July 25, 2025 • 11 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses what he’s learned in almost 10 years of marriage, and he gets vulnerable about why his marriage means so much to him. Subscribe, rate and leave a written review for this episode so we can see your thoughts!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a weekly
series that is part of my I've Never Said This
Before podcast where I am talking about all things that
I've never really publicly talked about before. And today's topic
is what almost ten years of marriage has taught me.
I can't believe I'm even saying that out loud, that
I've been almost that I've been married for almost ten years.
(00:25):
I'm stumbling on my words because I still can't believe it.
I feel like we just got married in so many ways.
But April twenty twenty six will be ten years married.
So we've been together for ten years, married for nine
and a half, I guess, or nine and three quarters,
but April will be ten years. So ten years married. Man,
I wish you could see me because I'm smiling so
(00:47):
hard right now because I just feel like I got
so lucky to have the husband that I have, truly,
and all right, I'm gonna stop being gushy and let's
get to some interesting things because you're probably like, oh
my god, I'm rolling my eyes, but I'm hopeless romantic.
What do you want? But what ten years a marriage
has taught me? Gosh, you know, and this is raw,
(01:09):
this is off the cup. I'm not reading off notes.
I'm not I didn't prepare things. The point of these
Tommy talks. It's me, a mic, put the camera on,
put the mic on, and let's go. So it is
totally unplanned and unscripted, which is kind of fun. But
the first thing I want to say about being married
for almost ten years that I have learned is God,
(01:33):
I've learned so much. I've learned so much about our
relationship together, and I've learned so much about me, and
I've learned so much about what it means to be
a good partner. I guess the first thing that I've
learned in almost ten years of marriage is that you
can never stop respecting each other. If you lose respect
for one another, I truly believe that's when a lot
(01:55):
of problems begin. And respect in the sense of I
look at my husband and I respect him so much
as a man, as a human, as the good person
that he is. I'm in awe of that person, and
I have so much respect for that person, of the
brother he is, of the son that he is, of
the spouse that he is, of a friend that he is.
He has got the biggest heart in the world. And
(02:17):
I look at him and I'm like, oh my god,
I have so much respect for you. I have so
much respect for you professionally as well, because he puts
his whole heart into his work. He treats everybody with kindness.
He does his work without getting involved in the bs
of you know what work can bring you, right, he
just does his job, does it well, and treats everybody
so beautifully, and I just have I have so much
(02:40):
respect for him. And I think when you remind yourself
of that, even in the difficulties of life, with what
life throws your way, and you sometimes tend to be
maybe short or take something out on whoever you're with, right,
that's human nature because that's the person closest to you.
I think when you just remember, wow, like this is
someone I so admire and so respect, and you never
lose that sense of all about the person you're with,
(03:01):
it really sets you up for a beautiful life and
prevents you from fighting and bickering and you know, dogging
each other or putting each other down. Like I don't
know about you, but there are certain people who I
see that with in relationships, and it's hard to be
around that because I just I respect to one with
so much. I would never treat somebody like that. So
(03:22):
I think having that respect finding and reminding yourself of
why you respect that person so much is a really
crucial part of any long term relationship because it's just
it matters, It really really matters. Something that I think
is also important is making time for adventure with one another.
So you want to make memories that last a lifetime.
(03:44):
And I think you've probably have heard the phrase you
keep dating who you're with, and I hate that phrase.
I don't know, I just feel like, what does that
even mean? Like, Okay, go on a dinner date. Great,
But more than that, I think it's making time for adventure.
So maybe it is a trip, maybe it's travel, but
it doesn't have to be a travel. It can be
something even where you live. It could be trying a
new experience out near your house, going for that hike
(04:06):
that you've wanted to go to for two years that
you've been putting off and you know because you're too busy,
or trying a new restaurant, or trying a new type
of cuisine to cook together with a great playlist that
you put on I mean, it's I guess, purposefully making
moments with who you're with, and no matter how big
or small they may be, it's just choosing to make
these memories and moments together. And that's something that I'm
(04:28):
really proud of with G and I because we do that.
We do that, we like to do things that are special.
I'll never forget during COVID, I hate, you know, I
hate bringing up that word, but I'll never forget. We
were stuck and we were celebrating our proposal versary, which
highly recommends celebrating. Why not, we all need to celebrate
(04:49):
more and more in life. It's a crazy world out there.
And I turned our kitchen and dining room into a
Parisian cafe, right, And I went on Amazon and I
ordered balloons and a Paris tablecloth and candles and Paris
confetti and just kind of decked it all out and
found a Parisian playlist and we had a beautiful dinner.
