interesting people
that get into.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
How would you describe what Mel Robins does? First of all, I.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Think, isn't it motivational speakers? There's a motivation there, help.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Help and it was great.
Speaker 5 (01:03):
What's great about her new book is you hear you
hear about her past and where she's from, and it
really catches you up to date, gets you up to
day on who she is and why she does what
she does.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Where were we gonna say, Danielle?
Speaker 4 (01:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
And she actually in her new book she talks about
how she did all these things that you know she
needed to stop doing and that's why her new book,
Let Them, is about her journey and what she She
says constantly the book, I did the same.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
Thing over and over again, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
And it's really really good and I like, like there's
a lot of standown moments where I've gone.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Oh damn, I did the same thing too, you know.
And you don't even realize it. You don't even realize
you need the book.
Speaker 5 (01:40):
But you need the book, you do, you do. It's
a great read and a great listener to go to
audible and download it today. But also Jefferson Fisher is
another guy that we're following who I love and and
funny enough, he was on her podcast to talk about
his new book, which is out I think in the
next couple of days. And he was talking and I
played this on the show, what to say and how
(02:00):
to reply if someone says something very biting, something very cutting,
and very like an insult to you. And so his
replies were pretty simple. First of all, you can just
look at them and say, I'm sorry, Can you repeat that?
So the person who said something offensive to you has
to hear themselves say it again. Secondly, you could easily say, Hey,
(02:22):
what did you mean to accomplish by telling me that
what you just told me that an insult? What did
you mean to accomplish? And the third thing he said,
which I thought is brilliant. If someone says something mean
and cruel to you, just be silent and not.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Say one word. Silence is a very very powerful thing,
is it not?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Absolutely? One of my favorite things to do is slap
people with silence. I will turn on a read message
so that you know I read it and I have
nothing to say to it. Oh, I mean, silence says
a lot. Not saying anything actually says a lot.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
You know a lot of us try to use our
filters are built in filters that we've been pre wired
with to stop our mouths from saying insulting things, stop
saying things that are hurtful. If you want to get
a point across to help someone, you do it in
a helpful manner where it's you're their friend. You don't
(03:14):
want to hurt their feelings at the same time you
want to help them. But if you just come out
and say, hey, you're a piece of crap, you know
that's not going to be any good. The things we
say are so more impactful than we give ourselves credit for.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, and you can never unsay something once you say it.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
No, God, we know that we say so much on
the show every.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Day, and some of our filters work better than others.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Yeah, well, and I think we should all work on that.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
I'm trying to and I'm nowhere near success at this
but thinking for a split second before I say something.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Oh yeah. She talks in the book.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Mel Robins talks in the book about sitting on an
airplane and the guy behind her was coughing, and she actually,
you know, was thinking, I have so much going on,
I'm going to get sick, and this is so rude.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
And she turned around.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
She said to him, Hey, do you mind covering your mouth?
And he kind of nodded and then proceeded not to
So she' said, well what do I do next?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
You know?
Speaker 2 (04:07):
And then she talks about how only she can control
what she does next.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Very good point.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
We are in control of how we handle things and
what we say next.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Right, yeah, And then she said, so what did she do?
She put like her scarf over her face, and she
put her headphones on, and she kind of, you know,
just did her thing. And then at the end of
the day, you know, she went on her way, and
she said, normally she would have freaked out, she would
have been like her ass. And she said, I would
have also gone to my meeting and complained about the
person to everybody at the meeting, you know, and I
(04:39):
would have continued the conversation. Instead, she said, I let
it go because I thought about let them, and I
let it go, and then that was it.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
But I said this, I would do the same thing.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Do you know how many times the people behind me
are coughing at a Broadway show or coughing in the airplane.
I want to turn around a bunch of them in
the head.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
I'm going to try her theory next time. It's if
it works.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
But I always bring a mask with me, so I'll
put the mask on. That's how I help, you know
my head. But she's right, you can only control. You
can turn herund punch the person, or say something to
the person again be nasty, or you can figure it
out on your own. And I'll do the best that
you can to control the situation. And take a deep breath.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
Well, I am reading the book, but I'm going to
convert because of you. I'm going to convert to listening
on my audible. So, yeah, the things we say, stop
and think how it's impacting someone. For instance, Gandhi was
saying she hates when people come up to her and say,
we need to.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Talk emotional terrorism.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Okay, Well then you're like, okay, go ahead and talk,
and then they say, well, okay, when we have a moment,
we'll talk. Oh yeah, So they've already like they kidnapped
your brain and they're holding in a hostage until you
can actually have this conversation.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Right, I feel like, though we need to talk thing
is never something insignificant because they want to set up
another time to have a deep conversation about it. At
the very least, give me a subtitle to that title,
like or whatever you would call a sub headline, because
we need to talk cool about what. Just tell me
about what that's it? Otherwise I'm gonna be thinking about
this all day. Then I'm gonna get mad at you
and prepare a bunch of arguments against something that you
(06:07):
probably haven't even really been upset by. Right, terrorism, I
hate when people do that.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You're you're living needlessly in my head.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yes, yes, I feel like it's the same way when
they call a meeting and they're like, hey, we want
to get everyone together tomorrow at like three, and we're like, well,
what is it. You'll find out tomorrow at three. I'm
like no, no, no, no, no, no, now.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Tell me now, I'm gonna put right.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
It's terrible.
