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June 16, 2022 17 mins

Why does Skeery love single ply toilet paper! We change 'butt hurt' BUT change the name of the game! 

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Speaker 1 (00:03):
What would you talk about on your on your podcast,
Firm Elvis Presents fifteen minute Morning Show. Here we go
to our fifteen minute morning show podcast. Look at that

(00:23):
everyone decided to show up. There's Froggy, and there's Scotty
b there's Danielle, and there's there's Gandhi, and there's Garrett,
and there's Brody and of course straight Nate is shuffling
his butt hurt car. Brody looks so blurry. What is
is your lens? No, that's a special filter to make
it on the lens. That's Barbara Walters filter. Bacon. Let's

(00:45):
let's see and no less blurry. I think before you,
before you put it in your mouth, you're going to
things that you look good, you know. Yeah? Um, all right,

(01:08):
so before you get started, Scotty says he has a
proposal for a kickstart for the show. What is that? Scotty?
I would like to propose something for public restrooms. Um,
this wouldn't work so well for women's rooms, but I
think that for men's rooms there should be a room
for number one with urinals and a room for number
two with toilets. They already have that, No they don't.

(01:30):
Some some do I don't want to be accosted by
that smell when I just got in here to p like,
I just went into the bathroom and I almost vomited.
I had to put my shirt up over my nose
just to go to the bathroom. Like it should be separate.
Was it fresh? Still charticles floating? There was? Yes, that's
what they are, Daniel. You say it all the time,

(01:52):
and we're off to another start, Scott. The only thing
that would do is that would shame the guys going
in and out of the number two rooms, and that
people wouldn't go into the number two room. They would
just poop in the number one room and it would
be a problem. You can't. Why is it that you
get that and the girls don't get that? Beau? You
really it's difficult because they're all toilets for you. It
doesn't matter though. We don't want to smell that. What

(02:13):
do you want to wait? Wait, here's the thing. If
it's in the men's room, it's easy to determine where
you can pee and where you can pooh because we
stand up to pee, that's the urinal room, sit down
to pooh, that's the toilet room. With women, you don't
have your you have to have a sign, say, people
who poogle, you would have like a little stick figure sign.
You would have like you know that you would have

(02:33):
the woman's sign, but there would be like little like
little drops on one sign, and then the other sign
would have like the poop emoji on it. There you go.
See this is why I love us, because we said
we can't come up with answers to except when the
line gets too long at the poop toilets, the women
to go poop in the pat toilets. Well, we have
to have someone in there to watch that, now, don't we.

(02:55):
Did anybody see this picture online? I'm not sure if
it's real, but they had urinals in the men's room,
but it was like a massive funnel that went to
a little hole and that's where apparently you stuck your
dinger in and you peeed into the funnel so to
avoid like splashing, because you know when you're you're a
guy and you pee in the and there's like I

(03:15):
don't want my thing there anyone Else's what if your
penis is bigger than the tube or just the right
size and it gets stuck that it's not playing, it's
like playing Operation if he touched the sides, the nose
turns right. I mean the worst is the big metal
trough like in the nightclub, you know, with ice in it,

(03:39):
and the shoulder to shoulder peeing in a trough on
both sides too, so they're looking at each other. We've
been on this this this podcast for what less than
four minutes, and it's already in the depths of hell.
We started there, though usually we descend into it, but
we just started right. The first problem was when Elvis said, Scotty,
you started right, you know, Scott Scotty actually was as

(04:03):
clean as possible in describing the problem the poop room
versus the people. It wouldn't work in our building because
we already know that there's people that don't know how
to flush toilets in our bathroom. No, no no, but you
can't poop in a urinal, so I think it would
work well. That guy. Would you, like, do you put

(04:25):
paper towels on the toilet in your house? Why would
you do that anywhere else? Because because you're a fucking asshole,
Why do you have paper towels in your bathroom at home?
But not it's not even the paper towel, it's like sandpaper.
That's the thing. Like if you think about it, like
why would you know? No one knows what we're talking about.
There's a guy that goes down to the men's room
and he takes the hand towels that you're supposed to
throw in the trash after you wipe your hands off,

(04:47):
and he throws them in the toilet to the brim
of the toilet where we're just because we used them
to line in the seat. He doesn't like, there's no
way he lines the seat with that many to no way,
no way. Five I've seen it. It takes five sea
fall paper towels to cover the seat. It was so
bad last week building management had to bring a shovel upstairs.