I mean, it's creating moments and experiences like that that
(05:09):
I think keep things really exciting and fresh and show
that you love each other, right, You just love each
other and you want to do for each other, which
is another thing never stop doing for your spouse, however
big or small. That may be. Little tokens of appreciation
go a really, really long way. I also have learned
in ten years it's really important to surround yourself with
people who inspire you and lift you, because you are
(05:31):
the company you keep, and you want people to be
champions of your relationship. And if you're truly close to
somebody and have a best friend or multiple best friends,
you want them to be your cheerleaders. And I think
that unfortunately in life, sometimes people can have a hard
time being happy for other people. And it's weird to
(05:52):
even say that, because I'm genuinely so happy for everyone
in my life, and I pray for everybody in my
life every single day. When I do. My prayer is
that they find their ultimate source of happiness, whatever that
means to them, because I genuinely want the people in
my life to feel that, and I think most people do.
But there's sometimes will come someone come around. There will
be someone I should say, who comes around. See I'm
(06:13):
not filtering or editing list. I told you I might
stumble here or there, but this is real time. There
might be somebody who comes around who doesn't always want
your true happiness for yourself. And maybe it's because they're
going through a tough time or they're having a harder
time finding a partner. And I don't judge that. It's
life's hard, man, I don't judge that. But if it's
(06:33):
not making you feel good, or it's this energy around
you that kind of feels like it's not really for
your relationship, take note of that and maybe choose to
hang out with people that do make you feel better
or do want to see you. Guys thrive because like
minded couples I think can really help one another champion
(06:54):
the love you all feel. I think it's a really
important thing to have in your life for sure. Something
else that ten years of marriage has taught me is
you have to you have to be aware of your faults. Look,
we're not perfect. We are not perfect. And as an
Italian from Jersey who's a little stubborn, sometimes I know
(07:15):
that I can be a little stubborn and I've learned
that about myself in ten years. And what I will
say is I feel really lucky that you and I,
like we never fight. And I know that's probably annoying
for you to hear, so I'm sorry but we don't
because we both come from what I said in the beginning,
a place of such respect. So if there is a disagreement,
we talk it out and it lasts for all of
(07:36):
four minutes. And granted we don't have kids and all
my parents out there shout out to you because I
know that adds a beautiful element into your relationship but
also can cause some stress in a relationship in terms
of different parenting styles or different tactics. So I can't
even touch that. So let me say like you all
are superheroes, because that is a different thing to navigate
in a relationship, So you know that might help. I
(07:58):
don't know, but I always want to be real about
everything here. But yeah, we tend to just kind of
talk something out if we have a disagreement and breeze
past it. I think one of the most detrimental things
you can do is go to bed angry or have
somebody sleep on the couch. I was with somebody who
that was the norm when we would kind of argue
(08:20):
it was not a great relationship. In my twenties, we've
never had that. You and I have never done that.
We've never walked out on each other. We've never had
separate rooms at night because we just can talk through
whatever it is we're going through. Because we respect each other,
even if we don't initially agree, we don't get to
that point of, you know, name calling or screaming or
cursing at each other. Like It's a very civil way
(08:42):
to move through life. I don't judge anybody in how
you operate your disagreements. Please hear me when I say that,
But if you can work on communicating in a way
that doesn't totally disparage or put down who you're with,
I think it tremendously helps you your relationship, not even
in the moment, but in the future because you do
come from such a place of respect. So there's a
(09:06):
lot of things I've learned. I don't want to make
this four hours, but I think at the bottom line
for me is as a gay guy growing up in
a very small town in a conservative state, I never
thought that I could find love or I deserved love
because I had people around me quite often making it
(09:28):
seem like I didn't deserve it, which sucked. And never
I never thought marriage was something I wanted because I
think at the core of myself, I never thought I
deserved it, so I really treasure what I have, and
I think that's also something I come into this relationship
with is I know that I was given this right
when marriage became legal, and I don't take that lightly.
(09:51):
So I have such respect for the institution of marriage.
I really do that. I want to do the best
I can with it, and I know that might sound
silly or stupid, but I think that's also a really
refreshing way to go through a relationship. So even if
you can't relate to that, I think the institution is
very sacred and we're lucky that we get the chance
(10:12):
to commit to somebody fully and be married to somebody
in the way that we do. So I also never
forget about that piece of it. All Right, I am
such a sap. I'm like, are you guys sick of me?
I'm sorry. I love love. I'm a sap for love.
I feel like I'm just so in love. Okay, I'm done.
(10:32):
I'm closing the mic because I'm literally gagging at myself.
I love you all. Here's to love and to keep
being an amazing spouse in your marriages, relationships, partnerships, all
of the above. Okay, I'm gonna go like roll around
in some roses because I feel like I just did
a romance, novel, narration or something by you. I've Never
Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Didario. This
(10:56):
podcast is executive produced by Andrew Piglisi at Iheartrate and
by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never
Said This Before is part of the Elvis dur Rampac
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a weekly
series that is part of my I've Never Said This
Before podcast where I am talking about all things that
I've never really publicly talked about before. And today's topic
is what almost ten years of marriage has taught me.