Speaker 5 (06:30):
So the things you say, give yourself some this. It's
actually a moment for you to give yourself some credit.
You have impact ability. You can impact someone by the
things you say or teasing teasing.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Them like that we need to have a meeting.
Speaker 5 (06:43):
For instance, I'm having a lunch with a friend of
mine today and he's like, oh, what, we're just gonna
I said, yeah, I want to talk to you about something.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
See I always think that you want to loan or
an investment opportunity.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Right then I fall little bit by saying, Okay, no,
it's nothing, it's nothing bad, it's actually really good.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Well let's spend some time together. I'm gonna have a
conversation with you.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
And then later I was like, oh god, I hope
I didn't plant some seed of angst in his head.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Or if you said it's something good, maybe he's like, oh,
he's putting me in as well. I'm about to find
out and then I'm just gonna let him down.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I'm going in as well, and he's dying. Well, when
you do have quote unquote meetings like that, it's best
to just say what you wanted to have that meeting
for immediately, yeah, and not do the whole let's have
a drink and catch up on small talk.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Well.
Speaker 5 (07:35):
Yeah, the thing is, I was afraid he was going
to pull out and not take some time and move
some things around to have spend time with me. I mean,
he had other things to do, but this is a
very timely thing. I just want to get it out
of the way. But like the other day, when Mario
Carbone fired me, he sat me down like he would
(07:56):
an employee. Yeah, and rather than just being around the bush,
I'm saying you're great. The first thing out of his
mouth was the reason you're here now is because we're
going to have to let you go.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And he didn't really with the headline he showed you
how he fires people.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
Well, you didn't fire me. But you know what I'm saying,
I think we I hope we know that right. Marco
Carbone is not running iHeart but anyway, but I think
you're right. This is answering to nate what you're saying.
It's better to get it all out of the way
in the beginning and say, let's fill in the blanks
this afternoon.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
At four o'clock. Do you mind doing that? And then
you can do that way all right?
Speaker 5 (08:33):
My whole point here, and no one really gives a
flying flip, is the things you say are important. But
right now I'm feeling like everything I'm saying is not
important to anyone on this podcast that way, because no
one's playing along with me, no one's, no one's no
one's vaulting back.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Oh oh, he wanted us to do that. Oh.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Here's the thing. I think, especially in situations like this,
I don't want to step on other people, so I
wait a second for someone else to say something thing.
But it is impactful. The things that we say do
make a huge difference. I have really tried in my
lifetime to stop saying things that are hurtful to people,
at least on purpose, because you can never unsay them.
And I remember very clearly things people have said to
(09:14):
me that I'll think about my whole life, and I
don't ever want to be that person. For somebody else,
me too.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I'm just being silent that so everyone has plenty of
room to talk.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
I always remember, I remember the kids in the back
of the bus going to elementary school calling me the
fat kid, and I'll never forget it my entire life. Yeah, yeah,
that's why, you know, I try not to say nasty
things to people, although I do, you know, say things
to scary and Gandhi will look at me and then
I feel bad, But you know, I try my best
not to.
Speaker 7 (09:43):
We also we also have an understanding though, because we're family.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
We all know each other.
Speaker 7 (09:48):
What what I don't understand is how people can be
so obnoxious on common threads. They say things that I
wouldn't even think of saying so so to your point, Elvis,
more people should understand that and realize that they're even
their words on a computer, even words in a comment thread,
(10:09):
can be very impactful in a negative way and affect people.
And that's why I refrained from from all the negativity
and getting involved in endless You know that's cyberbullying, cyber
bullying loops conversations.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, but yesterday I saw the best so on Instagram.
This woman she somebody said a nasty thing to her.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
So you know what she did.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
She said, Oh, okay, all your nasty comments, let me
show everybody what you look like. Because they were making
fun of what she looked like. She posted all these
people's comments, stupid comments, and then their picture.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
I was like, these people just should the fuck up.
They can not say a word what this one guy was.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Like, really really he said the nastiest thing to this woman.
But if you're gonna do that, then I'm glad somebody
out there is calling you out on it and posting
what you said and your picture.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I think it's primitive, ridiculous, ridiculous. I don't I don't
like it.
Speaker 7 (11:04):
I can't stand comment threads like that.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
That's just me personally.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
But there's a whole page dedicated to people crapping on
celebrities and then someone takes the person who said that
comment and puts their picture there. Goody's always some creep
that you're like, please, I know you're living in a
basement with sticky socks, Like.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
Goodbye, Wait a minute, what's wrong with living in a
basement with sticky So.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, nothing nothing at all?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
This Oh god, no, no, no, no no no a next next, next, next,
We're done. We're done. We're done. Have a beautiful day.
Thanks for showing up to the podcast.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Elvis Ran after party