(05:12):
If you never come to that, if you have to
shovel out the men's room. Since they're talking about toilets
and bathrooms, can we talk about Scary for a second.
Nate and I were a little dumbfounded by his his
announcement today in the room when the mics are off.
You know, Scary is the guy we know, right, He
buys bougie everything. He refuses to use anything but single

(05:33):
ply toilet paper, which is the worst awful thing to
use the thing is, He says, his toilet is not
a good swallower's defense. Okay, I've never, in all the
years I've lived in my apartment on my own, had
to use the plunger beside my toilet, because I use
single ply because I'm always afraid. I've had nightmares before

(05:53):
that my toilet would overflow, and I don't want to
see it overflow. Toilet, what are you? What are you
afraid you're gonna You're not gonna flush the whole roll down?
Scary when you go to other people's house, Just just
to clarify, scary. Not knowing what he was talking about,
he was convinced his apartment had a septic tank. He goes,
I can't plug up my septic tank. But whatever the
thing is, I prefer in this world, in that universe,

(06:15):
I prefer single ply to two pl When you go
to somebody else's house that has double ply, you don't
feel like, wow, this is this is a nice luxury,
this is living large. I notice a difference. And your
ship's that massive that you didn't have to do that.
Have a lifetime of chafed the butt. Then maybe a

(06:36):
toilet overflows once in twenty years. Things in life, like
paper towels, like Kleenex. I'll buy that made you made
your points. You wash your hands because this breakage and
stuff going slurge in other areas, not in my toilet,
on the hotel's drapes. From what you've told us, who
knows splurs? I'm aware of the for you know it alright? Alright,

(07:01):
can just like tone it down? Just the hair, hold
your hand up to the camera. Need to check on
your fingernails over the seat too. I don't understand how
that happens, is that you cleaning it up? No Elvis
had hair, you know what. I to be honest in
Scotty's defense. The bathroom in the hallway, I don't understand
how people don't realize that they it's and it's not

(07:25):
what they've done in the toilet. I swear it's that
they haven't showered. And you don't know you smell like that?
How is that possible? I don't know how that's don't
behind the smell easy. The weird thing about that bathroom
with the main lobby, there's a picture of Elton John
in there, John performing Like you're going to the bathroom

(07:51):
and there's Elton John looking at you scary. I'm on
your side with the single plot. You're okay, you live
your life. I'm going to no way. But I tell
I told him. They sell nautical toilet paper, which just
it dissolves if if it's human outside, it's that sensitive.
You should get some of that stuff. Stuff they use
on on yachts and sailboats. And now I'm aware of

(08:12):
its existence. You should get a tushy and actually have
a clean ass. Yeah, Elvis is nautical toilet paper, like
less than one plot, like what I know, you don't
even know. It's just it breaks down easily, that kind
of goes in the water, just so it's gone. It's
magic that you use the stuff they use in the

(08:34):
port of John's a concerts right, Oh, the blue stuff.
I hate toilets, hate toilet stuff. Didn't get rid of them.
Don't never use a toilet against Are we playing the
game anything but the scary place? But heard every time
he goes to the bathroom because you single ply well,

(08:58):
we really, Elvis, in your absence, we renamed this game
close second Brody. Why after every response somebody would say
a name of a person in the room and close
second Brody, So all right, let's see how it Let's
see how it works today. Ok, here we go, Elvis.
We'll start with you. Who is the last person in

(09:19):
this zoom room that you'd want to see naked? Myself? Second?
Close likewise by the wise likewise. I didn't say Brody
likewise fuck you Brodie in first place? Well, how did

(09:40):
I get fuck you? Then mentioned my name you likewise
well likewise meaning I don't want to see myself naked either,
not likewise you likewise me. My comment was after they
commented on I don't want to see anyone naked. I
don't see including me. Take back to funk you insult
to myself? Fuck you when you're right? All right? Who

(10:06):
pleasures themselves? I masturbates the most? Scotti Batty, I say God, Yes,
I think God close. Second Brody, truth that I don't
want to be with myself either. You guys all want

(10:29):
to go for the punchline. Let's take real. I think
Gandhi's like in the top token. You know what I think, Scott.
There's no way I do one more than Scott. What
do you guys think this way? Because that's the persona,
the persona that you I understand that but you know
it's it's just a persona sake. Okay. Who is least