I can't believe I'm even saying that out loud, that
I've been almost that I've been married for almost ten years.
(00:25):
I'm stumbling on my words because I still can't believe it.
I feel like we just got married in so many ways.
But April twenty twenty six will be ten years married.
So we've been together for ten years, married for nine
and a half, I guess, or nine and three quarters,
but April will be ten years. So ten years married. Man,
I wish you could see me because I'm smiling so
(00:47):
hard right now because I just feel like I got
so lucky to have the husband that I have, truly,
and all right, I'm gonna stop being gushy and let's
get to some interesting things because you're probably like, oh
my god, I'm rolling my eyes, but I'm hopeless romantic.
What do you want? But what ten years a marriage
has taught me? Gosh, you know, and this is raw,
(01:09):
this is off the cup. I'm not reading off notes.
I'm not I didn't prepare things. The point of these
Tommy talks. It's me, a mic, put the camera on,
put the mic on, and let's go. So it is
totally unplanned and unscripted, which is kind of fun. But
the first thing I want to say about being married
for almost ten years that I have learned is God,
(01:33):
I've learned so much. I've learned so much about our
relationship together, and I've learned so much about me, and
I've learned so much about what it means to be
a good partner. I guess the first thing that I've
learned in almost ten years of marriage is that you
can never stop respecting each other. If you lose respect
for one another, I truly believe that's when a lot
(01:55):
of problems begin. And respect in the sense of I
look at my husband and I respect him so much
as a man, as a human, as the good person
that he is. I'm in awe of that person, and
I have so much respect for that person, of the
brother he is, of the son that he is, of
the spouse that he is, of a friend that he is.
He has got the biggest heart in the world. And
(02:17):
I look at him and I'm like, oh my god,
I have so much respect for you. I have so
much respect for you professionally as well, because he puts
his whole heart into his work. He treats everybody with kindness.
He does his work without getting involved in the bs
of you know what work can bring you, right, he
just does his job, does it well, and treats everybody
so beautifully, and I just have I have so much
(02:40):
respect for him. And I think when you remind yourself
of that, even in the difficulties of life, with what
life throws your way, and you sometimes tend to be
maybe short or take something out on whoever you're with, right,
that's human nature because that's the person closest to you.
I think when you just remember, wow, like this is
someone I so admire and so respect, and you never
lose that sense of all about the person you're with,
(03:01):
it really sets you up for a beautiful life and
prevents you from fighting and bickering and you know, dogging
each other or putting each other down. Like I don't
know about you, but there are certain people who I
see that with in relationships, and it's hard to be
around that because I just I respect to one with
so much. I would never treat somebody like that. So
(03:22):
I think having that respect finding and reminding yourself of
why you respect that person so much is a really
crucial part of any long term relationship because it's just
it matters, It really really matters. Something that I think
is also important is making time for adventure with one another.
So you want to make memories that last a lifetime.
(03:44):
And I think you've probably have heard the phrase you
keep dating who you're with, and I hate that phrase.
I don't know, I just feel like, what does that
even mean? Like, Okay, go on a dinner date. Great,
But more than that, I think it's making time for adventure.
So maybe it is a trip, maybe it's travel, but
it doesn't have to be a travel. It can be
something even where you live. It could be trying a
new experience out near your house, going for that hike
(04:06):
that you've wanted to go to for two years that
you've been putting off and you know because you're too busy,
or trying a new restaurant, or trying a new type
of cuisine to cook together with a great playlist that
you put on I mean, it's I guess, purposefully making
moments with who you're with, and no matter how big
or small they may be, it's just choosing to make
these memories and moments together. And that's something that I'm
(04:28):
really proud of with G and I because we do that.
We do that, we like to do things that are special.
I'll never forget during COVID, I hate, you know, I
hate bringing up that word, but I'll never forget. We
were stuck and we were celebrating our proposal versary, which
highly recommends celebrating. Why not, we all need to celebrate
(04:49):
more and more in life. It's a crazy world out there.
And I turned our kitchen and dining room into a
Parisian cafe, right, And I went on Amazon and I
ordered balloons and a Paris tablecloth and candles and Paris
confetti and just kind of decked it all out and
found a Parisian playlist and we had a beautiful dinner.
I mean, it's creating moments and experiences like that that
(05:09):
I think keep things really exciting and fresh and show
that you love each other, right, You just love each
other and you want to do for each other, which
is another thing never stop doing for your spouse, however
big or small. That may be. Little tokens of appreciation
go a really, really long way. I also have learned
in ten years it's really important to surround yourself with
people who inspire you and lift you, because you are
(05:31):
the company you keep, and you want people to be
champions of your relationship. And if you're truly close to
somebody and have a best friend or multiple best friends,
you want them to be your cheerleaders. And I think
that unfortunately in life, sometimes people can have a hard
time being happy for other people. And it's weird to
(05:52):
even say that, because I'm genuinely so happy for everyone
in my life, and I pray for everybody in my
life every single day. When I do. My prayer is
that they find their ultimate source of happiness, whatever that
means to them, because I genuinely want the people in
my life to feel that, and I think most people do.
But there's sometimes will come someone come around. There will
be someone I should say, who comes around. See I'm
(06:13):
not filtering or editing list. I told you I might
stumble here or there, but this is real time. There
might be somebody who comes around who doesn't always want
your true happiness for yourself. And maybe it's because they're
going through a tough time or they're having a harder
time finding a partner. And I don't judge that. It's
life's hard, man, I don't judge that. But if it's
(06:33):
not making you feel good, or it's this energy around
you that kind of feels like it's not really for
your relationship, take note of that and maybe choose to
hang out with people that do make you feel better
or do want to see you. Guys thrive because like
minded couples I think can really help one another champion
(06:54):
the love you all feel. I think it's a really
important thing to have in your life for sure. Something
else that ten years of marriage has taught me is
you have to you have to be aware of your faults. Look,
we're not perfect. We are not perfect. And as an
Italian from Jersey who's a little stubborn, sometimes I know
(07:15):
that I can be a little stubborn and I've learned
that about myself in ten years. And what I will
say is I feel really lucky that you and I,
like we never fight. And I know that's probably annoying
for you to hear, so I'm sorry but we don't
because we both come from what I said in the beginning,
a place of such respect. So if there is a disagreement,
we talk it out and it lasts for all of
(07:36):
four minutes. And granted we don't have kids and all
my parents out there shout out to you because I
know that adds a beautiful element into your relationship but
also can cause some stress in a relationship in terms
of different parenting styles or different tactics. So I can't
even touch that. So let me say like you all
are superheroes, because that is a different thing to navigate
in a relationship, So you know that might help. I
(07:58):
don't know, but I always want to be real about
everything here. But yeah, we tend to just kind of
talk something out if we have a disagreement and breeze
past it. I think one of the most detrimental things
you can do is go to bed angry or have
somebody sleep on the couch. I was with somebody who
that was the norm when we would kind of argue
(08:20):
it was not a great relationship. In my twenties, we've
never had that. You and I have never done that.
We've never walked out on each other. We've never had
separate rooms at night because we just can talk through
whatever it is we're going through. Because we respect each other,
even if we don't initially agree, we don't get to
that point of, you know, name calling or screaming or
cursing at each other. Like It's a very civil way
(08:42):
to move through life. I don't judge anybody in how
you operate your disagreements. Please hear me when I say that,
But if you can work on communicating in a way
that doesn't totally disparage or put down who you're with,
I think it tremendously helps you your relationship, not even
in the moment, but in the future because you do
come from such a place of respect. So there's a
(09:06):
lot of things I've learned. I don't want to make
this four hours, but I think at the bottom line
for me is as a gay guy growing up in
a very small town in a conservative state, I never
thought that I could find love or I deserved love
because I had people around me quite often making it
(09:28):
seem like I didn't deserve it, which sucked. And never
I never thought marriage was something I wanted because I
think at the core of myself, I never thought I
deserved it, so I really treasure what I have, and
I think that's also something I come into this relationship
with is I know that I was given this right
when marriage became legal, and I don't take that lightly.
(09:51):
So I have such respect for the institution of marriage.
I really do that. I want to do the best
I can with it, and I know that might sound
silly or stupid, but I think that's also a really
refreshing way to go through a relationship. So even if
you can't relate to that, I think the institution is
very sacred and we're lucky that we get the chance
(10:12):
to commit to somebody fully and be married to somebody
in the way that we do. So I also never
forget about that piece of it. All Right, I am
such a sap. I'm like, are you guys sick of me?
I'm sorry. I love love. I'm a sap for love.
I feel like I'm just so in love. Okay, I'm done.
(10:32):
I'm closing the mic because I'm literally gagging at myself.
I love you all. Here's to love and to keep
being an amazing spouse in your marriages, relationships, partnerships, all
of the above. Okay, I'm gonna go like roll around
in some roses because I feel like I just did
a romance, novel, narration or something by you. I've Never
Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Didario. This
(10:56):
podcast is executive produced by Andrew Piglisi at Iheartrate and
by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never
Said This Before is part of the Elvis dur Rampac
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