(10:51):
likely to lose their temper? Danielle? Not close second? Seriously, Yeah,
I think I think Gandhi's up there too. Yeah, I
think I think Garrett. Garrett. I've never seen Garrett really
truly loves Yeah. Yeah, well when you do, you get

(11:13):
on that. Who is if you had to have someone
in this zoom room living in your house with you,
who would it be? Scotty? I would have to say Nate.
I think we're the most compatible. Yeah, I can see
you guys have a little trick. So Nate has two

(11:38):
sets of cards. The red ones will be close second, Brody,
because the red ones are all the negative stuff are
the positive things? How that works is how those things work. Okay, well,
I'm not sure how anybody would answer this one. Gandhi?
Who is the most annoying? Brody? Wait? Close second? Scotty? Okay, Scotty, Okay,

(12:15):
hang on? Who handles all? Right? Garrett? Who handles adversity
the best? I mean probably Froggy? Good thing? There you go. Okay,
the first time I've ever heard that, I've never heard
that ship before. He's very good he hasn't ever had
had to handle adversity. Yes he does, he just doesn't
let it bother room. Danielle has seen me in times

(12:36):
of great adversity, and I'm not sure I handle it well.
I'l man, Yeah, like your toilet paper. Close second, by
this could be this. Somebody could really but hurt here?
Who Brody, who is the dumbest? Scary? Okay, everybody stand

(13:02):
up right now? Shows Gandhi already is standing up. Hey,
I was just wearing a black Okay, so Froggy, what
are we doing? Who is the worst dressed right now?
Scar Rod? Close second, Brody, No, I don't think anybody

(13:27):
is really terribly dressed right now. I think we're all
pretty boring T shirt, all wearing the same thing we
dressed for work in radio. I say, Garrett, because it
says kale and that's disgusting, messed up, It's delicious, terrible

(13:47):
all right? Okay, uh, I think we all know the
answer to this one the least common sense, sorry, Danielle, Yeah, kids,
really yeah? Absolutely? Second, you invest in crypto or f

(14:14):
al right? Everything changed my answer? Scary even looking like
crypto portfolio has a compost heap in his apartment. That's
really weird. Okay, Elvis, yea, yeah, yeah. Who would you

(14:35):
most like to be your boss in this zoom room?
That's a good one. That's a tough question. It's tough
because there are several I would love, but I would
like Gandhi to be the boss. Hello, lady, I would
We'd get nothing done. I mean, Dan, I think Danielle

(14:56):
would make a good boss, thanks, you know I do.
I mean she's she's got two kids and a husband,
and she has to deal with us every day. I
see how that could like prepare her for management. I
could never work for Danielle. We'd never get shipped done,
would get fed and appropriate sitting in HR every day

(15:21):
ourselves as Danielle, I would work for them. Oh yeah,
when are we starting? Our cousin's like I already do.
Last question we gotten everybody answered. I think, all right, Scotty,
we'll we'll get through this one. Jesus, why don't you
do one? Who Scotty, who has the best attitude towards life?

(15:46):
Best attitude towards life? Um? I guess I think scary.
Scary is like always out and about doing stuff and
loving everything. And I think scary I can see why
you would say that, say that Scary, let's things roll
off of him. He doesn't stress. I think it's a
lack of common sense that keeps him. Like I'm totally

(16:10):
oblivious to it. I'm a loose ring. Also, it doesn't matter.
I feel like you're a lot like my husband, Sheldon,
because when something is really wrong that I should really
worry about, I can tell by how he reacts. And
that's how I am with Scary. Like, if Scary is
really worried about something, I know it's an issue. Like

(16:31):
if not, it's it's like I'm there. Okay, Yeah, so
COVID was no problem at all, exactly other than that,
you know, you don't need to wear masks anymore. Three.
By the way, he was saying that, I'm taking my
I take that back, then yourself a question. We're done.

(16:54):
I would like to point out one thing before we're done.
We have gone over the fifteen minute mark every single
day this week. You hear that justin we don't have
to do anything tomorrow. We don't do it all right,
who is the friendliest Danielle? There we go, that's easy.
Some days we ended on a happy note. Out of here, yeah,

(17:15):
we're not doing a happy note. Bye, everyone, get out
of here. When someone says something stupid, stupid, The fifteen
Minute Morning Show

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Skeery Jones

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Garrett

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Medha Gandhi

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Nate Marino

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